The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #698 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: July 4, 2019

Joey Diaz talks with Lee about where frustration comes from, and how he's worked to make his life as frustration free as possible. This podcast is brought to you by:  CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies go to CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.    Onnit.com - Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.  

Greetings from Podcastville. Happy Fourth of July to you fucking filthy savage motherfuckers. The church of what's happened now is brought to you by CBD Lion. Listen, finding a reliable CBD company is fucking like pulling, you know, teeth. You follow me? But those days are over with. I mean, everywhere I drive in California, there's a flag, CBD. I went to a 7-Eleven day.

Poor little ISIS guy selling CBD ISIS. This fucking CBD. is everywhere, but don't buy that shit. Listen, you want a reliable source, you want a reliable CBD that works. CbD Lion.com is the CBD you're looking for, whether it's shatter, vape, cartridges,

tinctures, CBD Lion is the way to go. Go to CBD Lion.com right now and check out the third-party lab results yourself. Right now, the church family gets 20% off when you put in church at checkout, at CBD. lion.com. The church is all brought to you by.

My family, Onit, Alpha Brain, Shroom Tech, Shroom Tech Sport, Shroom Tech Immune, the protein powder. I mean, listen, when it comes to supplements, Onet is number one. How do I know? Because I'm fucking living it. I damage my body for 30 fucking years.

Now I live on Onet. My alpha brain's on fire. They give you 100% if you don't like the product. Who does that? Nobody. That's why I go to Onet.com right now Don't press in church and get 10% off your order of supplements delivered right to your door. Who's better than on it? Nobody.

Kick this motherfucker mulele. It's the fourth of fucking July. Are you fucking nuts or what? You bad motherfuckers, it's the fourth of fucking July. We did it again. We made it to another fucking fourth now. And you got all your fucking fingers, hopefully. It's going to be a beautiful day with your family.

You're at the beach. You're at a fucking pool. Or maybe you're just home. You want to stay. home you don't give a fuck about what's going on there sometimes i don't blame me it might be too hot people busting your balls firecrackers i hate fireworks your poor fucking cat and dog are hiding because it sounds like charles bronsonsons outside with a fucking machine gun with dead mexicans you got to live out here for a few days they they don't they bust out the fucking guns i'm surprised it's very quiet it's july first and i

haven't heard shit because usually you start on the 26 trying out shit putting it in bottles see what type the damage it does. So on the fort, you got all your fucking tools and all. I ain't mad at you. Is this your first year in the next year or a second year? In this neighborhood? Yeah. No, I've been in this neighborhood for 10 fucking years now. Oh, but you went a little bit away. So I, because in the, some

neighborhoods I've heard it. It's all the same shit. You haven't heard dick. If we're going to hear anything and you're hearing it here, because we're closer to go all the Harrogville over here. They even got a little Mexican joint over here where you could dance the night away if you'd like. They got bands and bring them up. ISIS fucking goes in there.

not ICE, ISIS, but ICE the fucking people with the guns. I've seen them when I get my car wash. Really? I've seen ice over there fucking knocking on the door early in the afternoon, giving them a notice that they're showing up tonight. Immigration watched them scatter. You know what I'm saying? In the old days, they would just go immigration,

and people would be jumping windows and be fucking beautiful. You never seen them. I used to have a friend, immigration, watch them scatter. He would pull up to a bunch of Spanish people that were sitting on a block. And he would yell at him. Immigration. He would just yell at him.

You just yell at immigration. He'd go watch him scatter. Oh, my God. My little buddy Roger Holloway, I called him. Fucking, I called him yesterday. Is that the guy who said Magumba? Yeah, that's the guy who said Magumba. But anyway, this is a solo podcast thing.

And I want to talk to you guys about a few things. You know, I get anywhere from 75 to 100 fucking emails a week on Facebook and Messenger. I find shit, the church, you know. And it's so funny how, yes. Some people want advice on comedy. Some people want advice on drugs. Some people don't know what to do. It's pretty interesting, the emails I get.

But the email I've been getting frequently, I guess I haven't spoken about it lately. People want to know about it is my eldest daughter. You know, let me talk to you people about something else before that. That'll get to that. I went to take my young daughter yesterday to her self-defense class. And I was sitting outside, and a girl came to get a brooky. sure and when she came out she walked up to me and asked me if I was Joey I go yeah she shook my

hand she goes I just moved here from Houston I'm a comic and I've been here for about two years and can I ask you a few questions I was like sure you know I was just sitting there my wife was next to me go sit down and you know ask me whatever you want and she was asking me about that she had done Kevin Hart special one of the Kevin Hart shows on Comedy Central she did a movie and she She played like a, she had like maybe 10 scenes in the movie. She got a lot of action in the movie with a great cast. And she just got something else, some other show. She opened up with Mike Epps at an amphitheater or something like that.

And they might use her again. And she goes, you know that you get all these things from time to time, but that she wanted for it to move faster, you know? And I asked, I go, are you frustrated right now? And she's like, a little bit. And I go, you know what? I was frustrated for 20 fucking years. Like, frustration is something.

It's connected to a little bit of anger. It's connected to a little bit of just being disoriented. But when you're frustrated, that's one of the worst fucking feelings in the world because it doesn't go away. I was frustrated from like 93 to 2007. I lived my life very frustrated. because I couldn't figure out the path, you know. I was getting close to the path, but I couldn't figure it out. You know, I was getting close to the path.

Then when I figured that I just had to eliminate the Coke out of my life, and that's what it was. That was the last of the frustrations, you know. And I was frustrated for the same reason. You guys are frustrated. Your job, you know, things aren't going well enough. They hired this guy instead of you. This guy got promoted instead of you.

why is this guy getting this and I do this this guy's getting a lot more money than me and I sell more tickets to him there were just so many little frustrations that I had you know what was going on with my daughter and my ex-wife that's fucking frustrating you know I I lost 200,000 dollars there easily in attorney bills for what at the end for what you know what was the point of going through all those motions for the result that we got but when you're frustrated it's also the result that you're not doing something right and you don't want to come to terms of it that's what frustration is that you're cutting fucking corners instead of doing a goddamn work there's nothing and you think you're doing well or whatever but you know you could be doing

better you can't put your finger on you're cutting corners you're cutting corners in your life and one day you know you could this I was very frustrated at you're very frustrated frustrated for years. Then I got into comedy and I lost 50% of the frustration I heard because I wasn't in the workforce anymore. That's very frustrating being in the workforce. I know that you guys that have day jobs and you know, you're into them and you are college educated or maybe you're not college educated. It's fucking frustrating having a day job. It's okay for a while and then something happens and you hate it and then you like it again. But it's it's similar to comedy. It's a lot of life and comedy are exactly the same. That's why I call it a journey because you're going to be frustrated. But what do you do? You quit?

No, you keep pushing along and you stay frustrated. I mean, for me, I just stayed frustrated. After I got into comedy full-time, I was still frustrated, and then 93 was when the frustration went away. Now I had a complete different frustration, which was what to do with my ex-wife and the kid, but that's completely different.

You know, part of frustration is not commitment either. You know, I love these people who go, well, I'm going to do this, but I'm going to keep my job until this happens. It's never going to happen because you're giving 50% to this and 50% to the other, so you can't give 100% to anything in full. And in those trenches, you get frustrated because do I quit my job or do I keep playing the violin? You know, do I, do I do this, or do I? So it's a constant thought process and go. And, you know, and, you know, And once it goes into your fucking bones, you cannot get rid of it. Well, you said, you said that the frustration stems from you're not doing something you're supposed to be doing.

