The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #694 - Tommy Chong

Episode Date: June 20, 2019

Tommy Chong, a musician, comedian, actor, and living legend, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio!  This podcast is brought to you by:   Manscaped - Get 20% off your first order and a travel bag if you purchase "The Perfect Package" at manscaped.com and use the code CHURCH   CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies go to CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off. 

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Love. That's all it was. True pioneer fund. Mr. Tommy Chal. Christ Kill is here. The original flying shoe, Lisei, Ad. It's Uncle Joey, baby. What can I say? How are you?

Great to see. You look beautiful. Thank you. It's great to be here, man. Life has been very kind to you. You've been very kind to life. Yeah. It works out that way.

You know, before we even start talking, my introduction to you, was the same way I was introduced to Richard Pryor as a child. So as you were getting closer to come on, the emotions started to come up. You're a big part of my childhood. Oh, great. You know, when I was 15,

the word on the street was, if you don't have Led Zeppelin 2 at your house, like if I walked into your house, you invited me in, and I go, oh, you want a beer, you want to get high? Yeah, let's pick a record. I go through your thing, and I don't see Led Zeppelin 2,

I walk out of the house. There was one point in life where we walked into your house and you didn't have big bamboo. We couldn't hang out with you. We couldn't hang out with you. We couldn't hang out with you. Like, where's big bamboo? My mother didn't give me the money yet.

Listen, call me when your mom gives you the money. Because you ain't that fucking, you ain't shit, bitch. If you didn't have that big fucking thing, you know, I started smoking pot maybe 1975. I kept it in the closet. Yeah. I was like a gay guy on, I was like a gay guy on, on, on, on Beverly Boulevard. I wasn't ready for Santa Monica yet. And I was like, I wasn't letting nobody know I got high.

And the first album I listened to that guy, you know, I'm Cuban born. Sure. Catholic raised. Yeah. And then, but let's back it up a little bit. Before I even got high, I had a sister. I went to Catholic boarding school, and the nuns used to beat us. And one day, some kid brought in a fucking album, and we put it on during class. Sister Mary Alice.

Sister Mary Elephant. You know, shut up. So our goal in those days was to go in and torture the nuns. The same way those kids were torturing the sister Mary elephant. So that was the first beginning of it. You know, who are these guys? Cheech and Chong, blah, blah. You know, some kid had the album from the Bronx.

And then Big Bamboo, and I had Big Bamboo and Los Cochino. Sure. And one of my all-time for it, because my mother had a bar. So my mother, they talked about drugs and Tecata in the house and, you know, refa and shit. Yeah. Fucking how to make a drug deal. Let's make a drug deal. Like, I will never forget that.

These are, you know, it's like I don't forget Richard Pry and nigger meets Wino. Nigo meets Wino meets Dracula. You know, those bits, they'll be in my mind. Forever. Sister Mary Elephant will be in my mind forever. And let's make a dope deal. Because it was like a spoof on. Let's make a deal.

Yeah. Fucking, you know. So I just want to start with that. I still remember going to Jersey City on a Saturday and doing micrododot acid and seeing up and smoke with 29 kids in a movie theater and losing your mind. When they made the truck out of marijuana and shit and the mufflers started burning it. And all the security guards were fucking hot. You know, this was just, that was our life.

It was coming to see you, watch you, and then I'm sure you were one of the motivators and us smoking dope. I'm not going to blame it on you. Like, Judas Priest made me kill myself. Go fuck yourself, all right? Judas Priest didn't hang your kid, you dumb fuck. You did.

Well, we used to say, you know, when they came down on us, you know, we'd be on radio stations. You know, they would be, you know, how do you feel, you know, turning all these kids on to drugs And so my thing was in fact I said what if we're right? What if what we were doing back then was the right thing to do and it turned out to be the right thing and so now that is legal man. It's like you know, Cheech and I both walk around like, hmm? Yeah, we did it man. You know, it's it's legal and it should be because it's healthy. It's just another damn paradise. We don't want it. Yeah, it is. Especially if you'd done the spectrum of drugs.

I was an asshole growing up. I was a criminal, so I did the spectrum of drugs. What kind of crime? I was a fucking petty thief, a Coke dealer. You know, I did whatever. My mom died, and I lost faith in the system. I lost faith in myself, and I just did anything I could do. Was this in Jersey?

In Jersey, New York City area. Yeah. Well, that's what you do. And, you know, you break down and you just do shit, and one day I got in trouble. and did I learn my lesson? Fuck, no. You know, I came out and kept fucking around.

Well, you found out how to get into the best prisons. Yeah. Well, you find, it's funny. The guy that got me into the best prison died two weeks ago. I got the email last week. I went to him before I got locked up because him and I had similar crimes. So I went to him and he goes, I'll make calls for you.

So when I got the diagnostic, I already had an in. Oh, yeah. And that's very important. As soon as I got the diagnostic, they said, asked for this certain guy, tell him at KVas, sent you, God rest of soul. And, you know, I had the best slippers. Well, yeah, it seems as me.

Yeah. When they were going to put me in, the word went out, you know, and I'm such a celebrity with everybody in the system. Oh, my God. Yeah, I can just imagine. And so when I got there, it was like a, it was a royal greeting.

Everybody lined up outside the prison and how are you doing Mr. Chong? And they said for tradition or whatever, legally they have to handcuff me to walk in into the door. And then once I'm in the door, they take off the handcuffs. It's just symbolic because actually they let me, you know, self, what do you call? Surrender? Self surrender, yeah. And so Vanity Fair sent me a writer and a limo to take me from my house to prison. And so we wrote up to prison in a limousine, got stopped by the cops for speeding.

And the driver said, we got Tommy Chong going to prison. The guy said, okay, go ahead. You know, no take it. Just get them into jail. And when I got there, when they processed me in, they had me. There was two prisons. There was the main joint in the front of the prison. And I was in the camp at the back.

And so when you go through the front door, you know, it's a real lockdown. The official language in that prison was Spanish. So it was a tough prison. Behind there was the camp. And it was full of celebrities and lawyers and doctors and white-collar people. And so the guy that had to drive me there, as soon as I got in the truck, in the pickup truck, he pulls out a Cheech and Chong album. He says, will you sign this for me? And so, and then when I got in the joint, I was greeted.

And the first guy was greet me. It was a little Spanish guy named Tony. And he goes, hey, come on, I got some hand-picked dickies, you know, the uniform you have to wear. he had some antique dickies that they were saving you know he's a clothes guy and so so i got i got these i had a beautiful uniform it was crazy man and all i did when i was there besides uh go to school i went to school i uh i had free rain basically and the uh the only thing i i really started doing the minute I walked in was take pictures with the inmates and then the visiting thing filled up because they heard I was there and so it's like a meet and greeting every Sunday and then they they said okay

no more pictures you know that that was a big deal from there but it was it was fun then we shot a video and I they let me use the warden's office and you know you know how it is when you're when you're shooting a movie you can tell everybody shut up everybody tip shuts up and so we didn't have we're sitting around bullshit and then i said because i could hear the ward and everybody walking and talking and that so i just leaned my head out the door and goes hey quiet in here we're we're shooting and they and they oh okay so i had the warden tiptoeing around everybody tiptoeing what person did you know you you you were going to charge with a federal yeah it was a okay so you ended up going a lompoc no i went to taft and where's taft

It's outside of Bakersfield. Okay. Just outside of Bakersfield. It was originally a woman's prison. And so we had showers with doors on them. We had the shitters with doors on. You know, it was a woman's prison. How many people in the prison?

