The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #776 - Joey Diaz: Truth and Redemption

Episode Date: April 9, 2020

Joey Diaz tells us how homeschooling is going, his thoughts on the response to Louis C.K.'s new special, and has some facts to clear up at the end. Stay healthy!  This podcast is brought to you by: Manscaped - Get 20% off your first order and a travel bag if you purchase "The Perfect Package" at www.manscaped.com/church   MyBookie.ag -  Use code promo joey to get a 50% match on your first deposit up to $1,000.       

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Go to manscape.com right now. pressing Joey and get 20% off and free shipping and check your balls it might save your fucking life number two you're like Joey I'm bored to death well boredom has come to an end Corona might have half the world fucking sitting there like a bunch of retards but over there at my bookie they're just getting the fucking party started I know you're sad about March Madness getting canceled how do you think I feel I'm a fucking American Well, at my bookie, they partnered with the NCAA to bring you 2K madness. So tomorrow night, you got Michigan versus Kansas and Ohio versus Dayton on the late game.

Come on. Just because you can't go anywhere and sports are canceled, don't mean you can't bet on sports. They got live lines on soccer, Russian hockey, and good old-fashioned pony races. And they got casino games. Who the fuck is that? They got a human dealer. What are you sitting there for scratching your fucking head like a retard? Go to my bookie.

They're going to give you 50% off your initial bonus, off your initial deposit and bonus funds. Joey, I can't do the math. What does that mean? That means that if you put in a nickel, if you put in a nickel, they're going to give you fucking 250. If you put in a thousand, they give you $500.

If you put it in 100, they give you $50. What does that mean? That's more money for you to fucking gamble with. That's more money for you to win. And that's more fun. Instead of sitting there torturing your fucking kids and kicking a cat and being mad at your wife because she never got a job in April, who gives a fuck?

Go to fucking my bookie. Let's get the party start. Let's win some fucking money, all right? So head over to the casino at mybooky.orgie. slash Joey and get 50% off your bonus. Lee, kick this motherfucker mule on a Thursday. Oh shit. You got a sucker.

No more fucking excuse. This is the year of the fucking soldier. You're like fucking Marie. You understand me? Welcome to church, motherfucker. There you go. Are you fucking kidding me or what? It's Thursday.

It's the same old song and dance, Coxuckers. You ain't going nowhere. But we're going to be fucking fine. We're going to get through this motherfucker. It's Uncle Joey on a Thursday morning trying to bring you some love, some laughter, some giggles.

We got a few things to talk about. I'll get out of your fucking hair. And then you're gone with your life, whatever the fuck you would do. And last way, I get a call from a friend of my. By the way, listen, we're going to be working these back and forth. There's Zoom shit, it don't work for me. I don't like people's little heads looking at me and shit like that.

I feel like a fucking pedophile looking it on somebody. They're looking back at me. Then you put me face to face. I'm like the Brady. I don't like it. For me, a podcast has always been something more personal. If you've been with the podcast, it's day one, we switch formats 18 times. We went from just us to introduce ourselves to phone calls and interviewing guests to bringing the guests back in studio.

And then we go Acapello from time to time. Now we're going to run it with this fucking Zoom. The other thing about Zoom is I zoomed once. Now every fucking idiot's reaching out to me to Zoom. I don't want to Zoom with nobody. You understand me? You want to Zoom? Zoom on your own fucking time.

I don't want to Zoom with nobody. I want to Zoom with fucking the guest I have in that said. I barely want to do that. And you know I love Dean Del Rey And I had other guests Now I gotta call people see if they got fucking Zoom for a month I'd rather fucking choke myself But anyway

You know it is what it is Technology Everything's changing I'm still not hip with Zoom So it's gonna take me a few weeks So we're gonna go back and forth Until I get adjusted to the two heads Stitting next to each other

I gotta look at my face And Dean Del Rey Two fucking old men like we're about to get shot I don't need that aggravation in my life But it's funny You know, 10 days ago, I was on the phone with Ari. And we were just talking about, you know, everything that's going on. And he goes, you know what the good thing is going to be about this,

that people are going to forget about the petty things in life, you know? What really fucking matters? Well, first of all, if you don't think there's going to be a silver lining out of this, you're out of your fucking bird. If you're sitting there with no money for the rent and you're thinking about what you got to do, there's nothing you could do. Nobody knows nothing. you got a fucking a ball in front of you, you don't know nothing.

So, but here's one thing I do know about this, that there's going to be a silver lining from this. Either you're going to change careers, either something's better going to happen for you. You're just taking a lump right now. Trust them what I'm telling you, man. I've been in these positions a thousand times. This is the most dangerous one. You know, this attacks people like me, but I'm still telling you, we got a chance.

You young guys got a chance. You're not doomed. I don't want anybody to think they're doomed that they're done. You're not over. It ain't over to the fat lady sings and she ain't even get in the fucking car yet. We're fucking American. So before you doom yourself, don't doom yourself, all right?

You're just going through a fucking rough batch. This is what this is called in life. For you young guys, your job, you're not graduating. Hey, I feel for you. I'd rather you live than you get together with a bunch of 800 idiots with Haps on and throw them up in the air. What's that going to do for your own post time? Nothing.

Move on. I never fucking. walk down the aisle. Joey Diaz, come get your diploma. Didn't do dick for you. At the end of the day, don't do dick for nobody. I feel for you. I feel for you. And I know you're paying and for you guys who just started a job. I feel for you. But everything happens for a reason. Anyway, I'm talking to Ari and we're bullshitting about how hopefully this will make people go back to seeing what's important in your life. Like what? What do I give a fuck?

If we grab some chicks tit in 1981. Enough. Knock it off. Go get your fucking life together. All right? You call the cops? No. Shut the fuck up.

So me and him just had this weird conversation. Excuse me. Corona's all over the place. You watch on the news. You know, on TV, you online. I can't even look at the fucking things anymore. I just look at my messages because it's just too much corona. And you just get depressed.

I feel a lot better lately because the TV isn't even going on until. six now. Now we got it to six, not even five. Like it's just getting later and later. Because my wife don't want to hear it either. Nobody wants to hear it no more. It is what it is. There's nothing we could do and we have to move on. But I'm talking about Ari and we're talking about pity

shit. I don't know what's going on, guys. I really don't. I'm trying to homeschool a child. Have you ever tried to homeschool a child? No. And especially when you're a moron. Have you been trying to homeschool a child when you're a moron? Well, welcome to my world. I'm learning

Every day, I'm learning little by little. You know, and she's teaching me things. I'm teaching her things. Yesterday, we went back there. We ended up doing math. We got caught on percentages. I started talking about about 10% of my action, 20% of my action. How much do you get?