Absolutely. Is there, does it all, is there another side of it where maybe it's to, maybe you just started something or maybe it's not, like, is there a part of it that you're just impatient or is it all? It's impatience. Part of it is impatience, but it's also finding yourself at a particular time for a particular, period of time. Finding yourself in a position for a long period of time, you start getting frustrated. You start getting frustrated. I'm not doing this. I'm not doing that. And the answer in frustration is always looking into yourself and always going, you know what? Life isn't fair. I get that. I knew that. I found that out when I was 13. But now, how can I make life more fair in my favor? And it takes

somebody really like to step out of your body and look to see where you're slipping. Frustration comes from you not doing something. You're not doing something you're supposed to be doing. Either you keep putting it on the back burner. You know, that's frustration. That's frustration. And once you do something to get that away, you won't be frustrated no more. You're still not going to get to that location.

any quicker, but now at least you know you're going to get there eventually. Oh, okay. Okay, so that's the difference. If you're frustrated, it's because frustration in your mind is you can't win.

You cannot fucking win. Think about that state. How was somebody going to look in your eye and say, you can't win? Well, wait a second, Joey. I wasn't looking to win, but I was looking to come in third. Well, what do you?

need to do to come in third. What needs to be done? What is the simple solution? How can we change this? That's frustration. You know, so here I was frustrated with comedy. By 95, I wasn't that frustrated no more. I knew that time. I knew I had nothing going on, but I also knew because I had nothing going on time was in my side by 95 I was probably making 800 to a thousand doing comedy every month and the rest was free but at least I was paying my rent I was eating I would do little hustles from time to time like gamble with Josh Wolfe or sit on bets or whatever that that gave me a little extra income or get somebody a gram a blow yeah but as far as a comic I was making 800 to a thousand my fourth year in comedy, it's frustrating.

But I also knew that two years earlier, I was making 200 a month in comedy. So I knew that the longer I stuck with it, the more money I would make. And then you have a setback month, and then you get back on the road. Not every month is going to be good. Not every month is going to be good.

You know, I'm on weight watches. And for a while there, I lost weight, and I started lifting every weight. I gained weight. and then I started putting on weight again. So I went to talk to this lady where I left, and she's a nutritionist, and she talked to me about a diet she had,

and I knew by looking at it that I couldn't do that diet, I travel. I travel, and I said, you know what? Instead of doing the diet, I'm going to tighten up my weight watches more. And that's what I tell people. With a diet or that type of lifestyle, it's one day at a time. It's you against your mind every day,

And someday you win and some days you lose. I'll tell you what. If you eat good for five days and you eat men's amends for two days, you won. You won. You won. It's week to week. Last week I didn't dip into my extra points. I didn't weigh myself.

I feel a little lighter. I feel a lot lighter. But I was frustrated. You know, plateau is frustration. You're not doing something you're supposed to be fucking doing. Obviously, I have no business talking about it, but I just want to see where you're coming from. So obviously, no one's perfect, and there's certain things that you can't do that diet on the road. But in a perfect world, is that diet something you should be doing?

Is you not doing that diet? It's not going to work for me. It's not going to work for me. Okay. I know going in, it's not going to work for me. Okay. I just saw the foods they wanted you to eat, and I knew it wasn't going to work for me. So I know it's not going to work for me.

With weight watches, I could control it. I could eat chicken breast all day. Right. White rice and black beans. I got eight points. You know, there's little things I can control. You're not going to win every day. Right.

But if you win five days out of seven, you won. You did the week. You know, right now, it takes a lot for me to go to a McDonald's. It's going to take a lot for me to fucking... The only fast food I eat is pizza. That's the only... And I don't eat it from everywhere. I eat it from one certain place now.

but I plan my day. I know that I have seven days to go to war, but when I look at a menu, I look at it and I prepare, when I go to a certain town, I know what menus they have and I know what I could eat because I could stay within that realm,

but it's the same thing with life. You're not going to win every day at life, but first you're going to start winning one day a week, then you're going to start winning two days a week, and you're going to feel frustrated for five, then you're going to start winning three days a week, Then four days a week. And listen, what are you going to do?

You're going to do four good days a week and you're going to have three bad days. Didn't you just tell me yesterday that baseball is weird because you could bat 300? It's a game based on percentages. Life is also based on percentages. Life is also based on percentages. So what are you saying to me, Joey? Okay, every month, if you have 22 good days of eating and seven bad days, You won.

That means you got 7 minus 22. It's 15 good days of eating. You've made a little bit of progress. That's how you have to look at things. Is the progress, the little things that you could do daily to change what's going on in your world? You know what, man? I don't like this material I'm doing. Well, go schedule 22 sets in two weeks and do a comedy camp.

Go home every night and listen to your thing, write it down, and you live for it. And you'll get away. Plateau is mean. one's on the right that's what a plateau means in your life how many plateaus have I had if it was if I was if I put plateaus by you know the you know when you put four lines and then a line through it right you ever see that it's five mistakes I've had 90 fucking thousand plateaus you know how many plateaus I've had in the last 10 years maybe six or seven compared to eight thousand I had before since 2009 two

2008 since I took control of my life because I got off the drugs. But did I still fucking make mistake off the drugs? You bet your mother's fucking asshole I did? You bet your ass I did. But the percentage of mistakes got lower and lower. So do you think it's possible to have a mistake-free, a frustration-free life, or it's always just going to be percentages? No, no, no, no.

What's a frustration-free life for you? Okay, we're talking about somebody today. A friend of mine in Jersey, his family chops up $30 million a month between four of them because they bought real estate in the 60s and they bought really good real estate in the 60s. Now, I look at a guy like you guys or whatever and you go, wow, Joey, 30 million divided by four every month. I get my dick sucked every day. What's the biggest problem when you get $30 million a month divided by four, which is what exactly? Seven and a half, I think? Yeah, like seven and a half.

What is your biggest problem? What is your biggest problem that you would look to me? You go, Joey, seven million a month, fuck, I wouldn't even listen to you anymore. I wouldn't even talk to me anymore. Right? Seven million a month, you're on a boat with three chicks. You chop your wife's head off and you put her in a bail box to fuck in Mexico, whatever the fuck that don't press charges. And then you get on a boat, seven million a month that comes into your fucking account every month.

You know, even with that seven million, believe it or not. there's going to be frustrations. You're never, ever, ever going to have a pain-free, frustration-free, no-drama-free, fucking life. You know when drama happens? Think about it. Lee, change that fucking tire. It looks low. It ain't low.

It don't look low because I just got it. Lee, something's not right with that tie. These are mistakes you make when you're 21. And all of a sudden, two days that I got a call from San Diego. Where are you? I'm at the side of the road. The tire went flat. Did I tell you three days ago to change you?

But you wanted to save the 40. Right. You create your own frustrations. Do you see what I'm saying? So part of your life, you create a lot of frustrations yourself. By not listening, by not taking care of something, something that's right in front of you. Take care of it. Take care of it.

Why wait till tomorrow when you can take care of it right now? I'm talking about you go to the bathroom and all of a sudden, you're peeing and also you get hit with three things of water. Obviously, your roof is leaking. You know? Instead of putting spackle and checking it, you go and lay down, and all of a sudden you come back two days later, and your roof is on the fucking floor in the bathroom. And you could eliminate.

