The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #807 - Crystal Powell

Episode Date: July 27, 2020

Crystal Powell, a stand up comedian seen on "Kevin Hart's: Hart in the City" and is currently shooting "America's Got Talent," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.  This podcast is brought to you by:   DraftKings - Download DraftKings Sportsbook now and use code CHURCH to get $1000 sign up bonus.     CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.   

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Kick this motherfucker, Mulele. It's Monday morning. I'm ready to stab my motherfucker. You know what I'm saying? Crystal Powell's here. You're fresh from America's got down. Welcome to church. Welcome to church.

I don't know about what I'm talking about. My man Dave Brooks, and I get him out a few weeks. What's happening? Crystal Powell. Hey, hey, hey. Looking better than ever than I find out you're riding the bike 25 fucking miles.

Yeah. I got a friend Joey Lippoor. He runs a website. The Hills of North Bergen. He's a bicyclist photographer. That motherfucker does 4,000 miles a month. What? What?

What is it? What is it? book to the hills of North Bergen. It's run by my friend Joey Lippoor. Good man. I've known him fucking three quarters of my life. He's a magician, but he's a photographer, and he's also a fucking bicycle rider.

The hills of North Bergen? Yeah. I see it, yeah. And that motherfucker takes you on a different bike ride. What did he do? Well, he did something yesterday. He's drinking a cup of coffee, and it says, congratulations to me,

40,000 miles. Whoa. It's fucking amazing. And he goes up and down. those hills. He's two years. See, I don't do the hills. I cheat. I'm flat. I'm flat. I don't know how to do the fucking, I don't know how to do the fucking gears. Really? Joy, we're there. I kick them gears. You got to learn them. Yeah. I got to go into tune up. I don't know about that shit. I'm stuck. Some guy hit me up on Patreon and said, Joey, you got to raise your seat. You're

killing your knees. That's the only way I knew. So I raised me, he told me to raise my seat and raise the steering wheel for my back. Yeah. And I feel a lot better. Oh, cool. You're Your seat should be even with your hip. With your hip. Yeah, I had a little lower because I was falling. Like I was fucking, you know, I'm an old man. I fall. What's happening?

Crystal Powell. Hey. Looking beautiful. Like chaka before the con. You know what I'm saying? Shit. Thanks for having me. I'm happy to be here.

You look good. I'm trying, but I spoke to you the other day. And it was great talking to you. It was an interesting conversation about what we're living through right now in L.A. You know, you watch the news. You see the people. across the country on unemployment. I know the rent moratoriums.

They just pushed West Hollywood's back until September 30. Oh, they did? Yeah. What about L.A. County? They didn't say. I don't know for sure. You know, but this is, Lee, what's the number?

It was like $130,000 just in LA. It's like millions in the country. So guys, wherever you're listening from right now, I want you to understand you're not going through this alone. This is going on throughout the fucking world. So if you were feeling bad on a Monday, morning get those feelings and throw them out the window motherfucker uncle joey's here bitch there's nothing you could do you know what like when i spoke to you the other day you know i love you yeah

you do you call me and check upon i love all my peeps yeah but the the same i keep getting the same thing from anybody i talk to i tell you how powerful it is it even comes over the internet when i talk to people now on the internet a lot people i've been following me for years I feel like they'll tell me what they're going through. Yeah. Joey, man, thank you for the podcast the other day. That was the worst day in my life. I just found out my company's moving.

My wife's lost a job. You know, like everybody's going. Everybody's getting nuts. It's not just, okay, if it was just COVID, we get it. If it was just COVID, we get it. But now we got parades. People are mad at each other. There's so much checks are involved.

Like I told my wife. Killer bugs. Killer bugs. fucking Galveston got killed, right? Galveston got leveled that that part of Texas has fucking tons of COVID and now they got fucking hit with a, you know, the world is in a weird spot right now and you have to accept it. But the number one thing you have to do and Chris Lai say this for you because that day I talked to you, your spirits were good, but you got, what I got, what Keita's got her voice. We're concerned. We're concerned people. We're concerned about people.

There's a lot of people that are missing meals, a lot of people that are struggling, and my heart goes out to them. Like, I think about them, what's going on? I look at the businesses that are closing. I told Lee, I was on Burbank the other day. I went down there, and I saw this barbershop and said grand opening. The motherfuckers was closed. And I went home, and I typed in the name of the barbers shop,

and they had just opened February 1st. Oh, my goodness. You know, and it was three barbers that are well-known from Beverly Hills. They got sick of the overpricing, and they made a beautiful website, and they wanted to move to Burbank to provide quality. You know, they each bring years of experience on set. They cut bread, pits, hair. That whole resume was written for nothing.

Yeah, none of that matters during COVID. They opened up February 1st. It took longer to write the resume, and they were open. And you think about it, and it's, I think about it from me, you, and Lee, we put together our life savings. You and us, we worked together at one time and you went to Shea fucking salon and you went to Shea Fifi

and I went to Shea Saloo and I'm like, this guy's ripping me off and you're like, they're ripping me off. They're ripping me off. Lee, what do you got? I got 30. I got 22. I got 28. Let's put it together. Do it our way. How we want to do it. How to treat people nice. You ever go to this barbershop over here?

This is an African-American barbershop. You know that? I've heard of it, yeah. And they fucking rub your neck and shit. The guy goes the extra mile when you're going there. The only thing you got to sit there, like you're in the electric chair. That's all day. You got to get that 7.30.

It's like you're waiting to put you. Yeah. You're there all day. You're there all day. So, you know, I'm in there fucking one day reading like a book and they're looking at me. I was reading like a weird book and they're like, what the fuck are you reading? Yeah, like it was like six brothers and me in there. And I was like number two.

Yeah. One time I went in there, I sat like, I was like, I can't do it no more. But a lot of people, I know him, sign in, leave. I know he'll tell you. I'm back in a house. I got the coolest haircut of my life at a black barbershop.

That's nice. I didn't know it was a black barbershop. It didn't say it on Yelp. I'm not even joking. I was on Yelp. And I got there and they were playing TV and had music on at the same time. And this is not a joke.

I finally sat down. The hair dresser had to ask for help because she didn't know how to cut white people. Like I had a cow lick when I used to have hair. She had to ask for help. Really? Oh, my goodness. I'm like three people who get up my hair.

How they treat you though? Great. That's good. That's all the matters, yeah. Yeah. As long as I treat it too well. Yeah. But no, what I was saying to you is that I don't want people, like right now there's a lot of

comics at home. There's a lot of plumbers at home. There's a lot of people own businesses that are feeling shitty about themselves. And I don't want you to feel shitty about yourself. I want you to remember your accomplishments. I want you to think about your accomplishments and what you've done and that this has nothing to do with you what's going on right now. Nobody saw this coming.

Nobody could control it. You can't be angry at anybody. You cannot take it out of anybody. All you could do is process it. Keep rapping with people. Be in touch with your friends. Meet as many of your friends as you can throughout the day just for one-on-one

because your body, your mind meets that. I didn't realize how much I needed it until last Monday when I did Ryan Sicklin. Now I'm pro bono. Like, hey, Crystal, what are he doing? If you're just going to sit in your house at night and let those four walls crawl on you?

What's that dude from Houston, the band, the five, the ghetto boys? With the midget, he just died. Yeah. What's that song? My mind's playing tricks on me, yeah. Right. Yeah.

Dun-da-nan-dan-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-da-da. Yeah. But when he says so, I'm just a one-the-one-do. every time I'm in service, the walls closing in on me. Yeah. There's one line.

And I'm not, you know, I don't want the walls. Just call me. Yeah. Let's call and we can meet on a corner, be outside and talk with face masks on. Yeah. We can fucking, you know, stand. It's important.

One hour. One hour when you go home, I tell you what, you'll sleep better that night and you'll wake up feeling a lot better than next morning. Just that little rap. those little raps, you know? It's when you go to meet those people, they're stationary, right?

Like, they start standing close to you. That's when you're like, come on, man, you're ruining. Yeah, scoop back. I came over with a piece of mind. You give me a, you give me a, you give me a motherfucking anxiety. And there's cops in that lay down that will pull by you and look at you

and point at you. Like social distancing. Okay. They need to, though. They need to. And I want people to understand that that blue sticker on the floor in the grocery store is there for a fucking reason.

Stand by the sticker. Get your, scoop back, scoop back and get on the sticker. Nobody gets on the sticker in the store. And their place there for a reason. It's six feet apart. They want to get up. I went to Target today. I was like, here we go.

Her buggy was all on my back. If I can hear you breathing, you're too close. You're too close. Scoop back. I haven't been to a store in months. I do Instacart, which is more expensive, but it's. It's more expensive and they never have exactly. I'm real particular on the brand and the type.

And they might have what you want. If I'm looking for a particular type of crackers, they don't have the brand that want. You just get some type of crackers. So I'm too particular. What a banana is. They showed up of one banana. See? Shit like that.

