The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #754 - Josh Potter

Episode Date: January 23, 2020

Josh Potter, a stand up comedian and one of the producers of "Your Mom's House" and the rest of the YMH Studio podcasts,  joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church   Butcher Box - Go to www.ButcherBox.com/church You get $20 off your first box and free shipping in the lower 48 states. PLUS: when you use code: church you get free chicken wings for the life of your subscription.  

Oh shit. Early Rick James, I'd respect. Buffalo, New York in the motherfucking house. 78, you motherfuckers, young students, values, cocaine, white bitches. Smacking them before. Oh, Joe. What? Oh, shit.

Reading some podcast,ville, you bad motherfuckers. It's third, what? Thursday. The 23rd, whatever the fuck it is. Who gives a shit? shit. You're alive. You're fucking smoking dope. Most importantly, you're ready to sling fucking dick. Listen, the song of the day out of respect for Buffalo is You and Die by Rick James 78. Put that on right now on YouTube. That's when black people are black people. Even

Martin Luther King popped up and said, Jesus, you're on fire, Rick. Anyway, the church of what's happened now is brought to you and I want to welcome them because I fucking love this shit. Butcher box. Listen, the big game is right around the corner next week. That means you're going to have a party, which means you're going to have a bunch of fucking savages tearing through your refrigerator, eating up all your food. Hopefully

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Listen, it is sensational. I'm usually not big on these food services, but lately with the meat shit and you got to take care of yourself with the organic. What I'm going to do is this. They got free-range chicken, heritage pork, wild-quot salmon, grass-fed beef, but they got something that all you motherfuckers love.

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an extra little reward from me but you also got to cook the wings a certain way not terriaki like fag boy not none of that shit it's frank's hot sauce and a stick of butter and you whip it around and you put them in there and then you take it out and you fucking sift them if you're not gonna do that and cut up nice blue cheese with a nice piece of salary, don't deal with me no more. Don't even listen to this fucking podcast. Go to Pollo and I hope you choke the debt. Anyway, the church is also brought to you by ZipRecruiter.

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That's how easy it is. ZipRecruiter.com. Church. Let me spell out church for you because you might be a little stupid today. I'm a little out of it. C-H-U-R-C-H. ZipRecruiter.com slash church. The smartest way to hire. Song of the day is you and I play it. Take that fucking meal. Lee. Anyway, there ain't no mule to kick. I had to send them back because everybody's getting in trouble these days. You know what I'm saying? I can't even. I can't wait till they come back to me and say, hey, Joey, you're in trouble because you told Lee to kick. that fucking meal. But anyway, I don't give

a fuck about meals, except two mules for Sister Sarah. My main man is here today representing Buffalo. What's up? A great little comedian, Josh Potter. Thanks so much for having me, dude. I've known you since before the glasses. And I've got to tell you, you've made me very

proud the last couple months. Number one, I know you've been here for about a year. A little over, well, almost two years. It's so crazy how you see you go to different comedy clubs. And you see comics and a hundred of them tell you what their plans are. And you talk to them. And you try to talk to them as honestly as you can.

I've always spoken to you. And then you see them out here. And you try to give them love or whatever in the beginning. This is what I've learned. And I've learned that they go home within the first six months. For sure. This is a hard place to make a living. Thank God you.

were friends of Tom and he loves you with all his heart yeah i'm so thankful i've had a thousand conversations at tom and uh you know you gave you a little gig on the podcast to put a little chain in your pocket you're doing some work around town so i really applaud thank you what you're doing i'm very very very proud of that means so much thank you very much no i'm you know me dog i'm down with uh don't don't call me up two in the morning and tell me about your plans because i don't want to fucking right and i don't like talking about that you're right and i don't like talking about I want to see what the fuck you're doing. I hear around town.

Josh Potter was there, and you're very likable. I mean, everybody that talks to says they love you. I know you were on a podcast a couple weeks ago, and somebody actually called me and said, listen to this podcast with Potter. He goes, fucking ape shit. And I go, let me tell you something. Potter, you know, you remind me of Potter,

why I've always fallen in love with you, and I've never told you. Who's that? The guy that told me that basically threatened my life. He was, listen to this. He was built like you. Wow. He looked like you.

He had glasses like you. He had the intelligence of, you know, name it. He ran the prison library. Nice. He was from Buffalo. Wow. And he had murdered his wife and the mailman because he was fucking the wife or something. He was on the tail end of a dirty, if,

You know, whatever, 20 year, whatever. And he didn't say much. He rolled his own cigarettes. He was just a bite. And he hung out with another dude from Buffalo. We have like four guys in the prison from Buffalo. Wow. All the way out there?

Yeah, they'd get together and watch the bills and talk shit. One guy was Big T. Big motherfucking black dude. He was family on the barbershop in Buffalo. You ever come to Buffalo? Come to the corner. Look, yeah. That's a thousand corners.

Yeah, yeah. And this librarian, and me and this librarian became tight. And we even did acid. Oh, nice. We got some acid gotten in there because they couldn't test you for acid. Okay. And he was a hallucinogenic guy. So me, him, and a crypt named Torre Powell's, like they would be, we were in barracks,

army barracks, and there would be a guard that would drive around once an hour. And, you know, some nights you can't sleep, you're allowed. to go outside and sit on the barracks and read a book this night all three it was we're fucking flying we're fucking flying in prison i can't and i mean this is acid acid is like real like you're tripping in your room yeah you know you're fucking the lights are on you think the cops are coming yeah they're they live the cops are there and finally i get like a knock on my door and it's the grip hey he's like man i can't take it in my room no more I go, all right, let's go get the library.

And we're getting the library. He's like, thank God you came. Because I was just talking to see like devils and shit. So I remember sitting outside on a bench. You know, you think about prison. You see these movies and you think about it. But no matter where you go in this life, whether it's a negative or a positive,

you always meet two or three people that are tight that make that part of your life a lot easier. And these two guys, I own my life. and I'm sitting there with them and we're fucking outside and the birds are sounding like hawks you know at two in the morning a little

cheap cheap sounds like fucking then the strength was went on and we were fucking really paranoid and we're like I'm asking and the guard came and he's like what the fuck are you guys still doing up and we couldn't talk we're talking about the shipment

of me coming in or some bullshit because we all worked in the kitchen so except the librarian And so I don't know what happened. And at one point, the librarian goes, I got to go to the bathroom. He disappeared for like a half mile. We just lost him. And Toray Powell's the crypt looked at me.

He goes, how fucking crazy are we? We're doing acid with a guy that stabbed his wife to death to the mailman. He goes, I'll never forget this. That was my Buffalo story. That's so fucking wild because you're right. Like a murderer on acid could have like a moment. He could snap. And he was like a.

He was a sweetheart. There was no mental health issues. He was a genius. He was very smart. He was like a lot of him. You know, I remember I was like the house lawyer. Mm-hmm.

And he did all my work. Oh, he did all the paperwork. Because he just did it out of doing it. Oh, that's cool. Like, just to help me because he was that smart. He was initiative. He was just, he read that New York Times front to back every day.

You know, it's just, uh, Buffalo has always been. and just so fucking, I have such a connection to Buffalo that, let's say, my connection to Jersey, I met a girl from Buffalo, and I started going to Buffalo, and I fell in love with the city. And they told me the history of the city, you know, Fisher Price left, and all these companies left, and they were left with their dick in the hand. You were probably there in the 90s when it was, like, real shitty.

Everyone was moving to fucking Charlotte and shit. I was there in 84. Okay. So you saw the downturn, like, the whole way through? I was there in 84, 85, 86. We would go. It was a family thing. And they were tremendous.

They were Polish. Yeah. So a lot of that. The fucking food was just sensational. And I remember telling somebody once, like, I'm going to Buffalo, do comming. Like, that's the asshole of the world. I actually really, really got insulted. Like, you don't know Buffalo.

Yeah. Like, unless you've been to Buffalo, you know, when you go to fucking Wegmans, and you look at, like, Lee wouldn't come back. You really? Like, I know Lee. I know. I did a girl from Rochester, and she told me about Wegmans. You would live inside Wegmans for sure.

Lee, you just would not. The old, I remember I go back to Buffalo or Rob Leathamon. Yep. When he paid nothing and it was a nightmare of a club. Yeah. And then I went back when. There was a funny bone there. In the mall.

