The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #791 - Joey Diaz on protests and THC emergencies

Episode Date: June 1, 2020

Joey Diaz discusses the recent protests and tells a story of one of the worst THC emergencies he's had in a long time.  This podcast is brought to you by: Keeps - Go to www.keeps.com/CHURCH to get your first month free and hang on to your hair.    Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout on your first order.    

Who knows what the fuck is going to happen. Greetings from Podcastville. The church, what's happening now? Monday, June 1st, the rent is due, motherfuckers. And you know who's got the rent? Luters. The church is brought to you by and welcoming keeps. Let me talk to you people.

You ever see these fucking guys. It's 2020, and they're walking around with a fucking wig on. You ever see these guys? or then you get the guys that leave their hair long and cut their hair all of a sudden then they're missing in action they make up a story they got about getting mugged

and they come back looking like the Beatles with a whole new head of hair you ever see these fucking guys you ain't fool nobody you're not fool nobody so stop and in fact you do fool when I see a dude with a wig I say a prayer for you

because you don't have much left any day now somebody's going to shoot you in the head it's 2020 and you got a fucking rug a raccoon on your fucking head get it together face the facts. Two other three guys will lose their hair by the age of 35. I know a lot of people who are balding, and I don't mind looking at a smooth head. But let me tell you something, guys, if I see a toupee coming towards me, I'm walking the other way.

That's just the type of person I am. We all know what's going on underneath that fucking little George Jetson hair do. You're not fooling anybody with that rug. Your hair's thinning. It's not the end of the fucking world. The best thing you can do is get ahead of it. I'm 57 years old. You know what I'm saying that?

I'm far off the fucking time from the future. And I'm telling you to do something. Hang on and prevent the what you have, what hair loss you have with keeps. Get treated online by a real doctor, FDA-approved medication. Over 100,000 guys have played for keeps with keeps. Treatment starts at $10 a month.

But since you know Uncle Joey, I'm giving you your first month. free. Do me a favor. Stop it. Stop it. I know you don't feel, you don't feel good. You're not competent. It takes away from who you are. Why live in that fucking wrong? Go to free right now. Go to keeps.com slash church. Again, that's keeps. K-E-P-S dot com slash church. And hang on to your beautiful hair. And it's nice and easy, no drama, nobody knows nothing. Again, that keeps.com slash church. The church is also brought to you by On It. Listen, when it comes to supplements,

On this is number one. I have, uh, I use all, everything from fucking Onet. Every once in a while, I'll go to GNC for like a fucking after boost or something that On it doesn't have. But everything else I get from fucking on it.

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Go to honor.com right now and press in. Church. And get 10% off delivered right to your motherfucking crib. Who does that for you? Nobody, Uncle Joey. Kick this motherfucker mulee. It's Monday, June 1st. Get off that fucking to that direction.

No more fucking excuse. This is the year of the fucking soldier. We're going in like fucking Marines. You understand me? Welcome to church, motherfucker. Oh, yeah. Welcome to Riotville, you bad motherfuckers. The church on a Monday morning nice and early.

I'm here to hope that your day goes smooth and you don't encounter any hate along your way today. It's been a bad fucking week, and we'll get right to it. Let's spark a joint while we have it. I know you're all home. You're sitting there like fucking momos. Put on YouTube by the respect for this poor bastard, George Floyd, Eric Gardner and every other minority

and any other white guy or whatever that's been beat up by a fucking cop here you go there you go it's been a rough weekend nice to kick back on a Monday morning tell your boss relax with the fucking Zoom call all right put the Zoom call on hold I'm all zoomed up

we zoomed to talk about nothing some guy told me he spilled glass on his computer because he was having a happy hour on Zoom how old are we now how old are we now that we're on Zoom Happy an hour. Are you fucking retarded? I try to get on Zoom and get the fuck off of that.

They're watching you, you know? Anyway, what? You wouldn't have done that at 21 and, like, made a drink and sat on Zoom with your phone? You fucking retarded. We would have stole the computer, like the looters last night.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Hmm. Mmm. You know, I got to get this body started right in the Monday. But listen, there's an old saying. First time shame on you Second time shame on me Guys we live surrounded by cameras

If you haven't put that in your head yet We live surrounded by cameras You could smack a dude With nobody on the street That dude calls the cops You run away Within an hour There'll be footage of you snapping that dude

Some guy on the street driving by He's so because as soon as you see two people getting together altercate, the fucking phone comes out. So, cameras are on you all the time. I don't know what happened. I was not in Minneapolis that day. I was here mind in my own business in case you're thinking of accusing me. Right away, I take the fucking, because in my mind, I did it.

You know, that's the type of person I am. I see a black man getting held on a choke, his neck. I see him telling people he can't breathe. and then I see the pee run down the street. When you see the pee come down, right there I knew there was going to be a problem. I posted something immediately that, you know, two years ago, three years ago in New York City, they didn't handle the Eric Gardner case correctly. And I'm no cop, as you guys know, I'm a criminal.

But I have the utmost respect for cops. Like I said on my video a day, you've never heard me on a podcast used a word. word pigs. It's not in my vocabulary. It never has. You know who uses word pigs? Fucking moron. Because they call cops pigs. But when they're getting a beating, who's the first one they call? Mama, mama, mama, the fucking pigs. So don't use that fucking word. Because you're going to fucking need them someday. Why you're getting beat up or your sister's getting raped? You're getting fucked in the ass. In the gay club you walked into my mistake. Someday you're going to need the cops, okay? Even when I got arrested, I get those cops with the utmost respect. There's one cop that

disrespected me. So I opened up the fucking valve on them, but that's a complete different story. That's not what we're talking about here today. We're talking about what we all seen as Americans with the knee on the thing and the piss, and then the explosion, the last four nights. It's been Sunday, you know, Saturday night in L.A. was brutal.

Sunday night was fucking brutal. I know they're marching up into the Valley last night, I heard. Tonight. Yeah. But they're doing that all over the country. I can't even imagine what's going on in Minneapolis. Me, I wrote a tweet saying that first time shame on you, second time shame on me.

Okay, that now the cops at, because, you know, again, I'm not a smartest guy in the world, and I don't have a fucking crystal ball, and I'm not a fucking swami. But I do know that the U.S. is trained. Many, many, many, many black men in the armed forces. And many of them have been, whatever. You know, they come home, they got a little PTSD.

They're looking at things from a different angle, from a different world. What makes two of them get on the phone and say, let's start making 9-1-1 calls for domestic violence and shooting the cops and we get that? You know, one-for-one. What's going to satisfy this fucking rage that's going on in the country? Did we need this right now? I mean, no work, fucking coronavirus, fucking people are. got no money. I just saw what, three moving trucks on the way

here. On the way here, I just saw three moving trucks. One last night before the curfew, I went for a quick bike ride last night. Just see, because all you heard was helicopters from my house and fucking ambulances. There was one point I was at the park in a fucking military plane. Flew over it was so low.

I thought it was going to crash into the fucking park. I thought I was dead. I was saying my last fucking goodbyes. It was over. but to get back to what we're talking about I mean I listen I raised my hand on social media that is what social media is for to let your facts be known what you stay yeah I go on there and I tweeted last night if you drink my come you'll be high for three fucking weeks or whatever the fuck it's joky-pokey because I'm a comic I'm supposed to say stupid shit like that it's also probably true no and it's true they had a report that says that if T-8C goes into your

piss that'll definitely come into your come. And I'm like, I know it. When Mercy was born, her eyes were a little glassy. You don't think I know that? I still feel guilty about that. Eyes were a little glassy. She looked, she looks like she'll listen to the Grateful Dead. I knew that something was going on.