They were doing shit like that. And that's my wife. My wife got to get in the car. Yep. And shoot somewhere. You know, and I'm like, why don't you just go? Yeah, knock it out. It was always the smaller grocery stores.

I had everything. My wife tells me I ain't going to say where. I know what there's lysar wipes, lysaw, and alcohol. That's what I'm looking for. You know who else have alcohol? 7-Eleven. Yeah. 7-Eleven got alcohol, y'all.

You pay the little dude off. Uh-huh. And you tell them, save two handwipes of me. He'll save them when they come into the door. I got a little girl somewhere. I can't say it. Okay. That's where I get the hand wipes, the lysol wipes.

Okay. Because every time they come in and I go buy it. You tell her say so. I don't say nothing to her. She puts my nicotine gum up and two things. And you go get them. Yeah, and I know what day she's going to be there. She's going to be there tomorrow.

Mm-hmm. So I'm going there tomorrow. It's a good day, though, for the grocery. And I go early. Mm-hmm. You got to go earlier. Yeah. If those places open up at 8, you've got to be at 801, and you'll see the wipes.

The weekend is the worst time to go. Weekend is horrible. Yeah. Never go nowhere. Never go to nothing on the weekend, because everybody's out. Yeah. All the German. Where did I go?

Oh, you didn't know this. I got a flat. Oh, I didn't see it when you pulled. Thursday morning, I went out, and I had a meeting at two with these dudes from a show. Mm-hmm. I fucking go to do the dude. my errands. I go inside to eat lunch

and my wife. I run to the meeting. I had to turn around on Magnolia. Gatum, cut to. I'm like, God damn it. So then I take the fucking car home and I go to the meeting. The meeting started at one and we got out of there about two. And then I got in the car on the way back and the phone was ringing.

And you know, on the way back, Magnolia, you just pull over and talk, you can't talk on the phone in Burbank. They will pull you over. I just got a ticket. Did you? Yeah. For being on the phone? No, I was looking up in directions. That's all they, they don't even want you.

Really? Yeah, they don't play with you in Burbank. Even at the light, if you take your phone at, they'll pull your shit over at a light in Burbank. That's good. And they've been doing that for years. Don't start with police brutality. I don't, yeah.

The dude pulled me over. I was going to Jiu-Jitsu one day, and that fool pulled me over, and he went, he ran my shit, and he came back and he goes, don't get on the phone. I go, I wasn't. I was just going to see what time it was, and it was. And it was the truth. I was at the light, and he was out of light.

And I just went, and as soon as I passed him, boo! Yep. So this motherfucker pulls me over in Burbank, takes my shit, comes right back, and he goes, I give you a ticket, but my son would fucking kill me. Don't get on the phone in Burbank. We have to give you a ticket. Have a nice day, Mr. Diaz. Nice, nice.

I'm like, God. Damn it. So what are we talking about? Let me tell you with your uncle Joe. Look, you're flat. So I get the fucking flat, okay? I go to the meeting. I go, let me change the flat when I get home,

but I get home about three. It's 90 fucking four degrees. And my car is right in the heat, and I got a black CAA shirt with black sweatpants on because I left the house at night in the morning. Yeah, okay. On the bike, it was cold, you know?

So I took a shower that day. I took a shower because I had to do something, but then the guy called me and he goes, he couldn't meet me, so I go, let me do this bike ride in case I go to Pinocchio, and get mozzarella and a bunch of shit. I can eat that shit tonight.

Because you've been on your bike. That's what you do. Work out to eat. Man, I come home and I'm like, Terry, you want to help me change this flat? Because I don't know much about what I'm doing. So together we can probably change it. I can figure it out. So I get this, it's all new.

It's like this small of the fucking Jack. You know, when I was a kid that Jack weighed 100 pounds. Yeah, this thing is small and it's got like this thing. Like I'm making fucking dough. Like I'm making pizza dough. Like what the cats do, you ever look at your cat? Yeah. They're rubbing and shit like that.

So he's doing this. I'm doing this thing. I'm spinning, I'm spinning. I'm spinning. The fucking car goes up. I had already loosened the lug nuts. I took the lug nuts off. As I went to take the tire off, the fucking thing tip.

Oh. You have no idea. That can only happen to me. I looked at my wife. I go, aren't you happy when I'm driving back? What would happen if we were in Oklahoma? And this happened. And we got to sit here with three cats and my daughter in the car.

Wow. So we ain't driving nowhere. This is why we can't drive when we fucking move because it's going to be fucking impossible. Yeah. You always get a flat when you have someone. Yeah, yeah, no. So I call Subaru

because I went next door to my name, but he looked at me, he goes, are you stupid? That's a new car. 1,800 Subaru, call it on. They'll come change it. Dude was there in an hour. I threw him 40. Wow. Nice.

He changed it. Some Armenian kid. But now I got to find the tire. He put the bicycle tire on it. So I went to Goodyear. I told me, Good Year closed on Lancashire. What? Good Year closed by Lancashire.

Guys, Good Year has been there since 1997 while I lived in the Valley. Good Year has been a staple there. The funny thing was, I just made a U-turned in there two weeks ago. because I saw my board was at jujitsu school so let me turn around and go say hello to my buddy and when I was in there

making the U-turner and I said Is this motherfucker empty? I go damn so I didn't even I go what the fuck was in here anyway so when I got the flat I went to my usual place

and the guy's like buddy I'm all booked up today and tomorrow I can't help you and I go what the fuck is going out he didn't say that to me when I got home my wife goes yeah Firestone went out of business so now to

More on more, I've got to get up a seven, take it up to Subaru, drop the tire off, and see what the fuck they're going to do. But I'm turning back to car next month, so I don't want to drop 300 on the tire. I'm just going to put a Mexican tire on it. Over on Burbank Boulevard, you go in there. There's one up above on Lancash, it was like America that's tire or something. I went there. But it's funny what you're talking about how, like, you can't feel bad. Like, sometimes, like, stuff like this happens just to you.

And you're like, God, stuff keeps piling up. I got a flat tire. I got a ticket and my electric bills high but now it feels like that's happening to everybody is having the worst. If you're a flat tie with what's going on in the world right now, it doesn't

matter. You can't even get mad about it. When you look at the big picture of what's going on in the world right now, let's say you're not even looking at the whole world. Just what's going on in your personal comedic circle. If you're a comic right now, what about the

comics that lost all the work on the fucking ships. Ugh. Okay? They ain't bringing those ships back for a long time. You understand

me? A lot of people are out of work in all levels. Uber drivers, it's just bad. You know? I don't know if they're

going to do the unemployment. I hope they do. They're going to take a stimulus package. They have to do something. They have to. I didn't get a stimulus.

Oh, I didn't get a stimulus. And I just got my unemployment last month and I'm still appealing and fighting. to try to get back paid because I didn't get none of that. But I was so thankful to get something.

So I was like, yeah, they gave me some. So, you know, as they used to say, beggars can't be choosy. But at the end of the day, I deserted money because I wasn't able to work. But, you know, I'm just happy that I got something. Now you got two options. Okay. You got an option to stay here. Yeah.

And stick it out. We're hoping for a quick vaccine. Hopefully it happens in October. Do you want to jump in on that? I ain't going to jump on that vaccine. I'm going to let some other people test it out first. So we might be going to the second wave here right now. We don't know.

There might be a third wave. You know, I see what happens with China this week. That's very crucial. What happens to China this week? What's happened to with China? They threw them out of the embassy. Yeah. Get hit the road, Jack.

Houston. Don't you come back? They saw those motherfuckers burning papers and shit. Boxing up shit. They had an assembly line getting them boxes out of there. Just passing them down. It's crazy. Oh, man.

So what's my second option? You said I got two options. Way it out. You can sit it out, weigh it out here. This is a time when you have to do an ego check and say to yourself, is there a gig I could get something in my income for 20 hours a week? Get my podcast going at the same time. Maybe be a hostess at a restaurant. You know, a restaurant thing is easy now.

You know, something. I mean, this is a time to check ego. You got to pivot. This is a time to check, you know, I'm a comic man, okay, okay. Jokes ain't putting no bacon on the stove. Where you're going to do comedy to yourself in the mirror? Yeah.

So we have a problem here. NASA, Houston, we have a problem. Yeah. So, you know, some people, whatever, it's where your ego is at. What can you take right now? What are you willing to take right now? You and I had a great conversation the other day.

about how many women flipped out online and I am mad at you you know you're putting up free content you know I'm sitting there board at 1030 and I'm sitting there on 1030 and I say the ass in my face

only fans only fans Only fans is only freaks In that demon time I started the only fans yeah I got my girl Jamie I love her shit but it's fucking weird how many women have just gone I ain't fine enough to do it for starters

That they wouldn't work. You're very beautiful. And you know what? I subscribe to two of them before I did my Patreon. Okay. One of them is a comedian. Uh-huh. Because I saw she had and they go, why do you have this?

