The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - A special announcement four years in the making

Episode Date: August 20, 2024

This week on The Check In Joey Diaz talks with Lee Syatt about how he has changed as a person in the four years since The Church ended, Lee's first NYC apartment, how long Joey would last at Comicon, a very special announcement, and much more! Support the show and get 20% off your first Liquid I.V. order. Press in code JOEY at ⁠https://www.liquidiv.com⁠  Support the show and try BlueChew for free. Just pay $5 shipping. Press in code JOEY at ⁠https://www.bluechew.com⁠  This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try and get on your way to being your best self at ⁠https://www.betterhelp.com/diaz⁠

Johnny, four stories. You have a lot. You assigned the lease. You didn't say nothing about four floors and shit. And I've been having nightmares about it every night. Why have you been having nightmares? Because you're going to stay in your house like the Unabama. No.

Mexicans go up and down with food delivery. You're going to be killing Mexicans. That's three fucking flights a day for the poor guy from the deli or the Mexican joint. I told, I told, I know you should get a Pogo stick. Like a Pogo? Or a trampoline on the side of the fucking building

so you could just bong on and land right in your balcony. You said you can land right in your balcony. I could, yeah, actually. But here, the thing is, like, what if I missed? Then you're on jackass. No big fucking big. When you send your footage to jackass, and we make money that way, you know what I'm saying?

Even while you're in the hospital bandaging up, you'll be getting checks from jackass and funny a die and YouTube. We'll make a fucking small million. I'll promote that thing, 20 million. More than Cat Williams on fucking club Shayshay. Oh, yeah. If there's a video of me fucking bouncing on a trampoline and then missing my balcony and just falling all the way five stories of the ground.

We'll find the hidden footage from the zip line. And we'll put them together. It'll be like a fucking America's funniest home. videos, Lee Syatt. How was your weekend, brother? My weekend was, it was great. I loved being with Jesus. Comedically, it was a little rough. Like Wednesday, I had a great show. It went like really fantastic. And then I had a, like Thursday and Friday were a little rough for me. I just, you know, I just couldn't figure it out. And it got, it got better every show. Yeah, I went up. It was a two-man show. Yeah. That's, you're having a hard time with that.

And that's understandable. Let me ask you a question. What was our plan in the beginning of the summer? To be the king of this area? Nope. What's that then? To get your own room. Yes.

That is the most important thing in the world at your level right now. It's the first thing on my list in New York. I want you to go up on stage first. And get used to fucking dealing with that on the podcast, on the church, which is over four years this weekend when we shut it down. We'll talk about that later. Okay. I stressed the gift of them seeing. It was like I talked about it with everybody, you know?

And I figured out even my struggles, like when I was in comedy, the first fucking year I was going up to. a fucking warm room, a cold room, warm. And I didn't have the skills. I would bomb every week. And I thought it was the material. And I would stay up nights and write five new minutes of material. And that wasn't it. And I tried going out to music. And that wasn't it. That lighten them up a little bit. But it was brutal for me until I saw what I was, instead of running from it, like most people do like, I'm preaching tonight okay you just run for it's just not what we want to do we want that no that extra 25 bucks

and that's why i tell you having your own room once a week committing to it Tuesday night like shiba you know and by now she was burnt on it right so she you know you get burnt out on it but let me tell you something for a year if you go up twice a week first the education it's a college education. It's a college education. Because what happens to guys like you is before the show starts, you take a peek outside. When you take a peek outside the curtain, that's the worst thing a comic could do. Really? Yeah. I never look outside. You ever see me look outside when I get to a place? The only thing you do is blow smoke outside. Yeah, I don't give a fuck. I do not. Because when I used to look at the audience, I would size them up

and I was always wrong. You're always going to be wrong, okay? I was wrong 99 out of 100. When I first started, if I saw a guy that looked like me with white hair, I'd panic. Lee, panic. Shit my pants. There's four white guys with white hair.

