The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #752 - Josh Adam Meyers

Episode Date: January 16, 2020

Josh Adam Meyers, a comedian and the creator of "The Goddamn Comedy Jam," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. Check out Josh's appearance on Bill Burr Presents: The Ringer. Now on Comedy Central.  This podcast is brought to you by:   Manscaped - Get 20% off your first order and a travel bag if you purchase "The Perfect Package" at www.manscaped.com and use the code CHURCH   CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.   

Greetings from PodcastVille, you little cock suckers. It's Thursday, the 17th of the month. We got a great show for you today. No more music. We're on Spotify now. We're not fucking around. Today's guest is my main man, Josh Adam Myers, and the Christ Killer is always motherfucking here.

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And let's get this party started. You see it the way out press in church and get 20% off your first order delivered to your house. You know what I'm saying? Whose dick do you like? Daddy. He's like, you take this dick! Take this for who gives you dick like this?

Nobody. And he's suck and he's like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Do you see that thing that Onyx Muse tweeted today? No. That this guy on Grindr killed a guy, and he strung him up and cut his balls off and ate them. I mean, that's a way of getting off. I mean, you know, that's getting bad out there.

You know, things are getting bad. Oh, my God. And he admitted to it, too. Oh, yeah. I mean, if you think about it, though, like, there's probably way, just, I mean, that's horrible. I'm not taking any the way from that, but there's probably horrible shit happening on Grindr every day. I mean, you know, dude, guys are disgusting. And then you're meeting up with some random guy in a fucking, you know, at a red roof in and Tulsa.

You know, that shit does... Look at the guy from... They never said nothing about last year. By the way, Josh Adam Myers, congratulations. Thank you, brother. I think a little show of Bill Burr... Bill Burr Presents. It's on Friday, January 10th.

That's the premiere. But it's... You can find it on YouTube. It'll be all over social media. So just go to my social media page at Josh Adam Myers or go to the Comedy Central app and you'll be able to find it.

All right. Back to the fucking hours. Let's talk about... So you meet this fucking gay guy. You do not know. And they go off. I mean, they fuck without condoms. They don't give a fuck.

No, not at all. You know, we have friends. So I've been told. I mean, I said that's so confidently. So I've been told. We have mutual friends that are gay. And then they live a different lifestyle than us completely. Well, you have to consider, Joey.

It's like you're a guy. So you have that natural guy stuff. So the way that we react to women and how we're always thinking about women, you have to imagine now you're thinking about men that way. And the woman is never thinking about you the way you're thinking about the woman. but the guy is like, yeah, you want to stick a plunger in my ass? Fuck yeah, dude. I'm into that, and then that's what they're doing, you know?

So, good for them. It's crazy. No, no, I ain't mad at nobody. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. Oh, it's great. I have a buddy who he doesn't have like the effeminate voice, so he sounds like a regular guy. And we drive down to San Diego and he'll be like, oh, yeah, this is so hot. And he'll show me a picture.

He's watching porn. He's like, hey, look at this ass. And for a second, you forget that he's gay. He's like, oh, it's going to be a girl's ass. And it's just this dude. He just said. You have to keep this in mind, dude. We're in Los Angeles,

which this is the best-looking of the best-looking gay guys in the world. Oh, yeah. You go to Pittsburgh. There's a guy at a bar right now that's like, Dude, he's like, he's like, let me get it. Jersey got some ugly faggots too, dogs. He's like, hey, bartender, let me get a Budweiser and put your balls in it real quick.

Go ahead and do that for me. I've seen some ugly gay motherfuckers in Jersey. Oh, that's what I'm saying. New York, they pick up again. New York, they get real. New York, they get a Chelsea. They're closity. They bang women and guys, so you don't know who the fuck you're getting.

You don't know what? Yeah. When you suck that dick, you don't know what flavor it is. It could be chocolate. It could be Neapolitan. It could be whatever. Yeah. But it's really weird, like, when you see a gay guy in Texas, like I knew a gay guy in Texas.

He was no Elvis. He wasn't a good-looking guy at all. You know, Houston, I met him in Easton, Houston has a big gay area. That's phenomenal. Phenomenal. Still a big city. Big city. So you get to a big city, they have a section of town.

Like DC has DuPont Circle and you'll find all variations. I forget the name of this restaurant. Fannie, if you're ever in Houston, you've got to go to this restaurant. Dingles. No. Is it Dingles? No, I think it's Maxwell. You open a gay bar and call it Dingles.

That's the thing about a gay bar. I would love to open up a gay bar just to get to push the name. Like, I want people signing petitions in my name. If you think they sign petitions in Burbank against Burbank, airport the planes are too loud yeah wait till i come up with a name like the flaming asshole you know what i'm they open up they open up a five guys there and i was like oh that's oh it's not gay i was like no that's the burger place i was like that would have been a perfect name jesus that is a perfect five guys five guys who were lonely what was that strip club is this still open which one 99 hot girls

and one ugly one oh uh deja vu that's that's that's their yeah that's their motto and it's what was their model? It was like 99, 99 attractive ones, like three uglies. Is that really? Is that really? If you go to the deja vu website, I'm pretty sure that's, that was like the whole thing. You know what I mean? Hey, they're honest. Yeah, but who, like what stripper would sign up to be the ugly one? That's fucking. That's the thing. They don't know. They don't know. They think they're the hot one. Oh, damn. Dude, I've, I have seen when I DJed at strip clubs years ago, uh, because you, they have to be that confident. sexual thing. And so you can find the hottest girl at the strip club who makes no money. But the girl that is just like a four, but and maybe a little overweight, but just fucking is just in her head, she's the sexiest thing in the world. She made more money than everybody. Oh, God, I got a girl. It's all confidence. I got a girl on Twitter that I seen her, you know, because Twitter's adding more and more chicks doing cans. Oh, yeah.

OX Mews has been on the show. I love Onyx. I love OX. Who is she? She's a cam girl? She's a cam girl who I love it. She's a young girl when I was shooting the soprano. We went out to breakfast a couple times. You know, it's like talking to a regular chick that just shows a pussy on a cam later on. That's it. Another wrong with that?

There's nothing. I wasn't mad at it out. Make your money, whatever, as long as you're not hurting anybody. Bro, with the money they're paying you nowadays, you're going to fucking go be a waitress. I stay to care girl. Listen, if I was fucking hot and I was 22,

I would fucking put a mask on, a wolf man, and just show my pussy all day for tips. I'd make a lot more than if I was a fucking Starbucks. Yeah. Putting up with a lot of soy bean fucking drinkers. You know? Yeah. That's the fucking truth, you know?

What are we talking about? About Amic. Oh, no. So there's this chick on. Okay. And one day she reached out. Like, hey, man. I made a comment.

And I looked at this stuff. And she's a porno chick, but she's like 48. Like, knock it off. Her ass is completely flat. Like, you know, it's completely flat. She goes, you know, I'm getting back into porn, whatever. So I typed her in, and you could see the difference. She was here in 1990, hot.

Her pussy was squirting, you know. She was a fucking fireball, and something must have happened. You know, she went to a mental institution. She's eight years came out, and she got back into porn, and she's putting people pictures up. And every time I retweet her, people just torment it. Oh. I'm trying to help her to help herself out her videos.

like, please don't fucking retweet no more. A pussy's old. It's beat up. She even sent to me. And then her partner was like, retweet me. Retweet me. I need all the help. I'll give you codes to my thing.

Yeah. And she's the gang bang one. Oh, God. She's just a gang bang one. She flies into a town, puts an ad in, and fucking come to Hotel 202 and suck my asshole. And you see a bunch of guys lined up. And they just. fucker it's getting crazy dude i something crazy you know steve randoff yes steve randoff did uh did uh he

wasn't i think he went to a bucaki like that was shot he brought his like first day he's talked about it on like other podcasts so i'm not like outing anything uh and he gave me the link to it because like people found the link all the your mom's house fans found the link and so i was like well i got to see it because i because i heard steve pops in it you don't see his face but i was just like i just want to just just see it for a second and i go in to watch it and there's like four Bukakis. There's a dude that was friends with my roommate when I used to live, like one of the Bukaki guys. So it's just, and I showed him to another buddy.

He goes, do we got to like, like, tell people. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is for us. We can, you know, we have a funny picture of him, like, just sitting there, like, angry face, just holding his dick. And I'm like, the guy's overweight. But good for him. He works at Enterprise.

