The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #733 - Joey Diaz on Two of His Most Important Friendships

Episode Date: November 4, 2019

Joey Diaz talks about Jorge Masvidal's growth as a man from his appearance on The Church to beating Nate Diaz at UFC 244. Joey also discusses two of the most important friendships he's had.  This podcast is brought to you by:   MyBookie.ag -  Use code promo Church to get a 100% match on your first deposit up to $1,000. Check out Joey's Instagram @madflavors_world on Thursday for a new video where Joey teaches you how to gamble.   ForHims- Go to ForHims.com/joey to get your complete hair kit for just $5 while supplies last.  CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off. 

Greetings from Podcastville. It's Monday, November 4th. The church of what's happened now is brought to you by four hymns. Joey, what's for hymns? A one-stop shop for hair loss, skincare, and sexual wellness for men. Let me explain something to you. Sixty-six percent of men start to lose their hair by the age of 35. And once you know, this thinning hair, it could be too late, all right? I mean, is that hairline slowly starting to move backwards? Any bald spots? How's your erectile dysfunction these type of day? Listen, this is what four hymns does. They're one-stop shop. What you do is there's no snake oil pills, no gas station counter supplements.

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They got a pamphlet, and they even tell you a certainty what CBD they get for your ailment. No other company goes that deep. You understand? Do me a favor. Go to CBDLion.com right now and press in church and get 20% off your first order. Listen to me, how many more weeks? If you learned a valuable lesson last week, you learned on Saturday night, Nick Diaz, whatever's name is, Nate Diaz, was the underdog. 120. Everybody in their mother bet Nate Diaz.

You've never seen a bookie with a part-time job. Maybe you're like Mazdava and you're held back because you didn't even know where to put your action in. Listen, my bookie. Football season's here. Basketball seasons here. You like winning money or you want to sit down and watch TV like a fucking mook eating onion dip like a fucking moron

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Dot A-G. And don't forget to use promo code church when creating your account to claim the bonus. And listen, check the Instagram on Thursday. There'll be something there for you. I'll give you a pick or let your fucking teach you something

that you don't know. My bookie.orgie.g. Kick this motherfucker, Mulee. What? Starting line. Engines, pumping, and thumping in time. It's Monday. The green light flashes.

The flags are washed. The goals are written. And burning. They yearn for the cup Are you definitely maneuver And muscle for rank Fuel burning fast on an empty

tank A reckless and wild They pours in the turn A house is potent Get up and stab a motherfucker How you're feeling today Shit The fans get up

And they get out of town The arena is empty And your uncle Joe I'm a virgin note The sun has gone down And the moon has come up And long ago somebody It's driving

It's all about going some motherfucking distance. Don't give up. Hit it leaks. He's going the distance. What? He's going for speed. Thank you very much for joining me

on a Monday motherfucking morning. First Monday at a month's solo edition podcast. We're going to break it down to three segments. I'm getting you the fuck in and out of here today. But let's kick off with the elephant in the room just so you see. I hope.

Listen, man, I use everything as a science project. And you look, you watch, your study, and you learn three years ago we had georgia mazdeval on the shore four years ago nobody knew who the fuck the kid was you know he had won a few lost a few he did a couple of exciting things but nobody knew who the fucking kid was he uh booked the trip he booked the show and south america's manager sent him down to to clear his head and you heard it from his mouth that he realized he wasn't he was leaving it up to the referees you know a couple months back we spoke about a situation called frustration when you just get frustrated with yourself and you break

the barriers you know georgee mazdeval knew he had now for starters i did not bet this i did not pick aside you know i like an atheist as a fighter i'm fan of eight the years as a fighter and i'm a personal friend of George's. So for me to come on the podcast and start yelling and scream, and I just watch it as a fan. It's really weird what's happened to me the last year. Ever since my gambling days, I never really watched sports because I only, sports to me meant gambling.

But guess what? Over the last couple of years, I'm not going to lie nobody I watched a couple basketball series. At the end. I'm big at the end. I'm big in the playoffs. You know, the Final Four, you know, the baseball world. series. I watched all seven games, which is very rare for me. It's good just to become a fan again.

And with M.MA and like everything else, I was looking at as my past, this time I just wanted to watch, in fact, I watched the fight at home with my wife. My wife is a, you know, Mazdavile came over the house. She loves Nate, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. We watched it. And, you know, for you people who are a part in your life, whether it's school or your business or whatever. Listen, you always have the tools available to you. It's just putting them all together. You know, listen, how many times I open up my Twitter and I see somebody put a Spider-Man picture up of me facing Doc Doc or me running in the longest year?

Well, guess what? That was 2003 and 2004. That was 15 fucking years ago. So if you think I just popped up in 2010 because Rogan said I was funny or something like that, you're mistakenly wrong. This journey started in 91. I had the pieces to become a good comic maybe in 98. I just didn't listen and went off my own beaten path. But I caught myself and I stuck to the plan and even if it took 18, 15 years, I caught myself and I did something with it.

with Mazda Vowl it took, I mean, how many fights are he had 40s? He's had 40 fights already, 20 in some fucking black dude's backyard. They're selling fucking booze on the fucking lot and shit like that. I mean, so you get frustrated, you get sick and tired of where you are in life, and you do something about it. He's the fighter of the fucking year. They said it last night. It's amazing when you see this, because all of us have these gifts.

We all have this. And we'll sit back and go, oh, I wish I did that. We all have the tools. It's putting them together all in one shot. The stars are lining. And you really, really, really taking a deep look at yourself and being honest and going, listen, you know, I'm doing this. This is good.

But I'm missing the point in three different fields here. I'm missing what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm going to put more emphasis on this and more emphasis on this. and forget about this and write this off. This just doesn't work at all in my life. It takes a big man to do that. It takes a man to do that. There's somebody looking within and go,

this is not fucking working. You don't need anybody to tell you. Sometimes somebody will come to you as a friend and try to tell you, hey, this thing ain't working, and you'll get mad at him or whatever for your insecurities. But you know when something's not working. Nobody has to tell you. You know when something's not right.

inside of you. So I want to congratulate George. I want to congratulate Nate for a great fucking fight. I mean, a lot of people are disappointed. Hey, we weren't there. We don't know what that cut. Like I told Rogan on the phone this morning, I don't know what that doctor saw. I know years ago when I was a kid, a friend of mine got caught with a bob boy. He was playing baseball or some shit. He got caught with a bob boy or something. And it cut the nerve in his face that moved his cheek. So for years, even after he got plastic, he was. He was caught. surgery. He looked good. He still had dead movement in his cheek. It looked at the age of 20 like he had gotten a stroke. So we don't know. We weren't there. I want to congratulate George.

