The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #760 - Gabriel Iglesias

Episode Date: February 12, 2020

Gabriel Iglesias, a stand up comedian with multiple Netflix and Comedy Central specials, actor seen in "Magic Mike" and on his own Netflix show, "Mr. Iglesias,"  joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Butcher Box - Go to www.ButcherBox.com/church You get $20 off your first box and free shipping in the lower 48 states. PLUS: when you use code: church you get free chicken wings for the life of your subscription.   CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.         

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You understand me? Go to CBDLion.com right now and press in church and get 20% off your order, delivered right to your house. The church wants to welcome Gabriel Laces. What's happening, Gabriel? What's up, Papa? Thank you for the tacos. Thank you for the coming.

I had to clear my throat, and a lot of cheese and there's goodness in that taco. No, that was like six points. It was like six-way watcher points. So you were talking in the car on the way up here that I was telling you, I was just starting to tell you that one night I go on Twitter and I'm minding my own business

and I see that Fluffy, the nicest guy in the world puts up, Hi, guys, got the weekend off, you know, going to chill with my dog. I just went to Chick-fil-A to stock up for Sunday or something. And I looked at that tweet and I go, ooh, because somebody had come up to me like a week earlier and said, because they said to me, you know, Burbank has a new Chick-fil-A. And in the same sentence, they go, but it's not cool to eat that. Really?

And I was like, I didn't know. It wasn't cool. Yeah, I did not. I did not know, okay? But I heard it wasn't hip to eat there. Like hipsters don't eat there. A couple white people have boycotted it. But there's lines out there.

Doesn't mind. That's why people, that's why they do that. Okay. When you boycott something, you're just giving it more fucking business. Okay. Remember when they, you're too young, when they boycotted dice. He went from Madison Square Garden to a arena. You ban him from MTV, and exactly, he's selling out MS.

He's selling out everything. So it's a weird psychology to it. you know, when the guy from the Celtics snorted the Coke and he died. The next day, everybody had cocaine that killed Lenny Byers. Everybody wanted the cocaine that killed Lenny Byers. It just killed a motherfucker. But you

are the nicest, sweetest guy in the world. G-rated comedy. You do like a fucking 5 or 30 in the afternoon for grandmothers. You wrote the most innocent tweet in the world. And I included a photo of my dog. I basically said I was going to go get my little nugget, some nuggets. And yes, without knowing, I had posted at Chick-fil-A.

Because here's my thing is any time I'm eating somewhere, I'm doing something, and it's organic, I love to put the handle. So in case the company does see it, they know that I'm a legit fan of their product or whatever it is, and I'm not asking for anything. But, hey, should they send some free gift cards? I'm not going to say no to it. I've gotten some amazing sponsorship by just being, you know, real with something. If I'm a fan of something, I let people know.

And so yeah, I posted a picture of my little chihuahua on. I'm going to go get the little nuggets some nuggets from Chick-fil-A. And next thing you know. I even saw a motherfucker that said, I'm not following you no more. Oh, my God. Like something about growing your CDs away. Really? I mean, I mean, and all sincere, I had no, why would I intentionally try to destroy myself by putting something up?

I did not know. I honestly, I tell people, I'm more hungry than woke. Okay? I am more hungry than woke. I'm sorry I'm not as hip to everything and I didn't not know. I know now. You got static for about three days. Yeah, it was bad.

It was bad. I'm like, oh my God, I wrote a tweet about sucking the ink kind of Miss Obama's pussy. And nobody said nothing. Like, people just froze. I was waiting for Twitter just to shut me down. Oh, my God. And nobody said nothing, you know, like, and it's just so weird what you can say and what you can't say anymore.

And so I just, I could not believe it. It messed me up so bad because I'm thinking to myself, really? Is it that bad? It's that bad. You know, and I watch someone like Chappelle, who I think is a comedy genius, and then he'll go up there and some of the things he talks about are very controversial and clearly rub people the wrong way. But yet, still selling out.

He just won a Grammy. Before that, he won some other Peabody. I forget what a warden one. Yes. So really? He can get away with pushing the envelope to the next level, but I put an innocent tweet where I'm, it's a fat dude talking about chicken nuggets.

I think you know where my mind was at. And I caught so much. What was the worst? Oh, I was getting people saying, yeah, we're going to boycott your show. I was getting people saying, how could you? We thought more of you than this.

Now, do you know the reason behind all you? I know now. What is that? You know, that I guess Chick-fil-A was paying, They were donating money to organizations that were against the gay community. It was, you know, that they were supporting, what is it, to try to keep them, try to straighten up the way that they think, you know, supposedly. I don't know. They were donating money to something that was against the gay community.

I don't want to claim to know that I know exactly why, but I know it wasn't good. I know it wasn't good. but do you think that it's on social media? Because I think like social media, they just, they're not really angry, but they're just there. And they, because when Chappelle does it on stage, they'd have to like actually get onto Twitter. But if they're already on Twitter,

do they think it's just fake anger? They're not really mad at you. Like if they saw you at Chick-fil-A, they'd probably be happy to see you. You know what? I've never been at a Chick-fil-A and had somebody be upset with me. If anything, they'd offered to buy my meal,

which I think is cool. It's one of those things where I did not know and like I said I wasn't trying to stir anything up but I think a lot of times sometimes you know people want attention and I think going after someone is probably the easiest way I went to my wife my wife is white so I said let me answer a question what's the deal with Chick-fil-A and she knows everything you know what I'm saying like my wife knows everything white and she's like well number one they don't their insurance doesn't cover women abortions and number two, they don't like gay people.

So I wrote a whole bit about it. But the funny thing about the, oh, my God, I was going to tell you something, I forgot. See, that's why you don't smoke pot on these tacos before a podcast. I walk in, I'm like, what's so tall of food? And I never say that. I walk in here, I'm like, there's food everywhere. You know, this is nice to have you here.

It's good to see you. I feel like I haven't seen my brother from Cuba and he came back after three years. I almost didn't survive our last podcast. What happened? You left, I heard you guys went like turkey. What do you mean?

First of all, you introduced me to this cookie. I think you were sponsored or you were doing something with this company at the time. Some Chiba chew, I think, was it? Chibachoo. And there was some cookie. And you're like, Gabriel, look it.

This is cookie right here. It's delicious. And she tries some. And I took the cookie. And I don't, you know, I don't, don't just pinch the cookie and eat a piece of the cookie. If you had me a cookie, the whole cookie's going down. And I guess for whatever reason, it had a certain level of whatever in it.

I ate the whole cookie, right? I was fine when I left. And when I got on the five, man, I've never been more grateful for traffic in my life because I drove about eight miles an hour the whole way home. It hit me on the five. I thought you guys stopped and got something to eat. Man, no, no. Oh.

No, that cookie, that cookie. I said, like, you go, Joe Deo's podcast? I ain't eating no more cookies. No, and I got people to drive now. And that's why I said, I said, I know you were scared for a long time. I was so scared. I was on that. I'm not going to go over there to get tortured.

I'm not going to go over that. I don't blame you, man. That cookie, though, wow. Sounds like the So-kind cookies we were eating. Did that frosting on top of it? I don't remember. I just remember I ate a whole cookie Because you guys were looking at me like

That look when like Like he wasn't supposed to eat the whole cookie Because you like you knew what the future held for me Remember we did something and I ate the We did Chicago And we flew back And I took my shirt off On the flight

Is it wrong that I remember you taking off your shirt a few times? Yeah, this was, this was like, this was. You were sweating. You were sweating up a storm. Yes. Yes, we were on a southwest flight. Yes. And we were sitting opposite each other.

Yeah, and I'm like, wow. And I sat in between two old white women. That was like 65. You were sweating up a storm. I had to be 380. And what happened was it was those gummy bear. It was those, the tongue things. Oh, like the list green ones.

Listerine ones. But nobody in those days knew the dosage of them. There was no dosage. You just showed them black market. They could dip them in gasoline. And then what happened was when you put them in your wallet, they got stuck together. You didn't really know how

many you were eating. So we did K.J. Riddles. Me, you, Martin, you know, who was ever booking the fucking festival of death with Rick.

It had to be like seven of us. Riddles. We went to riddles. Across the street from steak and shake and White Castle. We had to, like, it's just a fast... All the best choices at two are you. All the best choices.

It was steak and shake next door, White Castle across the street, and the hotel had it like a direct line. There was an old Hindu who had porn on. You think I'm fucking kidding you. When you went to check in, there was like some chick getting fucked. fucked against the wall.

And then you went to the hotel room and they would fuck with you. If you wanted porn, it was like, I don't get spent four bucks. But if not, it was like porn slanted. So you can still hear the chick on. Like all spice. Right. So what you do is you have to move it a little bit. You had to put the TV on its side.

So on the way back from KJ. Riddles, we all took the early flight. and I go, look, what have I got here? Some breath, and I put them on them. But in those days in the middle, we sat opposite each other. Yeah, Southwest Airlines had those little lounge seats where they'd have the seats that face one another in the front and in the back.

They'd have those two sections. So we took it over, and all of a sudden I started sweating profusiously. The plane started bouncing or some shit. He was drenched. It was scary. They brought him some towels. How early into the flight did you take your shirt? shirt off.

About an hour and a half. And there were two women who were sitting next to me. And I still remember the look on their face.

He's tortured. These women never fucked doggy style. These two women have never fucked doggy style. Like if they were with three guys

total between the two of them, you could tell her one was reading a Bible. Like they never did a doggy style. She never sniffed his nutsack.

They just did it through a sheet with a hole. And I sat in the middle and took my shirt off. I'll never forget that one time. Just like drying off with a towel. Like this was the beginning of edibles. I'm drying off with a towel. And I could feel the moisture on my nipple. He was shiny.