You know what I mean? Like, I don't want to ruin this guy's life. You make your money anyway. You're going to make your money. What's a Bukaki? Bukaki is like, it's kind of like a gang bang. But I think more fun because, yeah, you know, there's a girl in the center and every guy is just prepping. And then one at a time, they all just jizz on her.

And at the end, they all go Bukaki. And that's it. Started in Japan because they're into some freaky shit. I don't know about the ending, but yeah, the middle part's right. I might have added the Bukaki scream out. It's like. That is really, really disgusting and disturbing that many. do that. You were just talking about Judas Priest taking dick and listening to that song.

Yeah, that's one guy on one guy. I'm not talking about a room. Listen, let me tell you some. I love you to death. Okay. I never, ever, ever want to see your dick under no conditions. I wasn't planning on showing it to. If you tell me that you're doing a threesome and you got a chick and you're banging her in the ass, I still believe, you know what I'm saying? I don't like two dicks around me. I don't want a guy jerking off next to me. I walked out once. I walked out once on a, on a, it would have been a, I guess a quasi-orgy, my, me and my girl

and a guy and his girl, and they were all on ecstasy. And I was just, everybody started to take clothes off. And I was just like, I told the girl, I was like, let's just go on the other room. I was like, I don't want to see the other guy. Also, the guy was Neve Campbell's brother. So he looked like Nev Campbell. So it was just, it was like awkward. You know what I mean?

I've seen the movie scream. I like the movie scream. I didn't want to see him, you know, nut. Like, I didn't want to see that. I didn't see him humming. Dude, when we fuck, we look weird. I don't want to do it. Like, with two girls, that's one thing.

I've had one threesome. It was great in my whole life. But the idea of, like, like you said, like, do you watch some of these, like, group sex things? And, like, they're going into, it's like two girls or two guys and one girl. And they're, like, mushing their cocks together just to get it in the same hole. And that's, it's too much.

That's not too much. Yeah, it's not my thing. You have a joke. off in front of a mirror. What? When I used to do coke one night in Vegas, I was so paranoid.

I couldn't jerk off outside. Sure. So I tried to jerk off in the bathroom and I caught myself in the mirror like jerking off. Why did we do that though? If you ever see yourself jerking off, you're looking at Jerry Lewis kid.

Oh, it's yeah, we're not. You look like you're fucking retarded. Do we turn into like a goblin? Like our shoulders, we have no neck. We bend over. We got this weird, creepy look on your face. I remember stopping. That's what I become.

I can't do this shit no more. So I can't imagine doing it around four or five. I didn't, you know, you look at a guy like me, you know, and Joe Diaz is this and this, just by judging them. If it comes to sex, you're going to peg me wrong completely because I was never that guy. Like I was never that guy. When I was a kid, the big thing in New York was to go to Plato's retreat. What's Plato's retreat? fucking disgusting orgy.

Really? Oh. A bar that you paid 500 to get in and you were promised to get fucked and 200 idiots would go there every night. I'm going to get my dick sucked. There'd be three girls and like 99 guys. And there'd be in. There'd be hot guys.

Yeah. I had the 1040 club which was 999 to get your dick suck plus tax is 1040. That's what I call it the 1040. That's that New York 8%. I went to that one. one time and I knew that world wasn't for me.

Yeah. I saw porn that was just, you know, porn now. And porn when I came from Cuba was two different worlds. Oh, yeah, dude. Porn now has a middle of beginning and ending. The girl takes a shower. When I came here from Cuba, not normal women were doing porn. They were like two days from being condemned.

Like, they're like, listen to the hospital stays and it costs you $1,200 for the year. You just got to make a stop and do some sex. vaccines and then we'll take it to the thing and the chicks like okay and they wouldn't even know i mean i'm just assessing they weren't good looking so from an early age i never really understood none of that shit like there was a girl it was a girl in my hometown that sucked 20 dicks two nights she sucked 18 one night and like 22 the other night they called the marathon woman when i was a junior in high school it's 40 dicks and i remember going you know what i wish i was there but then again I don't really want to be there.

Like that was. Like she came out to 18 dicks burped. And said, who's next? And the guy used to pimper out, his name was Jimmy Denny. And he thought he was fucking Jimmy Page. He drove me crazy. I always wanted to kill him. I liked his brother.

Yeah. Me and his brother, the devil. Why do you like him? Just his attitude? Jimmy Denny was creepy. He was 14. He already had false front teeth. He had long.

And I can't say I didn't like him. I liked him. It's his family. It was creepy. Yeah. And he would always come. around with a guitar like those guys always bother me so I see a guy playing a guitar like 20 the afternoon when the guitar is not necessary yeah there's a guy that hangs out of this coffee

shop that I go to he's out front always playing the guitar I'm like if the guitar's not necessary keep the guitar at home shouldn't you be at lilac fair it's like the guys and when you fly on sundays they walk on a plane with a guitar if you're not led zeppelin check that fucking thing because you ain't worth the shit check that fucking thing okay leave me the fuck alone if I don't see Robert Plant walking behind you, don't bring that guitar on there. And then you want to sit and coach and complain why there's no space for your fucking

base because you're playing a shitty band. That's why you're in coach. Leave your fucking guitar off the fucking plane. It drives me crazy. What are we talking about? Oh, the guy playing the fucking guitar. Yeah. But you're the buddy who would pimp out his girlfriend? Yeah, so he would come to

38th Street Park with these like two fucking freaky girls that thought they were like the Manson girls. and he'd play the guitar at the park when he was shooting hoops. I'd get irritated, but I liked his brother. His brother was the devil, so you couldn't really fuck with him. So...

What do you mean? His brother just... He was just the tough dude? When we were kids, they called him the devil. Like, when we were 14, they called him the devil. Guess what he is today? Doing double life in North Carolina. Oh, wow. You knew it at that age. Yeah, you could always tell who was going to be... Yeah, like, Mike.

I ran with Mike. Mike was my introduction. When my mom died, I ran with Mike at night. And it was always a double cross. He double crossed everybody. Even you? He was worse than uncut gems. He was the original uncut gem.

Yeah, yeah. He would double, you know. Yeah. We would go make a move and then we're picking up this. And he'd come back to the car. Oh, he only gave us 80 bucks. And then you see him with a diamond ring the next day. You motherfucker.

You know, he's one of those guys. Yeah. But he had a car. He always played Arrow Smith, get your wings. There it is. So I took what I could. Sure. Give me rides to harm them.

So I took what I could from him. And we used this brother. But the point was that Mike, what was his name? Jimmy Denny, something like that. One of the Denny's, like you would come up to him. There was a point where you would come up to him and talk to him. And he would go, you want to blow your job? And you're like, sure.

And he'd go, suck his dick. and you go behind a car and she would suck your dick and then he kept doing that more and more and then one night he took it to a party and said suck everybody's dick and she sucked everybody's dick and then he took it to another party and she sucked 22 decks that night

and she'd come to school the next day and there was nothing wrong with her from the outside and I remember sitting behind her in class and just like saying because they called a marathon woman that was her street name

Marathon, Marathon, Marathon. It's horrible. I couldn't imagine how long it would take to suck one dick. Imagine doing 22 in one night. When you're 16, those dicks never come. Yeah. When you're 16, you don't come.

You know, you just sit there with a hard dick, like, just in shock that somebody's... Well, or it's the alternative that they're just so excited because of the first time they have their dick in somebody's mouth. So it's just like, yeah, it's like, I bet there was a lot of quick poppers. I bet there was like... Even doubt I would... Yeah, I bet there was a couple guys who were like, this is my third one, so I'm prepared for it. I don't forget years later looking at a high school yearbook at a friend's house

and seeing her picture like... Like smiling, like, what the fuck are you smiling about? Is she still alive? I don't know. I even forgot her name. Thank God. I forgot her name. We had a...

We had a family that was in the town that I grew up in. So in Germantown, Maryland, they were called... There were the B-crafts. There was Andrea B-craft, I think was the daughter. And then there were three brothers all varying ages older. And I bought LSD from the family ones. They were like, they were the degenerates. You know what I mean?

The B-crafts. And I remember one time, like, I was at the Wendy's where we used to hang out and smoke cigarettes. And they were there with Andrea, the sister. And like, literally, she just looked so out of it. And they were, they asked me, like, you want to get laid? It's like, yeah, you know, 100 bucks. or whatever, you can fuck her.