In our camp, there was, I think, 400. Oh, that's a lot. 200, 200 in each. There's two dormitories, A and B. And they had a gay dormitory. A gay old man dormitory. That's when I was in and then be, you know, the other prisoners. But you had to be non-violent.

Right, there was a lot of things. It was a camp. It was a camp. We had running tracks. You couldn't weight lift anymore. They stopped the weights. And so everybody was like chin-ups and, you know, dips. But they had a running track and a football field, a basketball court.

And I was taking tango at the time. tango dancing so I used to go to the basketball court and practice my tango walk and because I'm an entertainer you know I'm used to people looking at me so I wasn't worried about that and so I had a big continuance of bikers there's a lot of the peaceful bikers and mongols and hell's angels and a lot of those guys but they they were hard and criminals but they were peaceful so they were in the camp and they would gather around and to watch me do my tango walk. Then one day Steve, the big old baker, goes, hey, John, you don't have to dance alone here. I'll dance with you. Har, har, har, har, har. So I walked over to him because in tango,

dancing with men is quite common. So I took him in my arms. He got all homophobic. And he became my best friend and my dog. And so when we were, and now, he was like my cheech, man. I had, I tortured this shit out of this game. Like, we played pool, and I beat him, and then I wouldn't play him again. Because I'm... And he was a pool shark. And so, and he might have let me beat him the first game. But I never played him again the whole time.

The whole time I was there. You had a good time in there, didn't you? Oh, man. I had a good time. I had a good time. It's great. How long, how much time did you make you do? Nine months.

Nine months. Nine months, yeah. And it goes first time. It went really fast. How was the food in your situation? Well, we had our own private chef. Sounds like good fellas. Yeah, exactly. We had a, his name is Eric Larson. He's a pro golf caddy. He was a golf caddy for Mark Calquevecchi. And he was in on a very bum rap, you know, like he, he would buy cocaine from this girl. And so the feds busted the girl. And they said, we need a name. And so, she'd give him Eric's, you know, he was the closer to a name that she had. And so the feds went after Eric, and they offered him five years.

And Eric's, no, because he wasn't a dealer. He was a caddy. And so he fought it, and he won. And then they refrauded the charges, and he couldn't afford the second one. You can't beat the feds. And so they gave him, I think, 15 years. And he did 12. 11 when I was there.

You know what the most shock? I mean, I'm sure I'm not saying that you were scared before you went in, but you had some doubts. You had never been in jail before and all this. I think the biggest shock to you and me was the stories you hear in there. Yeah. About how the government works. Oh.

And if you tell people, like, I would love to sit with somebody for, I have 10 hours of undercover stories that people would die. They go, Joey, you're lying. And I'm telling you that. They can't believe it. You cannot believe how the federal government works. There's a guy in there that was, he might still be in there, but he was supposed to be released a year before I went in.

And because of the paperwork, they won't release him. And he's got no way to get it. But on the other hand, it's a federal prison. And so they have to give you the medical. And so there's, I met guys in there that had never, they weren't criminals, but they had a, have the open heart surgery. or they would die. And so they would commit a crime to end up in the federal system

and get the operation. So it's a whole crazy... It's a fucking... You would not... People on the streets would not... Normal people would go, Joey, I'd love you, but you're lying. That would never happen.

Stories of... Because my... I was arrested for kidnapping. So they put me in county first. Kidnapping? Yes, but it becomes fair. Kidnapping one and two and aggravated robbery she wouldn't go up with you? Nah, that little bitch She was in love with Harvey Weinstein instead

So what happened was when you get arrested for federal when you go in and you're there I think it takes 72 hours for them to decide Whether they're gonna charge you on the state the feds couldn't make a decision up Because I had been in trouble in aspen I was in on some Aspen type drug stuff and the DA got involved. So until they wanted to talk to me, brief me or whatever, to try to make me a deal the DEA, the feds held on to me. It was like a ploy. And I kept saying, why am I still here after 72 hours? And they're like, well, they're still deciding. You guys have to decide by now.

They don't, the feds are a different game. And then when people heard me on the phone, they would come over and go, listen, man, that ain't nothing. They would start hearing shit. about, you know, this one guy was in there. Now, when you go to prison, you know who's lying to you and you know who's telling you the truth. Yeah.

If I'm telling you, I'm a kingpin, and then someone bumming a cigarette from you. There's a fucking problem. Okay? No, the problem is if you leave them. If you leave them, right, you believe them. But there's guys in there that every visitation,

they've got a different broad visiting them. Yeah. Bringing them food, giving them tent out. I mean, it's fucking crazy. Yeah. And this guy was telling me a story how you know, this Fed was his friend for two years

and he goes, everything I did the guy did. And he goes, we got so strung out on Blow that we started shooting it. He goes, he was a Fed shooting it with me. Shot for shot. Shot for shot. And he goes, I couldn't figure it out when they arrested me.

They made me try to make me do a deal real fast. And he goes, I turned it down. My attorney won. I take it to trial. They kept pushing it back because the guy had become a junkie and he couldn't get off the coke and they couldn't figure out how they were going to testify against them they had a little bit of tape the stories are endless endless endless endless like they had a little bit of tape so they couldn't really process so this guy waited two

years to go on trial like just because they had a clean up and he goes the guy came in looking like fucking johnny paverati two years later and he denied everything there's no more coke in his blood it's your word against mine and he's a fed and he's not You know, when you hear about the half of these, you did a very popular show that I fucking, because you did all the movies, then my mother died in 79, and then I went off to Deep End,

and I lost track of Cheech and fucking Chong. I was living up my own Cheech and Chong adventures, bringing in vans and guns and shit. And when I'm watching TV, I'm watching my favorite TV show on Friday night, and who fucking pops up? But Chong, it's a great episode about Pirates, that they steal this cocaine.

It was one of Miami vices. It was one of them. And I'm the dealer. You're the dealer. But you set a line in there that I still use today. What's it? One of the best lines. First of your name was either Jumbo.

Your name was Jumbo and Dumbo, and you had a chubby wife with a shotgun and shit. He lived in the trailer, and they come to you first. You cut the deal, and then when they come to you the second time, It's nighttime, and it's young kids, they have trust fund kids, and they pull up and they leave the lights on, and you pull out with a fucking gun, and you look at them and you look,

turn off the lights to say the goddamn spy movie or something. Until this day, I still use that fucking line. Turn off the lights, dog, the same no fucking spy movie. Yeah, that was my one Miami Vice. Miami Vice and stuff. That was a great episode. Yeah. Yeah, it was good.

But we were getting back to the feds and all that shit. There were stories in there that how the feds broke up a family. I was in there with a family called the Markleys on Longmont, Colorado. And they fucking were, you know, they mow your lawn. Oh, yeah. Gardner. They started being garden. Landscape artists.

Have you ever been to Longmont, Colorado? It's outside of Boulder. I've been to Boulder. It's outside of Boulder. Back then it was a mom and pop community. You drove through it. You could smell cow shit. Now it's a metropolis.

