The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #688 - Mo Amer

Episode Date: May 30, 2019

Mo Amer, a stand up comedian with a new special available on Netflix and an actor seen on "Ramy," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies go to CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.    Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your portable bidet.

Greetings from Podcastville. It's Thursday the last fucking day of the month. So get your shit together. The church of what's happened now is brought to you by CBD Lion. Listen, picking a fucking reliable CBD company was like fucking pulling teeth. But lucky for you, Uncle Joey came fucking through with CBD Lion. They make CBD Lion from start to finish. and CBD Lion has you covered.

Whether it's vape cartridges or shatter or the tincture, they're there for you. Go to CBD lion.com right now and check out the third party lab results yourself. And on the way out, pressing code word church and get 20% off your first order. You can't beat that nowhere. And since the summer is coming and Father's Day is around the corner, Tushy is back, bitches wiping your ass with a dry toilet paper that does not remove all the shit

and fucking slime that comes out of your filthy fucking body. If you got any poop on any part of your body you just wipe it off with dry paper, your filthy animal. Disgusting. Water cleans better than dry paper, my friends. Oh, shit. That's why Tushy is here. They're a bidet to upgrade your toilet

to a porcelain fucking throne fit for a king. You understand me? And now they got the Father's Day bundle, which includes the Tushy Biday, the Tushy bamboo bum towels made out of 100% bamboo filters, fibers to wipe your butt dry and eliminate the fucking hemorrhoid juice. And they got the Tushy travel because Dad's on the go probably have to give a little wipe from time to time. Give them fucking keep them clean everywhere. And the Tushy asked me about your butt hole t-shirt. You know you got sense and humor from. So all these items bundled together, a buck in a quarter, but that's not what I'm asking for.

What I'm asking, go to hellotushy.com right now. Take a look at the fine line of the days they got with a moneyback fucking guarantee. They're tremendous. If it wasn't for Tushy, my asshole would smell like a fucking dead camel. Thank God Tushy came into my life, especially now when humidity sets in your asshole. and that fucking tear gas of death comes out. Yes. Go to hellotushy.com right now

and press in church and get 10% off your order delivered right to your motherfucking house. Take this motherfucking mulee. The 31st of May. It's a beautiful day to be alive. My little brother Moa Mears in the house. The Christ killers in the house.

And your uncle Joe is here. It's all about the motherfucking Benjamin's Or whatever the fuck you got Wanna be ballers Shot callers, ballers Who'd be dipping in the bins with the spark What? Oh shit

To get my hands on some grass like Horace Yeah, living a raw deal Spaghetti, Fettuccine and veal. What? Things real in the field And what you can't have now leave when you will But don't knock me for church trying to bury seven zeros

over in Rio Digenary Ain't nobody's hero but I want to be heard. What? Are you fucking nuts or what? I mean, that gets you lit. You know, I forgot about the song. That's a great song. That's a great song. That's like 98. That's it. That was right before Big Daddy fucking the man of steel. Ninety-seven.

What's up, Tarzan? What's up, Tarzan? What's up, brother? Great to have. Welcome Moeem to the show first time. I've known Moe since we were fucking, since he was a kid. I was an old man when I met him. You weren't old man. How long have you been doing comedy for now? Professionally, 20 years. June will be my 20 year anniversary, professionally.

I started the first time I did stand-up was in 95. I was a 14-year-old kid. That's when I was doing high school. It was right after my father died, and I was skipping school, and my English teacher was like, don't you want to be a comedian? She's like, yeah, stop fucking skipping school. You're too smart and late you do stand-up in class. And I was like, no fucking brainer.

So she changed my life. That's crazy how a teacher. I had a teacher that's, in fact, I'm doing the Bogota, August 10th. And a friend of mine called me, he goes, guess who's going to see you on August 10th, Mr. Lovito? Mr. Lovito was my sixth grade teacher. Amazing. And he made a deal with me.

Shut the fuck up during the week. And on Fridays, I'll let you go up in class and do material. And I wouldn't even do material. I would sing. Frankie Valley songs. Oh, my God, amazing. With like a ruffled shirt on. And I try to croon the girls,

and they tell me to get the fuck away from them. You should get the fuck away. Nasty, that's fucking hilarious. I used to, so I did, like, stand up one night. I was just like in class, I would write the material and do the stand-up, and then I started freestyle. So I would go grab a little jacket from wardrobe in the theater department. I would come back to the class and I would do an impression of Chris Farley, and I would just roast the class as Chris Farley. I did that like several times.

I did three shows in one day. My Spanish teacher got me out of like three classes that day so I could do all the other. I had three shows in one day, all my classes. It's amazing with teachers if they really like pay attention to their students and they push you and they drive. Ivy, they literally changed my life. Did you go to college? I didn't. No, I saw that scam a long time ago.

You just went right into high school. Right into stand-up. Right from stand. What was the first club you performed back? First club was the last stop. The first comedy club was the last stop. I was sitting. My mom forced me to get a job.

I was running this fucking flag company. So flags. And I was reading the Houston press. On the back of it, it said, Houston's funniest person competition. At the last night was the same day. It was like the deadline was June 9th. I was like, oh, shit.

So I went and ran to the comic with my buddy, took me Nick, who's still my dear friend to this day that I grew up with. And corny as shit, he was like, you ready? It was the first day of the rest of your life. And it was. We walked in. I signed up to the list. I learned about it the system. Oh, there's open mics.

This is what you do. Ba, blah, blah. And I was like, oh, my God. All my material is like geared to high schools. I got to rewrite this shit. And I went up at the Usens Funniest Person Competition. And actually Scott Kennedy was hosting that night. Sean Rouse went up that night.

May they both rest in peace, man. So there was both those guys were there that night. And I started learning about a stand up. And I went to the comedy showcase. No, it's just the evolution. You got to really want it. What you used this? It's 99.

Jesus Christ. Yeah. I think you were going to say you won the competition. I was like, oh my God. No, no, no, no. I made like the wild card. I was good, like, right of the gate. I did pretty well right of the gate. And I made, like, the wild card thing or whatever.

And then the next year I made the finals. Then I realized that competitions are just stupid. And you just need to go and work on your craft and go on the road. And, you know, Danny Martinez at the Comedy Showcase took me to his wing, who also, like, mentored Ralphie Mae. and Tishon Shannon and all these guys that came up. The black chick? I mean, the black, yeah, oh my God.

Thea Badault. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So many cats came out of there. I mean, Shaila Rivera as well. It makes you want to cry. Like, it makes me want to cry. Yeah. When I think about what Houston meant in my comedy life.

Right. Like, how big I was seen and how fun Houston was. Like, how much fun. said it really was like you really it but now ralphi's gone and shan rouser gone and half the people i did comedy from that town i no longer even involved in comedy but for a moment in time it was like the comedy store yeah and forget about monday nights monday nights oh my god that open mic was amazing fucking just you know for people don't know like 99 98 to 2 thousand something yeah Houston was my midway point right because it was just a party yeah

absolutely it was just a party and it's hard to explain the people what it was like to like I did comedy like I would go down there like let's say how to go out I would book Opaso froggy bottoms oh my god froggy bottoms and Lubbock book you know Midland and Odessa yeah yeah I would book all these fucking places in Texas. Six weeks. And I'd base myself out of Houston. I'd sleep on Jody's couch. Right, right.

Whoever had a fucking couch in those days. So Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, I'd be in fucking Houston, just eating, smoking dope. Mondays was the lap stop. Tuesdays was... There was like Rudyard's. Rudyard's. I think it's still going on.

Yes. And there's the Greek restaurant. The Greek restaurant. I forgot the name of him. Monday nights was another place. After that last stop, you went across the street to the corner with Jody. Red Yudes.

No, no, no. Not Red Yudes. Yes, yes. Shit. Monthys was that. Sherlock. So Mondays was that. Yeah.

Tuesdays was that fucking. Definitely Ruddudes. Definitely the Greek restaurant upstairs. And then what was Wednesday? Wednesday was the Greek restaurant on Wednesday nights. And then Thursday was Bob Mungles. Rob Mung. Friends room.

in Pasadena, Texas. You had the black couple. The comedy showcase is a black couple that started Beaumont. Oh, that's right. Because the first people who had that club were a nice black couple. They were engineers. Oh, you know what? I don't think I ever met them.

99, 98. Yeah. I did Beaumont, though. Definitely, the Hilton back there. They used to have the room in the Hilton in the back and Slade ran that for a hop in it. Slade ran that. And then they moved it into a bank called a Comedy, Texas. Yes.

That was a fun room. That's where I OD'd. Yeah. Is it really? Oh, D, Zanak's, Valiums. Oh, no. And Yeager Meister. My face was bent for a week.

So I would basically go to Houston. I would just fly to Houston. And then for a month. That's where I met you first. It was at the last stop. I could never shake that line. And still to this day. I remember, I lay in Houston. I came out and said,

I walk in a hobby airport. What a fucking mess. Hobby Airport is. This fucking prosto came up. But they asked me for like $2. I said, hey, bitch, I got $2 in a match. You know, that was like one of the lives. You would always look at me like, Mo, stop fucking around.

You need to come to L.A. Got Mous Gibrani over there fucking doing his thing. You should come out there. You fucking blow it out of the water. What the fuck you're doing? You're like, come on, this, stop fucking waste your time. I remember to this day, bro.

I've been waiting for this moment to sit down and talk to you about it for a really long time. And the first time I met you, met you was really through Jody when you were doing shows with Rogan. And he was, I think he was like fresh off of like a few years separated from news radio. I think he just kind of finished that running.