This is their sister. Fuck. Yeah, dude. I remember there was a girl at school, too, that, that, that, there was a rumor that she would suck dick for $20. And one time we got off the bus, and we were all hanging out smoking cigarettes at the bus stop. And I asked her in like a very not, maybe it was like, yo, how much would you, would you charge if you had to suck dick to somebody? And she was like, a girl was like, well, I wouldn't do that. And then that girl, she was like, 20 bucks.

And that got me so hard for. for some reason. I got so excited. She was cute. I was like, God, I wish I had 20 bucks in that moment.

But yeah, some people are very just open. The Andrea thing, I think that that family was just such pieces of shit and they probably got the sister hooked on drugs and then just were like,

you're going to be a prostitute. They're going to make money off for the other girl. I think just, you know, some people look at sex in a different way, you know? They look at it where it's not a big deal.

And that's where you get sex workers. There's some, sex workers that are just like, yeah, like, I'll be a stripper and I'll give you a hand job because I don't think anything of it. You're going to pay me for it, but I'll do it, you know? Yeah, I just went and did our buddy George Perez's podcast and his buddy, because they do a podcast, him and his friend, Eddie, and he was showing me on Instagram that they both work at strip clubs. Like, strippers they follow, we'll just put on their Instagram stories. Like, it was, it was the funny thing. It was like, a girl's going to be.

God Christmas presents to buy asses for sale again. Just on her Instagram story. Dude, I remember strippers at the club that would be like, I got to make rent tonight, so my knees are going to hurt by the end of it. I'm sucking a lot of dicks tonight. Oh, Jesus. That's just what they do. Do you know what I mean?

There was Amara. Amara was the one that just, she was just the handjob queen, man, and she would, I would buy a half hour from her for $150, and they'd go in, and it's a 15 minute or a half hour is supposed to be 10 songs. That's three minutes each song, right? She'd be out in a song and a half. How long were you a DJ that strip club? I got hired at Desire, which isn't too far away from here, uh, in February of 2009. Because remember Alex Moore, the seven foot big dude that used to hang out at the comedy store. He used to be a door guy there. He's a regular there. I think that's when you weren't, you weren't coming around. But Alex, I couldn't find a job.

And I was going to like restaurants and I was trying to get hired. And I was living on couches trying to be a comic, do it, open mics, doing what I had to do to survive. And Alex heard me complaining. And he goes, he goes, you used to, he's like, you used to be like a private party DJ. I was like, yeah. And he's like, dude, you got a great voice, man. He's like, if I was you, forget these restaurants, I'd go to a strip club. He's like, I bet if you go to a strip club tomorrow, go out in the valley, hit like six of them.

He goes, I bet you get hired at three tomorrow. And he was right. I got hired immediately at the first club I went to. And I worked there. It was off of fuck. It was like, it was off a Sherman way,

I want to say Bel Air, by the club, the desire club that we were just, a desire, but deja vu that we were just talking about. It's like literally on the next street east. And it was the shittiest place I ever worked. How long did you work that for?

I worked at that place from February until May. And then I went out of town from my mom's retirement party. When I came back, they hired somebody else. And I was like, dude, I got all my shifts covered. They're like,

we didn't think you were coming back. I was like, I literally said to you, I'll be back in four days. And they fucking fired me. And then I got hired into Spearmint Rhino, first place I went to. Because it was always funny. Anytime I went to a strip club to apply and I was like, yeah, yeah, I was like, I'm a DJ. And they'd be like, yeah, we don't need one. And then I go, oh, man, that sucks.

And they go, wait, wait, wait, wait, you got a great voice. We got to put you up there. It's like you were born to do this. And I'd go up there and I'd just be like, oh, yeah, y'all. Go in the back and get your dick mush. And they were like, all right, you're working Tuesday. How long did you work at Dejaveu for? I didn't work at DejaVu.

I worked at Desire. Desire I worked out from February until May. Spearmint Rhino I worked at from fuck, from June of 2009 until January of 2016. I didn't work at that same club. I moved on to a different club, but I, you know, dude, I had worked there and it's like I was building my career

and it really started taking off. And then it became this level of hating the job so much because I wanted to quit and just be a comic. And I'm doing all these festivals like Just for laughs. And I'm, you know, I'm opening for Burr. And every once in a while, I remember one weekend I was, I jammed with Burr at, at Madison Square Garden before he headlined. We rented all this equipment.

I jammed there. And the night before that, I'd sold out a show at Gramercy doing the goddamn comedy jam. And then a week later, I was at the club in downtown LA being yelled at by a stripper. So I developed this like horrible opiate addiction just fucking, because it was in downtown LA. So I just, every time I was driving to work, I just stopped by a fifth and Broadway, pill alley, jump out of my car. I had my liaison.

I'd call him say, yeah, I want, let me get five blues. And he'd meet me in the car. I'd give him 100 bucks. I'd go to work. And I had to like dope myself up so I could just get through the shift. And then it was, uh, we, we sold the show to Comedy Central. and in November of 2015. And then January 2016, I was really, really bad off with pills.

And I kept, I didn't call out from work, but I kept getting my shift cover. I only worked Thursday and Friday night. And I was making bread too. I was making, you know, $5 to $1,000 a night. I was making $500 to $1,000 a night working two nights. And I remember I called out one shift because they had me working on Christmas. I'd work Thanksgiving and Christmas because Thanksgiving is on Thursday and Christmas that year. fell on a Thursday.

And I got my shifts covered. And then two days after Christmas, the manager called me. He's like, hey, man, he's like, we're going to take away your Thursday and Friday nights and give you Sunday and Monday. And the money would have dropped exponentially. Like, I would have gone from $500 to maybe $50 to $75, maybe $100 a shift. And I just said, yeah, I think that's it. And I was dating a girl and she had some money.

And so she was like, yeah, I'll pay your bills until I had no bills. So, I mean, it was like rent was like $1,000. bucks that was my only bill and uh and then a few months later i started touring so then i just never went back but i went back a few times and i just went back recently just because i was driving by i was on the five and you're right at the five 10 interchange that's where the club it's called dames and games is and i was like you know what i was like it's been like three years i haven't been back i just want to go in there and i went back to the same motherfuckers all there. every single like the same same door guys same DJ and they're just beaten and bruised and just in the club is not

nearly what it was when I worked there when I worked there it was a fucking ATM I showed up I had so many hustles it was like you want this song 100 bucks you want to go on stage and I skip all these girls you got split that money that guy I had so many little hustles didn't deal drugs but just and and it's just like it it blew my mind and I now when I go there now which is rare but what I have I go in there so I see that world so I can say to myself never go back let me ask you know five years that you work for the strip club what did you see what did you I mean yeah you saw some beautiful women you saw tits you saw pussy asses women walking around naked probably you could probably get your

dick sucked once a shift but after a while you become numb to it you see so yeah What is it that you saw that made you You see a fucking dirty Ugly pain I saw the worst of people I saw the worst of what Of what money can do to people What people are willing to do for it

I'm not just talking about sex I'm just talking about like the selfishness The whole circle of it's just you're getting See that's the thing is that like people like you know Ryan Sickler and Jay they have the podcast of Crab Feast and I go on there and I tell these stories from my life not so much as strip club but just life

and like you know they in a kidding way will call me like a dirt bag and like you're this and it's like no man I was just learning I was learning in life and I made a lot of mistakes and I can look back now and be like dude I'm a good person I take care of my friends and family I'm not selfish I don't leave with my ego so

the strip club world was not for me I'm a sensitive guy much like you when we listen to that song like I felt that that almost got me and it's like it's like I I only did that for survival but it was like it I never let it change me but it but it was like if I could if like if I never make it and I think about that like if I don't create the jam or I don't you know really just you know start doing my own things I could still be there and some people like George George loves it because George and George isn't a dirtbag he's just a fun guy that drinks and

parties and he's cool with all the girls for me man it was like i went in there for money and it made it brought out the worst of me man and i've seen you know i've seen some girls go in there that are like i'm doing this for now and i'm gonna because like maybe the economy crashed or they fucking something happened or they got went through a divorce and and then they can go in there and compartmentalize it like this is a job and i just leave it here i'm the party girl here but once i leave. I have my kid or I got this and I pay my bills and I go to school. And then you have these, some girls and people that like this world is the only world that they know and, and they thrive in it. Because they don't give a fuck who they rip off. They don't give a fuck, you know, what they do to get

ahead of you. You know what I mean? I've seen girls drug other girls. I've seen so they could get their customer. I've seen fights. Fighting over nothing. Like nothing. And it, It's just like, and I got to play the fucking soundtrack to it. You know what I mean? It's, it was such a, such a sad place. For some place, it's supposed to be so much fun. It's, there's so much sadness. I dated this.

