The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #736 - George Perez

Episode Date: November 18, 2019

George Perez, a stand up comedian seen on Showtime, an actor, and the host of the, "George Perez Stories" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Upstart.com - The revolutionary new lending platform that knows you're more than just a credit score. Go to www.upstart.com/church to see how low your rate is. Checking your rate doesn't affect your credit score.     Manscaped - Get 20% off your first order and a travel bag if you purchase "The Perfect Package" at www.manscaped.com and use the code CHURCH     Onnit.com - Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.  

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It's Monday, the 18th of November, right? 33 30 here we go what we're back motherfuckers it's monday let them know we're kicking in that fucking door are you fucking done so what greetings you bad motherfuckers it's monday morning i'm sorry about last week i felt if you watch you could tell i can't even get fucking comfortable i tore something in the leg i'm doing an mri on uh tuesday a Wednesday to see what the fuck it is. I just took a fall down. Greeting me today at the church.

With me today at the church is my main motherfucking George Perez. A soldier. What's up, my main man, the motherfucking Christ killer. Hey, everybody. Dropping it on these bitches. I'm in a lot of pain,

so you got to work with me today. Let me get one of those pillows. Maybe that'll help me. Fuck it. Oh, Jesus. What are you on? There's another one over there, too. feels a little better.

It's hot and hurt. It's pinching the fucking nerve. That's some shit. That's what's going on. It's pinching the nerve when I sit down. And it's fucking just, working as fucking impossible. But fuck it.

We'll do the podcast on one day. I'm like Colin Copernic. You see that motherfucker jumping up and down now? He don't go to fuck about black people no more, huh? The rent is due. All that shit backfired, Cox, like that. You see him out there yesterday running, jumping.

Yeah. Fucking fuck black people. He had his shirt. Fuck Nike. I'm never taking a knee again. You know what I'm saying? What the fuck was it for? What did you get?

Nothing. You got yourself in trouble. Now nobody. Now you got to come begging like a dog. I tell you, you can walk out on your feet or crawl out on your knees. You follow me? They gave you a second chance. Take it and cut the shit with the fucking black power.

You're not even black. You're something else. And your parents are adopted. They're Mildred and Joe from fucking Nebraska. And all of a sudden you want to be. Public enemy. Give me a fucking break. All right. You're back. All that shit he talked. All that kneeling for

what? To come back and you see him yesterday, smiling you. Fuck these black motherfuckers. They deserve to be getting shot and shit. He was talking tons of shit. Right or wrong. He had to eat his fucking words. Fucking everybody hung up on him yesterday. Obama, everybody hung up on him.

He's calling people. I got to try. Fuck you. What happened to the knee? Yeah. Fucking mook-del-law. So, like, he just try it out for Atlanta. I heard a lot of other everybody. All those teams need a fucking quarterback. Hey, he had an Afro too. Did you see that? He had an Afro, but he hook cut it.

He usually has the rolls. Well, wait till, wait until he give them a paycheck and they tell him, listen, knock it off. The same good times. This is the White League, okay? Knock it off. You tried that shit already. You tried being Martin Luther King. I got you in no way. You over there on your sister's couch in the

basement. You and Ricky Williams from Miami. Remember you want to be, everybody wants to be a spokesman. Yeah. Just shut your mouth and throw the fucking football until they break you back. Then you quit, you get a pension from the NFL, and you start hearing voices, and hopefully if we're lucky, you just shoot yourself,

and that's it. You know what the fuck is the big deal for? Everybody wants to, oh, well, they did that. Listen, stop being a political activist. Go do your fucking job, all right? At the end, what did you do? Did you quit football? Did you start another company?

No, now you're back like a fucking, like a chick without a line of Coke. Once they come back, I don't like you, but do you have a line? Sure. You have to suck my dick. We'll talk about it. I told you I'd get it to suck my dick again.

It's the same thing. There's a stripper like that. All strippers are like that. No, she got fired three times. And she tried to get me fired. Yeah, for my job. She was like, she would get all the black girls against me. It'd be like, George is racist.

Like, he only puts us on stage when there's white customers because, and she was just weird. I used to call her Molly Luther King, because their name is Molly, dog. Dog, she's... Everything was racist. She got the bouncer fired, but then he started pimping her out, and now they're together. And she's back. And he's smooth. He just drops her off, takes the car, picks her up.

Like, she hates me, but her boyfriend comes to my comedy shows, dog. And then she just take everything racially, everything is racially motivated. To everybody, your dad had a conversation with a guy on Twitter. And I wasn't trying to be an asshole. you know, Disney gets launched. Disney Plus gets launched. They got enough problems. Twenty million idiots

were there waiting by the fucking button to sign up. The thing crashes, right? People are upset. I get it. You know, nine million people signed up in two fucking minutes. Yeah. But then, like, the fucking first day, the next day, oh, Disney Plus 2 is racist.

Get the fuck out of here. Listen, let me alone. Even if they were. What is it because they have a black bird? What was the whole? Yeah, the black crow and one of them, Dumbo. That's one of my jokes, too. You know, it's like, you better to check Walt Disney.

I was going to say, yeah. Walt Disney was checking from you and shit in the future. Checking your jokes. No, Walt Disney has hated Jews openly. Yeah? So, yeah, I don't know what the surprise is. They associate the black crow with black people. Is that what it is?

Yeah, I mean, it's not even that far of reach, but like, they knew it was going to happen. But, like, the thing with Disney. Disney, it's like some of this stuff is from like 1950. Like the Jungle Book is from 1964, I think. Like, did you hear they stop playing some national anthem because the lady not only sang the national anthem, but she sang a bunch of like black people songs. She had like...

Remember that? There's a stadium that plays her music and they stop boycotted her music because in 1930s she was singing like a song that, you know, burn all the darkies and shit like that. Dog, you have to be a little. to hear this music.

Oh, shit. It was fucking horrible. Like, black people were fucking, you know, slaves. Like, just, it was the most racist shit you ever heard. White people don't fuck around. But they stopped playing her music that she, like, God bless America. One of those. And the Star-Stangled Banner.