He was shiny. And you don't really drink or do that much, Gabriel. So you were completely sober? You got to figure at that time, no. There was in nothing. I didn't start drinking until like I was, what, 24, 25? Wow. So what is it like being on the road with someone like that?

Well, at the time, I, you know, I didn't know what he was going. I had no idea, you know? He sweats. You know, I'm a big guy. I sweats. I'm just like, he's just been doing it longer. And this is, you know, maybe his air event doesn't work. I don't know.

I mean, we were up. I know for a fact that I was up all right. Like, I remember getting to the airport that day. And at the time, I must have been about 23, 24. The years were. My ears were still ringing from the cocaine. Wow. Like, my ears were still ringing, and I'm like, man.

And I was trying to keep it together in front of you guys. Like, if anybody else would have looked at me that didn't know me, they would have gone out. He's just tired. But my eyeballs were on fire. I knew that. People knew I was on the tail end of the juice. Yeah. If it would have happened today, they'd be like, no, that's coronavirus coming out of you.

Yeah. They would have been, like, with something going on here. I was fucked up. So at the airport, to balance things off, I found these, and I ate them, and I got fucked up on the plane between the exes. You know, I found shirts of mine from my cocaine days when I moved from Hollywood to the valley. I found a bunch of long-sleeve white shirts because I was so big I had to wear long sleeve long. So I would get like a 3xL. T, T, extra long.

I would only buy clothes in Texas because in L.A. They don't have clothes with fat people. You got to go all the way up to Tonga Canyon. And whatever our chances are going at the hunger. You know what I'm saying? Or the fat man store on Wilshire where they charge $84 for a hanker ship. You know what? That was during the time when I want to say you were trying to put me in touch with that Big Daddy Company

because you were getting all your clothes for free from Big Dad. Yeah. Ralphie. It was a Big Daddy run. Big Daddy run. You know, and I was on a big co-co. Cain Run. So Big Daddy, I just stopped buying clothes.

I just stopped wearing clothes. You were always wearing jumpsuits. Always. You always had those big suits. They look so cool, too. Because in those days, it was so soprano. I went to so many mafia auditions for commercials and videos and promos that all I wore was sweatsuits.

I had a black suit that I bought that Josh Wolf bought me. Oh, wow. Three suits for $200 with two pair of shoes. Right on Hollywood Boulevard. They're still there up the block from Joe's. Hollywood suit outlet. You get three suits, three shirts, three ties, belts, belts, socks, and a pair of shoes for $299.

Wow. Just make sure nobody likes a match-time seat from you. Because your suit will go up in flames like a fucking China man with the carnivorous virus. Oh, my God. You never went in there. Go in there as a good. That's the video you should make it. Going into a suit outlet?

Right. The Hollywood suit outlet. Just go. Go to the Hollywood suit outlet. I got $29. What can you do for me? What can you do for me? I got $2.99.

Okay. So did you ever figure out the amount that you were supposed to actually eat? of what of those listering things like one little one i think i ain't like there was three in there clearly yeah there was three or four in their dog one time telling you that was me on that five freeway coming back i just gripping the stereo this had to be about seven years ago me and we had just started doing the podcast and i had one of the last weeks at the miami coconut grove and brown It was one of the last weeks

And I don't know what the fuck I had a Delta flight Terminal 6 with the tropical birds and shit on the wall When you're going to Miami or South America It's the most racist fucking terminal LAX You go in there and you get Like a little Cuba

Yeah You're getting rid of it. No it's not even cube They treat you like your fucking What's those people that sell their guns The Sandinistas They treat you like you're a Sandinista in there. The fucking, it's horrible.

Like, you walk through the white part of the fucking Delta thing. But then they have the South American wing, and all of a sudden, the walls turn yellow. And they got, like, palm trees and fucking, and you're like, this is racist. This is fuck. They have everybody talking Spanish, and they got salsa music playing. These are people that are added to Salvador, Nicaragua, all those third world nations and shit like that. So Miami's in that terminal. So I flew out of that terminal on a red eye,

and I had a, I upgraded the first class. I'm Delta, they upgraded me to one on the inside. So I was in row one on the inside. Window. In the window. And I start popping fucking edibles before in the car right down there. I start popping edibles like I get on the flight, and it's the nicest gay guy in the world.

That's next. And he's like, oh, my God, you're going to Miami. It's going to be so much fun. And I'm like, I know, blah, blah. He passes out. All of a sudden, I had certs, cinnamon shirts. You're not supposed to eat the whole roll of cinnamon. I ate the whole thing.

Like, I just started to eat them. And the cinnamon triggered the THC. And I had jeans on. And I just started sweating. I started sweating to the point that I took off my shirt. and the little gay guy, thank God he had little leopard things on his eyeballs

and I'm sweating up the storm game and I got the blanket around my fat stuff and I got no shirt on and all the whole cabin sleeping but there was like one little light that shined right on like my fucking center of my chest

and every time the stewardess or walk by she'd look at me she wouldn't I'm sorry I'm lying to you she wouldn't even look at me guys you just hand me a water and I was sweating so much when I got my luggage I went to pull up my pants

and the rim around my jeans were drenched with sweat that's how much I sweat on that fucking fly from T-8C I can't imagine like as a big guy that's the last thing I want to do is take my shirt off in public oh yeah I can't imagine being

how high do you have to be to take your shirt off You have to be 10 tequila's in. Well, okay. No, no, no. Drunk versus high is totally different. No matter how high I was, I wasn't getting naked. No matter what.

But drunk, that's different. I got so drunk in Puerto Rico, I wound up on a mechanical bull. Really? You can find that photo online, by the way. I let people know. I was like 19 medallias, medallias, the Puerto Rican beer. Good times. What else is going on in your world?

Well, let's see. We just finished wrapping the show. We finished wrapping the show last week. Season two. Congratulations, man. Thank you. You're happy doing it? You know what?

Let me say something. The people. The people is what I'm going to miss. I'm not going to miss the hours. I'm not going to miss the three hours a day in traffic. I'm not going to miss the, you know, a little bit of sleep that I was getting. It's a lot of work. A lot of work doing that show.

A TV show. TV show is a lot of work. It takes up all your time and energy. And I love the finished product. And like I said, I love the people. If the people were horrible, it had been a different thing. I'd have been like, I'm out. You got a nice little cast.

Everyone is super nice. I grew up with him. With Oscar Nunez. Yeah. Yeah. Do you ever say that to you? No, we were talking about you the other night. Now, I guess the same school or something?

He's from a town called Union City. You see the Irishman? Yeah. But Tony Pro is from. The Tony Pro's office is what? He's from Union City. I hung with his brother. I was,

You know the older kids in your neighborhood Who you idolize? I idolize his brother's His brother's name was Nunzio And up the corner from my mother's bar It was a hot dog stand The best Sabret hot dogs Just right out of New York City

But in New Jersey And I would go up to every day And get two or three of them And Nunzio would take numbers And hang out with the guy all day So why you got a hot dog? Nanzio Give me 204 or 206

Whatever It was either Nunzio or the guy were doing book there. But I knew Nunzio, but me and him were kids together. So he went to like Emerson High School and I went to North Bergen, which is to complete the districts. But since I was Cuban, my mother had a bar in that neighborhood. So I knew all those kids. So that's how long we go back.

Wow. And then I bumped into him in an audition in 98. Didn't know him. We were up in Telemundo. Glendale and we were reading for some Cuban show and that's when we started talking I met him in 98 on the fly and he goes maybe you know my older brother nunja I go Jesus fucking Christ wow yeah I know no and that job I got hired they paid me a thousand bucks to shoot three days they hired me my call time was at eight I went to lunch at 12 and at 12 30 they called me and they fired me.

They just, I killed it in the audition, but I really wasn't what they were looking for. And as soon as I spoke Spanish, the Cubans fucking freaked. They got scared of me because they were like from the nice part of Cuba. I speak that gangster Spanish.

And they speak that Spain Spanish. They was really so intimidated. But one of those guys ended up being on George Lopez's first ABC show. He was the sidekick. and years later, I was living here, I moved here, and I would walk my wife to work,

and then I would walk around North Hudson Park. And one day I saw him, and I walked past him, and he goes, hey, hey, excuse me, do you remember me? And I made believe like I didn't. I go, no, I don't. I know you're on George Lopez. And he goes, yeah, but before, do you remember me? And I go, no.

and he goes, I was on that show that time with Telemundo. He told me the name of the show. He goes, and I just want to tell you like a man that it was not me who got you fired. You scared like four or five of the Cuban people. Because he's Mexican. He's really Mexican.

Oscars? No. This Telemundo kid, then he ended up on Georgia's first show. Not this other little Mexican guy. He ended up. He was like a father or an uncle or something like that. He was a regular on the show. I saw him in North Hollywood Park, and he came up to me.

Man, that was 15. I forgot all about it. I wasn't even scared that they fired me because it paid from my after. After it was 800 then. So you had to pay SAG about 50 and after it was 800. So whatever it was, a week later, I got an aftercard in the mail. So it didn't really matter. You still got paid.

You still got paid. Wow. I remember when you were shooting the ABC show and you called me in there was a role there was a role that you were thinking and I kept saying I don't want to go in because when I read it I read it black this was a role for a black guy

and I know that that was the beginning of diversity for television and I know that the pilot didn't work out at ABC and I go if I know anything about Gabriel he's fucking jumping up and down because it's so weird the excitement you have when you're selling a show and they say yes and you get pumped up for it and finally you get your show.