Congratulate the UFC on being fucking creative. And finally, you know, making a car. I mean, it was just a great idea all around and everybody enjoyed themselves. It wasn't the ending we expected. But again, you've never seen a bookie with a part-time job. Nate Diaz was the underdog. And if you saw it, you saw it. people like I told my wife listen to the garden they're all yelling Diaz Diaz everybody in their mother bed Diaz so it's just the way life works out I hope they do it back and they run it back but listen man whatever point in your life you're on you may be a little frustrated get that notebook out I've said it once I'll tell you 20 fucking times this shit

doesn't happen overnight I wish it did I wish that you just did something a few times and you got good at it it takes time and even when you should get to there you got to figure out what the fuck you're gonna do with it that's what people never really understand everybody wants to get to that place but then they get to that place and they really don't know what to do and i'm guilty of this too we none of us know what to do we get kicked in the stomach 15 times and you figure it out mars deval figured it out and uh this is a lesson for this is not about gambling or this is not about who's tougher who hit harder or or or but, you know, who's making a comeback.

This is nothing. I'm trying to read between the lines here and show you guys. I wish that you read between the lines on this fight. Even his preparation for Diaz, everything. Whether Diaz got hurt or he couldn't run the last four weeks, Mazda Valle was precision, his kicks were position, and it's something that you look at and whatever you're doing your life. You're like, when is my life, you know, one of the pieces going to fall together?

sorry to tell you something, the pieces never fall together. When was the last time you bought a puzzle that was built? You ever bought a puzzle that was built? No, so why were you thinking the piece that are going to fall together? You have to put the pieces together. I guarantee you that once you put the pieces together of your life, it's a different feeling. Look at my, he's a different man.

It's a different man when you look at him. Look at the old him. What happened? Did he do drugs? Do he do steroids? No, he looked at it himself. and he found the answer to all his fucking dilemmas. And he applied himself.

And that's what we talk about here on the church. Doesn't happen overnight, man. The stars have to be aligned. Yes, I agree with you there. You got me on that argument. But you have to be prepared for the stars to be aligned. And you have to look at that fight like that. That's a big lesson for all of us that have been frustrated.

That there you go. He was frustrated. He was a 50-50 fighter. He didn't know what was going to happen when he got into a fight all he knew was that he was tough and he knew what to handle himself. But that's not enough sometimes. That's not enough. This is where your mind comes in.

And you tap into your mind and your mind will accept the game plan for you. You know, Lee has always said you're very calculating. Every move has to be calculated. Or if not, you're going to get, if you watch, That's Derek Lewis's fight. The first kick he threw, he didn't have to throw it. And what happened? He almost got his fucking leg twisted.

Don't throw half a whit. That lesson is don't throw 50%. If you're not going to go 100%, don't throw it. Don't throw it. There you go. Another lesson. Derek Lewis, when he threw his foot up, like a big piece of stake him, and the guy grabbed it and tried to voc off whatever his fucking name,

Dracula's cousin, tried to fucking twist his ankle. and all that shit. That's what happens when you go into something half-cocked. So you learned two things watching that fight last night. So I hope that you fucking enjoyed it. And I hope that it all worked out for you, you know what I'm saying? This is on a similar note. What did you think?

I just don't know, I don't know how you feel about him. But what did you think about Kevin Lee switching to a great head coach? I don't know. No, no, no, but I'm talking about making a change. Making a change, like Jorge. Okay. I don't know. I didn't even think about it.

fucking Kevin Lee. I wasn't even thinking about Kevin Lee. To be honest, that poor kid he fought, he's still in jupe. That poor kid, there's nothing to talk about. Okay.

Yeah, there's no lesson in there. He sweats a big fucking deal. He lost his last three fights. There's time he did something. You know, I give him kudos for switching, but, you know.

Okay. He's, that poor fucking kid. They had to carry him out. His fucking head with his little man bun. What a fucking shame to wear a man bun and get knocked out. Unbelievable. What a fucking night for that poor kid, that poor bastard.

Now, on a similar note, I want to tell you guys about a story that it didn't bother me at all, not whatsoever, but it's just really weird how life changes that. The week before I went to Jersey, I got a call from a dear dear friend of mine, 40-year friend. And he called me with a big, big problem. He had a bad situation going on in his life. and he needed a big fare from me and I told him I look into it and I hung up the phone and I made a few phone calls from him

and uh jersey guy jersey guy grew up with I love him with all my heart you know and that night at dinner I ran it past my wife and she couldn't believe it but I explained to her that

it was something I had to do you know this kid had been friends with me since maybe the summer of 78 and we got we navigated to one another and it was weird because him and I we hung out in a group of friends but him and I him and I him and I gravitated to one another because of our love of psychedelic drugs crazy shit so when we were freshman we would go out with these guys So we would smoke pot and we would tell the other six guys that we were just smoking pot.

But him and I were already dropping acid. But he had older brothers and he didn't want his brothers to find out he was doing acid. So it was just him and I secret. And this went on for a year, you know. This went on for fucking years of him and I tripping at parties. And he would go talk to chicks and I would go talk to guys or chicks or whoever. And every 15 minutes we'd be. just look at each other and smile.

And one day, he was a wrestler in high school, and he was about to wrestle. And I had some of that T.C. Crystal, that angel dust. And I asked him if you want to do a line in the afternoon. And he was like, yeah. And then he goes, holy shit. I got a wrestling meet at 4.30. And he was so high during the wrestling meet

that he actually bit the kid. And he got disqualified. You know, when we were juniors in high school, you got to pass the paperwork forward. You know what I'm saying? Like if you sit in the back, you're like past the test forward. And I would get his test and I'd erase his answers. And he would get like a fucking 70. And he'd be furious because he was fucking really smart.

I would kill me. He couldn't figure out why the fuck am I getting 70s. I studied. I did the notes. Oh, no. Was that somebody erase? And then he went to the teacher one day. You're like somebody's erasing my answers.

I think it's you, you're fucked. And the teacher's like, why would I erase your answers and all this shit? This went on for years. We graduated high school together. We were very tight in high school. And this guy went to a prestigious college. You know, and during my homeless era,

my whole fucked up era in 84 to 85, he was my only salvation. He was going to college, but he was selling Coke in college. So he made me his partner because he couldn't go to the places to get the cocaine I could because I could speak Spanish So he made me his partner and we made some great money together We ended up beating the dealer we beat it like two dealers and then but he was there with me when I was homeless He was one of those guys that was always my friend he was one of the few people

That when I was homeless and I was really upset I remember crying in his car one day like just breaking down in the daytime in his car going when is my life going to change you know when is this going to end you know it was like a fucking a curse on me and he was the only uh ray of hope i mean that listen i had dear dear dear friends growing up and they all served their purpose for different things as their friendship but this guy fed me this guy would bring me money to a hotel he knew more about me than most people knew what was going on you know when i was sleeping in the the park he asked me 10 times to just sleep in his back in his garage he's like you don't need to

sleep at the park you know sleep downstairs my mother won't say nothing now we go you know what with two good friends you know I don't want us to get into that situation I'll be fine and he finally gave me a blanket the one night he came to the park and brought me a blanket I mean it was just different things and we were always good friends and it was always a 50-50 with us but from 84 to 85 he really covered me out of pocket a bunch of times and before I left in 85

I got a credit card and I took him shop and trust me I didn't pay for anything it was a stolen credit card but I bought him suits sneakers jewelry cologne more jewelry a TV for his room

and at that time in 1985 he was so fucking slick he had two speakers in his room with a stereo. And whenever you went to his house and he put the stereo on, you could tell only one speaker was working.