So she wrote one of those. Yankee Stadium, Star Spangled Banner, you're going to die. Yeah, she sang one of those. So a couple stadiums stopped playing that version of. Wow. So like the news starts to Bangal Banner, you think? Yeah, so press Yankees starts Bangal Banner incident. See if it's the Yankees.

I think it's the Yankees. Capital others, there you go. There's a boy. Four years of college. Hey, you think if Johnny Cochran was alive, Kappernick would have never got, he would have got him on a team fast. I don't know what?

Yeah, Kate Smith, hold on. Right. So what did she say? So from a 1939 recording of God Bless America. Hold on. Let's see here. No, but what were the name of the songs that she sang? You're going to die.

You're going to die. It's fucking horrible. Well, they were saying the guy who wrote the Star Spangled being her own slaves, so that's one of it. Wow. She sang either her or there was another one. They sang something. Now, listen. I don't think it says the names in this article.

Yeah, you have to hear the names of the song that she sang. Like, they were just terrible. You got to join the website. But what kills me is that this happened close to fucking 70. Yeah, tell them. That's why the darkies were born. Wow. That's the name of her music.

Go ahead. What else? That's the only name they list. That's why the darkies were born. Damn. Darkie was like a messed up word back then. A messed up word. Oh, it says it's a satire.

I don't know. That's a bad title. Yeah. But this is what gets me. You know what? It's from 19, fucking 25. So really, there's an African-American at home right now. Who's on welfare?

Who's having a hard time? If the husband came out of fucking prison, there's some economic, something. You're telling me that those people are worried about what Kate Smith saying in 1922. No. So I think people are just out there picking scabs when they shouldn't. Yeah, I mean, the internet has done to us is giving this ability to pick scabs. Like, you know what? You just can't.

All right. So the show with the bird is racist to you. If you're African-American and I get it, I'm sorry, change it. But for you to go on Twitter and Facebook and, you know, call 20 other one of your friends, I think Disney's racist. What are you talking about? And people don't give a fuck. If you don't think people are going to get, if you call a thousand black motherfuckers and go,

Disney's racist. They'll say, fuck you. I'm still going to keep it. Hell yeah. I'm watching something out here that's worth the fucking $999. Disney's the shit. You know, I haven't seen it. I heard it's tremendous Disney, too.

Sons Anarchy on there, everything. They do have the Simpsons, but do they really have some of Anarchy on there? They have to because they own Disney. Oh, you're right. They own FX. They probably is on there. Everything they owns on their heart. That's why they took, that's why they took Suns Anarchy off of Netflix.

I heard that Netflix has no Star Wars or none of that shit. No. This is going to be very interesting. I've heard, you know, for people don't know, Disney owns ABC. who owns Fox a couple like a month ago Disney was threatening to take off ABC FX and Fox

from your television and just dog we had to sign petitions direct TV fucking people they was like yo should we pay extra loot what do ABC was like fuck it we're going on you motherfucker I know for a fact that they fired some people over at Comedy Central two weekends ago yeah the top brass

at Comedy Central yeah And everybody's a group. You know, this streaming ads are a complete different fucking. Oh, yeah. To the game. Hey, Disney is like an old school gangster. Like, what's that American gangster when that fool got the heroin straight from China? Disney has heroin, though.

They got the uncut. They got the best shit. There's no bad movies on the fucking Disney. And that's what people are saying. Oh, there's not a time to watch. They have decades. Like, I called you just to make sure you knew about it. Because it's not four 30-year-olds.

It's mostly four kids. Like, now you have, I remember growing up. I was talking with my dad about it. We had every VHS for Disney. And it took up... He's a rich motherfucker. I'm Jewish, I'm sorry. Yeah, we had a steal from cousins and shit.

No, we had, we had, my dad like Disney. My dad proposed to my mom at Disney. It's the whole thing. But now it's on every phone, every Roku. It's fucking, for six bucks a month. I don't got it. I, uh, I, uh, I always let strippers come to my house and, like, show off.

And you don't have this. And they'll just log in their customers account and shit. Oh, shit. Yeah, you don't have to pay for it. Hey, like, where my house, when you log out of something, you're like, who the fuck's Claire Yang? Like, hey, man, who's Brent? I'm like, oh, those are the fools that pay the, give the strippers that and they hook it up.

You know, it's crazy. So everybody, I read this thing the out of the online. Somebody posted this, a friend of ours. And he's like, old cable. $129 a month. And they put Netflix, 1099 a month, Hulu, 1099 a month,

Disney Plus, internet for the house, something else, something else, $209. In all this rearranging, we fucked ourselves. We didn't have it good enough

with the cable. Now we're paying $11.99, you know, they even reach out to my wife the night to get Showtime and Cinemax. For $4 a month and my wife

He's like, I don't want. There's nothing on there. We're getting very close to cancel the TV. Yeah, I don't have the TV. It's been this last five nights I have to stay home. And I write, and I go back to the TV, and I'll tape Sons of Hennocky at 11. And, oh, I have the honeymoon. I watch something.

Sitting at your house at 8 o'clock has really become difficult for a lot. Fuck, yeah. There is really nothing. And I've got 600 channels. And I sit there, you've seen the low in orders. I don't want to watch the stupid shit on FX. I don't want to watch 600-pound life. I don't want to watch another story about drugs on that.

Yeah. You know, it's really gotten, like, I think that there's so much shit to watch that you're like, I'm giving up. Yeah. I used to watch cops all the time. Now I'm like, I've seen every arrest. I've seen them shoot every race. Like, they've done everything. They've been doing that live now, live PD.

Yeah, I, it's fucking sucks, but. Does it suck? I've never watched. Nah, it's like, it sucks because they have like, they got good looking cops and shit, you know what I'm saying, dog, like they got the cops that ain't going to do nothing bad or shit. And they show you putting their head in the car and saying, good evening and watch it stuff.