And that was sensational. That was cool? That was the first club in the country that was doing blue shows. Oh, no shit. Friday nights and Canadians would come over. Yeah, they love coming over for shit. And it was sold out no matter who it was, true blue on Friday nights at 11. Wow.

So it was like 7, 9, and 11. I was like a little kid back. And the owners, it was a good. gray club because it was across the street from the legmans yeah yeah and the condo was 50 feet away right so you'd cross the street and they'd have these fucking fresh wings and i'm not talking about these california hiv wings you buy it into them and they've been glued together yeah it's brown meat i'm talking about you you'd bite into a drumstick way like you're eating steroids and you don't give a I can't wait to go to Buffalo and try wings.

Why can't they have wings everywhere? I don't understand. It's 2020. Why don't we got wings everywhere? You know, I made a statement on Rogan years ago on people. Some people took it the right way and some people took it the wrong way. Listen, there's a thousand. I was watching dives, drives, and automobiles.

And there's a place over here in Glendale. I went there a few times for Cuban food. I don't know, guys. I got Viagra three weeks ago. I still haven't taken it. I'm a traditional type of dude. Yeah, yeah. I really am.

You know, I haven't whacked off in three fucking weeks. Wow. And I'm bright, because I can't get a heart on this. Ever since I hurt my hamstring, I mean, the dick gets kind of hard, but it's like a cocaine type of thing. Yeah, no. So until these squats are back up to 300, that's when I get that blood back into that. Right, right, right. I'll be ready to squirt some fucking yum, yum, yum juice on mama.

But you don't want to try it? You don't want to fuck with the Viagra at all? No, I'm petrified. Yeah. I'm petrified. What are you worried about happening? A heart attack or something. I see, yeah.

You know, but they said Viagra was invented for your heart. So. But as long as you're not mixing it with coke and shit. No, I'm not doing. That's how, like, Wylan died and all those guys. Yeah, I'm not doing that. Yeah. So that's what scares me.

So you're a traditional guy with the wings? I'm a traditional dude. I'm a traditional dude with anything. I give everybody their respect. I'm not going to put ranch. on fucking sour cream barragis. I'm not going to put ranch on pizza. I don't put pineapple on pizza.

Pizza was not made to have pineapple on it. This is something that we've created, you know, Taco Bell and Vents shit by the day. Chalupa, even Mexicans scratch their heads and go, what's the fucking chalupa? So the more you feed into this, the more they're going to keep creating. And listen, I appreciate.

different things. I really do. I appreciate you trying and your efforts, but guess what? I don't want your fusion fucking Chinese. I want the original stuff. When I go to Buffalo, I go to the hotel room dog. I swear to God, whatever hotel I go to, I go to the room, I put my shit down. I roll the fucking joint while it's dry and I go on Uber and I see what it's going to call. I see what it's cost me to go to Duff's. And it really doesn't matter. Yeah. They open another one.

I don't care if they open. Downtown. It's $66. I call the feature and I go be downstairs in five minutes. I Uber and I go right to Duff's. And, you know, it used to be the Anchor. I think I went to the Anchor Bar once. It wasn't for me.

Duff's is way better. Duff's way better. Anchor was where it was started and where they used blue cheese. You know, Buffalo doesn't have, You know, Buffalo has been getting fucked in the ass for 2,000 years, mainly the Major League Baseball. Really? Buffalo Bisons have been the number one attendance. I don't know if it's still alive today.

I mean, we still crush it on occasion, but they've turned teams over so many times since the 90s that it's like the product on the field was shitty for like 10 years. like when we were the Mets affiliate and shit, but back when we were the pirates and the Indians and shit, we were crushing it. The attendance was number one from minor league baseball since the 50s. Wow. And they were out there, I don't know what year it was, maybe 90-something, they were thinking of expanding,

but they went out there on April 1st, and they were walking on a fucking four feet of snow with the outfield. And they were like, we can't have baseball here. Well, it's 2020, and I know you've made innovations with domes. Yeah. I know you've made innovation.

Not only that, if climate change is real, that shit's going to be dried up by the time. The thing about climate change is real. No, I know. And if Buffalo used to get four feet of snow. It's definitely affecting it there. I could see them getting 10 feet, 12 feet the next couple of years. I was going to say, were you there when they got 11 feet one year? Yeah, that was in 2015.

And it was like in a narrow. area of the city because it was just like this they called it a knife storm it came over the lake and it was like this couple mile wide area of the city just narrow that had 11 feet of snow in it it was during football season but then also in playing like Tennessee or something yeah we had to move the game to like an away game but like the um the craziest part though is that in january so many times in recent years there's like a 70 degree day all of a sudden so that's where i see like I'm like, this isn't something that I remember as a little kid. You know, like having stretches of days in the 60s and 70s and January, that's fucked up.

And then in March, you know, shit's off the wall. In April, like you said, there's still snow. Sometimes there's snow as late as May. Yeah. It's crazy. It's all over the map. You born and raised in Buffalo? Yeah.

I lived there until I moved here, basically, 31. Where's the parents from? My dad is born in Egypt, and his mother and him moved to Buffalo when he was 17. But he's Greek. He was a Greek guy living in Egypt. He's a Greek and fucking Egyptian. Yeah, yeah. Did I bring the other joint up with me?

Tell me I left him on the car. I left on my car. What type of fucking host of mine? Anyway, I'm going to move to smoke another joint. You get me. I can go get it. I'm a fast man, is all I'm saying. I can run.

You sure? Yeah. It's in a bag in the front seat. On the passenger side? On the pass on your side, right? In the front seat, there's a bag. There's three other eights in there. Okay.

Just bring the whole back. Let's get down. It's a white Subaru. Okay. Thank you, sir. You're a gentleman in the fucking scholar. No, I've been going to Buffalo for a long fucking time. A lot of people didn't know that.

That they were. So now they should have a Buffalo. You know. Well, they have Toronto and they have a dome, is what you're saying. Yeah, they should have like a big time. Now with the technologies and everything that they have, Buffalo was ready for a fucking baseball team. The only reason why I don't know what the fuck's going on.

That was 12 years ago. Don't quote me on this. Just go to Wikipedia and look it up and see when the last time Major League Baseball. When I was a kid, Buffalo had the bills, and they also had the Buffalo Braves and the Sabres. They sell the Sabres. And then they had the Buffalo Braves as a basketball team. I didn't know about that.

Yeah. Randy Johnson. they had a great fucking team for a while as a kid. Not like championship level team, but the basketball team leaving, Fisher Price leaving, all these other corporations leaving, really, really left.

When all those corporations left in the fucking 70s, whether it was Fisher Price, Buffalo Braves, right, the basketball team, with Randy Smith on it and shit. It was like, it was like one bad fucking hit after the other for Buffalo. So the economy really went down for years. There was a giant factory that manufactured, like, cars and parts and stuff.

Closed down, and, like, that was, like, 30% of the jobs or something in the city. Jesus. It really did. Bethlehem Steel shut down. It was really sad. I remember being in Buffalo. doing, and you always see it, I always say hello to Rod when I go up.

Yeah, Rob, yeah. And I'll tell you. He used to work on the other radio station from him. I'm going to tell you why. No, yeah, of course. He featured you, right? Rob had a reputation of being like a bad guy or whatever. Like, I remember getting a call and going, when you go up there, be careful with him. He's kind of weird and stuff.

And I was always very respectful, even as a feature act, until you disrespected me. and then either I was just going to tell you to go, fuck yourself, or we were going to box it out, or whatever the fuck was going to happen, you know? Uh-huh. And Rob's week started on a Wednesday. And that Tuesday night,

I was part of the Toyota Comedy Festival. And that's the night when that prick put me up after the salsa band. Oh, Jesus. But something did good happen that I got an audition for the Sopranos from doing that thing. So I had to meet her,

the next day at 11 o'clock my bus to buffalo was at 12 from Port Authority so I met her got in a cab shot to Port Authority took the eight-hour bus to Buffalo got there that's a bus ride did the Wednesday night and they called Wednesday night and said we need you back in New York there's the intent so I basically had a hop on a red-eye bus fucking sleep at Port Authority, washed my face, and at 10, go to a producer session

of the Sopranos, and then catch that same bus I caught the day before at 12. Go back. Get back there, 7.30, jump in the shower. Go right and do the show. Oh, my God.

