The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #692 - Jo Koy

Episode Date: June 12, 2019

Jo Koy, a stand up comedian and host of "The Koy Pond" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio! Jo's new Netflix special "Comin' in Hot" is available to stream on Netflix on June 12, 2019.  This podcast is brought to you by:   Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your portable bidet.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   

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Who's better than us? Who's better than you? Nobody. Lee, kick this fucking meal. Oh shit. Nice and smooth. Taking it back to 93 With Joe Coy up in this motherfucker

104 degrees Clay in the Valley A beautiful day to be alive It doesn't matter how hot it is in L.A. You're in L.A. Think of it that way. I was in New Orleans last week to humidity.

Here we go. Shake that ass. It's Wednesday, bishops. Hotter it up. That's Coco right there. That's the lead singer Coco. She's amazing. Was in the vocals on this. That just brought me back, man.

Oh, my God. That's when I had hair. I'm not even joking. You know, awesome I loved, what was the? Never going to get it? Oh, my God. And Vogue. And Vogue.

Went to go see them at the Aladdin Theater. Did you really? Yep. I went and saw SWV too. Where? I was living in Vegas at the time. So I was addicted to all of that. That whole New Jack Swing movement came out of New York.

Virginia Beach, New York. Teddy Riley, you know, when he collaborated with SWV, all those beats right there. just fucking amazing. That era will never come back. I mean, they tried, like Bruno started coming out with this, you know, with his 24-karrot.

You know, that was a throwback to that movement. But that movement was so special because it was kind of like the separation from R&B of the 80s, the traditional, you know, the new additions and all that. And then, and it went to like this hip-hop feel. It was just like this,

that street vibe. You know what I mean? Mary Jay Blige, SWV, guy black street like it was just raw you grew up on oh I loved it man Jodacy are you kidding me Jodacy was tremendous dude one of my favorite I'm sorry to keep talking Joey but what when I when I met I'll be sure at at Jerry's deli I literally paid for his meal and uh and uh oh it was I'll be sure at uh heavy D and I paid for the meal and I literally walked up and I was just like hey man thank you for everything like you changed music you guys changed music you guys music and thank you for that and that's that was on that was my way of saying thank you they always

say never meet your heroes but i had to do that like that that music right there was everything to me that's all i had you know all i did was listen to music i mean i did but i'm i'm more of the if it's a hit then then i gravitate towards it like when ac dc comes out with you know back in black or you know what i mean uh pearl jam you know what i mean any of that's whenever it's like that then i then i gravitate towards it, but I don't go deep into the B sides of it. I'm a Beatles fan. I'm a, you know what I mean? I'm not rock. I'm more of that R&B soul. I'm just blown away that so many comedians come in here. You throw on music and they fucking spill their guts. Yeah. Why did you get into music? You are like sort of a DJ. I love it, man. I think also because

Filipino, my Filipino side, my mom's side, it's all about music. It's little my sister became a singer in Vegas. For 20 years, she was a lounge act. You know, that was my first time actually tasting a Vegas stage was when my sister was in between a set and she goes, hey, my brother does comedy and I went up at the stardust. Remember the stardust before they tore that shit down? So I went up at the stardust and it was a bar. They were playing a bar.

This is so Vegas right here. It was a bar. And behind the bar where they put the bottles was her band. Like they literally gave her the this this desk right here was their stage They had a fucking drum Two guitars and my sister singing lead with the the guitar player And and they were doing it They were doing four sets a night

You know what I mean? From eight to one a.m. And then and she brought me up one night And I remember I was you know I was being dirty It was my first you know I was You know how it is when you first start It was just dirty dirty dirty dirty and then the pit boss came And he was like hey get him off the state what the fuck

Can't be talking like that We got people gambling but that was my first taste of a Vegas stage and I was, that was it, I was addicted. Now you grew up in Seattle. I grew up in Tacoma, which is 45 foot, right, right. Tacoma, which is like 45 minutes from Seattle. Never did comedy up there?

No, man. I told everyone I was going to be one though. No shit. I used to sign a phone book. I was living with my roommate, William, and I used to sign the phone book. This is back, this is how old I am, just for your listeners. I'm very fucking old.

48. You're beautiful. Thanks, man. And I was, I was signing the phone book. You know, just signing, sign it, just sign, sign, sign, every page. And you know, that's back then when people needed phone books. You know, we didn't have our phones back there. You need the fucking phone book. And I remember he was looking for like, something in the phone book. He was like, yo, stop fucking signing the phone book. What are you going to be famous? Said that to me. And I was like, yeah, you'll see. You'll see. Yeah. I'm practicing my signature now. I was joking, but actually underneath it. Really? No, man. I really, and I was actually resented him for that. I remember I used to, you know, we don't talk anymore, by the way, William and I. He was my best friend all the way through, but that's when you realize, when you get to

that, that fork in the road, you're just like, you're so, you're so fucking driven that, that, that shit isn't going to help me. You know what I mean? That kind of fucking, what are you going to be famous? That, that's not going to help me. That little, whatever you're saying right there does not help me. That brings me down. So I don't need that.

Let me go. And that's what I did. I let them go. It was a sad day. My sister, you know, still talks to him, but, but I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to go back to that. Like, I'm so fucking focused. And I just want the right pieces around me.

I don't have time for that bullshit, you know? You know, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go that way. No, I want, I want your soul. When you come on this podcast, I want you to want you to tell me what they want you to hear. Yeah. I want you to tell me what's on your soul. You know, it's, you know, it's, I want you to tell me.

weird that you were doing that subconsciously. Yeah. But 10% of you knew what you were doing. I didn't have the balls to do that, Joe. Yeah. Because I would have gotten too disappointed if I would have failed. The disappointment would have been too much. Yeah.

So I went more a la I'm not paying attention, so I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. But did you ever watch the 30 for 30 with Jim Valvano? Oh, yeah, man. The first practice, he made him cut the nets. Yeah. To practice being champions. So amazing. That right there, you look at that and go.

How come I ever thought of that? Yeah, man. They made them cut the nets to see how it feels to cut the nets down. And they got a taste of that, that went into their subconscious, and it just closed. Yo, they manifested it. And it works. It works. And you know what's crazy, Joey, is how he did that in the 80s.

Like right now, a lot of people are kind of in touch with that now about manifestation and really believing in it and telling yourself. But imagine back then when that wasn't out. No. There was only a few people that really thought like that. You know what I mean? And they did it. And that he was one of them, man.

I don't even think he told people he had cancer. Did he? No. You know what I mean? I don't even know if he actually knew or what, but I think he kept that to himself. Right? And it's just like, fucking amazing. It's just so amazing that, I don't know.

It's just, it's cool to see people manifest their future and really take in a hold of whatever it is that they're passionate about. What's that dancer that went bankrupted and whatever? It doesn't matter. MCM. MC Hammer. Used to sell albums at the comedy store. Yeah.

People would say he would back his car up and sell albums. Oh. Out of the store. Bro, I was watching a documentary on Hammer. Oh, yeah, you are good, Joey. That's true. God damn, yeah, because I was watching the documentary, and he had a deal with Capitol Records,

and he turned it down. I'm going to make up a number. number of, let's just say it was a million dollar deal, okay? Which is a lot of money for a rapper back then, right? And he turned it down because he said, I can sell more of them out of the back of my trunk outside of a nightclub. He would literally take his single that he produced himself, go to a nightclub, beg the DJ to play it or tip him a little bit of money, make him play it in rotation. And once that song came on, he went to the floor and just started dancing because he knew everyone was going to watch him dance. And then literally he would just wait outside.

and as the nightclub would close, he would just stand at the back of his car and people would walk up to him. Yo, you were the guy that was dancing. He was like, yo, that was my song. And he'd sell it out of the back of his car. That's the shit, man. You know, all that shit always affects me.

It always touches me. Jamie Fox called his name. Jamie Foxx sounded like a girl, and he knew he would get states time. What? It's genius. See, what kind of fucking thought process is that? That's amazing.

When you hear that shit, you go, Oh, that's how I got to run this game. I got to be that slick to run this game. He would go to the comedy store, and he knew if he put his real name down, he was a guy. Yeah. So if he put Jamie Fox, they thought he was a girl. You got to be kidding me. That's genius.

And his grandmother, you never saw that actor's studio? Uh-uh. His grandmother used to play a piano every day. When he was a kid, he told him, someday you're going to need this fucking piano. And he ended up playing Ray Charles. Dude. That's the shit that you sit there.

and go. This is why you have to pay attention. This is why. Yeah, man. All that stuff. When you watch Rocky, he didn't manifest himself. He went back.

Fucked Rocky up. Because I was watching it the other night. It's such a good movie. But think what changed him. The button that changed him is when he went to the arena. And he told the guy that his shorts were colored. The color were wrong on the shorts. And the guy took a pawful of a signature.

gone and says it doesn't really matter I think you're going to give us a good fight and he just looked at him like it just clicked in his head oh shit and he was half retardant Rock but he let it affect him he went back woke up Adrian yeah woke Adrian up and he told him he was scared and that was it he went in there to fight for his debt yeah he said I'm fighting to my debt

all those type of stories are everyday stories that you have to pay attention to as a young man to see how to get across that peak. These are little things he had to do. Up to about two years ago, I thought Sylvester Stallone was just a lucky guy. And then I started watching the Rambo started coming on. I started remembering the Rockies and then the expendables and go,

he's up to Rocky 8. I just watched Creed 2. Yeah. That's right. I didn't even think about that. Creed 2 is part of the Rocky franchise. Rockies. Holy shit. I think it's eight. Don't get mad at me. But think about

what you have to do to create what he created. Yeah. They created years later, you know, you got the John Wick series, you got the ex- you got the other guy that's got a great series. But nobody's really done with Rocky's 9. 4 or 5 rambos and he's doing Rocky 9.

Yeah. He's 70. 80. And he's 70s. And the expendables, you almost said, yeah. Yeah, he's doing. Holy shit. The expendables are up to almost four. And it was 3 or 4, yeah. Dude, that's amazing. You know, here's a guy that gave away his dog because he couldn't feed him. Here's a guy that took a script and said,

no, you're not going to let Ryan only play Rocky. No. That's crazy. I didn't even know that. No, yeah. He fought him to the end, like 100 grand. When they shot that scene with the... But he was the director of Rocky, right?

