The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #707 - Aida Rodriguez

Episode Date: August 6, 2019

Aida Rodriguez, a stand up comedian and actress seen on Comedy Central and Fox, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.   Aida's new Netflix special as part of "Tiffany Haddish Presents: They Ready" will be streaming on Netflix August 13th. This podcast is brought to you by:   ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church   ForHims- Go to ForHims.com/church to get your first month for just $5 while supplies last.   

The church of what's happening now would love to send its heart out to El Paso and Dayton, Ohio. We're very sorry for your losses and what happened there this weekend. Greetings from Podcastville. The church of what's happening now is brought to you by Hymns. Listen, summertime is here. Why the hell are you breaking out the baseball cap for the day at the beach or the ballpark? If you're wearing it to hide your thinning hair, you may not have to anymore. Don't swear hair lost this summer.

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It's Tuesday, the 6th of August, the day the devil was buried at sea. A little narcos' music for you. If you got him, snort him, cocksucker. The Christ killer. Uncle Joey. And my girl, Ada. Put the head up, Ada. Get the hell off the phone.

What's your last name? Rodriguez. Ada Rodriguez. That's what's cracking here on a Tuesday morning. Listen, I got a thousand fucking names of my head. Ada Rodriguez, Gonzalez, you know me, though. I love that song. Every time I come, you play a classic.

Who the fuck you think you're dealing with Joey Banales? Last time it was. A little Spanish music is good for the fucking soul. Yeah, last time it was, what's the Panamanian's name? That was part of the all-stars. Freddie Mercury. I don't fucking know. You know me.

I got a lot of people. I listen to a lot of motherfuckers. You know me. I don't know what I listen to. How are you? I'm great. How you doing? I like the glasses.

Look at you. I like the shirt. Fucking badass shirt. Puerto Rico, man. Jay Bichetti, representing the Pittsburgh Pirates. This is fucking Clemente's. And it's funny, a lot of shit since I wore this shirt has happened in Puerto Rico. I wore it on Rogan for the first time.

And also my world got flipped upside down. Oh, man. I started getting emails to make videos and wear his shirt and solidarity to get the fucking governor on. He got caught on tape talking shit and fucking sane faggot. You brought down the governor of Puerto Rico? I didn't bring him down to his chat room. Somebody brought him down.

There was a snitch in the house. And he kept saying, I'm not going to leave, bitch. They got the goon squad coming in from the Bronx. You got about a day before. You already know. That motherfucker, they made his ass resign, and now they're going to throw his after off the fucking island. And then the governor that wanted to replace them, she didn't want it. No, she was scared.

She's like, these motherfuckers ain't fucking around. Don't kill me. I love your recap. Oh, please. Those governors are feeling like a Kennedy right now. They walk around with helmets and space suits on and shit. It's tough being a fucking elected official in Puerto Rico. Oh, my God.

They don't give a fuck down there in PR. They don't. You saw what happened to that regatong artist. They shot him in the head because he was threatening to release a video about another artist being gay. And they took care of him, which is horrible. How is El Poppy doing? No, my dad. Yeah.

He's out of the hospital now. But yeah, the Dominican Republic wasn't it? Wasn't it like 40 people or something crazy? Like, yeah, he was, it was, who was he messing with? He was messing with a cartel person. Who, Poppy? Yeah, that's what they said. He was messing around with somebody's wife.

Oh, Jesus. And then they had a, they put a hill. out on them. I'm not surprised. So what, like, what does all this stuff make you guys feel like? Like, Cuba has its own issues, but it's still home? Like, do you guys, like, is it weird for you to be like, okay, it's probably not safe to go there right now? I don't ever feel not safe around my people. I can go anywhere in, in the Caribbean, the Latin-speaking Caribbean, and I'm not going to feel unsafe. Okay. You feel unsafe? I ain't going nowhere. I don't go to nowhere. I don't need to go to Puerto Rico. I'll go to Cuba. What people are. You feel for you. I'm

know is Puerto Rico over the years has had a decline. Like I used to go to Puerto Rico every year for Christmas pretty much until 1979 that my mother died. Yeah, they said the crime, the crime rate is out of control. The crime rate is unbelievable. I mean, six, eight months ago, one weekend in Puerto Rico, they shot as many people as they did in Chicago. Yeah. Yeah, that's bad. They're saying that if you're a tourist, you have to stay in Nuevo San Juan and keep it light. You know, you go off those roads, bro, there's people posing with their car fucking broken and a hot chick with a bikini. You go to fucking fix a flat. Ten Puerto Ricans jump out of a bush and hit you in the head with a pipe.

So you got to mind your business, you know. And it's like that you just can't say Puerto Rico. It's like that in any, listen. Yeah. I went to New York a few months ago to spend a shoot a movie. And I'd walk around, those touristy areas. And I'm like, these people are dead giveaway. Like just where you're stopping.

And how you're looking. And looking up at the buildings. And looking up at the buildings. They're looking at your fucking phone. You know. So they stick out. I remember the 70s in New York. Tourists would get lit up.

Lit up. Miami, too. I never forget seeing a family get all their money taken, playing three-card Monty. Oh, yeah. That day is still etched in my brain forever. Yeah. That we watch, you know, like, what people don't understand. There's three card Monty.

There's three cards on a milk crate upside down with like a valour sheet. And this guy's hustling in. He's got three or four lookouts. And you're trying to find the red card or the black card, whatever it is. And he's shuffle. He's a street magician guys. These guys are gypsies. Yep.

And I'll never forget being in the eighth grade freshman year and going over there with a kid who's dead now. In fact, it was his anniversary, August 3rd, of dying 39 years. Dominic Spishia out, God rest of soul. And I remember that I saw the family, and they always have one guy who they let win. Yeah. So you're watching the guy win, and you're like, I could do it. And I remember losing 20 bucks. And after I lost my 20 bucks, my buddy started yelling at me.

And to make a long story short, he threw in his money after he yelled at me and he lost. But there was a family there from Germany or Europe somewhere. And I'll tell you what, man, they were fucking, they lost everything. Lee, when I tell you, there was a stack of travelers checks. And when that guy, and once they make a big haul, they go police, and they flip the milk crate up and they just disappear. Yep. And I'll never forget to look on this family's face.

Like, if I never forgot it, and it was 30, 40 fucking years ago. It didn't happen to me, and I never forgot it. They just stood there. The dad, the two kids holding his wife, and the wife and the husband were just looking like each other. Like, what just happened? Like, what just fucking happened? We just lost our vacation money.

In six minutes. In six to seven minutes. And it was just like, God, police. And the thing went up, and there was no cops. And the guy kept saying, where are you going? Where are you going? I want to win back my money. And they're like the cops dog.

And they just started running. And that was the end of that. Yeah, you know in Miami though When I was growing up in the 80s The thing there was a time in a period of the 80s where they would look for the rental cars that To see the rental cars They would get you right out of the airport yeah Smash and grab

They were smash and now they said they're starting to do it again They smashed the windows and then they take whatever out of the car But then people fighting them for the car so people get shot and they get killed and it's really really It's pretty sad You gotta be on guard People are the thing is that this has gotten so crazy with the halves having so much and the poor people everywhere They lose in their minds and that's what happens when people are struggling and hungry they start stealing We're living in weird times they know yeah I mean we're living in

You know we this country had a weekend this last weekend man It's traumatizing my like I said in the beginning of the podcast my heart goes out to El Paso And date in two places where I you know I cut my comedy teeth in El Paso. Yeah. I mean, I was in El Paso. He used to book me two weeks of the shot, that guy, Bart. Bart, yeah.

You know, my heart goes out to Patrick Candelary and his family, there's a lot of guys that down there. I don't even know how to get old of. The guy that used to work with Gabriel's website is down there. Yeah. I mean, I've been thinking about these people all weekend, Dayton. I don't know how many times I played that funny bone, you know. The Funny Bone and Dayton was the first club to headline me after I did last

comic standing. Really? Yeah. Yeah, I was, and I had such a great experience at that club. It was great. I go to Cleveland or Columbus, but I got to make it back to Dayton, especially now. But you, so what you're trying to tell me is I can't go to a garlic festival. Man, you can't go to Walmart now.

