The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #784 - Childhood Memories with Dennis Colangelo

Episode Date: May 6, 2020

Joey Diaz and Lee talk about life and Joey tells a great story about his daughter persevering. Joey sits down with lifelong friend, Dennis Colangelo, to talk about school was like for them, the mischief they got into, and much more that can't be written here.  This podcast is brought to you by: Blue Chew - Go to BlueChew.com/church and get your first shipment for FREE! Pay only $5 for shipping.   Stamps.com -  Use code JOEY for a 4 week trial which includes postage and a digital scale. Go to Stamps.com, click on the Radio Microphone at the top of the homepage and type in church. Express VPN - Get 3 months free at www.expressvpn.com/church  

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Kick this motherfucker mule. Oh shit. It don't start fucking tell you right. This is the year of the fucking soldier. We're going in like fucking Marines. You understand? Welcome to church, motherfucker. Oh shit.

It's 6-Day Mayo, as we say in Mexico. These bad motherfuckers. Uncle Joey here. Fucking saying hello, what's going on? Checking in with you. It was a boring sink of the Mayo. I didn't see no Mexicans getting pulled over. Nothing.

What a fucking boring sink on a Mayo. I thought the Mexicans were going to say, fuck the coronavirus. We're going fucking crazy here. No, no, no, no. Mexicans won the control yesterday, which is good. Who gives a fuck? It's okay. You had a margarine at home.

You kicked the dog, the chihuahua, because, you know, nine and ten of them got chihuahuas. Or Paula had a pug because she's like an extreme Mexican, you know, just in case you got to eat the fucking thing. It's less cutting, but the whole thing. Anyway, who wants to get into that? Happy single admire of your Mexican. I'm sorry that you're fucking. fucking missed it this year. Because Mexicans don't give a fuck.

They do Cinco de Mario. It's like 420. Oh, they had fun. They just were inside. I do 420 every fucking day. You know what I'm saying? I don't need to celebrate 420. Mexicans live hard every day. George Perez, they'll bump into three margaritas on the way to get eggs. You know what I'm saying? That's just the way things are.

White people. They love Cinco de Mario. Oh, my God. It's just a fucking great dick. Go fuck yourself. That's good. You're in the house, minding your business. There's little chicks that pussies are drying up.

Even whores are having a bad time right now. It's bad to be a whore or a burglar. It's just bad. Things are bad. It ain't that bad. Uncle Joey's here, cock, sucker. Without the face mask. You know what?

Let me tell you something. I watch Ryan Sickler's fucking podcast today with the face mask. I'm happy I don't have to worry no more that we're doing the Zoom. Because I'll tell you what, just looking at the face mask. What you're looking at to get entertained, you're reminded. Because this fucking guy's got a face mask come. But anyway, talk this cheap, bitches. Let's spark up a little number here

Get the party started A little triple extra Urban fucking trees In Studio City It's like 30% killing motherfuckers Two days ago me and Lee ate I tell you I'm not even getting any on the edibles no more It's amazing to me

It's a shame Me and Lee saw me I dropped 300 right in front of them I went home and nothing happened I didn't drop another 100 and I felt guilty Why You feel guilty for eating edibles now You mean that many animals

Yeah, it's just, it's not, they're not working no more. I've got to go to extreme measures. It's just like I've been doing, just fucking winging it. I've been winging it lately. I won, I didn't do edibles for like 10 fucking days. After I had my little fucking breakdown, I didn't have edibles, and then the last couple days, let me get a slip a tube here. They don't do nothing no more.

It's over. The quarantine killed my tolerance. You know what I'm saying? I'm moving on to bigger and better things. I got to go deep, deep, deeper. I'm in right now negotiations and bring some heroin over from the Golden Triangle

as we speak some pure number two White Potomar called me back You know what I'm saying? She had COVID-19 She was fucked up there for a while too You know Chinese people suffering too It's not just us White Potter Barber

Speaking of getting fucked up though I haven't been able I haven't seen it yet But I heard that Duncan's show With you is amazing It's the best show You gotta take drugs If you don't take drugs

Don't watch that fucking show If you don't smoke weed or you're silly or something, don't watch that show because my wife tried to watch the show almost had a heart of time. And I'm right there in the beginning, opening episode. Weed, weed, weed, weed, yelling, yeah, Duncan did a great job. I'm very proud of Duncan. Netflix doesn't, I guarantee Netflix put a second order in, but that's the mind of Duncan Trousel.

That takes time. That's not going to come up like the, you think he shoot a special over 11 months. Good luck. That takes time. So Duncan did a great job. very proud that he fucking contacted me to go in there and do some of the voices and help me out a little bit and watch it. What's the name of it again?

Let me put it. It's like something midnight special? Midnight, midnight, midnight something. Fuck. This shit's fucking killing my memory. Anyway, been having a great time lately. Listen, I told you guys, I know a lot of you guys are having a hard times financially. The Midnight Gospel, sorry.

Midnight Gospel, mentally, spiritually. We're halfway there. We're not the same people we were seven fucking weeks ago. That's for damn sure. And I know your mind's been drooling or thinking of different things to do or different opportunities or what you're going to do with your life. Or if you even want to be in that career anymore, trust me. I'm going through the same possibility.

You know, you just sit at home. You know, the idle mind is a devil's workshop. So I understand what you're going to. But listen, you've been through the toughest spot right now. You've been through the beginning of it. So don't worry about it. You've already known what it is to go to bed hungry. You know.

You know what you're. went through all of this. So now you know where you stand. This has made you tougher. You're not the same person you were going into this that you are now. You're a different person. Now do I know? Because I'm a different person who I was seven weeks ago. My thinking now I looked at the simpler things. You know, some chick at the fucking park. I went bike riding and I know some chick and I went to pull the bike off and walk. And she goes, you know, what I do to have a pool and I was thinking about last week how me and my daughter and my wife. had a blast with a hose in the front of the house.

We giggled like fucking assholes. I wasn't even high. I'm giggling because I'm tickling my daughter. I'm tickling my wife. With a hose like a fucking broke Puerto Rican. It's the simpler things that times like this makes you appreciate. You know, it's not the fucking swimming pool. It's not nothing.

This is making you go back to be creative with yourself. You're sick of Netflix. If you're a normal human being right now, you've already seen every documentary on Netflix. You watch Joe the Tiger two times to make sure the story was right. You watch everything in Chinese, French. You're sick of HBO.

You're sick of things. Because now you have to be with yourself. Now you have to be with yourself. So the only thing you can do is put your thoughts on paper because thoughts are going in and out of your fucking mind at the speed of goddamn light. Is that, like, what kind of thing? thoughts are you having? Just thoughts on what you want to do with your life. This has to,

this has to wake some people up. Some people have looked at this and said, I'm broke. I got nothing coming in. This is never going to happen to me like this again. I'm in a hospital, you know, I've been in here for five fucking days. I almost died. This is never happening to me again. You know, carelessness, not thinking things out. All these things are going to come to light during this period. That's why I'm happy I don't wear the face mask anymore because when you watch me, at least if I say, as soon as you see me with the face mask, you're like, uh, he's got a face mask on. The reason why I'm watching him is so I'll have to see a fucking motherfucker with a face mask on. So now I feel better than I'm doing all these Zoom podcasts. They're all

part of what do I call them? I don't know stories from my childhood. You know, I got a guy coming on today, Dennis Colangelo, dear friend of mine. I got my brother doing two episodes. I got one of my criminal buddies calling in. I'm going to get, I'm going to get, I I got one of my bookmaking buddies from when I was six and seven and eight that I used to run numbers with. It's going to call in to tell you some fucking stories. Yeah, I'm doing it this way, so I hope you like what I'm doing now. I know a lot of you people want laughter or a real guest. Good luck.

Try to get one. You can't even get your girlfriend to come over to suck your dick. Can you imagine trying to get a guest in these fucking times? I call people to hang up on me because it thinks like I'm going to ask them. I'm just trying to check in with you. So I stop calling people. Really? Yeah, because they all think you call them for a podcast.

