The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #709 - Joey Diaz on Ego

Episode Date: August 13, 2019

Joey Diaz talks with Lee about ego and how he works hard to not let it into his professional and personal life.  This podcast is brought to you by:  ForHims- Go to ForHims.com/joey to get your first month for just $5 while supplies last.  CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies go to CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.   

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Uncle Joey's here. The Christ killer's here. What? I go on and on. Can't understand how I last so long. What? I must have superpowers. Grab 225,000 hours.

Get a calculator due to math I made a thousand songs that made you move you And for the last 300 months I made 16 albums with me on the front And they bummed When you get your beats I heard 93 rappers say like me Are you kidding you or what

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Blow the whistle What? Hit it. They're going to suck your fucking dick today. Do it. Are you nuts? Are you fucking nuts? Welcome to the church of what's happening now.

Uncle Joey here. It's a solo podcast the way you like it today. It'll be a fucking quick one. In, out, no fucking drama. Just letting you know what's on the mind. Had a great time in D.C. at the Lincoln Theater in Atlantic City at the... I want to thank everybody who came out to the Lincoln Theater Friday night and to the Borgadda in Atlantic City.

As you saw, we were back, bitches. The set was good. The energy's good. We're on fucking fire. The comedy store, the plan is working. That's the most important thing. I had a plan when I got off that plane after I shot the Netflix special and it's working. Just go to a store.

Keep becoming a fucking savage. Keep that momentum up. I'm not going anywhere else to weaken me. Nothing. Just straight up. fucking comedy store following Sebastian Ron White, Delea, Rogan, all those fucking animals. And guess what? If you keep fucking sharp, you're sharp in metal with motherfucking metal. But anyway, now that we got that over with, I had a great weekend. I'm happy you guys came out.

We're getting ready for a new fucking week. I want to talk to you about a few things. Last episode, we spoke a little bit about respect, you know, respect for others, respect for yourself and all that bullshit. But there's a part of this that Saturday night, Atlantic City, when I got off stage, a bunch of my friends were there who I hadn't seen from a charity, the Ralph Fuso to Little McNeil. I mean, I saw a lot of fucking cats, you know, and thank you very much for always supporting me, North Perkins, with all my heart. Thank you. Union City, West New York, Hudson County's always got my motherfucking back since day one. But when I was talking to one of the guys, he said to me, you know, it's so funny that you came out here and that you're hanging, that you're talking, it's fucking dynamite. And I'm like, why would it be, you know, why wouldn't I come on and talk to you guys? You know, you guys were the ones that kept me together.

Like I've told you a thousand times, you know, God took my family, but he showed me to give to friendship. And he showed it to me through these guys, you know. And whatever. They knew me at my lowest fucking point. They knew me when I was robbing and stealing and fucking cheating and fucking snorting and You know I would sell my soul and I did I ended up fucking doing time for it, but they knew me at my lowest point You guys met me in between and you guys have checked me and kept me fucking honest the last seven, eight years We were doing a podcast because I got a walk to walk, you know, it just can't fucking talk to talk

So it's so weird because at first I didn't think about it. I go why would it be weird? Because I Well, you got the movies. I go, listen, man, this is what keeps me honest, is that I keep in touch with those guys. Anytime I've gone off the reservation is because I wasn't keeping it. I only went off the reservation one time in this town, and that's after I shot the longest yard,

and it was set-induced, like it was the people on the set telling me what was going to happen once this movie came out, so it set expectations for me, and I started acting a little bit fucking weird, but going back to Jersey and walking those streets reminded me. You know, sometimes you listen to the podcast, I know a lot of you just complain,

oh, well, Joey, you talk about the past and the stories. When I wake up in the morning, when I'm peeing and I'm fucking cheering myself on for the day, as I'm walking, there's a bit of that walk that I think about, you know, being in prison, or I think about sleeping in that rocket ship, or I think about fucking sleeping in a bus, you know, headed to a gig in Buffalo or something like that.

I think about my lowest points, so I'm kept in check. Ego is something that I've always fucking hated. I've always hated people with egos, and I've always watched them, and I've seen their destruction little by little, because ego will fuck. you up whether you're a fucking plumber a car salesman a comic a musician i mean how many great bands

have been broken up by egos i'll tell you three of them the eagles was an ego game not as much as the police and pink floyd i love roger waters i'm not saying nothing bad about roger waters but his fucking ego read his interviews you know listen to his you know his ego you know his ego like the creation of the war. He was saying, you know what, I don't mind doing shows. I just don't like the fucking fans.

If I could build a wall between me and the fans, who would say something like that? Who would say something like that? The fans keep your fucking lights on. But his ego was so strong. It clash with Gilmore is done. Another great band that's done because of ego. The police.

Fucking that singer. has the biggest fucking ego. I just watched him two years ago one night on one of those late night shows, and he whipped out of fucking harmonica. And he's like, I'm doing an album and a tour on harmonica. You know why? Because he was sitting around drinking wine

with a bunch of his jerk-off friends. And instead of somebody saying, do me a favor, put the fucking harmonica away. They fucking told him that it was great, and what a great idea. So now for fucking a summer, this moron went out and played the fucking harmonica on tour. But if you watch his interviews, the whole thing, his ego is fucking huge.

How do you, and maybe just learning how to, but how do you balance? Because to be an entertainer, you have to have some ego, don't you? Like, it seems like you have to have a little bit of both. Well, it depends where the ego comes from. Okay. Okay. Like I said earlier, for a guy like me, I remind myself every day who the fuck I was, and that keeps me in check.

