The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #775 - Dean Delray

Episode Date: April 6, 2020

Dean Delray, comedian, actor, and the host of the "Let There Be Talk" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt via Zoom. This podcast is brought to you by:    CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.    MyBookie.ag -  Use code promo joey to get a 50% match on your first deposit up to $1,000.   

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Kick this fucking meal. Oh shit It all starts fucking today. No more fucking excuse me This is the year of the fucking soldier We're going in like fucking Marines You understand me? Welcome to church mother

Welcome to church talk stuff It's Monday Another day Another reason to live Talksucket Oh shit Listen we got one of those experimental shows today

We talk a little bit. We do a little Zoom with Dean Delray, and then you go on your fucking way, okay? But we start Monday on a fucking tremendous note. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Thank you very much for fucking tuning into the church. We're still here. I got the mask on per fucking orders,

because, you know, you can't leave the house. How to make a call? One of my soldiers fucking... I was going to say, where did you get this mask? I'm looking everywhere for the air. He hijacked them. Don't worry about nothing. You don't ask no questions.

You don't ask no questions. They just give them to you. That's it. I've been very fortunate. I also wear a bandana. But you got to be careful. But that's it with the fear of this shit. What's up with you bad motherfuckers?

I hope you're hanging in there. I've been posting movies for you every day. I've been posting music. You know, I'm trying my hardest here, guys. I'm not going to make a video every day and jump up and down. I don't need the tension that much. My whole thing is to make sure you guys are tip-top Magoo. before I even

fucking start with you and before we tag into Dean Del Rey this is my week I had a rough night Wednesday night watching the fucking mechanic I might know my own business the original mechanic was on

from the fucking beginning I'm like okay this seems like this is gonna work let me watch it for a little while it was great did we talk about this last week we talked about with Dean for a second oh we talked about with Dean

I watched the fucking mechanic and damn at the end I realized fuck, Jam Michael Vincent wasn't too fucking good in this movie. I've been carnoosel. You ever see actors who are really good at throwing punches, but then they run and you lose all

the faith of him? He had to run one time. I'm like, this guy runs like a fucking like a queer with a dick up his ass. You just noticed it now? All these years later? A couple guys do that. You know, Jack's Teller, I love him to death. Sons are anarchy. Don't make him run. Don't make him run.

Stephen Seagal was great until he started running. Once those people like that got to run And you see how they run They're like, what happened? Who taught that? Don't they did it? In Russia they teach you how to run.

You ever see Diagostino's wife? She runs perfectly. She's so beautiful. She's even prettier when she runs. She fucking holds her head up high and her back. They teach you how to run in fucking Russia. They don't teach you how to run here. Unless you get chased out by the cops, you don't learn.

Nobody teaches how to run correctly unless you join the school track team or some shit like that. That's how you've seen those things. lot of times like they're right a little weird yeah so I got a little upset about that and then I don't know what happened I do know what happened but I don't know what happened I ain't I hadn't eaten edible in about a week I had been drinking those fucking juices just to switch it up a little bit because your body builds a tolerance and I ate two of those ABX tablets and I was just writing and I wasn't thinking about my future I dug into my past and I just thought about certain

things I had done and, you know, toppled what's going on today and everything around me and not having the ability to fucking go do your fucking job anymore, to go do comedy. I don't know. I just went into a dark fucking place. And I just saw myself as a child doing the stupid shit I was doing up to the age before I got pregnant and guilt, I was overrun by guilt. And once you get guilt and fucking anxiety and everything mixed up, you create a fucking grenade.

So a grenade went off in my mind. Then got it in short, but y'all, and shoot your whole family. Thank God. I always tell me. I'm scared. One day, I'm just going to shit in my hand and throw it at somebody.

And I realized that the 20 years of drug use was fucking terrible. But I thought about something. Well, I was sitting there going through this fucking mental breakdown. That my wife was in the other room and two rooms, a room next to her.

My daughter was in that room. And I go, why have I been sitting in here hiding from my fucking wife? I need her now more than ever, you know? And I went out there and I sat with her. We probably talked to like fucking 11.30 at night just about what was going on in my head,

what was going on in her head. And I got to tell you something, the house has been, 150% better. You know, yeah, do I still get shitty moments? We're all going to have shitty days, you know? And this is just half.