You feel that, yeah. And after three weeks, you cannot fucking take it no more between the questions to what you can say, what you can't say, what the budget of the show is, who could be on the show,

who can't be on the show. And then you think, I can't wait to be back on the fucking road. where it's my show from A to Z, and you start comparing it. Like years ago, if you called me for anything, I would cancel a comedy show. Today, I might cancel a comedy show

for an acting gig anymore. It's too much fucking work. And you know I love to act. We've discussed mutual films. We've discussed them. I think you called me and said, I love you and grudge, match, whatever. I enjoyed Grudge Match even though I broke even.

How can you fucking break even in the narrow movie? How the fuck do what did I have to do two comedy shows just to put money in my pocket? I take a loss. I take a lot every time I do television. And people do not understand this. When we came up, the bicycle club? Yeah. What did we talk?

What did we talk about? One day. We can't wait till one day. We're making $28,000 a week on a time. TV show as a fucking co-star. We missed all that. Like everybody else who, oh my God, you missed it.

It was 60,000 the co-star for two episodes. What are you fucking talking about? I'm getting 12-50 an episode to co-star to be a hot dog, man, and to be a security guard and shit. And it was like, now I love the freedom of stand-up so much that Gabriel, if you come up to me

and go, excuse me, the word is the like that scripty lady like I've just grown to hate them especially the TV ones the ones that you've ever been on a bad TV show and they come up to you like eight times to correct you and finally you go come here for Zach

every week and her name on my show her name is Sorel and she's wonderful she's awesome she's put up with me in my moods because yeah you know my whole thing is if if I'm conveying the correct message and the line that I'm delivering allows the actor I'm working with to understand that it's his or her turn,

I don't see the problem. But of course, then they hit you with the word, you know, it's got to have continuity. It's got to match up with the last scene in case they got to cut this scene to this scene to that scene. And I understand. But yeah, when they nitpick, and it's one word and it's like, really?

You're supposed to say this word first, then it's this word. But you're saying both, you're still getting it right, but you're just mixing it up, but it's still the same message. Yeah, I get annoyed. They still go to you on your own show?

Oh, yeah, yeah, just because I'm the star of the show. No, no, no. And I'm an EP on my show, so sometimes I'll just put my foot down and go, you know what? Just for that, line's gone. I'm taking the line out. I'm giving that line to somebody else, and I'm just going to sit here and watch. I've done that a couple times where I've been annoyed by a line. But for the most part, though, working with Netflix versus working with ABC night and day.

ABC, I did go through all that, that you just mentioned the, you know, they question everything. You give them an idea, and then they, hire someone else to change your idea. You know, you said, oh, I'd like it to be like this. And they're like, no, it would work better like that. And you never want to argue or stand up for what your project is because you don't know if you're, if you're stepping on toes. Like me, I was always like, I just want to make sure that I don't, you know, I'll raise my hand when I really want to raise it. But I figured if I did it early on, I'd be shooting myself in the foot. So I allowed someone else to control and run the way that it went. and ABC would you know I picked certain people that I wanted to work with and they're like well

they're okay but we think that this person would fit better this person would fit better and one of the one of the people that I chose that I wanted to be a sidekick on my show on ABC he killed the read he was amazing so funny and charismatic and just he delivered and they did not like him for whatever reason and they gave me someone who was much taller looked way different he looked more of like a leading man versus being a sidekick

and he wasn't as good did you think at times when you worked in that work that it was like remember when we first started gabriel on Saturday you went to the office and the guy said we had a good week he's your $300

and why you were sitting there waiting from the castor check and sign it over to you, you look around the office, and you saw 10 million tapes with dust on them. And you're like, look at these poor bastards. Like, remember people you used to say to you send me a tape? Yeah, and see, that's why comics today, I don't want to sound like that old guy.

They don't know what we went through in our time. Like, yeah, I remember sitting in the, freaking Bart Reed sitting there, and there's a pile of VHS tapes in the corner. or being in Columbus, Ohio and seeing just a room that was dedicated to tapes. And I was happy that I got in more so through word of mouth. Because I don't remember sending out a lot of tapes, but I did have a lot of comics that would vouch for me. Hey, you go in, he can emce.

He can do this. He can do that. And I would always work for whatever because I was more, I want the experience. I want to go out there because I love it, you know. And yeah, I was using my real job to support my comedy. My comedy habit Because at the time I wasn't making any real money

I fucking hate it When people asked me for a tape Especially after I became a regular At the store I wouldn't send you a tape I'd fax you a copy of the schedule With Paul Mooney in front of me And go

What are we doing talking about here What else do I got to prove to you And the guy who Busted my balls the most Was Freddie Soto kept coming up to me in 97 going, hey man, that guy in Houston really wants to hide by you, but he needs a tape. And he was talking about Mark Babbitt.

So one there said, you know what I'm going to do? This one on for nine months. I would go Babbitt. Just give me a fucking week. Joey, I'm telling you, I need a tape. I got to run it by the owner. You're such a scumbag. You're such a fucking scumbag.

I'm not going to, all right. And then he would call me again. Joey, I never got your tape in the mail. Joey, what's going on? So finally, when they, I just got a blank tape. And I put resume and a headshot, and I sent it to Houston. And a week later, he was like, what are he doing September 23rd or the 25th? You sent him a blank?

Blank tape, and he told me he loved it. And that's when I realized I fucking hate these fucking bookers. That's when I realize, like, I'm not playing by the rules. Oh, my God. This was 1997. He told me he loved it. Blank as fuck. And that became my signature.

I would send you blank tapes. And people, oh, we loved it. It was great. Well, it was great. Yeah, we'll give you it. And that's when I realized it was a power thing. I'll never forget people calling me in L.A. and go, how are you doing what they're going to put together a show?

Can you send this a tape? Let me give you your ad just. And you're like, 1-14 can and drive. What are you talking about tape? Yeah, what are you doing? We need a tape you're doing stand-up. Grab a pen. Thursday night 1030 the improv

Friday 1145 the comedy store Saturday 10 40 what tape do you need that would really piss me on if they were local and they wanted a tape I would force them to come out of now that I wouldn't do business with him I don't want to fucking being your stupid show you're five minutes away but babble I sent the blank tape to

fuck yeah dog Mark Babbitt he was a club owner but he wasn't a club owner I had my own little run with him too And he still owes me about eight grand You know Gabriel But it's what you said You fell in love with it

And you took the ball and ran with it You really did Thinking back now Like don't get me wrong We were all running with the ball You ran behind the right fucking Like it was just a path And I saw it

And then a couple TV appearances, you know, fucking, it just kept the momentum. And I think I went out with you somewhere, and I saw the likability after the show, or the people talking to you, and you just took off like a while. And nobody deserved it more than you. You sacrificed your life for this day. I'm here to tell you that Gabriel Lacey's sacrifice his life for this day. We could go into hours of detail. We won't go there.

I'm sure the therapist talked to you about that already. But we sacrificed. You know, people don't understand what sacrificing your life is. When your cousin gets married and you send a check. You don't live your life. We just send checks. We don't go to weddings. We don't go to nephews, birthdays.

We don't do anything. at the end of the day you have to ask yourself what am I willing to give up because it is a sacrifice you know people say they want they want to be there they want to be on top they want to be the guy or the girl whatever what are you willing to give up that should be the question and I can honestly say I've sacrificed everything or sacrificed family friendships um moments that uh I'll never get back you know to do what I do I I I love the stage. more than I love myself. I've given up health. The night my mom passed away, I was on a stage. The day she was buried, I was doing a show. That's how much I gave up because I needed to be on

stage to function to not break down. You know, people, people ask me all the time, oh, well, you know, what should I do? How can I, what are you willing to give up? And a lot of times people, you know, I've offered to take comics out on the road. Oh, you know, I got the thing with my kid that's happening. Okay, well, then you know what? And then, hey, then that's what you need to do. But what are you willing to give up? Not to be fresh.

You did go to the funeral. I did not attend my mom's funeral for the simple fact that my family did not see me. How can I put this? Me going to my mom's funeral probably would have landed me in jail because my siblings and I did not see eye to eye because they didn't understand what it is that I do. They didn't understand what I was willing to give up in order to be in a certain place. And I still haven't spoken to my brother since. But when it all went down, if I could take it back, honestly, I realized that it was more so me versus my siblings.

And I should have thought about the bigger picture. But unfortunately, I was in such a rage and such an ugly place where I would have made a big mistake by being there. Because any little thing would have set me off. I remember that night that my brother called me up. And the conversation that we had, I couldn't see anything but red. Couldn't see anything but red. And no matter what he tried to say to me, it just wasn't clicking. and I had gotten a text message from a friend of my Armando Gossil and he was he was there and I remember

getting that message and I just like what was I thinking like because I could have I could have been there and when people ask me about regrets and things that I wish I could do differently that's that's definitely one of them I'm I'm an adult now where I can look back on it and go you know what I should have checked my pride I should have I should have checked everything because it was about me. It wasn't about my brother. It wasn't about my siblings. It was about my mom. And even though we weren't on the best of terms at that time, we were in the process of trying to resolve things. And she had gotten sick before I got a chance to make that the case. And I remember I was in so much pain and I just, the only thing that could get me out of that was to be on stage.

And I remember I was in Ontario, I went and did a show at Ontario at the improv. And at the end, I asked for a shot and I says, you guys have no idea the day that I'm having right now. And someone goes, what happened? I go, you don't want to hear it. And they're like, come on. And I was like, let me just tell you what happened. And the whole crowd got quiet. And I'm like, yeah, that's what I'm dealing with right now.

And I drank a lot that night. And it was one of those things where, you know, what are you willing to give up? And at that time, that's why I. I gave up. And I miss my mom dearly and I'm sad that I wasn't there at the end when I had an opportunity to be there. I just don't think that I was in the right mindset. So, you know, you work hard. You want to be a certain person.