Are we talking about the small 50 yet? I talked about the small 50. I'm working it with Matt, but I'm trying to give her a different perspective. I use dice. Yeah. I give her an amount of money to count it. I tell her, count, $23. Let me know how much is there.

I made a mistake. I'm going to see if she tries to leave a dollar from me. You know what I'm saying? I thought it's 23. She counts 24. Does she take a dollar? I'm teaching her all this stuff because this is the way I learned it. Yeah.

It's great to learn. You know, she's learning division. I'm working with her a lot on math. I'm good with numbers and thinking real quick. Blah, blah, blah. So I'm busy, guys. This has been a real life change. It's homeschool.

And if you're a parent, my heart goes out to you. I know what you're going through. So I don't really know what's going on in the world. I know Bert's got a thing on. I know the comedians got together. I've spoken to Eddie a few times. I've spoken to Joe maybe once. I've spoken to Theo.

I talk to Simone every day, Dean every day. But I don't really know what's going on, like specials and shit like that. So I got a call from a friend of mine in Texas, who was an old comedy club friend, my old Coke dealer at one of the comedy clubs he was the manager but he also supplied all the comics with Coke. Good guy, you know, I still keep in touch with him. I don't

do coke, but I still keep in touch with him. And he called me to ask me if I had seen the new Louis C.K. special. That it was very funny and I'm like, Louis C.K. has a special. So right away, I don't know, that night I went on Netflix and I didn't see no Louis C.K.

And I'm like, what am I fucking thinking? He got thrown off on Netflix, you know? And then my life turned into whatever and I forgot all about Louis TK. And then two days later, I go on Twitter and there's this big write-up by Time magazine or New York Times. It's either one of those two

that Louis C.K. released a special amid this. So I click it and I'm reading it. I want to see what the fuck, you know? Because in my mind, I'm thinking something completely different right now. So I'm looking at this review and it's racist and it's dark and he explains what he did and blah blah blah blah

and I finished the review and sure the guy who wrote the review didn't like it and he was pissed off that Louis released it you know kind of sort of this is what I was getting but me I'm looking at from a different perspective you know I'm looking at it now from that this happened in 2001 it got brought to a light after he blew up. I don't know that I heard about cover-ups and shit like that. Listen, guys, not for nothing. I heard about something happening in Aspen in 2001. Whether it was 2001, I heard something happen in Aspen with Louis. I didn't know what. Now, have you had guys ever lived the life of a comedian? Have you lived the life of a fucking rocker? Have you lived the life

of a perfect person in the public eye, it's got his perks and it's got its negatives, okay? One of the perks is, for some reason, women lose their fucking mind over certain things. When the movie Motley Crew came out, the crew, whatever, on Netflix, it opens up with him eating the girl's pussy that was a squirder at a party and it was, you know, that was Motley Crew.

They came over the fuck, you know. Right. And Rudy Sarzo said, And I go, what did you think of the movie? He goes, I enjoyed this. It was entertaining. He goes, it's just really hard to understand all the Me Too. How come people aren't freaking out more about Me Too?

Because that was a different time. That was the 80s. It was a different fucking time. You know, I'm not saying it was okay to rape women or put sleeping pills. And I don't know anything about that. But what went on the road was just, you know, it was. is mayhem. I've sat here with you, many a night. One night, especially up the top of the corner here, when I was still living up the corner and we talked, I was shaking. I'm telling you of all

the fucking crazy encounters you have as a young comic on the road and how crazy they really are, you know, and you can look at it from two ways. You look at it from any way you want. I mean, it's just, it's a weird way of living, you know, and now we're seeing it through the years with Harvey and fucking Cosby. Now people's eyes are getting a little bit more woken to what happens out here. And, you know, so you get mad at a guy like Cosby and Harvey. But there's another side to the story. And that's the side of meeting a celebrity or sleeping with a celebrity or getting help from that celebrity.

Okay. And let me tell you something. I always knew, for some reason, I got an early idea early on that nobody could help you in this business. I got to figure out that the people I liked all stood on that stage alone and that really nobody could help you. I mean, it's the craziest thing that you think that somebody could shine light on you. Yes, somebody could say Diana Ross could walk into a room and say, hmm. I like the Jackson 5, but the Jackson 5 still have to do their work. Do you know what I'm saying?

And once you realize that, but for some reason, a lot of women come out here, they're a little on the hot side, you know, they know it. There you go, a little garlic fartfully. I told them one was coming. Where's your movie? We spend that shit all the time right now. Wait, you know, wait for this. This will kill Corona, Corona's cousin and every fucking buddy.

I think that's where Corona got started. Forget the bad in Wuhan. This will kill everybody in Wuhan. So. God, damn. Spray that stuff. You spray that stuff eight times an hour. No, I don't want to spray it now.

You need this garlic in your lungs. It's good for you. It'll unclogged one of your fucking little fucking heart valves. That's why I eat it to clean out my valves. But anyway, getting back to what we're talking about. No wonder all these women slept with you. No, nobody slept with me. But I'm just saying that this is weird thing that.

A hot woman comes to town. You got to see it, first of all. You have to see when new meat walks into an open mic. That's what it is. It's new meat. She goes on stage, she bombs, and every comic all of a sudden thinks she's great. The girl is a six,

and God forbid the girl go up there and say she's single. Fucking, you ever see the sharks, how the fins come out of the water? That's exactly what happened. when a girl shows up to an open mic with a pretty dress. And she's like, I've never done this before. I need help. Every barracuda comes out until they realize she's not going to suck their dick

or she's going to suck their dick or they have a boyfriend. It really changes for them. So that's what, and you've seen it. Oh, yeah. Once you see it, you go, oh, that's why everybody. You're a guy. You go up to have a great set. Nobody wants to talk to you.

All of a sudden, some chubby girl comes. in with big tits and she's got no bra on. Oh my God, all the comic scholars come on. It happens a little bit, not as much, but I've seen hot guys get a different reaction from people, too. It's not as, it's not as crazy, but nobody wants to know. A guy doesn't want to fuck a hot guy. And girls, three girls aren't going to circle a young comic to fucking give them advice,

like three guys will circle a young female comic to give her advice. It's big differences. So when a girl comes into a comedy club, she's new fucking meat. You know, and that's a sad way to put it. But it's fucking true. So now this girl has to struggle. But before she can become a comic, she has to struggle her way through. What the fuck is real?

