The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #788 - Duncan Trussell

Episode Date: May 20, 2020

Duncan Trussell, a comedian and the host of the "Duncan Trussell Family Hour" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE via Zoom. Duncan is the creator and stars of the new Netflix show, "The Midnight Gospel." This podcast is brought to you by:   MeUndies - Go to Meundies.com/JOEY and get 15% off of your first purchase and FREE shipping.    CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.    

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and get a bath ball. Start with that, cock suckers. Kick this fucking meal. Lee. He's going to church. Code word church, that's right. Oh shit. It all fuck fucking today, right? No more fucking excuse. This is the year of the fucking soldier. We're going in like fucking Marines. You understand me?

Welcome to church, motherfucker. Oh shit. It's that fucking day. It's Wednesday. The stimulus checks still hasn't gotten there. I told you, who gives a fuck? There's no dead as prison. You're slinging dick.

You're alive. You're breathing. you got an apple. It could be worse. It could be worse. I saw the fucking cops tearing up the little homeless hut under the hunger. Did you see them? No, I've seen a good at a time.

To beat up on two little skinny homeless dudes with no mask on. Then they wonder why COVID. You're like, motherfuckers. You talk to a homeless guy. You better have the whole suit on. It's like you're going to the moon. You see those people who live under the tunnel? You go talk to them?

Like, I bring him a sandwich. I throw it out of him and run. Like, I can't. I can't. They got COVID. They got everything. They got shit that hasn't even hit that. Oh, my God.

I would love to see you throw a sandwich at a homeless guy. I do. I give him food. I dog, I'm the nicest. I pick, listen, I pick certain homeless people.

There's a little Mexican guy in Lankisham. He walks around like he's lost. Every time I see him, I bang him out with a 20. The black dude up by In-N-Out burger, he's not a bad guy. trying to bang him out. And then I got my personal bodyguard fucking Rambo 2,

the black guy, the returner, the black guy. You know what I'm saying? Fear of a black planet. He's six for six. What do you want to do? He finally got a haircut. I don't know who cut it. He got a haircut?

He got it. He got it himself. It looks far. His head is, you know, he's black dude, nice looking dude, but his Afro square. Like, he just took like a fucking thing to it. His head looks like fucking a kid in play, like one of those. But he's looking good.

always duke him at 20 when I see him. You got to take care of your local homeless people. Forget these local little businesses. Fuck them. They want to sell antique chairs. They wonder why they're going out of business. Why are you torture me? You're in no danger.

If you're selling antique chairs, you better get a fucking career and they go in there and start filing nails or something. You're in no danger. Every time I see a fire now, I think of Jewish lightning. Like in downtown the other thing. That's all I can think about. People are burning. That's a bad fire downtown.

That was a hash where they made cash oil. Actually hurt some of the firemen. My heart goes out to someone who's got. Ten, five, like firemen got blown off the ladder. Holy moor. I didn't know that. Like, yeah. That was a very bad fire at the other night.

So my heart goes out to you, motherfuckers. Still the toughest people, the front line, you know, through all this shit. Look where you find. I remember Doug Stanhope. After 9-11, Doug Stanhope had one of the funniest fucking jokes going. And the joke went like this, that it was tough being like, you know, for years of you in the Marine, you got your dick sucked. But after 9-11, it wasn't cool to be a Marine or a fucking soldier.

It was cool to be a fucking New York City cop. No, it was cool to be a fireman. Yeah. So firemen were getting their dick suck left and right. Now it's cool to be a nurse. Like if you're a nurse, you're getting your asshole eating. People are spanking you in the ass because it's cool to be a fucking nurse now. Like, it's amazing who rises from the fucking.

fucking ashes after a disaster. Like now they're the fucking front runners. Now we never thought how hard nurses worked and doctors work. Bro, I hate fucking emergency rooms. I think that's the worst job to ever sign up for. Why? Because

there's too much uncertainty. I don't have the heart to work in an emergency room. Like, I remember as a kid going to emergency rooms and it's just being a bad situation. I haven't been since I was a kid. Knock on wood

I don't even want to talk about it no more Sorry I even brought it up I tell you let's talk about What I've been looking at in Lancasham lately And now I see him in the fucking date It's amazing what happens When people start When people need money

I'm not laughing at no money I know people are fucking living hard It's hard for people But it's really hard When I first met Lee I used to hang out I used to go to a cafe It was just in Lancasham

I wasn't going to the store yet. And I'm not a fucking dummy but there's things I'm not hipter. Like we all are. Like I could see a drug deal happening a mile away. Yeah. I saw one the other day.

Really? Yeah. I was just because I take weird rides. You know? Like I take weird rides and I could spot a drug deal at CVS. They met at CVS. Oh shit. So as I was walking in like they were meeting, like he just got out of the car and they met at CVS to do the

Which is something I would do. CVS is a good spot. There's a lot of traffic there. But you notice different things. You know, like you, you, you, there's things I'm not looking for. So I don't know, like I don't really notice it. Right. But when I first moved to the Valley, I would go to Lancashim at night.

And it'd be like after 9.30, which nothing is going on in Lancashim. Now it's coming to life. They're building a Whole Foods and they've been. You've got like a massage place, flexorama, like one of those chains, massage arama. Yeah. They got Jimmy Johns and something else, firewood pizza. And across the street, they got like a protein thing and like a weird restaurant. Like your own keto, they're starting to put a life over there.

But nine years ago, it was just a ha-ha night to three blocks. Yeah. And then there was Starbucks on Magnolia. and then there was the train, which is another block and a half, and the only thing on that corner is the federal. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, there's an episode when the black guy gets arrested

and sons of anarchy, and they're bringing around around the side, there's a movie theater. It's a El Portal Theater that went down there. But that's the only thing that's on Lancashire, guys, was the ha-ha and the federal. And I would sit there at night. I would call the Agostino,

the guy who was on the podcast three weeks ago. This's got to be 10 years ago. And I go, Degostino, can I come down? And he'd go, yeah, come down and do the last spot. And I would go there, and I didn't want to sit inside. So I would sit outside that had tables out. That's how we met, yeah. And I would sit outside and go, like, every 15 minutes, a chick would walk by herself.

A black one, a white one, a black one, another black one. I never thought about it. They weren't bad looking, but, you know, I'm on down. I'm talking to the Agostino. I'm talking to Adam Hunter. You know, I'm talking to the comics at the time that are hanging out there. And one night I'm like, you know what, man, this is too fucking crazy. These chicks are hookers.

Wow. Yeah. They hookers. And then you and I met a girl one day. She asked you to go to Skinny's. I said, Lee, you're single. Go with her. And the next day, you're like, she won her 50 bucks.

or whatever. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she wanted to She had a black guy. Something. No, she had a bandit around her head. And he just left. He didn't tell me to go with her.

I just turned out. I just turned around. I was only, her gun. Listen, I'm not here to cock block nobody. Oh, that was the worst. I see a chick's a bandage around her head.

I'm all in. Either she's getting out or she just got in the head with something. Something's going on. I don't want to know nothing. But, you know, whatever. So, for years,

They cleaned up Lancash him. They have a movie theater like Lemley's there. So they really cleaned it up. I don't see nobody. You don't see fucking nobody. You come out here at night six months ago. You don't see nobody. The movie theater has people going in and out.

The Japanese people burnt down the sushi place. They Jewish lightning and then got caught. They burnt half the block down. He's going to jail. Is he really? Oh, yeah. It was in the paper like two weeks ago. He's going to jail.

Oh, wow. They cut a deal. Something's going on. He's going to jail. I remember when that happened. Yeah. And then Joe from the coffee shop tried to beat him up, but the cops got there because he burnt down the coffee shop.

The Jewish lightning went south. He went down. Yeah, listen, that's why Jews are good. They predict the wind. Japs don't know what the wind. That's for Indians and fucking Jewish people. Leave it to us. Do you know the downwind and shit?

He lit the fire like upwind, and it went up the corner. They burnt the library, a gym, and Joe's coffee. Fuck. Yeah, he went the other way to fire. So my point is, listen, if you're going to light a fire, just call a Jew. They know or they know somebody.

They got a relative who knows somebody on a light up on the other. These are just jokes here. My point is that, so now we hit the crisis, right? And things are bad again. So I take my little rides because my daughter homeschools from 10 to 12. so I don't want to be a nuisance and have her know that she's in the office. So I leave them alone.

I take a ride. I come here. I take my notebooks and I make my calls or the who I got a torture. I go to the weed store early and get that out of the way before all the German people go there. I try to do different fucking things

at different times, right? And one night I went for a fucking ride. Like I was like, you know what? I need to go for a ride. So I took one of my fucking times. talking joints with me. And I went to go to the YMCA. It was the night before they opened everything.

Right. Can I talk about that? I went in there, and they were doing exercises, and I couldn't go in there. So I parked in front of Brett's jit-to place. Yeah. And the hooker. She made eye contact with me.

She made eye contact with me. But here's what gets better. Like, I just thought that was one night. Oh, no. It don't stop there. Guess what I saw today? What? A hooker at Gelson's.

At Gelsons? Blacker than the night. I think they get just, dropped off at grocery because when I used to live on Sepulgna. I'm telling you, right down the corner from your fucking house. Oh shit. She was right there at 1130 and the 5. 1148.

Wow. Me and my wife could not fucking believe it. Was she like searching for it? No, no. She was there looking at the stars. Yeah, she was looking for dick. She was looking for dick on the way out of the supermarket. And that's not the first time I've seen

a black chick at Gelson's looking for dick and brought Daylight. Remember, we had that one that was like the Walker, like around like the coffee shop. Like years ago, she was like the only one that survived. I remember my shoulder to Josh Wolf one time. We couldn't believe how hot she was.