Yeah. Because it's next to Boulder. But at that time, it wasn't the best place in the fucking world. I forgot what I was going to tell you then. Oh, so the Mark Lee started. The young kid bought a Grandma Coke one day, and it went on and so forth. And they were making millions a month selling Coke from A to Z. long mom they were getting it from some Mexicans and what they were doing was they were

selling half grams and grams but kilos they were out of their minds there were yahoo's this it's 1986 nobody really knew about cocaine and it's a mom and pop situation so it was him and his father they didn't even know how to wash the money so they started buying tractors and fucking loomowers they had 200 loomowers it was the only fucking gardening company that was making two million on the books. They had no idea. It was him and his father cutting trees. They're making $2 million now

on the books. They didn't even know how to wash the money. That's how they got caught. The feds stayed at their house. When they arrested them, the fed stayed at their house for 24 hours and said when they were Congo, Chung, I'm coming over to pick up an eight ball. They would go,

no, this ain't Chung. This is Phil's his nephew. Come on over. They sold Coke for 24 hours without arresting any of the people just to clock the type of business they were doing. Yeah. So they posed as dealers for 24 hours.

Everybody who bought coke from them, that ain't nothing. Then they got arrested. They fucking got arrested and they brought them into jail. So it was the father, the son, and the wife. And then they took the son

and they made up a whole story. They had pictures of, you know, like me and Chong talking, me and you smoking a joint. They put a picture of Chong and the guy's wife together and told him that his father was having an affair with his fucking wife. The feds are cold-blooded.

That's why the tapes, that's why whenever they tape you, you always hire audible experts. You spend X of $10,000 and you hire an ex-FBI guy because the ex-FBI guy will go they just mix those in together. Yeah. So it's you and

Tim, it's Tony and Chong having a conversation about eating cake and all of a sudden you hear my voice going Chang make the delivery Yeah yeah give me 12 cakes You know and then they go to court and they go cakes was kilos And Chong sitting there like what are you talking about Fucking you've never heard these things

And chung-o vouch What they did with me We had a bomb company Glass company And so Ashcroft and Bush and them They were starting to Iraqi war so they needed a diversion you know and so they put out the press thing that paraphernalia is funding the terrorists all the money we're making the billions

we're making off bong cells is going into to help the terrorists and so they put an undercover guy in in our bond company and all he did was straighten our bond company out so who's running properly because we were losing money like crazy and so And so then when they busted us, they knew that we were losing money. But they had gone on with this thing. And so they needed the name. They needed the Chechen Chong name. And so they busted us.

And then they just give me a deal. They said, either you give up or we'll go after your son. Right. I know you stuck up for the son. And your wife, because she wrote the check. And it wasn't, nothing illegal was going on. But they, and then they had us, they taped us, they taped them trying to buy bongs from us. And our company wouldn't send it to them.

They said, no, sorry, we were not allowed to ship the bongs to Pennsylvania. And so the feds came in person to the thing, and they already had an undercover guy in our business anyway. And so they arranged to send a shipment to Pennsylvania. which gave them the evidence to bus me. And it was all illegal, it was entrapment, you know, it was undercover, everything, the feds did everything, you know, illegal. But when they said either you go or your son goes, you know, and then I said, I'll go for sure, you know,

because I wanted the adventure anyway. Were you scared when you walked in? No, not a bit. How old were you when you walked in? I grew up in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. in my 60s, late 60s, I grew up in Canada in Vancouver, in Calgary, in Vancouver, and the only people I really knew because I had a nightclub, too, so we're gangsters.

You know, that was the only people I really knew. So I knew that life better than I knew, you know, the college life. So before music, you had a club in Vancouver. Yeah. And then you... I was in a band. Pursuit music that was a fucking Motown band.

Yeah. Is that true? Oh, yeah, yeah. I heard that years ago. And I'm like... We had one of the best. R&B singers in the world. He's dead now, but Bobby Taylor was a legend. And what was the name of your band? Bobby Taylor in the Vancouver's. And the reason it was called Bobby Taylor in the Vancouver's was that we never had a name. We were a bar band. And so when they said, what's the name of the group? And so Bobby and I, he got me in the comedy. He was like a funny, funny guy, very funny, like all black guys in the jazz and R&B world. They all, they're all.

all comedians, but the thing is they can sing, you know, but they can be funny. And so when they asked us the name of our band, we never had a name. And so we're thinking of crazy names. And there was a band in Texas at the time. Now, this was, I had to be 1966, 67, yeah, around 66 when we got it discovered. 1962, there was a band in Texas called 10 screaming niggers. And so we said, why don't we call our band four niggers in a chink? And so, okay.

So we put it up on the marquee, four niggers in it, now appearing, four niggers in a chink. And that night, we had one audience, one customer. And it was a very angry black lady wrestler named Lottie the Body. And Lottie sat in the front row. We played a song, too.

and she says, well, I see the niggers, but where's the chink? Now, my dad was Chinese. He didn't know about the sign. He's a doorman, and so he walked over to her to tell her, you know, you don't talk like that. And she picked him up and body slammed his ass on the floor. So I threw my guitar down. I ran down there.

She picked me up, body slam my ass. And all the brothers on the stage were laughing their ass off. They were just cracking up. And so we changed the name to four-colored guys and a Chinese lad. And Motown said, no, no, no, no. Now what year is this? 1966, 67. 66, I'm just getting off the Brooklyn Cuba plane.

Really? They got me here. Yeah. Yeah, we did our record in 1967. And we changed Motown because it was the first interracial song, You know, Does Your Mama Know About Me? And so Diana Ross. was she was the one that really discovered us she she came to the club with the rest of the

Supremes they saw us play and she found in love with the her she actually found love with a drummer because she stole the drummers soon as we went to Motown she stole our drummer but that was okay because we had a lot of drummers but yeah we were the first in a lot of ways and then we discovered the Jackson five they opened for us when they were they went a high school contest And so Bobby Taylor in the Vancouver's and Jerry Butler were playing at the Regal Theater in Chicago. And Jackson 5 opened the show. And they were the Jackson 5 plus Johnny because a little cousin there.

And so Bobby Taylor told Michael and Joe his father to, hey, come on to Detroit. We'll get you sign with Motown. And so they came and stayed at Bobby's house for but a month. It took a month before they finally auditioned them, and then the rest is history. Did you ever bump into any other Jackson? Always. Oh, yeah, we're still pretty, we're tight. We have that history, you know, because Germain,

Germain was really the one that bonded with me the most. He actually did a cover of Does Your Mama Know About Me. And I saw Michael, and Cheech never really believed that story, you know. And so when we saw Michael at a Grammy, the 25-year Grammy get together, Bob, Cheech went over to Michael and asked him if that story was true. And Michael said, yeah, yeah, he discovered us. Yeah, that was Bobby Taylor. And then Michael asked me, he tried to talk a little comedy with me.

He said, Tommy, do you think Bobby's funny? Now, I took it to me and did I think Bobby was gay. and because Bobby was notorious he's got a reputation having the big Ron Jeremy you know and so and I thought is he gay yeah probably and so I said yeah he probably is funny and but he was trying to talk comedy you know Michael like he likes to be an expert of everything but yeah he was fun that that whole year was how did that band then how that band did you guys break up? Oh yeah, immediately.

As soon as you get a hit, well, you know, as soon as they could pull Bobby away from the rest of the band. They just want the singer. They don't want the band. And so that's what they did, the producers. And I got fired. I got fired from Motown.

But because Barry knew my contribution to everything because we met Barry right in the beginning, went over to his house. and we had Tom Baird, the guy that wrote the music genius that wrote, Does Your Mama Know About Me, the music? He, we had to fly him in because we just showed up with the band and Barry wanted the songwriters, that's what he was looking for. So we got Tom Baird in there, and Tom Baird has got this thing of perfect pitch.

