The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #762 - Dean Delray

Episode Date: February 20, 2020

Dean Delray, comedian, actor, and the host of the "Let There Be Talk" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:    CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.    Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH at checkout for a 10% discount on your first order.  

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All right. And with that said, the great and powerful, my brother, Mr. Dean Del Rizzi is in studio today along with the Christ Killer. What is it there? Johnny No Sugar. Oh man. Before we even start the show,

well, we started the show, but I want to say, happy birthday to you. Thank you, my fucking brother right there. Thank you, my brother. 57 years old. Born on the same day, Bond Scott died,

so you just took the reins and rolled. And I still remember that winter fucking day when he died. I did a hit of acid. It was a great day. Oh. And the end of the day, we're finding out poor Bond Scott had died. That's sad.

You were born on the day Bonn Scott died. I was born on the day Buddy Holly, Big Bopper, and Richie Valens died. So we're just a couple of guys just carrying the... Your bad luck? Yeah, we're carrying the torch still, man. Now you know why I don't go to Vegas, you know. Happy birthday, dude. Thank you, brother.

It feels fucking surreal. I remember the first time I heard. That was your birthday? We were like on the road or something. I went, wait a minute. That's the day Bond died. I'll never forget your birthday. No, it's fucking crazy.

God. It's crazy how I don't even know I got here. Yeah. I'm living. 57? 57. I'm living the life of that guy in that talking heads commercial.

You know, that song, how did I get here? Like that, every day. Yeah. Every day I drive around. I'm like, I'll end up in California. Like, sometimes you take California for granted, you know, light, and you see a fucking palm tree.

Oh, you're like, when the fuck am I? Yeah. Like, what the fuck happened? I was just in a fucking jail in Colorado, you know? I was just getting processed. I thought my life was over. And I'm surrounding it were fucking palm trees. So great.

I love it, man. Life is a fucking journey and a half, man. Yeah. And it's so weird how you have to get. give it a chance and just have a little bit of hope and you're fucking there. I mean, that's basically it. I mean, as much as they say, it sounds corny, it's not a sprint, it's a, it's a marathon, it's so real because each year you keep going.

You know, so I remember one time somebody said something to me, I said, yeah, nothing's happening. They said, oh, it was Ian Edwards. And he said, well, did you do Conan last year? I go, no. He goes, did you do, were you passed at the comedy stuff? last year. I go, no.

And he goes, well, then it's happening. You know, you just forget because you're just in it every day. And then you go, you're right, man. I'm just each year getting a little further and still in it, which is awesome. How old do you feel? Like, if you had to guess, like, if you woke up, do you think you'd be 18? How old do I feel, honestly? I feel about 44.

Yeah? Yeah. I feel about 44. 445. You know, tomorrow I'm going to make a date for the physical. My knee hurts. You know, I have a little tendonitis in my right shoulder.

I still have good energy. Yeah. I do feel the 50s surge of testosterone. I read about you have two surges a day as a man and you have to ride them, you know, That's why I know I have to work out early. If I don't do my shit early, I'm not going to do it. Right.

I lie to myself every night, and I sat here and lied to you guys two weeks ago. I have gone to Jiu-Jitsu. Just cannot go at night. Yeah. There's no. I've even tried to hit the bag at night. Like I said to myself, at 8 o'clock, I'm going to go in the backyard. For years, that was my favorite thing, was to get high at night.

Put some music on and fucking punch the shit out of a bag. Yeah, combinations, kick it. You do 30 minutes on a bag every night. The fat falls right off you. It falls right off you. You see it within two weeks. Just the first two weeks of punching, you burn a bunch of baby fat off your arms

and you increase the speed in your punches. For years, that was my thing. Was going out of garage in Boulder, I had a backyard in Aspen. Yeah. In Bissault, we had a backyard and it was connected to a tree. And at night, that 8 o'clock low, when people were watching TV, I get super fucking eye. I always figure out.

I always had a ghetto blaster or something. I wrapped my hands. There were some nights for years, I didn't even have a bunch of bad gloves. I just wrap my hands with the wrap, two wraps. Yeah. And I just hit the bag. And that's how I stayed in shape. There's nights.

I'm like, I'm going to go out there tonight at 8 o'clock and get the back. Fuck, and I open up the door and I'm so scared. It's dark out there. I'm not going out there. You know, so how do I feel? If I were taking care of myself in my 30s, the way I'm taking care of myself now, with a different game, for all you guys, listen, take care of yourselves in your 30s. That's a crucial, crucial point of your life.

it's very crucial it sets you up you know a lot of these get people get cancer at 38, 42 that's crazy why don't fuck around take you see I lost control of my life at 36

I lost control of my life at 16 yeah but the real loss of control was when I moved here because of my love and passion for comedy you know I wasn't going to live the Joe Rogan lifestyle

I want to live Lonnie Bruce lifestyle. Yeah, right, right. Richard Pryor. That means not taking care of yourself, eating whatever, eating whatever, you know. And I wish I would have done it different. You asked me, I wish I would have joined the Army, you know. I wish I would have done a lot of things.

Yeah. You could join the Army and come out when you're 38 still get into comedy. Yeah. And at 48 be a fucking star with a pension. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah, right? I mean, so who the fuck fucked up here? Right now?

I could have a pension, top-notch insurance, people saluting me at the fucking doctor's office. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I fucked up. Yeah. But, you know, somebody today at boxing was saying that their friend fucking watched a stand-up special. He goes, it's just on the way out. He goes, can I ask you a question?

A personal question. I go, yeah. He goes, I know you're a stand-up. He goes, a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend. We went to a party Sunday and we've seen her. Quit her job at 45 to get into stand-up. And I just loaded my bag up. And he goes, what do you think of that?

And I go, happens all the time. And he goes, but why would somebody wait? I go, because they didn't know what they really wanted out of this fucking life. Yeah. One day they clocked in and said, it's like a punch to the head. It's like getting knocked out. Like, what am I doing here? I just want to be in a car with zero responsibilities.

You know, my cards are paid for. I have nothing to lose. I got $50,000 in credit. I'm going for it. Yeah? You know, and she's like, that's her plan. That's it. I'm going to finance her whole comedy career.

And she hopes she makes it. And I go, those are the people that make it. Yeah, you roll the dice, man. Those are the people that go, fuck it. We've got to take care of this. You got to fucking gamble on yourself. You do. From time to time, you got to take a fucking chance.

Columbus, it makes life more interesting. Yeah. You know, I was talking to my neighbor. I got off the fucking plane, and I got dropped off from Burbank, and I saw my neighbor outside. He goes, where are you coming from? He goes, Tempe. And he goes, how long have you been doing this for? Because he always sees me coming home on Sundays.

Yeah. And we usually just say hello. And he goes, where'd you go this weekend? This time he came over. This guy's fucking, have you ever seen my neighbor? No, I've only heard stories. The old man. I have a couple different neighbors, but this guy is the old man.

I met the woman, the one that knows the Rockers. That's her husband. That's his wife. Oh, okay, yeah. His husband's got to be 78. Wow. Wait till you guys see him. Besides his white hair, you don't know he's 78.

Oh, Jack Wayne in shape. Why? Because he's always moving. Oh, yeah. You know how many times I wake up in the morning to take trash out, and he's digging a trench? and I got to walk back and embarrassed this motherfucker is a thing

in a trench and I'm on a computer tweet and go fuck your mother every day what type of bum am I? Oh my God anyway enough of that shit

listen I want to congratulate you on your podcast you've really kicked it up to the next level even though nobody's noticing I'm fucking noticed I know you called me it felt so good

the guy Kirk Hammett. Kirk Hammett, you know, people wrote articles about it. I mean, I was actually pissed. You could hear it in my voice that day. Yeah. I was pissed that. You are there.

You're up there with any trunking these guys. You're really there. And Sirius isn't reaching out. Volume isn't reaching out. None of these people reaching out. But there's two sides like coin. Yeah. That could be a blessing in disguise.

Yeah. Or you could use it as a whatever, you know. I mean, you're getting guests there that most radio people don't get on. And it's not even that people, there's a podcast of New York, great guys, great guys, great podcast. And they were reaching out to one guy constantly. And I said, don't define your podcast by a guest. Yeah. Don't ever define your podcast by a guest.

But if you do get him, make the best of them and always have those guests lined up. You know, I hate these people that contact. you and they go do my podcast and all of a sudden you want to do that podcast but you look at the numbers they're getting and you go all i'm going to do is spike their numbers for a week and then it's going to go down again you have to have a plan if you call me and say listen i'm getting you on then behind you i'm getting the guy from this band and behind you i'm getting this actor at least you get a chance of spike in it yeah but if you're going to spike your podcast for no reason for one guess It's not worth the aggravation of you chasing that one guest.

Line up 20 of them and then attack. You know what I'm saying? Fucking reach out to publicists. This morning I was reaching out to a fucking publicist. Yeah. You know, that's what you've got to do some time. They don't hit your back. Yeah.

