The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #681 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: May 5, 2019

Joey Diaz talks with Lee about his trip to New York and what it was like to film a movie, his favorite part of the trip, and why it's important to not let your character ruin your destiny. This podcast is brought to you by: CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies go to CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.  Pro Flowers - It's Mothers Day. Get a dozen assorted roses for $19.99. Visit ProFlowers.com, click on the microphone in the upper right corner, and use promo code HAPPENING.

I'm back, bitches. It's Monday, May, motherfucking fifth. The first Monday of May will all start for motherfucking zero. The church of what's happened now is brought to you by Pro Flowers. Don't forget to thank the real pros this Mother's Day. Listen, my wife is tremendous. Mother's Day. We go all out of the fucking Casa, and Pro Flowers will be on the list. It's coming up May 12th. Don't forget, where would you be without your mother? Where would you be? Nowhere. You understand me? Pro Flowers let you choose from a variety of bouquets and vases that suit every mom's style. All you got to do is pick the delivery date. Right now, you got a dozen assorted roses for 1999.

You hear me? Double the roses and get a premium vase for just $999 more. That's what I'm talking about. Visit proflowers.com. Click the microphone on the upper right corner and enter promo code. Write this down. Happening. H-A-P-P-E.

N-I-N-G. That's proflowers.com. Click the microphone. Use code happening. Mother's Day is May 12, so don't wait. Order like a pro and get an amazing rose deal to thank all the moms in your life. This is tremendous. Because if you like your mom, you can send to these flowers and show up.

And if you don't like your mom, you can send to these and then give her a call and tell the kid's sick. You ain't going close to that bitch. Her third husband, she married Hector. You know what I'm saying? That's what you need to hook up with Hector on Sunday on Mother's Day. You know if things are going to happen. And the church is also brought to you by CBD lion.com.

Listen, no more buying CBD products in the bodega made by some witch doctor in the basement. CBD lion is the way to go. They make CBD products from start to finish. CBD lion has you covered. And right now, the church family gets 20% off, not even 10.20. Go to CBDline.com and check out their third party lab results. Yourself. Church family gets 20% off when you can write in.

Church, type it in. C-H-U-R-C-H at checkout. Who's better than you? Lee, kick this motherfucker mule. Oh shit. Tangle with me, you dirty bitches. It's your uncle. He's back.

Juvenized, revitalized. fucking every rise, you know what I'm saying? 19 days in the jungle. What? Here we go. Big hips and handlebars. What are you fucking nuts? Here we go.

I'm coming baby like the big black. What? What? You're a dog. Just a little sooner. Now rich. They all gotta suck your dick. It's Monday motherfuckers.

Starting at zero, bitches. Everybody hit the skin show How you see your brother It's great to fucking be back I'm only home for a week and a half And I go back to finish shooting A couple days in New York City For starters it was a great experience

It's great to be back I missed you motherfuckers On a pro tip You know it was the weirdest thing Because when I got this movie And the movie I got guys I can tell you I can't tell you who's in the movie

Now that shit But I can tell because you're from Find out anyway it's out I guess there was paparazzi Taking pictures And one of my pictures came out So people are ball me. I'm in the Sopranos prequel.

The Sopranos in 67, The Many Saints of Newark. I was very fortunate to get it. And when I got it, I was happy. But then I started thinking about it, but I had to be there for three fucking weeks. Plus, I got another movie that I'm going to shoot in June. Thank God it's not at the same time. I thought I had to shoot them both at the same time.

But when I got the movie right away, I was happy for a few days. And then I did with every fucking moron there is. I started thinking about it. And the more I thought about it, I didn't think I could survive. 19 days around my wife and kid. What am I going to do?

You know, just a bunch of negative shit comes into your mind when something good happens. And it happens at every fucking level. As you notice, I mean, just negative shit came in. I'm not going to go. I'm not going to do well. And thank God for Tom Popp and another one of my friends that I talked to talk me into it. I agreed to do it. Now I'm very happy because it was a life-changing experience that I needed right now.

I've been getting flat. You ever get flat in your fucking life? Like, it's just flat. You go to work, you do what you got to do when you go home. You go to work, you kind of become a machine and you look for something. But you don't know what it is. You know, when you stop wasting time, now you have all this fucking time to do what you really want to do with your life.

And sometimes you become flat. Yeah, you do a little riding, you do this, you do that, but there's 24 hours in a fucking day. You can't ride all day and you can't do jumping jacks all day, and you can't sit around with your fucking friends all day. got to make forward progress which is what I'm always doing but at the same time I got to be honestly I got a little fucking bored like I just got bored and this movie came up and right away the fears come in yeah and again I when I got on the plane I was fine when I landed in New York

you know I had my anxiety my little panic fucking shit I got to the whole entire room and I started downed myself blah blah blah blah blah blah but the first night I had to go to wardrobe and once I went to a wardrobe and I figured out exactly what I was doing, I was fine. Then I walked out a wardrobe. I had a hot dog right down 42nd Street. And then about an hour later, when I got to the hotel, about a block from the hotel, I saw a fucking rat. And I knew I was home. Like, once I saw the fucking rat, that was the sign that I'm in the gutter of life. I'm back here where it all started. So I had a few days to go before I shot. I had like, I got there Monday and I think I had to shoot Wednesday and Friday the first week, Wednesday and Thursday.

because that Friday I went to Minneapolis. Thank you for coming to the shows with Dean Delray. And then that Saturday was 420 with Milwaukee. You guys were great, two sold-out shows. Thank you very much. The city of Milwaukee was a great 4-20. Somebody fucking Cosbyed me with a fucking edible. And Milwaukee, I still don't know who it is.

And guess what? I don't give a fuck. He did a good job. I got fucked up. But I came the first week. I was just frozen. I didn't know how to act. So that Tuesday,

before I did anything, I took a fucking Uber up to 88th Street where I grew up when I came, you know. And it was just overwhelming to see the block where so much had happened. I mean, when I moved into this apartment building, I was three-quarters retarded. And after I got with the head with the lunchbox and I started to experience New York City and what it was about. And I grew into my skin. I became like a little man there. Like I thought about all the things my mom would make me. me do like I remember where I walked up and stood in front of the building and I was going to take a

picture and all that shit but guess what I when I took this trip I took it with the thing that I didn't want to do podcasts I didn't want to do a lot of stand-up comedy I didn't want to book anything significant like Nyack or a night in New York I just wanted to work out so I did spots in danger fields real light 10 12 people a night just up there riffing fucking around just to keep the timing alive and that that was it i didn't want to do people's podcast i didn't want to be running around i just wanted to focus on this movie i was going to have a lot on my fucking plate i don't think my agents know that's how i told my agents don't even talk to me about dates i don't want to know nothing all i want to do is focus on that fucking movie i got a great opportunity i got to put a hundred