But after like three days, she was back to normal. She was fine. She was crying. She was kicking. No big deal. You know what I'm saying? She was high in the womb. That poor thing. My wife does not get high. My wife only got a high at the wedding. But anyway, to get Back to what we're talking about.

You know, I could have been any one of us. And listen, this shit happens all the fucking time. This one just happened to be going on camera. And here's the funny thing. That that night, I started watching the governor from Minneapolis, who out of Minnesota, who obviously is black. And you should have heard him backpedaling already, you know? And then he got to the thing.

First of all, for you people who don't know this, an EMT can't make a call on a death. Okay, in an ambulance. The car always gets made at the hospital. Okay. For people who do not know that, yes, he died at the hospital. That's where you usually die. You die on the route to die.

He died on the street. They called it his death at the hospital. Big fucking difference. I want you to understand the wording there. He died on the street. But they called it at the hospital. an EMT can't call a fucking debt. Once they come in, the doctor does his last test.

He looks at his clock. He puts 127 time of debt. I was going to say, is that what they say? He's pronounced dead. Right, he pronounced that. That's what I'm fucking saying to you people. But he died on that street. Okay, we all have fucking seen that.

So now, you know, look, I got the utmost respect for cops. In every race, there's good and bad. and every organization there's good and bad you know you watch the UFC there's good guys and there's guys that have malice in their heart and their fathers didn't feed them and their mothers didn't breast milk them and that's the way life is you know there that was something there that was on that cop's mind that day and what do we want as Americans as Americans why are we on the streets I don't mind a protest of you know getting heard You have every right.

That's your First Amendment. But once you start tipping stuff over and bringing danger, Jesus Christ, last night was the first night you were allowed to go out to dinner in L.A. I know. You know? And the stores are just opening up. And not in any place. Listen, it was empty a shit last night up in the Valley.

Nobody was in restaurants. Nobody's got money. The rent is due on Monday. Who's going to dinner on a Saturday night unless they got a fucking credit card? So. But, like, it's funny that you're bringing up because I've been, taking these walks with Steve and Jimmy Schubert, and it's in a nice neighborhood, and sometimes I need to take a break, and one of these times, a cop rolled by, and just looked at me, and it was

before this happened, but I was thinking, like, if I, if I didn't look like me, like a chubby white kid who's not going to hurt anything, if I looked, if I was a black dude with that cop stopped and said something to me in a nice neighborhood, just sitting on a corner of that neighborhood. Like, it's, I, another interesting thing that I read was that 80% of the people who got arrested in, like, St. Paul, weren't from there. So I think a lot of these people are going there to have a good protest. Like, I heard the one in L.A. on Saturday was mostly peaceful. And then, I don't know. The cops show up, and they tear gas people, blah, blah, blah.

This is the stories I'm hearing, and this is what I'm reading. Somebody's putting these things together because they're supplying water. And they're supplying, like, Lysol things for your eyes to clean the tear gas on your eyes. I saw a little baby, a little kid in Seattle got maced or tear gas. But why would you bring your kid down there? I understand how you feel, but what's your child to do with this, okay? You know, this is why the poor kid got killed at the Superman movie at midnight.

Why would you bring your infant to a midnight Batman? Oh, I agree. You know, he need to see Batman that fucking much. you know but back to the original point what do we want as Americans what is the next fucking thing what do we want we we think this is going to stop by fucking burning buses and letting businesses on fire like Melrose wasn't even destroyed already I drive down there once a week everything was for lease and for rent down there this is now we're going to take this is going to set us back another fucking month well can I ask you like take yourself back to when you were like a criminal, right?

And like everyone was blaming you for stuff. If at that point, if you're like, fuck it, they're going to blame me for it. They're going to fucking eventually kill me. Let me get a TV. Like, is that the point? Like, did you ever have that state of mind where you're like, they're going to blame me for it? I might as well fucking do it. I've never looted.

But I understand the mentality of those people. I understand the mentality of those people. I understand what it is to be broke. I understand what it is to live to be three, four, and a one-bedroom apartment and to see people have what you don't have. I know what that feeling is like. And I know how bad it feels and you shake it off

and you realize you just weren't born right or you wish your parents were wealthy or you wish you had different parents or something stupid. We always wish we had it better, you know? So all those kids that have all those dreams, you see the guy in Dallas, they came out with a sword, and they beat him. I did he with a fucking skateboard and a rock.

He came back with a bow and arrow. He was just trying to defend himself. Yeah. Defend his business. He was just saying, please, please don't ruin my business. Please don't ruin my business. You know, all those things, that's not what George Floyd wanted. That's not what nobody wants.

Nobody in America wants it. But guess what, bro? I get it. I get it. You know how many people didn't get their fucking some limel set check. Right. You know what people didn't get unemployment. You know what people got let go.

You know what people got fired. This was just fucking gasoline on already. This was smoldering. Oh, yeah. It was the perfect storm. People were angry already. They closed Runyon Canyon. They closed Hudson County Park on Monday at one in the afternoon.

You know, people are fucking living like they've never. lived before. So as a 57-year-old man who's saying a lot, I understand this. Today I tweeted, or yesterday I tweeted that you got two choices, you know. You could stay home and say a prayer for his family, George Floyd's family, or you could go out and eventually get hit and the head with a fucking baton or tear gas. People right away were offended that prayers don't help. I didn't mean that it was fucking staying home. What do you think I kneeled down? Pree's got to know.

Meditating about this whole thing. How will you make a difference towards this thing? How can you, you, Lee, Joe Diaz, uki-spooky, Lalingas, how can, you know, how can half of us make a difference? Well, half of us don't get in trouble. Half of us don't get police contact. We don't have police contact. Right. You know.

And I get, because I said something similar the other day. I said, like, it doesn't really, it doesn't really matter that you guys that they're right because the cops have guns, the cops have the law on their side, and they're always good, they're going to win. But on the flip side of it, like, people march with Martin Luther King. Sometimes you have to do this stuff. For me, I'm too much of a pussy. I'm just being honest.

I see what's going on. If I got hit with the head with a baton, I'm done. If I got hit with Mace, as much as, as much as I wish I could. could be out there, I just, I don't, I'm too much of a pussy, I guess. But we're being out there yelling and arguing with cops, is that going to make the difference inciting cops and yelling at cops? I don't have the answer. I wish I had the answer to tell you that, you know, I think that our friend from Miami,

the kid that the guy that, the director that did all those movies. Billy Corby. Billy was talking about a DA down in Miami that covers up all these crimes for cops of 27 years. And, you know, it's an internal thing. And L.A.'s police brutality laws and blah, blah, blah, blah. This has been going on, you know, since Jesus left fucking Chicago. Yeah. This is going to change things a lot, a lot.

This is going to even add more body cameras. This is going to add more things. This is going to make two cars show up. each thing now, to each call. You know, I mean, the call was a suspected man that was trying to pass a bad check. How did it end up with him on the floor? And I want to see what led down to him being on the floor because all we're seeing is him on the floor by the neck and him getting approached.

I can't watch the videos. I just... No, I don't watch it. Listen to the second time I don't watch it. Now, let me explain the other end to you people. How long do you think this fucking... knucklehead's going to make it in the prison system. How long do you think?

I mean, me, my wish is this. You want to stop these riots, arrest the two Ying Ying brothers that were standing there, the other white guy in this knucklehead, put your orange suits on them, walk them out to town hall, and pray that there's a sniper on there to catch one of them. We take the other ones in,

and now we know they're all in fucking prison. but in prison they're going to last an hour. They're going to last an hour. Trust me, all of them are going to last an hour. All those prisons that are going to a black run. Well, I mean, the thing that happened with Eric Gardner, like, what likelihood do you think that any of them get actual prison time? Like, that, I think, could be the biggest issue.

