The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #695 - Earl Skakel

Episode Date: June 25, 2019

Earl Skakel, a stand up comedian, actor heard on "The Jellies", and host of the "Inappropriate Earl" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio!  This podcast is brought to you by:   Vincero Watches - Get yours at Vincerowatches.com and our listeners get 15% off when they use promo code CHURCH.   Upstart.com - The revolutionary lending platform that knows you're more than just a credit score. Check them out at www.upstart.com/church   CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies go to CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.   

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Like I told you, we're not fucking around today. Kick this fucking mulele. I want smoke out of these speakers. There you go. The church of what's happening now, motherfuckers. Earl Skagel. The Christ killer. Uncle Joey

What do you think you're dealing with that? Equal opportunity music. Gays are jumping up and down. I love it. Bound, bown, bown. What's up, Beryl? Dude, I love Judas Priest. I love Judas Priest with all my fucking heart.

I seen them open up with this song once. And it blew me the fuck away on this tour. Oh, they're correct. This had to be like 83 or something, 83, 84. they blew me the fuck out of it they came out to silence no motorcycle and you just heard that little glit glinty tipton guitar was like Jesus Christ what's up brother dude it's an honor it's an honor for you to be I saw you the other night I've been thinking a lot about you and I keep seeing and forgetting because I'm at the store on comedy business not on podcast business and when I get in the car and I slam the

door and I'm driving up Laurel can I'm like fuck I didn't ask girl when he was available and I saw you the other night briefly and I was gonna get right back to you in there and you know how the story is you just disappear into a fucking crowd and there you go you'll know if you're gonna see him anymore like Pauli well I mean I didn't you know

you've got a thousand people hitting you up to be on it I'm shy wouldn't I'm just you know I don't ask it's just because I get I don't want to be a pain in the ass no it's weird I always like finding a hook for people that's what people on the Stalin Like sometimes someone will come to me and go, I want to be on the podcast.

I want to have you on the podcast also. Let me wait for a hook. There's got to be something, a topic, something happens in your life, something happens at the store, a generality. Sure. And we get you in there. I'd rather get you in down the hook and just walk you in and not fucking have anything to talk to you about. Yeah, I mean, I get it.

But still, I mean, I've wanted to come on for a long time. Yeah. It's, you know, it's the weirdest thing. I like to have people on the show that I know. Yeah, for sure. That have some sort of relationship with, or I know a lot about. It's the people who hit you up that you don't know at all.

Like, you just don't know these people. They're like, I want to be on your show. Well, who the fuck are you? You know, I don't even know you. So it wouldn't work. We'd have to play catch-up for an hour before the show started. Right.

And then do the fucking show. Most people have a background. This, all I need is one thing to relate to. and we could spread out the podcast, you know, so I'm sorry if it took long to get to you. Oh, no, I mean, the reason why I wanted to be on is because you keep it real, you know. What else are you going to do? Well, there's a lot of people who don't. What else are you going to do?

I mean, I cannot. I'm old already, you know, I'm going to come in here and fucking, you know, yes, that was at the park with my daughter. I'm sitting there, and my daughter's playing with some girl, and the husband is. talking to my wife and the guy's wife is standing there staring off into fucking jupiter or whatever the fucking thing is here and we're sitting there having a good time and the fucking guy walks on here some fucking foreign i don't know and he's coming in with a white wife and they start yakking and talking and he's loud and he's obnoxious the guy and he's like i wish they sold beer at the park you know what are you fucking talking about shut the fuck up

Right. He's like to tie one on at the park, you know. I just, I don't know what my fucking point was, but it's just weird how you know who's going to work on the podcast for you and you know who's not. Oh, sure. You know, you don't want to have a bad podcast. You at least people want them to get something out of the podcast. My point was about that guy was that he was the biggest fake. Right.

He was a typical, you know, studio. city fake fucking dad the wife had the yoga bag to let everybody know she went to yoga you know they had the crib out loud he talked about auditions and the new movie he got in Japan you know people don't do that

that's not how I grew up with people shut the fuck up and I remember when they went away I finally looked at my wife I'm like thank God that motherfucker got the fuck away from me my wife gave me it look like what I don't even want to hear that shit right it's fucking Sunday, save it somewhere else, you know.

I can't be that type of person. Well, that's why I love you. I can never be, I can never owe on credit cards and be on vacation and jump up and down and tell people I'm having a good time. You owe fucking $20,000 on credit cards. Well, good time to jab. You're down there eating everything you're eating. You're looking at like a fucking bumpy, you know, people who, you know, drive a car to impress people.

I'm over that shit. Like, I'm over all that shit. You know, like, I was over that when I was 21. Right. You know, so the only way I know how to treat people is just, you know, the way you're supposed to be treated. Nice and simple. Yes.

Not that hard. A hug. If I like you, I like you. If I don't like you, keep fucking walking. You'll know, you'll know. You'll know. Why fuck with people? Why give somebody a false whatever?

You may not like somebody or something. and say, you know, the greatest thing about Earth is that we're all not perfect. And we all don't have to light the same movies, and we all don't have to light the same music. That's the best thing about being an American, I think, or being on this planet is that. You have that option, because in some places you don't.

Well, no, we all have that option. You don't like that person. You were raised well enough, not to tell that person you don't like them, but you avoid them. But I find the older I get, it's harder for me to hold when I don't like someone in. If I don't like someone, they know.

Well, they know because of your body language. Yeah, oh, absolutely. You know, shit like that. But I don't have the heart to tell somebody unless they're getting on my last fucking nervous. I'm trying to have a good time. Then you have to tell people exactly. But I wouldn't want somebody to tell me they didn't like me.

So I use it the same way. You know when somebody's in your corner, we're not dumb, you know, we're not fucking 10 anymore. You know when somebody's, lives and breathes for you and you know when somebody's an acquaintance. Absolutely. There's a big fucking difference when you know that person will live and die for me. But that person is just a hello goodbye.

Good to see you. When are we doing lunch? Let's get together. I love your podcast. You know, when are you going to have me on? I'm going to have you on yours and all that shit people want to hear out of you. It is kind of weird, though. Like, my go-to is always like I don't talk.

I try to say hi and get out of the way. I don't really stick around, but it is kind of weird sometimes when you feel like you're putting out like, hey, I'm not really a huge fan of you, and they just stick around and like, they won't, they can't take a hint. Like, I never want to be an issue. I never want to have someone like, oh, he's overstaying his welcome. So, like, I, but there's some people who do the opposite of that. Well, they just don't get social cues.

Like, someone has their back turned to you. They don't want to talk to. Right. It's pretty good. I mean, I don't know. I was raised just to be. straightforward people. Yeah.

Like, listen, you got a lie to get a piece of pussy. You got a lie to get a job. You know what I'm saying? You ever go to the moon before? All the time. I was just there last week. You know, whatever, to get a job. You know, when we all first start dating a girl

or girls for women that are listening, when you start dating a guy, all of a sudden you love the Boston Red Sox, too. You know, I'm nothing. It gives you permission to go buy a hat to wear the game with us, too. was like a fucking idiot. Take the fucking hat off.

You like hockey and fucking ice skating. It's the same thing we do. You know, the first day. You like cats. I love cats. You don't fucking like cats. You'll kick that motherfucker when she's not around. But we all have to tell those little white lies.

I get that. But to be dishonest with somebody. Like the guys I have respect for the most in comedy is bookers were the people who looked me in the face and said, listen, you're too blue to work at my club. Right. As a feature act. Get some credits and call me back.

I am very tight with those people today because they told me what their business called for and what I needed to be the work of their business. It's the people who come up to you at the store and go, hey, you want to go to my club in San Antonio? And you're like, yeah, send the tape, and I'll get you in there. And you send the tape and they'll never pick up a phone number.

Then you don't see them for three or four years. And you see them. And they don't talk. to you they give you some excuse how I never got you any messages I never got your tape and then one day you get booked on comedy central premium blend and they put an offering for you hey Joey yeah how you doing man it's great to see all your success and you sit there and you want to smack them say something to him because now I have people contacted me that would not even answer the phone for me oh yeah it's very

funny and they're happy for my success and they're all happy I look at them I'm there to take their fucking envelope. I don't give a fuck. Don't even hit me with that. We all know what this is. We all know what this is. This is no liking. Nobody liking nobody.

We all know what this is. You come in, you watch the first show for 10 minutes, you wait until after the show. You tell me I had a sensational set that you liked the particular joke, and then I don't see you the rest of the weekend. You make your money and I make mine. That's exactly what we are.

And when you understand that, It makes everything. When you understand exactly what position you're in, it makes your life, your career, that much easier. Sure. You know, you work at a restaurant, and you're a dishwasher, and you're like, I know how to make this, give this place, and you go up to your own, and you're like,

why don't you do a happy hour on tacos? And he looks at you like, you've got three fucking heads. Like, go in the back kitchen. You're a fucking retard. You're a dishwasher, you know. It's kind of the same fucking thing, you know. Well, I just wish, you know, Like Adam at the comedy store.

When he showcased me, he was like, dude, I know everyone's telling me I got to pass you because they love you and you've been up here forever, but if you don't do well, I can't pass you. And that's great. That's all I wanted to hear. Adam is very, very, very honest. Oh, I love it.

Adam has been thrown. I give my props to Adam. Absolutely. In a big way. He's done for people. Adam is the talent coordinator at the comedy store. Before we started the podcast, Earl and I were talking about the comedy store when I first got there.

And if you knew what the comedy store was then, and you know what the comedy store is now, it's still a fucking major art hub in Los Angeles on the West Coast, but now it has rules that are enforced. There was always loose rules. Mitzie always had rules for certain people. Certain people could get away with certain things. Will Lee could get away with him. Earl could get away with him.

Earl could get away, but I can't. You know what I'm saying? Oh, absolutely. With Adam, it's pretty blatant. And I've heard Adam, be honest with people. Like, one of my first two months at the store, I was just standing by the wall. And there was no school comic there,

and he was bugging Adam. And Adam answered him. Like, listen, there's just no room for you here. The industry wants younger acts, blah, blah, blah, blah. And my heart sunk for the guy. My heart sunk for the guy. He's been around for the day. 30 years, great comic movies, the whole thing.

But it's true. You're 60, and there's no room for you here anymore. Oh, yeah. It's time to move on. Some other talent coordinator would go, hey, call him for spots on Monday and pass the buck. That's what Tommy would have done. Right. Pass the buck, to Paulia, Peter, or whatever.

I really appreciate that. Oh, I mean. Adam has turned that place around. The first talent coordinator when I was there also helped my career. immensely. He broke it down. And I loved him. I still talked to him on Facebook. He lives in Africa. What the fuck? He lives. Scott Day did not play either. Scott Day knew what the time it was down there. He knew that the place was run.

He kept a little bit of semblance and he would give you advice. You want more spots? Don't call him for Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Let Mitch, you know you're available the whole fucking week and you're like, oh, I get it. He would tell you little things. He would talk to you at night. He would still be there at 10, you know? Right. Which for you, that's very rare of Adam.

I got to take my hands off to Adam. Tommy was there to steal. Wow. Yeah, at night. But the guys before Tommy, the talent coordinators, they really didn't hang until after 8.30. 8.30, they would be there having a drink, and they'd fucking leave.

They didn't have really relationships with agents. They didn't have relationships with management. the guy after my guy, Scott Day, that left, was there, and I missed the movie because he didn't really like me. And Paramount called me for an audition. They didn't know how they got a hold of me.

He never said none to me. I found that years later from Paramount. They hired me for something different and said, we wanted you for this. We called the store three times and left messages. We didn't know how to get a hold of you. So there was a lot of that shit. going on where I don't like Earl.

Mitzie passed Earl, but I'm not in her favorite. Right. So when Willie Morris calls he and looking for Earl Skakel, I tell him I don't know what his number is. I don't even know what he's talking about. I think I know the answer, but I'd be interested to hear

to you guys talk about it. How much of this business is fair and how much of it is stuff like that? Just who likes you? Is there any fairness in this business? You have to ask yourself the simple question. life fair? Not really?