percent into it. And I went up to my old neighbor and I walked around. Then I went to the public school 166. I crossed the street to the horse place. I never rode a horse there. I was always scared, but I would go in there and steal horseshoes and sell them to other kids and shit for like a dollar, 50 cents, whatever the fuck it was in those days, a quarter. Is this the neighborhood of Mr. Martini? Yeah. This is Mr. Martini's neighbor. I saw Mr. Martini's house. It's worth like a half a fucking billion dollars now it's a redstone there's probably four kids buried in the backyard that fucking place uh but it was just so weird what i got from standing in front of that building like i remembered my mom would put a huge gold chain on me and make me go out to see if i would

protect myself if somebody tried to rob it like there was so many lessons that came to me while i was standing in front of that fucking building and i just walked around that was it i went up to all wept like 93rd Street and then I walked down to like 79th Street to like stand up New York I looked around there I saw the Karidad but I didn't want to eat Chinese food because it's got a lot of sodium and you blow up and you don't want to be on camera fucking blow it up looking like fucking Johnny Cheech so I said fuck it I only ate Chinese food on Easter Sunday I went to chans and I finished out the first week in New York was rough on the fucking diet I only worked out one time and I want to thank inline fitness for helping me work out Adam and my man

Jonathan and I also went to Kings Thai boxing down on 30 fucking 6th Street with my man Jay the Dominican and my girl Carmen the Puerto Rican from the fucking Bronx they hooked the brother up I went there a few times to keep in shape and to sweat out all the fucking sodium for the New York food and once I went up to that fucking neighborhood and walked around that's why I felt my balls like I was like okay this is who the fuck I am again this is where I came from and then that night you know me I had to hit rudies in close side park the first night so I jumped on the motherfucking ferry from the New York waterworks there and took it into fucking edge wall we hawking and then my buddy picked me up

and went to Rudy's and we hung out and I told him to take a ride around that fucking neighborhood just to see what that was like anymore I didn't go down to my mother's house or around that area I just stayed up lightly in North Bergen and I went home early that night. And, you know, the first night when you're out of California, you're not going to sleep. You're not going to sleep because of the time change. And so I knew that going in. That would give me a night just to get accustomed to, you know, filming. And I went on the fucking set Wednesday, and it was a rough day for me because I hadn't acted in a movie. You know, movie and TV is different. I hadn't acted in a movie in a long time. So the first day was type of kind of rough for me.

I didn't know what was going on, really. But one of the actors, I was watching him, and he's fucking phenomenal, and I just fed off his energy in a way. And then I got into it, and by the second day, I was all the fuck away. And, you know, I tapped into David Chase's mind. I mean, he's a guy that put a television show on. That was the blueprint for breaking back, you know, a son's anarchy, King of Thrones, whatever the fuck, Game of Thrones.

So he had something to bring to the table. It's really weird when you work somebody of a high caliber, you open your eyes. Like, I didn't watch my dailies, but I watched for two minutes. I watched what the cameras look like and shit. And that's when it all came to me. What the fuck I was involved in? Like, I had to go sit down. My blood pressure had gone out.

Like, I'm involved in something fucking big. And I'm telling you guys, I don't want it on social media. I'm telling you guys because I don't want you guys. to read it somewhere i'll see that picture they put up with me and getty i don't want i want you to hear from me i can't that's all i can fill you in on uh i'm happy for you guys because you bet on me and i came through for you you know i'm saying so a year from now when the movie gets released you know you're part of it because uh we've been doing this podcast and like i've said since day one this podcast you guys are my psychiatry because you keep me in fucking check you keep me working

out you keep me looking at things you keep me trying to be sharper i take 16 months in between dates and cities. So when I go back, it's a new experience for you guys. You know what I'm saying? But back to what happened in New York, you know, when I was walking around, it all came back to me, you know, where I had come from. I have a rule, you know, I like to travel for three days, especially when it comes to New York.

Because when I'm in New York longer than three days, it takes me a few days to unwind. Like, it takes me a little longer because it takes me back that far back. Like it takes me into Coco, you know, when I was robbing and doing bad things. So after a few days, I go, my mind goes to places it shouldn't fucking go. But in the same thought, here I am on a movie set. And I thought about the stretch I had made. And I thought about the things I had done along the way to get. Like, I was back there in 93 grinding and out, guys.

I was a fucking open mic or wishing I could get. an audition, you know, and I took a comedy class, and I fucking worked at the old New York Comedy Club. And was I doing it right or what? It doesn't matter. I was in the struggle. I was there. I still remember paying, you know, $40 to park

to audition for an improv troupe at the Coppa Cabana, but I had knew nothing about it. I was at the wrong place, at the wrong time. When I walked in there, I still think today that those people remember who I am. And they're laughing at me behind my back, because I went in there, I didn't belong there. But that's not the here and now.

What was weird is that I saw my struggle back there as something meaningful. It wasn't a waste. Those nine months I put into New York were in a waste because here I was 20-something years later in a major film. And that's a great fucking feeling. So even though I was thinking about robbing the hammock all across the street from the high school, and, you know, when I went down side streets, I thought about the people I robbed on that block or the time I crawled into this window or whatever.

I looked at the bar where I used to borrow money from the loan shark and never paying him back. And, you know, I looked at all these things. And it just reflected of where the move I had made in my life and how proud I should be. But I'm not. I'm not because I was such a piece of shit that I'm just trying to get back now to just being normal. Like, I just want to be a regular fucking guy. I don't want to do nothing. I just want to live my life.

Regular, I want to be a good dad and a good husband go out that way. As long as I go out that way, I'm very fucking happy. but a lot of things came to focus for me in New York like even being a fucking immigrant you know like for years we've been living here and you never heard the word immigrant all of a sudden the last three years you know we focus on immigrants and what the fuck's going on

I must have taken 90 fucking Ubers in New York the last 19 days 9 3 you got to figure four Ubers a day I took so many Ubers I made platinum level damn that's how many fucking Uber I took in New York. But I tell you what, that was probably the best part of my trip were the Ubers.

Because I got the ride, you know how many white Uber drivers picked me up? Three? Zero. The whole time? The whole time? The whole time.

It was fucking Third World Nations, a couple Hindus and fucking Spanish people. A couple Chinese people. The most inspiring was a girl that picked me up in the heart of Brooklyn at 2 in the fucking morning, a Hindu girl. She had been in this country for one year. You ready for this?

One year. And she spoke like she had been here for 10 fucking years. She said it was important to her to learn English so she'd get the most out of her stay here so she could become an American. That fucking cracked me. Like that cracked me. She said she was working an Indian restaurant.