You're not going to like me. Don't look out there. It's like when the girl goes, I'm going to give you a piece of pussy for the first time. And you're in a hotel or a hot. and sticky and she comes out of the shower for the first time and she shows you that fucking monkey as she walks out. That's it.

You want that feeling. I don't ever want the feeling that I know that. I look and I go, oh, there's a bachelorette party in the front row. I'm dead. Yeah, that definitely happens. Or you go, I'm going to just bacheloretum to death and you go away from your material. And it's a mediocre set, but you made them laugh.

But the rest of the audience got alienated. Right. Oh, there's so much. And then like even going up first, people are getting seated when you're on stage. They're ordering meals. They're thinking about what cocktail they want. They're wondering if they turn the oven off at their house. They wonder if they put the alarm on. That's when you start to panic before that light goes off at 5 to 8. Everything comes into your mind. Oh, my God, tomorrow, you know, as you do that second shot with your friends, you're like, tomorrow, I got to go to church at 9 a.m. You know, so you got to take them out of that. Mm-hmm. You got to take them out of that.

And there's only one way to take them out of it is by getting their attention. That's very smart. Okay. With like, but you said, like, the music didn't work. So, like, getting their attention. The music worked. The music worked, especially if I went in front of a black audience. Okay.

Black music on, like, BT Express or, like, real black music. And I went out there and dance And then I'd improvise for a little while And then I'd hit him with the four minutes of written material I had You know, so I learned how to maneuver myself in there But still, I was still missing the point And I told you that when I got to the store

Maybe a year after I became the house MC And I stuck to it Like I stuck to it Like it was my favorite night of the week Going to the store and hosting on Sunday nights And was that for the mic or a regular show. The pros. I did both of them, but I enjoyed

the pros because if not, you have to walk up and down every three fucking minutes. It's like moving into your building. You know what I'm saying? I'm fucking walk up and down every three minutes. That's too much. Right. And the open mic is don't listen.

They don't listen. They have their own priority. Not that I would tell them what to do, but I would say simple things. Like, hey, man, don't touch the mic. It's fucked up tonight. First thing, these cocks up. as do is touch the mic. Right. And they bomb and they blame it on the mic.

Why did you touch the fucking mic? I just told you the mic is fucked up, you know? Right. But people run away from that position. Everybody wants the headline. Everybody wants to be Johnny Gumbah. But unless you know how to MC, you'll never really learn how to end headline. And now you look at Dave Chappelle.

All these guys love to go out there and bring up comics. It's fucking great. It's a completely different thing. And I have to say, like, I have to say, like, Jesus, if anyone's watching and hasn't watched Jesus Trejo, he, he's, like, only a couple years older than me, but it just has so much knowledge. And, like, we sat down after the first night, we sat down for a while. And he, like, talked me through things and gave me some tips. And it got better every show, thanks to him.

But it was, you're right. It's completely different. and it's something that I'm like, it's like the, by far the weakest part of my, my act, I guess, or my, like, me being a comic. So now is we have to think like an athlete and work on that weakness. And any time you go to any of these bars shows,

just go like, I want to go first. Not because I want to destroy and fuck you guys up, but because I'll host. I'll host. I'll go up there. Do a minute in between everybody, and it's all new material. When you're hosting, you're improvising.

You know, that was fucking spectacular. The guy let his feet on fire. You know, whatever. It's always you learn how to fucking maneuver. It's a great world to really conquer. I'm real confident about my stand-up because of that. Because of that, because I know I could just go up cold. And I don't give a fuck.

I could just go up there and just, Fight through the first three minutes. But how does that, like, relate to you when you're, like, headlining now? Or if you're on a showcase. Like, I know you, you obviously can, but, like, how do you... Because when you headline now, you headline in a rush. Okay. You're in a rush.

You don't have the confidence. You don't have... And there's something else, like the confidence, but the ability to pause it down, to slow it down. It's just with a not season. And I tell you this, because I went through it. I went through it. I went on the road to headline in 2005, and it was a fucking disaster.