When I shot the longest shard, I was a little fucked up, but it's not like I was throwing water at people. I'm fucking telling people to fetch me a water. I just, it was an ego of expectations, like I had something coming to me. There's different types of ego. There's, you know,

some people call white privilege. That's a type of ego, you know. There's different fucking egos. see him in people you know again nothing racist a great person once told me that never give a spanish person or a black person a manager's job at burger king and i thought it was like a joke and i thought about it because their egos go out of fucking control they can't control their ego you know your ego will make you buy a fucking house like Michael Jackson. Your ego, you know, it's not that Michael Jackson went on an interview and said he was the

greatest of all time. People like Kanye West do that. It affects people, people get pissed off, you know, all that type of shit. You never heard Biggie Small say it or, you know. But for some people, they don't have to say it. It's the way they walk. It's the way they talk. I cannot tell you, you know, between bands like music,

You know, no, these are just Richie Blackmore had a bad ego with Deep Purple. And then he carried that bad ego into fucking rainbow with Dio and fucking all the bands he had with singers. He had an amazing fucking, you know, an ego. You know, I'm not staying in the same hotel as the other guys. That shit is fucking ego. Now, ego is very helpful. And if you back it, there's nothing wrong with it. And you know what?

You will back it for a long time. But after that, it becomes something else. You know, in, I don't know what year the football playoffs, Hollywood Henderson was going to play against it. He was playing for the Dallas Cowboys, and they were going to play in the Denver Broncos, and the Denver Broncos was known for their defense. And before the game, fucking, you know,

the Denver Broncos were like either sponsored or the stadium was sponsored by Orange Crush or some shit, And that's what they called the defense. And they showed Hollywood Henderson in an interview drinking an orange crush. And when he finished it, he squished a can. Okay? That was, and that Sunday in the Super Bowl, he intercepted a ball and he scored a touchdown. His ego, he told you he was going to fucking be a bad motherfucker.

And he was a bad motherfucker. His ego came through. I have nothing wrong with that. But what happened to him later on? his ego mixed with the cocaine got him thrown out of the fucking NFL so somewhere along the line that ego is going to fuck you ego is good for something listen before i go on stage i'm thinking i'm gonna bomb and then where there's one minute as they're calling my name when i'm falling apart inside what do you think drives me to that fucking stage you know what fuck you you pussy motherfucker

go up there you've done this a thousand times stop being a little fucking pussy stop being a little cunt get on that stage and kill these motherfuckers that is ego but it's ego because I put 28 years into it so the ego is backed it's like fucking four hymns it's backed by science it's the same fucking deal with that ego as an artist you know me fucking comedians I've seen lose their mind because of ego and you see it start to creep up and hopefully they do a film something outside their genre that is ego driven and have you ever seen when a comic has negative

press in the news about a show or like a movie performance that checks their ego that checks your ego when i'm not talking bad about it all not saying nothing negative here but I'm sure that Tiffany Addish didn't feel good after what happened New Year's Eve in Miami I'm sure I know Tiffany Addish on a personal level I'm sure but in the back of her mind how when you have a busy movie career and you don't have time to go to the store what to go out at night and when you do you're fucking too tired because you've been on six days or shooting 14 hour days she took the gig because she said i've done this a thousand times went down there you guys were expecting john milaney and she showed up talking and right away miami started booing her whatever i wasn't

there all i'm telling you is what i saw that's an ego driven move but that's an ego driven move by somebody not saying fuck these bitches i know tiffany hattish on a personal level it was just that tiffany hattish didn't have time to work out i was I see Tiffany Haddish going out constantly. Lately, she hasn't been out. She's probably shooting fucking three movies. But at the same time, ego and patting yourself on the back,

there's nothing wrong with it. There's a level of comics, right? There's a level of, I saw this. I saw this a lot. I had a dear, dear, dear, dear friend here for years. I loved them with all my heart. Great comic, fucking superb writer. He wasn't overly exciting on stage, but he was a phenomenal writer.

He knew how to write. I mean, the guy sold scripts. The guy sold the TV show. He was a phenomenal writer. There's no reason why that guy shouldn't be here today. But do you tell me to tell you how his ego was fanned? Let me tell you how his ego got flamed. He would open up for two people in particular.

And there were huge acts. And part of his deal was that he would write for them, help them write their act, if he could feature for them and they paid him a little extra. He cut himself a nice little deal. And he would watch the headliner and write jokes for the headliner and insert tags and lines and different things to help the headliner out. But after the show, he would be standing there. You know, the headliner would be selling T-shirts, and he'd be standing there like a mortovan,

which I did for years when I opened for Joe Rogan. And you see people go up to Rogan, shake his hand, tell him how much they loved him. He was great. And then they'll walk over to me, and they would go, hey, man, he did a great job. And then they would come over and whisper in my ear, you are a lot of fun.

And now, as a young comic, you could take that two ways you could understand what just happened this is a guy that was a fan of rogans and he wanted to talk to rogan so he blew smoke up his ass and now to either make me feel right make me feel you know okay about myself or whatever he comes over and blow some smoke in my ass now i could have gone home that night called my wife and said hey you're not going to believe this I fucking was up on stage of Rogan tonight and 20 people fucking told me well let's say three people came up to me and said that I'd exaggerate and said 40 people came up to me and told me I was better than Rogan all five fucking shows fuck this I'm not opening for him no more

I'm gonna go do my own fucking thing do you understand I didn't do that because I knew they were blowing smoke up his ass I watched it you know the same reason why I did not like the Carlos Monsea feud with Rogan. I saw how club owners were acting. When Rogan came to town, they talked bad about Carlos. And when Carlos came to town, they'd talk bad about Rogan. It's a business. What the fuck do you expect?

When you get to that town, you're the best fucking thing on sliced bread because you're making that club owner money. But once you leave, he's got to play that same fucking game with the comic that's coming in. And I get, listen, you know this. going in. So don't ever feel bad whatever you do, whether you're playing professional sports, whether you're an artist,

whether you're a fucking comic, whether you're an actor. Don't ever feel bad when you realize that you're just a fucking meatbag with eyes. Something that I've noticed with you and tell me if I'm wrong is you definitely take stand-up seriously.