If they get away with it, that might be dangerous. If they get away, if he gets away with murder, Iran will nuke fucking Minneapolis How's that for you? They'll take Minneapolis off the map You can't now, not in this country, not now I hope they're right

You gotta throw them under the fucking jail You gotta throw them under the jail These guys cannot get acquitted for anything They cannot get acquitted at any level for anything And I know that a lot of police officers Listen, there's so many cops that are pissed off right now There's so many cops right now that are walking with their head down right now. It's fucking embarrassing.

How many cops are walking around looking down on the floor right now? Because this is not what they joined the force for. But I don't know the life of a cop, and neither do you because you're not a cop. But a lot of cops listen to this. And you know, I know what I'm talking about, what you deal with on a daily basis. After a certain amount, the same way we get bitter towards our jobs. Yeah. They get bitter towards their jobs.

You really have to love being a public servant. I don't think that some of these cops, I have two things that bother me right now about being a cop. There's only two things. Okay. That is tremendous. I've got to kill this roach. They don't hire.

Look, if you hire, my friend Vinny's going to be a sheriff. All right. He's in training right now. He has to go to class five days a week, eight hours a day. He's from North Hollywood. He went to North Hollywood High. Put him in North Hollywood. So he has an investment in North Hollywood.

Okay? Listen, if me and you are gay lovers and we like to drink and smack each other from time to time, a rookie comes and arrest you, and then you're going to be out in two days, and we're going to go back to being lovers, then they're going to arrest us because we violate the restraining order. And it's going to be, guess what? Vinny's known about us with a gay couple up the corner. They called us

Frutie Lee and Frutie Joey when they were kids. Now Vinnie's an adult. We're still gay, we're still older, and we're still crazy. Vinny would come, knock on the door

and say, Joey, what the fuck? Go across the street to the hotel. I'll call the manager. I'll put it on my car. You follow him? Trying to say to you, there's times that somebody

should be arrested, and there's times that you already know what goes on in this neighborhood. These people don't know what goes on in these neighborhoods. So that's one reasoning. Absolutely. And the other thing is the social skills. You and I were in a car one day. You would drive me to a doctor's appointment. And we saw something on a Monday morning during Russia hour that just had no, only a fucking dummy could do. He parked his car sideways, this cop.

Tell you another homeless guy. It created a fucking mountain of traffic ass lead. And we're like, what the fuck is going on? And it's just a common sense thing. He could have pulled into a driveway. There was 10 driveways there. He pulls, the cop pulls in, not even straight, but sideways. So I think the common sense,

I think the college education, that you need to be college educated to be a cop, I need to be, you need to be a little bit more street savvy. You need to be a little bit more street savvy and learn how to call it when you're on the street. This time's dog, I know who's chasing me

with a fucking knife and I'm going to put a bullet in your fucking head. But if I know you're a mental health guy, I'm going to shoot you in a fucking leg and call it a fucking day. And I'm not sure of the exact time, but isn't it like the training very short for police officers? Like, it's amazing that they're not in classes for four years and they don't get a gun for a while. Like, that's a lot of pressure.

That's a lot of responsibility to give someone. You know, those cops are standing on the line and they're getting you. yell that pig, fuck you, you suck, you're going to die, your mother. They go through special training to sit there and not listen to that, to not get agitated by that. I don't seem like it. Okay, you can't get agitated by that. It's just people's words.

You have to numb them out, sit there, and wait for them to invade your personal space. Personal space, you know. And look at it again, I've had different times in my, I mean, for Christ's sake, I went to prison for fucking, tying up a guy. So anything I would say would be hypocritical. You know what I mean? People just want to see justice. And I get it. Like I said, I don't think... I think the protests will let the judges know

how serious this feels to us when he's sentencing. And one type of sentencing. I mean, the guy's on suicide watch. the other three cops haven't been arrested they'll be arrested tomorrow morning first thing in the fucking morning and then you know

sometimes guys you've got to let nature be nature you know I told you a story once about a fight that I saw what two guys fought and the kid the father took him with the van and they both fought and then the kid was getting beat up

and my friend goes enough and my friend goes no no let's fight to this song You know one more song and my buddy's like this guy's a fucking bull you know Nature sometimes has to happen you know nature just sometimes have the has to happen Those other three cops are gonna get charged and then they're gonna make bail and they can't go back to their houses because their addresses are online there's people go into the into the web and they can find anything out about you in two fucking seconds everything in your life is on the web Oh, yeah.

So they can find out where you live. They could be in a house and blow your fucking house up. And that's exactly what we're not going to, on this time here, listen, let me tell you a short story that I've said before. I'm not very proud of. And people will deny this. So this day, it's very deniable. It's so deniable that when T.J. English, the author that came on our book,

with the guy. Avan Octorne? Avan Octurn. No, the other book. The one that the Belisio T.O.Torra, it doesn't matter. It was about a guy that runs Battle. Jose Battle. When T.J. English came on here.

When came on here, I turned them on to a commissioner in Union City. He was a dear friend who I'm not saying anything bad about. I love Lucio Fernandez. So Lucio loved the idea so much of T.J. you know, during this book and talking about so much Union City influence, even though it wasn't in a positive light, they were going to give him a night at the PCG theater in Union City and let him have a panel talk.

Well, the day before that panel, they canceled that talk. Why? And there's a reason to that, because that era, would have also brought up a certain question that came up in Union City got swept away and went away like a bad memory that nobody remembered for me till this day

I'll never forget it because I saw the whole move going down Union City, New Jersey in the 70s was Cuban from 7th Street to 48th Street those are just the rules they had moved out the and they had taken over a street called Bergen line and Central Avenue were Puerto Ricans,

and then the Italians went to Hoboken, or they stayed, the Italian and the Irish stayed on, like, New York Avenue. I'm just using terms. Anybody who's listening from that area will know, like St. Michael's. There was a lot more Irish people down there, and it's by 14th Street that's not there anymore.

There was a guy that used to come into my mom's bar, a white dude that would come in with, like, a long trench jacket and he was a detective. He would come in ever since I could remember, sit at the bar, get a drink, my mom would put an envelope on the table, he'd slip in his pocket, and he'd give my mom a kiss and leave.

Then there was another guy that was a beat cop. His name was Chino. He was a Cuban Chinese cop. He would walk in, sit down, have a drink in uniform because he was the beat cop, and then my mom would slip him in an envelope. So everybody was taken care of. So the whole Cuban community probably gave that envelope out

because the cops knew they were into numbers or something light. With my mother was always gambling, you know, and there was drug use at the bar, but there was drug use of every bar. That wasn't the main thing. I had to be in the sixth grade. So let's pitch for 76, 75,

if any of you guys are interested, and you want to look this up, you know, and tell me what you find. This is my recollection of it. My recollection of this story is planned and simple. My mom was happy, the ball was doing great, and all of a sudden one night my mom, I heard her on the phone in the kitchen talking about a cop that had come in.

She was probably on the phone with another cop, saying, hey, why is it? this guy bothering us, we already make a payment. And this guy, I don't know what he was saying, because I was a kid, and I knew what business my mother was talking about, but it didn't really, at that age, I gave my mother advice if I saw something like a cop car or if I heard something. So, all right, no big deal. Maybe 10 days later, I'm in the back.

shooting pool. Okay. We had the pool table stuff. So I'm in the back shooting pool. And there was like a wall in between the back and the bar and the pool area. There was more tables back there. And there was a little small bar on the stage back there.

Wow. And that's what men and women's bathroom was. So I was shooting pool and I said, fuck it. Let me just go to the bathroom. I went to the bathroom. And while I was in the bathroom, I heard yelling and screaming.