Then why would fucking county be fair? Yeah, I mean, it's fair. And it's also what you consider fair. Nothing is fair. And it's what you consider fair. And in this business, you're going to see a lot of different things like in any business.

You know, it's like when you work for a lawn company, you quit high school while you were in high school, you work for a fucking lumber yard. Okay? You start in the back. They promote you to the cutter. Next thing you know, you're loading. Next to know you're a drug.

driver next to you know you're running the place in the back you're actually the general manager he talked you out of college to be his general manager in the thing then another guy leaves now they move you inside and you're a fucking you know the whole business from the inside the outside now you're the general manager you're there for 20 years and the owner's about to retire who's gonna be the fucking number one man you hopefully but guess what happens he's got his son right who's a retard And he went to Harvard. And you know how many time in the 20 years of his existence?

He walked into that lumber yard. Three? Zero. Right. Twice to pick up checks to go out down the shore with his buddies. And now that fucking jerk off is going to come in and be your boss. And not only is it going to be your boss, he's going to come in and change the system around. Because he's a college boy.

He learned about apps and fucking the people who deliver for you, you know, Uber delivers. so he's going to cut the lumber yards and have Uber eats or live his fucking plywood. It's amazing. So is that fair that you gave you a whole life for a company? And now this guy had a mutt son and now he comes in. Never spent the summer with you, never loaded a roof with you in the summers, never came in on the summer job.

Is that fair? Not really? All right, that. You know, I'm not saying nothing racist to you. Not saying nothing racist. Me and Earl Skake or D. agents. We've been working the streets of LA for 10 fucking years and San Francisco. Okay? Lee is Puerto Rican. He just graduated Emerson with a social,

social economics degree and a fucking law degree. All of a sudden you come in. Me and Earl put transfers to go to Miami. Guess who gets the job? You, because you're Spanish and they need one extra guy down there. So me and I'm and Elskatea got to keep sucking dick in Sacramento, smoking met with a bunch of dirty white people until I teetron up. You follow me? So everybody catches a break.

At the end of the day, I got to explain something to you, before you get negativity in your mind, even an old dog gets a warm spot on the sidewalk. At the end of the day, it all fucking evens out. I think so? You're going to be shafted in this fucking life.

You have to accept that you're going to be fucked in this life. You can go home and drink and jump up and then. down, but eventually somebody's going to be in your position, and you're going to fuck them, but it all evens out. So all that bitching and crying you did when you were 31, how you got fucked, you deserved it, and you went to Brown for four years, and you were a genius, and you were part of the chess club, that all goes out the window because it all evens out.

For years, I cried, now I'm sitting here telling you what there was nothing to cry about. There was nothing at all to cry about, this whole thing evens out. you just have to give it a shot and keep trying. You know, there's going to be those auditions. You go in eight times. They make you take your shirt off. They make you dance. They make you come in early in the morning

and read from the stars in the movie. And you're not going to get it. They're going to go with a penguin. You're going to be there all week long, all week long, three times with the same three white guys. The same three white guys. This is nine episodes of Modern Family League. This could change your life forever.

Get you a theatrical agent. Get your spots in town. You go on Monday. They love you. You go on Tuesday for producers. They love you. You go on Wednesday for networking producers. They love you.

Same three guys. Me, you and Earl, all three days. You wish Earl gets hit by a bus. And if Joey Deers could get hit by a bolt of lightning, you would give up your fucking pension to the Jewish gods. That's how you feel after the third day that you see Earl Skakel and fucking Joe D. is the same audition. And they're both going for the same thing you're going.

Guess what these motherfuckers do to you? They make you come back and get on Thursday and they make you reread the fucking thing. And then guess what they do to your Friday? They make you come down again and read with the star of the fucking TV show. At 10 of the morning. So now the rest of the fucking day, you can't even. fucking focus on what's going on. You're thinking about you heard Earl and he sounded better in the audition and Joey Diaz brought in a white shirt and fucking you fucked up and you're thinking

all this. Now it's Saturday morning. Your girlfriend wants to suck your dick but you can't let suck your dick because all you're thinking about is just roll and how it's going to change your fucking life and how you're going to get spots now and people are going to respect you and you're going to get eight episodes on modern fucking family and Sunday when you go to your parents out You know you want to hear their fucking voice. When they're feeding you the potato pancakes and they're lighting candles on the yarmica, whatever, you fucking blowing them out.

Fuck you. You can't even focus. And Monday morning at 8,000, the first call is your agent. You're about to answer it. You got the fucking roll. You pick up the phone. They go, hey, we just want to tell you,

they went with somebody else. And you go, God damn it. It was Joey because of the white shirt. And they're like, no, they changed their mind. They went with a black guy. And you're like, what the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? Is that worse?

It's not, I'm not saying a black guy. I could say a Chinese guy. I can say they change it to a woman. They do that to you. But then one day, guess what? We're sitting in this room. El Skakel, one night Stephen Spielberg walks into the school store and falls in love with her.

What's to write the story? It's possible. fucking page blockbuster $85 billion budget and one day your phone rings and it's Earl and he goes I want you to shoot 11 days on my movie and you sit there and go do I have to audition

no no no just go to a wardrobe get fitted and you start next Monday and that's how life works and remember that TV show that you read for a modern family right or the season you were going to read for it wasn't hot no more the gay guy got shot during the all season

and nobody watches the show no more. So all that panicking and crying you did and all that stardom you built up in your head was for nothing. Well, how hard is it then to when the good things happen? How hard is it for you to keep a level head and not get too excited because eventually it's going to end?

Right? Do you have to worry about that? When I got here, I saw a very important lesson. I saw a man by the name of Tom Rhodes with long hair at the improv, and his show had just been canceled. And he had to look on his face like his show had been canceled. But he went up on stage and rocked the mic.

And at that moment, I said, no matter what you do, you'll always be a stander. They can't take that away from you. Right there at that moment, it was my seventh comedy, year of doing comedy, maybe eight years of doing comedy. I realized at that moment,

that we were something special because we did comedy. If I fuck Jesse Smolett up the ass, I won't ever work on TV no more, right? They'll never hire me on TV no more. They find the picture of me with Jesse fucking them with a rope around his neck, wearing a Trump hat on. I'm not working ever again.

You don't know that? I don't know. I know that for a fact in today's climate. Will I get a movie? No. Voiceover, you got a better chance of fucking hitting a fucking whack-o, lacquot. but I can always do stand-up in small clubs

and close with the story about the time when I fuck Jesse Smellet up the ass and how it led to it. And always make a limit and have a T-shirt with Jesse with a thing on. Do you understand me? So right there I put it up, I figured it out.

I figured out. And then over the years, I saw people who got built up to be stars and it fell apart and they couldn't handle it. Oh, yeah. And then I figured out that This business is about hard work and stay in here.

I believe that. Stay in here. Stay in here. And now your comedy shifts. Now your life shifts. When you first started comedy, you bombed nine times on every 10 sets. And after 90 days, you bomb eight times after every and so on and so on. And the more you do it, the less the bombings come.

Well, now the percentage is changed for you. once you get to LA in the major leagues. I once read something that who's the bald guy that's good looking that does the car movies. Vince Diesel said something interesting. He goes, I'm not a star. I just stayed here.

I guess when he moved here, he moved here with nine people. After three years, three of them left. You know, he kept plugging. Two more years went by, two more got married and left. Young and that's it That's it. This is what the what did you start coming

So long ago I literally don't remember but I obviously 99ish here and yeah, you know, but I went to the store You're originally from where? Bel Air California no shit you went to high school where Notre Dame high in the valley? No shit So college I didn't really uh SMC the junior college in Santa Monica I never really finished It just wasn't for me. What did you do at that time? It became a fitness trainer.

I used to be a lot bigger. And then I knew I wanted to do comedy. I just knew it. When did you know you wanted to do comedy? What hit you? Probably the fourth grade play I did when I got a big laugh. I'll never forget it. It's probably the most genuine laugh I've ever gotten.

It was just a one line in the fourth grade play. And I just, I want that now as an adult. Did you go home and buy an album after that? You know, all in the family was like my first comedy inspiration. You know, it wasn't traditional stand-up. You know, I loved what Archie Bunker, not what he was saying, but how he would say it and still be likable. And then there was a show called The White Shadow. Tremendous.

Which was like an ensemble all in the family. It was a white basketball coach with an all-black team on CBS on Monday nights. Yeah. At like 9 o'clock. It was an Howard Dramedy. He was one of the first. He was great. He came to the store one night.

Ken Raves? The coach. Ken Howard. Ken Howard, when I first got there, I shook his hand 80 times. I was ready to give my hand job because I loved the white shadow. You know, how old are you if you don't mind? 50. So 50.

So you grew up at a time when Archie Bunker to me was the people I was living around. Right. So to me, it was just another day. in Paradise. I didn't look at it. There's an edgy show. That's the way you know,

I had friends. You went to the house. When their dad walked in, hung his jacket, they would just walk up to you, look at you and say, get the fuck out of my chair. And you accept it.

You didn't run home and tell your mom, Mr. Skakel told me to get the fuck out of his chair. And you sat in the other chair and you watched TV with them, you know? One of the best episodes

I think I ever saw of him especially with comedic timing was when the Puerto Rican found the wallet. Oh, okay. And his cab was, I think Sammy Davis left on the...

He left his briefcase. His briefcase. But there was something what the Puerto Rican came through from. You know who it was, Chico and the man. Yeah, Freddy Prince. No, no, no, it wasn't Freddie Prince.

It was the guy that played the Spanish guy. In fact, that guy made a career out of playing Hector Hector and Sanford and Son I don't want no Puerto Ricans in my house I was talking about the guy Hector Hector did Sanford and son

Hector did the Puerto Rican and all in the family Hector also was in a few episodes of Miami Vice in the beginning Hector fucking Hector rocked but in that episode

he comes to the door they invite him in and he looks at either he goes eat it don't you stand there or from something to drink and she goes what did you like I got milk I got beer and he goes I don't know

he goes off from whatever Puerto Ricans like right way to the side and also he looks him straight in the face he goes how about some pineapple juice and I I don't know how old I was I fucking lost it there was two parts in television history

street that I lost it. I watched them live. I'm very fortunate. The Friday night with Red Fox when he went into the courtroom and he was like, look at all these niggas in here. There's no niggas in the other than a Tarzan movie. That was NBC Prime. I know. It was, it was Sam for the Sun at 8 o'clock and Cheek on the man at 8.30. And if you were anything of a comedy fan like I was, for me, it started with J.J. Walker. Oh, sure. It was good. It was good times. Then it was White Shadow and then I was a basketball player. Right. So I

related to White Shadow, you know. Then it was the NBC lineup which was fucking deadly comedy. Right. And if you paid attention it went on to become Miami Vice Fridays at 9. And Crime Story Oh, I love that show. At 10 with Andrew Gice Clay.

I try and turn so many people on the crime story and it was only around for two seasons. but two seasons Michael man he had two shows on back to back right crime story was his yeah crime story and Miami Vice was his but that's when vice kind of started going downhill is when he left to do crime story he left it to other people and uh Zito left uh Miami Vice and midway through season three and it was never the same because he was the comic relief with uh switek so you know they were like the two detectives who would like Zito died from the OD. Yeah, the boxing episode.

And the guy in that episode was Pappy Serna. Oh, he's legendary actor. Pappy Serner was who got his arm cut off in Scarface. And I did a movie with him. And when they were talking, I go, how was that scene to do? He goes, I don't know. But they had two arms, and I took one. And he made it for 75 grand.

So he took the one arm from the, yeah, Pepe Cerna. Who else is in that episode? Mark Breeland was the boxer. Mark Breeland, Jesus Christ. I mean, I'm like a new. Miami Vice is probably my favorite show of all times. Are you serious? Oh, yeah, I mean.

It took me three or four episodes. No, the pilot came on September of 84. Which was like a move. On a Sunday night. It was a Sunday night, two-hour premiere. And I was at a bar called Gregory's seven-day weekend. Heavy-duty bar. Bottles at the door, you know, fucking a loud jukebox.