But to me, I think the difference between you and some people is you treat it like a job still, And some people are, oh, I'm an artist. I deserve this. Or like, to you, it's still like, this is just what I do for a living. And it's a little bit more black and white. It seems like so you don't leave the room for you to get a little,

until the ego come in. Because it's just a job. Well, when you realize that you, listen, when you go to the comedy store and you look at the old picture of the, you look at the walls, you know, and you see the comics that have been there before you, you're going to find three or four comics that you either resemble body-wise, shape-wise, the way your material is, whatever, and then you realize that you're just replacing a void. Okay, you're just replacing a void.

I'm not ashamed to say this. I'm not ashamed to say this, okay? One of the funniest guys I ever saw on stage was Patrice O'Neill. Serious, great-up, gangster, good guy on and offstage, would make you laugh off-stage like he did on-stage, was totally free. There's a special he did, the elephant in the room or something like that. White elephant, I guess.

It's one of the best fucking specials I've ever seen in my life, okay? Let's be honest. And God rest his soul, and God rest Ralphie's soul. Most of the people that are coming to see me today are coming to see me because there's no Petrie. and there's no Ralphie. That's what you think? The people were all in that same category.

You know, they still have to fill the void. I fill that void right now. In two years, it'll be somebody else filling the void. But I know this going in. When I got to the store, I would look at Noe Gonzalez and see Angel Salazar. When I'd see Ralphie Mae, you ever go to the back of the comedy store

There's a picture of a big fat guy getting out of a car. He weighs about 500 pounds. I'll have to look for it. I forget what his name is. I'll point it out to you. Going tonight to the kitchen. Look at the back. There's a guy with a cowboy hat getting out of a car.

He's 500 pounds. Ralphie replaced him. You know, when John Panette was on the downslope, who was hot, Ralphie. So everything, we're just replacing a void. Once you know all these things going in, why do you think I talk? about knowing things going in knowing what your value is going in knowing who the fuck you are when you go in knowing where you stand keep your fucking mouth shut all these things are part of it knowing who the fuck you are knowing what you

stand for you listen I heard an expression when I was 13 years old I still use it today and I use it on myself we all put our pants on one leg at a time You know, that's why to me, when I saw Richard Gears a kid, I didn't go up to him and get an autograph, forget a fucking picture. That's why all those things, because at the end of the fucking day, whether it's Roberto Clemente, it's Hollywood Henderson, it's Lee Ayacocca, it's Ross Perra, all the guys I look up there. At the end of the day, all put their pants on one like that time. What the fuck are you doing?

Jumping up and down for, I'm going to see this movie, and I'm camping out 24 hours before are you fucking retarded you see them camping out for you you fucking jerk off the fuck is wrong with you we all put our pants on one leg at a time you go into a job and the boy he's the boss you can't say this around you know one one day you look at him and go fuck him fuck this douchebag he puts his pants on one leg at a time just like i do once you get all these basic fucking philosophy in your head, the ego cannot take over. Your ego at no part will take over

because respect is part of it. You know, when do you start disrespecting people when you think you're better than they are? When you think they're better than they are. Yeah, listen, I disrespect a thousand fucking people when I'm talking to them. Last week, I had to yell at Kate about something, but the result was she sold out all four shows in D.C.

Oh, wow. You know, that was the result. Me getting on her and going, tweet those fucking dates out instead of bikini pictures, you know. I felt bad about it, but I bet she felt was fucking really good right now. You know, these are my friends. I got to look out for them. You know, sometimes as friends, we don't look out for other friends.

You got to call and go, hey, like last week, you called me with a little bit of a fucking dilemma about stand-up that some guy was calling you and asking you creepy questions. What I tell you, call him back and tell him to go fuck himself. If he wants to fucking hire you, this is the deal. If not, you're not making it. in the 10-hour drive anyway. You ain't got time. You ain't got fucking time. Why? Because you just don't have the time. There's a thousand open mics down here. You're not looking to make money right now. Not at all. If you're looking to make money quit right now because there's no money

in your future. You're going to pick up a 20 here or 40 here. I'll throw you something when you open for me. But besides that, there ain't no money in this game right now. So all these things, as long as you know going in, you know, when you walk into the... that job you're you're walking to a job like let's say you're a roof or something you walk in they're like hey look who it is you know blah blah blah blah blah they blow smoke up your ass and they tell you how great they feel they're on the way out they say you don't forget you got to work Saturday you know I got to go to a wedding though with my family but you have to work on fucking Saturday you know they blew smoke up your ass to get you to work on Saturday you know better than nobody

else we know better than nobody else there's 300 fucking comics out there that are better than me. Seriously. Fundamentally, stand-up, I mean, punchline, set up, fucking structure, there's a thousand comics better than me. There's a thousand comic. And I know that, I know that going it. I try to be myself more on stage, what helps me a lot more. But all these little things that will prevent you from getting ego. One time, and we never talked about on the podcast, but I'll tell you right now, I think in the 20-year friendship I had with Ralphie, I had one misunderstanding with him.

We didn't talk for about three months. He was supposed to pick me up. He called me like 10 fucking times, made me stop what I was doing that day. I was doing something, and he called, he called, he called, he called, and he told me he was picking me up at a certain time, and I didn't hear from him for six hours.

and when he called me, I didn't say nothing on the phone, but when I got in the car, God rest of soul, I looked at him, and I straight up looked at him, and I go, hey, do you think your time is more valuable than mine? And he looked me in the face,

and he said yes to me. And I don't remember what I said to him, but it wasn't too fucking pleasant. I said it to him in a friendly way. In a friendly way, I said this to him, you know, whatever, about time. And we did what we had to do, but when we left,

I knew that he didn't like it. But I didn't really give a fuck because I was his brother. And it was time that somebody told him. Nobody had the balls to tell him what I told him in that car that day. He didn't call for about two or three months. He bumped into my friend George in Jersey. George told him how I was, and it was forgotten about it.