But see, she can't ever have, she can't ever come back and do just regular comedy. And her Patreon, her only fans, there's a little run of the risk case. That's what I'm saying. She can't come back and tell jokes. They're going to be like, fuck them jokes. Show me them tits. And then the other girl I follow on. I did it to learn

I also followed three comedians I'm not gonna I wanted to see what holy fans offered me the deal first okay so when I considered Patreon I was looking around I knew the features I wanted to see what type of features how much freedom I had

so when I chose it I said let me do this let me my friend see you subscribe to somebody It was 10 bucks a month. So I wanted to see what 10 bucks a month gets me. Okay. And that one's podcast based.

Okay. And I subscribe for another one for seven. And I subscribe for another one for 15. Just to see what they would give you. And so far in two weeks, I've given you more content except for podcasts. And I answer your messages. Okay. Okay.

I answer everybody's messages. Everybody asks questions, how to get. It's more like a dear Abby. Okay. You know what I'm saying? You know? So I went with them, but I subscribed to five different three patrons. I'll quit after one month.

Yeah. I wanted to see what the girls are doing. I want to see if the girls were writing. I want to see if the girls were writing. Like, I want my Patreon to be a magazine. Yeah. Video, audio, a little bit of that shit, maybe a stream once a week, smoking reef for a video with bubbles.

I can make bubbles. Disco balls and shit. I got so high last night after the fight because I was torturing Lee. I was coming over with an edible, but I ended up taking it myself. And then I couldn't drive over there and shit. But I wanted to drive over there

because I wanted to run over the cones. I was just moved to run over the cones by my house. When I'm bored, there's this neighbor that puts three cones in the driveway so nobody makes a U-turn in front of the school. Oh, my gosh. And they just eats away at me. So whenever I get real high,

I just run that shit over and laugh by myself. But he's been putting a brick on the, like he's got to be. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. So what I'm going to do is I'm just going to steal him. I'm going to dress up like the Red and Whiting Wolf. That's going to be hilarious. And I got to park the car going across the street. I'm going to steal everything.

His cones. The crows. He's got like a little ramp. And then I'm going to throw like alcohol on the floor and light it on fire. Like fucking, what's his name? The crow. Remember when the crow at the end let that car on fire? he made a little string with fuel and shit.

I'm going to fuck. This is going to sound like a hate crime. I don't get what I hate people who put cones up. I don't hate color. I don't care if you're gender. But if you put a cone in your front thing, you're telling me you're a fucking sack of shit. And everybody I've told the story about says,

you know, not even meeting him. Yeah. That person sounds like a doucheback because there's a school there. And he just doesn't want him to U-turn. No. So you don't want the U-turn? So I'll run over your fucking cones. That's the key.

of the world. You've been with me two times. Oh, I love it. It's the funniest thing of everything. Lee has been with me both times. And they used to, we went off on the masons one night. Uh-huh. Uh-oh.

That was the best. The dudes next to this, I don't know if they're stoned masons. Okay. Them not the real masons. They're like half a fad club over here. It's a big fucking building. It's a big building. They're like scientists, light, Scientologist, light.

Okay. And they're right over there. One night they were out there with torches. like three white dudes with suits. Oh, gosh. And I'm driving by with Lee and a gay friend. And I look up at these guys on my, beep, beep, cock sucker. And they didn't know what to do.

Like, who said that? Oh, gosh. Then we went to you turn and drove back and beeped at them again. They were all out there conjugating a bunch of white people. I love your shirt. Yeah, really? I drove by cock suckers. Go inside, you motherfuckers.

They were holding their kids and shit. Oh, gosh. What is this world coming? They were dying. You gotta have fun. Listen, if you gotta do this shit, one thing this pandemic taught me is if you can't laugh at yourself

or with yourself, it's not gonna work out for you. You gotta learn to stub your toe, call yourself a fucking asshole and giggle. If not, it's not gonna pan out for you. I've done a bunch of mistakes this time. Like I've done a bunch of stupid shit. And I've just laughed.

You have to. Where other times I go, what the fuck is wrong with me? Do I need professional help? Yeah. But who cares? What's that got to do with the price of eggs? Let's worry about COVID.

Yeah. Then you're going to get your fucking professional home. It's crazy. It's really crazy. And you know what I've been finding? Well, I feel bad for the states that don't have marijuana legalized during this COVID. Because if we didn't have shit to just get our mind off of it. But you know, it's been relaxing for me, getting outside on my bike and dancing by myself.

I get in the mirror and I just dance. And even if it's just for two or three songs, that'll be about 12 to 15. 15 minutes, but you feel better afterwards. You don't got to worry about nobody looking, blow you a little bit, and get you some good music and just dance. The one chick I follow, just dances. Yeah. And then at the last two minutes of the song, she takes her top off.

And it's very weird to see. It's like burlesque almost. No, she's just a crazy white chick with a lot of tattoos. Have you seen? She's artistic. Really? She's kind of artistic. Okay. She won't show the pussy, which I respect.

Okay. You got respect that. Everybody got titties. It's like balls. Yeah. I'll show you my balls because everybody got them. Ain't nobody got the Cuban. But ain't nobody got one set.

Everybody's balls are different. There's no two sets of balls that are alike. So even though everybody got titties, nobody has these two. So nobody has Joey Diaz balls and nobody has Crystal Pout tithes. Just the taste. Yeah. Just the taste. I know the taste of my balls.

He's got a taste like, what's those fucking, what's those French people? bleat snails as car go that's exactly what my balls taste like I remember being like 21 put my balls in the girls knock on the eyes opening right up like they put hot sauce out of them my balls have been disgusting

for a long no don't let your balls be disgusting they gotta be I wash them yeah but they sweat just naturally yeah anytime they sweat but you know but if she love you. I'm the type of motherfucker that I'll wash yeah if I know I want to get my tube cleaned

I don't show up a dirty dick Some people do Some men, it's like they don't understand that And my mom used to tell me You smell yourself first And if you know you have in company You sweep all of that up You clean your front porch

And that's why women and men need to landscape Because hair holds in heat and must And you ain't getting no favors If your front porch ain't clean Get that out in my face, bruh, get it out. I like a little head down there Gives the oniony smell Like especially if she likes hamburgies

I don't even eat onions on my hamburger, so I don't want it or my sack. After a nice bike ride, is that a ride? I wish he would. 25-mile bike ride? That motherfucker's on fire, you know what I'm saying? That's a fire-breathing dragon. Yes, indeed. He gets off the bike.

It sounds like the exorcist and shit. You got to enjoy life, man. Life to shit is everything's crazy, COVID, bugs. Like you said, we got all these pro. to us and people being mad at each other for just other shit. Like, you got to enjoy it. You got to, in life's too short, people dying, your friends dying, your family

dying, strangers dying. Hell, it's a lot of people out here dying. The government don't give a fuck about us, so they just are allowing us to human sacrifice. That's a new show. Dying on FaceTime. It's a great show. They don't get fuck. They don't get fuck. Say goodbye.

Put the nurse up. What are you feeling? It's fucking terrible. Yeah. Fucking terrible. That's the new show, dying on FaceTime. Because everybody saved it. Yeah. Everybody saved their mother-father dying.

Some shows are going to come up. No one to save that. No one recorded that. Man, people, yeah. Night because they're even now at the funeral. The funeral's there even putting them up. There's going to be a show. You know.

Fucking, whatever. That's on FaceTime. Our last words on FaceTime. You know, like 10,000 per episode. You'll give it to them. Yeah. You won't sell them the last 10 minutes of you when your father breathing through a thing,

don't forget. Go on disability when you're 60. It works better. So one of the nurses aren't doing that because you know nurses have with the hospitals and people, they're not allowing people to come in. So the nurses, you know. Yeah, the nurses are helping out

and letting people. Can you imagine that shit? You got a family member? Big shout out to the nurses, man. Big shout out to the family. It's been. It's been tough on everybody, man. This is a weird time.

That's why I kept doing a podcast. Yeah. And I'm on a Zoom. I wanted people, like I didn't take people. People have called me, hey, I'm flying back in. Can you come on the show? Not really. If you're flying back in.

Yeah. Where are you been? Yeah. I know you've been home. I know, I'm trying to get people who are local. What's the matter? I was going to say, do you see what happened to Zion? What happened?

He had to leave for his family. He left, but he also spent a lot of time at a strip club. Oh, he did. But he did have a family emergency. He needed to get his dick, son. That ain't it. He can do that in the bubble. The NBA is not going to work.

You don't think? Somebody else got in trouble. Who else got in trouble? But his was, it was another little young kid that left out, that left out. But Zion's was approved. It's just that he got caught up being somewhere else. And the other guy left in an outberg. Yeah, the other guy did, yeah, something dumb.

