The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #794 - Joey Diaz Discusses Bruce Lee

Episode Date: June 10, 2020

Joey Diaz talks about real vs fake friendship in response to some messages he received this week. Joey also goes into detail about how he fell in love with Bruce Lee, what Bruce meant to him, and what his thoughts about the new 30 for 30, "Be Water" are.  This podcast is brought to you by:     Manscaped - Get 20% off your first order free shipping at www.manscaped.com/ when you use code NosePubes. Check out Manscaped's new nose hair trimer, "The Weed Whacker.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout on your first order.

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This is the year of the fucking soldier. We're going in like fucking Marines. You understand me? Welcome to church, motherfucker. Oh shit. It's Wednesday. Here we go. Bad motherfuckers. Uncle Joey here.

It's 100 degrees out. There ain't no protesters out today. All the white people. People are home with the air condition, not even thinking about African Americans. There was three protesters out there. All of them were black. They got no air conditioner. They said, fuck it.

We ain't staying in these four walls. We're getting out of it. That's it. Once it turns 100 degrees, white protesters stay home in the air conditioning. It's all over. Thank you very much for joining us this morning. Let me tell you something about Monday morning I get up, whatever, six. I fucking open up my computer.

I drink some coffee. I talked to my wife for a couple minutes. And the first, I go to Facebook, and here's just to let you know about life, guys. This is why sometimes, I'm sorry, I'm a little cynical, but it's all bullshit. I open up the first fucking message. I have six messages that morning. Wow, I'm a popular guy. I go to better fucking, I go to better fucking midnight.

I wake up at fucking six, and I got an hour, a message, an hour. I open up the fucking message, and so help me God. It's a fucking thing that says, I'll never listen to your show again before putting a fucking fag on your show. Go fuck yourself. Now, this is what I woke up to. This is Monday morning when you're supposed to be the best you could be. Some guy somewhere decided to wake up Monday morning,

listen to the podcast or not listen to it, and say, fuck you because I had a gay man on. It's 2012. 2020, you do know that. And people are marching outside for equality. And here this fucko sends me back this message. Now, if this was two years ago, I would have said,

fuck you, you motherfucker, I hope your mother gets hit by a train. I didn't do that. I just blocked them. But that just goes to let you know with all the marches and all the equality

and everything people are looking for. Listen, I didn't put Eric Rochon here to be cool. Listen, most people, these type of people where we live, they fucking live here and they live here under the control. Everybody's beautiful.

We love the Lee. We love this one. We love that. They don't like nobody. You don't like nobody. I love you people who contact me to be on your podcast, and I never fucking, you never fucking, I don't know who you are. And I say to you, yeah, ring back around or whatever, listen to me, good.

You know why we laugh so hard on Monday on this podcast? Because I love that kid with all my heart. When I go on the Rogan podcast, you people love it. Why? Because our connection, you can feel the love in the air. That podcast was so good the other day because I feel love for Eric. He's not a friend of mine because I want to tell the word. world to have a gay friend.

Like most people do with African Americans or gay people. They pick one. And he's my best friend. They let everybody know. They invite them to their parties. They always have one black guy. Well, this shit's going to get called out from now on. This shit's over. If you invite one, you better have 20 there. Okay?

It's over. Stop with your bullshit and Equal rights. Martin Luther King. You don't know dick about dick. Like I said to you, with everything going on the world, that's what I woke up to on a fucking Monday morning was. hate. So that's why I don't believe the hype, right? Like I said on my tweet

Thursday or Wednesday, everything that changes from here on in has to start from behind closed doors. I love Eric. I didn't put Eric on because he's fucking gay. Well, I'm not friends with Eric. He's my token gay friend. I love all gay men. I don't get a fuck what you on. Yeah, we talk about trannies, we goof, we have a good time. But hey, I got respect for them and that's just the way it goes. If we don't like gay people, it's 2020. Get over yourself, man. Get the fuck over yourself. I don't know what else to tell you.

Anyway, we said today we're going to review the fucking Bruce Lee thing. But before we Bruce Lee thing, we got to review something else first. But before we do that, we've got to spark the fucking number. Respect, it's Wednesday morning. It's 100 fucking degrees. I'm headed to the beach today. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah? Yeah, that's it. Why are we fucking around? It's beach weather.

Fish and chips. Put a blanket down, go in the ocean. Get some fucking water corona. There's got to be some form of corona in the fucking water. Yeah, why not, bro? The kids got no fucking school. What am I going to do? There's no camp. You want me to sit around here?

I don't like watching myself. I do not watch, like, this is lead up to Bruce Lee. I don't not like watching myself on tape. But a couple weeks ago, when we were going to go back to, I thought I was going to work last week. June 4th and 5th, without even thinking about it, I one night got high and started looking at out of everything. What I feel is the best work I've ever done, which is Ari's show.

This is not happening. This is not happening. You know, I started watching a clip from there. I'd never seen the latest one I did, or I would. I'd never even seen. No, I'd never watched that one. And how I, when I clicked on to it, I realized there's a bunch of people reviewing those. So I started watching some of the reviews and I was like, wow, I didn't think

that was powerful enough. I didn't think that would throw somebody off like it did and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I watched my tape and the one I really paid attention to, the one that really fucked with me the most was me beating up to none. The thing about me beating up the none, dog, it was such a fucked up experience. It was like many of my experiences that I forgot all about For years, I had carried that thought. I never even thought about it. I don't know. I mean, it's something that you do that you're proud of

and you just move on with your life. And when all this process started writing a book eight years ago and shit, I asked myself, when I was in Boulder in 89 and I was confused after prison, why did I have to make my confidence? I was like, I got confirmed.

When I was 29 years old or 30 years old, why did I do that? I was like, why didn't I get confirmed when I was a young kid? And I kept thinking about it. I'm like, oh, my God, that's right. I was supposed to make my confirmation at Sacred Art. But before the fifth grade, that's what I, after the fifth grade. I think you make your confirmation in the sixth grade. I got thrown out in the fifth grade.

So all that shit went down the tubes. So it's like your bar mitzvah. I was going to say, yeah, it sounds like a little bit of it. So tremendous. I don't know what I'm smoking. and they gave me something over at fucking urban trees that this shit curls your fucking eyebrow hair. Anyway, so I'm watching the one about,

I told that story the first time I was helping up with Joe Rogan in New York. I just came out ala fresco with it and told this, I wrapped the material around it and told the story to the best of my ability. And it related because most of the audience, it was probably 64% Catholic, and they've heard these stories from their parents.

So I didn't really think of nothing of it. I just thought it was a joke. And after I did like the first two, this is not happening. Ari pulled me aside on the day, like the man that he is. And he goes, hey, can I talk to you about something? I want you to put some adventure into your stories. Not that I didn't like your last two stories, but I want you to really change it around a little bit.

He goes, in fact, I really want you to do a nun story. So I sat down and I, you know, wrote it out to the, best of my knowledge. And like everything in my life, you know, when you write, you seek. You know, when you write something down, two or three sentences down, just by exercising that pen, another idea coming to your mind, something else will come into your mind. And you think that you're going to get all those things, you know, so I write the story out, I cut out the fat, and then I figure out on some points, and then I do the best I can't. when I go up there.

Trust me, one of those points I'm going to forget, one of those sentences I'm going to forget. It's just natural. You just forget when you're 30. I don't care if you're 30, 20 or 50, you're going to forget one of those lines in a crucial situation. Then you'll see you later. And, you know, but so I forget all about this.

