The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #813 - Sam Tripoli

Episode Date: August 17, 2020

Sam Tripoli, a stand up comedian and host of the, "Tin Foil Hat" and "Punch Drunk," podcasts, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: DraftKings - Download DraftKings Sportsbook now and use code CHURCH to get $1000 sign up bonus.    Gabi - go to Gabi.com/Joey to see how much you can save on your car and home owners insurance. 

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No more fucking excuse. This is the year of the fucking soldier. We're going in like fucking Marines. You understand me? Welcome to church, motherfucker. Oh, yeah. Since I'm counting down the last episodes of the church, I wanted to bring this young gentleman in

who I've basically rown up with and he's a G in his own right Mr. Sam, motherfucker and Trippley. I know you're looking at the studio going Joey, what happened? You get evicted? No, we're cleaning this motherfucker out. We took everything out. Walls, tables,

pictures in like three hours. We worked like if you drop a car off in Harlem and go see your grandmother upstairs, when you come down, there's just a chassis, That's what happened here. Those are the people I run with. They fucking came in here, and they're like, we might as well take the walls down.

They took the tables down and were bare bones. What's happening, Sammy Trips? Well, it's honored beyond the last week. Dude, I might start crying. I'm super sad. Everybody's leaving. I'm on Michigan. I very much.

That sucks. Because everybody's leaving. You'll be here holding it down like a motherfucker. a tinfoil on it. I see that tinfoil broke the top 40 on iTunes. You're making waves. Yeah.

You know, Sam Trips? I got to tell you something. When I met you 20 years ago, okay, let me get this out of the way right now because you're going to make your opinion also. And I'm going to tell you why. You're going to die.

Sam Trippley was a fucking punk. Sam Trippley started a fight with me one night on the stage. But I could not understand. People were like, what's his problem? I don't know. He's my brother, because I was talking about an Armenian drug dealer who I spoke to yesterday, and he goes,

I have a gun for you. I just talked to him yesterday. Even though I don't do drugs, he's still one of my best friends. And then about a week later, you got to an argument with the bartender, the Filipino bartender. Yeah, I was an asshole. And I didn't know what happened. I disappeared from the store.

I'm still an asshole. I'm hearing great things. little by little, Ari and you are doing a podcast. I'll never forget one night, Ari going, have you gone down to see Tripoli's Dirty show? And I go, you know, he hasn't invited me, and I don't want to crash. Like, I hate when people do that.

Like, I didn't know you did this, Sam. Really? You didn't know I did this? And I go, how was Sam? And he goes, you know, man? And the way he said it to me, he goes, it's great. He's great because he's an environment.

That's his thing. He's the king of madness. He wants the midget. He wants a chicken. He wants a chicken the bikini, you know? You got a bunny suit? The guy in a bunny suit, he disappeared. You cracked him.

He was the first Owen Benjamin. He quit comedy, lost 80 pounds, and wrote a book on how to fucking survive in Hollywood. He was a trip. Have you seen him lately? I see Skippy once a while. He's a great kid. He's a great guy, dude He's, you know, he's just

Living that life, dude He's just one of those guys What are he write the book about? It was something about eating meat And then He would have like this Patreon before there's Patreon Where women would pay for him

To take pictures of his dick Did he have like a really good dick or something? He's got supposedly a fucking hog Like a big hog And women would pay For him to put in an exotic Airos and Photoshop shop in different places, dude. My dick doesn't

have anyone on its Patreon. You understand why Harvey Weinstein was the fearless leader of Hollywood. This is the reason why. Because women pay comics for dickpicks. Now you know, don't sit there and judge and say, well, Rick Javis never raped anybody. Keep believing that. You know what I'm saying? Give it time.

The L.A. Times will scoop it up any day now. It's just weird what we've been through the last. When did you show up at the comedy store? 2000? Yeah, I moved out when I was just about to turn 26, so I was about 25. So I'd say that's about a little like, I guess I lived in like 99, I think I moved out there. 99.

Our connection was Pablo. We were friends through Pablo. The best. We were right away, you know, I hosted on Sundays, I took dear. We were dear friends. I loved you. and then the one night with the call out on stage. I'm like, what did I do?

Am I going to have to fight tripling? I don't fight. No. I remember what I said, and, you know, it was just one of those when you make a joke and it's like it doesn't come out the way you wanted it to, and you're like, oh, fuck, that sounded way meaner. I didn't mean it like that. And, you know, I, you know.

I had, what happened was I was saying that joke and it was working. And one night I sat in the original room And when I got off stage A fucking Armenian came up to me Furious and he's like You should not be saying that joke Because Armenians, yes, we make mistakes

People think we gangsters And when you say those things we're gunkers And what people have to realize about Armenian is What the Turkish did to us We have to do what the, and he gave me an earbeat about the Turks He bought me a drink I was coked up, so I took the earbeat. You know, when you're coaked up, you just yes, I'm the dead.

Yeah, the turks. I hate them, too. You know what I'm saying? Like, it was just... Dude, you gave me advice to give me picked up. Like, you gave me... You told me you love this one joke. So Duncan calls me and is like, this is what you do.

You did one joke about your ethnic group, one joke about your parents, and then do your favorite bit. And I'm like, okay, Joey loves that fucking bit about Asians on Xxie. I'm going to end on that bit. So I did a bit about being Armenian going to the beach, my mom power walking, and then I ended up on, you know, ending about Asians love and ecstasy.