They don't show you the real thing. Like, drop that fucking soda, you piece of shit. Yeah. You look at me when I talk to you. You black, but what about the thing with the kid that robbed a toy by mistake? And they sued the city of Phoenix a couple weeks ago. What happened? This summer, a black family came out of a Walmart.

Oh, yeah. And they drew heat on them. Because a little girl took a little ball or something like that. And they fucking kicked the skinny kid. They just got fucking. The black kid was like, I didn't do nothing. I'm just trying to be Drake. They fucking kicked him in the leg so fucking hard.

It's crazy, bro. And, you know, it's a, listen, I am mad at Copernicic for fucking, taking a knee because there are some injustices they're doing. Nah, it's happened to me. They're doing injustices to fucking everybody, you know, white, black, Latino. Look at that girl here. They didn't have money to pay for a lunch in school and they fucking took a hot. Center ass home, huh?

That's crazy. That was that, go eat, come back if you want to learn, motherfucker. That's crazy. You know, Tuesday, if anybody spoke to me on Wednesday, I, I was. was a little off. Wednesday and Thursday, you know, it is to wake up and go on your computer. There's a fucking school shooting an hour from where you live. And, you know, when you see these things, when you sit and watch news with your family at night, you're like, ah, look at this guy. He ran off a cliff in Oklahoma. Look at this tornado.

Look at this earthquake in Japan. You know, this is never going to happen to us. Well, guess what, man? We've had two shootings within an hour. for me in the last year the thousand oaks country bar and that fucking school the other day you know this is becoming more real and real the dick had died yesterday by the way i hope he's in fucking hell who getting the shooter 200 minions getting us hip him you know like i told my wife i'm very concerned with this this is something that's starting to get into my craw yeah because the schools have to do something the schools the two things are going to happen either the schools are going to have to hire

somebody I'm not talking about some fat dude that got thrown out of basic you want that I want yeah you need Rambo for real for reals though you need some Israeli dudes pay them their fucking money because I'm going to tell you what's going to happen I'm going to tell you what's going to happen somebody's going to get shot and one of these parents

are going to go and they're going to sue L-A-D-S-U whatever till they can't pay the teachers no more because they've warned them they've warned them we have me and my wife have gone in there to listen Something's got to be done here. You people are always asking for fucking donations.

How about we donate for a guard out here with a fucking sniper rifle? Case one of these little retard shows up. We clean his head right off his fucking shoulders. Yeah. You know? Hey, do you think they're going to put metal detectors in rich-ass areas now? Because it's mostly happening in the rich areas. They have to.

They have to come to the reality of it. And here, we brought it up at the meeting once. And they're like, ah, you know what, man? Let me tell you something. They do it at the airport. If my daughter gets a scratch on it, I just want you out. L-A-D-S motherfuckers to know. Oh, I'm taking them down.

I'm flying in three fucking Jews from Israel. And two from New York, and I'm going deep. Yeah. And I'm going to sue you for every fucking dime you were. I'm going to shut the fucking school down. And what if three or four these lawsuits happen? Listen, in the long run, just hire the fucking guard to go to the middle school. It's called a police detail where cops get $40 an hour on a day off.

No, the detail. We got them because we were bringing gun to schools. So that's why they put them at our school. The thing is, no one's bringing guns to school. So now it's happening. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah. And you got to also put beside a guidance counselor, a counselor.

Okay. Somebody to watch schools and moderate at the school. Somebody to watch the students and moderate the social networking. Like, how big are your daughter's classes? Because I've heard they have like 40, like 2018, 19, 16. So not that big. I'm not sure yet. It doesn't really matter,

but this is what needs to be done. A guard needs to be put in there at every fucking school across the country. You know, Alex Jones is crazy as that motherfucker who said it. In 10 years, we're going to have TSA at Parks. Yeah. It's getting fucking crazy.

It's getting to that point where parents are going to go, that's it, or somebody's going to go, that's it. I ain't doing this no more. I'm not doing this no more. You've got to go, you've ever go to a concert lately?

I mean, yeah, you went to the concert, and you were jumping up down with Danny and having a good time. Yeah. Whatever suicidal tendency. Yeah, we went to that suicidal. I have one minute of the concert. You go to yourself.

Some fucking idiot could just pull a gun out. Oh, my. I was, yeah. You know, now when you go out as an American, you get comfortable, you're starting to have a good time. And something happens, like a tire screeches at a restaurant. You look out the window and you're like, fuck, if I get shot, I got to run all the way to that door now.

That's why when you walk, when I leave the house now, everything planned every exit I walk into a movie theater I know exactly what I'm sitting I don't give a fuck where you want me to sit I walk into a restaurant I know exactly where I'm sitting I don't give a fuck what table you got or a bus boy and they don't have a waiter for that area good I'll walk it over the fucking thing I'm go get it out of the kitchen myself I sit at certain but yeah bro no you're like De Niro and Ronan you have to fucking prepare for everything in today's world gotta be able to walk I get a plan to walk out wherever you walk in and the people that you love knock it off with the phone

put the fucking phone in your pocket when you're out pay attention it's a different world out there you know you're more successful dog like you don't you don't live where you used to live where you used to live in Jersey no one's going to shoot up the fucking school they'll shoot you

you're in another area now and like my daughter goes a junior high and like I live on the border of kind of a ghetto side of town and she was just like yo dad they jumped somebody today in P.E. And I was just like, look,

if it doesn't involve you, you don't do shit. You don't pull your phone out record. If someone's getting beat up bad, you got to, hey, man, stop, homie, not around me, but like, she was like, what happens if they come up to me? I was just like, well, you just start swinging until somebody comes. What are you going to do? Because now, Adol, kids make videos of this shit,

and they go hard of what? Like they make videos of them jumping other people. Like to them, it's like the world. I even told my daughter, don't ever let me catch you making a video of jumping somebody. It's crazy out there right now. Well, the dumbest thing, it's like the reason why I never stole a car, you're in it. Yeah. You're in the fucking car.