That's crazy. I would have think, like, it's a creative thing. I would have thought people would have been more... Listen, you know what? It's not creative to die. That's true. Okay, so when they're telling you something that you're going to die, a lot of people don't want to come in a little space,

and I don't blame them. I wouldn't come into this fucking space. So we had to get creative. You know, we have to change with the times, and this is what it is. Either I could get stuck here, you or sit in here with a mask, You know what it's like to do a fuck? I would go home and my fucking tongue was brown like a fucking monkey.

You would go to the zoo from fucking talking with a face mask on. So forget all that shit. That shit's done with. So what I'm trying to say is with different people, we've accepted it. You know, I don't know if you got a check. If you didn't get a check, you know, some people got it. We don't know what's going on. Nobody knows what's going on.

The only thing we know is that we're here to have a fucking good time, smoke a little reef and forget about who the fuck we are for an hour. That's all I can tell you. And I'm learning shit along the way. I mean, listen, man, in seven or eight weeks, my daughter learned how to ride a bike. Yesterday, she fell twice, not once, but twice. And I loved it.

Was she going too fast? One time she was running with the bike, and she went to jump on, and she just fell on top of it. Cut a little leg open, no big deal. I toughened her up. When she got up and got back on the bike, I applauded her. And then she was going around the fucking park,

the long way, and she took a dive. And a little girl came over. and said, your daughter fell. So I ran over there with my wife. I almost had a heart attack with the face mask on. She was bleeding from her knee and her elbow. Bro, I got her up. She limped over to the fucking thing.

And after 10 minutes, she got back on the fucking bike. I didn't say nothing to her. We got home and, you know, we work on the star merit system. So she needed 20 stars to stay up until 10. So she was at like 17. She was supposed to hit the mitts yesterday for three, but I didn't have time yesterday.

We were running around so much. So when she got off the bike and she fell and then she got back on again, that's something my daughter doesn't do. Once my daughter, she's got a problem that I had. Once you're bad at something, she won't try to conquer it. But she was just going to stay there.

She was going to stand there like one of Jerry's kids and she was going to tolerate that. So she got back on the bicycle. I didn't say nothing until we got home. And I gave her like five minutes that my wife cleaned her up. up the blood and she thought you know it's amazing the mind of children I came on I said mercy Diaz and she looked at me and then you could see she was about to have a breakdown because she

thought she had fucked up I go I smell something in the air because that's how I say it that either I smell a star or I smell a fart you know what I'm saying so I smell something you smell that she goes a star I go three stars and she went nuts she goes ah she came up she hugged me she goes you scared me for a minute, Dad, I go three stars. You got back on your bicycle today. You're a fucking savage. I didn't say, fucking. I just called her a savage and stuff.

Her face was red. She was high-fiving her mother and shit. She was walking around like a fucking savage. Like, let me do something. So I hung out with her last night. I let her step till 10. Oh, snap. And then I went to check on at like 10.20.

And she looked me straight in her face. She goes, Dad, I made it to 1020. How's that thing? I'm like, you little dirty bitch, you always get me. Anyway, this is a childhood friend of mine. This guy, the guys I'm putting on here the next couple weeks are going to be guys that did for me, did something for me that a lot of people don't do for people. They were there for me and my mother died. I hope you enjoyed Steve Avillo.

Steve Villo came to my mother's wake. Steve Villo came to my mother's mass. I don't know if he came to the cemetery. I don't think I let a lot of people go. They want my friends to see me in bad shape. Stevea Villas' mother, if I could ask me if I wanted to live with them. So I hope you enjoyed Steve A Villo. He's still, to this day, a dear friend of mine.

We speak every week. We laugh our asses off. And I'm opening you up to these people so you can see what my life was about and why I got my influences from. I hope you enjoyed Dennis Colangelo today. Take a look. Hit it, Lee. You look shaving.

You look beautiful. It's a beautiful day in New Jersey, I heard. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. Soon we'll be getting hit with that fucking August humidity. So we only have, you know, Joey, May

and June, and then you sweat your ass off. Half of June, and then it's all over. And it's over. Then it's over. You can't go out, you know. You got to go out balls naked, either one. I just was listening to Led Zeppelin.

A whole lot of love by Prince. Prince. I see you put that up. I didn't even know about that Jesus Christ tremendous just tremendous

had to complete different element to it he was a great great musician he really was bro hours hours the guy was just fucking brilliant you know

yes he was brilliant I caught him back in the day in New York City did you really yeah in 85 84 I caught him back in New York City 84. So I

lucked out for 15 bucks. At the garden? No, at one of the clubs. Me and Lebrano went to one of the clubs. Wow. It was whatever Prince, Nucleus, and Sheila E. For 15

bucks on the fucking Tuesday night. Shit. You can't beat that. You can't go wrong. You can't fucking beat that. He's a little guy, hey, he? Wasn't he a little guy? Yeah, yeah. Like four 11. No,

no. He was like 5, 6, 5.8. Yeah. Let me ask you a question. Last time I saw you was 1983 before rest. Like that was the last time I saw you. Yeah.

I looked for you. I asked about you. I came back in 91 and for a week or so. And then I came back for nine months in 93. and they told me you were living in Newark or something like that. Nobody had, and then Timmy Holloway. Years later, found you. He was the one that gave me a Calangelo report.

I seen Holloway at Finaries. Okay. There was a wake. My wife's uncle passed, and Holloway and all those guys, Edla, they played baseball for my wife's cousin's uncle. You know, he was a coach in Norpergen. So like they were all that.

I haven't seen Holloway. I haven't seen Edloy. Joey, I haven't seen anyone. You don't see anybody. No, like I went missing in action for a while. Got got hooked up with some wrong people. Like probably like an 80. I even split away, not 80, maybe 82.

split away from Kevin Tetta. Last time I seen him, I borrowed 20 bucks to go to Harlem to get a package. And like for a while there, I was doing some shit that, you know, you never should ever ever do. And, you know what I did actually, Joey? I went back.

My parents were living up on 59th, by the senior citizen building Norbergen and I went home and I told him I said look I need a place to stay I'm just and like my parents didn't know nothing about anything nothing about

you know drugs not they didn't even drink you know and I said I just need a place to lay down I got to get I got some problems and my father looked at me and he knew something was wrong I stayed there and I dried out I got hooked on the bullshit with the needle.

I cleared up in about two weeks I went to see Vinny Askalise. Because now I got, where am I going? You know, I'm lost. I went up to see him and it was like I never left. I told him the deal. I told him I got problems. I need a job. I need something.

You know, bat, that, bat, that. I stayed in his office, Joey, three days straight. great. He was trying to get in touch with an old high school friend of his. And he hooked me up, finally hooked me up with this guy. He owned a truck and company. The guy took me under his wing. After a few weeks, he moved me into his house with his family and taught me the truck industry. And, you know, and that was it. I mean, but I was out of touch. with everybody for a while. I just went off the rails.

And not that, like, don't get me wrong. I've been no angel. You know what I'm saying? I've been no way. I still, you know, go to sleep, quarter five in the morning, get up at 5, 10, and go to work to 12 hours. You know what I'm saying?

But that other shit will just, it's just, it's just, that was a bad, bad, bad time. but you don't want to ever see your friends you know you're embarrassed you're really embarrassed it's you know but anyway

you know things are good sun is shining happy healthy you know life is good brother let me ask you this how did how did growing up in North Bergen help us how come it was so fucking crazy

Why is it that when you're at the shows and I tell stories of how we grew up, people lose their fucking minds. Like, it seems to people that were from Mars. Like, when I tell my stories about growing up, people think about March. I didn't meet you until 78. Right, okay. And you were, were you at Emerson at that point? No, I was in North Birmingham.

In 78. I met you before that, Because you were at McKinley. Didn't you play basketball for McKinley? Yes. You had the red gym shorts with the gold shirt and you wrote your number with a marker. Yeah.