It's all kind of starting to settle down after Phil died and all that stuff. It's been like four years maybe at that point in Max, I think. And then he was just getting into that show Fear Factor and all that. And that's where I met you and we all hung out and did it. And you were like, I'm leaving the airport next day. I was like, you know, I got to take Joey. So you pumped me up so much. You like made me want to be more aggressive even with my stand, which I was already insane, you know,

doing as many spots as possible, staying up until three, four o'clock. in the morning getting up and going to this fucking flag shop until I could get out of it and start doing it full time but you're a big motivator in my life and I'm very happy that we actually get to sit together and have this conversation man just catch up if I came from a market in Denver where there wasn't a lot and I wanted to fucking do stand-up right there's nothing like wanting to do something and being held back you know Boulder had poetry readings right It's still to do this day probably. They had the comedy works on Tuesday, which only gave you spots once a month.

And then there was a kid, Jimmy, a Beta, that gave you love. And there was another guy on Saturdays that the show started 11. Yeah. And you'd have to drive an hour. I would go up at 10 to 2. Yeah. There's an open micer that's very hard to comprehend at that point. Of course.

So I was frustrated. So I did what any other open micah does. I became acquainted with my fucking car and put it in my mind that I had to drive to do spots. I would have to go to like two hours on a Tuesday to go to what's his name's room. Two hours back after your bomb. I would have to go to Cheyenne, Wyoming and do comedy.

When I went to Seattle, there was just so much action. Yeah, I was going to say you were spent time in Seattle. In contrast to where I was from, when I met you, become a star in Houston when I met you. You and I both know this. There was that much. The thing that Houston had over a lot of other cities was the support, the support of the community at that lap spot, a stop on Monday nights.

And I'm sorry I keep saying last spot. Because there was a last spot, a stop, a comedy showcase. You know, you think of, if you really sit down, and I'm not here to insult anybody. I'm just telling you the facts. Yeah, of course. If you sit down and you count the talent that was in Houston. In 98 or 2000, it was mind-boggling.

First of all, you had to have a new five minutes every time you went on stage on Mondays. Or you would get tortured. The comics would torture. Yeah, if you're not trying new shit all the time. They would torture you. Yeah. The comics would look at your thing. Great joke, yeah.

What did you do it three times in a row? Yeah, yeah. Let's breathe a little bit. And you're like listening to open. micers motivate you. At first, you want to strangle somebody when they say that thing. Yeah, yeah.

What they're telling you is the fact. You should have left that joke three weeks ago. You should have worked on that in Conroe. Right, right, right. Or in fucking somewhere else. But here at the open mic, you get to show up on a new five every fucking week.

Right. So the pushing was there. You had Matt Kirsch. You had fucking John Wicesterling. Scott Kennedy was from Houston as well. Scott Kennedy is a beast. And imagine Scott Kennedy being gay in that era and talking about what that come from. Can you imagine him now? Can you imagine him now?

Oh, my God. And they had that gay neighborhood where he was the king of Montrose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was the king of Montrose. Yeah. If you walked down Montrose for Scott Kennedy, people would fucking bow to you. Yeah, he was one of the funniest people I saw when I first remember. He was a very sweet out of a guy.

He's missed at the store. Yeah, he's really missed. I still look in the kitchen sometimes and miss him walking in with his jersey. Yeah, with his football jersey. hat on and he had like a little young soldier. Yeah, right, right. That was confused. Yeah, we want to go back to my house.

I'm going to talk about military planning. I'm going to show you how to get fucked in the ass. He would pull him right out of San Diego. 100%. He didn't give a fuck. He didn't give a fuck. He'd go right on the Army base and salute people. Oh, he was in the Army?

No, he was gay. He was gay, yeah. Okay. But he did a lot of military tours. Last time I saw him was in Iraq. He gave me a coin, and I'll ever forget that. He was like, thank you. He was a great guy.

Yeah, great. Every once in a while, you catch him with three years. And he'd have a little 18-year-old recruit. Yeah. I was a little confused from Houston. He didn't really know. Oh, my God. And he'd look at me and give me a wink.

100%. This motherfucker, I don't know. He's going to be sucking dick with his rifle over his shoulder how I like it. Oh, my God. 100%. A hundred percent. At first open mic, I was at, he was hosting it. And he, or he went up.

Yeah, he was hosting it. And he, my buddy, who's now like a flight, flight director at NASA. At the time he was like 18, 19 years old. He was like, come on, come over. I'll suck your dick. Like, you never suck your dick before. And my friend is Italian.

He just, his face, turn right? Can you imagine? At that time, he was doing that kind of material in Texas. Like, it was just, it would blow, I mean, the room would just, you can't follow him. You couldn't follow him. He was so powerful and so crass and so, but just had the, like, the right touch and seasonings to be able to get away with it, too. It was just very funny.

You see a white guy with a fucking Fubu jersey. I was going to ask with Scott Kennedy, then he said Fubo. I was like, was he black or? No, he was white. He was white guy. Yeah. I thought it was Jewish.

He's like a chubby white guy with a Fubu jersey, and I think he had like a rainbow patch on it. It was hilarious. It was like, what are you doing? It was so funny. But he worked for him. Houston, like I thought, even after I had been a regular up here,

like you have to know where you stand in life. You have to know where you stand in comedy. And I remember going to an open, the first time I went to Houston, I opened for Slate. and it was a hell of a week and my cold women it was fucking crazy

and then they talked me into staying on Monday like you're not staying Monday I'm like no oh yeah you gotta stay you gotta stay I don't know and they're like fucking stay that's a fun you're gonna fucking be enlightened and I'm sure I am I walked down and there was 200 people in the fucking room it was standing in the fucking room it was

it's packed yeah yeah it's 200 audience or 200 comments 200 audience well I mean there's like yes there's so many comedians 60 comics Lee 60 lot it would go into comedy store it was from seven to two yeah all these guys are trying you know they really want to get into the last stop and they would bring all their friends and they would pack out and the guys packed out yeah great audiences yeah fucking two dollar beers or something yeah you would get fucking lit yeah Monday night for everyone listening open mics in LA have zero

audience zero audience in most cases man most cases open mics is like other comics are you know, sitting in the back. That's it. And there's like one or two people on the front. I mean, that's it. Right. Most of the time. It's crazy because it's like a real room.

If you build an open mic as a train wreck, that's when it becomes an open mic. That's what people enjoy. Right. People don't really want to go up and see 15 guys do six minutes. They want to see a train wreck. And that's the aspect I didn't know about open mics. I learned that in Seattle.

Right. Seattle's open mic on Monday and Tuesday was a train wreck. Right. Because you had people that weren't comics. You had a lot of hobbyists that were crazy in their real life. Right. They came in there with a handcuff on or those type of people. Yeah.

There's one guy we couldn't wait to watch every time. And he was the worst. He was the worst community I've ever seen. His name is Larry Simon. He was a real estate agent. I'll never fucking forget this guy. And I was like, maybe you just have to go filthy, bro. I don't know what to tell you.

Just be filthy. And the next week, I see him on state. and everybody's going nuts in the room. Like, what's going on? You see Larry Simon talking about some really filtered shit. I was stuck it in her ass. You know, like, it was awful. It did a horrible job executing whatever he was doing.

I was like, I don't think he really understood what I was trying to tell him. I had someone get completely naked on stage last week. Like completely, like, completely naked. Doug Stanhope, I think, did that one time. Oh, God. Yeah. And all he also did it the following week right away. Or one day.

Waston was where he shaved his balls. I had a waitress shaved his balls. On stage? had a waitress come up and shave his balls and he was at the last stop the following week and it was that Monday night did it again he was just like I forgot what's her name the waitress

we were just talking about it the other day the waitress was a story was it Dorrie was it Dorrie was a daughter Dutton's chick that moved to London London yeah she's great always give you asses and shit she never gave me that oh every time you bumped into it she's told on

I have something like she's giving you brownies or fucking yeah Pills. She was very sweet. She was great energy. I just saw on Facebook a couple days ago. Yeah. The girl, what were we talking about? Doug Stanhope.

The last of Doug Stanhope. The last one of the girl. I shaved Doug Stanhope balls. I just told the story about her. She was a great kid. Yeah. She was a cute. Yeah.

Cute and a great kid. And she moved here. She got a job of La Jolla at the Comedy Store. But she also did magic. Oh, wow. Because her father raised her in the circus. Hellarious. She was raised in the circus.

So she was very hip. And then she started getting some momentum with comedy in San Diego. And she moved to New York. And she was kind of booking Sal's comedy hole. This is when Sal's was hot, like 2004, 2005. And then Sal's clothes and came out here, and she came out with Sal. But at the time, they were doing a show called Magic with the Stars. And she shot the pilot because she was such a great magician.

Wow. She ate fire and all that shit. So while they were shooting it, then ABC picked it up, and they were going to shoot magic with the stars, where a magician teaches the star magic. While they were shooting the pilot, they put them up at the Magic Hotel. She was kind of cute.