She was getting eight bucks an hour. And she got sick and tired of having a book. So she does Uber from 12 to 9 six nights a week and she tripled her fucking income and she says she works nights because there's no traffic. It's better for her a fucking woman telling me this shit. I'm like I know guys who are scared to drive Uber at fucking night. Here's his little 110 pound little Indian girl. You know, I was so fucking blown away from her. I got picked up by fucking Arabs. That was so interesting to speak to about why they were. were Ubering. Like, it's people who one day said, fuck it. If I'm going to get fucked in the ass, I'm going to control my own destiny. And they make a schedule and they stick to it. I mean, this guy was, you know, these guys were telling me a little, every time I get in, I'd ask them how long they've been driving, why they're driving, and how they liked it. Not one of them said they hated it. They picked their own hours. They were their own bosses.

I mean, I remember the fucking day. I realized you could do that. I was probably, it was before I got locked up, I had this boss named David Wayne Means that used to always say I never want to live in a world where I have to have a ceiling over my income. Like, I don't want to be stuck at a certain fucking income. I want every week to be an adventure. Yeah, there's 52 weeks. You're not going to make $6,000 every fucking week. But even if you make $800, it's better than having your own boss. I looked at all these people that were immigrants

that figured out the real fucking American way and I thought about all the fucking stips I'm around down here to the fucking bumpies that are waiting for a fucking handout or they just, you know, and it inspired me. It inspired me. The other day I was talking to Deborah fucking Hupster. She's fucking Uber.

That bitch don't stop. You know, you can't stop Deborah fucking Hubsster. You got to shoot her with a fucking bazooker. You're not going to stop her, you know. So these are the people that keep me fucking going. When I spoke to all, and look, like, I goof around and all this shit. But, hey, man, the truth is the fucking truth. These people blew me.

That was the best part of being in New York, whether you were the whole 19 days. The people that I spoke to, Chinese, I spoke to this old Chinese guy that was a fucking engineer. He retired. But he fucking wanted to. Do you take any cabs? Not one. Not one cab. Wow.

No, I want to cab. I Uber'd fucking everywhere. I just thought it was easier. It was no drama. And I figured out that, believe it or not, you saved money with Uber. You save a lot of fucking money with Uber, man. I was seeing what I was spending on cars and shit. It's ridiculous.

It is fucking ridiculous. You know, I have a friend that has a car service, and I would call them up. Listen, to go to the airport, I could get there myself. after you take a six-hour flight, you really don't want no fucking stories. After I'm on a six-hour fucking flight, I don't want to walk the terminal fucking six upstairs with three bags of fucking luggage

and my legs are all dead and Uber and for the Uber to say 20 minutes. And then you're out there, I'm in Terminal E. Where are you? F, I put it down in the fucking thing. And you said, okay. I put down F, Terminal F. And you said, okay, and now you're calling me

from fucking E. Take a rent. Take a run. I did it to the guy at LAX the day on. Take a fucking lap around. I don't give a fuck at this point. I'm not carrying three fucking bags, one that weighs fucking a thousand pounds to terminal fucking eat.

But besides that, I had no complaints. I love Uber. I fucking love him. I know that at the end of the week, I saw when I took a cab from LAX to my house, I saw what I was spending. And I saw that they had become a little bit of these scumb bags.

Like the one day I wasn't paying attention and the guy took me home on the 105. Next thing you know, I was downtown L.A. Why am I downtown L.A? It's that time. Because there's traffic. No, there's not. It's 9.15 the fucking morning.

Your tip is done. I gotta tell him, your tip is gone. I hope you enjoyed a fucking $8 you tried to rob from me because I usually throw you a fucking 20 spot. Now you get nothing for being a fucking dirty sneak. You know, you got now I learned all about Uber and the surcharges. You can't fuck around with Uber in certain times in New York.

They will rape you. They will fucking shove it up your ass and well-deserved. Listen, it's economics. It's a shortage of whatever. It rains in New York. That surcharge goes up 40 bucks. Oh, yeah.

There was a couple nights I landed at the fucking ferry, and I would go to Dangerfields, and it would say 50 bucks at 840. So I would sit there and make phone calls till 905, and it would go down to $31 after nine. Oh yeah, whenever they're busy, they... Yeah, they just raised...

But at least like with them, with them, I always feel like it's... At least they're up front. That's the thing that gets on my nerves, too. It's when you feel like people are trying to get something over on you. Well, that's what happened the last time I took a cab. And I always supported cabs,

because I've been taking them for years, but after I got robbed this last time, I said, fuck it. And I looked at what I paid. You know, like there's UberX and there's UberXel. And I have luggage, I get UberX out. If I got to go from 3rd Avenue to 8th Avenue and 20 blocks, it's UberX. I don't need no fucking, you know. I'm not going to take a train.

I took one fucking train to Brooklyn. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Why? I thought I was going to have a heart attack, guys. I just listened. You don't like being underground? No, I don't have any problem with that shit. I'm from the underground.

You know what I'm saying? I'm from the original underground. I took more trains than Johnny fucking trains. But you're not used to it no more. The train, every time I get on this train, you feel for your life. For those fucking 18 minutes on that train ride to Brooklyn, I actually fear it for my life, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm not going to lie to you. I actually felt around in my pocket. I had no keys. I could stab somebody with a hotel key. For the first time, I didn't have fucking a key in my pocket. And I'm like, how am I going to fight one of these attackers? I got no mace. All I got to right kick to the stomach,

and if that don't work, I'm done. I have a heart attack from anxiety of somebody attacks me. And I went up there at 1130 in the morning. And I felt unsafe. First of all, nobody will give you directions. Like, New Yorkers just will not give you directions. That little information box, they've lowered the volume. Oh, no.

To fuck with you. Like, excuse me, I got to get off on 65th Street in Brooklyn. The guy talked like he had a fucking something up his ass. And he, like, whispering to me. Like, it was a mob. Like, I was in the fucking mafia or something like this. I go, can you speak up first? Now, I was petrified.

So before, I didn't, I call. You ever take information? from somebody you don't trust them. Yeah. You know how many times I gave out fake information in my life? People come up to me where's Klipsy Street and I'd send them to fucking Delaware? You know what I'm saying?

These people and these boxes, I did not trust for one minute. They were looking me up and down and I felt that they were sending me on a train so I'd get robbed or something. So I only took a train one day. I got a call from the movie people and they go, listen,

it's an easy train ride. I go, you know what? What's a fucking train ride, Uncle Joey, right? It was like a six block walk. I didn't mind that. That I didn't mind. But once I went downstairs, it's a complete different fucking world. You ever see the original Planet of the Apes? There's a movie called Beneath the Planet Apes that came out in 1971 or 72.