Yeah. He said he had bad wings. Listen, I'm going to tell you something. I did time. Because of the psychology of the African-American man, they're not going to be put in jail unless they shot somebody. It's not going to work. Brothers cannot be held down, especially at this point right now.

But this is what you got to realize too. Everybody ain't LeBron. Like you got your big, big, big players, because you see switching over to football, West West Westbrook, he ain't come. I don't think he going to come. come back he's gonna be with his family but everybody's not at the level of lebron james making it and with all the endorsements so them brothers need them checks they need them checks so they some of

them gonna sit down some of them are gonna sit down to the serious the younger one oh yeah i knew i called zion a week before he did it that's 22 millions this bubble ain't no word player i see you go up to the coach like player can i'll let you yeah coach listen let's wait until next year this bubble shit ain't cracking I got four holes on the outside too when I'm pregnant yeah you know

I think some of them they allow them they should allow them if they haven't allowed them they sneakin them in there you can't tell me they ain't got bitches in the bubble they got bitches in the bubble they're gonna do a lot of shit and then it's gonna blow up and they're not gonna have it

oh okay like again the players the low end players the ones that really need this yeah they're gonna do everything right They're going to check the other guys. Bitches, really? I got mortgages to pay. Yeah.

I got mortgages to pay. And baseball is doing okay. A couple people tested positive today for one team. And they only hold them for like two or three days. It's like two 24-hour test in 24 and 48 hours. Really? So they test you in 24 hours and they wait 24 and they test you again and see how you're at and you're fine. Wow.

Yeah. They shoot you with. That's the, listen. If you're a baby. You think of a Brian James. He's going to get COVID. He's got COVID for an hour. Don't push.

How can LeBron not? This is what I don't understand. COVID can float around here and kill up everybody, but magic is still living with AIDS. Magic is as tough as nails. Like AIDS ain't killed. Well, it was really weird. It showed who was affecting. There was a graph about a week ago.

Okay. And do you know that people with AIDS, it's a 2% chance of getting it or something? Really? Yeah. The AIDS, because people with AIDS are in the house. Yeah. They're in the house because they know what type of immune system they got. If you think they're jumping up and down on Santa Monica, they are not jumping down on Santa Monica.

You think they're at the fucking mouthful, whatever the gay bar was named me? I'm sure that works. The mouthful, the full mouth, the deep throat, the sperm mouth, whatever the fuck it is. G. G.S. cheeks. Yeah, G. Yeah, G. I know, I know that those, you know, unless you got your young, gay, and reckless,

the old geezers with HIV, they're now. Yeah. I have a friend who's a piano player at a comedy club, and I wondered if he would come back with the HIV. I don't think he could be around that many people. It's serious, though, but you know what? Now, let me ask you this, Joy, do you think in your younger 19, 20, 21-year-old self? the younger joy at 19. Do you think if COVID was going on when you were 19

that you would have been like, fuck it, I'm strong. This shit won't affect me. I would have been snorting corona. So we can't be mad at the young people, I guess. I'm not mad at them. He said, I'd have been snorting COVID. But I'm going to tell you what would happen in my neighborhood. The people that I hung out with their kids, their parents would say,

get your ass in a house. You can't come out of here no more. Yeah. Can't come over here no more. Coco came over here no more. Yeah. What do you mean he can't come over? He can go to the yard all he wants, but he can't come in.

That would happen. We missing those people in our neighborhoods, though. That would happen. We missing the big mamas and the grandmother. You want to know why, though? Because now, especially in some of the African-American, grandmothers are now 40 and younger. You got a grandmother at 36. That's why they're talking about Gigi.

Back in our day, grandma was 65, 70 years old and tear your ass up and tell you to get in the house. Grandmothers are younger now. So they ain't paying attention to these kids, not one bit. So I don't get like, I think until someone is affected by it, until they lose someone, they don't think that it's real. Because you still got people out there talking about it's a hoax. Like, how the hell is this a hoax? And you got people dying as he sprays.

I know what you all to know. That's disinfectant spray. He's spraying hairy. I do not know if this is real or not. I read that a kid got shot in Florida. And when they did the autopsy, he was COVID-19. So they put his death as COVID-19. Probably.

I do realize, I do think the numbers are. Yeah. Listen, all I know is one thing, and it's the same thing. I'll stick with until the end of this podcast. Am I living in fear now? Not really. Do I think I'm better at everybody else? Not really.

Can I get this? Yes, very easily. Am I putting myself at risk? No, I watch my staff. I see who I associate with. Yeah. I see where I go. Is this necessary right now?

Exactly. It's just necessary. You know what? If you walk into a store at 6 o'clock, there's double the amount of germs. If you're going to go to a supermarket at 6 o'clock, that's just simple. Don't go at 6.

Get up. Go at 8. Rouse open today. You're at 8.0 1. You want the fresh stock. You don't want the shit people touched. All day. Put it back down.

Yeah. You got to go out of 8. If you're not going to go out of 8, I can't hang out with you. Yeah. Because you're raising your, that's it. Yeah. Numbers wise.

It's just numbers wise. If you go sit around with seven people and goof around outside, it might work, but it might not work. I don't think it's going to work because of the fact that a friend of mine, it was her birthday. And I hated to, shout out to Sarah Albron, I hated to not go with her to her birthday because they were in the park and everyone was social distancing. But the thing is, it's the same thing with like having unprotected sex. Everybody's saying the same thing. So if you're saying you've only been around seven to ten people, you're saying you've only been around seven to ten people.

I've only been around seven to ten people. But when we come together, like now that's 30 people all together. And I just feel like is everyone saying the same thing like, oh, I'm not around. And if I can't, I watch people's social media. If I look on your social media and you hanging out too tough, no, you can't come to my house. I don't want to be around you. You can't be in my car. I don't want any of that.

Now the people, you know, I hang out with Kita, Sarah. but the only reason that I didn't go with her because she had other people, but I got to watch how people, I have to protect me, and that's the thing too. A lot of people, unfortunately,

it's easy to get caught up into the mental. That's why it was so great what you said about, you know, don't be hard on yourself, and this ain't got nothing to do with you. This ain't got nothing to do with you. You did your fucking job. Yeah.

You made it to that spot. But a lot of... This got in the way. Yep. There is nothing you could do. If you want to whine, if you want to sit back, if you want to yell at Governor Newsom

or the governor of Florida or the governor of Texas, you could do all that stuff, but ain't going to get you nowhere. This was an act of God or whatever they call it, an act of whatever on your insurance. If you look on your insurance,

you ain't going to get no insurance because this is covered under some act of nature or something, you know. So I don't want people beating themselves up thinking about what they're losing, how much they're going to lose. Think about your accomplishments. and how you're going to come back strong.

That's what I want to hear. Don't come to me crying now. At this point, listen, 2020 is done. What your income is going to be? I don't know. I don't know. What do you need to do? What do you need your income to be?

Yeah. What do you need to survive until the end of the year? How can we make that happen? Look around. What do I have to drop off? You got a car. Yeah, we just talked about that. I don't want you to have food in that car.

Yeah. But if you could drop all films for CBS, like news, They tape the news up here. That's what you got to do. Or get rid of the car payment. I'll just talk to Joy about it. I was like, man, everything that I need is in a one mile radius. And if I'm not going anywhere, what's the use of me having a big ass car payment right now?

And that's what you said. You got to get your soul and check and your ego in check. Because I don't care what level you are on. There are big executives that live up there in them hills right now that are struggling. Because I don't care how much you have. If you've got everything going out and nothing coming in, I don't care what kind of money you got, you're going to fill it. So it's all of us, and we can't be hard on ourselves.

But it's easy when you're having a flat tire and having all this stuff happen. It's easy to start feeling depressed and be like, man, woe is me. And it's nothing wrong with saying, well, it's me and falling down. You just can't stay there. It's okay to fall down. That's I'm telling people. I don't want you to stay down. You're in a bad position right now.

Right now you're a plight. You're plotting your comeback. Yeah. You're plotting your comeback. You're like Denzel and man on fire. He was in the hospital, stitched up. He was sitting there, stewing how he was going to kill each in one of them.

Yeah. And right now it's the same thing. You know, my wife and I had a, I love my wife. We've gotten along great during this thing. That's good. We were talking about college. Now, Lee's been to college. You've been to college?

Mm-hmm. Peruvian now, whoop, whoop. You graduate? Yeah. Good, congratulations. Thank you. It's really weird. Do you remember going to college?

college and taking your first loan. Yeah, Pell Grants, black colleges. Yeah, I got a Pell Grant. What happens when you get your first loan? What happens in the mail? When you get your first loan? You don't get applications for credit cards. You get credit cards.

You get credit cards. You get them to you. And they tell you, call us up, set it up. Activate it. Activate that motherfucker. And you activate it and you go get yourself a little $35 meal. You usually eat $3 meals, you know what I'm saying? And now you've got it.