The other speaker was close to the closet. And when we were 21 years old one day, he took me to that speaker and he took the lid off the cover off the speaker. If the speaker was 24 inches, whatever, two feet, he had a foot, a rubber band money. And each rubber band was like $10,000. dollars and listen if you know any story about me you know i robbed everybody i never even thought about

robbing him especially the day he took that off he knew the position i was in and he knew what i could do he had seen me in action and he showed me that and that was i could never break his trust after that but it was weird he went to a prestigious college you got a degree in engineering he was a brilliant guy and today he lives in basically a shack behind the house i think it barely has heat he has three or four teeth he doesn't have a job he just has he just does odd jobs in time to time he collects unemployment and in time to time he sells an envelope you know He sells a little coke to this guy or that guy. That's how he makes sense of me.

He, uh, I mean, he lives how I thought out. It's like we, it's like we switch lives. It's like somewhere along the line, we switch lives. Like, he ended up being who I was supposed to become. And I ended up becoming who he was supposed to become, you know. He was a smart guy. He was one of the smartest guys that I hung out with on paper. He was fucking really smart.

Like he was just engineer-type smart. S-A-T, he blew the fucking scores off the roof. He had scholarships off to him. And he picked the school, and he went. He got a degree. And we all grew up during that cocaine epidemic. And, you know, I wasn't there for a long time. And when I went back in 91, he was still in the fucking game

and telling me this. that and I'm not there. I'm not there. So I'm not watching. He could tell me whatever the fuck he wanted to. I would believe him. He's my brother. And then I went back in 93. And again, we hung out, you know, endlessly. I mean, he'd pick me up five nights a week just to go into the city to get weed. I mean, he was, or dropped me off. I don't know how many times I was waiting for a bus on Kennedy Boulevard, and he'd swing by and give me a ride into the city. And we got pulled over one night. He didn't have a license. and he lied and he told gave him my life. I mean, it's just been a friendship that never fucking ended.

But the last 10 years of his life, of his life have been a nightmare. He lost his dad. He got arrested. He had to serve probation. You know, he's never been married. He's never had any children. And, you know, when I was in that rocket ship at night in 1983, I would think about my future at night.

about me in a little apartment, you know, a little small in this office. And I would see me with like a TV and just a couple of pants and a couple t-shirts, all them dirty. And that's how I was going to end up. I accepted that. You know, I accepted that in early age that if I even lived to 50 or 55, that I would just be making it. I would be on disability or faking.

somewhere or just fat or not going to work I'd just be one of those guys like what did that upset you or were you okay with it when I was at that age yeah when you were thinking about this I came to that term I was an idiot I had no college no high school education my chances of going to college were slim and none I couldn't stop putting this white powder in my nose and I had no family had nothing going for me. I couldn't even fucking pay for a breakfast. How was I going to pay for an apartment? So I just thought about my life and I just saw myself in a rent subsidized men's home, you know, with a little corner and a little hot plate and maybe a black and white TV and then night I would read books and that except my fate. I mean, that's what happens to people when you're uneducated and you have no and you're addicted to drugs all your life.

I mean, I saw that picture when I was 21 years old. I saw my future like that. So when he called me with this mess he was in, you know, I called a few friends. I reached out to a few friends, you know. Obviously, it cost me something which I did not mind because of all these things that happened. But I also had to call him and talk to them a little bit

and explained to him that I'm his brother and I love him and I'm doing anything in the world for him, but he's 55 years old and he's got a bail out of this world with something. You know, I told him you just can't leave this world without doing something. You were meant to be a fucking engineer. You got a tremendous college degree. you know the felonies fucked you up but I know you since you were a kid you've always figured a way out of this

it was a tough it was a tough talk for me to have with him because he's one of my few friends that he's really sensitive right now like he's at a point in his life where he's by himself even like his brothers turned their backs on him one of the brothers came to one of my shows Atlantic City and kind of yelled at me for still being his friend that I'm not helping him,

you know, and I told him, I can't turn my back on him either. He was there for me. Had a really weird time of my life when I really needed somebody, you know. So I called him up. I had a real sensitive on the light side talk with him. I told him that I could help him, you know, if he got into a mess again. But the favors I had to call in for him on this one were huge. Like, I had to really get myself on my hands and knees to two of my friends to do this favor for me, for him. And after we had our talk, he thanked me when everything was taken care of. He thanked me like a man, like we do.

He called and he explained what he did and what steps he took to take care of the situation. and I was happy. I was really content, and I told my wife that it's fine. You know, he's never going to get himself in this situation again, and that, you know, we're cool, you know. And then I got to thinking about it.

And I got to thinking about all the friends from Timmy to Roger to Fernie, to Clint Conte. There's a lot of guys who don't talk to me anymore. but there's a lot of guys they still have that were there since day one when there was no comedy career so they have every reason to be my friend now they have every reason to call for free tickets they have every reason to exploit me at every fucking level because when I wasn't even thinking about comedy they they had my back you know so I'm sitting at here that and I'm thinking about this situation

with my buddy and how he got himself into this mess and you know I'm lucky that I haven't I have a friend and it's a cop and I have a couple friends of the cops in Jersey, but this particular one, he's been a friend for a while and not that type of friend that I could help him call him for a favor and I was happy that everything bailed out. But then I thought about something and I thought about why the real reason was that I helped this kid out this time. And I've helped them the last 20 times. And the real, real reason, which I never told anybody until the other night, and it hit me on that fucking day. Mid-October, 79, I was doing everything. I was doing mescaline.

I was smoking fucking T.HC. Crystal. I was snorting T.H.C. Crystal. I was drinking. Not a lot. I was never a big drinker. but I had always sworn off drugs. Like I'd always sworn off cocaine and heroin and pills. They just were not going to be in my drug, whatever.

I was very content with the marijuana and the acid. I was very content at the age of 15 with marijuana and acid. I was going to say, like that's still pretty young. I was, I liked the relationship. I had with my friends. I enjoyed everything about those. drugs. I had grown up. I had seen a lot of heroin in New York as a kid. I didn't like what it did to people, especially two friends of my moms that I saw go off walking astray. And I had definitely

seen the results of cocaine being at the bar, you know, and I didn't know the full blast, but I didn't, I knew that I didn't want to do any of those drugs, you know. But again, we're going to go, I told you guys a long time ago that there's a hundred stories I could tell you, but there's a hundred that I can't tell you. Well, for me to dip into this fucking book and this one man showing everything, I've been writing a lot lately, and I thought about something that I've never really repeated. About mid-October, 79, if you know anything about where I lived in Northburg and given that terrace, I had an attic, then I had a second floor,

and then I had the first floor, which had the living room, kitchen, and the dining area. And then the backyard, you could go out to the yard. Then if you walk down the steps, you hit a garage. There was a garage that had additional closet space, a bathroom, no shower, just a pisser in a sink, and a wash and a dry. But then there was another set upstairs, a set of stairs that went down another level. And if you opened up that door, there was a refrigerator filled with beer, and there was a fucking bar, like a little three-seat stool bar. And my mother had the bar stocked.