We're halfway there. We're at the three week mark. We're complaining. We're at three weeks. We still have three, and we don't even know if they're going to add two more of those three. So all you can do is right, you know.

But, Joy, I don't have a punching bag. I know you got two arms. Fucking, what do you call that when you fucking, shadow box? You know, it's, it's, you've got to fulfill fucking 16 hours of your day, you know, now. So you have a little work to do from the office. Some of these aren't working. But the most important thing, you got to, I mean, it's so hard now because not only do you have to take care of your immune system,

but you have to watch your mental right now. This is going to really fuck with people's mental right now. So please, if you're feeling, uh, obats. Ubats or whatever the fuck you're feeling right now You know pick up the phone call your relatives call some people It's not you this is not you you're not going crazy The world fucking took a shit and this is what's going on right now because of it It has nothing to do with you so you fear yourself starting to get

Fucking whatever I don't want you to call I don't want you to go to a psychiatrist I don't want you to go to a bullshit just call a friend talk to a friend you know what send me a message type type while you're typing, your breathing, and whatever's in your heart will come out. All right, guys, it's rough for everybody, but we're all going to make it through. This is the fucking church. We're the fucking United States of America.

We're going to make it through. We don't fucking play games here. Now, without further ado, I'm going to have Dean come on. We're going to talk for a little while, and then I'll come back on. We'll wrap it up, and I'll put you out there in your way. So when you get out there today, nothing. Nothing's going to be different.

You're going to be a better person. you're going to be a little kind of the people you're going to show humanity listen nobody's got dough what do you think you're special you're the only one that's going through this everybody's going through something right now imagine having a loved one

in a nursing home or anything anything can be possible right now so keep your eyes open keep your head open keep your head clear don't let any bad thoughts go into it like I did the other day and nearly fucking short-circuited

me well me how before we go, I mean, I know you say you talk to your wife, but how did you talk yourself down from that ledge? Like I've talked myself off of 200 other ledges. You know, I'm not, everybody thinks that they're special. They're the only ones who have problems. Everybody's got mental issues, and these mental issues expand. They get a little bigger with all this shit going on.

This is too much for most people to handle. This is more than a lot of people. handled their whole life, not having a job, not being able to go to work, throw a funeral for a loved one in, you know, this is too much for us to handle. This is too much for our circuitry to handle at one time. You know, okay, so there's a virus. Okay, now I lost my job. Okay, now I can't get unemployment on the phone. Okay, right now, cousin Mildy died. Okay, you know, there's too many things. And all I'm, I'm just, I'm just trying to fucking smoothen out the humps and the bumps. When you get to that part where you feel that you're spinning out, you've got to open up,

you've got to go in front of your house, find your own safe place, maybe do a little breathing. A lot of breathing. This is a lot of breathing, guys. A lot of breathing exercises here. This is, you can feel the stress in your neck. You can feel it at times. I can feel it. And I'm not applying for unemployment.

You know, I applied for a small loan, whatever. a small business loan because you have to. But besides that, I didn't, it's not like I got to fucking, I gotta have to pay this on the 15th, or my lights are gonna be shut down, you know. Like I told you two weeks ago and I'm reinforcing it today, I spoke to four people that the landlords told them to go fuck themselves. They didn't give a fuck what the mayor got said he's saying.

So, like I told you, I told you guys in the beginning. I've been in these situations before. And, you know, in these situations, it doesn't get bad. better by them making it better. It gets better by you making it better. And one thing about you is don't be a sucker. Tomorrow, the movie of the day, Monday, today, Monday the 6th of April, the movie of the day is to live and die in LA. And there's a line of that movie that I'll never forget. And it's John Totoro telling the fucking guy when he visits him in jail. They visit John in jail. I forget the name of the lead actor. He also played The Temptation of Christ, DeFoe, William DeFoe,

goes to meet John Titoro in the jail. And he goes, don't worry about nothing. I'm going to get you an attorney and I'll get you out of here in a couple of days. And John Tartour looks at him and he goes, yeah, right. And I promise that the checking is in the mail and I promise not to come in your mouth.