And what the fuck is not real? Which is tough right off the bat. You got to decide what's real and what's not fucking real here. So it's tough enough for a female comic. I'm not saying a female comic is wrong. but nobody was right and nobody was wrong. So my take on this is that they're all partying and Louis asked the girls to their room.

He's the hottest comic up there at the time or one of the hot comics up there at the time. I don't mean looks. I mean he's fucking destroying. Right. They go back to his room. Is this what happened? I thought it was a green room, but it could be possible.

Whatever. And he asked them. Yeah. He asked them. Absolutely. And they giggled and he took his dick out and he jerked off that he come. I don't know, but I've heard stories that some people say yes and some people said no.

And if they said no, he wouldn't do it. That's what I heard. And then now other women came out and said he jerked off in front of them or that he was jerking off while he was in the phone with them. Both. Sarah Silverman said that he would ask her occasionally. She said sometimes she would say yes. I mean, yeah, it's kind of weird. So it's a very weird look.

But come 2016, 15 years later, they finally get enough momentum to knock the kid off the pedestal. Okay, whatever pedestal you want to call that. Stand up, his fame. He loses money. I hear one of his daughters isn't talking to him. Wow. You're a movie that was going to come out too? Yeah, something else happened.

Never mind the monetary losses. Just what he lost in character. What he lost in shame? Here's a guy that's a perfect candidate for you to call up. And when somebody calls you and says, did you hear about Louis? What? He hung himself here. He was the perfect candidate.

Yeah? He was the perfect candidate. You know, I even hear in his routine he talks about, which I'm going to watch is special. I hear he talks about, you know, going to restaurants and people flipping them off and shit. What he did was not tough. Now we have a moral dilemma here. What does it take for us to forgive Louis? In my world, I have daughters.

It's done with. It's done with. And I'm going to tell you why it's done with. Because he went away like a man. He hid like a man. I think he seeks some type of therapy. You know, I heard something from, I don't know how true it is. You know, because I always ask,

When I speak to certain New York comics, I ask about Artie. I ask about, you know, just to see how the fuck are they doing? Now, let me ask you your opinion on this. You just mentioned forgive him. Do you have to forgive him? Could you just enjoy his special and see that he is a fucked up guy, but I enjoy his stand-up? Do you have to fully forgive him to be able to walk? That's a great question.

Between me and you and the third fucking wall, I have no power to forgive Who the fuck am I? Who the fuck am I? It didn't happen to you. You're right. Who the fuck am I to forgive him or not forgive him? I'm just telling you how I feel about it.

In my world, it was 15 years ago. He did not go up and make negative tweets. You know, OJ's saying that whatever. Kill Joe Exotic. I don't fucking know. You know, he hasn't made derogatory tweets. He hasn't rubbed in any. everybody's face.

He's just a guy that sat home, felt he took his lumps, which is what an American person does is we go home, we take our lumps, we figure out what went wrong, and we either shoot ourselves or

move forward. So I have to applaud Louis for moving forward. Again, he didn't bother anybody. There was signs up at clubs if you want your money back. You can have your money back. And then what did he do? Did he come to the comedy store and try to bother people?

Did he come to the main room with the Denver comedy work? No, he went to different little rooms. Little rooms where it doesn't matter to those people what happens in Hollywood. You follow me? They know Hollywood is a fucked up place. You know, they don't give a fuck when Brad Pitt says to vote. They don't give a fuck. Hollywood does not influence them at all.

he went to all those rooms and did a bunch of those rooms from what I heard and sold out. Then he went up to Canada and he did whatever the chain is up there. And I heard that guy got a bunch of grief. And he sold out all the shows. And I heard it was 40% women and they were up on their feet and clapping too. So what was the purpose of this fucking article that Time wrote and maybe was the New York Times? I know New York Times wrote one. I don't know if it was Time or The Post or.

I don't believe nothing the fucking post says anyway. I stopped unfollowing those fucking lies a long time ago. They're just fucking liars. You read the New York Post. They even make up their own bookmaking lines. You go to Vegas, they're giving seven. You go to the Post, they give them five. What the fuck did I just miss?

Because they make their own fucking lines the post. They think they're fucking cute. So, you know, I read this fucking thing, and I'm like, what is the point of this? I tell you what Louis did? that I liked him the most out of this. He didn't advertise it. He didn't hire a publicist.

He didn't bother nobody to go on a show. He released it off his own web page. Yeah. And this is the smartest trick on everything. And it's not a trick. It's marketing. What was his other CDs priced for? Five.

Widely charged $2.99 cents more if he's irrelevant. Because he knows that for five, anybody, buy it. But for $7.99, you really got to like him. Yeah. And he didn't want nobody watching him that didn't want to watch it. He made it comparable to a Netflix. He made it comparable

to a Hulu. I don't know what Hulu is a month, a Netflix. If you remember, he was the one who started that $5 first thing. He started it. So why didn't he go back to $5? He went to $7.99. Because he wanted to, for you to really

think about, if you really want watch this. Right. You really have an option to turn this off and not watch it at all. Move on with your fucking life and never to mention Lewis C.Ks. And like the other side, like the thing that you mentioned at the beginning, how, like, something good will come out of it, like, something like you'll either get a new job or this and that. It kind of relates to his story. And I don't know, he made a ton of money, so we might have savings. He has savings. He has a great comics. He's a great comic. He's a great comic and when I was an open micah he was already banging out comedy writing fucking scripts

but he couldn't work an awful love of people you know yeah he didn't work for three years that's crazy and not even like like with this with corona you kind of can't work but there's still jobs out there imagine like imagine getting he stayed in he paid his dues he didn't go out and call the chicks on social media he did nothing of that no I have to tell you the truth he acted like a gentleman and he acted like somebody that deserves a second chance it's time that fuck you know what I'm saying we got people dying by the minute here we got uh you know the world's coming to an end if you listen to Eddie Bravo and Q5 and fucking Q syndrome and you know there's a lot of shit going on so for you to fucking take the time out of your busy day to write an article about Louis

And at the end of the day, this is what pisses me off the most. You ready? By you writing that article, you're making the guy a millionaire. Yeah. So what you intended to do, you not, I love it. Listen, I come from the day of Brian Bosworth, when he would go into a stadium and there'd be people lined up hating on Brian Bosworth and a bunch of people with masks that said,

I hate Brian or whatever the fuck they were. But what nobody knew was he owned the company. I loved it when you guys, when I was growing up and you guys boycotted dice and you broke his albums and you did all that stuff. What happened? He got even bigger. He played the garden.

And you fucking 12 little lonely chicks were out there with your bald heads. You know, he hates abortion. You're selling more tickets because you're making people stop to see what the fuck is going on. It's the dumbest thing I've ever seen in your life. You got something to say, shut the fuck up, and you hurt the guy financially.