And there was a record player down there, the walls on a couple holes in them, from our karate days when we'd go flying through the air down there. And it was paneling. It was paneled around the cinder block, and then it had a paneling around the hot water tank, and there was a room in there. There's a fucked up story, and when you went behind, into that room,

it was, again, half the size of the office. And let's say the hot water heater is right there. If you went behind the hot water heaterly, there was like a latch. You know, I was down there playing around. There was like a latch that you had to pick up this thing and kind of turn it like a paint can You know, you pick up a paint can and it has that fucking bow in it Well, think if you had to turn something like that and it was kind of sensitive

But you had to turn it real slowly and if you turned it It would open up and a piece would come out like Something that just your body could fit in like a manhole So it was circular? It was like circular and you had to twist it around and And it was covered with a piece of metal. Damn. And if you took that up and you circled that. Did you go to the sewer?

You went down into the street. You could go into the street. It was fucking scary. I looked in there one time and I heard noises. Oh, Jesus. And I closed that motherfucker up and I put the metal down. And that was it. So in that corner was just a hot water heater.

They used to be my stepfather's tools. And that's it. I don't know what happened, October of 79. something made me go downstairs. And I'm lying to you guys. Maybe August of 79. Something made me... I'm lying again.

Maybe July of 79. Something made me... I just had to refresh my memory. Something made me go downstairs. And I went downstairs in time when I opened up the thing. I saw it the door was a little open, like an inch. And I go, why is this fucking...

These two, because it was like two panels that you opened up. To the small room. To the small room. So I went down the stairs, opened up the door and noticed that the two panels, one of them was open. When I opened up the panels, I went inside and there was a coffee

bean bag, like a bail, but it was filled with weed. Oh, shit. And I took a little top piece off the top, and I went upstairs, and I didn't say nothing to nobody. At that time, I was getting weed from this guy named Joe. He was my main dealer, Joe. I would call Joe,

and I would buy an ounce for 75 bucks. And sell them for like, or 50, and sell it for 100 and make 50 bucks off him. And he'd give me a ride up town. He was a good guy. So I took this weed, and I rolled it up, and I smoked it with some of my friends. And the weed was tremendous. And the guy's name was Joe.

And I gave some to Joe, and he's like, where'd you get that weed from? That weed's better than mine. So I got a whole fucking tank at home. Jesus. Fill with this shit. So I went back and just kept taking it. And I come home when Ney and there's some two. guys there with a chick and they remembered me and they hugged me and shit and they took it to my

mother and I hugged them and oh we haven't seen each other and I forget what their names are guys that I really do it was a bigger Cuban guy a skinny a Cuban guy and then the skinny a Cuban guy's wife and I had known them I every time I went to Miami they were friends with my uncle Rodolfo my godfather so I would see them in Miami now they're in my living room when I'm talking to them and they tell me how they're staying up there now And, you know, I didn't figure it out at the time. So I go downstairs a couple days later, and it's a different batch of weed. They had taken the old batch.

And I kept going downstairs and taking a little bit and selling it to Joe and selling it to my friends. And I was just making spare money. And one day my mom actually pulled me over. And she goes, I talked to you in private for a second. Have you been snooping around down there? And I go, what are you talking about? She goes, have you been going down there and taking marijuana out of those bales? I go, no.

And she goes, because the guy called the idea, and he wanted to know if I'd taken out like a half ounce. Did you take it out of there? And I felt heartbroken. I did not want my mother to know. I did drugs at any point. So I lied to her. I said, no. And she goes, I wouldn't know what the fuck is going on.

But at this time, my mother had a no. I had sticky fingers. You know, I had caused a lot of problems with one. And there was just too many systems. vicious fucking things, you know. Things are disappearing, things were moving, you know. So I said, you know what, out of respect from my mom, I'm not going to touch that thing no more.

But I got sick. I ended up getting that. Paraquot. I ended up going to the hospital for 28th. From the weed that you stole or no? I don't know. Okay. I don't know whose weed it was that I got the paracot from.

So I laid off the weeds. a few weeks I got out of the fucking hospital I lit up the weed I did ass and immediately I was a young kid but I was stupid fuck September 28 79 I got out of the hospital is a big time fight I think we checked it before Muhammad Ali again somebody I don't fucking know and a few weeks after that I go to I go let me go downstairs and see if there's any weed downstairs and I go downstairs I open up the little cabinet and there's two bales. So I open up the one bail, and sure enough, it's weed. I take a little bud, a couple little buds, like maybe an eighth, and I figure I'm going to take an eighth in both bales.

They'll never know. I want to open up the other bail. It wasn't weed. It was coke. I'd never done coke before. I knew what it did to people. I didn't know exactly. I knew it made people talk a lot and I knew it made people make weird faces and I knew it made people make little fucking gestures with their fucking filthy little hands. So I said, what do I do? So I said, you know what? I'm going to take a little bit and put it in a container and put it upstairs and just save it. Just see if somebody wants to buy it or whatever.

So that night I took a little bit from it and I put it in a little bit from it and I put it in an aluminum foil. That's what it was in 79, everybody had an aluminum fall. Knowing what I know now, I probably took a gram, and I probably took three-tenths or four-tenths of a gram, put an aluminum foil, and gave it to a friend of mine and said, let me know what you think. It's like, wow, because in those days, to give somebody, just for somebody to give you a joint was big, does somebody give you cocaine? Everybody wanted cocaine those days. And here I had it in my fucking garage. Interesting how strong it was? Yes, I gave it to my buddy. tell me what you think.

Fucking the next day, he's like, dog, that shit is fucking rocket fuel. You got to get me more, but I knew the value of it. I didn't want to get my mother in trouble. So I told him I couldn't get it no more. And I took the rest of it and put it in like a jacket. And it stayed there. And I figured I was going to wait for another friend of mine to tell me that he did it.

And I would give them the whatever I had left, you know. So come Halloween day, 1979 I you know the night before like the night before we already made a plan like ain't nobody going to school tomorrow

but playing a hokey we're gonna cut out of you in and I'm like yeah I meant because you were trick-or-treating a lot yeah I was just trick-or-treating at all like I think I didn't wear a costume after I was 12 10 I can't imagine I think after you're doing ass and you can't wear

costumes I didn't wear no fucking costume I think that That year I went to a Halloween party, and I think that me, Lube, we're just talking about this at this dress factory in New Jersey. Me and the Villa were talking about it. That me, a villa, and my friend Lubez dressed up like ghost, and we all took ass and we all just stared at each other all.

And we did go to a Halloween party, that was probably the last time I dressed up. Jesus. It was that year like a ghost. And I think I dressed up again when I was two years later in Colorado, like an abortion. But we ate the Quaylemy. When I passed out and we never made it out of the house.