He could hear anything, a doorbell or something, he'll tell you what note it is. And he mesmerized Barry Gordy with, Barry Gordy with, When he heard the doorbell, Tom named off the notes, Barry went over to the piano and checked it out. Oh, it's right, he's right. So he really, and Barry would always talk to me, even though we never had a leader of the band.

I was, you know, the unofficial leader. And so Barry always talked to me. So when I got fired, because after the band broke up, Bobby went on his own. We had to back up a singer named Chris Clark. Which was a cool gig, but I had to get a green card because we were Canadians and we got self-deported from Motown and Into Windsor and so I had to miss a gig to go get my green card you know because you don't mess around with the green card And so the the tour manager at the time singer named Johnny Bristol

He told me he says if you leave you're fired and I I didn't even argue with him I just said, okay, so I got my green card to come back, and I was fired. And my girlfriend at the time, Shelby, she was in a motel. That was the reason I had to go, they never gave me a ticket back from Detroit to Cherry Hill, New Jersey, where I was. I had to go back to get my guitar, my instruments, my girlfriend, and the baby. So you go back with Shelby that wrong? Yeah, yeah.

Oh my God. And she was the one that said, I walked in she's oh you're finished early and I said no I got fired she says that that's good honey come to bed that band sucked That was my lady that said that and so oh yeah she was the one that got got me Then I then I we got a nice settlement from Barry Gordy you know because Barry phone me up right away and he said man you're not fired come on and I said I think I am going to stay fired I want to become a Barry Gordy. I don't want to just work for one. And Barry says, I respect that. So he gave me $5,000 and little severance, and we went to California. And then from the California, I had to go

back to the nightclubs because I had no band. Now, the nightclub you had in Vancouver, but it had become a strip club. Well, no, I had two. They both were given to me. The first club was an after-hours club. The guy that owned the building, he knew the band. He said, to me, do you want a club and I said yeah there was an empty stakehouse so we opened a after hours club there and went for like five years and incredibly packed every night because we had the good music and then because we've done that with that club this other failing uh what he called a dinner club you know a friend of mine it was in Chinatown bad location but he said do want another club I said yeah sure So we opened the, we changed it from a dinner club into a strip joint.

Vancouver's first strip joint. And we had pictures. We got a documentary coming on. It'll show all that, that era. What year was the strip club? That was in 60s. It was 60, probably 65, 66, 67. Yeah, around there.

And where does Cheech coming to all this? Well, I started, the strip club after I came back from, I'm being fired from Motown now one question you're smoking pot through all this oh yeah you're already smoking oh yeah what were the pop of the famous trains in 66 like uh columbian gold it was called it was called some you got some yeah i got some that's it it i need some didn't matter we both say hash in in vancouver right right right because we got hash from vietnam actually we got a lot of weed right coming from it was during the war and so we had a lot of weed coming in and then they would smuggle from india and that you know hash mostly hash

because they have stamp on it yeah yeah but there were hash balls he would make hash balls stick it in the in the speaker cabinets of uh bass guitars that's one way of doing it we smoked a lot of hash mostly but when we uh when we got the strip club when i came back to work the strip club it was it was it was going good, you know, the girls were dancing and we had a singer and a band playing, but it was boring. And I'd seen Second City and I'd seen the committee in Vancouver, I mean in Los Angeles. And so I had an idea of turning the girls into actresses instead of having them. Because when they would come to work, they were beautiful, young, fresh, you know, beautiful. And then we'd put on that strip costume and everything. They started looking a little slutty.

you know, and so I thought, wow, it'd be great if I got them on stage as they are, and then strip, you know, and then do it in the context of a play or of a bit, you know. And so we changed the strip thing into a improvisational acting thing. And then we had a straight man. First of all, we had a tap dancer that was, Taps Harris, you know, black guy who was tap dancing. He would use the MC for the strippers. And so when I changed the show into a play, the first play was it was the pajama party.

And so the girls would act, the stage was their bedroom. And so they would come over and greet each other, hey, how are you doing? And like after the gig. And so they would get out of their street clothes and put on the little baby jaw pajamas. You know, it was a strip joint, a strip show. And then Taps comes over to visit him. And they said, Taps, man, why do they call you Taps? And he said, yeah, he's a tap dancer.

Well, show us what you got. You got. And so we had a band, so they'd play a TAP music and TAP danced. He was so good that he got an encore. And he was pretty old. Encore almost killed him. So he quit that night. He says,

I can't do this, man. I'm out of here. And so I had a doorman that was very funny a guy named Dave, Dave, Dave Graham. And I said to Dave, Dave, I need an MC, you know, I need a guy on stage. And he said, I'll do it if you do it. And so I said, okay. And so next thing I know Dave and I were too long-haired hippies on stage doing comedy. And then we had a straight man hired than our. As soon as we turned it into an acting thing, all the actors converged on.

the club and so we had a straight man of actor named Rick Lenz and only trouble is that we got so popular the the newspaper had a had a front page picture of Rick Lenz with girls with big titties on either side of him well Rick was like kind of a religious nut and his wife was a real religious nut and so she really literally called them pulled them out of there by his ear you know you're you're quitting and so we needed a straight man and so this Russian publisher of the hippie magazine. He's, I know just the guy. He's this guy. He's really funny. His name is Richard Marin. And so he said, come on, meet him. So I went out and met Cheech for the first time. And he was a little, look like Johnny Mathis clone, you know, the short hair. It looked like a little mooney, you know.

And so I met him. And I said, I told him what we were doing. And he said, oh, okay, I'll come down and check it out. So he came down. And the reason I hired him, who was when he walked in, because we had the improv thing set up, we had doors and curtains, and so we're backstage, and we could see the audience.

And I looked out, and he walked in with one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. You know, she had long, full-length, mint coat, tall, beautiful Burnett. Just gorgeous. And Cheech walked in, you know, like he belonged to the place.

I said, this guy's got something going. And so he saw the show, he liked the show, and so we hired him and he was the understudy for a couple of months. And then when my brother fired us because we weren't making any money, we had turned the crowd from a strip joint, you know, guys that would throw money, you know, at anything, to what do you call, actors or a theater, see out of people coming and they would order a wine and count their change. You know, excuse me, you still owe me a dollar, you know, that kind of thing. And so we were losing money. And so my brother said we had, we have to go back to the strip format, you know, so you guys are out of here. And so Cheech and I, so everybody out, the girls went right back stripping, no problem.

Dave went right back on the door. And Cheech and I were the only ones that were going, well, what are we going to do? So we put a band together, because I'm a musician. He's a singer. But we never, our first gig, we never played one note. We just went out and did comedy, all the bits that we had done on stage. And that was the beginning of Cheech and Chong. And what year was that?

That was 1969. Now what made you at that time, because now if you look back, it's visionary. Yeah. What made you put the first album together? Oh, easy. Teach and I came down for to struggle. The first club we'd work was Red Fox's Club. Down here? Yeah. Where was Red Fox's club? It was on La Cienega. It was the only, only comedy club in town. 1970. That was 1969 still. Or 70. No, it was 70 then. It was 70. And yeah, Red was wasn't in town he was out working and Norma Mailer she was the manager so she had us come down there she couldn't pronounce her name Cheech and Chong she

called this geek and gang and ladies the gentleman here they are geek and gang what so we we did a bit and then Lenny Bruce's entourage Lenny had died a couple of years earlier and so his entourage including Sally Marr they would come to the all the clubs or the Red Fox club looking for the other Lenny and they saw Cheech and Chong and so Tony Buscura Lenny's brother father-in-law is young guy, him in Chicano also ex-Jilbert. He spotted us, come up to me right away and he goes, you're the you guys are the closest thing to Lenny since Lenny died and he became, you know, he became, you know, he became, Not so much a manager, although I hired him every chance I got.