You got no excuse. Well, it's a friend's car. I left it over here. You're in the car. You know, when you make a video, you're in the car. in the video. There's no, they taped it. So, you know, anything we do now, we're on

video. Whether we go to the bathroom, when we walk into the dentist office, you know, you used to be the one that when the doctor comes in, they take your vitals and they put your finger in the thing, to see what your heart pressure is, and he walks out, and you can pick your nose and scratch your balls, stick your finger in your ass. You can't

do it no more because this is a camera somewhere in that room. And I catch myself sometimes. They scritching my balls and sniffing them. I'm like, right now, so I'm just reception is just saw me sniffing my fucking balls getting a whiff of this fresh monkey nut what's going on George Perez

always the fucking eternal hustler Oh just you know grinding fucking um You know working on that movie and shit And just trying to take the next step dog You know more of the podcast a lot I learned that from you like a lot more of the podcast more structure like

I do it every Monday now because they expect it Some fans believe in death threats a dog it's Wednesday what the fuck you're in their rotation yeah i felt bad about not putting one up last wednesday and thursday oh homie you went down friday i can't put them up because it's a waste of your time you're not going to be around now if you listen to the podcast on a friday i don't want to do business with you you should be out getting your dick sucked jumping on some people you know if you listen to a podcast on a saturday while you're baiting the house or why you're fucking sweeping the garage that's one thing but if you're into a podcast on a

Saturday afternoon instead of being out there getting some son and slinging dick. What do I need you for? Get the fuck out of it. I need you out fucking Russ. Hustling. Hustling, you know what I'm saying? Hey,

you want to hear some crazy shit though? I know I always talk about strippers, but I work with them all the time. My old boss, the crazy chick, the one that had lupus, but she had a tumor and she's still fucking people. She's back at my job,

dogs. They hired her again. No, dog. Like, she has so many cussing. And so many strippers like there was 25 girls at Monday at my job on a Monday She controls them on the day. Oh, she's like super madame Okay, so they hired it as a mid madame. Yeah, no, she's she's the manager, but she runs it like that like she'll come out and chill on a customer that she knows and like so who do you want today?

Like just grabbing them here here here like like Magic Johnson in 88. I just dishing them off, doc. How crazy is this sex industry? Oh, homie, it's, you know, it's crazy. She got so comfortable. I get sexually harassed every day. I got to be like, hey, bitch, chill. Like, I have to walk around and mark dances,

and, like, I'll walk around and show, like, being in a little, like, mood. And so, like, you ever have that, like, crazy uncle that always be, like, grabbing your aunt's ass? in front of you and shit she'd be like that's what this bitch does to me to the strippers like I'll walk by she'd be like hey I'm like what are you doing bitch she's like what's the longest stripper that works over that what do you mean like you've been how long have you been there for I've been there for eight years anybody been there the whole eight years

with any women she's the assistant manager now and then there's another chick she's crazy dog and how have they changed I mean do you see a change and sex workers I mean that's Oh, you know, these are different. These are like, if I'm going to compare a stripper to a journeyman of construction. Like, hey, dog, these strippers get up every day. They make their breakfast. They pack their outfits. What are they going to wear?

What songs are going to play? Their lunch, they don't leave work. They come with the lunch. Take their half hour lunch. Boom. They got a schedule of, all right, at 12 o'clock, Tom's coming. At one o'clock, fuck. these and like some customers fight each other that's my girlfriend i told you and like sometimes the

girl will fuck up that's what i like about the strip club i'm at is the girl will have too many customers and she'll be like damn hey home girl i need your help and she'll send like hey go get that money go get this money and the two managers i got right now they're the strongest most structured fucking sex workers I've ever seen dog to this day old men will still come give money just to say hi because they can't give lap dances no more now that they're managers and they fired everybody but me because they knew me and it was just they they came back dog you know it was crazy you know it's funny when you become friends with uh you're friends with it like like I dated one and I didn't

You fucking like it. When you're dating one, you just turn your head. You don't like the shit that you hear. But, you know, I used to talk to her a lot. And it taught me a lot about men's psychology. They know us, dog. Yeah, there's some guys like us that were disgusting animals. We want to go in there to finger you and stick a tongue up your ass and get the most we could get from here for $200.

That's the truth. But that's with anything. There's some guys that really go in there just to talk to somebody. just for companionship. And it's like that, it's like, what was that movie they made Players? Players Club. Oh, yeah.

Ice Cube. And she had a stalker. You know, she was really in fucking love with him. In his mind, she was in love with him. But she had a boyfriend. She had a whole relationship. She had a whole different fucking life company. It's so weird how a lot of people don't go in there

because they're creepy and want to finger you or something. They're actually going to. in there for companionship they actually believe if a stripper is gangster she's doing her job she'll string you along she'll tell you a story how she's married she's going to go through a divorce she's leaving him soon she needs money to leave him though for an attorney it would be nice if you could help her and then when you say no what about sex you'll go i'll have dinner with you but i'm catholic and while i'm catholic it would really be against my law to have sex with you

you and you being the sucker would say you're right you're a decent girl you only take your clothes off and suck dick in the VIP room because you have a four-year-old they really become something listen like kid when I kidnap Kent Vela the guy I kidnapped Kent with his name was Stephen Tidwell he was just a strip club moron he was a moron like I talked to him every day at the body shop and every day he talked to me about all last night of a child 500. I dropped 300 book poking with my partners, because he called everybody his partner.

Nothing bothers me more than. The guy drove a fucking Ford Fiesta with a busted window of my partner. You know, I got these partners that could help you out. He would always tell me about, like, you know, where he would go and stuff. But if anybody knows this,

the reason why my partner helped me kidnap Bella was because he was in love. I mean, dog. this chick was 15 23 24 ripe Spanish brown little toes that you would suck on for hours

you know those little immigrant codes that Trump don't want but you would suck on those motherfuck They cross without sound Oh my God they were brown but perfect She was like from Nicarago They're hot They're hot

She was hot All day leave She had pretty hair And she was just a knockout And I had met her a few times because I used to buy weed from him. And she would be over there, so I assume he was fucking him.