The confidence was there, but the skill was not. Something I said to Jesus was, like, he was amazing at just going where they took him. Like, he just, he addressed certain things in the room. I love, like, he would talk to the audience a little bit. And he didn't, he didn't force his material at all. No, explain it to him. You know, it's time, Lee.

It's time. And this is it. Every six months, you'll find a hole in your game and you fill it. And every six months, you fill it. You know, the first two years of comedy, I just went up there and talked shit. Never had a notebook. Didn't think I needed. Always thought that something was going to come out of the sky and touch me while I was up there.

What I learned was how to bomb gracefully. You learned how to bomb gracefully. For a year, you'll bomb like, fuck you guys. You guys suck. You didn't take your sense of humor pills. It's all your stupid little fucking excuses. But after years, you find out that it's not working. Let me go where they think.

What are they thinking right now? I'm a fucking bum. Who is this guy? So let's play with him. Right. You know what? I'm really not a comedian tonight. They just called me the last minute.

Just start fucking with them. And God knows where it'll take you. Let's get this fucking party started on a Tuesday morning, August the 20th. What's happened, you savage, is it's Tuesday, the 20th August. The checking is brought to you by Liquid Ivy. We all love a few cold ones at the pool. But if you're trying to actually stay hydrated this summer, you need liquid IV. Listen, it's been a hot summer.

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Welcome back to show! It's a beautiful motherfucking Tuesday morning. It's nice and warm. What up, Mook? I had a great week. Like, today was honestly one of the best days. Like, I'm going to remember it forever. Like, I got my keys to my first New York apartment.

I'm so excited. And yeah, I love that you're giving me shit for the four stories. And it does suck. It does suck. He's never came up until after you signed the lease. So I knew there was a by the way here. I, dude, I went back. It was a crazy thing because I was there last week.

teasing your brother. Oh, I know, I do it. I love that you tease me. I'm not mad of you at all. If you weren't teasing me, I think something was wrong. I'm like, are you okay? Did you go to the doctor? I hope that it all works out.

You know, I hope you don't have a rope on the side. You know, that's the other thing. You can put a rope on the side like Batman and climb up and work on your upper body. Hey, listen, there's always a positive here. You know what I'm saying? You can't look at it. What I wanted to talk to you about was today is four years since I moved here. That's wild.

Four years. You know 10. Now you left a couple days before me. You left that Friday. You left like 8 or something. And it was two lonely days when I. It was weird. And then I got up.

I had all these weapons accumulated. So our boy came over. I gave him like 10 machine guns and handguns and shit. And we just went to the airport, Burbank. and we flew out of Burbank. And I was sadly, you know, let me tell you something. Let's get back to the story here.

It was, that was all fucked up. Like, I got to tell you, Lee, I was fucked up at that time. I was so deep in the edibles, the podcasts, the stand-up. It's hard to explain where I was. And the anxiety was eating me alive. like the anxiety was fucking, I was doing everything I could just to push through it. Xanax, coffee, like anything.

Like, and it was just feeding my anxiety. And I still remember the night that Terry told me, like, we got the house. And I was not happy for like an hour. I was like, that's the end of everything. And I'm like, what do we do here? You know? You were barely walking.

Yeah. That time. You were falling to sleep on Twitch. I wasn't sleeping. I was up to 2, 3 in the morning at night, and I wouldn't remember the last three hours. Like, I would wake up on me and I ordered flowers and shit like that for people. It was just wildly.

I was getting up at 7, running to the computer without giving my mind a charge. at 9 o'clock I was already on the phone with you 1. I was on the phone with you every morning and then the second call was my agent and manager like what the fuck is going on today?

I was it was wildly and the pandemic came and I was happy. What kept us alive was doing that podcast with the mask on and it was fucking insane. It was really insane looking back

at it now. And just getting to tell you that, listen, we're wrapping this up. And it was very hard to not bring you with me. Like, it was very fucking hard. But I knew we were just going to land here and keep going. Right. I always knew that. At that time, I felt like shit.