And Ralphie was never late again. because he came to understand that, hey, this guy's got a point here. He's right. I don't give a fuck if you're late. Just pick up the goddamn phone and go, listen to at 3.30? Call me and go, hey, I'm stuck around the corner. I'll be that 3.34. I could take that.

Hey, I won't be there for an hour. I won't be there for two hours. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that sometimes, you know, and that's what happened to people like Roger Waters. That's what happens to people like Sting. nobody in that camp has the balls to come up to you and tell you that you're slipping that's the biggest issue you have out here that everybody's walking on fucking eggshells and they let you I've seen fucking comics bro get a couple things that success

could be in their path and they fucking up at the end with ego just destroy it with ego and then guess what happens they disappear you never hear from them again they end up in some fucking city or doing local comedy ego is a fucking you got to check it this is why it was really shocking when the guy told me that they they had the show i never listen every day i remember who the fuck i am and where i came from and i robbed michael's jewelers and i think about sleeping on that metal fucking bed and diagnostic for two fucking weeks and that's what keeps me how many people ask me why don't you travel with a road manager why don't you have security

why don't you have a publicist why don't you have people around you when you travel like a fucking what they call that entourage yeah are you fucking retarded are you fucking retarded I need an entourage I need my stylist to travel with me I need my trainer to travel with me is that what you fucking think you know the other day me and Matt Fultron got on the train you know many people came up to me on the train and said what are you doing on the fucking train what I can't take a train right I can't take an amp truck I have what would you I need to be in a fucking helicopter I'm a celebrity I'm just an r-rated fucking comic who 30 years ago this week got sentenced to fucking prison that's the cool the fuck I am sure this is a job this is a job that I put 28 years into and and

Right now I'm reaping the rewards from. I worked for every minute that I do on fucking stage. I worked hard towards it. What would ruin this right now? Drugs and ego are both of them together. Ego would ruin this right now. Lee has a way of saying things sometimes. Like one of the biggest things I ever heard from Lee was

that the only guy that's ever worked out with me is you and you're an ex-convict that went to prison for kidnapping. Lee does all this business with all these high-level people and they stop calling you and they fall apart at the fucking seams. This is a job for me. This is a job. And when it became a job for me is when I became successful when I started becoming successful.

You know, for the first six or seven years, comedy this was not a job for me I was just learning my ropes around the same way you you start you half of you guys started out as laborers picking garbage up and fetching coffee and fucking we don't have to fetch coffee or pick garbage up but like i was telling lee getting booed is the same fucking feeling you know after can you can you imagine being somewhere for two years and still getting coffee in a lunch order you start feeling bad about yourself but what keeps you fucking going is that you're working you're working towards a goal you go you know what who gives a fuck if he called me a fat fuck I'm working every day I'm fucking working and I'm getting better at this

and someday I'm going to be able to break away from him and do this on my own and that's when I'll get my last laugh and my last result that's the whole bottom line to this thing but to go back to ego man I don't believe in it. I don't. And in this town, I see it starting. In comedy, you know, these guys go to Montreal. They get a fucking deal. And I'm supposed to fucking come up to you and kiss your ring.

Meanwhile, I'm battling out the story every fucking night. Six nights a week following Paul Mooney. You know what? Suck my dick. You know, so again, they would try to make me feel bad by not inviting me to Montreal 15, 20 years ago. But at the same time, who needed Montreal? I was following fucking Paul Mooney.

And every night I was bombing. Oh, yeah, I was bombing. And my ego was getting fucking kicked in the stomach. But I kept showing up every night. And that's part of ego, you know? I don't need to go down there. I don't need to do this anymore. I'm this good.

No. Lee, what do I tell you? You got to do the same steps every day, every day, every fucking day. And I do them, as boring as it is. Today already, I fucking wrote for an hour. I went lifted, I went to cryotherapy, I sent emails, I got my spots at the store. Why? Because I have a list.

I got it all written down. I have a plan for the fucking day. So all these things, guess when I'll start to fail? When I say, oh, you know what? I don't need to write anymore. I don't need the fucking lift weights anymore. I could skip out on this. I could skip out on this.

No. What do I tell you? It's the same shit every fucking day. And guess what? The same amount of work you put in your fourth year of being a carpenter? Guess what, bitch? You're going to put that same amount of work or even more when you're 20 years into it. And now you own your own fucking business.

What do you think it's a 20 hour a week? Oh, you this is one of now? That 40 hour a week when you play games and play for keeps, it becomes an 80-hour week. But it doesn't matter because you're doing something you love and you're doing it for yourself. And everything you do is geared towards that same fucking goal.

You know what, guys? I'm 56 years old. I got a wife, I got a kid. I don't need to fucking weight watcher it no more. I don't need to really go to the fucking gym no more. But for me to give you guys a great show, I know I need to do all these things. I need to do all these things.

this is all part of a job. This is a fucking job. And part of that job is keeping me together. Because once your mind goes, that's when everything else fucking goes. So if it's going a box or going, you know what, man? I just finished two shows this weekend. I had great fucking shows.

Between you and I guys, I was going to do Sam Tripoli's show. tomorrow night and then take time off this week and next week that was my plan to just stay home and focus on writing this book and focus on writing this one man show and some more material and giving stand up a break guess what i can't you know why because i went to jersey august fucking 10th and i'm going to be back in jersey august october 25th or some shit and that gives me two months to come up with another fucking half hour because half the fucking people i came and saw me in fucking August, I'm going to come in a fucking October.

