The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #720 - Dean Delray

Episode Date: September 19, 2019

Dean Delray, comedian, actor, and the host of the "Let There Be Talk" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:    Policy Genius - Policy Genius helps you compare and find the right home, auto, life or disability insurance for you. Check them out at www.policygenius.com   ForHims- Go to ForHims.com/joey to get your complete hair kit for just $5 while supplies last.    MyBookie.ag -  Use code promo Church to get a 100% match on your first deposit up to $1,000. Check out Joey's Instagram @madflavors_world on Thursday for a new video where Joey teaches you how to gamble.  

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Dean Dalrizzie? I'm in the house. Back from fucking shows, TV shows, touring bands, fucking Iron Maiden on Saturday night. out in John the week before, this guy lives like my gay neighbor, he don't fuck around, you know what I'm saying? He's out there 724,

53 years old. What's your fucking excuse, cock suckers? How are you, Dean, though, right? I'm good, man. It's great to be back. Good to have your family, man. Oh, I was thinking about it today. I played music like 25 years

and had some great friends, but when I think about the comedy family that I got, it's just insane, you know? I love it. I wake up every morning and I go, what the fuck? And how did I get here? And I think I'm about 1994, you know, doing all these crazy fucking open mics. I forget, you know, and then I go, oh, okay, that's how I got here.

Yeah, work. Work. You meet these people along the way and some of them dropped off and some of them stuck with it. And you're stuck with them. family you know somebody called me today and said i signed one of your friends maz jabrani oh you don't understand he's not my friend maz jabrani's my family yeah my chabras would give me a 20 when i needed one and never told nobody you know mad jubrani was my family mad jubrani got me a commercial agent mazre brani you know you know it's a shame when people go out you get help from

joe rogan i got help from joe rogan but guess who got me my first agent ari shafrari fear. Guess who fucking got me on the show when Comedy Central wouldn't talk to me. Ari's your fear. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? To let me tell the stories I did to grow. Everybody helps you. When people know you're all in, they fucking lend the helping hand. That's true. This dude's all in. That's true. The motherfucker is one of us. You know what I'm saying? He's not up here talking nonsense about directing or jumping out of a helicopter. He's here at one in the morning, grinding it out. And that's, you know, when the universe takes care of you. You know, so you're fortunate. also. You get to get an education from Burr, Mark Marin, you know, you get 22 different

educations. Yeah, you, Rogan, Ian Edwards, you know, all the guys, it's just, it's... I didn't know how tight you were with Ian. Yeah, I talk to that fucker every day like you, you know? Oh, yeah. I love him, by the way. And I think he's a very underrated. I think he's deadly on stage. I think he's a brilliant writer. Yeah. the sweetest guy you'll ever meet just the way he approaches you just a combo of him and rogan rogan does not like soccer yeah you know you know what I'm saying like you have to I don't think anybody does combo people always thought that me and Rogan were funny together yeah they're funny

and now they have a thing going on who falls asleep yeah on the plane I saw that listen rogan could fall asleep I love him to death yeah he's got something the nubes None of us have. He could turn it off anywhere. Yeah. He could turn it off. I do the same thing, man. You can you?

Yeah, I tell people, you know, like I'll meet people and they go, man, I just can't sleep. And I'm like, if I stop moving for a minute, I'll go to sleep. No problem. No problem. Can you sleep in coach? Because in first class, I can understand how well you can fall asleep. And coach like a fucking demon. Like, I mean, I'm out.

As soon as the wheels are up, oh, I'm out. The reason why you and me can't sleep as coaches because we don't fit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're sleeping on a tiny bed, you're not going to sleep, you're not going to sleep. You're not going to sleep. I got these new things,

Bose sent me. They've got the noise canceling headphones, whatever with that. These, you pop them in, their noise cancelling, and then you choose what sound you want. Waterfalls, raindrops,

white noise, anything. How about the beginning of me so horny? Yeah, yeah. They get fucking the ass. Oh, you can get that. No, the guy's going, oh, sock it to me. Oh, sock it to me. That's how you fall asleep.

Sock it to me. Yeah, yeah, sock it to me. They got it, they should make an app where you could do your own sounds, you know? It could be you like, oh, shit. This times I'm having a weird day, and I would just turn on me so horny. Oh, my God. 20 times just to hear the beginning. It makes me laugh my ass off.

because that was from something I saw as a child. That was like a black porno that I saw like in the 70s. A sample. It's a sample. Yeah. From a black porno. Like, oh, sock it to me. Only black people talk about that bad and shit.

Sock it to me. Oh, that shit's hilarious. That stuff and like babies got back. Remember that video Sir Mix a lot? Baby got back. You know, that video was hilarious. I still remember taking me so home. Yeah.

The album. I went out and bought the album. Yeah. Like, oh, the cassette. I did something weird, and I took it to a Chrysler-Climmer dealer. And I had a friend of mine there. Yeah. He was a Christian.

And I'd always steal his pens. When he was cutting a deal, I'd steal this red pocket pen. And he's like, where's my red pocket pen? He would go nuts. So I had a lighten up on the red park of pens for a while. So every time I had a customer, I was like an old man. I'd put that cassette on. And all of a sudden he's there trying to sell a car.

And the guy's like sitting at home with my dick, I'm hard. I got my black book for my freak to call. And he would start looking around like he couldn't say what the fuck and the front of old people. So he would just look at all right. You know, I would go, I don't know. And I'd just leave it off. And then this is it when I would turn it louder.

dealer I would turn it louder and louder. Be so horny, uh-huh. I love you. And the old people would be sitting there, like, beating their heads, but not listening to the lyrics. And finally the old guy caught on. And he's like, look at his wife. And oh, my God, I used to torture people with that song.

Oh, my God. It's so funny when you're selling shit, how you can't break your seller mode, no matter what's going on. I remember I was selling motorcycles, and I was looking at this screen. of this motorcycle video in the shop, and then I didn't think anyone was around, I just farted. And the customer was right behind me, and he goes, Jesus.

That's what he said. He just goes, Jesus. And my boss, this guy, Garo, fell on the ground. He just, because you know when you're, like, you forget where you're at, and you just fart, just, the fart, the fart, you can never write a joke bigger than the fart. somebody farts somewhere

it's so funny to them I love being on stage and stopping the audience and then farting no way fucking nuts you farting on stage oh please a couple times do you put the mic down there

no I would never put the mic down there but they'll hear it I'll pick up my leg and you'll hear it and a theater I fart in D.C. And the owner left I blew a fart that was

The owner left I blew a fart on stage Oh, the owner will have. That's it. I'm out of here. Hey, was he doing fart jokes? Literally. Let me tell you something.

I knew nothing in life about counterterrorism. Yeah. Until I started selling cars. Oh, yeah. And then I became an expert on counterterrorism. Like stealing the keys out of the car when the salesman was about to sell it. All that shit. All that shit.

Throw a salesman off. So they have to cut you into the deal. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. Like my goal was for you to have a nervous breakdown. Yeah.

Like Rob Dando, God bless his soul. My goal, he sold too many fucking cars. I couldn't keep up. Yeah. And enough was enough. I'm number one in this motherfucking jungle. So when it comes to being number one, you got to play fucking dirty. I was 20 fucking something years old. Yeah. You know, every other dealership paid $10,000 a month. I'm making $35 at this crisis of planet, but they closed at seven. Oh, yeah.

You know, they were a white little family. Comfortable. No problem. Here we are in there, snorting kilos in the showroom. And I'm tormenting this kid. I mean, there were days he just went home. I don't even remember the shit I used to do that. It wasn't bullying or nothing like that.

It was counterterrorism. We're all here trying to make a buck, and I got to take the top guy off the top. When did you have time to actually sell cars? Because I would torture him subtly. I would go in there earlier and shut my torture process. I'd start like a trap.

Yeah. A trap going. And then I'd go out and sell cars like nothing was happening. Oh, my God. And just dominoes are falling. Like somebody would come in and go, hi, I'm looking for Rob Dando. I would say Rob's in the back busy.

Even though Rob's in the back eating a bagel, and I would give him to a different salesman. Oh, that's the worst. Now Rob would come out and see this, and his face would just turn. beat red, so his game would be off. Yeah. So then he would let the salesman sell the car. He would be pacing in the back, like a cage down. And once the deal was done, he would blow up. Oh, yeah. That was my

fucking deal. Yeah. My name is on that. I don't know, Diaz gave him to me. You knew that was my customer, you know? Because once you do that to somebody early, they can't play the game anymore. Oh, they're mad all day. They're mad all day. You wiped him out. But it all, or counterterrorism also works against you sometimes because you're pissing on somebody's legs or you're making yourself negative while you're pissing on somebody's leg. That's why as a practice, I just don't use anymore.

I don't use it in comedy, but I will use it in life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't use it on my comrades in comedy before they go on stage, come up to them and say, hey, you're losing your hair, you know. That's the last thing a comic wants to hear before they're going on stage.

Hey, you're losing your hair. Yeah, something fucked me. Put on a little weight, huh? You put on a little white. Oh, fuck. What the fuck. I hate you to hear the right to see me. You know what I'm saying?

That's what you do. Yeah. You know, at the store, like, let's say somebody had a big showcase to people, and I found out about it. I hated you. And let's say the showcase was at 930. I'd call Dice up. Yeah.