There's so many things you could eliminate from your life. We all know that. You guys are not stupid. There's things that we eliminate. When I stopped doing drugs, I eliminated 80 fucking things from my mind. How do I know? Because here's where I am today. I took the time if I was,

was thinking how I was going to get it, who I was going to get it from, how I was going to get the money, and I took that same time and invested in writing a joke and calling a club owner. I did all these things when I was doing the Coke. Am I doing it more effectively now? Obviously, because I had a frustration. I had that drug. I also had a frustration of my ex-wife and my daughter. Big frustration because I wasn't getting nowhere. But what happened to me in 95? In 95, for two years, I fought for everything I had. I borrowed money from everybody. I stole what I could.

I robbed a few drug dealers. I think about all these things I did to get money to pay an attorney so I could see her on a Wednesday. Because I couldn't get her. Every time you file a motion, it's another fucking $800. It's two hours. You're paying a guy $400 an hour or $250 an hour.

Anything over $10,000 an hour is too fucking much for those fucking thieves. So, you know, I'm frustrated because I'm broke. I'm frustrated. I still find money to do Coke, though. Right or wrong? I couldn't pay rent, but I found money to do Coke. So who's the fucking problem with? It's me.

I'm frustrated. I don't have rent money. You were jumping up and down the other night at Otto's lounge, though, on the table with white all over your fucking face. You know, you found time. So all these front, those type of frustration. you know, oh, I don't have rent money. I've been telling you since the eighth of the month to go look for a job. I've been telling you that this was going to happen.

You don't want to find the fucking job. This day was going to happen. Or it's the 30th. So there's things, frustrations that you create in your own life. With my ex-wife and daughter, for people who don't know, I had a daughter in 1990. I got to comedy in 91. We split up six months after that.

I don't even need hindsight to tell you this. Before she, a month after she moved out, I knew I was going to have a problem seeing that kid. I knew that that was the weapon she was going to use against me. I kept trying to force myself to believe that I had known her for too long, and we had too much history for her to do something like that to me. That was my fault. But deep down inside, I knew that eventually I wasn't going to see that child.

For two years, I did everything I could to see that child. to stay in her life, but I could see where the cards are turning. I could see how I just wasn't getting no aces in my life at all. But I wasn't doing anything to get any aces either. I wasn't doing anything to make my life better. I was going to war with her. I was still snorting coke. I was still seeing crazy women.

I was still paying child support late. I was still doing all the things, but I had the right to talk shit. I didn't have the right to talk shit. I was bringing my own frustration on. But when I saw my comedy game improving and I saw that one day I smacked my ex-wife's boyfriend and I saw it my little daughter look like I was frustrated That's why I smacked them that was part of that was part of the smack. I was very frustrated But I also saw something in my baby that day that knew that I was the I could either keep living frustrated or go for my dream and deal with whatever I had to deal with later on and I did that we haven't had contact in probably 15 fucking years does it kill me it killed me for a long

time now today honestly no doesn't kill me I made peace with it I paid my money I paid whatever I owed her I reached out to her 10 times you know I could get in a plane and go to where she lives and harass her that's not something I want to do that's not something I wouldn't want to be turned around and come out in the papers. Now people are mad at me because I harassed my daughter. I just did what I did with everything else in my life. Time. Time.

Time. As impatient and as much of a dickhead and all the fucking faults I had when I got into comedy, I could even tell you that when I came here in 98. I looked around, I asked questions, I kept my ears open. I listened. I made friends with people who knew the business like Rick, Rick Dunkelman and, you know, Rick Dukeman and older comics that had been at the store. Alan Stevens gave me guidance.

You know, Rogan and I were a couple of years apart. So at this time, Rogan was learning the ropes too. I was learning from him and he was learning from me. But I was learning from asking people like Paul Mooney, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And everybody hit me with the same answer. It was time. They all said the same thing. Put your head down, keep getting on stage, and keep writing.

Keep getting on stage, keep writing, go to acting class, get an agent. All these things will make you strong, and eventually you'll get to the place where you want to be. Is it going to take a year or is it going to take 10 years? You never fucking know. That's why all you could do is put your head down and keep doing what works. This is what works. Will frustration go away? Listen, man, I get frustrated when I get in the car

And I'm on the 405 But as soon as I realize where I'm going What I'm doing and the purpose and I'm out And it could be all worse I could be going there to get fired Or be going to turn myself in or something I realize I have nothing to be frustrated about Frustration is something we had on ourselves

Because we're not doing what we're supposed to be fucking doing You know for years I was first frustrated with my wife, my ex-wife. Why would I be frustrated with my ex-wife? I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing. And trust me, once you start doing the things that you're supposed to do, yes, I write my goals every day, but I also write the three things I need to do every day.

The three things to reach to that goal, every day. I got a show tonight, what three things I have to do. I have to look at my material. I have to pick a nice shirt. Whatever the fuck you want to write, you write down. I don't give a fuck what you write down. As long as you write it down. The three things you need to do today, not to be frustrated.

How can I not be? How can I? And I'm telling you, this is from fuck. I'm an expert in being frustrated. Expert. You know, a couple weeks ago, I got stuck at the airport with Steve Simone. The flight got canceled to Atlanta. I'm sorry.

The show got rescheduled for the 25th of January, the Tabernacle Theater. We couldn't get a date early in that. I wanted a Saturday because I knew a lot of people were driving out there, so please just bear with me. We got stuck at the fucking airport. And when they canceled our flight at 5 o'clock, I got to tell you some, Simone was getting a little agitated,

and I had to put my hand on his shoulder and calm him down. And it was that he was frustrated. You know, you get frustrated. But I didn't get frustrated where 20 years ago, I would have been a fucking mess. and did I lose money? I lost money. I lost money on the fucking hotel.

I lost money from the ticket sales. I wasn't at least bit frustrated because it was way beyond my control. Do you know how to fly a plane, Joey? No. Do you know how to fly a plane steep? No. Then there's nothing you can do.

It's a seven-hour drive to Atlanta. It's five o'clock. We're not going to fucking make it. You could be mad or you could adjust it. Then I came home and I spoke to my neighbor. and my neighbor was taking a flight from Haiti that day and he was going to land in Atlanta and take connecting flight to LA and they grounded him in fucking Atlanta

and I go how did you feel and he goes nothing there's nothing you could do all you could do is fucking he goes I went I got a cab I got a hotel room and I went to a jazz bar and got drunk and he goes that's all I could do he goes they lost my luggage too from Haiti I don't know if this is the same free but for me whenever Like if something bad happens, like if you get a flat tire or your plane gets canceled, I don't get stressed as much as when I have too many options.

Because when something bad happens, you're right. Like there's like, oh, I can't change this. You can't change. So to me, that's not as frustrating as, like, oh, it's delayed. It might come. Or, oh, there's traffic on the way to the gig. Like that for me is when I get more frustrated. Well, those little things.