And for that, for some reason, cocaine was on an all-time high. Cocaine was on an all-time high. People were getting high for days. It was September of 84, and people were snorting with both fucking hands in my dayboard. Everybody was on Coke. The whole country. was pretty much on Coke. And all of a sudden they released this show

called Miami Vice about these two cops in Miami that are chasing, the one cop is chasing the guy named Calderon down to Miami and he teams up with Crockett with his partner who was played by Jimmy Smiths.

Right. And the pilot is blown up. Yeah. So now Crockett needs a partner. You know Tootie, the black girl? Oh, yeah. She was a waitress at the store. Really?

Bro, you have no fucking idea how much history the store has to that. So one night I'm sitting there in the front and Chewy, the ex-door man, is talking to a black guy. The black guy happened to be the black guy in Faris Gump. Oh, yeah. The shrimp guy? I guess so. Tell me his name. Oh, because he was also in the Great Santini.

Okay, so that black dude is in the pilot of Miami Vice. He plays Calderon's middleman, and there's a scene where he, him and Crocker, are working together. This was a legendary night for a guy like me. Like, I've had many legendary nights at the store, but on this particular night, he was standing six feet from me. And I didn't know how to approach him. There was no way in my world I was going to approach this guy. He did not know how big of a fan I was of his. What's his name?

Is that Michael T. I was going to say, is it McKeddy? Hold on. Michael T. Williams. Michael T. Michael T. Williamson. Michael T. Williamson.

McKelty Williamson. There you go. So, McElty Williamson has a line in Miami. He meets Don Johnson first. With the other guy. By themselves. Right. He meets Don.

And then you see him leave a barbecue place. And he gets in his fucking beautiful Mercedes-Benz. And before he gets in, he wipes the side-pike-old. with his suit and he gets in and he's about to get to a barbecue and Don Johnson's a convertible. Don Johnson jumps in the 450 SLC and smacks the chicken out of his hand. And the guy just looks at Don Johnson and he goes, barbecue on my postory. I've killed for less. And he goes, save me the tough talk, Leon.

His name is Leon. So the night progresses by blah, blah, blah. And he's getting closer to me. And out of nowhere, he goes, you had a good set tonight, I watched you. Chewy said to go on and watch you, that you were going to be good. And he said, Michael T.

And I go, I know who you are. And I looked him straight in the face. And I go, barbecue. Am I upholstery? I've killed for less. And he looked at me all weird. And I go, Miami Vice, 84. And he goes, oh, shit.

I go, that's how long I've been a fan of yours, you know. So he proceeded to take him. tell me he auditioned for it and didn't hear anything. And one night he went up to the comedy store. And the black girl at the comedy store had just done trading motherfucking places. No, 48 hours. Tootty is the chick that Eddie Murphy meets at the bar in 48 hours when he goes up to Nick Nolte and goes, come on, dog, I just need an hour to get me some gombo.

And Nick Nolphe said, what are you talking about? You know, some a gumbo, some trim. It's Tootty. And then on the way out, he gives her money, and she goes, I'm not a pro. When you get out, look me up, and we'll date. I had a nice time with you. That's the first time you ever see Toonie.

When she shot that, she was at the comedy store. Eddie Murphy met her at the comedy store. Wow. And gave her a row of that. So now Michael T. He goes up to the comedy store, meets Toadie. And in the process of Dayton,

she gets the audition for Michael. Amy Vice, they both get it. That's great. Leon gets killed in the pilot. Yeah, the car. But she ended up becoming a waitress. That's why it was cool to be a waitress. After the word got out, that waitresses were born at the comedy store.

Now they're doing TV series. A bunch of spying actors started getting waitressing jobs in the store. That's crazy. Does it make sense? A lot of people go in there. Why not? Yeah. Why not?

Even today. Years ago, Chubbik was a great acting school but once Holly Berry and the white chick won the Academy Award back to back they were both her students her money went up to the roof it went from 200 the fucking month to 255 and now every hot chicken town was signing up for a van de Chubbock's class whatever that phone what's the hot white chick six foot tall um Charlese so you always sir Ron yes it was a lees it was Sharpe's at least in Holly Burry Academy of Woodward's back to back and they were both in her acting class

women's flocked out here to get into that class and if you got into the Thursday night class and then advantage of traffic agents would be up there giving our fucking checks so you had to work yourself up until the Thursday night class I don't know how we got on this forgive me I know please I mean Miami Vice I could talk for hours on Miami Vice what made did you get into Miami Vice? Did you see the pilot? Oh, yeah. I was into Dallas at the time, you know, JR and all that. And I just wanted the new show. I was a Nass Landing type of motherfucker.

Gary Shackleford. Wednesday nights was Nats Landing. I think Thursday was Dallas. And Wednesdays I stayed in. I had a night off from Coke. I think it was a shitty ladies night or something. I wasn't into it. I mean, Friday was Dallas. So that's why it was a big deal. Dallas is Friday. Miami. It was Dallas. Dukes a Hazard on Channel 2. And then that's why it was a big deal at Miami Vice

was such a big show because it was directly taking on those two shows. So, but I just love the show. And like, you know, Gregory Sierra was the original captain on Miami Vice. And he lived here and he didn't want to go to Miami. He wanted more money for the plane tickets and stuff. So they just killed him. They blew them up. Not Jimmy Smith, it's Gregory Sierra.

He died on the... Like the third episode. episode and he died on the boat yeah that's what I'm talking about that no he was the Spanish guy no that was Jimmy Smith died yes Jimmy Smith died when he got blown up by the car but then in episode three they send the Colombian the Argentinian the Argentinian in episode three to go shoot a hit list Crocket Tubbs and he had the captain on there so when the captain went to save crocket the guy was an at Watchtower, and he killed that guy.

Gregory Sierra is the guy who I'm talking about was in Chico in the band. Oh, okay. Look up Gregory Sierra on IMDB, and I'm going to say, that guy was the token fucking Spanish guy here in the 70s and 80s. That guy ain't worth $10 million.

I don't know who the fuck is. Is he dead? No, I think he's a lot. But can you imagine if he stayed on Vice? Like, he just didn't want to travel, and I think he hit him up for more money. It says he's still alive. He's still working.

He took a long time off, actually, but he just did something last year. What's his TV credits? Oh, my God. It's probably a take an hour to read his TV credits. Yeah, oh, wow. Yeah, he started working in the 60s or early 70s. Yeah, 69. It takes a thief.

Tremendous show. Mod Squad, I reckon not recognize. Oh, my Mod Squad was another great show on ABC. The Flying Nun. Tremendous. He was in beneath the Planet of the Apes. Yeah. Guys and everything.

It was in the Bill Cosby show. Oh, watch out. Mission Impossible. All the family. What year was that, do you think? Right now I'm in 72. He goes. He was in the Waltons.

All in the family, 73. Told you. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with Sanf and his son? 75. Hawaii 50. Told you. Every hit show. Columbo.

Every hit show. He was the token Spanish guy. Yeah. And that's only, not only up the 74. He didn't stop working. Gun smoke. Sanford and Son and 72.75. How many episodes of Sanford and Son?

12. Yeah, I do not want no Puerto Ricans in my house. Barney Miller. He did 35 episodes. I'm telling you, dog. I think he was a sheriff, or not a sheriff. I'm telling you. A cop, a detective in the fucking room.

Him and fish. Yeah. This was crazy. I looked up to that guy growing up. I was like, that's the guy. Yeah. Like, how much work does he get? get as a Spanish guy. Soap.

He did. Oh, soap was such a good show. I'm telling you. That's... For the time. Like, that's why I love all these shows. Like, soap, all in the family white shadow, this is when there's only three networks. No showtime or HBO. Believe it or not, you're looking at a guy that really, really, really...

I think that was a show that broke me before the honeymoon. The show, Honeymooners broke me. That broke me comically. Sampton's the Sun and Archie Bunker were great. The Honeymoons took Benny Hill. My combination was

Benny Hill. The Honeymoons came out 11. Odd couple. Yeah, that's fun of it. Twilight came on at midnight. You couldn't beat that. You just stayed in just to watch that shit. That's weird. But I always felt that

Gregory Sierra. Gregory Sierra. Yeah, Hallroads, lead back to Gregory Sierra. Gregory Sierra was one of those guys that you just looked up to you had it if you watch television i just told you i just knew who he was on two or three shows i didn't know he was in all that oh that was a lot more than i anticipated he worked constantly guys like they had no spanish people that fit his mode he's like the true definition of character

actor you don't know his name be like i know that face and uh it's like that episode of the white shadow where the russian kid tries to defect from the basketball team that guy forget his name john something uh he's his i mdb page has to be 500 credits he's he's like a white guy you can play polish russian jewish he works constantly to this day is you act a lot uh not really up until recently like i was in i'm dying up here just playing a bitter late-night comic so i really wasn't acting uh but uh you know no i was too scared i was trying to get into comedy let alone start acting. I'm like, oh, boy, it's... What was the first place you got on stage at, Los Angeles?

Comedy store. You went up to end it to three minutes? And I'll be completely honest with you. I paid Dave Tyree to write for me. Because I saw him open up for Eddie Griffin. Yes. And it was in the main room. And I was just like, well, this guy's pretty dirty. He had a bit about fingering a girl as like feeding a horse.

And it's like, that's the kind of humor I want to do. So I paid him. And I still have the jokes. he gave me they were all stolen jokes like I didn't know any better back then but they were all like you know hey I got a liquor cabinet I didn't even drink you know I've heard that in a joke book before so he kind of ripped me off but like it serves me right you know I should have just gone out there and talked about you know I growing up in Bel Air it's a weird angle to have most comics are poor or you know

come from a poor background I was lucky enough to come from a semi not wealthy but you know what'd your parents do if you don't mind me asking oh no no my dad uh he was like mcgyver you would get the reference because i told uh jessna may poluso that today and she's like who's mcgiver he was like good at everything scratch golfer had the worst golfs swing you've ever seen but he could have been a pro he's on a cover of life magazine and i think 64 for killing a whale uh how do you put money in the back how do you feed you guys His dad in the Depression would drive by oil refineries, and he would see that they would just throw away their waste.

And he'd go into all these refineries and go, can I have your waste? They thought, you're crazy. He should go take it. And he turned it into graphite. And so his company was the largest, privately owned company in like the 60s in America. But then my dad went real deep on an oil drilling exposition in the Amazon, didn't quite work out so you know we grew up you know not as wealthy as we could have and then mom was in the thoroughbred racing business she raced them more she raised and she was from cartersville

Georgia so she had a horse farm and they raised like champion thoroughbreds and so there's a lot of money and so I grew up on horse racing you know I don't know what's going on at Santa Anita these days but 28 horses 30 two died this weekend who died uh It's like the Dominican Republic. Salonine is like the Dominican Republic. Every two days. Another horse dies, and somebody's having to sail on tacos in L.A. Somebody's giving away free samples.

You know what I'm saying? Marinated horse. I don't, you know, I was going to, I got past this this year, and after all the deaths, I had to boycott it in my heart. I was like, you know what? In my heart, I shouldn't give a fuck about the horses, but I'll tell you who love horses. and who loved the races, my mom.

Right. And she wouldn't have gone for that shit, so I ripped up the passes. That was all. We always did it once a year. Yeah, we want a couple times. Yeah, always, always. I love it.

But went out there in the sun. Oh, it's beautiful. But I can't have these, you know, they had a problem when they shot that HBO series. Yeah, luck. Horses were croaking. I loved it. Oh, you like the show?

Oh, yeah. The show was great. Yeah, it was very realistic. But just the horses were dying. They couldn't know it. That's why they canceled. after two seasons. There was a problem.

So something was going on in Santa Nita. Either it's the liquor cabinets. You know what I'm saying? Or the fucking... It's not good, but isn't it just that horses, you can't really heal them? So if they get an injury, then you have to put them down? Yeah, 30 horses in six months.