I hired him, try to get him to be a roadie for us. That didn't work out. He was a junkie, you know. So I tried, I tried. Then just before he died, I hired him as a writer for nice dreams. But the reason we got the record was we did a not, we were almost the regulars at the troubadour for the hoot-nanny night. And we started going down there.

You had to go there, you had to line up at 9 in the morning, get there at least around 9 o'clock earlier if you had to, so you could be first in line. And then we'd wait until 6 o'clock to the box office open. And then we would sign up. And then we'd be the 6th month on stage. We had the nice time. And so we did that for a few, almost a year. And then Lou Adler heard about us, came down, saw.

and invited us to meet in his office. We went in there. Because I had that Lenny Bruce, you know, background listening to records, especially up in Canada, you know, I knew how to do a comedy record. So when Lou said, what do you want, what do you want? And he said, well, let's do a comedy record.

And he said, okay, what do you need? And he said, give us a couple grand. We're in. You wrote a check, boom. We paid the rent. We were off to the races. You know, Chung, I'm not woke. As they say, you have to be woke in the society,

but there's still things that I remember from my youth that still overtake who I am today. I've shot two comedy specials, and I've hated them both. I have a great time doing albums. One of my best pieces of work, I think, isn't how much. I did. Oh, I wanted to hear it. But the funny thing is, I came from an album-y society.

Yeah. Okay, yeah. Delirious came later. When I was growing up, you couldn't go on YouTube and watch Lenny fucking Bruce. No. So I didn't get into Lenny Bruce to basically YouTube came on. When I got to comedy, somebody gave me a VHS of Lenny. Yeah.

But even when it comes to the podcast, the main reason why I wanted to, start a podcast was to make America listen again yeah something we have forgotten yeah I learned to listen yeah because of Los Cochino's big bamboo was it something I said and bicentennial nigger those four albums taught me how to listen but they also set the groundwork for me to what I wanted my comedy to sound like I don't want it perfect yeah I want it fucking Yeah. I like grit. Okay.

What makes you laugh? What makes me laugh? Your albums are brilliant, and they'll never, ever happen again in the comedy realm, because they're too overproduced. In today's world, we overproduce nothing. Well, to producers, they're the king. They're the ones that do it.

They're the ones that do it. In my world, me in a perfect Joey Dia's world, the best special I've ever seen in my life, Richard Pryor from that fucking coffee shop with the menu behind him. Yeah. Okay? Because I felt like I was there.

Yeah. You see a special now with there's theaters and there's curtains and they show us walking and smoking a joint. That never happened. Yeah. That never happened. I like grit.

I like that 70s grit. Yeah. I miss it. I miss. Today you tape something, you know, music. Do you hear any live albums anymore? No. Do they even make fucking live?

live arms anymore? No. They have lost an art. We took away an art from us. They don't even use musicians anymore. Yeah, no. Now they want to do, you know, they sample everything. They sample everything. And no, now they're doing the hologram tour. She's coming on the show pretty soon for Ronnie James D. But people that understand, I, have you seen the hologram thing? I saw pictures. Yeah. I've seen pictures. They tried to get us involved in it. But, and, you know, know it's like a magic show it's like yeah they're not there that's not too pack it might be his music it might look like him but it's it's not two-pack you know and so what the fuck you know or you know they got they said they can bring

alvis back or they can bring all that no you can bring a picture of him back singing but we we'd see that on TV every day you know there's nothing you can watch you any commercial you're gonna see that shit you know so there's nothing to to entice you to go in your pocket and pay some money to go see a hologram of somebody else, that you know is not there. There's something to say about the human flesh, you know. It's real. You know, but it's very weird that if you see, look to my left,

I still have over a while. I have comedy albums on it. Yeah, I see that. And I love that. Some nights have nothing to do with the house. The baby goes to sleep at 8.30. and I'll come here, I'll put an almond. First off, it ain't an almond unless it has a little bump to it.

Yeah. So even if you find Big bamboo today, like if you go to an Omiba and somebody sold it from a garage sale or something like that. Oh, we sign them all the time. We sign them all the time, and I'll tell you something, the true professionals never touched that paper. No. They have never touched that rolling paper right there.

It wasn't meant to be rolled. It's a roller. I don't think it has glue or doesn't have glue. No glue. It is not a good paper. So people were still putting. We didn't know how many parties I went to Where people were like, we rolled the joint with the paper

And all of a sudden their heads on fire It's shit because the thing blew up in their face Or they would take a little corner of the paper Right I mean why destroy a piece of art for a fucking paper You can get a cigarette paper anywhere But by it Until today when I go to New York City

When I'm here in town I buy papers the white ones Yeah One of the white ones They come white orange and the other one Zigs eggs. Diggs egg. As soon as I step off the fucking plan, I buy bamboo and easy wire.

I'm still a big bamboo guy. I was smoking big bamboo when weed came with seeds when you would light it up and it would explode. I had a deal that used to hit the seeds with hammers. Crush them up. Crush them up to get weight, and you couldn't finish smoking or they would explode. They would go, pop!

Every shirt you had had a burn mark in it. Because people, the seeds would blow all over the popcorn. You don't know how many popcorn. You don't know how many people. times I will sit in this chair and talk to people about the value of albums in this country. And I think that you guys with the Big Bamboo really opened up a lot of people's minds with that rolling. Where did you get that idea?

Actually, and Big Bamboo went along with you. Oh, for sure. They loved it. They've been sending me all sorts of shit. They're trying to even get me going again with the Big Bamboo. Lou Adler was a marketing genius. Genius. And so what he did, he found the right artist.

Now, the only problem, he had a hard, like a lot of producers, he had a hard time paying them, the artist. And so what happened, the guy that designed Big Bamboo, he got paid for that. But then they went on another photo shoot, and they tried to do another one. and they got tons of people

and Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty everybody else at this photo shoot but it never made the cut and so Lou never paid the guys and so the guys just contacted me recently the artist

and said we got all this material would you like it and we're shooting we're doing a documentary I said yeah thank you And so he brought all this treasure trove of Cheech and I in a photo shoot Stuff material no one's ever seen before but that was that it was the artist Craig Braun was a guy that did the bamboo The bamboo album

He did the Rolling Stone too. He did the tongue The Rolling Stone really? Yeah, now let me ask you a question because this wasn't 2019 when you released an hour with a rolling paper and it it was 1972. Okay. Vietnam was either ending. No, no. It was still on. I think Vietnam went to 73. Vietnam was still around. You know, you couldn't go to your nearest dispensary. You couldn't go to the corner and lie the joint and talk to your friend down the corner because a cop helicopter would be there. Was there any backlash? Oh, yeah. At the time, I mean, what was, it was, when it suited their purposes. You know, like remember in when, um, what's that singer that got caught

shown his dick on stage? Lucy K. No, no, way back. The singer, uh, uh, Morrison, Jim Morrison, took his dick in Miami. In Miami. Right. Okay. So when he did that, then the hall, all those venues put a clause in their contract that if you, broke any kind of piece like that, you have to pay the hall $5,000. And so when Cheech and I played the same hall in Tampa, Florida, they arrested us for obscenity. And, but they didn't charge us. It was just a scam so the hall owner could make an extra five grand. And so Cheech and I got taken to jail. But that was funny. We got a And what was upset with you? What was it was? It was us acting like well I don't know what it was I think we were acting like dogs we get on our hands and knees and

And sniff each other's butts and I think what happened they had the the cops lining around the stage facing the audience You know if they're gonna stop stop some kind of riot or something and so Cheech when he was a dog he walked over on his hands and knees and he picked up one of the cops hats off his head and and act like he was peeing on the cop, you know. I think that might have contributed somewhat to us being arrested. But we got arrested. They put us in jail, man. Now, see, I've been incarcerated a few times, you know, when I was young. Cheech, his father was a cop.