Those are things you're going to get frustrated about. for a couple minutes you know I'm talking about when you're frustrated like when you you know like files on like it piles on you know I wouldn't have been if I would have been a little frustrated with my life I would have thrown a connip shit at that plane ticket thing okay at that counter and that tells me a lot like when I left there and I went back to the hotel room like on the flight home the next day I thought about my behavior I thought about how 20 years has affected my behavior. You know, not even, 10 years has affected my behavior

because once I stopped doing the Coke, the picture filled in. Like, I always looked at a picture, but it didn't have the colors put in. It was just a blank piece of paper with designs and outlines and whatnot. Once I stopped doing drugs, that killed 10,000 frustrations. It really did. I started the frustration of my ex-wife. I still had the frustration of a career of not moving along as fast as I want,

because we all want things to come right away. I see it when you guys send me messages. I see it when I read post on it. We all expect something right to fuck away. And if we don't get it right away, God forbid, the world hates me. I got no luck. No.

Look at it from the other way. Look at it at what you can. can do not to speed up the process, but to make sure you're taking the right steps to get unfucking frustrated. So you're not frustrated. So you could do whatever the fuck you're doing without that burden. That burden, when you lose that burden from your shoulders, you can't even believe it. You think like something's going on. Am I taking new vitamins? It's a new shampoo. You know, I got a new girlfriend. No, no, no, no, no, no. You let the frustration that you had to go. You're going to sleep better.

You're going to be a better friend. You're going to be a better boyfriend, a better husband. You're going to be so much better in so many fucking different avenues. It's going to shock you. You're going to go, what the fuck was I frustrated about? And then you're going to answer question number two. I knew all along this day would come. Whether you want to get married, whether you want to sell the house, whether you want to build a house,

whatever plan you had to go that was getting you frustrated, Once you accomplish it, you go, what the fuck was I frustrated about? This was going to happen anyway. I stopped snort in 2007, and I had gotten a lot of movies until 2004. When I got the longest yard, that took a big frustration off my shoulders. Because now it let me know that I could do what, well, for two reasons. Number one, I never thought I could get into a movie. But there was always that little 2% belief that I could get in the movie.

And when I got in the movies, even though I had shot Spider-Man 2 and taxi and all a bunch of movies by then, this particular movie let me know that that 2% was right, even though I had 98% against me. And I was never frustrated around. Guys, I could tell you that right off the bat. If you think I'm frustrated because I can't get on Jimmy Kim or one of those shows, you're absolutely wrong because I decided early on that I was. I knew I wouldn't work on those shows.

And I was absolutely right. I was absolutely right. I'll never work on one of those shows. My comedy would never work. It would never work for me because whatever you saw, when you come to see me at the store, on the drive there, I might think of something else and say it. And now you'll be pissed at me and you'll never put me back on.

So before we even get to that, I'll just eliminate. I don't want to be on your fucking show. I know I'm not a clean, spotless, clean comic. No, do I want to work like that? So I never had those frustrations. I had frustrations about not going to mind. to the Dirty Show. Like, that's a frustrating thing.

How can I not get invited to the Montreal Dirty Show? But eventually, I realized it wasn't going to make a big difference if I went. And the frustration went away. You just said something that you have to make the decisions

so you're not frustrated. But the thing that I worry about is, like, you all you talk about, like, 10 years ago, you almost quit to sell cars. To me, that seems like a decision out of frustration. that's not really fixing the frustration you have.

So, like, what, how do you stop yourself from making the car selling decision? In 2009, when I got married, I moved up here to the Valley. My wife was making good money. I had gotten a couple deals from a couple video shows, stations, and stuff like that.

I had, you know, done my name is Earl. I had done a bunch of shit. Rogan was paying me well on the road when I went out with him. And when I went out without Rogan, I made regular road money, which I did not mind. You know, I was okay. In 2009, when I decided that I wanted to sell cars, it was not a frustration. It wasn't? No.

It was me coming to terms with me. I had given it a New York run. I got my movies. I got the headline. I was never going to go to Montreal. I didn't even know about Netflix then or any specials like that. I thought it was more of a give-up.

Okay. And it wasn't really going to be a give-up. I was just going to do comedy in Los Angeles. Okay. That's it. But that wasn't out of frustration? I didn't know. No, not at all.

I didn't know about the comedy store then. I thought I would never go back. The improv still gave me spots. I had my room in Braya, I was doing fine. I was doing fine. I was not a frustration. It was out of, I didn't know how to get to the next level. And at that point, I didn't want to go.

I was pretty happy where I was. Okay. If it meant, I just saw a lot of things. I saw a lot of things in headliners, especially Ralphie, and I saw a lot of people changing and how their priorities changed. and a bunch of stuff changed. But I saw a negative change

in a lot of people. And I thought that if I had to do that every week like that, I would change. And I was very happy. I was very happy walking. In those days, I used to walk my wife to the train in the morning.

And then I would walk around the neighborhood and then I would go home and write for a few hours. And then every other weekend, every two weekends, I was opening up for Joe. And then I would pick up a week. somewhere on my own once a month and I would fly there for 1500 bucks or something like that you know and my plane ticket would be like four and it didn't really

bottom me because I kept my low overhead low I wasn't out to act like a fucking gavone and me and my wife had a great living my wife made good money so I didn't have to fucking kill myself I just didn't think that I was ever gonna get the chance to go on the road sell tickets and headline I didn't see it coming It wasn't a frustration move. It was just an honesty type move. Okay. I was just being honest with myself.

There's guys that do comedy, that I've mentioned before, that when they wake up in the morning, they go, you know what? I love comedy. I love watching Netflix specials. I love doing an open mic every Monday to see the guys. And I like doing one weekend a month. My job gives me a Thursday off to take off. And these guys, you see them, they got a smile.

their face and they're very content what do you think that there were another talented guys out of Seattle when I left all those guys stayed in Seattle and they're content what they do I'm not mad at them they knew what they wanted to do and they stuck to their plan you know what I'm gonna live in the Pacific Northwest I'm gonna go to Idaho I'm gonna go to Oregon I'm gonna go to Northern California and I'll go to you know five states surrounding me I got plenty of one-night is up here and I'm raising a family. Some people know where they stand. That's why I always tell people, be careful what you wish for because you just might get it. Before you make that wish,

write down what exactly you want, what exactly it is that you want. You want to raise your family. You want to have enough time for your mom. You want to have enough time for your kids. You know, what is it exactly that you want to do? There's a lot of people I knew, especially in Denver. I could tell you this. I could fucking count them in 10 fingers. Guys that I did open mics with that told me to my face. Like, I don't want to do that. I do this. I have a day job. I make great money. I have great insurance. I like coming here on Mondays. I go to this place, Club 52 on Wednesdays to get away from my wife and work on material. And these guys are the type of guys that get good. They get really good. And they become

writers for the other guys, the bigger comics in town, so they make a little scratched that way. But these guys don't ask for much, they don't want it. You could go up to them and go listen, I got a gig for your Madison Square Garden. I don't want it. How about opening for me? I don't really want and I'm going to have to leave on a Thursday and

I'm not having to get a sitter for my kid. They have already predetermined what type of career they have. I have a friend that's a professional musician and I grew up with a kid that has a bar band. He's my age, 55 years old. He has a great band called The Past Masters.

They do all covers of songs. They do weddings. They do bars. They do racetracks. They're one of the most popular bands in New Jersey. That's how he wants it. He's an engineer. They take the summers off.