They don't hit your back. But you're opening up the universe for somebody else to hit you. You know, hey, my friend is a fan of his show. You mind if he's on and you're like, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I see what you're doing. and I just really want to congratulate you. Oh, man, thank you.

You just had fucking fuck-o from Merrill Smith on. These just aren't regular fucking guests. These are superstars. These are fucking legends that you're getting on. I wish that your numbers are really growing, your fan base is growing. And, you know, I mean, when it comes to music, I tell everybody, you're the best.

Oh, thanks, man. When it comes to music, because I dropped off. Yeah. You kept on. I dropped off. I got caught up in comedy and cocaine and divorces and jail sales. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you still remain loyal to the,

you still go to Roxy, you still go, you know, you go to the edge of hell to see your show still. I think, you know, that's what kept me, kept me young. You know, it's just like constantly searching for the new,

the new band, the new great film, the new great car, or whatever. How old do you feel right now? You know, my mind, I feel like I'm, constantly about 35. But I don't know in the last couple years, I feel like 90 also at the same time.

Just I'm pretty tired a lot. And then my neck, my neck was fucked up, still rehabbing it. And the crash, those three things really kind of took me out. And also I think I just work so much. I'm not resting properly, you know, like seven days a week. So I'm always tired. But other than that, my mind and my enthusiasm is definitely like 35. Listen, when you go to med school?

Yeah. My niece is in med school. And I talk to a mother all the time, all the time. Me and Lisa talk all the time. These kids spend hours a day study. Yeah. You know, they get crammed, like over. You get so much material thrown at you or whatever.

they're in their 20s. I know for a fact she was telling me that my niece goes to bed at like 11 and gets up at 4 to get two extra hours of study and then or something like that. It's the same thing with comedy guy. Yeah. It's the same thing

with anything that you want to make work. It's not eight hours. No. Not at all. What are you talking about? Let's do whatever you need to, you know, it's so weird how the best two hours of work I get in now tonight.

From 9.30 to 11, I'll get in more work than most people doing two days. Yep. I'll send out 20 emails, you know, this more yesterday. Yesterday I did shit. I had to go lift at 10. I think I got up at 7. Between 7 and 10, I did more than most people doing a week. Yeah. When I left the house, I had already sent out emails, flyers, fucking shortages,

You know, Instagram. And it's like people have no idea, you know, do you prepare the night before? Like, before I go to bed, I have a little notebook and everything's checked off. Totally. What music I'm putting up the next day. Yeah, yeah. You know, what I heard that brought me back. I mean, everything's a fucking written down because it's a plan of attack.

It's like a fucking, I'm laying out my groundwork for the fucking day. Who I have to call. You know, every day, I have to do something for myself. So I look at that. What am I going to do for me tomorrow? I'm going to write an hour. I always have an hour of a goal to write. Right.

But I always end up writing three hours. Yeah, yeah. Comedy store. How many times you go to comedy show? You're getting in your car at 1230. Oh, you know. Every time. Every fucking time.

Trippily, I saw him today. He's like, all right, put you on a late show. I go, trips, no late shows. Yeah. Because I'm walking out of that 1230, and I'm not in bed until 2. Yeah. And I'm walking around the next morning at 7,

kissing some kids. getting a lunch ready. I can't fucking do it. I can't do it no more. You know, it's amazing. I cannot do it no more. If you want me to do your second show, you're going to have a problem. You got to put me up either first, second, or third. I got to be out of there by 11.30. And even then, it takes your 15 minutes to get to your car.

Oh, yeah. Parking lot. Drive-bys. Yo, man, let me get out you for a minute. Yeah. And then at the parking lot, you don't know who the fuck you're going to see. Yeah. Also, Bob Saggett wants to talk. You haven't seen him in 20 years. You're like, God damn it. Yeah. And you're not mad because you have to talk to them, but now you're stuck there.

Now you get in there, you were just about ready to leave, but now three cars pulled up. Dave Chappelle. Yeah. So now when you've got to go pull out, now they've got to go get Dave and his fucking keys to his rocking ship. Yeah, yeah. And the cousin and the brother, it's a fucking nightmare. People have no idea. I love when he comes because I know we're going to talk motorcycles.

We'll talk a little music, you know. It's like, I'll see him and he'll be like, hey, Dean, man, what you're. ride, you know, like he loves motorcycles, so I know I'm not getting out of there for a while. You know, I never see him. Oh, man. Never see him. Oh, whenever I see him. And they'll tell me, he's upstairs. Yeah.

He's about up, he's about ready to go upstairs. He just announced the show two hours ago. Yeah. And it's sold out already. I'm like, what? I love him, man. He's like my favorite. How does he announce shows on Twitter? No, he doesn't have Twitter. He doesn't have a website. The venues, the venues

do. So I guess they just call and say we want to go on tomorrow night and then the venue will just drop it like an hour before he just did that at the chapel i'm doing the chapel next tuesday in san fran it's like a church or i'm doing it wednesday and uh he was in san franc he's like yeah just let's do some comedy tonight did like four shows or something uh while he was there just over the weekend all sold out instantly people jumping out of their cars running to the venue i got to get tickets that's how i was when I bought a ticket for him at the store when he first got back from Africa.

I just saw they were putting the name up on the marquee, Dave, and I saw C.H. I pulled over, hey, what's going on? I wasn't doing comedy yet. They go, yeah, Chappelle and I, you can get a ticket right now. I just ran over there, bought a ticket. Couldn't believe it.

I love when I see that on Twitter, but it's like from three hours ago. I'm like, I'm about sold out now. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. He's, he is, uh, I got the dream to me,

dream career he's i i called him recently like the zeppelin of of comedy yes because he's got crazy mystique and uh he doesn't have any social media he doesn't do any tv appearances like clips you know he's not going on doing you know tonight show or any of that it just it's just ninja gorilla comedy and then it's people just go crazy for i love it that's the dream that's a dream gig right there. And he's funny every fucking time, man. Every time. The fact that he has no social media. I love that.

And look, you know, if you look at the big guys in comedy, excusing Rogan, but Sebastian, social media isn't big. No. And neither is Gabriel for the ticket for the sale. Right. You know,

Gabriel sells out fucking huge amounts of people. Oh, man. And, uh, didn't he just? do like the staples like multiple nights and they gave his own parking spot yeah i love that i'm so proud of him you had a month last week and it was fucking great amazing it really was just nice to see you know you know the thing about comedy clubs and comics is sometimes you see each other the ones that you really like yeah you just bump to and passing at the store and you feel guilty that on the

way home that you didn't ask him how his family was You didn't congratulate him on a film that you might have seen him on or a commercial that you might have seen him in. So that's what pisses me off about just seeing comics like that at the store. Sometimes it's nice to do a podcast to get them away from a comedy club and just talk to them, even like us. Yeah. Unless we go on the road, I don't really fucking see you on the other side of the town.

You know, I'll see you at the store for how long? Yeah. On the way in, we're talking about three minutes. Yeah. And you're like, I think you're up. next and I run inside and then I may see you. Yeah. You're gone. Then you're on. Then while you're on, I'm on in the other room.

Yeah. It's just crazy. Yeah. But no, I just want to really applaud you on the job you're doing with your podcast. And you stuck it out where a lot of people would have given up. And I could see big things happening for the podcast. It's just, it's just obvious. Yeah. I got to move that thing to like serious x-m you know i've been meeting with them for like three years it's just on and off the same thing over and over let's have a meeting we have a meeting we eat and then i'm like what happened there what what were we talking about i mean these guests are huge you got 516 episodes of backlog that you can put on your show they're not promotion things they're

their their actual long-term uh long-form conversations so you can use those It's hours and hours of material. It's crazy when you, I was thinking about a person the other day. A kid I knew since he was a dormant at the store. Yeah. I still remember losing a ton of weight. He, he, one of a specific diet.

I really admired him. He would bring his own food wrapped, and he told me he was weighing the portions. and I really got into him. Nice white kid. You could tell he was raised right. He went to a great college. And he became a regularist.

He passed him and he wasn't the type of guy that go, and this is why I tell people comedy is such a weird journey. But this is a weird story to tell you. This is, and I don't mean this in an unappreciative way. I've known this guy for 20 fucking years. You know those people that take you to lunch and nothing happens? For people who are not in this industry or whatever, don't understand, you're going to, I don't know if plumbers just take each other out.

Yeah. Just to blow smoke in their ass. I don't know electricians or cops take each other out to blow smoke in their ass. In this business, you'll get this guy and he'll call you up and he'll go, I'm hearing great things about you. And we have some projects coming up, and we'd like to use you. Can I buy you lunch?

And I'd meet them like fucking places where you don't need, you know, like downless Yeniga. Yeah. When it gets towards the Wilshire. Oh. Like he would make me meet him there. Deep. And I was 400 pounds.