Well, I think there's a lot of drugs. Yeah, basically give them horse steroids. Oh, okay. And, you know, they just get so big and muscular that once they break down, beyond repair. Fuck. Which is, yeah, I can't watch horse racing. anymore I get because it's kind of animal abuse or whipping the horse to go fast yeah you know

I never really looked at it that way and the horse don't get a dime like you know if you make a million dollars in the horse where you're gonna put him in the penthouse yeah he's still gonna be in a three dollar fucking barn surrounded my mice and a little goat they do that that's what the abuses i got a horse that wins me a million dollars here a million dollars there through 30 000 here i got the horse in a nice table i got him a nice little horse that he could tie up And fuck with a cullo. You know what I'm saying? Like give them a freezer filled with fucking steaks or whatever the fuck they like.

I think they're like, hey, I think they're cheap. I don't know. I'm going to be honest. When I was a kid, I had a friend. One time he went to the metal end and he told me he was in a steak. Take me down there and you talk to the trainers. I didn't like it. That's why I found out about that drug.

You shoot horses. If they bleed through their nose. Right. you shoot them with a drug so LASICs Oh okay LASX so when you go on the betting form It tells you what horses have LASX And then pretty much it raises their rods to win

So I would bet the horses on that drug To make the bleeding stuff But after I learned all that stuff It just wasn't I never wanted to go to the back I don't know where you go off the back stretch Yeah uh Stairs and talk to the horses

Yeah I don't want to know trainers, that's not my back. Like, I don't want to, I don't like, I don't like cooking. I don't want to see raw meat. Right, right, right. I don't want to look behind the curtain. I've seen enough times behind the curtain, you know, and it's negligent. Part of me is negligent for doing, you know.

But at the same time, it's going to keep going, no matter how I feel. People are not going to stop betting horses or horse racing. It's not going to stop. but I just won't go to this place because there's something going on to this place. Yeah, it's weird. But as a kid, the first two athletes I followed were horses.

There was Seattle Slew. Jesus. Who was the 78 Triple Crown winner. And I cried when he lost. He was, like, undefeated, and then he lost at San Anita. And I remember crying, like, oh, he's not the best anymore.

And then there was a white horse named Vigers, who his thing was dead. last by a lot. He was like the white guy in the 100 yard dash in the Olympics. Just like, and he would win. He would just get this bolt of energy and you, there'd be some races he was so far back, you couldn't see him in the camera shot. And then as soon as they hit the home stretch, you just saw like this white bolt of lightning. It was like watching Jordan play basketball. It's the most, and then I got into hockey in the 80s, but like, you know, where were your mom's stables at? Cardishville, Georgia.

So how far from the house? Well, I grew up in Bel Air, so she kept it there. And, you know, my mom was a weird person, like, possibly, you know, molested by someone. And, you know, her dad was killed at 9. And her dad was, like, the Bear Bryant of Georgia high school football coaches. So, you know, she was a very private person. Like, you know. Is she still with us?

No, I lost both my parents two months apart. 98 what they leave you I'm just kidding you fuck well they let me a couple bucks I'm not I can't lie to Uncle Joey and Lee it's an inside Joe I don't mean to be offensive please I love it when some of these parents just die like after a day right like when they're heartbroken and they're confused and you go up to them and you shake their hand you know what I love you dog I know what you're going so I'm very sorry for your pain they don't thank you for coming And they go, how was everything else going? I'm bad, and you wait until they're fucking low, you know.

How much is it in the world? What we got coming? And they look at you and they go, you son of a bitch. They laugh. Right. Because you're trying to break the out. Oh, absolutely. After a day or two, I usually catch people a day and a half after their parents die.

And I call them or if I can approach them. And I approach them right. I wish you around back then. And I always say to them, like, what did mom leave you under the mattress? and they look at you for a split second and they go, you motherfucker, I knew you're going to make me laugh. That's why, you know, I love doing that to people.

I love it because I remember how I felt when my mother died. And how people would leave the funeral of Paul and go, Jesus Christ, I never seen so many spicks in my life. On the other circumstances, I should have not, I should have fucked you, they're my family. But I had a laugh because they were honest. Yeah, no.

You know, you were very, very, you were very, You know, you asked me why I'm so honest in my words and my heart to people. I was surrounded with that when I was growing up. There was no... Today we're scared to talk to our friends. We're scared to talk to our friends. We live in a society where we are petrified. It's not like the old days when I go, hey, Skakel, come in for a second.

What happened to that joke? Well, I didn't like it. Well, who gives the fuck what you liked? It was killing. Thank you, Uncle Joey. I didn't know. Yeah, put it back where it belong. Well, I really don't like it because my girlfriend's parents are black.

There's the fuck. It's a joke. You know what I'm saying? People don't do that no more. No, they're too... And your close friends are really scared to say it to, hey, bro, you're putting out some weight. Hey, bro, I saw you had six Heinekenes instead of two. You know what I'm saying?

We live in a society. We can't do that no more. Now we need that more than ever. after Brody passed we need shit called out on ourselves more than ever I'm not talking about some guy from fucking Tommy's underground

cafe calling out Earl Skakel or Eric Griffin I'm talking about comedy store guys going hey bro remember for a second you know and I left and you were slurring you want to slur go to your mother's house have three drinks and get the fuck out of here don't look at you a little weird for three or four

days but if there are anything which they usually are because they're at the commie store don't come up to a note thank you for telling me that that I started calling me and that's it you don't tell nobody nobody knows nothing we're living in a society but that's not accepted

fucking Archie Bunker said whatever he wanted meathead get off my couch stupid commies you know he used words that we don't want to use we're living in a petrified society

A dog Joey last time I saw you look pretty good. You put on some weight. What are you fat shaming me? No. I'm your brother. I'm telling you that you're 56. I don't want to see you fucking die.

Yeah? Don't fuck yourself. Three days later, I'll call you and go. Hey, do I got on the scale. I got to push the butter to the side. I put a little, it's too much butter on the muffins. You know what I'm saying? That's what you do.

That's not accepted no more. I pretty much fuck with people. I don't say a lot of things. about 10 years ago somebody came up to me and they go you know what your problem is bro you're not a mentor to these young guys and I was like first of all who are the fucking mind to criticize somebody's act

or tell somebody what they should be doing if you're doing something funny I'm gonna fucking tell you if you're doing something funny I'm gonna tell you if I see you and I get to know you and we have a mutual respect for each other as teammates at the store come with it

come with it joey the other night you did that joke why'd you get rid of it sometimes i just forget it sometimes you know that's what we have to have especially after brodie's gone now we have to take care of each other more at the store we're a family don't text me ask me how i'm doing call me you want to hear my voice you want to hear my fucking voice you know what i'm saying you see somebody's little bots at the store at 9 o'clock pick up the phone at once see what he sounds like I want Is he slurring? Is he talking

about something stupid? Is he talking about a flat earth? Do I need to send three Jews and the fucking flute over there? You know what I'm saying? I mean So I'm happy you're part of the comedy store family So first time you went up we're at the store

Where'd you start going on after that? After Tyree sold your bum jokes But I didn't know any about it No, I'm not bad at you. We all get caught by it. Remember, uh, punchline the movie? Oh, yeah. Tom Hanks sells the chick jokes. That's how they meet.

I mean, I just... Remember she gave him 300 bucks from the cookie jar that her and her husband was saving for vacation? I gave Dave a lot more than that. And she paid, yeah, she paid him 300. He tried to get her for eight. And then she paid him five. And then she told him fuck off.

And she would write her own jokes. And then one night, he picked her up. at a diner and said, this is what the fuck you do? Wipe jokes. That's what they want to hear. They don't want to hear that shit you're talking about. And he took her out of Jersey and started taking her to the clubs in New York, keeping her out until two in the morning.

She's killing. She's killing. That's a great movie, guys. Oh, I love it. If you guys are fans of comedy, please watch Punchline, because I guarantee you'll see why 200 comics called an open mic the next day. Oh, for sure. 200 comics didn't go online.

Like, a guy like me, you went in the yellow pages. And you look for comedy clubs. There's four of them. And you called one. The phone was disconnected. You called the other one. They didn't do an open mic. And finally, your third one, did an open mic on Tuesdays.

You got to call on Monday. It's three minutes, and you only get one open mic a month. And you're like, okay. Bye, click. And you're like, oh, my God. I was telling somebody I went to a... I never got on stage. I kept pussying out.

Pussy and out. Pussy and out. And finally, I got my five minutes ready. Me, in the back of my mind, this is the first time I felt out of place. This is why rule number one, don't go nowhere you don't belong. Absolutely.

So I read in the, because at the time I was a doorman at Wits End, that was a small comedy club in Westminster, Colorado. A C-Roo, nobody big ever. But just for laughs, used to release a publication. And in the publication, Johnny Walker comedy competition.

Do you remember that at all? Yeah. Johnny Ward. Every year they had, and for the people at home, they had a contest. HBO had a contest, and Johnny Walker had a contest.

Around the country? Yes. Okay. And then the winner, they did a show on CBS. Oh, shit. And you were the Johnny Walker Redd champion of the year. You got 20 weeks ago.

guaranteed work from the improvs and every other club. I don't know what they were going to pay you, but now you were half of a household name. Right. So there was the HBO one and then... Johnny Walker. And Johnny Walker. So I found out about the Johnny Walker competition.

Guess who's going down there? Uncle Joey. And guess what I'm doing? I'm planning on winning the whole thing. That's how the illusion I was in the cocaine and the blow and the pills. And I was living a normal life Like I was doing a day job And then at night I would lose my mind

And I had a piss in a bottle then I would do coke in between the piss test I was on a rocket ship I love it I go down to the comedy works Sign up was at 9 a.m. I get there as 40 fucking people I sign up

I go downstairs into a basement The judges haven't shown yet Half hour wait I'm looking at these guys This guy's got an NBC see shirt on. This guy's got a late night with David Letterman T-shirt on. This guy's got this shirt on. I got so scared. I fucking ripped up my fucking paperwork and left. And you hadn't been on stage yet? Nope. I chicken that. So what made you kept going back after your first appearance

at the store? Well, the first appearance, speaking of Brody, Brody was hosting and I didn't know What year was this? It was probably 99 or 2000. Yes. And it was the Sunday night open, Mike. That she'd be up there? She was not up there yet at this particular night, but there was a guy on stage from La Jolla bombing pretty bad.

Even back then it was bad. And the guy knew he was bombing. And he kind of walked off stage real meekly. And Brody's like, I can't do a good impression of Brody. He was like, where are you from, kid? And the guy's like, La Jolla. And Brody's like, well, he's like, well that drive just got a lot longer

and I was like I don't think I'm ready for this place and then I went up and not bombed with Tyree's jokes I was like I think I'm going to open mics and stuff and come back and I don't think I came back to like 2009 so

because I felt okay nine years and I'm ready to be seen with at least I thought I was at that time to be seen with you know people who are going up there in the lineups and I probably wasn't even back then ready to you know you just want to start at the comedy store it's like the NBA it's like uh but I probably uh you know what I got passed in 2013 and that's when I felt okay I belong here so it took your four years to get past yeah

all hanging out up there 13 overall for when I uh because Tommy and I just never clicked for which is weird because we both like the same shitty 80s music and you know David Lee Ross solo albums and uh but I just I didn't connect with him you know so what we're doing open mics at the valley like there's a lot of rooms in the valley I used to run mics uh a real like a speed freak bar called McReds on Tuesday nights and uh like TV comics would come in like Ian Bagg and people of that nature uh but uh did the improv a few times probably wasn't ready to be honest but then you know I'd start opening up for Rob Schneider and that showed me the good side of the business you know and he was very

good to me so I was like oh there are good people in this business what years what was making you go back night after night what did you feel I mean I always say you have to be delusional to think you're going to make it but it has to be based in reality like you know I probably probably could never play in the NBA because they have no vertical leap. But with comedy, I've always been told them funny. And all my friends were agents and managers at ICM and William Morris. They're like, dude, just get into comedy.

