The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #783 - Childhood Memories with Steve Avillo

Episode Date: May 4, 2020

Steve Avillo, a childhood friend of Joey's, and Joey have a Zoom call to trade childhood stories. Steve gives his point of view of some of Joey's craziest stories and even reminds Joey of some stories that he forgot.  Joey's going to be doing this type of podcast more often, to introduce you to the people who made Joey who he is today.  Follow Steve's band, The Past Masters at http://tpmrocks.com/ This podcast is brought to you by: Magic Spoon - Gluten Free, Sugar Free, Grain Free with 12 grams of protein per serving. Go to www.magicspoon.com/church and use code CHURCH to get FREE Shipping.  MyBookie.ag -  Use code promo joey to get a 50% match on your first deposit up to $1,000.       

Greetings from Podcastville. It's Monday, May 4th. The church is brought to you by and welcoming Magic Spoon. Let me ask you a question. Remember when you were a kid and you ate breakfast cereal, sitting in your pajamas watching cartoons, then you drink the milk? Wouldn't it be fun to be a kid again?

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Go to magic spoon.com slash church and grab a variety pack and press in church and checkout and get free shipping. The church is also brought to you. by, oh shit, if you feel like you're living in Groundhog Day where every day is the same, Uncle Joey got some news for you. For you fucking savages, life without sports is finally coming to an end. Why? Because this motherfucking Saturday, you got Ferguson against Gagie.

That's right. UFC 249 from Florida, Jacksonville, with those fucking savages, their animalis. Then we got Wednesday the 13th and 6th. Saturday to 16th. So we got action, okay? Plus, I got some fucking news I'll let you know later on, but you can be in the house watching with everybody right now, and my bookie's got the goods, whether you want to bet the over and under, submissions or knockouts, they got it all. And they got it, that it's non. And if that's not enough this Saturday, just for being a church family, my bookie is giving out a free, a risk-free bet up to $49. That's right.

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No more fucking excuse. This is the year of the fucking soldier. We're going in like fucking Marines. You understand me? Welcome to church, motherfucker. Welcome to church, motherfucker. Uncle Joey here Monday. Support.

Fucking Cinco tomorrow. You got to spend the house. You got to get a pinata, beat it up in your house by yourself, drinking tequila. That's it. You get six fat Mexicans tomorrow. It's all over. COVID starts all over again. on talking day?

It's like, if you see six Mexicans and starts all over again? Yeah, so don't even get together tomorrow. Leave it alone, especially if you're a little overweight like me. You see a fat Mexican move over, especially tomorrow.

It could be COVID day down there in Texas. You know, Texas is free. Tennis free is, Tennessee is free. No fucking live music on live entertainment. In Atlanta, I'm praying for you. I know Georgia's open. I hope you're making the best of it.

But who gives a fuck? It's Monday. the fort and you still got to do what the fuck you got to do you understand me we're going to open up today with this joint of triple x from urban trees delicious i've been getting stone like a motherfucker again you understand me fuck the covid as long as i'm exercising i'm smoking reef how's that one for you and this we're going to have a good week i discovered you guys don't have no idea listen i can do a pantryon or just videos of me riding a bicycle and you pay you understand me you have no idea comedy is until you see me

on my wife's bicycle, fucking holding on to those bicycle things like it's my world. Right now my triceps hurt more than anything else in my body. You can hit me in the head with a bat. I won't even react because of holding on to those handle bars for fucking deal life.

I've been doing, I started off slow. She got the bike last week. I did like five minutes. No, no. Hold on. Let me spark this joint so I can tell you the story correctly. So I don't miss a fucking line here. So you guys know the humor that I have in my life by itself. I don't need microphones.

I'm thinking about a label. I just get a fucking camera with a stick like a selfie film. That's all I need. Then you can see me full life. I electrocute myself with the fucking hearing aids when I wash my face. You can live it. You can see all the stupidity and all the dumb shit. Let's not get into it, please.

Don't embarrass me. I got enough problems I got to tell these people about. So Here's for you, motherfuckers, a little number Just to let you know I'm thinking about you

And I love you Motherfuckers with all my heart And I know it's a tough time But we're going through this motherfucker together So strap on a pair, bitch We're all gonna get stronger Than shit from this

So A couple, you know, You can just do so much With your kids So we got the bike She got the little Retard helmet I put her around the name

But she has a good time She learned how to ride her bike During a fucking break So I'm very excited about that. So my wife says, you know what? Maybe I should get a bike. I go, you should get a bike. So we went looking around and all the bike, you know, usually a bike place has bicycles outside. Not here. They got them inside. Like everybody's going to hide them from you. Like, yeah. So you got to go inside and buy a bike. Fuck it. I'll just make my own bike. So my wife goes, I could order one online. I go, yeah,

order a hoffie online, like one of those cheap huffies. And she did. I get home one day there's a bicycle like a Puerto Rican. She's building the bicycle and the living room, her in Mercy. they're putting WD 40 on the chain, the whole fucking deal. Now, when somebody tells me that building their own bicycle, I don't get on that bicycle, unless you're a bicycle builder. Because I know there's going to be a fucking problem. So, not to mention, I got a lot. When it comes to bicycles and shit like that,

I got a lot of bad karma coming to me, and I know this already. That's why I stopped riding bicycles because I just got a lot of bad karma. You know, for years I rode a bicycle, and people were always getting fucking killed on them and shit. I feel like I got a lump coming to me So I got to be careful I ordered the helmet though I did order a helmet but let's get to that story

So I see my wife Building the bicycle And I go do me a favor Double check the pedal bars So the pedals don't break Double check the thing The chain because I worry about my wife

Put some Thing on the chain And make sure you screw in The fucking handle bars Why do I say that? We go back back to 1978 when Valentin Farrow was going on my block and the Apollo racer and he almost killed himself on the fucking thing because the handlebars went on right.

So a friend of mine calls me and he goes, hey, I'm taking my kids to the park. We're social distancing. If you'd like to go to get your daughter Samaria. I go, absolutely. As a matter of fact, my wife got a bike. I'll walk over and my wife and daughter ride the bike. they get their half hour before me. You know me.

I'm fucking taking my time. I'm getting vitamin D. No problem. I get to the thing. My wife and daughter doing somersault with the other four kids around the track.

There's nobody at the fucking park at 3 o'clock. Fucking these are many guns come out after 4-thirty like vampires. 5 o'clock in my neighbor there's a fucking parade. But before that, you can rob 10 houses,

but you really can't because they're all in the house. There's nobody out. So my wife, is talking to the lady, everybody's got mask on, we're very social distancing. I'm looking at her bike, and I figured, what the fuck? Let me get on her bike and give it a spin. It's been a long time, you know, but bike is like getting your dick sucked.