And Rob helped me get the signs. Rob helped me audition. Oh, that's correct. And I can't forget that. He paid me $450 for a week. I'll never forget that. Yeah, he, I mean, him and I had like a

tough introduction because we worked on we worked in the same building but they were competing shows you know and I was the comedian on this show and he was the comedian on that show and he obviously was a comic for 20 some years and shit

yeah he's been a comic for a million years he's got a real resume of course yeah no about Rob Leideman is that he's not like a fake club owner right Rob Leademan came out here gave this shot and figured a better way out

for a side. Right, right. And I'm never mad at somebody. Not at all. If Lee comes to me tomorrow and he goes, hey man, I got to talk to you about something. Some guy in Worcester is opening up a radio station and he offered me a good job. Not big money, but my mother's

getting older. And I'm open mic in it. Yeah. I could go to Boulder, do the radio show, because Rob Leedman invented that whole move. Yeah, I mean, he was making big money. He, Lee, and not going anywhere. Well, is that success in my work?

That's how you started, Josh, right? Well, mine was the other way around, kind of. Like, Rob came out here, he was doing the road. He was like a headliner, and he was a part of the big boom at that time, the 80s boom. And then he got an offer to be on this morning show. That was a Heritage Morning Show. and it was at the time probably huge money.

I mean, it probably was like insane. And so he took that and he also like ran a business and then he opened a club, Comics Cafe. What was it called? Comics Cafe. Yeah, yeah. And he started running the club out there and was still doing local sets. And he ran the whole fire hall circuit.

That's why my introduction to Rob was like tenuous at first because I was trying to get into the game. You know what I mean? I was trying to get sets. I was trying to get shows. And Rob's like, you know, you're new. or whatever. So I got it at some point. Like it took a couple years, but I got where he was coming from. And we made amends.

And I just did his show the other day, like, of calling on it. But, yeah, so, I mean, we're totally cool, you know, nowadays. But there was a couple years there where I didn't think we were cool. Yeah, I never forgot that solid he did for me. Now, when I met you, you worked away the first time. Now, see, that's the thing. When I met you, I moved to do radio in Cleveland for eight months. I got you into Cleveland.

Now, were you already doing stand-up? Uh-uh. You were just doing radio. No, I was doing both. Okay. When did you start stand-up? I started stand-up in 2008. Where?

In Buffalo. Okay. So I started radio. Nothing was there that. No, it was a bar. That Nietzsche's bar, that was our whole world. Tuesday nights there. That was everything.

And you had come to do a show later on in life at that bar. With Ari? No, no, no. That was at the town ballroom. That's where I met you. Yeah. But then you remember when you came back, you came alone and did that bar for the, for the lesbian comic. Yeah. So, but yeah, when I met you, I had just moved to Cleveland to start that radio show. And I was gone maybe like three weeks when we did that gig at the town ballroom.

It was called. It was a theater, a rock club. Me, you and Ari. Yeah. And then I went to do that radio show in Cleveland. And there was a Rob Lederman that I worked for there. So, to speak a comic named Chuck Booms. Do you know who that name is? He used to work with Bud Freeman. He used to close out A&E at the improv. So he had credits. He was around.

But working with it, this guy was a nightmare. Like, this guy was such a piece of shit. And I just, I was like, I can't work with this guy. And my old show actually offered me a job to come back with, like, more money and stuff. So I was like, fuck it. I'm going to go back. And I thought that was it for me.

I'm like, I'm just going to die on this radio station or whatever. I'm just going to work here forever. And I did that for about five more years before I came out here. So, or however many years. Well, you were in Buffalo. Yeah. You got the luck that helium opened. That's, that saved my life.

And that saved your life. Exactly. That was, Buffalo needed a comedy room in a desperate way of, and Buffalo supports comedy. It does. Like, they fucking support comedy. So how big is Buffalo? Is it like a medium-sized city small? In terms of media markets, it's number.

like 53 or something like that so it's a mid-sized market in terms of media i don't know what that translates to in other ways but um you know it's it's decent size i i love buffalo so much and i wish i could do more there i kind of like hit the ceiling you know obviously i got into the fight with the radio guy yes that's that's that's the show rob worked on right wasn't that the same one or was that no i got into a fight it was portland or buffalo helium okay i was went in and I said something about if you kick the guy's like well my kids been

getting bullied and I don't know what to do I go your kid gets bullied you give him some boxing gloves and you teach him out of box and at the break the guys took us earphones off how dare you say that to me and I go that's the truth unless you want to

raise a fucking half of fruitcake so when we went on the air he kept the conversation going like how you would raise a child that would hate to be your child and I'm like I'm like punk your child's the one that's getting bullied say one more word now climb across oh we went out that's wow I don't think I was in and then we went back and forth on Facebook for like about that's hilarious you fucking punk and then people started to hate them oh my you fucking asshole it was tremendous he called the club later

and then when I went back the club was like yeah he doesn't ever want a comedian again Oh, no. That's wild. That wasn't Buffalo. I don't think I would have definitely heard about that. But I can't believe you remember that first gig we did with Ari. That was like, I knew you might, you'd remember me obviously from the weekends we did, but I didn't know you'd remember that far back because that was like, I remember you had that banana bread and shit.

Oh, yeah. And I ate like so fucking much of it that I just had a great time. It was like the best comedy experience of my life at that point. You know what I'm saying? Like, because I was three years in or something like that. I couldn't believe I got that. hosting gig and I had just moved to Cleveland and I hated it and I was like I got to get back to what am I doing why did I leave you know you know it's crazy that I owe buffalo something you know when

you become a comic and you young you there's a couple cities after you start rock that you just want to hit for the tradition of the city like I wanted to go to Houston I respect for Bill Hicks I wanted to go to Boston out of respect for all the great comics that have been in Boston I wanted to go to you know there was just little places that I needed to go in Chapel Hill

North Carolina because they were my favorite basketball team Buffalo I went to just with a girl and I kept going and then later on years later I became a comic and then Rob Leaderman threw me a fucking curveball I was a

You know, I'm not going to want anybody. I'm a regular at the comedy store. I've been there about two years. I'm bombing 75% of that time, but not as bad as I was. I had a pilot under my belt for CBS, and I think I had just done Matt. No, no, Matt TV would have had nothing.

I did a Taco Bell commercial. I go to Buffalo. Because I went to Buffalo a couple times. So I go to for Rob Leederman the first time. And then the second time I go back for Rob Leademan again, but that time we have a problem. Yeah. And I'm talking about a big, big, big problem.

It's not drugs. Nope. It's not alcohol. It's a problem. I already know what you're going to say. It's a comic. It's a problem that it's a comic's nightmare. And a comic doesn't know until he gets there.

And it's called when your local sports team is in the playoffs. I do right away. When your local sports team is in the playoffs, there's three types of bars. There's, you know, Buffalo Wild Wings or a bunch of jerkoffs jumping up and down. Nobody better dollar on the game. Then there's that medium one where they have a little bit more money and they all have jerseys on. And one side is sitting on the other side. very fucking, if you got

a machine gun and shot them all, nobody would miss them. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. And then there's elite people that are missing teeth that this is their life. And that's the whole city of Buffalo

is that dear. They wake up and read the reports of who got drafted. Yeah. They do, this is their life. You know, Denver, I love you to death. Jesus, I love Jesus.

But if you make a comeback, Don't make it during a Bronco game. There's nobody going to be there. I mean, yeah, you're describing me. That's exactly. I mean, I'm the same way. I'm talking about Buffalo. Yeah.

I can't lie to you. I do it Thursday, Wednesday night. I have a pretty decent set. And this is where a lot of things progressed for me. This is where everything started for me. If I look back, I have to think about Buffalo. I get there Thursday, and Rob goes, we have a problem tonight. It's game five.

You know, they're getting angry and angrier. What year was this, may I ask, you know? I do not know. It must have been like 2001, 2002, maybe, around there? Around there, because I was having problems here, like as a comic. Any time earlier before that, see what year the Buffalo? Oh, I mean, I can help you out with all that. I mean, there was a string of years, though, between 98 and 04, we went every year to the playoffs.

Okay. And we went to the Stanley Cup in 99. There you go. There you go. So it was 99? 99. Oh, okay. I didn't know what was here we went to the actual cup.