They all lived under the trains. There was something to do under the fucking trains where the people ripped their skins off their faces. And they were Martians or they were fucking whatever. And it was them against the Apes. Let me tell you something. I felt like one of these people were about to rip their face off They were the fucking weirdest-looking people in the world People looking for money

Some guy thrown on the fucking floor You could smell piss By the time you're there You see a thousand fucking rats on the train track And you took this something wrong with your eyes You're looking at a post and you could see things moving Like it's like, did I do a fucking edible at 10.30 in the morning? No, I didn't

And then you realize shit, that's right Those are rats down there Let me stay a little bit away from the fucking thing Jesus. So I get on the fucking train and right away on the train, there's a guy, excuse me. You know, I got AIDS. I got an ingrown toenail. I got back acne.

You know, there was another guy playing a fucking organ. It was, I feared from everybody on the train look angry. I could hear some guy coughing with bronchitis. I could feel the bronchitis creeping in on my thing. I had to get off, walk a little bit, and then get on another train. And what I did was I called a friend of mine that was in his office. and I made him look up, you know, he takes trains, but he takes other different type of trains like in Manhattan.

And I called him up and he carved it out for me and thank God I got to the location. When I walked above and I saw Brooklyn, I said, I'm never taking a train again. Like my daughter wants to go on a train. I don't know no more. Like, I don't know. That was just fucking crazy on that fucking train.

And L.A. ain't no better. They stabbed somebody yesterday at the Echo Park Station. Did they really? Yeah, it was on the news. Somebody was saying it yesterday. When I came back, I went over to some. Because it was Saturday. I had to go to swim class with the baby,

and I figured they had to take a shower and shit, so I figured let me take a fucking drive and see what's crackling the neighborhood, so I went by subconscious. And I was telling them, I got on the train for the adventure, and it was the adventure of death. Like, I was fucking scared when I got off.

And I don't have to lie to you people. You know, I'd tell you how the fuck it is. When I came above that ground, I was like, whoo, I fucking made it without getting raped. I mean, because that's what I felt like. Like, they were going to surround me. and fucking rape me on that fucking train. But that was it to the fucking trains.

Beside that, I got the full fucking experience, man. I took the ferry, I got to smell the Hudson River. It still smells horrible. How are the hot dogs? I only had one. That's it. One. That was it.

I had one on wardrobe day. I stopped some fucking Arab. I said, Sabre, he looked at me like I called him a fucking Islam. He put the fucking Sabret on with the onions. I ate it, but I said something's not right. And he was a nice guy. We talked for a little while and everything. It's just not the same.

I had it. The first week I was there, I can't tell you, I went off my diet. But, you know, when I went to the first day on the set and all that stuff, the set had tremendous food, but I didn't eat salami the whole time I was there, no co-cuts. If I would eat a slice of pizza,

I'd eat it with a fucking salad. I kept, I drank nothing but water. I didn't even drink fucking diet soda. The only thing I drank that was sugar in it was compocha. That was it, just to clean my system. because you got that Hudson River water going into you every day cleaning you out I stuck to it guys I fucking stuck to my weight watcher points I like I said I went to inform fitness on 51st street across the street there was Giuseppe's or something's pizza Cusumato's pizza I would lift and I would go

across the street get a slice with a salad and then I would make myself walk 12 or 15 fucking blocks and then I saw how I felt and I'd take an Uber the rest of the way or I would just walk home to whatever hotel I was staying at I stayed at three different fucking hotels in three weeks do you really the first week I stayed at the Williams Hotel which was great on 39th and fucking third it was a great hotel clean fucking coffee and shit like that it was an English theme hotel and they didn't have breakfast in the building and you had to walk two blocks to get fucking breakfast and you know yeah you can make coffee in the room and I would get up and ride do my early riding I had a vapor pen which guess what guys

I'm done with vapor pens. Really? Yeah, they don't do nothing to me. It's in the morning for two or three days. After that, I could sit there like Pocahontas, smoking a piece pipe, and nothing fucking happens to me. So I'm really done with vapor pens.

I brought an ounce and a half of fucking weed. I brought an ounce of this cake, something, that was 27%. And I wanted to space out the weed, so I only smoked two joints a day. I smoked a bat in the morning before I got in the van to shoot, and I smoked a bat right out of the water.

on the fucking set before I got back in the van and I would get fucking wasted. How much did you bring back? Not, I said the last joint. I smoked the last joint before I got in the fucking Uber to the airport. Oh shit. It worked out perfectly. I spread it out. I'm gonna fuck, come on, dog.

I'm a smoking for 30 fucking years. I had it to the tea and people gave me weed. Like when I went to the theater in Minneapolis and Milwaukee, the guy gave me an eighth of of weed he bought in Colorado. I gave that to my friend George. And then my other buddy gave me a bag of weed that his friend had grown. I gave that away.

I only smoked the weed I brought me. I didn't want to smoke anything else. And it lasted me. I smoked the last bazooka. Don't get me wrong. I roll some big fucking joints. Yeah. I roll some fucking fingers.

So don't get me wrong. I smoked an ounce in two weeks. When I got back from Milwaukee, I cracked into the ounce. And I smoked the same weed for two weeks. And I got to tell you, it was fucking tremendous. I mean, the whole trip was tremendous, guys.

It's amazing how scared we get when something's going to be good. How fucking scared we get. All I kept thinking about was when I started calmly, how scared I was. Like, how scared I was to get on fucking stage. And once I did it, it changed everything. And this trip changed everything for me. It changed my outlook on things. Like I said at the beginning, it rejuvenized me.

I did the Bold Dito podcast. That was great. I loved Carlo and I loved Bo. But while I was doing it, I knew I didn't belong there. Like, I was like, I shouldn't be doing any fucking podcast. I'm going to take a break from podcasts. And that's exactly what I did. I took a break from podcasting for 10 days, 19 days.

And it just felt great, guys. And I mean, you're like, Joey, what the fuck? Listen, man, we all need a break from time to time. We don't know it. We don't even know it. We got our heads so far up our fucking asses that we don't even know when it's time to take a break or a breather. And then when it happens, you're like, man, I really fucking needed this. You know, the last thing I fucking thought I could do was leave my family.

I loved that little girl with all my fucking heart guys. I didn't want it to fall into a bad situation or something. I got to tell you, man, it was the best thing for us. And our home, you know, it showed at work value on my part. It showed that I'm not scared on my part. You know, I face whatever time with them every day. I spoke to her every day before she went to school. I made it a fucking point to call her before she went to school.