I get up on stage that night. And I got to be honest with you. When I watched that, this is not happening a few weeks ago, I realized a couple of things from that. performance that were not on the paper at all. One thing was, when I talked about the Puerto Rican, you know, thank the Italians, thank God for Italians, thank God for Puerto Ricans,

when I called the Roberto Clemente-looking motherfuckers, that was all to the top of my fucking head because I was on a role, you know? So one of the things that happened throughout performance, if you click on, this is not happening, the story the nun, wait till you get to the part about my rage. When you watch the part about my rage,

you see that my eyes swell up with tears in them because I'm telling the story about pain. And even with all the writing you do at home, something comes out on stage that if you watch it, you'll see my eyes well up because I meant it from the bottom of my heart. You know, I go, when I attacked that fucking nun, it was, you know, I was living in the, this fucking, I'm living at this

fucking Catholic school. They're beating on me. I'm fucking going home on the weekends. I'm staying out till 3 in the morning with my parents. I'm living this fucking cowboy life. You know, Bruce Lee had died. Roberto Clemente had died

January 1st in 1973. That knocked my windsaw. When Bruce Lee died, July 20th or whatever the fuck he died, my fucking, I didn't, listen, there was no internet guys. So whoever tells you you found out that night on the news is full of shit. It took us like three fucking days to find out, four days.

And then there was no internet. You had to go to encyclopedia. He died in Hong Kong. He just had to get over here. Try to get over here. Interesting. It wasn't like it is now that you get the news breaking news on Twitter. There was nothing like that.

So when the Greenhorn it was on, I used to watch the Greenhorn. I remember one night throwing a fit. because they didn't get me home in time to watch it in the beginning. I still remember this shit. You know, I can't tell you what episodes. I didn't look it up. I can't tell you how many episodes were they shot. It wasn't on for a long time.

I started to interrupt it. But that's a crazy thing for me is the TV shows I loved as a kid. I thought they were on for years. And then, like, it was on for like one season. That was either on for one season or two seasons. I didn't even look. I didn't want to do any research. I wanted to talk from the heart today.

I didn't look. I didn't do any fucking research. Nothing. I just wanted to talk to you people from what I had my memories. So when Bruce, when I found out Bruce Lee died, it hit me hard. And, you know, I mean, here's a kid that I watched the Greenhornet, and then one day this guy disappears. And I remember him, El Chino, because that's what I would call him, a Chinito, you know, in Spanish. And Chinito means a little Chinese guy.

So I would tell my mom, I got to go home and watch the Green Hornet. My mom spoke Spanish. You don't know what the fuck of Green Order this. She's like, hey, Zsa. And I would say, you know, the show, go at Chinito. And that was a half hour that my mom had a break. I would sit there and do the same moves he did. And then I got hitting the head with the fucking lunchbox.

And my mother gave me the opportunity to join karate. And I was like, this is what that fucking Chinito used to do. And I couldn't think of his name. But then my godfather used to take me to movie theaters on 42nd Street. But from time to time, he would take me to Chinatown. And there was a movie down. in Chinatown, New York City, not a Chinese theater. It was a white theater, but since it was in Chinatown,

it played Kung Fu movies. So what? If you want me to give you a name of the first Kung Fu movie I saw, I don't know, I just enjoyed it because I was at karate with, you know, doing fucking kicks and I had the fist on my ghee. I didn't even, if you want me to tell you, I remembered Bruce Lee or whatever. I didn't. I just called him a Chinato, and I knew I was doing that,

I am in a martial arts movie theater and I don't know what the fuck is going on and then somewhere around 1969, 1970 when I was about seven, six or seven, the martial art movie business fucking exploded and I remember being at Sacred Heart School for boys and running home and telling whoever my godfather, my stepfather, I got to go see five fingers of death. Five fingers of debt was the first movie that put us over the top about a student that trains and his master they're going to kill him and he develops

the palm of strength. I forget what it's called the palm of debt. And that's where you get these fucking rocks that are heated and you got to put your hands on them. Trust me, Uncle Joey did it. And you got to get a bag, like a bean bag, and put a bag over it. And you got to wipe this fucking juice on your hands

and fucking pound your hands like this to get them hard. You do this all day. Nothing happened to my hands. My hands, I still got pussy hands still today. They're soft as shit. But, you know, you can go through the process. I did the whole thing. And then in the fourth grade one night,

we had just come out of the shower. There had to be maybe 12 to 16 of us in the dormitory. I was in the fourth grade. I was in Sister Alice's. Or Sister Adams was the fucking leader of the fourth grade dormitory. And we were watching a show by the name of Happy Days with the Fonz and It's. Richie, Richie Cunningham and all that shit.

And the next thing you know, in between one of those commercial breaks, they showed the trailer to motherfucking the Chinese connection, aka Fist or Fury. It got released over there as Fistor Fury, but it got released here as the Chinese Connection. If you get a minute, YouTube that. Fuck, Lee, I forgot to tell you something. I want you to look for The Little Rascals Cake.

It's very important that you find little rascals cake. Okay. So, please. So, what were we? They just on the commercial for... The commercial for Enter the Dragon came on. Now, we're a bunch of fucking fourth graders. I don't know if you guys got kids or whatever.

Fourth graders, we watch the Fons. They give us snacks. Glass of fucking milk. Me, I drank like water or Kool-Aid or whatever the fuck because I didn't drink milk. We're all sitting around there watching this fucking Fonz. And all of a sudden, you know, like, it's a bunch of rowdy fourth graders. And we're like in three-man packs. And we're telling stories during the TV show.

But when Bruce Lee, Chinese Connection came on. And they showed that fucking, that fucking, that circle scene in the Chinese connection. That's the scene you saw on the trailer. Guys, I got to be honest with you. The fucking. the I gotta be honest with you that the fucking room

came to a halt even the fucking none it was like you could just you could drop a pen in there and the kid did not fucking move none of us moved we were frozen our jaws had dropped

we had been overcome fuck shitty shitty bang bang fuck the love bug fuck the world's greatest athlete fuck Disney movies Fuck Charlie Brown This room was filled with kids From the five fucking burrows

In Staten Island These were little fucking animals Fuck Mickey Mouse Fuck Donald Duck Fuck Snoopy We had just fucking got our world rock This Chinese guy Just kicked the fuck out of 50 people

On fucking TV At 8 o'clock On national TV On a Tuesday fucking night For two days I could not wait When my stepfather pulled up To get me

That Friday, that Thursday night. I remember saying to him, he was like, what do you want to do this week? And I go, I just need one favor from you. We need to find out where the Chinese connection is playing, and we went. And we went to Clifton, New Jersey to the Route 3 driving. If anybody's parents ever talk about that fucking place,

hit me back. I went to see a bunch of movies there, five fingers of debt. But Chinese connection comes out of my fucking veins there. when I left that fucking driving theater, I was hooked, okay? I was learning karate, but I had to get to the bottom of this kung fu shit

somewhere along the line. This shit was just too much. He was doing, I don't even know how I found out. I don't know if you had to buy Black Belt magazine in those days to find out everything about Bruce Lee. And when Bruce Lee came over, that's all you found in Black Belt magazine. Was Bruce Lee articles, Bruce Lee articles,

Bruce Lee articles, who he was training, blah blah blah blah blah and you know what I was right there with him now for me I watch all these people say what he meant to them and what he didn't mean to them to me man he fucking meant I don't know at the time I couldn't fucking tell you all I know is that me and every one of my friends was Bruce Lee crazy what's Bruce Lee crazy we used to go to Chinatown we used to buy the outfits You know, there's these envelopes that used to come out in Chinatown every Friday

and it was 10, 5, 5, assorted pictures of Bruce Lee from all his different movies and there was like only 10 pictures but they would give you nine of them and one of them they made it really hard to get. It was like one with him with a new chucks or something so you had to keep buying the envelope over.

It was like trading cards. You keep buying them until you get that one. And then once you collected them, I wonder what that collection. election is work now. I want those envelopes are worth now. If anybody ever kept those envelopes from fucking Chinatown, you know,

if you got all the grandparents that grew up and used to go to Chinatown in 73, find out if they got those envelopes. They used to be like blackout, like whoever did them was a fuck, leave that up. I am. Whoever did that was a fucking scam because they were just printing him and putting them in there. But on the serious side,

Bruce, like it just took off. Guys, it took off like medical marijuana. It took off like crack. It took off like the internet. It took off like cell phones. Bruce Lee took off like nothing you ever saw before. And America kept sitting back waiting for his fucking movies.