Okay. Yeah. I don't know. Dick about dick. I'm trying to snort Coke and get my dick sucked. And trying to get my Me Too resume. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, whatever. I mean, you're out there on the road. You're a young kid. You know, women are talking to you after shows, whatever. I want people to understand that these are all fucking jokes, and we'll get the situation later. But I'm out there. I'm just learning the ropes.

I'm a feature act. I'm opening for anybody. Do you remember who it was that weekend? The dirtiest guy in Buffalo with glasses, older guy. The dirtiest. John Volby. What is it? John Volby?

Not the hypnotist, dude. No, John Volby was the singer. This guy will play the piano. This guy is a little off color. Yoda used them a lot. Off-colored dudes. Couldn't work a lot of clubs. Solid.

Understood where I was coming from. I knew where he was coming from. So I get there and he goes, this is going to be the deal. We're going to put the MC up. And then it's going to be halftime. And we're going to put you up. And then you go eat.

And then they're going to. Do another two quarters, and then fuck those going to go up. So they show the show the game after. So you're doing shit between periods. So the comedy show was going to get be put on while the Saber game was. Because there's no way that people would tolerate just watching the show. You're not going to turn the Saber game off. Dude, I just said that I was in Boston at Laugh Boston, my first headlining weekend of my life at Laugh Boston.

and they put the fucking Patriots wildcard game the same night as like, you know, it's at 815 on Saturday night. I'm like, oh, great, no, the shows are going to get canceled. I still sold like almost 150 tickets that night, and it was like, what? I was like even more mad at fucking Patriot fans because I was like, if that show, if that even,

they wouldn't even have those shows in Buffalo. If they said 8.15 Saturday night show in Buffalo on a fucking wild card playoff game, That show is canceled. There's no shot that they would fucking put a game on. When Brad, I did a New Year's Eve with Brad Williams, the night that we broke the playoff drought and the game went long in 730 show and the game went long. And then we won the game and that wasn't enough.

We had to watch the Bengals Ravens game, the end of that on the giant screen because if the Bengals won, we make the playoffs. So they waited even more like an extra half hour for that because people were gonna never leave the bar if they didn't put it on in the showroom so people would sit down like because they're fucking animals They need to like be herded into the show room to just be like at least they'll be in their seats so when the game's over we can start the show I don't I don't hate the bills It's not like the Yankees for me but I don't like the bills right but I respect teams like that I respect to there's no reason for you to hate us because you've been destroying us for that's about to end It's about to end. I mean, I do. I'm trying to be.

I'm saying I respect. I'm trying to be Johnny Famboyleby. I'm trying to tell you is that I went up during halftime. I think they were down. Oh, okay. They were down. And so people were a shitty mood. And I'll never forget that I went up there thinking I was going to be the Captain Kirk of the Enterprise.

And it was the longest, 25. minutes of my life. I mean, guys, it was, it was just thinking getting punched in the face of 25. I can't even imagine that. It was the Dallas Star Series 2, game 5. And I'm thinking,

I'm thinking I'm going to walk off and get fired. He's going to call Yoda. This is the end of my Yoda career. That's big, too. You know, this is, you know, when you're a feature act, and

you're making four or five hundred dollars a week, Yoder keeps you in pork jobs. And I walked off. And a couple people clapped and a couple people said, thank God. And I remember wanting to kill myself. But Leidman came up to me and said, good job, man.

You didn't get anything thrown at you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to just say, yeah. They didn't leave. He did a great job. I go, are you fucking nuts? I feel like that right now. He goes, hey, could have been worse.

You could have been getting stitched up right now. Oh, my God. They didn't laugh because they couldn't laugh in those moments, but they were polite about it at least because they enjoyed you. Right away, now let's go back to 10 years later and me watching Bill Byrd, Philadelphia. Oh, okay. You follow me? And I'm like, oh, thank God.

Somebody else went through that. Like, I was getting a couple boos and... Did they keep the TV on behind you on mute? Oh. I would worry about that. Yeah, they're very polite. Am I missing the game here? They kept it on mute.

Fuck you. Mute. They don't fucking mute anything. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Thankfully, when I started comedy, the Sabres had just... Like, I remember the first couple years, I'd be so pissed at the Sabres because

you know you have your sets during the week and you're like no one's gonna fucking come there's a fucking game tonight and then finally like the sabers had 10 years of sucking and they just became a nod people are like well i'll go do something else i'm not gonna watch those sabers the sabers like sucked so long recently that it's weighing down a little bit they still sell out games but i mean like people aren't watching them feverishly every fucking night you know like i could see myself if it wasn't for the winters moving my family I'm at a Buffalo.

It's a great place for a family. It really is. Well, I like the state of mind in Buffalo. I met a lot

of good people from Buffalo. I mean, when I went to Boulder, the people I ran with were Buffalo people.

Yeah. I mean, and the guy would have Monday night football parties whenever Buffalo was gone

and you go over there, a dog, this is how you're going to know. His mother would overnight

Wick Beef on whack No not the beef He would cook the beef himself The Kimmelwick rolls She would overnight the Kimmelwick rolls Nice These guys were in

Yeah And while they were watching the game They would put The helmets on And I still remember One Monday night Where the kid kept jumping Oh

And he told them Don't jump And the kid jump And crack his head open They had an ice pack On the kid's head Kids bleeding And the father's like

We're not going next time, don't jump. You're not going to the hospital after the bills game. And the kid sat there with the ice pack on the towel. The mom was crying, pleading. Fuck them. I'm like, yeah, of course. This is something. The kid was dumb.

You should have waited at the fourth quarter of banging. Yeah, the bangers. But all these experiences take me back to Buffalo, so I can't imagine. Like, when did you at the radio? Was there a point at the radio station? Just because there's people in light of this stuck, man. Dude, I worked there for 15 years almost. I started working there when I was 16, so I didn't know anything else, you know.

And I, except for that time that I went to Cleveland, you know. And I didn't know that I was like, this is going to be my life. But then the jobs just started disappearing. There's no, there was no upward place to go. It just went away. At first, it looked like the, you know, when you first started 16, you know, it was 2004 or some shit. And I was like, the sky is the limit. I could be Howard Stern someday.

But then, you know, you started seeing, like, the nuts and bolts of this thing and it's going away or whatever. And, like, the jobs are getting paid less, et cetera. So I just was like, you know, and I never thought. I thought comedy would be like my second thing for a while. Do you know what I mean? Like, when I, until I was 22, then I was like, no, this has to flip around. And radio is the secondary thing because it's not taking me anywhere. Comedy's taking me places already, you know.

So out of the gate, I'm doing things that I've never dreamed of doing. So it flipped at like 22 and I started taking I did stand up every, you know, that's when I started really doing it, you know. Because the last time I saw you were really working the helium rotation. Yeah. I mean, you were really in the rotation. They had you go on to Philly, I think. I never went to Philly.

They only had me going between St. Louis and Buffalo. Honestly, they never sent me together ones. And then you worked with me in St. Louis. Yep. And that third weekend had opened. That was, you know. Listen, you've all heard me fart on different platforms. I'm not going to sit here with a fart like a soul,

I'm too old, and whatever comes out, so be it. And if you're sitting close to me, that's life. It happens. I've inhaled a couple great farts myself. I inhaled some bad ones. What are we talking about? Farting. St. Louis.

St. Louis. Yeah. St. Louis, I got on stage at Thursday night. And I'm on stage league and I'm just smelling fart. I don't care because I do the same thing. Once you're on a fart roll, why stop? But it was in that area. And I kept looking at each of them trying to figure out who was dropping these bombs.

Like they were bombed. Like you could tell where they were coming from. I'm like, Jesus. So boom, fuck it. Friday and I go up there for the first show. And I'm smelling fucking bombs again. I'm like, what the fuck is this? And it's like every 15 minutes.

Just a new one. Yeah, it's like refreshing. And then Friday night I smelt it. I couldn't figure out. It was in my nose. I went there Saturday. And Saturday I started walking people. People were walking Saturday early.

From the smell? Yeah. And I thought it was me. Yeah, yeah. Your heart breaks on stage. That's right. Yeah, I remember. Get up.

And next thing you know, fucking afterward, I go, bro, what the fuck? And they're like every time you flush the toilet upstairs, they didn't know that when they rented the place. So it's like... There was like construction going on or something too. And so it was like all the plumbing was all fucked up. There was like something that kept backing up. But it was, it's in a mall, like a new addition of a mall at the time. So they're doing all this new shit and everything.