The same thing I do and talk to when I tell her before we get off, don't let nobody mess with you today. And then I talked to her at night. And it was just great. It was just something different, something new. You know, like I said, I got to go back next week for six days. and yes I am looking forward to it I get to wrap this fucking great opportunity

and I got offered to me by the grace of God and I get another breather I got another breather to walk around this time I'm gonna go to my mother cemetery I gotta go to Union City and walk around a little bit I'm gonna go catch to see that cute I didn't even have a Cuban sandwich

didn't even have a Cuban sandwich that's how much I watched what I ate because I know how you blow up back there you blow up quick no sweets whatsoever. One of the nights, I took a flan and I ate half of it and I threw the rest of it in the garbage. That was the only sweet I had in 19

fucking days. No sweets at all. I had a chocolate thing. JetBlue mint like a motherfucker always taking care of Uncle Joey. They have expressals. That's why I find JetBlue Mint. Because they give you expressin. They give you a little dark chocolate, which is very good for you from time to time. So that's the only sweet.

That's the only fucking sugar I ate. This week I'm going to watch it. Then I'll go shoot. And then when I come back, let the pieces fall over there. Man, I'm back to slimy sandwiches at night. But for right now, I've got to watch this because you're going to look good on camera. You don't want to look fucking bloated. I mean, the second day I was there, there was a point in the hotel room that I pissed every 15 minutes for three hours.

Why? Like from those three flights after I got there from Newark, that Monday, I didn't do shit. And I went out, I did a bunch of little irons around New York, I had to mail some stuff and do shit. that fucking Monday I was in my hotel room from three to seven and from three to five I pissed every 15 minutes and it was three to four minute pisses my body had retained so much fucking water from the flights even my water pills didn't you know but what I did was that Monday when I got back I didn't do much but I lifted I went up to informed fitness and I lifted and that forced all that fucking fluid I had out of me which felt and when I got the

Easter Sunday I ate Chinese food so the top off the fucking the three plane rides and me retaining water I had the fucking Chinese food and that really put me over the fucking top so Monday my old fucking Cuban ass I was just pissing I was ready to call the fucking 911 to come get me because I thought I was just going to dehydrate there on the spot I wasn't even thirsty it was Just my body was holding so much fucking fluid in it that it was, uh, it was fucking life-changing, you know what I'm saying? It's funny, I got a call when I was in New York the other day from a friend of mine. You look at opportunities, you know, here I am shooting the soprano movie.

Let me tell you guys a little story. I got here in 97, and I was doing okay, you know, getting spots. I mean, I wasn't lighting the world on fire. I was hustling. I was doing the Mexicans rooms with Felipe. Willie Barsana, Gabriel, all those guys. And I was starting to pick up momentum right after 9-11, right before 9-11. I got a call one day from Rich Williams.

He's a writer. We were with the same manager. And he goes, I got a new gig. It's working for the best damn sports show. And they want to do sketches. And I want to bring you in so you could do regular sketches. So he brought me the first time. They liked me.

So they called me up and they gave me a shooting schedule. I thought I was going to light the world on fire. was making $150 a show. Nice. Nothing. That's nothing. I thought I was going to get like $2,000. Oh.

When I got the call, I'm like, that's got to be $2,000. It's Fox Sports and shit. They're going to give me some of that Frank Colliendo money. They gave me guts. Frank was already established on Fox Sports. I get to the fucking thing. Brody Stevens, God rest of the soul is the warm-up. Rich is there, you know, a couple of that.

So I got into the rotation. I must have done over 50 fucking sketches from me. Just to let you know, God. how life is, you know. I must have done 50 sketches for these guys. And all of a sudden, this comic from Boston moved to town. Very Italianist comic. He came from Boston with a bad reputation.

I never judged him. I didn't really care. I had a mission to go on. And he hit the town like a fucking animal. I can't even describe it to you guys. He hit the town like something I never saw before. I thought I was finished. I'm like, whatever little heat,

had going on, this kid has taken away my fucking heat. Not only was he getting spots at the store, Jamie Massada was giving him spots, the improv was giving him spots, he was the hot kid in town. And this went on for about a year and a half. It went on so long that one day, guess who hired him? The best damn sport show.

And I went to Fox and pitched him an idea, and like a month later, this guy was doing my idea on Fox. Now, if you know anything about me, I could have gone up to the guy and said something. I didn't talk to the producers I pitched ever again. They kept calling me with some bullshit story. I never picked up the phone for them again. And eventually, I just stopped working there.

This guy had taken my thunder from me. I never said nothing to the guy. I knew the guy had personal problems. I had hurt things. I wasn't jealous. I wasn't angry. I just knew something. You haven't know something like you just know.

I didn't wish nothing bad on the guy or anything. I just knew something. I knew that I would outlast him. I knew that if I kept my peas and my cues, that I would outlast him. And he got a television deal. He was around town bragging. And by the time I got the law, then I started picking up a little momentum after the Sopranos,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and he moved away. Something happened in L.A. The TV show didn't go. And now I heard he was in Vegas. And every time I would hear about him, it's how good he was doing in Vegas. He was the king of Vegas. He had seven nights a week going at this casino and people were showing up. He was making all types of money.

Was I jealous at all no? I was doing my own thing by that time. But something didn't seem right, you know? I kept plugging along and didn't think about anything about it. I started getting, you know, my name is Earl, and there was a strike, and my stand-up evolved, and then I thought about quitting stand-up. He was still doing great, you know, in Vegas. I saw him at a UFC event.

He walked up to me with the egotistical fucking smile that he had. But meanwhile, he had done a bunch of little bad things here and there, which, again, I did worse things, but I did him in my youth. I wasn't doing him as a comic. And I don't know, maybe five years ago, a friend of my friend of my... calls and he goes, did you look on Facebook? What's going on in Vegas with this kid? And I went on Facebook and I found the article and it was just overwhelming. The poor kid had a bad, bad, bad, bad gamming problem. He had just a bad gamming problem that followed him from Boston to L.A. and to

Vegas now. You know, I mean, it's like me moving to Miami when I had my coke problem. You're just going there to die. you know you're just going there to fucking die it's a bad decision this guy decided to move to Vegas and yeah even though he was making money he was borrowing money

but i mean borrowing money from people like lee give me 30,000 oh my god and people give him 30,000 10 000 some old lady gave him 60 000 he said hey he had the gift the gab

you can't blame it on the guy if you're gonna go for money go for it if you ask 10 people for $50,000 two of them gonna give him to you you know that's the law I guess eventually that's funny scary you go up to your friend with a good story they'll give it to you and he took all their money he had a tax lien on him and then all these people went to the newspaper and wrote this fucking they wrote this big article in the Vegas newspaper about this kid and I felt bad for the kid I felt bad for the kid because once I got into

comedy, the only vice I brought with me was cocaine, and I kept it to a minimum. I still didn't interfere. It did not interfere with my comedy. I did my comedy first, and I took care of my drug business later. It wasn't like they were going back and forth. Yeah, I sold Coke to people from time to time at the club, and I put eight balls together, but it didn't affect me from doing my fucking job. It did, but it didn't. I was a functioning addict, okay? Let's Let's leave it at that. So they put the article in the paper about this guy and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Guess what?