And she would wear blonde wigs, red wigs, and she would make high contact wig. But they cleaned her up. She disappeared. But now that they're back, if you go to In-N-Out Burger now, if you drive up towards an outburger, yeah, across the street, those city hotels,

they're outside. They're standing outside and they don't stand in clusters like they used to Like want to go out there for a little while you could see it They've all hookers have always intrigued me Just that a woman would stand on a corner And take a chance with a guy in a car That's the ballsyest fucking thing I've ever heard of in my life Anybody could shake their tits on the internet big fucking deal

Ha ha ha ha you know what I'm saying Let me see you get down to the fucking corner and work the corner and be known to be on that corner like to be known to be on that corner like people know that you're there at midnight when they get out from work

that is pretty wild and if you're not there you'll be there in 30 minutes and I wonder how I mean obviously you hear horror stories but people do it for years so it can't go better all the time

well I don't know like I don't even like I think Vegas is legal and process in Vegas Nevada yeah prostitution is legal in Nevada. I never really saw it in my face until the last time Joe took me to a UFC, and I left on a Friday night. I didn't wait for the fight.

I took that 6 a.m. flight, you've got to be at the airport at 5, and there were fucking hookers everywhere downstairs as I was checking out. It was mind-boggling to me. I didn't want, but if I see a hooker working in Vegas, like even at the South Point, when I used to work at the South Point. Right.

The South Point is really good. They clean up. But one would slip in there from time to time. Oh, yeah. And while we were eating at the seafood clam bar in the corner there, I would watch them. When we'd have a table, I would see how they work, how they're, you know, what their operandi is, how they see the guy. Then they sit two from the guy. And then they make an excuse to sit next to the guy.

You know what I'm saying? And then she gets up, and then he gets up two minutes later, and they walk out separate exits. It's interesting that you're so interested by it, because I know you are like a self-admitted prude almost. Like it's weird that like you're... It's not that I'm a hooker guy. No, no, I'm not a hookah.

Not at all. Not at all. But the art of it has always... It's not that I respect it. Listen, whatever a woman wants to do with her body is her own fucking business. I applaud those girls. A couple weeks ago, I applaud that girl, Jamie. Right.

On my podcast because she's broke. She's not showing her pussy. She's dancing with her tities or whatever. That takes a certain type of balls. You know, there's no waitressing. It's not like you get a waitressing job right now. It's not like you get an office job right now. You can't get a job as a secretary.

Again, you can't get a job as a chef right now. I'm not saying women should be certain things. But it's even, you know, for a woman right, right now, what are you going to do? There's no waitressing jobs, nothing like this. So I have nothing against you. When I retweet a girl that's selling videos or something like that, first of all, I'm laughing because that's what Twitter has become.

Yeah. For some women, they're selling videos on there. The hot mom from Texas, the one that always sells the gangbangs. I show my wife and we, how? My wife can't believe that they allow that on Twitter. I'll be sitting there and I go, honey, look at this. and she's just getting dicked from eight different directions. You show the actual tape?

It's on Twitter. And so we'll be watching TV at night. I'll check my messages and I'll go to Twitter to see what's on Twitter just to see if anybody messaged me or somebody, you know, wrote something. Right. And when I open up homepage, she's always on there. Getting fucked. It's the same old video and she'll say I just sold three more videos on HotBod,

go to Hot Bod, Triple X or something like that. Right. But it's live. She's sucking a dick. There's one video she made with her fucking playing with a pussy in front of the electrician. Damn. Oh, it's fucking craziness. And they don't take it.

I don't understand. There's a friend of mine that I know who does porno. And that's what she told me. She goes, it's really weird. And this was, she doesn't even do porn anymore. This was five years ago. She goes, if I would put a clip. up, they would take it off.

But if Red Band's old girlfriend would put a clip on, they would leave it on. It's really weird the selection if, I think if they get certified because the dog, listen, there's another girl there that I became friends with online.

Do you remember the girl that I retweeted and then she got pissed off in me because I retweeted her? She thought I was goofing on them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she said that she was getting threats, but then she hit me back and she goes, I saw like 200 videos. Thank you.

It's really weird. If I see a girl shaking her ass on Twitter, I might give her a retweet. Just there's one that's really annoying. I don't even know what her name is. She's got to go. How can you be annoying taking your TV? Oh, she's just because she's like a washed up porno stuff.

She's washed up, but like everything, she's lost everything. Like Tabit to Steve. Stevens is still beautiful. Yeah. She's not washed up. She's still fucking beautiful to have it to Stevens. You know, I retweeted her the other day.

She thanked me. I saw that. Yeah, she looked fucking beautiful. Fucking, she was throwing heat. She doesn't give a fuck. But there's some of them that it's time for them to go. Like, they didn't get the memo yet. Like, it's time to go.

Nobody wants. And she's the worst one because she makes a pussy squirt. So, like, you'll be fucking going on your home page on Twitter. And all of a sudden you see. And she's got the ugliest pussy. it squirts like crooked. It looks like my dick, like it's got like a turtleneck. So like when I piss, I have to pull the skin back

and not the pissable everywhere, like a flap. Like if it's a 50-50, that's why I always pick up the toilet. I'm always a gentleman. Because if I leave the skin down, I can just pee on my pants. I get it everywhere. Why do you leave the skin down then? No, I never do. I got to pull the skin back.

Okay. That image of your hand flapping around is going to be. I'm sorry. I know you're Jewish. We shouldn't be talking about. Yeah, I have no idea. Oh, my God. Anyway, it's great to be here on a fucking Wednesday.

You're still alive. Who's better than you, cuck, suckers? Nobody. Eight weeks, we've been under fucking acquisition. What do they call that shit? Quarantine. Quarantine. Acquisition.

Killing people. Fake numbers. I don't even know no more who to believe. All I know is we got a great guest for you. Listen, guys. I love it when I do a, a podcast with somebody and you guys enjoy it and you guys feel a certain chemistry. Because the better friends you are with somebody, the better the podcast, because the better

the stories, the longevity they've got, the friendship they've got and they want to have. A lot of people want me to do their podcast and I don't know them. It's just an interview. Sometimes I hate interviewing people. It's just a conversation. This guest that I have on today is one of my favorite people in Los Angeles. I got to tell you, he's one of my best, best, best, best friends.

He's fucking down as fuck for me. He was there when my daughter was born with a camera. He showed up. I mean, we went out to breakfast. We've been on the road together. We've been friends for 20 years, and I love him to death. And I'm proud of him.

what he's done with this show, Midnight Gospel, because it really is the mind of Duncan Trussell. And he fucking put me in his show. Like, you know, when guys like him and Greg Garcia call you up, you feel like honored. So Duncan Trussell, ladies and gentlemen, kick this fucking merely. There he is.

Hey, what's up, man? The master of the fucking universe. My little brother, look at him. with your fucking clouds behind you i like it i like it i got to get that effect you know what i'm saying oh yeah man it's all about the green screen these days joey that's where we're at right now how are you brother i'm great i'm really good man what about you good how's your uh child oh man beautiful just beautiful happy you know my wife is just killing it you know she's i'm just so in love with her man watching her be with a baby it's the most

psychedelic beautiful thing that ever happened to me. And he's just great, you know, he's, uh, he's, he's like, he's, he did his first joke, you know, at me, which is, you know, he's obviously, he's learned the word boo-boo. And my feet are so fucked up that his thing is to like point at my feet and go, boo-boo. Boo-boo. I'm like, no, it's not. How old is he about, Duncan?

16 months. How fun. It's the best. How much fun. You know, you wish they don't go to sleep at night. You're like, what's that? Let a man out. Like at night, your wife's like,

all right, it's bedtime. You're like, mind your business. Let them hang out. What the fuck they go in the morning? I know. There's times where you want to go wake him up. Yeah, I do. I do.

I go in there in the middle of night sometimes. I got one and put my head on his stomach and rubber arm. Oh, that's awesome. You're in no danger waking that little bitch up. Cosby got to her. Oh, my daughter, she sleeps like a Cosby victim. You understand? me she goes deep into the murky waters of the underworld i've even told i go you ever get up at night

come in the living room maybe we'll do some snacks maybe we'll watch a movie and she looked at me like really yeah wow that's he's nowhere near that age man he's still at age where if i if he if his sleep cycle gets fucked up you know he's he's grumpy the next day you know he's still at that age where like and he's in a crib still you know what times he got to hit the crib in that yeah what times you go to bed what time you put seven six 30 or seven and he sleeps the whole night straight yeah you know most of the time that he has nightmares sometimes it scares the shit out of me what he's your kid what do you expect he's got you don't think there's some leftover sperm leftover acid and fucking elucidetics and that one nut when you got a pregnant you know there's got

be something going when my daughter was born she just looked around for a little while I'm like oh no she caught 20 milligrams of an edible one day no they do they catch that shit they can and then you'll see them eat one day and all of a sudden you'll see him going to that's a that's a little flashback from the womb you know what I know I know no I know man I mean you do see that not not to disrespect your mother or my mother but those bitches smoked cigarettes they drank chlorox in the 60s and 70s moms didn't give a fuck they drank alcohol it was still all right for them to drink alcohol on the fetus they were out doing jumping jacks they didn't give a fuck now they're out running and jogging and the 70s these

bitches in the 60s used to smoke cigarettes nine months pregnant my my okay my brother this is one of the stories my dad like to tell my so apparently my mom and my dad they were using like an 80-year-old pediatrician. Right, like he was this old Southern pediatrician. And so he died. And they took my brother when he's a little baby to a new pediatrician. And you're just going through all the stuff that you give to the baby. And the new pediatrician is like, what are you doing?

The old pediatrician had been giving my brother, Lodonem, A lot of them, which is opium. So like, which is an old school, like, just like an old school medicine that they would give kids when they were crying. So like when my, you know, brother was a little baby, he was getting like hardcore opium, like the kind you would drink back in the opium dens in the 1800s. Where's this doctor today? We should look that cock suck up and throw him an envelope. I know, man. Now I want the fucking lot on them.

I'd love that. Can you imagine a couple fucking smokes of opium on a Friday night? You just sit there or you get like a Chinese chick to play the violin for you. You have no idea. Those are the good old days. Those are the good old days. Those are the good old days. Now we've got to live legit.

Now, not only do we have to live legit, you have to live in the spotlight. You have to come out with one of the most mind-boggling. animated. I don't even know what to call it. It's a hybrid, animated, you know, 10 years from now,

people are going to be watching this in midnight movie theaters. 16-year-olds are going to get high. Because the first, I watched two episodes. I'm like, this shit is, it's too crazy.

I know what this needs. This needs mushroom, maybe a fucking shot of heroin. You need to do drugs before you do mid-divorough. Night Gospel, right, before you even get into it. What you did was totally a mind explosion. I know you had a partner on it.