And then one night he's like, oh, no, she's a, my friend. She's a, she's a Catholic girl. And I'm like, she, damn. Like, I didn't say this to him because I know he was retired. Break his heart. She was at a place where you bring BYOB

where they show you the inside of their pussy. I went in there one night and went crazy with a Korean girl. When I was in the halfway house, like two weeks before I got married, I had my own best at a party by myself. I took an A-ball, and I went to one of those strip clubs, where she used to work.

I didn't know she worked at that. The bitches in there were banging. Let's bring your own beer? B-Y-O-B-Y-O-B-Y-O-B-Wose. Okay. And, you know, I took this Korean chick with fake tits, and I just told her, this is what I got. You ain't leaving.

And there was like a personal table and I just emptied out to half-ounce of Coke. And she kept saying, no, no, no. Finally, I had a snorting coke. I'm eating her ass. I'm eating a pussy. I still remember getting in the car and jerking off on the drive down to 70, like just jerking off because she didn't let me fuck her.

Everything else, I was eating a pussy and snatch her asshole. I mean, it was a fucking hot. And I had to walk into the halfway house. That's when my curfew was midnight. Damn. I was level four, so my curfew was midnight. Your curfew was like 9, 10, 11. I had midnight curfew.

Plus, because you had a job probably. I had a great job. But it was funny how he met her there. And her claim to fame was that she was leaving her husband. She needed money for an attorney. And that once she filed a divorce, she would hook up with Steve. Let me tell you how much of a pussy he was. He slept on the couch.

And she gave her the bedroom. At his own house? At his own house. Until the divorce went through and then they were going to get together. Wow. Have you ever fallen in love with a stripper? I fell in love with a stripper that I met at the com. club you know I'm saying then you know we found love this got couple but as far

as a stripper I think we've all waited for that one chick at Denny's 15 man she told me she was coming I'm telling you she liked me she likes me she she like that sounds like suspiciously like my voice yeah it would be you you're the only more that would wait at Denny still sick than more here's so here's my thing I went once and the girls were just so hot that like I literally got a headache just because you couldn't you can't do shit you can't jerk off like I I that's the thing how did you ask like that you'd be like no I didn't I didn't ask that's the problem but I'm also too cheap when they wanted like 100 bucks for 15 minutes I'm like that's I don't

know man well you may not well Lee listen when a chick says she wants a hundred bucks 15 minutes you put three in a hand and go about 30 minutes let me suck your pussy that's it what's the point of sucking someone's pussy that's it to pay for that's it who gives them What are you doing now? Nothing. When you were taking the fucking Mizabla down to the fucking the sushi with the fucking belt, you were paying $180 and you were getting nothing. So what's the difference?

Lee, for $100, you're probably going to get fucked or jacked off. And you've never been with a girl at this. Oh, no. I would pay to have sex and $100. Go down there and let him take care of you. Yeah, come to my club, dog. Some nice little Mexican chick that needs to stay in the country. You will fuck so much, you'll zip lying from the club to the car.

I'm telling you. I'll just live there. I'm telling you. You're going to have to pay somewhere. Just go away. Trick them. You're either going to have to pay me now or pay me later. No chicks can't let you take them out for a hot dog and take you home.

You had the ayahuasca chick. She abandoned shit. You never want to bring it to your house. You know, you just got to lift a rock somewhere. Nobody's going to give you nothing for nothing. Look at your dick. Look at you. Would you suck your dick for free?

No. They got to get something out. I'm a good person. I want a good person. I join the church. There's a lot of good people at the church. You're a good person. What's that gotten you?

Women like to get their head spit on. Women like when they say to you don't come in my pussy, and you come in their pussy. Women like when you say, when they say you don't come in my mouth, and you blow that load in their mouth and half it on their face. That's why I don't get it.

That's why you're a celibate, dude. I'm not a celibate. You're going to be celibate. I'm an insolvent. You're going to have to sell it to get a bit. You're going to have to just go to one of those chicks at the fourth wall and say, look, you come down here, you got nothing going on. I got a nice bed. I got food.

I got the keto diet. I got a juicer. Come over. Let me give you a nickel. A nickel. Sucking my dick. Yeah. Nobody's going to give it to you for a three.

I'd rather jerk off eight times and spend $500 in a blowjob. You're going to jerk off to your 90. Yeah. Spent $500 on a blow jump. It's not a blowjob. You're never going to have a blow. Tell her. You want a three.

That's why I said to you, the girl said she wanted $115. You're going to give a three for 30, which you're like Joey. You should be three for 45. No. That yardstick is for me to eat your pussy and come on your titties when I whack off right in the boots. And if you can't live with that, that's how you negotiate, dog. You tell them that right from the start. There's no 15 to dance.

We're not even going back there unless I see that monkey. Well, I don't do that. Get me somebody who will Because there's somebody in this filthy fucking Yeah That'll suck your dick and lick your ass And the cops aren't in there waiting No leave look

You go into the club You're going to rest You're going to the club All right And notice the girl That keeps walking around And asking people for dances And they keep telling them no

No No No no That's the one Okay That you go, hey, come here. She's going to be shocked because all the girls seen her. Oh, fuck.

She finally got somebody. Because all the girls, they fucking make fun of each other. Oh, this bitch can't get dances. Okay. You tell her, hey, it's 15 minutes for 100 bucks, right? Okay, because last time, like, she let me put a condom on and, like, I got something. And then the girl would be right there. Look, you put that condom on?

You're not going to be backed up for 15 minutes. They're going to make you nut like in seven, eight minutes. That's fine. Okay. Right now, they'll make you nothing a minute. I got stamina. You don't know eight months. For real.

It's been like, yeah, for like three or four months. No, A, when are you going to do my podcast? Whatever you want. Okay. After the podcast, we're going straight to the club. Okay. Me inside Dick, I got to say, because I've seen clips from your podcast. I don't want to get whipped naked.