The movie theater. I got to keep my eyes open in the movie theater. I got to keep my eyes open at a fucking school. A country concert. Being outside at any concert. Yeah. You know, so, I mean. That bar was down the street from where I live now, the one in Thousand Oaks.

I live in Woodland Hills. Yeah, that's right. And one of our comedians, Courtney Shoreman, she used to hang out at that bar, that bar, that got shot up by that guy. What about last week with the guy in Van Nuys, the guy who killed his girlfriend and her entire family? Right over here. Yeah. Oh, I didn't even know about it. Right.

Right. And my wife said she was driving and they closed the street by the barbecue place on violent. It's on violent there. But, you know, this has to, I mean, I'm a micro type of thing. dude like I've always been a micro type of dude that's one of my shortcomings in life listen I love to worry about the whales and I love to save some fucking white kid in Africa but guess what I have friends that I have a hard time I have friends that can't put their kids through college I have homeless people in my fucking neighborhood that I take care of that I'm going to have a lot

of food I'll go out and hunt them down I've always believed to be a micro type person You know what? That's great that they found the wolf in Africa. It's got nothing to do with me and my ability to get up in the morning and make my life happen. This last weekend really makes you think outside the box and you go, what's the, like I hate that fucking target on victory. Really? Oh, I fucking hate that. That place is just scary. Victory Boulevard right here in the valley. Victory in violence. Oh, yeah.

I told my wife yesterday, no more with the baby up there. Really? And she even said, she goes, I don't like it up there either. I'm not going to play. That whole football, they had, one time they had that whole soccer field covered with women doing Zumba. You could hear them inside fucking target the speakers. That has another do. I don't trust anyone that does Zumba.

It's just a fucked up neighborhood that I don't like. But we're living in a society now, like I told my wife, I sat them both down last night at dinner. I sat them both down, you know, and I said, listen, man, I don't know how your fucking mother raised you, Terry, but my mother raised me to look straight the fuck ahead. I go, when you go out from now and I don't want to see that fucking phone out. That's right. I don't want to see that phone out. It's too late to conduct business. You know, you got to be looking.

When you walk into a place now, you have to look for the exit signs. That's right. To see where you stand. Put that fucking phone away. I'm not going to fucking tell you again, ladies and gentlemen, put that fucking phone away. As soon as you get,

you walk out of your door, put that fucking phone away. That phone ain't doing nothing for you. That's why I don't want no text. That's why I don't like when people text. I don't even answer you back. I just erase it. I don't even read it.

You don't respond to them. And people should know better. If you're that stupid and you're going to continue to send me text messages, I can't do business. I'm glad you told me. Oh, no. That's how I figure.

But I don't like text messages. I like the talk. If you text message a person twice and he don't call you back and you continue to text them, I can't do business with you because you're that fucking stupid. You can't read the cues. Pick up the fucking phone and call. You don't know how many times I go back and forth with somebody with 10 phone calls. And then they'll send a text and those 10 phone calls all went away.

Because we've been talking for three weeks. Now you want to send me a tax. done done frinito yeah i don't like i'm free nito i tell you i was in chicago this weekend i was working at zanis and i was staying in that area right

and uh the lady that worked there was like let me tell you something she said uh when you walking down the street make sure you're not on your phone she says somebody will push you in the bushes and take your phone from you and lord knows what happens she's white and she said and if you think that they're black but they're just latinos you

out of your mind she said everybody has lost their minds in the city they told me you think that people are just getting shot on the south side she said my fuckers are getting shot all over this city and don't you think that it's just black people she said you better stay on guard and i was like damn like that was my welcome to the weekend club because she was like you a woman you stay downtown all weekend yeah she was like you're a woman and you by yourself and i nobody's going to tell you this but she's like i'ma tell you she said when you walking around you're going to your room we pay attention to everything around you. She said they have all lost their mind. We have to go back to basics. Yeah. As an American now, 240 shootings this year, something like that, 20030-

more shootings than days that we've had in the year. In a year. I mean, there's more shootings than there have been UFCs and they've been in business for 20 fucking years. So, I mean, one year, we have to repri- I mean, and you could sit here and talk political or rhetoric and whatever. Say it again. I don't even know where to speak. start with this. No, because there's a problem. It's like prohibition. You try to get all the guns out. You don't know where to start. Yeah, they're going to... If you get the guns out, then the prices go up and the black market increases, then you're going to get stronger. I mean, you don't even know where to start here. It's like the homeless problem. Right now, if you fucking pull out of here and head to the

101 to head south, there's a guy that's set up like a fucking circus. Yeah, they got an encampment. No, you got to see this guy. He's got a three. He's got a circus over there. He's got a dog, a little sheep, a little pony. Now, I'm not a fucking governor. I'm not a fucking college graduate, but I know that guy is not homeless. That's a mental health issue. That's right. There's a big difference between mental health and Lee coming to me when they're going, I can't afford the rent no more. That's right. I'm moving out and I'm going to take my chances and take showers at the Y and go on the road and if not to stay in my car. This is a big difference. That's right. Between homelessness. When you go downtown, there's three categorize them. There's 33 and a third that really

are hard on their luck. Oh, yeah. That just need to reorganize a shelter, a halfway house of sorts to get them on the right path, a job, a shower. And then you have mental health people that they don't want your help. So what we could do is reach out to them, give them medication, shoot them with vaccines and let them live in the fucking weeds. If you want to pitch a tent under the 101 and you think that's happiness, who the fucking mind to stop you? Where the people don't realize is like those fires that happened when it was cold, it was the homeless people that were cold in the woods and they set the woods on fire to,

they built fires and then people's houses burnt down. So that's how it all affects everybody. Like when you say that's not my problem, but Ellen's house was burnt down. All of it is connected at some point. The black dude, my bodyguard, the guy called my bodyguard, the vet from Iraq that's black and he's got dreads and he's six for four, two-80.

You know the guy I'm talking about? I try to hook him up like three days a week. I'll see him and I'll make a U-turn, I'll give him a 20 so he could eat something. You know, that's my way of helping. Right. But from conversations I've had with him, he's not homeless. He's got mental health issues.

He's got African-American mental health issues. He's not an angry guy. He laughs whenever he sees my daughter. He waves. He just rather live in a fucking park than deal with fucking society. He's never asked me for a dime. But you know what drives me crazy? He's never asked me for a meal.

I'll see him. And then I told my wife, if you see him, pull over, let him see the baby and give him a 20. So if he's in the neighborhood and there's a shooting, he just breaks the fucking little white kid in behalf. Because that black guy, I'll send him into Walmart. I would send that black dude into Walmart head first. He would have got that little fucking, he would have got that little spik hater and broke his fucking neck right in there.

This guy, you could shoot him. He ain't going down. He's like Young Frankenstein. I watch Peter Ball in Young Frankenstein. They were shooting that motherfucker. He wouldn't go down. That black guy's not going down. I think he's been shot like 18 times.

He's been shot more than Tupac and LeBron. Ron and all the rest of these fucking half wits, that dude's a real deal. You know, it's funny, though, I was thinking about it. It's like, you see all these people are always, they're patriots and they love the veterans, but a lot of those homeless people are veterans that nobody take care of. And if you ever, I go to the VAs to do comedy and volunteer, it's horrible. Those VA hospitals, man.

They're horrible. Bendito, like, I feel, I'm like, man, are we treating the people that have gone to combat for us like that? Yeah. It's bad. I think that somebody goes to war for us, somebody goes, somebody leaves our country to go step on foreign soil for us. I think they have the right to be taken care of all their life. That's what I feel.

I feel the same life. I feel that they should, as soon as they come back here, they should not be expected to work. If anybody has seen a car accident, you know how you get affected by it. Never mind. It's like that police chief, yes, I know, Paso said, you know he never knew there was going to be an odor of blood but blood has an odor you know what do you expect those people to come back from vietnam and iraq and all these wars that we've got into when you come back you can't cope yep you can't cope it's a heavy dose of you know hearing gunfire could change most people yeah did you know that like just hearing what those people went through at that walmart dear day or in dating whether you got shot or not

just being involved, that's going to affect you the rest of your life. Absolutely. You know, that's going to affect you. There's going to be a phobia in this country called like shooters something. Yeah, they're going to come up with a name. They're going to come up with a name for it because it does affect you. That's why you say you don't have a, you didn't go to college and you're not, we need somebody like you to be a politician.