It's like suck on a dick for a fag. It's something you'll never forget, you know what I'm saying? Once you suck a dick, you'll never forget it. So I get on the bicycle, guys, when I finally got my balance, I almost had a nervous breakdown. I felt muscles worked hadn't worked in years. I just started shivering on the bicycle and I have no reason

I lie to you guys. After two minutes tops my whole body broke out into this sweat like that anxiety fear sweat because I really hadn't been on a bicycle and here I am pedaling, you know, it's not a five-speed bike it's a Puerto Rican bike. It's leg power. You know what I'm saying?

Those are Chinese bicycles. They're leg power. Unless you come in direct from Wuhan your legs better be fucking strong. So I'm peddling guys after two minutes. I've tried to keep... I stopped to make believe I was answering the question, but I stopped because my body had nervous so I can break down.

Wow. So I went home that night I did my regular workout and I said, fuck it. I'm going to do five minutes on the bike today. So every day before they leave at 8.15 in the morning, I jump out there, get on the bike before I take a shower, and I just ride it down the corner. So every day, I just started out in five

minutes. So when they leave, sometimes when I, when we all leave together, I go with them, and when they get sick and tired of riding, I walk while they ride, and then when they get sick and tired of riding, I take my wife's fucking little Nazi helmet. You got to see me. I look like Hitler quit going to wait watches. You got to see me.

You got to see me with this helmet on. It's like, Hill, oh, you got to put a little stash on me, and Jews will be parked fucking flying off Kofax with that car. Is it pink or something? No, it's a Hitler helmet. It's like a green Nazi helmet. Oh, wow. I mean, I didn't buy it to be a Nazi.

You know me. I got class. Yeah. My wife, all those helmets look like Nazis. Like, when I was growing up, those helmets looked okay. Like, like, Merseys is okay. Right. But the one they sent Terry, Nazi.

Nazi. Those people down at the fucking capital jumping up and down right now with weapons and shit. So I put it on. I looked like Hitler, like a fat Hitler. I look like Hitler in Argentina years later. You know what I'm saying when he was relaxing. Eating chorizo? Yeah, he eaten chorizo, him in Manglo, whatever.

His name is the other fucking Nazi. What's his name? Mangler. Mengla. Yeah, whatever his fucking name is. So, every day I've been riding my bike, five, ten, 15. So right now I'm up to 25 fucking minutes. But I got to tell you something.

Every muscle in my lower body and my sides hurt. But I don't give a fuck. It's been an adventure. This is, like I told you, there's going to be a silver lining to this quarantine. We got a lot. got a lot of shit going. It's so funny how my creativity has responded lately for fucking four or five weeks. I couldn't get arrested.

Now I'm outlining, outlining, outlining, outlining. I'm trying to outline this fucking oral, this book. I'm trying to do this audio book. I see Lee brought his flies back in. I can't believe he's got in. Jesus Christ. And they're back on him heavy because he's sweating all that old hummus out by walking. so it sits on his skin

and it's like a fuck and he's like a frosted flake you know what I'm saying he's like a little sugar ball right now all these flies want to sniff his neck that's what happens when he works out that's a downfall

of when Lee works out that flies become his friends again he's at home right now with two flies petting him singing bent him and whatever the fuck he does this joints on fire

but hey you can't walk on one fucking leg we're doing a little edible it's Monday out of respect to you motherfuckers. I didn't bring one to Lee. Last time I gave one of these to leave, we're just sleeping here. Eight hours before the cops came. And here, oh yeah. Yeah, so we can't do that to you

on a Monday morning. You got shit to do on people to see. On top of that, I don't want to share it with you because I'd give you the COVID. You know what I'm saying? Who knows if I got it? I just don't think you don't want to share. I don't want to share. Fuck it. I'm going deep on a Monday morning.

Out of respect for the church family. Saloo! Fuck it. You can't walk on one leg, motherfuckers. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Now is promised. Since this new COVID and this new situation, you know, we had to lose a lot of guests and move a lot of guests around. I finally remodonized myself.

And boom, we got Zoom, motherfuckers. And like I promised you guys, I want to do a little comeback here. I want to go back to the early days of church when it was just us. and, you know, we had a certain guest pool because we weren't in the same guest pool as everybody else. So what I want to do out of respect for my church is, my church, for my book is, the audio book is,

I want to interview a couple of my friends on the podcast just so you get to meet them, get the mentality, get to understand what they're coming from. Today I got a kid that I've been friends with. Are you ready for this? For 43 years. Wow. I've met him the summer my eighth grade year playing the guitar.

It took us two years to connect. And after that, you couldn't break us apart. When I call him before my mother died, you know how they have BC and AC? He's before my mother died. So he's family. He went to my mother's wake. He came to her funeral. And I consider him a brother.

His name is Steve Avillo. He's got two older. brothers and they considered me brothers and when my mother died Stephen even asked me if I wanted a bedroom in the house so uh we've reconnected over the years through comedy and his band called the past masters which is uh you know he's an IT guy as you see in the interview I don't know for 40 years I don't know what the fuck he does I don't care he's my brother I don't need to know what he does um but uh we reconnected he does a little videos this series on his you on his Facebook every night, Steve in the villa, if you follow him, he does music and he's a great musician.

I mean, let me tell you some. This kid's been a musician since I met him. His common sense and his Italianism and his whole thing, you know, kept him into the family life. He's got a beautiful family. I grew up with his wife. I know his two daughters, just a beautiful, beautiful individual. When I'm raising mercy, I think about this guy a lot. And I think about his parents raised him because he's got two other brothers.

others and himself and all three of them are gentlemen. This is Steve Avillo. I hope you enjoy the interview. Knock yourself out. Kick it, Lee. Steve, I know you 40 years. I don't even know what you do for work. I'm an IT guy.

So I basically do, you know, IT support, engineering new, you know, you find new things and you figure out ways of how they fit the business and stuff like that. So it just keeps me busy and out of trouble. My kids' friends think I'm in the CIA because I'm on with China and different countries all hours and night. So that was a start. The people don't know, I grew up with Stephen back in North Bergen.

We met when I was about 14. I went to one of his band things at the Little League field. and your guitar broke you're playing with John Rego out of December of 78 and who was the bass player for you then

Dennis DeCarlo Jesus Christ yeah that's the first time I met you because I didn't I didn't grow up really I lived in North Bergen but I went to school in Cardi so I didn't really do anything

much in North Bergen just you in the city where my mother had the bar So that's why I didn't know you cats growing up. And then once I got thrown out of capital school, I was forced to hook up with you fucking savage. Lucky you. And actually was Johnny Rego's band, by the way. That was his band.

That was his band. Yeah, him and Mike Beckenbach, Mike Lebo, Dennis DeCallo on bass. And Jerry Schwartz, the late Jerry Schwartz, was their singer, but they let me sit in with them. So that's the funny thing. When you saw us, I was, they were nice enough to let me sit. They were letting a little punk sit in with them, you know?

You were like 13. Yeah. Because I was about 13, 12, 13, 14. And I still remember, like, not tripping. We were just smoking pot back then and me going up there, your guitar string breaking. Huh? I wasn't even doing that yet.