Yeah. But I saw a lot of the mind of Duncan Trussell. The thing at the end with moms, you know, you just hit it out of the fucking park, kid. Thank you. I mean, it's, but you hit it out of the park and you did a Roberto Clemente. It was so beautiful, so it landed perfectly. It just hit at the right time when America needed it. Netflix is never going to tell you the numbers,

but it exceeded millions because people were home. It came out in a great fucking time. And I know you hooked me up, you gave me a couple fucking voices. That was tremendous. First episode, I'm yelling weed. I watched it with my daughter the first time for about three minutes. Then you started saying, fuck. If you just looked at me, I go, it's time for you to abandon ship.

I think this is adult entertainment. It's not a good show. It's a great show, but not if you're a, not if you, you know, if she was nine, I'm trying to create a savage. Yeah, why not? Yeah. But I'm not trying to create a savage. Yeah.

Duncan, I got to tell you something during this whole thing. It's just great to see you. Great to see you, Joey. I miss you, man. I miss you too, brother. This is fucked up. I mean, it's fucked up. It's, uh, I, I want, I wanted to talk to you.

I wanted to ask you, first of all, thanks for watching the show, man. And I didn't hook you up. You hooked me up by being on the show. Thank you for being on the show. You killed it. You know what's really cool about you, man? Uh, is that you're not just a, uh, a great comic. One of the great comics.

You're also, you work your ass off to be an actor. And so when, you know, you see, you work in, and for the first time getting to see different people the way they work in a VO booth, you know, and seeing people who are trained, everyone did a great job. But like seeing people like you and Phil Hendry who are trained actors and watching, you know, all those years and years and years of work come out in the room. And not just that, but the way you're like connecting with everyone in the room, you're like doing this. thing which is really really cool to watch that's i love watching i don't care what it is man i love watching uh people who are experts at stuff you know what i mean whatever with voiceovers you have to go into the room and connect with everybody in that room if you want this project to go well i have to let my ego go and let the four guys who know what they're doing guide me you tell me

you know i'm directable you tell me what you tell me you tell me bang my head on the wall. That's a job. I accepted it. I'll bang my head off the wall to get the visual that you need, you know? So working with you guys was also a fucking pleasure because it seemed like just going there and do what you need to do. Do it this way. Do it that way. Do it this way. We have forgotten how to create anymore. The reason why I wanted to talk to you today is because you created something. Everything is so put together. Go watch like a movie that's three years. years old that was big three years ago you watch it now and you're like that was put together this is this is this is acting uh casting not with your show i felt it i felt the characters i felt

the richness the stabbing the guy in the ass to you know you just you took so much from your world and put it into this and i'm just listen man i cheer for everybody but for this one I went nuts. I applaud it. I turned my nieces on to it because my one niece is a real nerd and when I hit her with it she goes, I've seen the trailer.

I can't wait for it to come on. I go, you're fucking Uncle Joey's in it. Go for it. I send her a picture of a black guy putting a firecrack with his eye and blowing it up. I saw that dude. I showed my wife that.

You're like, I want to get stoned with this guy. How fun is he? Just doing a couple lines of coke and saying, like, every 10 minutes. Instead of having a Chinese guy and boogie nights, just having him, listen, put a firecracking. Yeah.

I'll give you an extra gram of blown driving to the hospital. No worries. By the time I get through with that poor guy, there'll be no eyes left in the state. What else you've been doing? Hey, Joey, what do you think's going to, man? This is the thing that has been dawning on me because I guess I'm slow as fuck. But, you know, I've been thinking, like, what's going to happen to stand up comedy? Like, what, like, you know,

The other day I was talking to my booking agent and, you know, like just getting the lowdown on what's happening out there. And the whole industry is paralyzed right now. And, you know, I just was wondering what's your take on it, man? You know, you've been hitting the road for so long. Like, what are you get? What is out there? What signal are you getting out there? My situation is as follows.

And this is, you know, Everybody's situation is different than this. You have a wife, you have a child, you like creating, you're very comfortable, creating different things. You've always done great. This isn't your first time at the rodeo. You have other shows that you've sold before. And finally, you found a one.

You know, you've got to kiss a couple frogs before you meet a prince. You know what I'm saying? For sure. So for a guy like you right now, you're safer than fuck. I'm just waiting for Netflix to put it in the second order for the second season. I'm not jinxing you, but they'd be crazy if they wouldn't. So you've got another year covered, okay? That's you.

Myself, I do videos for, you know, different corporate events and the podcast. We're not getting rich, but we're afloat, okay? As far as the road is concerned, you know, hey, I don't, know who this fucking Fauci guy is and I don't know who half these people are they're telling us what's going on. I know that I've had friends that have had it and I had a kid that I went to high school with died from it. I want to give him Dave Phillips rest in peace. I had to beat him up one day because I thought he robbed my house. We were like 15. Somebody robbed my house and they put him on me and I caught him in a bowling alley hallway.

He couldn't get out. I caught him in the fucking hallway. And I apologized to him later when I found out who robbed my house. And over the years we connected and we were dear on Facebook. He's one of those sad stories that went to the hospital and they sent them home. And then went back and died in the hospital. God damn. So I don't know what's going on with conspiracies.

I don't know if you should wear a mask. I don't know if you should put chlorox in your veins. I don't know if you should. I know, I'll tell you what's going to work for Joe Diaz. I just told you what's going to work for Duncan, and I'm going to tell you what's going to work for Joe Diaz. Joe Diaz is probably going to do some type of residency at the Brayer Improv. Two Tuesdays a month, maybe, maybe one Wednesday a month up an Oxnard.

And I'm going to continue to wear a mask. I'm going to continue social distancing times 10. No headshots, no nothing. No nothing. Basically no nothing. I mean, I got to know who you are and what your background is. I have a system for comedy. You know how you've been in a comedy club, and when you get there,

you're not in the door two minutes, and there's 10 knocks on your door with 10 people who want to know what song you want to go on and what you want to eat. eat, they want to introduce themselves as a girl here named Melissa, do you want no? So I'm cutting that down to one person. Every club is going to have a COVID advocate. Right. Mask, gloves, pick us up, clean car.

I want to smell the liceol. And I'm just going to feel out the waters. If it's too crazy, I pull the plug. I've been doing this for 30 years. I've got nothing to be embarrassed about. I'd rather it. it's better to quit ahead than quitting. It's a big fucking difference.

Yeah. But what about the, I mean, just from financially, if they're going to do like half, if they're going to fill the room with half as many people, I mean, that affects everything. That affects the clubs overhead. Everybody. Listen, it's called the COVID-19, but what it should be really called is pay cut. Yeah. This is, remember Paul Mooney, you and I grew up.

on Paul in the morning. Yeah. And every once in a while he'd look at us and say, man, you got your nigger wake-up call. Everybody gets that nigger wake-up call. No matter what color you are, I'm not being racist. I'm just telling you the truth. We just got our nigger wake-up call.

You know, the flights, people are not traveling, hotels, you know. You want to do it, you want to do an interesting, you want to write a new series of midnight gospel? All you got to do is go to the Siener. and make a left on to Melrose and drive down Melrose. That's a new season of Midnight Gospel. So I don't know. I don't have a fortune ball in front of me.

Number one, I don't want none of my friends to get hurt. And then number two, I don't want anybody who comes to my show to get that shit. Right. So how guilty would I feel for 25 bucks? You came to see some fat fucking felon crack jokes, and you got COVID-19 now for four days. You know, I love these people that they reel them out of the hospital rooms and they're clapping. And they're like, he's been here for 40 days.

Wait till that motherfucker gets the bill. Wait till he gets the bill. Especially in New York. Wait until he gets the bill. So there's a lot of tumbling that's going to happen that we haven't even seen yet. You know, we stay closed to July 15th. We're not going to have that much comedy left to do here in Los Angeles. Angeles. You know, they might be up in the rural areas, whatever. But for the most part, listen,

you got your health. You've got your child. You've got your little show. That's a fucking tremendous show. It's the mind of Duncan Trussell. And that's all we need to worry about right now. Nobody, I can't call you up and say, Duncan, I don't know if I can make your birthday December 9th this year. How bad is that? We live in a society right now that I don't know what November 8th is going to be like. Right. I don't know if I could fly home to see you Thanksgiving. I don't know if I could, I don't know.

How are you going to feel when you step on a plane and reality hits? And all of a sudden United told you the plane is 40% full, but you got a guy like me sweating sitting in the middle seat, poor fucking grinds on your shirt. shoulder. How are you going to feel? So this is going to take a time to heal. Where are you at right now is process of healing? Let's talk about it because this is like mourning. What happened was we said goodbye to our old life. You've already mourned your dad. You've mourned your mom, which you haven't even started to yet within. But now we have a third morning, which is this. Our old

lives life what life used to be like when i could see duncan give you a hug and pick you up yeah now i got to fucking do a straw a line or something give it to you and light it on fire we can't even use the same line you know what how do you feel right now post your old life you know man you know how that shit is it's i'm it's hitting me in waves it's like what where it really started hitting me is when i realized you know oh yeah the comedy sore is, you know, I was thinking, like, what are the reasons I stay in L.A.? And, you know, one of the big reasons with the comedy store, I only went up there Fridays and Saturdays, but that was everything. I mean, that was, I loved that, you know,

or even just knowing I could go up there or knowing if I wanted to, on any night, I could drive there and see friends and hang out and just, you know, absorb the energy at the place. And so that is what's hitting me the hardest, man, is I keep thinking of Mitzis. and I keep thinking of all those names on the wall and I keep thinking of all those years that different people work to keep that place of flow and all the times that it was going to shut down and I just keep thinking of how expensive it is

to have a place on Sunset Boulevard and I just keep thinking like damn I mean let's say they do open up but you can only do half capacity and you know I just keep you know for me, I just wonder what's going to happen to that place. And then from there, you know, I don't know if you've been reading about this, but all these like, you know, staple clubs in L.A. are really probably going to shut down, man.