And so, yeah, every time someone flushed this. toilet we'd get like a out of vent or some shit you know like right into the shell room how are you adjusting to the LA so far I like it I mean I'm keeping my head clean and I'm working hard you know where you live in I live in East Hollywood

you know I miss Buffalo in a lot of ways but also there those same things I go like I need to do something else too you know what I mean I got to see something else and live somewhere else experience new things things. And so I love it living here so far. The sun's nice, you know, it's, I don't drive anymore. I sold my car when I moved here and I just said I'm not driving when I go to L.A. and it's been, uh, been easier than I ever expected. And it's kind of a weight lifted off me. I don't know if remember I had like all these like fucking driving mishaps and like arrests and shit like that from

driving. So I was, you know, driving all over the place. And I kept getting tickets here and there. and I was, I was poor, so I wouldn't pay this one, or I would, like, let it lapse or whatever. So driving was always dicey for me, gave me, like, terrible anxiety. And so I'm happy that I don't have to do that anymore. Plus, I'm going blind, so I probably shouldn't drive anyway. How did your eyesight now? So far, so good. It's kickstaying in there, you know.

I probably should get new glasses soon, but other than that, it's been, it's fine. You know, I'm blind in this eye, but other than, I still got this one going. Is it a degenerative disease? It is, yeah, but I've done things to slow it down. Okay. So, I mean, I'm sure when I'm, like, middle-aged or whatever, when people's eyes start going again, I'm probably going to have, like, some hiccups. But hopefully whatever's in place there is good enough to withstand some of that, you know? I mean, they tell you all this shit about fucking Rifa.

Remember, that was the first excuse. Yeah. That's why I smoke a ton of it just to be sure. I smoke reefer all the time. I can't wait for that doctor that telling me how glaucoma. I'm going to smack them. It's so hard. Like, I've been preparing for glaucoma since I was like 18.

So I would never fucking have it. No, the one that, the glaucoma is not the one that you, I mean, everyone gets like a cataract at some point. I feel like, you know. I have one. I don't even bother taking out of it because it's like I can't see out of that fucking eye anyway. So it gives a shit cataract anyway, you know? But, yeah, I mean, uh, that St. this weekend. I remember it was a Super Bowl, too. And I remember being like, oh, the Super Bowl's tomorrow.

Me and the MC were going to drive 12 hours after that show on Saturday night. So we dropped you off, and then we just drove to Buffalo after that. That's right. Yeah. Now, where'd you drop me off the airport? That hotel, because we went that night, like, it was like the late show Saturday, and then we just drove home after the late show. And because I remember, yeah, I was like, oh, I'm so, because they were like. That's right. You and. the manager or something. Me and Kyle, the MC, Kyle Turner.

So you guys got in the car after the show, and I remember telling you to stop. I thought, yeah, yeah. I drove straight. He fell asleep, like, right away. He's like, I'll sleep now. And then I'll wake up and drive the second half. So we can get home by like one o'clock,

take a nap, watch the Super Bowl. And I ended up, he ended up waking up at like 9 a.m. And I'm like, I'm good, dude. I'll just finish it. And I did. I just drove because I wanted to see that fucking, I wanted to see that Super Bowl. Well, wasn't there a time you were telling me when we first met that, like, there was a time you, like, went back and forth from Cleveland to Buffalo? Oh, when I lived there and when I did those shows, like with you, I had all these shows lined up before I moved because it was like a, the whole thing of me getting that job offer to me moving was seven days.

I had to decide if I want to go and I had to be there in seven days to, like, launch the show. So it was all very quick. And I had all these shows booked in Buffalo, including. the one I did with you. And so I was just, I had my apartment in Buffalo still. And then I got, like, I was just sleeping in my Jeep in Cleveland. And then, like, waking up and, like, taking a shower at, like, the gym and then going to work at 3 a.m. to do morning radio.

And then driving back, like, on the weekends to sleep in my apartment in Buffalo and, like, do the shows, basically. So, yeah, that was, like, I think I drove to Cleveland, from Cleveland to Buffalo the morning of that show and then slept in my apartment that just had a mattress in it and then woke up with my cousin and drove back to to Cleveland and just went back to like work people really never know and if you look back at those times you're like was I fucking crazy yeah like what would make you drive and sleep in your fucking car it's a love yeah it's a passion what would make what would make it okay like if you went to the normal

college educated person and told that to what would they say to you it makes me sad that some people don't have that at all there's nothing they would do that for you know there's a lot of people in the world that have nothing that makes them feel that way that makes me kind of sad for them but they probably think I'm crazy for saying that but it was really weird because before the age of 28 nothing was worth living and dying for and somehow enough I got locked up and, you know, get exposed to more comedy and seeing dice. And then I'm like, I want to do stand-up. You know, like, what are you talking about?

I'm living and dying for something. Yeah, like sleeping in your car and shit. I went from loving cocaine. Like, that was my only passion. Like, I liked sex. I liked girls. I liked Sichuan beef. I like pork egg rolls

You know There was nothing That everything was like I liked music I love music But I love cocaine Calmly sweat me off my feet And it was like

At first Listen, it's like anything else You're making 320 a week Let's say you're making 3.50 a week That you're clearing 14 $1,500 a month. You got your apartment. You got your car payment.

You got food and you put away $200 a month if you're lucky. You're not living at the Taj Mahal. Are you living in a basement from time to time you catch a rat? You know, shit like that. I come to you and I go, listen. I want you to come work for me. The only problem is a straight commission. This happens in life.

But I go, my regular guy, I got a guy that's a half of retard, and he walks out of here with two Gs a week. Can you imagine what you would do? I mean, the first week, you're fucking skeptical as fuck. Yeah. You're petrified. You're losing money by the hour.

But then it's like by Wednesday you get like 300. You're like, okay, so I made what I made last week. Thursday, Friday, you take a chance. The first week you make 800. You're like, okay. Then you make $1,000 in the second week. then now you're actually making two grand consistently. You know, are you going to fall in love with that job?

No. Yes, you are. Well, yeah, yeah. I was like, I love doing it. Because I was giving you $300 a week. And all of a sudden, I gave you $800 a week. And all of a sudden, now you're making $1,200 a week. So you're making $4,800 a month.

You have a wife and a kid. Oh, okay. Your wife is in shock. because you've been an idiot all your life. You know, what are you doing? Well, I'm selling plumbing supplies on the phone. So what do you do now?

You go to the library if you're a fucking normal person and you find out the in and outs of selling because it seems like sales is in your future because you're making $3.50 at the fucking video store. Now you're doing this. You're getting better every month. So now you read a little. about sales, to know the psychology about sales.

Sure. And now you're all in. Now you just took your family from a fucking one tax bracket to the other, and you rose them again because you got into what you were doing, and you're going to have bad months. There's going to be a month that you just don't, nobody wants to buy fucking glasses. Yeah.

So you're fucked. Same thing as a comedy. Same thing as anything else you get into. You're always skeptical at first. then you get a little bit of success and now you go if I got a little bit of success with that shitty effort

can you imagine if I fucking jumped into that first into this day? And that's when you see the results of everything and that's when I got a gig for you in Buffalo and you're like I'll take it

but you didn't call trailway before you fucking left. And there's a four-hour delay in Albany from 2.30 in the morning to 6.30 in the morning. Good luck. And they closed the bus station. And there's nothing to eat for three miles. And when there is a fucking Popeye's chicken,

but there ain't no fucking savory characters hanging out there. And on top of that, all you have is $6 anyway to get you to Buffalo. Hell yeah. You're going to get to the fucking condo. hopefully they'll be fucking the comic before left cereal in there and then when you go in that night you'll get a draw after your first show to make the following week yep that takes love yeah that takes love that takes

I'm always like smiling when you're describing that versus all sales thing the sales thing I'm like oh no I don't want that job but I'm letting people know at all of course of I'm comparing it to apples and peaches of course all the same shit yeah but like the thing for me and I and I I love doing stand-up. Keep talking. I'm nowhere near you guys. But I can't imagine, like, sleeping in my car one night a month or one night a week

because I'm on the road in between, like, San Francisco and L.A. I could do that. But there's people who, like, I couldn't imagine living in my car a regular basis. Well, it wasn't, for me, I was lucky. I mean, I wasn't a regular basis. It was like probably a couple weeks here and there. Okay. Because I just didn't have an apartment thing.

and I couldn't afford to have a hotel every night. So I would just, you know, I worked in an office and I got a gym membership and I just would shower at the gym. And then I had a cool car, a big enough car that it didn't even matter. And then also my father at the time was working for a business. Like he worked for a restaurant inside of a hotel chain kind of thing. I won't say which one. but then he would get me like a discount on a room so I'd have one like here and there. Okay.