The pandemic was starting to make me feel better. I was sleeping a little bit. I was home. You'd have to go to the store. You didn't have anything to do, basically, except go to the podcast room and get high. We wore masks, but we still got fucked up. Fucking ketamine.

It was just, you know, and I still remember, like, feeling bad. Like, what am I going to do with Lee? Like, what the fuck? But we're going to kill each other. Either I'm going to die on him in a podcast room, or that poor kid's going to die on me. He's asking me not to take him to the house.

Is he in the hospital? That was a different. night. It just wasn't normal. And then if you thought my world was fucked in L.A., when I got here, it was really fucked Lee. In what way? Like, I didn't leave. When I first got to Jersey, I think it was a Tuesday, maybe, or a Monday or something. I basically

left that apartment. We had, like, a apartment, and I basically went just to jump in the pool. I would swim. There was no weights. There was no cattle bells. There was no punching bag. I would just swim. Swim.

Swim. The only thing that saved me in Somerset was the food. I just got off. Everything was open in Jersey. I was getting muscles. I was getting pizza. It was fucking phenomenal over there. The food.

The bagels in the morning, I was going to this bagel place. And it took me about five days to finally drive up north. I had no idea. where I was going. They taught me how to use that driving app. I remember the first night I went up, I got pulled over.

First night, cop pulled me over. Because I saw him. I was looking at the phone for directions. I didn't know you left it in there and they talked to you over to speak. I didn't know any of that shit. I never had those things. I always had a map. You know what I'm saying?

Right. But I got pulled over and he started laughing when he saw me and I go I wasn't on the phone. I just moved back and I don't know how to get directions and I'll never forget within five minutes there was six cop cars on the side of the road and I'm taking pictures with him and talking with them and I'm like this is fucking crazy the craziness hasn't stopped it followed me here well even on top of the craziness like the thing that like I'm even going through right now in a similar way is how quickly it happened like we moved in August

and I think we made that decision in June something like it like what at most it was two months yeah it was like a month maybe a month and a half of like your entire life changed you packed up the house we packed up the podcast studio like you you got rid of a car

you found a house without even you didn't even step inside of your house which is no I sent my brother to come down here take a look he's an inspector up in North Bergen and I sent down here, take a look at it. And that was it. He told me you're going to like the house.

It's solid. It's just so quick. Like change that quick is tough. Like, oh my God. When I got it, I didn't, and it was so weird because I wasn't here a week. And Lee, I was getting bombarded. By who?

Friends, agents. When are you going on the road? You're in Jersey. The casino called a casino here called and I'm like guys I don't want to do anything and I remember sitting here fucking depressed for two months like two months not doing anything lifting weights god knows what I was doing smoking dope I was going up a lot and I was basically going up there dropping a hundred bucks to come home like I was going I was going up north just to get out of here and eat and I found myself at like 320 fucking pounds and I'm like that's it and then one night

I went to a party and I was eating edibles the ABXs and I ate those hash pills remember the hash pills 10 to a box we used to get I ate like eight of them and at dinner I was falling asleep and my wife Joey that's it we just got here at that time at that time at that time at that time, I think I landed on the 20th and on the 24th to the 25th, I had like a minor heart attack. Really? Yeah. Wow. I went to the doctor like two weeks later and they're like it was still in your blood. You had something and I'm, dog, it was the worst. I thought I was going to die one night. And I was anxiety.

Anxiety. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I'm eating Xanax to try to fucking control it. It's not working. And then Fannie called me. And she's like, Have you considered doing a podcast? And I'm like, I don't fucking know. I can't even talk. I couldn't even look at the camera. If you look at those podcasts, I was not myself at all. Then I got the knee surgery.