But for you to write an article in the New York Times, you know, to put the guy down because he released a special that's going to make him a million dollars, you just enabled him. That's true. But I was going to, I was wondering about this, this like the past week. like even yeah he hasn't made of money but that must have it must hurt him to see that when that stuff comes out like sure it hurts him sure it hurts him he's a human being do you ever regret like I know you love stand-up but do you ever regret like getting into like the public eye like all that like people can write whatever they want say whatever they want it's like at some point it must drag on you it's I got into the public's eye and a micro level and I knew what I felt like

And I knew what my mind did to me at a micro level. Because remember, somebody saying something about you and somebody writing something about you is two different things. How your mind sees it is two different things. Somebody's saying something about you and somebody writing it down and you reading it really fucks it your psyche. Wow.

He read tons and tons and tons of articles about himself. At one point he stopped because he knew it wasn't getting any better. And he looked at the brightest side of what was going on. Now, to answer your question about the public eye, when I got into stand-up comedy, I could truly look at you in the eye and anybody else in the eye and say, I got into comedy to drop out.

I wanted to drop out, not drop in. I realized what this problem was around three weeks ago. When this started, because you're alone and you're isolated, I'll let you think. I'll let you write different things. When I did the Netflix special, that bothered me. The bombing didn't bother me as much as the fucking location where I did it. You know, Netflix didn't bother me.

They were great. Netflix had nothing to do with this. You want me to tell you what bothered me? That everything I had worked for to drop out, I was going against. I was dropping it. When I became a standout, it was to drop out, to drop out of society, to live like Tom Berring's character in Major League. One week, you're in Mexico sleeping with chickens with two chicks on the bed with you, and the next week you're in Montana. You may not be making a lot of money.

You're making the season minimum, the player minimum, but you're doing what you love. And I'm not in prison. Yeah. That was the whole point of this shit for me to get into stand up. It wasn't to end up in L.A. Under the public eye, shaking hands of people. That took a lot. And that'll get us on to our next subject,

which is a very good question, you know. Nobody, when I was growing up, nobody really knew what anxiety was. Everybody put a different name on it or whatever. Everybody put a different name on it. I used to get asthma as a kid. As a kid, I had really bad asthma. And I see it yesterday when I was playing with Mercy.

She's got asthma. You know what I can tell? Because the cheeks get red. And then a mom has to hit her with a fucking squirt of that shit. So even though yesterday she threw those fucking nine-pound balls a hundred times, she got a little bit of it. I don't let her pay mine to it. So it goes away like my mother did me. But for years, I had asthma growing up.

And I would have to stop. and my mother would have to hug me and hit me with a shot or something and fucking that I could breathe again. Over the years, my mom didn't cater to it anymore and eventually it went away. But that breathing problem,

that respiratory thing always stayed with me and it always stayed deep in my psyche. So even when I played basketball all those years, there was times I was playing basketball and I would lose focus on what I was doing And it's like Dr. Belize said when we had it here, that we have natural breathing until we're teenagers, and then we have a traumatic experience,

and we go away from it, that happened to me. And somewhere along that line, a thing was created inside of me that was called anxiety of fear. Now, since I was a kid and I was an immigrant, I always felt insecure. But for a long time after my father died, I had fear. Fear is natural. Your father dies.

Now I'm scared that my mother's going to die. Who's going to take care of me? Blah, blah. So this is something that's ingrained in you as a young man or whatever the fuck it is, you know? And then as I got older, I started smoking pot and doing drugs. And I self-medicated, you know, with the drugs. And that took care of a lot of it. And then when I became a full-blown junkie on the cocaine,

And I realized that I needed a bump. You know, for a long time, I just did a bump like anybody else. You got one, let's do one. But then it became a point where I needed one. How many years in was that, do you think? Six. Wow. Six, six or seven where you get to the point where you become like a mouse.

You'll pick cocaine over sex, food, sleep. You'll pick cocaine over anything. That's what an addict is called. And I did that for a long time. And, you know, I still got my little things and shit like that. And then I started getting sleep at me when I got really big. Nobody knew what that was. Nobody knew what that was.

And I started getting sleep at me where you wake up in the middle of the night, choke into death. And you have no fucking idea. You wake up like from a nightmare, you know. So all these little things, plus the fact that I do stand up, Now, from day one of stand-up, I mean, it took me fucking 18 months to get on stage. So what does that tell you? You're scared or something.

It's not like some people go that, you know, a lot of people say they went to see a band, and they got there early, and there was a talent contest, and their friends brought them up. I applaud those motherfuckers. I had a friend Darren Rago. God rest is so. I took him to an open mic in the city. They were doing a talent contest, and he goes, let's wait a lot. wait, let me go up on stage.

I was so fucking proud of me, because it took me 18 months like a little fag to make notes and when are you going to get up on stage soon? I'm working on it. You're never working on it. You're just fear. You just fear.

But once I broke that fear, I got on stage and here we are, 29 years later. But any great performer will tell you or anybody, anybody, the chick that played the violin, a rapper that will tell you that they get jitters before they go on stage.

Yeah. Some people puke. I remember the first time I saw Gabriel's from puke. I had heard about it for years. Like every time he goes on stage? Every time he goes on stage, he lets out a fucking exorcist his barf on the side, wipes his face, takes a sip of beer,

and he goes and it destroys the fucking place. We all have our fucking shortcomings. That's what the great thing about being a human being is. You know what I'm saying? So I keep going through this, blah blah blah blah blah I meet my wife and I didn't I didn't know anything about anything she takes me to the doctor we get the sleep apnea corrected and then she takes me to my main doctor and her and my main doctor were talking and they're talking about fucking anxiety and

that he's got it and he gets it at certain times he doesn't even know it and then I went home and she broke it down for me, and she explained to me what anxiety was. Fuck, all these years, I've been getting this feeling. You know, I remember before I went to get a, whenever I go to get a needle, that's what I feel. And just all these different things came into perspective that I didn't know about,

and here I was 35 years old. So the doctor at that point prescribed me pills for my anxiety. He prescribed me. He prescribed me. I had blood pressure medication, two pills, once I take in the morning. When I take at night, they also gave me something for my thyroid.

They took a blood test. Joe Rogan was the one that told me to check my thyroid. I checked my thyroid, and they gave me medication to speed it up, you know, because I was putting out weight too fast. So it was just a bunch of things that happened. And, uh,

you know me, dog, I'm a hard-headed fuck. I don't, I don't want to take no fucking pills. You know, I would go to a blood pressure. He's like, how come your blood pressure is so high? You're taking the medication?