They keep giving him jobs. He keep, you know, it was smaller gambling venues, kept giving him jobs. And when I was in New York, I got a call from a dear friend of mine from Boston. And he goes, I just wanted to tell you something. I did a gig last week and guess who's back in town? I go, I don't know. I ain't told me this kid, and I'm like, no. Did they chase him out of Vegas?

And he goes, yeah. And he's here in town saying that he's going to open up 11 comedy club, but he's already bounced a bunch of checks. Oh. And, you know, guys, I felt like I wasn't, by no means, am I happy by somebody else's? No means. I'm at an age now where I don't, it doesn't even bother me. I feel bad.

I feel bad for Jesse Smollett. I feel bad for a lot of people. We fuck around and crack jokes, but I kind of feel bad for him. that at this age, which is my age, he's still pulling that same thing. And I got to tell you something, guys, between me and you, he was a great comic. He was a phenomenal improviser, and he could have turned out to be 20 times the comic that I am, Theo Vonnis, you know, Tripoli. This guy could have been fucking huge today. But because he didn't take care of that problem,

You know, he let his character ruin his fucking destiny. You know what? I had a bad fucking drug palm all the time. I was 44 years old. And something hit me like a bolt of lightning one day. And before the grace of God, here we fucking are. And I haven't done a fucking line in 12 fucking years. And I'm very thankful.

Yeah, I do my fucking edibles. I'm back on the edibles, by the way. I ate an edible before I got on a jet blue flight, right? And I had a switch flight. You know me, I'm an asshole. I was done, and I switched flights. I took a later flight. I had my own little box.

Mint. Mint. And I can take the fucking edible as I get to the airport. I take a water from mint and run on the TSA line. I pop one of those 100 milligrams that's killing motherfuckers. As I walked through, I could feel my heart beating. You know what? I need a Xanax to calm this tiger.

And my buddy gave me two of them when I saw him in New York, so I had one in my pocket. and I broke it in half and inhaled half of it. I saved the other half of it when I got out of the plane so I could get home and go to sleep. I get on the plane. You know me, I put on my fucking iPod and I start off with fucking super unknown.

And the plane was delayed, but they took off from the gate in time. It just kept, you know, driving. And it drove around for like 20 minutes. And the fuck, I thought we were in Kansas. I'm fucking stone to the gills. And all of a sudden, like the fucking half hour, The pilot says that, listen, there's a lot of weather problems in the Midwest.

We don't know if we'll be able to take off tonight. Don't let us know they're going to pull over to the side of the road. There was a bunch of planes on the side going by us. They had been okay because they were flying south. Planes that were flying west were all on hold because of the bad weather in the Midwest. It was tornadoes or some shit. Now I'm starting to think, maybe I should have stayed on my plane. Maybe this fucking plane's gonna go down.

So now I start panicking. The THC takes me to a place. I'm thinking this plane's gonna go down. I'm thinking about my funeral. You're writing your will? I'm thinking about my cemetery. I'm thinking about everything. I'm like, oh my God, I'm never gonna see my family, my friends,

my daughter again, this plane's gonna go down. And I'm like, what do I do? I go, hopefully they'll cancel this flight. And I'll get back on my original flight and fuck it. Fuck no. About 20 minutes later, the pilot comes on. He goes, we'll leave it. Now my little fat heart is beating up a storm.

I start farting the whole fucking thing. The blame takes off, and on JetBlue, you've got movies, TV, and direct TV. So I'm thinking I'm doing the sign of the cross. I'm praying to every guy that exists. I fucking press the button for direct TV, and I see CNN headlines, and I press that. Oh, no. And the first article that comes up is plane goes down in Florida. Friday night, the plane went down from Guantanamo, from Cuba.

and right away I was happy I go what are the chances two planes going down on one night you know what I'm saying fuck it I'm good and after that the fucking high went away and I was fine to go that's not where I would have gone oh god oh my god I was petrified that THC

trip took me to a dark place thank God you started farting when you get nervous yeah I started fart when I'm nervous and not I just start farting so it's just really weird that this kid had all the potential to be in this movie that I'm in and 20 other fucking things

but he let his gambling get in his way. You know, a couple weeks ago, I went to see Shin Yun with my daughter, the Saturday before we left. She likes all that Chinese stuff. And she wanted to go see Xin Yun. I don't know if I told you guys this story. And I'm sitting there next, in between my daughter and my wife, there's seats everywhere.

And I'm looking towards my left. And all of a sudden, something hits the chair next to me like a fucking meteor, like bab boom. and I turned around and this lady and I got no reason out of you she was about 400 fucking pounds she did not fit in that fucking chair

she was fuck that was fat coming out of everywhere now again I didn't judge her I felt bad for her she was there with her mother and there was a seat next to my wife and she kept trying to hint if I could move to that seat so she could put a mother there and I go listen I'm gonna sit in my fucking chair

you know I'm not fucking moving for your mom she was a real pain he asses woman but eventually my wife said, do you want me to sit there? And I'll switch with you. So I went and switched. She was a few years younger than me. She was about 400 pounds.

She had a cane. And she was there with her mom. And she was talking to my wife. And I was listening to the conversation about her being on disability because of her weight, that she's tried every diet, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, that she was a school teacher. But her knees would bother her so much. and she had to use a cane and the whole thing. And here she is a 50-something-year-old woman.

She's single. She's at this play with her mom that her mom had to buy her the ticket for her to come there. She's living just to survive on this disability check where she could be a teacher. And it really hit me a weird way because it hit me to the fact that here's this lady that could have had a life

if she just lost a little bit of weight. Like if she just tried to lose a little bit of weight, she would have had a fucking life. She would have had a husband. She would have had kids. She wouldn't have to be at a fucking play on a Sunday with a mom. Not that there's nothing wrong with that. But do you guys understand what I'm going for?

She let this one thing get in her way and take her down. Like she's already done with her life. She's 50-something years old. Unless she goes like on a fucking huge, huge diet. She's never going to have the life that a normal girl. It wasn't that she was a bad looking girl or anything. If this girl would have dropped 200 pounds when she was 28 and focused on it, she still would have been teaching.