No. Oh, this whole time I thought he directed Rocky? He wrote it, I think, right? He wrote it. See who directed Rocky. So then he directed Rocky too then, right? Fuck. This whole time I thought he was...

I don't think he had juice to like four to start telling him about because he could direct. Oh, man, I've been telling the wrong story this whole time. It says John G. Adelson. Oh, I've been telling the wrong story, man. I always thought, like, Stallone was one of those wrote it, directed. You know what I mean? I thought Rocky was his baby. Well, he's got a little bit of whatever in his past.

People haven't raised their hand. I just heard a very interesting story. I heard a story that, and my buddy's going to kill me for saying it because this is to the podcast, that Sylvester Stallone had a script. No. Sylvester Stallone went to Bayonne to train with Chuck Wepner. And Chuck Weppner had a notebook with all his notes in it. And when he went to train, Chuck Weptner's trainer told him no because he had done porn.

So Sylvester Stallone took Chuck Wexie. his notebook and he wrote Rocky. Really? Yeah. And then the expendables was one of Eddie Bravo students who wrote it. What? Called Sylvester Stallone, took one to a meeting.

Sylvester said yes. He never heard from the guy again. And one day he's sitting in his room when a commercial comes on showing the expendables. So he sued him. And if you remember the expendables, said written by Sylvester Sloan they put that guy's name and he went on to write Godzilla and some other stuff but the original story is he got that presented to so west this is crazy

so Vescelon so Vesstone said yeah because it really doesn't matter at the end of the day didn't he have something like that with Rocky too with Rocky something that's what I'm saying that's a Chuck Weptner oh no shit what was like I listen whatever happened you didn't protect yourself go fuck yourself Yeah. You should have known better with the when you're launching. You should have been prepared who you're dealing with in this city. But still, he kept it alive.

You know, it's like when they always said, well, Led Zeppelin took a lot of music. Well, you know what, man, I know they didn't take, you know, it's like when they got a cue to take and stairway to happen. They probably did. They probably did take that melody. But who's going to overturn that in today's world? When you hear the first three chords of stairway to heaven, you know, everybody in a lot. school lost a friend they put that album you're gonna reverse it now yeah how many people got buried with led zeppelin fucking four or whatever the song that album is um four i think um

they call it something that album no many people got buried with that led zeppel now but these stories i tell you about jamie fox and i got a thousand other ones that really you know rickie ricardo yeah was his parents sent them from cuba to a private school because batista was out of control in the United States, out of Cuba, out of control. Yeah. And they knew they were next. They'd be the Batista was going to shoot him, so they wanted to protect Ricky Ricardo.

So they sent Ricky Ricardo. What's his name in real life? Desi Arnaz. Desi Arnaz, he was a private school in Miami. This is before he was Desi Arnaz? Before he was dead Yarnes? Was he famous in Cuba? No.

He was a kid that sang and played the guitar. And he got him out of there. Good looking. He got him out of there. But guess who his schoolmate was in Miami? Who? Capone's son get out so Christmas time everybody's going to the respected houses for Christmas and there's this poor little Cuban kid going I got nowhere to go Coppone's father said your son said

you're coming with me took him to Chicago it's 1940 then I saw what a fucking Cuban was before and this guy walks in with pointy shoes saying hello and Capone found love him and one day he called Capone and said I want to play this club in New York the phone made the call and that's the story. Are you fucking kidding me? That's a real story? That's a real story. And then somewhere he met

Lucio Ball. Yeah. Which is even more crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. The opportunities never end. Never ends. Now, all those type of stories now, before I went to prison, you guys gonna laugh. Yeah. Before I got locked out, I probably went to three Anthony Robbins seminars. Before.

Yeah. They just put me in jail. That's it. They just made my fucking crime game stronger. Yeah. Anthony Robbins is like motivated me to steal more. I'm like, wait a second. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. In those days, it was like your eyeball

saw it and then it registered your mind and set off a certain trigger. I don't know what trigger he set off. I couldn't stop snort and coke. Anthony Roberts pushed me over the side. That's funny. I walked down one of those calls. I couldn't stop snort and Coke. Yeah.

You motivated me to snort more You motive me to kidnap a motherfucker, cucksuck. Three fucking things. I manifested it and I became a kidnapper. It's hysterical. So I don't talk with Anthony Robbins no more. I wouldn't talk to him if you pay it. He's a kid's a thing.

Fucking sexual accuser. I was going to say he might be going to jail. Yeah, he's going to jail too. Is he? Something happened. He got like four or five people accusing him right now. Yeah, yeah. What the fuck?

Yeah, dog. These guys are fucking disgusting. I was just watching this thing on, uh, On Instagram, it's one of those late night wormholes that you get in when you just start going through the feed. And it was this guy that bought his private jet from, God, the guy that has the studio. Fuck me. No, the one that does all the, God, the, what, this is bad pod right now? The one that does the, oh, he's, what the fuck is his name?

He does the, uh, Matt, what is the name? the black actor, he plays the, he does the gray wig and the, he does, Medea, the Medea, the, what's the name of that, that, Tyler Perry? Tyler, fuck me, I'm sorry, can we cut all that, please? No, he's in trouble. No, he's not. He, he just sold his plane. The thing is, he just sold his plane, but the guy that bought the plane is one of those

evangelists who asked for money. Oh, yeah, that was creepy. Get money from everybody. And this news report went up to it. It was like, hey, we heard you bought Tyler Perry's private jet. How does that feed the poor? I mean, like, how does all your money that you said that you need to help feed the poor, how does that justify this private jet you just bought from Tyler Perry?

And it's just like, these guys are just such fucking creeps. You know what I mean? It's like when you hear stories like Anthony Robbins, you know? They're like four or five planes. It's like, yeah. Yeah, you hear something like, you know, because you see Anthony Robbins and he's motivating people and blah, blah, blah. And then you hear this shit. And you're just like, everything he talked about just went to shit.

What this shit. Yeah. And it's just like this evangelist. It's just like, you know, here you are. You're manipulating people that are, you know, that are in need and, you know, they're desperate and they're on their last, you know, whatever it is. And they give you their dollar or whatever it is that you ask for. Then you go buy a fucking jet from Tyler Perry. It's like, fuck you, man.

You religious anymore? I mean, it's, I am when the holiday comes. You know what I mean? Did you raise your son religious? My son, yeah, he goes to a Catholic school. I think it's because my mom's full of here, and it was in me. And it's like, and it's just, I mean, you don't, listen, I'm a Catholic in my heart, but if you think I'm going to get up on a Sunday and go sit with those hypocrites,

no. You're out of your fucking mind. No. I'm not going to go sit in the first three rows. All those guys are cheating on their wives. Yeah. Oh, they're fucking some little 12-year-old, or they're doing something that ain't fucking right. And, you know, I feel that the people who sit closer to the priest, they're the biggest fuckers come back.

The closer you are. People who sit in the first five pews are fucking scumbacks. They're the ones that go through life and they wear the suit and they lie. When I go to church now, if I go to church. Yo, that, Joey, I'm sorry to interrupt you. That's fucking genius thought. You're so right. The closer, fuck, man.

I've been saying this forever, man. It's the people that put themselves closer to goodness are the ones that are hiding shit. I call those fuckers magicians. You know, they're like modern day magicians. You know, it's like I'm so evil. But here's a smoke cloud, you know what I mean? And divert the attention to someone else that's doing some wrong shit. You know what I'm not bad.

Look, this guy's bad. You know, there's those people that sit on the soapbox and preach about how bad people are. They're the fucking worst. They take money and they take the community. Yeah, man. And they do the whole thing and they invite the father over for dinner. Yeah. And why I'm saying this is because in 87, I sold cars.

This guy came in once with an insurance guy and we started talking. And when he came in, he was 40. I was 25 He was in a chick That was my age And then look like Like convertible Chrysler's Remember the Chrysler Comptorrable was big

And then I became friends with the guy I would call him up and one day He goes you know I know your father-in-law From Sacred Heart Church And I went to church that Sunday And who's in the first fucking pew That one right there Shaking everybody's hand next to his fat

Overgrown fucking wife That's 400 pounds And they're just shaking and hugging people I'm like this motherfucker Is that my head? Just be a cell phone And I told my father, I threw him under the bus. And my father went, goes, that guy's been a piece of ship for 30 years.

You don't have to tell me nothing. He goes, I can't stand it. He sits in the first fucking row. That's so true. And that's when I put that. But Filipinos, humans, you know, our country is a mixture of everybody. Everybody has gotten laid in our country and left their seat. Yeah.

The Africans, the Chinese, the fucking Irish. There's so many different, you know. You go to Asia. You will find. a Gonzales and that's the truth that's the truth you'll find a Santos wasn't Tony Gonzales in my family yeah but my I have a Gonzales in my family Gonzales I have a De La Fuente and a Santos too I know a Diaz but spelled with an E yeah in in Philippine I met him years ago he still talks to me on Facebook yeah comes to the

shows you that crazy it's a fucking crazy place but the Catholicism level like Edwin San Juan's uncle was a priest yeah you know he has another uncle I went to church every day the people that have mercy's god-parent They're church people. They don't miss church. They drink to four in the morning, they play dominoes and eat lumpier. Yep.

And the whole fucking thing. Oh, yeah. Everybody's ready for church. Majon. Majon. The carne, the fucking really good beef. Yeah. Asada.

Asada. Yeah. Beef tapa. Beef tapa. That shit puts you to do it. I don't fuck with the pigeon. It scares me a little bit. I don't think we eat pigeons, Joey.

Yes, they do. Filipinos eat pigeons. You always got magicians outside the house. Fucking with sticks. We got fucking. We want our pigeon. You got a magician protest? You got to Filipinos, I just see magicians out there.

Hilarious. You want Olympia back. You can't eat all you tension. Remember last year when they made that movie clown? Yeah. About two weeks later, this is not a joke. It was in the paper. They had a parade of a thing where a bunch of clowns went down to the protest that movie

because they were losing work for the summer. Remember it came out like in April? You're talking about it? Yes. When that movie came out, people were canceling clowns left and right. That's funny. That's it enough. They went down to fucking...