You're the kind of person that we need an office that will, because it's that practicality that we need. All the politics that we've had, that's all about checks. It's people getting checks from this company and that we need somebody like you. We need somebody who thinks like you and say, let's find some solutions for the people. I wish I had the capability. Like, I wish to, because why would you get? It's like I got a big problem with nonprofit organizations.

I have a very big problem with nonprofit organizations. I want to help people, but I have a hard time writing a check because why should the CEO of that nonprofit have a better car than I do? You know what I'm saying? If I'm donating to you, why should the CEO and the assistant CEO and the fucking the operators manager have a better car than I have? If you want to be help people, there's a basic salary cap. it's $48,000 a year. Yeah, but that's not, you wanted to help people. That's right.

You wanted to be Johnny nonprofit. Right. So now figure it out. If you want to be, make money, then there's businesses you want. That's why I have a hard time. Donate to a fucking company. I'm not a shame. I'll donate to Chris Herron because I know that that shit goes directly to drug people.

That dude doesn't have an insincere bone in his fucking body. But anybody else, I have a lot of hard time. Yeah. I'd rather hand you the money fucking direct. That's right. I'd rather hand you the money direct. So I know that nobody's take, you know, when people call you and they're like, hey, we're accepting donations for police benevolently. By law, those people are only supposed to donate like 28%.

They're allowed to keep the rest. Don't quote me on the percentage. But if you really look into it, you'll be in shock. You'll go, so wait a second. Joey, I get up every fucking day to go to work, and I donated a thousand bucks to the police benevolence system, and they're only going to get too weighty out of it. That's right.

I'm going to get some fucking fat fuck like me. It's going to be in an office smoking a cigar, telling people he's going to go ride his boat on the weekend. Not on my fucking dime. None of my fucking dime. Yeah, when 9-11 happened, remember they were doing those big fundraisers on NBC, and they had all that money.

There were 12 black fire. fighters whose families didn't get any money from none of that money. So like they did a fundraiser and we did a fundraiser in to help those kids because they all lost their fathers and they never got any money. So they were like some of them were like struggling to the point where they were going to be homeless. And they raised millions and millions of dollars. Millions a dollar. Callie Berry and this one and the other one. I have a big problem with that. Yeah. I really do. I really want to help to source I don't want to fucking, you know, I just believe that with politics, people get into politics either because you love people. Yep.

And you really want to see the welfare of people. But I think somewhere greed takes over. And that always, that's our natural thing. We're whatever by greed, you know. I, at this point in my, you know, when you become a comic, or anything, when you dedicate your life to an art, there's some part of suffering unless your family is well off

and they pay your rent. There's some part of suffering. And there's one day where you're like, I don't even care about money anymore. It has nothing to do with me. I've learned how to live without money for so long that I would love to be a mayor of a city to bring back what's been like, you know, again,

I'm not here to, why must I pay? why must an American parent pay anywhere from in this neighborhood I don't know what it is in the rest of the country anywhere from 180 to 300 a week for your child to go to camp

in the summer 180 to 300 a week per kid per kid for your child to go not for nothing north of New Jersey the most corrupt place on And when I was growing up, there was a six-week program at the park that you went there every day. You played checkers.

You threw a frisbee. You had a fucking whatever. But they give you a lunch. They put a hose out in the afternoon so you could with the spinner. Yeah. And you jumped in there. And then to kick off, then one day a week you went on a trip. You went to APA and we played basketball at APA.

It was where the Nets practiced when they made the switch from New York to New Jersey. They took us to the Yanke. game, the Bat Night. Oh, shit. And they'd give us, like, those little prison sandwiches. It wasn't the fucking Beverly Hills Hilton, but it was something better. My daughter has nowhere to go in the summers.

That's right, yeah. Nowhere. If we didn't put them in camp, am I mad about paying? Not really. I'm not cheap. But think about it. There's no local park

where they could go to in North Hollywood, a studio city, and for six weeks. I'm not asking for all fucking eight weeks. Hey, there's a lot of kids out there. And I know my daughter's a pain in the ass. But a four-week program from July 15th to August 15th, where you take the museum of arts down in Long Beach,

the aquarium and all that shit. That's what they did. I remember going to summer camp one time in the Bronx. It was fucking phenomenal. They took you to the Bronx Zoo for three days. You walked around. You saw a gorilla stab another gorilla with a pocket knife and shit. I mean, that's the shit that you'll never forget.

You know, it takes three days to walk around the Bronx Zoo. I don't know what it is now. I don't know how the animals are now. Don't quote me on this. Sad. But in the old days, it was a three-day trip to the Bronx Zoo. Even the churches in New York. I remember being in the Bronx.

They had little activities. Activities. They would give you, I remember the lunch. A fucking orange with a ham and cheese sandwich. With a juice and a little bag. Yeah. It was an effort. It wasn't fucking Ruth Chris.

Right. But it was better than fucking nothing. We don't have that no more. No, but I want to, it's like what you said, where is all the money going? Because there's so much money that is put into the government, yet and still, your friend, you got to give him $20 and make sure that he eats when you see him. There's a man who's building a circus. People getting shot at every other turn.

Where is the money? Where is all this money? I mean, Donald Trump was going to put billions of dollars into creating a military force in space. What about here? Where's the money going? I mean, us, I think New York and California have the highest tax practice in the country. Yeah. Right?

And I mean, my wife just gives me an idea. It was bad. About the taxes. Just an idea. And then you take it a grammar school. And the first day of grammar school, they're giving you a paper. What you're going to pay? What you're going to pay for donations all year.

Mm-hmm. You have to donate to the grammar school? Yeah. Don't that school, look at this. There's two private schools in Studio City. All right. There's two private schools that are top-notch, Notre Dame and where Felicia's kids went. Yeah, my son went to Campbell Hall.

Campbell Hall. Yeah. It's 34 G's, and they tell you to start. And you're like, so wait a second, what do you mean to start? It's 34 Gs, and then throughout the year, you've got to duke them. Yeah. It's more than some college. Now did your son or daughter get a scholarship to Campbell?

Yeah, he got a scholarship and I had to, I worked, I worked two jobs. Yeah, because my friend's kid who got a scholarship to Campbell Hall. He got a partial scholarship and then I... She's a fucking attorney now. She's a bad ass attorney now, so she's making big money. But she got a scholarship. She's a Spanish kid. Yeah.

And you get scholarships there. Yeah, because I don't want them to go to... But it was 34 grand and they had hit you up throughout the year. The computer lab. The fucking African monkey exhibit, fucking white people for fucking Asian solidarity. Oh, yeah, they duke your all fucking month. But you don't go to a private school.

No, but even in city school, we have to Duke. So the thing is that the Valley has the best public schools. Yeah. So they have the elementary schools are all really good schools. But they operate like private school. Like a private school. So no matter even if it is a public school, you're still paying for a lot of stuff

because they got the best schools like all of them. When I sold the pilot last year to Fox that was in the pilot of me taking to the school and there was one annoying lane that every time she sees you she would ask me for a duke

because that is. Every time I see the lady it's always a duke. She's to ask you straight up in person? Oh, they have the lady. They have the lady for that. They got the lady that comes up And it says, hey, hi.

As they say, I don't know if you know this. Yeah, hi. I don't know if you know this. I'm aware, but August 14th, we're having our fundraiser for moms. We were asking for it. It's a minimum donation of 200. And I'm like looking at it. Like, let me answer you this.

How do you look on a bikini? Because we can end this right now. So after the first six weeks of seeing this, I grabbed my wife and then like, oh, I'm not trying to be disrespectful. pick an amount give it to him and tell him to leave us to fuck alone yeah

and my wife went she looked at everything she gave him the mount and she told the lady to leave no then one day my wife went to pick up the kid and that lady came out she goes we don't know where mercy is and my wife like told her to get the fuck out of my face

so now the lady really don't fuck with us no more my wife just cut her a check out of her account my wife is like I'm not going to tolerate that duke in every week Lee, every time we went in there. Every Tuesday or Wednesday, you get duped. You get to do that face.

The lady, how they say, no gizuenza. No shame. No shame. And she'll go right. And she's got, and the thing that killed me the most is, Lee, can I talk to you for a second?