But like it would be like for like three weeks. It was like three weeks I guess like that I, because I also couldn't just afford to buy another apartment out of nowhere yet. You know what I mean? I had one in Buffalo. But yeah, so it was like it wasn't like I was living in my car for like a six months time or something like that or like a year. Okay.

I mean it's still tough. But it was that stretch. Yeah. And then I mean when I lived in, in Cleveland I found an apartment I just like slept on I just was like

I never really moved into it I just kind of slept on the ground Right Because like I've had my first couple experiences With condos In the last few months And there's nothing Fancy but I like

I could do it It's not how I would like to live But like I could do it But the idea of being homeless I don't understand I like maybe because I came up in comedy in this past decade the condo situations have never been

unsafe there's never been a condo that I've been in where I've been like this is worse than my apartment because I've just lived I guess in squalor myself so I've always gone into the condos going like what's everyone complaining about you know like this is kind of nice yeah so I mean like

that's the thing that like I'm starting to learn living in L.A. is like I'm starting to grow up a little bit more in terms of just like my own lifestyle choices you know what I mean like you were describing the unsavory characters at the Popeyes, I was just that guy. Like, I was the unsavory character at the Popeyes.

99. It's a Monday morning. I just got paid by Rodley to me. Yeah. Some staff member saved me 30 bucks to 20 by giving me a ride to the bus station down. Nice. I'm fucking ecstatic. I don't know.

Somewhere, wherever he dropped me off, there was a month. McDonald's. You know, in those days, I'd travel at light. I had, like, my bag, and then I went and I got the fucking egg sandwich with the potato and the fucking juice. That's a McDonald's just to give you a little orange juice. Yeah. And I'll never forget, like, whatever that combo cost.

I gave her the 20. She gives me the bag. I fucking, you know, I'm walking back. to the bus station. To be honest, it's a nice day in Buffalo. The sun's out, and I'm like, if I got to sit in a bus for seven and a half hours, I might as well grab some sun.

And I just finished the egg sandwich. I put the egg container in the bag, the potato holder in the bag, and I'm about to fold that. I'm sipping the Coke, because I was a fat fuck, so I got my juice to the Coke and two apple pies for a dollar.

What the fuck? Throw them in there. on the road. Yeah, yeah. You're trying to eat for $8. Give yourself a treat. That's a buffet. And I'm about to draw the thing and I see this black kid running towards me. And he goes, yo, brother, take a look. And he had a gold chain

in his hand and you could see the bracelets were broken, like where they were connected. And he's looking back, like, he's like, man, either buy it or whatever. And I'm like, is it gold? And he goes, man. does a nigger pick cotton like he said something like that to me like something fucking off

color and I go all right and he goes give me 50 bucks because it was a thick whole chain and I was like dog I took out the 16 and change I had from the

Mickey D's the fourths whatever I had yeah yeah like well this is what I got I mean I gave me the exact whatever that lady gave me with the receipt you know they gave me that receipt Yeah. And he goes, done.

He ran off. And I get in the fucking thing. I get in the car. I get in the bus. I take it to Manhattan, the poor authority. And then the whole thing, I'm looking at this,

and I'm like, I got beat. I got beat. This is a beat move. Because it's not real? It's not. I thought in my head, first place I get off the bus, I go to a fucking porn shop,

guy weighs that he's like I could do 680 or something like that's gold holy shit he goes but it's a nice chain man why are you getting rid of it like I don't know he goes for 20 bucks I'll put brackets on it

for you I go ahead and I kept the chain for a while and then I ended up selling it somewhere that's wild that guy just wanted crack real bad he just ripped the fucking chain on somebody's neck oh my gosh Damn.

Only in Buffalo. Yeah, right? That's wild. Only in. By that bus station downtown. They don't play. No. Let me tell you.

I used to live over there. I used to take the buses. I knew all that, you know, I was involved in a little romance in Syracuse. Oh, you went up and down that bus, the Syracuse, Buffalo, the 90? That was in Albany. That was an Albany had the comedy room at the bus station. This is 97. That's not comedy works, right?

This is 97. guys. They have room at the bus station? Yeah. That's crazy. So you didn't even get a hotel. You just came in did the show and left? Did they put you up? No, it was a New York comic room booked by a guy named Roger Paul.

Okay. And you would, it was for New York guys. Yeah. Because that's a quick one. You took the train to Albany, you got off. It was the audience of hell. Missing teeth. Oh, my God. You know,

Arrows in their head, a fucking handcuff on their wrists. Oh, yeah, they're waiting for the bus. Fucking just great people here. That New York to Buffalo bus ride is, oh, I've done that a bunch. That whole circuit. Yeah. Because if you take Syracuse, buff, buff Syracuse, buff Albany, Buff, Rochester, there's always something.

That's where I met the girl that straight up told me. To my face, this is why I love the... Listen, going on the road makes you a great comic. But you want me to tell you something, it's 30% of the reason why you go on the road. You go on the road, he has to do drugs and to do whatever. And Lee doesn't do drugs where he would go on the road to eat at Chinese buffets or whatever he does. He told me about barbecue before. I'm like, fuck, I'm fucking barbecue.

He's going to go to North Carolina. He's not going to get barbush. What will be talking about? The road's great. You learn a lot. The road's great. It's only a third of it. The other thing about the road is the people you meet and the relationships you make.

And you learn about the universe. You learn about you being hungry. You put yourself in all these positions as a comic to get yourself out of this whole, which you should be doing as a human being, which is going out of your comfort zone, you know. And you just get to meet the weird people. especially on a fucking bus. You know, when you, I could, I know for a fact, without exaggeration, there was 20 times when I was on a, I had a wait for the next bus,

and there was a three-hour gap, and you got $4 in your pocket. But you got a joint, you got a Walkman, you got Christina Aguera's new fucking CD. You don't like it, but you shoplifted it at some fucking bus station. I remember the night still like singing. I'm a genie in a bottle. You know, I remember being in. That song slaps.

Yeah. I remember being in Saginaw, Michigan, and staying in a hotel for $20 a night and hearing people getting prostituted and walking across the street because it wouldn't be, it was like a Friday Saturday, and then a Friday Saturday in the same area.

I got nowhere to go. Yeah. You go downtown when you were ramped by the room and you go to the bathroom and there's a condom on the floor because you have to share the bathroom. Oh, yeah, like a boarding house. Yeah, you know, I did it all.

There's no story you can come in the way. But the best ever was when I got on the bus with this girl and I'm like, oh my God, she sat right next to me. Like I had the window seat and she slid next to me It was just me and her. And I'm like, oh, my God, this girl's at fucking 12. And I just was like, I'm not going to say a word. And she's like, hi, so what's your name?

Oh, my God. Talking to me and what are you doing? What are you going to be doing? I think I was going to Rochester. Maybe. You're going to know when I tell you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I said to her, what are you doing?

She goes, well, this has been embarrassing. She goes, I'm an exotic dancer. And I go, okay, so you're going to wherever to dance? And she goes, well, I have to be honest with you. Where I dance, they do a health inspection. And I've got a disease. I've got like VD. So the prescription won't keep in and I'll have it for the next week.

But if I go to this town, they don't check for a health. license. Oh, that's like stripping laws, eh? Yeah, they had like some type of stripping laws. She had something that she couldn't dance because it was contagious. Huh. But she's like, I fuck that shit. I don't know what, I wish I knew the laws.

It was either Rochester. It was probably was Rochester. It was between Buffalo, Rochester. Because there were those two comedy cafes, right? Or two comic cafes, the one in Buffalo and then there was that one in Rochester, that Joe T guy. Do you remember that one at all? There was a, the only club I remember in Rochester

was a club that was built on cocaine. Yeah. From the minute I walked in there, the owner had you in an attic. I think that's what I'm talking about. And it was just, I enjoyed doing it. Yeah. I was a junkie, so I enjoyed being there.

But to be honest, you know, I didn't enjoy being there. Right, right, right. It was all over the place. It was like going to the club in Kansas City. it was like even Miami wasn't that bad. Wow. Because the staff was pretty light.