I'm like, yeah, sure. I'm not taking a dick. I'm not taking dick. And then he sat me down one day, and he goes, you got to take your medication when I give it to you. You got to take all of it. So I started taking the blood pressure medication. And then I would get these feelings in time to time.

And I would go, what are these fucking feelings? And Terry would look at me and go, you go into a panic attack? And I would go a little bit, and she would go on the back and come out with a little football, white football, and give me a white football, and I'd eat the white football, and I'd be fine. And she goes, anytime you get these attacks, eat, eat this white football, you know.

So it's not like I get the attacks in the daytime and nothing like that. You know, I'm smoking refra, I'm eating my edibles. I start getting anxiety at night. Now, am I a liar for telling you this? Yes, I am a liar, but let me explain something to you. my basic anxiety starts at 7.30 because that's when I used to want Coke. Why are you a liar? Because I tell you that I get anxiety every night at 7.30.

That's not completely the truth. I only get anxiety even before out of the seven nights, but I don't know what I'm going to get anxiety. Right. And that's why before I go to the comedy store, I always put one of those footballs in my pants. And nine or ten times I don't take it. Sometimes if I'm going to the main room and I have to go to the original room and I get anxiety, I pop them.

After I had the anxiety attack with Morgan Murphy that night that was really, really, really bad down there, I decided to start bringing a pill down with me. If I took it before I left the house, I would get dizzy. Remember when I was getting carsick going down the hill? Okay, so I figured out that I had to take the pill when I got to the comedy store. if not, I would fucking throw it away.

I wouldn't. So sometimes when I walk to the main room, I go into the green room and I see all those people. I close the door and I go into the hallway by myself and I go in my pocket and I pop a football. And that's what I've been doing for fucking years, okay? And I do them as I take them. Then I started realizing on the road,

if I didn't have an edible, I could take one and fall asleep on those nights. On football? For three hours. Yeah, if I take one of those. If I take one of those and the little white blood pressure medication, they relax me. Even sometimes in the leave relaxes me at night. Like after I do two shows and I'm wound up.

So this is what happened, okay? This is exactly what happened. It wasn't, when the doctor gave me these footballs, he said, me. I could give you something stronger, but I can't because of your sleep apnea. Now, without throwing anybody under the bus, in this town, somebody has already died from sleep apnea and taken Xanax years ago. It's nobody's business who it was. I just know for a fact that's what he died. That's what he was doing. So because of that, I will take anxiety medication for anxiety, but to sleep, I will take edibles.

I will drink the quickies, or I will eat 300 milligrams, or I'll fucking, you know what I'm saying? We don't put me to sleep no more. Right. We used to put me to sleep, not anymore because of my tolerance. Yeah. So, on top all that shit off, when I go on the road, as you know, and as you've seen, people give me liquid acid.

They give me perkinset. They give me vikin. They give me fucking those pills that are really bad for you. I don't know what they are. Coding. To be honest, to you people,

I keep the Percocets. Do I eat Percocet's Lee? No. I keep the Vicodins, whatever those pain pills are. Oxies? No, no, no. Somebody gave me an oxy,

and I gave that away. Somebody right away. I have a friend who eats all that shit. or when people give me strange pills on the road, I'll take them, and then I'll give them to him. But there's some pills I'll keep. Right. Like I was telling my wife, Jesus Christ,

I'd go for one of those fucking, when they shot my knee before the Sopranos, the next day it hurt. I could go for a fucking bike and too bad I don't have one. And then two days later, I wanted my jacket pocket, and that one was. And then somebody at the comedy store gave me three percissets, which if a pain, one during the fucking,

during this quarantine. I was at home one night bored and I ate one. I was like, man, these things fuck you up. So I never ate it again. So that's it. But I usually eat my little footballs if I get whatever. But again, then I got my boy,

one of my boys in Jersey. He knows who it is. He listens to the podcast. He hooks me up from time to time with those bars. Okay. Xanax. The Xanax bars. Okay, so.

I wake up the other morning. after the Lewis C.K. Two days later. And some guy sends me a message, hey man, fuck this dude that's talking shit about you. It was bullshit. So I didn't know who the dude was. I don't know what's going on.

So again, I wake up the next day. I don't hear nothing. Then yesterday I go online, there's this big thing. Joey Dears is on Xanax. I caught him. I go, this is interesting. Finally, somebody called me out. You know what I'm saying?

I fucking click. But before we get to that, about six months ago, I came home and I was writing a bio for this year to have on the road. You know how when you write a bio for the road, you know, born in New York, you might have seen him, whatever. So I went on my IMDB page. And on my MDB page, it says the Jim Norton documentary, Joey Cocoa, and I'm like, hmm, no, I know I smoke reefer.

And I know I got a lot on my plate. But I don't remember doing the Jim Norton. documentary for all of me let me find the Jim Norton documentary and see what this is all about and it was like the rise and fall of Jim Norton and I'm reading I'm watching this video and I'm fast forwarding to it and they finally came to us it's him on the podcast oh okay talking so they used our footage so they had to put my name on it got it so I'm watching this thing and it's like the rise and fall of about perverts and this and that and I'm going to Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What rise and fall of Jim Norton? Yeah. He fucking is on the radio. It's a great show. He's still selling out tickets, and he's still funnier than fucking ever. He just shot the degenerates. What rise and fall? And then if you look on that page, it's who stole Patrice O'Neill's money.

Did you see that one? No. I didn't see that one. The Brendan Schaub documentary. Yeah, I saw that one. Another comedian that they. tortured and I go, oh, this is a new thing. I go, I wonder when I'm going to get mine.

You know what I'm saying? Even as a joke, I go, I wonder, but they torture him for Shab because nobody knows Shab. He's been doing comedy for three years. What do you expect from Shab to be fucking Red Fox? You dumb motherfuckers? So yesterday I get up and I click it and I'm watching this guy. And I'm waiting for some intelligent feedback for him to say Joey Dears is a problem, blah, blah.