You want to excel. What is it you're willing to give up? And I gave up my family. I can say that night. and I don't have a relationship with my brother now. I barely talk to my sisters. And, you know, when I visit my mom's grave, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, you know, but there's moments where, you know, you, you, you think you're doing the right thing. And, uh, that for me is my biggest regret.

Because my mom would have done anything for me. Oh, you've been busting your ass. Christmas you did. How many shows is she? you do. And that's another thing too. You give up Christmases. I would work Christmases because I couldn't be around my family Joey. It was that bad. It's like

they wouldn't look at me and talk to me like a person. I was now a thing. I was now this personality. I was this this thing that just is on TV and they all saw it as something that was easy. Like my brother insulted the hell out of me one night when he's like he told somebody in the house

I'm funnier than him. Like really? And I'm like, they didn't understand. And the more I tried to explain things, it just, you know, it became a thing where, yes, I became the guy that signed checks. I became the guy that, you know, can you loan me money? I got tired of loaning money because nobody would ever pay it back. So I just learned to just give it.

You know, it's hard when people stop looking at you like a person and they just look at you like this, that thing. You know, at the end of the day, I'm still flesh and blood. I still feel pain. I still make good decisions, bad decisions. I'm a human. I'm a person. But when people cannot separate the fact that, you know, you're just that. How did your mom feel about you?

Because I remember the special where your mom was in the audience. My mom was a big supporter. She would never laugh at my joke. She was more so like, you know, he's doing what he wants to do. I remember one day I brought home a flyer. I showed my mom a flyer of me on the flyer. She was so happy about a freaking flyer. And I go, mom, I've been on a.

TV. This flight, really the flyer? She goes, no, my co, I can take it to bingo and show. I don't know. That was when flyers were the social media of the time. But no, she was a huge supporter. Just that it came to a point where even she was having issues with what I was doing and the amount of time I was gone. And, um, and then she wasn't a big fan of my girlfriend either. So that became a thing, you know, and it was, it was hard. It was hard, Joey. You know, man, I've been saying this for the last couple

years that we went in the search of becoming a comedian but what we ended up becoming were men like I grew up in this shit this made me be a man this whole fucking game it taught me a lot I learned a lot from this game we saw people blow up and shoot themselves in the foot we saw Tiffany Haddish blow up we saw people come and go you know I started I remember taking a ride with you from Burbank Airport to Tucson on Wednesday night to a club called Bugsiz. The guy would pick you up. The guy must have like $700. Yeah.

Tell him this, tell me the size of the bolt behind his neck. It looked like two heads. The guy who put everything together. He was a sweetheart of a guy. I don't even know if he's still around, because I know he had lost a bunch of weight by the time. He came to the comment. me so he lost him way yeah there's a it would call him big Alex not just Alex it was big Alex he was he was huge I remember every time I'd see him he was getting out of a suburban he was always

in the front seat of suburban and it'd take him a minute to get out of the car and it was just big tall it's like six five huge and uh sweetheart of a guy and he would work at uh bugsies on the corner of roger and oracle in tucson arizona and i know this uh because i still have the poster I still have the poster from when I performed there And I had done shows with you there You and Debbie Gutierrez I did one show there I did another show with Rudy and Gilbert And Joey Medina was the Booker

He was the one that set me up to go down there But yeah 150 those shows The show paid 150 And a plane ticket I didn't get 150 I got 50 because they had taken my money To split it between Rudy and Gilbert

So I got 50 and a plane ticket. I didn't care at the time because that was the first time I went on the road. That's why I saved the poster because it was my first road gig. He would pick you up, take this from Mexican food.

Take you to eat. That was one thing. Big Alex would take you to eat, make you feel special, take you to the hotel. We'd go check in at the Cliff Manor Inn. And I'm like, wow, the Cliff Manor is next to a golf course.

This place, it was disgusting. It's disgusting now. No, no, no, no. They cleaned up now. At the time. I still remember staying there with Darren Carter and that black girl. And the black girl fucking called me in the middle of the night. She's like, you got to figure something out.

People trying to break into my door. And there was a hotel. And then you crossed the street. Mexican restaurant. Yes. Same restaurant. Yeah. That was a cracky fucking hotel.

You know what? But if you don't know what a cracky hotel is right, and if you never stayed at a hotel. When we were doing comedy, that was a Taj Mah. That's a thing, too. That was one night in a hotel. You would get to the room at four, and you had three hours of them to pick you up. You have no idea.

You would get naked and just lay on the bed. You know how they tell you to take the sheet off, people have come on it? You don't even give a fuck. You lay on top of that thing. You put HBO on. You pick your feet. You got three hours in the hotel room.

You've been fucking performing at West Covina and all these fucking places. the last two months now you're in Tucson Arizona oh shit I'm on five I never saw that place as a as a rat hole or something no me neither it was the greatest thing it was the greatest thing in my world like on a fucking Wednesday night to pick up 150 bucks I remember hearing my name on the radio for the first time I was in my room and I had the the radio on and I heard performing to you know this weekend the you know bugsies and I heard my name for the first time and I screamed so loud when I heard it. I was like, oh my God. I was like that scene from that thing you do when

the kids are running and their song is playing. And I was just like, oh my God, I open the door. I'm screaming. I was so happy. How long in the stand-up were you? You got to figure. I started April 10th of 1997 and I was on the road July, what was it, 12th? So me, June, July. Oh, yeah, three months. Oh, shit. I was doing comedy three months and I was on the road performing in Tucson, Arizona. And I'm at this hotel, what? Which for me, I'd never been on a flight. I'd never been on a hotel. Whoa.

So for me, all kinds of cherries got popped in Tucson. Yeah, that happened there too. I remember the first time I went there was with Gilbert and with Rudy. And they knew that that was my first time on a plane. And so Rudy tells me, hey, listen, man, look, you're on the road. I remember Rudy and Gilbert from that show, Comedy Compi that is back in the day. And so I was like, oh, my God. You know, the real world.

Yeah, it was amazing. And I'm like, I'm hanging out with these two guys. Are you kidding me? So I just wanted it. I was so green and Rudy tells me, listen, when the flight attendant comes by and she offers you a soda, don't make me look bad. Make sure you, you know, you give her a good tip. Make sure you give her a good tip. And if they try to, you know, give it back, you insist that they take it.

Okay. We got to make sure that, you know, don't make me look stupid. And I'm like, no, sir. And I was, I was that kid. No, sir, absolutely not. It was 20, 21. No, I wasn't even 21 yet. I turned 21 a few days later.

I was 20 years old. And sure enough, here comes a flight attendant. She brings me my Coke and with the ice and everything in the napkin. And I try to give her five bucks. She goes, no, no, no, no, no. I insist. And she's like, no, sir, I'm not supposed to take the money. It's okay.

And I'm trying to put the money on her. And Rudy and Gilbert are just, they're dying. I'm like, what's so fun? And then I realized it were ribbing me. And I'm like, ah, here we go. Here we go. How many nights did you do with the Brave Bowl? Oh, man.

I lost counting how many times I worked a Brave Bowl. or worked the Brave Bull or worked commerce or worked the ice house on the I don't know how many last grand finale shows that were going to be at the ice house. I don't know how many the last, you know, because Rudy's always having,

it's the last one. It's the last one. It's the farewell to the east side comedy. It's over. It's done. We've had an incredible run. It's over. We're finished. The last one, this Wednesday, it's over. It's done. That's it. We're done. And I remember,

He'd always get me. Amen, this is the last one. You know, don't forget those flights in Tucson and all those other shows that I booked you. Come on, just, it's the last one. I'm there, Rudy. And I'd go when I'd do the last show. And before I knew it, there was, you know, it's the second, it's the second annual last show. The third annual last show.

It was always the last show. So, yeah, but the brave, I had so many great memories at the Brave Bowl and all those other venues. Little times. I would go to the brave ball and he would go to me Joey tonight the VP of the bank is there can you clean it up a little bit

and I would go off there and I go extra dirty and I go extra fucking dirty and they would go crazy but I think the best night I had at the Brave Bowl the Brave Bowl was a bar in and I want to say it was San Gabriel

San Gabriel and it was Fridays and Saturdays they had not their exaggerate. How many rooms did they have did you do comedy there? Well, they had like the main room

or it was like a, I'd say about a 600-seater where they'd have bands playing stuff like that and then they'd have the smaller rooms like little annexes in there. A banquet hall, the little bar room. It was awesome. If it would have been a comedy club, it would have been like the store, the main room,

the belly room, you know. You never knew what room you were going to be there when he booked you. Like when he would call you and go, you available Friday night you go ah yeah yeah and some nights you were in the little room some nights you were in the room that had the horns on the wall like there were different horns from different bowls and oh my god sheep and shit then there was a banquet room in the back that's the first place I showcased from I kept going bro I can say his phone number I still know it by heart

how many times I called him and tortured him back We just spoke because he had a heart attack. It was, like, for real, for real? Yeah, well, you know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I question it now just because, you know, I've drank in the Kool-Aid one too many times. I've helped with the, you know.

Like, no, man. Let me see the doctor. He posted a picture. of him with a and Rudy you know I love you at all my heart you're the funniest man on Facebook he had a picture of him with a cheeseburger and a soda

and it said two days before I had the heart attack and he was having like a double cheeseburger so he contacted me and he goes roo joey promised me you'll take care of yourself and we went back and forth and he told me what happened and blah blah blah blah blah I haven't heard about a benefit yet but if I know anything about Rudy I'm friends with them on Facebook it's coming you know what I'm saying like I see the big benefit oh poor Talf feeder

that type of shit you know what I'm saying so but regardless it was so weird because he gave us 300 spots you know in those days we were doing 45 spots a month Gabriel Yeah, and they weren't comedy clubs. There were rooms. Not one of them. Let me hear. Sorry to interrupt. How did you get the bicycle club then?