But you're going to go for a $35 meal and you're going to forget all about it. And all of a sudden you go to your mailbox and you're like, oh, shit, and you open it up. You owe them $35. You only made $250 for the week. $35 a lot of money, you know? The most important thing in college they don't teach you

is interest rates and money. There has to be a course on, guys, we know you're getting credit cards. We have to protect you now for yourself. Yeah. They don't care about that. protect you from yourself with children. You know, the funny thing like I told my wife, I go,

I know that when you're a kid, when you're 18, and they give you a scholarship and they got your dorm address, they don't send that credit card to your mother's house. I send it to you. Because your mother will throw it away. They send it to you in the dorm room. You know, everything is with you. You probably had a credit card before your mother knew.

Well, I actually, the one thing I'll say, my dad, and he doesn't remember it, So a good memory gone. But when I was like 16, I had a job. And my dad co-signed for a credit card, but he said the first time you can't pay the bill in full, I'm taking it away. And it was the best thing he's ever done for me.

I don't have any credit card debt. That's what you have to do with your kid. Yeah. It's about, yeah. So I don't have any credit card debt, but it's, I have so many friends. It's like getting fat.

How it just goes real quick. Yeah. I've had so many friends out here go to debt consolidation, this and that. and like because I didn't when I was out here I was like how is everybody going on vacation how is everybody going out every night

how do they have a BMW and then and then they're like hey I just send up for debt consolidation I'm like oh it makes sense I have $20,000 in credit card debt oh I get it you have to go into debt and lose everything before you become a financial fucking genius

yeah you got to lose it all and I go crystal what is your car payment and she told me it's so business I almost died. You know what my car payment is? $260 a month. You know why? You can get that real quick.

You can sell a few shirts. I can always borrow $260. I have 10 friends that will lend me $260. One time, maybe two. But what she's paying, after the first time she comes back, you got to put the bikini on. It's a big number right there.

You got to do something strange for some change. I know you don't want to do it. Let me pet. It's going to be all right. It's like that. Chicken, what's the movie with Ice Cube, when the little cousin goes and starts sucking dick. Players club, yeah.

You want to drink some of this. It ain't hard. It's sweet. Yeah, it's tough, man. Like you say, you got to get your ego and check. They don't prepare you for this numbers game. So you're out there. You're mismatching numbers.

You're not looking. You know, like I said, I know Lee has thrown ideas at me from time to time. and I've shut them down, but Lee doesn't know the wisdom that I have there. Yeah, we go get a bigger warehouse and put pictures and denominations. But that's the first three Gs of our salary. Yeah.

Okay, and that's got to be paying every month. Every month. And for you to sustain that three Gs, I got to justify it by making 30. I just can't take a chance of make 18. Yeah. I got to make fucking 30. We pay $750 here.

We don't make $30. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But we cover the $750. And I've always kept it where you're always... It's manageable, yeah. Listen, I can always tell people that we go pantry and I can get eight ads. I didn't want people to go through ads.

I want to advertise for people that I really like. I like that product, you know. I like draft kings. People are going to gamble. Yeah. People are going to gamble. Always. That's a great way to do it.

You know, I did my research during Indiana. Yeah. It's the pontiff from the church as they say they got to fall. The longest profession. CBD, they're the best they really are. I really like them as a product. I reached out to them. So it's kind of weird how you have to be honest with people. Depends you I did for a dollar.

Why? Because I don't want to choke nobody. Yeah. It's a dollar. What's a dollar going to do to you? And I'll give you a couple. I'll keep you alive during the week. I'll throw you a life raft video that you won't know what the fuck hit you.

You know what I'll call you a cocksucker, a ball sniffer. You know, it's just a time to not beat you. yourself out. You got to move to your uncle's placement. Do it. There's no shame. Everybody's doing it. Yeah. Everybody's doing it. You got to get a job, something you don't want to do, a position that you're overqualified for. You know what? What are your chances of finding the job you're qualified for right away? Why don't we take

this job and see what comes down the fucking hatch? Keep looking, but at least you got an income coming up. Nobody thought that we're going to, listen, right now, if I was broke and I saw it, an ad for a Chinese cook, I'd walk in there. You ever cook Chinese before? Whatever. I can learn. Was it Greg Garcia? Who was he? Who got a McDonald's job? Greg Garcia? It wasn't Greg Garcia. Greg Garcia. When they had the writer's strike. I had a show on television as an executive

producer, creator, and he got a job at McDonald's to see how it felt. To see how it felt. They saw, they noticed right away. He had a head on this show. They asked him like a general manager's position. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He donated the checks to charity, but he just wanted to see what it felt like. Okay. To be a working man again, instead of driving to a lot and having people bringing you lattes. That's why I love Greg Garcia as much as I do, because he really is down earth that way, you know. Yeah.

And this is what this is going to humble a lot of people. But the good thing about this, Crystal, is that you go back to America's Got Talent. hopefully they'll have a few weeks for you to warm up. Oh, that's what I've been thinking about too. Before you get back on that stage, you keep advancing. And that's the thing. If they're going to call you, I don't want you to do this because I'm telling you right now what I'm hearing.

Okay. I don't want you to keep calling you and going. We're going to do it in September. And they call you September until you October. Now you're 14 down in rent. Yeah. In November. Now you're 16.

down in rent and then December and they ain't going to be a Christmas tree. You're going to have a fucking cactus. You're going to have a little cactus so you can sit on top of it. That Charlie Brown tree. That's a doll the painting. That's Charlie Brown tree.

Why you're fucking a baloney sandwich for Christmas because they're probably not going to shoot until January. Oh. So if if CA is not opening until January, if I was you

you could be here to I'd rather you go to Houston. If they call you and say you got to be here Monday, they call me, I'll send you the money. But if they tell you three or four weeks, you take your time. You drive back, you call Keeter, you know, you always got a couch on theaters for a few days,

and you go back. Yeah. But for you to sit here right now for five, like Lee. Yeah. I told Lee, I go, Lee, let's pretend. Let's pretend I leave. I go, well, you want to stay here? Because this is what's giving me the biggest problem.

right now is that Lee's wasting five days of his life with me. He's wasting 20 days a month with me for eight shows. He's going to get, I don't want him to get killed or hitting the head with a stick. You know, last night I called him, he's like, I fucking can't believe it. People keep rights, race driving. Did you see what happened in Hollywood on Sunday night? What happened? Same thing.

On drag racing? And they ended up somebody getting shot. Dang. A 17-year-old girl got shot. Hollywood and LeBreya. Go look at the news. You told me that they were driving up and down last night. I'm like,

Oh, they've done it for years. I live on a straight street. It is fucking, you can hear it. I can hear it sometime. Why are you on the phone with it? Yeah, you can hear it. And then he showed me the Citizen app,

which is hysterical. I saw someone yesterday got arrested for assault with a laptop. They ordered a Starbucks. He hits him with a laptop. He got arrested him. you can't get the citizen app ladies and gentlemen especially when you smoke refa

you will sit there and your head will break your fucking your little fat heart will blow up it's the same thing with ring like they have all those crimes

and everybody commit telling on each other on the ring out my neighbors be over there like studio city valley village cherry oh my god someone just broke in a car

but I got a picture and I'm gonna go after him I say you go after them if you want to Karen get your head bust you got insurance on this stuff I got rings everywhere. Yeah.

I got a good block because the guy had two doors down from me. Yeah. Everybody has them over there, yeah. I got a cop that, like, knocked on my door. And he goes, do you want to increase your security? Fuck you. I pay the extra. Yeah.

To have this button to fucking, you know, because I'm in the back room. And it's a big zoom, too. Yeah. Yeah, it's a big area. They get you now. So they're going to get the car. He put a camera up for license plate levels. Oh, nice.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you got a walk to us to fucking do it. People got enough of time. on their hands right now. That's how they want to do. Make citizens arrest and tell on people and...

You got to be very careful. So that my wife beeped to somebody. I almost choked her. Don't check it. I almost choked. I go, why are you beating that a motherfucker? Let him go. It ain't that serious. Yeah. I go, where are we going? What's the rush? Well, he was sitting there for four seconds. Who gives a fuck? Maybe he was thinking about his mother

who just died two hours ago and you're beeping at a motherfucker. You see a motherfucker with a mask, no mask on? And you got a mask on? cross the street. That's what my girlfriend did another day. Do not tell motherfuckers to put on a mask. She was like,

because what's going to happen is you don't know where that guy just came from. He went home, his wife was fucking three Puerto Ricans to make the rent because he got fired. He had to walk out. I'm the walk out. He looked in the mailbox, the foreclosure,

and he's walking down the street now, and you pull over like a fucking guy, you know, super Christian that you are. You know, excuse me. Yeah. Are you not thinking about society? Yeah. Hold on.

I'm going to kill the biggest ass on the world. Boom, and there you go. Because you want to be Captain Savor fucking life. Yeah. Mind your business. They don't want to wear masks. It's their fucking business, you know?