She was kind of flirty. I'm not saying anything bad. One of the camera guys broke into her room at night, raped her in the middle of the night. What the fuck? She had to press charges in the news. The show got canceled. No more magic with the stars.

fucking ABC found out the hard way Magicians are creepy people People yeah And fucking It was the cameraman The fucking magician It was like a cameraman A PA

Something raped She got to come back And go to court Holy shit ABC paid her off To keep it hush hushed Yeah Or they paid her money

For what had happened Like she's I guess she ended up suing ABC Right right right And she moved Yeah she lives in Idaho She has a husband A kid

Amazing And somebody from L.A. Moved up to To be with her. Like she was tight with somebody from LA, a gay guy. I just forget his name. And it all started by shaving Doug Stanel's balls. She lost

that job, right at that comedy club. She was very sweet and very nice. She always was, she always she liked dirty comics. She liked this because how she grew up, the circus, everything else. I mean, come on, like you. She fucking swallows

fire. I mean, she's not going to be. I've been thinking the last couple years. I don't know where to start. I don't want to step anybody's tolls and most importantly I didn't want to hurt anybody's feelings but I always wanted to do a documentary of the Houston comedy scene and what it meant right at that time because say what you want about Babbitt that club was on fire the club was on fire he did he was the best and worst thing to happen to that right he was the best and worse than that happened to all those kids yeah all those kids yeah too I was seeing it to the the thing that I had I remember

watching the things unfold I was like I don't think I'm gonna make much progress if I just stay here. Like as a comedian and what I want to do and try to accomplish. And to me, the comedy showcase was the spot where you really got the work in and you really learned the tool. And Danny was very open and shared with me. He was like going to be my last

student. I feel like you can, I mean, he really literally told me. Is Danny still alive? Yeah, yeah. How's he doing? He's doing great, man. He's doing good. You know, he had to add a kidney transplant. Peggy gave him a kidney. I knew something. Yeah, it was really amazing. And it took and he's doing great. But what he did for the Houston

comedy club scene like the comedians like really that took time and went over there and and pushed all their shit aside and really used that room to really grow and everything he taught me about the road and how to build that he said you'll be a star in 20 years are you ready to are you i'm not going to waste my time if you don't have that plan and i'm about to hit 20 now i just got my netflix especially he was he was spot on on everything that he taught me like from technical standpoint to what i should do and what expect on stage and and all these things that you need as a comedian, all these tools you need as a comedian, and that was like the best thing that happened to me. And Babette was great for the comedy club scene and bringing people

in and bringing all the acts in and really doing it. But what he did that he didn't understand was that you can't take comedians that have a really solid future and rush them and take him to L.A. and take him to London. And there's one comedian in mind that I have Ben Mowbray, who's really talented and really brilliant guy. And I feel like he didn't give him a chance to mature and really, you know, grasp what it takes to be a comedian and before you put them up in front of all these people. And you, you know, in the end, you ruined the club, man. Did you ever see the movie Punchline? I did, yeah.

Punchline was the movie I watched to make me pick up the phone. Right. Like, I knew about comedy. I knew I wanted to do it. I was writing material, but I just didn't know what to start. Right. Punchline was the movie that made me get up, down 9-4-1-1 and see if. there was any comedy clubs in the area, and they were like, the comedy works,

and they gave me the number, and I go, I'm beginning comic, and then six weeks later I saw that in the paper, and I took a comedy class. But my point being, remember the club owner in that? I don't. In that movie, he was a very... With Tom Hanks, you're talking about? Yeah, with Tom Hanks and those people.

That's a great movie to watch if you're starting out as a comic, because that's what I thought. I thought that you went to a club, you leached on to that owner. Yeah. And the owner gave you guidance. And he gave you real guidance from the heart and he spoke to you about what to expect.

And that was, you know, you have to cut through the bullshit. Everybody wants to be a comic. Right. In my world, show it to me. Right, exactly. I know exactly where you're at. I don't even need to go see you. Yeah.

I know exactly what you're doing. How long you've been doing it? Three year mark, I know exactly what you're doing. Yeah. I know exactly what you're doing. What you're feeling emotionally, where you think you should be, I got 30 minutes, but it's really 10.

Nobody's calling me. The whole fucking thing. Yeah, the whole thing. We've heard it before, and you were there. You walked those steps. I didn't get that guidance. You know, I had the comedy works. Wendy didn't have the time.

They tried. Wendy did hire two people to help comics, which nobody else did. She helped the writer to do a stand-up little writing thing. And then she hired a guy to put you on stage and critique you. You know, but he was an asshole about it. Right, right, right. And then I went to Seattle, and Seattle's owner was some guy we never met.

And the booker was John Fox. But the guy that ran the club, his name was Carl. And that was the closest I ever had to a mentor. To a comedy father. He walked you through the steps. He'd tell you to eliminate that joke. Right. Whether you like to not get rid of it, you're not going to get nowhere with it.

That's what Danny would do. You know, that's what they would do. Yeah. They would tell you not to go to certain places. Right. And you as an asshole would listen. And then you come back with lumps in your head. What did I tell you?

Now I'm putting you in the back of the line. Right, exactly. For not listening. Now you're in the back of the line. When you start listening, then you get to the front of the line. Because everybody knows more than you don't. You know, and... Danny would fucking stress me out, like, on purpose.

He would just be like, for a whole year... Like, so many guys were opening. And for a solid year, I've been doing, you know, all these free spot. It's not even like free spot. All this training, I call it. that's what it should be called and all this training i'm overly ready i got like 20 like solid minutes i should be opening you know i should be hosting like i need a fucking host he'd make me fucking wait he was like i want you be better than everybody else i want you to fucking want it so

bad and that's what he did to me you know and that's what he would do come in oh ralphi pops in let's see what you can do tough guy you know that kind of thing being two years in the game oh you know what you're smashing let me put you before ralph let me create a whole situation between you two let's see how he does and you do you do you know that you know that kind of And step eight, now he has to step up his game and what it has to do. And he would play these, he would do these like training tools as exercises and get you to the point. We're like, I'm ready. And I hosted for like a week.

And the next thing you know, I was featuring and I featured for like only like six months. And next thing I was headlining really quickly because of what he did to me and what he forced me to do and edit and take this out. My technique. Hey, you have a too low. What the hell doesn't matter with you? You know, you got to be conscious of that. You're not making eye contact. you know, bring your audience in. What are you doing? You have a wall in front of you. Break that wall down.

Talk to these people. Look at them. Don't be afraid. Don't shy away. If you're afraid of them, they're not going to think you're real. You got to talk to them. That was so many tools that he gave me to be able to do that. And he took me as far as he could and gave me all these tools to allow me to get to a certain level. And then Chappelle came into my life. And Chappelle became that mentor was like, yo, this is what it's like being here. Now, this is the, this is the, the things that could come out of your life and, and how, you know, to navigate Hollywood and how to pitch stuff, how to, you know, how to, how to really, like, just, it's like, it's just, you know, getting, getting that information

that most people are not privy to, and he was able to, like, guide me through that, and still to this day, you know, so I'm so lucky. How did you make me, Dave? So I was doing, so when you asked me to go, uh, come to L.A., he's like, you should come to L.A. that whole thing was like 2004-5 and I was feeling so stressed out I was like I really should make a move either LA New York I got to do something and then I joined a crew called Allah made me funny there's these Muslim comedians that started this tour and it was really super ahead of his time and

they were doing really well I thought it was kind of corny to be honest when I first heard it I was like this sounds like some Disney shit like I'm a real comic I grew you know what I mean I'm growing up in this comedy club scene I have this goal and then I was like man these guys are really working and they were legit comedians and Preachemones, like Tour with Lopez and wrote for Damon Waynes and all these guys. Like, hold on a second. I was there a smile for Chicago. I didn't need to give this a shot.

So I joined the crew, and the next thing you know, we made a film, we raised Capitol, and before what's called Forewalling, when you rent out basically different theaters. We did a deal with, like, Landmark, and this movie came out as a documentary concert film. And then Dave's family became fans of our show and Preachamoss, who founded the tour.

It was also from D.C. There's all these, like, connections. And then he came out to our show when we had a tour stop in Columbus. And Chappelle showed up with his mom, with his niece, with his brother and sister. Watch the show. And then he surprised the audience at the end of an hour, completely clean, killed. We all had dinner that night. And Dave was always like, man, you know, you guys did this outside of Hollywood.

Like, that's mind-blowing to me. I'm a Hollywood guy. I've always came up in the Hollywood game. He started popping off when he was in his teens. and he doesn't know anything outside of that. And he saw his touring venues, you know, theaters all over the world. Like, we did the Apollo and we did like 30 shows, 28 shows and 30 days in England and Scotland. We were touring, you know, Holland before people were touring it aside from like, you know, Rhodes was up there for a long time.

And then Scandinavian region, we introduced Doug Stanhope to a promoter in Denmark to get him like in 2007, 8, start working there. It's very fascinating to see that in South Africa as well. Nelson Medellee. He was just really blown away, but we're able to do independently. And that's why I feel like I got my PhD in stand-up, is being a part of that tour and being able to, like, go to, go walk up on a stage and just be clean, you know, just do an hour clean, and then go from there, go to a comedy club and be as dirty as I want. But that allowed me to add other tools in my tool bet that I otherwise didn't have. And then Dave started making us comeback, and then we just connected, you know, We were in the same city in San Francisco.

He's like, why don't you guys come out? And we were like, hey, man, let's get a picture with Dave. You know, we walk in. And Dave's like, oh, man, Allah made me funny. Let me take a photo with you guys. I was like, what? It was just like, excuse me. I didn't understand or grasp what was really going on.

And he was like, do want to open for me tomorrow? I was like, yeah. I was there and I open for him the next day. And then the next day, and then next, next you know, we're in Atlanta. I was like, you want to come to Atlanta? I'm going to be in the same area. Like, cool. Come in Atlanta.

You know what? why don't you stay throughout the whole weekend. The next you know, 700 shows, and he's introducing me for my special six years later. It's crazy. But that's how it really happened. That's all I started out. It's nuts.

You put the work in. Oh, yeah. I mean, you put the work in. You still rounded yourself with the comedy. Uh-huh. It was, you know, you said something early that really, I liked the guy that ran the last hour. It was a bad.

Babbitt. I like that. Everybody remembers the neighborhood. To this day, I still enjoy Babbitt. I'm happy. He took me on some tours and Paul Ruggiguez. He gave me an opportunity, you know. Yeah, absolutely. I was in a different place, you know. I was just too young, too immature.