So you were doing comedy three months because I remember you had the bicycle club and there were some weeks that you weren't there because you were on the road. I had a... How did you get the bicycle club? I made friends with the food and beverage manager who had seen me perform somewhere. A guy's name was Javier Sanchez. still owe him $200, by the way. He owes you or you owe him?

No, I owe him because there was a month where I couldn't pay my rent. And I reached out to him and he hooked, he goes, come by the bike. And he gave me $200 so I could pay my rent. And it was one of those things where just I kept struggling to, like I'll pay. As soon as I got the money, I'll pay. And it was just one of those things where it took a while for me to catch up. And eventually I lost the room and lost contact with him. but he was the one that offered me the room.

He goes, you think you can set up this room? And I remember I just got a computer and a printer, and I printed out my own tickets. And I was giving out tickets and inviting people. And that's when I met my first fan. Her name's Monica Sanchez. I just saw her a couple nights ago, her and her husband, Tony. They were always coming to the room. And they would bring, every week they'd come back to see me do those same 15 minutes,

and they would bring people. And then those people would bring people. And then it just became one of those things where, You know, it was, they would, they grew my audience in that area. And I would do shows for Monica in her garage. One of the first New Year shows that I did, I was in her garage performing. But that's how I got the bike. I mean, I got the, you know, Javier Sanchez saw me perform somewhere.

And then he goes, hey, man, what do you think? And little by little comics would come out and do the show. And he gave me a small budget to work with, but, hey, you got a free meal. You got made a couple bucks and, you know, free drinks. And you had to go back on Friday and get paid. You had to drive back on Friday and get paid. And I'll never forget going into traffic like at 4.30 going. Let me go to the bicycle club.

Oh, my God. I didn't get home to 8 o'clock at night on a Friday night to go pick up $35 fucking dollars. If I would have known, I would have left it there for fucking $35 dollars. I could have borrowed $35. I was furious to go down there. Were you clean back then? You know what? I was, when I first started doing stand-up in 97,

I was cussing a lot. It was a nervous cuss. I was just throwing F bombs just to throw them just to fill space. I felt like, you know, four seconds without a laugh was too long. So I needed to fill it. You know, F this, F this, everything. And of all people, Joy Medina was the one that pulled me aside. And he goes, hey, listen, man, you're really funny.

You're likable. You don't need to cuss. And it's crazy coming from Joey because Joey cusses a lot in his act. He goes, you don't need to cuss. If you work clean now, you'll never have to edit your set when you get an opportunity like a tonight show or something. You'll just be ready and you don't have to edit. You'll be ready. And that's probably the greatest advice I ever got from a comic was telling me to work clean.

I'll cuss in my show now. But it's not a lot. It's a little bit here and there. But definitely that helped out so much in the beginning because I was able to go anywhere. I was able to perform at noon for a kid show or I could go and do. two shows at night, you know, I could go perform at a church, I could go perform a corporate function. I was doing a lot of college work because of that. So for me, that's what helped to grow. Everything was like, hey, he's safe. I avoided, you know, people tell me, like, okay, well, what,

what do you think is a, you know, big contributing factor to why you're, where you're at? So it's not always what you say, it's what you don't. I say, I don't talk politics, I don't talk religion, and I don't talk sports, because all three of those things will ruffle feathers, and then you divide your audience. And so, it's not always. people say, well, you're not as edgy, you're not as this, you're not as that. I go, yeah, but the place is full. Yeah. You know, um, so yeah, I tell people, I have an opinion. That's why I don't, I don't do, I don't, I don't, I can't do a podcast because I don't have a strong enough opinion to put out there. You know, I keep my, my show safe for a reason. I want people to enjoy themselves and not

have to think. I don't want to make people think. I'd rather just entertain. That's what I chose to do, just to entertain. If I have an opinion, you, buy me a drink. You might hear say some shit but yeah i don't i keep it away from the stage you know when i was coming up i opened up for a lot of guys and there was two people who stood out that i opened up for in those days one was rich jenny rich jenny watching people leave his show because as a feature act that's what i would watch the people leaving the show their reaction rich jenny got the best reaction because he was just a pure comics stand up. And the second best reaction,

this is 97 to 2001 or two. The second best reaction was Pablo's people. He didn't curse. He made noises. He jumped up and down. He, we, bing, we, glee,

bong, bong. One man. Let me tell you something. I was living in Seattle. I did not think I was the shit. I was a regular comic. I was dirty. I knew the limitations.

I was starting to find who the fuck I was. I had to get angry. I was living in an office. And one night I went down there frustrated and I realized what I had. And I go, I got to work off that angle. You know what I'm saying? You got to just...

I forgot what I was going. Pablo. Pablo. And I worked off an angle and I started opening for people when I watched. I remember opening up for Stanhope. Not opening up for Stanhope, watching Stanhope. I had met him. I opened up for him early in Boulder when I was the house MC.

But later on, after he won San Francisco, I remember going to see him to a full house. And by the time he got on stage, 75 people had walked out. The people who stayed were on the fucking floor crying and laughter. The people who left there ran the fuck out of there. In my mind, I never saw the benefit of that. Even though I'm a dirty comic, like I remember when I got the longest yard. I had a little bit of heat.

I went on the road. I remember going out and walking through the hallway and people would see me in their reaction towards me. and they thought I was going to add them saying with his phrase. I was going to jump up and down and fucking play the fucking fiddle or whatever the fuck. And I'm up there talking about snort and coke with my cat and shit. And at the end, they would walk out in Gabriel. They wouldn't even touch me.

Like I would see them walk out. Like, you know, and I got to see the reactions of people. Then I opened for you somewhere. And I saw the same thing that you had beaten. eating out Pablo now. It was you and Rich Jenny. That when people left your shows, it was like they just left Disneyland.

You know what I'm saying? Like they had that look on their face. When people leave my shows, guys look happy. Yeah, let's go home and eat your monkey. And the chick's like, Jesus fucking Christ. I ended up with a fucking retard that likes a fat fucking retard. You know, this is the truth. And that's the thing I always admire.

about you that it was Richard Jane and Pablo and then you just moved into that slot and it didn't matter whether you were Latin black Asian you know what I'm saying I'm talking as a comedian watching people leave a show as a feature act you know like in Miami you know people would run out of Paul Moody show oh yeah black people would walk out he would you know fucking end-word him to death as they were walking out. Yeah, to some people, that's cool. I know people that love walking rooms.

When I was coming up in Seattle, there was two comedians that they lived for that shit game. To go out there with the worst joke they can say to make people get up and go, fuck you and stare that up. I never like that. When I go on stage, I think people see my heart and they let me get away with what I get away with.

You're following me, but they know it's not really who the fuck I am. I know I can't go home would spit out my wife's back. She wouldn't go for that shit, you know what I'm saying? But when people go see a Gabri Glacier show, when you see them on the way out, I saw footage,

and it was like, remember when Pablo went back to the village to pick up a fucking suitcase and narcos? He went back to the village, and he came out and all the fucking Colombians surrounding him. Meena, establo. That was you. They surrounded you. You had all these Spanish people.

You know what scene I'm talking about, right? Yeah. When he told the kid, what was his name? The guy who had the taxi cab. Was that Limon? Limon. When he was Limon, Benzikourn. And he just started giving our fucking hundreds.

Minas, Pablo. God bless you, Pablo. God bless you, Pablo. This was you without handing out the $100 bills. It was that scene. Like, I don't know where I saw the footage. Maybe it was one of your specials, something. I saw them react.

acting to you afterward. And there was like, he's like fucking Paolo Eskabar. Without the Coke. Think about that. Pablo had to show up with Coke and a box a hundred-dollar bills

with people treat them like that. They come, they treat you like, you know, it's unbelievable. And you handle it. And then I see you on Twitter and I see how people,

you know, when you get on Twitter, you're like, I'm going to be on Twitter for the next 45 minutes. Ask me whatever fuck you want. You know, what are you going to eat for breakfast? and you tell them like two tacos when I get the Houston.

You know, you got your favorite taco spot. It's just a really neat thing, you know. Over the fucking holidays, I'm looking at Twitter, and I see these pictures. You sold out like Staples, Anaheim, they canceled the duck game because you showed up. Fucking, fucking. There's probably more people on this show than the duck game anyway.

Fucking, they just cancel us, and Gabriel once before. tonight. The ducks are canceled. Don't worry about nothing. Fucking, they canceled the duck game. And then Christmas Day, you went into each improv. You know, it's just, it's just remarkable what you do, man. And I'm happy that you're right, you're right. I mean, we're talking about 20 years ago, getting 50 bucks going to Tucson, Arizona.

And with you, like me, the love is still there for it. I still fucking love it. I still fucking love it. I'll all for this whole season. Like, you know, what are you going to do when the show's over? I'm going to go back to do my bash and do what I love to do.

I'm excited. I get to go back on the road this week. How many weeks did you take, did you shoot the show, season two? Let's see what the hiatus is and everything. It was probably 15 weeks. 15 weeks of time that I was not out. Like, I'd still do dates on the weekends.

If I could pop in somewhere for doing. casino or go do, you know. Like a Saturday. Yeah. In between that, I still, I did that Staples Honda run, but I had booked that way before the show was set. So those dates were already set in stone. So I made sure that they...

But just to go from that mindset to that mindset, that to me would crush me. I don't like doing it no more. I got to go to New York and shoot in March. I would love, you know, it's New York. I'm going in for New York.

I got to be there for eight days. I got to shoot three. I don't know what days I'm going to shoot. I love to work, but I know somewhere along the line, they're going to go, we need you that day. Now I got to call Lebedee-Lon-Iak. You got to get somebody. So I know better.