And Dice loves all that shit. Oh, shit. I'd make Dice go down and walking at 920. Bump. And that guy, the back, the color would just see him on his face. Oh, I would call Eddie Griffin. Oh, make up some story. And tell him to come down early tonight.

There's going to be alive and kicking. And he'd go, what's going on, man? Because Eddie would walk in about a quarter of the ten. I'd make him go down there. Because all the showcases were at 9.15. Yeah. Yeah. So I'd have Eddie Bump Argus.

Like, you're not even going up tonight. Bump Argus. Go up and do three, and I go up there behind you. And then he would stay on. And the comic would just be pacing in the back. Oh. And me and three other guys would be howling. because we knew what was going on.

But that works against you also. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Little karma kicks in. Yeah, you don't do it in comedy, but you can torture people in life, you know, like your landlord or something like that. You can piss on his leg. To me, in comedy, it's like,

there are no enemies. It's like we're all fucking. There are people at the store. Yeah. But I won't say, throw them under the bus, because I love them too much. Yeah.

They do try to piss on my leg before I go. go on stage. I catch it and I giggle and I tap them on the show to let them know I'm happy that they tried I'm 20 years ahead of it. I was doing that in my 20s. You should be ashamed of yourself. You're doing it at your 40s. Yeah, yeah, you just look at and like, good for you, good for you. Yeah, you're trying at least. I see what you're doing. You're trying. I ain't mad at you. It's not either. The voodoo don't work on Uncle Joey. I've done that shit for you.

Yeah, yeah. I invented the voodoo. Yeah. I invented that. fucking pissed on your leg. You know, it's just something it's weird because why you're talking about pissing on your leg. I really thought about the statement I made to you a couple weeks ago. We're here to do

a podcast today out of respect for Rico Kasich, you know, God bless his soul. Me and Dean both like them, but I was telling Dean and Dean, I've always been dates with you, like I've known areas of concerts. I've been always really good. There's 20

concerts I know I forgot about. Oh yeah, same. There's 20 concerts that I know that somebody has to bring them up, but I really got to think, and then I got to call somebody to collaborate. Exactly. The cars were the first concert. I think I went to see that that was the first time that I knew my concert days were going to be over.

Oh, shit. I think they were at Central Park. Yep. And the sound wasn't right through the doors, the cars, but nobody really knew until they got there. I think even the doors didn't know how being outside of four.

affected them compared to like being at the garden or the Palada. Of course. No ambiance. Yeah, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't see him on the on the Candio tour or the first tour. I was hip to those albums. Same here.

I still remember the first one hitting. Oh, God. The first one hitting was fucking huge. Huge. And then it being the soundtrack of that movie. Fast times. Yeah, I don't know how far difference it was from the time fast times came out.

Yeah. When did the fast times come out? That record came out, I think it's 78, and fast times like 81 or whatever, but it really made it famous again, you know, like so big. But that whole record is, every song's a hit. It's crazy to think that they, he was that good of a songwriter, Rick O'Kasick. 82. 82 fast times, first record, 78. But, you know, it's such a pivotal scene in the film, you know, that it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it.

It just feels like it came out that year. You know, you got to remember, at that time, it was Ted Nugent. Yeah. It was Black Sabbath. It was, you know, Judas Priest was alive and kicking. There were all these bands that were a little heavier that we were listening to. ACDIC. And a lot of us were listening to punk, you know, a couple of us, you know, I like the class, some of their music.

There was a couple other guys that black, I don't know if it's black flag. Devo. Devo, I like. Big time. Devo, there was a couple of bands that I'd seen in the city that right now slipped my mind again, you know, the years of abuse and drugs. But I still remember getting the, I think, the album to the cars and being blown away. Like, this isn't what we listen to.

So I'm going to be careful before I bring this out. Yeah, you're around your friends. Yeah. I'm going to be a little careful. This is girl music. Yeah. Because it didn't really have a genre. I think they called it New Wave.

Yeah. But it was just like its own thing. It really was its own thing. Because New Wave was a little to me goofy and fun. You know, you got like B-52s. That was New Wave. Rock Lobster! You know, that kind of.

That destroyed. Yeah, killer. And that came out. Killer. That album was played at every party you went to towards the end of the night. After everybody got their Springsteen and their pre-sfixed. Yeah. Somewhere slipped into B-52s.

Totally. And some tough guys. was still not dancing. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that album came out. Tough guys were still not dancing. No dancing, no laughing. Once the Kualoos came in,

and you had to dance if you wanted to eat that monkey, you got to dance and you got to rub your hips against them and pull a hard of you, Weinstein, and the whole fucking deal. You have no idea what you're doing when you're dancing. If you've never danced and you're just trying it, you're just doing something. You know, like this. No, I learned to dance like early on.

By the eighth grade at school dances, I was already busting a move. Yeah. I knew that if you wanted to get anywhere with a girl, you got to dance, though. They got to see your hips move. I watched Soul Train. I watched Don Cornelius was a god to me. Dog, I watched that show. Every week.

I never missed it. But we grew up on that American bandstand. I mean, it was a different time. You know, I always hear the argument that there's nobody who promotes new bands anymore. You know what? I don't remember a time when they were promoting. new bands either. Yeah. If you were good, you fucking swam. If you didn't, you sank. Yeah, that was it. If you, you know, we grew up on Soul Train Saturday afternoon. Unbelievable. American bandstand

Saturday afternoon, which college football never even thought of canceling. Yeah. American bandstand got his fucking Dick Clark always got it in. And then Saturday night, we had Don Curse's rock concert. Smoking. And I think Friday night was the midnight special. back to back. It was Saturday Night Live into Don Curse's rock concert. I cannot tell you how many nights I stopped partying to run home

to see Don Curster's rock concert because somebody in particular was going to be on. And the band I remember the most running home for was Black Sabbath. Oh, oh man. I still remember Don Curster bringing them up. I still remember my dick being hard. I had tears in my eyes.

Oh, my God, I'm about to fucking see him. This was maybe a year before they broke up. Yeah, like 78. Maybe six months before the fucking damage was done. How great was that show? Don Kirsten's rock concert. You think about that now? This show would never fly.

They get the biggest fucking bands. The biggest bands they'd come down. I was talking to a guy that worked on it. They would shoot it during the day over in, you know, I think Warner Brothers, Burbank or whatever. During the day, they would shoot like three. bands in one day and you know they'd have like a hundred people in the audience and there they were just rocking you know wild biggest band ever not one song like

you know like on phallon or something now it would be like they'd play like three four songs a whole concert fucking crazy great and soul train they had the sole train dances oh god and at the end they did the dance down the aisle yeah but the guy left you always I still remember the episode when the microphone fell and the guy kept singing. Oh shit, they're lip-syn. I forget who it was. That was the first time I realized.

I was like seven or eight. Yeah. That limb-sinking even existed. Yeah. You're like, what? He hit the microphone that fell, but the song kept playing. He was left on stage just with a fucking weird look on his face. Don Cornelius.

It was funny Ian Edwards and I, one day I posted a clip of Don Cornelius on Instagram and I said every Saturday I never missed this guy and he texted me right away and he used to watch that and I go like a religion man and then I found out later

the rock club that I booked the stone in San Francisco early on was where they first started shooting Soul Train years before it was the rock club crazy to think wow I'm in the same building as like Soul Train was filmed

that was shot up in the Bay Area for a while I guess and then where were the rest of them were but we could find out on Wikipedia but that shit was you know Bay Area first and it was amazing that guy had a I think he was a DJ at first Don Cornelius

I did really read up on it for a while and then I forgot but I think he was a DJ or something and then had that show but he was so badass how smooth was he'd be like, all right. Yeah, his voice was trim. I still remember Barry White being on there. Yeah.

Elton John. They showed clips at the show. There was another white guy who was on there. That was. Oh, David Bowie. Bowie was on there. Oh, he was on there. Fame.

The Brothers Johnson. Yes, he did fame. Yeah, yeah. Yes, he did fame. The brothers Johnson, the OJ's. You know, I grew up on that. That was. Lakeside.

Earthwind and fire. Oh, Parliament. played on there. All of them and played on there. You finally? Yeah, I'm just looking for San Francisco. All he can find is LA. Yeah, yeah.

Started in Chicago, actually. Chicago. And then, and then I'm pretty sure it was filmed in San Fran for like two years or something. That's what I read somewhere. So who knows if it, you know, when you're reading stuff, you're like, oh, cool. You never check if it's, if it's real. You're like, oh, all right. Yeah, it was there.

But it adds also Wikipedia, so that's going to just be wild. Yeah, yeah. But supposedly it was filmed in that same place that that became a famous rock club later, The Stone. Pretty wild. But man, I was watching Elton John, and he was showing old clips behind him. And they had the sole train clips. And there he is, man, wearing like a green suit and the glasses with the clear piano. Just killing it on there.

I was out in John. He was... He was... 72 years old. Three hours. Crushing it. No opener. And just murdered it.

I mean, comes out, starts with Benny and the Jets and never looks back. It's crazy how great he is. Really good. Got three original guys in the band still. The drummer.

The guy that does the percussion, the older guy up there with the bongos and the tambourine and then the guitar player. Three guys. It's been in since like 71. I was Iron Maiden, sadly. Oh, man. That was just another level.

Who opened up for them? Fossey, you know, what's his name's band? The Wrestler. What's his name? He has the podcast. He's the famous wrestler. God, I'm drawing a blank on his name. And then some other band I missed.