He released Where the Dragon. Now, I don't know where the dragon came out before or after Enter the Dragon. I don't remember the whole fucking thing. But I do remember Enter the Dragon coming out and me knowing he was dead and me sitting there crying like a pussy at the Union City Cinema

in Union City, New Jersey. So it was the big boss, Fist of Fury, the Way of the Dragon and then Game of Death. Where's last four? And then he was shooting Game of Death and they fucking redid it. with some fucking little Chinese guy making noises.

And by that time, it was off the boat. Chinese people fucking manipulated us for years with older Bruce Lee footage. Everybody was threatening that they had other Bruce Lee footage. So every movie that came out, they would say Bruce Lee, Bruce Lee, Bruce Lee, and it was a lie. It was like a picture of Bruce Lee in it. Or like a fucking Chinese people were ruthless.

They were getting like another guy's body and putting Bruce Lee's face on it. They were ruthless. And then Sonny Cheeb became, and that took away the Bruce Lee thing for a while. But in people's hearts like mine, that stung. Bruce Lee's death stung.

And when you watch, this is not happening, you'll see it in my face that it's coming up again after fucking 30 fucking years. That poor bastard's been dead for 47 fucking years until this day when I tap into it, it's still fucking, and I don't tap into it a lot. I tapped into it that night, obviously, when I was on fucking stage, it came back to fucking haunt me those fucking skeletons because I was ready to cry up on that fucking

stage. I had to control myself because my father's death heard as much, or Bruce Lee's death, heard as much as my father's death, and it hurt as much as Roberto Clemente's debt. And there was a bunch of people dying in those days. Morrison died, fucking Hendricks had died, so America was just getting used to, you know, John F. Kennedy had done. died. People were just fucking dying

from the time I could fuck her. I mean, John F. Kennedy died in 66. But we were just on a fucking trend. Every year, somebody was dying. Fucking the brother died. Then Martin Luther King died. I mean, it was just, like, we were used to fucking people dying, but now it was people in our feet. Like,

it was people you didn't give a fuck, but now it was people you did give a fuck. But I could tell you, man, that I probably need it, I probably, today, looking back at it, I probably need therapy therapy from Bruce Lee's death. And then when my mother died, that brought back all those fucking feelings. And I don't know why Bruce Lee's death affected me so much.

So now we're going to look at the other part of my life. I made a quote. You know, I always love the Beatles. I love the Beatles because they fucked with you a little bit. The United States let the Beatles fuck with them. and, well, that's what you thought. They just did. Sometimes life imitates art, okay?

You ready for this, guys? I said, on that tape, on the friendship tape, I talk about how all you need is three friends and you could take over the world. A couple weeks ago, I wanted to put some friends on, which I'm going to go back again, but I'm going to put it in chunks of threes. I put them in a chunk of threes to let you know

the first batch of three friends I had that let me know I could take over the world. Steve Avillo, Georgie, and Calangelo. Okay, everything I've said on those fucking things I've lived up to. Now, you ready for this one? I get in fucking trouble.

I moved to Boulder within six weeks I'm back in trouble and I got to get on a plane Psychologically where do I go I go to San Francisco and as soon as I get to San Francisco

when I wasn't stealing or doing drugs or spending time with my girlfriend was trying to find out where Bruce Lee used to hang out that's where he was born and nobody had a fucking answer for me like you know what I'm saying

what hospital was he born at, you know, where was he, whatever at? I mean, it was fucking weird how I went to San Francisco. And between us, I could let, you know, between us is what we do here. I could tell you the truth that I fucking, I went to San Francisco in the back in a search of Bruce Lee. Like, I didn't know. I wanted to learn more about them.

I went up there. I saw the Chinese community. Oh, my God. They used to have some good Chinese food up there, Lanness. It was quite forget what the name of the rest. a North Star Chinese restaurant or something on badass in San Francisco was the best Seshwam beef I ever had. Every time I went in there, I felt like Bruce Lee.

This is where Bruce Lee ate in my stupid cocaine mind. But, okay, let's get back to, I get into comedy. And basically, guys, when I fucking, in 1994-95, I was lost, but I was found. because yes, my life was lost, but I was focused on comedy. Like, I was really, really, really, really into comedy. So I was really lost, but I was really found. And I had enough, when I had to leave Boulder, I didn't know I was leaving Boulder.

I just knew that what was going on in Boulder wasn't working. And all the obvious signs were popping up that I eventually would have had to leave. When, I didn't know, but eventually something wasn't going to be right. sure enough I get thrown out of the comedy works and I'm having problems at home with my ex-wife and the thing and I go, you know what? I fucking go to Michigan. By this time, it's May.

I know I got to figure something out in my life. I can't. I'm driving to Baltimore from Denver two times a month in a fucking car. I'm driving to Michigan from Boulder in a fucking car. And this is what my life was. was I knew I had to find the base of operations. Could I move to Michigan?

I knew a couple guys in Michigan. Could I move to Baltimore? I'm from Jersey. It's just to drive down to Baltimore. But I wasn't ready to be on. So what I did was I go to Michigan to do a weekend. And I meet a girl. Now I'm looking for a change in my life.

I'm looking for a home new base and comedy. This girl's plan was to pack up when we left each other on Sunday, her plan was to back up on a few days, spend a few days with a mother and show up in Boulder, and she was going to move to Seattle. She was going to come see me

before she moved to Seattle. So I liked the girl. Boulder wasn't working, and all of a sudden, I thought about Seattle, I'm like, fuck. That's where Bruce Lee started this whole fucking journey.

You know, I had been lost, and when you're lost, I always say, just go home, go home and you'll find the answer. Go back to your mother's bed, sleep downstairs in the basement, go walk to your grammar school, walk to your park there, you play that, it'll all come back to you after a few days,

what you were meant to be, who you are, and why you're doing what you're doing. I'll come back to you, because when you'll walk those fucking steps that you did as a kid, it'll all come back to you. I said, you know what? This chick's going to Seattle.

I got nothing going on here. There was a comedy newspaper. I went on there and they had all these fucking comedy clubs that were in Seattle at the time. Washington. Fucking had, you know, all these volcano room, fucking underground, giggles. You know, here I'm working in Denver with two clubs, you know.

And I said, you know what? In my heart, I want to go up there for to do comedy and to be with this girl. But in my soul, I really want to go up there. to walk the streets Bruce Lee did. So from the time I got there, I had a window of when I was going to leave that year. But I think the second day, I went right up to Capitol Hill, wherever it's called. I didn't look it up again.

I'm just telling you from memory, just because I wanted to dig deep in this podcast. The second day, I told the girl that was with her. I got to do something today. She's like, I got there on a Friday night. Saturday, we went to the club downtown and we went to a show there that night. and then that Sunday she goes, you know, you know when you get to a town

you want to go sightseeing. She's like, well, we can go to the fucking farmer's market and all this. I go, listen, let's put a halt to that. I go, let's go see Bruce Lee's grave. And she's like, what are you fucking talking about? I go to Bruce Lee's grave.

All we got to do is ask people on the street. So I like ask somebody. I said, where do you go to Bruce Lee's grave? And he goes, you got to go up that thing. Capital Hill, you know, in those days there was no fucking Bruce Lee's grave. 4.3 miles make a left, you know, there was none of that shit.

So you didn't know, I'm saying? It wasn't like that. There was probably like a map at that time. You know, the Star Map or something. Like a Star Map. I don't know, guys. I don't know. So it's up in Capitol Hill or something like that, some hill.

We drove up there, and I swear to God, we drew it, we drew, we drove onto a garage, a gas station. And I didn't even get out of the car. before I could say to the guy, where's Bruce Lee's cemetery? He told me, oh, before you ask, go up to the corner,

make a right, make a left. He goes, don't try to close, park close to the cemetery. You won't get in. It's, you won't get in. Right.

It's private. It's private. So, one thing led to another. We parked. We walked like a half a mile. Now, there was a problem because for people who don't know this, I don't know, anybody from the Washington area that listened to the podcast, please correct me on this and let me know what the truth is here. I don't know if they buried Jimmy Hendricks and Bruce Lee in the same cemetery.