And I heard a man's voice. And my mother's voice. So I merely put my dick away and when I ran out. And my mother said, I was Antonio, I mean stay right there. Don't live from here. And he was telling my mom that if he didn't have his fucking money, her and all her friends were going to start fucking suffering

and all this shit. And my mom dropped the name on him. Contact that guy. And he'll tell you that we already have an association here. Right. And the cops like, fuck that guy. I'm doing my own fucking rules here. And he turned around and left, and he had long hair and a mustache,

which was very anti-Cuban in those days. My mother did not allow me to have long hair. There was no fucking way. Like, there was no way. And if I brought a friend home who had long hair, they call him Peluo. You said Peluo, no sagata, compil. What do I mean? Peluo means just a hairy guy.

Oh, okay. Just a hairy motherfucker. So I It's time for another joint What the fuck are we doing here? So I witnessed this yelling going on And he turns around

He says I'll be back And you better Whatever the fuck is going on So I saw my mom Was pretty shaking up And then I don't know I asked her about it

And she gave me some half-assed answer You know something And then about A week later, I was in another bar in West New York because my stepfather had a flower shop. He worked for the guy that had a flower shop on 57th in Hudson, La Casa La Flora, the House of Flowers. And we went up there, and next to it, there was a couple Cuban bars on that street. There brindy, a bunch of bars. If you went down West New York, Café Lotita, all these bars were there.

and I wanted to the guy's name was Felly that own I still remember the guy He's a great member He's a him Him my and my mom We all go to MEC games And today I still buy jewelry

From his nephew So Whenever I go to Union City Mike's is my main man So I was in his bar shooting pool Like I went up there with Juan To take care of something

Because I was a pool shooter that. That's when I thought I was fucking... I just love like a seven-year-old kid playing pool. I love shooting pool. And then, and I heard a bunch of Cuban guys talking about this guy. The Accoma daddy on night, that this guy's

going to end up fucking, it's going to be a mistake for him. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This, I don't know what this is, but these, I got two fucking weeds from fucking urban trees the other day. Both of them. That's the weed that gave Chris Cuomo's son to get over the fucking COVID. You understand?

That's how good this shit is. Now, I don't know dick about dick. About a week later, it's after school. In those days, I used to go to school to three, change, and shoot up to the bar. We cut through the woods, shop right, and walk nine blocks to my mother's bar. And I'd earn. I'd fucking put away beer boxes. I used to play stickball outside.

I got a slice of pizza, Pino's Pizzeria, or fucking Hernandez sandwich shop, whatever. I used to go up there, and one day I walked in, and all those Cuban business owners are sitting there. Wow. The one guy's name was Sad Pussy Boyo-Olt-Lite. Him, Fairly, a bunch of Cuban owners, and they're talking about what's going to have to be done with this fucking Cuban cop.

And did this make you nervous, or you just recognized it? I just was like, fuck, this Cuban guy is getting under their skin. I wonder what's going to have, what's the move here. I wonder what the move is here. Because all these guys talk a good game, but I wonder what the fucking move here is. I heard him saying, he's got to go. Fuck him.

That-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And not even a week later. And I wasn't the sixth grade. I wasn't Levito's class. Because now I remember that when I got out of class that day, the teachers were talking in the hallway. And I went home and I felt something had happened. I got on my bike that day.

I didn't even have a chance to cut through the woods. and I rode my bike up, which was a nightmare in those days. You got those monster hills of North Bergen. And I got up there when I walked in, all those Cubans were celebrating, drinking, fucking snorting. And they're like, they shot the cop last night at Rapido Taxi. I guess he went to make a payoff, and they fucking bullet riddled this motherfucker of the debt.

And my friend Mario Arias, who was in Las Vegas, he's friends with the guy that was in the cop car with him. And he said for some reason the cop car couldn't open up That the car got jammed That's why he couldn't get out to help his fucking friend And they just put a statue up of that cop About two or three years ago maybe They showed a picture of his son with the statue up

In Jersey? In Jersey But that crime Changed the face of the city They closed my mother's bar Because things had to happen Because that cop got killed But the cops didn't really

They caught a pain They arrested a pansy. Like, they arrested a guy a mile away with gunned at his car. And they arrested him for the fucking murders. Didn't arrest the right gun. Oh, that's crazy. And I'd never forgotten that. That's when I realized that some people don't fuck around.

Not only that they go after a fucking guy, they went after an undercover cop. Well, I mean, that's the thing that all this stuff is showing me, like, You always hear, like they always heard, like, oh, the Jews could have taken over or like the, back when we had slaves here. Like, if there were so many of them that they could have taken over if they rebelled and stuff. Like, with the amount of people that were protesting, those cops were scared. Like, if everyone wanted to attack. Well, they taught every detective in L.A., every cop is on the job. Vacations have been canceled.

every police officer is at work minimum 12-hour days, all in police gear. If you're a detective, all those cases have been dropped. I know for a fact they're preparing for Hudson County Park on Tuesday in New Jersey, Northern New Jersey. You know, Newark had a hard time last night.

What I get from all this is, you know, this is what people, that was a micro situation. Yeah. That was one, they didn't even let it slip. And I'll tell you what, The cops never really prosecuted anybody because they were sick of the problem.

Now they were dealing with a problem. This guy's fucking up our fucking shit. Yeah. We're all making fucking nice little cash shaking down these Cuban bookies. Nobody's saying not even them. They know that there's a price to fucking pay. They're not even complaining.

They're happy. They buy us a drink. They offer us a meal. They don't want to go to jail either. Bookmaking is a harmless fucking vice. Nobody's getting raped in the ass. Nobody's getting fucking Harvey. Nobody's getting a bookmaking,

his armless fucking vice. There is degenerate gamblers. That's when it becomes a vice, and that's when they're staffed and stuff like that. And I've been there. The reason I robbed Michael Jewelers is because I owe the fucking bookie, you know, money.

So I do get that aspect of it. But I don't even know what the fuck was. No, but I think that's a man. I didn't even talk about it. I don't know what the fuck you were talking about Jews, 900 in the protest. I have no idea. All I know is that.

there's one police officer for 432 fucking people in LA. Is that true? That's true. That's the police to people ratio. That's why the National Guard got called in. So the National Guard is here now. I want to thank, by the way, a lot of people who reached out to me last night on Facebook and Twitter to check in. How are you?

I even wrote a couple fucking jockey poos last night because I was watching the fights. But at the same time, I was switching over to the riots, and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. And when they were talking about the Fairfax District, and then a friend of mine called me and he goes, hey, are you busy? I go, no. He goes, I'm having it down the canners to get a sandwich. You want me to bring you something?

That was a joke. That shit was going on in front of canters. Yeah. So canters is like an old Jew deli that Sinatra fucked fucking leader for that, you know. Like everybody got their dicks like that. at whatever. But that's, you know, when I was, and my poor wife, I looked at her face

because my poor wife called this three weeks ago in Hollywood. She goes, you see that big glass right there for Hollywood shoes? That thing's going to be gone if there's ever a riot. And I think they'll be a right. And she goes, eventually these people

can't keep living like this. That's in it, but, and some rioters, God bless them. I had masks. I was going to say, it's a good time to have a mask. It's a good time to have a fucking mask. At least they had fucking mask on. There were some looters that had dick on.

They had nothing on. But back to the story with my mother, that's what taught me. Like, that scared me. Like, that situation scared me. Let me know that somebody could disappear that fast. Yeah. Like, I still remember taking my bike and going up the next day before there was CSI and shit. And you could see all the bullets in the wall.

They had cleaned up the blood and stuff. You could see all the bullet. The taxi fucking place was closed. It was called Rapido taxi. He was shaking them down, too, because they were selling Coke, delivering Coke on the fucking cab. That's why I was called Rapido.

They were zipping around with no customers. What are you doing? You're delivering a fucking blow. So ever since I saw that story, I saw that anything is possible in this life. Okay. I do not advocate killing. cops or any of that at all.