And Paul Mooney saved me, and I told the store, and I'm just waiting for it to come out on certain. I know if that Showtime doc ever drops. And I say the M word in it, but Paul Mooney called me the M word like only a week earlier. So then I was showcasing, and he sat down.

and he was telling Mitzie that, you know, they should pick me up. So you and you and Paul Mooney are the reason I got picked up at the stores because you guys were telling me all that stuff. I remember, I thought the joke was something along the lines of like if you made it through your act. And, you know, just like, because you were bigger than Wichshaws. And I, you know, I did that with Dom Bears too. Like I said a dumb joke that I met to be and it came off as just. really mean and you know i super regretted no i didn't care it wasn't like i was the fifth fight you i just didn't know where you were coming from we were dear friends following you is our education

dude you got to survive man so it's like you say a little joke just to get you into it now when i follow you dude i go first five minutes nobody's listening because they just saw joey dyes and i'm going to be charlie brown's mom on stage going wall wall wall and i just have to sit in it and it's just be okay that five minutes i got to let the room reset when did you go from crazy sam to business sam uh when i you know i've struggled with sobriety i have sobriety now but i had five years and i've been i've been fighting with it but i always went to meetings and i just learned a lot like my father i love my dad to death i love him so much he's a wonderful man he's a flawed character and uh i started seeing my me started acting like he was acting.

And I go, oh, man, I'm going to make the same mistakes. So I started changing my mind. Like, I got raised to be very paranoid. You know, and then I was lashing out. And I go, I don't want to be that guy. And then it just slowly takes time. But I have that in me and I can flare up. And on top of that, I'm super sensitive.

I used to think I was dead on the inside, but I'm super sensitive. We all are as comics. Very sensitive. And I have a fucking trigger dude and I like, oh, why'd I do that? And I grovel and I'm like, like I got to call my brother up. I blew up on him today and I feel awful about it. But that's kind of the work in progress that I am right now, you know. And then, you know, you just over time.

It's like when you start living a life like you really want, it's like you stop drowning and you just like, oh, okay, this is okay. This is, you know, and you start to chill out. And then you start realizing like everything that was important to you. It doesn't really matter. It doesn't really matter. Once you get that one comedy wind, that all this shit doesn't matter.

When your manager comes up to you and says, listen, do jokes about family so I could sell you to a sitcom, and you're like, have you considered light yourself on fire? Have you ever considered that? Go fuck your mother. You know this, we take rules. Like, listen, don't be dirty in front of this guy.

We actually followed them, which I never did. If you told me not, if you had the balls to come up to me and say, don't be dirty unless it was a weekend. And even then, I tread on a fine line. But you cannot tell a comic what to do. We did not become comics for you to tell me what to do. I knew the third year that I was never going to be on Letterman and Leno. I knew it.

How much of you, when they tell you not to do something, makes you want to do it? it more. I can just see you doing that on purpose. I don't, listen. I have not. You have to look at a person's psyche. We never look at a person's psyche. You know, I meet Sam Tripoli. We go do a couple of road gigs together. In the car, we got to talk about something.

We talk about his fucking retarded brother. My brother's not retarded. I love him very much. I'm being an idiot. I'm just saying that. I was an asshole today. I'm talking to you about my mother dying. I'm talking to you. And then we do three more gigs, we spill our beans to each other, and we make an assessment about each other. You know what?

This is the third gig that Joey has thrown me a bone. He's not a bad guy. He's paying my rent. Now we start looking at people that are paying our rent. They're doing me a fucking favor. So now when I go on an audition and they're looking for an Armenian, even if it's for my role, I want, if I don't get it, I want my brother to get it.

Yeah, for sure. So I will call him. These are the things you have to do to move forward as an individual in any career. In any career. Sometimes you got to bite the bullet. Whenever I go for a mafia audition, if I don't see certain people at that audition, I call them. And I go, go down there. Yeah, but what am I going to tell them?

Are you a fucking stupid? Yeah. You got to get a black shirt on with a tie. They're in business to find the right person. A casting director's job is to find the right person. If you look at that breakdown and you think you're the right person, get up and get down there. We'll figure it out once we get down there.

The little gay assistant will come out and go, I don't see your name on the list. Oh my God. Let me ask the cast. director and he'll go in the back she'll come out, take a look at you and say, let him read. And there must have been a mistake.

There's no mistake. The mistake was, you let a gangster in this motherfucker room. You let a gangster in this motherfucker room. So, for me, like, when you look at, and I'm not putting nobody down, I don't want fucking short clips

about this, when you looked at Sarah Silverman, when we got here, Sarah Silman, the guy who talks about bacon. Jim Gaffigan. Jim Gafferick, great guy. I can name five of them, but I can't right now because of the Ebola virus that talks with my brain

or some on antibiotics. I can name five people who are predetermined to end up with something in this town. The first time you see him, and you see the three Jews in the room watching them, once they show up with three Jews, and they're watching them. It's two Jews to the management.

That third Jew, he's the one that tells the network what to do. Okay? I've seen that with the kid who died. God rest of the soul, Mitch Edberg. I saw it with, I could probably tell you five comics who, as soon as they hit L.A., they were destined to be star. Do you know who I knew what was going to be? Who?

Taylor Tomlinson. from the moment I saw her stand up I go and I used to call her the future every time I saw her do say I go that's the future and we're just now seeing it and I don't even think we're close to where we're going to go isn't she like 25? Dude she and she's an assassin on stage dude

I watch her for her first time 19 years old was hosting for me and I thought she had to add to but she's just shy right dude went up and did old black man crowd work like old black man crowd work because she'd been doing church shows since she was like 12 so she's used to be in front of crowds and just lighting people up and everything I saw I saw it was going to happen I saw it was going to happen man yeah you see those in some you never know who's going to blow up but you know who's going to work for sure you know who's going to work you don't know who's going to blow up when sam tripley got the show on spike I was like everybody I spoke to was happy for Sam because Sam wasn't supposed to get that show. That show was supposed to go to some goofy white dude

who was managed by a host company and then you watch the show and you're like, why is this guy hosting the show? Yeah, I'm with you, dude. And when you got that show, I got to be honest with you. So many people were happy. One, two, so many people were inspired. because you know what, now we could attack other networks.

It's not just CBS. Sam is on spite getting thrown by a black guy into the fucking rampage. You know, and when they canceled it, you were depressed for an hour. Yeah. You knew that this is part of the game. You accepted it. I stayed away from the store for seven years. I remember that.