You know what I'm saying? But between you and I, I really don't want to do comedy. If I'm doing this movie, I'm doing this movie. You got to do one project and then you can do. Yeah. know what? If I got two nights off in a row, I'll go to Dangerfields. On the upper west side,

there's eight people in the audience. And I'll just work out the back of the notebook. There's shit that one, Lee and me fuck around, and he tapes me and I take it back. That shit that I have one line that I use. I go to Dangerfield. I don't book no dates.

I don't like getting confused. Never mind, a club. You go from a set to the staple side. I'd have a heart attack I'd have a fucking panic attack And you know what for me I get more nervous on the set Than I do in

You know doing a show like that And you tape live too right? No we don't tape live We don't tape live All of those pictures I saw With like a little audience Kids coming to this stuff Oh no no no

We tape in front of a live studio audience Yes yes yes I thought you meant live like the Connors They did that episode where it's live No no I'll never do anything Nothing live to tape Nothing like that anyways But yeah

Yeah, we would shoot the show live in front of an audience on Thursday, and then Wednesdays were pre-shoots, and then, of course, rehearsals and stuff during the week. And then Friday was a table read. I'm a two-year comic, and there's a lot of young comics I know that listen to this. What is it like going from 50 people at the bicycle casino to 20,000 people? Does it feel the same? You see it feels the same? It's a different feeling altogether because it's like, performing. in front of those 50 people at the bicycle club, I think, honestly, I think I tried harder.

I tried harder to perform then than I do now. I go on with a different mindset because it's like, I think I had a different energy. I was so afraid of having any dead space, any dead air for me. Like, you know, oh, they're not laughing. I got to hurry, but move quick. So my speed is very different. In front of Staples, it's, you got to slow it down. You got to let them laugh and then take it in. and then you hear it come back to you and then you can go. If you try to perform at the same speed, you're going to step all over your laughs in that kind of a, in that size environment.

That's great. I love clubs. I mean, I did the, I did the two big shows, Honda Staples, and then I booked myself at Irvine and at Brea that Sunday because I wanted to, I wanted to enjoy myself.

I enjoy the clubs more. I can, I don't, there's no pressure there. I get to have fun and just, I can see the whole audience and I can do Q&A. I can take pictures. I can't do that at the bigger ones.

Do you remember when we started comedy, there were guys that did stand-up, got kind of good. They got a TV show, and then they stopped doing comedy. And then they did five years on a TV show, and now you never hear from them again. It used to be a comics. It was always television was a means to the end. Not anymore.

The new breed that came in after that was like, Fuck you. What stand-ups to the end? You know, I admire Bobby Lee. You know, Bobby Lee's been on what, 22 fucking shows? He still has that, what, 945 slot at the comedy store every night? He's got the number three slot every night. Bobby Lee's been on 22 show.

How many years of mad, how many years of mad TV did Bobby Lee do? He's always working. He's always working. You know, he's the voice of this, the voice of that. I mean, it's fucking ridiculous. It really is. I don't even know what the fuck we're talking. And then because of the times, too, because of the times too, I mean, people can become stars without Hollywood.

You don't need a sitcom anymore. You don't need a hit movie anymore. You know, you just, you got to go viral. I remember passing out flyers. I remember having to talk to people. And hey, if you come out, I'll buy a plate of rice at the bicycle club and I'll introduce you to such and such a person. just bring a couple people with you. Like I used to negotiate with people to come out and see me perform.

And there was no social, there was no Twitter, no Instagram, no Facebook. That's why I give a lot of credit to Dane. Dane Cook is the one that opened my eyes to that whole social media thing. Me too. When I saw that, I mean, people could hate all they want. But man, he took something and he ran with it and made millions and performed in arenas all across the country and it was just like it was inspiring to watch somebody grab lightning in a bottle because that's what he did and i said i got to get in on this somehow and and by the time i

i jumped on the my space wagon and got my followers there he was had already moved on to facebook and built another five million following right there and i'm like oh i'm too late i got i was always trying to play catch-up and uh finally once i got into the mix and then got into youtube um that's that's when things started taking off when i was able to work outside of the US was when YouTube and Facebook took me there. I remember having a conversation with you that somebody saw you

on Facebook in India or something on some country and they brought you out. And then you talked about that. Performing out there in India, yeah. That somebody fucking saw you on YouTube and when they picked you up, the guy was a struggling comedian too, that they had

started watching doing comedy because of watching you and all that shit in fucking indian you performed or something what was the story what the fuck happened well um when when facebook started or i'm sorry when a youtube started happening people weren't sure exactly what to do with it you know like okay so i can post my own videos like well how does it work you know nobody knew what the fucking algorithm was what you know uh subscribe it's like well what is this is am i got to pay for this is it you know how how does it work and uh i was lucky that i was just

too lazy to call people out that would take my video content and post it as their own. So I would have, I would have people that would take these, you know, clips that I did on Comedy Central. And they would post them. And, you know, usually they say, oh, no, you, you'd click a button to try to report them for posting your content. And I never did that. I actually started doing the opposite because I figured they're promoting me. I would tell people, post all the videos you can, all the links you want. I was doing the opposite of what everybody else was doing. Everybody thought that, oh, they're taking from me. And I'm like, I looked at it like marketing.

I'm paying for marketing. So let them promote me. Let them push me instead of fighting it. Like when Metallica was fighting Napster and all them because, oh, they're posting our stuff up there. And they had good reason. It's freaking Metallica. But for a regular Joe, they didn't have a following. That was the best way to build it.

And YouTube had many. YouTube stars that were just, it was like 10, 10 people that ran YouTube that were like the the YouTubers of the time. And I was introduced to a YouTube star named Ray William Johnson by one of my guys at the time named Lance Patrick, he put me in contact with him. And he had this show called Equals 3. And every week he posts all these funny videos. It was the Tosh Point O of YouTube.

And actually Tosh Point O came out after that. So I mentioned to say that that was the, you know, that show came from that show. And Ray William Johnson had something like 10 million subscribers on YouTube. And he allowed me to guest host a half dozen times. And every time I'd guest host, I would have another 100,000 followers from one appearance. I was getting more heat from doing YouTube shows than I did from doing a Tonight Show, from doing a Letterman, from doing a late, late show, from having a half hour special. So I think I was able to capitalize by embracing that.

and once I started posting my own content and doing everything, that's when I started having followers. I get messages from Yugoslavia, from Romania. You know, like, I'm a big fan of yours. How come you don't come out here? And that's what built up my following, because Comedy Central doesn't play outside of the States. I never did a deal with HBO.

And then once Netflix happened, who, you know, it was one of those things where I ran with it. And because I follow you on social media. You, because I know you have a whole big production, and you tape your shows now? Do you ever put that out, or is that just for the screens at the show? Well, what do you mean? Taped it. Because I see you behind it.

Like, they have a whole, you have a whole production room with, like, different cameras I can see. Or maybe I'm wrong. At the studio? Oh, no, no, no. When you're out on, when you're doing shows, when you're doing live shows. The reason we have cameras at the shows is because we have the giant screens. Right. And we have to have cameras in there so that they can post the images on the size.

So you don't put that stuff out. No, no. Unless it's a special, you know, I'll record, I'll audio record the shows just so I can go back. If I said something that I thought was funny, I can go back and remember how I said it so I can, you know, do it the next night or work on my material that way. But yeah, social media is just, it allowed people to not have to have a sitcom. Like I said, to work on a show, it's a loss financially. But I know that it's going to, you do it now so that you can stay. in the mix so you can be relevant so you can have a reason to get an interview on a KTLA in the morning.

That's because he's got a show. I want people to respect comedy the same way they respect, you know, actors and rock stars because I think the numbers are there. I think the numbers are there. You know, Kevin Hart is a big influence. I don't strive to be as big as Kevin Hart because I know he has to schedule breathing. He's got a schedule going to the bathroom. and I need some freedom, but he's an animal.

That's what it takes in time. You know, listen. The guy's in the gym at 4 o'clock in the morning. I'm just going to bed at 4 a.m. Yeah, no, it's a different. He goes to bed at 10, don't he? Well, no, like I said, he's in the gym at 4, so I don't know what time he goes to sleep. I just saw like Markey Warbur's routine.

That's insane. When he's home, he goes to bed at 9. 9, 10, yeah. 9, 10 o'clock at night, you know. Listen, when you're. When you have to look that good, this is what needs to be done. When you get, if you want to make $7 million a fucking movie, that's what needs to be done to make their thing.

That's what needs to be done. You have to change if you're really fucking serious. You know that there's a guy coming behind you. That guy's breathing down your neck. You know what I'm saying? That young guy, you know, like Brad Pitt still got it. But there's a young brother. Pat Pitt right around the fucking corner.

Yeah. Brad Pitt's just waiting to convert into Clooney. No, he's going to convert into Robert Redford. Oh, okay. Remember, he was always Robert Redford. He was always dead and replaced Robert Redford. Robert Redford fucking was right there did the stinging shit. Robert Redford was slinging dick.

When I was a kid, every woman wanted to suck Robert Redford's dick. But then, fucking Robert Redford got a little old, his hand-thudded shaking and shit. And then showed up Brad Pitt with the long hammer that one movie and it was all over the shouting. It's fucking craziness. But no, the way I see your growth, it was a constant growth, Gabriel. And it was one thing that went into the other that went into the other because of the work you were doing. It just kept spending it. I didn't say no.

People say, well, I started saying no recently. But, I mean, anytime an opportunity was presented, I'm like, I'm all over it. Okay, I'm in. I'm down. When? Let's go. I was doing 47 weeks out of the year.