But Burr and I went and it was insane. They're showing all the other bands, hey, we spend all our money on the stage show. I think they're like, we got plenty of money. Let's put on a show. No one's fucking seen. Every three songs, it's a different stage. Monsters, backdrops, fire, shit flying. It's like scary. They open with a fucking B-52 plane flying over the stage. Huge plane, just flying over. It's crazy. Huge. Huge. Huge. Huge. Huge. I was like, what, that's the opener. And Dickinson, he's so badass.

He's like, yeah, we open with that. That would be most people's closer. But no, we fucking open and we get better, bigger. You know, he's like going crazy. The crowd, they played a soccer stadium, the new one. I never been there where the L.A. sports arena used to be. They put a huge soccer stadium there off the 110 there. You can see it.

Fucking place was giant. Yeah, let's see. Fuck, I think that thing holds like 50,000. Oh, I'll show you a video. It was all the way to the top, four, all the way to the top. I mean, the worst seed on the planet. People are really coming out to support the arts these days. They are, man.

I really got to hand it to comedy to music, you know. I mean, they're still loyal people out there that. They just love entertainment. I mean, all these shows, you know, What's Kiss at? The Kiss Army, the tour is that fucking breaking fucking money records. They just bought the bank. Yeah.

I heard Eddie Trunk said the figure about two weeks ago where they're at so far with tours. I mean, people are going out. People are actually paying money for these tickets. Yeah. And they're enjoying themselves. God bless them. You know, Monday there was a guy that called in to Eddie Trunk talking about ticket prices and how he stopped supporting a lot of,

especially G&R, his point was G&R. That were paying too much money to go see G&R do 30-year-old songs. That's crazy. They respected the audience, their fan base. They would come out with a new album and all this shit. The guy made some good points. Trust me. And Eddie Trunk made some great points also about, you know,

that Slash and Duff is. still very active and they put out solo projects in between they've been successful but that he feels that Axel Rose is such a greedy fuck that he won't you know he goes he's so he wants to go tour with ACDC but he won't fucking put a new album why don't we get the guys in the best studio and let's get a new album out why would I want to pay a hundred dollars to go see fucking 30 year old music and he felt that Iron Maiden was very good to their fan base right he said Iron Maiden is one of the best they go to electronic tickets they don't let scalpers get their hands on the tickets he goes

that he was talking about fan bases it was very interesting yeah really interesting about you know and eddie told him Eddie trunk told him at the end he goes you know who stops these bands from doing this you do yeah just don't pay to go 100 bucks and you want to pay 80 for a beer and 100 for a t-shirt just don't go yep but the more you go the more you're going to support this somebody came out to me in San Antonio and said I paid $300 and I paid $300 apiece for your tickets I go don't ever do that

I'm not worth any more than that ticket price it's a shame that you have all these fucking people who take their ticket prices just to make the exchange online $13, $3 for paper it breaks my heart you know don't pay over that

I'm not fucking worth it don't pay over that I'll be back in some time if you see I'm on a schedule somewhere make a trip but don't ever pay that money go to the fucking see the website people hit me up all the time i'm not going to see you your tickets are 311 they're on the wrong website what are you fucking talking about yeah where my the fucking the fucking flyer and the fucking website connects you with the link to the fucking site yeah why are you on any other fucking site paying 311 for joe i don't get it are you fucking crazy do you think i would charge you 300 and fucking

dollars without a gun yeah you know what I'm saying like just it's just people have no idea what they're buying so you just got to watch what's the sites you're going to you know go to the direct fuck if the stones have I doubt the stones they they're hash it out all those people just they don't need to deal with it's right on our website I always tell people they go hey when they come into Milwaukee it's like it's all there man I mean I pay for this website every month so you go it's the easy a spot, Dean Delray.com.

You know, because if I posted in Twitter and Instagram and everything, the algorithms. I post a link. Yeah. I post a link to that fucking website I want you to go to. Yeah.

So you save fucking money. There it is. I mean, I don't, you know, you don't get a piece of time, but I want to talk to you about something about the cars real quick before I forget. The cars taught me a very

candy-o-y album. Yeah. taught me a very big lesson about what I do today. You know, I, maybe eight years ago, was when people started asking me for pictures. When you take pictures of people,

you usually have little conversations with them. Yeah. You know, and some people come over and they shake your hand. You go, hey, Dean, nice to meet you, Joe Diaz, and I put my arm around, they put my arm around me. And as we're taking the picture,

they'll say, hey, man, I was having a hard time. I listened to the podcast. Thanks for helping me out. And I would go back to my whole time, room and I would go, how fucking creepy is that? Yeah. How creepy is that? You know, the next fellow.

What are they talking about? I couldn't really handle that when people would say that to me. I wish my son died and I listened to your podcast and it really helped. And I was like, that's fucking crazy. And then one day I was listening to Candio. And it hit me. Yeah. Candio, that album was one of the albums that kept me together after my mother died.

Candy O is something. I look forward to listen to the whole album. There's not a bad song on it. Elliot Easton. The guitar work on there is fucking just... He's a little guy. I think he's from Long Island original. The guitar was bigger than him.

Yeah. The guitar was bigger than him. Matt handed. Yeah, if you watch all these car videos, the guitar is bigger than he is. And he just fucks it up. Some of his leads are fucking nasty. But Candio, if I think about it,

is one of my top 10 albums because it kept me together at a time where I must listen to that album for the first year and a half after my mother died every day. Man. So now when people say to me, hey, I listen to the podcast,

I could relate. I'm not saying I'm the cars. I just could relate to what they were saying. It helped me. I loved all that shit. Yeah. The other day when I got, my friend called me from Jersey

and he goes, did you hear? Rico Kasich died. When I hung up, I thought about you bumping into him six months ago in the city out of the county. And you said he looked great. He looked great. He was my neighbor. It was nuts.

And then I thought about just being a kid and listening to those first two albums. Yeah, the first album I had at the house before my mother died. I still remember that Ted Double Live was ruling the charts. Oh, yeah. Double I've gone. You had a bus through Ted, born to run. Yeah. Was born to run out already?

Born to run, yeah? Yeah, born to run. You had a bust out through the kinks. Yeah. And then, you know, with all these bands that people go, no, no, you're not putting the cars out. I'm out of my party. Like, there were people that I still remember visibly telling me

we don't play the cars in my house. I'm like, okay? And not even my feelings would be hurt. I just go, okay, I think you're missing out on a great fucking band. I thought the first album was great, and I thought the second album was just spectacular.

Like if you watch people's work, well, not anymore, except for maybe the little skinny blonde and Beyonce, you judge people by, I don't like judging specials. I don't like judge and CDs. Yeah. I like to judge the whole library. Like, I remember I have a friend that calls into the podcast. We haven't had him calling, though.

Frank Canella. Frank Canella's father was a jazz drummer. We were growing up, and him and I were in a band together. I was the lead singer. And all we did was lip sing. Yeah, the Beatles. Living room rock. Living room rock.

Yeah. Fired the bass player and the whole fucking, then my voice changed. I didn't sound like Michael Jackson no more. It sounded like Pauberati and they went to fucking show. But I remember shortly after John Bonham died, me being at his house. And his mother, of all people, said that.

She goes, you know, I like my leg, Zapp. Come on, you're talking about you. Yeah, Mom. That every album was really, really different. And that showed you the strength of who they were. Like, she didn't judge them as, she just judged them as after. She goes, after I was told them, this is before Coda came up. Yeah.

This is before, I'm not a big fan of Cota. I like in through the outdoor, though, big time. Yeah, I like that. In through the outdoor, I fucking love. God, that's a great record. In the evening, I remember my neighbors who were Jehovah witnesses on giving that terrace knocking on my door at 7.30 in the morning. Telling me to lower it in my bedroom because they could hear it through the fucking

walls through the air conditioner in the house next. Oh, just cranking in the evening. And I would go check on my mother out cold. Oh. She'd just be at the edge of the bed with the mouth open. Not hearing no zep on. And it was fucking loud. But that's how I feel about candy out.

Yeah. the whole album. That's all I can do to keep waiting for you. Oh, man. The album cover done by Vargas, you know, the famous Playboy. The fucking chick on the car?

Yeah. It's just a drawing. Right. Yeah. I thought she was in a car. I don't know. I don't know if I have, I definitely have the first album.

Yeah. But I don't have, I don't think I have candy. I think I do. I think I do. If I know anything about myself, that's one of the, I always buy that for the home collection.

I feel like they're in the rock and roll hall of fame. Yeah, they made it in. And I feel like they're still underrated. It's bizarre to me. Like they have so many hit songs. They're like the new wave version of Tom Petty. It's a fucking, they got a double disc of hits, an anthology, like just all hits. and I said it before, no piss tracks.

When you see them live, there's no tracking. Go, all right, I can go take a piss. There's no piss track. How many times did you see them? I only saw him one time. When did you see him? And I saw him on the Shake It Up tour, 1982 Cal Palace. And they destroyed.

They didn't say a word, nothing. They came out, played all the hits. I was like, this is insane. It was like they were almost like aliens. You know, you're like, That's them. Whoa. And they sounded exact to the record, which is hard because they sound so like the fidelity of them and everything.

All the layers of it, the keyboards and the guitar and all that. The way it sounds, it could easily sound horrible live, a band like that. You'd go and be like, oh, it's a studio band. You know, they can't do it live. These guys nailed it live. They were fantastic. I think I actually saw him twice. I think I saw him later on too.