When I left the store, I liked you. when I came back to the store, I fell in love with the man you had become. Oh, dude, you're too nice. You had become a man of comedy now. You had become what was told to me 10 years ago that when you go back into this game, you have to go back as an elder

and you have to send an example for the younger guys. You have to act a certain way. You had Lee down there. You paid Lee. You paid everybody. You gave everybody stage time along the way as much as you could give people. And for comics at home listening, young comics, for plumbers, for electricians, for lawyers,

listen, sometimes you've got to take a bullet. Sometimes you've got to do the wrong thing to get to the right place. You know what? This kid ain't ready for 10 minutes. But who the fuck am I to decide? Let him go up there. The same way Lewis C.K. Put me up for a guest set in Seattle in 95, okay?

It all comes to circle. And I got to be honest to you, you were one of the guys that really had highlighted that. You know, there was these guys working at the comedy store didn't even have comedy experience, and they're trying to nickel and dime you. And meanwhile, they're living in a two-bedroom fucking apartment up in the hills off of your sweat.

You didn't do that. You said, I'm giving everybody an envelope. I'm coming down here with edibles. I got a masseuse in the back. I got fucking food. There was Joe's pizza. It was just a fucking experience. And that's why people hate comics who open up clubs

because they forget of what was important in that green room. It's not the big things. I don't want you. to plan a helicopter ride around Utah. I don't need that. It's when I go to my fucking hotel room, there's a cheese platter.

It's when I go to the green room, there's the sandwich I like. They call the head, little things. I got you that pizza. Little things, dear. You know, Bill Blumen writes, you go to Boston, he shows up with a pie in between shows from...

Regina. Regina's pizza, the best in Boston. You know, there's little things that people could do to make your day. when I did those shows for you, you made me feel I never complained one time about where my spot was.

I went down there. It was an experience. You paid me. I went in the original room and I would go home. Sometimes you did Thursdays. Sometimes you, what's the kid that ran Sunday nights?

Mark Saratella. He was very good to me. Yeah. I think of those guys, and I go, thank God that, you know, when you and I started at the store, you and I both know that there was no main room. It was Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday, and we weren't allowed in on Tuesday, if you get what I'm saying. Yeah. I'm saying it was pure African-American night.

Yeah. Great night, hosted by Joe Torrey. Just tremendous. You'd see everybody down there from Denzel, the fucking, the director. it was great. But the main room when we first got there was not really a thing. It wasn't, dude. And it was like more of a side party room, Coke, bad decisions, just hanging out, dude. And, you know, I miss those days. But I, it was like insane when I used to think about all these dudes

I came up with, man, and how you guys all did my show. And we could all make money, man. We could leave with a grip of loot and go home. We didn't have to fly. I'd lie anywhere to do it. We got to get in. You know, and I would always like, I go, man, trust me. I know where to put you in the lineup. People be like, oh, I'm like, no, dude. And if like, let's say you went up and you always did you flaying until the room,

I'd have to go in and calm people down. So the next person would come. You know, that's why I enjoyed, dude. I enjoyed putting on a show. They always say, oh, you're MC. I'm like, nah, master ceremonies, dude. It's a totally different thing. You were phenomenal.

That's what I love. And you were phenomenal. And people, it's so weird how every kind of, wants to get out of the MC phase. I'm sick of emceeing. Well, it's the strongest position on the field. Yeah, dude. It's the strongest position on the field.

If you can't MC, you're never going to be Tom Brady. Yeah. You're never going to be Tom Brady. If you can close and host, now you're something, dude. When you could close and host, and if you go out there and host and put up killers, like you did and then go out in the back and do another five to walk. I listened to you one night.

I think I was up last and I didn't want to go into the crowd. And I'm like, listen to how Tripoli is sending them home. He's sending them home complete. And there's a line outside to get at 10.30. The next show? The next show. Had to get that show in a certain time or else

it would be too tired, man. It's like... And I got to tell you, this last time... Like, I stayed away from the store for seven years. I think I went back in 2013. Yeah. And at first it was a lot of fun, you know. It was a lot of fun.

It took me right back, but I knew I went back an elder. I didn't go back as young Joey D is getting his dick sucked in closets and fucking, I went back as a fucking, yeah. That was a good time, dude. 97 through 2000, the comedy store was, what is, what? was what the fuck do you want me to tell you and i don't know why people and they see that as like this awful thing it was a magical it was it was it was more of a private club at that time like el magical described as that he goes it's a private club and like if you were blessed to get in

you were in and comedy was great but it was also about just experiencing uh just being being in entertainer, dude, to what we thought entertainment was. And we got a little lost in it. And sometimes the partying was a little bit harder than the comedy. But man, I wouldn't, it was so necessary from that time because every, a lot of people that were there during the dead time were the guys who got a lot of reps in because none, of the cool kids wanted to go down there. They would stay away like, ah, fuck that place.

It's negative energy, negative energy. so all these cool all these guys got reps in reps wraps you know and then I worked on getting I go okay man we got to build this lineup so I got a lineup of killers in I knew the the way to get people in you know and the big thing was to sit next to Mitzie and play defense yeah so she could see these guys kill I'd sit down go take it easy breathe do this this this and let me play defense and I you know I did it so much that it actually fucked me and put me at the end of the night. But that also made me stronger. So, but it was like all those guys who were there when there were only a couple people in that OR all went on to become national murder, the theater murderers.

Right. Do you think, if comedy comes back with the store, do you think that's going to happen again with, since a lot of people are leaving, there's going to be a lot of room at all these clubs for people who stay? Well, I think this is going to be a rare time because when I got picked up,

It was a rear time store because she just gutted the lineup. And she got and, you know, at my age now, I feel for those comics because they're like, yeah, you can't go up anymore. And it's like, but this is my home. It's like, welcome to business. So then I was like so thankful. Now I would, I feel for everybody that that happened to because that comedy's a cold bitch, man. And, uh, it could be really hard.

So, but, you know, Ma, Sebastian, Brett Ernst, Caparillo and then Ari and all those guys. came in and they people are getting reps Steve Byrne, Brian Callan, Al Magical, people are getting a lot of reps in, man, in that room. I got a lot of reps in there, bro. You were getting a lot of reps in there. I was getting six, I would call Sunday through Sunday.