No, we weren't doing dick at that age. I was a fucking athlete. I played basketball. High school was definitely definitely when things started to change. Let me ask you to see. You know, when I've been doing the podcast for seven years, and when I talk about North Bergen, Steve,

was it like another world we grew up in? That's another world, another time. I wouldn't trade it for the world. well, that's for sure. I mean, I still remember banging on Ernie's door, the bar on 30 Night Street there and kept off of Kennedy and like, you bang on the door, he would sleep on the pool table and you bang on his door and four in the morning and he had the coldest beer in the world. You could just wake him up.

Like, where else did that shit happen? You know, I remember one of the early times I played hooky with you, we were just walking past Wizards because we used to go to a place Wizards. They get like nickel bags and stuff. I don't know who the creepy guy was in Wizards. Like, pedophiles hung out up there and stuff like that. Like, I never even went into

Wizards until I went to high school. Like, I never knew Wizards existed. And I remember one morning walking past Wizards and the guy was delivering beer to the liquor store there. That later became Ashways. And like the elders,

they already had a system on how to throw the beer guy off and we would open up the back and take a case of beer and run and then they would chase this and have them one time. We brought a case into the high school and Ms. Lee

asked me to open up my locker and I told him unless he had a warrant he couldn't open up because I have like a 12-pack of micolob in there or some shit because everybody took the six packs out and hit him in the lockers that time on And me, I told Mr. Lee, get the fuck out of my face, that if he didn't have a warrant,

he wasn't getting in my locker. And that was the end of my relationship of Mr. Lee. Mr. Lee was a tough bastard. He was fucking tough. And then years later, we made amends, and we became friends. And when I lived in Colorado, I would keep in touch with him. Then one day his son called me and told me he died. Yeah.

Yeah. I have memories. I can still remember. But were you with us, we were you with us when we, it was so damn cold outside. We went into, it was the senior polls, we were juniors. I don't know if you were with me. I know Dedi was there. You probably were there.

I was there. We had, in our jackets, we had put all the beers and the jackets to go in. And we finished everything. We went into the bathroom. We were down in the last beer in Zabaluski. Oh, yes, I was with you. They come storming in. And they're like all the places in North Bergen for you to drink, why do you have to drink here at the school?

And Dini turns around and he goes, have you been outside tonight? It's fucking freezing. And then the next day, he made this all go downstairs. Yep. And sitting in the room and Mr. Dalton bailed this out. Yeah. Mr. Dalton came in. God bless his soul.

Thank God. And he goes, these guys are good kids. Let them go. And, you know, we never even got a fucking fraction, nothing. I mean, it was such a, I still remember clipping a case of courts that weren't cold. And we had to put them in somebody's tub and put ice on them. Yes. Because you know how cold it?

You know how long it takes to fucking chill, a fucking quart of beer? Like, I don't know how many beer trucks we robbed, but it was pretty fucking hysterical when we were kids. It was a lot more when one of us started to drive. Like when Sharples, Sharples is two years old in us. When Tommy used to drive, that was the best thing, because you didn't need anybody to distract. You would just kind of circle the block, like on Broadway and stuff by NBC Liquors. And you'd keep an eye, the beer truck would pull up. You'd watch the guy, watch him load up and show you watch him go in.

As soon as he went in, flew down a block, ripped open the sign, you just started passing cases of parents in the car. And you'd take a car. I remember one time robbed him cases of beer, and they would hold the back of my pants. So you could hang out the window. and passed the beers into the car. I mean, it was so, because of us, now they have two drivers. Yeah.

Yeah, that's like that. And if it wasn't the beer truck, it was the Albertsons on Bergen-Line Avenue. I remember taking a gallon of wine, that rosy, and rosy cooking wine. I remember taking a gallon once, running out of Albertsons

and going at the Hudson County Park. and drinking the whole fucking thing and having a hangover for a whole goddamn weekend. I had the worst headache. I never drank wine again. From that, cheap wine, give you a bad hangover, man.

Fucking Albertsons had no security anymore. And we were just basically walking there, take the beers and run the fuck out. It's hard to even, you know, it's hard to even. Our childhoods, and you were a good guy. You were like a straight-A type of guy.

I still remember, you know, you were like, we explained to the people listening, we were out six nights a week. Yeah. We were out six nights a week. Our light night was Sunday night. That was like we're just smoking ten joints tonight. And we're drinking a six-pack each. That was our late night.

Our light night was Saturdays. But we were out, we found an excuse for anything. to go out and we drank out in the cold yeah you drank out in the cold it was snow didn't matter if it was snowing you'd be out you'd be out in the foot of snow and we had drinking gloves one glove we had drinking gloves that the tips are cut off of the shit yeah you know it's just when I look at you when you come to the shows I'm so happy because it's like my life is like Jesus it's like before Christ died and after Christ died and you were one of my friends before my mom passed and one of the

best stories I tell people is you know your brother was older than us and he had his own click and they would break to hang around with them they were crazy and uh you invited me and somebody else over to a party once this had to be september 79 we were sophomore and your brothers made this thing and They made it in garbage cans. Tell these fucking... You're talking about the punch, right? The punch. They would go and get, like, big blocks of ice from Trail Park.

They'd steal them from the Trail Park. They buy one bag of ice and steal, like, 12 blocks of ice. Sherbert, drink mix, stuff like that. And then they put water in from a hose. And then every and any bottle that people could bring was poured. into that I mean it was puccotty there was scotch vodka gin and moonshine anything and everything went into that punch including insects you're killing these and knocking the bees into the punch and there's somebody threw a shoe in

there yes it was it was like that freaking cake from the little rascals right when he bites into it goes to mousetrapped the shoe That night, I remember, I don't know what I drank. It was like beer and the punch combined, and I fell asleep on Richie Sonsolo's lawn. If I walked to your house, I would have to walk past Richie Sonsullo's house. And he lived like a block and a half from you, say.

Yeah, yeah. He headed towards five corners. And I'll never forget that Ray Ernesto woke me up, the cop that used to always play basketball. with us with colored socks. It used to drive me crazy. We had two teachers that played with us. It was him.

He played basketball with us, Ray Anesto and Mr. Ketter. The guy with Mr. K with the crew team. But I still remember I liked Rayonesto, but whenever he came to play basketball with him, we throw elbows out of him. because you always wore colored socks and we wore an avenue. Like in those days, if you went to gym class with colored socks, they would send you home because if you stepped on glassy ink,

we're going to your bloodstream. It was so shit. You know, when you played basketball on those courts, too, those courts were not tame. They were rough. Those were some great games. 51st Street had some great games. 58 Street.

Tongley, At you. Right there. You know the courts right on Tunley? Yes. That's where I played with Albi Munez and Sulo. Those were some tough games there, 38th Street court. You had the courts up by Hatchewis.