No, you're not going to get. Everything. Whip on. I don't give a fuck. Do it on a Thursday so you don't have to be back until Sunday. Okay. That's your best back. Keep them down there.

Put him in a basket. I got you. Make some chick physically abuse them and smack them and piss on his mouth. You step giving them ideas. Make them wear out. Yeah. American History X shirt. Put a mask on with a ball in his mouth.

Do the whole fucking thing. Tell him it's a keto diet. I can't mind into it. Yeah. It's not bread. Hey, you ever been whipped, dog? No. I got whipped.

They. It fucked. It fucked me up. It's okay. I'm not Denzel and fucking that movie. I don't want to get whipped. How come back? It's okay for me to get whipped then.

Because you need all the action you can in your life. Anything you could get, you could get. Because from the fourth wall, from the fucking Dante is inferno to your house is all you see. And then you sit there at 10 o'clock and let the four walls close on you. But at this point in my life, anything that good, if you fall down the stairs, it's good. Because at least something happened. I don't know. I agree with that.

You know what I'm saying? At least you've had to protect yourself. I got whipped and it kind of lifted a lot off me. You need to get whipped, spit on. So I check the core of your filthy Jew that she hates Jews and she sucks your dicks, while she comes and spits in your face. You need that type of shit. You need to fuck a Jew hater.

You got on top of you and just work those hips until your fucking back breaks. She starts spitting your face telling you your mother's a cunt. That type of shit. That's what you need. You need some chis just to get on top of you and choke you. Lee, they're out there. It's just fucking. I don't want to live in a world with that.

That's crazy. Say goodbye to your mother because I'm going to kill you. You're like, stop it. Stop it. I have a podcast that far. I have a new sponsor. You need all the action you can get. If I was to arrange that, would you do it?

He has no choice. Should we go without the getting beat up part? No, I mean, not be it. It's going to be a beat-up you like. Yeah. You know, like they're going to punch in the stomach one time. Or you're a punk-ass bitch and then whip you and sit on your face. You know, it feels good.

You're bleeding from your mouth while you're sucking pussy a little bit. And then the blood mixes with that pussy juice. Yeah. And you got like a light HIV effect, but it's going to be all right. You're listerine afterward. And you go home and you don't breathe on nobody. You don't say? You don't breathe on nobody.

Your pets will know. Yeah, but that's what you do. I like that's okay at the beginning. but then you like the slight HIV effect you need to go to that one massage place on lancashem they got an ugly chinese chick that works over there but she'll suck your dick with cellophane on it i'm telling you i got friends that go over there they put cellophane on your dick you got the fucking sulfate plastic rap like you put on lane microwave something they put a scotch tape like not scots tape a rubber band no because they can't get caught with condoms over there my friend

goes over there he's a filthy animal they can't work on it's like 60s like i go over all the time they're great a hundred years they fuck that's another reason why I don't want to do it because I imagine the guys that are fucking these girls come on everyone they're worse than the girls I think no well not for none you know Craig Robinson that's the problem

you know what I'm saying so just get down at least I'm clean because you haven't fucked nobody I that's yeah you gotta fuck some dirty people that got like the Hiv to build up your resistance oh my god took my wife out to eat the and there's a gay waiter and he brought over the dish and I go is this too orders or one. He goes, it's two orders.

I go, the plate looked like it's got the Hiv dog. He went pale. He's never heard that expression. Like, yeah, it looks like it's got the Hiv. Because the plate looked light. They should have been more fucking clams on it. I'm like, the plate's got the Hiv. He's like, he's probably still in rehab

more therapy over that. That's fucking funny. Yeah, I would love to. No, I just, I'm always been, I've always been a couple weeks ago I was talking to this girl. I met her on Facebook. She said she does some stuff.

I took her a breakfast one day. And we were talking about you. She was telling me, you know, how broke she was, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We were talking. I remember leaving there. And I can't say it to somebody, you know. This girl was 36, maybe.

Good looking girl. No beauty queen. A good looking girl. She's living in her car. You know, she's living in her car. She doesn't have a job. She's fucking struggling for every dollar. You know, she was telling me the positions that she puts herself in for work

and what people try to do to her, you know. And I got my calling on the way home, you know. And I thought about when I was 21. When I was 21, I lived in Aspen in Snowmast Village. And I was watching all these younger guys. you know, older guys, and I'd see these young girls. And unless you're a fucking idiot, that's not that girl's. That's not that guy's girl, right?

Yeah. You know, and I would look at them. There was this bar at the time called, not the Paragon, it was called Patty Bogotis. And I would go to Patty Bogotis all the time, and I would see, you know, after a while, I started seeing the same girls with different older guys. It's the game.

And I remember that I asked the bartender once. it was a sheet and I said I was 20, 18, 19, whatever I was. I wasn't naive, I didn't know that game. You know what I'm saying? I didn't know the hook of game and how it worked. My friends are taking me over to the 1040 club, but that's a disgusting place.

It's where you go and buy a ticket and then you fucking check in the back. What the fuck? Oh, New York City, yeah. 10.40 club? $10.40. $9.99 plus tax, 1040. No way.

You just put your dick in a hole. and there's a chick on the other side. They give you a sticker, like a ticket, and you go in, you can order a drink, and just wait down to the chick that you want. There's a hundred guys with Kelowna. These are all the guys that tell you, bro, go to that club in Orange County.

There's tons of pussy there. Meanwhile, they're at a fucking thing getting pussy. They're paying for it. You know what I'm saying? But I went there at one time, and it was just an uncomfortable experience. I felt dirty. I felt cheap.

You know what I'm saying? But she was also a scoundrel. I mean, when the chick the off had dressed, it was one of the ugliest things I was saw in my life. It was like she had stockings on, and when she took the stockings off, I saw the rashes and the, all the other shit that went. Anyway, she got on top.

They hide a lot, Doc. They hide a lot with those stockings and his pants. And I just remembered it wasn't for me, but I remember talking to that girl one night and going, do you, you know, are you friends with him? And she goes, you know, I'm friends with a couple of them. I have their numbers in case somebody comes in here asking. He goes, don't get me wrong.