There's a story to that, why they couldn't, because then you have Kurt Cobain. So you had to separate them. Right. You had to separate. Somebody had broken into Hendricks' grave. I can't know that. And stole his fingers, I don't fucking know. I don't know how real it is.

These are just rumors you hear when you're in Seattle. Right. So they had to separate them because they got too much attention. Too many people visit, you know, Jimmy Hendricks and too many people visit. Cobain. Kurt Cobain. But this is before Cobain.

No, Cobain was dead already when I was up there. This is 96. This is 95. So Cobain was already dead. He had just died. He was fresh. in the hole. The maggots even haven't gotten on them yet. So I get up there and guys I'm not supposed to walk into fucking cemeteries. I avoid cemeteries like the fucking like I just avoid them.

I avoid cemeteries period. I don't like them. I feel uncomfortable in them when I go to my mother's cemetery. I do it just to see her out of respect. I clean up when I got to clean up and I get the fuck out of there. I've never like cemeteries except when I was a fucking and piece of shit crazy man after my mother died, I cut through that cemetery in North Bergen I took a couple shits in there but at that time I didn't care

I didn't give a fuck about anything but in the real day I fucking hate cemeteries, okay? And I hate them more in the daytime than I do at night. It's not a spooky thing. I just don't like fucking cemeteries. And against my own fucking beliefs

I walked into that cemetery and man, if you've never gone to Bruce Lee's grave, you have to go. And I'm going to tell you why, because you're going to understand. That was the completion of the circle for me of my life. After that, I was rested. Like, you know, I was good after that.

Like, I had put that ghost to sleep in my life. I don't know why I went to the cemetery. I was crazy about it. And I walked in there, and as you walk up, you know you're hitting something special. You start seeing flowers on the floor and pieces of paper written in notes. And then you walk up and it's just a beautiful thing. He was buried there with his son already. Him and Brandon had been buried there.

Bruce's pictures on a thing. And for maybe, I don't know, without exaggeration, 10 feet in circumference of the circle of that cemetery, of his plot is all Bruce Lee related. It's people who come from all over the world and bring notes. And they're open. So you're supposed to read them. Wow.

It's amazing. How many years has it been? 50 years now? No, 60 years. He's been dead for 47 years. He died in 73. Those movies came out when I was a child, and they stuck with me so much. And it's like he said, he stuck up for the underdog.

I love the underdog. I've been an underdog since day one. How can I not love the underdog? I bet an underdog Saturday night. You know, I love an underdog story. I love somebody who, you know, and listen, guys, and all that shit was going on, you want me to sit here and talk. I knew that they fucked them out of Kung Fu.

I know that I boycotted Kung Fu personally at that time. At the age of fucking nine, I boycotted Kung Fu. Like, I wasn't going to watch this stuff. I heard in rumors that that was Bruce Lee's show. We were all excited about fucking Kung Fu, and they gave it to Derrick Carradine, and people like me got pissed off. We boycotted Kung Fu, boycott that fucking shit.

By that time, I was studying karate, but I would work out in Union City on top of the bottom of the barrel this place called Fujai Kung Fu. It's still fucking there. And I would go in there. One of my friends that was a landlord and my friend's building studied there.

We would all practice together. And I would go to Fujabai Kung Fu. It was next to a carve-up, so trust me. I didn't go there because I wanted to. I went there because I knew if I flew in the air for an hour. I was having a milkshake downstairs afterwards. You know what I'm saying? I didn't go there because I wanted to.

Yeah. At first it was, yeah, Bruce. and circles and flying through the air. But after that, it was about the chocolate shake afterward. You know what I'm saying? You got to earn your keep, cuckers. Even then, I was earning my keep. But it's just so weird how I ended up moving to Seattle.

And guys, it didn't stop. Like, after the cemetery, I fucking investigated. I tried to find that where his first school was. So I found that. Somebody told me where it was. So I actually went to where his first school was. I forget what it is today. And I stood in front of it, and I tried to breed the same air.

He breathed. I wanted the same life. I didn't know what I was even doing. Now, I was doing this psychologically, but unpsychologically, I was doing this. I just wanted to breathe the same man he had breathed. I wanted to walk on the same streets he walked. I don't even feel that, like, you know, yeah, I got a dream of playing fucking that one theater in New York, even though there's no moneymaker.

and now it's never going to happen because of Lenny Bruce, you know what I'm saying? I always want to. It's never going to happen. No, now it's never going to happen. It's going to take two years. By that time he wants to see her wrinkled up Joe Dears. Nobody wants to come see me now.

You know what I'm saying? I'm losing friends by the day now. Every time I got a wrinkle, I lose a friend. That's the shape of I'm in. So, you know, I fucking walked it. I did everything he could. And guys, it's been 25. So I forget what are the goofy shit I did out of respect for Bruce Lee.

So now Sunday night came and like I told you guys Monday, I didn't even have the strength to watch it Sunday night. I watched fucking Steve McQueen in the getaway. But I got to tell you something. Monday was a fucking boring day. And I went against my own rule and I fucking watched Bewater. And I watched it. And I don't know if it was because what was going on around me and that. It was like, it didn't tell me what I really wanted to hear.

It told me about the shit I already knew, you know? I wanted to hear about how his father used to dress him up like a girl when he was a kid because he felt the spirit was looking from it. If he could confuse the spirit, he could save Bruce Lee. You know, I wanted to hear all about that shit. His dad's little fucking, but they didn't have any of that. didn't really matter. Tuesday, Monday night, I think one of the church guys, Matt Holmeyer, out of Milwaukee, great guy, he sent me a message and he goes, what did you think of it? And I go, you know,

it was okay. But then I did what I go, you know what? Before I go spread and what the fuck I think I should let me fucking watch it again. And last night, I watched it again. And last night at the end, I cried. And I understood why I loved them. It was because of the underdog thing. He was a fucking, he was a tiny guy. Listen, if you think I bought it into the fight, even at the age of, once I seen one

shoot a fucking guy, once I saw my stepdad, shoot a guy in the leg, I figured out that movies were fake. Okay? Did you ever come to a fucking point where you, you know, like the daylight, you just go, I ain't watching wrestling no more. Like, did you ever have that day?

That day happens when you're 11. You know, every, as you get, Remember the first time you stopped believing in Santa Claus? You know, it's the same thing. Remember when you found that he wasn't real? It was the same fucking way. You know, I don't, and please don't get me started on the wrestling. I love wrestlers, no disrespect.

One day you're just watching it, and you're like, this is fake as fuck. I ain't watching this on the wall. I want to see him get hit with the head, but I want to see his head blow up, you know what I'm saying? I don't want to fucking just see a little blood, the fake shit. You know, so that's how your life is. You watch something until you see behind him. the curtain, then you move the fuck on. You know what I'm saying? So, it's just weird how I watched it again, and I caught things

I didn't catch the first time. You know, I caught, and I wasn't happy when Bruce Lee died. If you know anything about me, guys, I was a little Bible beaten faggot when Bruce Lee died. So I didn't like the fact that he had been, this is how guys, this is how much of a proved your uncle Joey was. I didn't like the fact that they found him out of a woman's house. That wasn't his wife. I didn't like it. Even in the fucking fifth grade,

it always didn't seem right to me. His death never made sense to me. Was the conspiracy guys, we ain't got enough time. We got real problems to deal with in the world. You know what I'm saying? This baseball coming back. Can a midget suck my dick again

in Vegas? You know? You know, You got a lot of other things on your mind. I'll get that's your number two questions. What's that? The midget one. Well, because people can't do shit no more because of COVID. Things are changed. Six foot difference.

Yeah, six foot difference. I don't have a suck your dick through a wind on them. Unless you got a six-foot dick, you're in nothing. Like, what are you going to do? Put a dick extension on? What are you going to do? They got to be six feet away. So, you know, that's why I don't see how strip clubs operated.

But I'm not here to talk about COVID. You guys already took three months of COVID. You want to talk about cheroids. I get it. What I'm trying to tell you is that I watch it again, and, you know, it's just one of those things of my childhood that was then. It was when my mother was alive. It was that life.