Right. And Cheech, I mean, he breaks into a sweat just thinking about jail. And so he was not. when we went to jail we didn't think we're going to be there long you know we just got off stage you got a standing ovation everything else next thing you know we're sitting in a holding cell with a bunch of other people and and there's one Chicano guy in jail he goes to teach in Spanish you know what do you in jail for and teach drugs you know he didn't want to say in obsanity so he said drugs and so the the Latino guy goes oh tell him a black guy sent

it to you and tell him a black guy gave a tweet and that was our thing and then Cheech we were in jail he was teasing the guard is oh jail 10d jail 10d could we have some pink toilet tissue in here please and and you don't fuck around with with guards because they they they hear everything they act like they don't hear anything but they hear everything and they know exactly who said it and so we were there so long that we ended up sitting down, because before that, we're standing up waiting to get released, and then, oh, we're longer, long.

And then the same guard that Cheech bug, he said, the Cheech, Hey, you, come with me. And all I heard was Cheech was leaving and said, my dad's a cop. You know, my dad's a LAPD, trying to convince the guy that he was, he was on their side, you know. But we got out.

It was a big publicity thing. We got a picture of our mugshots. And you sold more tickets? Yeah. Oh. Oh. Just made it more. Yeah.

Just got international press on that one. Yeah. That's the same as me going to jail. Same thing, you know. I turned into an icon, you know. So it didn't bother me. It didn't bother my fans at all, you know. So here I am a young kid.

I'm into the albums. I'm into prior. I'm into smoking marijuana. The whole thing. and then, boom, now you're doing movies. Yeah. And, you know, I didn't have time to watch the movies before you came on. I thought it would be cheesy to all of a sudden start hitting your questions.

I remember two things from the movie. The band, when Cheech came out with the two-two-bun. I forget the song he was singing, I want to be in the matter of it. Mama-tuck and do me trying to tell me. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. That, you know, I mean, come on. When you're 12 or 13 and you take a red microdot acid and take the number one bus to Jersey City,

by the time you get the Jersey City, you're on fire. And you'd walk into this, you know, this is just sitting here watching you, I'm listening to you, but I didn't really understand the power that is Chong until today. This is 60 years of real. This is an oaky-doch shit. This is from Michael Jackson to Motown to movies, to records, to, you know, I mean, the movies, and your albums tracked back then. Yeah. Like they made it to like number 10 or something.

No. I mean, this is just phenomenal. Did you think this was the way, when you were putting down the vocals, a big bamboo, did you see 2019? No. No. What were you thinking at the time? Yeah. You're eating.

We're just, actually, we're happy. We're right in the middle of creating. When we first, the first bit we did was an accident, you know, after we got our money from Lou, you know, a couple of thousand dollars. And I said, oh, and we need a little tape recorder. I thought that would be a nice little added thing. And so he got, his secretary got us a little tape recorder. And so Cheech and I went in the back, mixed down.

room in A&M studios and we were practicing we were rehearsing and so Cheech was so used to working live that he went outside and put on his costumes and everything else he's gonna be a dope dealer and he goes outside and the door locks from the inside and it was really hot out there that was like in the A&M in the middle of summer the sun's beating down on him and so he knocked on the door and I'm supposed to let him in he goes so I was trying to record the little tape recorder. And so when he knocked, I looked up at the door

and I didn't see if the needle was moving or not. And so I said, Who is it? And Cheech says, it's me, man. And I looked down, and I seen the needle moving, so it's recording. And so I'm looking at it, staring at it, and was that pause. And then he knocked again.

So I said, oh, I thought I'll start the bit over again. So I said, who is it? And I heard it in his voice. He's a little pissed up. It's me, man. Open up. Come on, I think the cops saw me. So now I got him outside.

The door's locked. He can't get in. I'm waiting for him to knock again. Because he's so disciplined. Once we get into a bit, he can't get out of it. And so he knocks again this time a little harder. And I go, who is it? It's me, man.

Dave. Dave, no, let me in. It's hot out here. And I said, Dave? Yeah, yeah, Dave. Then I said, Dave's not here. There was a pause, and then he blew it. Come on, man, quit fucking around.

It's hot out here. No, let me in. Let me in. You know. And so I opened the door, and he almost wanted to punch me. was beat red, he was sweating. I said, wait, wait, wait, wait, listen, listen. And I played it back.

And that was the beginning of our record career. Not only the beginning of our recording career, but was the beginning of our style of how we would do it. We didn't need anybody. We didn't need a lot of engineers. We just needed one guy that worked a tape recorder and with a little room, and that's all we had. And then we put all the sound effects, everything else in there.

The first, Dave's Not Here was recorded on the big stage with Lou Adler. Lou Adler did the whole thing. And he did Blind Melon, Chidlin, and all that, you know. Because after we did Dave's Not Here, they said, okay, what else you got? And Cheatschney looked at each other. We hadn't even thought about writing another bit. And so we just did our live show, which was Blind Melon Chilin. And it was a, and Blind Melon and Chilin was a bit that I got from the committee.

the committee used to do a bit on a blind blue singer. And so I was influenced by it, let's say it that way, put it that way in. And so we made up the record, the blind metal and children in the studio. And then we realized that we didn't need all the engineers and the producers and everything else. And so Cheech and I just, just the producer, I mean the engineer and Cheech and I, Norm Kenny. and Cheech and Chong and worked every day to go in there. It was just very relaxed like we're doing now. Exactly.

This is very brilliant. I mean, these stories, like I said, now while I'm talking to you, I'm getting to see how much you influenced what you guys did. Oh, yeah. Stuck with me forever. Like before I did this podcast, the person was editing it, and I didn't really enjoy it. And it was basically because of what you guys did with your albums.

Yeah. They sounded so raw. Yeah. And that's what I've always liked. I'm never going to shoot a special again. I mean, I really don't want to shoot a special. Yeah, I want to tape shit. I want to put it on vinyl next time. Yeah.

I want to put my shit on vinyl. And I want people to have the same experience that you gave me. Yeah. That experience has been taken away. we had the guy from Guns and Roses a few weeks ago. Definitely. Excellent. We were talking about that.

That what it meant for children to have a paper route, delivering fucking newspapers all week. You get paid on Saturday. And Saturday, me, Tony, Lee, and Chong would walk down sunset when we were 12 to your favorite record store. And you were going to get Led Zeppelin to. Chong, don't fuck around.

Get Richard Pryor. Because Chong was always the one that would switch his fucking mind. I don't want to get Richard Pryor now. My dad's a little, no, I'm getting Richard Pryor. But that, you know, you got these albums. You took them home. You know, explain to them how you opened the album and you read the credits.