You just had bad uniforms. And we had the ref with the fucking glass eye, Capitoro. Yes. He was related to Balzano, so he can call the Balsano. But I still remember fucking going down to Kennedy School. winter of 78 when it snowed

a ton that winter and me and Whitey shoveled the courts and you came up there with Dusty there was some hitters Chris Morano I mean

Kennedy School just had some fucking hoopsters it had to be it snowed like two feet of snow we shoveled it the fucking sun was out but it was still

fucking 28 degrees the ball wouldn't even bounce because it was so cold out and we were passing so we were like playing full court and I still remember Dusty going for a layup and you went to

block the shot but you smacked him by mistake and it was cold out so the five fingers stayed on his face throughout the whole game and every time I looked at him I couldn't even stop laughing but who the fuck would have shoveled the courts we shoveled the morning

We didn't. We ever fuck? No. No, it was different. It was, you know what, Joe? And like, the people we grew up with, like, they had your back. Even when we were in school, we're in high school, we're going out to spark up, grab a bite to eat. Like, everybody you were with you could trust.

They had your back. Like, if the teacher came up and we're getting about, no, what are you guys doing? You're not supposed to be out. You know, he just looked like nobody would answer. I remember my freshman year. Maybe the second day of school. I'm downstairs where the wrestling room, the pit was. They used to practice wrestling down there.

Yeah. I'm with Alex Garcia. Now, it's maybe the second, third day of school. I'm a freshman. Don't know these guys from Adam. All they know is we're going to smoke a bone. We go down smoking, smoking. We're bullshit and we're smoking.

We're in school. We're fucking up. Tony Tabuccino comes downstairs. Garcia and whoever the other kid, I don't even remember who he was. They were gone. I froze like a deer in that like. I froze.

Tabicino was going to kill me. I want to know who these guys were. I said, what are you talking about? I said, I'm here by myself. You don't lie to me. He said, I'll beat the shit on teachers back then. Don't slap you around. I'll beat the shit out of you.

Nobody will know. I said, you could do whatever you want. I said, I don't know nothing. I said, I don't know those guys. Lying to me again, he said, I'm going to knock you out. He takes me upstairs, we're walking down the hall. And I was scared. You know, I was, no shit.

I was scared. I was only third day of school. We're walking down the hall from Dalton comes walking the other way. Tabicino keeps looking at me. Well, am I going to get those names? I don't know what you're talking about. I said, whatever's going to happen is going to happen.

I was alone. He said, you're going down. You're finished. You're out. You're out. Third day's school. You're gone. Whatever.

You know, we walked up to Dalton. Thornton looks at him, looks at me. I look, Tabuccino goes, what the F are you doing here? I said, what? He said, what the fuck are you doing here? He said, get out of my face. I was doing it.

I said, thank you very much, Tabs. The next class I had his brother for Woodshop, Ernie. Ernie already found out. I go downstairs, Ernie calls me outside. Dennis, I heard you had to run in with my brother. Yeah, yeah. He said, you know, he's not like me.

He said, I'm a nice guy. He said, he really wanted to kick the shit out of him. I said, Tabs. I said, we were doing what we were doing. I said, I'm not a rat. I said, you know, I'm just, I'm not a rat. It is what is. After that, me and Garcia became really good friends,

like I knew him from nowhere. And Tabuccino respected me for it. I mean, if I was going down two weeks, suspension, and whatever. When we grew up, Joe, you have each other's back. All day long. All day long. I don't understand it today.

What happened in society? They turn in all you like... I would live and die for you, motherfuckers, when I was growing up. And you do that. You do that. That's the only way you get in the group. That was the only way to get in. You had, they had to know that you had their back A to fucking Z.

You know? I think... The famous Dennis Colangelo story from me, because my mother had just died, and you were my entertainment. You understand me? I knew I was going to school. Like, when I went to home room and you weren't there,

I was depressed, and we both had Titora for homeowner, the old man. And I had him in my pocket because he hit me and Anthony Balzano in the eighth grade. So Carmine beat him up. So he came to me freshman year and he goes, listen, you don't even need, if you don't want to come to the homeroom,

don't worry about it. Like, I got you. So I used to just go to the home room to hang out with you. It was me, you Brian de Groomy because it was the D's and the Cs. So we were in the bleachers next to me. I remember he would

fucking ask you for a note. Dennis, you didn't come to school yesterday. We need a note and you go, I whip one up in a second and he wouldn't know what the fuck to do like they just didn't know what to do with us

no we had this teacher Frank Rich he was a football coach the wedge yep the wedge and you couldn't call him wedge because he looked like a wedge

he looked like a fucking wedge of sound and he was this sweetheart of a guy yeah she was Joe he was three days from being retarded you and I both know that and we went there

one day they put a ban on us. You couldn't leave the high school. They were like, you can't leave for lunch. And we were like, that's not happening. So we found out that there wasn't no guards during the back door on 76th Street.

So you, myself, I think Jimmy and Devo went to Fifth Avenue deli. We got meatball sandwiches. And there was like a loading dock next to it. This is my all-time favorite. And was sitting there and that was in chocolate's highway. It was

big and we're about that you had it behind your ear in those days you would roll a joint and put it behind your ear and have it in school with the joint behind your ear and nobody would say nothing to you. Like, not a fucking word. So you had the joint behind your ear

we finished the sandwich. We're wiping our hands and all a sudden fucking Wedge walks up and he's like, hi guys, how are you doing? We're like, well good Wedge. He's like, he's like, Like, are you supposed to be outside the building or like, you know, whatever.

We just wanted to get some fresh air. And all of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I see you take the joint out from behind your ear and you start playing like this. And he's talking like about whatever. Like, you know, it's a nice day, whatever. And all of a sudden you're like, wedge list. Cut it out. We're sparking. We were running out of time.

We had to spark and get back to class. You know, he's bullshitting. You're like, we either spark or you get the fuck out of here. He just looked at you and just walked away. You know, we used to, you played varsity. Yes. And I was a freshman, and we used to practice in the back if Horace Mann wouldn't let us practice. And I couldn't wait to get out of practice just to watch you,

because you would just be goofing on people. It was you and Juan Rodriguez. God bless his soul. Yeah. Albi Munez and all these guys. But there was this guy named Ralphie Marino who used to drive you crazy. Well, I loved him to death. Ralphie was in a wheelchair.

He was a tremendous athlete. Yes. And I still remember one day, we're like, Dennis, we're looking up after practice to smoke and join. You're like, yeah, I'm just going to take a shower or whatever. So me and a bunch of guys are waiting there. And Ralphie's, yeah. defense, defense, right?

He's going back and forth in his wheelchair. Defense, defense, defense. And I'll never forget you called the timeout. You're like, time out. You know, like, Marino say one more word. I'm going to put you in the closet, lock the door. And we fucking lost. He didn't even know what to say.

Like, he didn't even know what to say. Like, we, you know. No, he knew I had problems. He knew I had problems. He knew we all had problems. You know, I had a blow on here. But we were good. We were good people.

We didn't, not to hurt anybody. We were just having fun. You know, there's a difference. You know what I mean? Like when I told him, I put him in the closet. That wasn't the first time I told him. You know, because he would get annoying. You know, I used to take his little sippy cup there he had with the straw.

Ralph, you want something to drink? And he said, yeah, then. And he said, could you please I'm thirsty? And I would just take his cup and move it further away from him. You know, and he had his hands flat on that table there on his wheelchair. And he said, done it. He said, really? He said, you're going to break my balls?

I said, Ralph. I said, you never shut the fuck up. He said, I'm in a wheelchair. I said, I'll be. Shut up, man. I asked you how many times. It was different, Joe. Today, you talk like that to somebody to lock you up.

You know, it's a different society. Like, it's just, we didn't mean like any kind of disrespect or we're saying anything bad. We all love Ralph and Marino. I still loved. I did a better than years ago. Did you really love? God bless you. You know, we didn't.

It wasn't, I mean, he knew I loved them. You know, I used to get a lot of smiles. You know, but he used to get annoying. Like you said, defense, defense. Oh, I'm tired, bro. Shut up. You know, you're crippled. You can't get away with that shit, man.