Years later, I bought Benjamin Oz one of the solo album. Right. And it was five. Yeah. It was really... I used to listen to it when I was selling neon. Neon. I had an Acura, Integra. Yeah.

A two-door white one. A 1990 with the rims. I got a great deal on it when I got separated. I got fucking tow trucks called up with me. It never came up on my fucking credit report. Wow.

Score on that, right? It must have gone on and they took it off. You're selling neon tubes, the neon actual shit? I used to sell neon to stores. The first job I could handle after I got separated and it was, you know, that angle when you go through a dramatic thing,

It's hard to work. It's hard to focus. And I remember I was having a hard time focused. And the only day I could basically do is eat value and do a stand-up. Yeah. That's all. You know, I had a girlfriend. I just wanted to be with her in the daytime.

She was younger than me. And a friend of mine was like, listen, man, you got to fucking get it together. Yeah. I love you to death. You could eat whatever you want, but you got to do something with your life. And I'm like, what am I going to fucking do? And he owned a neon shop. He was a glass.

and he goes, I sell those neon things. I'm going to give you for $50 open. 1990, everybody was looking for an open sign. Right, right. So you got it for 50. Whatever you could get is yours. Oh, shit. I'd start at $199.

And I'd install it right now. I'd bring a drill with me, a couple screws. I'd bring a ladder. But I would also ask, I would drop off a flyer. And if they wanted more info than Danny would come in and close them on the whole. deal. Yeah. Neon. And it was easy. All you had to do was go

to a strip mall, just pick an area, and just go to a strip mall, and just drop off, go to Sushi Dan, strip mall, go across the street to the mall and there. Hi, how you doing? Just wanted to give you this. We're not interested, okay. Yeah. But if I would pass out a hundred flies, I'd get three to seven calls. I would just wake up, go to Kinko's, make a hundred flies.

And just go. That's wild. Neon signs open, closed. They would go, do you have neon signs that say open? At that time, Costco didn't have them yet. Yeah. This was pre-Cosco. I was doing comedy, and it was putting an extra,

it started at like 200, like I sold a couple things. And then I just kept it going. Every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Shit. I'd pass out 300 flies and sell five things. It was just a numbers game. I love Neon, man. The neon in the store is how.

Half of what the store is, it's so wild when you're in there and they turn those neons on while they're seating people. And it's all the famous heads and the names, you know, in the main room you got the heads and then in the original room, the names. And then as soon as the show starts, the neon's come off and you know the show's going. It's such a cool part of the store. And then the neon, I went to, last time I was in Vegas, I went to the neon, like graveyard you've been there you go out it's all the famous giant leftover

neons from Vegas old shit the Silverado and they're all in there and you can take a tour guys just got them all on in this big yard like a junkyard of neon it's fucking amazing that shit's cool people get married and shit in there I got married at the neon museum he was a really interesting guy guy the guy I sold neon for did he make him or get him from somewhere no he did everything himself he made him he had a business his name was Danny Feebles I met him while I was working on a car wash I was in the halfway house my wife was pregnant oh we had already had Jacqueline and I met him at the car wash they pulled up and I

could tell about the music they were listening to you guys Cuban they're like yeah and I'm like Where are you guys from? Like Miami? And they go, we live exactly where you live. They live in the same apartment complex. So I have to work. Instead of going to the halfway house, I signed out to their house. And I went over there and ate and watched the Super Bowl.

And we've been friends ever since. Wow. He told me he had a neon shop with a partner, his Ryan Cahoon in Boulder. So when I knew Ryan, the funny thing was I knew Ryan from 85. I dated my ex-wife. And her best friend was Ryan Cahoon. so we all knew each other. So I went to work for them, you know,

and I would work out with Danny from time to time, me and Danny hung around at night. They were very good to me. They took me into their home. I was a little older than they were. I was like maybe two or three years older than him and his wife. They're not together no more. But he had a partner named Ryan Cahoon.

And Ryan could be a little difficult from time to time. And I liked Ryan. and I always respect them. Can I get that water from me there? Yeah. I respected Ryan. And there was a weed shortage. A weed shortage.

Every August. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're waiting for the harvest to come, full moon. The harvest, you would go dry for a few weeks. And I remember we would dry for like two weeks. And I mean, this is when I was going. I didn't know I was about to get separated.

But I didn't like what was going on in my house. Yeah. I had already been in prison. I think I was out on, at this time, I think I was still on community corrections. And I was smoking. They weren't testing me no more. They gave up on testing me.

Like, this guy keeps blowing up the machine. Blown up the machine. They go like this, like, no fucking way. Yeah, I would put Drano in the piss, all this shit. Yeah. So I was smoking, and he had a deal with me. I was going to give them like $800 and they were going to drive up to Idaho

and pick up a couple pounds and I had dibs on a but I had already sold for $800. Yeah, I was going to dip into that just to hold me over. And, you know, whatever the drive was to Idaho they fucking did it and they get back to Boulder. Ryan calls me with not the story

that I want to hear. Hell no. And I'm living in a Joey Diaz world Like I'm fucking hating myself. I just started comedy. I really wanted to be a comedian. I didn't know where to start. I was two months into comedy.

And I fucking didn't want to go to work no more. I didn't want to be a roofing estimator. I didn't want to be married. I just wanted my life to fucking end. And now this fucking kid, who I gave $800 a hard-earned dollars to is calling me with some fucking story. Oh shit.

Right. And at that time, We had the condo, the door, and it was just like this. There was windows, but that day, the curtains were open. So I could see who was coming up the stairs. So he calls back again. He goes, hey, man, we were talking before. I didn't like your tone and voice.

I said, hey, man, I gave you anything else for something, and you're calling me with a fucking Chinese story. Yeah. I go, sure, you don't want my tone. And then he fired back, well, we'll see when I get there, what your tone is. Yeah. So I hang up the phone and not three minutes after that, I hear him coming up the stairs.

And by the time he gets to the top thing, I see him giving me the evil eye, and I'm about five feet from my kitchen. And I had a knife rack there. Yeah. And I went like this with my hand. Like, hold on one second. And right in front of him.

I turned around, I pulled one of the knives out, and I started walking towards the door. And he's standing there in front of me. And when he sees him coming towards him, and thank God. this went down. When he saw I was coming, he just fucking ran down the stairs, ran to Danny's house, and they both called me.

And Danny's like, what's going on? Ryan just said you pulled the knife on him. He'll give me the eight ounces. There's no problems. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and then Ryan got on the phone. Hey, man, I was just kidding with you. Yeah.

They didn't know. I was from another planet at the time. They didn't really know. It's called Desperate. Ryan Cahoon didn't really know. And then we got into it again one time when I got into comedy, I had an account. like somebody went there that took them a year to decide what they wanted they were

building a restaurant the place was tremendous the place was tremendous it was on the best restaurants still that I've ever eaten at my life oh due to the fact that they had a three margarita limit three margarita limit and they asked you to leave because what you were going to go through was going to be hell they made their margaritas with crane alcohol oh shit so you're just wasted then at lunch they would have many margaritas for a dollar you would get fucked up they had the best bet was called Rio grand restaurant I began when they passed the fly the guy pulled me aside he goes what is this about and just from my experience of working with Danny I laid out what he should do yeah what do you

suggest and I go oh why don't you just put a tube three tubes Brown to highlight the room and then put a sign that's his margarita and make it blink and tacos and so you know every time I went there to eat dinner I would talk to the fucking owner yeah and he'd go I'm coming close I went with designing this so I was doing comedy at the time already and you know I was just doing it like part-time and one day this guy called and put him like a $20,000 order whoa it was like $3,000 in my pocket yeah and I go in there eat one named the fucking neon's up.

Oh, badass. When did you get the neon? He goes, oh, we got it installed. Didn't Danny tell you? And I go, nobody fucking told me. Yeah. So I called Danny Danes. He goes, me and Ryan are partners. So we pay your commission together. I have you a check. But Ryan doesn't know if he wants to give you the money. I go, the same Ryan, I chase down the stairs with the life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doesn't know, do I have to fucking remind?

I'll bring two. I called them up and he paid me my money and then we didn't do business. Joey two knives. That's how I didn't fuck it. That's how my neon career ended, but I loved it. Danny really knew what, Danny was right now today. I could look in the eye, Danny Feebles is one of the top three neon people. He can make anything.

That's cool. He just, uh, the neon business went down a little bit. Yeah. But his Cuban, his family goes back to 19, 20 in Cuba making neon. Wow. Like it was a family business in Cuba. They were known for neon.

Febler's neon company or... Feblerz something. He showed me all the stuff. And how I got involved with him was we'd snort Coke and he'd show me all the neon magazines where they featured his work. Yeah. Like he would show me like the industry standard magazines for neon

they probably don't have them now. Yeah, right. But every month he would send in a picture and they always would put a picture of his work and he's established as one of the best in the country. Hands down, for a long time, they were flying them all over the country. He just is little crazy, so that opportunity arose.

If I shoot a special, maybe I'll just do the backdrop, will be Del Rey, neon Del Rey. Like, neon looks just so cool. It's funny because you mentioned the original room. Yeah. When Mitzie would feature, would showcase you, she put the lights on purpose. Oh, yeah.