So do you think that where somebody, like Rudy Sarzo, might be frustrated if that was his life because he wanted more, but because these people knew what they wanted, there's no frustration. There's no frustration. if you know what you want ahead of time there'll be no frustration if you write it down

you're comfortable with it and if let's say something else happens then something else happens it's a cherry on the fucking Sunday it's a cherry on the fucking Sunday but frustration is something you have to look at because frustration comes mixed with anger and then on top of that mixed with anger

they throws doubt in your next move so but that main character is frustration You have to get him out of the way, then the anger will disappear and the doubt will disappear. And that's when you're cooking with gas. Like, once my frustrations ended, like in 2008, when I put all the pieces together, that's when I knew I was on to something.

But then I decided, you know what? I really just wanted to do like a TV show. For a long time, I love going to CBS Raffin. That's my all-time favorite. If you don't shoot the show at CBS Raffin, I don't want to be there. It's right around the corner. The traffic ain't bad.

You can walk. They got good food on there. Fucking nice people. Somebody sees you walk and they pull over the shuttle. Get stuck at Fox. See if somebody pulls over with a fucking shuttle. They want to ride. Don't run you to fuck over.

It's 2,000 degrees. You're walking around with a parker suit because you're playing a fucking Australian fucking Eskimo. And nobody pulls over to give you a fucking ride. But that's not the point. The point was that's, I don't know. No mercy was coming. Nobody knew mercy was coming.

I was just happy with my wife being a couple, and I enjoyed opening up for Rogan. I enjoy how he treated me. I knew what my position was on that team. I was dead to get that fucking audience riled the fuck up up front and be as filthy and as fucking good as I could so he could follow it with a bang. And I was happy doing that.

And I could see that clubs wouldn't let me do that as a feature act for them. There was no way what I was doing in front of Rogan were clubs allow or the headliners allow. First of all, six out of ten headliners couldn't follow that. What I would throw in those things. And I wasn't as consistent as I am now. In those days, I was like 60, 40. Once I stopped doing Coke, I turned 70, 30, 80, 20, 20 in front of Rogan.

I could see the improvement. in 2013, right before Mercy, I started having doubts about stand-up again. Really? I did a couple bad shows, and I'm like, maybe I should have stuck to my guns. But it was just that I needed to get on stage more. When I had Mercy in the beginning, I wasn't getting on stage for a long period of time, and then Rogan would ask me to do a gig, and I'd just stink up the fucking joint. You know, I'd just stink it to fuck up.

Then I figured out how to work around having a door. how to write and all the pieces worked out and even now you'll see me after a show you'll go on that was a good show i taped it for you or whatever i'm frustrated for a second but i'm frustrated with me i'm never frustrated with the audience i'm never frustrated with the venue it's always something i did well the fucking guy heckled me and the bar guy didn't throw him out well if your material would have been on point He would the heckled. Right. So can you sense, wait, if you sense frustration, are you like, okay, this is coming in, I need to change something?

Yes, especially with stand-up. The biggest frustration we have of life is not taking responsibility for our actions. That's where frustration is born, not taking responsibility. It's this guy's fault. It's that guy's fault. It's my boss's fault. It's his comedian's fault. It's the world's fault.

It's the street fault. No. That's how frustration starts by not taking responsibility for yourself. One day when you go like, I don't want to feel like this no more, what do I need to do? Not to feel like this no more. Boom. It hits you like a fucking overhand right. You're like, oh, I need to write five days instead of four days.

I need to get on stage. I know for a fact that I personally need five sets a week to stay sharp. So when I stay home during the week, I need five sets a week. to stay sharp. That's two sets tonight, one on Thursday and two on Saturday. Or vice versa. I play a zone defense, two, two, one on Saturday. Nothing could stop me from doing those five sets.

I need five sets. When I was doing comedy four years, I needed, I would go for 15 spots every week. Fourth year, once I moved to Seattle and on, I was on to 15 spots a week. Two on Friday, two on Saturday. and I'd go somewhere. Like I'd go to the main one and then I'd go to a bar and I'd get on stage where they had a microphone on that just to hit that number. How what happens or how do you, like if you're frustrated and you're like, okay, this is

what's holding me back if it's something that you struggle with. Like we were talking before the show. I've always been a shy person and for me to get bar shows, I need to just start going and hanging out without having a purpose. And to be honest, that makes me nervous. It makes me uncomfortable. I retweeted something the other day. It was a thing by Bruce Lee.

Okay. He said no limits. Right. And I think myself and DiAgostino touched on this the other day. For you to become a good comic, everything about you has to change. Like your beliefs have to change. If you're shy, too bad. You know what I'm saying?

If you don't like nights, too bad. If you don't like sleeping in hotels, too bad. You don't like sleeping in your car. Too bad. That all changed. We discussed that the other day, that once you make the crossover into being a comedian,

you could drive with a certain disabled sticker. You're not right somewhere. Somewhere the circuitry is not right. So why are you trying to play it off like the circuitry is right? Who the fuck are you to say you're not going to... I'm shy, I don't want to go down there. Well, this is not going to work for you.

This is not going to work for you. You're a comedian. You can't be shy. I could see you being introverted. Chris Rock is very introverted. But you can't be shy. You're a comedian. You got to tell that bitch in the front row.

She got a big set of tithies. It's different on stage. So how do you or how did you work on things? Like the drug thing. Like that's an easy thing to say I'm going to quit drugs, but you had tried before? I tried 35 times. I tried 35 times.

But it's the same thing as a diet. You try 38 days in a row, and eventually it's going to click. It all comes together as a machine, you know? It all comes together. If I say to you, when you have to make an investment in something, it's completely different.

It's completely different. When I went on my little fat diets, I used to go on, nothing would happen. Once I said, that's it. My spot at the store is at 11.30. I'm embarrassed to go to the Y at 400 pounds, at 6. I'll go at nine.

And I force myself to go to a wire every night at fucking nine o'clock. You know, what I didn't want to do, I forced myself to do. You know, when I had Jackie on Sundays and Wednesdays, I would have to, they would come and I would have to meet her in the parking lot. And I'd have to give her away and give her a kiss and tell her I loved her. And I'd call them in two days. And when I would turn around and walk back to my car, tears would stream down my face. Now, when was the last time you were crying

And you felt like doing comedy? Not really Not really. Nobody wants to do comedy This is a devastating thing My little daughter, I won't see it To Wednesday, these scumbags are holding a hostage on me I did that I felt bad for maybe three weeks

Frustration set in And then I said how do I not feel this way on Wednesday nights Get up off your fat fucking ass and get to an open mic or a club or somewhere. You're not going up? Go down there. And I would roll a joint and leaving in the ashtray and I would get in the car. I'd cry. I'd wipe my tears.

And when they would pull away with that bullshit, I would open up the ashtray right there in the safeway parking lot and I would smoke the joint. I'd pick up my chin a little bit. I'd look in the mirror. I'd double-check my eyeballs and I'd go. You're going to go out to a club now in Duccom. I don't give a fuck how bad you feel. And I did it.

You know, and guess what? That year of me doing that, trained me for February when I went to sit on a plane in Burbank and I got a call at 4 o'clock that Brody Stevens and hung himself. You know how many comics had to go on stage that night with that thought that Brody Stevens had to go on

but they're professionals. Yeah, some comics one and drank. You believe Brody Stevens? Oh my God, it's a shame. He was so positive. Let's have a fucking drink. But there was other comics that had a job to do that night.