And he loved us. He loved us no matter what. You know what, Joey? We made this fucking day. We would do anything for him. We would. We would do anything for him. I used to ask him if he wanted to get his dicks up and stuff.

He would just look at me. I got a little Puerto Rican chicks He wants to suck your dick And he was facing turn red I don't know I don't know He would have to have pity Frank Pitt

Would have to push him around Yeah He did a lot for him No joke Pit A lot of those guys helped him on Everybody helped him out Everybody was really good to him

That's what I'm saying You know The people would just You know Good people North Bergen, good people, hardworking people, loyal. Loyal. If they were your friend, they were your friend.

And, you know, there was no way you ever had a question, huh, that guy going to stand me in the back. Because if any, you had thoughts like that about anyone, they wouldn't be with you. It's just, it's just different. You know, growing up, you know, not that, you know, I don't know. I mean, it wasn't rough, craig, but everybody, you handled yourself, I guess.

I mean, I don't know. You just, loyalty was big. Loyalty was big with your friends. And, you know, that's what we had. That's what we had. You know, did you even have a curfew? No. No.

No. We just used to be out. My father used to say, I'm going to put the chain on the door. I said, well, put the chain on the door. Well, I don't understand what's that going to do. I said, how do I know if I'm coming home? He said, well, I need to know this. I'll be up all night.

I said, this is not worried about. I mean, you know, the last bus used to run, what, 11 o'clock at night from uptown? 11.30, number one. 30? Yeah. You know, so you'd have to walk those, you know, three miles downtown or sometimes I crash at Maccavini's house he lived right across from

the high school. The high school, yes, yes he did. You know, a few times his mother would see me and say where you're going? Whatever, it's 12, midnight, 12th. You ain't going home like that? No, you're staying here, you know. And we drink some more. I mean, it was different. It was

just different, you know. Another night I remember us in front of Nick pizza and you were going camping with Chris Kevin Teta your brother God rest of soul and I met you up at first of all any party

you never went to a party like you never came to high school parties no you like you didn't have time for them but if you but if you came first thing on the fucking menu was we got to put Led Zeppelin on the stairs yes take put the he used to call them the kings put the kings on the turntable

take off Springsteen. We broke their albums. Let's get the party started. Yeah, let's get it fucking started. Yep, no drama. But I still remember a particular night where you were going camping with Kevin Teta, you and your brother,

and you guys were getting 100 hits of acid for the fucking weekend. Explain to these motherfuckers how we were eating acid in 78, 79, and 80, until cocaine took over. We were decent kids. I mean, we were doing

It's an acid, fucking tripping. We weren't hurt nobody. We weren't hurt nobody. We weren't fighting the bullying. There was none of that shit allowed. But, man, when it came to tripping and listening to music, I mean, we just had, and that's what killed us, that

we were doing great with the acid and the beers and the reason. Things were great. Nobody was getting hurt every once in a while. I'd go to that bar in 22nd in Union City and get the fucking the angel dust the shit you snorted

just to go on the limb you know Right, right A little something different 22nd in New yeah, something different just to break the monotony it'd be 22nd

in New York Avenue but once cocaine came in that fucked our area up that's when it was the beginning of the end and we didn't see it Nobody saw it.

No. I stayed at 85. What's that? We got flooded with cocaine. We got flooded. It was all over. It was right across the fuck in. It was in a town next to us.

Right. Right. Remember, we were surrounded. You know, you had West New York, Union City, Leighawk, and Jersey City, I mean, even Hoboken. You had everything right there in your area. You know, everything was available.

Everything was available. I mean, we were getting it, we were getting hits of THC. Shit, my freshman year. We were dropping it at the bus stop at 8.15 in the morning. No, you know, you know how many times I went to school tripping out like that? I saw, I'm going to skip home room. This way it's like you're not in school today. And I'll go to like two or three classes.

And then I'll chill out somewhere like home. room for two, three classes, go to practice. People say, oh, you're not in today. You need to go to the home room. I said, nah, I get no cutslips. I'm not here. No cut slips today. You know, it's just different.

I don't know how they do it today. I don't know what they do. They don't even think that way. The house, these kids. No, they don't leave the house. You know, Joey, you go past the schoolyard. You don't hear no ball bounce. No. You know, nobody's playing. Like, that's how, like, we all got to know each other. You know, somebody's out there playing. Somebody's got a ball. Let's go shoot some hoops and we'll take her from there. But it's a different world. It's a different. Like, if this virus came when we were in school, it wouldn't work. It wouldn't work because we would be out.

We were out. We were really out kids. These little motherfuckers know nothing about going out. We were out from 8 in the morning to 12 at night when we were kids. Right. They had no idea of that, that concept of, I push it on my daughter. I got a 7-year-old that if you ain't doing nothing, you got to be out. We go for a walk.

We got to do something. A ride. You know, I don't want her to get comfortable. No. No. She goes to the gym. she's taking her karate classes or whatever I see it said you know

you got her active you know she's not sitting around playing video games no that's not going to happen in my world because I don't I didn't play video games I didn't even understand fucking video games no I went to a bar I didn't shoot pool when I went to a bar when I went to a bar was to get fucked up

I wanted to see the devil that was our goal that was the goal To see the devil. There was no pussy. There was no... I don't want to talk to nobody. I'm walking out of here fucking passed out.

And we had all those little pockets. We had... You could start a party at Kennedy School getting to somebody's car and then be at Joe Lucci's house. And God knows that you're going to do with Joe Lucci's house. Next thing, you know, you can be up on 85th street park

fucking drinking up there. Somebody robbed a beer truck. I mean, it was just... Our childhood was so... I look at my daughter sometimes. Like, well, I feel bad that she's not going to have what I had, that special thing. I had no family grown up. No.

No. But I had you guys, which was more than family. That's what these motherfuckers today will never understand, that we had each other at that age. Yes. You know, our parents were out. Right. You didn't see them. You didn't see them.

No. It's just a total, total different ballgame. I seen your daughter on, it had to be like during Christmas on one of your podcasts. You had the dice man on. Right. Okay. And your wife stopped by and your daughter was doing some boxing. Right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What a beautiful, beautiful. I'm very lucky. I got a second chance. You are. I got a second chance. You are. Yes, a lot of people don't get that.

But you also earned it. Nobody gave you that second chance. No, no. How many times you drove somewhere with a stack of bologna sandwich is to go pick up 40 bucks at a show? You drove 400 miles or whatever. Like, you know, you paid the price. Let's not, you know, beat around the bush here. You might be where you are now, but you, you know, you work for everything you got.

Oh my God, nothing, nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I left North Bergen homeless in 85. Mm-hmm. I ended up homeless in 84 in Northburg. Homeless.

Living up on 88 Street Park, I was too embarrassed to tell everybody because I didn't want them to know. I would take showers at Mr. A's house. Yes. He wouldn't be home. And I'd go and I'd go through the back and I'd take a shower and and judge, Janine, the middle one, would hear me, and she never said nothing to nobody. She would come down and give me one of Mr. A's shirts.

I would put on with Mr. One of A's shirts, and I put a jacket over it, and then I'd see Mike, and I go, Mike, this shirt looked familiar. And they go, that's my dad's shirt, I know. And they all knew, Mr. A was, they, you know, they took care of me as much as I could, as much as they could. That neighborhood,

when my mother died, they fucking rallied around me. Like, I'll never forget. You see them at the shows. Yep. You see those same people at the show. Same people. Same people.

And I'm like, I'm blown the fuck away that these are people that knew me when I was a fucking junkie. Like, when I left North Bergen and a junkie, you know, I ended up doing time in Colorado. Yep.

You know how embarrassed I was? when the news got back to North Bergen that had been arrested. But that doesn't, that, none of these people are none of our people are going to lay judge on you.

We don't judge. We don't judge people. We don't do that. Oh, Joey's fucking thief. Joey did, no, man. Joey's our problem. Joey's our brother. You take him for who you are.

If you don't like who he is, then what's your story? What's your problem? the fuck out of you. Get lost. Get lost. You know, we all go true shit,

man. You know, get lost. You know, but right, you see the same people. Like I see, yeah,

you don't see Joe, you're going to be up to, it's the same people. They never left you. You know, they were always there. They were always there. They were always there.