The clown was Dangerfield? The clown was Dangerfield? Two thousand clowns went downtown with suits on saying, take the movie out. We're losing summer work and shit because the movie came out and fucked up all the people were canceling clowns. That's funny. Like, fuck it, get Aladdin. Yeah. Get a Paler Ranger.

Yeah, go get a fucking Aladdin, get a Power Ranger. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Some of the shit people do. Is your kid, is your daughter into, like, for the birthdays hiring like a Power Ranger or a Spider-Man? Because my son was never into that. No. Never.

No, it embarrasses. It, man. It drives a. I went to a birthday party with my son and they had a Spider-Man with, like, regular Nike's on. And my son was just, that's when I knew my son was cool. He was like, does Spider-Man have Nike? on but all the other kids were just buying into it oh fucking Spider-Man my son was like the spider-man had Mackey's on there's always one motherfucking kid there's like you don't know I don't

know about the Santa Claus yeah yeah my daughter is not big on Santa Claus my son either she's like hi how you don't you want it on my lap fuck no no no no no really I'm not in the fucking moot to Santa I saw you first row at the church the other day I know what kind of Santa you that's right it's crazy I love that analogy that you said that because now that I think about it My heart. No, I'm talking about the seating. Broke my heart. In the church.

Because literally, I'm the one that sits in the back. I'm the one. I sit right in the back because I'm a sinner. Yeah, I'm a sinner. It's never going to change. I sit in the last few. When I go to church twice a year, I get up on Sunday early, the 730 mass. I do a couple bonhits.

And I go down to sit in the back and look at the glass. I love the glass, the 12 steps. I love all that shit. I was raised on that shit. But all the politics of the church and talking and all that, I don't want to be involved. Yeah. I don't want to be fucking.

No. And I like, I still remember the pre, I made my confirmation when I was 30 years old. Oh. When I got divorced, I was like,

I got the devil in me. So here I am sitting with 12 year olds at a confirmation class every Thursday, afternoons and shit. I'm 27 years old. Can you shoot all of your stories? High as a kite. Could you shoot your stories?

High as a kite with 12 year olds, learning about fucking Jesus. This is fucking great. No, I believe. I believe in 150%. I believe that there's a God. Yeah.

I don't know if Jesus came down here and fought the Jews hand-to-hand combat. I think it's a little stressed out. Yeah. But you know what I was always thinking, Joey, is before the internet and before all this shit, right? Like, I feel like Jesus, this is me just tripping one day. I feel like Jesus was like,

imagine if David Blaine was back then. Imagine David Blaine back then during the, when Jesus was around. Maybe that's who that was. Because right now you see David Blaine, you're like, all right. code the internet you know we know that that's tricks we can go to like how did he do that dot com and it'll show us but imagine back then when there was no internet do they have a how they do

that that com no i'm just saying like they got that one that one magic show where they were like giving off the right they did it magician they were yeah they were fucking them fox came out yeah you remember that go yeah the unmasked magician he was giving off all their secrets and shit but like imagine before all that when you know you were david blaine and you were showing people all this trickery like wouldn't you be like a prophet you know what I mean I mean how old is magic it's older than it's probably older than earth you know what I mean like if you really think about it you know it's in the Bible sorcery wizards and blah blah blah maybe that was what David Blaine was maybe he was just a really good he was a good guy doing some Jesus Christ stuff do I sound

stupid right now no and you have to look at it from all different you got to look at it that way Because if you look at it like us today and I'm, yeah, no, David Blaine would not be a profit. But imagine him doing that shit back then. Minds would be fucking blown. You wouldn't even have to be that good. You know how they say walk on water? Have you seen David Blaine stand on a fucking telephone pole 300 feet for four days without sleep? Like imagine doing that back then, you know, not knowing any, I don't know.

I'm just true. No, it's the truth. I can't even. You know, it's funny. I started doing comedy in Wyoming. I started in Denver. Wow, you were Eastern Washington. When you, when you, no, I started in Denver.

When I first got on stage was the comedy world. Wow. And then I started getting a few gigs like in 93. And I would go to like Wyoming, Nebraska. That was my turf. Yeah. No New Mexico, Arizona, but like one-nighters. But I remember being in a summit part of Wyoming.

Yeah. And Tribble had a majority. And they were like, like they were tripping. Like they were tripping. Yeah. People were tripping. Like on the verge of worship. And the guy was creepy.

You could see that he had kids in the trunk. Something wasn't right with this guy. He had leaving a hurry. Yeah, yeah. And I'll never forget that, I'll never forget that night. I was like, man, those people in Wyoming that night, they really couldn't handle a magician. Like they didn't laugh, they didn't clap.

They were like, it's like throwing a hypnotist in there. And then when one now, that, I'm in a comedy club. And you've ever been in a comedy club where you're about to go up? Yeah. And there's like two or three away from you and you're just focusing on your jokes.

But you're listening. Yeah. You could hear what the comic is saying. Jerry Rocha. I said a joke about being in Texas Arcana and the magician went up. And some guy in the audience kept saying, take him off.

It's voodoo. He ripped a paper and half. That's Satan's son. He goes that the people went. And I asked him, I thought, was that a true story? I was dying. Yeah.

Because I've actually seen people react to that. Yeah. Like in small communities, like, they didn't know what the fuck was going on. Yeah. And I asked me, he goes, Joey, you should have been there. The guy not only complained during the whole show, he called the cops. Is he really? Yeah.

The guy in here is a Satan lover. He's doing magic tricks. Only people who believe in Satan do that. The guy called the cops on the magician. That's so funny. 911. I think Satan's on stage right now? What comic magicians do you remember?

The eye opened for, you know, my sister used to open for a magician. That was the funniest shit ever. So a band. She, no, she was a solo. And that, he hired her just to like MC and introduce the next bit. So when he would go backstage and change into his next magic outfit, she would sing and then go, are you guys ready for more amazing Danny or whatever the fuck his name was? It was the old Hooters.

You know where Hooters is? Vegas now. That used to be called the San Remo Hotel and they had just a cheesy magic show. I hope he's probably a fany or so I'm pretty sure he's going to hear this shit. But he had a he she opened for him. It was man, we would go and laugh, man. My sister's like, please, you got to come watch this. People are fucking amazed by some of this shit. And it's fucking awful magic.

And it was. It was awful magic. There was one bit where she had to like shove a child. You know, is it the child that has the black tongue? Looks like a big lion, like a dog lion, right? He would make a chow appear. And she was the one that was shoving it through the curtain. And then the crowd would go,

Oh, my fucking amazing! And I'm just sitting there watching this shit. Like, are you fucking kidding me right now? But that was literally a Vegas show. I think it was like an afternoon show. Like 5 o'clock she would do this show. The other people can't get tickets for Wayne Newton. No, they couldn't get tickets to Roy.

Wayne Newton sold out. God damn it, I came on who. I can't wait to see his rendition. I did it my way. I love seeing people who don't like, I went to a Christmas party once, and Steve Simone and Joey were there, and they ran out of the room.

I'm Catholic. I'm a magician. Oh, you're done. No, I don't want to see magicians. They freak you out. It makes me nervous. I'm a Catholic. He was doing card tricks.

I don't make my Coke disappear. I don't make my Coke disappear. Don't do that. There's only one way to do that. There's only one way to do that. They fuck it. I don't know. Something about magicians, clowns.

They just, I don't know. Yeah. Ventriloquist get creepy sometimes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Ventriloquist freak me out. They're great, but they get creepy sometimes. Yeah. I have a couple friends who became Ventriloquist from comedy.

Like, they can sell tickets to comics. They became Ventriloquette. They fucking sell shit out. Yeah. They sell shit out on the Saturday night and the fucking, you know, in like off route 52 in Boston. Oh, yeah. What was the name of that town?

Because that used to be a comedy club. Uh-huh. But Saturday night late, he had that Santos guy. And that guy, he was R-rated. He's a hypnotist, I'm a R-rated hypnotist. And he sells him out, Jack. Really? And he's a nice guy.

He's a nice guy. I met him a couple times. He's always been very nice. I would open for him. Because as a feature act, you would feature for the headliner. He had three rooms at the club 56 or 52. I don't know where this is. This is in Boston 15 years ago.

This guy's dead and buried. What's his name? Ron. Ron something. Selma, Ron DeLuca, Ron, something like that. A comic here said you're never going to get into Knicks or the other place to the big Bill Boomer writes. Comic Connection. Comedy connection.

Yeah. But this guy loves LA Comics. So he brought me out with Stanhope. Nice. That's a gig right there. So he would bring me out with Stanhope and I would do, you did like seven shows in two days as a feature. You know, in a hundred a show. Yeah, man.

And he would give you like a $200 bonus. You could eat lobster. Dude. He had lobster there, clam chatt or whatever you want. He was selling out like that. He had, it was where Jay Leno's from. Yeah. What's the name of that town?

Newton, Lowell. Lowell. Okay. So he had like this built-in next to it is a Puerto Rican town. A lot of Spanish people. Yeah. Next to it. So he worked off that.

It was a bad neighborhood. Yeah. He was where Jay Leno was from four blocks away. Like you crossed the fucking road and you went three blocks. He took me over there and showed me his house. So that's, it was in Jay Leno. Well, Lennelow hometown. He worked where he lived.

He had a club ball. He was pulling numbers like that. He had Club 52 or 56. Listen to what he did. Oh, wait, and he owned it. He owned it. What? So what he was doing was, what's it?

Well, the name was, he's from Andover. Andover. Andover. Andover, Mast. Oh, okay. Club 56 was an Andover mess. Bill laid down the law. But when you're a feature, Bill wasn't going to work in unless I had a

line of break, and a comedy connection anyway. In those days, they weren't really high in features. Why would they bring a feature in? They got Boston's 39,000 features. Exactly. But this guy brought features in because of that reason. Yeah. So he would do 7 o'clock in the run room was Tina and Tony's wedding.

I mean, he went all out. Wow. And the big room was that comedy would be, you know, Stan Hope or Rogan or Gabriel or you. And then you would do two shows in that room. Mm-hmm. So Friday, you would do wood. Worcester, at the Aku, a Chinese restaurant, always puke. They would drink those fucking scorpion bowls.

Wait a minute, I know what you're talking about. Yes, we all did it at one time. Are you talking about the, I know exactly what you're talking about. Then you look on the tables and they had the lava flows. The lava flows. And people would always puke there. So two shows, there was always a fist fight. Are you serious?