I got to walk a half a mile from the free parking garage. Yeah. Because I didn't have the money to pay for the real parking, like regular people. Yeah. have those free Santa Monica parking places. Yeah. I don't know how many fucking times I met him.

And for years, he just moved from company to company. And it was always, we have exciting things. I would go on the webpage, and two days later, I'd see a picture of Lee on there. I just had lunch with you. Yeah, yeah. Why do you have Lee up there? I just had lunch with you. Yeah.

What happened to my video? You were putting up it. It's just 20 fucking years. Every three years, I got a call from him. and it's always he's at a new company and my name came up in the meeting and I got a free lunch out of the deal

Yeah At first that's kind of cool You're like oh man I'm gonna eat the fucking Flaming You're on I'm getting two sides You know Yeah And it just got old

And about six years ago I said That's it I'm gone with this guy Yeah And I saw him one night How are you doing He goes we need to do lunch

I'm in a new company I go, that's great, you know. Here we go again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know. Finally, last Friday. Oh. I got an email from him.

And he's like, listen, we want you to tell a story. We usually pay people this, but we're going to pay you this. If you really try, we can pay you this. And, like, it was like, you know, I don't want to say. It was no money, basically.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sitting there like that. Took me 22. fucking years. For $6. For $600. He's like, it pays $200, but I can get you four.

But you could probably ask him for six. And I'm sitting there going, it took me 22 years. We're 600 out of this fucking guy. Eight hours of lunches. Eight hours of fucking lunches. Two thousand and gas. People have no idea.

Finally. I mean, this guy's been everywhere. What's the other guy that got, you know, the roller skating guy. He was on Saturday Night Live. He had a movie that ate a bag of shit last weekend. The roller skating guy. What's the movie that ate a bag of shit with Julia Dreyfus last week?

I don't know. Will Ferrell. Oh. Oh. He was in charge of content over there. Oh, yeah. That's Funny or Die. When I was Joey Karate, he fucking took me out to lunch.

They were smoking my cigarettes. They were like, we're going to fucking, you're going to be the biggest thing on do or die. What's name? Funny or die. Whatever. Do or die. We're going to put all your videos. He had me in the back with fucking black people,

would fucking Puerto Ricans. People protesting fucking nuclear waste. I'm like, what the fuck? I thought you were my buddy. I thought he was going to feature me. Every morning I get up at five and my feature, and it'd be a fat fucking dude

playing bongos. And I'm on the ninth page. I was, I was ready to choke. Oh. Like, I was ready to choke. Yeah, yeah. Then he went somewhere else and he played me again with the Joey Karate videos.

I'm like, listen, leave Joey Karate a lot. I remember I hung up on him one day. Because you're just going to aggravate. me you know what I'm saying nine years to get them for 600 fucking dollars well you know I don't I uh I love it it's part of the game

and everything but I also I always wonder what they're doing are they do they are they telling their bosses yeah what do you got going you're not really doing anything well I've got a meeting with Dean Delray on Thursday and we're going to talk about this

and then I don't know if they're just doing it to show their boss or they're waiting, he might get giant. Let's keep him in the mix. You know, let's meet with him once every four or five months in case he gets giant. And then, you know, they'll do the old, we've always loved you. Slide you over.

But, like, people are always asking me, why do you want to be on XM radio so bad? Your podcast is doing good. And it's, it's, I like, I love XM radio. And I'm thinking, well, I did want it also for health care, but now I got healthcare thanks to you. You're giving me the tip of, hey, go down to the sag and talk to them. But there's something about it.

Just, you know, one day I feel like somebody's got to take Howard Stern's place. You know, if he retires, he's got this army of people, and they should start grooming people. You want to do talk or do you want to do, I mean, music? I like to do talk like I'm doing on the podcast now. interviews. So you also get to see the comedic side of me,

some funny stuff and that kind of thing. I'm not interested in being a DJ or anything like that. I want to be like a guy like a stern, but also be able to do comedy every night. I want to try to get to a theater level comic.

I don't want to arena. I want to be able to be on a bus, do theaters and that during the day be doing this radio show. that's what I wanted to do. Five days a week? Yeah, yeah, sure, man. If it's like, you know, something like a stern format, a couple hours, five days a week,

like the LA series, I wanted to be, I wanted to do the three to five, you know, or the noon to three, one of those two spots. So I could be out all night doing comedy. And then I get up, get ready, go interview some people. Like, you know, Steve, you know, Jonesy's jukebox, man, what a great, great format he has a couple interviews play some great music and you're out of there i think he's noon to two what a dream i do you think and i know it's hard to deal with this while you're waiting to blow up but to me it seems like there's a lot of room for music to blow up and podcasting

like how comedians really took it over these musicians have so many stories i'm so probably surprised it isn't bigger from musicians? Well, they're starting to. I mean, Tomarillo just got a show on Sirius. It's great. We're just talking about it. McCagin's got a show. Yeah, there's a few of them. No, no, they're starting, but now they're starting to go out more. Yeah. And they'll

listen all today, today at some point, I think it's Ozzy, Duff, somebody else doing an interview on Ozzie's New Ordinary Man Song. Yeah. He had to cancel the tour. So, yeah, if you listen, like I go

on serious a lot in the car. Yeah, same here. It's amazing. John's got a station, Billy Joe's got a station. Pearl Jam. Pearl Jam. Pearl Jam. I got a station.

Bruce. Bruce has a station, and they probably do it from their house and send it in. Yeah. I'm not sure if they're in the studio. I don't know. Don't quote me. Yeah. But more people are doing it.

I mean, I want to do something. If I did something on serious, Dean, I've always liked that. a little late night dude. Oh, yeah. That nine to 12 dude. Yeah. That nine to 12 dude has to have a certain voice. Oh, yeah.

Jim Ladd, remember him? Jim Ladd. He has to have a certain coolness to him. Yeah. A certain feel. When I was a kid, we had a guy on a black radio station, and he was a voice who's very, this next jam is going to really get into your heart and soul.

You know what I'm saying? Don Cornelia style. Don Cornelius. down and then he would go all right it was WBLS and he used to go I got to take two steps to the rear and get out of here yeah yeah yeah I'm in the wind later yeah yeah all of a sudden now Reverend Ike used to come on you could be what you want to be yeah do what you want to do or say what you want to say just send Reverend Knight three dollars a month and I'll send you some black holy water that'll change your life And the night at 10 o'clock, the guy came on, Reverend Ike. The switchover. The switch over. But that's what I like to do something like that.

But anyway, all fucking goals aside. Yeah. The real reason I wanted to talk to you was something that happened that was was weird for you and I, because we both grew up with these bands. And it was the fucking Hall of Fame snubs this year, which I usually never cared about. at all. And this year for the first time I got involved a little bit. I go, let me just see what's going on. Pat Benetard was in the running. Oh, big time. Judas Priest was in the running. Yep. Biggie Smalls was in the runnings. You know, Whitney Houston, Depeche Mode, Nine-inch Nails. I'm like, man.

Soundgarden. That's Soundgarden. I go, that's a fucking hell of a fucking cast there. Yeah. You know, I know Dave Matthews was there, who I personally hate with all my heart with his fucking and best definitely yeah, yeah, fucking voice good. I know how it works in sports

where like you have to be retired for five years and then get like how do they choose who's considered for the Hall fame? I think you got to be

in the business for 20 or 30 years one of those two but you can still be playing but you have to be eligible you have to be playing for like I think it's 20 or 30 years one of those two.

20 might be 20 because some of that If they have any requirements Double check Yeah To see what are the requirements To be considered for the rock and roll

Hall of Fame Yeah eligibility See if it's a amount of music Gold albums I think it's time Is it time? Yeah it's time Because that's how bands get introduced

Like every few years They'll say such and such is eligible now And then it's definitely time I just don't know what it is It's like 25 or 30 year what makes a band eligible for the rock and roll hall fame. All right. It's funny too because I bet a lot of people don't know what it is.

I mean, I'm just guessing, but I think that's what it is because I talked to Robbie Krieger about it last week. And he said, oh, yeah, they started with the 50s bands because it was a certain amount of time before they were eligible. So, you know, Buddy Holly, James Brown, Elvis, all those people were eligible first because of the amount of time. So what did you think of this year? Yeah, it says 25 years. There it is. I knew it had to be, yeah, 25 years. And then they, it says the criteria is influence, significance of the artist's contributions.

Right. And, but yeah, it's just 25 years after that first album. That part makes me furious because. It's, it's, they're bringing in bands now, um, that are, let's say a radio head, which I love and they deserve to be in right away. But you wouldn't bring in. So nine inch nails went in this year. And, and Trent even said this himself.

Devo and craft work are not in. And nine inch nails is. influenced heavily by craftwork, Devo, and early industrial type of stuff that those guys were doing. And he's like, look, I shouldn't be in before Gary Newman. Gary Newman is not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, you know. And it's in craft work and all those things that he listened to. So that's where they're making the mistake.