Comics that were close with Stephen Brody. Brody Stevens, whatever's fucking name is got a rest of soul. They were close with Brody Stevens. I remember going to the hotel room, and Kate felt so bad. I said, come over, we'll just eat here. And I just ordered a bunch of food, and we ate in the room. And then we all went down together. Nobody wanted to be alone.

That's how bad everybody felt in that room. But we had to perform. When I got downstairs, I felt bad. I felt like crying the whole fucking night. But my body and my mind wouldn't let me. These people paid $40 to fucking see me on stage in Vegas. It's not a $20 ticket in Vegas. It's like a $48 ticket fees and shit.

Right. So I had no time to bleed. That's what that expression is called. You got no time to bleed. I don't have five days to bleed. And we went up with it. That was from me training myself in 1995 for a whole year instead of crying like a bitch

and being angry and figuring out who I was going to do comedy. Took care of all that shit. It was amazing. Going down there, going on stage, bombing, drinking a cocktail, took care of all that shit. and made that frustration go away because it let me know I could do it, I guess.

I could do it. I don't know what it meant, but it let me know I can fucking do it. It's wild that something like that would make you feel better. Like it seems like you could be like, okay, if I bomb it's going to make me feel worse. You know, man, bombing, getting a standing ovation, doing good,

getting applause, brace. it's all in the same thing. Really? You still got up on stage. That's true. In my world, you still got up on stage. I don't like the Francis Ungalo fight on Saturday. He nicked Junior Dos Santos.

You know, I thought Junior could have fought better. I thought Junior was going to give him a better fight. He's a veteran fighter. Just him getting in the cage, I give those people props. Yeah. I'm not the type of guy like, he's a bombing. You know what, bro, at the end of the day, just him training the six weeks and getting into the cage, he deserves something. Yeah, you win, you get frustrated, you didn't see the hand coming, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

What does frustration mean? Now I'm going to do something different, so I won't be in this position again. Right. Okay. And then it's on the other side of it is, okay, I got a standing ovation. I should just do it like this every time. and you try, like, even if you try to, sometimes it doesn't, like, it's hard to, like, repeat things sometimes. That's why you start brand new, fresh every day.

Because whatever happened yesterday happened yesterday. Fuck. I don't give a fuck about what happened last night. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's bombed. Did well.

Didn't mediocre. But, let's be honest, I bombed in New Orleans three weeks ago. It still haunts me. So I got to go down there next year and light that room on fucking fire. Did I really bomb? No. I just didn't do as well as I could do. What am I?

Frustrated for not doing as well as I did. I wrote down what things I did wrong when I went up there so it won't happen again. That's at the 28-year mark of comedy. Because I don't like being fucking frustrated. Right. So if you're frustrated, that's, you know, and it goes back to my daughter. You know, for all those years I didn't get her and I blamed everybody. I blame this guy, I blame my ex-wife, I blamed the boyfriend, I blame the court system.

And then I realized, and guess what, in 95, even if I beat the court case and whatever, I'm a fucking comic. How much time do I have to raise a child? I mean, at that time, I was a fucking road dog, guys. Now I'm an older guy, I'm in a different realm of comedy, things are different. and I put my time in. But at that time, for what I was looking to do, I was looking to be on stage every night to speed up this process, to become a better comic.

At the four-year mark, I didn't want fame, I didn't want money, I didn't want anything. I got to be honest with you guys. I wanted to be a tremendous fucking comic. I could look you all in the eye and tell you that throughout this comedy career, I tell Lee all the time. If you're looking to make money,

go sell kilos of coke. If that's what you're looking for, you're not going to find it here. You know, I get calls from people all the time that I have known on and all for friends of friends. All of a sudden,

they want to start a podcast because there's money in it. I know it's a failure. You just said the wrong words to me. You just said the wrong words to me. Tell me that you want to start a podcast to inform people about comedy or inform people about cancer

or you're a road to cancer or how to avoid anything but don't tell me you want to start a podcast for money because 90% of the time you're going to fail you're going to be depressed none of this shit that you're starting is for money yes down the line you hope that you figure out

how to turn what you're doing whether it's woodwork rather you know I got a bottle at the house I got this bottle that I bought 20 years ago. It's an old wine bottle and an artist put posted stamps on it. He went to an old fucking thing. He cut out poster stamps.

So it's whatever with poster stamps. You know I bought that bottle from that guy 20 years ago? Now, I'm talking about 1998. No, it was 96. No, it was 98. I was doing gay pride in, uh, Michigan and I walked the next day there was like a fair and I went for a walk and this guy was like I'm writing a book right now and I called this guy the bottle booth guy he's one of the angels that came into my life to give me a message

I was walking down a thing that had paid me like a thousand bucks for this gay festival I had never seen a thousand I hadn't seen a thousand bucks this was 98 I hadn't seen a thousand bucks this was 98 I hadn't seen a thousand bucks in one time and one check since like 1991 wow like I was in fucking heaven I was scared to even cashed a check that's how I had not seen a check for a thousand dollars in fucking nine years and I had this loose money and I walked to this you know the farmers markets but they have or bizarre a thon where they sell different wares and shit and this guy was selling bottles and for some reason you know like you look at all these things there was a

booth that had tamales and there was a boot that had different juices and there was a boot that they painted your face and there was a boot that sold olives there was all these boots of crabs but this guy really stuck out he had to be around 48 maybe 50 he had been smoking cigarettes since the womb you could tell him and his mother used to smoke cigarettes in the fifth grade but he was a tremendous artist he took these bottles all types of bottles you know wine bottles beer bottles The one I bought is like one of those Hennessy bottles and he put the tape and then he put a glaze over it And it just looked neat. I looked at what the guy done and I go you know what? That looks neat. I go how much one for the bottle? He's like 20 bucks listen

If you think I had 20 bucks to give this fucking schmuck But before I gave him the 20 we talked probably two hours and we talked about the arts and we talked about When he started making these bottles He would pay for the boot out of his own pocket for the first four years or five years, I think it was three and a half years, he said. He paid the booth rental $100 every Saturday for 14 weeks out of his own pocket.

He had a day job to believe in those fucking bottles. And he said that he had been there for three. And I go, how many bottles would you sell, you know, like a week? Like on a weekend, he'd go two at $20 a bottle. He was still losing a couple hundred a month. he was telling me. And he goes that one Saturday, he did something. He put a balloon up, and he paid an extra 25 bucks,

even though he was getting ripped off. He paid an extra 25 bucks to get closer to the entrance, and he put lollipops in the thing, and now he was selling 20 bottles every fucking week. So what did he do? He was frustrated, and that's where I learned that from. He goes, I didn't quit. He goes, I just made my product better.

Can I make my product better? He goes, no. My advertising had to be better. My marketing had to be better. So I had to get closer to the engines. So when people got the full $20, I get it before they spend it on carrots and fucking artichokes and shit.

Plus, I made my booth more friendlier. I put balloons around it. I put whatever. And now, all that money that I lost, I've already made back in one year. Well. You know? Now, guess what?

I had been doing that type of shit at the Sheridan when I was 21 years old. Remember I told you about a year ago? I used to buy, it was a happy hour, so I used to buy food, half to half the price and put it out for the merchants. And next thing you know,

my money went up by fucking 100 bucks. So I was frustrated, but I figured out a way, and that's what all this is. When you're frustrated, when you're frustrated with something, is that you're not figuring out what you're doing.