You know, there's clubs you go to. The whole staff's on drugs. Yeah. In Kansas City, the whole staffs on drugs. The management's running around. This is their life. This is part of their addiction. It's part of the thing that attracted me to this.

It's crazy. Well, I'm happy, man, that you're out here, and I'm happy you're making moves. I'm trying, like you say, put the pieces together. pieces together. There's something I wanted to talk to you about. You were in radio for a long time. I've been doing this for a long time.

Listen, when I started this podcast, you know, nobody knew what direction we were going with this thing. We just came on here. We told comedy stories you told whatever. For me, it was opening up about my life as being vulnerable, telling the story about mugging a hooker and lighten her wig on fire. And then, you know, things came. out and about four months ago something happened that devastated me that was the last nail in the

nail with many coffins they fired a kid off a Saturday live because something he said in episode 280 of some episode that somebody dug up yeah shame and and he lost his job and whatever and everything happens for a reason that kid don't be a lot better off he'll put it together It ain't no prize being on Saturday Night Live. So, you know. Shane's so funny, too. He's a great stand-up. In the last two weeks, I've, I got a message.

I got a message about six months ago from somebody telling me something about Sin, Corin. You know, I got introduced by Sin by another musician who knew Sin from somebody else. And Sin made the headlines this last week for, uh, sleeping with underage girls. You know, I know that he's taken down his website. He's taken down his Facebook page, you know. My heart goes out to the victims of this horrible thing. I have a daughter.

I would never wish it for her. And my heart also goes out to sin because God knows what he was thinking. We've got to say a prayer for him. Whether they're true or not, who the fuck knows? You know, as soon as I heard the story, I thought about, Paris Hilton, I'm David Letterman,

telling the story on how she remembers sneaking up of the window when she was 15 and going to discos. When you're 15 and you sneak out of a club, you're not sneaking out of a club to meet boys of the 16. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, no, totally. Like when the, and it all starts at the doorman. The doorman knows you're 16,

But you're hot pussy to the musicians or the band or to whosoever in there. So again, my heart goes out to both families, you know, sin for whatever he did that he takes care of his problem. And to the family of the girls in San Antonio or whatever else they had. If you're offended that I had sit on, my apologies go to you. And you guys know that I don't really come up with apologies. Let's let the air clear, and then we'll get to that. Number two, something else happened last week that really got me thinking,

our friend Brad Williams, who also has a podcast, I've done the degenerates with him. I've always knew Brad was a freak. Let's like get carried away. Those little midgets, they got like two foot. Don't get to confuse. You see a midget know that he's got a black dick. Midgets have been known for having two-foot dicks.

It's not a curse from God. It's just giving a midget. If you're a lady and you want a big dick and you don't want to cross the line and you don't want your property value to go down on your pussy, let me tell you something. Find yourself a nice-looking midget

because that guy's got dick for days. He's going to be taking that snake out of his pants like a hose, you know what I'm saying? So I know Brad personally, I've heard through the grapevine. He can wrap his dick around your neck and choke you with him. it. So don't

ever feel mad for your digits, midgets. Those motherfuckers are packing heat between their legs. It's up to you. What do you want those little fucked up fingers on your squeezing your tits while that three-foot dick is fucking anyway.

My point being that I don't know what happened with Brad Williams. I know he went on a podcast six fucking years ago and told the story about him and Carlos and they came up in an apology. Was I there? Do I know? I don't need to be there to know. I saw it. I saw women putting themselves in bad positions. I saw women come up to me and say, if you introduce me to such and such, I'll suck his dick, I'll suck your dick. It was

a point where you feel bad for humanity. You know what I'm saying? You feel bad for humanity. You know, Brad's on the shit end of the stick right now. Again, my heart goes out to him. My heart goes out to this poor girl who got fucked by a midget in the dark. Because that's got to be a fucking nightmare. You wake up next to somebody ugly, that's one thing. But waking up to hoopalupa and all of a sudden you're like, what the fuck is going on here?

And I love Brad. I'm on degenerates with him. I'm worried they're going to take them more fucking degenerates or something. You know, I'm really, worried about this, but this is just to let you know that this is why I'm open with you people. I don't give a fuck at this point in my life. Listen, if you hear something, if you didn't hear from me, it didn't happen. If that did happen, I'll tell you my side of the fucking story, just so you fucking know. As all you people know is, I'm not a me too. I mean, I love looking

at your tinnies, but I'm not a me too. I love looking at your ass. I love women. I love you that. I mean, last night there was a point at the comedy store. I had five beautiful women around me. And at one time, then, I think of fuck one of them. I had Felicia. I had fucking Annie Lideman. I had fucking Kate Quigley. I had light skin sister waitress at the comedy store and that new little cute one and we were talking about something. You know what I'm saying? Doesn't mean you're a me too. It just means you're talking to people. Well, that's comedy. Also, that's the great thing. Comedy store is my family.

But you know what, man, I'm just, I'm happy that I was always very vulnerable with you guys from day one. When I learned that what you guys wanted to hear was truth, truth from the heart, like people telling you stories, people letting you know that it's okay to be human. I'm sick and tired of this in the podcast where they're above us. Ain't nobody fucking above you motherfuckers. We're all the same.

And we all go through the same. struggles. This guy drove 18 hours between it's weird because when you booked Buffalo in the old days Buffalo had the funny bone she wouldn't book you in Buffalo unless she could get you

at the Cleveland Impro first so when you called it you got four weeks of work you got Cleveland and it was back to back she was cool about it right Sarah and I the cunt that she was she was cool about it at that time

I've heard that. Sarah and I was a dirty little Asian bitch. It mixed. Good looking, but evil as fuck. And when she got power, she really started torturing motherfuckers. I'll never forget her. I ever see I'll throw a thousand chopsticks out.

She's a dirty bitch. I'll beat it with chopsticks. I swear to God. She was cruel. She was very mean to you. Very mean to you, Lee. Very mean to you, Lee. Very mean.

Yeah. Yeah. If you would have... If you're a comic, what did I tell you what my pet peeve is? My pet peeve about comedians is fucking with their dream. Right. That's my pet peeve with a comedian. When comedians hit me up, hey, I want to be in your podcast.

I don't string them along. Right. You're in no danger. Go jump off a bridge and get back to me. You know what I'm saying? Some guy called me a couple weeks ago, Hi, my friend was on Rogan's podcast. Do you think I could be on your podcast?

Do I know you? Jesus Christ. Well, I was in the Army, and you love it. Yeah, but I know you've been doing comedy six months. Why you bother me for me? You know, go back to the Army, do 10 more years of comedy, and then get back to me. What do you want from me?

I can't help you out. Yeah. I'm working with guys up here that I see busting their asses. When I put you in that chair, it's because I know you're busting your ass. You're out there every night where the lead tells me, Ryan Sickler tells me, I'm listening. And then I see you, you know, I'm not putting people in here to, coming here and try to pull the wool over there.

I don't want to, there's a thousand of those people out there trying to pull the fucking wall over here. For sure, for sure. Thousands of people are looking over here, looking over here, but nothing's happening. And it's the people that are. And you're buying it, but they ain't doing nothing. It's kind of. And I know motherfuckers that leave their house at 6 o'clock, don't walk back into a one

and got to go to a job at fucking 6 a.m. in the morning. And at 5 o'clock, they eat something. They do 10 pushups, and they're back waiting on line. You know, I know a chick that there's four. open mics, the bitch can't drive because she has seizures. And she, you know, takes a fucking Uber everywhere. Yeah. Remember the other night you had to send me money for an Uber?

Who do you think I was trying to help out? She didn't have money for a fucking Uber. So I said, come up to the office. I'll give you a few bucks. How can I not? You know, she called me a day. Can you wait two weeks until I pay you back? I go, listen, don't worry about the fucking money.

And the girl called me, she was fucking stuck. Yeah. her credit card and she's like, I don't know you, you know, I don't know how you, if you could help me. I said, hold on. Let me send a new Uber for you. You're not going to, in fact, forget that. Do you have any money? She goes, I'm flat broke.

I haven't eaten all day. I sent me me out to your office. I got a high. I gave a 50 bucks. In fact, I still owe you 20 bucks for that little bill. God, that's amazing. I didn't. I remember last night.