And I was 18, 19, maybe 20, 19, 83. So I was 20. Fuck. And she was telling me that these girls would get anywhere from 500 to a thousand a date at the time. And that's if they didn't spend the weekend. Like a lot of guys in Texas will come up and go, fuck it. Just stay Wednesday through Sunday. That's a $20,000 weekend.

Like a $15,000. If you got it, you got it. Yeah, I guess. And I remember sitting there and going, you know, I was raised a certain way. I like girls to be a certain way. I didn't have a daughter then. But, you know, if I was 21 and I had a tremendous body and a beautiful face and I came out here and I ran into these fucking animals that just lied you.

And at the end, they just want to fuck it. I would flip it. I would really flip it. I would get a good dear friend of mine, tell them the truth, tell them I'm going to cut you in. and I want you to drive me I would put my price somewhere it's that good a pussy it's 24

it's that good I get checked up every week and that's what she was telling me she goes these girls aren't dirty they go to the doctor every week they get their pussies checked they get panicillin shots they're saying they do the king professionals

when you deal in the pussy hell yeah like the hit squad if you're a model you can't go eat white castling you gotta take good care of yourself and eat lettuce it's the same fucking thing you know so I didn't that about how much maintenance went into being a professional call girl you know but looking back at it like at that time when i was 20 i'm like if i was a young woman and i didn't go to college

and i had nothing else going on i would make a short list i would go my goals are from december 1st to march 15th up in aspen my goal was to pull down 100,000 straight up there's there's so many like what you're saying this is what you do you're The goal is 100,000 a season, until I'm 25, and I quit. I move somewhere. I redo my pussy. And I fucking, I get vaginal rejuvenation. You get the memory phone put it back in.

And nobody knows what. And I got a house. I got a car. I got credit. I don't have to deal with all this stuff. Now, a lot of women can't do that. No. A lot of men can't do that.

I mean, I couldn't just fuck somebody. But I'm just saying, you know. Think about it. I could. I would fuck chicks for 10 grand a week. You could off if I would right now. 30 whatever. Give a fuck.

A woman that's 70 that's got tons of money. Okay, look. If you're 70, you just can't like, yeah, I'll do it, dog. But like she has to be like, she can't be like on a breather and shit. Like she has to be able to walk, like functioning. You can't just like bring a chick in like, hey, my aunt. Wanted to bono chola before she died. Like, now I'm not bowling girls on hospice.

You know what I mean? Like if you can walk Your standards. I will fuck. Nancy Pelosi, you fuck. Oh, fuck all day. I give us some dick, too. Hold on a second.

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Anyway, back to you in debt. If I was a hot chick and I didn't have a college education. And my options were being a fucking waitress and getting sexually harassed by my boss anyway. You know, how many guys have you fucked at a worthless in all those years? You know, I mean, really, the dishwasher, the busboy, he's cheating on you. You might as well get where your pussy's work. And I'm not talking.

I got a daughter. For me to be saying something like this is very difficult because I would push her up to this. I see a lot of women that are just spinning your fucking wheels. And listen, I know there's guys, I wouldn't fuck me either. I wouldn't fuck me for $10,000. I wouldn't suck my dick. I don't know what it smells like. It's horrible.

But there's young guys out there that they shy. That'll give you $300 once a month to come over. Lee would. Hell yeah. If Lee found a chick that was cute, that totally I'm coming over on the first. You give me $300. You're going to fuck me. That's $3,600 a year.

That you're just putting away in the bank anyway. You're not going to dinner, you're not doing anything with your money anyway. You're playing for a family plan. You might as well get the chick to come in and fucking suck your horn for 360. That's getting away cheap from the school you came from. So, you know, and that's the truth. She has to fuck Lee once a month for $300. That $300 that makes her car payment as a comic.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And Lee's a sweetheart of a guy. Yeah, he won't spit on her or do not. He's not going to do nothing for you. They'll probably feed her afterwards. I'm not an animal, yeah. I'm having a little spread.

Yeah, but I don't, I don't, I've never understood, like. Like putting it, like, let's say you were a girl and all that stuff happened. Like, your mom passed away. You didn't have places to live. Do you think you would have reverted to something like that? If I was fucking hot and I knew exactly how to do it. And, yeah, I knew how to get myself. I know the client.

tell I'm going for. Yeah. It's all clientele. It's all clientele. It's all clientele. It's all clientele where you put yourself. You know, if you go to a fucking kid's bar, you're going to pick up dirty kids. You go to an adult bar and you act like an adult.

And I know a girl right now that charges $10,000 a night. What? Wow. I'll show you a picture. I can't tell you how you'll fucking die. Yeah. She's worth every fucking penny. 10 Gs a night.

She finally came through to me. I saw her online and she came to a comedy show. I saw that her shoes had to be 800. Her purse had to be 800. Her outfit was 800. And the guy she was standing with was a moochlier. He was a fucking mook. Yeah.

And after talking to her on Facebook, it took like a year. And she finally asked me one day. She goes, do you know anybody who would be interested? I don't know if you know this. She's got their actress. I went on IMDB. The chick don't even have a fucking picture. You know, you think people don't think they know.

Yeah. And I guarantee she's banging some of it. old guy pays her rent. She lives down in sunset. My boss still does this shit. She told me when she was 12 years old that her and her cousin used to fuck, she took her

mattress from the backyard and they put it in an abandoned house. And they would just tell like the boys, hey, 50 bucks. Fuck. That's some crazy shit. Like she loved it because she loved, she did it for the drugs. You know, and there's women that do it because of

problems at home. Yeah. Father, mothers, shit like that. But there's women who do it as a business. I mean, straight up. It's a fucking business. And they have an endgame. They have an agenda.

They take care of themselves. They're fucking cool. They don't do drugs. Yes, some don't. You know, they don't do drugs. There's something. Like when you go to, you ever fly into fucking L.A.X on Sunday from Vegas, look at the chicks you're flying with on Sundays from Vegas.