You know, I tried to call my friend Dean LaPrythia there, saw his name on Facebook. You know, if he wasn't as a shy little fuck as he was, I'd put him on Zoom, but he's already told me, I'll never do your podcast. I don't ask. I won't call in. You know, he was there at my house before when my mother, I honor his friendship because I knew all those guys, BC, before Coco's mother died.

So Bruce Lee, to me, was something that was a part of my life when my mother was alive and will always be. It's a part of that life. It was the first chapter, you know, like I'm doing this fucking book right now and I'm trying to figure out how to break it out, you know, because I've had like six fucking lives. I had the fucking Catholic boy life

when I'm telling you that I was pissed off. I still remember going to see the Godfather and covering my eyes. Well, I covered my eyes with the one lie open. When the Teddies came out during the Godfather, Apollonia, you know, I was that much of a fucking Catholic little nerd. And then there's that fucking evil period. You know, the other day, people are fucking banging out

Marky Wahlberg because of hate crimes or whatever the fuck he did in Boston. Well, guess what, guys? You know what, man? When you have hate in your heart heart, that's the kind of stupid shit you do. You know who else did that? Uncle Joey.

I would sit there at night in the fucking Hudson County Park and these broken men would come and I lied to him and tell him I was going to suck their dick and then me and three guys would jump him and beat him up. That's not fucking normal. But that was who I was dead. If you want to judge me by that now, 30 years later, be my fucking guest.

Because that's not who I am today. How do I know? because today I fucking sit there at 4 o'clock and we got coloring for an hour, me and my daughter, and I got to subtract numbers to figure out the pencil. So number two is red, number three is pink, number four is green,

and all through here I got three plus one, nine plus eight, and I got to figure out all the math. And after I do that for an hour, I got to sit with a kid and read three books. She reads them to me, so I know I'm not the same person. So I don't give a fuck about that. You know, that type

of shit. And then you have to life, the cocaine life, that fucking cocaine-fueled life, that fucking almost killed me. But it turned me into a comedy fucking savage because even though I had that cocaine in my system, I still had cocaine. Comedy was the light at the end of the tunnel. Comedy was the light at the end of the tunnel for me. I knew once I reached my comedy thing, I would shed that cocaine skin. And thank God 13 years ago, I fucking did. So there was always something. And now I have a, then from 90 fucking, from 2007 to 2010, I was a different motherfucker.

I don't know who the fuck I was. I was just finding out who the fuck I was. And then from 2010 to now I met Lee, I had a kid. You know, I moved on to theaters as a comic. I mean, you know. What fell down? Your glasses. I've had so much the fuck go on that I don't even know.

the fuck I am anymore. But that's how fast your life. So I've had fucking five lives. So if you want to judge me on something. But anyway, going back to Bruce Lee, to me at the end of it, when I watch the ESPN thing, at the end, it was just who I was at one time. So I cherish that.

Did I think he was a tough guy? Could he beat up Maham and Ali? Guys, it was the fucking movies. But I also remember people's behavior after Bruce Lee came, especially my own. You know, it gave me the will to stand up for myself. You know, his first movie is the big boss, released here is Fist of Fury.

And if you know anything about that movie, the first hour of that movie is horrible. You know why? Because Bruce Lee don't fight. It was like Buffy the Vampire Slare. Remember Buffy the Vampire Slare? Yeah. You had to wait the whole show for Buffy to start throwing fucking sidekicks.

And you can really see that pussy? Remember that? when she's coming with the boots and that tight little ass but you had to wait you had to put up with 22 minutes of bad acting the fucking twins

the other ugly redhead girl for me to see Buffy bitch slap somebody that came from the old school Batman formula where you had to put up with 20 minutes of Batman till Batman gave somebody on ear beating

or bit slapped him him and Robin and that came from the same old school as Green Hornet you had to fucking wait 20 minutes to watch Green Hornet throw 20 kicks that's how they would hold you Right. Because you're ready for fucking this Chinese guy to start smacking white people or a black dude,

no disrespect, African-American. And next thing you know, that you would have to wait 22 minutes. That's the same thing they did to you in the big boss, aka Fist or Fury. But you know why? Because he had made a promise that he wasn't going to fight. He didn't throw a punch. So there was a riot and somebody ripped his chain and broke the promise. Wow.

So, you know, that right there. was showing you as a young adult as a character, what character was. That's the first time I learned about character. That before that scene, he was going to throw a punch, and they held them back, and they reminded him you made a promise to your mother or your uncle. I don't know, you got to watch the movie.

It's been a long time ago. So that was little pieces of character he showed you, you know, in that scene. When he faced a boss, what happened when, in the, the big boss when they fucking, when they fucking took him out to dinner, and they made him the boss,

how he treated the employees. Then he realized he had made a mistake, and he became Bruce Lee and what he was, and he went down to the fucking guy's house, fucking killed a bunch of motherfuckers. That's the scene where he's eating the potato chips, and he kicks the guys in the ball, two kicks. And they both go down.

Then he jumps the fence, and he kills the fucking son and the fucking father. But so, yeah, it was about, killing or whatever, but it was about a promise. Then he comes back in another movie called Fist of Fury got released in China, but in the United States, it got released to the Chinese fucking connection. And he releases a Chinese connection. In that movie, it's about him coming home and his teacher dying, but his teacher was in great shape. How do the fuck can he die? Who would do this? So why everybody else was telling him everybody was sucking wind like we do today,

walking around with your finger up your ass, looking at your fucking iPhone to see what idiot texture. You're not seeing what's in front of here. He's like, dog. Something is not right here. And one night he found two Japanese guys that applauded to kill the fucking teacher, and he goes off. And then at the end, he has to turn

himself in so the Japanese people don't destroy the school. And as he goes outside, they're about to shoot him. And instead of running in, he runs at them. And I remember us leaving there. Everybody in that movie theater was

crying. Crying. When we left, when we left, because after it played at the, you know, you had to go see

it first with a parent. And after that, you had to go see the movie first. And you could go talk shit in your neighborhood and tell your friends about you.

You went to see Bruce Lee in the movie's bag. Go home, ask your father 50 cents, see if we catch the 4 o'clock matinee over at a small that playing

on 148 Street. And I remember taking my friends to go see that movie. I saw a Chinese connection in the movie. theater. Without exaggeration, I probably paid 25 times to see the Chinese collection in the movie

theater. There was a movie theater that used to let me go there. He used to drink at my mother's bar. It was called C. Netoni on like 14 strivers, a Cuban movie theater. The owner had a wig. Tony? Yeah, he had a wig. He would come into the bar and do a couple bumps. So it was like a rule. Like, he could come in and drink, but I could go into his movie theater whenever I wanted. with eight guerrillas and just go in the background and watch movies I can't tell you

how many times I saw that movie there at night like I would have nothing to do and I would go mom I'm bored and she'd go take the cab go down to senior Tony and watch the 11 o'clock movie

come back at two we'll close at three damn take a cab by yourself oh yeah because you know Union City was a small town oh okay studio city

you're not gonna get lost no reason they kidnap you it wasn't like that then there was a lot more trust on the streets. Right. I didn't have the history that you had with Bruce Lee, but I thought that I thought it was great last night because it's, you're talking about his being a good person and standing up for people and he did, he, he had that come through in his movies, but he had come through, at least in the documentary they were talking about he had, he purposely had that

stuff come through in the movies because that's who he was as a person. And like, the stuff that stood out to me was how many times he like came back like I was saying I was just relating it to myself I was like I don't know if I would keep going after so many people telling you know like that like time after time this is what

life is about listen Clint Eastwood did spaghetti westerns Bruce Lee came here you know one of the things that I like that they highlighted was the time he had grown up and what he learned from who he learned from you know the stories that

They were very mad at them for teaching non-Chinese. Chinese, the art of Kung Fu. And then there's a pun. I mean, there's so many different myths and stories and lies. There's so much great information out there. What are we talking about? Never giving up. Never giving up.