That was. Always, that was Friday nights. And then Saturday you had lined. Most comics got hit. most names got hip and they're like, we're not doing Worcester. We're just flying. Yeah.

I mean, when Chris Titis said, I don't do Worcester. Yeah. I only do Andover Friday and Saturday. I can't take Worcester. A lot of guys are scared. Yeah. So he would headline, he would have Worcester Friday, his club Friday and Saturday.

So the whole weekend, the guy would do close to 10 shows. Jesus. So one main headliner, Tina and Tony's wedding, a second main room show, and a local show, and then midnight was Frank Santos, or 11 o'clock was Frank Santos. They have a few of those in Massachusetts.

The Chinese with the upstairs is comedy. It's great. That's crazy. Fried racing comedy. San Francisco does the thing for Jewish people. They hire for Christmas. Oh. Wendy Lehman up, a Jewish comic.

That's funny. It's a comedy show for Jews or the Chinese restaurant. Oh, I love it. I'd go to that. When you first moved to Vegas, when year was it to start comedy? 1989. You know what's crazy? It's so funny that I'm talking to you right now because Steve Sharipa used to book

The Rive. The Rive, bro. The Comedy Club, I think it was called, right? That was like Sammy Shore's room. You'd always go up there. And I would watch Shimmel. I would watch Slayton. I would watch everybody.

And mind you, I just came from, you know, I'm still like 18. You know what I mean? So I wanted to be a comic So I kept calling He was the only booker that would answer the phone Like I would call every comedy club There was a catch rising star at the MGM But I think it was the ballies now

But it used to be called the MGM And then there was a There was just other comedy clubs everywhere Like Harris I think had the improv I can't remember But I would call I would just always call You know and then

But he was the only one That would answer the phone The Riviera comedy club And literally like every other week I would change my name and go, hey, I'm a local comic. You know, I'd like to do warm up like five minutes. If I could like MC, you know, I'd love to do it, blah, blah, blah. He's like, ah, we already got somebody, kid.

All right, thank you. All right, but he'd hang up. Man, finally after like maybe the sixth month after I've changed my name like a thousand times, he was like, hey, look, kid, all right? You're not going to get in here calling me every week. You need to go to L.A., you need to work on your craft, and then you're going to get an agent, and then they're going to book you here. All right.

That's all I'm going to tell you. He was really nice. I was like, all right, thank you. He was like, all right, I'll see you in the future. And he hung up. And that was the last time I talked to Steve Sharpa. But thank God he did that because I was going to, I literally was going to keep calling him until he booked me.

And then finally he was just like, that's not how you do it, kid. Who was in your circle in Vegas? Nobody there. I mean, Do you remember Sam Tripoli? Of course. No, but see, this is before that. Tripoli was like there was a coffee house called

Buzzy's Cafe and it was a coffee house right by UNOV and it was like I can't remember all the guys it was rich Sam and A couple other people that were local comics that were that had no Stanhope was there for a while too stanhope was already like our god you know what I mean no shit well yeah he was kind of like he already had like he didn't have tv cred but he he was already kind of like doing his shit he was already like a name like if stanhope was gonna go up that night we were all kind of like yo stanhope's coming You know what I mean? You know, it is. We're all starting. And, but I didn't get to meet them until later on.

I was kind of like doing like these, I did this thing called Star Mania, which was a competition that my sister was in, that she was singing. And so I started doing this, you know, I did the stand up there. And it was where you go to like these local bars and do these talent shows. And they had like a comedy night. You know what I mean? They had the comedy portion. I did that.

I did the biggest fool competition at the Tropicana. Remember the Tropicana had a comedy club there? I forget the name of it. It's gone now. It's the lap factory now. The desert in. I used to do spots. Oh my God.

The desert in. Dude. Oh my God. Are you kidding me? I got booked one night to work with a towel. Wow. And somebody else was a great weekend. What year was that?

98. Yeah, it had to be. I had to get a tuxedo. I had to go down to Santa Monica Boulevard. There's a new and used store. A second-hand store on I think Gardner. Yeah.

On the corner and I went in there and it was a perfect tuxedo. Yeah. And I fucking got in there and Atel and the other guy had canceled, Artie Lang. Artie Lang. And it was Tim Allen. Yeah. And Mike and Jimmy Fabrito. That's what I was working with now.

That's crazy, man. I got the first time I ever met Tim Allen. He was fucking gracious. It was a great weekend. That's amazing. But I remember all those little going out there and nobody would hire me. I still remember doing an open mic at the plaza. Yes, the plaza, bro.

They're being scared. You should be. People don't really know now either. They don't really know that old downtown. This is 98 was scary, though. Yeah, man. I did a couple shows down there. But see, this is before the big dome over old Las Vegas.

Right. Now they have this big. Little dome. Yeah, you can zip line now. It wasn't like that back then, man. It was, you know, it was a pretty scary area, North Las Vegas. The plaza and the Fitzger.

Gerald. I didn't know how. I remember doing a gig when I did the thing for Netflix. And we went outside. Where do we stay for Netflix? Golden Nugget. I remember to stay at the Golden Nugget. That's where we shot.

We shot close to that. What did you do that? I would never forget. It had to be 97, the Canyon Club. Yeah. Had a club. And it was like the hard rock in downtown. And the guy called me Lance.

Yeah. Great guy. And he goes, hey man, I don't know if it's going to work. How about I give you a plane ticket to a couple hundred? Just bring out a friend. Get your hotel room at the Golden Nugget and try Compe. And it was brutal. Really?

Bombing bottles. Wait, this was in the Golden Nugget? This was at that club he had. Okay. Whatever the Canyon Club is, they had a version of that in Vegas. Out there. Downtown. And he was trying to promote it.

He had the plasmatics doing 11 o'clock, which brought people in. Yeah. He needed something at 9, so he wanted to give comedy a break. Oh, my God. So for like six weeks, we tried to book it. He would fly me in every Wednesday, and I would do that with two other, like, you know, I think I took Trippily one time. It was horrible.

Wow. It was horrible. He paid you like a flat 300, but it was, you know, 13 people at 8 o'clock in Vegas. People don't know about that old Vegas. And I still remember waiting for. ride from him the next morning thinking like I'm gonna have to do something my life like this just isn't working yeah I finally get on the road I'm finally in Las Vegas and I'm performing for three fucking people oh and then I got into Vegas and I got into that club with the swords

Scaliver catch a rising star MGM no before they went into the MGM or after left the MGM yeah it went into the hotel that they give you swords it's themed Is it an Excalibur? I think it was the X-Callibur. And it had me Monday through Sunday. Joe Boy, if I didn't get stabbed by a sword one time, I didn't get stabbed 200 times. That's funny.

They gave me the keys to the employee cafeteria. Unbelievable. I never forget picking up a piece of turkey. In the end, had like a mark with somebody tasted it. And put it back. You have no. Like, people really don't know. I know that food cafeteria, by the way.

disappointments yeah when you're doing comedy you don't tell nobody no because you don't want your family and friends to say you got to quit you can't live like that no more eating around turkey this is shit that you can't tell people no they don't know the grind rogan brought me into that riviera one time hmm and I had you guys played the big room with the upstairs yeah because there's two rooms right this is during news radio up at the top yeah so you get when yeah rogan took you to the nice room that's that's where the headliners play. But I don't even know if you could qualify that as a nice room.

I know I went off. Back then it was. I went off in there that time. Yeah. And then he went up and suddenly made a comment about Phil Codd. Phil Hartman. Hartman. Yeah.

He went off in that. Yeah. So like the set was kind of weird. Yeah. Wasn't that good. But I never forget Sheripper gave me the key as the employee cafeteria. And that weekend was brutal. It was Friday and Saturday at midnight.

Yeah. There were midnight shows. to X-rated show. Yeah, yeah. You gotta wait till midnight. I didn't expect that. You don't expect to wait till fucking midnight before. I'd never done that before.

Yeah. Like, I've been doing comedy eight years, nine years. I'd never done a midnight show. And to wait till midnight, I'm like, who does this? Isn't that crazy? But who are you going to tell? And who's going to say to you, well, you should quit. You should look for a different job.

Like, I was heartbroken after I did the rip. I still remember going down there, and they, too, had turkey with stuffing. And the stuffing was rotten. Yeah. Like, I remember eating the stuffing and just throwing it away and going, I can't win. I couldn't borrow money from Joe.

I wasn't that good of friends with him. Like, I felt guilty asking for 20 bucks to eat. Like, it was just horrible. How crazy is it that? And you know what's crazy is no one knows this reference that you're saying? Like, these kids now don't know that there was a Riviera. It's gone. It's gone.

And they don't know that the number one show at that time was splash. That was the running show that was at the Riviera. And then they had another one. What was that? It was like a, it was like, Before Cirque de Soleil, it was a variety show. They had guys riding in a metal ball, their motorcycles, they had go-go dancers,

they had jugglers. It was just like this smorgishborg of entertainment, but they called it Splash. It was the number one Vegas show at the time. Remember they had like a topless review? Yeah, it was called Crazy Girls. Crazy Girls. Yep.

The Riviera was the room at that time. The week, we did it. The week I did it with Rogue, and we did Friday night, and then Saturday before the show, we went down to the bar to meet another comic who was in Vegas. Norm McDonnell, not the more McDonald. Norm, the first guy, the one that invented smidgets.

Oh, man. Or something, Norm, something. He lives in Montana. He was there. So we went down and meet him. And there was a girl that was a fucking 12. The body, she was beautiful. She was another girl.

And she clung on to Rogan. Yeah. And all of a security phone said, Joe Rogan, pick up security. me and joe like yeah go pick up the phone and joe coming back all along what are you talking about look at her body and she said no idea sat down next to her and we asked her and she goes yeah in fact i got five crazy girls i'm suing the riviera because they fired me because i was transgender so after i got a couple drinks to me i'm like let me show me that little fucking and she's like i can't

i go show it to me i've never seen a transgender little pussy before just show it to uncle joey give me a shot and Joe Rogan me were looking right there she had no panties on she pulled back the skirt she gave us a shot with a little bat and it looked like somebody took a drill bit yeah the hole yeah it's called I don't know what that thing is called they held it out and they took it out they took the dick off they just cleaned it out and they like sewed a clit onto it wait really and they just put a piece of artificial turf like a little it was like a wig they have them now for pussies little vaginal wigs have you seen those no you could shave

a monkey and order of a vaginal wig and it has like little design. I have no idea. I just saw it on Facebook. Wait, Joey, this was what year? This is 98. This is like before all the good surgery we have now. Yes.