They really, really were, man. So in the sense, you know, you went to that real tough, tough time. But you're blessed.

you really are. And with the second, with the marriage and another child, come on, bro. Yeah, God gave me a second chance. Absolutely. You know what, man, you guys have kept me so in tune. Like, just talking to you, Keith Conti, Loubs, O'Villow, you know, James.

I talk to you guys, so I never fall into this retarded trap out of you. Yeah, this bullshit that they feed you out here. I've always spoken to you guys to keep grounded. You know, by me talking to Loobbs, when he tells me that he has to, you know, Mike Runny drives a FedEx truck. Right. My fat ass couldn't get on a FedEx truck. You know, he's 57 years old.

Yep. So when I'm sitting here going, oh, I got to go on the road this weekend. And he's telling me that, you know, he's got to work overtime on Saturday. I put it into perspective. Yep. It gives me a fucking perspective to work with that I'm not, I'm lucky. I'm very lucky. But it's you guys that have kept me grounded over the years that I didn't buy into this jerk off.

Phil. They have never seen. You all right there? Yeah, what's this? Point and updates. Pick the time. What happened? I still see you.

Do you really? Yeah. Okay. What do they want here? I don't know. Trick of time. Thirty four. This is my wife because my wife never updates nothing.

But you're still here, brother. Don't worry. Okay, I can hear you, but I can't see that handsome face. Holy shit. The fuck. Well, we had a couple minutes anyway, Dennis. I'm just happy that I got to do... I got to see you to see you to see you.

see you to talk to you because I know how busy you are. No, I'm not busy. It's a fucking quarantine. They ain't dick going on. I want to get my friends on here. I really wanted to get all my friends on here so they this side sees what we're

about, man. And if anybody, you were one of my early guys I looked up to it. So I wanted to get you on here. You really made me laugh growing up, bro. You really did. You and Roger Holloway the reason I didn't jump off a fucking bridge.

I appreciate that. And I, you know, you always got my love and respect, brother. Oh, brother. This was an honor to have you on the church of what's happening now. I wanted these motherfuckers to hear it from another voice. Where I came from, I was built, and why we're the way we are, you know? I hear you. And thank Mr. Lee Syed for all his help.

Hopefully one day when you come this way, you know, you bring Lee with you. I'll bring Lee with me. That motherfucker ends up staying. He bites a piece of pizza Chinese food. That motherfucker won't meet me at the newer gate the next day. You know what I'm saying? Eat me posting. Give me a call during the week.

I love you, Joey. I love you too, brother. Stay safe, you guys. All right, you too. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being my family. I'm always here. I gotcha, brother.

Love you. Love you. Bye, bye, bye. We're back, bitches. I hope you enjoyed Dennis. Dennis is a fucking trip. And he wrapped it all up. Now you know what my fucking biggest weakness is.

Loyalty. Loyalty has been my fucking number one killer. But once I realize that I shouldn't be loyalty, then you got to live under the fucking ground because I'm going to fucking stab you at 10 times. We're loyal. We're loyal. We're loyal to the end. The guy he was talking about Vinny that got him a job, Vinny was our football coach, and he helped everybody out. He was a great man, Mr. A. Ascleese. God rest his soul. That was crazy. He got a job 30 years ago, and he was still doing it. And it was funny because Mr. Asklees was the guy who I told you the story about that Georgi Amico, we used to rob the gas station. And he would always complain to Mr. Askalise.

come on Vinnie you know you gotta talk to these kids they're robbing me blind and he was always talking about me and rega and Mr. Asklees was like Pauli from Goodfellas he was like I talked to them all the time they're good kids I talked to them they don't listen he wasn't gonna talk to this he didn't give a fuck you know he's like I can't stop you but stop robbing the guy but Mr. A was a great guy had a thousand meals at that house I'm gonna try to get one of the Elise is on to. I'm trying to get Mike to come on and talk some shit with us.

But listen, they're starting to open up the country. Me and my man over here, the Jew killer, we're talking about this, the Christ killer. It is a Jew killer, this disease. But it kills Jews. I don't like black people either. They made this disease like I'm a racist end. This motherfucker.

But it's crazy. They're opening up the rest of the country. Listen, you know me. I'm not going to tell you what to do. I don't give a fuck what you do. Proceed with caution, guys. For some reason, I don't trust this since day one. And I've told you, I'm not a conspiracy therapist.

I'm not saying anything like that. I'm just saying proceed with caution. I told you, motherfuckers. I told you motherfuckers, March something, 16th, to get your money back. Can I not tell them? Yeah. I told you, motherfuckers. If you bought any tickets to any concerts, get your money back.

Get your money back. If the concert happens, scout the tickets. and you know just don't watch the opening band Miss Joan Jet Who gives a fuck about You know All you want to see is Motley crew

And Def Lapid anyway So all these tickets I told you motherfuckers Tonight you're crying to me online I told you to get your money back We'll make it work I don't want your money if you're not If you're not coming to see me

Get your money back And now everybody's fucking complaining about it And I fucking love it I told you I just had like 10 friends in mine Call me I bought tickets for rage against the machine and they won't give you your fucking money back. And it's criminal.

Now, remember that shit for after these times. Like I said a couple of weeks ago, remember this for after these times, you know? I mean, we don't know what's going to fucking happen. No. But proceed with caution. Ladies and gentlemen, I don't give a for them. If Disney closed, I ain't going nowhere. Disney's the greediest motherfuckers in the world.

Okay? They don't fuck around. They bang you out from May to C. Go to the hotel and spend the night and see what they charge you. You'll go, Jesus, fuck. fucking Christ. I'm not saying nothing bad about Disney. They run a great establishment. When you're at Disneyland, a piece of paper hits the floor. They pick it up. Besides that little ghetto fight that happened last year, I've never heard nothing bad about Disney. But for Disney not to open up, I'm going to follow their lead. I'm a fan of Mickey Mouse since fucking day one.

Well, I mean, it's interesting you say that because something you've said to me from the beginning is that you look at how the top people are doing things. You're like, does Rogan do this in his podcast? No, we're doing this. You follow the lead. And you're right. If Disney, the number one entertainment plays in the world, says no. Why are we fucking around? Why are you sitting there going to shoot this film in mid-July?

You don't know what's going to happen in mid-July. No, we're living day-to-day here. This is what's killing half you people. You've never had to live day-to-day. What have I been telling you since day one? I focus on one day one. I focus on what's in front of me. Don't talk to me about next Thursday.

I don't get a fuck about next Thursday. That's why I started to hate comedy because you want me to tell you how I'm going to feel February 26. I don't know if I want to do comedy February 26. Ask me on the 25th and I'll tell you. I always hated scheduling because I don't know how I'm going to fucking feel. That's why I like the comedy store. Because on Sunday I'll let you know how I'm going to feel.

Monday morning I got to call them the Comedy Store and go, oh, give me spots. I'm not now. They're fucking obviously closed. But when they're open, you know, so that's why I never like. I never, I always live for today. What are we going to do? Today, how are you going to make money today? I was just telling Lee that we've noticed a lot of moving vans around the area.

You know, fucking people are leaving at the speed of light, and this is only a beginning. I spoke to my friend yesterday by Hudson, New York, and it's a gay community, a gay town. Like the town became gay. I'm not saying nothing bad. It's called Hudson, New York. Yeah. and he lives next to it. He's a realtor.

And he says that you can't keep a house in northern New York. Everybody's moving out of buildings. That's it. Everybody's getting out of buildings in New York City. They're done. All you need is one thing for people to start moving. And you can see it around here. They're offering your free rent one month.

They're trying to be sneaky, though. They're making a sign a 13-month lease. A 13 months lease. To be careful. Yeah, but who gives the fuck? 13th is a bad number anyway. Yeah. You light the building on fire one time.