The courts by Hashways. Jesus, I remember playing one-on-one there at three in the morning. Richie Sinsoulo and Danny Calendrillo, my eighth grade summer. Wow. That's crazy shit. Like no curfew. Did you have a curfew? I don't remember us having a curfew.

I did have a curfew. I remember I was supposed to be home by 11. And a lot of times going home, I'd run into my brothers. Especially my brother Mike. My brother Mike would always say, where are you going? I'm going home. Yeah, I'd get in the car. I'll call mom.

So he'd stop, you know, they'd be going to get more beer or whatever. He'd stop at it and pay for him. Yeah, Stevens would make. And then I'd be out till who knows. knows what time, you know. But yeah, I was, I was, it was like, I think when I was a freshman and the sophomore was like 11, junior, I was allowed out to like midnight to one. And then senior year, there was no curve.

Like, even if there was one, it was not adhered to. You know, you just show up. There's a comedian in town. His name is Brett Ernst. He's from New Jersey. And there's a bit that in Jersey there's always that one kid who doesn't go home. Like he just doesn't. When he said the bit, I was dying and laughing because downtown I was that kid.

I had nowhere to go, so I wouldn't go home. And uptown, it was Mike Moore. There was a kid named Mike Moore. I just moved into him and Rudy's about three years ago. But you could be walking home. You had already given up on the night. You're like, fuck and I'm going home. And all of a sudden, boom, you bump into Mike Moore.

And the night was just, the night was just. fucking start you know like I wouldn't go home me and Dedey had no reason to go home so we would stay with you you had a shed yeah thank god uh that had a pair of drums in it and he's still pissed at me from playing his fucking drums because we used to play ferries wear boots yeah and shit at night uh you know my childhood was spent uh for two years in that fucking shit, you know. Yeah, yeah. A lot of good times back there. You know, there's no pictures.

Not one. No pictures. We have no pictures. We didn't, we weren't a picture society. Thank God. You couldn't take out a fucking selfie those days. They break your arm. Actually, somebody took a selfie that would have beat a month. Yes, we would have beat a month. There was no selfies. There was really no pictures of us

when we were kids. That wasn't accepted. At a party. You know, I told, I went down, my friend created a show called This is Not Happening. And before it was created, it was created in a, in the back of the improv, a thing called like the workspace, no outpaw, no nothing. And I went down there to tell a story about something.

And while I was down there, Mark Marin was telling a story about going to a concert. So right there, I had to call an audible and tell them the experience we had at the age of 15. in 1979 what we went to to get Pink Floyd tickets I want you to start from the beginning from the night before oh my god I can still I can still remember oh was it folk with the with the with the joint the joint or the ashes fell on his lap or with burning his shirt he's like putting himself out driving full speed down Boulevard and he's doing this not painted intention where he's going like, oh, we'll scream at her.

He hit it. I remember he hit a barrel. We first, we went out to like, I think you told me the night before. I was hit the pink floor and I had dark side of the move. When I met you, I had dark side of the move. And then my mom passed November 8th. And if you look at it, the wall came out November 29th. Yeah.

of 1979. And tickets went on sale closely right after that from the National Coliseum, which is obviously in February. And you told me the night before to get my money together, we're getting tickets, blah, blah, blah. And we had to play hooky. There was no, we cut out of school with you, myself, and LeBrano. And I don't know how we ended up with Joe folk. He was four years older than us.

Yeah. I don't know how we ended up with Joe folk. And first we went to the Paramus Mall to get tickets. And they didn't have them. And then we went to St. Peter's Prep. Yeah, that's where we got the tickets. So $15 and $50. Think about that.

Huh? Think about that. You think about that. $15. $15 and $50. And we got the tickets and we were like, it's tough for me that this you know

one of our friends lost their mom last week Glenn Conti you know yeah and I spoke with Keith God bless their mom and stop and it was weird because I didn't even have a chance to mourn as soon as I was getting ready and mourn my mother you guys started

playing the fucking wall and it was like a 60 day countdown to the wall yeah we did everything every night we put the wall on every night. Every party we went to the wall was on. I still remember going to parties and something

had Springsteen on. We take Springsteen off and put the fucking wall on. And it was, you know, Christmas, we didn't care. We were just waiting for the wall. It was our saving night. And we got tickets for opening night. Right? We got tickets for opening night. And I think in the process of that before the wall,

was the evening on the island. Yes, that was before it got really cold, yeah. What was, yeah, because the... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That was when it was really cold because we had a way to freeze off. I'm having a senior moment here. No, listen to me.

The lake freeze froze over in January. Yes. We went to see the wall in February. So that January was in Hudson County Park, this little island in the middle and there's water around it. What do you say? 30 yards of water around it.

About that. And we would wait until it freezes up and Anthony's older brother, I mean, your older brother would roll kegs on the ice. We'd have to walk across the island. You'd go to the island of insanity party.

A island of insanity party. Fucking Dana White thinks he's building an island. We didn't even build an island. We just went on it with nothing on there. With kegs of beer. And I remember that night, I froze my ass off. Like it was freezing.

And I had a quailout. And I ended up with chirpy and Fokoraccio at Wingfong's Chinese restaurant. The place that we used to run out of, dining dash out of all the time. And folk was so hammered that he fell asleep in the pork fried rice. And he was breathing. He was breathing the pork fried rice. into his nose. And when the Chinese guy woke him up,

he had like little drops of rice coming out of his nose, and me and Loops were howling. And then we ran out of there because you never paid at the wing fuck. No, that was the Berkshire. It used to be the last guy's got it, and the last guy was always the fastest one.

I never ran out of the birkshire because I like that fucking cream of turkey soup too much. Yeah. It always came with a hair in it or something like that. That was a hatched-placed potato sound. That's hash flour. because of potato salad. Got rest of it.

Exactly. The macaroni salad would always have a hair around one of the macaroni's. If you didn't get hair, you felt like you got beaten. You were unloved. Like you were unloved. If you didn't get a piece of hair in his sandwich,

people complain about a piece of hair now, you know. Yeah. But I still even told the story when we went to the concert. And there was one point, the concert's on YouTube, which is amazing to me. that some you know that right

that night that we went it's on YouTube and it's so weird that at one point like we still the concert was at 8 and I think me you and Loubs met like at 11 in the morning we got ready early and when we got there there was probably 50 kids from our neighborhood

at opening night easy we had like a whole I remember we had our trunks open at the Nassau Coliseum and we were out there freezing Gamio was yelling some shit about all there any queers in the theater tonight or some shit just yelling. Something like that, yeah.

We were laughing our asses off but the scene I remember vividly is in between take one and two when the balloons come up and Fokarachio was burning the balloons as they were landing and you and me were just sitting there we were kids man yeah and he was popping him with the lighter

he was popping him with the lighter we had like some girl behind us or in front of us and she's like sir sir why do you keep burning the balloons or something and he's like Satan doesn't like balloons and the chick just looked at us got up and never came back it was just a different time growing up

I don't know how many times we went to the That was an experience in and of itself, just the whole trip down there. It was like such an event, right? You know, when you think about it, that we used to get together early, right? We'd get together early and we'd party and everything, and then we'd walk up to Kennedy Boulevard and catch the bus. And you catch the bus, say, at the top of 46th Street. If you came over to the shed and everything, we'd walk up 46th Street Hill. You'd catch the bus there.