I need to still learn. It was the best thing for me to do that. And he was like, he was a tough guy to crack if you were at that age and where you were. I thought he overstepped his boundaries at some levels. He was doing a good job. at what he was doing that. And then he was promoting shows with Carlos. He was promoting shows at Rogue, and he was promoting some great shows.

Yeah, he was killing it. He fucked it. And then he got into the comedy business. He got into the comedy business in a weird way. One of my all-time favorite stories at the store, and he knows I like him and I'm fond of him. I'm the type of guy I don't say much to somebody. You can't fuck with somebody's dream.

Right, exactly. But I don't say nothing. I'd rather, because I don't like people talking about my dream. Anything else, I'm fat. I'm a drug guy. Whatever you want to say, it's fine. But with the comedy dream shit, you don't fuck with people's dream. Exactly.

Even when people come up here and say, take a look at this tape, tell me what you think. I don't say a word. You know, I got to really, really, really, really, really know you as a common. And really know you as a human being that, when I tell you something, the more than you're going to do it. Don't tell me to watch it. And they're going to keep doing your same thing.

shit over and over. Because now you lost me. Exactly. If you want my fucking opinion, and I'm not going to give you much. I'm just going to tell you maybe to get rid of that joke. You're separating the audience. There's always a little something.

I love... When I was already a regular at the store, I had already booked Mad TV. I decided I wasn't good enough. Something I had to follow Nick DiPaulo, and I had sandwich in between Nick DePaolo and Doug Stanhope. Oh, yeah. And I saw a level of professionalism, and I saw my level of professionalism.

Right. And even though I lived in LA, I said, this is my last spot in L.A. Right. I'm going on the road for 18 months. I'm getting down and dirty. No high line feature. 350 a week. Four hundred with a grand out. You know, where you've got to feel your oats. Right. Oh, yeah. So I know timing and I know everything. I knew that Ben Mowbray had won Houston's funniest person. Funniest person. He had a gift. of comedy and yeah he was a smart super smart kid yeah smart guy you know he was doing stanhope and stanhope was letting him know it yeah stanhope was breaking his balls yeah yeah right he was

doing a variation of stand hope of course but it was still intriguing yeah and he was trying to be stanhope and hicks and i get he was six months in the game he was six months in the game nothing and i was happy for him but i saw babbitt pushing him yeah I saw Babit put him in positions he shouldn't have been put him. Hell no. And I have 20 stories where he actually Babit called headlines and said, if you let him feature, he's going to give you a hard time. Like I had three headlines come to me and go, is he fucking crazy?

Yeah, he's crazy. Met Moabry's good, but he's not going to put a dent in my arm whatsoever. So I'll never forget getting the call. I got the call one night because I remember I used to host it, the store on Sunday nights and I would introduce the showcases. The blue night, right? No, no, no. It was the showcases for Mitzy. So Mitsy would be there.

Mitsy would be there and I would bump into Mitzie and she'd look at the list and go, fuck him. Here's a guy with dreams for 10 years to be at the store. And Mitsy, look at him, fuck him. I don't like what he's wearing. And I'd have to be the bearer of a bad tie. I'd have to

go up to the guy and go listen. Mitsy don't want to see you this week. Call Scott Day or whatever. I still remember I think it was Corey who came down to me and she goes oh by the way you're putting up some kids from Houston he's the new hot thing

and as she was telling me I already knew and my heart was breaking yeah it's terrible because you're putting them in front of Mitzie you're not putting them in a crowd at the improv yeah exactly yeah you're putting them in front of Mitzie

this is a lottery ticket make a break yeah this is a lottery ticket this isn't like a career jump that admits he doesn't like you you could come back in two years no she's gonna remember this bombing or this whatever you know so Sunday comes they came in like Sunday and went to eat like down at fucking Lassianaga at fucking the rip prime rib plays they're eating and drinking wine babbitt's got Matt Blake from Gersh before he was running CAA that's so funny he was an assistant at Gersh yeah he's a

He's a Gersh under fucking the wig. Yeah, yeah. And the deal was to get Matt Blake to sign Ben to take him to the wig and, you know, get his career going. He's doing comedy a year. So, fuck it. He wasn't even a year in. He was a year or something. And he's featuring, which really ain't Mike Craw.

Yeah, yeah, he shouldn't be. You can't jump. You can't jump steps. This is something you can't fit. Get up to him two years. Right. Give him 20 weeks a year. Right.

And then come see him in. Then, and I mean 20 weeks of emceeing Tuesday through Sunday. Yeah, exactly. That's eight shows a week of learning bumps and bruises and fucking headliners giving you shit. You got to do 20. You got to do 40 of those before you even talk to you. Easily. And then we talk about featuring.

Then we'll talk about featuring. Exactly. So he was featuring him. And I'm like, this is not bueno, you know. And he wasn't doing bad as a feature. He had 18, 20 minutes. Look, it's easy when you fucking show up. Romney Club, there's crowds there and you're opening or featuring for somebody like Doug Standup.

Okay, go to a fucking place where nobody knows anybody. The crowd is just not even, didn't even want to come to see stand up, and they just didn't even know that shit was going on at the bar. And then you fucking get them together. Let's see your skill set now, partner. You know, let's see what you have now. That's what you miss. Conroll, that little fucking bar in the corner.

And you did comedy in front of the door. Yeah. Every time somebody opened the door and had to walk around you, you'll melt. Yeah, melt. Melt. You're just disintegrate. Yeah, completely. The first time, your 20 is two minutes.

The door opens and you turn around and it's two customers looking at you. You just melt. It melt. So now you play them like a fiddle. You're like, come here, baby, sit down, blah, da-da-da. You know? And go to the fucking store. Mitzie gives me the list.

She's in one of her moods. Ah, bad baby. And I see his name, Mo. Ben Moberg. Ben Moberg. And, bro, I never forget. there's very few nights I've forgotten at the store. And that was one of them when I still remember being at the bottom of the stairs

and watching them come around the side like they had Richard Pryor. They had a posse. Oh, God, that's not good. That's not good. Matt. You know, three young comics from Houston, all the people that lived here now from Houston. The Great White Hope. It was all a big, everybody was drinking, boozing, having a good time.

And I'll never forget that it was in the middle of the showcases. And I go, Mitchie, I'm going to put this. kid up, he's the next Bill Hicks. Oh, don't see that. Oh, oh, you know me, though. I got to throw some fire. I'm not going to let you get away with murder. Oh, my God. I got to protect my mom and this motherfucker. So I went up

to her very nonchalantly. And I go, Mitchie, this is a kid from Houston that showcase it. They say he's the next Bill Hicks. It might be worth you a while. I'll never forget how looking at me going, put him on. And next thing, you know, fucking Babbage rubbing

his shoulders. They're walking up the stairs you got this fucking Matt Blake goes in the corner bad bit the three flunkies half of Houston's in the back and he goes up there that's terrible and he went up there with ego yeah and he went up to where you know they eat that alive at yeah yeah at those places like oh you can't walk in there like that's done that the fucking stage sucked the energy you can see it soon as he hit the stage you crack two or three jokes that work in houston and you can see the color went from his face yeah And then he continued, and then she started yelling, get him off.

Get him off. Bill Hicks my ass. Oh, my God. You could see him on stage, and it was like somebody hit him. Death, man. The only thing that was holding him up was a skeleton. Yeah, that's the only thing that was holding him up, dog, was a skeleton. If you don't think I felt bad, if you don't think inside there's a human being and there's a comic, I felt bad, you're wrong.

Yeah. I felt horrible for him. I felt bad for him. And I know what it's like to be in that position. Where you get a little bit ahead of yourself and you go, fuck what they say. I'm going to go do this anyway. And it's a horrible experience. And I'll never forget him.

This is what I remember the most was him walking off and nobody's saying nothing to him. Babit turns back. It's a lonely fucking right. He walked out of there. Like, he just wanted to leave. I mean, that's all I'd want to do is leave. Yeah. And as he was walking out, like, you know how he walked up with everybody around him,

he walked out, everybody was 10 feet. behind them dog it was the coldest thing that had ever seen in my life that's really the next night he went to the improperly he did okay yeah but the damage you can't do that damage is done i remember when he came back to houston and he told me about what happened and and he was just like you know when i was sitting back there and i was like you and start thinking about that stage and all the greats that have been on it and he just crumbled you know he just crumbled yeah he can't do that psychologically somebody it's not his fault they shouldn't have done that and you know he could he could have maybe tried to stop it, but he was so young.

He was in his early 20s, I think, at that time. Who the fuck is going to stop it? I don't. You don't fucking know. You don't know. They're telling me that I can do this. They're telling me. I'm pointing something.

I don't know what's worth. This is where Babbitt and I, like, and also at the same time, I would say that, you know, we've all experienced failure on a big level, on different levels and, you know, different tastes of it. And you either want it bad or you don't. Either this thing is going to define who you are, you know, for success. And like, I remember when I fucking did this was a huge mistake. Yes, am I going to wait this through another 10 years?

You know, that's the whole thing. Do you want it bad enough? For me, there's nothing else that I want it. There's zero. Broke, no car, fucking breakdown, whatever it is. You just have to do it. If you really want it, you can't let those things break you. Unfortunately, it wasn't the right support group.

And I would see that as a young. I remember being a young kid looking around going, I'm not going to get better here. You know, this is not the spot. The laugh stop for me at that time. I don't have the, I'm not giving the time and I'm not going to be able to get it here. I need to go on the road. I would come back from, you know, Jim Holder would give me dates and we would tour and do all these shit one-nighters.