Listen, we're having an annual Kids Day thing. I know you have an hard time. Your wife's not working. We're looking for a deuce, but if you could throw in $50. Yes. Yes.

They don't even give you that leave. And let's say why you're going, hmm, like where you're going, let me see where I can fit in my budget. If they see Ada, don't just leave you standing there. Hi, Ada. Oh, my God. I love your shirt.

Let me talk to you about what's going on next Tuesday. Next Tuesday we're having the fundraiser, and we advise that you bring 200 cash, and you're sitting there going, she doesn't even have the class to close me. Yep. Like, she couldn't even, she didn't have the, like, I got him for a small 50.

Let me keep him over here on ice Because I definitely got the small 50 Like they just have no How very Hollywood Does it bother me? No Does it make me or break me no It's how they do it

It's how they do it I've been dukeing out all my life I know the Duke I know the Duke look There's a look you give people That means listen Things are bad Duke me something

I ain't got a problem with that But every fucking week You know And at 8 in the morning. If you're going to duke me, duke me at 2 in the afternoon. Let me wake up at least. The magazines, the gift, that paper. They hit you at 805 with a duke.

You're not even processing your fucking coffee, and they're already throwing numbers at you and shit. You're walking back like, what the fuck just happened? See, like that, you said something to me a couple weeks ago, Joe, you said, like, I think you took your daughter to Disney or maybe it was the hotel you took her to for the fourth. And you're like, listen, it was expensive, but I have no complaints.

Like, it was a great time. Like that's what gets me. It's like when I pay $5,600 a month for health insurance, and then I get a bill for $6 from a doctor. Just like the weird stuff where you're like, I'm paying. This should take away all the annoyance and it just doesn't. As an American today,

without hiding your emotions as an American today, I hope that you know that you're getting fucked in the ass. Absolutely. If you're an American today and you don't think or feel like you think you're on top of the world, You're getting fucked. Your phone company's fucking you. When we fly, we're getting fucked in the ass.

100%. You know, when we do this. I'm not putting, everybody needs to make a business. Everybody needs to make money. I'm not here against you making money. I've never been against a company making money. That's why you provide a service. But assumed to be getting fucked.

Didn't last week they just came out with the Marriots were hiding a $3 hidden charge? Now, a guy like you and me will go $3. They want to rob me for $3.82. That's fine. What if they do it to a million customers a year? Yeah. Yep. That's it. At 382.

At 382, a million customers a year. So, you know, at every level, when you're flying, you're getting fucked, especially in today's world. And I love flying. I love traveling. I just, it's a cost to do business, and unless you're going to take your little scooter to Cleveland, shut the fuck up. That's all you know, I don't bite my words that I was, I have agent, I have a manager, and I have a lawyer.

They offer me this shitty-ass deal, right? A network show offers me this bullshit-ass deal. And then I got to run it for them. I said, all right, let's look at this deal. I got to give you 10%. I got to give you 10%. I got to give you 5%. And I got to pay 33% in taxes.

Now, when you cut all of that out of there, how much money am I making? Nothing. Nothing. So do you honestly think this is the best deal for? for me, would you take this deal if it was you? And that's, that's everything else that you do. That's the cable company. That's the electricity. We pay for water. They told us water is bad. We're paying for water. Now they got oxygen bars all over. We're going to be paying for air too because the quality of the air is bad. You know how fucked up it is that you got to pay for

natural resources? They've made everything a business. I'm for companies making money too. Who is? But they're not for fucking us in the ass. Who's that? companies? No, I said companies. I said, I'm all for companies making their money. No, I have nothing against somebody making money. They're abusing now.

But right now is an American, you know, whether you want to go to a Dodger game or a leger game, no matter what, you know, you go to an event with your kids. Go to a Yankee game. I never even been to a fucking Yankee game at the new stadium. Yeah. And people are fucking furious. People are furious. You know, you can't think about it.

No. Even on the airplane, you said it. You got to pay now for it. more leg room, right? You got to pay for food because they only give you snacks. Oh my God, I didn't know you had to pay for a seat now. Yeah, now you could pay, even for the overhead part, you got to pay for that. Like when you go to American Airlines, it says, do business or something.

Economy, business, coach. And then whatever. And you look at coach. And it says 482, and you're like, wow, 482 to Boston. Jesus Christ. And you click it. 482 is the row right next to the bathroom where people go shit, the fat dudes go shit.

Right in that row. That's a 482 get you. Yeah. Now for an extra 60-250, you could sit in row 18A. And for an extra 84, you could sit in like 16th B. You got to pay to sit in the emergency aisle. You pay to be a hero because you have to, you have to verse. I verbally agree that you will help if there's an emergency.

It's not great when that lady comes up to and she's like, are you going to be able to help? Yeah, sure. Whatever you want. But you got to pay for that. I'll open the door and I'll push people out. Yeah, fuck you. There's something happens.

I'm pushing this plane out and I'm worried about. I'm taking my sleep apnea machine because I got weed in that motherfucker and I got floaties and a baggie and I'm jumping off this fucking plane. I'm not worried about this fat kid across. Go fuck yourself. I'm going to pull him off the apartment. And you got to pay for that, though. Hold on.

Get the fuck out of here. I'm opening this thing up. I'm using grandmas a parachute. I'll grab her by the leg. I'll grab her by the hat. You got to get out of there, right? Look at Lee. You got to pay for that shit.

Poor grandma. Fuck that dirty bitch. I got shit to do with people to see. But you still got to pay for that. Oh, no shit. And they charge you. I got a fucking email last week. I'm not going to say what that line.

I don't know what they would think. I don't know what they were thinking. They have a new service that you could get there and bypass. And I always knew this is going to happen. Okay, first they had, okay, so you buy a plane ticket, and if you buy a regular ticket, you got to stand there like cattle. And wait from the kid from El Paso to get out of jail and come and shoot you at the airport. And they got you in those zooms like a fuck.

And what do you call those things? Like the movie theater lines, yeah. Yeah, what do they call? They called something, the maze. Oh, the maze. They got you standing in a maze, so when you get shot, you all fall on each other from the side, you know. And that's what you pay for when you get a regular ticket.

Now when you get a first class ticket, they give you the fly-through, which is never really fly-through. Now, if you don't want to pay to take your shoes off, you could pay for that service, and then they came out with clear. When you just cut the line and whatever, it's $1.89 a year. And unless you fly 20 times or more a year, it comes out to $8, $9. Like, I figure it out.

I go, for $9 to cut through, it's not a bad deal. But do you have to take your shoes off with clear? Sure. Oh, yeah, do? You do. Unless you get, when I fly to LAX, I don't take nothing on. Yeah. I've been flying out of there so long they know I'm no danger.

So they put me in whatever that's called. What's it called? TSA pre-check. But when I fly back, I got to go through the other line. But now they've got a whole new thing. What's the new one? Pop's got a whole new dance For $1,250.

Oh, wow. I could walk in and not even see anybody. You check in, you get a little cargo van, they take you to the back. It's $1.50 for you and $100 for the person that flies with you.

$12.50, how often? How many each flight? Per flight. Fuck you! Oh, my. That's fresh good. They don't have any. That's unbelievable, right? They take you from, you check in a specific place.

So let's say you're flying, I'm just saying this. Let's say you're flying American to New York. That long flight, you have to go to one. You have to. The other priority. Delta has one. If you're going to fly from New York, from L.A.X to New York first class, you don't go to regular Delta.

You go to Delta one. They only fly to Boston or something like that. They cut you, it's not bad. They offer you a water. They ask you if you're hungry. They have, like, little chips. And then, like, Bert. Bert belongs to the Admiral Club.

That's why Bert gets lit. He goes to the Admiral Club. He's in there with Cigonia Weaver. Drinking fucking doubles, talking about Alien and shit. But now, forget that. So let's say Americans got the Admiral Lounge. You go, you check in. A lady Tachio, put you in a little bus,

and they have a different Admiral Lounge. like fuck the Admiral Lounge that's for white punks we're gonna take you to where like Obama hangs and shit you go there and then when it comes down to your plane they come get you and they zip you and you get on the plane

nobody knows nothing it's 1250 per flight there's two different packages one was for 1250 and one was for 750 per flight and I'm like why would like I knew this was coming I just didn't know what level

well that just shows you that They don't really care about safety. They care about money. That's right. Remember when you used to be able to take your bottle of water on an airplane? Now you got to throw it away. And then when you get on the other side, a fucking bottle of water cost. $7.