It was a different, and she lived the lights on a little bit to let people know it was a showcase. Yeah, that's how they do it now. She was a freak about that show. Yeah, they still do that. But if you are on stage and one of those lights buzzed,

yeah, you can get, I don't give a fuck if you were Jerry Seinfeld or Bill Burr. If Bill Burr's up there showcasing for Mitzie Shore, and the Kennison light would go,

oh, it does that. she would go. Scratch them off. Sam don't like them. Oh, Sam don't like. Your career would rest. If that fucking neon buzzed, you were done. Bad electricity.

If any of that neon buzzed while you were on stage show, you were on stage. Oh, fuck. Whether it was that one, a Louis Anderson, there was one inside. Can you imagine? Oh, no, no. They don't like him. You know you're done. She would say the rule.

didn't like you that's it the room once the room didn't like you it looks like you better fucking go showcase over at the left back the room the neon and it's how fucking much you believe in the neon there was a while where the blue star because that tells you you're done it was wired kind of weird so instead even looking at the blue star you could just hear it come on and go zz zh and you go oh the blue lights on now I used to never even look at it isn't that wild I, it's, but I just remembered when you were talking about neon that Missy Shore. That's a great story.

Fucking tremendous. Now the room doesn't like you. I don't know how many nights I would be hosting and she'd go, show me the line up and sit next to me. You, shoe, shoe, shoe, shoe, and then she would sit next to me. Who's going up? Oh, I don't like his name, not tonight. Whoa. And then she would tell, there was time she would go.

Oh, what's that name there? Tyrone. Oh, that's what I need more schvats is here. Oh. You know, she would say little things like that to me. I don't need more schvatser's here. Oh, look at this guy. He's handsome. I'm going to have him showcase. Handsome.

But if that fucking light, if that neon buzzed while you were on stage, I don't know how many times she'd say to me, oh, the room doesn't like him. That's a crazy. That's a bumper sticker. And then I'd have to go downstairs. Oh, comics would come up to me and go, what did she say? What did she say?

She liked you. No. What can I say to a comic? I would never bust a comic balls about that. Because that's, I couldn't. I would never lie to the comic. I wouldn't say, you know, she says, oh, this guy's terrible.

Yeah. I wouldn't say that to the comic. I go, she liked you. Yep. She really liked you. You think she patented that wouldn't see him anymore after you didn't get past. I get a lot of emails from people,

and I'm just like 10 years in, and they'll say, can you look at my set or listen to my music and tell me what you think? And it's just so double-edged, you can't. I don't do it. I don't do it either. I don't judge sets. At all, because it's-

If you have a set, don't send it to me. I'll put a thumbs up, but I will not watch it. It doesn't have, like, a connection. You know how many people? connection you know how many people probably thought that you or I were terrible or something when we were started yeah well still do and it's not about that it's about are you getting off on it are you enjoying it are you doing it for you that's that's what it's about uh I'm not a critic a critic or a teacher or anything I just learn every day that I'm on and that's what

you got to do you got to learn every day that you're on you're not going to be what am I gonna what am i gonna say man that was terrible that's not gonna help anybody or that was great and you know it's just a tough way you just got it doesn't matter what i think or joey thinks or lee or anybody it's just get out there and do it you know it's it's bizarre to that people want you to tell them what do you think of it it's just it doesn't matter what i think do you dig it i have never when people send me those it's embarrassing for me I don't really like judging comics not all I don't really if you want me to look at your set your 10 minutes set for Conan yeah or something I'll give it a shot but if you've ever

seen any of my 60 minutes sets then that nothing to write home about so how can I judge your hour yeah you know before the special stuff before this podcast started we spoke about Bill Burr's special, how it just blew me to fuck away. Yeah. It just blew me to fuck away. I thought that, listen, both of those specials are sensational, and I'm proud to be a stand-up and have them represent us.

You know, obviously we're not at that level to do that, to have that representation. But both those specials. Chappelle. Both of them. Took it back to Old School Comedy 101. Yeah. Which is the most.

Not to forget. who the fuck you are and who the hoop lies. I know who's writing jokes to get a television show, and I know who's writing jokes to make you laugh. That's a big difference. I know who's writing jokes to please you, which I'm not here to fucking please you. I'm here to make you laugh.

And once you see that being executed in a special, your dick gets hard. Yeah. You know, they're specials I watch, and you're saying what, you want me to hear. That's great. I'm happy that you took the time to write it.

But that's not what I, you know, when you're catering yourself to what you want to do, that's not stand-up. That's not stand-up. Those two specials, let me know that stand-up is still alive and well in this country, whether there's judgment, whether there's, you know,

they're not PC culture. PC culture is never going to ruin stand-up comedy. Never. Never. Not as long as Bill Burke keeps doing what he's doing. Chappelle does what he does. Rogan does what he does. And you as a comic continually do what you need to do on stage.

You're not censoring yourself. Those days are done. If you want to scroll, listen, I got a lot of shit going on, but obviously, as you guys have noticed, there's no TV show. And guess what? After thinking about it and after constant thought, I don't ever want to fucking do a TV show. I don't ever want them to scroll down my Twitter

and say, my Twitter is contaminated. You understand me? Yeah. My Twitter is unhireable. Yeah. And that's how I want it. Yeah. That's exactly how I want my Twitter.

I don't want to get hired. Now we're firing people because of something they said in episode 148 of a podcast. Yeah. Well, you better listen to episode 99 of this fucking podcast. Yeah. Well, I'm torturing Lee and telling Lee to put his dick and his fucking neighbor's mouth while she's sleeping.

You know what I'm saying? So what are the chances of me getting on any network show anymore? As a guest star and a co-star? Absolutely. They'll hire me. They won't know. When I come on TV, somebody will send a video of me saying, chink or fucking doing fucking acid with Lee or something.

Yeah. Do you know who you're putting on TV? You know, I had an email once from a comic, sending me an email that, fuck you, you're over 50. You're still doing mushroom. I just thought about that. Hell yeah.

And I'm like, he's like, you haven't changed. You're still eating mushrooms? And I'm like, I can't eat like. Yeah. Who said that's a kid thing? Yeah, and this guy's a loser, a born loser. He has a BTL tattoo on his fucking forehead. He walks up to you.

And he was accusing me over. You haven't changed. You still eat fucking mushrooms. Jesus Christ, I didn't even think I was going to be 50. Yeah. I never thought I was going to make 50. Yeah, yeah, right? If I'm eating the mushroom, more fucking power to you.

Who are you the fucking judge me? Yeah. Who the fucking you to judge me, you know? Fucking crazy people. I just don't have, I got no time for any of that shit at all. You're 50-something years old. Yeah, I got no time.

If they want to fucking put on a memo that Dean Delray said something wrong on stage, guess what happened? You sell triple the tickets. Oh, yeah. They made that side of that live kid's career. Oh, it's not people going to go see him. Not only that, but his podcast numbers were quadruple.

Quadruple. Who cares? Yeah. He wouldn't want to be on Santa Ana Live anyway. But the time you get on Saturday, it's a better career now. It's a better career now. Yeah. They did him a fucking favor.

I tweeted that. They did him a favor. Yeah. It's like when you used to put the stickers on the records. We all wanted that one. You know, profanity, not good for families and all that, the PMRC. Immediately you're like, I'll take that record. I'll take that record.

I got to have that. You know, I watched that documentary. again, the one that Billy made about the steroids. You know, and that I go back to that line that Mani Ramirez hit 20 home runs. He started working with the doctor in Florida. The next year he hit 39 home runs. Then the following season, he tested positive for steroids and got a 55 game suspension. Am I right?

It sounds right. He got, wasn't when he was a Dodger, I'm sorry. Let me check. It was one of those teams. I think it was a Austin, then he became a Dodger, and they started booing him out in Dodger Stadium. Yeah, yeah. But it's so weird. When Alex Rodriguez contacted this same Dr. Bosch, this guy, when he came up to Miami, he said, Alex Rodriguez opened the door and immediately said, I want the same stuff you gave Manning.

Yeah. Even though he tested positive. It was when he was a Dodger. He was when he was a Dodger. For 55 games, that's the shit people want. Yeah. You know, when you were a heroin out. You don't you want the shit that killed.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. You know. When the bad shit, yeah, the bad shit's rolling up in the street, people are lining it up. Where'd you get it? It won't kill me.

Down by fucking, what's that street in San Francisco? Mission Street. Mission Street. People would run down there for and kill three people even better. We all want to dabble with the fucking unknown. Danger. Danger. We all want to, you know.

I've always loved the dangerous shit. The dangerous music, the dangerous comedy, the dangerous cars, motorcycles, always, always, never loved comfort. Comfort is a killer. Comfort is a killer, man. You know? I got to tell you, brother,

you have kept me going over the years the last couple of years because we're three years apart and difference and I admire you for what you've been doing over the years. Now, man, thanks. You go out there, you go out there. You get my respect, you know,

because I know that you're one of the those dudes are relentless now I could see this in the 36 year old's heart I could see this in a 38 year old guy you know 38 38 38's a serious age yeah you got to make a fucking move yeah but you're 53 you were 40-something when you started 44 44 when you started comedy you had nothing to lose you embraced it you already knew the patient it required for music you knew that it wasn't gonna happen overnight. It was sort of the same, but not really. Oh, yeah, totally different. It was sort of the same, but not really.