Because they're going for, as Steve Jones explained it, to me on my podcast, they're going for ticket sales, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, get butts into the actual museum. And it's really weird because you're thinking like, well, you know, Devo, not too many people, you know, they're not a marquee thing, but they are. They're absolutely huge. And they influence the shit out of, you know, everybody, everybody, like the cars and all that new wave stuff. Devo was like the groundbreakers in the 70s in Ohio playing that shit, getting bottles thrown at them. Get out here, you queer. You know, like they said it was radical. They'd be playing these redneck bars, you know, and they're like, I can't get no in their underwear

and shit. Satispecton. And people are like, play some Boston or Skinner. You know, they just throw something out of them. It's wild. So I think that's the mistake they make. big time, that they don't get the influences in first. And then, of course, these other bands should be in, nine-inch nails, of course they should be in, but not before craftwork or Devo or, you know, Gary Newman or any of those guys, you know. Well, I wonder how they even get brought up.

I mean, how do they even get brought up? I mean, somebody's got to bring them up. Somebody's got to bring up craft work. Yeah. Somebody has to bring up Devo. somebody has to bring up these type of bands that just because maybe like I know that if you hear stories all that whole grunt scene was started by mother love bone right mother love bone was the band that everybody fought to be and they spawned pro jam and right whatever to it but then the singer died

yeah Andrew would Andrew would that was Cornell's roommate right Chris Cornell's roommate died and everything changed and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, should somebody like that band be inducted, who, I don't know, maybe had a few albums, had minimal success. Right. Compared to Sound Garden and Pearl Jam. See, that's the trick that you have. If I sit Eddie Vedder down right now,

he's going to mention Mother Love Bone. Remember going to see Mother Love Bone and meeting somebody there, you know. And Cornell, rest his soul, if he was alive, I guarantee, or even Kim Thuyall, if you asked any of those guys, you know, what do you think? They'll tell you 20 nights that they went to see Mother Lovebone. Yeah. And to figure out what their identity was going to be, you know.

So I get what you're saying there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guarantee if Cornell was still alive, but I said, hold on, let's put Mother Love Bone in there first. Yeah. Because if it wasn't for them, there wouldn't have been us, you know. You look at those bands also, they, you know, definitely Sabbath was their, their blueprint also.

But yeah, it's, I don't know, it's a tough thing. You know, people are like, well, priest isn't in. And it's, it's, you know, if you look at the history of metal, there's no real metal bands, a lot of metal bands in the rock and roll hall thing, which is kind of trips me out, because they're basically kind of stepping over a whole era of music that was bigger than anything, say from like 78 to like 90, metal was just ruling the world. Priest. If you look at it, it's like priest maiden, Saxon, Metallica, you know, Metallica's in there. But Maiden's not.

which is like what you know like I was made nut in the rock and roll hall of fame and I'm not one of those guys that are like well you know how did they get uh biggie smalls why is he it's like well that to me hip hop became the new metal uh once NWA and Biggie Smalls and and Snoop and all that hit that was like that was heavy heavy shit man that was like radical stuff at the time how did you feel when that came out. I mean, see, the thing I love why you and I connected musically is because you don't give a fuck. Now, you understand the value of public enemy. Oh, yeah. Like, when I listen to Tom

Morello show and he plays old public enemy, it slices dreaming like a sword because it was that influential to me listening to it. It blew my fucking mind. Big time. And it blew his mind. Yeah. And they transformed that into rage against the machine. Yep. So it's just so weird. I'm open to anything. Same here.

I had friends who were like, fuck that black shit. Fuck it. I'm like, you have no fucking... That's lunacy. What you're saying. You have no idea.

I remember somebody telling me something bad about Marvin Gaye one time. I'm like, just listen to this particular album. You know, what's that one James Brown album? The Prince of Harlem, the whatever,

something of Harlem, the godfather of Harlem, or he's got one album that's got a weird name to it. Listen to that fucking album. The black something. Jesus. My mind's starting to slip, that alpha brain.

I got to go back on a cycle. I get off. I go on and get on. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking, you know who turned me out. Like, I knew about this album. Yeah.

But you know who reminded me about this album? Jerry Rocha. Remind me about this James Brown album. What year do you think it was? 60s. In the studio? Yeah, Black Julius. Oh, yeah, Black Caesar.

Black Caesar, something like that. That's just a raw. Yeah. When you hear that, you hear Public Enemy. You hear Wu Tang. You see all the influences that that album had on them. Prince. There's Black Caesar.

Yeah, Black Caesar. Black Caesar. You hear Prince. Prince, you hear. So, you know, this is why we can go. on this forever, this trans forever. I mean, I was very surprised 9-inch Nails

got nominated. I mean, they came out of nowhere. I'm glad they got in. Me too. Depeche Mode. Yeah. Love Depeche Mode. I love Depeche Mode. I know you're going to call me a fag. Whatever. I don't know. But this year all the nominees I liked. I was down, you know, I was down for

Pat Benatar. I was down for Pat Benetard. The ones I didn't get and I'll be honest with you, I got them more. I didn't get T-Rex. Oh, yeah. Well, they're so, I'm not a T-Rex guy. Right. But they influence the shit out of everybody, but they're glam rock, you know? And then you have Thin Lizzie, who I'm going to tell you something.

Yeah. Every time I hear that fucking song, I want to crash my car. I can't take boys in the back in town. Can't take it. I want to take the car and go into a fucking building. Yeah. And I want the car that'll just blow up into flames. I see them doing the movies all the time.

You can't believe how fast my arm is. It is ninja speed. comes on the radio it's like but some kid some kid said something to me on Facebook years yeah and he's like what do you think of look then Lizzie and because of that song and at the time he caught me I was so high yeah I said I can't I just you know I gave like the most honest answer and he goes that proves to me you don't know what you're talking oh go put on this album yeah go fuck you you know yeah yeah yeah like an hour later I'm like dog, I forgot all about that album.

I love thin, Lizzie. I had a friend that used to put that album on whenever. We used to go steal sneakers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was older than I was. Yeah. He was still sneakers. And that was his warm about him.

Way before. Didn't they have like a live double album? Yeah. Oh, yeah, man. When they both come out with guitars in the car or something. That record is so great. Now, jail break. Yeah.

I like the guitar on. Oh, yeah. The fucking bass, the whole. There's parts I don't like that gets faggy when they all get into it. It's going to be a jail break. Tonight is going to be a jail break. But the way it opens up, do. Let me tell you something.

I love Finn Lizzie so much that it makes me furious when the DJs play that song. It makes me furious. Well, now you know how I feel when I hear it, have a drink on me. I'm going to take the car, pull over and call the DJ and hopefully the mother dies the fucking terminal. lung cancer because why are you putting on have a drink on me they play the same songs from these bands it makes me crazy you shook me all night long i fucking want to shoot myself yeah the boys are back in town uh skinnered uh free bird like these bands have living after midnight which gets me fired up yeah yeah yeah the car i think about my old days getting dressed

and shit yeah clock putting out living after them that was my thing living after midnight baby Take my advice. You gotta start doing. But these bands have a... Dude, Thin Lizzie has a record. I love the John Sykes era, which is the last era. They have a record called Renegade. And it's got this song on an angel of death.

Oh, man, it is so good. And that live... It's called Live Life. I forget what it's called Live Life. It's insane. this thin lizzie record man i used to listen that was when the weed first was coming around to the strong weed indica and my buddy bob dyke he used to wear glasses we called him dycticles he had this el cam or monte carlo with the jensen triaxles and the super power amp you know in the glove

box and he put this record on it's called life yeah life right there's a song on their angel of death man he put it on and I was just like, this is incredible. I love Thin Lizzie, all of it, but boys are back in town. You know, and it's a hit song. And when I first heard it, I loved it. It's like we were talking about it. I don't need to hear Walk this way ever again. But Eril Smith has so many insane great deep tracks.

It's unbelievable how many great songs they have. Cyphras, Last Child, SOS Too Bad. Nobody's fault. Nobody's fault. Nobody's fault. And King and Queen. King and Queen, no more, no more. I could go on and on.

I like the first album and the second. I like the first three albums more than, like they're up there in my top ten of my life. The first three aerosmith albums. For who I am, dirty, not perfect. Yeah. The first album is very raw, which I like, the way they taped it.

The second album is a little bit more polished, but I think for rocks, they went in between. They took the best of both of those elements, which really nobody's fault is dirty. The baseline is dirty. It's really dirty. I like all that. Toys in the attic, I could live with.

Draw the line. Draw the line. I could live with. That's Kings and Queens. Night in the Ruts. Night in the Ruts I can live with. I can live with. Yeah.