I, like I said, I went to Melilands in when I was a kid. I saw a girl put a Galliano bottle in a pussy and bananas. Oh, Tina? Tina. And that was great when I was fucking 16 and 17. And then something happened to me. I don't know. It just strip clubs became, and I'm not talking about to that,

I'm not taking the high moral road. There was just something that didn't do anything for me. To be honest, it's like going to Oudas. If you're not going to show me your pussy, the wings ain't that good. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I want to see your pussy. I don't want to see Cleavage, you know?

I'm already, I already went through puberty. Yeah. So for me, it just became nothing. And then I started dating a stripper. And I started picking her up. I would pick her up. And I got into her world. I would talk to her.

And, you know, the day the stripper is a man, it eats you alive. Because no matter what they tell you, you know, I just do lap bansters, really? And you came home with $2,000 unless you did lap dances for retards. I wouldn't give you no $20 to dance. There are. Listen, but there are some that just know how to work it. Yeah. They are.

And I get you. And they have regulars. And I'm single. And I'm looking for a boyfriend and in time come next Wednesday. And that's how you build your regulars. It's a hustle. It's a long game. It's a long game.

It's a long game. And then the guy finally after 20,000, he realizes there's nothing. That's why they don't want your boyfriend ever picking you up. Don't have your boyfriend pick you up here. Because what if the guy's in the car dreaming about you? And also he sees fucking your loser boyfriend because that's what you have. Yeah. You have a loser boyfriend when you're dancing.

that allows you to do that or they even considers that, that means that he's laying somewhere doing drugs and he's not doing it right there. They're pimping. It's a form of pimping that's like, I saw that time and time again. So I lived with her in Seattle, and I loved her.

I loved it, but it bothered me, and it was something that I just, for me to move forward, I just couldn't think about. She would come home, take a shower. I wouldn't ask her nothing. She'd tell me to help her count the money. drop a couple 50s on the floor and put them in my sock, you know, because she's not all bright.

She wasn't no fucking five beta cap, even though today she has a master's degree. I love it a debt now with tight friends, but while I dated her, I went through a lot of, like, you have to check your emotions, and then I would go pick her up, and I'd see the people who would be at those places, and it was the same guys, like hoping. that something's going to happen. And you're like, you could have been on a dating site. You know, you could have done this and this and this. And then I saw something.

All right, so when we got here, we lived on a trailer on Fairfax. And then we broke up and I moved them with Stanhope. And then we got back together. And by that time, we had an apartment fucking on Hollywood Boulevard. And I would pick her up. So I would drive her at 7, shoot, do my spots, do my spots at the store. and then I pick her up in a quarter to two. She worked down La Siena.

What's the one on La Siena? It's been there. Ah, fuck. I know what you're, it's like by Largo, right? And it's owned by the same guy. Seventh Vale. They own seven veil, yeah. The same, seventh veil, because she could have switched.

Yeah. Have you been to the seventh veil? Oh, that place is a shithole, dude. Oh, my God. I went there one night, coked up. Just me. That's a coaked up place. That's where you go.

Coked up, yeah. Just to smell of that place. It's like an abortion clinic in there. so we fuck in that place smells like an abortion clinic it really does and I know strip clubs have this smell

that is just disgusting yeah dude it stays with you oh god so I have to pick her up by that place in a quarter to two I go back then

I'm waiting and I never got out of the car she just knew she would text me and she knew to come out in 10 minutes and I would sit in the car and whatever

I didn't have a cell phone back then And this one night, she ran out and she put her bag in the thing, and she goes, come on in, you have to see this. And I go, what are you talking about? And she goes, you've got to see this. We went through the back, and in L.A., they have a six-foot rule. Do they not in the city of Hollywood?

Yeah, on the stage. On stage, again. In 1997, if you got a private dance, you stood there, and I stood here with a rope in front of me. And when we walked in, God bless, God rest of soul. It was Chris Farley a week before he died, fat than ever by himself with a dinner jacket on and like a gray shirt on. But the gray shirt was covered and sweat. He was just sweating from the blow or whatever.

Oh, he was doing speedballs, right? His face was red. His cheeks were beat red, and he was sweating so much that his hair looked like he was putting grease in it. And all he was doing was he had a stack of money, and he had just ripped the bands off, and he was just taking him and throwing him at her and laughing. And me and her just looked at each other, and I'm like, well, I guess I'm not a Chris Farley fan no longer. Fuck, yeah. That's how bad Chris Farley looked.

He didn't look like he was even being a nice guy. Oh, you figure he probably been up for like three days, maybe longer. It was like out of anger. It's like me just going, okay, you want the money? Get the fuck out, leave. And he was just throwing money out of it. I sat there for maybe three or four minutes and me and my girlfriend left maybe four days later. He fucking fuck.

Yeah. But that whole while I dated that girl, I felt that darkness. Joe Rogan tells the story that when I moved there I wasn't funny and all of a sudden one day I got funny when I broke up with that girl her bad energy

she had such what they do for a living you know we were talking about dream stealers before people who steal your dreams you know it's like when I worked at the sports betting service and I would call you up and say

I'm going to go three for four I know I don't have any information and then meanwhile you really did lose $75,000. You really did. You really took my information and bet and you really did borrow 30 from your mom and 40 from your father and 60 from your grandmother's retirement account to put this bet in. You know how bad of a karma that was? Oh, that's horrible. I worked at that place. And today, out of all those guys I worked at the sports betting service, pretty much all of them are fucked up. Something's not right with them. One of them came to one of my show.

And I go, how are these guys doing? He goes, I don't see them. They're in the bottle. What's his name? His wife left him. That guy, he went broke because it's like they were playing a scam game. And I think sometimes strippers have that energy. This girl today is successful.

She's working. She's got two kids. I'm the godfather to her oldest boy. You know, I keep in touch with her. But her life has been nothing. Her kids remember her with 15 men. I know since the kids were born, she's had 15 living boyfriends.

So the energy was so bad that she had around her that once she got out of my life, like in a sexual and as a being around me way, my whole life changed. I could. Same situation. It was like I lost 40 pounds of energy, like thought.

Like my thought process didn't have to think about her anymore. Dude, if you're dating somebody that's depressed or negative and you like there I mean you take that I take people's energy so in the sense if you're if you're in a good mood then I'm in a good mood you know what I mean and if you're sad like that's why when I go home my mom's kind of a negative person like I I love it at death but it's like it's it's it just brings me down to where it's like I start feeling that way but now since I started meditating and and doing all this reading and shit that it's like I can go home and separate that and be like, okay, she, that's her energy. I don't have to take that.

But you go to that, if you're dating somebody that is a, that is negative or living in a negative world like that, you have to believe that energy is real. And then you're pulling from that, man. Dude, I was dating a girl that was depressed and I was depressed after I had the TV show. I'd never been more depressed in my life than when I had that TV show because I'm for a multitude of things. I saw it survivor's guilt from my friend dying. I was just upset of the way the show was made and and I couldn't enjoy one second of it and I isolated from the world and I was dating this girl and man we just isolated her and I together because two negatives when you're depressed and she's depressed two negatives make a positive do you know what I mean so she's a fun hang we're having a great time

and then I went through my a little existential crisis where I was like fuck man I was like I haven't been doing stand up like I don't know what I'm going to do but I always have stand up so I got to dive back to that and I started doing it and then she started saying to me she's like oh you're going to go out again tonight and I was just like I was like sweet all you got to go I was like I that's the problem you can't grow like there's so many people there's a lot of women

at first they don't really know what comedy is you know 30 days it's great oh my god it must be great living with him oh it's a barrel of last wait till you're knocked up I'm calling you from Florida what are you doing I'm here with Josh Adamizeley we're at pay PF

Chang fucking show is great show is great we won't be home till next Tuesday and you're there carrying two babies cleaning out a litter box that comedy career ain't no fucking fun so whatever woman you decide on

or mate if you're a woman you decide on they have to be all right with it they have to know in the beginning you have to set the rule like the second day like listen bitch I'm out five nights a week if your parents come to town I don't give a fuck

If your parents want to go out to dinner, I don't give a fuck. If your uncle dies in a car accident, it's got nothing to do with me. And it's very hard for somebody to accept that. Oh, yeah, dude. Not any woman is going to accept that. But back to your statement, I have a different situation. My wife is a positive person, but it's not what you say. It's how you say it.