That's all that is. It's just an emotion that you're not taking care of. You have to take care of something for that emotion to go away. Like I said to you today, I'm no Lewis E.K. I'm no Chris Rock. I'm no Joe Coy. But I ain't frustrated either. I ain't frustrated at all. By no means. Am I frustrated in my career? Why? Because I know I do my job every day. every day I do exactly what I have to do one of those things I don't like doing I don't like it so so in this scenario do you see yourself getting to that higher level

or are you just content at where you are right now I'm so happy right now I'm content on where I am I don't really give a fuck I don't want to do half the shit these people do if I have to do half of what these people went through, I don't want my bombs

to come up on TMZ. Right. You know? That's harsh. You know what I'm saying? I don't want my bombs coming up on TMZ. I don't want every move that I do being analyzed by anybody. I don't want somebody going, well, 20 years ago he did this. I don't want it. I don't want

another. That really doesn't matter what I did 30 years ago. It's what I'm doing today and how I'm living my life today. That's all that fucking matters. If I was still mammogramming it and snort and coke and robbing people, that's one thing. I love how I'm living today. I love that I get to do the show,

connect with people in a certain way, and then go out on the road and connect with them in a different way. To me, it's a game. It's a game of chess. I love it. I could raise my prices to $69 and do this. I see the prices these people are charging on the road,

and it makes me sick to my fucking stomach because they've forgotten all about the American household and how hard it is to keep a job. You know, it's bad, enough you gotta go see a baseball game and get fucked in the ass with your kids now you want to go see a comic so I try to keep I'm not here to rob nobody I robbed enough I just want people to have a fucking the same good time that I'm having I want people to feel the same thing I'm feeling off of one joint and going on stage before

I go on stage there's no output it's just a half a joint I put it out and I go up then I giggle like a fucking fag and I you know jump up and down I say dirty jokes and I say jokes that rub people the wrong way. But to me, I'm having a good time. If this means me having a good time, what would be bad? Me having to get on stage every night.

Me having to deliver the 20,000 people every night that paid 150 a fucking ticket. Me having to have a fucking bodyguard and an assistant and a fucking road manager following me everywhere. Me having to have like somebody wake me up and I don't want that.

That's something that was never for me. You know, when I see people with assistance, I want to jump off a fucking bridge. Unless you're fucking, you know, unless you're fucking... And even that. The president. You know, and even that. Unless you're a scientist, you know, that you need to... I don't get it.

It's not for you. I don't want 20 people around me in the daytime. You know how many emails I get from people? Amen, can you train me to help you? I don't know how to train somebody. I don't know how to stop and go back and train. You can't, I can't train people to what I do. What I do, how I do it is completely different than other people do it.

You know, I like to save on time. I like to save my energy. I got to get gas. I could have came over here earlier. Fuck that. I'll come over here when I got to do the podcast. Some people who came up, you know, I like to write out my day. you know, I don't need, if I don't need to go to Hollywood,

I go to Hollywood. When I go to Hollywood, I stop at five places. You know what I'm saying? I stop over here. I say, hello, I drop something off here. But no, I'm very happy where I am. I'm very happy going on the road twice a month. They push bigger venues on to me and a bunch of other shit,

and I refuse it. I'm very happy. I have to accept who I am. I'm 57 years old. I have a daughter who I really, really want to be a part of our life and raise her. and I enjoy coming in here and doing this with you twice a week. This doesn't burn me out.

Everything I do cannot burn me out. I've been burnt out for years. I don't ever want to be burnt out again. I don't mix and match. I don't put myself in bad predicaments like do a movie and tell San Antonio in Dallas I'm going to be there. I would have never got there. My manager, not my manager,

My booking agent thought I could have got there. I know things happened. And now you, you know, could I have made Detroit and Omaha work May 16th and 17th and 18th? I would have made Omaha work going back now. Detroit would have had to get canceled anyway. San Antonio and Dallas wouldn't have to get canceled at the end of the week. I didn't need to be canceled. But I worked that Thursday and Wednesday.

What if a crane would have broke on Thursday? and I would have had to come back on Friday to shoot, then I would have had to cancel Dallas the day of. So now the question is, is do you, and it seems like the answer is yes, but how do you live your life to not even get rid of frustration, but to avoid future frustration? Do what you're supposed to do the first time correctly.

Before you make that move, think about that move and if you're going to commit to this make sure you're giving it 100% of what you got because if you give it 80 you're going to be frustrated

if you give it 90 you're going to be frustrated and if you give it 96% you're going to be frustrated you've got to give it 110% so there's never a doubt listen let me be honest with you and let me be honest with the listeners on here and we'll wrap it up

I don't need to open up a notebook. If you remember my story at all, when I went to prison, I got on stage like 10 times, and then one of the guys came up to me, and he goes, here, take a notebook, you're going to need to write your jokes. And I said to him, I don't write jokes.

I go on stage and I get hot, and I talk about what bothers me. And the guy goes, you do that without writing. And I go, yeah. I went to Marie E.T. this morning. wrote for an hour and a half. I moved some stuff around. I moved a couple words around. I eliminated the sentence. I put a couple, I put a paragraph in the book, you know. I drank some tea. I got some vitamin D. I got to be honest with, uh, people listening. If I did what

Joe Coy did, I'd be a lot better of a comic. What do you mean? I don't, just don't even use a notebook. Oh, he doesn't use a notebook? No, no. Okay. Like, he writes on the road. On the stage. Got it. On stage. I write better on stage. I know this for a fact. When I'm with you fucking around, when we were here the other day talking shit, we were talking about the Jews and blocking

and how the pigeons and the Jews fall. I tried to do that shit again yesterday with my wife. It didn't work. Oh. Didn't work. She looked at me like I wasn't even fucking true. So I know in my heart that I could throw away my notebook, just save it,

to write down the blueprint, but I would do a lot better as a writer with 800 eyes looking at me. Everything is different when you write something. When you write something on a piece of paper, and when you've got to write with 800 people looking at you, 800. There's 400 people in the room.

You've got 800 eyes, right? When you got 800 eyes looking at you, you write quick, Jack. Yeah. That's the best material I wrote. Like this week, I added two tags to a joke and DiAgostino reminded me, or Steve Simone reminded me that night.

He goes, I never heard that before. And I felt like saying to him, I never heard it either. You know, I couldn't say that to him. In my heart, I couldn't go, ha, ha, ha, ha, yeah, I just wrote that last night. No, I didn't. I wrote it on stage. It was just an impact thing. I came.

I did it. It killed. Just a line. Just to add a line to it. I love when people go, oh, my God, I've never heard you say that before. Well, you're fucking retarded because I haven't. Yeah, well, so that's annoying. To me, and I guess maybe I should just accept it.

Whenever I sit down and try to write something, almost never works. No, get high, go with your friends and pick a topic. Let them throw a topic at it. Not like pre-determined. I'm talking about it's like, you just show up and see six guys in a pizza place, and you're eating, and also this pizza tastes like shit. I eat some chick's pussy, and I taste like this beat. And boom, oh shit, you should stay it on stage.

Now you got something to work with. You got a line to work with. You can't beat that at all. I do a lot better on stage. But for me to sleep at night, I got to sit down. Put the work in a little bit. Put the work in a little bit, just to make me believe that I'm putting in the work.