I woke up with a hanger around my neck and long underwear. Fucking hilarious. But to get back to it. So the night before Halloween, 79. So the night before Halloween, 79. Me and my buddies go, fuck it. We're going to play hooky tomorrow. Okay.

So that morning when I woke up, I took a shower. I got dressed and I got, I'm going to go meet my buddies. I had some weed. I had some mescaline. And I go, wait a second. maybe I should bring this coke I'll bring the coke with me I'm not going to do it

you know but I'll give it to somebody some chick whatever I'll give him some coke and fucking so I took the coke with me I took the bus up to the high school we met at Wizards

where we used to meet a pinball place called Wizards Mysterical and we were on on our way the Albertsons by Hudson County Park to Rob to rob booze from Albertsons because Albertsons has no security So we just go in there And each of us would take something and run out

And run into Hudson County Park with booze And then they couldn't chase us I'll hear you're half a kid at a pinball place And then you're stealing liquor from me So we're at a pinball place That's next to Hashways, the deli In those days it was the pinball place, Ashways

And then a liquor store on the corner And a kid Joe Asher, owned used to hang out at that liquor store all the time just friends with the owner the guy knew like all we had to do was stand in front of the fucking liquor store he knew we were aliens and he knew he would smash his fucking windows so he wasn't gonna not if we got somebody going to him he would sell us

to booze okay so we're walking pad we're at wizards and we go fuck it we're not gonna we can't find anybody attend to buy his booze so we go let's go to Hudson County Park while we paying for booze Let's just rob the fucking Albertsons and we'll run it to the park and get damaged. And we'll smoke these. We bought like a half of a $25 bag of weed

and we rolled it up the night before like 32 joints. And, you know, we'd start at 10 and we go to 3 in the afternoon. Oh my God. So we're walking up to Hudson County Park and also we're here like breaks. Yeah. And we turn around and 50 yards from us

as a beer truck across the street from that liquor store. You don't have to go to Albertsons anymore. Sometimes he would park in front of the liquor store. For some reason, he parked in front of the bank across the street from the liquor store. And we looked at him. There was one single guy. He's walking across the street, like whistling, like, it's a beautiful day to be alive. We fucking dash across the street.

And not on the side that's to him, but the back side. But the other side. We go on the other side, slide open the fucking door. and we each take a case or something. Heineken, Mickelope, whatever. Oh, my God. And we fucking start running down the fucking hill. And the guy's like, hey, come back.

And we start throwing cases. And, you know, like out of four or five of us, I think we lost three cases. The guy's chasing us down the fucking hill. And we ran down to like a street called Tunnelie. And then my buddy said, the one that got into the trouble three weeks ago, a month ago said to me,

my mother's getting ahead done today in a certain day let's go to my house so we went back to his house we put the beers in the refrigerator we took the other beers and put them in a bucket with ice and we smoked pot in his yard for a little while we got nice and coke weeded up it was like maybe six of us at this point two other guys came home and we had i never forget we had a case of courts and one of the guys robbed a bottle of vodka from his mother's house and everybody was Italian in that name but so all of them everybody had Zambuca so my buddy whose house it was that I did all the acid with like that day we're in the basement listening to music you know getting high but the other four guys didn't know that him and I want acid oh you were also on acid that day we were on acid we were drinking and we're smoking dope it's 11 in the morning We're getting high We're listening to Led Zepp

And we're listening to We were young I had Ted Nugent This is way before Pink Floyd de Wall This is like Aerosmith Day Is Ted Nugent And we're sitting there And the next thing you know

He says to me That he's gonna go upstairs And make Vaka And Zambuca Like peppermin Shnapps So we also had peppermin shnapps Oh shit So we were gonna make Vaca

And San Bucca And there's a name for that like a frozen something. I don't know I'm not up or tall the fucking Bartender names and shit like this. So He goes let's go upstairs and let's shave ice and let's make these Zamboca or these peppermish naps Butka drinks. So I say okay So they're all downstairs. I don't know how many kids are exactly there, you know? I don't know how many kids are exactly there, you know But me and him go upstairs alone.

This kid, like I said, at the time, he was an honor student. But he was crazy like me. He was into hallucinogenetics. And it was just me and him. It was our little secret. And the real reason why I helped him out, and I always help him out, is because of this. I've never told nobody this. While we were in that kitchen, I looked at him.

and I go, hey, I got to show you something. And I went in my pocket, and I took out the aluminum fall. And he goes, what is that? And I go, it's cocaine. And he goes, where did you get it? And I never lied to him. I got it from downstairs in my mother's basement. I go, but I gave some to such and such.

He told me it's rocket fuel. What do you think? Now, in my heart, I didn't really want to do it. But if he called my bluff, I would have been stuck So he goes Fuck it Let's do it

So I opened up the Illum 4 I emptied out what was on that thing We cut it up into four lines We each did a line We looked at each other for like four or five minutes Then we did another line A piece

And then whatever was left We sprinkled On the drinks And we drank that We never told nobody. Nothing. But the reason why that kid didn't grow up to his potential was because I gave that line of coat that day.

And I could never forget that. And I can never forgive myself for that. And when that thought came to me Thursday night, because this came to me Thursday. Like I went to the stress factory last week. The situation with the cops was handled by, Friday and he had gotten the check by Monday. I spoke to him on Tuesday. For two days, whatever went down had eaten away at me. But Thursday after the fucking trick-a-treating and the walking

and the holloway parade that night when I got home that night, I looked at my wife. I said, I'll tell you something. Do you really want me to tell you why I bailed this kid out? I've never told anybody this. I go because I was the first person to give him that kick cocaine. me and hip did cocaine together Halloween 1979 if I wouldn't have given him that coke his life would have been completely different

maybe my life would have been completely different because I would have never done it I don't know if I would have done it I don't know I mean part of you has to realize that like you said at the beginning that you guys grew up through the cocaine epidemic so you could be right But I mean it's at least 50, 50, which is probably... We were 50 miles away from that island.

I could look you in the eye and tell you that. If you want me to candy-coated for you out, you know me, I could candy-coated, but I'm not going to candy-cut it for you. Okay. We were 50 miles away from that island. We shouldn't even have thought about doing cocaine until we were 19.