They're there to serve and protect and we're all going to need them at one time. You see a cop in this time whether you bump into them at 7-Eleven, look at them in the eye and say thank you for what you do. That's how we could start by changing this. Acknowledging them as human being.

Say hello to them. How's it going, man? I know it's rough out there. This doesn't reflect on you. That's what I'm going to do now when I see a cop is asking how the fuck are you doing, man. Are you okay? I agree. I think the one thing that needs to change is there needs to be a better system to actually call out the bad ones, though. All the ones who are being ex-2 violence.

Well, let me tell you what happens, okay? Do you think Harvey was the only Harvey in LA? Absolutely not. Okay. So guess what happened to those other Harvys? What's that? They stop being Harvey in. Hopefully.

Okay? This may be, well, you know, I mean, right now, lieutenants, sergeants, at those meetings, Things are going, Jesus Christ, guys, you know that there's a camera on every fucking block. You know that there's a camera on every fucking pole on every corner. And you know that there's a satellite taking pictures from above. They'll find you in any which way. Like all these looters are going to get arrested anyway. Oh, yeah.

Because they have that new technology. That if you get seen, they get pictured, it's going to be crazy. This is going to get, just because you didn't get caught doesn't mean shit. They have a bunch of new technologies and whatnot, but this is all I'm saying. You want to change things, you know, increase your relationship with the police. Talk to them more. You know, they have to, you know, if you live in a small community, make the cops come out and talk to the community. You know, get to know the cops that are in your district.

I live in the valley. I don't even know. I see, there's one day I see 200 cops, and then two days I don't see a cop at all. Right. And we live right here, four blocks from a police station, you know? I heard if you walk in there, there's nobody in there.

Well, they blocked off all the parking. No, no, no, no. I heard that if you walk in there on a regular day and ring the desk bell, nobody comes in. Really? Yeah, like there's nobody over there. Wow.

It's like they come in as they come in. Oh, can I help you? Yeah. somebody robbed my bicycle. Oh, give this guy a report next week. They don't really give a fuck. Oh, okay. So this has to change.

We all have to change. Not just a cop that stepped on the neck. Fuck him. He's a dead man. Fuck him. He's guys. He's dead. Him, the Chin Chin brothers,

and the other white guy, those guys are dead in the cell. And there's nothing you can do. You know what the jailmates, the jailers are going to do? What can they do? They know it's inevitable. When you walk into my prison and you walk in dead man walking,

they can only protect you so much. These invicts are going to figure out a way to get into that cell and fucking kill you. Even in like protective custody? Even in protective custody. You still got to go to the bathroom. You still got an hour in the yard. You still got a thousand things. There's a guy that's got 30,000 fucking years from fucking children up the ass

and he's got no TV in his room. that you give that guy, you put 500 on his books, see what he'll do for a TV in his room. Right. You just got to find the right guy. There's a guy in jail that's got 4,000 years and his family stopped talking to him. And he lives off 30 cents an hour in the wood shop.

And he don't have a black and white TV in his room. He don't need jello. He's already got a thousand years. What's the difference? What's another 40? They'll stab him right out. I'll slice his fucking neck to make sure he bleeds out. That's it.

It's that quick. And it's, I'm sorry I got to say this to you guys. It's a reality of life and it's true. Well, what I would love to hear is from the other, from policemen who are like, because I was just thinking about like at every job I've had, there's always one knucklehead who does something wrong and then everyone gets in trouble. Like, imagine if you had a day off yesterday and then you had to spend 12 hours in the LA heat in riot gear.

getting like being like that yeah no all of them all them right now are pissed are pissed they're all pissed they're all pissed because they didn't do a fucking thing but maybe somewhere in their past as a cop they did something yeah this is why you have to be careful you have to be helpful it takes a certain genre to say you want to be a policeman you know we've had the dirtiest cop in the history of cops in this office. And I still talk to him from time to time. You know, Mike Dow, I still talked to him. He made

a mistake. If you know anything about Mike Dow's 7-5 prison, he's still fucking nuts in his real life. Oh, yeah. That's something you're never going to fucking replace. But Mike Dowd never fucking killed a fucking, you know, they went to Robin. They went to Robin. You know what? I was into

Robin. When it comes to drug money, it's fair fucking game, bitch. I made mistakes. I robbed some people that I shouldn't rob them. I'm paying deeply for it right now. But 80% of my action was always drug dealers. That's what my dick got hard. Making a drug dealer go to his safe, open it up, and everything's gone.

He can't figure out how I got the combination to the safe because I know a guy who's fucking his wife. You know, you know what I'm saying? Like shit like that. Like I always was into those things. So I don't even know how we got to this topic. I wish America heals. you know

I'm sorry if you're having a hard time with this a lot of people are having a hard time with this believe it or not many people have a hard time with this this is an embarrassing situation like I said you want to fucking change things next time you see a cop say hello look in his eyes and go how are you doing today man you're all right

I'm sorry about what happened maybe you should apologize for what happened maybe he is a good cop And maybe he doesn't deserve the scrutiny he's getting. I've seen him throw things at cop cars yesterday. I seen it. And you know what else I saw out there yesterday? A lot of young, stupid kids.

And I saw myself at 21. Not that at 21, I was doing shit like that. I was doing other crazy stuff. So you understand, I'm not totally against what's going on. Something has to change at some point. I don't want to wake up on. day and read that Lee got shot on a police stop. You know, I know Lee 20 fucking years.

Lee has no reason to get shot at a police stop. Well, they found the 22 on them. Now I got to go down there and go Lee doesn't even have a water pistol. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I really, like, I feel fucking bad. I know the brother came out in Houston, Texas and said that was very fucking beautiful, the words that the brother said, kill a Mike. fucking talk some fucking beauty, you know.

There's still some brothers that look at this with knowledge and say, look, we lost another brother to a stupid motherfucker, but us turning up a city on fire isn't the fucking answer. It's for us to sit down, get to know who's taking care of us, get them to check themselves. Now a lot of those cops that have that behavior are checking themselves. You know, I think me personally, if I was any organizer, if I was crazy, if I was 35, if I was a 23-year-old black man today, and I was already in the system, and I know what it feels like to be in the system, my main goal would be to break into that fucking jail and hunt them down and just take over the fucking jail and kill him in the fucking jail. Kill him where he stands in the jail.

But you can't do that. let the system take care of them. There's no way. Remember when the Chinese guy got taken off the plane for United. What did I say? Once they saw that blood, the tape, that's not going in front of a jury.

They're going to settle the suit. You know what the city's going to get? You don't how much the city of Minneapolis is going to get sued for? Because all, and if they take it to court, all they got to do is show that piss come down. Have you seen it? I can't watch it now.

When you watch it after a couple minutes, you see that he's not moving, and you see that all of his extremities let go, and he's pissing himself, and he lets the piss go down. But anyway, enough with that fucking heartbreaking news. Now, if I got to tell you guys, a tremendous story, I had a tremendous accident last week and involved THC. Oh, my God. guys. One of the forms that the anxiety is hitting people, you know, I read this about a month and a half ago and it was very interesting, that one of the ways anxiety is hitting people

is the stages is once your anxiety starts to go down, your memory starts to lose. So I just told you guys a story from 1976, but the last fucking week, every night when I do my weight watcher, I got to ask my wife what we ate for lunch. Fuck. So all day long, I'm thinking that I call Lee yet. Like, this has been horrible for me. I'm okay now. I'm okay.

I got a mild heart attack last Labor Day, Memorial Day. That was extreme. But I worked it out without drugs by myself. Well, I smoked a joint. I can't lie to you. In a parking lot and I walked around a parking lot. I worked it out. What a heavy drug?