You're the funniest person we know. We'll help you. And then they all left to get into real estate. So it's fucking bastards. Isn't that fucking crazy? So, but that one still is in the business. He, you know, makes a call for me here and there. so because I'm at the point now I feel where I can't get any further on my own you need a little

you need a little phone call here there you know so uh you know that's what I'm uh trying to you know I'm not a great networker schmooze or you know I'm just pretty open honest that's not really the best way to network you know when I go to the comedy store and I see you I know I'm not going to hear a bullshit story you show up with love yeah Respect. I give you the respect. I watch you sometimes. I was there one night and I was watching. You made me laugh. I didn't know much about your background. Who passed you? Adam? I was the first person. Me and Candice Thompson were the first two people Adam passed. What was the process now then? Well, I was under a lot of pressure just because everyone was going up to Adam going, hey, you know, Tommy really fucked her all over. He's been up here for four years. You know, he's really funny or whatever they were saying. like people like

Brian Scalarro were like hey Adam like you know Earl open for me here and he's great you got to pass them and like that's the worst way to get in you know it's like people asking you to be on your podcast you know you don't want people hey put Earl on you I'll put Earl on when I'm ready

which is how this happened and so Adam just came up to me and he's like dude I know everyone loves you I'm going to showcase you but if you don't do well I can't pass you which I don't want to get in through any other way other than okay this guy belongs so it worked out that night and then uh you know but it's still there's so much pressure at the store and out like the lineups are crazy you know like they're like all-star lineups every night so how many spots are you get in a week

i would say on average two oh i'm not yeah i mean listen that's that's two spots that two people would give a finger for it in the oh I mean, you know, always remember that. I never looked at it that way. I looked at it as fuck. I got a 115 spot. You know, what the fuck is going? I remember saying something Brian Holthrum one night.

He's like, why are you mad about? Because I would have coke in my pocket. And I couldn't do it until I got off stage. So the monkey was scratching. So the later I got on stage, the pisser I would get, the pissier I would get in those days. Until one night that Holterman goes, you know what?

If you don't want to do your spot, don't do it. Put a sign out there and say I don't want my 115 spots. See how many people sign up for it? And it all came into perspective. Oh yeah. I mean, I like the store because Seattle, you know, okay, I moved to Seattle when I was doing

comedy four years. Two years jerking off on myself. Two years with my heart, so open mind, whatever we need. Sleep in a car. Sleep on that couch, whatever gig you got, wherever we need to sleep,

wherever we need to shower. This is what I need. I need a sandwich, a soda, coffee, but besides that, I'm not big. You know, you pick up 75 bucks, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever the fuck it was. What the fuck was I thought? You moved to Seattle.

When I moved to Seattle, but when you move to Seattle, it's the same thing. When you, there's open mics around town, but you have to move into the club. So I go to the underground. And the first time Carl looks at you, he checks you out and goes, okay, I kind of like you. Lee, you're going to go first. So for three weeks, you go up first, the last two times you've been killing, and he moves

you up to number five, six minutes. And you do about a month and a half of that number five. Now number six can't deal with you no more. So now he moves you up to nine. and now you've been there going for three years but you're going up ninth you're not going up first no more you think because you still got your job

with kinkos that you're not making strides you're like I'm still a fucking kinkos but you just moved up nine notches then next thing you know you're number 12 then next thing you know you're following the guy that's the guest so if alley one comes in you're following that guy and they leave you there until you get it right.

And once you get it right, now you start closing the night out. And now it's time Peter's Sart doing 30 minutes in the front of headliners. Now you get to the store. See, I've seen you guys get to the store and start from scratch. Oh, yeah.

And become stars. I love it. Like, I still get chills when I walk by and see my name. Those four years, what were you thinking when you were up there battling it out? I mean, I'll be honest with you. At times, I thought of quitting.

You know, I don't know necessarily how serious I was, but because I love doing stand-up. But I was like, you know, you can only be told no so many times before you're like, geez, maybe this isn't for me. And I knew as long as Tommy was there, I would never get past. When Tommy was there, were you getting spots there at all? No, to be honest. There was nothing like that then.

Like he, one night nobody showed up, I think, Sabat. was supposed to go on and he didn't show up and I think Dave Meshavitz was host and he's like Tommy Earl's the only comic up here you got we gotta put them up for the show is over so he put me on and I don't want to say I killed but I did pretty well and next night they didn't show up again it was you know and went on did well and did nothing in Tommy's eyes, you know, didn't, uh, he just, I don't think he liked me. And I'm like puzzled still, like, you know, why, but, uh, you know, just luckily he was, uh, had some shady accounting methods and was fired. So, uh, you know, it's crazy when you,

when you have a comic, when you're a comic or anything, a chef and you have a dream. Everything is going right. And all of a sudden, you get this bump in a row. you got some guy that's in front of you and on top of that he doesn't like you. Yeah. For any particular reason, what a fucking nightmare that is when you get to that point in your life

and he's what's holding you back to your dream. And eventually you say fuck your dream and you're telling him to go fuck himself and you take a different avenue by you doing that, you get stronger. Sure. And three years from now you realize that guy got fired, he's out of the business.

And you're like, wow. I was right for doing what I was doing because at the end of the week it didn't really matter. I'm still here and he's not. Oh, yeah, but it's so weird when you make those personal decisions in your life with a comic booker, a comedy club owner,

and I've lived it and seen it. The guys that would break balls, there were comedy club owners that would break balls because they thought their club was the end-all-be-all. those guys today are gone. Gone. But then there's guys that the guys in Nashville.

Right. You know, the guys that run the Tampa, the Miami Improv, you know, Joel, they run Tempe. You know, those guys have been around, and they've always been really decent and cool. You know, you enjoy going there the week. You know, you expect, they know what to expect and you know what to expect. It was the guys that would break. your fucking ball the whole weekend from the minute you got in to the minute you fucking left and when I think of those guys the number one guy of all time

rest in peace you little prick is that fucking Danny Burr guy from Tempe right oh yeah never in my life that I met and I and I genuinely read him it took me two years to read him right once I read them, I left him alone, and things worked out because, okay, you're a carpenter, and they're building this huge three-year building, three years. That's stability. We could be talking about a little attrition. We could be talking about whatever the fuck, right?

What are you talking? We need a job for three years of stability. the guy from the Tempe improv The Tempe Improv Well that fucking guy When he The club was great The comics would all get their dick sucked

There was a time Where comics were going down there Coming back with their dick leaking From six or low jobs It's eight pieces ass It's a college town Never for me I'm never saying that it happened to me

It didn't happen to me I'm saying that Tempe was a hot comedy club Sure They ran it on time Danny Murray did a good job that way But he fucking Ruled with an eye in hand His staff hated him

There was no hang at the club afterward And if you were a big time headliner He'd want to hang with you So he'd already set the night of play So it's me, you and Skakel I take you guys down with me I plan us to do the fucking night And then go to this burger joint

It'll come to you when I'm on stage and say, so are you guys ready to go out? You're like, what are you talking about? And he'll go, I got a limo outside. They're waiting. They take us three to a strip club in Scottsdale. And you three look at each other. You're like, I don't think that's the plan.

He would do creepy things like that. And you get on stage, and he would make you go out there with you. And he got like a VIP boot, and he would start snort and blow. And I'd tell him not to do blow in front of rogue. And it was horrible. Right. I remember one night he wouldn't pay me because

I didn't tell him where all the guys were. I didn't know where they were. Mike Young was fucking. Mike Young would get booked and lie to him and tell him, yeah, I'm going to bring down Leonardo DiCaprio and the guys from Entourage. And then he would disappear.

So he thought Mike Young was the entourage guys and he wasn't showing up. He must have called Mike Young 80 times that night. The line of the year was like, if you don't call me right back, you'll never be on Letterman. You're a club owner in Tempe, Arizona.

But that's how powerful he thought he was in his head. And those guys, like, he wouldn't let you drink on stage. Right, right. He didn't want women in the green room. You know, he didn't want thousands of things. That any other improv owner, you know how many times people quit that club? George Lopez quit on a Friday night. What?

He had a week in the gigs book and sold out weekend. Went up down the Friday night. The guy was a known Coke Feat. God rest of the sock. You never heard this? George Lopez was up there. He got on stage and Dan was breaking his balls. And finally, in front of the owner, in front of everybody, he went up there.

And he goes, how are you guys doing? This is a great club. I loved you. the general manager owner here, Dan Murr. He goes, this is my impersonation of him. And he got on his hands and knees and opened up an aspirin. And put it on the thing.

And then made it believe he was doing a line of Coke and his nose got all white. And Dan Murr was in the back and his wake flew off. He only had like eight hands left and four of them shot out of his cranium. Oh my God. And fucking, he got into an argument

with Jordan. George goes, bitch, I quit. And he quit on a Friday night. I didn't know that was an option. He had wars with everybody. Jesus. He threatened me and Rogan one night. For what?

The show was on Thursday, and we were taking the Wednesday night flight in. The Wednesday night flight was delayed. They pushed us on a different flight. He started calling us to see where we were going. Like, where are you guys headed when you get here? Who knows? We're going to a hotel to check in. That's it. I don't fucking know.

Well, I've got reservations before. And he don't wait. What? You know, maybe we don't want to... And I know Rogan didn't want to go to dinner. And I would just laugh. But I remember that I must have shut off my phone. When I got the Tempe, I put it on,

and I had 20 messages from it. You better call me back right now. If not, it's contempt of contract. This show's not till Thursday at 8. We're coming in the night earlier just to fucking come in. You know, he went off. And the last thing, I played the messages for Joe. You're going to hear this fucking lunatic.

And Joe's like, I'm straightening him out tonight. And we got to the hotel. There he is with some driver. I made plans at Casa. Their food, G, the best steak in town. And Joe's like, knock it off. We're not going there. We're not thinking, like, I don't want to hang out with you.

You're fucking creepy. Joe just went off on him and that was it he never bothered us again hello and goodbye he banned me because they fucked the chick upstairs and he thought it was me

what happened was it chick went into the green room she got hammered and she passed out and we left and one of the 18 year old waiters came up and started fucking up he had never got

he was his virginity or something like that so he kept booking Joe but he wouldn't let Joe bring me what because he says it was me that brought the chicken to the green room. With reality, she was there to see the star from Fear Factor.

You know what I'm saying? And Joe left to that, like, the chick was annoying. Hot, but annoying. Most hot chicks are annoying. But she fell down and fucking passed off. Jesus. And then now he's gone and you can go to, you do the intemian improv. Now he's dead.

I don't feel so good myself. All that drama was because of nothing. But my point being, it's like when the catcher eyes stars were out here. You had to call that guy, send him a tape, send them a veils, get a reference. It was a year process. Right. Kevin Carney. That was his name. Kevin Carney. He booked you in Princeton, Vegas at the Excalibur with the kids with the swords, and he booked you at Reno. And all that shit, and one day I got a call from Jimmy Schubert. And he goes, what are you doing tomorrow?

I go nothing. He goes, you're featuring for me, Arena. I catch a rising stuff. So for two years, this guy drove me crazy. And all of a sudden, headliner calls you can get you in.

I was never mad at Kevin Carney. After that, we became dear friend that he booked me. But the point being is that comedy is very weird like that. Yeah. Sometimes you can't get in. They got on take your calls.

All of a sudden, Bill Burke calls him. He says, I'm bringing them with me. and that's the end of the discussion there's no tape yeah there's no fucking critique there's no nothing have you ever noticed that oh yeah like if you go into a club you got to send them a tape if i bring you with me you don't say boo you go up there and let your nut sack on fire he won't say boo because he's got to say something to me and i'll tell him the fuck off yeah i mean that's happened a lot when i was with schneider like who's this guy i'm the guy who's email she didn't return for you know two years oh you

you're with Rob. Do you want a headline an off night? I'm like, oh yeah, I do. It's crazy. I get it. It elevates you.

And you get it and you have to look. I'm still, there's some people that I'm in shock that they talk to me, but there's some people who did pull for me 20 years ago that Jeff Wills runs a live nation.