She wouldn't have had a fucking ceiling income on a disability. And she would have had what's called a fucking life, which is the reason why we do what the fuck we do every day. For years, I struggled with a fucking addiction that held me back. It held me back. Thank God that I want. watched the movie Ray and somewhere along the line that said that he had struggled with heroin through he was 60 years old and I'm going if I have to do this till I'm 60 I'm just not it's

gonna be a waste of my fucking life you know I woke up one day I was 418 pounds and I said I got do something about I walked into a weight watches and I'm so happy I did because I avoided the diabetes I avoided all the pains and aches that go with it I'm still a fat fuck I'm still 60 pounds overweight, but it's a lot better than being 200 pounds overweight, or 300 pounds overweight. This poor lady let her weight ruin her fucking life. Whether it's weight, an opiate

problem, you know, gambling, gambling, fucking insecurities. You're letting these things hold you back from having a fucking life. What a shitty way to fucking go. You're going to be sitting there in a fucking bed

a week away from dying, thinking about all the things you wanted to do, but you didn't because you let something hold you fucking down. I couldn't imagine being that comic in Boston today and still playing the games. I was playing in 1995 and 1998 in 2003, where I was always in a hustle and always in a chase and lying together 20 and a 40 and a 60

and lying to my wife by just doing cocaine. It was such a fucking relief. I don't care what you got going on with your life. If you got something in your life that's stopping you from making your life be that much a little better, attack it. Attack it. Listen, I'm not saying you're going to win completely.

But I'd rather drink two shots of vodka than 10 bottles of vodka a week. I'd much rather eat two Oreos than a whole bag of Oreos and two fucking nice. I'd much rather, you know, for a year, I fucking didn't do edibles. I did them like two or three times. You saw me here for five years eat an enormous amount of edibles.

And one day I said something isn't right. It's holding us back. It's holding me back. And there you go. There you fucking go. In a year, we made so much fucking progress. And yeah, I ate some edibles when I was back in New York to help me sleep because the time change, I brought edibles with me.

It's fine. They're not consuming. Who the fuck I am? I didn't eat an edible yesterday. I'm not thinking about eating one today. And I got a few of them left at the fucking house. But it's these little things. If they're not going to let you get to who the fuck you are,

think about that, whether it's opiate, whether it's pills. I mean, there's a church listener. Today is the memorial for a son Crystal in Austin, who used to date Bobby Sharon with the CobraCast podcast. My heart goes out to her. 28 years old the son They found them dead 10 years ago 10 days ago It's been bothering me I called the last week and I you know I hit it up on on fucking

I had a message because her and I were messaging because of t-shirts You know when I went away I didn't take Facebook with me and the only Twitter I had was on my fucking phone I didn't have no social media in the hotel at all I didn't want it I wanted to take a fucking break from it Bobby called me and said and I thought about it 20 years years old. That could have been me when I kidnapped Bella. A bullet could have gone off and hit me

in a leg and it would have cut an artery or something. I could have bled out. All the things that could have happened. It's not what I'm dwelling on today. What I'm talking about is if you have something that isn't letting you be where you strive to be, just work on it

a little bit. I'm not telling you to clean. I know how hard it is to get clean. Don't I fucking know it? It took me 27 fucking years. It's not going to take you overnight either. Thank God my fat little heart didn't give up along the way. There was a time when my wife was fucking time my shoelaces. There was a time that if the elevator was broken, I would not go upstairs. It was three flights of fucking stairs. Now, listen, I'm not flying upstairs and I'm not running stairs at the LA auditorium, but at least

I'm not huffing and fucking puffing no more. You know, if something's in your way, it's an obstacle of you becoming who you need to become fucking get it out of your way at least push it a little bit just to the side just for now just so you go around it so you don't become a fucking slave to it like i did for years i'm not here to tell you how to live you like i'm just telling you what i see through my fucking eyes like i'm just when i was packing to leave i thought about the show the sopranos and I thought about how that fucking guy went to the producers and told him that I told somebody and all of a sudden my mind switched

I was like, how happy am I that he went to the producers because at the end of the day, I wasn't ready. I would have made a fool out of myself. Even though I was here 10 years, I had been already involved in acting maybe three or four, I'd done a few movies. I was not ready for what David Chase and high-level people had to offer.

I just wasn't ready. Today I thank Steve Sharippa with all my heart For going to the soprano's behind my back Because I got to work I got to the original fucking goal anyway And now guess what? Now I'm ready for it Now I absorbed it like a fucking sponge And I went in there

And when you guys watched the movie You're gonna go you know what we're fucking proud I'm gonna make you proud That you put your money on me That you bet on me that every week Even though I say the most fucking rudest things You believed in me you know you come watch me you buy the t-shirts we're a fucking family a win for me

is a win for you you're a part of this not because you're a fucking fan of mine but because you believe you send me messages you send me stuff in the mail we've created something fucking great when i was when i would go home at night after i would shoot this movie yeah i would think about my daughter and my wife but i thought a lot about you guys and what you were going to think about it and how you've been listening for six years and you've seen a change in yourself and you've seen a change in me. This is what I, I'm here to do a podcast that I stand behind 150% every week. What I talk about on this podcast, I strictly believe, you know, I went home and I saw one of my buddies and we were talking about sushi and I go, where do you go for sushi? He goes, I used to go

to that place, but I found out there were Koreans. Fuck them. That's our mentality. That's where I came from. I was happy that there's still people who think like me. I'm not a fucking Martian. I came from a place where there was class, there was a little respect. North Bergen is a fucking hole, you know, but it's my hole. It's what created me. That New York

City, I saw two fucking rats when I was there. I saw a rat the first day and I saw a rat Thursday night. I saw a rat Thursday night that looked like a fucking cat in Brooklyn. Not only was he big, he stopped and he looked at the vehicle like, go ahead. I dare you to

hit me your fucking Carl Dent this thing looked like a fucking like a little I saw a skunk too in North Bergen Saturday night I went out with one of my childhood fucking friends I mean childhood childhood childhood friends I was supposed to do a thousand things and he called me out of blue and he goes hey man I have time tonight to go out to dinner with you he's an assemblyman now and I said I'll go out to dinner with you on one condition that we don't talk politics and there's no fucking politicals around to fucking bring me down. And he goes, done. So he went to this restaurant in Jersey City Corps, Alexander's Steakhouse.