Okay, I told you guys, in the beginning, this ain't going to be what they're telling you. The check is not going to miraculously appear like the blue bird of happiness. You know, nobody gives a fuck about you. You have to assume. Nobody gives a fuck about you. So before you sit there and say, I didn't know,

I told you, motherfucker, three weeks ago, that this government, these checks ain't coming in for a while. You got to assume they don't come in. They're like, it's like when you go to Derry Queen and you get a Sunday on top. You got to keep doing what you're doing because if not, the fucking walls are going to shut down on you. This check is going to come sometime, whatever.

You don't have no problem, no control over that. Or you could do is survive today. How am I going to make it happen today? Do I got to go unload a truck today? Do I got to go to burn a building today? A lot of people looking for arsonousiness. Arsonousness is big right now. Everybody is looking for arsonousness right now to burn down the business.

Anyway, let's go on to Dean Delray and do this little podcast for you. I hope you enjoy it. It's our first Zoom. Dean, where are you? Coming to you live from the truck, from the cab of the truck. What is up? My brother. Hey, you look good last night.

on TV, cuck sucker. Oh man, it takes a pandemic to get on TV these things, you know? Can you believe that all your life? You go to acting classes and nothing. Now they need you on TV. How are you, man? I'm good.

How about you? You got your mask on? I got to have the mask on. It's the law. You got to fucking obey the law. We're not teenagers, no more Dean Del Reyzee. Hey, God. Hey, God.

What have you been doing with this whole fucking, sorry to come at you with this Zoom shit, but I guess this is the future for now. I never believed in this. I like live podcast and motherfuckers so I can see your eyes, but we got to bring Dean Delray to the masses, you know what I'm saying? Oh, I'm happy. Anytime I do your show, I don't care if it's audio, video, or just shoot the shit in the hallway. I'm in with the Joey Diaz.

What have you been up to these last? couple weeks. Oh, man, going crazy. You know, going crazy. I'm locked in the hut. I got no internet. My internet's down. And I don't want the guy to come over, you know,

because I don't know where he's been. You know what I mean? It's like STDs. Who are you with performing? You know? It's a different time because you really don't know who's coming over. I know. And you don't want you, I don't want to even take the fucking chance, you know.

Same hell. But thank you. Oh, I got internet and I died. Yeah. Thank God we got music, Dean, because I'll tell you, it has fucking kept me alive these last couple weeks. Oh, it's, it's, it's on 24-7, brother, at the house. 24th that, I never had TV before.

So to me, and I'm an only child, so I'm not going too. crazy but uh i miss the gym you know like i got that diabetes like three years ago four years ago coming up there i go to gym every day and now i'm just like wow i mean my house like i'm like uh that dude on taxi a denaro on taxi i'm just getting there getting ready i'm doing the fucking mad taxi uh workout you know when i lived up the corner the kid downstairs went into the naves and he was a personal trainer so he said listen she's going to sell that shit

because they broke up and she goes if there's something you want just take it I took a couple 15 pound dumbbells I took one of those weighted balls and he had not a swinging punch bag but the other ones

and as soon as this thing started I started hitting that bag because I know that when you read up about, you know, benefits of boxing, benefits of Muay Thai, they always say that striking gets the stress out.

So at least I have that to keep me alive. Thank God for honor. I got a couple kettle bells. I got some club bells. And I'm just trying to stay active that way, you know. I don't want to go to a park and walk behind somebody who's, you know, everybody's walking the same way at the park.

So I'm just behind 20 people, sucking 20 people's germs. So it doesn't make sense. As you can see, I got the mask, but I got, I'm vitamin D bound. I'm out there all day in the sun. Yeah.

The vitamin D fucking, you need it big for this corona. You know, I want to walk around with these people. It's just like when I'm in New York City, they're in the craziest city going and they're texting, not even watching, these guys are walking around

walking right into the virus, you know? Yeah, no, no. They're just looking at their screen. I I've taken this seriously, again, because of our age, you've got to take this seriously. And one thing I've noticed that, first off, as a

state, one number four right now. Yeah. This is working. Us not going out and doing dumb shit is definitely fucking working, you know? I read that. I read that. I'm going to keep doing it. I don't give a fuck.

You know, I've been to prison. I know how to fucking make the best. You know, and jerking off, that ain't going to do nothing for you. You can't jerk off. You want to bang one out in the shower, that's fine. But you can't, like, when you're in prison, you jerk off every eight hours, every three hours because it's going to kill eight minutes. Every minute is fucking valuable. This time, you know, I got a certain distance.