And while you were reading the credits, you cleaned your weed on the album cover. And then you took your weed. That's why sometimes you go buy a secondhand album. And if it opens up, there's two seeds in there. And it does something to your heart. Like the heart gets a little crippled. You guys took it one above. You guys took, to me, once you guys put the rolling paper in that album,

that created album covers like Some Girls from the Stones, which you could rotate. And Led Zeppelin III, I think you could also rotate. It gave people more freedom what to do with their albums. I don't know if you ever thought about it from that direction. This shit was genius to me that, like I said, till today, I still believe in it. And I believe the record companies,

the money is down because you don't entertain people like it anymore. If I buy something from Chung now, I open it up and it's just a disc. There's no pictures of the tour. There's no pictures of you in the recording studio. You and your bathroom with your pants off with a big joint your mouth. That's what we want to see, a poster. A poster of you and Shelby with the dog.

And he's got a hemp hat on. Who gives a fuck? Yeah. Those little things made that $7.95 come out of your pocket a lot easier. You know what? Even if the album is a five, look at the fucking poster. How cool is this? And he gave you a fucking rolling paper.

And a lot of times you couldn't play it right away. You had to wait until their mind was right. Oh, you had to smoke 22 joints. Yeah. And then you had to be very special. Yeah. you had to have your head in the right spot see i when i was coming up you know poor-ass musician you know i was married before shelby in fact shelby was a neighbor and and uh my first wife

maxine she was the one that uh that supported me you know she was the one i had a shit job and she quit that job you know and so i quit and i just start playing music and then next thing you know the guy gives us a club and we got some money coming in. But being poor and just concentrating on what you love to do, man, that really helped. And I could never have done it without the help of ladies and my wife. Me neither. My wife was gone for five days. I didn't even know where the fucking underwear on.

I don't even know how to turn the fucking stove on in my house. I don't know how to do the microwave and stuff. I don't know how to turn the fucking stove on in my house. I got to tell you something I know your time is limited I wanted you to say that you influenced me in so many ways

and you're a true fucking hero of mine because you influence America on the knowledge of marijuana you know what I'm saying you came along Ozzy Osbourne wrote fucking Sweet Leaf

you know listen to the lyrics to sleep sweet leaf someday you know the world will love you I should have I'll get I was in Boulder we're talking about Boulder yeah you were that last week and And and this I was a get I got invited by this top astrologist she's in Boulder Deborah Silberman she said oh you got to meet this girl so but the hippie This hippie girl went went back in time

This it was all of a sudden I was in the 60s again and and then her girlfriend she's turned lesbian And she, her girlfriend, this singer, that wrote all these great weed songs. And it's like a rap, sounds like Taylor Swift. Sounds like her doing a song about weed. It's so cool. And she gave me a couple of her CDs. I'll get them over to you.

You'll love them. I mean, you play them on your show. Oh, man, you'll love them. This has been very eye-opening for me because I didn't see all the great things you did to you in front of me. I mean, you're the real deal. Motown, Comedy Duo, movies, Miami Vice. You went to jail.

And now you're out slinging dick like it doesn't end. And I also helped Wolf of Wall Street. You know, the Wolf of Wall Street? Right. He and I shared the cubicle. And so I was writing my book, you know, my memoirs, and he would be playing tennis and drive. Jordan Belford, he'd come in, said, what are you doing?

I said, I'm writing a book. He goes, oh, I'm going to write a book. And so he started writing. And then he handed me a page. And it was like a copy of Thomas Wolfe, Bonfire of the Bannerdee's, all word for word, almost. You know, I said, you haven't written shit, man. And because he's a genius, you know, he got all upset. He's, well, what do you think I should write?

I said, write those stories you've been telling me every night, you know? and I give him a little hint, I says, the key is the most of. You don't just get high. You get higher than anybody's ever gotten high in cinema. So he took me to heart. Next thing I know, he gets out of jail, I get out of jail,

and he comes over to my house. Because we're both on probation, we couldn't talk to each other, face-to-face, so he's in his car, he peeps his horn, he goes, hey, I sold my book. It's going to be a movie. Scorsese.

He's going to direct it. Oh shit. Just like that. And so he's been going around giving lectures and that now. And telling everybody that I helped him write his book. So, yeah, my, my, I'm, I'm on a very special path. I'm meeting all sorts of people. You know, I watched John Rogan, and you said that when you,

very interesting, you said that when you went to jail, you turned it into a religious. Yeah. experience like a religious retreat. And I really identify with you at that time because I looked at it as, I looked at it as a Buddhist. Yeah.

I didn't look at it as a Catholic. No. I was going in there to solve my sins, pay for them, and I had a second chance at life to start over. This is the ultimate payment for your sins. This covers all of them. Yeah. You didn't get arrested for the bung.

No. You didn't go to jail for the bung. That was just a story that the universe made. up for you to pay you no no no I was in there to cleanse it with myself yeah and that's what it did for me too I didn't have peace of mind for eight years I wanted that and I met Joey Diaz you meet the wants and you also realize what you don't want ever get what you don't need what you don't need your life yeah I want to thank you for the great gifts you sent me from pure hemp yeah the the what's

it called chung's blend choice chung's choice yeah that's And half the joint took me to fucking, took me back to up and smoke. You know what I see that? I've seen you. Yeah. I remember the mama told me out of land. And I want to tell you, you're always welcome here if you want to bullshit, whatever you want to do. Okay.

You have a lifelong. I'm your new nephew. Because I'm not even a fan. I'm beyond the fan. I was more starstruck today with your conversations and your beauty and your journey. This fucking journey has been. If, God forbid, if God takes you tomorrow on the way up, you're going to go, I did a beautiful journey.

I introduced people to two of the greatest gifts that you could give somebody laughter and the gift of Rifa. Thank you. The gift of Rifa, when you turn somebody out to Rifa and they really need it in their soul, and it covers that spread for them that they don't need alcohol, they don't need anything else, just Rifa. You feel good. I don't know how anybody else feels.

I feel good. I don't feel good when I dose Lee with $6,000. and milligrams of T-HC. He sleeps here for two days. That doesn't make me feel good. That's a joke that you and I have a great sense of humor. I bet you're great a dose of people too.

Like, take a hit of this. They won't do nothing until you. Cheach. Oh, many times. How many times did you talk? So he was my cheech. Well, I don't have to with him. He does it on himself. On himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had a date with Johnny Mitchell one time.

She was playing a concert in Paris. and we were shooting a movie in Paris and he had him and Joni had kind of secretly dated on the side and so she was she was going to appear in Paris and so he had a piece of hash and he did no way to

smoke it so he's not like it so he ate it the whole chunk of hash he got so stoned he forgot to eat he didn't order food we were at the restaurant everybody got their food And I looked over and teaches, nothing in the room.

He was that stone, man. I've been there. And he still does it to this day. And he tries not to. That's what I love about it, you know, because, no, no, no, no. I can't do that. I can't do that. And then he picked up a syringe one time.

And he thought, oh, I'll just do a little bit. He squirted almost. It was like Rick Simpson oil. This shit will put you away for a month. What's Rick Simpson? Isn't this stuff that cures cancer? Yeah, yeah. It's so strong.

It's so strong. Literally, the cancer cell is saying, fuck, I'm out of here. Because it's too strong. Why'd you have a syringe from? Where do you have a syringe from? Well, that's all, no, you... It's like oil, hash oil, right?