On the way back, we went fucking, we took the scenic route. He showed me all the accomplishments he had done in North Bergen. I'm very proud of him. You know, he took over Hudson County Park. He took over, but he showed me what the plans were for North Bergen and the future, you know. And we went to my mother's neighborhood. We looked at the school, all this. On Saturday night, where more people,

jumping up and down we went and had a nice fucking dinner on the way back we just drove we just drove 20 miles an hour we drove he showed me what two guys were the route i used to walk we drove by all my friends houses to see how their houses looked all the construction that's happened the last 30 years and i got to see him i got to see george i got to go out with a friend named tizzie i got to see timmy holloway at the new york comedy club i got to see some comics i haven't seen around wild Sarah Talamash who might be on the show next week and Bob Biggerstaff it really were I'm happy that Tom Popper and everybody else talked me out of my fucking fears if you get an opportunity man and it feels right but your fear takes over just do it for yourself take a

fucking chance who gives a fuck anymore without taking chances nothing's going to happen for you in this life nothing I took the biggest chance in my life you know I can't get into the particulars about the movie and whatnot but listen man uh take the fucking chance don't do what i did for years and a thousand other people who were scared of making forward progress fucking go for it who gives a shit if you fail you're going to fail 80 times the thing is the more you go the the less the failures every year you get less failures and 82 you're going to have 21 failures your jeep's going to blow up that's all part of life what you're trying to do is keep the failure throughout the years so there's no fuck-ups and pretty soon you're running

fucking smooth because you've already overtaken all these fucking failures that come in your life things are gonna happen things happen when I was in New York I didn't make a big deal about it had a migraine headache for four days nobody had a viking you know shit like that but you just push forward I'm very happy I accepted that role I'm very happy I went to New York and I'm very happy that I get to fucking make you guys proud of me and with that let me give you some So I'm gonna do right now all I'm fucking pushing is June 6th at you know June 7th at the Harris In uh, New Orleans and June 8th. I'm at the tabernacle

Mother fucking theater in Atlanta fucking Georgia how's that for you motherfuckers? Then I got yeah June 28 and 29th I'm in Columbus four shows in and out no fucking drama and the full schedule will be out mid-May of what's left for the rest of the year I'm not going to do much just a couple weeks here and there just to keep fucking loose and whatever. Thank you very much for letting me ramble today about my experience. The whole time I was there, I thought about you guys, and I thought about how I almost fucking turned down the project to be a little fucking pussy. And I thought about how bad I would feel for you guys if I would have turned it down because of my fucking fears. Never be scared of nothing and never be scared of moving forward.

Now for a word from our sponsors, I want to talk to you people about something that's very important to me. And that's CBD all. You want to find a reliable CBD company, but they're all over the fucking place. Everybody's got a CBDL. You don't know what you're buying. It's like the jingsing-en explosion of the 80s. You're probably buying fucking dick.

With CBD Line, you know what the fuck you're buying. Why? Because before you even spend a dollar, you're going to go on their website, CBDLine.com. And look at their test results. Their third-party test lab results yourself. They're the real deal. I've been involved with them for about fucking three months now, and I love them. I reached out to them.

That's how fucking good I like the product. You understand me? So picking a reliable company is like pulling teeth, but that day's over, because Uncle Joey is here to the motherfucking rescue. Looking for you, cock suckers, I found CBD Lion, and now you find CBD lines. They make CBD Lion products from start to finish, and they got you covered with the tincture, the vapor, the shatter, the fucking, the, And the pens, I mean, they got vapor pens.

And if you look at all the causes that the symptoms that it takes care of, your fucking jaw dropped. Gumbies are good. The gummies are good. This is the way to go for your CBD products. CBD line that comes in vapor cartridges, shatter, you know, eat a gummy. I mean, you can put it under your tongue. Their products are clean, Bobby.

And they aren't like the fakes that, with the false fucking advertising. CBD lion is the way to go. You check out their third-party test results for yourself. Now, the church family gets 20% off, 20% not 10, not 15, not 5, 20% off at checkout by using codename church. That's cbd lion.com, the best in the business. And they got something that you can rub on your shoulders, you can rub it on your nutsack. I don't give a fuck what you do.

CBD lion is there for you. Again, go to CBD lion.com. Do not forget May 12th is Mother's Day. Don't be a schmuck. Without your mother, you'd be nothing. You understand me? Do not forget. Where would you be without your mom?

Nowhere. You'd be in a toilet somewhere. That's what you'd be. Proflowers is here to help you show your appreciation this year. My wife, Terry, she's getting two dozen of these. You understand me? Beautiful red roses. They come in a beautiful package.

You have your card in there, whatever you want to do. Beautiful pro flowers let you choose from a variety of bouquets and vases. that suit every mom's style. All you got to do is pick the delivery date, whether you want to get on that day earlier or on Mother Day. Then Pro Flowers carefully packages your flowers and delivers them fresh from the farm, smelling tremendous.

Your wife opens up that box, your mom, your sister. Whatever mom you have in your life, pro flowers is the way to go. Express delivery means her flowers stay fresh, and that's what you're looking for. You understand me? So right now, you get a dozen assorted roses. Are you ready for you this?

1999. I dare you to find it cheaper. 1999. If you find it cheaper, those roses will be dead in three hours. As soon as you get some, though, just go like olive oil. You don't want that. You want nice roses, beautiful roses. And if you're double the roses, you get a premium vase for just $9.99 more.

Where are you going to get those prices at? Uncle Joey always saves the day, even Mother's Day. You understand me? So visit proflowers.com right now. You click the microphone on the upper right hand corner and you enter the promo code happening. H-A-P-P-E-N-I-N-G. That's proflowers.com, click the microphone and use the code happening. Proflowers is here to help you.

This is going to make it nice and easy for you, whether you like your mother or not. Like I tell you in the beginning, if you like it, you send the flowers and you show up with more flowers or candy. If you don't like it, send the flowers, you need to show up, but at least you don't have to feel guilty about yourself. Mother's Day is May 12th. It's May 5th. I'm giving you seven days to work it out. On May 6 tomorrow, I'm giving you whatever it is, 8, 9. I don't know. What am I?

Mathematician. Just go to proflowers.com right now. Click the microphone in the upper right hand corner and enter promo code church. Order like a pro. And get this amazing rose deal to thank all the moms in your life. So I want to thank CBD Lion. I want to thank Pro Flowers. But most importantly, I want to thank you, Savages,

for always listening. It's Monday, motherfuckers. Grab your balls and let's look forward. It's a whole new motherfucking horizon and you guys are part of it. Like I said, June 7th, the Fillmore at New Orleans. It's your type of place, Harris.

And June 8th, I'm at the tabernacle. You're gonna fucking love it. You understand me? In Columbus on the 28th and 29th. I want to thank you. I want to thank your families. I want to thank all you motherfuckers for supporting the church.

I want to thank the Christkiller for always being here. And that's it and that's that. I'll see you Thursday morning, nice and fucking early, tip-top Magoo. Have a great week. Uncle Joey loves you. Kick this fucking me or Lee. Pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart.

Some, somebody twice as smart as I. Or somebody who will sweat. To be true as you used to do with me Who leave you to learn that misery loves company Wait and see I want to be around to see how he does it When he breaks your heart two bits Let's see if a puzzle fits so fine and that's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet as I'm from a front when somebody breaks your heart like you