I could put them all listen to the whole out. But fucking those first three on my bread and butter till the end of the time. I can't believe how I saw them last week, I was telling you, and I've been listening to Aerosmith like seven days since now, just nonstop over and over. And I'm just like, I can't believe this band, actually. They're all alive. There's only two bands with original members, Zizi Top and Aerosmith. And they're all alive.

And they sound better than ever. And why you watched them to quote my friend, my dear friend, Steve Avillo from the Pastmasters that I grew up with, he's in a band, a band called The Past Masters. He put it best to me. He goes, if you see Harrow Smith, all it is, is, all Guns and Roses is Guns and Roses on steroids. Yeah.

Guns and Roses is Harrow Smith on steroids. Yeah. Because if you look at guns and roses, it's like the layout. If you look at Aerosmith, it's the same, what do you call that? The blueprint for guns and roses. You got Joe Perry, that's slash. That's like that. It's just them on steroids.

Brad Whitford would be the Izzy Stradle. And over there, keeping it quiet, but he's the killer songwriter, Rift player. Then you've got the frontman, Stephen Tyler Axel. And then the bass player, Duff McCaghan, Tom Hamilton. You know, it definitely isn't. Both of them were tall. Yeah. Built the same.

Lanky. Yeah. You know, it's fucking crazy that they were the blueprint for it. Yeah. They even covered Mama Ken on the first EP, Guns and Roses. They were all about it. And I talked to Brad Whitford about it. I told him as I watched last child, which he wrote, I was watching and play it.

And it was the first time it hit me last Monday. I was like, oh, fuck. He had Slash. He took Joe Perry's vibe, but he took Brad Whitford's playing. And Brad said, you know, it's funny. Slash will tell you that straight up. He'll tell you that's what he did. He took the combo and put him together, man.

He took the playing of Brad and the vibe of Joe. And it hit me last week because Brad plays slash plays like Brad. You know, it's that kind of sound. And then the songwriting, they, they're like, they're looking at Aerosmith, like you and I are looking at like, say, prior. Each time you're writing a joke, you're like, this ain't good enough. This ain't good enough. And that's how they got that appetite for destruction, just throwing out songs that weren't good enough and coming at you with 10 crushers. They knew, you know.

Good songwriting. If this is too, like, like, like, newsy, then we don't have to talk. We can, I'll cut it out. But isn't it, Eric Smith, is that the one that's going on having that issue with a drummer right now? Yeah. What's going on? That just seems crazy. Like, I don't know any of the story behind it.

Well, he had a surgery. So he hadn't played with them. And this is the original drummer? Yeah, yeah, Joey Kramer. And the night I went last Monday was his first night back. Oh, they let him play. Okay. Yeah, he's back in now.

But he had a surgery. Yeah. It's a grueling schedule. Yeah, man. You know, you're paying 65. 250, 300, you can't sound like shit. You got to respect their... I respected it.

I was like, fuck, okay, this is what Erosmith's all about. They didn't get to become the fuck they are. Yeah. Because they want charity. They don't want a background drummer in the back playing. Yeah. They want Joey Kramer. I understand.

I know people always, you know, they were hitting me like, hey, why don't you ask Brad why they locked out the drummer and shit? It's like, they don't just do that. And it's not like one day like, hey, fuck Joey, let's just lock the door. That's obviously a reason, you know. And they're not going to come out with personal stuff like, well, he had this and that and this and, you know, they're not going to do that. It's a lot like that Sabbath thing. I truly believe that Bill Ward, he couldn't do that whole tour.

You got to get insurance to, you know, insure these tours that millions and millions of dollars involved. and you've got to pass physicals and stuff and if you can't do it, nobody's going to insure the tour. He got a heavy. Yeah. He got really heavy, and, you know,

his blood pressure was out of whack, a bunch of shit was out of whack, and I remember my day did the longest year, I dug, they were petrified every day. Yeah. You know, my blood pressure walking in there was 180 or 140.

Whoa. The doctor would have to lie. Yeah. Sit there for 10 minutes before I go on the plane field. they were really fucking worried about me. You know? When insurance is involved,

it's crazy. They don't fuck around. They've got liability insurance when I go on the road just in case. I just got it. Whoever's with me, they're insured. They fall down the stairs.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Everything's covered because you need all that shit. Yeah, man. People don't know. You need all that stupidity. It's big business, man.

And these bands have been, it's not like a band. that's five years in where you're like these are brothers man you cut your brother out it's like by then it's like well this is a company this band you don't want to look at it that way but it's a company it's a business it's a full enterprise there's other people involved and you're you know carting this thing around america somebody gets sick die because they weren't you know what the best part about comedy is the first 10 years so well it's not a business yeah exactly And if you leave it like that, you'll be fine.

Yeah. If you tell yourself this is not a business, this is just me striving to be the funniest person in the world. It's a different mindset, and that's a mindset you should have. Totally. Your first 10 years, don't think of it as a business. It's an investment. It's your investment.

Instead of taking dollars into your pocket and investing in Coca-Cola and wishing the stock stays up, you're investing in yourself. that you're going to be healthy, the stock is going to stay up, and you know that at the end of the year you're going to be that much better. Yeah, nobody wants to hire you right now. Yeah, you don't have 15 minutes right now. But in a year, watch my smoke.

And that year goes by, and again, like you said, you don't think something happens, but something always does. Because maybe it's that third year where that you did snaps, and all of a sudden now you're featuring. Yeah, so the first 10 years is not a business. Then it became a business, like the Eagles. Right. Take the Eagles, for example.

They were the fucking number one band for all those years. They played that last show right here in Long Beach. They threw guitars on each other. They ate each other. Yeah. They took a hiatus. They said they asked them for years. Would you get back together?

Hell has to freeze over. Somebody showed up with an envelope and said, hell froze over. Yeah. We're going to fucking pay you this amount of money. Yeah, yeah. They were the first bank. that said, fuck it, we're going to have to charge $250 a ticket. Yeah.

And guess what? They get together in a studio. Everybody pulls up in their Bentley's, the Mercedes Benz, and then comes Don, whatever. Don Henry? No, the other Don, one of the greatest guitar players of our day, Feldman. Oh, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah.

With a Z-28 with a T-shirt on that says, you know, Che Guevara. Yeah. All of them got a $100 Gucci shirts on, designer pants. And he shows up with long hair, sniffling still. And they're like, oh, we just got $250 million to do a tour. You've got to go to get a haircut and get a suit.

This became a business now. And he couldn't accept it. And eventually whatever happened went back, and he's not in the band anymore. He could be, oh, well, we became employees or whatever. It became a business. Yeah. When you got a $250 ticket, Yeah, it's a business.

You gotta look your best, you gotta be your best. Yeah. We can't have you up there looking like a fucking tutz-routz. Yeah. You know, if I had it my way, I'd have six openers with me on the road. Yeah. I got a great heart. I would have six or five openers with me on the road

and have a great time and go eat and write together and stuff like that. But I know that I would piss the audience off. Yeah, too long. The audience doesn't want to see six fucking open. Yeah. You know, I would love to, I love bringing you on the road with me. I wish Lee gets dirty so I could, but guess what? My audience likes a woman in front of me better.

Yeah. Because a lot of girls buy their boyfriend's tickets. And then the girls are like, what the fuck? It's been an hour of dick. Yeah. Two hours of dick, for me. Nutsack, yeah. It's a business.

Yeah. It's not personal. This is a business. Absolutely. Everybody's going to be tip-top magoo, and this even went for me. Yeah, this even went for me. You know, you have to dress up a little bit. You have to look presentable.

When I used to open up for Rogan, I wouldn't shave. Yeah. You know, you could see the bags under my eyes. I had scabs on my face from picking my face on night, do them blow. Oh, man. You know, you can't sell a $10,000 car with a $10 presentation. Yeah. You know, so this is what happens in all these things.

becomes a business. And with Joey Kramer, there's been plenty of bands that you've got to look at the person and go, this guy's not going to fucking make it. I know. People are never honest about it. It's bizarre to me. It's not going to happen. He's not going to make it. He's got

a drug problem. He's had for 20 years. We're going on 20 years. He's worse than ever. Yeah. And now you want to pull him out for another fucking 40 city tour? Why are you doing this? Just a law diminishing returns. You better have Rudy Sar's on speed dial and hope

he's not busy because this guy's not going to make the fucking tour. You could tell. You know, it's like when you're why would you, if I fucking, I wake up on Thursday morning and I got 103 fever and I got a sold out weekend in Columbus. I have to

think like a businessman. Okay, there's two options I have. A, I get my pussy fucking ass up. I take fucking two towel laws and a fucking whatever. I get on a plane, risk getting more germs to an already down immune system, go to Columbus, go up on stage, cough and sneeze.

Yeah. The show is 65% because you're coughing and sneeze them like a mamook. Now you come back. Now guess what? You got bronchitis and then heightened to a light pneumonia. Yeah. Because you got open to all those fucking germs. But you got your check.