You know, I basically got the knee surgery because I had so much fucking anxiety. I just went down there one day. And got surgery? I just went down there like on a Thursday. He checked out my knee. And he goes, we could do it January 8. and i was like do it he told me like two weeks before three weeks before and i remember chickening out i was like i'm not going to go down there and it was a saturday and they wanted me to do the blood

test the whole fucking pre thing now i'm fucking petrified of covid at the time yeah and i get down there and i'm sitting there and i'm like i'm gonna die in here I'm just going to die There's 80 people in here waiting for fucking surgery And I was just about to go Lee And a guy came in That I resembled a lot Not looks but fatness and big

And he came in And he couldn't even walk He had a He was my age All right And he had already Like a walker kind of Oh wow

Do you know Lee This motherfucker pushed it in front of the nurse and the desk like when they called his name he walked up he fucking picked up the thing and he sat around it he opened it up it was a cooler he took a beer out and then sat on the cooler

with the fucking beer and they said something to him the guy couldn't walk he had already like giving himself up to life like he couldn't even walk and I'm like I don't want to walk in here like that guy 10 years from now with a fucking stroller and I just push it, lift up the thing, and it's a fucking beer keg. I'm like, oh, my God.

That does sound crazy, but no, no, you don't want to do that. No, and I fucking went over there, and I was like, you know, like a week later, and I'll never forget, my wife driving me, she couldn't come in with me. It was COVID. Jesus. And I'm like, this is not

going to work because I don't do anything without my wife. You know, she's the fucking calming force behind the Cuban when I start going off. She always controls me. He says, you know, Joey, relax him. And that was brutal.

And I still remember, I was on the operating table. I was ready to get operated on Lee, and the most humiliating thing that could happen to a man happened. When they shot me with all that pain shit, my dick's shrunk. Oh, no. So I had a pee, and they're like, well, we'll put a catheter in your hole once you pass out. I'm like, no, you're not. I'm going to pee right here.

And they gave me. The person who was holding the pee came. was a woman who was just beautiful, a young girl. And she had to hold the calf of it where I'm trying to fit my dick. I can't even find my dick. I can't even find it. Somewhere in there. It was like I did a pound of Coke.

It was somewhere in there. Oh, my God. And I had a pee, and she kept, I'm trying to make eye contact with her. So she won't put my dick. I think I passed out just from the embarrassment. I woke up. My fucking leg was on fire. Oh, Lee, that was some of the toughest.

And then when I was the night in the hospital was when I started having those populations, infected, and they called the doctor. The nurses came running in at like midnight. And they're like, what's going on with your heart? What's going on with your heart? And I go, I don't know. This isn't good. And I remember I had weed in the bag because I thought I was going to sneak downstairs and get high at some point.

And I had rolling papers, a lighter, but they wouldn't even let me all. the fucking floor. I'm like, God damn it. And I'm watching like three channels. I'm dying. And they came in, they caught me down, they shot me with something. But the doctor on duty kept looking at me weird.

Spanish got from Spain. Okay. Kept looking at me weird. He knew something that I didn't. And he left and he came back and he goes, here's my card. Do me a favor. Call me on Monday.

And I must have called him three days later. And he's like, I've been thinking a lot about you. Can you just come in here? I want to check you out. I didn't have a heart doctor at the time or anything. And I went to see this guy. He was fall. He was like an hour away.

And I basically went. They drew blood. They did all that shit. And I had to go back a week later. And when I was sitting there, not even the doctor knew this, the girl, said to me, what's going on with you is you're withdrawing from benzos. Whoa, okay What's what you're talking about

And she broke it down to me She told me what book I had to read And all this stuff And how to start my diet And change it around I must have bought a thousand bucks And fucking pills to help me Like with the feeling

Because the feeling is horrible And there was only one thing That really helped me New mood Really When I'm one of those chat rooms And somebody said Try new mood from my honor

It calms you down And new mood was calming down my withdrawal. Not a lot. A little, a lot. Like, I would have withdrawals in the morning. I would be good all day. And about fucking one o'clock, my life would change after the gym, after everything. And I had to get the Xanax just to fucking cut in half and take it at certain times. And then I called Better Help. Those are the first people I called. They're great. And then I told Fannie about them. And that's how I got better help.