They can't stay open. They've got no, they got to pay rent and they can't. They've got no money coming in. So I keep thinking of like all these places. For me, it's the Comedy Store. There's many other places like that that are communities that are based, around a structure that, you know, is not going to, but, you know, it's how long can that sustain itself? So for me, I keep thinking of that. Then I keep thinking of like, fuck, is L.A. going to turn

into Detroit? Is the same thing that happened in Detroit going to happen to L.A., which is, you know, what's going to probably happen in San Francisco, any place where people begin to realize that the incredible price of living there, which was worth it for all the great shit that you could do, now what do you got you you you're paying all this money to live in the fucking place the business tax here is insane and you can't go do stand up what if the if the comedy store shuts down man if if and i haven't heard anything about that i have no idea hope it doesn't but if the comedy store shuts down i you know and i can't see you in the flesh i don't understand why i'm going to stay in l.a because you know if we do get so lucky that we get to do a

second season, we're definitely going to be telecommuting for that. You know, like, it's not like you're going to bring animators in to potentially risk getting sick when they can all work from home anyway. So then, you know, that would be the other reason to stay here in L.A. What, are people going to go on commercial auditions now? Fuck no. It's all going to be telecommuting for auditions anyway. So I just keep thinking the city itself is going to, you know, it's, I don't, I don't think

people really quite realize how fucked it is here, man. I don't know. I haven't heard much on it. But like there's people paying $15,000 $2,000 a month for 400, 500, 500 square foot studio apartment because they wanted to break into comedy or whatever, right? Now you can't do stand-up. You know, these are the people who are driving Uber's and shit. Well, what are they doing?

And what about all the other people are working here? And what about all the people? Uber laid off 3,500 people or 350 people. Yeah. And at least they have food. We're about lift. Lift has nothing. So what I can tell you is this.

I'm going to drop some pounds. I'm still going to be high risk because of my age and blood pressure, which I have it pretty much under control. Excuse me for that little protein shake bark. Bark and burp. I went for a little bike ride this morning. No problem. You know, for me, I got to be honest with you. I'm high risk, not as high risk as a lot of other people have some muscular to me.

I work out. I still get a hard on. You know, I'm still halfway there. I want them to open up the businesses. But right now, just a couple of them, little by little, to see how people, my whole thing is the reaction of the people. Yeah. The reaction of the people will social distancing work. I will tell you as an observant guy,

I'm always looking for cops and drug deals. You know me, I'm a fucking wackadoo. That just it's, it's unnatural for us to social distance. Our own being attracts us to other people by mistake. Every time I see you, I got to take the fucking ruler out, you know, six feet, whatever, 10 feet. just all that shit that that's not going to work the mask wearing a mask cuts your chances down by 18% or whatever I just we're coming up last if we open up with sporting events you know baseball games that's when comedy comes back now there's two trains of thought here Duncan

And you and I both know that the comedy store opens in August, and they open it 170% capacity in the main room. How long is that going to last? Yeah. You know, I mean, Peter's a businessman. But that's it. I don't think a lot of comedy clubs are going to last this, are going to, if this goes to August or whatever,

even if they open up next week, you're opening up a week before Labor Day. You've been home since March 15th. Nobody wants to see some fucking guy at night sitting indoors. Right. A lot of people low financially. The thing I think about all the time is the financial woe in this country. Yeah.

We don't see it because we hang out with people who make $100 grand a year, $90 grand a year. Yeah. But I talk to people on the phone every day who make $60,000 a year. And they're not going to be going to concerts for a long time. Right. You know, a lot of people aren't going to be doing a lot of people. of things for a long time. So I'm just really focusing on my health right now. Focusing on writing. Not, did I even say comedy writing? Focusing on writing. I'm not even writing comedy. Why am I wasting

that energy for? Right. Whatever material we were working on, throw it away. Because you're going to have a new mindset after that. This is going to change you. This is going to change all of us because it's going make us think for the first time how we haven't thought about in years. We have a lot of free time to think right now. And some of it is good and some of it is bad. But soon enough, it all become good and it'll clear the way for what's coming up in the next couple months. Right. But I just don't want you or any of my friends or anybody who listens to this podcast. Tonight is May 15th, Correct? Tonight they could open up places.

I hope that you're not going to a club tonight. Right. I hope that if you buy a gram a blow, you stay home and do it with one of your friends and try them out first. You know, you got to build your immune system. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, not going to go to fucking club fresh. Go to a gay club with three of, you know, three gay guys, start talking to them, take your grandma blow, lower your fucking resistance, and see where you're at, you know. I don't see. I'm going to be honest, the church family and with you, Duncan,

because I always am. The other night, I usually go to the weed store in the morning to keep the percentages of germs down. I do all my errands early. I had to go to Walgreens this morning. I was there at 801. All right.

Because they spray that mist that night. Yeah. So I go in the morning to avoid that stuff. What was I going with the story, Eve? How do you feel? How about going out? You were at places early. You went to the weed store.

Well, I went to the weed store. Friday night, I was bored, and they've got these new pills over the urban trees called Ultra. These pills will fuck you up. I ate like eight of them, but I was actually fucking, when I drooling, what's the other word? When you slurring.

The first night I took them, I ate the whole can. Even my wife was like, what are you doing with your life? I was fucking slurring So I've been eating these pro tabs You know I drink a fucking quickies Because I gave up the edibles

Because the edibles were backfiring on me They were taking me to a dark place Once I got away from the dark place Now I'm back with the edibles You know It's fucking Wednesday We gotta get the party start And I already did business Monday and Tuesday

I'm with my brother Duncan And uh But going back to your question I expect I don't want to do stand-up on the road for at least nine months. I will set up a residency here, work on a whole new hour. I'm going to see what people's reaction are. Are people still going to want to come shake your hand and touch you? And, hey, excuse me, can we do a selfie?

Right now, listen, right now, closely, people, if you listen to this, and this comes directly from me, Duncan, and I'm sure I can speak for Ari Shafia when I say this, take that selfie stick and that selfie thought and shove it up your mother's ass. There ain't no more selfies in comedy, all right? You want to send a selfie, do what everybody else does. Send me a 20. I'll send you a side shot of one of the nuts sacks and I'll autograph it for you. How's that? Give that the grandma for Thanksgiving. Yeah, I got you, man. That's cool. Yeah, I think, you know, one thing I think that is going to happen is which I think is going to be spectacular

because, you know, it's easy to get on the dark side of this shit. But, you know, it's like when I interviewed, one of my favorite interviews was with this guy who worked at this place called Singularity University up in San Francisco. It's Ray Kurzweil, Peter Diamandes, the Google people, just basically the techno-illuminante or, you know, have this place. I don't know if it's still there up in San Francisco where, They're sort of trying to figure out what the fuck's going to happen when computers, you know, wake up.

And they, so, and it's not just like a philosophical exploration. It's for, it's a business exploration. Because if you're running a business, you need to understand what the technological landscape is going to look like next year, two years from now, three years from now. So you can begin to plan for that and start actually inventing shit based on, technology that doesn't exist yet, but that is going to exist. And so, uh, otherwise you're way behind the curve and you're fucked. And so when I went in there, man, this was years ago. They had just done a seminar and they had all these grease boards up that had shit

written on them. I wish I'd taken pictures of it, man, because they fucking, it was like a map of the next goddamn 10 years. All these predictions that all came true. And I remember looking at them. those days and thinking, that's pretty weird. For example, they were writing, like, what are the dangers of this, what do we have to worry about in the next, you know, five years? And one of the things they wrote down was what happens in a society where everyone's being surveilled,

where everyone's being recorded, where everyone's being digitally tracked, whether they know it or not, if in, you know, five years a law changes. And people broke the law five years before the law became a law, but they're on video breaking the fucking law, right? Now, that was loosely, loosely they were predicting me too, which is that suddenly, you know what I mean? They were predicting, they were talking about what happens if social changes happen very quickly and people have, you know, records of doing shit that becomes socially, completely impermissible, what's going to happen? And you're looking at you, we saw it. We saw what happened is all these fucks who are like operating is like complete scum and who were depending on people not being able to connect and talk about

it, they all got fucked completely from that. And that wasn't the only thing that they were talking about. The other thing they were talking about that was really spooky Joey is that as technology becomes more amplified, the ability for radicals to cause damage in society is going to exponentially increase, meaning that genome editing, for example, was going to become increasingly less expensive to get the equipment you need to do genome editing. So you could start doing like CRISPR shit, DNA shit in your fucking, you know, warehouse that you're renting for $1,000 a month.

You could get all the equipment you needed for maybe $100,000, as opposed to millions and millions and millions of dollars. Essentially what we're doing with podcasting right now. We've all become our own TV stations. We've all become our own networks. And to do that 20 years ago would have cost you countless millions of dollars. So anyway, man, it was like a really creepy thing because he's like eventually it's going to be that any individual on the planet is going to get to the point where they might be able to launch their own satellite or shoot down satellites. You know?

So this was like a thing they were talking about. But the main thing he said is the reason any of this shit is happening is because of market pressure. you know, people want faster phones. And because you want faster phones, it's putting all this money into studying like artificial intelligence. You know, like you look on Instagram and you can do that dumbass thing where you get the dog ears, it just tracks it to your head. Dude, 10 years ago, that would have taken all day long if you wanted to try to do that tracking, right? Now it does it instantaneously, right? It's insane. We just take it for granted. That's an AI that's doing that, by the way. So what I think

the silver lining of this is is that there is now an intense market pressure to recreate the performance stage in virtual reality. I'm not saying the sad way that people are trying to do it now. And you know, my hat's off to flappers

or whoever the fuck's trying to do stand-up comedy shows on Zoom, it's just not going to work. I don't think that's going to necessarily work. But I think that we're going to see the emergence of some kind of technology that isn't shit that is going to let people perform. I don't know if it's VR. I don't know what it is without having to worry about getting COVID. And also, if we do get that,

holy shit, man, that's like the best thing that ever happened to stand up comedy. Like, if you could recreate the original room digitally and actually do it, even come close to it, the reverb in the room, all that stuff can already be recorded, man. I use, um, software that can duplicate famous sound stages like places where the Beatles recorded and shit, they go in there and look at the geometry, look at the acoustic quality, and they can digitally replicate that. So you can get the reverb in the same place that, you know, the wide album was recorded or whatever. Right. This is what I'm thinking. This is what I was thinking. I'm thinking when it comes to comedy, this is what this is an option, not for guys like you and I, but for option

for the Chappelle's, the Rogans, the Burrs. I'm in contact with a well-known manager to a music band, one of the best bands in the world. We met by mistake, and we talked three days a week. And, you know, Live Nation, because of the money and everything, they were talking of doing the tour, but virtual, the whole tour would be virtual. So you sit in your fucking house. and you watch this fucking concert, whatever.