So if I had an ego and I didn't respect you, motherfuckers, I would go, who gives a fuck? What I say? I'm going to show up there in October and fucking do the same material, but I can't. I can't because I understand that you have to get a babysitter. I understand that you're excited to see me. I understand. What if you come to see him in October and I have the exact 45 fucking minutes? You're going to say, yeah, he was funny, but I heard three quarters of this shit already.

so I can't take a break off. That was my plan until I got to Atlantic City and half the people in Atlantic City were telling me, hey, we've got tickets to come see you in October or in December in New York. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. So that week I had planned off to fucking relax with my family,

niente perite. That means suck my dick in Italian. That means nothing for you. I got to work it out now. to hit the fucking books so you people if I had the ego I wouldn't give a fuck let them fucking spend the 30 dollars and if they don't like it let them go fuck themselves that they like it I can't do that to you guys because I understand the work I understand what you're putting into sacrifice I got to go to a movie tonight I'm gonna meet Rick Ramos that's why I was

looking at the head of acid because seven o'clock they're showing apocalypse now at the cinema armadome oh damn and then you do a fucking live interview with Lawrence Fishburn and Francis Ford Coppola. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. So I'm meeting Rick Ramos down there at 7 o'clock. I don't know how I'm...

And listen, the first time I saw Apocalypse Now, I took a fucking hit of that double barrel of sunshine ass and it was a Friday night, midnight, late movie. Because Apocalypse Now was so popular when it came out that they had to add viewings. This was early on. You know, back when movies were coming out,

it was like the movie started at 11.30 in the morning, and then there was another viewing at 2, 4, 7, 9, and then maybe 10.30 or something, whatever the fuck. But for all those movies, they started doing midnight movies. So me and my buddies took fucking double-barrel sunshine, and we went up to the Fairview fucking cinnamon in the old days. And there was a line, maybe, you know, I don't know how many fucking people are going to see

because the Fairview Cinema had two fucking movie theaters and there were two fucking, there were two lines forming to go to each movie theater. But there was a Carvel up the corner from fucking, not even up the corner in the same strip mall, 50 yards. So when I was standing online, I'm tripping on the ass.

I'm starting to trip and shit like that. And I see an ice cream comb. Somebody bought an ice cream cone And right before they went into the movie theater, they threw it on the sidewalk, and there was ants starting to grow around it, and it started melting. And there was like four of us there.

It was like me, Kurt D Lorenzo, Louis Castellito, and this kid, John Crowley. And John Crowley was missing a fucking wrench nut somewhere. And he was tripping on ass. Whenever he was tripping on ass, and I could talk him into anything. And I go, John, I'm not waiting on that fucking line. But the only way we're going to cut through

is if you fucking throw an obstacle. like these guys. I day to eat that ice cream cone. And he walked over with his hit of acid, picked up the ice cream cone with the ants on it, and started licking in front of the line. People started going, ew, ill, ew. I grabbed them and made believe, like I was controlling them,

and I stood right there, and they opened up the doors, and we walked in first. That's how you do it, cuckusk. That's why you always got to have a crazy friend. Oh, my God. That eats weird kind of bugs and shit like that. And that's it didn't end that. When we got in and we were tipping our balls,

off. It didn't end there. When we got in there, we were tripping our balls off so fucking hard. That before the movie started, we talked them into going to the front of the movie theater and talking to people. So he got up there and he's like, can I have your attention please? And people like, shut the fuck up.

Get the fuck out of the way. Some guys, like, let him talk. He's the guy that ate the ice cream cold out there. Can you sit through a three-hour movie on acid? We did. Oh, shit. Because it's such a dark, fucking. movie and there's fireworks and lights I would run out of there oh my god and tonight I'm

thinking of eating this fucking hit that just the opening with the ceiling fan and the helicopter that that would get me I'm thinking about fucking making a reservation of Danny Tannis going down there five eating and then right from there to avoid the traffic shoot over and watch the first two hours of Apocalypse now roll like three joints and then wait to that part where they go to French and they're talking to the French people I hate that whole dinner party. So I go outside and smoke it join the two. And I go and catch the end and do the fucking Q&A with Lawrence Fishburn and my man fucking Francis Ford Copeland. Who's better than Uncle

Joey? Nobody, cock suck. I got to do this. I don't, listen, guys, I'm a movie buff. I'm surprised. I've never seen, I don't know the last time I saw you do a movie without your wife. I saw an ad. I don't think my wife wants to go. No, no. I'm saying you do movie night, like date night like once a week, but that's it. Yeah. When I'm not going to see the Hollywood thing because the disrespect Bruce Lee. So I've heard it too many times. You can't disrespect Bruce Lee.

So I'm not going to see. I'm boycotting fucking. Once upon a time. I've done it all the time. I don't give a fuck. I'm not a big Tarantino guy anyway. I'm just saying it's cool that you're actually going and see a movie.

Oh yeah. No, no, no. I like me. I'm a movie buff. This is what I do. This is what I did all my fucking life. I smoked pot and I watched movies and I studied and I got inspired and this movie really inside.

And I want to talk to Lawrence Fishbur. I met him that one. time with Ralphie and he was very, very sweet and I want to go down there and maybe talk to him about coming on the podcast or something. That'd be crazy. His daughter trains around the corner where my daughter trains. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Yeah, I've never seen him down there, but I know she's told me and I saw pictures in there. So in my world, he's one of the greatest black actors of all time. I mean, especially now. I think, and I'm a big Denzel fan, but when you really, really do the math, there's nobody better as an African American than from fucking you know what's love got to do with it to that movie with Christopher Walking

to fucking the ones with Keanu Reeves now with John Wick CSI the movie with Sean Penn when he played opposite Kevin Bacon I mean the guy is just fucking sensational that's what inspires the fuck out of me

is going to see a guy like that and when I spoke to him and met him that's what I was really impressed by that. There was no ego. He saw me and Ralphie standing on a corner waiting to go into a weed store. And I had just had a special come out on Showtime. I forget what it was called, with George Perez and Maryland,

whatever, the Paiasso Comedy Slam. I had just done it, and it was on Showtime, and I was praying that nobody watched it. And he pulled over. We were in front of the Wheat Store by the Formosa Cafe. And he pulled over and we were just standing and he came out of the car and walked up to us. Fucking Lawrence Fishburn just walked up to us and he goes, what are you guys doing standing here? And we told him we were about to go into the weed store.