And on the bus already would be friends of ours from different parts. town. That'd be the pack from up in the 70s, packed down by 50s and 60s, the projects. We'd get on. There'd be more people down a little bit further, and then you'd head into Port Authority. Once you got off, the walk down

8th Avenue was another trip. It was a whole big procession until you got there. So it was just such an experience. We were Stephen, we were 15. Yeah. So many things.

could have happened to us and we would walk around like we ran that fucking city we didn't give a fuck no we were 15 years old i still remember going to see ted with you with ac bc yeah august 4 79 how many of us were at that concert from north berg are they were telling us we were the longitics in orchestra that were throwing the chairs in the air you remember that Do you remember that giant pile of chairs? That whole section of orchestra just started throwing chairs in the air, or Ted's encore. I used to remember going to see the new barbarians with a bunch of North Bergen people.

Yeah, I don't think I was with you that night, but I was... No, I wasn't with you. I was with Mike Denny, the devil. Yeah, Mike Denny was, yeah. That's a good name. Mike Denny, the devil. He's doing time now. Really? Yeah, God bless and so. But just that experience that we had and brought into New York City, whatever we wanted to.

Yeah. Our parents had no idea. We could tell them we were going up the corner and we could be in the city within, you know, 10 minutes. And what connected you and me was our love for music. We went to every fucking concert, you know. How many times did you go to the Palladium as a kid? Palladium? Palladium more than the Capitol Theater because you had to drive to get to the Capitol Theater. Yeah, the Palladium a lot. I didn't see a lot of people to Capitol Theater.

I only saw like missing persons later on with Ferney at the and I went to see I was telling the story about Eat and Quay Ludes of Fernie and Roger and going to see Pat Bennett's R. We got so high that the Husha thought we were handicapped

and they put us in the handicapped section. Oh, God. And we just sat there like, fuck it, right with it. They better ticket than we had. What song are you working on today, my brother? Ah, God, I haven't even thought about it. I have a couple that I was playing around with. One was Harder the Matter by Henley.

What was the other one? What was the other one I was mokying around with? I was mokying around with, It's a song by STP. Interstate love song. You know? It's a letter to. Yeah.

So I have a couple of different things I've been playing. Like I know most of these songs, I relearn them because I've forgotten half of them. So I relearn them and when I feel like, you know, I feel like I have the time to sit down like I have this week. I'll sit down and I'll record it and throw it out there. And if people like it, they like it. They don't.

It's okay. I don't care. It's amazing the directions our lives took. I mean, your love for music is still evident. You still have a band of past masters. You play all over the Tri-State Africa. And I still sit here in shock and I ended up a comedian. I mean, I can't believe it.

You know? What's that? You were always funny. I think I was more of a trickster as a kid. You know, we always had, when we got on the bus, I mean, we had to walk those hills. A couple years ago, you had some type of surgery. I remember saying to you that you're going to be fine

because we walked those hills. Yeah. You know, I look at those hills now in a car and I get scared. We used to walk up those hills backwards, drinking, talking, laughing, giggling like nothing. It would take us three hours to walk up 46th Street Hill now. Yeah, those hills are big, they're long, they're steep. Maybe you run up them, ride the bike up them?

Yeah, yeah. I mean, we walked up that hill on average of three times a day. You think about that. Yeah. The morning to go to school and then at night. Sometimes we didn't want to use the bus. We cut through a goddamn cemetery. Yes.

Who cut through a cemetery? And the reason why I was scared of your area, 46thew, was because they told me that that hill, when it would rain, it would wash up the cemetery and the caskets would flow down. Is that true? He first moved into that house when he was a kid that the cemetery had washed up the bottom of the hill and then a casket.

They had to come down there and fucking clean a casket up. Then I come out. So I always was spooked by 46th Street Hill. There was that and it was the one like by Larry McNeil's house. That was the scary one. Flower Hill, we used to walk through that all the time. I did the shit now one night. It was freezing.

I couldn't take it. And the guy was like buried in 1891. I'm like, fuck, he's got no relatives. You know, the guy was old, you know. It was freezing. I couldn't take it. You remember you'd walk through there and you'd see like the candles and the decapitated like chicken heads.

Oh, yeah. They did some dirty stuff in there at night. That was real in that night. I got chased one night by some guys wearing like black cloaks in there. And I just got brought in because you came out on 51st Street. There was a whole defense. Yeah. Wasn't that something like a whole.

You came out of Meta View Avenue. Right, right now. Meta View Avenue. The villa was quite the childhood we had, man. Too bad. It's all over now. You know what? You got memories, my friends.

memories that's all I live on that's all I live on it I mean we have each other's backs yeah it's a different world to that you know can you imagine if they would have tried to tell us to stay in in 1980 you know I had the same conversation with Johnny Rago the other day and he says he goes he says to me goes those he goes he goes I'll be honest with he goes he goes this thing scares me he goes and I was joking about it he goes but I've become the person that I've made fun of my entire life You know, and it's funny, I said, you know, you're right, man.

I said, we would have, you know, we would have basically just called you a pussy. What's wrong with you? It's the wrong with you. Right? Do you think we would have been in the shed? Yes. We would have not adhered to this. We may have paid a price.

Who knows. Who knows what would have happened. But, yeah, we would have. I understand. I understand people doing the things they do. I don't necessarily agree with it. But it's. I mean, my thing was, I was going to go home and shoot and go watch you play on the 14th on Saturday in Guttemberg of March.

And I just saw the whole framework. And like every day, the news got worse after that Monday. It did. It was like, it was quick. And I hear now that New Jersey is a hotbed, you know, Governor Murphy is only going to open up a part of the state. And I'm like, if they think that these lib tards in California are crazy when they open up the beach, what are you going to do down in Seaside? Memorial Day weekend.

How are you going to keep those animals? Can you imagine them telling us in 1982 don't come down the shore? Never would have. Never would have flown. No, we would have been arrested. We would, yeah. It would have been a different fucking world. We wouldn't have cared.

But we also were kids that were. We used to be an ounce. Yeah. I don't think it would have been as, as, as, um, hyped up as it is today. Well, the media was nowhere. We had a second media. The news was on, what, twice a day? Yeah.

Maybe three times. I guess it was on the afternoon, too, when we were at school, like lunchtime or something. And they told you dick. Yeah. They didn't tell you shit. You know, it's not like now that they're reaching for news, you know. They didn't tell you dick. There's three hours of news on it.

They don't tell you a dick. At the last 10 minutes, they show you the blind boy that can play the drums. I can try to, you know, save the day. But it's too late. You're already shit in my mouth. You know what I'm saying? Now you want to give me a fucking lollipop. It's too late.