I could just say to you, hey, they just blew up Tower 3. I can go. Hey, oh my God, they blew up Tower 3. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. My wife is the second. You know, I'm about to leave in the morning. I'm about to go to Miami.

I'm just getting the Uber's outside. Yeah. And my wife would go, there's torrential storms in Miami. And I'll tell her, knock it off. It's your storms. Big fucking deal. And if you know anything about the news,

it's probably sunny in 38. because they show us the bullshit. My daughter's godfather lives in Fort Lee. Every night they tell me how the frigid conditions in New York tonight. And then they go to Fort Lee. And the lady's standing there. And she ain't even shaking. She's just standing outside by the George White.

She's wearing a windbreaker. Not even a jacket, like a windbreaker. It's up, you know, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's bullshit. That's kind of what my mom's like, too. My mom is she blows everything up. Yeah, they're like. She just like Taylor.

With the voice. That's how my daughter. That's how my wife was raised. Like everything is a panic. Like I still remember when the towers were getting hit. I woke up to, oh my God. Oh, my God. What happened?

What? The towers got hit. I never forget. And I tell the story. I was at the store Monday night. And it was the week that Foco were having the home run races. McGuire and Sosa? Yeah.

Okay. And poor. was there on a Monday night, and he kept saying, they ain't going to let that little nigger break the record. I'm telling you, they ain't going to let that little nigger make the record. If you ever saw Paul Mooney, that's how he would talk on stage. Everything was racist. He was talking about Barry Bonds.

He goes, they're never going to let that Barry Bonds. They're never going to let that nigger break the record. What, something's going to happen. So I went home with that mind, and I woke up to my wife going, oh, my God, they just looked at Tower Ford. I remember going, waking up going, fucking Paul Mooney was right they're not going to let that little

nigger break the record because they canceled all the games that day that'll throw off his hitting getting his head a little bit so how's this new fucking podcast works out for you it's great it's great God I want you to do it so fucking bad

we got to find you a record I got to send you this so it's I have a podcast I went you contacted me here's the problem because I wanted you do ZZ Top right because I thought for some reason I thought you...

I'm a Zizi Top fan. Yeah. But you hit me with an album that I haven't listened to in 25 years. You hit me at a time in my life when, you know, who has the time? Yeah, I know you're listening. To listen to a fucking album and really absorb it. So I felt like anything else in life. You know, you're a pilot, right?

Josh, Adam Myers, in your life, you fly for United Airlines. then why the fuck are you writing a movie about fishing? I can't get it. I'm having a writer's blog. Yeah, because you're not a fisherman. Did you ever think of that? You're a pilot. Write a book about a drunk pilot that gets out of plane

and jerks off to women in the camera in the fucking bathroom. That's what you know. Yeah. It's the same thing. So for me to live, like, but I like the two aspects of it. I like the aspect of getting introduced to an album. That's a great thing. It's going, you know what?

I am going to take it in Joni Mitchell. from Josh Adam Myers. But I need a week of Johnny Mitchell. Sure. I need a week to put that album on, smoke my refa. Well, that's what we need to do is that I just need to send you the list for the next like year. I know.

I looked at it already. Well, no, no, but it's shade. That's been almost a year now. No, no, no, no. But I looked at the top. Oh, you did. Yeah, you did call me and talk about that. I looked at the top 500.

And I was like, there's no way for me to listen to an album once to assess it. I got to keep hearing it. And hearing it and then going, wow, that's amazing that they put metal guards right behind that song. Yeah. It goes right into it and this and this. Then I got to go online and read about the recording sessions and how the studio burnt on fire. Oh, I love that. Yeah.

I wish every guest did what you're talking about right now. When you're talking about not Excel on Main Street, but the album, when they put simple, For the Devil want. I don't know what it was. I mean, Beggars Banquet. Okay, yeah. Beggars Banquet, the studio burnt out. While they were taped and Beggars Banquet after they did,

uh, please allow me, whatever that songs is. Sympathy for the deli. So you just for the devil. I'm sorry. The fucking edibles hit. Pilot the Bombadier.

Pilot the bombardee. Looking at Fannie Fannie Fennett's just been giggling over there. So do you understand me? That's what, you know, I want to go in there prepared. I want to go in there saying, you know what? the first three albums prior to this, Fannie, whatever your last name is, played the bass, but on that album she got knocked up,

and they replaced through Rudy Sarzo for one album. That's why you have different stuff. And I love that you want to do the research too, but I do all the heavy lifting. So all I ask is the guest, you know, look at the list of Rolling Stone Magazine's 500 greatest albums, right? And then I want them to pick one. Hopefully they're picking one that is,

already in their heart. You know what I mean? That they grew up listening to do that they loved. And so, because then there's like a whole story behind it where I was like, I was 13. I remember the exact moment. I heard appetite for destruction. And then this happened and then this happened. And then we talk about when I used to rape women. I used to hide the bush. I used to hide in the bushes. And I would put a cassette. What a walkman? I had my disc man. I put that on it. I had it on the shock thing so it wouldn't skip while I was raping. Before I'd rape,

when I'd listen to one way or another from Blondie. You know what I'm saying? That's what you want. I don't think Spotify would like that episode. I'm not talking about you raping somebody, but I'm talking about like, you want to go back to that.

Well, it's great, but it's also great. I'm making love the first time. I just want you, I want the guests, but see, there's, here's the thing. When you're going through a list that is that it's a huge, it's not just,

It's like music I haven't heard of. Like I started doing the podcast because I was going through my, I went through a midlife crisis when I turned 38. I know that sounds funny, but if I'm lucky, I get another 38 years. You know what I mean? Every day is a fucking gift. And I was like, I want to feel the way that you felt when we put that song on by the platters, I want to feel like that every fucking day. And musically, I was so tapped out.

And so I remember like, you know, my buddy Angela that passed away. loved Rolling Stone, and he was like, we always talk about that 500 greatest album list they made, and I was like, you know what? I'm going to listen to an album a day, and I'm going to do it over 500 days, because I want to experience. Like, you talking about Beggar's

banquet? I've never listened to that. I know Rolling Stones, but I know the hits. I never dug into an album, and I was like, that's where the real music is. Well, the thing about the Stones is, the reason why I mentioned the Stones is because let's say we discussed black and blue. they went to Jamaica

to record that out the stones used to go to different local yeah they do they have such they have such a cool history about how when they because I remember we you know they rented whatever the house in France for exile on Main Street

yeah because they were wanted for tax evasion in fucking England so they didn't go to England and they had a high I don't know if this is the exact story they sounds like it sounds like shit they did they that's how come exile on main street is such great out because it came from

That's so good. We need dough. Sweet Virginia is one of the greatest songs I've ever heard in my life. But that's the thing is that I, I, like, there's so many good albums out there that I've never listened to because, like, most people, and like you and you and all of us, we're stuck in our ways with the music that we listen to. Do you know what I mean?

Like, whatever we listen to and when we were in high school and college, for the most part, that's pretty much what we still listen to. And I was listening to Stone Temple Pilots and Guns and Roses and fucking radio head and all the shit I love, the Beatles. And I was like, dude, but I want to experience what's been made. And instead of looking into the future of what's coming out now, there's all this great music that's already been made. And that list is the greatest recorded music in the history of mankind that's been put

underwax. Now, but that's according to Rolling Stone. Nah, that's stupid. Who also panned out all the Led Zeppelin albums. They said they didn't like the Led Zeppel. No, but dude, like I think they've got like five albums in there. Yeah, they do. It's not like, they're lower.

Like, dude, let's up and four. Their manager was six foot nine to weight. Yeah. That's why Peter Grant had to go down the roll. I am not saying that. Smack some Chinese people. Shit.

Remember the Chinese guy from almost famous? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not saying that that list is definitive in the sense that, you know, there are, when you get like from where I'm at right now, because right now we're at 438. Question. Yeah. Has anybody gone on the podcast and said,

Josh, I appreciate you giving me this album, it was total garbage. Yeah. Kyle Canane. Kyle Canane did Public Image LTD. Do you know them? It's a post-punk band. The lead singer for the Sex Pistols started a band called P-I-L.