I travel around. I don't eat out You know When Lee told me he wasn't eating out I'm like That's it The world's got to be going Because if my boy

Won't go for a fucking taco or something If he can't I haven't had a cheeseburger in three weeks If he hasn't had a cheeseburger in three weeks He's losing it But I just saw this I got an email this morning And I'll tell you who's got a fucking pretty decent deal

Ruth Chris They're selling meat They're selling 10 out Hamburger's pre-made, four bucks. Yeah? You know, that's not a bad deal, you know. A couple of those. I trust Ruth Chris.

I trust Ruth Chris, you know. I love him. My brother, my niece's fiancé works for them. And she told me what they're doing and how they're doing it. They're using three cooks, two managers. They're staying open. I still haven't tried it.

But once I got this email for food they're selling, And they even called. My wife said they called about a week ago. Please come in. No, because we had a ton of points left. Oh, yeah. I had a bunch of points. People gave me cards and shit.

And they were like, they're going to expire. So we're like, we'll be there this week. You can't sit there and eat. But you could take it. I'm craving sushi like a motherfucker. Oh. I can go for a piece of albacore right now. I would kill that happy hour over at sushi dance.

They're lucky than that. He's not going to get the virus because he was eating that boat sushi. No, I don't trust anything. He was buying direct from a fisherman in Wuhan. I probably had the coronavirus, if you honest. I think a lot of people had the virus already and haven't known it. A girl told me she thinks she got it in January. But who gives a fuck about the virus or something?

What have you been spinning? What have you discovered? that has blown your mind with music. Oh, man, I've been, okay, I think I'm wearing the shirt right now. What's for? King Buffalo, some friends of mine, I had them on the show about a year ago. Three guys, three-piece band.

They just put out a new record last Friday, and this fucking thing is devastating, man. If you're into like Tool and Tyos and Desert Rock, this thing is unreal, man. They took it to another level. So that thing was on for a week straight at my house. And the neighbors would probably going crazy, man. And I know you will listen to the new Pearl Jam, which is good. Thank you for the recommendation.

Yeah, that thing's great. Eddie Vedder did it again, so I've been listening to that. It's funny, man. I've been listening to a lot of old albums. Like I come and hear some nights. I came and hear the other night with my wife and we fucking scrub the carpets. And then her and the baby left. And I stayed here.

And I just listened to a couple of albums. And it's so weird that music is the soundtrack of our lives. You know? I've had some ups and downs over the last couple of weeks. The hardest night I had was probably Wednesday night. Last week where everything was accepted, you know. the the coronavirus, the fall of stand-up, my past, my sins, you know, everything came to whatever. I had a little mini-nervous breakdown, but I made it out all right.

Thank God for edibles. And thank God for edibles. But music has really kept it together for me. And I thank you a lot because you've returned me on to a lot of those albums. I've been going full boat, you know. I've been putting out the album of the day. That's the album I listened to that day. You know, today, I had to go with master reality today.

It was too cloudy. It was just a master reality type of day. Plus, I drew a rocket ship for my daughter. Oh, okay. Me and her, yeah, me and her draw every day. And I drew the rocket ship. As I was drawing the rocket ship, I was singing the lyrics of Into the Void. And she's like, Dad, what are you saying?

And I just kept doing the lyrics like I had like a spirit come over there. You know what I'm saying? Rocket engine burning fuel so fast. Up into the night sky, they last all that shit. Burning metal through the atmosphere. She was losing it. She thought I was speaking in fucking tongues. But hey, that's what it, you know, all these little things.

What it's been good for me, it's made my family a little tighter. first two weeks I wanted to kill him now we're going to make it there was one night there I thought I was gonna get arrested for domestic violence because uh you know it just it was hard for everybody at first but uh you know me and my wife

are fucking definitely cooler since this so it's uh it's there's been pros and cons Dean Delray you know well we you know as you start to go crazy then you go, well, you know what, though, man, we're alive. So I'm going to enjoy some of the things in life I love.