Yeah. In Paris, they don't do that. They wrap your water up and they send it through the machine. They don't make you throw your water away. And they got a tax in Paris too. It's just, it's all for profit. They don't, we've lost our minds in this country. It's become, they've become so greedy.

It's not even about people anymore You're right, it ain't about your safety It's about money Because what is taking a bottle of water Gonna do really like for real Let's be real about the bottle of water Right? Because you don't want you taking your own water

They want you to buy it on the other side It's, I was in Paris last year I'd had a bottle of water I was going to throw it away And the lady was like, no no, no, no, no, no You don't do that. They put it in a plastic bag, they check it and then they run it through

But it because that's that's money We everything here is about money It ain't about people Even the Like the laws Like if I was I watch a documentary on like Smuggling stuff and Like the whole big thing is oh we cut this much amount

Like even drugs we found this like billions of dollars With a Coke They don't really care They care that they're not getting a piece of money When they do the math They double check that math They fucking pump it up price okay yeah they pump it up like the guy's gonna sell it on the street corn one by one you know it's such bullshit

anyway enough with the political videos what's up with you beautiful man i'm just making it another day you know one thing about you is i see you out there doing your thing you don't complain you always got a different thing going on you always got a different i call them mind fucks yeah some of them work some of them don't but the more mind fucks you get the closer you are to your goal You got to go through a thousand mindfucks to do anything. You're still here. You know, the last time I spoke to you, you were waiting on showtime to give you decision.

And here you are with a Netflix thing. That's right. See what I'm saying? You have so many mind fucks that people, you know, you ever wake up on a Friday here, especially now that we're getting old and you're like, man, I'm fucking tired. Yes. You're like, what the fuck did I do all week? I didn't dig a trench.

I didn't deliver fucking boxes for FedEx. That's right. You know, I did a couple spots. I wrote. I played with the kid. I lifted some weights. Why am I so tired? You're like, oh, maybe because I've been getting mind-fucked all fucking week from different fucking ideas and different scenarios and situations.

Maybe that's why I'm mind-fucked, you know? They make that face that the lady who tries to get you. Hi. That's the same face. Oh, my God. Did I tell you, it's that time of the year again? It's Halloween for midgets and this year We're gonna do a Halloween thing for little midgets

We're gonna get them new hats with new heads And you know What the fuck? Leave me alone, lady Go bother the business people It drives me fucking crazy But you know you get so many mind fucks as a I say who the fuck am I kidding? As a human being look at the mind fucks you got this weekend

Yep You know now you don't know where to go What's safe anymore? What do you buy a gun Do you buy a fucking bulletproof vest? Do you leave the house anymore? I mean, there's so many fucking questions now, you know? But in comedy, forget about it.

Oh, man. If you let them take it to the... I get emails that would blow you away. I get emails that would... You're like, huh? Oh, yeah. And it's mine fucks. A lot of them are mine, hey, listen, I got this.

You know, I had a guy last week. Let me send you the first 56 pages of my script. Listen, leave me alone. When the script is done, send it to me. It's just people holding on to you in case you blow. Right. So they give you little, little bullshit. And you're like, you know what?

I've been mind-fucked enough for 20 years. Yeah. How did you put together a Netflix thing? You know what? I sat down and I said, what story do I want to tell? And I told the story of my family. I told the story of my family, my grandmother. No, no.

How did you get the Netflix? Oh, Tiffany Haddish. Tiffany Haddish and I have been friends for the last 11 years. And we always talk. We always, she's the one. that that's like, fuck that, don't worry about what they tell you. Go do what you got to do, right? She would always tell me, who cares what they say? You just keep working and she's eventually something's going to pop. You just got to keep working. But she would always be like,

nobody's a victim. We're not going to be victims here. We did last comic standing together and we made a pact that whoever blew up would throw the rope back. And she blew up and she threw the rope back. Without any hesitation, without, she just kept her word. She said, said, hey man, I'm doing this deal with Netflix. And part of my deal is that they got to give a special to my people because I believe in you and I think you should have a special. And she did it.

She took a pay cut. And she did it. She just kept her word. That's crazy that the last time Tiffany Addish did the podcast, she was just regular Tiffany Haddish. Five years ago, up at the other office, that's what she did,

up at the other office. But I tell you what? Saturday, no, Thursday, when I got to Chicago and I was going to go to the room, I was on the phone with her. She FaceTime me. She was falling asleep because she's so tired. She wouldn't get off the phone until I was safe in the room. She said, no, no, no, no. When I see you in the room and you close the door, I'll go to sleep. That's who she is. That was Thursday. That's who she still is to me. Where did you shoot the special at? Here. And at the Nate Holden Theater. And she hosted? She produced it. And one of the other girls in the special. April Macy's on it. Okay. This comedian named Tracy Ashley, who's one of the writers on the last OG, the show that she's on. Marlowe, who opens for her. And Flay Munro, who's a transgender woman. That Tiffany's known for years, who's been doing stand-up for 20 years and never got a break. And Tiffany was like, you're going to get a break today.

How do you feel about it? I feel good about it. I feel very good about it. Did you work hard before you shot it? I did. I talked to you. I did work really hard about it. I put it together and you're going to hear the stories of the Puerto Ricans and the Cubans that raised me on that special.

You know, that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to tell my story about where I came from, you know, as opposed to, you know, FedEx food and airplane seats. I really wanted to talk about my uncles who I adored. Because you know that you and I talk about this. I'm everything I am because those undesirables love me. Those people stacked themselves up so I could get out of where I was. And that's where I come from. I'm not ashamed of where I come from.

I'm proud of it because those criminale, those delinquents that they used to say of my family, they busted their asses so that I could do well. And they were like, it's not going to happen for me, but it can happen for you. So this is what I'm going to do. So I wanted to pay amends to that. My grandmother shot the block up, you know, She threw the drug. She shot the drug dealers off the line.

She was like, if she no, she went to jail and her batte with her sandals on. And the judge sent her home, he was like, she's a hero. Why did you arrest her? She is a hero. That's what I was raised in. You know, I wasn't raised in at Campbell Hall, like my son.

You know, I was raised watching people make crack and doing whatever they had to do to survive. But I never looked down on them. And that was my story was this special was I want to uplift these people and I want people to know those are human beings. They did what they had to do. They had honor. They had a cold and they did everything that they could so that I could have a better life. And I adored them. You know, I adored them all.

So that's what I did in my special. My special was down. You know, it's funny because I grew up in that shit too. I know. And it's weird what I took from all of those people. I took a little piece of all of them. Yes. They each had one little good thing to offer.

Absolutely. Whether they were criminals, whatever they did for a living, and I would watch them and just take one little thing from them. And I think about them, this is the problem. This is my biggest, this is probably been my biggest problem that I've never moved forward from that.

I've never forgotten where I came from. You know. And I've never forgotten who the fuck. That's why I love you. That's where we connect. I don't give a fuck about this or that. I'm not going to come out. you with some fucking this is who I am this is where I've been and either you're on the boat or

you're fucking not and I've been like that since day one and it's worked and it keeps you going and you know what you you can sleep at night I can sleep I can sleep at night and I don't and I did a lot of shitty things and there's things I sit there sometimes I go wow I was talking to my wife two nights ago and I we're talking about when I got we were talking about before I got after I got separated. And the day that my ex-wife took me to court and we had it out, like the reason why I left Colorado

and all that stuff, and I said to her, I'm not proud of that day at all. That day has kept me up a lot because I knew the things I said to her were going to ban me from seeing that kid. But I had to get him out. I had to say him. That's why I smacked the boyfriend too.

Because who cares if you got two felonies? If you got to come and they, they were going to give me a life. You know, you get three felonies. They give you a life. They call you a whatever, a felon for life, whatever the fuck. And they got on my skin so much and I let them, but I said, fuck it, and I'm going to get it out.