So she was like a trendsetter. She was fucking badass. Yeah. She was suing. The crazy girls. And the NBC had given a developmental deal. That's when reality was going to start being big and they were going to show her life.

She could have been lying. Who the fuck knows? but that's the last time. Yeah. I walked into the Riviera. Once she gave me a shot of that. So you don't even know she was telling the truth? No, but she could have been just showing you a really bad vagina.

No, she was ripped. Oh, it was real? She ripped a sword on the security. Really? Rogan and go, before you take it to the room or think, she's broken. The damage goods. Like, don't, don't take it to the room by mistake. She's a man that became a woman.

Beautiful. Yeah. Three drinks and a half gram of coke in me. She would have looked at. I would have tore that little man-made pussy apart, son. You know what I'm saying? With a couple Coke rocks in the Quayle, or at least you can blame it on the Quayloot.

I didn't know she was a man, that pussy was good. Yeah. She had ice cubes in the mouth, whatever the fuck you want to say. It was fucking crazy. And it looked like somebody had opened their mouth and go, you know when the commercial and the cartoons and somebody goes, ah, they see the bell? Yeah.

She had one of those bells hanging. Like, just like a little fucking bell that you went up to like a gun. the gun this is a true story how long did you see for how long did he keep her legs open for a minute Jesus just show me the bat she's like I can't

what kind of person would I mean you'd be fucking educational yeah I've never seen one show it to Uncle Joey and she just took a me and grogum wow and then I wrote a bit about it like I was like you know she showed me a little bat with wings it was fucking disturbing

it was fucking disturbing but hilarious. But enough with that shit. Today. That's a great story, man. You're bringing me back too. Vegas was my... That's where it all started for me.

And to hear like, you know, the Riviera and you and him shooting the shit at the bar like that, it's just like, that's old Vegas, you know? When did old Vegas? I think the minute... For you, when did it change?

It changed. It literally changed when I left. I felt like that was the tail end of it. Like, I left in, uh, oh my god 2000 so you know once steve wyn came in 1990 i think it was 1990 he kind of turned Vegas into like a a family town and then they realized that okay this isn't making any money anymore and then they went back to sex drugs and rock and roll Vegas and i think that was right

around 2000 so seeing all those monuments go you know steve had a lot to do with that i mean i love Steve, Steve Wynn. I'm saying his name like he's my friend, but I love what he did for Vegas because I lived there. And my, you know, my mom and dad, you know, lived a good life there because of that. But it sucked because those those hotels are gone and that lifestyle

is gone. That Vegas is gone. That style of Vegas is gone now. What did you do for a living while you were? I was, I did everything, man. I worked at the, you know, the malls that were there. I, I, the dolphin habitat at the mirage. I was a tour guide.

Oh my God, I did everything. I was at the Excalibur. That's why when you said you went downstairs and said at the break room, the cafeteria, I used to eat in that cafeteria. I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah, I worked at, I was awful, man. But I mean, I always knew that I was going to do stand-up somehow in that city. And even if they weren't going to book me, that's why I started, you know,

renting out theaters and selling my own tickets and stuff like that. So I rented out a theater on Charleston and Maryland Parkway. It was called the Huntridge Theater. It was an old movie theater. And I would hire comics to come down and do a comedy night there. But I knew somehow I was going to do stand-up in that town. That's why when I finally got the Wynn hotel that just passed like two weeks ago, I was kind of like when I was on stage, I was like, you guys don't even understand where it all started for me.

I was on Charleston and Maryland Parkway and now here I am at the wind. So dreams come true. It just takes a little bit longer. You know? You've been in L.A. since 2000. 2000. What made you finally come to L. 2001?

I just, you know, I had a lot of comic friends, you know, tell me you got to get to L.A. You know, you can only do this for so long. You can only book these shows. That's only get, that's, that's, that's little money is what you're doing. It's not going to, it's not going to enhance your career. You're just getting a little money here and there. But if you want your career to take up, you need to move the L.A. Bobby was one of them.

Bobby Lee was the first one to be like, get the fuck out of here, man. What are you doing? You need to come to L.A. In fact, Bobby was living in San Diego at the time. He goes, I'm moving to L.A. Wow. Yeah. That's right.

Bobby was living in. He was like a house regular at the La Jolla Comedy Store. That's where I met Bobby. And then Bobby was like, you know, I flew Bobby out to Vegas. And I did this show at the UNLV, the student union. I rented out this hall and had this comedy night. I was going to push this whole Asian theme night. You know what I mean? I had Bobby Lee and myself and another cat named Mark Fernandez.

I remember Mark? Yeah, from San Diego. Yeah, from San Diego. The nicest guy. Sweetheart. Yeah, man. Where is he? I don't know.

I need to get back in touch with him, man. Comedy store guy. Yep. Always. Really nice. Always nice. Yep. Very sweetheart of a kid.

Yeah, man. Oh my God. Nice haircut, good looking good looking guy. Great guy. Sweetheart of a fucking man. And then Bobby had the big Afro at the time and he always wore the Hawaiian shirt. You know, this is before Mad TV

and I flew him out and I remember at the end of that weekend he looked at me he was like you need to move to L.A. He can't stay here. Like this is not going to do anything for you man. I swear to he says it to this day too. He goes, you're going to be shoveling tiger shit

for the rest of your life. And I... Shovelling tiger shit for one. I think I was shoveling tiger shit at that time. And I was doing the tour. But I mean basically the same thing. I'm working in some kind of animal habitat, you know?

And he was right. Right. So yeah, thank God. Oh, no, this is before the tiger shit. I was doing something else at that time. And Bobby was just like, you got to do it. You know what's crazy is I was on Bobby's. Tiger belly. I was on Tiger belly. I'm sorry. I keep going all over the place, Joey. I don't give a fuck. But, you know, I told Bobby, I was like, you know, man, I don't know if you know this, but you have indirectly motivated me so many times. And I don't think you understand it. Because, you know, Bobby doesn't take compliments ever. He's the fucking worst. The guy, the guy, something's wrong with him mentally. And I go, you need to hear this, bro, because you do motivate people.

And your words do, what you say really does affect people. And that, I told him about that. when you told me that I'll be shoveling tiger shit. Yeah, you were being funny, but it hit my heart, you know, to see you get back on a plane and go to L.A. and chase your dreams. And here I am in Vegas, just trying to try and be a comic. You know what I mean? Like that, what you said to me really motivated me.

And then there was this other time where we were pitching a show in L.A. And we were sitting in this, we were sitting in the parking lot. Like, I think it was an MTV, you know, we were pitching a show to MTV, whatever it is. I don't know what the network was. But anyways, we're in the, in the, in the. the parking lot and we're going over what we're going to pitch back and forth, right? And then he said something

to me and I laughed but I guess what I was, I wasn't really listening to what he was saying to me and he got offended by that. You know what I mean? And then he goes, you don't fucking get it. He goes, you don't fucking get it, do you? Like, you fucking wake up, man. Like, it's

more than this, man. It's fucking more than this. And he got out of the car and he slammed the door. And I was like, wait a man, I thought we were just joking for a second, but I didn't know what he was saying was really serious. And I remember that was the day I made this conscious decision

to like, it's not about and basically what he was saying is like it's not about the road all the time and about the money. It's about fucking honing in on your craft and showing the people what you have. You know what I mean? And that's what he said to me in the car. He goes, it's not about that.

It's not about the fucking road all the time and making your money. It's about honing in on this craft and letting people know that you have this gift and show people that. That's what this is all about. You know, the show that we were pitching. And he slammed the door on me. And he walked off and he was really mad. And I think that was the day I woke up. And I was just like, whoa, I get it now. And I literally did. That did wake me up. And it motivated me. And I, I changed my way of looking at the road and changed my way at trying to put my mark in

Hollywood. You know what I mean? You're still a tremendous road walk. Dude, I am, man. You love it. I am. Every week? Every week, bro. I got to. And it's like I always challenge myself.

It's like, okay, I'll ask the improv. How many did I do last week? 16. I mean, how many did I do last year? 16. All right, I want to do 17 this year. And I'll do it. You know what I mean?

Because it's like I'm always trying to up myself. How many weeks do you average a year on the row? Oh, man. I mean, improvs alone I'm doing two weeks back. to back. I remember a couple years ago I went to Cobbs and you had two weeks back to back yeah I go does he go home or does he stay up here for three days probably goes home and sees his kid yeah I'll go home for like three days and then

come back why were you doing that instead of doing a theater at the time money and cops money man the cops would pay you more well it pays more it just does it's not even Cobbs anywhere at that point it's me I take over the room and and you just get more money that way it's just it's exhausting you know what I mean but but that's also what I was getting at with with Bobby he's like what are you doing like you know what I mean like take take the take the theater gig and then concentrate on this you know what I mean audition you know go man and that that's why I was able to like this special that my my first special the live from Seattle with Netflix I I produced the whole thing

and it was because of Bobby yelling at me like that you know I mean I'm not saying he's the one that told me to to produce the Netflix special but It was words like that that was in the parking lot that I was like, yeah, he's fucking right, man. Like, if it's not going to happen, then I got to make it happen. And that's what happened with that first special. Like, they said no to me. And Netflix said no to me.

And I went and shot it myself and sold it to him. So I don't think. It's a good special. The one from Seattle. Thank you, man. They made me laugh. They said no to me, Joey. They said no to me like three times.

And I shot it myself. And it was so crazy because when I was performing that night, in my head I was saying to myself, fuck man, the only person I want to sell this to is Netflix. And they already said no. And I had so much money invested in that, that special.

And it's just, my life was in that special, man. And I only wanted it on Netflix. I didn't want it anywhere else. So I got it. I was able to sell it. You know what I mean? So it was,

I told Bobby that when I was on his last, when I went on Tiger Bell, I was like, yo, dude, you're the reason why, man. I just want you to hear that. Like, your words cut deep. And it motivated me. Sometimes people got to hear that.