But guess what? That pneumonia now prevents you from going on the row for four weeks. Yeah. Do you follow me? Yeah, you grabbed one to miss four. You grabbed one to miss four. Crazy. Same thing happens now.

Like, I wake up on a Thursday morning and something ain't right, but we can't. So it hasn't happened. Knocked on wood. Yeah. But I'm telling you the truth because I don't want to be in your town sniffling on stage with a cold. Then the worst thing you could do is open yourself up on a plane. Those planes are filthy. Listen to me.

Those planes are filthy. Oh, shitstorm. There's a carnivore. fucking whatever going on around. Yeah. I flew the last two weeks I've flown. People come right off that plane and you bought it. Oh yeah, they ain't cleaning that shit.

They don't even spray lights off. They ain't spraying nothing. Listen, they're in business to spread that shit. Any fucking day now. Any fucking day now it's going to start up with some airport. So knock on wood, but that's the thing with going back to Joey Kramer. Yeah. Going back to

what we do. There's a day you decide when this becomes a business. Yep. Yeah. You have the right to call this a business. And also you have to earn that right to call this a fucking business. Yeah, yeah. I'm the CEO of what I do.

What do you do? I get outstage eight times a week, eight nights a week. Yeah, but there's only seven. I get on stage eight of them. Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. And that's the, I don't even know what the fuck we're talking about.

Well, I know it's like people are just complainers. You know what I mean? They just like to sit around. and complain like, God, no Joey Kramer or G&R with no, you know, Stephen Adler. Didn't make a difference. Yeah.

Didn't make a difference. Yeah. Couldn't even tell they weren't there. I've seen the greatest singers and people missing from bands of all time. She sat right there where you were a month ago, and I told her that. Oshband did something nobody could do.

And that was Phil fucking Ozzy Osbourne's shoes. That was very fucking hard to do. Yeah. It was, you know, when D.E. I don't know, Dio joining Sabbath was a bit more shocking than Hager replacing

Roth. This was the end of the fucking error. This was nine albums. People knew who Black Sabbath was. Oh, yeah. When Dio took that stage in Philadelphia, I'll never forget going, this guy, he might get shot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, they might send Sierra Leone's brother, the guy who shot Little Kennedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His cousin, they might. send him here just to shoot D. I thought Dio was not going to make the tour. Wow.

I really thought somebody was going to bazook him. Yeah. You know, and this guy went out there amongst the fucking signs, bring back Ozzy. When I went to see him in Philly, there was 20, fuck you signs, bring back Ozzy. Yeah.

He went out there with his little malukia fingers and won him over. One him over and banged it out and banged them out. Then left and started his band with Vivian Campbell. Oh, yeah. And you got to respect that. I told, I go, You don't know how many times I don't want to get up on stage

and I think back of him going up on stage like the second night of the tour in Philly. Yeah. He felt like you're replacing Ozzie fucking hours. Yeah. You know, Sammy Hagar's replacing fucking Roth. You know, these are band moves that some bands don't even work. Look at when fucking what's his name.

When they replaced the chubby dudes from Motley Crew. Oh, yeah, with John Carabi. Yeah, that shit didn't work at all. Yeah. It didn't work at all. Not at all. They weren't even going for it. At least my generation gave you a chance.

My generation of the 70s, we gave you a chance. Yeah. We'll go one time. You know, that's how yes started. Yeah. Yes, it was like the first band that two people left. And also people are like, oh, we're not going to see yes. Yeah.

And all of a moment was born. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Six months later. It's never that band? Fucking, oh, what do they call? It was a heat? Oh, fuck. It was two members from the mess, two members from some other fucking.

Yeah, what are they called? I know them, man. I fucking hate that. They're called, uh, John Welton? No, no, no. What are they called shit? Asia? Asia.

Asia. Asia. There it is. Yeah. Asia. Man. I don't know. Two guys left, two guys. That's what I don't know.

A lot of people get pissed off at that. Listen, look at Leonard Skinner. How many people? Do you think were originally left from Leonard Skinner? Oh, yeah. What do you think is in there? Fucking eight of them died. Two of them were alive and they toured it for 20 years

with a bunch of people that were toothless. Yeah. And they got the grandson in there, the son, the nephew. You know, people do it. It works, man. Yeah. That was one ban I refused to ever go see. No.

Without Ronnie, I was like... I can't. And, you know, that's what I tell people. If you don't... If you are complaining, just don't buy the ticket. It's really that easy. You can sit home, watch YouTube of old footage of Skinnerd and enjoy life. Like, look at this Skinner, that one we love, Dan the Green, and just enjoy it.

But these people are going, this is bullshit. It's like, just don't buy a ticket. I don't see how you get that worked up. It's crazy. Go see a new band. Go see a new band. You know, go see Marcus King. Go see rival sons.

Go see a new band and go, this is my band now. Fuck that other stuff They don't got original dudes I'm seeing this band Go see that That's what I tell people all the time You live in in a dream You're a call them the hair metal tumbleweeds

They're blowing around sunset What happened Fucking man He used to be good It's like it's still good When I first moved to L.A. 98 Yeah There was still guys on sunset

With tight black pants Oh And leopard's shirt Yeah Yeah Ralphs Rock and Roll Ralphs getting the top ramen

I'm totally fucking lost yeah and you're like oh my god I love I love music I love the 80s I love 20 20s I love the 90s but you know I love the 70s I'm not a guy that's just like

this is it and it was good for two years those are people that just use music as a memory of when they didn't have bills or a divorce or anything it's just a time machine that takes them back to like, this is good music. It's like, no, that's just when you didn't have student loans. You know, that's all that is.

A couple of weeks ago, we had Josh Adam Myers on here. He's got the show on Spotify. We're talking about Sam Cook. Yeah. The boardwalk put the other jam. And I told him that two different people sang and then we came to that conclusion. And I said to him, have you heard the platters?

Oh, yeah. He's like, I don't know what you're talking. I played the platters. And that night I went home and started playing the platter. And I was like, blown the fuck away. Yeah. Like crying. You know, you got the magic touch.

Ah. When the twilight is gone, you come into my heart. Yeah, yeah. And here in my heart, you will stay. Why? Pray. Tremendous. Yeah.

My prayer. This is 1950s. These are poor black kids in the fucking 50s. Killing it. just and their voices were pure listen to the tapings they knew how to fucking record in those days oh man they knew how to fucking record you listen you're like oh my god it's fucking crystal clear oh motown recording hits hitsville but i went to that studio all that shit it was like it was like the size of this room you know they're in there recording all those hundreds of hits that just

sound incredible. Those 50s recordings, just, temptations, when you hear that, my goo, it just comes on. It's clean. It's super warm. Clean, clean.

Yeah, I don't know how to fuck. They taped all that stuff. Yeah. I love music, man. I do too. I can talk music for fucking hours. It's amazing how much music I listen to in the days. Oh.

And when my wife tells me, she's got to leave for an hour. Yeah. And I can really crank it. Oh, my. God, I fucking prank it. Oh, yeah. When I know they're gone, like, Universal for three hours.

Yeah. It's fucking loud. Some air guitar? You got some Joey air guitar? No, I'm too old to air guitar. That's a momo shit. Oh. I air guitar in my mind.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's funny. I told you when I first moved to Boulder. I moved to an apartment, you know, a four-bedroom apartment. Somebody else rented each room, college student. Yeah. There was a Japanese kid. He kept telling me,

I worked under the sun for that money. He'll fuck yourself. Next time mind your business. There was a Jap. But the white guy was a guy that went to air guitar contest. Yeah. This was 1985.

Air guitar contest. And those two idiots would sit in at Friday nights. They would sit in every night, and that guy would do air guitar concerts in the living room. I thought I had to kill all. three of them. I won't. Oh, my God. I'm out there fucking a girl downstairs,

the girl two doors down, the chubby girl next door that would buy weed. I fucked her in the alley a couple times. And these three idiots are in their living room. Air guitar. Two of them are sitting there splitting a six-pack. Oh. Watching the idiot

do air guitar shit. Oh, that's a fucking kill. Those are some freaks. No, I wanted to kill. This is some freaks. Eventually, if I hide the Japanese, kids could cook for me. The Japanese kid could cook, so I'd give him like a small 40, go to Alfalfa's, get some steak for me and you,

and he would cook every and I was helping him out. He was starving. His parents didn't want to send them money. He didn't know what to do. He came to me crying when, I don't know what to do. My parents, they don't money. I can't pimp him out. I didn't know anybody.

If it was New York, I would have had him out there sucking dick. Oh, 20 minutes. I know Puerto Ricans to take you for the Bronx. Nobody knows nothing. But I didn't know anybody in Colorado, so I just said, you cook, and he did cook. Wow. I would make him make little beef dishes. We would go to alfalfas together.