I like it, but I don't like it because I like energy from people. Yeah. Stand-up is 62% energy from people. Yeah. You know, I want to see a waitress slip and a glass break, you know. So this is what I'm thinking. I'm thinking a guy like me in a year and a half could do an improv and sell out. the weekend

but the reason why I can't do the theater is because they're going to go so backed up with the heavier duty comics so I'm also prepared this guy from this band they're going to use this service

and the service is basically what can you put in the room Duncan 300 people put the 300 in put the service in and allow it to the whole state for that night. Yeah. So they have an 8 o'clock show and a 10 o'clock show. They could either pay $12.50 to watch it live or, you know, I don't know, 1250 the next day if they missed it,

you know. Yeah. That might be an option. I mean, they're talking about a thousand things, but the problem is we're going into the unknown, not knowing. Yeah. That's the biggest problem we have right now. If I could look you in the face and say, guess what? This thing is going to be over in October. Then you and I could talk. You and I, we know, we could jerk off to October 15th. And then we got to start making projects for this fucking note, October 1st. Yeah. They're not telling you that. No. They're selling you, it's going to come back strong with the flu, different mutations. and we're still talking about maybe just missling China to debt, you know,

which is an option also that people have no idea it could be because not everybody's happy with China right now. Right. You know what I'm saying? Well, all it needs is three motherfuckers. I'm not happy with the meat. How about you, Duncan? They got to go.

That's it. We'll call our other three friends and all of a sudden it's fucking the year of the fucking firecracker. So we don't know what we're going into. Your child is 16 months. My child is seven. She's going back to school on August 18th, but it's already proposed that she's not going to see a classroom until January.

Right. Two thousand, twenty-two guys. That's right. I do not feel comfortable with that whatsoever. I have gone from being a comedian, R-rated comedian with a GED to an assistant principal, gym teacher slash entertainment arts director

yeah yeah you know interesting I love what I'm doing but the child needs more yeah right the child needs that intercommunication yeah she fucking Skype's with her buddies and she FaceTimes with her kids

but you need to get thrown to the floor you need what it feels like to fall off a tree yeah so I'm worried about a lot of things I'm worried about those things more than I don't give a fuck about stand-up and when it comes back. Right. He'll come back when it's ready. You know what? Elton John's making a comeback.

Yoko, talked to Frankenstein's uncle. They're bringing them back in 2002. You know, this just bought people time. For me, this bought his time. Just bought his time to get naturally brain healthy again. Yeah. The last 10 years have been done. heavy for people.

You've got married. You moved to New York. You lived in Pasadena. You got married. You had a kid. You sold the show. When was the last time you sat and thought for a minute? When you were in high school, that summer before you left? You're going to look, call me one day and go, hey, man, we got picked up. But I could do this in Oregon and save $62,000 a year in taxes.

I love you in death. I got a house with an extra bedroom. you're always welcome with mercy. You know? Right now you've got to look at percentages. You're looking at least dense populations. Yeah, me and you right now, Duncan, we should get money, get Lee,

and just invest in fucking buying people out in New York for dirt because they want to get out of the buildings. We can become slum lords and wait five years for those buildings to come up and COVID to be forgotten about. By that time, Arabs would be fucking in the ass with hummus is Loub anyway. What are you worried about COVID for? You know what I'm saying?

So, I mean, there's a lot of things we could be doing, but... Well, I mean, I would like to hear, like, you talked about the beginning, Duncan, about things changing. But you, Duncan, just did a show with a lot of it based on your podcast. Joey, you, 10 years ago, didn't have a cell phone, now you have a podcast, you're doing videos. Like, things change. like I think this is scary because it's happening all at once but don't you think like we don't need to be in L.A. to shoot TV shows anymore

No, we don't even talking about. Like we can do, like you can... The shows are so bad we can live without them. Right. There's three shows that you're going to watch out of 100 that I made. The studios should just shoot themselves and put the podcasters on all day. Leave days of my lives on, general hospital for old people.

No, it's great. But the programming, how do you think the filming scene is going to go back? You being an intelligent guy, what if tomorrow does somebody offer Duncan Trostle, just like they did the guys from, what's that movie, I did basketball? What's the, Trey and Matt, what? The Park Park. What are they? The South Park guys.

What if somebody tomorrow comes to you and says, Duncan, just in your network, I want you to do a movie. And I want us to start shooting November 5th for June release. How do you look at this movie now? How do you look at extras? How do you look at serving food and wardrobe and the people on the set? You know, is he really necessary?

Or is this union bullshit? Right. You know, testing. before I'm hearing things that if Duncan shoots a movie in Atlanta, and it's an eight-week show, and I shoot week three and week eight, I can't go home in between weeks. I have to stay in Atlanta at your cost. Because they don't want me to go back to my family and come back and bring it to you.

They're talking about a lot of crazy stuff. So I think animation is really going to be high until they've, figure all this stuff out. For sure, man. I mean, absolutely. Yeah, that's that that's no question about it. Animation is the future for a while. And I love that because I think animation is I love it too. I love it too. It's great. Free up a lot of stuff. You should love it, man, because you're really good at doing voices. Yeah. No, I want to try. I don't know how to do voices. I know how to do my voice and how to use it to mug people on TV. No, but you you can like, okay, like with Phil Hendry, what was so crazy working with him is, you know, because he's, you know, because he's, you know,

been doing VO forever. Forever. Forever. And the way he could dial in what you wanted. So you would start in this broad way, kind of telling him sort of what the character was. And then technically, he's technically a genius. He could just dial it in, you know, until finally you like zoom in on exactly the voice you were hoping for.

And then it's like he can stay, he stays on that voice. And it's like in his head is a menu of hundreds of different voices. And you just find the one that, like, works for the character. And then he can dial that in perfectly. You know, there isn't a lot of, like, fumbling or searching for it or getting off track with that voice. It's incredible, man. And with you, what you were doing with the same thing energetically, you know, and what was cool, you know, that was the thing Mitsy always said about comics versus actors is comics play themselves. Actors play other people.

And so, like, you and Polly, when I was writing, I was able to write, for your voice. You know, like I already knew your voice and it is easy to write for you, which is another cool thing about animation, man. That's awesome. But I'm not talking about movies or TV or anything like that. I'm talking about something even crazier than that, which is like, this is where I'm like, I love what's happening, dude. I'm talking about a global consciousness happening right now. I'm talking about an economy that's no longer based on living near where you work. Man, why aren't people

fucking talking about this, man? That's what's going to happen. We're talking, it's no longer going to be. You have to move your body to some fucking overcrowded, super expensive fucking place so you can toddle your body into some fucking office and sit there next to people in a

cubicle and only see them when you're going to take a shit or get coffee. You know what I mean? That's not going to happen. So now that means that businesses are going to exist not based on some like city. They're going to exist as these weird global conglomerates where workers from all over the planet

have equal access to getting that job. They don't have to move to the place anymore. And this is where shit gets weird, man, which is like all these fucking cities that essentially had like chained people to the city because of the archaic idea that you've got to be in a building with people to make shit that you're making with your mind.

These cities are fucked, Joey. It's not like you're going to be able to like buy property somewhere. Why be in a city? Why be a lot of people live like in the outskirts of LA and every morning they wake up and they drive to, you know, wherever the fuck, studio city, wherever to work. They drive two hours there, two hours back because they had to get their body into the place to have these fucking meetings with people that everybody knows could have happened remotely. But they had to do it because it was a super idea that work was better if people get their bodies together, smell each other's fucking farts.

Dude, it was the weirdest. When I was working on Midnight Gospel, which I love, man, I love being in the office. I can tell when I went there, both all four times that you were really happy, they were happy. It was a different vibe. Yeah. I mean, Tip Mouse is badass. Before you say something else, it really surprised me that you had gotten involved with.

Midnight Gospel because years ago, you and I had a pretty intense conversation about the project before or the project that you had worked on before that. Yeah. If I'm throwing you under the bus, I'm sorry. No, you're not. You said that it was a year of your life. It sucked you dry like a vampire. And when you did the math that you ended up making, you know,

680 to an hour or something like that. So I was very surprised. What drew you to this project? Well, man, that was, you know, the reason that that thing didn't, this is why I think, you know, fail, this is a cheesy thing. You say it's on the back of every cereal box, but you got to fail.

You have to fail. And you have to, like, you know, fail in collaboration. Like, when I look back at any project I work on, worked on with people where like my ego is getting involved too much or where my ego wasn't getting involved enough where there was like power struggles and shit that can happen in bad collaborations or where the idea itself is too foggy and fuzzy and you're just like being instinctual and stuff like that man you know I think that like that conversation you had with was was with a way more bitter version of me man and so I was frustrated no you weren't bitter you were honest

you were not better at all. You were very honest. And you said, you know, at the end of the week, I did the math. And I ended up making like eight bucks an hour. It was just a year. You go, I got to change something up. Which, by the way, man, and this sounds cheesy. But if you're working on something that you love, that's fine.

As long as you can eat. But if, like, you're looking at, like, what's coming out and realizing it's not that good, that's depressing, man. Now you're, like, just trying to make a thing. And this is why having made Midnight Gospel, it's like anytime I'm watching, in the old days, you know, you watch a movie that sucks. For me, I'd watch a movie that sucks. And I'd be like, what a piece of shit, man. Why would they even?