I became friends on 20 years ago. Do they ever call them and bother him? What? What live nation room could I fill? A piquity pond. You know what I'm saying? What live nation room can I fill? And for years, I heard people go and I heard Jeff Willes say nice things about you.

And I would sit there and go, he never books me. That's how life is sometimes. And now Jeff Wilson is my number one to go guy. Number one. I love him with all my heart. Because that's how it is sometimes. we cannot get angry at anybody. Those people that are genuinely out there waiting for something for you,

and they're looking out for you. And here you are going, fucking Diaz told me, he was going to take me on the Caribbean cruise of them, and now I haven't heard from him. Well, maybe Diaz is working on some mountain. And Diaz is going to call you and go, hey, what are you doing tomorrow? Girl, I'm taking my girlfriend for dinner. We're on the first-class flight to Hawaii,

and then we're going to Japan, we're getting some sushi, and then we're rolling down to the Philippines. But, but, but, but what? But what? Start packing. Tell the Chinese to give you back that passport. Tell Bel-Air you're leaving the property to get the fucking armed machine gun Jews

toting around that no fucking crowd by God. Right or wrong. That's what this life is. Oh, yeah. That's what this life is, guys. That's why I always tell people, keep loose. Stay loose in this. I don't leave.

What are you doing August 8? I have no fucking idea. Are you booking me for a gig? No, I'm coming to town. Call me on the 7th. I'll let you know if I'm here. Because you don't know what's going to happen. The Rolling Stones might bump into you.

When you're eating hot dog and go, you're a comedian. I thought I saw you on YouTube. Yeah, that was me. Come on the road with us and do 10. That's how quick this could change. Oh, absolutely. I still remember Freddie Soto being at the comedy store. What's his name came in?

Saw him, took him on the road. They did 2,000 fucking deal. dates uh what's the yeah baby he was married to jennifer lopez uh john uh the spanish she just left him yeah john something no i know he just left him for the poor he just left him for the poor guy's good lucky guy but kind of like uh uh mark anthony mark anthony he walked into the comedy night open mic so friday on stage started talking to him with that song became a hit who do you think was the open Freddie that's

wow yeah doing 40 minutes in front in front of him in front of 2000 20,000 people that want to hear music you want to talk about your life flashing in front of you you're up there that's the 10th minute they're booing you Freddy used to tell me it was the roughest time

of his life but the paycheck oh yeah was so good the travel the food catering you know room service and Mark didn't care Mark was just like I like Yeah, Mark wanted a comedy guy. Mark liked him. He thought he was funny. Well, I still remember being at the improv with Joe

and Chris McGuire getting fucking lit on cocktails. I'm doing methadentad end of the room. And I turn around. There's Freddie Soda. And he's like, what are you guys doing? You want to go to Mark Anthony's party on? This is when South Beach was very hot and exclusive. He goes, I'll get it.

Mark to send a car for us right now. And we looked at each other like, I don't think so. I was too fucked up. I could show. So we just go, Freddy, fuck it, just stay with us. And we kept Freddy out all through fucking Coconut Grove to about six in the morning. What are you nuts or what? Those are the good old days.

Oh, yeah. He said, I got to leave. I got to catch another flight to fucking. They were leaving for like Peru. It was crazy. It's crazy the opportunities you have at the store. Oh, it's like, you never know who's in the crowd watching you. Now, the improv, you know, your response?

A little more lately. But, you know, I'm dear friends with Paige. I'm just shy and asking for things. She's a sweetheart. If you just call her for spots. I can't do that. Like, I'm so fucking shy. This is a business.

Oh, I know. This is a business. And you're always a piece of a puzzle. You're always putting together a puzzle for somebody. That's why I always feel when I got mad at, Lee. I got very mad at Lee a couple weeks ago because they were looking for a fat guy to dance on

that show. And Lee goes, well, I didn't want to expose myself at $300. I go, it's not $300,000 is getting your foot in the door. Sure. It may be an under-five on paper, which means under five lines. And trust me, there's companies and the scumbags.

Hey, fat man, dance. You want me to dance, I'll dance. That's $350. But what if I say to you, where are you from? Do you know how to dance? Yeah, what type of dances do you do? That turns into 1100. But you're not going to know until you get there

because they want to read what type of personality you have. Right. So what are we talking about? The store, opportunities in the store. But you're right, though. No, I know I'm right because I went through it. I don't know how many times I showed up to something and they told me it was going to be one thing

And don't get me wrong. I got lied to it. The check took eight weeks. They told me $2.50. I only got $1.75. Now I had to call the guy for the $75. And I had to wait for the next pay period for him to cut the check. You know, when you're broke, $75 is a lot of fucking money.

Fuck, yeah. You follow me? But then somewhere along the line, you go in for a co-star. That's why I always... Like when they say co-star possible recurring. That means we don't know what we're looking for. That's at that time. And so basically what I'm hearing is at the beginning,

you kind of have to do everything. You do whatever the fuck they call you to do. I did a pilot. You want me to be embarrassed? I did a pilot for the guys from Seinfeld. When Seifel canceled, they tried to do another pilot like a comedy pop-up pilot. Right.

Like instead of America's funniest videos, videos, it was funny a die. Right. With a host, one of the pilot episode, it was me getting hit in the face with a fucking pie in a diaper. When I got there, I knew I was going to get hit in a face with a pie, but I don't know I was going to get humiliated. Right.

And I took the humiliation. I didn't like how the producers acted. Obviously, it took dirty fucking days to pay me. you know this is part of it but this all that 250 or that 300 all goes into a funnel then you get two checks at the store for 15 a week that's 30

times four that's a small 120 right no that's a small 160 no that's a small 120 four times 30 is a small 120 right you know it all go when you're first doing all these things and people always laugh at you hey you're making any money and you say

them is it all about money right now i'm punching it yeah absolutely i'm punching it you have an agent i have a voiceover agent uh you have a very unique voice i'm the only white guy right now in an all black cartoon so but i got it at the comedy store you know one night in the crowd skinny black kids watching me had no idea who he was i'm making fun of him hey it's roger from what's happening and stupid stuff like that and it was tyler the creator and uh he's three seasons in on the cartoon It's like, you know, amazing. Like it goes back to what you were saying at the stores. So much opportunity there.

This was on like a Tuesday night during Rose Battle. I thought he was just some black dude because I'm a metal head, so I don't know a lot about rappers and stuff. And, you know, he's amazing to me. So, you know. I always tell people my secret. I'm following Skakel at 1015. I get there at 9.15.

I say hello, the waitresses, itchy, richie, the Mexicans making the potato chips, the best potato chips in the town. A couple of comedies come in, I say hello. I take my two waters, and I go into the original room, and I sit about 10-10 times, it's Bobby Lee. I look at Bobby Lee, and I absorb his material for three minutes, and then I see Bobby Lee from when I first met him.

But Bobby would drive to San Diego. I still remember with his dad and his uncle. And no, and his brother. This had to be 20 years ago. I remember going down there and doing La Jollaoy, and he was a star in La Jollaoy. Him, Shay Matage, a couple guys were stars on La Jollaire. I still remember Bobby, you know, being a doorman, I think,

opening up for Freddie. And, you know, so when you see this, You're like, Jesus Christ, not only did I grow, but these people around me grew. Sure. What did they do different than the other guys? They stayed. The other guys disappeared. They either lost their mind.

They paid, they bought into the hype. There's 10 guys up there I was groomed with. From Joe Rogan to Bobby to, you know, it's mind-bombing to still see these guys. And when you see them do well, your heart, Benjiapha. Oh, yeah. I saw that kid mumbled and stumbling on stage years ago. He goes up before me now on Saturday nights at 915. I got to think twice before I go up there.

I got to think twice. I'm like, this guy's dangerous, more dangerous than Ron White. Little Josh. Yeah, Josh Martin. A couple weeks ago, I saw him have the Saturday year in the original room. So it lets me know that that's the right place. Oh, for sure. It's the rights, it's like joining a jiu-jitsu school, martial arts school.

You're going to get bombarded the first year at the comedy store. The original room is one of the toughest rooms to get. What time do you usually go up, now that the cartoons are doing so well. And I didn't care when I went on. I was so happy to be in there. I didn't care if I went on at 1.30. But now around midnight. So I love it.

Who took the Brody spot over? Holtzman, I guess. Is up there every night now? He does the main room. He closes out the main room Friday and Saturdays. And sometimes... What about during the week? Who's doing the midnight spot now?

Let me see. Well, Barris, of course, closes it out every night. But, you know, I guess it's the newer past people who have to go on later on in the OR. So... Felicia goes out a couple times a week, right? I think. Yeah.

She's... One 30, the poor thing. But that 130... That 130 spot builds a lot of character. Oh, it can be pretty brutal. Every level of that store builds a different muscle in you. And again, it's like any other job you get. When the boss says to you, go around the building clean

and make sure that those certain things aren't there. And then one day you step in something and it's because that thing explodes. So you see the levels of everything. And that's what the store does for you. It really is a four to six-year college program. Oh, and maybe even longer. At the six year, at the 60 year,

you've gotten the rhythm of both rooms. You're killing in the original room. And you start getting stuck. It's a tough time. After six or seven years, you start to battle yourself. You know, when you first get there, you look at the walls and you go, why is Eddie Murphy not down here every night? Why isn't David Wayne's not down here?

every night. Why isn't this broad? And then one day you go, oh, I get it. This is another process. The process is to get out of here. Jay Leno said it best. The process is to get out of the store. Always go to the store, but to get out of there into something bigger or better. And that's what Eddie Murphy went on to do prior. They always kept the comedy store at their home. At this point, my life at 56, I couldn't imagine going anywhere else to do comedy anymore. What's the best? It's the best for a guy like me. Right.

To keep my savagery strong, especially in the original room. I got to raise my voice. When I get offstage at the original room, 30% just drops out of me. I'm wiped out. That's it. The week is over. The week is over. Turn out the lights, the party's over.

And I love that. But I still remember go up there and knowing I was going up there to bomb. following da Marrera you know how many times you know how many years I went down there knowing I was gonna go down at a bomb oh yeah I mean it's I feel the same way you know Saturday night your spots at 1230 but around nine you start calling up just to get the rhythm of the room you're watching the UFC at your friend's house it ends at 10 1030 so you're still gonna make your spot at the store in fact you'll be early I'll buy some powder from Lee I'll get my pills ready. I'll get a drinking me and shit. Maybe I'll get a waitress to, you know, see if she'd give her a little blast of Coke to get a following me around.

Can I get more after the spot? We'll check out. We'll get out of here. I had a thousand methods up there. And what are you talking about? Just about your stay sitting here to the store? Go, you reach a, like, a crescendo. You do reach a level there,

and you never get comfortable. you get frustrated. Oh, yeah. I got very frustrated. By 2004, I was very frustrated in my personal career because I was killing at the store, but nothing was happening. It's tough. Do you feel like what?

Oh, that's how I feel right now. I mean, now some things are happening, but, you know, it's, you always want more, I think. You do any road work at all? Well, now I can because I have credits, but before, no one. would feature or headline me because it's like well do we just can't bring you up as hey he's a funny guy but now you know with the cartoon and you know i'm dying up here and uh you know roast battle i'm pretty popular on that show uh so yeah i love doing the road you know because i just i love comedy i'm not in this business to be famous or to make money you know i realize it's a

side effect of the business but i just love performing i get a sexual high from it I've seen the people who have gotten into it for money, they give up first. That's the people who fall in love with it and go, you know what? This is what I want to do. Yeah, I mean, if you... And it's going to take nine years or it could take nine months, but I'm going to die trying. I can't imagine being 54 medium situation in your life. You're not starving.

You're paying your bills. You put a little money away. you have credit card debt like the rest of America. And you look at your life and you're going, you know, I did okay, but I really wanted to be a guitar player. I wish I would have tried one time. I know I'm never going to have that fear.