And I smacked him and the whole thing. And I'm not proud of those days. I'm not proud of a lot of days. There's 25 days I wish I could fucking just light on fire, but you can't. It's part of who you are. You also know, though, the thing about you is that you're aware that that's fucked up shit. and that's why you have a conscience. There are people who do fucked up shit and don't think it's messed up.

They walk around the world thinking that's just the way it is. You have a conscious about you. That's your evolution. That's why you help people. And these people follow you and they listen to you because it's real. And we got us, you know, like my mom, people used to talk shit about my mother so much because my mother was explosive, right? Like my mom was braiding my hair one time and I kept saying, aye, aye, aye.

And my friend was, my mom was like, what's wrong with your head? And my friend goes, oh, that's because Ms. Pagliero is always hitting her in the head with one of those fat pencils. So my mom goes to school the next day. I'm standing in line and I'm like, oh, shit, it is going down. Margarita don't play that shit, right? My mom was like, who's Miss Pagliero? And the girl in behind me goes, that's Ms. Pagliero right there. She walks up to Ms. Pagliero and she hits her in the head with her shoe.

She said, next time you want to hit a little girl in the head with a pencil, you come hit me with a pencil, bitch. and she hit her in the head. So they rushed my mother to the office. You know, I'm like, oh, my mother's going to go to jail. I'm going, the mothers are like, that's unbelievable. She's so tacky that. You know what? My mom did that day?

First of all, she instilled in me the belief that I could count on that bitch and that bitch really had my back. And at any turn, she would do whatever she had to do to protect me from this white lady who thought that she could pop all the little Latino kids in the head with a pencil and she used to treat us like shit. But now after that day, never looked at me again because she was scared of my mother. The other thing is I learned how smart my mother is because when the principal was like, we're going to call the police. She said,

great, because we got two reports to file. And the police, the principal was like, what are you talking about? She said, you can, they're going to arrest me for assault and they're going to arrest that bitch for child abuse. We both going to jail today. So go ahead and call the police because we got witnesses and they sent my mother home. They were like, just, just go home, Ms. Rodriguez. We just, we'll just handle it. We'll just handle it. But I learned how smart she was. My mom didn't go to high school. You know, my mom grew up in the streets figuring it out.

But as a little girl, I was like, my mom became my hero because I was like, she will do anything for me. And that's not. So when I think about people who look down on her and would say, oh, look at her. She's a tacky-ass Puerto Rican woman with all these kids or whatever. My mom was a G. And she did what the best she could with what she had. And I bow down to her every day.

I adore my mother. With all her faults, that bitch is a writer. And in my book, she's the best person on the planet. And I learned so much from her. We're supposed to learn from our moms. We're supposed to take something from them. Listen, my mom was so tacky, I wouldn't even invite her this shit. She got off to, I, 86 my mom from school events.

Like, I had to. I couldn't have her. She was that tacky. That's funny. But today, I wish I wouldn't have fucking 86th her from those events, you know? Today I wish she could come to a comedy show and act like a fucking asshole and yell and scream and all that shit. And we have people not live. Listen, I'm fucking old.

What do you think my daughter's going to be like when she's 10 and I'm 60 and I got to go to the school functions? I'm the oldest motherfucker. She's going to feel weird. You live in Hollywood. You're not going to be the oldest mother. No, I don't live in. Norman Lear has twins that are 25 and he's 100. Are you serious?

Yeah. He had kids at 75. Yeah, with a younger woman. Yeah, he has kids that range from the twins are 20-something years old to a daughter that's like 60. Jesus Christ. Yeah, you're not going to be the oldest dad in the room, not in L.A. Have you been acting in all lately? I haven't been.

I've been working on developing a show. I just did a short film. I did a short film with one of these actresses that actually she just got nominated for an Emmy, which was really cool. And one of the guys from Chicago Fire, we taped this short that I believe is going to go to some, you know, festivals. But not as much as I'd like to, you know, when you start, you're, you are respected as an actor.

But I have to prove myself because. Me? Yeah. I'm not respected as a fucking actor. Yeah, you are. Are you fucking kidding me, man? I wish I was. I still get put in little trailers.

I still got to walk around the block a mile away. You get booked, though. You work. I don't get, bro, the booking days are done. The booking days are long gone. There's a lot of people that are struggling right now. A lot of people are struggling. A lot of people that for years, you know,

they always tell you that everything comes to an end. So I don't feel bad for a lot of people. A lot of people I know had it good for fucking 10 years in this time. They spent with three hands. They never thought the day was going to end. and now they're living their own hell. Yeah. You know, this is a privilege woman.

You know, like I said to you, five years ago, a little black girl sat across from me that had been babysitting and bust in her hump in this town 15 fucking years. She'd been married. She was with the worst agents in town. I was with them too. And when she left them, everything changed for her.

And God bless her. Look, she remembered you. That's what we're blessed. with that. We have a gift by living here that we can hit the lottery any day, anytime. It's up to you what you want to do. You can hit the lottery or you could sit there like a fucking bumpy. You got to get out. You got to put the effort in. How long was fucking Tiffany here busting her ass? So I've been doing stand-up for 11 years. She's been doing it twice as long as me. So she's got, she's got, I know for a fact, 20 years for sure, that I still remember being with her in 2004, outside

the Laugh Factory with Ralphie Mae and her telling the stories of the things she had to do to eat that I would never repeat that she said that she had to do to eat yeah and I remember Ralphie going how are you on cash today and her going not too good and him busting out like $200 bills and saying go get something like that's how long I remember that girl yeah so I still remember her babysitting for her agent's kids yeah go up there in the daytime and she'd be on the floor a babysitting. So when you see someone like Tiffany Addish, you know that's what keeps you here. That's what keeps us here. Yeah, it sucks to live here. Yeah, I'm kind of bored. Yeah, the kids eat, they don't eat peanuts and there's no Spanish, Puerto Rican kids throwing sticks

on the street. Yeah. But guess what? We're always alive. Like I said, the last time I saw you was at the rap party for I'm dying up here. And you were talking to showtime about a special. Yeah. Look out of nowhere. Look out of nowhere. That's why I tell people with this career, the easiest thing you could do, keep getting on set, keep getting on stage, keep riding, and put the fireman's hat on. Yep. And let everything hit you in the head and roll off, and you just keep doing spots. Hi, you know, they're doing a new thing for whatever. Good.

I'm going to keep doing my spots. I do three spots, and I don't know what you're talking about. That's right. Bing, bam, bah, you get hit with bricks, people throwing apples at you, your landlord, they don't want you, too fat. You're too skinny. You're too old. You're too short. How many fucking stories can you hear from them to tell you?

No. You're an inch too tall. You're an inch too dark. You wear glasses. You don't wear glasses. You're allergic to cats. They hit you with every fucking lie they can hit you with here. So if you just put your head down and keep getting on stage.

That's it. They're going to come to you and lie to you and tell you they're going to use you. Hey, where are you going to, you know, I was telling a buddy mind the other day. 20 years ago. And when I tell you this conservatively, 20 years ago, this guy was a fucking zero with eyes out here. Nice guy. You know those guys that are just sweet,

but you know if they stood in the middle of four or five, a truck wouldn't even hit him. Like if this bastard stood in the third lane, people would just whizz right through him. Like, he has no luck, this guy. He came out here and he gave it a luck, and they threw things at him, and whatever.

Towards the end, the kid from 90210,000, approached him and said, listen, I got this movie, and he was all excited, and then something happened. He got a movie in Taiwan, so the project went down the tubes.

Do you know I talked to that kid from 20 years ago, the ad day, and the first thing he said to me was like, 90210s back on TV, and that guy called me. He wants to do that thing now 20 years later. so do you understand me we live in a society when they think it happened at any time and the mind fucks you just have to learn how to go around them man i did two a couple of months

ago and i was gone for 15 days right where'd you go i went to atlantic city i went to i went to miami for a day i went and my nephew i went to atlantic city i did borgata um i went from Borgata to, I can't even remember, but I did 15 days. I went to Vegas for seven days and I went to Atlanta and did the punchline. I did 24 sets in straight, no, no days off. Within those 15 days of 24 sets, my career was projected to go to the next level. It was about seven mind fucks in that whole time. And what kept me sane was being able to get on stage. That's it. And then...