Yeah. Okay, oh, okay, I see what you just say. It's like Black Widow type of stuff. Yeah, and he took a whole mouth from it. His wife said he was projecto vomiting. Vomiting was hidden. And that was one time. Then he goes to Israel and he goes to the wailing wall.

That's the same thing. He thought it was a breath mint. At the whaling wall? Yeah. And he puts a whole dose of something in his house at the whaling wall. But he started barfing in the cab. Oh, thank God. It wasn't bad.

He turned the whaling wall into the puking wall. Oh, man. Cheech is great, man. You gotta have Cheecho. And you're back on? You're back on the road again? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And full tour starting in September. Yeah. How can these people get to your dates? What's that? LiveNation.com. There's no Chong.com or the feds won't let you get another web page. That's part of your parole. There's Cheech and Chong.com. Okay. Okay. So there's a shitload of them. So they can find the dates on Live Nation and on Cheeching Chung.com. But joy, I got to go take a piss.

Do you think? Okay. I love you to death. I love you guys. Chong, I want to thank you again. You're a gentleman and a true fucking buyer. Go! Go, you're fucking.

I'm just going to keep talking. I love you guys. Thank you very much for listening to the church of what's happening. I want to thank Chong again. I want to thank Tony for bringing them up here. I want to thank you for bringing up the weed for us and the pure hemp. And real quick, will I have you here? That's it.

I'll be in Columbus. Next Friday and Saturday night, Columbus, Funny Bone, seven and nine. I don't know what the fuck the time is. Make sure you're there. That's all I'm asking, all right? Then on the 5th of July,

I'm at the wreck room in Orange County, but don't worry about that. Let's worry about potato salad and all that shit. For right now, all you got to worry about is fucking the Funny Bone, Columbus, all right?

Real quick, I want to give a word to our sponsors. All right, I want to thank my man Tommy Chung. That was a fucking great. I spent some great time with him. Every time I looked at the guy, I felt like crying because he meant that much to me in my life. I want to thank the Christ Killer who's going to be at Skank Fest this weekend,

all through New York from the East Side Comedy Club. So fucking go on his Twitter, he'll keep tweeting your way he's going to be if you want to meet him. And I want to thank you guys for being fucking the church family and for always having our back. I also want to take time out to thank our sponsors because they're what keeps her afloat. Number one,

CBD Lion. Listen, your days are walking around like a fucking zumbo looking for CBD all are done with. You're walking around. You're believing what this guy tells you and what that guy tells you. Fuck them all. You're paying for fucking who got you. You're getting garbage. Listen, when you're looking for a reliable CBD company, fuck it. I got it for you. You ready? Grab a pen. CBD lion.com. Lucky for you, motherfuckers, I found CBD Lion. They make CBD products from start to finish. That's what CBD Lion does. They have you covered. It comes in a vape. It comes in cartridges. It comes in the

tincture. It comes in the chatter. And don't even let me get me start on the fucking gummies. The strawberry or the raspberry gummies will put you over the fucking top. The orange ones ain't that bad either. I love their fucking gummies. I eat four of them before I go to bed at night. I don't wake up in the middle night to pee and I'm 56. I got to pee every fucking 15 minutes. So you do the mad. CBD Lion is the real fucking deal. Their products are clean. You understand me? Clean, Bobby. Not like the fakes

out there at all these fucking liquor stores. My brother. I went to the liquor store and they go, what the fuck? He sells vodka. What the fuck does he know about CBD? Uncle Joey's here. I live right in the heart of this fucking jungle here of marijuana. I'm telling you, CBD Lion is the way to go, all right? Go to CBDLine.com right now and check out their third party results right now. Yourself. I'm right up on the website. Your fucking hair is going to fucking fly out of your head. That's how good CBD line is. So do me a favor.

Go to CBDLion.com right now. Look at the fine line of stuff. Whether you want to go with the Shatter, whether you want to go to the cartridges. As a matter of fact, they're releasing a new 420 cartridge, 420 milligram cartridge today. Today.

So go to CBDLion.com right now. Press in church, C-H-U-R-C-H, and get 20% off. your motherfucking order. That's how Joey does it here. And number two, it's summertime. I bring you Tushy. Do I not? Do I not? Try to take care of you. Listen, you can wash your balls till fucking St. Giroldo's day. The problem is you got that fucking bush down there growing out of your dicks, out of your asshole, out of your ball sack, out of your fucking belly button. So you got four contributing factors of stink going towards one fucking area, which is your nutsack. Then you sit there and you

Like, I can't find nobody on Twitch. What's the fucking website? Tinder. I can't find nobody on Tinder. They come over, they don't want to suck my dick. Maybe because you got a bush of debt down there. But that comes to an end right now. Because you got Manscaped.

Joey, what the fuck is Manscape? Manscape, they got precision tools for the family jewels, okay? Manscape has redesigned the electric razor. Their invention, what brought them to the fucking dance is called the lawnmower, a handheld razor with skin safe, Technology, Joey, what's that? What's that? You're not going to cut your fucking dick off.

That's what that is. It won't nick or snag your fucking nutsack. Because you got to go easy, guys. You got to go easy. And you just can't trust people. You can't ask your mother to trim your nut hairs. And you can't ask your grandmother to trim your nuttahs. So you've got to meet some fucking chick who you trust,

who you've never done nothing bad to trim your fucking nutsack. Have you ever done your fucking wife? You fart on her. You pull the blankets overhead. She's bound to want to cut one of your fucking nuts. sacks off. I mean, I wouldn't. Right or wrong? No more. Why? Because you got the manscape. This bad boy will leave you clean, smooth, anxiety free. Plus, it's rechargeable and easy to hold. You get into all the nooks and crannies, you fat little fucking cock suckers. You got to pick your stomach up to shave

that thing. How do I know? Because I'm a fat fuck myself. You got to pick your leg up and put it behind your head and trim that fucking bush of debt. And it also has a little fucking knob that you could trim the outstanding hairs out of your asshole. You know what I'm saying? You can't go in there because, God forbid. But Manscape will get your beanbag looking as smooth as a fucking egg. All right, I'm going to let you know a little secret. If you trim the hedges, the pole of debt looks a lot fucking small, bigger, all right? So what are you waiting for?

Trim up that fucking egg roll of love. You want to go out there and give some mustard to these girls in the mouth. It starts with Manscape.com. You get everything you need to make your ball shine. like fucking Lee's head. You keep your dick looking good, and if this is the first time you consider manscaping, they got a deal for you.

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and you got a little whang to your nuts and your dick. You go behind a fucking phone boot or a car, and you wipe out your dick with nobody watching, and you go out to the bar and give some fucking Stamin' juice to these fucking freaks of death. Anyway, the church family right now today. The church gets 20% off your first order when you use promo code. Church!

Bam! At manscape.com. Again, that's manscape.com. And if you order the perfect package, they're also throwing a free travel bag when you use promo code church. That's manscape.com. Use promo code church for 20% off your first. First order. Remember, you got to keep the Netsack clean, and it starts with Manscape.com.

I want to thank Manscape. I want to thank CBDLion.com. I want to thank all you, motherfuckers for being family. Remember, I'll see you savages of debt next weekend at the Columbus Funny Bone. Get your tickets today because they're going to go fast. All the potheads, fucker, remember they've got to get tickets, all right? I love you, motherfuckers. Have a great weekend. Stay black. And we'll be back Monday morning, tip Tuesday morning, tip-top. go ready for you. Kick this fucking muley once and for all.