If they don't want to be cautious, I don't get mad at people from not wearing a mask. I would never insult somebody for not wearing a mask. It's not in my thing. I would ask you to. Yeah. Especially if you're going to go into the bowels of hell. I mean, you know, you're going to go on the train downtown for an hour.

You better put a mask on. Yeah. You're going to fly for five hours. You better have a mask on. And even then, you better put tape around that motherfucker. So it stays. So it stays and put a little lip like a latch just so you can put a straw in that motherfucker fucking.

Because there ain't no eating. You ain't need on a plane no more. No, because it's all closed up. But my girlfriend did that the other day. We went hiking at Griffith Park. And I kept noticing she kept getting to the edge. And I was like, where are you getting to the edge? She goes, oh, for the people that don't have mask on.

And I was like, oh, I'm so busy trying to make it up the fucking mountain. I can't be worried about nobody else. But a group of guys came through and she was like, I'm going to say something. I said, to hell, you aren't. I was like, let them people. I was like, you got your mask on. What they're doing is not affecting you let them go

because you just never know. And I said, and plus, I can't fight. I don't know how to fight. My core is real strong. So I feel like if I get somebody down, I'm good. But as far as like, throwing hands, I ain't never had to do it. So I don't know.

So I was like, bitch, do not say nothing to these people about this fucking mask because it's going to be me and you out here getting my ass kick over some fucking mask and then I'm a mask on be off anyways. They're just pulling over and beating people up. They beat up three Mexicans. You're those fruit guys. You see these hangings

and I don't care. I am sorry. Ain't no black person. I stand by that and some people will call it ignorant but first off I know people that have hung themselves. And the thing about people that hang themselves nine times out of ten they normally want someone

to find them. Okay. Then it's an act of, you know, something really quickly. Do you think that somebody is going to get in their car, drive all the way across town, and have time to think about that. There's a documentary on about a guy that for the Golden Gate Bridge, he did a documentary that talks about people that jumped, that a large number of the people that jumped, some people that made it, they regret it immediately.

So you mean to tell me you think that you're going to drive all the way across town to go to a central location to hang yourself, your mental is going to talk you out of that before you get there. You're going to talk yourself out of that shit. Because, I mean, I think, you know, I haven't been to that point yet to the point where I want to kill myself, but I've had some low moments, but I just feel like people that kill themselves,

that's a cry for help and they really don't want to kill themselves. They just, they're crying out for help. So you got 30 minutes or 15 minutes to drive somewhere to hang yourself? I don't believe that. I don't believe that. I don't believe for one second. And if they had a video of people, think this is what scares me. If people know now, I was going to make a funny video.

And then I was like, you know how in the Westerns they would do a quick draw with their pistols. That's all we got now is cell phones. You got to draw your cell phone out to record. Oh, I'm going to record you. If a motherfucker, knowing that you're going to record them still can't control their anger, knowing that you recording them, what are they doing when they're not being recorded? Just think about that. If you know that if I pull out my phone and you know that I'm recording you and you still so angry that you cannot control it and stop fucking recording.

I'm still mad. Imagine that same type of person. If he catch a motherfucker walking down a street by itself a dark street and ain't nobody looking in an area that ain't that's not too much traffic. I don't believe that black people are hanging themselves like that. I don't. I believe that black people, you know, will commit suicide. Everybody, that don't have no type of, but our history. There's just there's just, I just don't see that and it's dangerous out here.

Happen like twice, right? Huh? Happen like twice? Happened twice. The hanging? Yeah. No, it's been at least now about 10. What? What?

It easily. Where? Man, Houston, San Diego, man, it's at least, I'll look it up and I'll find, it's at least been 10 hangings and they've all, even the black girl right now, I want to say in McKinney, outside of Dallas, Texas, black girl, her white roommate, male, called her hanging in the garage. Well, how am I going to get up there? It's a minimum of 10, a minimum

of black people, all African-American. Because of our heritage, we're not going to go out like that. We're going to take some pills. You know, you might blow your brains. I don't know, but just to drive across, or if you're going to hang yourself, you're going to hang yourself in the house.

It's going to be something right there. You know, that time, that's too much time for you to talk yourself out of it to go crank your car up. stop at a few red lights, pay a toll, then I'm going to get out, throw a rope up in a tree and hang myself. I don't believe in that. I just don't believe it. And I believe it's some really evil people out there. And if they, y'all saw that video where they actually, there was some white people that had a black man.

They was trying to hang him. And then they got into it. Two white men end up getting into it because the other white man tried to stop it. But they were recording the man. They were trying to hang the man. You think if they're doing that while people recording them what they're doing, When ain't nobody looking? You saw that other white man.

They had him on a video. He said they were having some road rage, and he rolled his window down broad daylight. You better be glad this ain't back in the day because if it was, I'd pull your ass out of that car and hang you from a fucking tree. So what are you supposed to like? Here's my thing. I try to avoid this stuff because it just gets depressing. But then you're sticking your head in the sand. So what do you?

Because if you're heading the sand, your ass is in the air. Get it out of the sand. I know it's uncomfortable. I even have to be, because, you know, I'm not nowhere near Joy's level. I'm still trying to climb and make a name for myself. But do I worry about pissing off the wrong person? Because right is right and wrong is wrong. We're not telling nobody to change their beliefs or to go one way to other.

But right is right and wrong is wrong. I don't care. And for anybody, regardless of you white, black, Mexican, Armenian, Chinese, whatever, for you to despise and hate somebody that has never done something to you just strictly out the color of your. skin or your religion or your gender or what type of dick you like, you got a problem. You can't, we can't bury our heads in the sand. We just can't. And I even get to the point to whereas them videos get depressing. Sometimes I'll post them. Sometimes I won't. But think about it.

Ahmad Aubrey, that video, if we didn't have videos, those three white men, they would not be in jail right now if we had not shared that fucking video. If we had not shared the video of a black man jogging in the neighborhood and then some men saying, hey, I see him. Let's go corral him on the back of trucks. They were on the back of pickup trucks. Joey, they were on the back of pickup trucks running behind somebody. If we hadn't had that video, those people would not be in jail today is my thought, because it was two months and they still hadn't had arrest. So I just think, and I didn't honestly, I didn't know of it was that bad because like I told you, if I'm performing, I don't perform in front of all black crowds. My crowd.

be white. And I've had somebody stand up in the middle of my comedy show and holler out white power. That shit is scary. And all the people that sit here and say, I mean, I wish your motherfucker would. I wish your motherfucker would. Until you in that position, you have no idea what you're going to do. You have no idea. Because I sat there at first going, damn, did I hear what I thought I heard? Then I was going like, well, damn, let me make the shit funny. You know, because you just never know until you're in that position. So, Lee, I know it's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable for me. It's uncomfortable for everybody, but we got to talk about it because this shit. So imagine you got COVID, you got unemployment, then you got all these race, all these race wars.

And I don't, black people, we won't win a race war. We won't. Have you ever looked at the population, whites versus blacks? There's just no way. And it's scary. Like I said, I just got back on my bike. Just got back on my bicycle because I was like, Lord today. because it's some evil, evil people out there

in every race. But now, for some reason, it's heightened. It's heightened. Yeah. Chicago. That fucking funeral. Yeah. But that means somebody knew

that they were going to be there at that funeral and you waited for them to come out at their most vulnerable, weakest moment. What makes you do that? Evil. Nothing to live for evil. But see, You know what?

Unfortunately, in the black community, we don't want, see, and that goes back to what you said back when you were younger. See, your neighbor would have turned little John John in. The neighbor, the house, the third house on the street, they'd have made them go tell them whether it's your cousin, your nephew, or sister Odell's son. You go tell them, people, what you're doing that for? We're out here worrying about how we're going to eat. We're worrying about where our next paycheck going to come from. We worrying about if our big mom is healthy. If somebody got diabetes or high cholesterol, now we got to worry about you.

shooting up everything and we got to that I hate the term snitches gets it's I'm telling I'm telling let me see you do some crystal Powell is telling I'm telling first 48 we ain't going to have to wait to 48 it's going to be first 14 I'm telling I don't believe in that this whole thing has made me change a lot in the sense of that I was never raised racist my first true friend was African American I didn't see color. I was such a young kid. I didn't see color. When I got my daughter at the church,

there was a man talking to her one day. There was two men talking to him. And they were having a good time. And the one dude was white and the one dude was African-American with glasses on. And I said, what did he say? That was so funny. And she goes, what, the guy with the glasses?

And right there that told me that children don't see color. Yeah. I don't. You taught that. My first friend was fucking, whatever his name is, she, we babysat him. He was deaf, African-American. That was her first boyfriend.

And part of the reason we're moving is because her best girlfriend is moving. She's African-American. We're going to be living 20 minutes from her. That's the reason why we move. So my daughter is not. So that shit gets taught in the house. It gets taught. Yeah.