Even though I know I go to the comedy store tonight and I got two sets and the set out do in the main room, when I walk into the original room, I'll get a new line by the time I walk into the original room. Or I'll get rid of a line. I didn't like or I'll add that bit somewhere else. I'll do that and come home and go, whoo, I did my fucking job this week. Right.

And that's what I do. Even though I don't need to do it. I could just be lazy and go, fuck the notebook. Fuck Marie T. But ever since I wrote, I read writing by Stephen King, you have to sit down every day. You have to sit down at a certain time every day. Force yourself. Nobody wants to sit down.

nobody wants to sit on them right it's the hardest thing in the world you start forcing yourself guess what now now i create an addiction feel weird if you're on to it now i feel weird if i don't do it and that's exactly how i want it to feel that's exactly how i want it to feel you want me to tell what the worst thing in the world is i'm 56 years old and i lift weights and i do a couple other things if I wake up and I'm sore and I had plans on going to boxing a movie tie I won't go because I'm really sore

that's one thing that's one thing when I get up and I go thank God I didn't go in my back we did a bunch of kicks or we did kettlebell swings or whatever if I don't go just because I don't want to go

because I'm fucking around I can't live with myself the rest of the day I'll bomb on stage that night Wow. That's how bad it is because I forced myself comedy, life, life in general, to make your life easier and not be frustrated. Life in general is doing the things you don't want to do. When you see a fucking girl on a porno of taking up the ass,

you think five of those ten girls, do you really think they want to be there? Probably not. Look at their faces. But they got a hungry kid. Right. They never thought that we don't let somebody fuck him in the ass for the small thousand dollars But they got a kid they got a husband who threw them out who abused them and they got to go now and buy a place Don't get me wrong some of them are pigs and one of them big up the ass and one America to see jizz coming out of their fucking ass

But I guarantee five of those women go home and cry themselves to sleep at night It's a sad thought, but it's true You know how many times I cried myself to sleep when we're doing something I didn't want to do because I had to fucking do it for the money Tons of times. Tons of times. Every time I washed a dish at a fucking restaurant, every time I bust the table, every time I put a brick down,

you know, every time a boss yelled at me. So, the lesson we learned today on the 4th of July is if you don't want to be fucking frustrated, do the motherfucking work. That's it and that's that. And you know who does the work? Motherfucking Americans.

Give yourselves a round of applause for being a fucking American. From now on, You're going to think of this fucking podcast and go, what the fuck was he talking about? What I'm talking about is this. We're motherfucking Americans. God, Buddha, Allah, whoever the karma, life itself,

they all had a fucking plan for you. You know how you know? Because you're not one of those fucking migrants trying to jump the fence in Mexico. You're not a black kid in Africa with flies on you. Or you're not in fucking Iran right now, fearing for your life that America's going to bomb you. They put you here on this motherfucking country.

You understand me? the United States of America. That means you have the opportunity everybody else has. So stop feeling fucking bad for yourself. Grab your fucking balls. Salute the flag. Go out, they need a hot dog with your family. And happy 4th of July to all you,

motherfuckers. Thank you for listening. And I'll be back Monday morning, tip-top, Magoonot, Tuesday morning. We got one of the guys from the food fighters next week. It's going to be a good week. But I want to let you guys know. Have a great holiday weekend.

Don't play with fucking fireworks. Don't get caught. I mean, listen. I ain't mad that you got to play with fucking fireworks from time to time. A lot of firecracker, throw it over a wall. Just don't throw it at animals and shit like that. All right.

I love you guys with all my heart. But before we leave, a little message from our sponsors. First up, both of these companies are my family. Number one, CBD Lion.com. Listen, there's a lot of fakes out there. There's a lot of people bullshin. There's a lot of people selling fucking Fugazis out there. Don't be one of those fucking assholes.

If you don't know the product, why the fuck are you giving somebody money? You know what? I know you. You know me. You know where to find me. You know where I've been. Okay, I got no reason to lie to you, motherfuckers. Like I said, I'm 56.

I'm out of nut juice. The testosterone levels are down. But you know what? I still try to put it in four days a week. And it's fucking tough. And you know who I thank for that? CBD lion.com. Listen, picking a reliable company used to be like fucking getting fucked in the ass

in one of those pawns, but no more. Uncle Joey's here. He found CBD lying for you. They make CBD products from start to finish. It's not outsourced. It's not made in fucking India. Right here, motherfuckers. They take care of it from the beginning to the end.

They got you covered. Now, let's say you want, Joey, but I like smoking my CD, my CBD. I like it in a vape. Or I like it in a shatter. Or I really don't like the fucking shatter or the cartridges. I want to eat it in a gummy or maybe a tinctia. They got you covered. Tinctia's gummies shattered.

fucking pens. Let me tell you something. I live off that 2,500 milligram thing. You just take that little tincture and put it under your tongue. To be honest, you guys, I'm a little overweight, as you've noticed. So I take two of those blast. Listen, I sleep like a fucking baby. You can like go and show you, but I sleep like a baby. Yeah, but I'm 56 years old and I pee every hour on the hour. I take two little things of those things under my tongue, CBD line. I sleep like a fucking baby. I close my eyes at 1201, and I'm opening them up at like 7.15 in the morning. That's what I'm trying to say to you. Their products are clean, Bobby,

and they aren't like the fakes in all these fucking places that have false advertising. You know why? Right now, if you want, go to CBDLion.com. When you go on that webpage, then they're selling you products. They also have the third-party lab results that you can check out yourself

to confirm what I'm fucking telling you. No more fucking which products, no more buying shit from fucking some dissoning. discounted credit line some fucking website. CBD line is the CBD that you're looking for. Now, today, the church family gets 20% off when they press in church at checkout. That's C-H-U-R-C-H. CBD lion has you covered.

Do you understand me? If I was you, like, Joey, what should I get the first time? Get the raspberry fucking gummies and get yourself some tincture. And call me in a month and tell me how good you feel. You're going to write me an email going, Joey, you know what? I was a little fucking skeptical, but I'm happy I went with CBD Line. You will be happy you want me CBD Line. Go to CBDLine.com right now and press Church in on checkout, and you get 20% off.

CBDLine, the best in the business. Also, to my family and honored, they've been with us this day one. I love their supplements. You understand me? I live on the Alpha Brain. I live on the Shroom Tech sport. And before I get on a plane, I eat two of those fucking Shroom Tech Amunes. Why? Because they work.

And they back their product. Alpha Brain, their number one product. If you don't like it, if it gives you a headache or whatever the fuck you complain about, they'll give you your money back and they don't want the product back. Who does that? Nobody in the industry does that. Go to honor.com right now and press in. Church.

On the way out. Look at that great selection of supplements. Whether you want the oil, they just got some new stuff. The MCT oil. The MCT oil, they just got a new one. You can put it in coffee. You can put it in your milkshakes. You can do whatever.

all you want for it. Go to honor.com. Press in church and get 10% off to live it to your house. I want to thank CBD line. I want to thank Honit. But I want to thank you guys. Don't forget, Friday night,

I'm at the rec room in Huntington Beach. And then the 10th of July through the 12th, I'll be at the Charlotte Comedy Zone. So fucking enjoy, you dirty basses. And that's it, and that's that. We got a great week. Next week. I hope you have a great vacation.

Don't blow your fingers off. And we'll see you. Tuesday morning nice and early. I have a happy 4th of July. It's a beautiful day to be an American. Kick this motherfucker meal.