Now I feel some compassion. You know, like take cats, right? I haven't even seen it. But cats, they dropped all this money into cats and it bombed. And all those actors, they were excited about being in cats and the CGI didn't work. You know what I mean? there's like they they just if they didn't show the cats but holes which is weird somebody actually redid pieces of cats where they put their but holes back in but anyway because it was

too hyper realistic joey it was like you can't do realistic cats and then blur their butt it's like that's part of a cat is it flashes its ass at you sometimes and it's just anyway the point is all those people nobody nobody redid cats for the screen and wanted it. it to suck. Like everyone had good intentions. There was a lot of people working on it. And somewhere in there just shit started backfiring. They weren't paying the, somebody wasn't getting paid enough. Somebody was getting paid too much. They were in too much of a hurry. And at the end of it, you get just a rancid embarrassment. And I feel bad for those people, man. But with Midnight Gospel, you know, working with Penn, I just, it was like finding somebody I could collaborate

with you really understood me and I understood him to some degree. I respected him as the better way to put it. And I really trusted his creative impulse and his intuition. And so suddenly what formerly had been a kind of scary, not very satisfying experience just became like magic. Like I literally felt like I was in Hogwarts or something. Like I felt like I was in some kind of magical temple. I can't describe it in the other way. Man, I would want to be. walk into Tintmouse so fucking high man just you know tripping and like walk in there and see all these animators bringing our thoughts into real life and feeling that energy in there and feeling like everyone getting excited because they all knew what they were making was something weird and new

and like it was every day was joy man it was like walking into a church or something for me and I love that and I'm going to miss it if we do get to do a second season and we work remotely. But that being said, you know, Joey, I think that the future is going to look really weird in the sense that it's not going to, you're not going to, people aren't going to be living in cities

because they have to be there to work. I'm going to be living in Georgia. You're going to be living in Oregon. Rogan's going to be in fucking Wyoming. You know what I mean? People are going to be scattered to the winds and we're all going to be gathering together like this. Except right now the way we're gathering

together, it's still technologically not that great. You know what I mean? The technology isn't there yet, but it's going to be, man. And it's going to be like we're hanging out in real life. That's going to come. I couldn't wait to get to bed last night

so I could wake up just to see you. Yeah, man. Same. There's not too many people in L.A. I'll stab a motherfucker for, you know. Likewise. And I think you, me, and R. had a little click early on at the store.

You know, things happened over the years, over the years, but not between you and I, I think you and Ari, whatever, banged heads for a while, but at the end, we're all brothers. I mean, and here we are 20 fucking years later.

Yeah, man. That was 20 years ago when we were hanging out in the store and then fuck-o quit and you became the talent coordinator. and it was the most, you could see how uncomfortable you were being the talent coordinator, but you did it. You got to spend time with the queen of mean, the queen of comedy, Mitzie Shaw.

I mean, this has just been, listen, even if this coronavirus doesn't let us do comedy for the last two years, I'm full. Like, I experienced things. I never thought would be possible. I had gotten inducted into the comedy store. That's the Gambino of Crime Families. I wasn't an associate for a year. I went in there three times and she passed me

and after that I did what the fuck I wanted. I became the comic who I am today. What are your thoughts on this? That 20 years we've been fucking around. You were a kid when I almost killed that fucking toiletquist of yours. because the cocaine would tell me that he was going to come and get me in the middle of the night. Well, you know, man, there's no such thing as time. This is what I love about the Ram Dass community that I'm part of is they just,

they have these really great hippie ideas, which I really like to think about, which is that there's something called, what they call it soul pods. Like the way dolphins swim in pods, like souls do the same thing, except instead of we swim together through, incarnations. Like our bodies are the ocean that our souls swim through and we've been doing this forever. So whenever we're like, whenever we die or whenever like, you know, we always come back

and find each other and we find each other in all these different ways. You know, in this case, it was like through comedy, but we've been doing this way longer than that, man. Sometimes we're probably fishermen. Sometimes we're probably in the military. Who knows, man. Sometimes we're doctors. sometimes, who knows, we're bums, sometimes we're like crazy people, sometimes we're in middle asylums, sometimes we're like birds, we're like flocks of birds, but we always come back, which is why, you know, you always know too, because there's certain people you meet, and they're cool or whatever, but what, you know, you're never going to see them again, and if you talk to them, you'll talk to them here and there, but there's certain people you meet, and it just

is an instant, you just, you just start up like you knew them forever, even though you just met them that day. You know, this is, I love that idea. That's how I feel about you and Ari and Joe. That's how I feel about our group, you know, Red Band, all my friends like that. And the same thing happens in the Ram Dass community too. You just meet people. And it's like, it's to say like, you know, man, there's people like Ari. I won't talk to him for a year sometimes, unfortunately, six months. But the moment we start talking, it's over. Yeah, it's like we never stop talking. There isn't like a, it doesn't feel like a year went by. It's just like, oh, yeah, we're just exactly back here.

So I really do think that that's what is what happens with us, is we just keep sort of finding each other through lifetime after lifetime after lifetime. And each time we probably, hopefully, are learning a little bit more, getting a little bit more, you know, kinder to ourselves, a little bit more, a little less fucking crazy. And I think over the last 20 years,

we all, we watched that happen over the last 20 years. I can't think of one of us that got worse. You were living with Joe for a while. I think about it all the time. 1998 or something like that. Yeah. 99 you were living with Joe and I mean, I still remember you and Red Bank getting into an argument in San Jose at breakfast. So embarrassing.

He threw the hat at you. I can't believe he didn't wait for me. You're like, fuck you. You were laughing so hard, Joey. I'll never forget your laughter. I was howling because I love this shit. somebody getting into an argument at breakfast. It's just we've seen each other grow.

And what about the guy in Houston that was short with the jars filled with vikens? Oh, God, that was bad, Joey. You remember that? Would you tell these people how big those jars were that he would? It was like, you know, a construction truck? They have like hammers and light bulbs. He would pull the curtain up. And it was just jars of.

Like, Mason, John. Yeah, like it wasn't Viking and it was a Percocet. He had everything. You know what? He came to my last show in Houston. Did he still have jars? He didn't give me a thing. He shook my hand.

And he goes, thank you for talking about me on a podcast. I felt special. He goes, I was the guy that was given to you. And it was him. He gained like 10 pounds. He says he's clean now. He still sells weed. But I still think of just our comedy growth.

You know, all that time we put in with Mitzi, the road work, you could tell in Midnight Gospel. Oh, thank you, man. You know, man, I'm sick and tired of people thinking they could just ride into this town with no knowledge of nothing and create a masterpiece. It destroys me. If you come to town and one year, you're a light guy, then one way. One year, do you do comedy? Then for two years you write. Then for three years, you're somebody, some director's assistant.

And one day you come to me, what an idea. I'll listen to you. Because I know that you were a smart guy and you've taken different pieces of everything. That's what you did. And that's why Midnight Gospel is such a hit. And you're a hit. And, uh, thanks, man. I'm just happy to fucking see you.

I want to cry right now. I want to cry because I'm so proud of you. I saw you as a little guy. I remember still torturing people at the store when you were the casting, whatever, the talent coordinator. Huh? The talent coordinator. I used to tell people they had to give you a Vig if they wanted to perform. Don't mention the name.

We had them gone one night. You want to do spots. You got to give me money. Nobody talks to Dunkin direct. You talk to me, and I bring Duncan to money, okay? Nobody breaks the chain. And I still remember Duncan coming down. Like, I didn't know Duncan was dead 10 o'clock at night.

I got the guy in the corner, and I'm reading the rules. Listen, they give you 15. I want all 15 of it. He's like, how am I going to live? That's your problem. That's your problem. Five of that goes to me. The other 10 goes to Duncan.

You and Duncan don't need to. He's like, well, I'll talk to Duncan. You and Duncan don't need to talk about anything. I'll smack you in the face. That's so funny. And I'll never forget that you came out. And I go, Duncan, I'm talking to this guy, and I'm straight in the mountain. I just walked up to you.

And he was just left there. And I told you, do you remember who the person was? No. No, no. And I remember you walked away and you're like, what's going on? I'm like, I got this kid believing he's got to give us his $15 to get on stage. And we were just dying about it. man we did it was for one you don't realize and you can't maybe you do but like you're terrifying man

like if you're new at the comedy store and you don't i don't know you you're like joey dyes you you know you have serious clout you're fucking hilarious and also there's like you know there the artistic hierarchy there's a meritocracy at the comedy store which i always loved about it it was always that it was like great if you have a show or something like that but we're mattered is how if you're funny or not and I love that about that place in general a structure forms around that which I always liked I like that you know I I came up with a hard Krishna's and that was they were really into this concept of what's called the disciplic succession which is that this idea that like it's you know a kind of light gets passed

down through the generations that from one from a teacher to a student and and you know it's a very sweet thing if you're lucky enough to get that transmission and then you have it inside of you it's not like something in your head it's in your heart and so like you know the comedy store had that quality to it which is like people like you had that light you know and then like if people like me could sense that and wanted it to some degree you know and then there was a lot of respect involved in there not like ass kissing respect but just a lot of respecting just what you're saying which is like you don't just walk into the fucking comedy store and it wasn't you works out for you. Like, I don't give a fuck who you were. When I first got there, man, I literally

thought I was one of the funniest people. Like, I can remember, like, Jeff Richards, sitting in a car with him and he's just making me laugh. But for me, I'd never encountered someone who trained themselves in the ability to make people laugh. I'd always been accidental, you know? And so I just remember, like, suddenly realizing, like, holy shit, man, this, you're, you are a tiny fish in a very, very big pond here, man. Just because you were making people laugh on the fucking school bus doesn't mean anything, you know, and I had to deal with all that pride. I had stupid hubris too, man, because I had, you know, like I'd use making people laugh as a tool.

I assumed it was like, I must have been at the top of my game. I did prank calls in college. Surely I've got to be one of the funniest people ever. Then you run into someone like you. You know what I mean? Who's on stage like killing, but you don't even, you realize stand-up comedy wasn't even what you thought it was anyway. You realized that even the idea you had

of what comedy was was wrong. And then suddenly you're seeing whatever the fuck the thing is, which I still don't think. They call it killing now. I think that's the wrong word for it. I don't know what it is. There's probably better words out there. But you know what I'm talking about, man.

When someone's on stage- I think a better word is communicating at a high level. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good word for it. Because I'm making you, forget about everything that's going on and I'm making you hold on to your stomach but most importantly I'm making you laugh against something you believe it because I believe I told Lee to become a really good comic sometimes you have to talk about shit that is truly against you that's what even

makes it funnier that you don't believe in it like you know you have to believe in it I'm confusing myself. That joint was pretty strong. But when I'm on stage, I got to make the guy, I got to make them laugh, make them forget about his problems, and make them forget whether they're politically correct or not. Let them catch themselves laughing and going, oh, this motherfucker got me, I better stop playing that politically incorrect game. It's like when you play the South, the Bible Belt states. For me, 10 years ago, 15 years ago, I would come out of the box strong.