I've been reading books, man. Me too. Me too. I'm almost finished the Led Zeppelin book. Yeah, I'm deep on the books, man. And you know what? I'm sitting there going like, hey, I'm digging this. Every night around eight, I get on the couch,

and I rip out the book. Right now I'm reading Bill Kreitzman. drummer for Grateful Dad's book called Deal. And I'm taking the ride, man. He's describing all the acid trips and, you know, San Francisco in the early days of the bang. I'm just going, this is amazing, man. I, you know, like, I'm lazy on the books after the last 30 years.

The internet came out. I was like, see you, books. And now I'm loving it, man. I'm like, I'm going to burn through this one. And then next, I'm going to get on to William S. Burroughs junkie, which I partially read when I was a team. I'm almost finished Led Zeppelin, and I'm going right into the... Which one?

The man who led Zeppelin? The man who led Zeppelin? No, I read the man who led Zeppelin. I finished that one the week before. This is the really thick Led Zeppelin book, The Three-Parter. I forget... Hammer of the Gods? No, no, I read Hammer of the Gods years ago.

This is a new one that came out that it's sort of like Hammer of the Gods, just some more details, stuff like that. When I'm done with this, when I'm moving on to your man, Bond Scott. Oh. And then from there, I'm going to David Lee Roth's book. And then from there, you know, I already have them lay it out. You know, we got three more weeks. So I got three more book.

Yeah, we got to the 28, people, whether you like it or not. You got the April 28th, and that's conservative. So you might as well start reading now. I even started taking some of my, some high school. Like, my daughter goes on this thing, and it goes all the way up to high school. Like online. Like online. And I went to my senior year.

I went to, like, shit that you go over in 12th grade, you know, like reviews and math and calculus and all that shit. I was like, Jesus Christ, I was a dumb fuck at 18. But I'm trying to do everything I can to stay busy. Number one is the happiness. What's that? Joey goes back. That's a new TV show. Joey goes back to high school.

Oh, my God. Fucking tremendous. I can't even figure out shit. You know, I know my time. I know all that shit. The history stuff, I'm weekend. Yeah. But this is just the time for,

Listen, I feel bad because people are going through some hardships. And I'm not talking about just staying in. Like, staying in should be bad enough of a punishment. Then there's the hardship of no money, you know. People running out of money living off credit cards. Nobody's working. You got people who are natural hustlers that for a guy like me, this cut my legs off for two weeks. I didn't know what to do with myself, you know.

Yeah. The nervous breakdown I had Wednesday night was about stand-up. I realized that stand-up was my religion. Same here. And it took me as a man. It took me as a boy. I was a kid, and I turned me into a man. It really did, because to become a comedian, there's an aspect.

You get to become a man. You really got to look in the mirror and say, this is what needs to be done. That's it. and I was thinking about how it's one thing to say, hey, I'm not going down to the comedy store no more, but it's another thing for them to tell you, you can't come down at a comedy store no more that it's fucking closed.

Man. So I had to deal with that. I had that fear a few years ago where I was thinking, what if, what if the comedy store ever went away? I mean, it's totally, my life. I love that place and the people. So that's why I started going to New York,

because I was thinking, if this place is gone, I don't know what I would do, you know? So I was like, I got to start getting out in the world and doing comedy to where if anything goes away. I'm still relevant. I'm not just this one club guy in my life there. And it really helped me. You know, I went out there, got past the cellar and stuff, and got all kinds of kinds of new New York friends at the stand and all that. And, man, to not do comedy is just blowing my mind right now.

You know, it's been 20, I guess 24 days since I've been on stage. And I just, I can't even believe it. It's all I do all day, wait to go on, you know?

Yeah, it's been a month now, officially, since I have been on stage. Are the emotions, similar for you too because i mean joey and everyone's still hustling and working but joe you're a little bit more established and dean has been putting in work for

i think you just hit your 10 year anniversary right dean right so like you've been putting in a lot of work and you're finally starting to see results and then they take it like is it scary for you dean or like how are you feeling about that because you you literally just switched everything put 10 years of hard working are finally taking off and then it's gone you know when emily at the store hit me up to just do that little 30 second little thing for the comedians give back i was like it just fucking as cheesy as this says it filled my heart man i was just

like oh god they they remember me after you know 24 days i'm still i'm still part of the family and that that really that and talking to jill that and talking to jill i'm Billy and Ian Edwards every day and Marilyn and Burrow, you know. I was just like, oh, yeah, I'm still, I'm still alive in the game. And this is, believe it or not, as horrible as this is, it's kind of a force rest that I probably needed and would have never taken, you know, of such a workaholic. So I am feeling way rejuvenized as far as like, all right, let's get out there, you know? You know, it's weird that I reach out to certain people every day. They're the ones I'm concerned about the most.