Like, yeah, I could have been an attorney. Right. I could end up in Valley College tomorrow and go on the road 10 weeks ago and do the podcast and go to school, law school, you know. Yeah, for me, I think it's too late. I'm 56. I'm good.

There's nothing I want to do. I want to try. I don't want to go overseas. I don't want to see China. I don't want to know nothing. Shit's going to get ugly pretty soon over there. Real fast. Real fast.

You feel you're happy. Is this what you want to do? Oh, absolutely. When you're my age, where you're 50 now, when you're 57, are you going to look at the mirror one day and say, you know what?

It really doesn't matter what ended up happening. I still did what my dream was since the fourth grade. Oh, absolutely. I mean, the only thing I regret is not starting earlier because I started at 30. I think I started at 18th. I started like fucking 29, 28.

But, you know, that's the only thing where I'm like, ah, you know, I wish I maybe would have to start it. But what would you have to talk about at 21? Not much, but, uh, I don't know, you just, uh, you know, 27, you've had hard, you've had, you've had, you've had an outbreak. An uncle has died

A parent has died You've lost a cat Your girlfriend cheated on you with the neighbor Some other girl gave you gonorrhea You had life constraints at 27 You know what I'm saying You have $60,000 in debt And student loans

You're looking at life a little different than 21 I like people who have gone on stage While they were in college I have nothing against that I really don't I have more power to them They got their feet went earlier But I think they really

found their voice. Once you got to pay your own bills is when you start finding your real voice. And I may be wrong. Oh, no. I don't know. But I just wish maybe, maybe just a little earlier. No, I'm perfect when I did it when I did it. I'm perfect. I have no fucking regrets. I started at 28. I got serious about it at 30. 30. I'm like, okay, if this is what we're going to do, we got to pull up our fucking sleeves. I get it. I get the work, pass. This shit I've been doing for the last two years Are getting on stage every two weeks And telling people I'm a comic

That that's not going to work Right You gotta do this 18 times a night And you know Put your fucking glasses on and go deep Oh yeah You know the deeper the better I mean I've always had the work ethic

But I guess now it's Trying to navigate the other side of the business You know the networking I like to call it palming you know Hey how are you Brother the networking is on stage. As a comic,

if I'm an agent and you come up to me and said, Errol Skakel, comedian, and I go, Joe D and CIA, how's it going? Trying to put my career together. Are you on the line up tonight? No. Then why the fuck are you here? Right.

That's always been my opinion. Don't go nowhere you don't belong. But if I go down to see Chris Dalia, and I walk in the room, I get settled, I sit, I catch my ear, and I look up and I see your Oskakel, and I approach him. Do you see what I'm talking about?

Oh, I got it. Yeah. It's interesting for me to listen to you guys talk about this stuff, because for now, like, I take it seriously, but I don't even think I'm really in the business of stand-up, but it's still just, it's more than a hobby, but I'm, for me getting paid as a bonus. So it's good, it's interesting to hear you guys talking about when it, like, when you actually, when you basically go pro at it and how you have to figure out how to get paid,

how it turns into more than just something you enjoy doing. I'm just uncomfortable promoting myself. Like even this weekend at Cluster Fest, I had an ICM agent asking me about the cartoon. I was almost embarrassed. I'm going, okay. It's going good. I wish I could talk myself up a little more

because I think to get to that next, next level of you and Rogan, and Delia, you've got to self-promote more. Yeah, I have a problem with that too. And I hear a lot of people say they have problems with it. And you don't want to be the guy who overdoes it, but I think you don't want to wish you had done it or you can't get. No one's going to do it for you.

There's too many people here. Yeah, I mean, you have to do it yourself because there's 10 other people who will do it for themselves. Look at it as letting the guy know what you're doing and letting that person know what you're looking to do. Right. Without. Don't come up to me and say, hi, Earl Skake.

Oh, yeah, you look very funny tonight. I don't know anything else going on in your life. Yeah, well, my film just took second place in the Chicago Film Festival. That's when I say, good night. I'd turn around. You know what I'm sorry. I'd rather you say to me, yeah, I'm working on a one-man show about my wife. She got hit by a motorcycle.

in the head when she was walking the dog. You know, I'd rather you tell me about your future. Right. And let me know what you're doing on a little basis, not you're throwing it at me. Right, right. You know, I've been fortunately enough lately. I don't book a lot of stuff,

but I booked this cartoon. And to be honest, it's black. So I'm very lucky there. They gave me the second season. You're not boasting. You're letting me know, number one, you're an earner. Yeah. I don't listen.

I don't give a fuck If you got the voice of Sinatra And you can bend over And at the same time Put a Roman candle up your asshole And blow flowers out That's quite a show That would be a good show

If you can't sell tickets Oh absolutely I really don't have any interest in you I learned a long time ago I get calls I tell Lee Every three days We know acquaintance from town

That's finally not the podcast is doing well or getting more spots or whatever and they'll try to sound me on a project they have and that was me 15 years ago people come to me and say I could pitch and I would come up with something and then we'd pitch and the people say thank you for coming here

because the guy I was with was a fucking asshole and the whole thing sucked but that's not it even if I walked in there when I loved Lucy I was a nobody and people don't want to do business at nobody's I don't give a fuck if you have the next American Idol. I don't give a fuck if you have the next American family.

It's very weird how this town works. If you have a little bit of heat in the old days they threw you, $150,000 to hold you for a year to see what you were going to do with that move. Can you put a writer together? Can you put a pitch together? What shows do you have in mind? What's episode

seven going to be about? What's episode nine going to be about? Do you really think you could do that in a year? Not really. You come up with a half-cocked idea, and then with the idea doesn't work guess who's fault it is so now when CBS goes we're looking for new guy Lee comes in and says oh my god I see the cutest white guy's name is Earl Skakelton the name is show at NBC yeah next you this is a very weird town they want to do

business with you on the way up they don't want to do business with you on the way down I'm a book in the longest yard and trying to get a radio show guy's name was Goombaghani back in New Jersey big fucking radio show. He did a year of time because he was shaking down the girls at Gotti's place. I remember calling him as a man

and I met him in a show. He got into comedy. Not the best comedian, but because of the radio show, he was selling out of 300 tickets of a fucking show. And he would do these shows and he invited me to do a show

and he gave me his number. And I go, hey, I'm going to be in this movie. I'd like to come on and promote it. And I called him. He was a jersey guy. So I thought we had a common bond and when I called and I never got mad at them. It just made me understand where I stood When I called him he goes yeah listen I talked to the producers and it's not a good idea

The bottom line is we're not in business and making stars You have to be a star to come on the radio show and he really had he had Bon Jovi calling there and people like that I didn't hang up on him I understood what that meant and it was the truth I don't give a fuck if you're on the move with Adam Salem. There's 80 other people in that movie all when you were Adam Sandler. Right. You know, then it hurt my feelings

for three seconds. Then you understand the business side of it. Sure. Because no matter, in this comedy shit, as you learned, now you're at the comedy store. Oh, I'm psyched. It never gets old to see my name.

But now we've got to take it to the next level. Listen, I'm trying. And how many years have you been doing comedy? I'll say 20. 20 and now you're going to take it to the next level. And let me tell you something, you can't. You know how I know? Because I took it to the next level at the 16th year,

18th year, maybe the 20th year, 19th year was where you figure it out. And now people call me, can you ever, you want to come in with an idea? 20 years ago you weren't called me. I was the same comic. Right. It's doing the same raunchy jokes

and the same raunchy fucking material. You know how many times I've seen Lee come in with no management, no agency, and do a set. And two days later, see you come in with two Jews and a black guy. Everybody's got a suit on. One black guy's got a yarmaca on. The Jews don't have a yarmica, but the black guy's got a yamaca on. And you're doing exactly the same jokes as Lee, pretty much in the same vein. And CBS is coming to see you.

You're in town for a meeting with Robin Williams. State, you know, I've seen it a thousand times. We never know what's going to work. It's not up to us. The only thing we can control is our growth, our writing, and never to stop doing what we believe in. Absolutely. And what we think we could aspire to be.

I don't want to know what you really want to be. I want you to keep that to yourself. And every day, you know, you go, you see somebody, you go, wow, someday I'm going to be as good as to be. Bastion. I go down there and I go, how come I couldn't be DeLea? You know how many times I watch John Malaney and jerk off alone myself and throw out in my face? Why couldn't they beat John Malaney?

You got to figure out who scale is. Yeah. I mean, Lee Syatt has to figure out who Lee Syed is. The quicker you figure that out on stage and how to portray it to the audience, the quicker this party starts. But I see a lot. You're a good warm guy. That brings negative energy out of you.

How was this festival this weekend? It's fun. I did a roast battle. It was a tough battle just because I had to battle a transgendered comic in San Francisco. It was definitely an away game. But I got to do Todd Barry's Crowdwork show, which was super fun. You got a website and stuff like that? No, just Twitter and Instagram, Earl Skakel.

And when does your podcast get released? usually every Tuesday it's just called inappropriate earl and my last name which is kind of weird is just spelled s k-a-k-l i got a hard time saying it's like a fucking tongue twister yeah i mean it's i get skankle skunkle skakkel and every time i'm saying it i think i'm saying it wrong that's what it's sounds like skanky yeah i mean it's like skanky's cousin skakle yeah it's when you go to the hospital and your leg has finally fall off and they're like do i have uh whatever no you got can't Yeah. What on the fuck?

Oh, Skakel. You had a Kankle. I mean, a Skakel. So. How was your experience at whatever fest? Oh, Skank Fest. New York was awesome. New York was my first time being there and doing comedy.

And it, uh, it was just amazing. It was like, I did 11 spots in four days. Not all of them went great. I'm kind of bummed about that. But I got to do show. I got to do a whole bunch of clubs and rooms. And thank you to Philippe. and Louis J. Gomez and everybody.

It was kind of a glimpse ahead to see what this could be if I keep going, and it showed me how much I love New York. And I got to, like, Quentin, the host at Dangerfield was great to me. Everyone was great. Like, it's, sometimes you hear some negative stuff about comedians and comedy. This was an overall, an amazing weekend. I got, what you guys were talking about, We'll see what happens, but I got offstage at a small club, the Broadway comedy club, and this guy was like, oh, I'm an agent.

Here's my car. Are you sag? And I'm not anything. So that was amazing. I had one of the best sets of my year and a half, the midnight show at Skangfest. So I couldn't be happier. That's great. Congratulations.

That was a lot of fun. You know, I'm like the old guy in comedy, and I'm seeing all this. Like, I'm sitting. now looking at all you guys going that guy just got on the rotation belt all this is is a rotation belt you're like a Keebler almond

cookie they put you on the belt and you let piece of dough with three M&Ms and a piece of almond and then depending on how slow you go through the oven that null fencely that's how quick how dare you. That's how quick you

fucking stay here. But before you hit that up, if you say I'm going to jump off the fucking belt, do you know what I'm saying? Oh, absolutely. Being at the economy store, getting at the rotation

at the improv, getting a rotation at the laugh factory, now you're placed on a rotation belt. And think of the factory being three fucking miles away. And it's a fucking another year process in that cave of developing and forming

and now let's see how fast to convey about. It's all up to you. This is such a great life that we live. Oh, I love it. Because no matter what art, what career you pick, you pick it, you put your head down, you're going to eat shit no matter what you do. When you're a doctor, what do you think?

You walk in there and they give you, like it's TV, two guys put the gloves on you, and they give you a citizen, and they give it all this. No, you're cleaning our guts. You're washing people's nut sack. You're jerking people off so they can have a heart attack. What hospital is this? I don't know if that's a medical procedure.

These guys don't know about it. You got to go to Mexico to get that tree. That sounds like a porn that I've seen before. But anyways, Skakel, I'm happy. I wanted you always on the podcast to come in and talk about yourself. And then we went off on some tangents. I'm sorry, next time we'll get you. Oh, we could talk about Miami Vice to Hall because I've so many.