I'm fat I look like I'm 80 when do I work out The dumb cunt chick Is saying Fucking that who would do Jiu-jitsu with me I mean it was just

And I just stopped it And then he's like This is how you know a junkie He doesn't know the name Of what he's taken Bama blah blah blah I'm gonna tell you what Because I don't take Zadix

Lee What's the name of that jail right there Up on top So you can read to the people at home read everything that's on that label read my name not my address but all right social security number no uh no i'm doing alprazolim alprazolum that's why i didn't know the fucking name on it on the joe rube but keep reading i can barely read it keep reading yeah i prosolam or something like that uh tablets 0.25 milligrams okay what did i say i'm the jo rogan podcast 0.25

okay and he said it's a generic for zana tabs. Okay. Take one tablet three times a day as needed for anxiety. Okay. Okay. And it's prescribed by a doctor. Package 101. It's a prescription. That's it. Okay. So for you, for who the guy, whatever, I'm not even going to mention your name because then I looked on your other videos and you're making fun of Cheetos Santino and you're making fun of fucking Cristolia and you're making fun of people who actually are doing something with that life. You wrote a fucking video about Cheeto Santino not having any

content in Christalia. Who the fuck are you? The content you're putting out is content that's garbage. Meanwhile, you're sitting there with your little half a fag whiskey and that cunt who I know has Corona the pussy because she can't be so fucking stupid.

And you're pointing your fingers at comics who actually try and who actually fucking go out there on the weekends and who actually are doing something with their fucking lives. That's what you're doing. And here, I got the fucking proof for what the fuck you're talking about.

I'm addicted to him that I lied about. What is the saying the name is? That's why I don't know. It's app as a man, a generic blend for Xanax. But even though, what were the fucking things? 0.25. 0.2 fucking fives.

Only your little fagged ass would get high on one of these, your little fucking fagg, fuck. I had to stumble, I just. Oh, yeah, it was just, it's just people that this whole thing wraps up and somebody gave them permission to attack some fucking guy. Listen, you want to call me out? Call me out for my tolerance. Call me out for the amount of fucking edibles I do.

You could call me out for a thousand things. Don't call me out for something that don't exist because you want to not even profit just to make yourself. look fucking smarter. Now, I don't like to carry this around with me. This makes me look like a fucking idiot. I don't think I should carry these with me. So you see these, what these are? These are a sunglasses case that is always in my bag.

Okay? And these are the glasses that go in there. If you watch the podcast, I know some of you listen to it, but if you watch it, these are the glasses that go in there. They're prescription, no, they're fucking whatever. But in here, in case I have an emergency, because this is how I wrote, because you have no idea

with this to have anxiety, I have green zanny bars that a friend of mine gave me on the road, and if you want, I could have him call in to tell you when he gave me these things. So he gives me these zanibas, and what I did was,

I put some in my Suncast case, in case I get an anxiety attack while I'm on the show. And if I'm driving, I have them in my bag and, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. The other thing of the purpose is, I'm not lying to nobody about my fucking shortcomings. I'm 57. Lying no one, because if they're special to you, you're going to fuck it up with a lie. And if they don't matter like this jerk off, who the fuck are they that you got to lie to them for?

And I watched the, that's why I asked you the question, because I watched the first 10 minutes, and I had to shut it off, just because it was bothering me. all his research was watching the Joe Rogan podcast. And then the thing that actually didn't hurt my feelings, but he said like, oh, you're so mentally broken that you have to take something like that. Comedians shouldn't have to take. What are you talking? It's, it's, I forget who at where I saw, but someone said, like, the brain is part of the body. You take medicine for heart.

You take medicine for breathing. If you have anxiety, taking a pill doesn't mean anything. His whole point was that, oh, you're weak because you're- Lee, who cares? Seven years on the podcast. How many times do you see me drink? Let's count it. We drank with Ron White.

Oh, on the podcast? Yeah. How many times did you ever see me drink? Three? Seven years. So I could see if I was eating Xanax and abusing them. I could see if I was fucking going out and trying to be, listen. Oh, not telling anybody about it.

I could say, I'd do two fucking, fucking, I've been. talking about anxiety on this show for years. I've been talking about my personal issues with anxiety before I go on stage, when I leave my family, go on the road. This is all I talk about because I'm not better than you guys. We all fucking bleed. God put us together a fucking certain way and we're all lacking something. We're all lacking something. This doesn't mean you're weak or whatever this means that somewhere along the line, there was a fucking problem that I didn't correct. But if you think I'm up all night,

fucking nodding and fucking, yeah, I do things that are disturbing, but to myself, there's no reason why I should, dog, it's the truth. I was telling somebody that I drank one of those quick Z bottles at night, and I really forgot how many edibles I took. I didn't know if I had taken two of those or four. I really don't know.

So yeah, am I embarrassed for being 57 and waking up on the floor with the heat of burning me and the cat meowing on me? A little bit. But you know what? From time to time, you need to have a little fun from time to time to remind you. Our buddy grappling science, he does a lot of memes. He had one. We, there's no side effects. And sometimes you do wake up with ham in your sleep apnea.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, that's the night I woke up and just ate a fucking pound the hang. and just went right to bed without brushing my teeth. I was like a fucking Frankenstein. But at least I'm big enough to admit these shortcomings. If you're going to make a tape about me, make it about the real thing. Let's talk about the problems I had grown on.

Do some research. Go get some kidnapped victims. By the way, I spoke to my kidnapped victim the other night. He's all right. His mom's good. Kent's my dog down there in fucking in Tucson. I love Kent with all my heart. You know, I never understood why people make these dumb videos.

And if you're going to call somebody out, call them out for the right reasons. And then I read some of the comments. Oh, he should get arrested for Harvey Whiteer. Guys, listen, you see how many women come on my show? Do I look like a Harvey Weinstein to you? When I tell you that if I get 10 calls a day on my phone, six of them are women, that I'm tight with, that I'm tight with. when you're on the road

what happens on the road stays on the road what happens in quarantine stays in quarantine you know do me a favor if you're gonna make a video make it intelligent

don't say I'm fat don't say I'm 80 don't say get to the point prove that I lied because I've been talking about anxiety for fucking years and you want me to tell you what happened

and I swear to my mother's grave I didn't want to go out that day Right now, I don't know if you guys are paying attention, if anybody's read this. We're selling 60% more alcohol than before. I'm sure, yeah. I got a weed store that makes 15,000 on the weekends. They did 50 last weekend. Okay, right now, I could be doing Coke.

I could be doing oxycotts. I could be doing heroin. I'm doing fucking 100 milligrams here, 100 milligrams there, and the Xanax. If that bothers you, if that causes a fucking problem, ooh, you're a fucking faggot. That's what the causes. It really does. This is the lightness of my life.