I would come back and rush to do the blue show on Sunday, and that's the spot he gave me. And he was like, why weren't you here? I scratch you off the list. I was like, why didn't you here on open mic on Monday? He says, why weren't you here on open mic on Monday? I was like, I'm on the road. I'm trying to get better. I'm doing these open mics.

This is where Babbitt would treat me a little bit harser, you know, because I was younger or whatever and whatever the thing that he had going on, he had going on. But I appreciated what he did for the comedy scene in Houston. I appreciated that he was bringing these quality names. And they were coming in and we got to see, you know, Louis C.K. Before he even became a... Fucking Tom. Yeah.

I mean, everybody, Dave. Tom Roach and Mitch Heidberg. Yeah. Amazing. They call headline. Fucking amazing. People will not forget. That was like 97.

Yeah. And that was like the height of it. 97, 98. I saw it in 99, 2000, 2001. They came down. And then we would go to that crazy hotel. Like, the whole experience was crazy. That hotel Willie Nelson stayed out.

Yeah, yeah. And they ended up flooding. And the crazy. I wasn't there. And that was the only hotel that you could check into, do a bunch of coke at 4 in the morning. And then go, man, I need a beer. Just open your hotel room and walk 10 minutes. There'd be somebody drinking a beer.

Hey, man, how are you doing? Good. Yeah, I didn't have. You want a beer? And you're like, I wasn't thinking of it. about it, but fuck it. And I just want to say, like, I love Ben Mowbray. I thought he was a very smart, funny guy, and he had it.

He just really wanted it, and I think it just wasn't fair what happened to him. And it's just all respect, brother. No, it's all respect. That's all I tell people all the time. There's no book you could read this. Yeah. You watch. Exactly.

You keep your mouth shut. You give them the rope, and you watch them either hang themselves. Yep. They either hang themselves, or they do something with it. And even if you hang yourself, you still got plenty of life left. I hung myself 18 times when I started coming. You know, I'm immune to bombing because I bombed so many times that it doesn't even matter to that mom.

I know what I need to, I love bombing, getting in the car, and knowing exactly what you did to bomb. Yeah. I knew exactly what I did to bomb. I opened something. I came out too cocky. Yeah. I shouldn't have said that word in the first three minutes.

There's always something that makes you really. reflect on the bomb and you go, oh, bombing doesn't affect me at all. No, it makes you better. It makes you better. As long as you know that, as you're getting in your car and you give that little giggle. Yeah. And then you walk in the 7-Eleven and torture the guy behind a counter. I ain't eat that ice is chicken.

I mean, the best thing to watch as a comedian, the funniest thing you watch as a comedian is watching another comedian die on stage. And the reason why is that that's something that you relate to so innately, so personally. that it makes me personally just laugh so hard because you have that experience and nobody knows it better than a comedian or a performer that just completely dies on so you just laugh because you relate to it so hard it's not because like oh I'm happy he's bombing no no it's like this what he's going through his mindset all the shit that's going through his head the catastrophizing the fucking scene the breakdown in the middle of the road you can't get out of it

he's looking for the light have I been lit yet that that shit is like classic man. My first three years, I used to break chairs. I used to break bottles. I hit a pigeon with a car. Oh, my God. Like, when I bombed, I would get so... I had to learn how to bomb with grace.

Right. That was the big problem I had the first three years. The other thing that I had, a lot of other comics didn't have is I know when I bomb. Right. There's nothing worse to see a comic come off stage and go, I killed him. You're like, oh, God.

God, yeah, the fuck as well. Oh, no. It's the worst, yeah. Denial. I destroyed that room, and you're like, I was sitting in the back. I had to take a tomato from a guy. Yes. They were just about to fucking hit your tomato with a slingshot.

Oh, easily. And you're telling me that's the other retardation that you don't want to say nothing. I can't do it. I love when I bomb and you're standing there having a drink and you won't make eye contact. And to break the eye contact, I go, how bad was that bomb? It makes the Gulf War look like a fucking Chinese. parading. Because that's the thing.

That's the best. Is having this sense of human. Now, were you around when Ralphie fell through the stage at Spelbinders? No, I was not there. I was not there. I didn't know he fell through the stage of Spelbind. I knew he fell down the stairs at the last spot. And that was his big beef with the owner at the time.

Don, they were like, I think he sued him at some point. Right. He sued two people. He sued Don. He sued two. And the owner of the Spell Binders. Are you serious? He fell through?

He fell through the stage. I mean, he was like, I heard. I haven't seen him at his peak when he first started. Danny told me that he used to have to lean up against the wall because he was like 700 pounds. Yeah, he was big when he first started. Big, he was 700, I'm big. He went through the floor at Spellbinders.

Oh my God. I found that story. I didn't say nothing for three months. Oh. I didn't say that for three months. Oh, God. I didn't say a word to that fool for three months. Oh, my God.

And then when they spelled binders was still open, It was the towel. When I met Ralphie was the tail end of spellbinders, and he was staying with Joey Medina. He had already broken his cot. Oh shit, Joey Medina. He broke his cot. What do you call those things?

The Japanese people? Futon. The futon. He broke his futon. Oh, my God. And he couldn't get it back up. Like, when you went to Ralphie's, you'd just be laying there.

Because you couldn't pick the futon back up. Yeah, he would just be laying. They would just be laying. They'd like, what? Ralphie, get up. Get up. I can't. I am up.

But I'll never forget, like, I was hustling calls one day, you know, like I was working for a screw company on Ivar. I would have to get there at four in the morning and sell screws to people on the East Coast. And then from there, I would go to Ralphie's house for breakfast. I'd wrap like at 9. And I remember calling there one day and just calling the lab spot. I didn't know who downloaded was. I didn't know Danny was. and I'll never forget calling

spelled by the Lynn Lynn was her name I remember Lynn Cairn I don't know what the last name I think it was Lynn Carl I don't know you remember that I know Ms. Carnes Joe Diaz I'm a regular at the comedy store but I like to come down and do feature work and right away she goes

Are you friends are Ralphie It's like if somebody says to me you friends are Mo but if it's a club owner Yeah you got a thing twice Why are you ask you? I go, yeah, I'm friends of Ralph. She goes, well, friends of Ralphie aren't welcome here. Have a good day.

She hung up on me. Oh, my God. So I didn't know what Ralphie had done. I asked him, like, you don't know. He fell through the stage and then he sued him. Oh, my God. So one day where Ralphie's for breakfast and we're eating. It's quiet.

It's quiet. And I'm like, you know, I call Lynn Cohns that's spelled by this. That's for a week of work. He kept eating me. He's like, I don't even know. He goes, she wouldn't give me a week of work. if I pay for the hole that you fell through. They want me to go down there and rebuild it.

Fuck that bitch. Just think about that. That was the intent. I mean, here's the sad thing about comedy. I knew 10 guys in Houston personally that had 20 times more talent and could outjoke me any day in a fucking week. That's what pisses me off about Houston.

And that's why I went off on you that day about opportunity. Yeah. When you live in a market that you could be out 14 nights a week, even though there's seven, I want you out those 14 nights. Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah. As a comic, I don't want to hear nothing. You were yelling me, like, you were yelling at me saying,

it's enough here, now you need to move, get the fuck out of it. There's only so much you could do in a market. And you also have to tell when you're trapped. Yeah. You can be trapped in the market after a year of doing stand-up and not knowing. Yeah, absolutely. In my case, I was trapped. I was trapped in Denver.

I didn't think there was a world outside of that. And then I started hearing about these different comedy scenes. When you travel, people tell you, man, come to Houston. They just, they got too much comedy. It is. Dave would tell me all the time. I would be like, man, I think the next big things can come out of Houston all the time.

You tell me, like, the next, I always thought the next comedian, the next day there was so much talent down there. There was so much to pull from. It was great. I mean, John Westling was down to you. Murdering. He was helping with the crowd. And he was.

And he was. John Wesley. The script is a fucking brilliant. Yeah, he is. Sean Rous. Show me. That's a tremendous show. Absolutely.

Fucking crazy man could kill. It's Juanville Real Real. Juanville Real is a murder. You'd let him lose on the stage and he'll fucking cause problems. Absolutely. You know, they had the other kid. There was another kid down there. It was a phenomenal writer.

I just bumped it. Brian Hersey was really good against you. I just bumped into Sarah Talamax in New York. Oh my God. Yeah, she's doing great. We see each other in New York all the time. Yeah. I bumped into about Bigger Staff.

Yeah. Which I was very happy. He got up and got out because. Yeah, finally. There's just so much you can do in a market. Absolutely. I always told people, sit still, shut your mouth. Yeah, right.

But when do I leave? You know when you leave? When the club owner says to you, Mom. That's what happened to me every night. Go home. I've headlined you the 4th of July, Valentine's Day, Memorial Day weekend, Thanksgiving Day, Christmas, and New Year's Day. You've destroyed every headline that comes through here.

I really can't headline you because you got no credits. Now you've got to make a decision. That's the ideal situation. And I was at a real crossroads when you told me that. For me, it was just like, hey, I want to be so fucking ready. You know, my whole thing is that I want to be so ready that I want to terrify people when I get like that's my whole thing. I want to be so prepared.

I have to be undeniable, you know. I'm Muslim. I'm Arab. I'm a refugee. I don't have a citizenship. I'm Palestinian. I have all these things, all these stigmas on me. I have to be.

so good. That's all I thought about. And I was like, yes, Joey, I hear you. And something in my gut was telling me, just be patient. Just be patience. This is a marathon is a 20-year situation for overnight success. That's what I kept having in my head to loop around. And thank God for the relationship with, you know, Allah made me funny, like really touring that, understanding what a global marketplace is and doing those theaters and getting those repetitions and coming back and building it back up. And then, you know, touring with Dave those years, so many years and still, you know, popping in together and him, you know, being such a big part of my life and like a brother to me. And then when I got into the cellar, I was like 17 years in, you know, what I mean?