I did some walking meditation. But I think it was Wednesday. We did some sort of podcast in here. Oh, Tom Poppuss. Right. Was it Tom Poppins? Well, one of my goals in life is to kill Leek. Not with my hands or nothing like that.

I love them too much. But for him to call me and say, I can't stop eating chicken wings. You know, you shouldn't have to give me that edible, that type of shit. I'm going to have to go to the hospital. I can't stop eating chicken wings. So whenever I go to the weed store, I always buy. some for Lee and I buy something for myself sometimes I forget to give it to him but most of the times I give it to him and he gets pissed off at me fuck

hmm you saw those things like I saw on milkshakes you just like I love this I hate fucking hard milk shakes but this roach is kicking right now you guys who smoke reef or no when you got good weed that's this roach is worth 200 in prison right now I get the small douce this little roach It's hitting like a fucking, oh my God. It's hitting like a dick on three by agers. You know what I'm saying? Oh my goodness.

I love smoking. I'm not to be a pot with you motherfuckers. Anyway, so I forget what I do throughout the day now because I don't fucking know. I get all the same. I write a list. I have a notebook and I write a list of things I have to do. And then on the top, it's the things I have to do that are loose.

What does that mean? I have to go to the post. office at one point, but there's no hurry for it. Right. If I'm on that street and actually there's no line, I go to the post office. You know, this really got to call my chick about the haircut. I did my own little jail prison haircut. I did my own little die-jai.

I'm looking good. So everything's good there. I want to go back for acupuncture this week. I want to take a step and go back for acupuncture. Nice. I went to know the thawar last week and laid into bed. They still having cryotherapy because that's cold.

COVID lives in that motherfucker. Really? Yeah, he's just waiting. He loves the cold weather, COVID. COVID's in there skiing and shit, fucking jumping up and down. So I'm going to take a, you know, I love U.S. cryotherapy.

I'll eventually go back to put a cat. Because I want to work on my stress, my whatever, fight or flight before I get on stage. It looks like the Irvine Improv, the Bray Improv, Uncle Joe, will be there from the 11th to the time.

13th. That's what it looks like so far. Don't tell nobody I told you. I'm just letting you guys know if you have tickets for the 4th through the 6th. Don't get rid of them because we're going to get together on the 11 through the 13th. All right? Don't tell nobody. It's just between us.

I'll make it official next week if I know it's real. So I've got to work on this too. I haven't been on stage in 90 days. I don't want you guys to think you're going to get fucking the best Joe D's you ever got. But you know what me? I'll live and die on stage for you. motherfuckers because that's how I do it.

I got a couple things written. Trust me. I got a couple Chinese jokes. I got a couple fucking, you know, stepping on your neck jokes. I got nothing. I got nothing, people. I wish I had something.

I got nothing. This whole time period has been a zero in creativity for me. I have outlined the book and I've done a good job there. And I told you the silver lining was going to come out of it. If anything, this is my silver line is my family.

We haven't gotten weaker. We've gotten stronger. I feel from my little girl every day, but every day we put something together. We bail her out yesterday. We got to call it three. We met with Donovan and his kids. My daughter puts her little mask on.

They ride the bikes. By the way, thank you people for all the emails and the bicycling encouragement. This is the second week, third week in a row. I'm going to have over 61 action points on weight watches because I went back to the bicycle because I couldn't walk no more. My knees are hurting.

I went for an MRI on my hamstring. I got a 1.30 call today with the doctor this afternoon to see what they want to do with the back of my knees. Something's happened because he wants to talk to me. So walking just bothers me too much. It just bothers me too much. I could do squats. I could lift weights.

I could do cattle bells. But they're walking after like two, three blocks, something happens to my my leg starts to stiffen up it doesn't let the knee bend so it looks like I'm walking like a leper like one of the San Lazaros fucking well especially on concrete

on concrete so I knew something was up you know I got this MRI a month and a half ago I was scared to go because of the virus I finally went last week it was great you wait in your car they come on get you they take you to the back door right to your room

you got everything on your gloves you or whatever they did my thigh so let's see what's going on there and that's it oh we're talking about getting high yeah there you go you know TFC so I go to the weed store in the morning to eliminate the bad germs

but ever since the fifth business has been bad so if you're around the studio city area you want to get some bad ass weed go to urban trees that's what I've been smoking to that's why I'm so fucking stone I usually go to urban trees I usually take a ride I usually sometimes go get my wife's co-cuts.

I try to go to whatever to get seafood if I have to or chop meat for her or whatever she needs. I have that two-hour window. I make my calls. I do my business, but I primarily go to the weed store. And guys, I got to tell you something. I don't know if I tell you guys a story that was a cookie years ago that a guy ate. So kind. No.

No, way before so kind. Okay. I'm talking 2009. When Edibles got strong, when Joe Rogan was pushing the lollipop, those faggy fucking lollipops that did nothing for nobody, they were like eight milligrams. Those things did nothing for nobody. There was his guy down in Santa Monica that had a place called the pharmacy.

And he still has one in Venice. But whoever ran it, somebody there made a cookie that was 12 bucks that put you in Jupiter. I mean, even back then, I could handle it. because you know me I got the fucking whatever of a fucking animal but I did seem something did seem strange but we not talk about this last week you told me on the phone that something didn't see that something about that cookie yeah about that cookie and then somebody ate it like six months into it and they went to the hospital and they realized they had like something in there was another drug in there like valium or fucking uh

vicaran there was they had melted something else into these cookies that had put some more shit into these cookies. That's why people are feeling their way they are. Now, since you and I have been together, how many, just to, just look like the people at home know, how many edible brands have we seen

come in and out of business like fucking nothing? At least 10, at least 10. Can you believe that? In seven years, we've seen from anti- Dolores, the fucking cookies, the stars of debt,

Banana bread. Yeah. We saw so many levels of edibles that came in one. So guys, those cookies and monos, so guys don't fucking lie to me. When it comes to edibles, I know what an edible feels like, and I know the type of high I should get, okay? I go to this split. Now, I gave Lee the quick zs. They're good.

Oh, yeah, those are good. They're good. They fuck you up. They'll put you out. This is like a little review. You guys like reviews? I give you a review. So I don't know.

what are these that edibles are called, whatever fuck they call, level, or something like that. It's 10 little pills. They even look scary. They're little, little, tiny little pills, and it says they're 10 milligrams apiece. One day I gave Lee five of them,

and he goes, I can feel these already, and I can see that his whole demeanor change, and I left him, they go, that's wild, that I gave 50 milligrams to Lee. Lee's used to 200 to get the party started, 300 to make him fall asleep on Twitch. But 50 shouldn't do shit to him. It's like a shrimp cocktail for Lee.

Right. 50 actually fuck Lee up. I took the other five, and I called a little buzz off. So I've been buying these things on and off once a week, and I give a couple of Lee, and I eat the other seven, whatever. I feel in my heart they don't do nothing that much, but, oh, my God. This Wednesday I go on there and I buy two batches. one for me and onefully

I get in the car you know me I always got water in the car in case you bump into an edible so I got water in the car I knew I was going to the wheat store so I brought the water with me I had nothing on the books the girls are going to the beach

oh yeah yes the girls are going to the beach and I knew I had four hours to kill I didn't fucking know I thought I had the whole afternoon to myself so I ate I just want to fuck around guys I opened up the fucking thing I popped

it open I dropped all 10 of them why fuck around it's 10 30 in the morning 11 in the morning why are we doing this to ourselves why are we playing this back and forth I just ate all 10 of them and said now this is better I'll get munchies

for dinner and I won't eat late at night right this is better this is better well who am I kidding if we get hired six that means it too I got a ham and cheese sandwich in my hand I don't want A ham and cheese sandwiching man, two in the morning. So we fucking, I eat this batch of 10, and I go home. And I did whatever I had to do, and I took the bag out,

because I also got weed and maybe two quickies. I got two jars of fucking the tea. I always get the tea. The kikamoto tea, delicious. I get the tea to put me out at night. I drink three of those bags in that. Jesus, Chuck. And a cup of fucking tea.

last night I woke up at midnight and I was watching people riot I did some work on the computer and I went to bed at 12.30 I woke up at 8.30 like nothing this morning. So

I went home after the podcast with Lee and I realized that I had not brought the pills back for Lee. So I said, let me pop these fucking pills. I go,

what am I going to do five and five? I go, let me go for the 10 spot. And right there at 3.30, boom, I eat the 10 fucking pills. And I think you smoked during the podcast with Tom. Like, it's not like you take breaks throughout the day either. Oh, no, no. I was going strong that day. So I fucking, I don't know what happened.