You know, when you come to this town, look, I know, okay, I'll give you an example. I know a certain Mexican comic who used to always come up to me and go, I will never take a role where they degrade a Mexican. Well, that dude's ready to suck dick today. Okay, he's ready to shoot himself today. Because he had 20 of those roles. He could have had 20 of those rolls or whatever. It's up to whatever you want to do.

I mean, you never want to portray yourself as a Jewish man in Auschwitz, you know, because of your family and stuff like that. There's certain things you wouldn't want to portray yourself as. But also, at the end of the day, it's just a job. Right. To get yourself acquainted with what's going on. The biggest thing they did to him was steal Kung Fu from him. Yeah, that was crazy.

That was heartbreaking because we all thought as little kids it was his. And every kid I hung out with banked boycotted it. Like, fuck Kung Fu. Fuck that shit. Like, you weren't allowed in my neighborhood to even talk about fucking Kung Fu. Who is the guy who played Genghis Khan, the white guy? John Wayne. It was so horrible. It was horrible. You know, and you talk about all these bad people

and shit like this and all these people. Like I said in the beginning, listen, there's a lot of fucking fakers out there. People who stand, you know, behind closed doors is what fucking matters. Look what Marlon Brando did. In 73, when he sent a fucking Indian woman to receive his Academy Award because they should portray Indians as Indians. This has always been a problem in Hollywood. Right. You know, this has always been a problem in Hollywood. And, you know, yesterday, Michael B. Jackson on Monday was talking about, you know, hiring more black people in Hollywood.

You know, now they're coming up with that in 18 years of the, not the contender, the chick that needs a boyfriend on ABC, the 18 seasons and 40 episodes, they only had one black girl. Oh, The Bachelor. You know, we're looking at all these things now. you see this stuff from the Bruce Lee documentary, you know, about racism in 69 and 68 and 70. And you're looking at the things that are going on with today. And you're like, eh, what has changed? What is fucking changed? You know, we're still trying to change people's mind.

But, again, until you change your mind behind closed doors and have a pure heart, nothing, nothing good is going to happen. when you say it for you, when you look at your fucking friend and go, is he really my friend or is he a token friend? We live in Hollywood, guys, where you have token fucking friends. They're token friends. You know what that means? They contact you when it's good for them, okay? Ten things could happen. Earthquakes could happen.

They don't call you, but one day out of the blue, they were just thinking about you. And, you know what, I got you on the phone. I got this project coming up and you're like, really? You know, we're all token fucking friends. Guess what? I'm not a token to fucking nobody. You know, when you see two comedians hanging out

or whatever, I could tell you 20,000 situations why they're hanging out. It's either they're hanging out because they live and die for each other or they're hanging out because one wants one from the other one. When you hear me on Rogan, I could be on Rogan every fucking day, guys. I can call Joe right now and go I want to be on next Monday, and he would say absolutely.

I don't do that. I don't abuse our friendship, and I want the show to be very organic. I want me to come on there twice a year, you know, during the holidays and maybe during the Fourth of July and go fucking off. I like to do the first guest of the year every year to start the year off on the right foot, but I don't abuse that friendship. I don't want nothing from Joe. I want his friendship.

Here in Hollywood, that's not the fucking case. Right. So we live in a fucking polluted place. So when Bruce Lee was, he was so hurt, he was probably hurt the way I was after the Longasshire. You know, while I was shooting a Longassured, I didn't call anybody on that movie, and they'd pick up the phone.

The day the fucking movie ended, I went to call the next day by the check or something, and I had to leave messages, and nobody called you back. These are the realities of fucking Hollywood. You know, when you're on a TV show, everybody wants to be your friend. when you got no TV show, you know, these are realities of Hollywood.

Did Bruce Lee really like, you know, Bruce Lee and Steve McQueen were great fucking friends? I've heard 200 stories about them. Were they dear friends that they call each other every day, or were they Hollywood friends? I think, you know, I heard that they both wanted what the other guy had. Steve McQueen didn't want to be a successful Hollywood actor. He wanted just to bitch-slapped people.

and Bruce Lee didn't want to bit slap people. He wanted to be the world's greatest actor, you know, like very popular. He wanted to bring Chinese culture into the limelight. He wanted to promote all these things. So, you know, in that case, yes. And obviously you can't change who someone is in Bruce was an incredibly hard worker. But the thing that I can't get out of my mind from that documentary was they were talking to his wife. And they were talking about, I think it was right after the great.

being Hornet. And they were saying how it was tough times. They didn't have a lot of money, but it was probably the happiest time of her life. Because all the kids were together. Bruce was there. And they had time for each other. And I like...

What's going on right now? Exactly. And I'm like, should you not try that? Like, not that you shouldn't try that hard, but should you have different goals? Try that hard for what? Like, looking back, who knows what killed Bruce? But should Bruce have been like, you know what?

I'm going to be the number one stuntman. I'll have some movies and I'll get to play with my kids at night. Like, like, just rather than focus so intently on on being the star, like, just that line she was talking about was so once he got, you know, once he got

that to that point, and that's a truth. Look at this now. Look at what we're learning now. Look at what this fucking coronavirus virus has taught us that for some people who are single, it's taught you how to live without nobody coming over. You know, you're by yourself. And I, you know I got your guys back.

I always call you, Steve, whoever. I contact all you guys, Dean Delray. I talk to Theodia the day, you know, because I know what it is. I know how I go crazy at night. You think I like watching TV from fucking five to nine or ten at night?

I've never done that. this is the first time for me for all this shit I've never fucking done this so this is very hard for me right now I just go along with it at first I needed the edibles to do it you know I went overboard and now I've accepted my fate

I know exactly what I'm doing and I know exactly how I want to do it once Bruce went to China and you heard him at the end of the first movie he didn't know what direction it was going to go right and not now So now what happens? So now what else did you learn from at the end of it?

At the end of it, you learn about a word called hypocrisy. And I want all young actors and comics, if this is what you feel, didn't know, or as anything you do, to learn about what happened at the end. At the end, he had to go somewhere else and make $91 million, $521 million by today's standards. and what happened automatically America sent Warner Brothers over there

with a check to partner up with him Raymond Chow was unknown to the American fucking public Raymond Chow's cut such a good deal that look how many movies Raymond Chow went on to produce that were American Really? I didn't know it? Oh yeah they gave him everything. They had to give him everything after that

because he gave up a great you know you know his death At some levels, could have been because he switched governments. He wasn't going to make money for some certain Chinese people anymore. I mean, there's a bunch of mysteries surrounding this. In my world, right now, 47 years later, it was God. That's it.

One day you wake up and you're done. Jim Morrison went. My friend Anthony Balzano went. My friend Darren Rago went, but I'm still here at 57. But how could, and I don't want to get into a religious argument with you, but can you imagine dying a week before your dream comes true? A week.

Now I'm scared to death. I think I'm going to die March 1st because the soprano movie comes out March 12. So how do you think I feel? As soon as I saw it, I'm like, I'm going to die March 2nd. You know what I'm saying? Because it's a soprano movie's coming out, not that, you know, not that I'm Bruce Lee.

I'm just saying, you know, it's, it's hard. It's a story that, it's a story about love. It's a story about balls. Listen, my favorite. His favorite song is Sinatra. He did it his way. When you come out to this California, there's a system, and then it becomes your system. That is your art.

That is what you have to offer. Right now, I do it art. You know, people get it wrong. My dear friend Joe Rogan says, I'm the funniest guy. Listen, I'm the funniest guy when you open up a window and let me go and attack through it. As far as a stand-up, a stand-up requires certain levels of stand-up. The best stand-up in the game right now is Bill Burr after his last special because of the levels. Till this day, I love the levels.

A lot of comics aren't doing that. That's the way I was learned to do comedy by levels. Bill Hicks worked in levels. Everybody like that worked on levels. Even prior in a way worked on levels. Not really. Collin worked in levels. That's a brilliant way of doing comedy.

I'm a funny guy when you give me an opening and I can go through that fucking window. I'm a funny guy when you pull it out of me. and I could go through that fucking window. I don't even know how we got to this story, but Bruce Lee just taught me that when I got here, listen, I've never really worried about racism. Racism. I don't know why.