Who gives a fuck? What I'm saying is that fucking, you know, we've changed. We've all fucking changed this has happened. And I know that you're sitting at home feeling weird, maybe thinking that you're thinking bad thoughts. Maybe you're thinking the right thoughts. Maybe you're thinking about quitting that job. You don't like that boss. Maybe you've been thinking for a long time about going back to school.

Maybe you're thinking about quitting school because it's not getting to nowhere. And you're just mounting up loans with the shit that's going on. This is going to open your eyes to a lot of shit. Seven weeks is giving you a lot of time. And wait till they extend it. And, you know, like I said, I'm going to keep living life. My plans are just what I've said from day one. I have to stay home, guys.

There's no way I get on a five-and-a-half-hour flight right now. Right now, today, there's night. I'm telling you how I'm going to feel tomorrow morning. I don't see myself getting up at 3.30 in the morning and taking a 5.30. a.m. flight to be on a flight for five hours to Florida or anywhere right now. Right now, I'm just going to wait for the fucking, these clubs locally to open and work on my hour again. You guys don't want to see a fucking shitty Joe Diaz. I don't want to go out there and be shitty. Yeah,

I can fuck around here with you guys on the spot. But when it comes to charging you money and getting you out of your house and now you've got to risk your life to go to a comedy show, I better be fucking funny. I'm going to let you my, my son. I'm going to let you my, my on fire at the end of the show. That's the only thing that would make you risk your life to go see a comic or a band today. So I've been down.

Burke Kreisher two nights ago wrote that it's been, I don't know, 60 days, 51 days. It's like 63 for me. So, especially when you've been doing something for 29 years straight. So if you see me somewhere in June,

mind your business. Mind your business. business. You don't need to see that train wreck. You go home and like look at your mom or think of your retired brother. That's the same tour you're going to go get from seeing me. We're all going to be rusty as fuck. So if you pay $48 for a comic in June, don't be that fucking dumb. You're going to get what you fucking pay for. We haven't been on stage for 60 fucking days. Yeah. There's some of us that are still funny and shit like that, but I like to be a little prepared. So I want a little time you know i'm only going to charge like 20 bucks in brayer in june i mean july august september until we get

our limbs back and just figure out what the fuck is happening are people going to come out and want to shake hands are people going to want to hug are people going to want to take selfies we got to go adjust this shit so before i got on a three and a half plane ride to cleveland or whatever i mean everything i might pretty much is canceled the only thing that they are still is still open is July 31st. It's still, I think, on the hinge, August 1st in San Diego. And I know Wise Guys is open in Utah. And I'm definitely coming.

You know, I'll figure it out what numbers they have. But besides that, I don't know what I'm going to do with Philly, October 24th. And I don't know what I'm going to do with Buffalo December, because I'm an old man, and that's a connecting flight. That looks slim. If it's a connecting flight, you're in no danger out of L.A. And right now they've even cut a lot of flights. So there's not leaving a lot of direct flights anywhere.

They've cut so many flights. Somebody was telling me to go to land in Newark. They had to fucking go to Chicago or something like that now. There's no direct flights. People are scared of the five-hour flight on there. So I don't know what's going on. So for right now, I'm going to mind my business. I'm going to keep wearing my mask.

I'm going to keep washing my fucking hands. I'm outlining the fucking book. Every time I talk to one of these characters every day, I get a new thought in my mind. You know what? What book you would have got in March and the book you're going to get today is going to be two different books?

And it's going to be... Because I've gone through so much these last seven weeks. You know, from 930 to 11, the walls closed down on me. Once my daughter and wife go to bed, the walls close down on me. They ain't funny either, guys. I'm not having that great...

time. That's why every day I call my single buddies and I add to the list, Steve Dean Delray, fucking Matt, Simone, Lee, my brother George and New York, all my single friends get a call

because I know exactly where the fuck you are, you know, I know exactly where you are. I know by 11 o'clock if I was single, I'd be pulling my hands out of my fucking head. You, you're a quarantine. I'm doing that a quarantine. You're just sitting home later. Yeah, wait for the next cupcake to fall in your mouth, cock's like that.

Yeah, fuck yeah. Yeah, he don't give a fuck. But normal people, normal people are fucking like, man, I got to get the fuck out. What time? I call Steve Simone 8 30 in the morning a day. He was delivering food to old people. Yeah, he's doing a lot. You know, and that's, if not, you know you're going to lose your mind.

So get involved. If you're having a rough time, my heart goes out to you. You know, I love you to all my heart. Thank you for listening. but go out, you know, it's not that bad out. If anybody's scared of living, it's me. It's not that bad out. Avoid people.

Again, and I'm going to tell you this for the 80th time, and I know some people can't avoid it. Do not walk into a 7-Eleven if you don't want COVID. That's COVID-Centure. I saw it again the other day. Every time I'm at the light, I look in, not the bad, not the 7-Eleven by the fourth wall. That one's not that bad, but it's got problems.

I don't trust them. Okay, you don't trust in me? Okay. Then it's not me talking out of line. I don't trust. It's the clientele more than the people working. I don't even have, I haven't even been using the same rolling papers. These are rolling papers. Weedmaps gave me a shout out the weed maps. They gave me some tremendous rolling papers.

I got, I ran out of regular rolling papers, the one I usually use. But WeedMap sent me a little gift, a little gift package, and they put rolling papers in there. And they're just as good as the fucking, as the easy wire. whatever the fuck I've been using for the last 30 years. I've you been taking any, like, I know you've been taking with a family, but just by yourself, do you go on, like, rides really quickly? I like that, because you're in the car by yourself. Guys, I do everything I can to make this a lot easier.

Everything I can, and I stay to the script every day. It doesn't deviate. If it deviates, it's by 15 fucking minutes. I get up, tweet you, motherfuckers, eat oatmeal, take a quick shower, and I'm quick shower because I shower the night before. As soon as I get home at 6 and whatever the fuck I'm doing, if I'm out in there, shower. I usually would shower if I had to go to the comedy store. But if I'm just staying in, I would just shower in the morning and when I got back from training or boxing or whatever stupidity I

do, now I always shower at 6.30, 6.15, I'm in the shower. I'm in the shower. I'm in the shower. I'm That's it. I don't want that clothes I had on. I don't want it on my furniture. So I shower. I Talk to my wife and we take the baby out of 815 We only have two bicycles so we have to pick a parking lot We have like four different parking lots we go to and while they're playing badminton I ride the bike and while they ride the bike I'm walking you know so we get that morning exercise I get like six weight watching points I need a lot but it's better than nothing

at least I have something to work with. I dropped them off at 9.30. I go in for a few minutes. I send some emails. I do what I got to do. And at 9.30 is when I go run and do my errands. You know, pharmacy, before all the other germ get in that. CVS, Walgreens, weed store, you know, anything I have to go to.

If I want to get co-cuts, if I want to get groceries, I got a place I go to for them. you know I've been ordering food online just trying it out I try it out Jimmy seafood I was gonna say Steve

fucking tremendous he said he liked fuck I don't think you like crab case you like crab case I didn't know if you like I don't order them all the time but I don't know if you like them

so I like them with mustard sauce I got like five of them like they had like a startup kit so when uh uh sickler told me

Ryan told me they were having a hard time he said they're running a sale with its free shipping. So that's why I went, I hit him up, and I got four crab cakes just to support them. You know, my goal in the beginning of this was to support all the local places. We both agree we can't walk into sushi dan as much as we love sushi dan. You know, we both have agreed that we're not going to go to cactus. And when I don't go to cactus, that's one thing. When Lee don't go to cactus, you got to fucking.

problem, okay? You know, all our little food stops, I vowed to support them, but because how they are and how they're shaped, I can't. I still support the pizza. Pizza wagon. Pizza wagon of Brooklyn, my daughter would kill me if I didn't get it for a once a week. If I didn't get a pizza wagon of Brooklyn, I'd go down. I just broke down for the first time in seven weeks when Lee told me he ordered gumshoe, what's that? Grubhub, which, you know, you got to. You got to. You got to. to be retarded. That's really, that raises it. That's an extra set of hands touching your food on top of a car that somebody sat on.