Also, I hear the door open up. And I hear Daddy. And I'm like, oh, fuck. So we come over here. You know, I go, why did you bring her home for? and she goes, I thought you wanted to do the podcast. I go, no, we were going to do that tomorrow. But she goes, she's so excited about doing the podcast.

I go, okay, so didn't we come over here? You told me, did you? Yeah, I came over here. And then, again, she never wants to go home, and I don't want to take her home. I'm the type of guy I wanted to get out. I don't want to end the fucking house. I want to out of the fucking house. So I think of him here and we go to the park.

And at the park, I'm fucked up. I can fucking feel it. I'm getting fucked up, but I'm not getting fucked up in a good way. You start sweating a little bit? Yeah, because I was out in the sun. Oh, no. Yes.

That's my life working out high. And I had a tin full of water, and all of a sudden I got fucking super thirsty. I drank the tan of the can of tin or something like that. And then something happened. I went back home with her, and my wife said, let's go somewhere. we were going to go somewhere to pick up a dessert oh that place is going out of business the pie place

so they have a sugarless apple uh it's on laurel canyon oh shit 20 that's going to go to business oh no dog the other one one's going the other one in van eyes went out of business so they said please support that one so me and my wife said you know what man we haven't been there a long time i don't want them to close it my wife went they got sugarless apple pie oh shit no Not bad, yeah, my daughter got the whatever, chocolate, whatever, and my wife got lemon meringue. We just went to foot. You know, listen, sometimes you just got to go to add normality, you know what I'm saying? We wear our mask.

The whole thing, on the way back, my wife asked me, is there a problem? And I go, no, why? She goes, you're fucking driving. You're driving over the lines. You're all over the fucking place. And then I got home. I took like two bites of the sugarless apple pie, and that's all I remember. And then I remember my daughter waking me, I'm going, Daddy, good night.

I'm going, good night. Look at the clock. It's 9.30. I go, what do you mean good night? And my wife walks, and she goes, Joey, look at the shape of you. You better sleep at three hours. You have drool all over your face. Dog, I touched under here and had like a little drool under there.

Oh, that's what you know. Yeah. It was disgusting. I next thing you know, I'm alone again. I must have passed out how she was talking to me. and I got up like two hours later and I got up like two hours later I don't know what I had

the guy had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I fucking went right to sleep and the next morning I woke up to like a lukewarm house you know what I'm saying everybody was daddy went through changes last night my daughter was like what happened to you and I got daddy was just tired

whenever I get anxiety because Monday the anxiety attack was so huge that I got home I crashed. Right. My anxiety attack made me go to sleep that night. So I just told them I got an anxiety attack. Dude, that's what happens when I fall asleep here at the office.

You're like, how did you fall asleep? When you get that high, you just sit there and then you just wake up. I just fell asleep and fucking, she was like, good night, daddy, because that's what woke me up. So basically, we got home at like six, quarter to seven. I took two pieces of the sugarless apple pie. and I just went right to the fucking crib on the couch. And then I got in bed, so the day after that, I'm out of the shower.

And I'm rubbing the CBD lying cream on my legs. Right. When I come on the shower, I use it as a moisturizer. I had my underwear out, and my wife walks in the bedroom. And she goes, by the way, what the fuck was wrong with you yesterday? And I go, you know what it is. Sometimes, no. She goes, no, you don't know how it is.

you were driving all fucked up. You were fucked up. I go, I know they backfired. And she goes, well, they can't be backfired no more. You have a seven-year-old daughter and you're 57-year-old act like it. And she walked out. I'm like, what the fuck?

I'm going to get yelled that. I haven't gotten yelled at something. So I had to give a break to animals for a few days. I got to let them forget it. You know what I'm saying? It's like Chinese people. You got to stay off the 101 for a couple of weeks. Let us forget about Wuhan.

Then you're making us. slow comeback I'm not mad no but these are just jokes people we're going through a hard time in here I'm just happy that I could be a part of uh taking one hour of your mind off it just that's it that's it that's all I wanted to say today that's it how did it feel because you normally don't get like to that deep like how did it feel going that deep oh it felt terrible really I had no control yeah I had no control when you're drooling what does I tell you are you either retarded or you got problems I got problems I got problems I got problems I didn't.

And I haven't done edible since that night. Really? Yeah, that was it. That was it because I was okay. I was okay in April. And then I started dabbling a little bit. A couple nights a week, a couple in the afternoon. Because I don't really feel them that much in the afternoon until a certain point of it.

Until I find myself giggling. But because of this mental thing I got with this anxiety shit, I forget. I'd take two here at one. And then I'll go home and pop another two at four or five. I remember how you forget. And then at nine, I'll pop another two. And by 10.30, I'm on fucking fire. And then I remembered, wait a second, I popped two.

There's times I'll take two out and put them down and forgot. A piece of paper fall on top of them. So I forgot that. Take those two and I'll pop another two. And then I'll move the paper and I'll go, oh, I didn't eat those two. And I'll take those two. That's the shape of fucking life I'm in. So please forgive me.

I'm trying my best. I just wanted to get your mind off the fucking world and all the horrors and giggle a little bit and let you know it's okay to be human. I had a bunch of access last week. Dog, you know I can't fucking drink a lot of shit. But when I ride the bike in the morning, I drink a pre-energy drink.

Okay. Like a red thing that has amino acids in it. And I just fill up the whole water bottle for the top and down it. And then I bring a big water bottle with me. Right. So, you know, I'm riding my fucking bike all around. So this happened to me twice last week. So I got to pee my fucking brains out and I'm on fucking, not Colfax. What's the Riverside? Okay. I'm on Riverside and the piss is coming out of me because my fucking,

the bicycle seat is squeezing my nuts. I got one nut that's going numb from that fucking bicycle. I don't care. I'm 57. I don't need no more. I'm not impregnating nobody. So I'm riding with one nut and I got to pee. So now I got to dash home before I fucking pee. I get home, I put my bike on the floor. I barely get the key in and I'm running in, but I got to get my helmet off to pee. You can't pee with your helmet on.

So I'm trying to get the fucking helmet off because I wear a helmet. I might have a fag. And I got a red one. I had a choice between a black one and a red one. I went with a red one. I said, fuck it. If I'm going to be a fag, I'm going all in.

After this, I'm just going to Eric Roach's house with his J.R. Vaseline and a thank you note. So fucking, I, dog, I'm trying to get this fucking helmet off. And the pee is starting to come out of my dick. Right. I'm talking about, I could feel about the bust. So I just had a run in there and pee with my bicycle helmet on. And I flushed the toilet. When I went to wash my hands, the mirrors right there.

And I looked at myself. with this helmet and I asked myself what is my life come to I was okay I was all right I was doing coke I was robbing people I was having a good time now I'm a bicyclist with a wife kid and I'm gonna have a fruit cake I wouldn't dream of doing anything with a fucking helmet on I have this image of you with like your pants all the way on the floor like your pants down just peeing with the helmet on at 60 years old that was me the other day that's not it don't even stop there you know I go for my little rides Right.