That's how it all worked out. Oh, I didn't know. I was in that order. Because I was actually just about to ask you because, like, you told me this, some of it, like, some of this is new to me, but you told me maybe like eight, 10 months in that for, like, the first it seemed like at least six months, you were having a real rough time. And like, you didn't really tell me that during when it was happening. Because I couldn't even describe it.

I couldn't sit in a room with people. The only thing that I was finding to be calming was. going to the softball field. And I would just sit there. When there was a game or just, do you like it because it was calm? Sit there for my daughter's practices. And then I started going every night at six

just to watch Little League. Because I was outside, I would take my shoes off and I would put my feet in the grass. Oh, I love that. To fucking get my balance back. It took a year for me to get my balance back, man. And I remember in the show, I did comedy. I was doing comedy.

Mm-hmm. And it was horrible. It was horrible because I was so trapped in my withdrawal that I couldn't tap antenna anything. Like once I had a joke and it bombed, like that was it. There was no comeback. There was no quickness. And I'm like, I can't do this no more.

This is not working. And these are all the reasons why, like, is what happened. I was like, fuck, I can't get on stage. If I'm not going to be able to, because I could always get on stage with no material and rock the boat for 30 minutes maybe one night get lucky i wasn't even doing that late i was struggling i was struggling man and what do you think turned it around what just took time like okay okay so we got here september of 20 right 2020 yeah 20 moved into the new new house yeah and or september 2nd we got here august 20th and then

And then I rehabed the knee, and I was starting to feel better. And I got a call from Sean. And he was like, you got to come to Jit-Too, and I'm like, this kid's fucking crazy. Crazy. It's just insane. And he kept calling me going, I don't want money. I just think it's good if you come in here and move around. You might like it.

I called him, like in July, and I go, let's do it, and I canceled. I called me I said let's do it and I canceled again and I was like man I got to get my life together and I fucking called him in September and he goes all right let's do it this Wednesday and it was September 21st

it was the day the Sopranos was premiering at the Beacon Theater it was on a Tuesday night or something and I went in there and did a private with him and that was the first time I had touched somebody since COVID Wow, that was the first time we got And not even talks to them

You were super close when you're rolling Super close I was petrified I couldn't breathe I could only do like two hip escapes It was fucking god awfully But I was like You know when I got up after that hour I felt alive again

I kind of felt good I'm like oh and then I went to the premiere And there was 3,000 people in there And everybody had to wear a mask In the movie theater And I'm sitting here watching this movie that I've seen 10 times already with 3,000 fucking people. And I'm like, I'm going to die.

I'm definitely getting COVID today. It's funny because you're such a positive person, but then they hear you like spiral like that. I would see 10 people. I'm like, I'm getting COVID. Like, it's all over. And I didn't get COVID until that December. And I didn't get it at Jiu-Jitsu. I got out of a restaurant.

Yeah, that's what I was just going to say I remember the first time I saw like a full restaurant It was in Florida It was it did freak me out a little bit That's right, you were the one that called me You went down there and you walked into a restaurant There was 200 people And you're like, holy shit

I wasn't used to it But it took the dog The pandemic took that whole period It wasn't even the pandemic I gotta stop saying that It was just that time period In your life, yeah The pandemic woke me up

a lot. And it helped me, once I moved here, help me accept my role as a father. Like, it really, I started seeing other dads and the way people work. And there's a small community here. They have a farmer's market. You know, they have the sports. They do a field day here. They do, they try really hard. And it's beautiful. The town is beautiful. And that's what settled me in. And then I started loosing up a little bit. But manly, I look back at that time, one of the darkest times of my fucking life. Dark, like that was dark.

I had to stop talking to people. Like, I had to cut all communication off with a lot of people. Not what I wanted to do. I don't like doing that, but I had to, because they didn't really understand what I was going through. I had people that were calling me at 8 in the morning asking me, what are you doing today? Let's go to a bar at lunchtime.