So I found out she used to tell me I don't like when people pick certain nights, boom. Once I heard of say that, okay, Sunday through Sunday. Even if I didn't want to do comedy, I went down there. Even if you weren't in the mood. you had to get in the mood, you know, because it was $15.

And that was the biggest check you were going to get that fucking week. And if you did four of those, you got $60, you know. In the main room on a satellite, $250, $2.80, $195, you know. All that shit. I was crazy. All that shit added up, man. And I couldn't get on the road. So I was just sitting at the store because, you know,

edgy comedy hadn't really made its way in. And I have no problems with, but everybody was looking for a lot of Seinfeld. So unless somebody like Dice or Joe took down the road, it was hard to get up. So I would just sit at the store and just be a crazy man, you know, just being crazy, dude. And just getting in reps, man, following like the store is special because there's no host in my opinion. I mean, the room's special, but no host. So like, dude, I could tell you, I can tell you, in my 20-some years, three bombs stand out in my head. that I will never forget.

One is Lisa Lampinelli. One is Joey Diaz. I bombed so bad, I sat in my car and I questioned, is this what I want to do with my life? I just bombed so bad. And then the other one was Ron White. Those are the three worst bombs I've ever had my life in that room. And it's just like, and I just like, okay, I get up again and do it again.

And I always want to follow those I couldn't follow. Like, who can't I file? Who's hard to foul? Give me that guy. Give me that guy. Give me that guy. That's the only way you get better. Crack that code, dude.

I had to follow Paul Mooney, six, seven months, and sit there because I didn't know when he was coming off. Remember those days? He just showed up at 11.30, and you were like, well, I'm done. I got two options. I could lose, go home like a pussy,

or I could watch, watch him, learn something, and hopefully get $15. He'd walk off the stage after the audience would leave. Yep. I had four people to contend with. If you don't think I learned from those sets, I watched Paul Mooney, dude, crush in front of two people.

There was like, there was time where there, think about the comedy store and how crazy it was up until this moment. There were times where two people were in the audience, and we begged them to run the show, so they're like run the show. So we'd get out $15. Because they couldn't start the show

unless there was four people. You needed four people to start to, fucking show. They got two, and I watch Paul Mooney sit down, light on him, and crush for 45. And I go, I'm never going to complain about how many people in the crowd. I'm just going to go for it. Whether it's a packed house or a half of room, I'm going to fucking throw. In New York, they talk about barking, but the sunset strip, there's some people walking,

but it's mostly driving. In that time, would you guys go out and try to get people to come into the show or not? You just wait. Nope. We got quiet. You know, never bark, dude, never. The only thing I ever did was

I used to, Mitchie used to give me 100 tickets and you wrote your name behind them. And for every ticket that came in with that, you get $2. Oh, snap. So I would wait until Saturday night at 7.45 and go down there

and just give it to the people online. And they would say, how the fuck are you making $300 a week? It's easy. And then, you know, hey, listen, You know, you talk about work, you know, as a comic. And that's why, I don't know, who was in here, we're talking about the work ethic.

You know, somebody wrote on the page, you know, the podcast is done, and somebody wrote, look, I don't know if you really know Joey in his ethic. Joey is far from done. Like, the work ethic that we had, we developed from comedy. You know, I still remember being so broke that I had money for a bowl of chili, a bacon double cheeseburger for 98 cents from Wendy's and the salad. And then I would get somebody to drop me off at Universal City during the week of the 26th and the 31st when they were all in town for the bowl games.

And I would just give our tickets. I would go up there with 500 tickets. I wouldn't stop until I gave them all out. and I knew out of those 20 would go. Yeah. And if I pulled, and I had a thousand of those tickets in my glove compartment.

If I pulled up and I saw a line of people outside, you bet your ass, I would throw chewy off. I go chewy, I'm going to get a gram. Give me five minutes. And they go, all right, blah, and I walk around and just give out cards, and they finally caught me after about a year. How the fuck are you making $400 a week?

Fucking giving away tickets. A dude. But I never barked. I could never bark. But they didn't hate you if you hustled. You know, and if Mitzie loved you, she would tolerate your mess-ups. One time I got so drunk on stage during New Year, I walked like literally 320 people. And she banned me for a weekend.

What did you say? I remember that. I just was so drunk, dude. I was so drunk and I walked them. and it's just you know I just was I used to dance with my demons and you know

you know for me for me dude I I learned very early I was not one of the cool kids when I when I bombed in Montreal because they put me out there Corey Holcomb who at that time seen like a 20 year comic

and that was 20 years ago you know he was a killer he's killing now he's a natural funny guy dude just a murderer and I was brand new I was a I was a street kid dude i really hadn't done any real club comedy i was a vegas comic who was just gigging in like bar so bar comedy and theater comedy two different kind of comedies dude and i bombed and uh right there i really like was just out with the industry and then such a thankful thing now i look back on it

because i just really leaned into my work ethic which was hustle hustle hustle hustle you know and uh i I just, and then, you know, Dana, who I was with Forever, we just developed a way to sell the marquee. We came up with the way comedy store just wanted people that go, hey, can we sell the marquee? We'll put our names on the marquee. And we'll cut you off a piece, Connie. So they're like, fuck, yeah, do it. So we'd sell the marquee. So we'd tell people you'd drive down the street, you'd see your name on the comedy store marquee.

Boom, we're making money. So we just learned to hustle. And that's kind of, you know, I'm just blessed that I had a work ethic. that was able to take advantage of the opportunities of the internet that showed up. That if I had been maybe 20 years earlier, who knows if this would ever happen? It's just a real blessing.

It's crazy that Dana help. And I tell people that the answer sometimes is right in front of your eyes. My career did not change until I involved Terry in my life. Yeah. For years, I would just not talk to her about it. It wasn't her business. I think finally like in 2004 She would go so where are you going for how much

And she would go now call him back And tell him you want this much And if he doesn't give it to you I'd rather have you at home For Dana when Dana You know I didn't have a real manager forever But I get opportunities And you know as an artist

You just want to take the opportunities Which is hilarious because I used to have adult film starts So the naughty show came from I did the vivid video tour with these one two guys And I would just crush him from the crowd and I always go, you know, the key to everything is finding your crowd, right? So I'm like, this is my crowd, right?