You're still dealing with people who are trying to rob you. Yeah. You're never good enough. They want this. They want that. You're too old. You've got to figure out. You're not good looking. You got to figure out how to avoid the landmines. Yeah. And you've done it. You know, you've done a fucking great job with it. So it's weird that sometimes I'm like, here I am with a six-year-old watching fucking TV. and Dean's walking the streets in New York. He's walking from the Springsteen concert at the garden

to go to a 1 a.m. spot at the comedy fucking underground. What's it? Seller. The comedy, selling. In my boots. They always get your corns. Oh, my God. You got those fucking kamikaze boots.

And you walk 10 miles with them. What do your feet fucking feel like? I walk with sneakers in my fucking theater. I have to put a dolly in if I go to like Chicago airport. It's a house. This week, I think, was the easiest flights I ever took in my life. Oh, man. All four gates were right next to baggage claim.

Oh. It never happens that way. Oh, my God. Like, I remember going through security, and I could see my gate from the security right there. That's the best, right? Wow. Son Antonio. Yeah.

Because we were flying into Dallas. Yeah. And that's not a Bueno airport. When you go through Dallas, you better bring your roller skate, and you've got to have your endurance up. Just flew there with Marin. It was like, wow. Oh, that one in Atlanta? What?

Atlanta's big. Chicago's big. You gotta be in shape. You gotta be in shape there, especially you gotta connect them on American Airlines. Oh. And they land you on sea

and you gotta walk the H. What the fuck? You see that little black guy with a smile on his face whistling. Three handicapped people on that little cart. You get on that. You just stop them with a 20.

Yeah. You just remember in the 80s, you would walk into a bar and take a bag of cocaine out. Yeah, yeah. Do this to the hot chicks like this. The hot chicks would be circled around with guys.

trying to sell a dick and real estate. And you come in and cut you to chase. Get out of the way. Yeah, yeah. Put that cocaine on the face and wiggle that coke. And next thing you just walked out of there with the broad. It's the same fucking thing. Oh, yeah, the guy with the cart, man.

I jump on that. I jump. I give him a 20 until I listen, we'll go into the wheels fall off. Yeah, yeah. And these three ugly white people with the canes, kick them off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is nonstop. Those canes are fake.

Yeah, those canes are fake. This is nonstop. I love it, man. You know, we were talking before the podcast about the vinyl incident last week. Oh, yeah. You know, I love Alex Jones. I love Alex Jones because I know him personally, and I know he says some crazy shit.

But every once in a while, he's, you know, 70% of what Alex Jones says you agree with, and then from time to time, he throws a wrench in there and you're like Jesus Christ you were doing so good I've been a fan of Eddie Trunks from I don't know how long and I'm still a fan of Eddie Trunks

you know I've heard him fucking say some brilliant stuff on that trunk thing on Monday and I watched him with Jimmy Florentine and the other guy on the heavy metal show John Jameson I'm a fan of his I'm really a fan of his since we started the podcast

because he does it solo he takes calls He fends off savages. He fends off retards. I mean, he's got some retarded people call him. This week was good. Yeah. But there was a topic that came up the last two weeks

and he attacked it on the internet. And it was vinyl. That he didn't see the value of buying a CD for $10, of paying $40 for vinyl. Right. And two days later, somebody tweeted at him that this was the first year that vinyl since 1986, it's 2019,

and since 1986, this is the first year ever that vinyl has outsold CDs this year. Right. It took 14 plus 19, 30-something years, for vinyl to make a comeback. Now, since 86, 84, we haven't been selling vinyl, that means. Right. When do you think the downslope for music,

I mean, I don't think it started once. No, because Molly Crew and Guns and Roses were dominating. Selling. Through the late 90s. Selling big. Yeah, selling big. Yeah. Even G&R, I mean, Allison Chains and all that, the grunge, selling big, you know.

I saw Eddie, he tweeted yesterday because they, the tool record, the actual, physical CD of tool and the physical CD of Taylor Swift has made the industry rethink maybe we shouldn't get rid of the CD yet because it's sold so many and he was tooting his and I'm like see I'm telling you it's where it's at but I don't believe in the CD I sold 2,000 CDs five years ago and four years ago sorry and I was so happy I got rid of them because once I saw they weren't going to be in the cars anymore and on computers, it's when the industry decides to kill off a platform. Now, once you don't have the player, sure they're going to sell, you know, Best Buy will have

one player for years and years. I'm sure you can buy a VCR somewhere right now. I know you can't, but they're not quality. It's just a piece of junk in the corner. Once the players are out of the computer in the car, I was like, this is a dead format for me. And they were just, I got to get rid of these. Because if I don't have a player, I always put it in the computer

and then let it play onto the speakers in my house or in a car. And if you don't have it in the car, it's like, it's a death to me of a, of a, of a product no player you know i mean maybe maybe years from now it turns around like vinyl did and there's you know selling turntables all over the place but if you don't have a player for years uh what what are you going to do with this stuff and and i just read today amazon has released a new platform with this insane high uh flak streaming that's even big

bigger than title, bigger files, and Neil Young was jumping on it, like, finally, the streaming is going to be incredible. And I think the better and better the streaming gets, all the products are going to be gone. Because it gets down into people who are living in smaller places now, because they can't afford to live anywhere, especially in New York and all that. You can't have your thousand CDs or 2,000 records. If you live in a studio, apartment. So once the streaming gets bigger and bigger as the files, I think all the product might be gone. I mean, that's just what I think. What's funny because I don't have a fucking, I love music. Yeah. But I don't have a CD in my car, not at all. In this car, and I've had this car for two years.

No player, right? Nope. I don't know if I have a player. Yeah. Yeah. That's hilarious. But I have serious. Yeah. And I have, you know, the grunge station. I got the, I got Ozzy's Boneyard. I got the other one. I got Studio 54 Radio. I don't really need 22 CDs in my car anymore. Too much shit in your car.

I like listen to radio to break it up a little bit. When I'm at home, I listen to old shit and repetitive shit. And I have like a thing that's straight up rotation on YouTube. It gets monotonous. You know what I'm saying? Yep. And it includes everything.

From Tony Bennett to Sinatra to Guns and Roses to fucking Allison Chains to Audio Slave. I mean, I got a sound guard. I mean, I got everybody on there. Zeppelin, I was listening to this morning. I went to Let That Be Rock. ACDC. Oh, the one song I'll Let That Be Rock. I just, not Bad Boy Boogie, but the one before.

Overdose? Ovidose. Oh man. Go down. Yeah, all that's on there. So I like when I get in the car. It's a breath of fresh air to get in the car and listen to something I haven't heard or push, push in the bush or whatever the fuck that.

I believe in that too because we get into a rut. Even though I have thousands of records, I would always play like the same hundred. Like, oh, here it is. Iron Maid number of the beast. But when the Serious XM, I feel is really underrated. I got it on my phone now. And, man, it just, the mystery. of what's next is great like oh yeah i haven't heard this in years you know like i listen to that

studio 54 channel it is incredible it's incredible it's incredible it's incredible they'll just break out like shake your booty out of nowhere shake shake shake sometimes they play really bad disco of course and it's hilarious but and you giggle yeah i remember this shit fucking cubans love this shit on bergen line they would dance this is terrible yeah but uh i like to break it up myself so do i i i feel this this is what I feel I think my generation we were so connected to the album yeah if you were a musical

fan and you we were so connected to the album you know I can't I've been coming in here on Tuesdays at 4 and doing a podcast with my daughter oh yeah we tape it on the phone it's not even a real podcast we have two fake sponsors I give it 10 bucks

but part of the process is after we do the podcast we play records Yeah, I showed her how to, you know, she likes crazy train. She likes war pigs, you know, go through different albums. But I see how her face lights up when she opens up the album. I break it down for her. That musical experience was something that we don't get anymore. The album, I think that it let an artist be more.

It challenges an artist more, a little bit more. Like, when they came to me and they were like, you know, what cover do you want? I didn't have a say. They're like, we paid some artists 20,000 to do that sketch on me, that one fucking CD. Yeah. You know, I didn't want that fucking thing on my CD, but I had no choice. Right.

It's got to jump out. It's got to jump out. And I'm thinking back to back in black on that whole argument with, they didn't want to release it because it was black and almost never got released. Yeah. Because the cover was black, and ACDC fought for it. But I like the album cover because it made the artist be creative towards the album. It let you open it up and see what line of notes he put in there.

Oh, yeah. Lyrics to the songs. Sometimes they gave you a treat. They actually took pictures of the original page where they wrote the lyrics on. I love that shit. They would give you, it was more, I'll never forget when I did the longest yard. And they sent me the DVD of it. And I opened it up, and it was just a fucking thing.

And I thought about how many fucking pictures I took on that fucking set. All right. How many hours of fucking pictures, you know, every day there was 10 fucking photographers, taking pictures from everywhere on that scent. How many team pictures we fucking took? How many pictures they took of us eating and fucking sitting there and cracking jokes and lap and all of us on a bottom of bench or at the hotel they were even taking pictures of it? Yeah. You're like, where are they?

And I open up this fucking CD and there's not a fucking thing in there. God. Not a fucking thing in there. Not a thing in there. Zero thought. into the art. Zero thought into the art. But then I come here and I pick up, wish you were here.

Yeah, yeah. And you look in there, the guys on fire on the Warner Brothers lot. You know, you could, and even into the outdoor, Led Zeppelin gave you the fucking thing. They gave you the album covers, you'd get a dry sponge and go through the thing and it would turn different colors. They gave you

something. They gave you that little extra connection. Kiss with the tattoos. Kiss with the tattoos. That connection has been lost. Yeah. Between the musician and the fan anymore. Tool went all out. Tool did a $40 CD.