That's the whole foods of Boulder at the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'd go to alfalfa's. The meat was a little bit more expensive, but it was fucking good. But it's just weird. You remind me of air guitar. I know I had an air guitar since I was, I think, in the eighth grade. I used to air guitar, Ted Nugent, Free For All.

cover to cover and then put on double live gonzo and air guitar that cover to cover and then put on the Eagles Hotel California and I could fucking air guitar victim of love like nobody could

what the fuck you think you're dealing with are you fucking nuts? We might have to have you air guitar at the Bond Scott trip here I may do it Just out there, Angus in it. I made, do you think we another edible to get us going on Tuesday? You're not even high yet.

Sure. What the fuck. That'd be so great, dude. It's my birthday tomorrow. 57. 57, you don't want to do another edible. I've just done 200. I yelled at them before.

I go, I'm 57 years old. I'm 57. You're dead 60. This fucking cock sucker should have two broads here eating each other out right now for his father and me. His eyes are closed. You even think. about that. He didn't think of not even a little gift for his uncle Joey. Damn it.

The only time I ever bought him a gift stick, I yelled, yeah. Lightness, put. I don't want you to buy a gift. I want you to be creative. I want you to call Ayahuasca. I wanted to come here and you to tell me and your dad to wait downstairs. You had a surprise and we come up here and Ayahuasca be playing with a monkey while you had

your pipe in the mouth. Just to show me and your dad, who the boss is I do you're going to impress me today. So I'll kill my dad and then you'll have a video man. I don't want you to kill your fucking dad. I want to keep living. You're going to impress me today.

You're going to have a threesome waiting for us here, two chicks looking your assholes. Today's young. And you tell them you. Days young. He's days young. I was waiting to get here and for Dean Dau ready to go, Lee's not let me in the office today. He can't let him in that. Threesome Lee.

The gate would open. Your father's here. Where's Lee? He told me to come down. And we knock and you say, go, fuck yourself all three years. I'm getting my dick suck. Fuck the church. It's my birthday.

I'd probably knock and go, you know what? Yeah. God. Who gives a fucking love the podcast? Let him roll. Go get three fucking broads for your dad tonight. It's a matter of your birthday.

Look at Lee. He thinks like I'm joker. Closed eye. You're the young one here. You should be setting all this up. I remember when you find three horrors, but you know where. You know where.

You know exactly where to find. Yeah. If anybody knows, you know. You know everything. You know everything. You know apps. Lee Dog. Yeah, but everyone who buys a whore on an app goes to jail because there's a text trail.

You kept the code from the one Escobar gave you up there and- Oh, they closed that site. Oh, they did? There you see how Craig goes. Oh, no, they close that site. They close that site. No, that site's not happening. He knows.

He knows. He knows. He just don't want to fuck that. Oh, I know how to do it, but there's a paper. I don't know how to do it. Paper trail. What paper are you, fucking Quincy? What do you text him?

What are you texting them? What are you talking about? You want to meet him to tutor Matt? How much for an hour of Matt? You got talking code. How come it's $400? That's four roses. That's four roses.

That's Matt Tudor I had was 300. And she walked out the back door. That means she let me fuck you in the air. Oh, shit. You know what I'm saying? Come on. You got to learn how to say this. All right. I hear you pay you.

houses yeah and I do dry work also that means I fucking bury the bodies too you got I'm saying to you got to fucking end up too well for him huh things didn't end up too well for him I'll try as like things didn't end up too well for him

that's my lead dog there's a minute minute yeah we leave the apartment we get some crabs on your bed what are you cake go get some excitement was the last time you found the crab anywhere close to your body or you find one in your why do I want to have sex crabs jumping out of my eyeballs

because I think you have something on your resume your resume is blank right now no chlamydia get your comedy good yeah it's a comedy good go to the doctor and get a shot in your dick once a month yeah yeah your buddy he goes to doesn't he have a different disease once a month not every month but yeah he's had a couple all right then you got a fucking

do what he does. I can't believe I'm 57 guys. 57, dude. I still remember turning 18 and them having a party for me and fucking they had tampons

and shit they were blowing fucking God Hammond. My friend Louis Hernandez was pissing in the toilet. He was puking in the toilet. I'll never forget I was this fucked up.

I just opened up the bathroom and my friend Louis's head was in the toilet and I go Louis, excuse me. I pulled his head back. He just sat like this. And I peed right in front of him with his head back. Oh.

He watched the toilet and put his head back in the toilet. Oh my God. The next day, go, what happened to you? He was like, man, I got fucked up. I don't remember nothing. I could have made him suck my dick. He would never remember. Yeah.

Could have put it on his nose. He would never know. He could have gave him the old flesh mustache. His head was just in the toilet. I just tipped it back. He said so disappointed. Who? You're like, I could have done it.

I want you. You're young. Yeah. For confidence. He's my brother. It's a joke, Lee. I know. But it was just so funny that.

That's all I did. He was passed out with his head in the toilet seat. Pushed you to the side. God knows how many people had pissed in that back. And I just went, pulled his head back. It just rested. I put my dick as close as I could out of disrespect. I didn't want him to get with no fuck.

No splash. No splash. No pee splash. And I fucking let loose in there. And then I put his head right back. like nobody knew, and he stayed there until we left the party. Oh, man. We got them out of their fucking body first.

Oh. What are you going to do for your birthday? You're going out? I'm doing the store tonight. Yep. You know? No. Nothing.

No. We got to get some stakes. I'm looking at a haircut. You want to get some stakes this week? Nah. Man. I got to get in shape. I got to do something in March.

I got to look good at some week the last couple weeks. weeks. Stakes, though. It's clean. Steaks aren't clean. I need to look sharp by March 8th. Oh, man. Tip-top of goo. I got to do some shit. I got to look good for the camera. Yeah. I'm trying to lose like five

for the ACDC concert. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I just want to just want to, uh, because that's a, that's like an hour and a half of singing. I just want to be like, I'm hitting the treadmill like hard. You know, bike, treadmill, cardio.

Because, you know, when I did it when I was 50, I realized that's when I had diabetes. The first, like, I didn't know I had it at the time, but I remember after I did the show, I sang the show for like an hour. And they got my car, I was driving home. I was like, whoa, something's wrong with me. Yeah, I was...

Really? That's the first time you realized. Yeah, well, I knew something was up. I couldn't sleep or whatever. You know, I was laying in bed, like, ice cold. I thought I was just exhausted from, putting that show together. But when I look back on it now,

I'm like, that was the first night. I remember my buddies were in the car in the backseat and they were talking and I was just like, shut up in my head. You know, because I was like, something was wrong. It was wild. So I like to be in total shape for that thing, man. It's an hour and a half of singing.

When you don't sing every day, that's a grueler. You're using different, muscles on your body. And now I'm going to have to sing it kind of still because of the neck. I can't be up there rocking. I'm like the old rocker now with the neck surgery. Like Tom or I from Slayer, he had to go get some neck surgery. He never got the head bang again. Crazy. But he said he sang better than ever. He goes, yeah, I'm not all winded from head banging. Now I'm just up there killing it, you know?

Oh, I live so never. So crazy. Your musical enthusiasm is so contagious. Oh, man. When you talk music, it's fucking contagious. I fucking love it, my brother. I love you, dear. No, man, next Friday.

We're in fucking Viva Las Vegas. Oh, it's going to be great. Treasure Island, one show. Oh, man. And then out, I was hoping that you could hook us up with tickets to something sadly, but there's nothing going on. There's nothing going on. What a bummer.

I wish Arrow Smith was playing the next night. We would be in heaven. In heaven. Nothing. I looked to see if there was a comedian, maybe I wanted to see. Yeah. There's nothing. Listen, I'm coming home on Saturday morning.

With Treasure Island, I'm excited. I got a couple workouts at the store before I go, you know. Yeah. I like what I'm doing now. I got no pressure comedy. Whatever comes out, and I'm doing better sets than I've ever had. When I really, really want to try new stuff, I try it out of order at the store, and I bomb. Yeah.

And it really doesn't matter. You know what I'm saying? It's my fucking backyard. It really doesn't matter anymore. You know, I'm going to give you the best show I got. I'm writing. So I'm really kind of, I haven't felt this confident in a long time. And I'm like, fuck.

It takes 29 years to get confidence. Jesus Christ. Oh, I only got 19 more years ago. Like it takes 29 years to fucking fully get confident that you could fall back on stuff. Yeah. Like I could fall back on a story or something is not. going my way. Yeah.

Like now all that stuff, all those little avenues fall into fucking place, you know? Yeah, yeah. The fucking journey of life is beautiful. I love it. Fucking 1985.

I had dinner by myself for my birthday. Yeah. Like just a, uh, the enchanted Lily Chinese restaurant. Oh, man. In Fortly, New Jersey.

And I was 23 years old. I can't describe to you a feeling that I had that night. I had enough money for the Chinese dinner, a bag of reefer, and a Carvel milkshake. Oh, fuck. That's it, 85, 1985. I was living in a hotel down the corner at one of those fucking crack hotels. I was robbing gas stations pretty much.