And by that time, we would have looked at each other and said, it's too late. We ain't doing that junk. Look what's happening. around this but we didn't I should have never taken that coke and I should have never brought it to that kid's house that day so after I told my wife this I told my wife this and she looked at me she goes out now I knew I got up like a man I went in my office and I called him I go hey can I talk to you about something I just

want you to know something and this is how I feel I feel that you went to this college you did all these great things but it was the poison I gave you in 1979 that led you astray because he told me when I spoke to him on Tuesday that he had gotten a little fucked up again for a few weeks that he went off track you know this has been going on you know me and him were the same person until I quit 12 years ago so you understand I'm trying to say to you I've always had that guilt about that kid. I've robbed people. I've done a lot of bad, stupid shit,

but that has always eaten me alive that I gave that kid his first line of Coke, his first two or three lines of Coke. And after that, we just fell in line. Like, after that, there was no stopping us. Within three months, I remember me and him eating the Quaylude. We had a Quaylood.

in the coldest night of fucking January and went to a party on it at Hudson County Park and I went to a Chinese restaurant you know that opened up a door by that time we were already fucking snorting acid it was creeping away and cocaine was coming in

and yeah hey listen maybe I'm beat you're rightly and he even said it he goes I don't look at it that way I would have snored I got listen who knows who knows but maybe those two years maybe if we didn't bust it out for two years and we would have kept doing acid

and everybody else would have got fucked up we would have seen the results of other people getting fucked up and we wouldn't have done what he'd done. It's possible. I mean, I know it's not possible, but this is a question I always ask myself. Like, if you could go back and redo it and have to live your life all over again

and change that, what do you do it? No, I would have never taken that cup. But if you could, what I'm saying, if you had the choice, be like, okay, you can either keep going or go back and switch it, but then you have to live your life all over again. I don't know.

I don't play those games in my son. All I'm saying is that it was a bad move by me 40 years ago this Halloween. And I wouldn't have gone through half of the shit I went through and he wouldn't be in the position he was in today

if we wouldn't have fucking done this. And I have to look at it from that perspective. I really do. I really have always felt that. And after he got in trouble, like the first time where the cops kicked his door down, I was always welcome at his house. After the cops kicked his door down, and I did the longest yard. And in the interviews for the local papers, it said that I did time,

he wouldn't invite me in this house anymore. And I think his mother put it together. And his father put it together. And I think his mother still knows that we're friends. but she put together that maybe because he hung out with me on an early age. He got into the trouble he did because when I gave my interview in 2004, I was very candid. I was very honest about my drug use and stuff and they put it all on paper. I didn't mention any names, but, you know, your son's with this kid, five fucking nights a week.

When not I put cocaine in her, that house. I hit it and I woke her up at 4 in the morning and told her that I left my wallet in his bedroom and I wanted his bedroom and took the coke out of the closet because he was in the city I mean we put a Terrell growing up up so you know these are the stories I tell people that I live with and I'm ashamed of I am he had the potential to do anything he wanted in this fucking life anything he fucking wanted this life do I get up in the morning and cry no do I go to sleep a psyched, it's just about it. No. I feel the same thing you feel. Part of me feels that eventually we both would have ended up, we would have ended up. That's the way fate is. But in my little annoyed, uh, responsible mind, I'm responsible for that kid. And I love him dearly. Like I love him

daily. He's my brother. I'll never let him starve. I'll never let anything bad happen to him because he put up, he hurt, he took, he took, he took, he never, he never, he never, he'd never took a beating for me but he took a lot of he be beatings because of me and he would tell everybody he'd go fuck themselves so this is the story of my life this is who i am today speaking of which yesterday november's always been a weird fucking month of me guys like november's one of those months that one of my great friends died in november uh yes sunday yesterday the third it's 12 years she's been dead you know was rick ray Mrs. Birthday yesterday.

It was my mother died this year, November 8 to be the 40th anniversary of my mother's debt. I got arrested this month in 87. I quit cocaine in November in 19 in 2007. I'm coming up

on 12 years of no coke. A lot of different things happened to me. I was initiated into Santa Ria in November. November is a pretty big month for me. And yesterday morning, I woke up. I knew Maryland had died, either the third or the fourth or the fifth. I just had a wait to pop up on Facebook. This was Rick Ramles' birthday.

And I knew the anniversary. But this morning, Sunday morning, when I woke up, I woke up about eight, and I was pissed. And I was pissed. And I immediately thought of Maryland. and I swear to God, guys, I went in and got coffee, you know, had breakfast to family. The girls went to church.

I had to take a class on Sundays on screenwriting, and I think 20 minutes after my wife's left, after my wife and the baby left the phone rang, and it was Rick. And I go, happy birthday, I was just about to call you. I was just thinking about Maryland. I know this is the day. It was 12 years, me and Rick spoke a little bit. We spoke about Apocalypse now.

He was dead until 8.30 waits for me. like a fucking idiot that's why I love him but you know I talk a lot about Ralphie on here we touch on Brody a lot I never really talk to you guys about Marilyn Martinez

I met Marilyn Martinez in 96 in Los Angeles the Latino Laugh festival was doing a showcase and they said that if I could get myself down and they would put me up for two nights and give me like $100 for if I came down and showcased at the improv.

So I drove down there. Rod Long had to do a trip. He was a photographer. So thank God to Rod Long out of Seattle. Rod Long. I told Rod Long about my situation. He goes, fuck it. I got to go to L.A. anyway. I'll drive you. He goes, we'll just drive and split the gas. I go, fine. And we drove to L.A., and I went to the improv,

and I ate a bag of dicks for the showcase. You know? I mean, there's one thing driving 10 minutes and dying, never mind driving 18 hours to die a slow death. But it was also on Monday night. They told me to go over to the laugh factory in Littino night. They said, if you go over and tell me you're from out of town, they'll put you up. And I went over there.

Place was sold out. The lineup was fucking pure death. Pablo Francisco, Carlos Mneseer, George Lopez. I mean, it was fucking just dirty, fucking tremendous show. I got there in time, and I asked the kid if I could go up, and he goes, yeah, you go up next. In fact, we were waiting for you. We set apart six minutes, and I went up there and died another slow death. But I made a couple people laugh.

And one of the people I made laugh was this chubby chick in the back. I wasn't off stage two minutes, and the girl came right up to me. And she's like, I know you. You're from Denver. I have people talk to me about you you used to work in Boulder and I go yeah and she goes my name is Marilyn Martinez and I gave her hug and She introduced me to a little black Crip husband Who's a sweetheart of a man and we went outside and she filled me in on LA And at the Latino scene was moving and this and this and this and she gave me a number

And the next day I got up in the hotel and with the last $20.00 I had I think I took a cab over to Silver Lake, and she introduced me to Jeff Garcia and a bunch of other comics, and she gave me numbers to call once I came back to L.A., and she said, you should just stay. You know, I got a spare bedroom. After I ate there, I got to meet her, she's like, just stay. You know, I'm like, I can't. I got a girlfriend up in Seattle. I'm on probation.

I got to go back up there, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I called her every week from Seattle. You know, I kept in touch on her for like six or seven months. And then once Doug Stanhope came up there and told me to move, I called her and I said, what do you think? And she goes, now is the perfect time. And I came down here, she introduced me to the guy that was doing Latino Night at the store. And he was doing Latino at the improv. I forget what his name is.

God bless his soul. He was a good dude. And then Latino Knight at the Laugh Factory was up. So she pretty much filled me in on what to do She asked me where I was gonna go Monday night if I had a place to stay and I had a girlfriend And I said yes and she goes well make sure you go to the store And I'm not gonna go down there tonight, but I'll see you that during a week you have to get into the store Because from the time she saw me get off stage

She was one of those people that came up to me and said as Mitzie seen you yet And I'm like now Mitzie hasn't seen me So it was just I kept in touch with it. I moved back and when I came to L.A., I called her and we became friends, and she was a big time regular at the store. Mitsy loved her. That was Mitzie's girl.