So they stopped doing it, but then I started seeing other people pop up and I'm like, I should do this. So I started doing that. And the big reason I did the naughty show is because I got tired to going places and being told I had to be a clean comic. I wanted a room where I could do

stand-up the way I like to do stand-up. Was it being told to you a lot? Oh, yeah. What club owners? Do you remember? Hey man, all the time, could you work clean, dude? This is the 7 o'clock show. I'm like, this is who I am.

And, you know, I made a mistake of, you know, thinking that because I was a commissore comic, I also had a following on the road. So I just wasn't selling tickets. So the combination of me being a crazy person and not selling any tickets at that time made it really hard to get on the road. Even though I thought I was doing great,

I didn't really know the numbers. and it is what it is. So I would have to do something. So I'd be like, you know, we do something called send in the Jew. And Dana would go in there. And like, because as an artist, you just want to take the deal. They're like, hey, dude, you did a weekend.

We give you a ham sandwich every night. You're like, oh, please? And then you were like, I wish I didn't take that deal, but I need the work. I send in Dana. She'd be like, you know, nah. And they flip real quick because they realize they, they're talking to someone, it ain't desperate, and she would help broker deals.

And I was blessed. I was a shark, dude. I had to keep swimming. You could only eat what you kill. It's crazy how you learn to start saying no. Like, there's so many aspects. Like, I had all these plans to write a book, and I outlined it,

and then it went down the drain. They found out about the Rogan thing, and they never called back. And in a way, I was happy, because it really wasn't the book I wanted to write. Now, I want to write about what happened the last 30 years. I would love to read that. I think that what happened the last 30 years is more relevant with touching back to where I was sleeping in a rocket ship. Just the last 30 years, this last three weeks knowing that I had to leave here has really inspired me to look back at my 23 years at the store.

And it also made me realize that I was made for the store. From day one, people were asking me as Mitzi seen you yet. Since I first got on stage, people were asking me as Mitzi Senior. So that's the one part of it. The other part of it was what I was talking to somebody about the other day. I think we were codependent on the store. I think what's going on with a lot of comics right now, isn't it the epidemic or the money?

It's the withdrawals from what the store was. I think it took me for about a week. I went down there two weeks ago. I said my goodbyes. I took some pictures. And I knew I would never. be there again. The next time I come here it'll be an apartment building or something.

I hope not. I hope not. But it all depends on how long the pandemic lasts. But my biggest thing in comedy was that when I got here, I was already long in the tooth.

I was 32, maybe. I was 34, so I was already considered old. At that time, people were like, if you're not 24, leave. Fuck you. Tim Allen's 100. His partner with the glasses,

the goofy fat fuck, and the price is right. He's 100. They're all fucking a whoopee Goldberg's a thousand. Joan Rivers, bro. And you're telling me that a 34-year-old comic is not going to fuck them work. Go fuck yourself.

And, you know, doing theaters with Joe and, you know, opening for Mooney on the road and Paul Rodriguez, all that was exciting. But I'm going to tell you what the most exciting thing to me was so far.

Was watching the growth of the comics around me. I watched you become a man. I watched Dean Del Rey become a comic. I saw DiAgostino go from a fucking push over

at the Ha Ha Ha to taking control of his life and getting married. You see the growth. When I see growth, it makes my dick hard, especially in comedy. You know, Little Esther.

You know, Little Esther is Little Esther, but Little Esther had a big desire to get it. You know, that's what inspires an old guy like me now. I love when the youngsters call me and go, hey, they offer me this, what do you think? And I tell them,

stick to this, do this, do this. and they actually do it. I love doing that, dude. Because we've been through it. Like, we've seen it all. It's like Leeds like, you got like a crystal ball. No. Because I see it.

You don't have to tell me nothing. I know exactly where you are at one point of your career and what you're thinking. I know what I was thinking at a year and a half and it wasn't outlandish. I wasn't thinking of no glamour. I wasn't thinking of Hollywood parties. I just wanted to get good.

I wanted to play Walnut Creek the Bunch Line. I wanted to do Seattle the Underground. I wanted to do the Houston lap stop. And this was just from a paper that was called Just the Laps. So I knew I wanted to do it. Right now today, if you call me and told me, let's go do stand, I'm going to tell you to go fuck yourself. Because I'm just not in the mood.

I cancel Utah, not because I'm moving. I would have stayed an extra week and flown out of you. Utah. It's because I can't charge people in Utah $25 bucks for somebody who hasn't gone on stage in five fucking months. I got you, dude. It's just not going to work. I need three months

of working it out. 20 people, dirty people in the audience. What idiot. Can I take a picture? Go fuck yourself. You know, can I shake your hand? Not after you wiped your mother's ass. Go. Get the foot. Take a hike.

Use hand-centered. You come to my shows you want to take a picture you better have complete cavilat and your mouth covered so there's no more smile so what do you want to take a picture for two guys trying to be doctors two fake fucking doctors hugging together look at us but you know I've watched you grow dude

I mean you've really leaned into this dude like who you are and like you know it's like I tell people it's like man in this day of like the internet it is not about trying to make these fucking gatekeepers happy anymore. It is peer to peer.

And what they want is the you, whoever you are. And that is not get edgy or get dirty. That is whoever you are. Crank that to a thousand. And I watched you lean into it to become probably one of the fucking, just one of the most devastating forces on stage, man.

You really are what, if everybody goes, I wonder what Kennison was like. I feel like what you were doing and you'll get back to it but you know what on that nice runway at the store like you just brought something so different than everybody else and it was just

I go wow man this guy's really leaned into himself and really really found it man and it's like it was fun to watch you Ari Kalin you know Renazizi like you know I know Caparillo got weird, I, I, I, I loved watching Caparillo early. How much I love John.