47. I was working my ass off. Whatever gig it was, I was down. What is your status right now? Are you a dick sling there? Nice. You have a relationship. I've been single now for, you know, let's see, a couple years now.

How old is your son? My son is 22. You're still full contact with him? Yeah. Actually, he's, he, he was, I got him a job working, uh, as a working stage crew. He was, you know, working at a theater behind the scenes. It was a stage hand. He did that for about a year.

And, uh, you know, nice. Now I got him a job on the road. So he's, he's happy. And we have such a great relationship. We, it's not just us passing each other in the living room. Now it's like, we, we go out of our way to spend time together. And he's, he's been awesome. brother I've seen you grow up

how fucking crazy is that when we did hey Joe you hey look you you knew me when I had hair look at this shit you know he's still have a flat top now it's just you know I still remember going to Bugsies with you

and you had the car and we drove we landed in Burbank and you dropped me off maybe six blocks from here on the other side of that fucking part you dropped me me off. And I don't know what type of car it was,

whose car it was, I don't know if it was Ivan. I don't know who the fuck it was. I didn't know I was getting home. Like, you didn't know when you were getting home. You got $150. It was $50 for the Coke. So that puts you on $100 right there. You had to tip the bartender 20.

You ate breakfast that was $10. Now you're down to $60 fucking dollars. You're coming home with $60 fucking dollars. You went all the way to Tucson, Arizona, you had a burrito. You fucking went. At one time I went with Larry Omaha, and this is the funniest thing I ever saw comic did.

If there was, because the place would get 90 people, right? Bugsys, you know what, back then, I just, I remember being. 75 tops. To me, it looked like a thousand people were in there. Because of those days times. Compared to the bicycle club. Yeah. But after the show, they would put them like a,

DJ would come out. Yeah, and there was dancing. And I remember him going up to like eight women in a row. And like him getting shot down in flames, like eight times in a row. And finally, like this little ugly timid one was like, I don't know. And I was sitting there watching this whole thing. I saw the creepiest things go down at that place. But here we are, brother.

20 years later, and I'm happy you took the time that came up and say hello. know I miss you and it's great to see all your success and I always break your balls on Twitter or whatever. Yeah, I know. There's not a lot of people that I can say I go back with that I still have a good relationship with. Yeah. No, because with time and with growth and change, some people don't handle it well.

Some people don't handle change well. Some people don't handle growth well. Some people can only grow and when I say grow, I don't, you know, there's a way whether it's work ethics or whether it's, you know, you said earlier about becoming a man. Like, you know, what did it take? I mean, there was a lot of pain to get to a certain place. And some people will stay that way and not learn from it. And there's some people that can grow past it.

And I feel like I've gone through so much over the years. And I appreciate the fact that you've always been, you've always been you. And if there was anything, if I had ever did anything that required calling out, you were the first to do it. And there was always a respect that, you know, Hey, Uncle Joey said, and, you know, like Martin would call me up. Hey, man, Uncle Joe has some questions. Oh, shit, here we go. And I get nervous because I'm like, I saw you very much like a parental figure

where it was like, man, what did I do? I got asked Martin. I was like, I don't know, man, but he wants to know. Oh, shit. All right, here we go. So there's always been that respect and that love there for you. And I'll never forget that one night we were at the comedy store. And it was, it was Maryland's, you know,

like funeral and Jeff Valdez went up there and I'm like oh my god and I witnessed uh yeah I saw I saw the the side of Joey that I never wanted to be in front of I saw I saw those flames directed at someone and it wasn't me and I was I was never more happy that that I was never on your bad side because uh Gary I'm trying to write a joke right now comparing awake to Hollywood. Like I saw my mother get buried and I went to this wake. And Cuban wakes are five days, four

days fucking long. You know, the arm has to pop up before they bury it. I swear to God, Cuban. Something's got to move before they bury him. So, I saw these people come into this wake and everybody told me if I

ever needed anything to call him. And a month later, when I call him, the phone was disconnected. You know, so I've always had a big problem with wakes. Like, I just don't fucking like him. So I walk in there that day. See, there's a backstory to the

Jeff out there's thing. You know that he tortured me in Maryland for years. And that thing that he did to me with the Latino laugh festival, I never, ever forgot that. Because he made me showcase like a donkey five times,

clean. And then he said he didn't make it to the festival. But then he did a midnight blue show. And he didn't ask me to do the dirty show. And I saw him at the, he came to the store on purpose that Monday night, like to rub it in my face. And I was like, that's a declaration of war. But I'll save that for later down the road.

That's how crazy I am. So this is 98. And I saved it as a declaration of war that shows. back up in 2007. Like I always knew I was going to stab him one way or another. I'm looking at you in the face and I'm telling

you that that whole thing to describe to comedians what it felt like. It was a time in my life where I couldn't find an agent. I was booking shit. I booked the CBS pilot. I booked basketball and I

had booked something else. everybody was had agents everybody was going to Montreal everybody was getting something here I am stuck at the store following Paul Mooney every night and I didn't really see it for what it was do you know what I'm saying dog

so here I am living my life I never bothered the Latin community in 2000 in 1996 they called me in Seattle and flew me down and put me in a hotel and

bullshit and took me to the life factory and made me go up number six behind Greg Giroldo and fucking... Wow. This is when Pablo was a fucking pure hell. This is when Pablo was doing Seinfeld in Spanish. And once I saw that, my

inside's broken. I'm like, I don't deserve to be down here. So I went up, they put me up by number fucking two. I'm a Cuban guy in all Mexican room. I get fucking buried. I get all stage. There was one person who came up to me and gave me hug, Marilyn Martinez, came up to me, she goes,

that's the funniest thing I ever saw in my life. These steps just don't fucking get it. They don't understand. They have a broom up their fucking pussies. She would just go off into like this thing. That's how I met Marilyn Martinez was after bombing my first time ever in L.A. And getting off the stage and her going off and taking me outside. and telling me to move here, but I should be on the next plane down here, that they're looking for guys like me, and I remember taking her number.

And I went back to Seattle, kept in touch of Maryland, and then I got the deal from CBS, and when I came back, I called Marilyn. And she told me, come to the store, I went to do she the Mitzie, the whole fucking thing.

I mean, it was just mind-boggling, how nice of a lady she was. she had the black husband David David always had those mints in his pocket yeah I could always depend on David to have it hand me a mint just it was just a weird I don't know what she was to you and me she was like she went off on you she went off on me you know it was like she was like an she would go off on me for bad relationship choices because I would always tell her what was going on you're stupid you know she would tell me some nasty things i should be doing instead of trying to be romantic david give him a mint like oh my god i it's funny i don't have a picture of her on my

uh on my clipboard it's like i have a clipboard on the wall and i just look at it whenever i see it I just think of her saying, she would call the house, dog. And if I didn't pick up, remember the old answer machine? Pick up, pick up, pick up, hello, I know you're there. She would say, cock sucker. And my girlfriend would go, what kind of people do you hang out with? That's when I first started dating Terry. And Maryland would call the house.

We leave the store at two. You went to Santa Monica, you got a chicken burrito, you just talked there to about quarter to three, and then you went home, a half hour later, your phone's ringing, it's Maryland. And all of a sudden, she'd go, I gotta go, there's a guy calling me for phone sex. And then she would go get his phone sex guy.

And I'd be sitting there snort and blow. And also my phone would ring, what's up? Fuck him. He wanted me to stick a broom, stick up my pussy. Like, she would say all the shit to you. And I'd be coked up, Gabriel. I'd be five in the morning, coaked up. And you've talked about Maryland before.

You know, people know that she used to be a, a phone sex operator back in the day. Those 976 days in the late 90. You got to remember, Mal there was 5 for 4. 300. 378. But she had one of those. And that's not the shoes.

Her head looked like you got hit with a safe. Like somebody dropped a safe from the 11th floor. God rest of soul. I'm not saying nothing bad about it. I miss her dearly. I couldn't even imagine her around today. Oh, wow. I couldn't even imagine her around tipping the scales of 400,

eating on a podcast, talking dirty shit about people. Because by this time, she would have been fucking gone. She would have still been talking shit about poor drinking. God rest of the soul. Yeah, she was not for the sensitive. Yeah, her name. You know, it was weird that she was a phone sex operator. And she told me that she would remember her character was Miko.

Miko. I'm a Japanese. She was Mexican. She would play Miko and something else. And then she was called. She grabbed her cheek and she sounds so wet. She did a little. Oh, my God.

This is how she paid the bills? Yes. Yes. Oh, my God. And I remember going on the row with them and going to the whole tournament when they had a cooler filled the liquor. candy they were like walking diabetes it was it was tremendous it was tremendous it was tremendous it was like having a mom but not really she was a comedy fucking chick man

she was awesome she's been dead for 12 years now because that's how long I've been clean she died the week I decided to get clean so that's what I'm trying to say to you Jeff out there's caught a beaten eight years later I waited at the bushes. Like, what's his name of the beginning of fucking, what's his name of the beginning of apocalypse now? Remember when he takes the head of ass if he's naked in his room, Charlie Sheen's father. Martin, I'm like Martin Sheen. Remember he says, right now I'm in this room getting weaker while Charlie's in the bush getting stronger. I was just Charlie in the bush getting stronger. and I always knew I was in a light Valdez up for that night.

He broke me. Like, it didn't matter what else was going on in my life. Like, it didn't matter I was poor. It didn't matter that I didn't have a fucking theatrical age. It didn't matter that nobody wanted to sign me. None of that shit mattered. You couldn't give me a spot in a dirty show at the festival. I never forgave him for that.

And how he switched it up that week. week after he humiliated me like four or five times. The following year he sent us down there and he paid us with a check. I remember it was you in Maryland. Me, Maryland, and then just because he sent me down there, it didn't mean I forgave. I always kept that in the back of my mind. And it was always going to be a smack to the face at least.