This is what keeps me together in the daytime. I can't fucking breathe. So this is a problem in your life. If you took time to make a video about this, like I said, I'm not even going to mention your name so they watch the video because it doesn't. make sense. I don't care if you make you make a thousand videos make a video about me fucking kidnapping people. Why don't you show a video with a guy banged up with a pit bull on

him or me and my friend with a machine gun on him? You'd get more mileage with that. Me being a fucking junkie, everybody already knows you stupid fuck. You stupid fuck, ignorant fuck. Take your girlfriend, teach how to suck your dick. Take that fag whiskey you're throwing away and take that stupid look off your face. You're not doing anybody. you're just going after people that are trying to make a difference in any little way they can and not for monetary reasons but to just make it a little lighter right now

I should be eating 20 of these a day with what we're going through right now we're in the scariest fucking time of our lives I'm still coming down here with my friend here and doing entertainment and cracking a fucking couple jokes just to get you a little loose so you can go back to your fucking life later on and feel a little better.

And now you've got to get these jerk-offs making videos writing fucking articles about Louis C.K. Listen, you want to find something to do with your time? Help yourself. Don't write articles about other people. Write articles and make videos about the shithead that you are. The truly

shit-heel that you are as a human being. That's who you should be writing a fucking video about. How you have nothing to do but you went after Cheetos Santino and Chris DeLea because of no content. That's how much content do you have? That you

went after two guys that have nothing but fucking content. I can see if you went after me for no content. But those two guys? So listen, smarten up. Do the best thing you could do for yourself. Shoot yourself. Shoot the girl, hang yourself. Or become a man,

become a human being, and talk from the heart, you miserable cock sucker. And with that, that's it. Who the fuck of these people to say fucking shit? I don't know nothing. I don't know how to say Al Brazapan. That's why I fucked up the words.

And so what? What if you were embarrassed about taking it? And you didn't tell someone. No, no, I'm not embarrassed about taking it. I'm not embarrassed at all. This is part of the human fucking life. This is 57 hard fucking years of digging. This wasn't made fucking twilight

through the tulips. This is a hard 57. And whose fault was it? It was mine. It wasn't nobody else's fault. I put myself in the positions I was in. But for you, make a fucking video

for you to write an article about Louis C. C.K.'s at home right now counting 20s, taking pictures of his nuts sacks, sending it to the guy at the New York Times, him and the little fag, Ronan, Farrow, whatever his fucking name is. Oh, Woody Allen can't write a book here.

We're all going to walk out. I don't agree with Woody Allen. I don't like that motherfucker either. But listen, oh, we're going to walk out and leave. What do you think? There's a Jew down the corner. He'll stab him his mother for million dollars that's where Woody Allen went with his book and the book is selling just fine and everybody likes it I'm not gonna read it I'm not gonna fucking buy it I know what he

did he fucking fucked his own little woo hand bitch but God give him what he's coming to him him and fucking Yoko Jr but that's got nothing to do with me right I'm saying I don't want to be in his movies I don't want to do nothing and do you think that's going back to what you started with like the chains that's going to come from this like do you think gonna like just start focusing on themselves and being like listen. No, not after I read that fucking thing. Not after I saw the thing about me and not after I saw the thing about Lewis C.K. Look, the thing about me, I knew it was coming any day.

I don't really give a fuck. I got one foot in the grave, one of banana peel. People who know me know what my heart is. And that's all that matters. People who know me know that people make mistakes 20 years ago. And they're not the same person anymore. Yeah. You know?

With Lewis C.K. I hope you feel the same. I hope you look at Lewis C.K. And see how he's behaved since this has happened. Has anybody else raised their hand and said he's jerked off around the street? Maybe he went for therapy. Maybe he didn't. But don't shun him because of something that happened to 2001 in a fucking business that is just disgusting. It's just disgusting.

Any day now, Harvey's going to get out of jail. You know why? because somebody's going to give them a big check to tell them about the chicks that did sleep with him. And what are you going to do when Merrill Street name comes up on there and all these other fucking famous Hollywood movie stars? What are you going to do? How are you going to feel about these women that won an Academy Award

like the Houston Astros won a fucking World Series? You know, how are you going to feel about them? That's the last Paul Harvey's going to do. It's why he hasn't. Yeah, it's going to go out in an hour. I'm going to write a book. about all the bitches that did suck my dick that won Academy Awards. Watch how many bitches will be in front of that fucking jail with sticks.

Free Harvey, free Harvey, free Harvey. We'll never satisfy this human beings. You know, for the last year, what have you heard about in L.A. every day? The homeless problem. The homeless problem. The homeless problem. Gavin Newsom, the governor, got him hotels. Did you see that?

Yeah. You see what's going on now? No. The people in the neighborhood from the hotels. Fuck the homeless. Same white people. Same fucking white people that were out there

do something for the fucking homeless. Same white people. Now I've got signs. We don't want them in our neighborhood. They got COVID-19. Go fuck yourself. You were the ones that were all being Johnny Christian.

Nothing bothers me more than people who go to church that think they're better than you because they go to church. When I walk in the church, you know, I see a bunch of fucking creeps. I see people trying to be fucking good to

give me the guy that walks around every day like Steve Simone that brings people food that really helps old people that really does that that's a real fucking Catholic Christian it doesn't mean that you have to go to fucking church and sit in the front fucking pew but that's

what most people feel it takes for them to feel better so fucking me I'm a Seneca cocks suckers I'm gonna keep eating these fucking Xanax I'm gonna go over to the fucking weed store after this with my little mascot and I'm going to get some supplies for the next couple days because I can't smoke weed. But that's it.

They're saying if you smoke weed, you're going to die. So, fuck it. We're going to have to go back old school. You got any edibles at the house? I do. All right, tonight's your lucky night, cuckusker. Hey, I love you guys with all my heart, man. Just, uh, I appreciate the people who had my back when they posted it on Facebook and

Twitter. A lot of people attacked the guy and told me it was a sham. Now you could just go after them. full steam ahead, tell him his motherfucking wears combat boots. His mother's asshole smells like Xanax. Just let him have it. Who gives a fuck? He's a miserable fuck. He's either going to go down now or

somewhere down the road. He'll be doing videos. What's the guy gave the edibles to that moved to the mountains? Oh, and Benjamin. Him and Owen will be doing videos a year from now. Who gives a fuck? Hey, I got fucking no dates. But I want to talk to you about two things. Again, like Manscape said,

It's Tescular fucking cancer month. So make sure you test out the testes. You know what I'm saying? You're like, Joey. What the fuck are you talking about? I'll tell you what I'm talking about. It's public service announcement for your fucking balls. April is Testescular Cancer Awareness Month.

All right? Just search Ball Checker. Whenever you download apps, they have an app. Today for tips to protecting your bean bag. Okay, every hour someone in this country is diagnosed with testicular cancer. Early detection is your best friend when it comes to protecting your fucking nuggets. This month, Manscape and the testosterone cancer society want to remind you. That's right, you, you, cocksucker.