You did two shows for Comedy Central. I did too. I did Don't Make them Angry and I did Lights Out. And I still feel like Lights Out was like my best. Really? I fucking, man, that was my life right there. Better than Live from Seattle. Life from Seattle.

I was hungry, man. I love Life from Seattle. Don't get me wrong. But I feel like Lights Out was just like this turning point in my career. And my son was just going to, elementary school. It was his first, kindergarten and it was just like

the things I was talking about was just so raw and real and I was just like, I love that special. I really do. It kind of hurt me that they shelved it and they never really aired it on Comedy Central because I really loved it. But live from Seattle, like, man, yeah.

I'm going to take it to prepare for life for Seattle. It was so crazy because it was so crazy because I already had an hour, ready after lights out but they never came back with an offer so I had to retire all that shit you know what I mean because my son was too old by that time if I would have done that on live from Seattle it wouldn't have made any sense because it's like my son that was five years ago it was I think it was five years in between uh lights out and live from Seattle so it's like I went through like three routines by then and then uh and then when like when when Netflix

turn me down, I was like, okay, I can't keep passing up on these hours. You know what I mean? I got to get this one. This one, I need to fucking make a special. So if they don't buy it, I'll put it on YouTube or some shit. But I need this special now. So yeah, you see five years worth of work right there in live from Seattle. I remember going to Cobbs and seeing those two weeks and to get to myself, everybody's focused on Louis C.K. and Amy Schumer, and they kept the eye off, Joe Corrie.

And he is creeping while you're sleeping. Because nobody's doing two weeks. Yeah. Cops. You know, they either go to a theater and do it, but nobody, that's a lot of tickets two weeks of fucking cops. Yeah, that's crazy. That's 450-ish.

They host four-50, right? Fucking six shows and a lot of fucking bodies. Yeah, man. I was doing 16. 16 I was doing 16 no I was doing 16 I was doing 8 a week yeah that's what's going on right now over at irvine I'm doing 16 total for two weeks two weeks total yeah I saw that's five that's almost 600 yeah braya too you're doing like 92 shows and you enjoy Ontario instead of doing one big show on a fucking arena the what do you feel I think I think what it is is I'm so addicted to the interaction and the improv like ad living and I feel when I do the theaters I uh I I stay in in my little pocket and do my my set more instead of really like at you know what I mean like being loose I guess and when I'm at

the improvs I really just like I don't know what it is man it's just I'm not trying to do a routine man I'm literally just having fun you know I'm just now during the week you don't go out to clubs no why not I think I'm exhausted. You know, I'm exhausted. And they ask me. You do everything you do on the road. Yeah.

If you're not on the road, you don't do it. Yeah. But I mean, you got to remember I'm doing 60, like Ontario. I just, I did Ontario. It was 16 shows, man. After you get on stage on Sunday, don't you feel rusty on Wednesday? Uh, no, I'm ready to go. I'm in a situation right now, 56 years old.

Yeah. I got a six-year-old. Yeah. My wife, I enjoy doing it. this podcast. Yeah. In my heart, I wish I'd go out three weeks a month, but I can't do it. It just wears me out.

Yeah. It's too much. Two weeks is good enough for me, you know, two four weeks, two theaters, whatever the fuck. Yeah. Look at last week. I got canceled Saturday. Atlanta shut down.

Couldn't get in and out of fucking Atlanta. What happened? I got stuck in New Orleans. I finally got the 722 flight. Don't get you into Atlanta until, and it stayed an half hour on the run. way in New Orleans and another 45 minutes in Atlanta and then I get to Atlanta they lost my luggage so we had to cancel the tabernacle and it broke my you know it just breaks my fucking heart you know like that you have to cancel people drove five hours yeah they did all this and

that's why I don't like theaters yeah I like going somewhere Thursday to Friday Saturday yeah I like starting a joke on Friday and seeing where it ends up on Saturday but the agents talk you out of the theaters out of the clubs and they say you can make more money on a single night and for a guy like me it makes sense because of my daughter yeah i get to spend more time at home i get to go to the things at three o'clock yeah i get to do those things yeah so i'm in a fucking pickle right now yeah i'm in a life pickle you follow me yeah i 100% podcast is the catalyst yeah this keeps everybody in fucking business this is what's beating everybody so this needs to be done yeah i cannot do it with a gun to my head you can't go all the flight leaves at four i got to come with you at one i got to rush you not even let

you relax and then do a podcast and do the podcast knowing I got to get on a fucking plan yeah I can't do that no more yeah I used to do that do shoot a movie then run to the comedy store and guess what you fucked up both of them yeah because the whole time you're shooting the movie you're thinking about your stupid set and you did 90 on Lesienega so now you think the cops are chasing you when you get on fucking stage like when are they gonna get to the you're not focused yeah you're not you know so for me number two I don't think my act is where it should be I gotta be honest yeah That's where the improv comes in, though.

If you're not honest with yourself, I don't think my act is where I could charge you that amount of money for those tickets. Yeah, you wouldn't feel right on the theater. I wouldn't feel right. Yeah. I won't feel fucking right. So right now I'm in a situation where this year was just to go to a couple theaters, see how it works for me.

This cancellation of Atlanta did not go well with me. You know why? Because I'm a first flight out in the morning guy. That first flight is never delayed. Yeah. But I can't fly into Atlanta in the night in the morning because they won't let you check and to your hotel. So you're going to sit in the lobby

with your dick and your fucking handle and go to a museum. I got time to go to a fucking museum. So this is the dilemma I'm in this year. So I got to make a decision for next year. I love going to the Tampa Improde. I love going to

improvs. Have so many great weekends. You just made my eyes twitch when you said Tampa. I love Kansas City. I love, you know, you go to these. Man, how about the Omaha Funnybone?

Oh my God. That lady is fucking the boots. Colleen? You go to these places, they're home, but then somebody comes to you and says, what if I could knock 5,000 off that? You'd get less money, but it's only one night. I could live with that.

I'd rather fly on Thursday, get a good steak, and then do Friday more. You get a Friday. If you got radio, you do it. If you sold out, you still do it. Those people were there for you when you weren't selling tickets. Yes, Joey.

Those people were there for you when you weren't selling tickets. So the weekends sold out, go down there. It's going to take you two hours to go down there and talk. You smoke on the way back, you stop at CVS and get some powder for your nuts. Yeah, yeah. You always forget that. Don't do Talcum. No, don't do Talcum.

My ovaries get off. I got to find somebody else. You see that commercial? Are your ovaries for? You're like, I used Talcum powder for 35 years. Oh, I did too. My nuts should be radiated. I didn't buy powder unless it said Talcum.

Talcum. My dad said Talcum. And I can't see women. Talcum powder was this shit. Yep. When I was growing up in the 80s, a woman who didn't put talking pot on that monkey, she was slipping, Jack. It kept it like a turkey.

It kept it dry on the outside, but nice and juicy in the inside. Tell me, bah. There you go. You got to pay attention, Godfrey. But now women are dying. Thinking about the turkey comment. Yeah, now women are dying. Right or wrong, when you take Saran rep on Thanksgiving, you put it outside the turkey,

keeps the turkey fucking... No, no, it makes sense. I just never thought of a monkey like a turkey. Well, you know, you got to... Whatever. You got to look at that. from different perspective from time to time. What made you shoot this masterpiece that's coming out today?

Hawaii. Fucking Hawaii. Has anybody ever shot a special Hawaii? I don't know. I don't think so. I think Elvis was the last one to shoot a special Hawaii. Holy shit.

Angela Johnson. Oh, Angela Johnson, yeah. She shot hers. Gabriel a few years ago. Oh, that's right, Gabriel, yeah. No shit. Yeah. How big was that arena?

This one I sold four arenas out. Yeah. How many tickets for an arena? Man, I think we sold close to 24,000 tickets. Jesus, crazy, man. It was crazy. I didn't know there were 24,000 people on Hawaii. That's what they said.

They're like, Brad, we didn't even know, bro. Joe Malasha, they gave you, like, a Hawaiian day. Yeah, they gave my own day. They got rid of fucking Kempo. They said, fuck Kempo day. Kempo ain't doing this. Motherfucker, bro, people from all over the South Pacific. Yeah.

There's fishermen, Samoans. He's going up. There's Romanians here. Fuck, Romanians. They got Guatemians. Oh, my God. And everybody there. When Joe Malash was telling me the shit,

who's your manager, who's your manager, sweetheart of a fucking guy, I was, I was like, Joe, you just wouldn't fucking believe it. It's crazy. They came from all fucking over. How do you feel now?

I wanted to cry that night. That night was overwhelming. You got on a plane on Sunday and say to yourself, what the fuck? I do. Every Sunday. I get on a plane. I put my earphones on.

I go. What the fuck? What the fuck? And it's hard to even explain it to anybody, right, Joey? You ever have a meeting with like the people, your team, like your team, your agency, your managers, your publicists? And then you just sit there while you're eating, you're like, oh, shit, I pay all these people. You know? It's crazy.

It's even crazy to put your finger on that. Because it's not, it's not, you know, it's not even, it's not even easy to explain to somebody else. You know what I mean? That this is my, my payroll. I'm responsible for this right here. If I fuck up and I'm not funny, they're gone. It's over with. And it's hard to explain that to someone like my mother or my mom.

That's not in this business and realize that that's my reality, you know? And on top of that, I still have to take care of my mother and my son and my sister and everybody else. Are you married? No, I'm not. You have a baby's mama? Yeah, and I take care of her. I have a relationship. Oh, it's amazing.

It's fucking amazing. I moved her right next to me. Every time she says, I just throw a yardstick. Dude. He's on a little bill. Shut up. She's Filipino? She's half Filipino, half white like me. Good. You kept it. And I move her right next to my house. Literally, my son can go, he can walk to his mom's house in less than four minutes.

And I told her that. I was like, no matter how successful I get, I will take care of you. I don't have to go get a lawyer. You don't have to do anything. The more successful I get, you will be compensated. I will take care of you. Don't worry about it. I'm not going to let you. let my son live that life, you know, where he's, oh, dad's got all this, and then he goes back to mom's house.

Like, I'm not going to do that. Like, we're going to be, you're a great mom. You're taking care of my son. You had such an ideal. I'm very fortunate. I always say that somebody took care of me of that. Yeah. Whenever I leave the house, I go, God, whoever took care of me,

they care of my daughter the same way. Yeah. Teach me how to make a right instead of making a left. You know what I'm saying? Like, I always am very thankful. When you and I came from a very thankful career, we worked hard, we hustled our own tickets. Yeah. I told me, I used to do in Boulder.