It's never really affected me. Have I felt it? My wife asked me last night, have I ever felt it? And I got to be honest to you, yes. Yes. I always lie to people and say no. When I first moved to North Bergen, I felt it a little bit,

and then throughout the years, it got a lot easier. But at the end, I knew how to get out of North Bergen because no matter what I would be achieved, at the end of the day, I'd always be a speck there. And now that doesn't matter to me.

I am a fucking speck. I don't give a fuck what, you know, what you think of America? I'm Spanish. What do you want me to do? If you're black, if you're African American, if you're Chinese, whatever, somebody.

But where were we going with this? I don't even know. Have you ever experienced racism? Yeah, have you ever experienced racism? You know, Brewster experienced it. He felt that he was very hurt by it. He got fucked in the ass. They took a show from him.

He went to China. He made his point. And then they had to go get him. And that describes the word hypocrisy. Now, who else did that happen to that you know? Anybody else you know that happened? you're looking at him you're listening to him I was here since 1997 and I've been rocking guys guys I'm looking at the eye I'm looking at the microphone at the eye I've been

killing them since 2004 seriously that was 13 years in once I started following Mooney and I put the longest yard together I was a 50-50 comic but when I fucking ripped your fucking heart out I'd rip your heart out you've heard the stories about the fucking comedy store. Nobody talked to me, guys. I would beg agents. I would drop off packages every day. I would argue with agents. I would make, and I just could not figure it out. I never blamed on racism. I never been blamed on my felony. I didn't know what to blame it on. I didn't know what to blame it on. And then something happened in 2013 that changed all that because it wasn't even about the talent.

Guess what happened in 2013 that changed all that? I don't know. I sold the ticket. So it didn't matter how funny I was in 2006. Even after the longest yard, guys, even after seeing the longest yard,

you guys know I'm in that movie and I'm standing right there with Tracy Morgan and all those motherfuckers. If I'm a good agent, I'm like, I'm going to sign that kid because he ain't shit today. But if I could work with him right or put him on the right path, I could do something with him. Nobody talked to me.

They treated me like I had more fucking HIV than before. It was like they shot an extra shot of HIV in me now. So nobody wanted to talk to me. It wasn't until 2013, until I sold Sal's. I sold out Sal's 113 tickets. And then I sold out San Francisco. Oh, I got like 380 on a Thursday. night with Felicia and all of a sudden guys you should have seen all the people that said bad things

about me over the years that said I wouldn't amount to nothing that wouldn't return my calls for years all of a sudden that changed now you got two things to do with that you could be cocky or you could just ride it off the business I think 20% of it with some people I was cocky the other the 80, I wrote off the business and I still do business with those people because it was all a part of business. You have to realize unless you're fucking

once money, you could be the funniest guy in the world, you could be the best painter in the fucking world, you could draw the best sketches of Lee, you could draw a sketch of the Titanic, but unless you put a value on that and you figure out how to put a value on that, you're done. You're done.

Nobody decides until you, decide. You know what? That flag of the United States of America I drew, I want $10,000 for that. And if you look at somebody's eyes and you explain to them why you want the 10G for that flag and talk to them with the right passion, they're going to buy that fucking flag. Because it's what value you put on yourself at the end of the fucking day. So it was really weird when 2013 came. So nobody talked to me. For years, Rogan's been telling people, people been club owners, been telling, I've been telling people, dog, watch this. Nobody paying attention to me, sending people tapes.

You know how much money I spend sending people tapes? How many tapes I dropped off? You know, and then the comic, the agents made fools of me. They would go, well, you have to sell the whole department. How many guys you got? 13. All right. Let me go down and sell 13 motherfuckers.

So I would drop off 13 tapes while we voted against you. You know how many of those I got guys? For years, people voted against. me. But I sold one ticket and now everybody is my friend. The phones ringing. How you doing? So if you learn anything

about that Bruce Lee thing, all at the end was his was a beautiful story. But at the end, they had to go suck his dick and come back and fucking light his cigarettes and tell him how much they love Chinese people and fucking get massages and do Kung Fu

and jump up and down and that's at the end he won. He proved his point. He won. You know, I admired so many things about Bruce Lee. If you noticed something else about me, I got a white wife. Who else got a white wife? Bruce Lee, you think that was by fucking, I knew I was going with a plain white chick when I got into this game.

I didn't want no fucking, statuist, fake-ted woman. I wanted a woman who was going to calm me down. I once wrote a I read a thing about Bruce Lee that Linda could The last, when he didn't enter the dragon He was very agitated And the stilet

Whatever's name was a director or the producer Said that Linda could calm him down My wife is the only person who could talk to me Like my wife could talk to me You know the other than I was watching an episode of Sopranos When he's going off in the house And they're having a barbecue And he finds Janice's real

Janice took the real estate sign off the property and put it in the back. And he comes in and just starts tormenting Carmela. And he starts yelling at Carmela. Like, God knows, she came back for a fucking house. And for a $400 car, that fucking bitch. And she's like, look at yourself, Tony. You have to get back to therapy. And he's like, fuck that.

I don't even want to fucking talk about that house. And also she goes over to the door, opens it up. This is a mob boss who's killed people who tells people to check. the fuck up. She slams the door and she goes, get out. Go out there and enjoy yourself. Get out there with your friends. And she gets behind them and she pushes it up to fuck out and she slams the door. And she goes, Jesus fucking Christ. And Tony walks out, pissed off. And he sees pussy stand there with a beer and he goes, what the fuck are you laughing about? Then they twist it around. You know how many times my wife twist me around? I'm guessing at least one of the day.

I fucking quit doing blow because I didn't want my wife to find me on the floor. I didn't want that poor solo woman to find me on the floor. But isn't the coincidence? The thing I went with a white wife for. Bruce Lee got a white wife. I'm not stupid. He got to those heights because he had a woman who calmed him down. He didn't have a wife that was fucking a piece of,

you want to marry an armpice? Go ahead. Ten years from now, she's going to want to fuck her trainer. All right? You want that armpit, whatever. I married a woman who suited my fucking needs. Somebody who I felt, you know what, man, my wife doesn't run.

in the house, but she keeps me in check. And that's what Linda did for Bruce. Bruce was a fucking wild man. What did they say? When he had his daughter, she had him wrapped around her finger. Yeah. What the fucking, what do you think I'm doing after this afternoon? You think I want to go to the beach and get, I'm 17% of getting this bit by a shark.

I'm Cuban. 18 if you can, you know, fucking fuck about the fungi toenail. That attracts sharks like a motherfucker. They love fungi feet. It's my shrimp growing. I'm telling you. I go to the beach, I dream about coming home with one leg. Every time I go to the beach, I'm like, well, I'm coming home with one leg.

Well, I leave the house to go to the beach, and I get in the car, I'm like, I'm going to enjoy pushing this break because I ain't going to be pushing this break. Much longer. It's going to happen now. Every time I go to the beach, I'm going to come home. They've got to call me Joey one leg. Joey stumps, Joey fucking something, you know. Joey one leg.

Guys, thank you very much. for listening to our little Bruce Lee thing today. I'm sorry the fucking comedy didn't match up the Mondays. But that's what's great about the church. They're all different. Sometimes they're silly. Sometimes we got serious to talk about

a joke still will come out from time to time and sometimes these podcasts about love. We change every fucking week, okay? So, let's drop a pair on, and that's it, and that's that. It was a beautiful Wednesday. If you haven't watched a documentary yet, I'm fucking sorry.

I'm sorry if I we just gave you the topical stuff you could still watch it don't hit me up later and say looking Joey you fucking spoiler alert Spoiler alert was when they don't tell you they're coming you know I'm saying That's who a spoiler there is when they don't tell you they're coming when they don't tap you on the shoulder You know get ready for that fucking jiz milk I'm gonna hit you with I had the COVID six months ago You know what I'm saying it's that's spoiler alert What are you telling you about some movie that's fucking nothing all right Spoiler alerts right before you come

Your mother knocks on the door Don't forget you gotta go to church That's spoiler alert right there You're banging the chicken And off on your grandmother walk Don't forget you gotta go get me pills And all and see what happens to your dick You're fucking your girlfriend

You look up and there's a picture Your grandmother across on the wall How down does your dick get You see your Yamika? Right? You think about Hitler you're like How can I fuck somebody I got Hitler in my heart These are the brakes

Burn them up, burn them up, burn them up Break them up, Break them up Break them up! All right. That was another fun episode of the church of what's happened now. I'm lucky I have you guys in my heart. You have helped me as much as I have helped you throughout this whole ordeal. I hope I helped some of you motherfuckers.