You know, we're not just going to suffer financially. And a lot of us are going to struggle with mental health during this period, you know? Yep. And like I said, when I went through my thing Wednesday night, the mechanic was on. I was having a great night. Charles Bronson was on, you know. I was having a great night. And right after the mechanic, I went in, I got a notebook and I just started writing lifting things down.

And somewhere I went into a dark place. I started thinking about hitting people with pipes and shit I had done with it as a child. And it just didn't feel good. It didn't feel good all night. And I'm like, what the fuck is this? And I was sitting in the office. And I said, why am I hiding? from my wife. I need her now more than ever. So I put on my big boy pants and I sat down next door

and I told her exactly what I had been going through the last three weeks, how it came to her head. And I'll tell you, ever since that night, I feel 100% better. That's awesome. My whole outlook has changed. There's nothing we could do about it. What do you see for the future a stand-up? Man, that's an interesting question, Joe. Somebody asked me that yesterday. And it's, you know, the whole goal of you and I and the comedians that are really down at the store, it's always about truth and what's going on in life.

But then you're kind of like, well, how do we just step back into that machine and not just be the virus, the virus, the virus, the virus. the virus. So I started writing down stuff that was more what was going through my head during the virus. So I don't have to talk about the virus. I talk more about like being a 54 year old man with shit in my house that I've owned since I was 13 years old. That kind of dumb shit. Or living in an apartment and you know and just just being in East Hollywood, no kids, nothing. You know, just trying to find some kind of stuff that's going to make sense when I get back on stage. And I really don't

know what it's going to be like. And I think it's a lot like the first couple of weeks of me doing comedy back when I started. It's going to be like open mic style because you don't know what the audience. Is there going to be an audience? Are there going to be what, you know, who knows? Restriction. I remember the last. We don't really know.

We don't. We don't. And I went on the day before the comedy store closed. That was the last time I went on. And I remember thinking, God, this crowd's way too easy right now because people were so bummed. And I was so happy I was making them laugh. But you know, when you got that audience where they're so easy, I was like, wow.

I just said hello when they're laughing. Something's not right. Yeah, something's not right, man. People were rattled. And I felt for them and I got off. I got home and I was like, man, those people are scared. And I am too. But it's like when I got ran over on the motorcycle, man.

At least I've been doing what I absolutely loved the last 10 years, man. And that's all that fucking matters. I think it's going to come back slow at first. My heart goes out to a lot of comics, you know. A lot of young comics, Lee, a lot of guys who started out, they're not going to have a lot of the opportunities we had. As younger comics, they're going to have to deal with a lot of more technology, you know. Let's see how technology plays to it.

If there'll be a lot more pay-per-views, nobody fucking knows. And to be honest with you, right now, I'm like you. I don't really give a fuck in a way I just want the guys around me to keep it together and like everything else in life this will pass

whether it's a prison sentence that we will be fucking let out of eventually and hopefully we'll all get out of this thing healthy and we could all say what the fuck was that two years ago you know

yeah I mean people are home people are trapped. Some people do better than others. Quarantine, you know? Some people, you know, this could be a disaster. Some people are getting forced to be a husband.

Some people are getting forced to be parents, you know. Some people are learning to live without their parents. You know, I feel for those people. How would you like to live in the neighborhood but your parents? And you've got to bang on a glass once a week. like a fucking gorilla in a zoo. I've got to treat my grandfather now. Yeah.

Like a fucking animal passing peanuts through the hole in the fucking fence, you know? Yeah. I mean, that's just, this is the future, how we're going to deal with. But any albums you want to drop on these guys for the week? Yeah, man. Today was the day Lane Staley passed away. And you fucking believe, how long ago? Well, Lane Staley was 2002, and Cobain was 94.

same day so I think and I still cannot believe it and I talk about this record all the time but I'll shout it out forever Lane Staley did that solo record with Mike McCready from Pearl Jam called a bad and that album is fucking insane man insane and I listen to it today it's all gloomy out perfect Seattle vibe and threw that thing on man you know you got you just got from top the bottom insane man i love it i love it mark lannigan sings on that from the screaming trees and queens of the standards he's one of my favorites i've had a podcast twice and it's just a masterpiece record man it's crazy are you using uh zoom for your podcast now well i got very like Joey I had bent 11 episodes before this happened.