Mitsy loved it because she was dirty, she was fat, she was brash, you know, the whole fucking thing. So after I became, you know, even before that, I think she talked to Mitsy about me and Mitsy listened to her a little bit. So it was like her and Eddie Griffin. And we just became dear friends. And then she introduced me to Rick Ramos.

Like maybe 2000 and maybe, I don't know, Rick first moved here. He was a kid. And we became friends. And I learned a lot from her from comedy because she had been here for that long. You know, she had been here already for like 15 years. She was regular at the store like in 94 or something like that. And we became dear friends. And it was just amazing.

She was friends with Ralphie, also. I mean, we were all three fat fucks, so we loved each other. And I still remember going on the road with Corpus Christi. I flew and her and her husband drove. And when I went to their room the next day, they came up with one of those

nine-foot coolers. Right, yeah. And they had everything in there. Sandwich meat, peanuts, yogurt. They were happy as shit on the road. I mean, we were both getting, like, maybe $750. You know, the plane ticket was maybe, too.

I just didn't want to drive to 24 hours, you know. But I still remember her coming up one night going out. They're looking for you downstairs. The guy paid you. I go, yeah, he paid me. She goes, did he give you an envelope filled with cocaine? I go, no. He goes, here, take mine.

And she gave me an envelope filled with fucking coke. And then I went down and got more coke. Marilyn was one of us. Marilyn was really well respected at the store you know she was just starting to bust out you know

like she had a little successor Paul Rodriguez and then she did the Divas of Comedy and then she did something else for Showtime and she was getting love she was opening up for Paul

and she had a stomachache wouldn't it that didn't go away for two days and she went to the doctor they told us she had cancer and we went down there and saw it had spread fucking like wildfire already you know and then when I got down there the story that she hadn't gone to the bathroom in four weeks after the first week you got to be but we're all very scared of doctors and we think the

things are going to pass this type of shit I do and it was too late you know she got diagnosed in April they did all this surgery to her all these surgeries she stayed in the hospital till probably July and then after that was in and out like you would talk to her one day at the house the next day you were talking to at the hospital then the next day it moved to another hospital because they specialized in that cancer and fucking Carson so we couldn't get to go see her but then she finally came home and on a Sunday they had a big thing for her at a house and I went over there they put her bed they had her in a special bed in the limer room and when I walked in

the room she had lost 70 you know and I gave her a hug and a kiss and we talked and we ate and I played with the cats I talked to her husband Dave and it was a small window that her and I had and I went over to her and I sat and I go how you're feeling and she knew she was dying you could see in her eyes that she was scared and she said to me that if she was very Catholic but she was very dirty on stage and I remember one day my wife telling me that how come every time she calls here she's got an answer the phone cock sucker like my wife would answer the phone like hello and she go cocked soccer and She's very dirty.

I remember that day she said to me that if she got to survive cancer, that she would never do a dirty drug again. Because God didn't want to do dirty material. I'm sitting there this whole time, and I'm listening to her, and I know she's under some type of drugs, you know, like they have a pain. And we're talking back and forth about cancer and how many more treatment she had. And if she gets out of this patch, she's got one surgery left. And she looks up at me what we're talking about, like, weather.

But it wasn't what came out of her words. What came, it wasn't what, you know, we were talking. If we were talking about sports, she just stopped. And she looked me straight in her face like nobody ever has. And she goes, by the way, God wants you to stop. Don't go. And dog, if you know anything about me, if anybody ever said that to me, I would laugh in their face. But the way her eyes were looking at me, the way her eyes were looking at me, I knew she wasn't fucking around.

It just stared into me, and the feeling went through my eyes and into my stomach, and I'm like, if it was anybody else, I would have told her go, fuck herself. and I just said Okay And that was a Sunday I think I did Coke like That night Like I did Coke that night

Like it was weird how this whole Situation went down But it started with her It started with her Her police Like she just stopped She goes you gotta stop doing coke God wants you to stop don't coke Joey

You have a career You have a great girlfriend You have to stop And I looked on it and I said I know which usually I would have told you go fuck yourself mind your business What do you know how much coke I'm doing you know? I was in denial like any other addict you know And I said you're right and I think that night I got high Maybe the night after that I got high and then I had that meeting for that movie The moment they said you you couldn't yeah it was around that time or maybe I'm lying to you

What happened was I had a benefit in New Jersey One on Friday night for the Hoboken Police Department and one on Saturday for the North Bergen basketball. One on Friday was in Hoboken and one on Saturday was in North Bergen. I got high like that Sunday and Monday. And then something wasn't right. Something wasn't right. I may have gotten high that Thursday, but I couldn't wait to get on the plane to get high. Like maybe I didn't get high that Thursday.

I didn't. And I touched base in New York and I had my own hotel room. I had a great hotel room in Fort Lee. And I was close to a friend of mine that she could always get coke. Like I grew up with her. I talked to her and her husband all the time. In fact, she was telling me, call me when you're ready and I'll bring something over. I have the cash.

I'll put it up for you. And I don't know, but something just wasn't right. That Friday night, I didn't get high. That Saturday night didn't get high. And that Sunday, when I landed, because I found out that she died. When did she pass away? Like that Saturday night.

So when I landed, when I called home, my wife told me, Marilyn died. That Monday, I went to that meeting for that guy. that Tuesday and then I think that next weekend was the weekend when the cat died and I got on my hands and knees and I said so I was clean for like four or five fucking days I was mad about the Maryland thing I was mad about I hadn't gone in for the movie thing yet I think I did go into I was mad about the movie when Marilyn came back I left her funeral because their funeral was in Silver Lake and then there was a cemetery, a burial, I could only make it to the funeral at the church.

I couldn't make it to the burial because I had an interview that day for that movie. It was all like fucked up and I still remember going in that day for the movie and being furious and like that night was the benefit for Maryland at the store. And I wasn't going to go.

and somebody go you have to go down there she was your friend you have to go down there represent and I was sober maybe four or five days and I'm like fuck this is gonna be rough and I actually went and stopped and got a package put it in my pocket and went down there and that's not I caused havoc with that poor producer I caused havoc and they asked me to leave the store

they didn't throw me out they knew it wasn't my fault but I gave the package away and then that fall on week It was when I gave it up officially. But if it wasn't for Marilyn talking to me in that thorn voice, I would have probably still been doing Coke today. So I want to thank Marilyn. I want to let you guys know about it.

It was a 12th anniversary. I appreciate Rick Ramos calling you. And that's it. This is a Monday fucking morning podcast, motherfuckers. Nice and simple. I just wanted to tell you some things about my life, get you started for a great week. and let you know it's going to be a good fucking year.