Because your Vegas was my Boulder. Bro. That's crazy. And I used to do a Chinese restaurant in Boulder. A little guy five foot two, his name was Ron. All he cared about was money. I want money. I want money.

You make money? We do business. We do comedy. So I did the comedy show one night. He sold more Mike Eyes than he ever sold in his life. Yeah. So he would call me every day. When we do comedy again, when we do comedy again, Joe.

And I go, I'll go down there. So I found out, he would say to me, can I talk to you? How much for Richard Pryor? That's a lot of money. You got to give me like. This is a real conversation. Oh, yeah, he would go, how much for Bill Cosby? And I would go, $10,000.

Give me $500 now. Let me call his manager. Let me go get $500. He'd give me $500. His nights off on Monday. I would get any black guy. could bump into, I take him to the Chinese restaurant. I go, where's Ron?

Ron, not here. Tell him my brother Bill Cosby. Oh, my God. All the Chinese people would hug him. Stop. He was Bill Cosby. And then I go in there on Tuesday. I go, Ron, what the fuck were you last night?

Bill Cosby came in there. I miss them. You do that to me. And then he would go, how about Eddie Murphy? Give me 500. I'll bring Eddie Murphy. Sunday night. I'd show up with Eddie Murphy.

Some black kid that looked like Eddie Murphy. And I go in there Tuesday. Get another nickel. This one on for years. Every, any, how about it? Fluffy. Tomorrow. I'll have him here this Friday.

We sell 300 tickets. That makes special. And then Monday, I'd show up again when his days off. And then one day, I'd actually showed up with somebody. And he wanted the guy from Monday Night Football. Rich, the guy that fucked up Monday Night Football. What? His brother owns the Cap City.

Really nice. Rich Miller. Remember his... Oh, Dennis Miller. Dennis Miller had Monday Night Football. Oh, my God. did. One night he came to me, goes, I want Dennis Miller, he's a funny guy. I'll get him here

next week. I showed up on a Monday with some white guy. He was there that night. That's not Dennis Miller, you fuck. You fucking asshole. I want my money back for Bill Cosby. I want my money back for Eddie Murphy. Oh, I had Lenny Bruce in there. I had the Smothers' brothers. Anybody he wanted, I would bring him.

The easy axe were the black ones because you know, in Chinese people's eyes, all blacks look the same. Jesus Christ. I'm surprised he just didn't he's the same black guy every time. Oh my God. You cannot believe this one on. He had a beautiful Chinese restaurant across a hot dog place called Mustards Last Stand. Mustard's Last Dance.

Delicious hot dogs and jalapeno, Chicago style with pickles. Where's this at? Boulder, Colorado. Oh, my God. This is a real story. It's a real fucking story. I don't want to leave here, Joey. You go that fuck of Felt what.

Oh, my God, hilarious. This is really, and you would pay you for this? I must have borrowed $5,000 for him. Jesus. Every week to do Coke. I'm here, Ron, who do you want this week? I want to bitch your pride. He's a funny guy. He lit himself on fire.

He's half Chinese. I'll be here. There'll be in two weeks. I'll have him here. Then I show up on a Monday. I told you Friday. Monday nobody comes to a restaurant. We can only do tell me on Mondays.

You pay $10,000. That's a Monday night. You want Friday night. That costs you $100,000. And I'm waiting for him to give me an envelope. We only sit 160 people. He never fucking questioned me at all. He didn't give a shit.

Well, we'll make up a little bit of him. Well, We'll make our money back in food. And I had another brother who was working him on neon because he loved neon. Yeah. Chinese people love neon. So he wanted wanton soup neon. What do you mean neon?

Neon that you press and the lights go on. Open sign. So my buddy was the one who put me on, though, because he was working him for years. He wanted opening Chinese. He would fuck up the letters and come back and hit him up for another deposit. It was crazy. We were mugging Ron on a daily, on a weekly fucking basis. No wonder he needed so much money.

Oh, please. We used to, and he did great thing. Well, he did great fucking business there. Everything was in neon? Dumping soup? He wanted everything in neon. He was so fucking crazy. Open now, happy hour, buffet bar.

He wanted everything like he wanted a light over his bar. It was called like, I don't know, Confucius something. He really did. There's nothing there now. He's gone. I have not been there in 15 years to see what's, I've been to bold, but not on that side. It's towards the college.

It's right up the bottom from the university. So I think it's a wrap-a-hole, Whole Foods. It was like a little- He has like a new restaurant with like a wall of fame of just black people. But it's like he says, oh, that's Bill Cosby, that's Richard Pryor. I am, like I was saying,

you have the perfect career. Like the way you came up, you did your apprenticeship in Vegas, you rented out your own fucking rooms, you sold tickets. Then you came to, To Lai, you went to the Laugh Factory. Yeah, man.

The La Factory guy. I used to hand out cards out front all day. Every set. Oh, man, I would hand out cards left out. You know what's crazy, Joey's? I was doing a show, and the girl's name is Mindy. She DMs me all the time. But she came to a show, and she's one of those people that kept my card that I handed

out outside of the Laugh Factory, along with, like, a DVD that I made, that I burnt myself in my living room. and she still had that copy and I was like, what the fuck you still held on to that? So it's cool to actually see that it's still, to this day, it's still making it smart for me

that my hustle, my drive, you know what I mean? I was handing that shit out. And you served an apprenticeship with Carlo, you opened for a couple people. That was crazy. That was crazy. Those were big crowds. You learned a lot.

A lot. But you were ready. You had the 10-year mark. You can handle those data ground. and those audiences, and how was that? It was the same apprenticeship by it under Joe Rogan. Yeah, it was crazy. You know, eight shows, sold out, fear factor, people everywhere,

and you're like the fucking feature act. Yeah. With your eyes wide open. And they're just, and he's handing it to you. That's the beautiful thing that Joe did for you. Like, here. You know, and that's something you got to learn how to accept, like, you know, appreciate that he's handing that to you.

And you take advantage of it. You're not taking advantage of it, but he's giving you an opportunity to shine and you, and you shine. Right? Like, this is his... The first three weeks, you're like, you don't even know what's going on. Yeah. You go, I understand what I have to do now. Yeah.

You understand your job. You know, I find myself, what I do on the road 60% of the times is what I learned with Joe that I wouldn't do when I was with him. Like, when he would call me and say, let's go to the gym. I'm going to gym by yourself. Yeah. I'm on vacation. Yeah. I'm going to work out when you're retarded.

Meanwhile, I'm 400 pounds smoking cigarettes and a fucking. room. That's crazy. And he's down there lifting weights and you're like, why would he lift weights on the road? Who does this? Who works out on the road? You go on the road to fucking go to Orgies and fucking eat Chinese food. Yeah, that's what I did. And then you're like, oh shit. Now you understand. Yeah. You know, we were talking about before the podcast, you want to smoke pot, you know, people come up to you and give you a hug. And after the hug, they tell you, my kids just got out out of the hospital. They all had the pneumonia for a week. And you're like, thanks for hugging me. Yeah. Thanks for smearing that on my chest. I got a meeting with ABC.

on Wednesday. I guess I'm not making that fucking me because you want to fucking hug me and breathe on my neck and tell me what about the people with armpit odor? You ever have an armpit? You take a show I love people. I love humans. I love taking pictures of people. But I had to stop taking pictures of people in

between the first and second. Yeah. Because I would get armpit on my neck and then you got to go on stage with that armpit. Like you try to wash it off with that with those in your nose. How about wet hand? Oh, my God. Ah, man. That's why... Wet hand don't bother.

Wet hand bothers me bad. I boil my hands afterward. I put it as hot as I can and I leave my hands under there. I put the germ stuff like two minutes on afterwards. I just boil my fucking hands in between the crevices because those flu germs develop.

What about your kid when he was 4 or 5 and you take, every time I shake my daughter's hands, my whole central nervous system collapses. Just collapse. Because I know she's got every form of fucking influenza. Oh, everything. Every time today, she went to that park and came in tried to hug me.

I saw you on that monkey ball. Yeah. That's got more fucking germs on it for the men's fucking latrine at Port Authority. You're filthy little fuck. I smell my daughter's hair after school.

It's like, well, you've been lighting fires. Did you hear what happened on the United States? No. What happened? Tokyo Delf. He tried to arson it. Why do Japanese people try to commit arsoning?

This is the third. Japanese person In the last five years I tried to burn down Me and Ralphie walked into a restaurant once We saw every day Helen was her name, hot She had to be 50, bang it

She would come over to the table And talk to us It was all you can eat sushi I'd bring Ralphie in there And they were all fucking Hold their heads and shit We were like we're $22 or you can eat For lunch we would kill him

Yeah Just on the Albuquer Just on the Albucault Yeah yeah yeah The one on Lancasham over here The Crus and the Ha Ha ha Right. It's fucking mediocre sushi, but they have muscles with cheese on them.

Because of me, they only give you four of them. Yeah. I would go in there and say, fuck the, you, you want Spider-Row. Fuck you. No, no. That fills you up. Spider-Row fills you up. I want eight fucking muscles.

And they got sick of bringing me muscles. They stopped. But anyway, they make a long story short. But they live that place on fire? Fucking Tokyo Dows. He got beat up by the guy that owns Joe's coffee. My Muay Thai teacher showed me the video today on the news. I didn't see that.

Because the guy didn't pay rent for nine or ten months. And then they kept telling him, like, he kept fucking with the landlord and shit. The smoothie place went down. What? What about a smoothie place? I told you, I just went to that, the fucking assaye and the sugar. Done. Tokyo Dells.

Dunn. Joe's Cafe where Bill Burr used to do comedy. The guy, Fast Times of Ridgemont High, the guy that's Dome owned it first. And he's friends with Bill, so Bill would do comedy there. Done. Burned. Holy shit. What you got to take close Lancasham yesterday what the fuck were you here that's what you job is I live near Lancashire

Yeah Lancashire yeah I did not know this till this morning I gotta see this Who the fuck burns something down at a sushi place you got no excuse you gotta know where to go my I had a fire can I don't do Isn't this a sushi place what fire are you talking when did you let a fucking match This is sushi. He burnt it down. He tried to arson it. Oh, my time. There's videos and everything. Of them chasing the owner and pushed them. It's the guy that shot David Fawkin Ortiz.