You know, Bill, old school. What do you want from me? You know, I got a curse to my dog. Not the ball. I love you, brother. My brother, it's been a real pleasure. I'm happy you took the time because I wanted to introduce the world

the friends that made me who I am today. And you're one of those guys. You know what I was thinking about the other day? I was talking to James. And we were talking about that year when we started eating stuff. You remember people went on an eating spree and there was a party for Halloween at the high school

and somebody look at you you're going to hold your face you know what I'm talking about I know exactly what you're talking about you're going to piss off the Peter people you got to piss off what Peter people

I don't know who it was he took a garbage can and he tied live mice to the tails of the garbage to the mite you know who it was no name No names. There was a few of them. Did you eat a mouse?

No, it wasn't me. It was, I was still a junior. There was the senior masquerade party. You're absolutely right. There were people that went as garbage, and they had live mice hanging from the garbage can. And they started biting the mice, and people started crying and vomiting.

But I still remember somebody biting the mouse and the tail, just sticking out of the guy's mouth while he was I think it was Mike Ronnie I had the tail Oh my God You know You can't write this

I was trying to think You can't make this stuff up You can't make this stuff up You can't I was trying to think about Who lived a couple blocks up A couple doors up From Ron Berkel

There was somebody that we hung out with From time to time A couple doors up He was a football player Who's the guy that ate the dog shit that day that we were hanging around. Remember when we were kids, we always pass the hat around for everything?

We would always, we would always pass a hat around. You want to get beers, pass a hat around, put $3 in there, put $2 in there. And I remember one day we played Hockey and we went to his house and his father was a cop and he took the gun down and he started

train rushing roulette. I can't remember his name. And then his mother had like a little yard and she had like a French poodle and the dog used to take little shit since the mom would never clean up the backyard so one day we're out there

like eight of us were freezing we're passing a joint around and out of nowhere he goes how much would you give me the piece of shit and we passed the hat around we passed that hat around what was that kid I can't remember I can't remember the name

but I know who you're talking about because we went on an eating street like people were trying to do it you know yeah you were trying to out to each other right was it yeah you were trying to out do each other and it was that whole thing like if you think about it you had you had Aussie and zappa and you had people who were trying to gross each other out and won up each other all the time uh so you know we decided to do it too which was you know what we're thinking but yeah you know there was my there was snakes, there was...

Oh, that's right, we go to the cemetery and knock the tombstones over. And there was little snakes that live under the tombstones. And I still remember bringing the snake the fucking Nick's pizza parlor. And I put the snakes on the counter, and he home was shit, poor Nick. Oh, Nick, we used to terrorize him. Nick had his own. Nick was a cool dude, but yeah. Nick was one of the best pizza. guys we ever had.

He would put in Sicilian pie by the window and all the flies would land on it. It was like a takeoff. It was like a little airport. For the flies, he used to call your Ayatollah Khomeini. He used to call me Khomey. I shaved my head and I tried to grow a deer.

It was this scraggly, disgusting looking thing with no head. I had no head. He was like, Comani. And he used to call me Belushi. Because I fucked up once in this pizza parlor and I threw pepper out of and he banned me for like 30 days

and he forgave me. But we, then I got him high on weed one night and he had to close up the shop. That must have been funny. We came out to the car and he's like, well, you're smoking? So we just gave him like a hit of weed. We came back in now and we were eating

and the pizza bar. It was closed. We asked him the next day, Nick, what happened to you? And he's like, that stuff was good stuff because he had that Greek accent. Yeah, good stuff. you had to go home you had to go home

oh bill oh it's a pleasure to have you on my friend it's a pleasure to be here man I like this Zoom I'm starting to like it now if I could see my old friends and talk with them this will work put you on the podcast talk some shit let them know before you guys go

can you explain more about the throwing the chairs at the concert you kind of just glossed over were you throwing it at the band what would you throw in the chairs in it No, it was just, you know, everybody, like Ted Nugent, it was an unbelievable show where we were sitting, Bon Scott ran through the Angus on his shoulders. And his shoulders and ran right past us. We were in the front orchestra section, front right orchestra section, if you're looking at the stage.

And so Ted comes out, plays a great show, comes out again for an encore, you know, know and play stranglehold and then go you know does cat scratch fever and you know everybody's going crazy nobody's leaving no the lights are up nobody's leaving everybody's ted ted he comes out again he plays a song by chuckberry called carol so he starts that song off and with that somebody wasn't one of us I don't claim to start this thing somebody throws a chair in the air that's all it had to be done next thing you know all the lunatics that we're with just start winging chairs and it just Throwing them in the air.

Oh, yeah. And not an A. Just throwing them up in the air. You see these chairs flying. And next thing you know, everybody is all-section. It's throwing chairs and people are getting out of the way. There's this huge pile of chairs with a sea of people around there. It was just you just saw things flying in the air.

And there was nothing that security could do about it. Not a thing. If I go back to the craziest concert, that had to be the one. Because I still remember getting on the bus. and people had ghetto blasters playing highway to hell on the bus people would just go over there

to hang out even if they didn't get tickets because there were so many scalpers in those days you got tickets to 10 bucks eight bucks 15 bucks you know

so but I still remember like just being excited do you remember going to see Ted out in the Middlelands hell yeah yeah I walked home after Arrow

Harris was terrible terrible it was too fucking hot and I still remember walking on Route 3 and you could get dead fucking wailing out there but it was just amazing how we were always safe yeah in all those concerts because there was so many of us from our own town yeah like I still remember seen AC DC at the Palladium and we were all in one section that had a be 40 of us on one section we just took the section old me you know it's hard to tell people but it was true yeah I still remember going to see Ozzie with Deity and him getting into a fist fight because some guy was drunk and trying to dry hump his leg and shit at some constant

deed just alone on the guy you know you know we just it was a very unique childhood that we had and I want people to see how lucky we were in a way these my daughter is never gonna have after fun that we had grown up I'm sure your daughters do you tell her about these things or you know it never comes up you know I don't bring it up what what stays in a pet what's in the past stays in the past I'll talk with you about this stuff I get together like we were I was on a podcast I was on a Zoom with Higgins and Wheeler and and Sharples the other night and we wound up talking about some of this wacky stuff that we did and um it's just it's just it's

It's, I don't think people who weren't there don't truly appreciate it. I don't think. You know, you had to be there. It was so, we had so much freedom, you know, to do what, almost whatever we wanted. And the thing was, you know, you went to school, you did what, you know, you did what you had to do, you know, we went to school, did my school work. I played sports. I was an athlete.

When I was on the field. I was there 100%. And when you were out with your friends, you were there with them, 100%. 100%. Everything you did, you did 100%. It was just, I don't know, it was a great time. You know, I wrote the story out for the...

I'm doing an audio book and I... It's funny when I write the stories out and then I read them and I don't believe in myself. I have to call you or Didi or lube's and just get confirmation. Like I have to call a Devo sometimes. Like, hey, I have to call James.