Yeah. I love John with all my life. It just, you know, yeah, it sucks that we don't see him anymore and he's probably angry. And I, if I saw him, I'd jump on the sword. If I saw him, I put my hand down and say, I'm sorry about what had happened. Yeah, dude. You know, if you don't want to apologize for what you did, you're going to live with that forever. Yeah.

I would just say, listen, I was busting Tommy's balls about to line up and I was young. and I was young and I was stupid and I let my ego get in the way. We're sensitive people, man. If I'm lying to you, may God strike me dead. I was thinking about it near day and how he's making a living. He had a wife.

He has a kid. Vegas ain't going to reopen soon. He had a residency in Vegas. Yeah, I mean, but that's still amazing to have a residency in Vegas, dude. He had a residency in Vegas, which nobody knows when he was going to come back.

You know, I was on the phone. with, I think it was my brother today and I go, you know, I've always been very thoughtful of people. You know, I've always been very well, if you if I give Lee and his girlfriend

two tickets for the Lega Games it's going to cost me $600. You know, I would do that. But then on the other hand, it's like, six a lot of fucking money. A lot of money. Especially when I paid 15 to see Julia serving.

You know, it's, it's, you provided something on Tuesday nights. You gave them a spectrum of comedy for $25, $30, which they would have paid $80, they would have paid $80, yeah, yeah. And I thought that, I really appreciate when somebody gives you a dollar's worth for what you pay a dollar for. You know, I got a pantry on now. I charge a dollar. That means don't expect a lot, but I'm still going to give you a lot because of my work, I think. Today, somebody goes, I really don't like this Patreon shit.

I'm just supporting you because of the podcast. I said, then go. I don't want your fucking dollar. Why wouldn't you give me a dollar to be here and tell me you don't want to be here? It's so interesting. We're living in just a weird world. but those last two years at the comedy store, we had this conversation

that we all became very codependent of the store. I remember Stanhope mentioning it once that you guys can't live without that fucking store. You know, and it was true. It's so weird, though, just think about that. And not this set. You got to remember this time we went in there as geez. Think of the first time we were the undergrad,

and we would get beat up on. We'd had to follow fucking Eddie Griffin. Had to follow dice every night for a year. When you were the understudy in there, it wasn't fun being an understudy. For us to last the understudy years, for me, the understudy years were 97 to about 2005. And then I started slowing down down there.

I could tell the tide was changing. Something wasn't right. You know, my spots were getting later. Then Rogan fought for me. And he goes, put him on at 10.45 and put me on at 11. And now comics started hating me. You know, but it was after my neck and they found that fat ball in my neck

and they showed me the fat ball. I go, that's the fucking comedy store, evil. That's when you walk down the stairs, people like, good set. And as you keep walking, they're like, he's on blow. You know what I'm saying? Like nobody could ever... All the time, dude. Nobody could ever give you your props.

Like 50% of the people really gave you props. I was a type of motherfucker, I don't come up to you and tell you I like that joke unless I really like it. Like if I'm sitting there and I go, wow, I wish I would have thought of that, I'm going to tell you after you come off stage. Yeah, man.

In your lowest moment, because that joke worked, but maybe the rest of your set didn't work or something. Or there may be a joke that didn't work that you didn't word it right. I would never come up to you as a comic and tell you how to word it. Yeah. But I'd tell you, I like that bit.

There's something there, motherfucker. You did that with me? And they would say, you're right. There is something there. You're right. You know, so it all, it worked itself out. But Sam, this podcast was basically for three things. To tell you goodbye.

To wish you the best that you got coming to you because you didn't try to go through the back door and 60% of these fucking idiots go through the back door. I'm a burglar by nature. I was born to go to the black door. And guess what?

I went through the front door. Yeah. You were banned for three days. I'm a criminal, sick fuck that took my balls out behind Judy Kenciotti on stage. And I never got banned. She even told me, Mitzie, don't take your balls out no more. I miss that one.

That's the first time I hear my voice. Is that going to be all right? Yeah. Okay. I hope you don't call me tomorrow and say, we've got to bring Sam back. I'll hear you with this microphone 50 times. And I'll bury in the wall like the episode of Miami Vice.

I love you, dude. I love you. I love you. I love you. And Sam, I know you love me. I know you love me. And that's why I gave you a little gift, the CBD Lion, to help us out.

I love you, dude. And I just loved what you did at the store on Tuesday nights. You brought it back to what comedy should be. When a host tells you to be here at 8.30, I don't have to tell you to have a pizza. I don't even care if it's a fucking, what's the pizza you eat from the fucking oven that you make? Dejorno. Dejorno. I don't care.

I had it once in eight years. I don't care if your wife makes eight dejon. knows. She made something. How many times have you gone out to the store to do a show? I love it. And somebody gives you have cookies. You used to bring donuts and I get pissed off. You motherfucker. You mupt

because I didn't want to eat the donuts because I didn't always go to Joe's pizza. So I was either a donut. And I would follow you at Joe's pizza because the guy would always be showing me pictures. I ran into you at Joe's. Yeah, dude. That's good pizza, man. On a Tuesday night. Chicken. After two sex. Donuts. weed and I even gave away liquor at one time

because I wanted everybody to know that they were loved. You gave me weed, edibles, pizza, donuts, and what were the donuts from? The don'ts were from all fucking, uh, dream donut truck. They were delicious.

And I could be wrong with, aren't these edibles that we love from that show to? ABX. ABX, yeah, ABX was the one. They were coming weed for everybody. I got people. I still talk to them on. I just sent them some money.

They're good people, dude. Justin is a great guy. You know, I'm not leaving LA. Going to be one of those people. L.A. sucks. L.A. did not suck. It was great. L.A. did not suck.

It just changed. L.A. changed right now. And I have a white. If it was just me and my wife, dog, I downsize to this fucking studio. I'd build a petition, one of those COVID petitions.

and I'd make it take a shower outside in the bucket and me too and we'd just cut our course down and wait this out and see what the fuck happens, you know? But with my daughter in the mix, not going to school, no social activities, you know, we were talking about ice skating. What happened to ice skating? We would take an ice skating every Saturday with a best friend from 9 to 10, no more ice skating.