You got to check that fucking nut sack at least once a month. You're sitting at home playing video game. Everything's going to be great. Unemployment's going to send me a check. No, they're not. No, they're not. This is the time you check for any early sign of changes. Download the Ball Check app today for tips on protecting that fucking nut sack.

Just search Ball Checker and wherever you download apps. While you're down there, you might as well make sure that everything is tipped up. Look at your eyebrows. I looked at my eyebrows there. I was embarrassed what I saw in there. I saw bushes. I saw black. See, we forget to go out and trim shit.

Now is it time to trim shit And it starts with your fucking nutsack You want to be prepared When this fucking coronavirus is over Listen, right now If I was 35, I'd be planning one thing This thing's coming back in the fall The summer I got a plan

I'm gonna sling dick till I get the Hiv So if I get the coronavirus It don't matter, the Hiv overrides it Fuck it. So right now you gotta shave your nutsack And you gotta shave around your dick So it smells nice and it's ready for all the humidity because women, nobody wants to suck a fucking dirty dick. And if you're a guy, you have a sucker guy's dick,

and it smells weird above the, it smells like a Greek sandwich. You don't want that either. So what I'm telling you is this. Get the Manscaped. Get the 3.0. Get the crop dust it. Get the leather bag. Get it all.

Because this shit will make your dick tip top McGoo. You want to make that area a little dick, even if you got a little gut hanging over it. Tell you what, you take away the fucking hair. And all they see is that dick coming to them. You put a little revival on your nutsacks It doesn't look like a fucking ball to head Like an elbow

They put one of those balls in their mouth Who's better than you? Nobody, you understand me, you're bringing joy You're like a fucking, you're like a priest on Easter So get your shit together Go to manscape.com right now And use code words Joey To get 20% off and free shipping

And if you got a little more 2.0 They got an attachment to turn it into 3.0 Listen, you need that 3.0. Why? 7,000 RPMs chopping down all that fucking dirt and malukia hair you got. Because who conditions their hair balls? Nobody. You ever put condition on your nutsack?

No, nobody's ever even thought about that. You got a condition the nut sac. So when you shave down there, the hair flies away a lot easy. You don't have a bunch of dry ends. You look like fucking one of those Chinese girls. I've pulled the hair for 15 hours. And the Wuhan interrogations. You know what I'm saying?

Nobody needs that. Go to manscape.com right now. Enter code church. I'll tell you what. I'm going to give you 20% off your first order and free shipping. It's tough out there, but you got to take care of your dick. I want to thank my bookie. You know why?

Because my bookies really fucking keep it together. Listen, if it wasn't for my bookie, more people be smacking their wives than ever before. This is fucking higher ever-level domestic violence season. How do you stop domestic violence, make your girlfriend and wife a best friend, respect her for what she is, and you got to get an outlet. You got to hit the bag. And if you're a degenerate gamble like most of you is are,

this is where my bookie helps in. Corona might have half the world on the bench this week. It really does. But over at my bookie, motherfuckers, they're just getting started. I know you're sad about March Madness, and there's no baseball, and I don't know if they're going to play football. Who gives a fuck? Just worry about today. And MyBooky, they partnered with the NCAA to bring you 2K madness.

This Friday night, motherfuckers, it's Michigan against Kansas. Then it's Ohio against Dayton on the late game. That's right. Starting at 9 p.m. Eastern at MyBooky and Twitch. You got a funny feeling? What are you looking at me for with that fucking look? I can't do nothing for you. Head over to MyBooky.ag.

watch the games and make most of it. Listen, just because you can't go anywhere and sports are canceled doesn't mean you can't place a bet and you can't bet sports. They got lines. They got lines on soccer, Russian hockey, and good old-fashioned pony races. But Joey, I don't know about Russian hockey.

You don't know about football either. You lose every week. What's the difference? You might as well get Russian hockey and try. You might as well change your luck, you stupid fuck. And if you like to see, He knows games is more your thing. Fuck it. Uncle Joey's got card games for you

with a live human dealer. Not Wuhan dealer. Human dealer. And other people you can play against that are real people. Not fucking computers. You don't have to have people breathing on you. I don't have to smell any fucking armpit funk.

None of that shit. So do me a favor right now. You went over to Manscape.com to get your dick fixed. Go over to my bookie to get your head. fix. They're going to give you 50% of your initial deposit and bonus funds. But Joey, I don't know what that means. Well, let me remind you. That means if you deposit $1,000, they're going to give you an extra 500. Just like that. More money in your pocket to play with and more opportunity to win. Open up your browser, punch in my bookie.agg slash Joey, and get ready to make some

motherfucking dore me. Who's better than you? Nobody. Tomorrow night. Remember what I'm telling you. Michigan against Kansas and then Ohio State versus Ohio, I'm sorry. Ohio versus Dayton for the late game. There you go. Who takes care of you like me? Nobody. On top of that, 50% of your initial deposit. You put in 500, I'm giving you an extra 250. If you ain't going to my bookie.orgie.orgie slash Joey, you're fucking sucking yourself off. Fuck you, cock suckers. Make some money. It's that time.

It's Easter. Jesus is busting out on Sunday. And so the fuck of you. You know what I'm saying? You have to get yourself on those virtual blow jobs or something like that. That's it and that's that.

You want dates? I got no dates. All I got for you is that the church is now on Spotify. Anne Lees and to put a couple CDs on there for you. For free, they don't have to waste your time no more. They're free.

They're for you. Okay? I love you, motherfuckers with all your heart. I'm happy you let me come across your living rooms. And I'm happy you understand why I'm coming from. Not Xanax. I'll be buterum,

whatever the fuck it is. All right, that's why I didn't know the name of it. Fucking smart, stupid motherfucker. Anyway, I love you guys with all my heart. Please stay in. Please stay safe. We do the podcast. We keep the door open.

I come in here every day. I lysaw, Oseum, fucking farting here. I got everything covered. If you could take one of my farts, you could take the coronavirus. There's no big fucking deal, all right? I love you, motherfucker, because I got no dates on the books, so I'm not interested. I'm interested right now, and you get healthy,

you get in your pocket straight, and then after that, we'll talk about dates and jumping up and down and selling T-shirts or whatever. For right now, entertain yourself. My bookie and Manscape, listen, you smoke a joint. start trimming your balls you'll never stop by the end of the night i'll have you in a yoga position you'll never see you'll have your hand up your asshole shaving with a mirror by your ear stuck with a paperclip have some fun manscape.com mybooky dot a g slash joey thank you very much

take this fucking meal league