So a lady made a beautiful point at, the gentleman that died church boy no which one very important the senator this weekend they did the walk over the bridge bloody Sunday when they he got a hit on Lewis

Lewis yeah you know some lady goes listen we got to get back to this white people invented racism and they got to put it to bed I'm just here to enlighten them a little bit and uh those words hit me because it's true we white people invented slavery and invented all that shit

and now it's time to put it to bed now it's time to change it but you had to change your see the problem we have like when I watch the black and this is straight from the heart I'm gonna drop some shit on you you're not gonna want to hear

when I saw the Black Lives Gay Parade okay the big big big one I saw a lot of people that belong there but I saw three quarters the people that have belonged there. Because me telling you Black Lives Matter or I love black people,

whatever term you're going to use, I don't like the word black anymore. I'm not using it. It's African American. Black is a hole in space. I don't know where that fucking word came up. So that's number one. I'm not using that no more.

The other thing today, I was at the park with my daughter, and there was a celebration there. And I saw a two fine-fired. sisters. Two fine-ass sisters. Beautiful, classy. Beautiful dresses on. She walked past me. My wife was sitting next to me. I go, what the fuck are they going all dressed up? They were doubt. Oh, God. I want to let that knicker right away. Listen, man, first thing African-Americans have to do is stop saying that word. Yeah. I don't want to, I only accept it up to 2020 pre-wrap. I'll listen to Biggie and Tupac. Anybody that rap from now and I use it that word, I'm not supporting them.

Yeah. Especially after what we've been to right now. There's no way I'm supporting your music. I don't want to hear the word. Because it's just about drugs and hookers and clothes and money. If you say you're giving leave permission. Yeah. There you go.

We can't expect for other people to stop killing us. And that's nothing. Black people don't want to hear that. And I'm going to get a lot of people talk shit about me with this. And they were like, you can't say black on black crime. Yes, I can't. Yes, I can. And I understand that there is a reason.

It's some reasoning back there, but I know a lot of people that grew up eating ketchup sandwiches and sugar sandwiches that didn't grow up to be murderers and thieves. So it doesn't matter. Yeah, so that's the whole thing. They're like, when we start talking about black on black crime, they're like, yeah, but look how far, you know, back we've gone. I was like, but we've, I mean, a lot of us, that's all we've known is poverty. But my mama taught me, I don't care if you got two pennies in your pocket. You better stand up tall and like you got a million dollars. So a lot of us have been poor and didn't know where our next meal moves,

but we knew the difference between right and wrong. We had a grandmother that our mama might not have been taking us to church every Sunday, but our grandmother was taking us to church. So you might have been in them streets and you might have had a poor family, but you know the difference between right and wrong. I get it. The thing that bothered me about those protests that hit hard with me, in a way is. Yes, you're out there

marching for something. But how are you entwined with the African-American community in your life on a daily basis? You're not. They're not, yeah. When you have two black friends, you tell everybody about and then you invite them to all your functions. Yeah. Not three, black friends.

There's always two. Yeah, or one. Or just the token. Or just a token. As long as you know that going in, you don't feel that bad. That's the truth. We all have two black friends that come to our parties, but like Studio C, let's get this area here. Yeah.

It's narrow it's down to them. Every white family has one black friend to invite to a party to show them they're not racist. But deep down and the side, that person needed a place to stay. I don't think they'd put them in. Not at all.

That's why the movie, the blind side. Or I wouldn't get him the job. Right. The blind side is such a great movie. Yeah. Because Sandra Bullock takes that big fucking savage in there. That's what pisses me off about this. You know, when I see Dave Chappelle, I love Day Chappelle.

And he ain't that fucking funny. Not for the amount of respect he gets from the white community. They love him. And 60% of that is, yeah, we don't like black people, but Dave ain't like the rest of the black people. They kill me with that. That's exactly what they say. Yeah, they do. You know.

He's not like that. Or with women that you talk different. How is that? What does that mean? Yeah. How do I talk different? It's very weird that I feel that way about a lot of the things that we'll pick one thing that we like African American to make ourselves believe

that we're not racist. You're not racist when you're splitting meals with them. When they're coming to your house in front of your fucking fancy white neighbors and you all wave like, hey, you fucking cock suckers. Yeah, this is who's coming to my house tonight. This is who's coming to my house and they're going to sleep here.

They're going to eat here. And, you know, for me, I was braised Afro-Cuban. And I've heard about the racism in Cuban. Yeah. It's terrible. my fucking uncle he went to a store and he forgot his fucking mask

so he saw a paper bag in this thing and he put two eyes on it and he put the bag over his head and he walked into Whole Foods they wanted to fucking kill him he sent me the tapes today of my uncle fucking at Whole Foods and people were throwing him out

and shit oh my God he's fucking 82 years old this motherfucker and he's still sending tapes him playing the Congo drums and all this shit. You know what? When it happened though, I'll tell you this,

because I'm from a small, small town and it was predominantly white. And I had to call, you know, my parents are in here, so I had to call my uncles and ask them. I was like, man, am I? Was I being totally oblivious? I was like, because I don't remember growing up with these racial issues. And he was like, yeah, he goes, your mom just did

a great job of hiding it from you. And y'all, we didn't have the internet back then. He was like, so if your parents hit it from you, you didn't see it. So all this has done has exposed some people for me. Now, I will say this. The white friends that I do have, super cool, called me. But one of my white friends called me and she was like, hey, you know, calling, how are you doing?

I'm sorry about all this. I said, I know what's going on. I said, you don't have to call me. I call your other white friends. That's who you call and talk to. I know what's going on. I know about the. And then I had to talk to another white friend of mine.

She does Emily. she does a lot of funny videos and she stopped. I was like, what happened to your videos? She goes, well, I felt like, you know, this wasn't the time to joke about stuff. She says, because she's been like just posting daily about everything that's going on, whether it's a racist video, whether it's a homophobic video. She's just posting stuff. And I said, and she goes, and I feel bad that I don't know about all of this stuff with African Americans. I was like, I'm black and I don't know all of it.

I was like, so you can't be upset with yourself because you don't know. I was like, because how would you even know that if you didn't grow up around that? If you're a white kid that didn't have any black friends, you don't live in a black neighborhood, you don't go to a black school, why would you know what's going on with black kids? You won't. You will not know. So it is, I do understand that there are some people that have no idea, but when you have some friends that, like you said, bread with black people, talk to them.

Talk to those other white friends and let them know, hey, man, this is what's really going on because like you said, Lee, it's a lot of people that's just, they don't want to have the uncomfortable conversation. They don't want to, you know, it's easier to stick your head in the sand and just let it go by you. One thing I realized when I got locked up was I worked in the kitchen. And I was around, I mean, the two dudes I hung out with, two out of the three dudes I hung out with, we're African-American.

One was from Louisiana, a little bit out there. And the other guy was a big time. The boot is rough. The other guy was a big-time crib. Okay. He used to bring Coke to Denver. Big-time money, big-money brother. Good-looking like...

He looked like Michael B. Jackson. Moustache and everything. Seven bitches. Seven of them, he had in the payroll. All black sisters, brand-new cars. Everybody had a kid. You had to have a kid with him and suck his dick. Jesus.

Before you got a car. It was crazy. And each of them, he would give him visitation. eight to ten, then you got to go. Because I got another, my other baby mama coming out 11. She would leave it too. He'd have another one at 4, and they would all bring him nutter butters.

That was his thing. And me and him would eat nutter butters on Saturdays and the Sundays like a motherfucker. But when you go to prison, you talk to these men, and you learn about something called social economic prison.

And it's a guy. If Lee gets caught, with four pounds of reefer and an African-American gets caught with four pounds of reefer, Lee's parents are going to get a good attorney. Probation. This guy is going to get a public defendant and they're going to mix them in with another couple guys and they're going to give them three years. Yeah. That's already been found.

Like they've done studies and shit like that. That's, you know, if you don't have money for the, OJ had. Money. Money. Money. Money. Yeah. And he could put it on credit and give you trophies.

Yeah. You know, so, you know, you could pay for justice. You could pay for not guilty verdict. You could pay for all these things. Yeah. With the right amount of people. But 70% of brothers that are trying to commit crimes, yeah, 20 of those 70% are bad. Yeah.

50 of them have had a problem. They've fallen into the system. They truly brought, I'm telling you, because I've been in there with them, with great African-American young men that when don't you get caught in the system? It's over. It's over. I mean, I'm like... The system was imposed to keep you in there. Yeah.