You send me messages. You say, I've helped you throughout this, but you guys have helped me more. You got me out of the house, and you taught me a lot of things. You taught me that you're paying attention. Real quick, let's talk about a few things here. Listen, like I told you before. I hate dirty balls. I hate when my ass is dirty.

I hate when I scratch my nutsack and I get that little cream. You go between your legs. You get that little thick sweat layer of sweat. There's sweat and there's like little ball sweat. I hate ear wax with all my heart. You understand me? I stick fucking everything in my ear to get every single hair. And now that I got the hearing aids.

I get more ear wax than ever. And if there's something I hate more than ever, when you talk to somebody and you can see a piece of hair coming out of their fucking nose. That bothers me. So when I got the fucking email about this, I almost died. That Manscape had a new product announcement.

The scientists over there have released their first nose hair tremor. It's called, you ready for this one? The weed whacker. Now everybody's doing video calls right now, and I got to tell it, the only thing that cameras picking up here are the spider legs that are sticking out of my fucking nose.

But not really, because I cleaned them off with the fucking weed whacker before I did the podcast. I want to try it out. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with Joey fucking bananas? Where the fuck wrote this? You know I'm tip-top, Magoo. I even do my fucking eyebrows. I do everything because I got these spider webs coming out,

a little fucking antennas. So listen, you know I'm up Mascade. I've already told you about how they keep your balls safe when you're trimming your fucking ball sack and your muffler. Now you can get the same job done in your nose. Listen, I took a hair out that usually holds on to a snot. Up here, I had like a little hair. I got to let it grow from time to time,

and the snot juice comes out of there. I fucking put that weed whacker in there. I heard that fucking hair died today. He just went, ow, I just fucking shoved it in there. When you weed whack your nose, everything must fucking go. Everything, everything. I had a little pimple that was bleeding. That motherfucker took it down to the fucking root.

And if you got a big fucking nose, the weed whacker will work for you too. It's got a contour design to fit all fucking nose. nose. You ever look at somebody's nose and go, I'll never invite that guy to a Coke party. That fucking, listen, this fucking thing will work for you, the weed whacker. You might think

Joey, isn't this an old man's problem? No. How are you going to eat pussy if you can't fucking breathe through your nose? This is everybody's problem. You got to fucking trim your nose is. When they come sticking out, it's fucking disgusting. Now get your face looking good as your balls with the weed wacker from

Manscape, okay? So now you got the Manscape 3.0. and you got the fucking weed wacker whatever the loan mower 3.0 I'm sorry and you got the weed wacker all right it's one thing you'll put up your nose that's good for you this is the fucking thing right here try the fucking weed wacker

from fucking manscape right now and if you check my Instagram on Monday I have another video for you up of the fucking weed wacker because I love your motherfucker but do me a favor right now let's get the church family back in tip top shape shaving their nutsack

and trimming their fucking nose hairs. Get 20% off plus free shipping when you press in the special code. You're ready to write this down. Nosepubes at Manscape.com with a capital N and a capital B.

That's Nosepubes at Manscape.com. You'll never get a deal like this on nose candy anywhere. I'm giving you 20% off and free shipping at Manscape. com with code nose pubes

capital N capital B as my daughter says uppercase I don't know what the fuck that means B or P? Pee but B it's not boobs it's pubes Okay you fuck

Nose pubs What are you waiting for? Go whack your weeds right now Manscape.com Code nosepubes Also I want to thank And encourage you to use The same shit I use

To put me back on this fucking planet and that's alpha brain, okay? Right now, alpha brain is made by Onit. Why do I believe in Onet? Because I've been messing with them for 10 fucking years. That's why. And I don't do the Alpha Brain constantly. I do it in six weeks cycles so I could take a breather, go back to it.

A couple weeks ago, I figured it was time for Alpha Brain in a new mood. I went back and what's the result? It's a new fucking me. So I'm telling you right now, go to Onit.com. Just go to Onet.com. Look at the products they have. Read about Onet. Do some research.

They got fucking alpha brain now in a powder. It's like a pink lemonade. You put it in a fucking powder. If you don't like capsules, this is quick to go. You can put it in your little fucking water bottle like a fag that you are with your little straw. I'm drinking alpha brain. Whatever. Try it.

They got that. They got Shroom Tech sport and Shroom Tech immune, which I've loved since fucking day one. Okay? You know, you got fucking the new hemp pills. You mix those with your alpha brain. And wait, listen, guys. I've been the first couple weeks of this, I work out according to points on weight watches. And I told me the truth, I was doing between 33 and 35, 38 points.

And that's if I walked and shit like that. My goal every week is 7 as 61. That's the number I got a hit. Guess what? Ever since I've been back on fucking alpha brain, I've been breaking that 61, like 65s. No, 75, 78, 74. Why? because the hemp and the alpha brain will hand your fucking workouts

like they never enhanced the workout before. I'm like, I'm not Johnny workout, bro. I'm looking for 30, 40 minutes. I'm fucking 57 years old. I'm looking to get the heart pumping, keep the dick hard, and keep my ankle skinny. That's all I'm looking for. So do me a favor.

If you're looking at them way, make it way back right now from this fucking three-month rest, start off with Alphabre right now. Go to honor.com. Look at the list of what they have. Look at the different supplements they have. and I'll tell you what, go to honor.com right now, take a look, get alpha brand. It's 30% money back guarantee, even if you don't like the product and they don't want it back.

When somebody does that, you're sending me a clear message that you believe in your product that much. Right now, go to Honit, get something out for brain. On the way out, there's a little window pressing code, church, C-H-U-R-C-H, and get 10% off your initial order delivered right to your house. that's it uh listen we're getting the second window here i want you to fucking be healthy for this second window i want you to pay attention but i want you to be sharp our heads have been somewhere else for the last couple months go to honit.com get some out for brain it didn't fucking wonders for me he'll do wonders for you i was fucking stagnant i want to thank manscape dot com slash nose pubes and i want to thank honort dot com slash church so most importantly

i want to thank you guys for following us and having our back every fucking week. I love you guys. Listen, January 25th to the 27th at the Brea Improv. June. June, June 25th to the 27th at the Brea Improv.

You got a call because Saturday night already had a lot of tickets sold. So I think they're only letting 200 people in there. So if you want to move your tickets from Saturday to either Friday or Thursday night, you'll be helping us out. Listen, if you come on Thursday night, it's going to be my first time on stage

unless something opens up miraculously before that please if you come on Thursday night to the improv that's my first time on stage I'm just going to go up there and talk some shit and put some shit together if you want to come come if you don't I fucking get it I'm doing a residency there starting in July

every two weeks so I'll be performing there all the way to December I'm not traveling guys let's see what goes on with this fucking thing let's see if we're going to go to war let's see if fucking African American lives matter let's see what's going to happen before I start getting on a plane and I found

that's something else everything is connecting now you get on the plane you're going to have to connect to go there's few direct fucking flights so get ready guys but anyway I'll see you and fuck it the Braille Improv June 25th to the 27th if not I'm doing a residency there all summer and I'm giving you $20 tickets

I'm not looking to fucking none No, no, no. Just $20 entertainment Tuesday night. I'm going to give you a great show. I'm going to work out my new hour, which I don't have, so we're going to work it out together. So it's even a better time, all right? I love you guys. Have a great weekend.

I want to thank the Christkiller. I want to thank you guys, and I want to thank your families, and I want to wish you all a blessing. Have a great fucking weekend. Stay black and do your motherfucking thing. It's a church of what's happening now. Kick this fucking Mulee.