I mean, now they're saying that Corona is going up amongst kids, right before the fucking school year to really, you know, if I move across the country and there's no school, you expect to see a fucking Brody 2. Oh, don't say that. Brody 2. Oh, I miss Brody 2.

Brody 2. And I'll do it on FaceTime. Like a fucking, like a COVID patient. I'll put your all on the same thing. Put the respirator on. I'm leaving you guys. But I got a surprise. And also the rope comes or like a fucking thing. What do you call those The gallows? Like a...

The gallo. No, the other one, the fucking thing that the fucking Japs used to use... When the head gets cut off. Oh, yeah. Guilty. How good would that be just to go, guys, this is going to be a fantastic live stream.

Nothing like you've ever seen. All of a sudden you go, and a Chinese guy walks in in one of those things and you're like, I'm going to show you something. And you just cut your head off on live stream. People would not know what.

the fuck to do. There are times I wish I still snort at Coke Tripoli because I would start a network that every night I would do a gram from a different location, no face, no nothing, just show the baggie go under,

cut the Coke up and go, guess where I am? And then the camera goes dead. I would do that three times, four times a week to fuck with me. I'd have people at home waiting all night long because then I'd start doing it at two and at four and at six and I put the camera on and finger a girl and listen to the moaning and show them the coke rocks but nobody sees nothing except the mirror with two lines on it at all times and I would get

express VPN and fucking so nobody could find me you know what I'm saying like that would be so much fucking fun like that's the only thing I miss about drugs that I would add drugs to this mix to really fuck with people. Did you see Josh Wolf does like shrooms and 70,000 people watch him live? Dude, think about that. Dude, listen, man, I love your dog.

We did acid church. And mushrooms. Me, Eddie, Ari, and Lee did a hit of acid and sat here and we watched fucking Ari take his shirt off and lay down on the floor. You know that four weeks later

he went to Australia. He checks into the hotel and he says that some girls like, Hi, welcome to Australia and some guy goes, I got this. And he took care of Ari. I upgraded you, Mr. Schaffer. And he goes, in fact, I'm going to carry your luggage.

Ari's like, what the fuck is going on with this guy? This guy wants to fuck me. Next thing, you know, the guy opens the door for Ari and he goes, I really enjoyed the acid church lad. So what are your plans? Leave me with what your plans are going to be for a right? Brother, I just have two daughters by the lovely Martha McKellen.

I'm blessed to have Ghost and Ninja's kids. I love my kids very much, so I'm chilling. You know, I'm doing patrons and just, you know, spinning plates to keep the money coming in. I love my kids. I've actually kind of blessed that, you know, You know, even though this thing is just maddening and, you know, bad things. You've been great.

I've called you a few times, and I've got to tell you, you've made me laugh. There's some people that are still mortovan, but you have been great. And I think the rapping amongst us has really helped us. Yes. Talking every week. You got to rap. You got a rap, and you can't be that scared that you can't do a thing. face to face from time to time.

We'll wear a mask. We'll wear a mask. If you're at home right now and you're struggling with isolation, you're putting it upon yourself, okay? First of all, the boogeyman is not out there. There's no boogeyman out there. I want you to know that.

I want you to know that if you see 12 people. Yes, I suggest you to cross the street. If you see a food truck and you're in the urge for some fucking shit piece of food that that food truck sells, that's basically a piece of shit with dirty hands, Where do they go to the bathroom in a bucket in the back? There's no bathroom on those food trucks.

You ever know what it's that? Oh shit. So they piss and they never thought about that. So listen to me. You see that? You walk away. You live your life cautiously. But no fear.

There should be no fear. I'm a little scared of walking into a comedy club that has 300 people. That's putting people at danger. You know, you're Charles Manson Jr. Did you see they finally closed the comedy store La Jolla and the American Comedy Club today? And I said it, shut them all down. Why are we doing this? You know what?

Comics, you're all fucking home. Put up content online. Be creative. Don't go up there with a microphone and try to do comedy for yourself. It's not going to work. Be creative. So online. Do jumping jacks online.

Yeah. People will pay for you to peer to see you do jumping. Jackson online. But do anything except stand-up. Read poetry online once a day. My girl, Christy Belich, reads fucking fortune cards online at

10 o'clock. Does it pay? No, but nobody's becoming a millionaire right now. It will. But it will. Not now, but five years from now when people remember that one night they were having a bad night, they were switching to the TV. It was the same shit on

TV. Rambo 5. Law and order. I couldn't have escaped, fucking tanked. The same, the office, the same stupid shit, and you go on a computer to seek relief, and there's going to be one of us.

It could be any one of us. It could be Cory Hocom. It could be fucking Sam Tripoli. It could be Lee jumping up and down. It could be anyone. And for some reason, you will find comfort in that. You will not know why. You will find in comfort

on this fat guy talking about fucking robbing a jewelry store. But something is soothing about that. You know, you have help. You know, I don't want you to call suicide hotline. Now they got your number and your email for the rest of your life. They're going to call you until you do kill yourself.

That's a suicide hotline does. They like the Scientologist. They take your information, then they use it against you. Did you bring up for your boyfriend? Yeah, kill yourself. You know, they're like the same thing. They reprogram you. There's no suicide hotline.

the church's world or in our world. What I want you to do is rap with people. Help somebody, dude. Get out of your head. Get out of your house. Step number one. Get out of that fucking bedroom. The boogeyman ain't out there. Put a mask on. If you need to put gloves on, put the gloves on. I don't give a fuck what works for you.

Go out there, pick one friend. One friend. And talk with him. Yeah. And then pick the second friend. And you walk with him the next day. And every day you have a walking partner and you have two points. of view. You're talking to two or three or four different points of view. I don't want your circle to be,

with the same episode of Friends. The same episode of Friends, bitch. Bam, bam, ba'am, bam, bam. The same episode of Friends, bitch. This is fucking you and two dudes, tops. You know, and you just rap and talk to each other. Tell each other what's on your mind. What your fears are? What do you

think is going to happen? What's not going to happen? You know? And this will all be better. The second form of therapy is the notebook. But you guys drinking and smoking pot, you know what I mean, you know how many days I wake up and I answer emails

of people who have smoked pot and have freaked out and they've written me a bunch of shit. The next day they hit me back and go, I'm really sorry. That reefer really affected me during the pandemic. Before we go, what's the next big fucking scandal? Oh, dude. I think it's all about this election, dude.