I knew it was going to be a smack to the face. So I let it, whatever. I picked up the longest shot. They called me. They tried to run a scam by me. First they called with a number, and I said, go fuck yourself. Then they called back with the number I asked for, like, that easy. Like, all of a sudden, I was fucking Bill Cosby.

I'm the hottest act. Like, they just weren't right. Something wasn't right. And then they did that last festival where everybody bowed out of. And they did the theater. Jeff Aldez did the theater on Hollywood Boulevard. I was still living in Hollywood. He kept calling me going, come on.

Come over and do the theater. It doesn't pay anything. But he's charging $55 of the door. He's not paying anything. And I was over it already. I was over the whole Latin scene. That ship had fucking sailed and went. Like the whole whole thing had gone.

It was broken. And all of a sudden, the thing I fucking hate the most happened. A friend of mine dies. So at the time I know, know he was giving her work. Remember, they were doing that TV show about her working with kids. Yeah, was it a show like CTV?

Yes. He was paying like 500 bucks. I'm not mad at him for that. I was mad at him for what he put us through. Because not only was I heartbroken, but Marilyn cried. Malin cried to me saying that the reason why she didn't get it was because she wasn't pretty and shit. And I just never forgot that night.

And I just knew he was going to get it. All of a sudden, God forbid, eight years later, Maryland, Martinez is dead. I get off the plane from New York. I haven't done Coke all weekend. So I was four days into wrestling with the no-coke thing. I get back. There's going to be awake.

My cat dies. I make a fucking promise that I'm not going to snork if the other cat lives and all of a sudden we have to go to church from Maryland Martinez and I parked the car I was maybe 390

at the time and I was taking Kung Fu in Silver Lake with some fucking Joy karate. That was how Joey karate became. Okay and I'll never forget parking the car car going in and seeing Jeff Valdez by the church

and my blood pressure and my blood depression went up from 100 to 190 and I said hello I was called you and there was drama going on who was going to pay for the funeral malice husband couldn't afford the funeral some people said they were going to pay for the funeral but if certain people showed up they weren't going to pay for the funeral so david was all stressed out I was living in a fucking apartment I could barely make seven hundred dollars a month rent I couldn't help out I felt horrible so I knew all this bad energy was going on. So you know me.

You know, I'm outheaded. And at that time, I had the drugs going on. So I could hit you with a dish. I threw a bottle at some guy at the comedy store. I used, you know, I was doing shit that junkies do. You know what I'm saying? I was doing junkie shit. So I bowed out of that thing at the comedy store.

That church thing was at 10 o'clock a.m. I saw Jeff there like 11 and my blood pressure started going out. I went home and I said, I'm going to stay home and mind my business. I even took a sleeping pill. I took a sleeping pill so I wouldn't do coke. It would have been like the seventh day that I would have beaten clean from Coke. And I was already burning the fuck up and now my best friend dies. Somebody who calls me every night and calls me cock sucker and all this shit.

And I go, fuck this. My friend of mine was not my friend no more because she started drinking again lost to fucking mine Call me up and she goes listen. I'm not gonna tell you how to live your life She was your friend if you don't go it's gonna look bad And I go you know what you're absolutely right And I fucking went there, but I stopped I got $60 out of the ATM and sunset And I went to the dealer's house and I bought a gram of coke and I put in my drug pocket and I go, I'm going to go down there,

and I'm going to fucking do whatever they were having like that. Now, you were there. At the store, yeah. At the store. We had a talk. You were there. Okay, so I walked in. And I Ludo Vika got naked, too.

Right. Little Vika showed him. No, by that time they had sent me home. I was banned from the building and shit like that. And by the way, I didn't get banned for that. Mincy sure called me. I told her the truth. And she goes, fuck him.

I didn't like him anyway. He's a greasy motherfucker or something. So I was like, whoof, I risk that bullet. When I go in there and make the turn. Now, I'm clean off Coke for seven days. I'm pissed off about that. I'm pissed off because they offered me a movie. And the people said to me, excuse me,

before you accept the movie, we want you to think about it. Because we know you have a drug habit. I was pissed about that. I was pissed about Maryland. I was pissed about Maryland. about everything in my fucking life wasn't going the right way. And I walk into the comedy store main room, and there's a buffet for Maryland's death.

There was a line of food in the back. That Corey Cuomo had put together, Freddie Soto's wife. God rest is so. And who was eating a free food? But Jeff Valdez, that was the ultimate insult where I come from. I knew I had a stab in the fucking neck. I went in

I didn't even have time to smote the coke I swear to God I went in and I got a like a doer's on the rocks and I drank it and I walked and my blood pressure and my heart was pounding

I didn't know if I was going to hit them and all of a sudden they stop me and they go hey we're going to we're going to start this thing I don't care if you're three or 75 we still got it, Doug. That's all that. You know what?

Fuck the story. We're into with that because this is pure shit that's coming out of my ass. Look at him. He's turning purple. It's our time he's squirted on me today. Oh, my God. And that one sounded wet.

You know where I'm nowhere? There's no way you're... No, I got underwear on. Trust me. I'm 57. I went down that road already. I went home one day. I swear to God, about a month ago,

I just went to white man and found a little piece of shit. I didn't question. Maybe I made a mistake. I didn't know how I got there. About a week later, again, my assholes a little burning, like, what the fuck? I go back to this, like a little fucking, what do you call? Like a milk dut. Oh, wow.

So, yeah, I got like a little milk duds. Like, I'm losing, like, people. Pretty soon I got to wear a diaper. I'm, like, two months away from wearing a diaper. So I might as well have some fun now. Ship my pants. You got to see your pants pull over, and then you drive a little bit and throw them out the window. You can't even do that now because not the cops.

No, the cops will bring it in, check your 23 of me. And all of a sudden, there you are at home, jerking off watching TV. And the cops come with your baggie, with your fucking Miondi's on. And they're like, listen, we found your fucking sperm in here. Oh, God. And by the way, you're not Mexican. Gabriel Glacius. Thank you for anything you want to tell us, what season date, anything.

They haven't given me any information. What's the name of this tour? The name of the tour is Beyonce. on the fluffy. Fuck it. Fuck it. God bless you. It's been an honor to know you fucking 20 years.

I've seen you grow up in front of me. I'm an old man. I'm 57 next Wednesday. Wow. Happy birthday. Wow. Happy birthday. This is a nice present for myself.

Fucking Gabriel. Let's check them drawers. No, you need to check those drawers. Now we need those fucking potato tacos. And they fucking Joe Malas. probably ate them more. Him and the other kids who couldn't wait to get their hands on it.

Thank you very much for coming on, guys. Love you, Joey. Love you, brother. All right, don't forget, you dirty motherfuckers. They added an extra show in Tempe on Thursday night, 1015, and on the 27th, the 28th of February, I'll be at Treasure Island in Las Vegas.

Check the fucking schedule. I took the 28th. Before we leave, like I said, this is brought to you by Butcher Box. I am in love with this. What's the best night of the week? Steak night followed by mama letting you get a little sniff, a little whiff. Listen to me. This meat is fucking tremendous.

Like I said, they vacuum seal it. They deliver it right to your door. It's fresh, whether you get the salmon, the steaks. I mean, they sent ground beef. Everything was fucking first class. With Butcher Box, you get the best quality steaks delivered right to your door. Butcher Box is a subscription service that sends you nine to 11. pounds of high quality. You mainly raise meat every month. That's enough to cover you for 24 meals.

And butcher box is affordable. Each meal breaks down to about $6. They ship it frozen and the vacuum sealed and it arrives at your door fresh as a fucking little monkey in the morning. You choose what you get. You can customize every order with healthy high quality meats like grass-fed beef, free range chicken, heritage pork and wild-caught sound. The salmon was fucking to die for or pick one of the curated collections and let Butcher Box do all the work for you Right now butcher box is a special offer. What we're gonna do is this we're gonna give you free wings for the life of your subscription Did you hear what I'm saying to you not those little fucking HIV wings I'm talking about fucking wings that's three pounds of wings in every box forever Plus you get 20 bucks or 20 bucks off your first box and free shipping in the lower 48 do me a favor

Check this out. You're not going to believe it. Go to butcherbox.com slash church. Use promo code church at checkout. That's butcherbox.com slash church or use promo code church at checkout. Butcher box. The way meat should be.

The church is also brought to you by, like I told you in the beginning, CBDLion.com. When it comes to CBDs, I just go with CBDLion. I live off them. They have a little tincture. I put under my tongue at night, 5,000 milligrams. You know me, though. I'm lifting weights.

I'm going to kickbox. I'm getting beat up by young kids. CBD line even makes my arthritis and my knee go away. That's how good they are. They didn't reach out to me. I reached out to them. They were so good. Stop buying your fucking CBD lotions at a liquor store

or some fucking guy who don't know dick about dick. Listen, take it from Uncle Joey. CBD line is the way to go. Start with the gummies. Or order the raspberry. You'll fucking die. You'll hit. You'll tweet me and go,

Joey, what the fuck did you put me on? The tincture is fantastic. Everything about it is fantastic. So go to CBD Lion.com right now I'm pressing church. Again, I want to thank Butcher Box. I want to thank CBDLion.com. And I want to thank my man, Gabriel Glaces,

for coming down. And I want to thank the Flying Jew or A.K.A. the Christkiller. But most importantly, I want to thank you motherfuckers for support me. I'll see you guys at Tempe. If not, I'll see you next trucking Tuesday morning, ready to go, tip-top, Magoo. Stay black.

Have a good week and a great weekend. I love you, motherfuckers. Kick this fucking newly.