I'm sorry. Yeah, P-I-L. So public image L-T-D. And here's the thing. So I put it on. And the album's called Metal Box. I put it on because I listen to everything at least eight times. I give it the respect to deserves because I understand that when you listen to an album,

sometimes it takes a few times before you get it. So I really sit there and I dig it and then I do one long pass where I sit with headphones on and I read the lyrics and I write what I liked. I pick out the parts that I liked. I have these researchers that give me all the facts and give me the song meanings and all this shit. And then I kind of like put it all together and figure out how I'm going to talk to my guest about each song. And I put up PAL and I go, this is the worst piece of shit I've ever heard of my life. Why is that on this list? It shouldn't be. It sounds like a mess. The editing's bad. The mixing's

bad. There's no melodies. The lyrics are fucking stupid. And then I was like, I don't know how I'm going to get through this eight times. But I said, I'm going to because I have to because I want to give a real honest opinion. And so day three still hate it. Day four, hate it even more. Day eight comes. And at this point, I've listened to it, you know, seven, eight times. And I went to bed and I woke up the next morning and I started humming this song which was impossible for that album because there's no melodies. A song called pop tunes and I was just like bubbed in

a run Tuesday Ski Belon do do do and then I put the record on and I sit there for a second and I go that's the greatest album ever made man that's the post punk bitch is bro it's genius it's fucking genius well that's what I'm saying that's why I don't think it's

fair also because I need time without no and I want to I need to clean my room. I need to smoke some dope. Do what I did? I need to write and leave it on. I need to fall in love with a hook.

And then some of them is just, you read a book that is fucking highly credited. It's a New York Times bestseller. You're 30 pages in. And every fucking page is a death sentence. And you put the book away. You know, it's the same thing. It's the same thing with fucking music for a guy like me.

if I got to listen to something like I can't stand that fucking white dude that white people like who's that? Wait who is that Lee? Who's he talking about? I don't know. The white dude that white people like that's like that's serious.

Like this dude who's winning the fucking right now he's in the lead for the Hall of Fame. I can't stand Dave Matthews. Oh, I can't stand Dave Matthew. There we go. Recently high.

I can't stand Dave Matthew. I don't want them in the room. with me. Joey D. Rolfi died was because he bought his bus. That's a kiss of death. I don't like Dave Matthews at all. How do you do this? How can you not like It's marching? That's not. No.

But it's like, it's like, she. I'm not going to say it's, I'm not putting it up there with Ledz Epplin. What's the other fucking idiot? And people love his lyrics. You like Springsteen? When they think that deep, when people, when white people think that deep. He's not shouldn't. He's no way he should not Springste. He's from Jersey. You have to.

Excuse me. I'm from northern New Jersey, okay? Trust me, I know. There was parties we walked in and said, Springsteen's coming off the turntable. You walked in, you were going to the house. I had friends that were going to the house and break your Springsteen album.

Really? I thought everybody in Jersey loves Springsteen. No, that's part of Jersey. You're more of a Bon Jovi fan. Florentine is not, I'm not going to tell. Growing up, I was not a Springsteen fan. I like 10th Avenue Freezer. I like born to run.

Yeah. Now I like the river. Now years later, there's a couple things I like. When I was raised to like Springsteen. And I tell you who else I was raised to hate when I was getting raised at Beatles. Because nobody would shut the fuck up about the fucking Beatles. You know, I could imagine, yeah. You know, I mean, you couldn't go to a fucking show.

Like, man, I went to see Devo last night. Fucking coolest show in the fucking world. Yeah, but the Beatles are better. Wait till they get back together. Really? Everybody busted your balloon with the fucking Beatles. I went to see Black Sabbath last night. They were great.

Yeah, well, wait until the Beatles got back together. The day John Lennon got shot, I laughed in all those motherfuckers' faces. What are they going to get together now? What are you going to do now? What are you going to do now? I remember John Lennon wasn't even fucking dead 12 hours. There was a portrait of him in a high school, and somebody had already put an extra room with a spray paint.

That's how fucking cold blood we were at my high school. Good God. Listen, I come from a hometown that I could call you a racial slur, and your mother wears combat boots, and she's a whore, and you'd probably walk away from me. I came from a town where we smack each other over Van Halen. Like you said, what, bitch, Van Halen, too, sucks, but you know what, so does your mother.

No, what have you been listening to? There was a kid that was from my block. Yeah. After my mom died, I moved from giving that terrace. The vendors drew me out. I lived on 85th Street. And we were all heavy metal fans, but this guy actually thought he was any of Van Halen.

We loved Van Halen. What do you mean? He played guitar? He just, or he just... He grew his hair. Yeah, okay, yeah. So he just was living in the Van Halen ethos, yeah. I love, I love him.

I still talk to him. He came from a family of five brothers, and his dad was short, and we would bust his dad's ball, and he'd send them pizzas and shit. Who the fuck sent me a pizza? Yeah. We would fucking send...

Oh, that's the best, dude. Order food to somebody's house? We would send cabs to his house. One day we said we called the priest from Marlady of Libra. We go, Mr. Tabasco's dying, go over there and say the last one. Mr. Tabasco, what are he doing? We used to torture him. Oh, my God.

I still talk to guy. I don't talk to Ray that much anymore. The older brother worked at the inspection, but he had one brother that was a Van Halen fan. And we all used to get together and go. As soon as you see him, just bad mouth Van Halen. Bro, his face would get red. He'd come out with albums. He'd break guitars.

I mean, we would have him going crazy. So we like Van Halen. You know what's funny? Because I'm, I'm a Van Halen fan in the sense that, like, I love Jump. I love Panama. I only know the hits, really. But the people that love Van Halen, everyone that I've met, that's loved. They fucking love Van Halen, man.

It's, it's, you know, you can't say anything bad about them. I love Van Halen 1. Phenomenal. Van Halen 2, Menza Morte. Women and Children First. Really? You don't like, I like that one song. It's like, right now.

Hey, it's going tomorrow. No, but that's Sammy Hagar. I got busted with Coke at Sammy Hagar's Cabo Wabo, Cabo San Lucas. I'm talking about David Lee Roth, Van Halen. It's the best. The first album was amazing. Van Halen 2 was Menza Morton. Women and Children First was okay, but the problem was they had a picture.

him hanging in the middle when you open the album there was a poster of david lee ruff hanging in a corner with chains that's it the album went in the garbage anybody's house we went to that had that album got in the garbage yeah look too much dave when they came back then they think it was diving down and that really sucked oh coming out around the world are you ready yeah but then when them motherfuckers came out with that mean street I don't know that one. That's why I'm doing the podcast, Joey. It's because I, yeah, there's so much.

That video was an MTV. When you go home tonight, I can't play because they'll take it down. We'll watch that for the show. You watch Van Allen 81 if this is love. That was one of the early rotation videos on MTV. Isn't that Sammy? No.

If this is love. No, that's a different one. Oh. Yeah, you're way behind. the fucking spectrum. You better really get it together. Hey, man, it didn't seem right. Lee, didn't it seem right? No, dude, first of all,

the reason, no, here's why I'm doing it. Stop with Sammy for start. We're not talking about vanity. Here's why I'm doing it. This is why I'm the perfect person for it, because I feel music like you do. I feel it, man, in my soul, dude. I talk about it on stage now where it's like there is nothing better when you got a song in your heart. Everything burns

brighter. You're just, you know, you're walking through life with a little bit of pep in your step. You know, because I listen to a song. And if I love it, I listen to it 45 times in a row. I can't get enough of it. Me too. Yeah, so we feel. Right now I'm on sound garden, tighter and tighter.

Oh, God. That's my favorite song right now. It's just so good. It's such a good band. Boom, boom, boom. And it goes into Chris Cornell, Cochise, goes into fucking rhinosaur, and then it goes into into Fort Fallen Black Bays. That's the real thing.

Dude, we, with Burr, we played a rhinosol. at the goddamn comedy jam and we were like, and he said, he's like, we're about to do a sound garden fan and everybody's like, yeah,

and he goes, it's not one you all know. And I mean, we fucking crush that shit. It's all like offbeat and just, for me it was fun because I was singing for him

and it's like to be able to sing like a Chris Cornell because like, you're in no danger. You can't, but I mean, yeah, that song is tough.

Dude, if like you're standing with my enemies. But you ever, you ever listen to him sing Slater? I was going to say. I was Dean Delric. Where's Dean? Jeremy with the harmonica.

That dude's voice is perfect. Dean has one of the best voices I've ever heard. As for ACDC, he's right on. Oh, I've done, anytime he's done the jam, I went to his birthday parties where he's done like the full albums all the way through.