You always go pick up your food. You go to Green Apple, call them. They'll tell you what time. And you sit outside and they put in the trunk of your car. Wow. Okay. So these are the things you got to do. You can't have the less contact with motherfuckers, the better.

I won't say the couple times I did it. They had masks and gloves on and all that stuff. death trouble people are listen nobody wants to go out of business and nobody wants to get fined i wanted to truly support a lot of fucking places there's a lot of places i go to that i wanted to support you know there's a place i don't want to say mention it i can't go in there they locked the door you got to touch the handle go in and wait i've seen people do it i can't go in there so my eating out days have been over until once you told me about the that you ordered then i go you know what, maybe I'll, I know why we called.

My wife said the Chinese people said they'll bring it outside to you, which in most parts of the East Coast, there ain't no fucking Chinese food. Chinese people have run up because people have been harassing them. Oh, no. There's a lot of Chinese restaurants of the clothes because people have been using racial slurs against them. You know, I'm not mad at anybody. This is a, this is like a punishment from fucking God. Don't blame it on the Chinese.

Don't blame it on no, that, you know, we could blame this on a thousand things. We don't even know if what that telling us is, fucking true anymore. We don't even know what to expect. I'm not trying to be a cynic or nothing, but we don't even know. Just write it off. It doesn't matter. You know what matters? Your fucking grandmother died. Your friend's uncle died. Your friend's sister died. You know, that's what matters. So somebody's fucking dying. I don't know what it is. I don't have time to blame it. Anyway, back to the Chinese food, okay? So, yeah, I just got garlic fried rice. Nice. I was just in the mood for something, normality. You know, my wife is a great cook.

but it got to the point where everything was starting to taste like everything. Like the beef was starting to taste like the eggs, the eggs, you know, thank God I cut out the bacon fucking six weeks ago and I've been just on oatmeal because that gives me a different way to work. I don't feel fucking like I'm, you know,

I'm eating bread for breakfast or none of that shit, you know, I just, I ordered the Jimmy Seafood and I was so impressed with it that I started going on different websites. So if anybody has a great website, like a restaurant. Tweet it to me.

Just tweet me. Like that they, I just went to Maine something company. A friend of mine referred me. So I made little orders. I ordered a one pound bag of clams to make spaghetti and clam sauce.

And I got a one pound bag of shrimp because we haven't had seafood since this whole fucking thing started. We had a bag of shrimp at the house and my wife got a Costco. But besides that, we had nothing. I was like, and now we're going to run out of chicken or beef.

saying. So I don't know what the fuck is going on anymore. So I'm like you, motherfuckers. We live day to day. So I'm going online. So I know we got butcher box, but they were sold out. That's why we don't know what I'm reading their ads. They didn't get rid of us. We still

got them on the agenda. They're just waiting to get all the fuck. When this pandemic hit, they got hit right away, right off the bat. So we still got them. So hopefully once they get back in action, I'll support them. They have salmon. It's all organic. they have great beef.

I mean, the fish they have is great. So I ordered some stuff to support. My friend told me that there's a company that he ordered seafood from. Because Bert turned me onto a place, but I can't fucking find it. I'm in Toa Boulevard. Oh, really?

Yeah, I can't. I don't know what you? I don't know. One-three-something. Jiffy, Tiffy, seafood company. I couldn't find it the other day. And I got frustrated. I ended up in fucking an Enino.

So I was fucking pissed. And I had a piss. And, you know, you could piss when there's people on the street, but when there's nobody on the street, you just can't pull over and take your dick out and piss because then people, you know, people don't know what you're doing that. Draws attention. I had to piss in the parking lot. I had to make believe like I was on the phone, getting directions and stand behind my car. And I had to pee close to the door. So I had to jump in the car like a superhero.

I almost broke my fucking ankle. I would love to hear the calls Bert was getting when you couldn't find where you were going. I was pissed. I called him twice. Motherfucker was sleeping. and then he finally fucking called me back whatever I go you cocks sucker I went up there

and I went home and checked the website and I couldn't fucking find it so something is not right so it was my bad so I just order to see if I'm trying to listen guys I'm trying to support the local spots but you know

I went to end it out yeah I got my wife in and out burger one day because now you go to in and out at 11 o'clock it's a fucking ghost town like that stone stone song it's a ghost town you go out at 1145

the game changes every motherfucker wants a cheeseburger yeah so I tried to switch it up from my wife and the baby boom I got them fucking in and out and that's what I do when I go out when I leave at 10 and I go run my little errands

my mission is all sort of bring them some type of lunch unless my wife tells me I'm making this for lunch already right so I try to switch it up Thursday tomorrow is going to be a fucking 100 degrees. Oh, is it really? Yeah, starting Thursday.

You won't even... Your walks with Steve and they're going to be fucking hot. He loves going out when it's hot as fuck. That's when you have to go out. You have to melt. He picks a hundred times. Because you can't do six o'clock.

By six o'clock, you don't need to walk. You're dead. I know, it's nice out. Your metabolism has to go out of 11. You got to get the engine started. Steve's a good man. He's a great man, but he picks the hot of the damn times. He's from Philly.

He's Joe Frazier's nephew. That's all you need to worry about. He's Joe Frazier's. phrase is neffin the highest time. That's when you sweat the most. All that fucking jizz that's backed up in your system. There's a lot of it. All that fucking hummus.

All that fly sperm in your neck. All that's coming up. See if the flies aren't here today. Sure, because you're sweating that stuff out. That's the good thing. You see what I'm saying? It's a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful fucking thing with zombies over here.

Anyway, I love you, motherfuckers to death. I hope your mental states are right. I hope you got to check. I hope somebody's helping you out. I know I've been getting a lot of emails, and I've replying to all of them. I'm with you. I'm going through my own shit, you know.

Nobody is, this shit is not racist. Everybody's going through stuff. Whether they show it to you or not, they're bullshit into you. People are thinking, people are thinking about their next move. It's not just you that's feeling this way. I'm going through hell. I just know how to manage it in the daytime. And at night, once I'm home, fuck it.

I'll jump out a window. When am I going to land on the first floor? You know, it's no big fucking deal. I was looking at my window the other day, and I'm like, what if I jump out that window? Nothing, a few stitches. I won't even have to go to the hospital. I'll just wear like a helmet and just go out.

Just to say I did something with myself. It's one fucking landing. Are you going to stand on the legend's scream? Like, get all the attention? I'm going to do it. No. No, no, no. It's like that fucking girl.

Just like. Like my friend that's, you know, I hate telling you guys this story because I was going to turn into a bit. But it's true. I got a friend that forever she's been killing herself. Anybody have one of those fucking lunatics in your life? They've been killing themselves forever. Like, you ever have one of those friends? Like, one day you just go, enough is enough.

I even had to stop talking to her. And I figured she'd kill herself in the process. But no. She ended up in the fucking loony. been two times, but she never killed herself. So when this all started, I told you people, I got a sentimental, faggy part of me, and I called a bunch of people. I even thought about calling my ex-wife. That's how much of a sentimental person I am. You know how many times they fed me, her father and mother fed me? I thought about calling my ex-wife and just saying,

hey, man, I hope you're okay through this. I don't want to talk to my daughter. I get it, but your family did feed me a lot when I was a kid. I just didn't go along with it. But I did call a lot of people that I haven't spoken to them, man. And I connected with them, and she was one of them. And everything was great for about three days. And it all went sour with the suicide talk again. Now, guys, I'll take anything.

I'll take anything you want to come and bring it. You want to test my wits. Come over here and break my balls. I'll laugh with you. But there's two subjects I really don't want to hear about. There's three subjects I don't want to hear about. I don't want you to

reach for abortion. I don't want you to talk about fucking Hitler and the Jews. And I don't want to talk. What's the other one? Suicide. Suicide. And I don't know what order they're in. I fucking hate all of them.

You want to crack a joke about with me about the Jews? You know, what, oh. You know, what, what's that fucking stupid kid joke when you were a kid? Which one? I don't know. Like, I'm a crazy killer, but don't talk about... Yeah, like, you know, just... I hate when I'm on...