Miami Vice was a masterpiece. Well, the first three seasons were actually kind of dark. Like it gets most of the publicity is for the music and the clothes. And like every episode looked like a music video. But if you break down the characters, you know, Crockett was a, you know, a dark soul. Tubbs was always looking for Calderon and revenge. And Switech had a gambling problem.

And, you know, so it wasn't just a fluff show. the chick, Gina, fell from the father from taking. He brought the weapons from the IRA and they didn't believe her. That was a very good episode. Ted Nugent was a very good episode. When he would lure drug dealers,

he would send the chick out to the beach and she would fall in love with you and then she'd make him, she'd come back with a black eye. Ted Nugent would fucking walk around with no shirt on and he would say, so tell me about the guy. And she would say, cute I think he's got the money and then he goes you ready to work and he would open up with him

smacking her in the face and then she would run to earl's cake on go joey beat me we got to get away from him but I'm scared I know he's got a gun that eight kilos of coke and I know he needs to sell it and she would know that eroskeko was in the business so she would set you up you met him out in the desert a construction site he'd get out of the car and blast you and then bury you under dirt. And he had tons of bodies out there. That was a scam. Jesus. He would take the money from you,

go to his car, shoot you, pull away, and then bury you. It was a tremendous episode. Another great episode, Frank Zappa. Yeah? On the boat. I don't know who he was working for. You know, that's how they, by Tuesday, they were a great

marketing machine. Because by Tuesday, they'd show you who was going to be on on Friday. Your whole week was planned around that. Friday night. I didn't leave the house till. I still remember the... It's the pilot.

Two hours. And then the first episode opens up with a Colombian guy getting a drink of water. You see the water pouring into the glass. And all of a sudden before he goes to drink it, a guy smacks the glass out of his hand. It says, tell me who the fuck he is. The guy's like, I don't know.

They call the Argentini, and he's got a hit list. Oh, right. And all of a sudden you see crock and tubs in that boat just going out for the Bahamas. That's how the first episode is. And they go down there and he falls in love with Calderon's daughter. Yeah. And he knocks her up and they shoot Calderon. Episode one, two, or three.

No, it had to be like episode four or five. It was a little, yeah. They shoot Calderon. They get Calderon, they come back. And then season three. That's my favorite season. Is when Crockett and Tubbs go to a diner, and Crockett has to, Tubbs has to make a call,

and a car pulls up. They put two guns to his head, they put him in a van, they take him away, and he walks into a house that's gorgeous, and it's a chick that comes out. It's a chick he had the affair with Carl Dorel's daughter. And now she's got a kid, but she's got a brother. brother who's played by John Leguizamo

1987 it's 2019 John Leguizamo 1987 played Calderon's son tremendous episode oh there's so many good ones tremendous episode

and next thing you know Calderon takes the kid and ties the sister up in a Cadillac is this on Netflix I haven't seen this on CBS and tells Well, now it's on, I just bought all five seasons. I think it's on Amazon Prime. Hulu or Amazon Prime.

They put the baby in the car with the sister and are surrounded by dynamite. And when they attack, they blow up their baby and the fucking thing. But before that whole scene goes down, who was the guy that popped into the scene? He was a commissioner. Leia E. Coker.

This is how strong this show is. the president of fucking Chrysler is on this episode and people went nuts he played like this fucking crazy guy I don't have to check it out like yeah go in there and bomb him it's a free zone I don't care what you do

so when they bomb them they bomb them they think Calderon's dead they go through the rubbish they find paperwork they do this whole thing they show tubs depressed and the episode ends with them being in a funeral, Paul.

They're outside, and they're burying the sister and the baby. Everybody's there, and a flower truck pulls up late and puts a stand up, and when Tubbs takes the fucking thing off it, he opens it up, and it says, her earring, and it says, I'll be back.

That's how the sees... I mean, this was... They were fucking with the insides. It's a dark show. A dark show. Another great episode, Tony Armato. That was the first show. Tony Archaero. Tony Arcaro was the guy that's still around that they buried them in the wall. Yeah.

They buried them in the wall. Bruce McGill. And the cop had a nervous breakdown. And he kept saying that he knew what Tony Arcaro was. And they were like, he was dead. And finally he took him to the thing. Yeah, but the top. And the dire strait song.

Yes, the dire strait. Whatever the name of that. Oh, that's a great song. Yeah, it's very haunting. But. And the guy who was his partner. Right. James David Strathorne.

Yes. He's in the new Godzilla movie. Jesus Christ. But I'm talking about it was a guy's name was Tony Amato. Tony Amato was played by Bruce Willis. Oh, okay. He played an episode as a guns dealer that beat his wife. Cubs got involved, Crockett got involved with the wife.

And at the end of his bodyguard was another guy from the comedy store. He's banned from the comedy store. his name is Vinnie Curto Oh wow He punched dice in the face And he called Mitzie a cunt Oh That'll do it

The good old days He's something to dice He either smacked dice He did some But Ronnie Curto was almost a world champion He could have fought fucking The guy from Boston That movie?

No Whatever his name is the time The guy from Boston From Brockton Mass Oh right Right The 80s The toughest guy

Not Marvin Haggway. Yes, he could have fought him. He was up next to fight him. I mean, I was a Texcob guy myself. Yeah, he played. I think Texcob was on Miami Vice, too. Yes. It was.

The episode would fucking, when they kill Switech. Yeah. But my favorite ever from Miami Vice was a guy by the name of Charlie Barnett. I was just, on my parents' graves, I was just going to say, my favorite episodes are the ones with Charlie Barnett and Martin Ferrero. is he and the nugman let the nuggie boogie let the nuggie boogie well mr calder no maybe you're not familiar with mr calderon style maybe you're not familiar of mr nugman style mr nugman was dave chapel's mentor yeah he opened up dave would open up for him at washington square park he auditioned for cyanide live he got it but there was a problem he couldn't read yeah so they gave the role to any

Murphy instead. So I think Murphy was born from Charlie Barnett's not being able to read. But everybody respected when Charlie Barnett was on Miami Vice, they would basically call him and go come down and just do your own lines. Oh, him and Izzy had such great chemistry. Him and Izzy were tremendous. I just watched the one before Chong came on about the pirates. Oh, right. That was the college fund kids that became pirates. And Izzy, and the niggum mans in that episode, with the privates are coming up, he's young at the white girl.

You've got to go on the knees and all this stuff. And he died of HIV, but he was great in D.C. Cad. Yeah, with the Barbarian brothers. Yeah, Barbarian brothers. David and Peter Paul. 36 eggs a day. We don't do steroids. We just eat 36 eggs a day.

Jesus. I worked out once next to them at Gold's Jim and Venice. No, you did. Yeah. I mean, I, where are they? eight today? I don't think they know where they are. I would guess out here. Eating eggs?

Yeah, probably Colts Jim and Venice. They were throwing weights at each other. And I mean like 40 pound dumbbells like it was a baseball. I was like, wow. It was like Royd rage. So, you know, but yeah, DCCab, Bill Maher, Gary Busey, Adam Baldwin,

who's like... Mr. T? Yeah, uh, was he in that? DC Cab, yeah. Look at it. Mr. T. Max the guy from Barney Miller, a bald guy, Max Bear, I think. Great cast.

I saw Bill Maher once at the store, and I'm sure he's used to people, hey, I love you, unpolitically incorrect, and I just looked at him like, DC Cab, bro, and you looked at me like, don't bring that up. It's a great movie. Mr. T. is DCC.

He's on the cover. Oh, wow. I mean, it's been a hot minute since I've seen it, but you know I'm much more familiar with Miami Vice you know I like that you're a student of the game I like that you're really a student of a game and uh well I mean the old time shows I have some meetings the next couple weeks and they're very loose meetings I'm going into VPs

and whatever talking to them and there's very loose meetings until I was doing something and I go what do you tell these people what do you tell people what's wrong with television you know and my big thing is to let them know that when I came to this country, TV was my everything. Sure. I learned everything from television.

Emotions, how to act, how to speak, different things. And the shows had more heart. Room 222 and the BOT squad. Mission Impossible was just a brilliant show that why they can't remake it perfectly baffles me. I wanted to pitch that show the last four years, and the first guy I would take is Jacks, the sons of anarchy. Oh, Charlie Hunnam.

He's an English guy with an English accent. White people love all that shit. He's the lead. He's hot. Give him a female lead and a cast of three that nobody's ever seen before, so you keep him at scale. He'll get him. Charlie Hunnam won 750 an episode.

And he'll get it. He got it on FX. He'll get it on CBS. So you got to pay his fucking toll. He's with CAA. So that was the mission impossible. And do it the same way. It's 2019.

Obviously, you can't get a tape recorder and you can't get a fucking phone, but you can sit down. There's a cell phone there. You open it up and you press the button. It's Lee Syak on Mr. Diaz. Good morning. It's Tuesday, April 26th.

Today, we're looking at a guy named Earl Skakel, International Gun Smuggler. We want you to go to his building. Get us to proof and don't get any agents kill. They're safe. It will self-destruct in 30 seconds. Then they would put the phone down. Also, the smoke starts coming out of it. All soon you hear,

and your head would go fucking crazy. They've never done that. But even if they do get it, they would miss something. They would try to add comedy to it or add a love story to it. Go with the original recipe, but number one, don't lose the patois of the show. Well, I think it's like I'm a huge bad newsbears. Right. I need the seven.

The Golden Era TV was those 70s. Oh, 100%. The ones that really broke through was the Jeffersons, the Good Times, the Sanford and Sons. You need to go back to that blueprint where television is never going to be able to compete with streaming. But I don't think you can because if you like the bad news bears to me is a perfect example of the original one none of those kids were actors They were kids and in the remake with Billy Bob Thornton They were clearly kids all right. We need a good looking kid to play Tanner Boyle and you know we need the fat catcher But that fat catcher in the original one you can tell you he's just a fat kid with no acting ability. It was great

You imagine making him a transgender kid oh watch out how funny would that be that's 2019 now he's not a fact He's a black kid that identifies as a female. He wants his rights. The coach has to look at you and go, but your name is Charlie. Yeah, but my name is really Irene. I mean, that's definitely a difference. It's a character I didn't see.

Maybe it could work. Listen, man, they just got to do something with TV because it's not competing with what the fuck is going on. I just don't. Streaming. Everybody has a different show. they're watching. Congratulations to Gabriel Iglesis.

Yes. Netflix series. Mr. Iglesis. I haven't watched it yet, but I got a flight this week, and that's not I'll let it go. Earl Skakel, thank you very much for coming on. Don't forget, you have any dates coming up anywhere?

Aliskegall. Just a cartoon on Adult Swim right now. What's the name of a cartoon? It's called The Jellies by Tyler the Creator. And, uh... But I just, I mean this from the bottom of my heart. And then some of your fans may think of this as ask. kissing. I'm a horrible ass kisser, but if everyone

in comedy were like you, it'd be a lot easier business to navigate. We're trying, brother. We're trying to convert them young, so when they get to that point, they know to get off when the light comes on. They know to be respectful, and most of all, they're fucking savages, because that's what I need you to be. Fuck all that Christianity. I need you throw away the cross and light the Bible on fire if you want to be a comic. There's no rules, bitches, there's no borders. I want to thank Earl Skakel. Don't forget

Friday and Saturday. I think Saturday is already sold out. Columbus, the Funny Bone, I'm coming in, Cucksuckers. I'm doing Lou and Muay Thai on Saturday morning. I'm going to get some fucking lunch in town. And that's it and that's that. The Funny Bone. Go for tickets right now.

And then July 5th, we had an extra show at the rec room in Huntington Beach. So July 5th, the 4th. sit there, you watch firecrackers, you hang out with Chinese people. And then on the fifth, you come see Uncle Joey, all right? I love you, motherfucker. There's one more time for Earl

Skakel, one more time from my Lee Syatt, and now for a word from our sponsors. All right, I want to thank my main man, Earl Skakel. I want to thank the flying jubal, most importantly, I want to thank you guys. Listen, as most of you have found out

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There's only tickets for Friday available. Do what you got to do. I love you, motherfucker. See you Thursday. Hit it, Lisa, yeah.