And I just sit in the audience in awe where I'm like, Jesus Christ, man, that dude was made to be a rock singer. So all props to him, man. He's, you know, I'm more of like a, like a, like a Scott Weiland. Do you know what I mean? Like I sing in that like,

here on town, and he's more like, wah, like I can't do that. I blew my vocal cords. I'd have surgery on him a few years ago. Every time he starts singing, I make him smoke weed.

Smoke weed. Yeah. So, but you said something. It's like the reason, the reason I'm doing the podcast and I'm getting the audience to listen to this music

is because there's so much great music that everybody thinks I knew, but I don't. So I'm, I'm, me and the audience are, you know, each week we're listening to, like this week, we just did, uh, with Neil deGrasse Tyson. We did Sam Cook live at the Harlem Club, 1963. I only knew a change going to come, stand by me, those songs by by Sam Cook. This album has like changed my life. It has made me a better person because you're, you find out the story behind it in each episode that he, that he fought for

like wouldn't play in, you know, with segregated clubs. And like, this was his attempt to like really, you know, like show like the, the, the audience is what he could do. And, and then they shelved the album for fucking 30 or 22 years because his, you know, the record label thought he was being too black in it. But it's like perfect. And I posted on, on my Instagram that this is the homework that everybody needs to do. And I can't tell you how many of the fans are like, or people that I know. Thank you. This is like, thank you for letting me listen to this.

But also, like, dude, this is one of the best records. Like, there's so many albums that we don't know about that everybody should listen to. Because, listen, I don't, I'm not saying they're not going to make another classic, you know. But in all honesty, dude, you get down to the final like 200 on that list. And that's it. You're talking Jimmy Hendricks. You're talking Otis Redding, Marvin Gay. your favorite band, the Beatles,

fucking the Beach Boys like fucking Pet Sounds. I mean, that's it. Those are the greatest albums. You see how many albums they sold this year? Who, the Beatles or the Beach Boys? This is the first time since 1987 that vinyl had sold DVD by thousands.

Hundreds of millions. It's back. Yeah. And I'm very happy that it's back. I'm very happy. I just have my whole system. You know, the guys like, you find, They were interviewing people at Omiba the day. Yeah.

Christmas Eve or two days after Christmas. Omiba did great this year with albums. And people like, ah, you find treats in there. And I'm like, listen, you don't find the treat until you open up and you see a pot seed. That's when you know that was a real album because that's, you know, that was the whole... We used to break up the weight on them. Yeah, dude. You got the album.

You brought it home. Your mom works still five. That works still five. We get high. We break the thing up. And when you put the album in, then it was a album in. And we each got a turn reading the fucking lyrics and the cover. It was a thing.

Now they wonder why nobody's buying them because you just download it. There's no story. Because you said, I remember nothing. There's no art. We used to take my dad's, some of my dad's records. And we used to, when we broke the weed up, you break it up top because you had that shitty swagweed. So the seeds would roll down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the weed would stay up top. That's why when you go to, when you, now that's what you're looking for. I guess I was by, I had to go to art doctor. and I turned around. I was going to turn around and go to the one on right up the corner from Portos.

Oh, Atomic. They have Atomic Records. Oh, wow, yeah. They're great. I never, I need to get more records, man. We talked about them, and two days later, what's his name, went in there?

And he said, I heard it on Joey Dears' show. I didn't even know it was here. When I did the show with the punk rock guy that was on Sons of Anarchy, he played the white supremacist. He didn't know, and I guess

Henry Rollins. Henry Rollins didn't know that was there. I go, Henry, it's been there fucking years. I guess fucking two days later, what's his name went in there? Because he didn't know

that was a record story. He listened to Henry Rollins' his podcast. The other guy, the beautiful people. Marilynne Manson. Marilyn Manson went in there because he heard Henry Rollins and me talking about

so I went in there two days later. He goes, you know Marilyn Manson came in here and said he heard about us in the church? It's like, fuck, I'm happy. God, that's so cool. That is so cool, man. Fucking tremendous, man.

Well, I don't think you realize that, and I've said this to you, is like, you're, you're a guru for so many people. Like, you're, you're, like, Eckert Tolle. Like, you don't, I don't think you realize. I don't love a fucking Tolle. I wrote these books. His whole background is about being present. It's like, it's about getting out of your ego and just being present and being able to

enjoy this moment. Because that was, you know, something that I dealt with for years. I'd be hanging out with guys like, you that I look up to and burr and and and you know and burn just whoever and I would just be in my head like oh god I hope I'm I'm not act like an idiot I hope I'm cool but that's just I wanted people to like me instead of just being there and being in the moment so what he does is talk about like how yeah we've got all this baggage but fuck that shit like leave your pain body aside and and just be live in the now because that's the only moment that you have and so this

by thinking like that you you start realizing that this moment right here because we don't past. We don't have the future. All we have is right now. This is the best moment of our lives. Do you know what I mean? Because it's the only thing that's palpable. I can touch this. I can do that. I can't go in the past and grab this water bottle. So when you wake up in the morning and you hit a bowl and you write, I want you to wash your balls and fucking go out there and attack the day, you don't understand. That's like the most positive shit in the fucking world to tell some people that that normally aren't going to read Eckertoli. So they're getting these positive things from you.

So you don't know it, but you're a fucking guru. You understand that I write what I tell myself. Exactly. Exactly. Okay, listen, there's nobody lazy than I am. There's nobody fucking more scared to go out. You know, I'm surprised I get on a plane. I mean,

I really am, guys. I wish I was lying to you guys and telling you how many fears I have. But if I had the time to think about them, I wouldn't be who I am. I wouldn't be a human being. I'd just be a scared person living in a house playing Monopoly by himself. That's what I was built to do.

When I was a kid, I loved doing models. Who builds models, nerds who want to be alone and don't want to be bothered? So everything I do, I got to force myself to do. You don't force yourself to do something by going, well, I really don't feel like going over to Fannie's. I'm going to stay here. You go, no. Fanny cooked mashed potatoes and fucking meatloose.

She went out of a fucking way for you today. you know, she probably shaved her monkey, get up, stop being a fucking faggot. Because that's how you're acting. You're acting like a fucking faggot, you know? You know how many nights? I want to cancel the comedy store. Every night.

Every night. Every night. Yeah. At a quarter of eight, I'm like, what excuse? Can I come up with so I don't have to go? So I don't have to come up with it. 28 years of doing comedy. Still saying to yourself,

what excuse do I have to tell myself not to go down there? And this has been going on since day one. What's the excuse going to be tonight? Why am I cancel this open mic? And you sit there on your couch and you go, I'm going to cancel. And all of a sudden, somebody has to, it's like I didn't have a parent, so I had to be my own parents. You know what? You're a lousy sack of shit.

You're a fucking loser. That's the truth, Joe, dears. You're a fucking loser. You got a GED. You went to prison. You got no time to sit on that fucking couch. you got to earn this on that couch get the fuck up and get your ass to the store

go to the store and then you got to see you then go home and sit on the couch because you can do whatever the fuck you want because you deserve it but go to the store you know how many nights I walk to that coffin machine and I'm going to be honest you guys I do a four fucking espresso

shot two is for pussies I do four to get me over the hill to go on stage to yell like a lunatic for 15 minutes and then I run home and I fucking hide. I don't go to yum yum donuts. I don't go to fucking know where to hang out. What do you think?

Because I'm a scared little fucking boy. So all those things I post is what I'm saying to me that day. Completely. How am I going to get out of this house to me? You know what? It's Wednesday. The birds are chirping. The sun is out. It's time to get your dick sucked. Everybody

wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to fucking die. People ask me for advice all the time about how I created this or how I did this or how I got this soul And I'm just like you, it's like you put love into it. And if you, if you don't think about the reward, you just enjoy the work. Yeah. You love the work.

Every thing about the reward. Every, every, every, then. Every thing about the reward. There ain't no reward. There is no reward. The reward is the fact that I get to wake up every day and do something that I love. I love stand-up comedy. I love listening to music.

I love hanging out with my friends and people that love me. And even people that don't love me, I love hanging out with them too. I'm just like, hey, cool. You know, I'm me. But that's the thing is anytime I give somebody advice, I'm just, I'm just hearing myself say it so I can remind myself, now you got to work hard. You got to skip all the bullshit.

You can't lay on your ass because if you lay on your ass and then nothing's going to get done. You have to work and work. Nobody does nothing that they want to do. Yeah. Nobody. Nobody wants to do dick. All four of us in this room right now.