Well, after I finish my workout, there's another drink I got a drink. It's a green drink. Oh, my God. And I drink that to supply my fucking nutrients. It's like bananas. I drink that and I get in the car, I got to go for a ride. Now I get to certain urge to Pete, and I don't want to come home. Because if I go home, that means the kids are going to get me my wife.

I want to stay out for a while. I know I can't make it to the gate because I got to get out of the car, press the code in and go to the bathroom. So I got to pee somewhere in the streets. Right. So I'm looking around. But places where to pee. You're not going to believe this.

So I make it right into the YMCA parking lot because there's nobody in there. I fucking get out of the car. I turn around. I go to take my dick out. And guess what? I didn't put the car in park. The car was on drive.

The car is driving down onto fucking the hunger, ready to hit somebody. I'm running with my dick in my sweatpants like a fountain. It's running. It's just leaking. I'm smelling this piss because I'm on these new

multivitamins that smell like piss when you take them. Now when you're piss when I take a piss, it smells so bad. I'm chasing my car down fucking the parking lot with my dick out. I finally get in the car.

I'm going through 18 levels of fucking anxiety. I put the thing in there. I'm switching a thing. I'm just pissing. I can't stop now. And half of it is going on the floor. You know,

And I told you, I got to pull my skin back on my dick. If not, it's just a flapper coming out with water. So I had to walk in my house with pee on my pants, shooting to the bathroom and take a shower before anybody fucking noticed me. Was this before or after the THC mistake? I don't know. I would just love like Terry Yieldy one. Oh, no.

The next day you said something to me, she goes, man, your pee smelled something horrible in the laundry basket or one of the cats pissed on it before it went into the lawn. you and I blame it on the cat. I go, fucking Gray's been pissing a lot lately. It wasn't me. So if you guys think you're having a rough week, listen, you're dealing with the dumbest

motherfucker you've ever dealt with in your life. How far away did the car get from you? I don't even want to tell you. When I ran to it, I was out of breath to boot. So just, just leave me alone. Just leave him a fuck alone. Oh my God.

And that is the week of Joe Diaz. That was my weekend guys listen it's monday morning i know a lot is going on i want to thank you for taking the time out and listening just to let your mind go somewhere else for a fucking hour you know what i'm saying this is what this about i'm not cbs news i'm not mbc news i'm not the smartest guy in the world i'm just trying to get your mind off things for one hour let you know we're going to be all right we are all right and uncle joey loves you and that's it before we leave real quick listen you know i love them i've been using you know i've been using you

them. I've been selling them, and I love them to death, and that's on it. I love AlfaBrain. I love the Shroom Tapp. I love the Mexican fucking chocolate protein powder. I just love what they do. I love that they have a guarantee that if you don't feel satisfied with AlphaBrain, they'll give you the product back. That means a lot to a guy like me. I know what it is to work for the fucking money. I know what it's like. So don't fucking feel bad. You understand me? Hon. It is tremendous, tremendous. You have no fucking idea how Alpha brain feels after a couple weeks. You have no idea how the Shroom Tech immune and the Shroom tech sport work. You guys listen to the podcast. I don't get sick that much. I believe in Shroom

Tech immune. And I believe in myself, you know, you're working on my own immune system and whatnot. But anyway, do me a favor. Go over to Onit.com right now. Take a look at the fucking what they got between the CMT oil, the fucking the Alpha Brain, the Shroom Tech, the Shroom Tech sport. They got kettlebells. They got club bats. I think they're out of them and I can't get you 10% off on them. But as far as supplements, I got you. Any supplement they got in stock right now, let me tell you some. That hemp, you mix the hemp with the alpha brain.

When you work out, you're like a fucking laser beam. You understand me? So do yourself a favor. Go to on it.com right now. Take a look at what they got to offer and press in church and get audit delivered right to your house and get 10% off your first order. I can't help you any more than that. I'm doing you the biggest fucking favor of your life

because I'm going to turn you onto a supplement that's going to make your fucking headspin because you know how Uncle Joey does it. I'm not here to fuck around. If I fucking push it, I fucking use it. Let me talk to you about something. I was too. Real quick here.

Well, I forget. God damn it, this always happens to me when I'm in fucking doubt. Anyway, listen, like I told you at the beginning of the podcast, if you're wearing a fucking wig, come on, guys. Listen, I dye my hair. When you look at me, you know I dye my hair.

I don't die because I want. I die because I do videos. And when I do the fucking white hair videos, I told you I forgot to put the ink into the thing. That's how stupid I am. I'm telling you guys, I'm no genius. I got the same problems you got. But anyway, we all got a problem.

And we all have a problem we can deal with it. Now, either you could fucking wear a wig or you can let your hair grow long and put that piece and make us think that you had hair. stop it. We could all read through the bullshit. Face the facts. Two other three guys are going to lose their hair by the age of 35. That's just the way it goes. It's hereditary. I know a lot of years are balding, and I don't mind looking at a smooth head.

But let me tell you something, guys. If I see a toupee coming at me, I'm going to fucking call one of those fucking looters to steal it from your head. We don't know what's going on underneath that George Jetson fucking hair do, all right? over 100,000 guys have used keeps. Keeps is tremendous. It's FDA-approved medication at a hair of the price. You get treated online by a real doctor, and you don't have to go nowhere.

Hang on to what you got and prevent hair loss with keeps. Listen, I'm 57 years old. I'm fall of time from the future. I'm telling you to do something today. I'm starting to lose my fucking hair. Cut my hair wasn't that. easy because I've lost this dome. Only the side keeps growing out like curly from the fucking three students like the other one, Larry, I think is his name. But listen, you don't need to go

through this. I had a friend I grew up with that he was so ashamed he was losing his hair, he was spray painting his head. Don't do that. Let's keep the hair you got and plant seeds in the rest of your fucking head so he can make you look like fucking Paul McCartney on the cover of let it be. All right. Let's start with fucking keeps. That's how we started. Like I said, over 100,000 guys have played for Keeps with Keeps, and treatment starts at $10 per month. But since it's June 1st, I know you're fucking broke.

I'm going to take care of you. I'm going to give you the first month for free, okay? Prevent hair loss. Go to Keeps right now. Keeps.com slash church. Again, that's keeps.com slash church. Spell it out. Keeps.com.

K-E-E-P-S dot com slash church. Save your fucking hair do. I know you're in quarantine right now. You don't give a fuck. But three more months are not getting your dick sucked. You're going to fucking want some hair. And now is the time to do it. Nobody's watching you.

Now is the time to go to Keeps. Talk to an online doctor. Get your treatment. And when you come back in two or three months, people are like, bro, something changed about you. bitch, I got hair. I'm looking fucking tremendous. You understand me?

Go to keeps.com slash church right now. And like I said, treatment starts at $10 a month. I'm giving you the first month for free. That's how I roll. Now let's hang on to your hair for keeps. All right, I want to thank On it. I want to thank for keeps. But most importantly, I want to thank you guys

for listening to the podcast and supporting us every week and letting us come into your lives for one out. That's all I want for me. I don't want three hours. I don't want eight hours. I ain't Johnny fucking interesting here. I just want to make a point and let you guys know you're all right.

Let you guys know I love you. I got you back. And we'll be back on Wednesday. Ready to fucking rock for you, cock suckers. All right? I love you, motherfuckers. I want to thank keeps. I want to thank honor.

But most importantly, I want to thank you guys for always having our back and smoking a journey with us on a Monday morning. Stay black. See you Wednesday. Have a great day, motherfuckers. Kick this motherfucker, Mulele. Why am I even

telling you this shit?