It just, I was just, you know, grinding and grinding, recording guests over and over and over. And then this happened, so I've got 11 in the can and I'm just releasing them once a week. And then my Patreon, I do a solo bonus one once a week on the Patreon, and that's been rocking. A lot of people, I mean, way more than, I'm just, had before have stepped up during this uh during this time for my patreon channel which is incredible

you know like people people are hurting like me and they're donating it's it's it's it's just unreal man well i'll tell you what's going to win in this whole thing the winner in this whole thing is humanity you know for years we uh respected our soldiers and everything now we're going to come out of this respecting a lot more people. Soldiers, police, nurses, doctors, you're going to feel a different way about those people. You know, I know for a fact, and if any of you motherfuckers are listening to me,

run, go get a job at one of the supermarkets. Because once this blows over, that supermarket union is going to sit down and they're going to be getting paid $30,000 a day if this happens again. They deserve it. They deserve it, and they deserve every. fucking penny.

You know. And those bus drivers, man. Bus drivers. All these guys. All these guys have stepped up. These nurses crying in rooms that breaks my heart because I'm sorry to tell you, you did sign up for that. But you didn't sign up for wearing the same fucking mask every day. Right.

And for people running in, drooling fucking sperm and with a nice. eyeball out yelling Viva Corona, whatever the fuck they're yelling, you know. So my heart goes out to nurses and doctors and any movies you've been watching, any series? Oh, well, I've been just a YouTube king, man. Me too. It makes me so happy.

I was watching today. I was watching that, uh, Main Staley. They recorded that concert at the Moore Theater. watch that and then of course to the right corner if you like this maybe you'll like so go right yeah you know and in a lot of lot of youtube man just so much of it just to kind of i can't watch any kind of grim stuff it just uh it'll make me freak out in my apartment you know i forced myself to work out in the afternoons yeah instead of doing it in the mornings and getting it over with my testosterone levels are higher.

I've been forcing myself to do it at four instead of watching the news so I could... How's that? It's fucking great because that might... Where I have the punching bag, I don't have a big yard, it's just a little corner, but the sun beats on that corner after 4 o'clock. It becomes like a steam bat in the corner.

So I'll set the time of the five minutes, and I'll beat the bag up. And after the first 10 minutes, I can feel the sweat beads coming out of me. a taste of marijuana and the fucking edibles and the salt and you know and then I fucking do another two rounds and I'm

fucking sweaty and then I try to do my kettlebells but I try to get the sweat out you know I really want to get that sodium out and all those malukia juices and all that shit so I got the day covered you know I could always walk around the neighbor

with the kid no parks because you know everybody with Corona goes to the fucking park so you can't go to the fucking park You got to cover yourself And that's PV fucking two All parks are going to be called COVID fucking parks Everybody's walking behind one another

So I got to do alternate planning I got to take on walks Where nobody's going to be If you go shopping You got to go early Because the last part of the day More people have been in there, more germs So you got to catch everything at 801

From 8 to 9 Before that greasy Cocksuck at 5 picks up that gas handle to fill up his gas tank. I'm going to hit it first. I bring my own shit. I bring handy wipes. We made Puerto Rican fucking liceol wipes with alcohol.

Oh yeah. And gasoline. I'm killing shit and burning shit on a fucking daily. But listen, man, it's always a fucking pleasure to see you. It's always a pleasure to talk to you every day. Thank you for checking in. I check in with you. you. We're real comedy store family.

We are, dude. We are, man. And I can't imagine if I didn't do comedy, and I was still like seven motorcycles, I'm just sitting in my box right now with no family like you guys. I'd be like, oh, fuck this.

You know? We have hope. Everybody should have a little hope. This is going to pass. It may not be three weeks. You know, don't get too excited about football. I don't know why that was brought up yesterday or the day before to make these idiots

fucking think about football now you know now it's not the time to think about football or anything else. It's a time of your future, your family and what your next move is, you know, more fucking entrepreneurs are going to come out of this than anything.