Did he want to wait and smoke with us? He said no. And he said that he had saw me on the Paiasso slam. And he had saw Ralphian last comic stand. I mean, he just pulled over on Santa Monica Boulevard. Right by the Formosa Cafe right across the street. There's still a weed store there. That's the first place that drew me out because.

I told him, I wanted to give me what, give me what you got here to see the devil. And the girl's like, we don't talk like that here. And the manager came up to me. He's like, you can't talk like that here. You got to leave. Was it the Christian one? No. This is the one.

This was in Formosa across the street from the fucking Formosa Cafe right there. It's all different now, but I went past it the other day and it's still there. It's not as popular as it used to be. I didn't like it because you had to wait outside. That's weird. They would come up. There would be a security guard. outside and he you you gave me your wallet your license and you would have to go in and check and

then come back out so you had a way down line like a little bit outside in the street night and but that night I was happy I was waiting outside because Lawrence Fishburn came out and started talking to us and we spoke for about 45 fucking minutes we didn't even end up going and buying the weed what we were just we were just you know in heaven that Lawrence Fishburn was talking to us so we just talked to him about comedy and acting. He referred me to an acting teacher, which me and Silent Bob, Rodrigo Torres, we signed up.

And Rick Ramos, and Rick Ramos. All of you together? Because it was Lawrence Fishburn's buddy. It was where Lawrence Fishburn worked at. So we all gave it a shot for about six months, but then we all wanted different ways. My moved up here.

Rick Ramos, you know, did something else. I wonder if he remembers you. That'd be crazy if you remember. Lawrence. He's going to remember. He'll remember. That's wild.

We had a great conversation. You know, we spoke about him being 16 years old and shooting Apocalypse Now and how he had to get his fucking his mother to go down to the Philippines with him because he was only 16 when he shot it. Just an interesting story. Just an interesting fucking guy. So I figured what the fuck I'll go down there tonight,

maybe eat half a sheet of this acid. Fuck yeah. And watch, because I love that whole thing. It's got one of the lines in that movie is one of the lines that keeps me fucking going. While I'm sitting here on this fucking couch getting weaker, Charlie is in the bush getting stronger.

That is a classic fucking line. That's why, and for years, every time I caught myself on a street corner talking shit, I would go, what the fuck? I got to go case to join out. I got to go rob somebody. I'm over here. While fucking, I'm sitting here wasting my time.

Charlie is in the bush getting stronger those words are fucking just amazing that describes your entire personality that hey I'm in the bush getting fucking stronger that's all that matters to me that's the most important thing

of this fucking whole thing and then really quick I wanted to give a shout out to Rodrigo his wife just had a baby oh congratulations to my man Rodriguez I will call him right after this I have not spoken to him in a few weeks and I did not know about his child

right for a lot of people don't know what Drigo is Felipe's psych kick on what's happening for the podcast you know and look at the people that I bring into my life Felipe does not have an ego you know after I had the words of Ralphie his ego disappeared you know Tom Segura does not have an ego Christalia does not have an ego if you talk to Sebastian there's really no ego involved I mean Sebastian don't say much as it is. He's on, I think, Fighter and the Kid today, or he's doing Theo's podcast today.

But, you know, these guys don't have an ego. You know, Ron White, are you kidding me? There's no ego there. Ron knows, we all know, listen, when you realize how lucky you are, for being in this position, your ego should disappear. Your ego should disappear.

You know, I love doing movies, but one of the things that turned me off about movies was the ego of a lot of actors. It really fucking is eternal. You see it. They come in late. You know, instead of eating what's for lunch, they got to send out because they don't like the food. You know, and it's not an ego thing. they go out of their way to be different to let you know that they're better than you are at some level

and I've never liked that fucking mentality that's the celebrity mentality you know what do they how do they sell you oh do what the celebrities are doing what's the chick the chick on fucking my 500 pound not my 500 what was the fat law show on NBC Gillian michael yeah you know base loser yeah train how the

celebrities trained that's what they sell you on that's what they sell you on why because the celebrities will do things differently just to make you feel ordinary well no no we don't do ordinary weights we do underwater weights with a guru who makes you lift with fucking shorts on you know there's always something with those motherfuckers and at the end of the week they're not doing nothing they're just going out of their way to let you think that they're better than you are don't ever feel that way because i used to always like feel insecure about it for years i felt insecure about people like egos i didn't like how it made me feel and once i figure out i cut those fucking people out i could tell you 20 comics that have huge fucking egos i talk to them but i avoid

them like the plague and i just watch it they're like my side project how long to the fucking leaning tower, PISA goes down. It's a leaning tower because your head ain't right. Whenever your head ain't right, you're fucking leaning to a side. I know I am. Whenever my head's not right, it affects everything that I do around me. If you're fucking up somewhere, it affects everything you do around you. And the man who told me that was Joe Rogan when I was doing blow.

He's like, when you do blow, it affects everything you do around you. So all those negative personality traits, like not having respect is what you have when you get a fucking ego. You know, what prompt me for that respect podcast was something that had happened a few nights early at a comedy club that somebody got up and ran a light. The same reason why you run a light is to prove that you're better than somebody else. I can run the light. I have fucking ego. That's why you run a light. There's people who run a light by mistake all the time.

I know they're running a light by mistake. But there's people that to prove a point to you that they're better than you are, don't run the light as a comic. That's why I say it's a bad because that's the vibe it sends out. It doesn't know. He ran the light. It's just three fucking words. But you're telling me, A, you don't give a fuck. And B, that you're better than I am.

And who tells you that? Your fucking ego feeds you that bullshit. So just remember in life, no matter how good or success where you get at something, you're just a fucking meatbag with eyes. There's a guy behind you waiting to grab your success when you fucking force yourself down with your stupid fucking characteristic of fucking ego. Do you think it's like, so let's say someone's listening to this, and they're like, fuck, I have too much ego.