It's going to end good. And 2020 is going to be even motherfucking better. Don't forget, listen to Detroit. I'll be there Thursday, and Friday and Saturday is already sold out in Omaha. Listen, right now at this point, I got two nights available in Miami. I got Friday to 28th and Saturday the 29th. I think those are dates in November. Go to my improv.com and double check.

I'm at the Miami Improv on Friday. the two late shows are sold out so you only got your choice of early show and for the following week and all I have is tickets available for the 1030 show at Town Hall in New York City

the early shows there's tickets left but they're all over $170 don't pay for those fucking things they even got tickets for $900 do not pay those. They're scalpers that's not your other time no no it's on the site

it's on the fucking town hall site whoa yeah so don't not get those just get shows it's New York They were out for fucking the fight last night until one in the morning. It's comedy. You could stay out till midnight with Uncle Joey. So it's the 29th and 30th, whatever the fuck it is, Miami Improv. And then December 6th, tickets are still available.

The 1030 show and Town Hall. Real quick, I just want to talk to you about a few people, and then I'll get you out of here. CBD line. Listen, CBD's everywhere. Jesus fucking Christ. There's a place by the improv that you go in, give him a blood. test and they say that they make CBD specialized to what the fuck you need listen that's all great and dandy but for right now I got what's going to get you to the next level you ready

come here CBD lion dot com listen I approached them I tried their product I reached out to them the rest is fucking history they sent me a box of the tinctures and the gummy bears and the shatter and the vapor my wife does the vapor pen still before she goes to bed I I'm all out of gummies. I got to get some more gummies from them. But the tensions, I drink fucking 5,000 milligrams under my tongue every night, and I sleep like a fucking baby. You know what?

This last week I did 60, 6 points on weight watches, whatever, the athletic thing. Let me tell you something. This thing helps me recoup. It helps my recovery. It takes down inflammation. CBD is the way to go. It's the future. But there's a lot of fucking mystics out there.

There's a lot of garbage out. Don't be fooled. CBDline.com. Go to their website. They got third-party test results. And they have the CBD that you need to use for the particular ailment. Who does that for you?

Nobody! Go to CBDline.com right now. Pressing church and get 20% off your first order. Do not forget, listen, you're getting a little older. Maybe you're young. You're losing your hair. You're having some problems. You're eating egg whites or the dick.

ain't getting as hard like it used to be. Never fear. Uncle Joey's here. The solution, forhims.com right now. It's a one-stop shop for hair loss, skincare, and sexual wellness for men. Listen, the best way to prevent more hair loss is to do something about it while you still got some left.

It's time to get a handle on those precious locks, okay? This Black Friday, secure the best deal of all with a healthier, thicker hairline. Why do guys turn to weird, solutions to do nothing. Why? They don't do dick and you know it when you can turn to medicine and science. Again, I show up with forehems.com. A one-stop shop, hair loss, skin care, and sexual wellness. Uncle Joey, what sexual wellness? Your fucking pogo stick ain't working. Maybe it gets erect.

You know, listen, even if you got a good dick, why take a chance? You're going on the first, the second, third date. Get a little extra help. Go in there. Listen, for years, all these. You've got to fighters did steroids. What? You're not allowed to do steroids because you're going to go get some poor chick of stabbing. Go to forhims.com right now, you understand me? No more awkward in-person doctor visits or long pharmacy lines. Forens connects you with real doctors online, which could save you hours. It's completely confidential and discreet. What you do is you answer a few questions, a doctor will review it, and they determine what's right for you. You can prescribe, they can prescribe a medication to treat you.

hair loss or ED that ship directly to your door. Nobody knows nothing. This Thanksgiving when your relatives are like, oh my goodness, you're looking healthy and full. They don't know. They don't know by your hair that you're not a turkey and that what's dangling between your legs. It's a fucking nightstick from the police department.

You understand me? Go to forehams.com right now. Listen, the church family right now gets complete hair kit loss, a complete hair kit for five. $5.00 right now while supplies last and subject to doctor's approval. Stop losing hair. Stop being the momo in bed. Stop, you know, cutting yourself short when you got help. Listen, right now, go to the website for full details and safety information. Forhims.com could cost you hundreds and not thousands if you went to a doctor or a pharmacy somewhere else. I'm going to get you started for five

today. Go to 4hims.com slash Joey. Again, go to 4hams.com slash Joey. Why walk around looking like a mook like a clown with no hair and your dick don't work when you got four hymns? Forhims.com slash Joey. Listen, it's football season. It's basketball season. And you're still there asking yourself, what the fuck am I doing with my life? You're betting with a bookie, You got no options. My bookie A.G gives you options. They got more prop bets than any other website online. And this year, they're running a super contest.

Right now, $100 to enter. You pick five motherfucking teams a week against the spread, and you rack up the points. At the end, they count the points. First prize, first place is guaranteed $100,000. Where the fuck are you going to get that action? Meanwhile, you're betting five times. You're betting those parlay cards. winning every week for $11.

Give yourself a break. With some real money. Listen, their site just got revamped, and it's looking tremendous. Go take a look if you haven't already. What I'm going to do for you is this. Why I like my bookie is this. You win, you bet you win, you get paid.

What they're going to do right now today? Monday, double your first deposit, use promo code church, CHU-R-C-H to get 100% bonus on your initial deposit up to $1,000. Joey, what does that mean? That means that if you put 500 in, my bookie A-G will match it. Who the fuck is better than you on a Monday morning?

Who's slinging dick like you on a Monday morning? Niente, nobody. So visit my bookie.ag today, right now. My bookie, grab a pen. M-Y-B-O-O-K-I-E dot A-G. And don't forget to use promo code church when creating your account to claim your bonus, all right? And don't forget this Thursday.

I'm going to be dropping one of my bookie videos to rock your fucking world. So go to my bookie.g, press and promo code church. I want to thank my bookie. I want to thank forhims.com. And I also want to thank CBD lion.com. But most importantly,

I want to thank you fucking savages for always supporting the church and having our back no matter what. Do not forget, Omaha sold out. All four shows are gone. Detroit. Again, they got $2,000 tickets, you don't want those. Wait till I go to Buffalo, Canada,

and you make a nice weekend, you get your tickets early, and nobody gets your feelings hurt. I don't want nobody paying no fucking $40,000. $35, $32,000 plus a ticket charge. I'm not no fucking Houdini. I can't change your life. One of my, Anthony fucking Robbins. Anyway, Miami, December 6th,

the town hall, the late show, 1030. Besides that, I love you motherfuckers with all my heart, all right? The Christ Killer loves you. Thank you for supporting this. Thank you for having them back. and thank our sponsors again, my bookie for hymns and CBD Lion. And that's it and that's that. Have a great week.

Have a great day. And we'll see you, motherfuckers Wednesday. Tip top, motherfucker, McGoo. Kick this, Mulee. I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart. Some, somebody twice as smart. as I'm a somebody who will swear to be true as you used to do with me who leave you to learn that misery loves company wait and see I need to see how he does it

When he breaks your heart two bits, Let's see if the puzzle fits so fine. And that's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet. As I'm from a front, when somebody breaks your heart like you.