People are going to go, I can't do this. I want, you might as well invent the fucking bell you want it to right now. This is the chance to do everything you've ever wanted, this is the chance, you know? Also, I really hope that it makes people realize, hey, fuck sitting on this couch all my life.

I'm getting the hell outside. I'm going to go live a life, man. Yeah. You know? That's what else is going to tell a lot of people. I know people who've lived in quarantine for two fucking years already. Absolutely.

And now they're seeing that they have to be in quarantine. It's like us would stand up. Listen, I'm not going. going to the store for a few weeks. That's a big difference then you can't go to the store for a few weeks. Oh, I'm banned. So maybe I'll go to the improv. No.

They're fucking closed, too. You know what I'm saying? Everybody's closed. You want to, you know, a day, somebody put online, where's the best open mic? I said, the hospital. The hospital got the best open mic right now. You know what I'm saying?

They got full fucking rooms. Tons of audience. Tons of audience. I love you, cocksucker. I'm happy you had the chance to come in and check in with me, brother. Oh, God, yeah. This is cool, though, man. Yeah, this was cool.

Yeah, and you know, the quality sounds good, and you look fantastic. So do you. So do you. I can't see Lee, but I miss Lee. I love you, too. We're on the six-month, we're on the six-line rule. Yeah, he has me on the 10-foot plan. Yeah, it's really 27 feet.

if you snorted cocaine because when you sneeze, it travels 27 fucking feet. So it's really 30 feet. He's actually in the corner. He's in the corner like Boris. You know what I'm saying? I got him in the corner. He's over there Denny's on Lancash him. Yeah, they've been closed.

I was thinking about that. I mean, no shit. They have been closed. And I'm personal friends with like three of the waiters, waitresses in there. There's one guy, Jesse. He just loves the Lakers. and my heart is breaking because they took the Lakers

and the fucking his job. So that poor bastard. I'm trying to support. I'll tell you funny story before we split. In 89, when the earthquake hit San Francisco, it fucking, you know, wrapped everything and Denny's had to close. Well, they're up in 24-7,

so they never had front door locks because they were never going to be closed. So they had to go out and buy a pack. locking chains to close the place. Oh my God. They built it with no locks. That's crazy. Right?

Especially in San Francisco. Well, they'll steal your fucking wig with you in it still. You could be walking out of the street in San Francisco. And all of a sudden your wig disappears. Remember when we were up there? They said, don't leave nothing in the fucking car. Remember they have signs everywhere. They'll break into your car there.

Not even 50 cents. Not even the fucking 50. We had to walk with the luggage to get lunch. Yeah. Because you got to take you. You got to think everything in there. I love you, buddy. Have a great day.

And check in with us some time to time, cock sucker. Candles lit, buddy. Candles lit, love you. See ya. Fucking Dean. He does it again. My man, Dino. I love Dean Del Rizzi.

I've been checking in with him, Steve Simone. Theo, Whitney, Rogan, Tripoli, Tiffany Haddish. We've all had a little, you know, so I've been checking in with all my people, you know, all my fucking family. I've tried some of the other guys.

They don't want to call back so they can all suck my dick. If you don't call back, go fuck yourself then. I don't give a fuck. I don't need you either. You greasy, stupid motherfuckers looking for attention all the time. It doesn't end.

It doesn't end. Anyway, I want to thank you guys for listening today, and I hope you got something good out of this. It's Monday. We're still ticking. You're going to take a fucking bomb to stop me. The church is brought to you by, my bookie. Listen, I'm really sorry.

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Once this fucking bullshit goes away, once God cleans this fucking air, you know me. We'll be back on point like always before. I don't fuck around with you, cock suckers. I love you to death. I'm just hitting you have to tell you, you're going to make it through.

this. This is just temporary. This ain't going to be around forever. I ain't going fucking nowhere. I was scared for a couple days. Fuck these bitches. I'm from Jersey bitch. I swam in these fucking corrosive waters years ago. I'm tough. I stepped on a syringe. I'm prepared. I'm prepared. I love you motherfuckers. Have a great day. I want to thank my bookie.orgie.g. And I want to thank CBDline.com. Have a great day. Kick this Mother fucking Muley.