Is there, have you seen people switching around you, is there a way, like when you're on the- What knocks out ego? What quiets down ego? I don't know. Getting your ass kicked. Life kicks the shit out of you. You know, we were talking about, uh, uh, that I did Carolines when you. I did the New York Comedy Festival and the guy didn't like me.

So he told me he was going to book me at a certain time. And when I got there, they told me there was a band going up in front of me. You know what I'm saying? There was a band going up in front of me. When I got off and I ate a bag of dicks, I realized why I ate a bag of dicks, blah, blah, blah, blah. It hurt me, you know, like it hurt me, whatever. But it didn't bruise my ego. Like it didn't hurt my ego.

What was the question? Like, how do you turn it around? How do you go from having too much ego to like... You get your ass kicked. You get your hand level to you. Well, like, let's say... You know, it's like that guy that when you walks off stage and looks at you as a comic and goes, follow this, bitch.

You could turn around. and smack that bitch or you could go up there and outdo the motherfucker and then not say a word to him right that'll bother him more than you say something ego goes away when you get your ass kicked if you're a normal person the ego goes and check you know is there a way to get your ass like because getting your ass kick sometimes happens when you're not expecting it what if someone's trying to change Getting your ass kick could be a girl cheating on you, to eating a bag of dicks on stage, to getting fired from your job. You know, you get egotistical at your job. I made that decision because I thought it was the right one.

Well, you lost $60,000 for the company, so you're gone. Right. There's no mistakes in fucking that corporate environment, that corporate world. So ego costs you to make a mistake. That mistake levels you. And the next thing you know, here we are. You got no way to go. You know, I was watching something the other day on an interview,

on MMA junkie, who I really read all their interviews. And it had to do with Kabeeb fighting McGregor. And McGreg's saying he wants him or something. And he told him, he goes, hey, man, not for nothing. You lost your last two or three fights. Why are you fucking, you have no room to speak? you know he wasn't being and I looked at that and I'm like he's not being a bad person one he's saying the truth and two he's like I'm not gonna fight you could fight the winner

a Dustin and me you know you could that you lost your last two fights I beat you I choked you out decisively you know that must have controlled if you watched the McGregor fights when he lost he sat on the mat for a minute and you think about especially the Khab one he sat on the mat for a few minutes and thought about where he went wrong the training and i'm not putting down mcgregor or nothing like this i'm just saying that sometimes that ego right now mcgregor hasn't fought in how long close to a year probably you know what happens it's like you not getting on stage for a year it's like you doing three big fucking academy award one of movies but you don't get on stage for a year erics roach is going to pass you by christie bellich is going to pass

you by, the chick with the ass that travels all the time is going to pass you by, these people are going to pass you by. And now, you know, ego makes you do all those bad decisions. Ego makes you say all those things. And at the end, what did you make? What did you get? What did you gain? The UFC's still going.

They're still doing their fights. And they're adjusting without counter. And they're waiting from the comeback. And he's going to be a year that's six. 16 months behind not getting in the fucking ring. You know, last two weeks ago, three weeks ago, there was a big article and people were furious. I mean, I read thousand different reviews on Eddie Murphy.

You know, Netflix thinks he's worth $70 million. I love Eddie Murphy. I wouldn't be sitting in this chair if it wasn't for Eddie Murphy. Delirious is a great fucking special. Raw is a great fucking special. But people are wondering how much now. Eddie Murphy has not agreed to it yet. I love Eddie because of that.

Now, if you watch Eddie and getting coffee with... Yeah, with Seinfeld. With Seinfeld, they discussed that. Listen to what he's saying. That he hates going on stage without not saying something. This is a guy that has made 20 great movies that has been around since 1983. What's that?

93, 2003, this is a guy that's got a 37 year career as a fucking comic and as a comedic actor. Any other person who would get a $70 million offer already would have signed up and fucking, the date would have been set, the dates would have been released. But what did he say on that thing with Seinfeld? He goes to fucking get on stage, you got to work out. I watch part of it. And he goes, I got nothing to say. said that wow yeah he goes i really can't get on stage without having something to say it made me respect

eddie murphy more than i've ever respected them because any other asshole you know what and i've heard it before agents go hey take the 70 million you could talk shit for an hour right yeah that's i mean that that's that's a level of non-ego because i mean that's what would you do if they offered you seven million like that's like seven million i'd agree to it but first off if you offer me seven million dollars it's august so it would be 12 i would have to shoot it in january of 2021 if you offered me seven million dollars i would start from scratch uh whatever deposit they gave me i would hire neil brennan john milaney whitney cummins i would hire uh i would hire uh Anybody who's a great writer to just, I'd pay them, I'd pull a Chris Rock.

I think Chris Rock was another thing years ago where there was no ego. He went back to his friends. That's why I love Chris Rock. He got, I think, a quarter of a million in advance. He gave Richard Jenny 50, Lewis K. 50, and Nick DePaolo 50, and said, help me with my special. Everybody show up with 15 minutes. All those specials you saw, all those years that were brilliant. had those guys. He had Jenny

DePaolo and Louis C.K. So if each one of them showed up with 15 minutes and Chris showed up with 22 minutes of his own material and wed off for those together, I still remember seeing Chris come up to the store on a Monday night and do 30

minutes with fucking Jenny, Lewis C.K. and Nick DePollo in the audience. You know how strong that is? You know how many comics would do that? Zero. Zero. I want to have a fucking phenomenal special. Lee Syed Incorporated is giving me a million dollars to shoot a special.

It is going to be fucking smoking. Guess what? At the end of the special, I'm probably going to die of a heart attack. That's how good the special is going to be. I'm going to go above and fucking beyond for this. I'm going to train the right way. I'm not going to, you know, when Netflix called me to do this special, they called in April for me to be ready in June.

You know, I'm not making excuses. I'm not making any excuses. I'm the one that accepted it. I didn't think about it. And it was an ego thing. It was just that I wanted to do something for Netflix. I figured how long would it take me to write a half hour? And you see what the result is.