I mean, I've been in those spots where it's like you got to call up a buddy or. We all bet. I did it to 20 people. So now when people call me that are comics that I see at the store, I tell people, there's a thousand people I pull aside and go, listen, you need some. You come see me. I don't want you sucking dick.

I don't want you doing nothing you don't need to do. You know, if you're going to suck a dick for five, you'll suck my dick for three wholesale. I'll give you seven. No, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, exactly. You got to let these people know what they need. help man that's great that's why I'm happy to comedy stores putting funds together I'm not saying give a comic two grand a month sure you know of course but I'm gonna get you out of a

fucking bind if I know that you're working if you're just trying to work me for drug money yeah in fact last night I bought somebody drugs well that's just straight to the oh oh Jesus you can't worry about a motive one I give you a lot of respect that's Martin Luther King week thank you I don't want to fart you well what you mean you bought some drugs hmm you bought some There was a drug dealer last night, but I knew for 20 years. I went up to him. I said, do you have anything? He goes, yeah.

I go, Bob. I put 60 bucks in his pocket. I go over there and then to give that girl a G-Buck. She came up to me when I got all stage and hugged me. She goes, oh, my God. It was such a present. That's wild. Everybody at the store has been, like, super nice, too.

Like, I'm not. It's a love. Yeah, it's amazing. Last night. I can't tell you it. Last night, I almost crashed my car driving to the store from the anxiety ahead. When Ali Wong is supposed to go up at 915, you have a problem. That schedule ran from 915 to 1130. Each of those guys, if you saw them individually, you would have to pay $35 or more. For sure.

It went from her to Ron White to Delia to Anthony Jeselnick to Rogan to myself to Donnell Rowling to Jeff Ross. That's crazy. That's where it went. And it ended up, it mixed up, and I had to bring up Allie. And we started dancing on stage. Next to you know, I was like doing like the face tank with it. I'm like, oh my God, Allie. So I tweeted this morning and thanked them for coming out.

You got any dates or anything coming up anywhere anybody could find? Yeah, I'm going to be this weekend at the Dead Crow Comedy Club in Wilmington, North Carolina. And then next weekend I'm going to be at the Comedy Connection, the 31st and the first in Rhode Island. Province? Yeah. You headlining? Yep, both places. Good for you, brother.

Thank you. You got a website and everything? I'm just doing it all on fucking Instagram. Dude, I don't even have a website. People are finding me, though, and buying tickets. kids and shit. So I know that you got to get it. I'm just bad at money and you have your own podcast. I'm just going to be doing one soon on your mom's house network. I'm working on all the other ones though. Dr. Drew, honeydew, your mom's house. And I'm going to be starting mine pretty soon as well, hopefully.

Like I told you told Dr. Drew, I'll do the podcast, but he brings up long of turn. I got to break his glasses. Oh yeah, we've mentioned it. I'll snap his glasses and have, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I want to thank you guys for being part of a great fucking family. Don't forget Friday night, no, Saturday night. There's a few tickets left, Atlanta, at the tabernacle. They might be solo tickets. I don't know what the fuck they are. Do what you need to do.

And February 13th, 14th, and 15th, St. Valentine's Day, I will be at the Tempe Improv. Tickets are going quick. And we're going to have a great time. Valentine's Day. Bring a condom. and bring a condom night to the fucking thing. If you bring a condom, I'll give you a free edible.

Oh, Jesus. Something like that. But you got to eat it with, I don't know, you got to, I don't know, you got to, you got to come home with 800 condoms? Yeah, you got to, I don't want no condoms. I don't need condoms. It's condom night. We'll give them out to fucking junkies or likes comics that want to stuff things in their asshole.

Anyway, I love you guys with all my heart. Real quick, let me talk to you about two of my favorite fucking companies. First of all, I can't tell you how excited I am with Butcher Block. I really fucking was. Butcher Box. You know, I see these people on Jenny Craig eating that Malook food and shit. But when I went to my brother-in-laws in Kentucky, I saw he had a freezer. And he had, he would go somewhere where they would send you stakes.

Pre-ordid. He buys them to fucking every six months, he said. He goes, I won't buy deeper. I buy enough to what I know. I save a little money and I just buy a half a cow And he gets steaks rib buys a meatloat he gets a lot a meatloat A cow doesn't have a meatloat You know he gets sirloin sirloin he gets different parts of it

And I when my agent called me about this I went on their website And I read what they had and I said send me a box and hey the proof is in the fucking pudding So I'm very in front very very impressed with butcher box I mean, like I said earlier, they ship frozen and vacuum sealed food so it arrives at your door fresh as a fucking daisy. Butcher box is a subscription service that sends you nine to 11 pounds of high quality.

You mainly raise meat every month. Do you understand me? I'm talking about free-range chicken, heritage port, wild-caught salmon, or you could pick one of their curated collections and let butcher bucks do all the work for you. You can customize every order with healthy, high-quality meats like grass-fed beef.

You understand me? Free-range chicken, the heritage pork. I myself had the salmon last night. It was fucking delicious. My wife made a little lemon sauce. She made some little red potatoes with it, and it rocked my fucking world. I will let you know how the steak is in a few days.

I've leaked them over and pick up a few things. What I want you to do is this. Right now, just go to butcher box. See what they have to offer, okay? Put together a package. Give them a chance. Columbus did. Listen, this is what you get from the church.

If you go through us, we're going to give you free wings, free chicken wings for the life of your subscription. that's three pounds of wings in every box forever. Think about that. Every month you're going to have three pounds of wings in there. You hire some of your neighbors to come over and cut them up. I don't like cutting up fucking wings.

You fucking bread them. You get yourself a nice walk. My girlfriend from Buffalo used to walk them. Yeah. That's how you do them. Then you shake them up nice. But let me tell you some everybody likes a great wing. What are you going to do for this?

Super Bowl. What are you going to give? An hummus? You fuck? I come to your Super Bowl. I hear nobody in Kansas City eats hummus and, well, San Francisco Herbid, all those fucking half of fruitcakes. But, listen to me, the big game is around the corner. These savages,

they're going to be tearing to your refrigerator. Forget that stuff. How are you going to feed these people? With a bowl of potato chips, a fucking veggie plate. I got to sit there and smell that broccoli. think it's my fucking feet. Well, forget about it. It's Butcher Box.

So right now, right now, Butcher Box, no special offer is free wings for the life of your subscription. That's three pounds of wings in every box forever. Plus, you get $20 off your first box and free shipping in the lower 48. Just go to Butcherbox.com slash church and use promo code church at checkout.

The other company, I love them. Why? Because they save your time. They save your money. And they just save your headaches. I don't, what are you going to do with a resume? Look at it through a crystal ball. Forget about that.

That's a zip recruiter comes in. It's a new year. It's the year of the pig of your Chinese. The perfect opportunity to take your business to the next level by hiring the right people. But finding qualified candidates is a challenge. Half these people are fucking stupid. Not ziprecruiter.com slash church makes it very easy. You're like Joey, why, why?

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ZipRecruiter is so effective. Let me tell you something. That four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. That's time. That's saving your money. That's saving you the number one thing. Aggravation. Do me a favor.

Let's cut this out. a pen. You're going to go to an exclusive web app. Just zip recruiter.com slash church. ZipRecruiter. Z-I-P-R-E-C-R-U-I-D-R-C-R-C-R-C-R-C-R-C-R-C-R-C-R-C-R-C-H. That zip, ZipRecruiter. The smartest way to hire. I want to welcome Butcherbox. I want to give a shout out for ZipRecruiter, but most importantly, I want to thank you fucking savages for having my back.

I will see you Saturday night, ready to fucking rock in Atlanta. I'm ready to rip somebody's heart out. I did two spots last night in the store, just getting fucking fired up. The one joke ate the bag of dicks, but the other one's on point. You're gonna love it, I promise you this.

I love you, motherfuckers with all my heart. Remember the song of the day, out of respect for Buffalo, is you and I. I could have shown up with what's the other one he did. Super freak and all that. No, fuck that shit. It's either U.I or 69 times.

You ever hear 69 times? He did it on Letterman. I haven't seen a letterman. And he kept doing 69 times. And when he sat down, Letterman looked at Rick James and said, is that off your Christmas album? I love you, motherfucker.

To stay black. Give it a world. I'll see you, motherfucker. in Atlanta Saturday night or in Tempe Valentine's Day weekend. Kick that fucking meal, Lee.