And it's to hold you that. Or the bad judges. Or the bad, we can't even talk about the judges that's 65 and older that this is the thing. If you were born back in that time and you got to realize they just changed the laws for racism. They changed their laws. But if that's the way you thought, that's your mentality. They just

changed it on paper. That's the same thing with like Breonna Taylor. Yeah, it's no knock arrest warrants now, but the mentality is still there. They haven't been arrested. So it's a whole mindset. But speaking about this with where a white man might get probation

and the same man, what is a, there's a article about a man. I think he stole $9. He stole $9 and he's serving life to whereas you got motherfuckers is raping women. And doing what? How much did that kid do? Nine or ten days? After he

raped an unconscious woman. Oh, the kid from Stanford? Yes. Oh, yeah, that's good. Yeah. Yeah. So it, I believe, I agree with you. And also, that's when we start talking about the black on black crime. They're like, when you go back to all of that, and you're right, if it's 70% of a black man that are in jail, 50% of them probably had a bad attorney made a mistake. Can you think about me and all the mistakes that you and I have made? If somebody would give us a five or 10-year sentence from every mistake we've made,

hell we wouldn't should we'd have a hundred years but sometimes you know black people don't get that and that's when they that's where the fine line comes in between the you know the black on black crime and i just hate it to whereas if they don't do something about the stimulus if they don't do something about this unemployment if they don't do a nationwide shutdown where people can get back to work when when people's backs against the wall and they don't have nothing else they're going to go out there and they're going to try to figure out a way to get it and i just saw a post on Facebook when they were talking about the differences like if the billionaire like it's such a huge gap they said if the like the billionaire people would give everybody just a thousand dollars like they got so much

money they can give everybody on the planet a certain amount of money and they'll still be okay how is that gap okay how is that how is that okay in in the united states how is that still okay in 2020 remember in 1999 when everybody was going to get water and thinking that the you know everything was going to shut down we were going to have lights and shit that was 20 years ago that was 20 years ago and we was losing our mind going into the year 2000 thinking that oh we woke up in the morning we wasn't going to have no lights everybody was going to buy hell of water and shit that was 20 years ago and we still and look at this gap look how it's grown and then they're talking about somebody being a trillionaire they don't track to be a trillionaire come on man these people got to

eat. It has to change, but it is changing. And I'm sorry if I'm going on to run here. I saw a comment from West Brown. The difference between now and back then, and I was so happy to see my white people out there. And I get upset sometimes when I see more white people fighting for us than I see black people. If you look in Portland, that Black Lives Matter that they was rocking last night, 85% of that was white people. That was white people out there doing that. So, like it's just got to be a mindset but if we wouldn't have white people protesting alongside us now you think they were shooting rubble bullets when that man went across that street to go take that picture at that church if we wouldn't have white people protesting with us right now

i feel my opinion we'd have been sprayed down in them streets quick quickly if we wouldn't have had jessica and sarabelle them out there protesting alongside the black people they'd have been shot down the street i'm sorry that's that's just my opinion but now i'm not it's collective. And these millennials, these TikTokers, you don't see people on TikTok dancing no more. You see them little millennials on TikTok dropping facts, dropping facts, dropping facts, dropping facts,

and it has to be all of us collectively. So I think by 2040, it'll be all right. Yeah, it'll bet we still got a long way to go, but we got to keep trying. And we can't, you know, we got to have these uncomfortable conversations and we got to talk to people that you know we wouldn't normally talk to. And you got to do something.

You can't just be out there. You know, even with my friend, well, I posted, yeah, but have you signed a petition? Have you talked? And another thing, I think we're at 100 days for voting. Yeah, 100 days from voting. That's the other thing. Vote, man. What happens if Trump wins and what happens when Trump loses?

What's the state of comedy then? This is why I'm saying. I'd rather you be somewhere safe. Because it's going to blow up. America's got talent, calls you back, you'll be ready. You got Ali with you, I know he loves you. Yeah, got a couple people down there. This, you know, I love you.

But if I'm gone, I got nobody watching your back. I love you. I love Kate. I love my girls. But number two, I started a Patreon, and I was supposed to shoot a video this week. Me and Damon couldn't get it together. So the Patreon is not just for me to make money. It's for me to help people out and educate.

Like, I want to donate to, like, a men's. I found the shelter in Burbank is open. I went to Burbank to see in the place so I could bring my clothes and all that because this one's here. But this week, fucking, the mind that Joey Diaz wants to give you a little envelope to get groceries this week.

It don't mean nothing about nothing. You know why we cry on here, don't do that. Nah, I don't want you to cry. I just want you to breathe for three days. Go get a steak. Go get some chicken wings. Whatever the fuck you like. Go take the 25-mile bike rate first.

And then you get all the chicken wings you want. We don't want to fuck up that body of yours. We love you. On this show, you're always welcome here. I'll let you back, man. Once you go back on AGT, we're going to get your back, whether it's on a Zoom. Yeah. We don't know how we're going to do it yet, but we're going to do something.

Me and Lee. Lee's going to take a mic. microphone with them in a camera and we're gonna fucking do zooms once a week we're gonna figure out this church I'll do something alongside but I want you know I love you I got your back in my sister and uh this week you get something for the Patreon oh man they ain't gonna they ain't no 9000 let me tell you yeah go fuck this up and that's what there's little taste and this what this is what we've developed here this is what I'm coming up with I want to do this Patreon a dollar a piece big so we could put different

people to work. When I talk to a comic, listen, don't call me up if you're a comic and say, do I need my mortgage payment. Go fuck yourself. When you were rolling big money, you never called me and took me to lunch. But I know a lot of people, how many times you and me go down to the comedy store and hang out?

So do me a favor, make me feel better if you just took that. Don't worry about what's in it. Nobody knows. It's just a little something. For you to go to Rouse and get yourself. Put my envelope as the old people put it in Just left-titty. Let me tell you.

Alonzo Bowden posted the picture last week because he had just saw it. But I saw when the first, when the COVID first started, there was a liquor store in the Bronx and they posted a sign. And anybody see that?

Yeah. No titty money. Yeah. No sock money. Five motherfuckers at a time. No discounts. And I don't want to hear none of your shit

and none of your motherfucking questions. But that's it and that's that. Crystal, you made a great Monday morning podcast. Thanks for having me. Man, I love you. I got to say this really quickly. I'm over here snutting because this is what it's about. Like, if your hands are like this, close-fisted, you can't help anyone, but you also can't receive anything.

And I got a bunch of people in my phone that, like you said, when the times is good, they not call. I called you twice. I was pissed on. Yeah, listen, no, you've been calling me. Yeah, he was like, yo. You better pick up the fucking phone, man. You're making me nervous. And I told you when you answer.

And when I answered, I was like, damn, you're checking on me better. And some folks that I'm kicking it with. So I have to say this. Like, for one, when you mentioned, we all know you get me into the comedy store. When I go, if I don't go to, when I go to the comedy store, if I'm, when I'm with I get treated like royalty. I get a seat. I get a drink.

Yeah. Come on. Oh, you enjoy. You enjoy. You enjoy. But when I'm not with you, they treat me like shit. And you let me come on your podcast. You talk to me.

You have me around your daughter and your wife, and I'm so grateful. And because of that, you're teaching me this, and I get to do it to somebody else. Fuck, this is what it's all about. It's all about it. Logan bought me a thousand stakes. I got to give those stakes down. Another episode of Soprano when Christopher came in. He's like, I'm sick and tired of paying for dinners.

He goes, what are you fucking complaining about? Some days some kids are going to be paying for your dinners. Yeah. And that's exactly true. So I'm grateful. So thank you. We're grateful, bro. This is what it's all about.

Your family. me you got my number you need something you call i don't want you to miss a pork job yeah or chicken with these thighs i can miss a couple of me all right you look great man that was who you got out the concert damn i've been trying i mean because i couldn't i'll tell you this america's got talent did give me something to look forward to and to work towards because i kept saying bitch you can't you know that tv add 10 pounds so i was like whenever we come back i cannot afford to be chunky crystal over here so i at least was like okay but you got that you got that you got to work towards that.

But it's been a conscious effort, you know, and I'm because of people like you. Like, I get blessed. And this is, man. I've been blessed, dog. So I got to spread the blessing. And you're spreading it and I'm grateful. I'm thank you for tonight on a Monday morning.

What? Motivational Monday. Let's get it. Listen, I know a lot of years are going through a lot. My heart goes out to you. You guys know that. I've been here with you from day one, banging these podcasts out.

and we'll keep giving them to you, all right? So hang in there. This through will pass. Stick to your guns. Tell the credit cards to suck your dick. Play your landlord to suck your dick. There's no fucking debtor's jail. They can't throw you in jail for them with the money.

All you can do is not answer the phone. You know what I'm saying? Or answer them and tell them, I ain't got it. Don't pay the phone bill. You'll get that call from $1,800. You're like, this could be HBO. This could be HBO and shit. Hello?

Joe, we didn't get your $5 dollar check there. Fuck you, cuck, suck. I thought it was HBO and shit. I love you guys. Real quick, the church is brought to you by Draft Kings. Listen, if Draft King's

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D is a dollar or whatever the fuck you want to give. All right. Have a great weekend. Stay black.