Some mutters, like, we've heard of this guy kind of like, what's going on? And then you come in and you're just like, I have an hour and a half of shit that's special ready that I'm going to rotate and I'm going to murder every fucking set. And that's the way I want to come in. And sure enough, I came in, boom. It went very fast. Everything was going really well. Tons of Spott was doing. She was giving me,

S.E. was giving me like 10 a night on Friday and Saturdays as much as you can do. Plus the comedy. Ah, Nick. I mean, excuse me, the, the, yeah, the,

yeah, no, there was the underground around the corner and there's that, oh my God, why am I blanking out? There's a music spot right around the corner. And you do that downstairs. Boom,

you hit it up, 75 bucks in front of a crowd that expects a band. Get the fuck out of there. Do a spot at the seller. Boom. Go around Village Underground, then go upstairs, go to fat,

black, pussycat. I mean working so hard. And then Derek Trump shit happened to me where I sat next to him on the plane, turned that into a joke. Boom. Colbert heard about it. They came out. They watched me.

They flipped it into jail. Why don't you get on Colbert? Bam. Rolling Stone, 10 communities to watch. Oh, shit. Next thing you know, I'm, you know, I got multiple offers from my specials. Now we're cooking. And that's what I wanted.

And the only thing I felt like after all that stuff happened was relief. I was like, whew. Thank God. It was right. It's fine. Are you very calculated? I was always calculated in my growth and how much I'm learning and doing that

and always like not putting money first. Money was like the last thing that I cared about. Well, that's the mistake young comics make. That's the last thing I cared about. They ask you, are you making any money? No, of course. And they'll say, well, why are you doing this? I wouldn't do it if I didn't get paid.

Well, then go wash dishes. So I used to just lied to my mom. My mom was like, why are you driving 12 hours for $100? I would tell her $300. I would lie. I would go to get into that club in Birmingham, Alabama. What is it called? The Star Dome.

So I drove 12 hours there. Boom. Do that set. Drive back on the way home. I'd stop at the casino in Lake Charles, play poker. I was like, whenever I get to 300, I'm going to get out of here. And I was 19. I wasn't even legal to be in there, but you could just walk in.

They didn't have the little IDs and all that shit. You could check in. I would just wait, play poker. Get up to 300 bucks, leave, cash out. So when I come home, I can show my mother. Look, look. I got me $300 bucks. You know, that's good.

I can show her that. because she would ask me, let me see what they paid you. Let me see what you're doing. She was worried about me, as any parent should be. I get it. But she didn't understand stand-up and all that. So I had to do like all these things, all these extras to make it look like I'm doing better than I actually am to show her that, you know, I am making some growth and there is a career here and things like that.

I mean, my God, my mom didn't really understand what I was doing fully until she saw me with Dave at Radio City Music Hall with Chance to Rapper and John Stewart and these guys in front of 6500 people. and she just saw her son just do his thing on stage. I had a murder, and that's where John Stewart and I became friends. And that's like the only celebrity to an Arab mom. It's like game show hosts and John Stewart. You know, like, that's it. That's it. 9-11.

Yeah. It took 9-11 to expose Arab-based comedy. Right. Like, you know, you had your thing. I know that Maas and those guys had that day. Yeah, they had X of Evil, yeah. And they were doing great with it. But it took, like, something that.

tragic. Of course, yeah. To blow it up comedy. Yeah. You know, how fucking crazy is that? Right, right. My brother would look at me in my face. He thought my career was over. He was like, your career is over. He goes, nobody wants to see a Muhammad on stage telling jokes. I looked at my brother. I was like, Omar, you're a pilot. What are you talking about? You know, you got a career. It's going to be fine. You know, like, it's going to be fine. So I just like, this is going to be the big thing for me. And I always had it in my mind to do it.

What was this thing that was inside of you that was forcing you not to fail? Like we all have the like when I work for my brother-in-law's roofing company. Yeah. When I took that job the night before I drove to my brother-in-law's roof and company, I had a really thin car. Like I didn't sleep all night. And I said, okay, here. My mother told me once that when I was a kid, my mother got mad at me once. And she goes, when you get older, I don't care what you do. I don't care what you do. If you clean toilets, clean toilets, it's a job. If you sweep, sweep. but make sure you're the best at what you do or that you try hard to be the best at what you.

When I got the job with my brother-in-law's roofing company when I was a kid, you know, I knew one thing that for me to work for him, I had to be the best work around that job site because I never wanted somebody to go to him and go, hey, your fucking brother-in-law is a fucking dud. Right, right, right, exactly. I never wanted that.

So I knew that I had to be there at 7, even though the job started at 7.30, I would be there at 7. And if the job ended at 4.30, I'd be there at 5.15. Right. I did things they didn't even ask me to do. Is this the same way you felt about comedy? 100%. Even more.

Just coming here, just knowing that, you know, fleeing a war in Kuwait, seeing my mom and dad lose everything, losing my father, just like all these things that I couldn't control, right, happened. And it felt very much. You lost your father when you moved here, correct? I lost my father like, yeah, about four years after we moved here. He didn't come until he couldn't get it. Because, you know, like the dad's got to do everything.

I'm going to finish up the paperwork. And you were living in a war. I was, you don't mind me asking. So it was born in Kuwait, left Kuwait after the first Gulf War in 1990, about three months into it. And then my mom got my sister. How were you in the wars? Do you remember shells? I remember everything about it.

Like what? Details about it. I mean, everything. But when the Iraqi soldiers came in, and it was just a quick takeover, and it was a big robbery more than anything. Like, you didn't hear much, like, as far as, like, the shooting and the, what have you. I didn't, I wasn't, like, fully part of that. I was part of the chaos. So Saddam Hussein, like, dropped off all these guys that were in prison and told them to just rob Kuwait.

It was a big robbery. It was a massive, massive robbery more anything else. His dispute was that Kuwait's been stealing from us for years. You know what? I'm taking over Kuwait. Kuwait's actually Iraq anyway. Fuck you. this is mine. It was all political play, but forget it.

When you say rob them, were they coming into your house and smacking you? They were trying. So they came into the house the first time with the day of the invasion. They took over the whole neighborhood because the neighborhood was owned by the Kuwaiti oil company, who my father was employed by. So that was a really strategic point for that military. So they were there, and then they took over the whole situation. Once they found out we were a Palestinian, they backed off. My mom told me they were going to throw a grenade into my room. They were going to like, they were going to do something.

And then she stopped, they stopped them, they talked him out of it. And like my dad was just all about feed these guys. Feed them, they're hungry. They just came off a war from Iran. They're starving. They're here to steal because they're hungry. So we fed them. My mom and dad would feed them.

They would come over to the house in the morning. They would take all the food. They would eat and they would just leave. They would leave us alone. My father was always worried about his daughter, of course. God forbid she gets raped or something happens. And the shit that goes down during war, he was just being very protective for that. And he paid the ultimate price for it, man.

He was like stuff I found out years later. He was like kidnapped. My mom had to like pay a ransom to get him out. He was a really intense time for my family. Now I felt it. They didn't tell me everything, but I felt it. I ended up in Houston. I was nine that my brother took me to change, you know, just kind of changed the vibe

a little bit. So he took me to watch the Houston livestock show and rodeo. You know, every year they have that joint with all these big headliners. And that year was co-headlined by the band Alabama that I went to. and Bill Cosby. And I saw Bill Cosby on stage. I was 10 in front of 67,000 people at the Astrodome. And he's just murdering.

And I was like, what is this art form that allows you to sit in a chair and speak in this little tiny microphone, this lapel mic, and just kill a whole crowd with nothing. They just control them with your voice and storytelling. I'm going to do this. I looked at my brother. I was like, I'm going to be a comedian. He was like, yeah, yeah. He was like, oh, I'm glad you're having a good time. I was like, no, motherfucker.

Do you not understand? I just found my destiny, bitch. And that's where it came down to. That's why I figured out it was going to be a comedian. And then two years later, my dad came. And then he passed away shortly after that. It was really, really crazy time for me, man. It's really, really crazy.

That's how I said. I didn't even know who Bill Hicks was, who Sam Kennison was. I didn't know the rich history that Houston had and stand-up. I remember I was doing open mics. Like, ah, this guy is, hey, he sounds like Sam Kenison. I'm like, who the fuck is Sam Kennyson? this guy was like what do you mean you don't know what Sam Kahn Kess is

you're not copy him right now I was like I don't know who the fuck Sam Kennis says I've been here fucking eight years a kid I don't have cable we're poor shit what are you talking about who the fuck is Sam Kettis he was like don't say he's out loud again came back the next day I can't remember this man's name but he was an open mic

mic or older guy just kind of hobbyist and he just hands me all these cassette tapes of all these HBO specials and all these Hicks specials and Sam Kennison and God John Mendoza as well and all these guys that it came up that I can't end and Dana Carvey and all these things

that I was just watching it. I was like, oh my God, this is amazing. And I really started to understand stand-up and watching Carlin and doing that because you didn't have all YouTube. You just pop in and let me see who the hell what the history of stand-up is and that. You have to like learn it from the street.