He's still in critical condition. They broke his legs to him. Oh, they got him? The guy that shut David Tees with the accomplice on the world news tonight. They said, when we got to the accomplice, he couldn't say much. Those Dominicans beat the shit out of him. Beak the shit out of it. Jo Koi, it has been a pleasure.

Oh, man. You always have family here. It's called Coming Out Hot. Yeah. Coming out, motherfucking hot. Yeah, man. In Hawaii, not since fucking Elvis. You know, when you said Elvis, you have to look that up.

Do you remember that? I used to watch that left and right. That special was so good. Hawaii was the most viewed pay-per-view till 10 years ago. Something broke the record. I just saw it maybe two months ago on TV that they said when it was, The HBO documentary on Elvis, part one and part two. Oh, I got to watch this.

When they said, when he came back, when they realized he was done, they said one last thing. Then he did a live remote from Hawaii that was pay-per-view. Yeah, man. And it was the biggest. They showed Hawaii and they showed like wires where countries. It was fucking amazing. Everybody got that.

Yo, I loved that. That was one of my favorite things to watch when I was a kid. My mom loved that special. I loved Elvis. And I loved Elvis' movie, which they don't know and play no more. Which one? They don't play them. Oh, yeah, they don't.

When I was growing up, you always had Elvis week. Always had it on. Twice a week. Elvis Week. And Gidgett. Gidgett goes to Hawaii. Gidgett gets her ass eating. Yeah.

There's always a Gidgett movie. Gidgett gets fucked to the ass. Gidgett and fucking whatever were huge. Yeah. And now they don't show you Elvis Week. They don't. Pisses the fucking. It does something to my heart.

You are one of the hardest working guys. Thank you. To come in this office, all the success you have is due to you, you're sincere, you're a good friend, you help a lot of people, and you make those fucking, it's you and Pachial, baby. Thank you. I love that. And now that Pachio's on the way out, it's you.

I'll take it, man. Whenever I go to mercy, Godparents, you know, they have like five different things every year. Yeah. Well, they just put the mother in for dementia, but they're from, I forget where she's from. They own the Blockbuster.

Yeah. They own a Blockbuster? Mercy's godmother's parents came to this country from the Philippines. He was a janitor. She was like an office worker. They worked hard

and they bought a fucking franchise. When Blockbuster, the whole family kicked in. Everybody threw in 20. Yeah. And they all chipped in on a Blockbuster and that's how they got their money. They sold Blockbuster.

And then once they sold it, they got that money. They're very interesting people. They loved that little girl. Yeah. But one time I went over there and my wife, they're like, you know, Joey's a comic. Everybody in that room, you know Joe Coy. Oh.

You know, Joe Coy. We love Joe Coy. And this is when I asked my, hey, you know, fucking Joe Coy. They're like, oh, I'll forget about it. Filipinos go down there like Pachiozs sang fucking karaoke. Right? Remember Pachiozs saying karaoke? Oh, yeah.

He saw more tickets than Louis C.K. Yeah. That motherfucker. That was aligned from here to fucking. Omaha and Nebraska to see him sing karaoke. Is that real? That's real.

That's real. They'll go see him play basketball. Bro, he would fight and do a party afterward. The tickets tell him. You're 100% right. And remember he had the tape over his right eye. Have you thought about doing a tour with Pacquio?

Just taking over? And carry that motherfucker. Like he goes out of shadow boxes for like an hour. Yeah. What's his wife? Every time I hit my punchlight, he just throws like a combo. His wife is the original Beyonce. Who?

His wife, what's her name? Like, every Filipino knows his wife. Pachial's wife has a name. Is it? Mindy. What is her name? Yeah, every Filipino knows her name. Oh, my God.

You go to a Cuban house, they got a picture of John F. Kennedy with a bullet hole in it. Jinky? Binky. Jinky. Jinky. J-N-K-E.

Every Filipino woman wants to be like Jinky. I want to be jinky. Did you just call her Binky? I don't know. J-I-N-K-E. No, Joey. I call Binky. Binky, J-N-G-E.

I don't know. She has a nickname. name now my god my name is jinky but most of the Filipinos call it binky yeah the fuck it's jinky it's jinky what the fuck all right let it go but you're the pride of the Filipino people and you're a sweetheart of a guy and I wish you nothing but success and I know from watching live at Seattle this one's gonna be fucking superb dude thank you so much so please tomorrow night fucking watch this whatever the fuck you download it whatever the fuck you need to do just go to Netflix you'll be on the first page

tonight at midnight. Last night at midnight. You'll be on the first page. Hit it, watch the special. I'm going to watch it tomorrow because my wife leaves for Tennessee so I'm alone. I can watch specials.

I can finish watching fucking Anthony Jezelneck. I got like 10 specials on you that I haven't watched. But I appreciate you coming here and you've always got a home here. Are you talking to Roller's podcast? Yeah, I still do his off and on. And then you have yours.

I got mine, the Koi Pond, yeah. You do that every week? Can you do it one time? Just call. I love you, Jay. Just have Malash call me. We'll have Miss America. Yeah, yeah.

We'll put it together. Yes. Thank you very much. Dude, you're the best, man. Thank you, Joe. So this week, you're where? No, I'm taking time off for this one. How much time you got off?

I'm taking just this week. And then I'm at Thunder Valley and San Diego. Thunder Valley's crazy, man. That's like an outdoor venue. It's like $6,000 or something like that. It's crazy. I don't know how people stand in the, the fucking heat to watch comedy.

It's in the desert, man. You did 20 years of work. They come to see that 20 years. Thank you, man. So, like I said, any time you want to come on, you want me on your podcast. Yes. It was a pleasure having you today.

Love you, Joey. Good luck. Where can they find you? J-O-K-O-Y. That's everything.com, Instagram, Twitter. J-O-K-O-Y. All right.

I want to thank my man, Joe Coy. I want to thank the Christ-Killer, but most importantly, I want to thank the sponsors. who have our back year round. Let me talk to you about something. Wiping your butt with dry toilet paper does not remove all this shit. If you got poop on any part of your body,

would you just wipe it off with dry paper? No. Water cleans better than dry paper, my friends. Thankfully, there's now a new sleek bidet attachment that clips onto your existing toilet and sprays your butt completely clean with fresh water. It's called Tushy, and it's the best thing you could do for your little fucking filthy muffler, okay?

Tushy sprays. Fresh water. into your asshole to take away all the UTIs, the itchy assholes, the skid marks, yeast infections, hemorrhoids. That's what Tushy does for you. Wept wipes are worse for the environment

than toilet paper. They're terrible for the environment, and they cause fucking anal fissures. You don't want that type of fucking anus fissuring, do you? So go to hellotushy.com right now. They got bidet starting at fucking $69, and they run

with a 60, I think a 90-day back guarantee, but let me tell you some, Lee, how long have you had your bad day for? Years. I've had mine for years. Does your big ass crack it? No. Neither does money. So that's just going to show you

it's fucking quality. We both got motherfucking badeas. I don't know about Lee's neck, but I know his asshole smell tip-top, McGoo. Why? Because he's got the hell old tushy bidet. Right now, they got a father's day bundle that excludes, includes a tushy bidet to upgrade your toilet

to a porcelain fucking throne for a king. Don't you want that for your father? It comes with bamboo bum towels made of 100% bamboo fibers, a Tushy travel case. You could take your little Tushy fucking anywhere. And also, you've got to ask my butt t-shirt that you know your father's got a sense of humor. All these items bundled together,

I'm going to give them to you for $125 for dad. If your dad's not worth $125, you're a sack of shit. So do me a favor. Go to hellotushy.com right now. Pressing Church and get 10% off your order. Do you look forward to preceptive? Pooping, get your fucking Tushy. You're going to fucking run home to take a shit.

Because when that little water hits your asshole, there's no better feeling. You understand? But hey, we could talk to your eyes are green. Go to HelloTushy.com right now. Go look at the great selection of the days they got starting at $69. You see something you want for Dad? Hook them up. All right, it's fucking Father's Day.

You know, go fucking stop being such a fucking cheap skate. So go to HelloTushy.com right now. Press in. Church. And get 10% off your order for Dad. If you're not doing it for yourself, do it for that. Get him a bidet and get yourself when you've been looking like a stinky-ass motherfucker yourself.

The church is also brought to you by Onit. When it comes to supplements, this is my company. I've been working with them for seven fucking years. And I'll tell you what, from the protein powder to that old chocolate powder they used to have that tasted cacao, whatever the fuck it was, to the Shroom Tech Sport, the Shroom Tech immune. They have DMT, I'm not DMT,

that oil that you put in your coffee in the morning. MCT. C-T, listen, Onit is the leader in fucking supplements. How do I know? Because I fucking live it, motherfuckers. The Alpha Brain is their flagship product. If it doesn't work for you, if you don't like it, they'll give you 100% money back guarantee and they don't want the product back.

Who else does that? Nobody, you filthy fucking animals. Go to Onet.com right now. I can't help you with the kettle bells and the club bells. But as far as the supplements are concerned, I got your back. Go to on it.com right now. Press in. On the way out to get 10% off your order delivered right to your house.

I want to thank Hello Tushy. I want to thank Hon it. Most importantly, I want to thank you guys for having my back. Do not forget this Saturday night. I am at the Ice House Comedy Club. And then on the 29th and 30th, I'm at the Columbus. Motherfucking Funnybone, I'm still waiting for a make-up date for Atlanta. I'll keep you guys posted because we're looking for a Saturday.

So all you guys that drove could still come out to the show. You know, I appreciate you with all my heart. and I'm very sorry about what happened with Delta. Delta, make good everybody's happy. You can't control the weather. Stay black, you bad motherfuckers. I'll be at the Ice House Saturday night

and the Columbus Phony Bone on the 29th and 30th. Get your motherfucking tickets. That's it. I want to thank Joe Coy. I want to thank the Christ Killer. And I want to thank you motherfuckers for being loyal and for giving us a shot for listening every week.

Stay black. Have a great week. We'll see you Monday morning. Tip-top, motherfucker McGoo. Kick this fucking meal, Lee. Damn.