Except to Rob Halford. He wants to do dick. All four of us right now wish, our own wish. We all remember that rich kid in high school who had the Z-28 when he was. 16 and he had the pool and we were all like, look at my fucking parents that losers. I got stuck with these fucking stiffs.

I got a fucking Ford fucking Jacoby you know, that's missing a door. I got to close the door with a bungee and we all wanted to be that fucking rich kid. Remember? Oh yeah. And we didn't want to do anything. Bobby Volani. Yeah. We all have that one name. Yeah. They went to the, they did everything.

We all wanted to be that fucking person. Well, guess what? Me too. But God didn't throw me that. hand. Yeah. God drew me a hand. He made me ugly. He made me fucking. You're adorable, by the way. And you got to go out and you're fucking keep. Nobody wants to do three quarters of shit they do. Trust me. I know. I love my job. No, you know. If it's between your job and binge watching narcos and some Chinese chick rubbing your feet, what would you rather be doing? Do you? Do you love your job that much? Well, I guess you got me there. Okay. Dude, I got a dog that is like,

it's the sweetest Doberman you ever met in your life like this. I can show you a picture of it. It would just melt your heart. She's just the most loving creature in the world. And there are girls that are like, I like, let's go out on a date. And then I look at my dog and I'm just like, yeah, I think, you know, after my set, I'm probably just going to go home and just chill because that, that this is, that's what I want. Like, you know what I mean?

Like, I don't have time to, to go out of date, find out that we're not going to get along. I already can, I already can say, I'm probably not going to be with this girl. It's just, I've gotten everything in my life down to a place where it's like I do what I want to do when I want to do it and I don't like, you know, put myself in situations that I don't want to do. And that's not saying that I, you know, every night I want to go out and do stand up. I do I do always want to go out and do stand up. But there is that moment where it's like, it's just like, dude, I could I could just stay here and just be with that dog and just. But you can. No, because I got to work.

But I also, but the thing is either with me. I love stand-up comedy so much that on a night that I don't have a show, I get a little sad. I'm like, God, I mean, I could have nothing the whole day. I could have nothing the whole day. But if I've got a five-minute guest spot somewhere or I'm doing fucking, you know, a bar show out in Tustin, like, that gets me happy. And the rest of the day just burns a little bit brighter. But I've gotten it down to the point now where I'm working on only things that I want to work on. like I work on the podcast.

Dude, yesterday. What days of the podcast get released? Comes out every Wednesday. On Spotify. On Spotify. But on every platform, but it's a Spotify original podcast. And it's great. One day you will do it.

We know that. Burr's done it. This week we had Neil deGrasse Tyson. We've had Wanda Sykes. This is the coolest shit, dude. Is that we've had actual musicians that have worked on the record. Like we did The Pogues, Rum Sodomy in the Lash. And we had James Fernley, who's one of the first.

founding members of the Pogues. He was the accordion player and he just gave us the whole fucking story. Excuse me. Go ahead. Anybody who plays the accordion I don't even want to hang out with her. He was actually a guitarist. He was actually a guitarist that he's actually...

I wasn't a David Gilmore from Pink Floyd. No, no, no, but he did. I don't want the fucking guy that plays a tambourine. I get it. I get it. Why do I play the tambourine on that song? Motherfucker, he did not play the tambourine.

The accordion is a little bit bigger than the goddamn tambourine. Let me tell you something. That motherfuckerer played. guitar and then they showed up with an accordion and he said who can play this and he goes I'll try and then he started figuring out right there with right there you got to listen to say no James you're a good guy you can see now he plays guitar with like a bunch of other guys in like the drop kit murfys I know you are but it's like he's the he's the fucking man dude but we had we had we had we had we had we had we freeze on who was the drummer for divo we've we've like

and what's so cool and this is this is where it gets where the podcast is just getting better and better and better. Right now we're doing albums that a lot of people don't know. But a lot of people, the people that are listening, we have good numbers, people that listen these records that are hitting me up, like, oh, my God, this album is, I never thought I'd like this, and it's blowing my mind. And we're getting great guests. But we've got a booker for the show.

And so we're reaching out to people like Colin Farrell and Jason Mamoa and like, you know, I'm trying to get Fred Ders for Nirvana and just, and we're reaching out for people so big. Because in my head, when I get down to the final 10, like I'm going to have Oprah. Like I'm getting Oprah because I'm going to get Paul McCartney for Sergeant Pepper because it's going to grow and it's just we're, you know, certain albums, people that might not do podcasts are like, dude, this album by Led Zeppelin means so much to me that I have to go on and talk about it because I love it.

It's a part of our lives. Like music is a part of our lives more than, more than the, you know, like a, you know, your parents sometimes just that you connect with, dude, appetite for destruction changed my life. You know, stuntable pilots, core changed my life, man. And I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for those two records. I wouldn't be here if I didn't watch George Carlin on comic relief with my dad when I was six years old. So you have that, there's something about art that just encompasses us. And

so we're reaching out to these huge names saying, hey, we want you to do this record now. And they go, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not doing it now. Two years. In two years, when this record comes up, 100% I'll be there. So it's, that's, that's right. That's why I I know and I respect and that's what's cool because we're finding the people I'd rather have you do a record that is in your soul and and that because that means something and that means something to the audience when I had when I had Joey DeRose on for EPMD strictly business one of the best one of the best episodes we've ever done because that dude had news everything about it he knew all the facts and all the history and that's what I want but also I do like it because I you know there's Joey it's hard sometimes to find right you know somebody to do you know somebody. for fucking Echo and the Bunnyman so I gotta like book it because every episode comes out

I called me on the Buckingman I tried you for Zizi Top motherfucker you know that you listen to Zeezy. You better call Annie Leatherman on that one and shit. She actually did she actually did fucking what did she do? She did cheap trick in color because

I was going to have this comic on, not going to say his name because he's going to do another one eventually but he was like yeah I love cheap trick and then he listen to it in color and then he goes, I hate this record, I can't go on there. I was like, no, no, no, you gotta come on because you hate it. That's great.

Like, I love that. Like, it's sometimes it's about the discovery on it. I might just go on just the fucking tear band up that I don't like. You could do that. I would love that. Call me when you get Prince. Listen. Prince is Maya Rudolph. We're getting Maya Rudolph.

Someone like Prince, how can you hate Prince? I don't hate Prince. Oh, I thought you did. Oh, you want to do it. I thought you were talking about it. Call me. you get prints. Obviously, you can't get him because he's fucking dead.

That's the fucking joke. What's the website? You cut this part out, really. What's the website? You can, to find out the show, the show is called The 500 with Josh Adam Myers. Go to The 500 Podcast.com. And what's cool is we get every guest to make

like a mixtape and then we turn into a Spotify playlist so we can get inside the musical mind of Joey Diaz and Bill Burr and see what they really listen to. Episodes come out every Wednesday. It's my favorite thing in the world, man. I love making this. Dude, I spent six hours yesterday breaking down Little Wayne's lyrics from the car to three. And it made me realize I ain't shit.

So all I know is just join the fucking movement, man. Like, what's cool is even if you don't listen to the record, I use the facts and the song meanings to interview my guest. So I'm like, oh, they were talking about this here. Have you ever experienced? that. So it's all encompassing. It's, it's, we work really hard on it and, uh, join the fucking journey, man, because it doesn't end until

May 31st, 2028. Motherfuckers. I love you, cock suckers. Don't forget this weekend, I will be Friday night, Fox Theater and Bakersfield, Saturday night, Tower Theeta in Fresno and

the second show, the first show sold out the tabernacle theater. And we got a a second show out of that 9.30 in Atlanta on the 25th of January. I love you, Josh Adam. I love you more than you know. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for now for a word from our sponsors. All right. I want to thank Josh Adam Myers. Don't forget to catch him on Bill Burr's show. It's probably on YouTube now on Comedy Central.com. But I want to thank Manscape for getting the church to you every week. You know why? Because they're the best in bulk trimmers. They got stuff you never even

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you guys. Don't forget, tomorrow night, Bakersfield, there still tickets left, me and George Perez, Fresno sold out, and then the following week on the 25th, motherfucker, in Atlanta with my man Steve Simone. We're doing two shows. The first show sold out. The second show you still got tickets left. Who do you think you're fucking with? I love you guys. Have a great fucking weekend, and we'll see you Monday morning. Tip Top Magoo, ready to fucking go.

Stay black.