And I really got to get confirmation that this happened. You know, because sometimes it just feels like I was talking to the event about the Halloween party that year. And we dressed up like ghosts or I don't know what the fuck we dressed up. We, you know what we went is. Yes. we're not going to mention it no we're not going to mention it there was a reason why we went because

a chari's nickname but uh... Paula Charlott's me think if I remember but yeah that was a crazy party up in Gamio's attic yes garage

and I think me and Loubs had done some mescaline that's what we called in those days yes the micro not mescaline and the clock was moving fast but I was telling you I'm I still remember there was a hole the middle of the ground yeah the attic with a ladder to it and your goal was to talk to

somebody and back them up so they could fall through the hole you know you look at that people fell through the hole because they weren't paying attention but then you had people like folk and John Garrity and I think Kevin Valentine they were diving down had first. I just too remember folk would dress up like the devil and he dove down

and he came up and his horns were bent. Yes. I just, until the day, I just could not, you know, I still remember getting on a bus with you guys. Our job was to torment the number one bus driver. Like, I became a comedian

on the number one bus. Like that's where I learned to become a comedian. Because when you got on the bus in the morning, the bus came from Jersey City. And it was filled with heroin addicts that would get methadone. A lot of people don't remember that stuff. No, I don't remember. I used to go, I used to be in the CIA work study program. So my first class was at 7.30.

So I would leave fucking 38th Street at 7 a.m. And they would just open up that methadone clinic. So I would have to ride the bus with a bunch of junkies nodding, and I started waking it up my fart. That was my thing, was just the fart, and to blow the air on the junkies. Bad fart. Oh, my God.

Oh. Oh. I could say, sophomore year. Sophomore year, we're coming back from Bricktown after playing. The bus broke down. They had to send another bus to get us. We wind up playing the game, and they were coming back, and it's super late.

And we had cheerleaders on the bus with us and everything like that. And it's cold out, next thing you know, people are opening the windows. And gasping for air, it was you. It was you. You're sitting in the back laughing like a hyena. Everybody else is screaming trying to get the windows down. They're all stuck. That's what one of the coaches said he's changing flavors because I fought it.

What happened was I was eating steakums, and they got. stuck in my system I hadn't shit for like two weeks so I went on that bus I didn't tell nobody like I had this gastric problem and I blew a fart I still remember Laurie Rosa was a name one of those Rosa girls marine after the second dose of farts the cheerleader was crying and I'll never forget laughing my ass off like till this day people like who was farting and they were blame they were blamens like immediately I blame somebody else. Did you blame Conti?

You might blame Glenn. I blame somebody else. Let's beat him up. You did. You did. I think you blamed Blent. I think he did. And they start yelling at him and you're laughing.

I know it's you. I know it's you. And people would scream and try to get... Oh my God. It was... It was classic fucking Diaz. Steve and Billo, I love you. I love you too, brother.

Thank you for taking the time, man. And if you want to check out, you have a Facebook page for the Pastmasters? Yeah. I don't know when touring's going to resume. We're all stuck. It's our website's TPMRox.com, and we're also on Facebook. Just look for the Past Masters. All right, brother.

I love you. Thank you for doing this for me. My pleasure. Have a great week. Give the girls a kiss. You too, do the same. Do the same. You got it, brother.

Kiss late. Take care, buddy. Thank you, Steve. So long, guys. All right, all right, all right. Listen, the sound of it was, in the beginning was a little fucked up. But you guys got the hint how we grew up a little bit. I mean, Steve wasn't a part of my criminal past, nothing like this.

We were just young kids exploring, like he said, we went to a bunch of concerts. and his shed really. I mean, I had dark side of the moon, but he introduced me to animals. He introduced me to wish you were here. He introduced, him and his family introduced me to so much fucking music. It was just pathetic.

I'm happy you got to hear the Ted Nugent's story and we threw the chairs up in the end. I wasn't sitting with them. I was sitting on the side with this chick named Chris Morgan who was a dear friend of mine. And I still remember throwing. only three or four chairs. You know, we got stories for days,

and I'm going to keep bringing them to you. It's so funny. He was saying that things get bad. He's thinking of selling his underwear. I go, what are you going to say your underwear to? Women? Like chubby women? He goes, nah, guys.

I go, guys. Oh, my God. That's a brilliant fucking idea. Hey, they have a go to Reddit.com. They got tons of people doing it. Go Reddit. No, no, go Reddit. com.

Reddit. And you just search men and dunder with it. Like, obviously, women's underwear goes for a lot more because the creepy guys like us buying it. But I saw people selling it for, like, 30 to 50 bucks a pair. Let me tell you something. I'll take my fucking little uncircumcised dick. I'll bang out two jerkalls.

I'll take the sperm wall, but I'll rub it on the helmet. To mix it up with the pee, it's like a sperm martini door bag. I'll sell you my underwear. It's not me undies. Classic tidy whiteies with a little skid mark just to take you back. I'll decorate it for you. I even fart in there and leave it. It'll look like a fucking got shot.

One of those guns from the 14-100. A shotguns? No, the other ones, the ones that spray like. Oh, a musket. It looks like it's got shot with a musket. I'll sell you as I'm a while 2,000. You know me. I got no fucking shame.

Yes, I do. I can't sell men. I don't do way the men that's torturing. I'm a little young guy. I'm mel in my dick. How would I sleep at night? I'm a Catholic. You know what I'm saying?

I can't put up with that shit. You don't care about that. Don't know about the Benjamin's. They fuck that. No, I can't. There's a lot of shit I can't do guys that I just wouldn't do. I just can't do against who I am and who I belong, you know. It's a cameo's nice, but I can't sell you a video of me yelling at you.

If I want to make a video me yelling at you, trust me. I'll yell at you eventually if you like today. Leave it a fucking that. Listen, I hope you enjoy these. We're going to do my friend Dennis Glangelo on Wednesday. Next week, we're doing a two-parter with the man who knows me better than anybody. This guy is my longest-lasting. He's seen me at my worst, and he's seen me at my best.

I'm going to give you a couple weeks of these just to let you know what the fuck has happened. So when the book, the audio book gets released, you guys are on it. You guys know that fucking these are bona fide. and I want you to see what the state of mind was. But the state of mind this week, motherfuckers, is gambling. It's back. We ain't fucking around here at my bookie. UFC 249.

Ferguson Gagey. Tremendous. Ferguson's a fucking killer. But you know what? You don't mean, don't sleep on fucking Gagey, because he's a fucking savage too. And they got a bunch of other great fucking fights on that card.

The card don't stop. Then you got two more fights White nights. Wednesday to 13th, you got Smith against Texera, and then Saturday the 16th, you got Overeem against Harris. So I'm giving you three fucking ways to make Guitors. Plus, they still got the casino open with a live fucking dealer and fucking firing is not breathing,

not in your neck. You're playing cards with other fucking people. Okay, that's what my bookie does to you. They're going to have side bets for you. For this UFC fight, what do you think is just going to be? They're going to have an over and under, submissions, knockouts, they got everything but a fucking ham sandwich, Bisk. And if that's not enough, this is what I'm going to do for you.