You know, like I was in between. Yeah. Doing stupid shit. And that's what I keep thinking about the last two days. That's wild. How lonely I felt in that Chinese restaurant that night at 8 o'clock eating. On your birthday.

By myself, 1985, the night that Jimmy Conway died from Goodfellas. He died on February 19, 1985. Oh. If you watch Goodfellas at the end. Yeah. And I go to myself, holy shit. He died on the loneliest birthday I ever had in my life.

Oh. That was a hard. His day was worse. Yeah. Oh, man. It was just fucking horrible. But to think that, guys, I thought I was going to be dead at 37. Oh, man.

You know? Yeah. I thought that at this age, I'd be living in somebody's backyard. Somebody who had pity on me, it would charge me like 400 bucks for rent. I didn't think I'd have a daughter. I think I'd be. Dude, you just sold out the fucking Chicago theater?

It's not even that. It's just the thought of being alive, being functional. Yeah. And not being wanted by the cops or not having somebody look for me. I never thought that I would have that peace of mind. I think of how I lived for years that was the uncut-gemmed lifestyle. And I think of now, and it's like two different fucking worlds. You know, I never thought that.

So whatever you're going through in your life, believe in yourself. that greener pastors come, you're going to suffer. Yeah. They're not just going to hand it to you. You're going to have to put in the fucking work and get dirty, and, you know, you might even get the carnivore disease on the way. Yeah. But it doesn't matter.

Once you get to that place where you thought about, you know, and it's nothing. And you know what the best thing is? This is not about selling out to Chicago Theater or having money in the bank. Nothing. This is just about genuinely being out. Absolutely.

Genuinely, loving my wife, loving the fucking house. You know, I like staying home, the peace of mind. Just success is what you want. If you want a boat with two chicks on it, that's your success. Go for it. Yeah. That's a success I want in the beginning. That never got me anywhere.

When I just went to for being happy, then everything else fell into place. That's truth right there. And I see your happiness. I see the pictures last week of you in Orlando with a gay ghost. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know. You even took a picture and it was a gay ghost behind you. Oh, man.

He was about the bites in the neck. My mom came to the gig. Now, where's your mom live? She lives at about an hour outside of Orlando. So she finally got to see me do comedy. It's in my Instagram. She showed up. She reviewed the show.

And, you know, it's funny to think, you know, my mom probably when she heard I was starting comedy at like 44, she was probably going like, oh, no, you know, what's going on with my son? Is it going crazy? And there it is 10 years later. I'm in Orlando with Marin at this theater, and she's there. And I had a great set, thank God. Merrin's like a lot of people bomb in front of their parents.

Yeah, you killed it, thank God. You know, because then they're like, oh, yeah, good shows, honey. But it was great. It was great to see her, you know. I hadn't seen her in a while. And she never seen me do comedy because when I started, she was out here. She came out. But I was doing spots, you know, open mics.

And it was like, I don't want to bring her to the open mics. Or I'm doing like 1 a.m. spots. And she's in bed by then. So she didn't see me do comedy. She saw Coney when I did Coney. but to come to a theater with her friend and see like smoking set, you know, it was a great set.

That was awesome. My brother, it's always a pleasure to see you. Oh, I love you, dude. Happy birthday. Yeah. I thought about who I could have on today and make me happy. So great.

You or Steve Simone of both of you. Yeah. Steve Simone is making pork on Friday, so you're coming over the house. We're going to order some Sicilian pizzas. from your favorite place. Nice. Oh.

You look you up like me, cuck, a little. Stop poking me. Stop poking me. You want to be more. It's not as high as yesterday. I'm watching. All right.

What the fuck? You know, it's my birthday. You're going to refuse a man on his birthday. I'm fucking 30 years older than you. See, I look, this is a running fucking hamper. I say yes. You guys went light today, too,

compared to, like, Usually it's a couple hits of acid. Yeah, I know. I know. They didn't want a no deal. They didn't want to do barbiturates. I told him he's got a ooh. I got a oobah.

Barbitur. But I got a girl that hooked us up. Oh. She's coming in here and she's got ketamine. Yeah. When they put it in your IV, it's a new form of therapy. Wow. So we're going to get hooked up.

We're going to get IV right in the arm, put our feet up and go to La La La La for a couple days. I'm sure everything you're doing is tested and approved. They fell off the bag of a truck somewhere. No, these are all clinics. They're all set up and real. Yeah, how did they get from the clinic to hear? Oh.

People's Express. You don't have to. I'm telling you, we might take a flight. Don't want to buy this. We might take a flight to Portland. We've laid out at the hospital. They give us a ketamine drip. We'll take Dunkin with us.

Yeah. And you have a good day for three days. For you motherfuckers who don't know, now you know. Friday, the 28th, I think it is. It doesn't matter because the month's got 29 days. Yeah. Figure it out. It's a Chinese New Year, the Rett.

Watch that pussy. Anyway, next Friday night, bitches. Treasure fucking Island, 8 p.m. Dean Del Rizzi, Uncle Joey, fucking going fucking bananas. Next week, I'm excited about Vegas. I can't wait. They got a good open turkey sandwich over there at the Treasure Island. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. I got Reefer, heavy duty. showing up. We got everything. So if you're not doing anything, then the next date I have is March 27th in Santa Barbara, California at the Arlington motherfucking theater. I got to do some things in March, so if you need to see me the next two months, that's the only places you'll see me. Real quick, I want to give a shout out. The church is brought to you by, as usual, CBDLion.com. Let me tell you something. I reached out to them. I bought one of their products by mistake.

I liked the cover or whatever. It made me feel so good. I reached out to them and my life has changed. I love the gummy bears, the strawberry, raspberry orange. I love the bath balls. I love the fuck, like I told you, their ointment, their CBD ointment, a thousand milligram cream, whatever it is. It is, it helped me with my hamstring.

Now, my skin looks so good on my leg. that I've been usually on my leg lately. And when I went to Arizona this week and I looked at my caps and said they were dry, fuck no, the skin looked beautiful. I looked like I had black skin, only it was white. You know what I'm saying? It was nice and shiny.

No lumps in it. It was nice. Nicety, nice. Don't forget about the pet tincture too. They got the tincture. That's tremendous. For your dog. And for your dog.

I mean, listen, CBD Lion, they're the way to go. Why buy it in an airport? Why buy it in a fucking whatever? when Uncle Joey's got it for you right here. Go to CBDLion.com. Take a look at the third party lab results. Take a look at all.

They got shattered. They got the vapor pen with the vitamin E. No vitamin E. No acetone to fuck up your lungs. So you sound like Lee every three months coughing and shit. Listen, CBD lines are the way. Don't waste your time on fucking liquor stores or fucking people with turbans trying to sell your fucking CBD.

They got none to do with it. That was invented right here by fucking, named Betsy Ross. She made the flag out of hemp. I don't know. Just do me a favor. Go to CBDLyin.com. It's the way to go.

Press in church and get 20% off your order. Number two, my fucking family. Audit, the best. I'll see them in Austin, Texas. Fucking in two months, tremendous. Listen, go to audit.com right now. Shroom tech is big right now. The immune with all these fucking Chinese people

walking around, breathing around your throat. I would have immune fucking... I would have immune whatever the fucking is all over. Rubbing your bathtub. Don't all... I haven't had a negro on 11 days. I'm boycotting it. I'm done.

It's all over. I haven't gone for a massage. You do your own quarantine? I told my acupunctrists to suck my dick. It's over. I'm running with the Jew chick again. I can't risk one of those fucking carnivore needles in me. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. You know, I'm turning purple. I'm doing karate moves. I don't need that shit. And neither do you. you. Go to audit.com right now. Take a look at the Shroom Tech immune. Take 18 of them.

And if you're on anybody, anybody that's kind of fucking that eats lizards or whatever, boom, those motherfuckers were eating bats. Who eats a fucking bat? Why do you do this to me? Why do you make me fucking sick to my stomach and eat a bat? Anyway,

Shroom tech immune, don't worry about nothing. Take four of them. You could fucking have a china guy breathe on you 18 times. Still don't need a bad. If you go on a cruise. He'll be fine. If you go on a cruise, you deserve to die, you dumb fuck. Fuck you, cock suck.

Anyway, go to honor.com right now, press it. Church. And get 10% off your order to deliver right to the crib. Who's better than Uncle Joey? Nobody. I want to thank Dean Dol Rizzy. I want to thank the Christ's killer. But most importantly, I want to thank you motherfucking savages for always having our back

and for loving us. Don't forget next Friday, Treasure Island, bitches. Stay black. Have a great week. See you Monday. Ready to go. Tip top, motherfucking Magoo.

Saluting the flag like you fucking own it. Stay black. Be safe. Love you. Uncle Joey.