It's out right now. How's it look? It sounds great. I think the album is great. This fucking thing, dude. You open it up. It's got a booklet with all these photos. In the middle, it's got a player, a CD, like a player inside of there that you press it.

It just plays like these electronics. loopy sounds and everything. This thing is it's a masterpiece of of packaging. I can't, they're going to win a Grammy on the packaging hands down because they do a Grammy on packaging. You never see it. It's the one they do like a week before. Oh, Grammy packaging, blah, blah. But this thing is on and Josh Martin at Stone at the store has two of them because they sold out the first run and they made another run. Unbelievable. That is. That is, And that G&R box set they did last year, this fucking monster leather box that opened up

and had Duff showed me, it had secret passages. Like, whoa, look at this, a necklace and all this shit in there. That stuff is amazing. That's what we're missing now. That's the shit. And you know what? People like me would pay for that instead of a concert ticket. Yeah.

At this price. You're right. You know, I would pay for that momental, momento. It has all the fucking albums and posters and pictures and necklaces. That's kind of neat. That's what's been lost, I think, in music in the last 30 years. You know, that little last connection that we don't have. I try to keep it with comedy.

With comedy, I try to keep that connection. That's what's good about being a comedian today. That if we get on, what's the show on ABC, Modern Family. Yeah. And we get on the most popular show on TV. TV for three years. It never ends after that. The fans or the people that tune to us now

we could communicate with them on Twitter, Facebook, Lincoln, then whatever the fuck. Yeah, yeah. YouTube. That's what's different from us to say somebody like Jerry Seinfeld had it. Totally different now. If we get on the show, like right now Gabriel can do those

10 episodes and get online and talk to people about the show and what they think. Live tweet the show. And live tweet the show. It's a different I like that. I do too. I like that. That I really enjoy.

I got the guitar picks I bring to the shows to give people that came out. I got the Grateful Dean picks. I got stickers. And everybody goes, how can I buy this? I go, no, they're free when you come to a show. I just give people stuff. They come up, man, I love your podcast. Oh, here's a pick.

They go, wow. They love that shit. And I know they love it because I love that shit when I was young. and I got a pick at a concert. Ted Nugent threw a pick out. I'd fucking be on the ground, digging through people's dirty sneakers. I got the pick.

I had a couple picks. I just remember who picks they were, I got a collection. I had one that I was really happy about. I can't remember who the fuck. I got some cars picks. Actually, I'm going to tweet them up today. They say the cars on them.

And when I saw him, me and this guy, Eric Wetton Camp, we were the scavengers. Drumstick went. I was on the ground. You'd find money, a pick. Some dude's fucking wallet. You know, you're like, all right, payday.

You know, like, oh, I was crazy at shows. I got picks. I got a pick collection and I'll knock you out, man. I love them. They're all in this word box. You ready for Chicago next weekend? Oh, I'm ready for Chicago. You know that's going to be insane.

Have you ever done that either before? No, no way. Dude, I can't wait. I did it with Rogan. I almost fell off the balcony. Oh, shit. What? I'm doing Cleveland tomorrow.

Me, Rogan, Little Esther. Oh. And somebody else did that theater, and it was spectacular. Oh, man. That theater made me fall in love with comedy again. We put Little Eskub. She blew it up. Little Esther was there with Red Band.

I think there was a couple of us, but that theater, just that theater. Oh, wait. You go in there next year. Oh, I can't wait. Next Friday. Me, you and Kate Quigley at the fucking Chicago theater. I've done some amazing places with you, dear. I was thinking about that Papps Theater when we did that.

They had the turntable backstage. We're playing fucking records, drinking espressoes and cheese. Smoking dope and shit. Oh, that guy was. They know how to take care of you. That guy was great. And then we did that good one. We did another one before that, too.

We did Minnesota and Milwaukee. Yeah. 420. Yeah, 420. Yeah. And this one's going to be great. We're doing Sam Fran. What about?

when you fucking, we were in the green room from the New York Comedy Festival and you came downstairs and you go, you gotta see this. Oh yeah. Just threw a table. The fight. And there was a fist fight right in front of you.

That was crazy. At Gotham, full brawl. I'm ready. We're doing Sam Fran. And the second show got at it, right? My buddy just told me, he goes, oh, I slept on the tickets.

They had two in the back row. I was like, oh, I don't know. And I went back to get them. They were sold out. And then there was another show. show at it I go fuck hey got like fifth row I got score it's a perfect weekend because it's right before fucking new years oh yeah I'm coming back we're gonna not have a podcast that week yeah I'm going skiing with the family skin I don't know if I'm gonna show he there's skin I don't know

if I'm getting again that's a YouTube video for four million hits oh yeah well uh big bear yeah that's great skiing for two families they have a high house up there yeah I'm a stay in Sam Fran and uh I'm gonna go see dead and co two nights when they're playing supposedly this is what I hear and it not confirmed yet allegedly but I hear they're going to be doing the brand new Golden State Warriors arena like 29 or sorry 30 31 So I'm going to stay. And then there's this giant...

Do you remember when Tower Records had those big record painted on the front? They'd put up whoever the records were. Their big, huge wood album covers? Yeah. One of my favorite bands ever is the mother hips and the 30-year band. And they're one of my favorites. Underground kind of hippie, Neil Young, badass band. Their first album cover was mounted at Tower and San Fran.

Then they took it down. They kept it and it's been in storage every since. And the guitar player has given it to me. So I'm going to rent a truck, a U-Haul, and drive it to the house here and have it in my house. This fucking 30-year-old big giant wood album cover in my hut. So I'm going to make it a weekend. Hang out with some friends. I'm going to go check out Olympic guitars.

They make handmade guitars for like the dead and everybody. and maybe do a podcast or them. I'm going to make a weekend out of it. You and I up there eating Chinese food. We're going to tear up some, what's that place we go? I forget that. It's open after with the potato paper. Yeah, we got to go there.

And we're doing Calusa Friday. Yeah. And then Saturday night. I love that weekend. I love going out that weekend. Nobody's alive. Oh, that's great. Everybody's out of work.

Nobody really has to go to fucking work or nothing. And people are festive. And people are fucking. they've been in the house this fucking Tuesday singing Christmas carols arguing with people at Best Buy you know they're done their fucking job is done now they're just it's a countdown to a new year

they're gonna lose weight they're gonna walk they're gonna take that pimple off their forehead yeah you know everything happens in five days yeah yeah yeah yeah it's a great date but no I'm excited for next week I can't wait to eat a fucking beef sandwich I can't wait I you see BD Lions meeting that's all of them the line's gonna be there to me They hit me today. They said the whole team's coming. By the way, hold on one second real quick.

Yeah. Let me do a quick little read here. Well, I got you here real quick. I want to talk to you people real quick. The church of what's happened now, one of our sponsors is policy genius. I don't know if you know this, but September's national life insurance awareness month. Did you know 40% of people don't have insurance? But getting life insurance doesn't need to be difficult or expensive. Right now, prices are the lowest. they've been in 20 years. That's where PolicyGenius comes in. It's the easy way to shop and compare prices for insurance online.

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You can do the whole thing on your phone right now. Yeah, look at your phone. Right now. PolicyGenius, the way to buy life insurance. Get it at PolicyGenius.com and tell them Uncle Joey sent you. All right. Back to a conversation here. I'm sorry about that.

I love PolicyGenius. I think they're a great little product there. I need some health care is what I need. Actually, getting ready to sign up for the California, California Health Care. We are opening back up in October. The sign-ups, I'm going to get on that. I got a hold off.

I think I'm going to be level one next year. I'm going to fix this little tooth. Look at this little tooth. It looks like a baby tooth. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. On it down. So I can see they're going to yank that out. Yeah.

They're going to yank that out. You know, when I was a kid, I went for the doctor, he had a cavity of you did. Now you go to the dentist and you need a root canal immediately. But the tooth don't even bother me. It's going to. in the six months, well, I'll come back then. Yeah, yeah.

I'll come back then. Why are you taking me for 800 now? And then, you know, you can't go to the dentist today. The dentist used to be a simple thing. Oh, it did. You went to the fucking dentist. The dentist looked at you and said, hmm, you haven't been brushing lately.

You've been eating candy, have you not? Yes, I have. Okay, you have four cavities. We'll get them going. You paid $2.80 or something, and you went home. Now, a little Chinese lady comes in the back. The dentist disappeared.

I'll be back. and all something like a Filipino comes in, those people will say you anything. Excuse me, Mr. Joe. Yeah. We want to talk to you about what you need today. You need to do this and this and this and this. Deep cleaning.

That's the scam of the century. They go all the way deep on you. So it costs $6,000, but your insurance covers 40% of that and you're deductible. So your contribution would be $3,200. What if I'm just having a fucking cavity? Yeah.

What do I need a root canal and pulling shit out for? Don't bother me. Yeah. Well, see, in six months, it's going to, I don't give a fuck about six months. Today, what can we do today? Listen, brush it, pull out the fucking plaque, and let's fucking clean it up. That's it. They try to scare you, too, every time they go deep cleaning, you got deep plaque in there,

and it gets into your heart valves. I'm like, who came up with that one, like five years ago? They're like, well, tell them it'll be heart attack. Everybody's afraid of heart attack. I take garlic and parsley, Pablo Francisco recipe. If he's still ticking, I'll still tick it. I'm still thick. Pablo's made it this far on garlic and fucking parsley.