That's it. I don't know what you're talking about. When I came back, nothing had changed. Nothing had changed. You still got to get on stage. But the only thing that changed was that I came back a better comic because I was on stage 24 days straight. That's it.

Nothing's going to change. Nothing's going to fucking change. Time changes everything. Yeah. Time. Every six months, you just keep digging. Yep. And every six months, you pop your head up.

What's that thing that happens February 3rd? Groundhog Day. You're a Groundhog. That's all you are. Every six months you pop your head up. Hey, we need you for this. Okay, if not. Back down.

Back down and keep fucking dingin. Now, I don't want to sound biased, but I think that a lot of times that has a lot to do with being Latino. Like, we have this, we take this work ethic with us, this immigrant approach to work. Whereas, like, you see Latinos, they go to work. Like my mom would be, because I'll tell my mom, oh, mommy, I was talking to, to, you know, showtime, blah, blah. And my mom would be like, yeah, but do you got your rent money? She don't give a fuck about none of that shit. Because she's like promises.

She goes, miha, la promesia, every day. You're going to hear promises all the time. You were guaranteed is you showing up. You can't guarantee them to show up. So I think that we do that. Like, we just have this mentality about, you know, like my mom is like the father in coming to America. When he walks in the barbershop, he's like,

like, hello, my name is King Jafri. I'm the king of Zamunda. And the guy was like, yeah, all right, take a seat. There's eight people in front of you. That's how my mom is. I'd be like, Mommy, Netflix, Netflix, Conflay, all of that. That's all beautiful. Tiena hell dinero para lo, bele.

Because I don't want you to be on the street. That's all she cares about is like the basics and the fundamentals. Well, the problem that we have here and the problem that we have as Americans and humans is that we get detracted. if I look at my life when I've got distracted when you're in this town you either drink the fucking juice

or you don't drink the juice the other day I was talking to our mutual friend Nick Totoro and he says hey do you see the trailer for the Irishman it looks pretty good I go who gives a fuck are you making any money for me and he goes that's why I love talking to you because you know how to sit through the bullshit

go talk about I went to the Avengers for what And I sat next to a guy with a dog. Why would you be in The Avengers? You're a comic. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you concern yourself with all little things along the way, you're not going to get to your goal. You go crazy.

You go crazy. What do you bother me for? You go crazy. It has nothing to do with you. It's got nothing to do with you. There's nothing you can do. You know, if right now, Tiffany didn't do that show and Jane Smith did it, and you sent the tape, like you usually do, the Netflix,

makes you showcase and then they make you showcase again and they call you and they go we gave it to a Chinese drum kit that throws fucking fount wontans up in the air and get some you know you didn't get that opportunity somebody just called you and gave it to you yeah somebody ignorant would say yeah but she's friends with tiffany haddish no i've been here banging it out for 20 years you dumb fuck and even an old dog gets a warm spot on the sidewalk eventually yeah if you put the work in, I don't know what your future is going to be. Right. I don't know what my future is going to be, but I knew one

thing, if I put the work in and I went to bed every night knowing that I did the best I could today, I'm good with that. That's it. I'm good with that. Whether you're starting a podcast, whatever the fuck you're doing, I just want you to remember that

you're doing it for today. And as long as you know that today, you did the best you can be, like today I did the best, I was the best that I could be at what I do today. I did three sets. I lifted. I ate good. I sent my niece.

I helped her out with her problem. I fucking did this. I did that. You know, it doesn't matter what happens. Success will come your way eventually. Because you put the fucking time in. I believe that. It's true.

The outliers are both. I've seen it. I've seen it here. I have seen it. I have seen it in 22 years. Yeah. I've seen the people who came in everything was a gentleman. Oh, my friend's going to hear.

He's friends with Robin Williams. That's great. But you still got to get on stage tonight. And you got to be funny. I'm taking the night on. What are you talking about? Until you're fucking getting an Oscar. There's no nights off.

Last night, I took two fucking, what happened was I took the 50. If you notice, we don't smoke potty and nothing. What happened? Because we had to do a better job. So I took the 50s and I put them with the hundreds and I mixed them one night. Good Lord. So I didn't know what I was eating. So I just took three of them last.

They could have been 300 milligrams. It could have been 150 milligrams. Anywhere in between. Or it could have been 250 milligrams. It could have been, I didn't know what it was. And I could not watch TV. My wife went to bed. Did I not call you at 1230 last night

and I was writing a bio? Yeah. Sending emails to fucking, sending emails to actors to see if I got on the podcast. Oh, no. I'm productive every day. Absolutely. I'm productive every day.

Just because I'm not at the comedy store. I mean, I'm doing something. No, but I mean, you took the edibles and you were. Oh, oh, that's when I do my best work. You become the lady at the PTA. That's when I do my best work. He'll call you high as fuck at midnight and then also at six in the morning. High as fuck.

He takes a bomb hit and he's like, why aren't you up already? It's at 7.30. It's working. Well, I don't know when you're talking. You know what? I look forward every morning to your tweet. I don't fuck on. That tweet, the daily tweet?

Yeah. That needs to be a book. Oh, no. this morning I thought about I didn't really want to tweet too hard because of what the... I just wanted to say that it's a beautiful day to be alive. Don't take it for fucking granted.

No, my favor was the other day when you said they're not giving out charity. They're not. They're not. Sorry. That's the truth. Everybody wakes up thinking, today's the day. I was one of those guys and bartenders going to put me in a movie. Really? Because I thought if I bartended,

somebody would come in and put me in a movie. Right. I'm just going to be cute and attract jokes by the bar and somebody will put me in a movie. Okay. Don't worry about acting class, right? Right. Don't worry about that. Don't worry about putting the work in.

Just, you know, do what it is that you do and you'll be fine. No. I, whether it's Latino work ethic, whatever work ethic I got it from, I saw people who were stand-ups, got a little bit of a career. And for some reason, stop doing stand-up. Yeah. And then when everything stops, you try to come back. And now those people you were with, they're a foot away from you. You used to be head and head with them, but you completely stopped.

That's why you never stopped. That's right. You never stop. I can't go to jih Tijuana every day no more every other day. But I go every Sunday. I go every Sunday and get beat up. Look at my face from yesterday. I got fucking beat up yesterday.

I can't go every day during the week. Hello meetings, writers, and shit like that, but guess what? I go every Sunday, you know? If I go twice a week, I go twice a week. You have to, as a stand-up, as an artist, you have to keep doing your thing. That's why I hate when people go, well, I had to get a day job. Well, bitch, if you really love what you like, you'd be doing that at night. Or you'd be getting up at, what time you got to be at work, 10?

What happened to six and doing what are your passion? Let me tell you something when I hear people tell me these stories, because I just had to tell somebody this the other day. My daughter used to swim, right? Swim practices at 5 in the morning at Pierce College. And she went to school at El Camino, which is in Woodland Hills. I lived in Sherman Oaks. I would get off stage and go home at 1 o'clock in the morning.

I would get up at 4. I would take my daughter to swim practice. I would sleep in the car while she practiced. Then I would drive her to school. And then I would drive to work at Edward Jones, where I worked. And I would work there for eight hours. I will come home, I will cook dinner, I would do homework with them, and then I go do stand-up, and then I do it all over again.

So when I hear people tell me that they don't, they got, well, I want to do my dream, I was like, you got to put the hours in, you got to do the work. There are no excuses. I can sit around and cry and say, oh, I'm a single mother. I don't get child support, blah, blah, what the hell is that going to do? That ain't going to put a steak, fish on the table. I don't have time for that. And now he's in jail and he really can't give you no money.

Exactly. If you opened up your fucking mouth. What are you going to do? Now you got no driver's license. He got no money because you put the shit, kabooch on them. And now you got to worry. No, I tip my hat off to you. Ada, you wouldn't have a Netflix special

if you haven't been putting in the fucking time all these years. Well, that means a lot to be. They gave you a little window with last comic standing. You busted through it. You never look back. You know, everybody thinks that, oh, I need a push. No, there's a window. There's some day

You know, I was a burglar So I'd walk down the streets Looking for a window When I was a burglar I would walk down the streets Looking for a window Oh, first of all I know that Everybody, 80% of people

Don't close the bathroom window They open it and close it to release the steam Especially women They don't put the lock back on Because when they go to put makeup on They can't have moisture in the fucking room So I know that I know that my percentages were higher

if I went through a bathroom window. You know what the chances are on me fitting through a bathroom window? A lot of bathroom windows are small. They're over the tub. You've got to land head first on the tub. Trust me, I landed a couple times on my neck, breaking into drug dealer houses,

going to the bathroom window. But we're all looking for a window, whether we're a comic, an artist. The window's open. It's not going through the window is what you're going to do on the other side. That's right. That's right.