And that's what it was so funny to me because guys are like, oh, this fucking guy is just trying to be this. These guys are trying to be that. I'm like, I don't even know the guys you're talking about. They're like, Eddie Murphy, delirious. He did that joke. I was like,

who the fuck is Eddie, Murphy delirious. I'm not going to know that. I had to catch up culturally, right? You came here as a little kid. You don't have that history. I don't have the older brothers watching these tapes. And you know what I mean? I have older brothers, but they weren't watching that. They were all going to college. And I was in a little country called Kuwait. The only thing I knew is that my sisters loved. What is it, blue? What is it? The sitcom with Sybil Shepard and moonlighting. Yeah, I was like, that's it. That's all I know. America's moonlighting and the Lakers and the Chicago Bulls, apparently. That's it. The Boston's

That's all I knew about America and football, this thing that you throw. So I had no, I had all this stuff to catch up culturally. So it was a really interesting, it was really difficult for me, especially being that young and not having all this information and all this stuff flying around. I'm like, you know what? I need to learn. And that's why the showcase was that place for me. And I would go back.

The showcase is rough. Showcase. To explain some of the people, your premier club at the time was the last stop. Because they brought in the Mitch Headbirds and the Rogans and the Gaffigans and all that. Then you had the middle level club, which was... It's the showcase. The showcase. The showcase would be like definitely the one after they would call it like the B Club.

The B club. Because of the acts they would bring in. They were touring season comedians, headliners. Very fucking funny guys. Very funny. You just didn't know. Yeah, you just didn't know. These are guys that had drug problems and already failed in TV.

They came out here and their show failed. Exactly. But they still remain funny. Funny shit. Like Michael Reed is somebody I will never forget. He's so fucking funny, man. Rest in peace, crazy. He was like...

And the last spot also had more Vegas-based comics that went to Vegas, that played Vegas. So Houston had a great variety to watch and learn. Like, I just don't know, like, not Dana Carvey, but the guy that writes for The Simpsons. being like at the lap stop and the lap spot I remember one week I just know the biggest writer that probably came out of Houston

at that time was at Tishon Shannon and the Shannon brothers because Tishan was like the head writer I don't know but I mean Charlie died I don't know about five six years More than that About 10 years ago I think so much They were interesting They were great man

Tishon was funny as shit So was Charlie Now they wrote for that live if I'm not wrong Tishon wrote for Saturday One of them wrote for like vibe Ben, he had like, he was, he, he flipped, you know how writers do. They go from one job or the next. I think SNL was as long as I think he was like a head writer at SNL for like 10 years.

He was there for quite some time. That's crazy. That's right. He just got out. And I think after his brother passed with he used to do a T-Shah, you know, a Shannon family Christmas every year at the last stop. And, you know, last stop going away. And then Charlie dying, it just kind of, I'm pretty sure it affected Tishon significantly since that's what they did together. And Charlie was just a.

very sophisticated stand-up he was really really good at what he did and uh he might he made he made it look so easy but he was really really good and he loved going up at the end and he would freestyle like nobody else and he was really talented and uh yeah so that he was like the guy tshan was the the guy that was like oh man you can like make it in the writing world you can actually accomplish things and and get things going and do that and also uh this is that uh managed steve harvey for a long time too uh rashan mcdonald i think he was like like the producer guy, he was just like produced everything. Like, oh, you can make it in different parts in Hollywood.

And then seeing Ralphie obviously make it and do it. And you're like, oh, this is very tangible. It's very possible if you just work hard and put in the time and effort. But yeah. So Ralphie was a big time, Danny Martinez guy. Yeah. Big time. Yeah, absolutely.

He was a very vocal, very, he loved Danny. Absolutely. You know, Danny had taken him on the road for the first time. At that time, Thea, Fidel, had made. Thea was a monster. Monster. And she made Houston proud. Like, Houston was very proud.

Like, Thea is a great example because they gave her show on ABC that wasn't really Theo. You know what I mean? It wasn't like it didn't really, you know, show who Theo was at that time. And they made her into like this family-friendly, loving mother. Well, she is a loving mother, of course. But she's just more crass and just more honest and upfront. And I think that's why that show did what it did. she had too much too fast at that point but she's like by far still it's probably to this day i haven't

seen her do stand-up in a long time but she's a power she's unbelievable she's unbelievable and i remember danny telling me the story when she walked into the comedy showcase and she was like i'm funny put me on stage and danny's the type of dude's like oh yeah fucking fine i'll put you on let's see what the fuck you got because he you know most people think it's so easy they go up and they eat shit and he was like fine he put her on and she slayed she murdered the goddamn room the first time she ever went up on stage ever he was like holy shit she's a superstar and danny was the kind of guy that would watch a comedian and most comedians would be like oh this person's not funny not very good and he would be like no he's gonna make it he's gonna

give me time watch watch what no he doesn't even give me time he's like he's not my student or she's not my student and she's gonna she's got jenny uh what's her name uh jena um what's her name she always had a notebook on stage. My God, she had a really successful acting career, black hair. What's her name? She'll come to me. But she was like, everybody, like, she was a hipster comedian before hipsters and all that shit happened.

And Danny was like, walked up to her, like, you're going to be a big star. And sure enough, she frigging became a very successful comedian and actress. You just had that about him. They would just, like, see guys and the people that would listen to him did very well. If you really wanted it and you listen to Danny, you were going to do something. How old are you when we had this talk that night? I was like 23. Wow.

Yeah. So that was... 15 years ago. Jesus Christ. I know. Well, 14 years ago. 37. I'm age of myself.

It's really weird that I'm really, like, I don't tell comics this, but there's a lot of comics that when I see, I feel warmth. I feel very proud to have known them because they really inspired me and you're one of those guys. There's like 20 guys that I still remember hanging out in the company club going like I'm thinking I'm not doing comedy

and you're like, okay. And then the next time you go, they're the emcee. Then the next time you go, they're the feature act. And then next thing you know, they're opening for you or something. You're like, you know what? doing a great job, but it's amazing that they stayed in the game.

You know, Lucas, Rick Ramos, you see these kids, and you know, you've gained a lot of success. There's people that are still struggling. Yeah. They have no idea the amount of respect I give them because, I don't know if I would have quit my now. Yeah, I know. Did you ever see quitting as an option like me?

Man, I couldn't, yeah, no way. After the first year, I knew I had too much time invested. I was already in. Yeah, I was already in. It's over. That's over. This is a thing. Like, look, I was already putting it out there.

There's no way. I already said that I'm going to get these. I'm going to get these things. It's going to happen. You can't see it right now. Fine. That's not your job to be able to visualize what I'm talking about. What skill set I fucking have deep inside me and what I'm able to do, you'll just see.

Let me just keep sharpening this knife. Let me just keep getting tight. Let me just get right and get smarter, you know, get better. More experience. It's just like, watch. Just watch. Just watch. Do you have any doubts of it?

Of course, man, I freaking had times where it was just bawling and fucking in the back of a whatever. I remember I was in Japan and doing this tour and I was just reading the Quran. I was just like having the spiritual moment with myself. And I'm just like crying. I was like, please God tell me this is I did the right thing. Please tell me. Please. I know I feel it in my core.

These people are talking. I hate hearing these voices, please, you know. Oh, he's not going to make it. It's a hard business. What are you thinking? You could be a great entrepreneur. entrepreneur, you're a smart bit, you could be a smart businessman, you could do this, you could stay so talented other things, why are you wasting your time?

Like, no, this is for the culture, you understand? I'm way ahead of the curve. I know this, please, please let me both right. And then I hear the comic next door, fucking just, oh, oh, I was like, ah, geez, you know, it made me laugh. I was like, I'll take that as a sign. I'll take that as a sign. Do you think that the hard work and the ethic you have is from the immigrant mentality and

what you saw? That's probably a big part of it, yeah. it's definitely a big part of it it's like you gotta work harder than everybody else I feel like you have to work harder than everybody else to me it's like he's like boxing hey man I got a match coming up this fucking I think he's working

on a 3 a m I need to get up what am I do and sleeping I'm that kind of guy and I can't stop thinking anyways I think it's just something you're born with as well either you have it in you to sit through it and deal with all the bullshit and go through it or you don't you know it really is and you always feel like quit I always

like oh man when I get to this number I'm going to just fuck it. I'm done. You know, 30 years, that's it. I'm going to put it in. Let's get some shows on my belt. Five specials. You know, I have goals in my head.

Like, this is what I want. It's what I want to accomplish. Boom. When I hit this number, I'm going to, but who the hell knows. It's part of who we are. Like, how can you not go up on stage? I get low, a little bit, you know, the lows are low. Where you're not on stage or you're not working or you're just not putting it.

Like, what am I doing? It's going to find a way to channel the energy somewhere else, maybe. I don't know. You know, the thing that's crazy for me is, for me, I never wanted to let my friends down. Yeah. I never wanted to let the people down that gave me $30 to get to the next town. Exactly. I didn't want to let the people down and let me crash in the house.

The people who put anti-freeze in my car. Absolutely, man. For me to make it to the next town. Like, I always, when I always had doubts on comedy, I didn't think about money or stardom or being poppy. I didn't give a fuck about that. I just didn't want to sell drugs. I wanted to stop being a criminal. But most importantly, it was for all the people that did something for me to get to where I was.

Exactly. You know, this morning I got up and I called one of my early, the guys that took me on the road after three years. You know, and it wasn't the ideal road situation. Right, right. He didn't bring me on the road because of my comedy talent. He brought me on the road because he didn't have a driver's license. He got like 9 DUIs. And sometimes you win, you know.

And there I was with a car. that was nice and clean, and I would pick him up on time, and he would make me stop at a liquor store and empty half the Gatorade and settle up with vodka. And I'd be driving, and he'd be preaching. Yeah. You know, I'd be driving, and he'd be preaching.

That's it. And then I'd get there, and the first show, he'd give me 20 minutes, and if I ate a bag of dicks, the second show, he'd go seven. Seven, yeah. Next time, you're 20, when you're ready to fucking. Yeah, absolutely.

I called him this morning. I don't know where, because, no matter what he's doing with his life, I'm still representing him. Yeah, absolutely. I'm still, he's still working. I felt the same way.