This Saturday for the church family, my bookie's giving out risk-free bet up to $49. That's right, risk-free. If you're already missing out enough action as it is. So my bookie wanted you to give you a little something extra for being a part of this show. Is that cool or not? I take care of you fucking savages. So do me a favor.

head over to my bookie.ag. You're going to bet anyway. Head over to my bookie.orgie slash Joey and make some fucking bets. What's so hard about that? You'll be supporting the church. You'll be supporting yourself. Plus you put a little chingling in your fucking pocket. And you're doing good work and keeping your ass at fucking home, which is what matters. All right? Before these people start walking around with missing eyebrows going down to the beach with Confederate flags.

Anyway, head over to my bookie. They're going to give you a 50% of your initial deposit and bonus funds. That means if you deposit a G-note, a thousand, they're going to give you an extra 500 just like that. More money in your pocket to play with and more opportunity to win with. Open your browser and punch in my bookie. Dot A.G and get ready to make some money, all right? Who's better than you?

You got Ferguson Gagie. You want to pick. I ain't got dick for you. But what I tell you I will do is everybody's going to be trying to, let me just give you one hint. Everybody's going to be trying to figure out play Johnny Houdini. Now, again, you see any of the fortune tellers open in Hollywood anymore? Fuck no. If they didn't see the fucking Chinese people coming with Hune, they're not going to see who's going to tell you the winner of Ferguson.

So why play Houdini? Find the weakest fight on the card and bet that and win money. It's like making a bet and going to bed and waking up with an envelope. next door to you. It's like the fucking fairy tale godmother came to. You understand me? So Ferguson engaged you, the fight you're going to watch. But I want you to look at the undercard. There's always a fucking hidden gemming those undercards. Wait for the fucking Wayans. Take a look at the disposition of the fights. See if there's a fight there who's maybe nervous because the coronavirus is going around and make a decision from that. We're going to make some money this

weekend. We've got to make some fucking money this weekend. So go to my bookie, AG slash Joey. You're right and take my advice. Don't be a fucking govone. Take an over and under pick a fucking guy and sit back and pick up a little dough and build your bank row because I got more coming for you. Also, the church would love to introduce to you Magic Spoon. Let me tell you something. I'm happy Magic Spoon sponsoring the show because they're making, they're making breakfast fun again. Remembering breakfast used to be fucking great. You fucking didn't even pee. You just ran downstairs and took the cereal off and you have like three different selections to pick from, you know, and you pour them down and you ate and you talk with your

brother or your grandmother. What happened to those days? We know what happened? They killed the cereal with sugar. You give a kid a bowl of cereal. You might as well give them a hit of meth. They got no nutritional value. They got nothing. That all changed. Magic spoon. Magic spoon is making breakfast feel like it's fucking the fourth of July. It's like Christmas morning. They got flavor, they got crunch of a kid's cereal, but it's healthy for adults. You like Joey, how can this be? How?

Zero grams of sugar. Dean Del Rey's doing backflips while we speak. Not only that, we got three net grams of carbs and eat serving. And you get better, anybody for this one? 12 grams of protein, gluten-free, and who needs a prize when you have all that in a box? Nobody. and it tastes too good to be true. So whatever you're craving, they got all four flavors

based on all-time classics. Coco, fruity, frosted, and blueberry, plus a variety pack that lets you try all flavors. It's like a walk-down fucking memory lane. Remember you a kid? That's all this is about. You're sick of fucking opio. You've been eating oatmeal like you were in prison for the last six weeks.

And how many fucking eggs can you eat before you die? Right now, magic spoon, gluten-free. My favorite flavor, let me tell you some. It's the chocolate, the cocoa, and the birthday cake. Let me tell you how funny it was. When they sent me the four boxes, I went on the website to see the flavors just to investigate them and read up everything and make sure there was no by the way for you guys.

And I fell in love with it. I was just waiting to taste it. And they're tremendous. I'm from 11 grams of fucking protein. I had a bowl just born it. And then I checked it up against another leading competitor on cereal. My daughter eats a cereal, and I checked the numbers on weight watches with what's in fucking cereal today. You had a blow up.

This is the way to go if you're an adult. This is the way to go if you're on a diet. This is the way to go of your diabetic. This is the way if you're gluten-free. Magic spoon. So right now, go to magic spoon.com slash church, grab a variety pack and try it. Be sure to press in code church. C-H-U-R-C-H, and they're going to throw in the free shipping, all right.

And MagicSpoon is so confident in their product. It's backed with 100% happiness guarantee. Happy and peppy and bursting with love, dangling and singing and dancing above. So if you don't like it for any reason, don't refund your Getus. No questions asked. That's magic spoon.com slash church. use promo code church for free shipping.

I want to thank Magic Spoon. I want to thank my bookie, but most importantly, I want to thank Stephen Villo, and I want to thank you guys for having my back and for knowing that we're here. We're here. I don't know how you're feeling. I don't know how you're making out this week,

but for one hour, I tried to make you feel a lot fucking better, right? And that's all that counts. You know, I love you, motherfuckers. You know, I got your back, and I got the same motherfucking problems you got. Look at my head. I look like however's gone wild. You know what I'm saying?

Look at my fucking eyebrows. I can fucking pet a fucking eyebrow and get it off. You know what I'm saying? People were trying. Stay in. Enjoy your families. Love your families.

Look at my hometown of North Bergen. Number two in the fucking state of New Jersey. And number three is Union City. Number one is Lakewood. They got those fucking acidic Jews. Those bastards, no offense. You know, I love you. But those bastards should be shot and hung.

They don't, They don't fucking dry clean their black suit, and then they don't take showers. It's like killing a skunk and taking a skunk belt off and putting it on top of you if you're a skunk to keep warm. It's like double trouble. They're like double skunks. They're fucking a seed juice, and I love them. You know, I love them. I want no harm intended to fucking the city of Jews.

I love them. But we've got to control the flow, but most importantly, you got to keep on your game and keep slinging dick in your mind. Let me tell you something. When this started, I was down. You guys felt it in my voice. Listen to me now. I don't give a fuck. I got a plan.

I know exactly how I'm going to execute it. And we got shit going on. That's all that means. Whether you're broke, whatever, get a plan going. You know what? I don't know when this is going to end. But when it does end, you're going to be right there with your dick out

and somebody's going to be down off walls with that mouth open. That's just the way things work out sometimes. I love you, motherfucker. I want to give a shout out the magic spoon. And I want to give out. Shout out to MyBooky, Gay-G Ferguson, bitch. Saturday. I'll see you guys Wednesday morning.

Tip-top Magoo. Don't miss a beat. Same bat time. Same bat channel. Kick this fucking mealy.