You see what the fucking result is. So I really take my hands off to Eddie Murphy for not taking the 70 million and going, hey, who gives the fuck what they think? I'm 50-something years old. It really doesn't fucking matter. Anybody could say that. So.

That's hard to put in action. So it's very hard. So that's why those are the comics that don't have an ego. You know, one of the guys that I really miss, I speak to him from time to time. And we spoke about him coming on the podcast. And he's been on the podcast before. I think he's called in. What was the guy that?

did all the prior specials and oh um what we've discussed that i really the director yeah the director that one that helped him write jojo dancer this is your life is calling and stuff you know one thing i really really like about him uh one thing i really enjoyed about him was a story he told me about prior that uh the prior show was kind of working and rock or bese rock or bese and they were doing a lot of blow and stuff and the suits from M. B. Racco was a young man. He had just been out of college. This was his first job

in production. And that, you know, NBC told Richard Pryor that he was, you know, or Richard asked NBC the two suits from MBC. You think I'm doing too much coke? And they're like, no, Mr. Pryor. You're having a great time. Keep doing what you're doing.

And Rocco told him no. I think you're doing too much. much coke that's affecting your work and he threw Rocco out and fired him and three days later he contacted him he goes you know what I thought about what would happen and you were honest with me so come back to work and that was there you know I think that Richard probably had you know and that's why I always say when you're a real motherfucker and somebody says something to you and in your ears it sounds off color.

And you might argue a little bit, and then you go home and you think about the words, and you give it three or four days, and you figure out that this person that said something to you that was off color was just trying to help you. He didn't present it wrong. He didn't, you know, I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for Matt Woods.

In 1994, 95, yeah, I was getting a reputation as one of the funny old. open micers and I was making headway I was doing more time I was also devoting myself and I was also sticking my neck out I was doing comedy at a weird time I was doing comedy while I was angry and depressed and I was broke and comedy was the only thing that was keeping me alive but making myself you know it's like I know a girl right now that's going through a breakup and she called me about two weeks ago and I said are you going through a breakup what's the best time to get on stage?

And she's like, well, I don't know. What are you fucking kidding me? Somebody dumps you? You get on stage four times a night. And she called this weekend and said, thank you. That was the best advice anybody gave me. Because I learned how to do comedy from a bad place,

not a good place. Anybody could go on stage when you have a job and the things are right and your rent is paid. Keep getting on stage when your love life isn't going well or your girlfriend's sucking some fucking Armenian dick in Glendale or, you know, you can't pay the rent. That's what comedy is, is going through a hard time

and getting up on stage and fighting through that hard time. You know, like I told you guys, February or whatever, getting off a plane and finding out Brody's dead, and I still had to go do a fucking comedy show. And, I mean, you know, deep down, you're falling apart, but you got to do a comedy show. I thanked myself that in 1995, 96, I would force myself to get on stage 94

even though I was going through hell. Anybody else would have said, fuck it, I can't get on stage. I'm going through something. Well, fucking go through it on stage. If you're going through something, go through it on stage. Who's a better therapist than a fucking audience?

So, anyway, I appreciate you guys listening today. If you have ego problems or if this has happened to you, you'll understand where I'm coming from. And if one of your friends ever comes up to you and says that you're getting a little bit too big for your fucking britches, before you smack him, think about where he's coming from, think about your situation, think about how it affects the people around you, and you'll see that you get right back to fucking square one. Because ego doesn't get you anything but a losing fucking result. You know, today we live without the police.

Pink Floyd. The world is deprived of fucking Pink Floyd the full band because of one fucking jerk off. We can't hear the police because of one fucking jerk off, you know? And I think that's a goddamn shame. But anyway, the church of what's happened now, this is how we do it here. I want to thank all the people who listen. I want to thank the people who came out to AC and motherfucking DC. It was the ACD DC weekend. It was fantastic. I had a great time. It was great seeing you guys. Real quick. The 31st of August, I'm at the Ice House Memorial Day weekend, a Labor Day weekend, the small room working out with Uncle Joey. San Antonio sold out September 14th, but there's still tickets available

for Dallas. February 13th, show up with the black cat and the witch hat, bitch. February? No, September, whatever the fuck it is. And then the last week of September, I'm at the Chicago Theater with Bob Lillings and the fucking crew. So get your tickets now. If you want to come, that's a great theater. It's got a lot of great memories in there with little Esther and Ari and Duncan

and fucking Rogan. There was a great fucking show. So I'm excited to be going back there. Real quick, before we wrap it up, I want to talk to you about CBDLion.com. You're sitting there going, Joey, I don't know what to do. People are talking about CBD. my uncle says this, my cousin says that,

what do I do? Listen, picking a reliable CBD company is like getting fucked in the fucking ass, all right? And especially now, I mean, if you go 150 yards from here, Magnolia Boulevard, I think there's three stores close to us that have CBD signs. At least, yeah. The dentist, blah, blah, blah, blah. Me, I go with CBD lion.com.

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All right. See website for full details and safety information. Again, I want to thank Four Hems. Again, I want to thank CBD-Lion.com. But most importantly, I want to thank you. Thank you guys for the love and the support. You've given Lee and I over the ears. You come to the shows.

You fucking jump up and down. But most importantly, you learn, you listen, and you take something away from this podcast. I'm not saying we're the best podcast or the worst podcast, but there's always a message here somewhere for you. And if not, we try to make you laugh. You know, I'm a filthy motherfucker. I like having a good time.

I love you motherfuckers. I'll see you Wednesday morning or Thursday morning. Tip-top, McGoo, ready to go. If not, I'll see you at the end of the month. the Ice House or February 13th in Dallas or September. I don't even know why I keep saying February 13th. They know what the fuck I'm talking about. They know I'm not doing.

I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing in February. So don't worry about me. It's either next month or go fucking mother. I love your cock suckers. I see you Thursday morning. Stay black. Lee, kick this motherfucker meal.