When I did my special, I put, you know, the people that meant to me that gave me that were part of that story in the special as well, like Olivia Arrington, even Carolyn Picard, you know,

Danny Martinez, Donner, I have them all in there. Like, that's all part of my story. And the people that I, the thing that drove me to not to quit is my mother.

Like, I have to do this. There's no other option. I'm too deep. I can't get out of, of the seven years in 10 years in like no I can't I just can't be the rest of my life I'll be thinking what if what did I do bail too early this and that I just can't do that I have to the driving force is like got to get there got to be successful have to support my mother have to

support my family this is all I have in my head like this is it said I can't I will till the wheels fall off you still think about ralphie all the time all the time because ralphi and I had a very interesting relationship there's a 10 year gap between that's number one. He was Danny's like prized, you know, mentee, right? He went off and had very successful and started popping off and doing things. And also it's got to feel a different way when Ralphie comes in. Who's this young fucking kid? You know what I mean? What's he doing? Danny's mentoring this kid. Let me see. There's all this like, it's like a brotherly rivalry, loving rivalry that happened. And I was always like, hey, what's going on? Let me learn from

you kind of thing. And he was like, do I trust this kid? Do I not trust this kid kind of mentality? And then next, you know, it grew like, oh, it became, it became loving and he cared. And I remember he gave me a ton of shit. One time we're at that Greek restaurant and I was hosting. And I've been doing stand-up like professionals for like a month. And I'm wearing shorts. And he's like, what the fuck are you doing? I'm wearing shorts.

He just ream me. And I was like, he's mean, but I think he has a point. You know? Yeah, yeah, he'll have a point. So I didn't write out the gate. And I'm so happy that a lot of years went by and a lot of really great things. And he always monitored where I was doing. And he would send me love on Twitter.

He would just send me messages and send me love. So I was really, really happy that when he was in Houston and I happened to be in town at the same time, I went and drove to see him. I was like, I have to see him because I had a dream that we didn't get to talk, like properly talk. And he passed away. And I was very upset. I was like, I didn't get to speak with him. I was like, fuck this. I don't know why I had that dream at that moment.

Obviously, you see the way things happen now. I'm very grateful that I had the opportunity to go drive to the improv. go talk to him. I was like, listen, you know, I was a kid. I'm immature. I hope you, if there's anything, and he's like, there's nothing. What are you talking about?

I was like, I just want to tell you that it means a lot to me to see you be successful and to have this and to work so hard to get to these accomplishments. It means a lot because it tells me that it's very doable. Very doable. It gives me hope. It gives me a lot of hope. And I appreciate that. And it was all love.

And he was having a good time. There's a smoke somewhere, had some shrooms or whatever. So the conversation lasted a good, you know, five, seven minutes where it was like really focused between us. I gave him a hug, gave me a hug. Saw Lana and said hello. Like I was just, it was interesting to see what happened, like how I had that dream. And I was driven to go talk to him.

And then he passed away like a year and a half later, two years later. It's really crazy. I'm so thankful, man. I'm so thankful because that shit would have been in my heart forever. I'd been like, oh, fuck. I had that dream. I push it out. Don't go.

I didn't man up. Go have a great conversation with him. Like, yo, brother, just want to let you know. This means a lot to me. The success I'm having now, you're part of that success because you showed me with all kinds of hate and jealousy that happened around you of you popping off and all that stuff. And I always remove. I'm so grateful that most of the time I remove myself from that and focused on my work because

you gave me hope to do that. So I thank you for that. And I was very grateful. I had that moment, man. It's huge. That's huge. No more you're a... These relationships are everything to me.

You're a great fucking young man. I'm very proud of you. I was very proud when I saw you. I did not hesitate on putting you on the podcast all. Thank you for having me both. Because I know what you've gone through and you're a real student of the game. Where can people find you?

You can find me a real Mo Amher. Check out my special on Netflix entitled The Vagabond. I'm very, very proud of that. It's like my life's work into that baby and the next one we're working on. But real Mo Amher, on all platforms so we're going to be in the next couple weeks i'm going to dc and beat the improv

great city and i'm going to be at the improv in miami um also going to i think new jersey and new brunswick after that yeah stress factory that's right yeah stress factory and then i'm doing uh doing detroit there's several dates i'm doing detroit i'm doing cobs full tour i got the new hour it's all brand new material so i'm touring that right now and then i'm filming the tv show and this uh this fall man season two of rami so i'm very very excited about that that man fucking very proud of you proud of you too man love you guys anytime you love you guys you're always welcome thank you brother do not forget i'm in new orleans at the film war theater next friday night and then saturday we're at the tabernacle motherfucker fucking theater in a tio i'm stopping

by uh what's her name's chicken tabernacle's the best by the best venues that is fucking amazing i'm going over the gladys nights oh yes some fucking chicken i'm staying out line for a few minutes I love Atlanta. I love New Orleans. Yes, sir. So I'll see you motherfuckers down there in a few weeks. Real quick here. I just want to fucking give a shout out to the sponsors of life.

I'll let you motherfuckers take off. Do not forget, CBD Lion. No more buying CBD at a fucking liquor store. From now on, you go to CBD Lion.com. And that's where you get the best CBD around. They make CBD products from start to finish. They have you covered. It comes in a vapor.

It comes in cartridges. It comes in a shatter. And not only that, if you're not into smoking, they got tremendous gummies. Strawberry, raspberry, orange, and they got a fucking tincture. You put under your tongue, I get 2,500 milligrams. I put two of those shots under my tongue

before I go to bed at night. And the next morning, I'm in fucking Muay Thai class with a bunch of 20-year-olds. That's what it does for me. These products are fucking clean, Bobby. And they aren't like the face. that you see at all these fucking liquor stores and fucking bullshit places. This is what I'm talking about.

And CBD Lion is what you've been waiting for. If you have a doubt, go to CBDLion.com and check out their third-party test results. You're going to fucking drool. And right now, the church family gets 20% at checkout when you press code church. That's CBD Lion.com. pressing code church and I'm going to give you 20% off delivered right to your motherfucking house. All right. CBD lion.com. The best CBD out there in the market.

Number two, summer's coming. And let me tell you something. There's nothing better than taking a nice little morning shit. Okay, a little cup of coffee. This is, by the way, this is my favorite advertising. Oh, my God. I own all that. This is Arabs and Muslims.

This is all we've been doing for since to be, like we wash our ass. We don't fucking compensate. They don't understand. We don't comprehend. That fucking toilet paper don't do things. Regular people see a bottle of water. Arab see potential. You know what I mean?

I can use this fucking bottle of water to wash my ass because it's better than use a regular paper. If you don't have tushy in your life. If you don't have tushy, you're going to be fucking doomed. That's how germs start. That's how hemorrhoids start. And that's how stink starts. And you don't want to stink because wiping is gross. Would you clean dirty, crusty dishes with dry paper?

What if a bird pooped on you? toilet paper and wet wipes are ruining the fucking environment. Did you know the average person uses 57 sheets of toilet paper a fucking day? You know how many trees they got to kill for you to wipe your fucking stinky ass? And it requires $37 gallons of water. The bathroom is a modern day self-care oasis. Right now I can take care. You understand me.

But days are back. Wiping your butt with dry. toilet paper, don't remove all this shit. Thankfully, there's this new sleek bidet attachment that clips onto your existing toilet and it sprays your fucking muffer clean with fresh water. It's called Tushy. And it's the best thing you could do for yourself and for your filthy little fucking asshole. Tushy sprays directly into your ass and removes poop and toilet paper and fucking cat hair completely.

So you aren't sitting on bacteria that leads some nasty things like yeast infection, UTIs and itchy assholes and then you got to fucking scratch your ass to sniff your finger fuck that shit I agree and let's not talk about skid marks you're nasty motherfucker nasty motherfuckers

I see you at the fucking gyms bidetes are common in the rest of the world like my friend said over here a bidet saves your money on toilet paper and you still have little paper to pat dry but the amount is negligible won't clog your fucking toilet until she sprays your ass with fresh

fucking water not that toilet water that's recycled Tushy connects to the water supply behind your toilet to spray your dirty parts with clean, fresh water. It's the same water you brush your teeth with. Right now, Tushy's going to give you 10% off your order. They got a Father's Day bundle. That includes a Tushy bidet

to upgrade your porcelain throne for a king. They got bamboo bum tiles made of 100% bamboo fibers. And because they got Tushy travel, because Dad's on the go probably got a fucking go. So you give them any of them, Anywhere you need to be your asshole clean, Tushy will be there. Plus, they're throwing in and ask me about my butthole t-shirt.

All right, you know you got a sense of humor when you wear one of these shirts from Tushy. All these bundled together are $125, but forget about that. Tushy start at $69 and it'll change your life. Go to Tushy, hellotushy.com right now. That's Hello Tushy, press in church and get 10% off your motherfucker. I want to thank Tushy. I want to thank CBDLine.com, and I want to give a quick shout out to Roots of Fights.

They always send me a nice shirt. Every month they send me something nice Roots of Fight, and I never give them any love. If you like it, boxing wear, sportswear, go to Roots of Fight right now, and look at the fine selection of T-shirts on whatnot that they have. And that's it, and that's that.

I want to thank my man, MoMAIA. I want to thank the Christkiller, but most importantly, I want to thank you, motherfuckers, for always having my back. That's it, and that's that. See you at the Fillmore in New Orleans, or see you at the fucking...

Tabernacle. Tabernacle in Atlanta, Georgia. Besides that, see you Monday morning, get ready of fucking rock talk, suckers. Have a great weekend. I love you, and stay black. Kick this fucking Mulee. Boom.