That's, you know, I love when people go, oh, well, Joey's where he's at because Rogan helped him. Really? No. If that's what you think, you're just an ignorant motherfucker that's been making excuses for yourself all your life. That's right. Rogan opened the window for me.

He could have closed it, or I could have gone through it and done my own work, and that's exactly what I did. You know, people, windows open up for you. You have to go through that window and know what you're going to do when you're two feet. land on that other side of nine. That's what this town's about, open windows.

That's what life is about. An opportunity. An open window. What would I want to go there and work for eight bucks an hour? I'm going to start as a car washing. What you didn't know was you started on Monday and the following Monday the general manager quit, which meant everybody

bumped up. And if you were to take that job, you would have been at $12.50 now. You follow me? So nothing happens if you don't try. And listen, I worked at Edward Jones, which is an investment brokerage for many years. But in between that, because it got so rough, I used to work at Federal Express. And my shift was 4 to 6 a.m. and 4 to 6 p.m. That's like an entry shift.

And I would go in the morning and I would on the belt with the packages. And then I would go back. And I was still doing stand-up. And I still had a job. And I still had two kids. And there were no excuses. because that's just life, you know. And if you're sitting around waiting on somebody to give you something,

you're going to be bitter and you're going to sit and wait for a long time because everybody's trying to get theirs. You know, you're not on the top of a list of somebody else's priorities. And we just sit around waiting on other people to give a shit. You got your own platform. Look what you did. You went and built it. I didn't give me a fuck.

You went and built it. Listen, I knew that if you put your head down, stay consistent. Mm-hmm. And stuck to the plan. Because a man without a plan, you got nothing. You stuck to the plan. You got a half-hour Netflix special out of it. God knows what's next.

How was your Netflix special? Did it make a difference in your business? Yes, it did. Yeah. It did. I didn't do a good job as I wanted to. On what? On the special.

I didn't think I could. I did as well as I did, but it did make a difference, you know. Yeah. It's not that it made a difference. It's all the things you do around it. Right. You know, you could shoot a movie and let it release September 25th, or you could write a book to go with that movie.

God forbid your buddy, you get in it, and all of a sudden next thing you know, the episode you did is coming out. The movie comes on to the 25th, and the TV show you did with him comes out on the 18th. And then you release a podcast, and you release a blog, Next thing you know, it's like, oh my God, Joey's that busy.

No, he's not that busy. He just made everything come out all that one time. Right. Everything was prepared. I learned that in 1987. Richard Gier put out one of the worst movies he could ever put out. It was a great movie. It's an Academy Award for a movie if he asked me.

The one with Andy Garcia when he fucks his wife. Oh, oh, yeah, that was... That was Raw. With Diane Lane. Yes, raw, Rich. No, no, no, it wasn't with Diane Lane. that was the one he did he did a movie in 87

Internal Affairs Oh internal affairs Where he was fucking evil And he throws that Mexican Off the balcony He's fucking just fucking Everybody's wife And his partner's wife

He's fucking her And he asked When you left that movie You're like fuck rich again Yeah And he had just won an Academy Award For Office and the Gentleman And then that came out

Like maybe Two years later or something He came on an interview You see Internal Affairs, that's a scene where he goes to see his ex-wife. He goes to pay a child support. He's like, are you busy right now? And she's like, no, I'm just going to do laundry. He just opens the bedroom door.

Get in there so he can fuck. He's a dog. But what did he do? He made sure pretty women came out three weeks later. He ended up smelling like a fucking rose. He ended up smelling like a fucking rose. Look at the release dates from whatever to what. whatever. It was just a couple months apart, but it was perfect. He did that perfectly.

In your mind, you think he's busy. He just made everything pop out all at once, you know. But no, I'm very proud of you, Ada. I know that. That means a lot to me. Come on Uncle Joey. Listen, I wouldn't have put you on the podcast. I wouldn't have put you on the podcast if I thought, there's so many people out there that are faking the funk. And things don't happen. So now they, they think, oh, well, if I do three podcasts, I'll be back. What was the difference? Internal Affairs came out January 12th,

and Pretty Women came out March 23rd. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with Joy Bananas? Some fucking novice from the fucking street. That was brilliant that move, you know? But you wouldn't be on the podcast. I don't deal with people who are faking the fuck, though. I know you don't. My shit blows up every week, emails and 80 comics.

I want to be on. I look at their social media. They ain't doing shit. I look at their website. It looks like somebody blew it the fuck up. They don't have a podcast that they do. They don't let nobody know. So you're doing everything 50%.

So I got to do the whole work for you. You can't come on the podcast. But you, my friend, I'm always hearing good things about you. Oh, thanks. I appreciate you. You get pretty every time I see you. Hey, thank you. And we put you in the hospital one night.

You're always welcome to come on the podcast. Hey, man. That's in the TV show. When somebody goes to the hospital for Uncle Joey, you're in with me. That's in the TV show. You didn't say a word. You shut your mouth. You didn't say nothing.

Nothing. What did you take? I don't know nothing. I went to a Chinese restaurant. Oh, yeah. And the guy was giggling. They gave me the egg rolls. You know what I'm saying?

You don't know nothing. You didn't know nothing about drugs. Your son called me. What did you get my mother? Don't worry about it. Yeah. But you know, we don't, we don't do that. Like, we never turn on our own.

What's the name of the special? So that it's just my name. name. They all have our, all of our specials are named. So, but it's Tiffany Haddish presents and then Ida Rodriguez and. And it comes out next. August 13th, August 13th, which is Tuesday and next week. Well, if you tweeted, I'll retweet it for you. Thank you. And where can they find you? At funnyaida.com. That's my website, funny aida.com and at funny aidaida. And you got all your dates on there. All my dates on in it. No, my whole, I listen to the G's, you know. All right. I just want to double check.

So if they go there, they want to see you, there's no fucking problems. People come to my shows because they heard me on your podcast. Yes, yes, yes, yes. No, no, no. Quite a few of them. A couple people have hit me back and said, thank you for turning me on to Aida. So I know that you knocked it out of the park. Ada, where will you be this weekend?

This weekend, I'll be at Hyenas in Dallas. Okay, and next weekend? I'll be at Mohegan's Sun in Connecticut. Oh, shit. That's a good fucking joy. I will be this weekend Friday night to Lincoln Theater in D. in D.C. and Saturday night I am into Borgata.

Both shows are sold out. So I'll catch you motherfuckers next time. Next time you should have planned ahead. And I hate adding shows in Jersey because I won't get to see my friends. So I couldn't add a show. I want to hang out with my friends afterward. But I'll be walking around the fucking casino

doing my thing. We can't smoke dope there. So I'll just be fucking playing blackjack like I did last time. I lost $40 and I stopped. Whatever. Anyway, the church is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. Listen, you know how challenging hiring is, right? It's hard to find qualified candidates. It takes a long time, too many applications, too many applicants, but guess what?

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I want to thank Ada Rodriguez. Thank you for having me. I love you. I want to thank the Christkiller. I want to thank ZipRecruiter. I want to thank Four Hems. Four Hems.

But most of you. importantly, I want to thank you motherfuckers for always supporting us and having our back. We'll be back Thursday morning. Tip Top McGu. Ready to motherfucking rock. Again, goes to aida.com. Funny Ida.com.

Funny Ida.com. Aida. Ada for later. August 13th, though. And August 13th, her Netflix special comes out ready for Freddy on fucking Netflix with my girl Tiffany Haddish. I love you, motherfuckers. Have a great week, and we'll see you soon. two days. Stay black.

Kick this meal, Lee. That's our billboard. To pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart some somebody twice as smart as I

a somebody who will swear to be true as you used to do with me who leave you to learn that misery loves company wait and see see how he does it when he breaks your heart to bits if a puzzle fits so fine so fine That's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet From a front when somebody breaks your heart like you