But after eight, I would make them remember themselves that they were Christians, and my show went south. Now I go up there, I don't give a fuck of you, Christian. Right. We're going to talk about how to fuck from behind and eat that ass deep with the fucking cross around your neck. And now you got them laughing at what they, you know, It's just a weird gift, and I'm always grateful,

especially when I look across from you, knowing that part of Midnight Gospel, a little, little, little bit, a little, little bit of it came from all those nights being in the original room and going up there with fucking Momo and playing. I wish you were here. That's how that mind started. I never forget being in the back of the original room on a Sunday night. I'm hosting.

And I bring you up and you got fucking Momo and wish you were here when he's talking to you. And this is a complete different mind. You believed that you were committed to this character. And that's what made it fucking kill on Sunday nights. And then you and I went on the road with Rogan. And we would go to San Francisco and San Jose. And you would do little Momo. And I would tell you, you better hide that cocksucker.

Because I'm going to break into your room and kill him in the middle of the night and shit. Hey, but Joey, here's the other thing that I got from the store, man, that it helped me with, is the animation industry is like the comedy store. And Titmouse is like the comedy store. It's homegrown animators there. It's, and like in the same way that comics are like, are outsiders, you know, you run into a real comic. It's always an outsider. It's somebody who is just completely unique. Animators are like that, too.

Like, some of our storyboard artists, like, one of us, like, one of us. of them who I love, his name's Lord Spue, Lord Spue. He is, you know, so fucking funny. But, like, I was able being around them to recognize that I was really lucky to be working with him because Pendleton took me under his wing and, like, he's, like, you know, really respected in that industry. But I wouldn't have known that. I wouldn't have had the humility to, like, let myself be in that place. But having been at the comedy store and recognizing, oh, shit, this. This is like the comedy store. And even though these people aren't comics, they have developed this craft of writing through

and making people laugh through storyboards in the same fucking way. Comics have learned how to make people laugh telling jokes. And that, you know, and I remember this kid, we got an argument. And there was a thing I didn't think was funny that he did. And I remember like, you know, and you get in these arguments in front of lots of people, man. Like you can't, there's no way to do it in a vacuum, right? And it's uncomfortable because like I'm sitting there and my ego wants shit to go one way. And I am thinking like, damn, I've been at the comedy store.

I know when shit's funny. I don't think this is going to work. And then I start realizing that's my ego. Like I don't think I'm right. I think I'm totally fucking wrong here, which is the other thing you learn at the comedy store. You learn to know when your joke ain't working. You learn to know when it isn't and how to adjust. And I remember like that's when me and that guy became friends is because I, you know,

I listened to him. I thought about it. I'm like, all right, let's try it. Then we saw it. It was a tiny little moment in it, but it was funny as fuck. He was completely right. And so then in front of this whole room

of people who saw us getting this argument, they see this joke work that I said wouldn't work. And I had to say, you were totally right, man. I'm sorry I got in an arm wrestling match with you over that. And then me and him became friends.

And it wasn't just like being on stage at the comedy store. It was working for fucking Mitzie and having to eat my fucking And ass, man. It was like Bobby Lee coming up to my office and pissing in a goddamn cup and leaving it on my desk and walking out, meaning like I'd have to take that cup of piss. You know what I mean? And like, what are you going to do? You either leave a cup of piss on your desk or you have to pick up Bobby Lee's piss and try to walk it to a bathroom

and pour it out without getting on your hand. You know what I mean? You and I'm not, advocating that kind of like fucking fraternity bullshit hazing shit but let me tell you you learn how to eat your pride there a little bit man yes you do and that and if you in the right way that can really help you collaborate with people that can really help you like let other people have a voice and because you're not going to be right all the time you can't be man and so you know that that that guy he did my podcast recently and i brought that up at the beginning of the podcast that moment and he told me he's like man i really thought you're going to fire me like because you know when you're working with producers and shit sometimes their ego gets in the way and they can your

fucking ass you know but i but thank god for the comedy store because i just recognized him is for what he was which is a brilliantly funny outsider so anyway man i think that's the other thing it gives us the comedy store is like it teaches us how to work with because you're by yourself on stage but the comedy store it's more than just being on stage man it's like Offstage, talking with people, getting inspired by comics, you know, letting your soul fill up with that energy. And, you know what I mean? I think that's another thing it gave me relating to Midnight Gospel. Yeah, I don't know what will happen.

I don't know how we're going to make it the next three months. You have your family. I got mine. We got our health. Yeah. We got a pen and plenty of paper. We got an iPad. And like I said, I'm going to pick up a.

something locally that I could work on every other week, no pressure. I think even the pressure the store was getting to me. You know what, man, I'm a lot like you. I'll tell you what night. I'll come down that morning. I don't know if I wanted to do stand-up on a Tuesday morning, but I was forcing myself. So this break for me has a silver lining because it's letting me think about what I really,

really wanted to do. I really want to be a part of that little girl's life. Yeah. I really want to get healthy. So in 18 months when the soprano movie comes out, I can travel a tour, you know, get a couple dates out of it, see some people. I miss doing stand-up. 29 fucking years.

29 years I've been going out at night. Now at night I got a fucking hood of sweatshirt on, a pair of fucking shorts. I'm counting a minute still I eat an edible to make that hour less. boring you know what I'm saying yeah yeah they've cut my legs off it's worse in communism for a guy like me I could I control I'm Joe the captain of my own body if I say to myself I'm not going to the store for a month to take a breather I do it but somebody else is telling me now and that bothers me a little bit I'm not mad I'm not mad at anybody it's a disease and

people are dying yeah so that's been a little rough on me but do doing these things with you, talking to you on the phone, talking to Ari, lets us know that we're still here. You know, sometimes pain is good because it lets you know you're alive. Right. So I don't see you going through any pain.

I'm not going through any pain. I just wanted to get together with you to help some people that are having some hard times and want to entertain them and open their eyes to the best show on Netflix right now. Thank you, Joey. Fucking midnight guy. just and I have friends that have watched it because I've recommended it to them that I

recommended it to them because they're so uptight they're assholes you can't even put a thermometer in there if it was the 70s and they've returned and said I liked it I watched it with my daughter so trust me Netflix got a lot of views you did great and I just want to let people know they got to see the mind of Duncan Trussell thank you Joey and that's what out the drugs. We got next season is your mind with drugs. You know what I'm saying?

Hopefully by season three, they'll have a machine that you could do high doses of mushrooms, fucking ketamine and fucking what they, that Chinese shit. And then they put senses on you

and whatever you see, you could turn into a movie. That's what I'm hoping for. Me, you, and Lee can sit together do some heavy duty number two from the Chinese mixed right there. Wohan.

Get those fresh thoughts. That Wohan heroin is a motherfucker. I love you. I love you, Joey. Spotify, iTunes, YouTube. Yeah. Have a great day. Thank you for doing this.

I'll give you a call later. I love you, brother. Call me later, Joe. I love you, man. Thanks for letting you be on your show. Always. What did you think of that? Cocksuckers.

I loved it. I love talking to that dude. Always an interesting time. It's better to have him in studio because crazy a shit happens when he's in studio. But we got him anyway. He's great. If you haven't seen midnight, what the fuck is it? Gospel.

That joint was good. Midnight gospel. It's time you watched all episodes. I'm in a couple episodes. Like I said, he hooked me up. And that's it and that's that. As dates are concerned, they ain't none, so don't ask. I hope you got your money back.

And once this whole thing clears up, we'll be back. I'm happy I could come on the air today and, you know, take your mind off of shit for a fucking hour. I wish I could solve this. I wish I could make this go away, but I can't. All we could do is giggle a little bit, tell a couple fucked-up jokes, and that's fucking it. You know what I'm saying?

I went, yesterday I went against myself the other day. I take a ride every day, you know? And every day you go a different direction. some days you go deep that way and some days you go that way the other day it went that way and Steve Simone, our dear friend, has become a fucking chef

and the other day he dropped something off at the house. What the fuck did he drop off? Meatball? No, he always dropped something off and the other day he said he went to this I'm not going to say the name of the place this Italian place that sells like

Italian supplies here in Burbank. And they got like olive oil. He told me what he was he bought. He bought olive oil that you put on the pizza. He bought a special type of olive oil. Oh, he said he bought raviolis, the same one that his mother buys.

So I'm driving towards that way, and it's 1130, which is my cutoff time. After 1130, If you're out, listen, I got new rules during the quarantine, okay? Here's the rules, all right? If you're not high by 12, go fuck your mother. By 12, you should be blasted. You understand me?

You're like blast. I don't care what you do. I don't care what you do to get you there because if not, you're going to get too good. And I'm not talking about ending up in a fucking rehab. Don't say that. I ended up in a rehab because Joey told me to get blasted. No, no, no, no. If you do heroin, just do a little skin pops.

something to just something to straighten out the leg you know what I'm saying you have to sit there and watch TV like a moron if you eat like eight vikin's a day cut it down in two

but pop like a half like at night in the morning just to get the wing going you know what I'm saying pop with your breakfast and if you're smoking dope you know listen I wake up I wake up like a normal human being

I wake up whatever I help my wife with the cats. I drink my coffee. I try to write a journal as hard as it is to focus right now. And at some point, I know it's rea for time. I go in the back.

I don't know how long it takes. Like today I got up at six. I got so high today I didn't even tweet. That's how fucking high I got today. Because I had to go to that fucking MRI. So I was so fucking nervous before the MRI. Because I don't like being around people no more. That's it.

Like, I got to. I got to, I'm working myself up to like four or five people. You know what I'm saying? Like anything after. And that's gonna be tops. And that stops for right now. I'm serious. Yeah, like once I see five or six people gathered, like I get nervous.