So be safe. Listen, I want to say something to everybody. I love Joey Diaz. I love Lee Syatt. Listen to go back and listen to Old Church of what's happening now. Turn off the news. Get off social media. It's going to depress you.

Get out. Dude, I'm telling you, if you do this right now, if you help three people a day, Just a random person. Just how, whatever it is. Hold the door. Whatever. Your life will change.

Your life can be completely different in 365 days. Turn off the news. It's meant a depression. Yes, the world's crazy. Guess what? When you open the door and you walk outside, it's a beautiful world. Get out of your own way, man. There's chaos out there.

But most of it's just there that get you fucking angry and sad. And these things feed off your bad energy, dude. You know how they say? Don't go to bed angry. that's what they're talking about. Find happiness, find a hobby. Learn to make a dollar off the internet. It's the new Main Street.

You could fucking do it. I do it. I started doing a lot of shows because I know people at home need entertainment and they're tired of hearing about, boom, boom, boom, beating them down. The world's a wonderful place. Find beauty in it, dude. And that's where I'm at, man. That's where I'm at, Sam Tripoli.

Fine beauty, you know what? I want to get out of here. Because. just I didn't see the creativity here no more once they started making Marvel fucking movies and the same fucking shows

how beauty is it though I don't think the creativity is here anymore it's just not you know we live in a place that has Hollywood sign on it right you saw the Hollywood sign Lee and you've seen the Hollywood sign on

they only shoot 30% of stuff here everything else is outsourced from Korea to Atlanta to Kentucky. Why? Because we don't get a tax break here. It costs you too much to shoot in the

state where shooting is supposed to happen the most. This is Hollywood. Yeah, you got a show about New York, you do New York exteriors, but they've always shot here. And we don't have that here no more.

How dumb is that? I want you guys at home to listen to what my words are. We live in Hollywood and they only shoot 30% of the stuff here. Netflix has a studio in Korea. Netflix has studios of Louisiana, New Mexico, because they give fucking tax breaks,

because I can make a movie in peace. How fucking sad is that that I can't make a film in Hollywood because it'll cost me two extra million fucking dollars that I could save if I do the same movie in Indiana. So California somewhere along the line, when you think of that statement, that right there lets you know the state of mind here.

Well, what Sam said is exactly right, that the internet's the new Main Street. It is the new Main Street. I went to a U-Haul place today. In the time I was there, I probably there were like six or seven groups. I went to Salvation Army to drop stuff off. It looked like it in and out. People are leaving LA because they don't have to. have to be here anymore. I had a great time. I was here for almost a decade, but it's a business

trip. No one really moves here for the beaches. I don't ever. I did. I didn't go to the night clubs. I hardly went to the beaches. We didn't do nothing. Store. We didn't celebrate Christmases with our families. We didn't celebrate normal Thanksgiving because God forbid you've got a spot at the store. I'm not crying, guys. I made the sacrifices. Now it's time to unmake. I'm making. those sacrifices and move the next chapter of my life. Nothing wrong with that, dude. Nothing wrong with that. Sam Trippley, I want to thank you for the 20 years of friendship.

Dude, it's going to keep going. I hope you don't lose my number. I hope you don't change it. I won't change it. I hope you don't lose my number. And I hope that once this opens up when you come to play the stress factory or bananas or whatever, I'm going to swing by and give you a big hug. You got to go play my club out there.

Where's your club? It's called the Dojo Comedy. It's in Morris, it's in Morris Plains, New Jersey. It's ran by my boy, Mike Rominelli. Okay. And it's a nice little small room right now for their doing outside 40-seater's when it happens. And it's not going to be far from you. We'd love to have you come down and sling that comedy dick.

And Lee, if you're ever out there, you're always welcome, brother. Thank you, buddy. Joey, you're a good friend, dude. You're a good guy. You know, I was a crazy person back in the day. but I'm really going to miss you. I know you're not dying. We're not dying, but just everybody's going, and it's super sad.

It's super sad. Yeah, it's super sad, dude. I'm going to miss everybody. Hopefully we'll all be able to come back and celebrate how hard we worked and how far we came. Who knows it will ever happen again, but I'm going to miss everybody. Oh, you guys. It's going to happen again.

We're all going to see each other and laugh about this, man. I hope so. I love you. All my heart, Sam Trippley, I want your family to be the best. Ghost of Ninja, what... In two years, someday we'll meet you. You'll be in theaters, my brother. This is, uh...

These are the last few episodes of the church of what's happening now. And, uh, a lot of people are going through this right now. I'm going through it. We're leaving, you know, and we're leaving on top. We're not leaving, getting chased out of town. Oh, beauty. I mean, I'm not Joe Rogan. I'm not caught her daddy, but...

Oh, you are. And we've been doing this for eight years consistently. And now for a word from our sponsors, I want to thank my man fucking Sam Tripley. Fucking poor guy was crying. He made me feel bad. I'm so sad myself. I'm sorry.

Anyway, I want to thank you guys for listening. I want to thank Sam. I watched the kid become a fucking man. It's the truth. He did something that not a lot of people do in this town. He's one of the best and I love him for it. The church is brought to you by and we welcome you. Gabby. Gabby insurance.

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So I want to thank Gabby Insurance and I want to thank draft kings. But most importantly, I want to thank you guys. These last two weeks are going to be the saddest two weeks of my life because I know we've made a connection in a lot of different ways. Thank you very much for listening and thank you for having our backs this whole time.

All right. We'll be back Wednesday. I love you, motherfuckers. Thank you, Sam. Thank you, Christkiller. But most importantly, thank you guys for all the support and the love. Stay black. Have a great week.

Kick this, Mulee.