I'm on... I'm in a comedy room, and a Jewish person tries to glorify Hitler. That shit, all those little things... I don't know if I've ever told you this, people, but this shit bothers me. Nothing bothers me more worse than suicide talk. I don't know. It's because if I had suicidal thoughts with my mother and I pussy, I don't know if it's because I'm Catholic.

Oh, I don't know if it's because I love life the way I do. And I would never even fucking consider it. I don't know what it is. And people talk to me about suicide that my dick just dies. Like my whole body just freezes up. I will talk to you for a little while. But after a while, either sit or get off the fucking pot. You know, either go get the mental health that you need,

go to a hospital, fucking stop with this suicide talk. So I guess they took it to a hospital a year ago. I found out about it. I didn't call. And before this stuff started one night, I just reached out. And she answered, and I started talking to her. And everything was fine for like three days. Then three days in, she starts with the fucking suicide talk.

You know me, I talk around it. I don't even fucking justify her. Like, I just go, okay, what have you been listening to lately? and she would always assume, you know, like she would always end up on it. I would call her, and I knew her birthday was coming up, and I figured maybe I'll do something nice for her for a birthday, bring her something, you know, but she's so fucking crazy that I know it always turns into something else, like it turned into a speech or something. So I've been calling her and checking up on her.

Once she started talking about the debt stuff, I've been calling her and checking up on her. A car broke down. There's a ton of shit going on with her. You know, I can't go down there because I don't go to Hollywood as much as I used to. But I try to call her. You know, we were having some. Because she takes all this medication. She sleeps weird.

Her sleep is weird. Okay. So her hours were off, so we didn't connect a couple times. Then finally one day I talked to her. I go, how you've been? How you're holding up? And she's like, well, it's taking everything I can. for me not to kill myself or something like that.

And I go, you know what? You really want to kill yourself? And she goes, well, I have no reason to live. I go, before you do it, let me come down there. I go, what are you away? And she goes, what are you talking about? What do I weigh? And I go, what if I come down there,

slit your wrist and handcuff you to the chair, you'll probably bleed out about four hours if you weigh 100 pounds. How I know that is because I watched a mechanic a few weeks ago. And that's the first scene. Jan Michael Vincent took Charles Bronte to some chick's house for her

to commit suicide in front of him. And then he finally throws the keys out and drives it to the hospital. He says drive yourself to the hospital. And she calls him a fucking punk. It's a really freaky fucking scene. Jesus Christ. So what I'm telling you, motherfuckers, is I told this bitch ran out. I go, if you want,

I got a funny way, I could stab you in the throat, maybe stabbing the lung. Listen, that's where I told her that. It was silence on the other once you put it to somebody guys and a lot of you guys are going to get mad at me but think about it this has been going on for fucking seven years she's been nice and herself enough is enough

if you're going to take the dive take the dive you know I got an easier way you don't have to stab you I got an easier way just get one of those $28 tickets to a cruise ship don't worry about nothing I'll take care of it after that we'll bomb it we'll do something we'll put corona on it we'll do something. So after I told her that, that I would come down and stab her and handcuff her and she wouldn't go nowhere. Like, listen, and it, guys, I would never get away with it because

there's probably a ring somewhere. Somebody would see me go down and they trace my calls that, you know, my DNA, maybe whatever. So I said that to her, she thought about it. It was like the time the girl asked me for money and I thought I want to eat a pussy and she called me so what do you want to do? And I go, how about I light your asshole on fire? And There was just silence on the phone that she goes, can I call you back? Same thing with this chick. After I told I would come down there and stab her in the throat and handcuff,

and she would bleed out in four hours. And I'm going to worry about nothing. I'll call the authorities in like eight days. They'll get you when you're nice and ripe. You know what I'm saying? When you're kicking in the apartment, I mean, I just drew out the picture for it because I can't take it no more. There was so silence.

So like three days later, it was a birthday. Now, I thought for sure she was going to ask herself on a birthday. But I called her and she was in good spirits. And towards the end of the conversation, she told me she was going to kill herself. I said, listen, happy birthday. Don't worry about nothing. If you want to do it, call me. I'll be here all night. And she hung up the phone. And then the other night, I had insomnia. I went to bed at like 11. And I went to bed at like 11. and I woke up the fucking four in the morning

this is the creepiest fucking thing you ever gonna hear guys creepyest fucking thing because I told my wife I opened up my eyes it was 358 I put my head back down the pillow

and I'm like I got a pee and I went and I peed you know one of those long peas in the middle of night where you had like a protein shake and 12 ounces of tea like I always drink this warm tea

at night this T8 C tea dog I must have pee for 35 fucking minutes. I was standing there. My wife comes in yesterday. She goes, who peed in that bathroom? There was pee everywhere.

I go, listen to there. There's a long story that comes with it. I got up in the middle night to pee. I peed. I laid back down again, and I couldn't fall asleep. Nothing particularly entered my mind. I just had insomnia. So before I start getting pissed off, I used my own recipe.

I go, let me get up, do a few bongets, and write a little bit. nothing's bothering me. You're like when you got to get up and call somebody. No, no, I hadn't called nobody. There was nobody I was mad at. I had no problems with my wife. I just got up, you know.

And I get up, I put my hoodie on, I put my slippers on, I walk to the door, I make a left, I make a right to the kitchen, I get a bottled water, and I go in my office. And Lee, do you know? that as I'm pulling out the chair, by this point it's like maybe 413, 414, remember I called you. Come, yeah, I think it'll be a little bit later, like 5 in the morning. Right.

Do you know why? Why? Because as I went to pull the chair out, the phone started ringing. The phone was under like a piece of paper. And also I heard the phone go, zh, zh, zh, and I'm like, who the fuck is calling me a 415? So when I move the piece of paper over, it's the suicide chick. So I'm like, oh, here we go. go.

Here we go. God will give you for a reason. She's going to jump the bridge right now. So I answer the phone and I go, what are you doing up at 4.15? You want me to come down and kill you? And she's like, no. I think you got COVID.

She's like, I think I got it at Rock and Roll Rouse. Oh, yeah. Rouse got like 19 cases in Hollywood. So she went to Rock and Roll Rouse. So she's going for a test. She went for a test yesterday. I don't know. Maybe she, maybe she, her answer will be. I don't know what the point of the story was.

I just want to tell you about my life and the people I have around me and the psychology I got to use now. Because I just got sick and tired. And I told my wife and she's like, you should be ashamed of yourself. I am. But I'm not because you don't take those fucking phone calls every three nights when somebody's going to kill themselves. Most people don't take them. They're like, I'm not going to answer that call. Me, I'm an asshole.

I take them because I got a fucking, uh, I feel guilty. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the podcast today, man. I just want to take your mind away for an hour just to take you somewhere else from what's going on in front of you. I hope that you're doing well. I hope that your kids are well.

I hope that your family's well. And I hope that you're taking care of yourself. Most importantly, like I said, they could open up all the fucking theaters, all the bars. They could give away free hand jobs at a fucking massage parlor. That don't mean I'm going. I'm approaching this with cautious and with common sense, and I appreciate you guys to the same.

I need each and every one of you. From Bob Lollinger's, even the Deborah Hubster who's been clean for 30 days, I need all you motherfuckers, because you guys keep me to fucking together, okay? From my man, Adam, the V, up in fucking Toronto, my favorite Greek, I mean, you know, I see who you guys, Chad Reader,

I see you motherfuckers. And I appreciate you with all. my fucking heart from the bottom of my fat little toes to my fucking big gorilla balls that are on, they're not even on sale. They're for free at comedy store.com website. You can see my balls after Manscaped and the lotion. The lotion's been working. But anyway, speaking of the Manscape, why are we talking about Manscape? That's a whole different

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Remember, stay loyal to your friends. You got only three of them. You live and die by them. You can't go wrong. I love you, motherfuckers. Have a great weekend. Stay safe. Keep your fucking distance.

I don't want to know nothing. It's pandemic season. Have a great weekend. Love you guys. Kick it, Lee.