So against my best world, I go, you know what? Let me help my wife out because ravioli's, all you got to basically do is boil water. Yeah. And my wife makes a fucking sauce, quick mcrew, no meat, a lot of garlic, you know, whatever the fuck she puts in it the whole tomatoes I love it I fucking love that shit so and it

just eases the burden off my wife you know she could just throw that in there you know these are it's fucking 21 meals my wife is responsible for I fucking hate cooking so I do I used to love to cook but then I hate looking at raw meat it makes me

sick to my stuff really don't like about meat no I don't like looking at raw meat and cutting shit and seeing blood and chickens forget about. When I was a kid, my mother would have to do Santeria rituals, and then you got to eat the chicken. It's like choking yourself. It's like, you know, so,

like, I don't like cooking. I just don't like it. And when you see a fat dude, like, look, when I see a chef, he better be a fat fuck. I've always said, show me a skinny chef that he talks about kettlebells. I don't want to do business with you. You shouldn't be talking about kettlebells. You should be talking about calories

and how to put flavor and food, butter, you know, shit like that. That's why skinny chefs I stay away from. I see a chef with an eight pack, a six-pack. I don't want to do business with you. So rule number one, during the quarantine, you got to be high by 12. And rule number two is do your shopping by 11, 11, 15. Before all the fucking morons come out.

The earlier, the better because there's no less germs in the store. At night, they spray that fucking woo-hand juice into the air that kills the bugs and all the fucking air. So you don't want to go in there at 6 o'clock because there's been 200 people in the supermarket. So you want to pick a small market and go in there early and night that you beat the fucking Wuhan Germans before they fucking spread.

But I said, fucking, I'm all the way over here. Let me go into this place at 5.30. At 5.30, it wasn't no fucking 5.30. It was like 11.30. And I forgot it's a fucking lunchtime crowd. So I went to the freezer. I call Steve Simone. I go, what's the brand the ravioli?

Steve Simone drops the brand on me. I grab a lobster ravioli, a beef ravioli, and a cheese ravioli, just to help my wife out. I get a loaf of bread, you know, Italian bread, just to try it out. It was shit. Yeah, it was pure shit. They can't make Italian bread out of it.

Just to try it out. Yeah, it was garbage. I took the, you know how you get the, on the drive home, you can't hold yourself back so you take the tip off. Yeah, of course. Like I took the tip off and ate it tastes like a fucking community waffle. Like I thought I'd gone to church. Like, what the fuck?

Oh, no. It had no flavor to it. It's terrible. So I go in there and I get the bread like a retard that I am because I'm high. And I get bread, da, dot, dot, dot, dot, da. And I get to the car and I go, I should have helped her out and got some cold cuts. Let me go back in there and get some cold cuts. So I go back in, I'm a little lady goes, you got to take a number.

So as I walk to take a number, this fucking half-retarder woman is right there and me trying to be a gentleman. See, it pays to be a fucking animal. It used to pay to be a gentleman no more because you give people breaks and they shit all over you. Yeah. This lady takes the fucking number. I say, go ahead. She takes it.

She gets in front of me. And after ordering like a thousand things and sampling shit, at the last, last minute she throws in a fucking gift card. So they got to stop like Bruno, the only Italian in there, because everybody's Mexican, nobody knows how to fucking fill out a gift card. I would love you to see your face at that moment. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Listen to me. I was 57, and the lady next to me was 58. She was standing like six feet from me, and I'm 57. And when she asked her a gift card, the lady said, no, she didn't. and I looked at it

I go, you're from New York She goes, worst, New Jersey I go, where? She goes, Clipside Parked I go, you ever go to Rudy? She goes, please, I grew up in that fucking junk So we started talking

And I go, can you believe the balls In this fucking lady? And she goes, These white people out of here fucking retarded Who would get to come at 530 And get a fucking gift card You're gonna come here at 12

And stop the whole fucking process The fucking guy, Julio, whatever Bruno, you should have seen him cutting He was getting paid by the fuck fucking century. He was slicing like, you know, his arm had arthritis. Like, get through it. You know, I grew up in a

fucking deli. Slice that fucking meat. And everybody else was walking around like in 3D2. They're like three Mexicans and nobody I blow. Like, they sent the A-B team home and they got the B team to replace. See, what's going on is they gave these Mexicans $1,000 a week

for unemployment. So they were getting six, legit. So now they're like, fuck it. We're not going to. back. In fact, we're all in Mexico would take our 11 weeks. Fucking going back. Hell yeah. We're not cooking with the Hiv. So they're sending the B team.

And they don't know what's going on. And they're not even Mexican? I don't know what they were. They were like, fucking, they were like lost in there. They were like lost in there. So damn it on me for going against my own rules. Don't go against your rules. That's my, I love, especially when we're out on a show and someone

ask you to do something like that. Would you please do a video for me? Just anything that I know you don't want to do. I just love watching your face. Because you say you crack people. You crack sometimes, too. It's pretty funny. Like, when you can't handle it,

but you're trying to be nice and polite. Lee, I got to be honest with you. I crack every day. Every day, especially the last two weeks, I crack every day at some point. from natural stupidity or something. But I keep in control.

I'm okay. It's been under control. I'm good. I'm healthy. You know, knock on wood. They called up to switch my physical. I can't wait to get the finger in the ass.

That's that because now I'm going to get the finger in the ass and then you're going to drive me again to put the camera with my ass. I'm doing it. That's like six years ago. Can I do it? No, you can't do it. Why? What do you mean?

Put the camera in my ass? Yeah, not the finger. No, no, no. you got a little professional what's wrong with you you're a retard you put in the wrong hole you didn't you fuck paul in the ass you're gonna stick a finger up my ass you you're probably faint if you how many holes do you have down there just the main one like everybody else you fucking mom just one plus the one into my p-hole what the fuck is wrong with you how many holes you got that one of my transvestite or something like that what the fucking you said i put it in the

wrong hole you did you would you were fucking retarded you know i love you see what I'm saying I got to deal with people. You think it's an easy day. You're going to just smoke a joint and go home. I got to deal with this. Duncan Trussell was great. So watch Midnight Gospel. I had a great time on it.

And I'll tell you what. And it's the truth. I thought the first fucking five minutes, I'm like, you got to get higher to watch this. Oh, yeah. You got to do a hit of something. You got to eat a mushroom wing. You got to do a mental end to do something.

I called Josh Wolf and got the fucking Josh Wolf. I don't know where he gets these. mushrooms from. That's why he's so skinny. He eats these fucking mushrooms and he goes to different planets. Him and Ari get the fucking best mushrooms of all time. I'm not a mushroom guy. He gives me diarrhea. But for midnight gospel, I had experiment. I had to take the chance. Columbus did. And it was okay. I enjoyed myself. I had a good time. So if you get a chance, watch it, follow his podcast. And that's it and that's that. I don't know nothing about dates. I don't want no dates. I want everybody would be healthy, everybody to get financially settled,

and then we'll talk about fucking dates, all right? Everybody's taking a fucking pay cut. So fuck you, you know what I'm saying? Everybody's taking a pay cut. Everybody's hurting. Everybody's going through the same thing. And I'm fucking sympathizing with all you cock suckers. So thank you for listening.

But before we let you go, let me talk to you about something. Seriously, if you listen to the podcast or you followed me for years, guys like Bob Lillings, Ouki Spooky, they know. I love Miondi's. I love them. I wear them. I love them for working out. The whole thing.

Meandis, meandis, meandis. I know you've been hearing this from any podcast you listen to, but here's the thing. Mondes is the world's softest and most comfortable, sustainable underpants in the fucking world. All right?

It's like having an angel. It's like someone having a little baby's hand in the cradle of you. you're nuts. I don't want, don't say you heard it from me. They design their underwear for comfort and self-expression. Point is, it's time you cut off your toxic relationship with your tatted old these. Guys, I know you're hoarding some fucking works of art in your fucking top draw. It's time to make an adult decision and get rid of that shit. You show up at some girls' house with white underwear with a little yellow spot in front with a little peace thing like a fucking

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Period. All right? They just don't make undies. They got lounge wear and all the same fun patterns that you love and underpain. Every month they send me and my wife the same underwear. Not that we're two fucking morons and we put them on together and jump up and down. But my wife wears them to go to yoga.

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Number two, enough. Every fucking where I drive, I see like a fucking, Armenian dentist office a fucking, you know, like a diner and there's always like a CBD fucking arrow. And I go in there

just don't look and fuck with them. And I go on there and ask them questions and bust their balls. Lee was saying I should do like a fucking bring back like the beastie boy. Jerky boys. The jerky boys and call people because I'm going to torture people on the phone.

And it's not a bad idea. I go into those CBD joints and I ask people questions. And you know what? I'm not a CBD authority, but I know they're blowing smoke up my ass. With CBD line, you know exactly what you're getting. Go to CBDLine.com.

Read up on them. Look at their third party test results, okay? They got the proof as in the fucking pudding. Those gummy bears, my wife eats them. My wife has two fucking flavors right next to that at night. That's how she falls asleep at night. It's got the raspberry and the fucking strawberry. They got a tropical that's out.

That's tremendous. They got a lotion that's tremendous. They got bath balls that are tremendous. If you want to soak in the bat, you're going to feel like a fucking million bucks after that. Listen, you guys know what I went through with my hamstring. You guys know I'm old. You guys know I still fucking try.

And I hurt. But I'll tell you what. I could tell you when I'm off CBD line. I can tell you when I'm on it. Before I go to bed at night, I do two fucking droplets under my tongue. I wake up in the morning ready to sling dick. I'm an old man. trust me what I'm telling you I love it

it works for me whether you and they have it however you want you want to smoke it you want to put it in a vapor bro they got no vitamin E no acetane whatever the fuck that chemical is you know me I'm no scientists but I'm not going to tell you to do something I wouldn't do go to CBD line.com right now pressing code church

CHURCH get 20% off your first order get it delivered to your door there's no better CBD out there fucking period. You understand me? Enough is enough. Have a great fucking weekend. Thank you for listening. Thank you for having our back. And thank you for supporting us.

And if you're going through a hard time, my heart goes out to you and your family. But guess what? We're making a comeback motherfuckers. Everybody's going to suck our dick. The Chinese, the fucking Cubans, everybody's going to suck our dick. Don't worry about none.

I love you guys. Enjoy. Have a great weekend. See you Monday morning. Tip-top. Pop McGoo, no fucking stories. Do your thing, cuck, sucker.