When you go into L.A.X. or John Wayne Airport, you're flying with the cream of the crop from Orange County. Yeah. You're flying in with blondes that'll make your head spin. Yeah.

They're probably going to Pepper Dine. They're probably going to USC. True. They're like, we're not fucking getting no job at Prapapas. Yeah. They go to Vegas.

They go to that rhino, whatever the fuck, on Thursday, Friday, Saturday. They walk out of their, you know, I'm dear friends with Onyx Muse. I talk to her other day. I retweet her stuff all the time.

She tells me what she. she makes. Yeah, she's not fucking around. She's not fucking nobody. She's stripping and she's camden. Yeah, it's different levels. It's all different levels. I tweeted an article at the end of there,

but a girl making 15,000 cammon a month. That's it. Just by cammin? You know, two hours a night. It's either that or you can drive an Uber and get raped. You know, I'd rather show my pussy for two hours without my face. She has different. Did you read the article?

I saw that. Very interesting. And now she got a TV deal. Damn. She wrote like a play and shit. You know, she showed her pussy. She financed what she wanted. I ain't mad at her. No, I'm not mad. She didn't sleep with nobody.

She got cans. Cams. That's doing what we're doing. Yeah. She took control of her life. She said, you know what? I'm not going to host any of these fucking comedy clubs with a small 200. I want to go show my pussy, build up my thing,

and that's exactly what she did. You show the numbers where she went to and where she took her from. You know, that's the freedom we have today in all artists and all levels. That you don't have to wait for a studio. You don't have to wait for nothing. Your studio is right there.

It's called the fucking internet. Yeah. You know, that's a good fucking thing. And, like, I've watched documentary. I think the only difference from what you're saying is some of them do it for like 12 hours a day. they have like sets and they they have games that they play and yeah fucking kidding no fuck it it's

it's the same thing as twitch but it's just for sex i've never been on none of this shit like i've been blessed i'm the guy that works there they give me money to play music for them like i've i've always been the guy that like they're like i i see all the guys that are getting played and they come in and they're like say hey george how's comedy. I'm like, they're bringing the chick flowers. Oh, dog. You're buying me lunch today, pretty much. And then the, like, when

that guy leaves, the strippers are like, oh, my God. His breath was so bad today. Yeah. Now, there's this one guy that we got. He's been coming there for like six years, dog. He gets a new chick every month. He doesn't care. He rotates them, and like, he

convinced three of the girls to live with him. What? Yeah, because some of these chicks fly in from Cleveland, anywhere, the East Coast, because there's more money out here. And then they're like, rent's expensive. And then this fool's like,

you can stay at a house, free rent. And they're like, yeah. And like he's just waiting. And he doesn't harass him. He's just waiting for anybody like, hey, can I stay another month? I want to move.

You want to move up to the master bedroom then? And that's crazy. You, like Eddie worked with a strip club forever yeah Eddie bravo I used to go on there with Joan visit him and it was crazy it was in San Anna right

no no right by the airport oh he was that Mr. Jays right by the airport they shot movies there you don't know how many times I've seen a movie and I've gone that's where Eddie Bravo was there for a long time it's so funny how you're there now and it's like your little sense of humor

like whenever I call you're there I can tell you having a good time you're gonna hold on real quick all right guys It's coming up next way. You're ready. And I'm going to have a day. So what's up that? It's fucking tremendous.

You're working a lot, man. I'm proud of you. Thank you, brother. Together. I think this Thursday you're in San Jose. Yeah, this Thursday I'm at the San Jose Improlet. Oh, shit. Yeah.

You know, try it. Thank you, dog. Everything you said is coming at full circle, you know. I stop hoaring myself out all the time. Going back to clubs once a year. More on the podcast, more on the writing. Thanks, my boy. It's a system, brother.

And it's just, it's not quitting. It's repetitive. Yes. How repetitive is it? You're like, I can't believe I'm doing this again. You're going to keep, and guess what? Once you get to that level, you're going to still keep doing it again. Oh, yeah.

It doesn't end. The grind don't fucking end. The grind ends in people's minds. That's what the problem is. People get to where they're going. And they go, what do I do now? Now is when I needed your grind. Yeah.

It's not getting there is knowing what you do once you fucking get there. Okay. It's a fucking nightmare. But I see what you're doing, man. I see that you're putting it together. But like I said to you guys, I'm really sorry about last week. I just slipped at the store. And now I don't know if I have a tearing my hamstring.

I mean, it's all black and blue, so everything is up in the air right now. But Miami's still good to go. Even if I got to take a fucking, even if I got to take a scooter down there and December 6th at the fucking town hall, 1030, there's still tons of tickets available for you guys. Everything else is sold out.

fucking Boston, Miami's. But New York, New York, December 6th, town hall. There's still some tickets up for the early show but they're $900. I wouldn't pay $900 to see me. They'd go fuck themselves. For real?

A lot of dime over 35. Yeah, they have no scalpers and shit that buy. I don't do that shit. I'll be back there plenty next year you come. Don't ever spend over $30. Fucking people are fucking thieves and shit like that. They drive me fucking bananas. Anyway, real quick here,

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and get 20% off your first order. Clean that fucking asshole wash that pole, shave it, and salute the flag, motherfuckers. It's Monday. Get Manscaped. I want to thank Manscape. I want to thank Upstate.

Upstart. And I also want to thank Audit for always being our sponsors and having our back. I also want to thank my man, George Perez and the Christkiller, but I want to thank you, motherfuckers for always having me.

Again, I'm sorry about last week. I was injured, but this week we'll make it up here. We got some great podcast coming your way. I'll see you December 6th at Town Hall, York City. Kick this fucking meal. Lee. I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart. Some somebody twice as smart as I. Or somebody who will swear to be true.

as you used to do with me Who leave you to learn That misery loves company Wait and see To see how he does it When he breaks your heart two bits Let's see if a puzzle fits so fine

and that's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet when somebody breaks your heart like you