He takes three pills at night. It takes all the plaque, all the fucking Malukia sticks, everything out of your heart valves. And you're fucking walking around like Doris Day the next day, clicking your fucking heels, jumping up and down. I had my dentist on,

and he told all the scams. He just rattled all the scams out. Well, they just started with that shit a couple of years ago. If you don't clean your teeth, it affects your heart. That's what they did. I've read about it. I don't know how much of it.

the scummers or something right yeah deep cleaning of the gums look i'm sure all right whatever you got some plaque down there and then but i mean everybody's afraid of heart attack so they just like well just juice it up a little more here and then they charge you like 2 500 deep clean and you're like what and then oh you need to gargle with this a week this is a 700 dollar juice because you don't want to get an infection after we do the deep cleaning you're like and then you go out and your your dentist has the brand new Lamborghini you're going oh that's the fucking deep clean, he just deep cleaned my asshole for your Lamborghini, the green Lamborghini, you know? I never experienced that before until I moved to LA. Yeah. They actually took me out

of the chair once and brought me to another room to do the sale. Yeah, yeah, that's what they do. They take you out of the chair and they're like, oh, this one we go. And I left. I was like, no, fuck no. Yeah, they got pictures. They got all these photos. Look at this guy right here. He didn't get the deep cleaning. Oh, man, his jaw rotted away. He's got no jaw now. You can't replace a jaw. And you're just going, what the fuck is this? I got hearing aids. Oh, yeah. How are they?

I got hearing aids. And I told my wife, I said, you know, I don't know if you people believe me or not, but I'm going to tell you something. Whenever I think of different situations, I always go back to the American family. I always go back to the American family. What would the regular American family do if, you know, it's very tough to have a family today both parents have to work

you know you get a flat it throws you off for a fucking month totally I've been there I know the fucking feeling you know I went two weeks ago I mean I'm not guys I'm a comic I don't know not about hearing aids or any other type of aid you know

you go they test you then they sell you you know and you're sitting there and I told my wife last night I go you know the day I got the booklet from SAG that I had insurance like I know you ever gave me insurance I had insurance of one of the unions I worked with like you know right insurance and what are you talking about insurance and then they made me follow up this paperwork and you get vested when

you're 45 if you're in the union 10 years and you hit 45 you're automatically vested and you're guaranteed level two insurance oh man Yeah, so my insurance is guaranteed. I don't have to, you know, everybody up to 10-year mark, like if you're 18 and you get into SAG, every year your insurance is based on what you make. Right, exactly. So the first bracket is 23 grand.

Yeah, it's brutal now. And that's like 38, three grand or something. And to get level one is like 38 grand. I don't know exactly. Right. My wife said that I'm, she goes, you're always eligible for two just from residuals. Thank God I shot all that shit.

Yeah, back when the money was made. Because those all residuals all count towards your sag earnings every year. Wow. But I went to that thing. It's nobody's business what I paid for those hearing aids. But I tell you, I got fucked in the ass. Oh, yeah. But I tell you what, I can't imagine if I didn't have insurance.

Oh, right? So right away, I think of the American family. Now, they're only guaranteed for three years. Wow. You've got to buy a brand new insurance. said every fucking three years. Is that right? Yeah.

So the next time I go to Costco. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they got them there. Oh, you crazy. Yeah. I looked up Costco last night. I was strangling myself. What I would have saved off the bat,

but the doctor gives you a referral there. They don't send it to Costco. They'll send it to the most expensive place. Right. Taking your fucking Johnny Gumbah and, you know, you got to pay. But on the way home, I told my wife, I go, think about the American

thing. family. Oh. That doesn't have insurance and he has to pay for these every three fucking years. Yeah. You know, think about that. So my heart, I'm all, you know, the other night we were talking about Yankee Stadium. Did you read that article last week? Oh, well. There was an article that came on the New York Times about a guy who got a notice in the stadium from the Yankee organization that prices were going to go up. So he said he's had it. They've raised them 40 percent. Forty. Wow. In three years. Forty.

Was I've been a fan for a baseball game? Because I've been a fan since I was a kid. He goes, so I told him, I thought about it, I talked to my wife or whatever the story was, and he contacted the New York Yankees and told him he didn't want next year, but he wanted playoff tickets this year. He didn't want to playoff tickets. Right. But they based the playoff tickets.

Oh, bullshit. Off the season tickets for next year. That's bullshit. So if you don't get the season tickets for next year, the price is double. So he goes, he went back the next day, and they took $1,100 out of his account. account or something and he wrote on Twitter like he wrote this whole thing the Yankees have been a fan I love you New York City's my heart but uh that's it I'm done with you Yankees never again you got me I'm happy you got your 1100 and a $92 filing fee no something something crazy don't quote me

on this yeah right it was something crazy and he wrote that that's it that's the last time they'll never go to Yankee Stadium again and that he'll always go away to watch Yeah, easy there. I go take a trip to St. Louis and watch them or something. And right away I thought about the American family. Yeah. You know, like New York ain't bad enough. You know how many fucking baseball games I went through growing up?

It breaks my heart. It breaks my heart compared to what a kid goes today. That's Shea Stadium, I knew I like the back of my head. Yeah, $7 ticket, $5 ticket. Me and my mom would go there. Dollar night, dollar night, you know, whatever. Today that whole thing, like, you know, Now when I do things, I think about the American family.

Yeah. Me and Lee always goof around about sushi dance. Yeah. Me and Lee love the happy hour. Yeah, we love the happy hour. Yeah. The one on sunset? They have sunset and have the valley.

Yeah, yep. Yeah. Yeah. A good happy hour from my God. Three to six. I always call them legal to happy out. Yeah, man. Yeah, I do the Taco Tuesdays, man.

Everywhere in town. Last night I did it. I did Neil Brennan's show at the West Side Taco Tuesday, $1.50 tacos. Immediately. Give me four. I eat like a king for under $10. You know? Like great tacos.

What's the place to Silver Lake when you make the turn on to, from sunset where you hop right by the, yeah, it's the Silver Lake. They do comedy there once in a while. Oh, yeah. Tacos are pickles in them. Yeah, the place on the right there. On the right there. Yeah.

I've done comedy there. So yeah. That place is great. Taco Tuesday, but it's very obscure. Yeah. They have like ground beef with pickles. They have both. Before you go, yeah, try the tacos.

Yeah, Taco Tuesday. They're completely different from what you're used to. I'll try them. But it's not bad if you got a date, you go down there. Ralphie used to take me there. Ralphie. Taco Tuesday, we'd destroy 80 fucking tacos. Oh, man.

I remember I used to go to Sizzler on Mondays. They would have the, oh, you could eat ribs, beef ribs. I think it was like $9.99 or $10. And, dude, we'd go in there and just rifle beef rip. The big ones is, they're not there no more in Hollywood. Sizzler. Yeah, I think it is still there, dude. No, it's not.

I think it still is. No, it's not. Look it up, Lee. I think I just saw it recently. I remember one time I was living with my girlfriend. It was next to the sizzle. I mean. One of my biggest movie roles in the beginning.

Yeah. It was a Chaz Pomer and Terry movie. with a bunch of stars in it. I forget the name of it now. Women versus men. Women versus men. Women versus men. It was a one-day shoot,

and they paid me $936. I thought I was the clampets. I thought I was the clampets. Yeah, rich. Before the money, the check even came in the mail. I took my wife to Sizzler. We thought we were fucking the mafia. Oh.

With the peel and eat, those fucking Katrina. shrimp before Katrina. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think they're there anymore. I think, no. No, no, they took down sizzling because me and my wife cried. Whoa. Because we talked about it. They saw the one on Western recently. I drove by and I was like, well, look at that. We ate there a lot. God, it's gone, huh? It was the one of the Locanians. It was. Yeah, it was next door to the Suzuki dealer, the motorcycle. That's it. That's gone too. That's gone too. Yeah, that's all gone. Yeah,

Suzuki, I think, has gone as far as motorcycles. I don't see those guys anywhere. I see Honda, but I don't see Suzuki anywhere. I wonder if they're still selling dirt bikes and shit. Who knows what they're doing in this economy. Chicago next Friday night. Yep. We're ready to go.

I'm ready. We got Kay Quigley. Yep. We got fucking Dean Del Rizzi. Can't wait. We got your fucking Uncle Joey. But before anything real quick, let me talk to you. People about something.

All right. I got to talk to you about we spoke at the beginning of the show. Listen, man, you're young. People will listen to this show are young. You know, I'm 56. I'm an old piece of shit, but you guys are young. Now, you've heard us talk about hymns and how they're helping guys look their best.

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Any bald spots? Yes. Me, listen, I'm 56. My hair served its purpose. I'm married. What I need fucking hair for now? In fact, I want to lose my hair. Look like a fucking zombo so I can scare people.

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Listen, you play, you win, you get paid. That's my bookie.orgie. Next week, we'll be back with a video for you, savages. I want to thank Dean Delray. I want to thank the Christkiller, but most importantly, I want to thank you guys. Do not forget Chicago next Friday night. And in October, I got Kansas City to the Uptown Theater

and the Paramount Theater in motherfucking Denver. So get ready to rock. We had a show in Denver, too. I love you, savages. Stay black. Have a great weekend. Thank you for tuning into the church of what's happened now.

Thank you very much, Dean. Take this motherfucker, meoli.