And I'm like, no. During the pandemic, you didn't know whether you got out of school. They would call half days. If your kid got sick, if somebody came in sick into the class, the rest of the class got set home for five days. It was a fucking nightmare.

And I'm dealing with this. I'm dealing with my wife. I'm unpacking a house. And I'm getting these people calling me fucking and then it was non-stop and then I can't even imagine like the first three months I was getting arguments with friends that I knew for 40

fucking years you know about anything important or about like these these stupid requests just request and like a friend of mine called me and said I stole a picture from him in 1980 bro are you fucking crazy

and I called his brother and his brother goes he's going nuts Liam alone and it was just like 10 people and it was just breaking my heart little by little I was like I wasn't seeing my friends to the amount that I would

I thought I was I came into a world that I thought I knew and I really did that world was 35 years ago that world didn't exist and that broke my heart for a while like dealing with that so I'm happy I got it off my chest

I worked it out and now four years later listen I'm four years older I took a break from stand-up and I think that it was the smartest thing anybody could ever do. I have a lot of options now. I have options to end it after the garden or keep going, you know.

But this is it. It wasn't what people thought. And I talked about on the Theo podcast. That podcast almost killed the start. And people should know that. Like, we were fucking going, you know. It was three, thousand milligrams a day. It was

five Xanaxes a day, you know, or a fucking, you know, whatever, mushrooms. There was a fucking half pound of mushrooms in my closet for a while. Would that have been there with or without the podcast, though?

No, it was just I didn't know who was going to come on the podcast when I needed to torture you. Tell him. During the pandemic, I was coming to Lee's house and giving on these tubes. Remember those tubes we were drinking? That tastes like... They really didn't.

They're like vials from a scientist. Yeah, I was drinking two of those a day, 10 ABXs, a cookie, not to mention, eight expressos, 10 expressos a day, regular coffee, the mental... I don't want to call it a mental stress, but you have to... Yeah.

Listen, comedy is always going to be 70% mental. And I don't know if I'm even saying the percentage is right. I could be off by 5 or 10%. And that's why I tell people, like Sundays, get your rest, especially after you did five shows, because your feet might be tied, your back might hurt from sitting on the plane. But what's wounded the most is your brain. It's rattled.

It's rattled. people and you get all this stuff after the show you're taking pictures you're talking to people that moves quick and you go home at night you put your feet up and you go what the fuck was that and on top of that not only did I have the road had a thing called the comedy store right which at the time was fucking booming you'd walk in there and it'd be like walking into a fucking festival you know you saw it it was like walking into a fucking festival it was one of the best times and I can't even imagine

and I think like what I just realized when you were talking about everything is like when everything's mental because you like you're a very positive person and like all the shit you say but it's not like it's not like you have to ignore that

stuff is happening but you always talk about like overcoming it like yeah of course there's going to be mental stuff going on but it's like you can't pretend like life is perfect all the time No, but it's so weird. When you're an MC, you're stressing bombing. When you're a feature, you're stressing a manager,

what are you going to do next? How are you going to get seen? How are you going to get booked? It's always a mental stress. And then when you become a headliner, my problem was I cared a lot as a headliner. I had bombed so long that now I wanted to go, it's like right now.

right now I can be doing comedy it just doesn't appeal to me because I don't have that set if I had that set you'd be done right now when we discussed this it's after you do comedy 20 years your set becomes a little weird because you go

to your comfort zones and now is the time to get out of your comfort zones I didn't know this somebody mentioned to me that this is why older comics get into politics they get into political comedy because they don't want to They have already exploited their personal life. And I feel the same way now. It's like when I tell you, what am I going to talk about?

Nobody wants to hear about me and my 11-year-old daughter. They don't want to hear about that shit, you know. But I'll figure it out. Yeah. And as long as, but yeah, comedy's mental, brother. It's physical when we go on stage, energy, but a lot goes into it. Five shows are headlining, five hour sets, pictures. And that's why towards the end of the head.

to cut out shit. Because it's overwhelming. I cannot take pictures to 10 o'clock and then be on stage at 10.15. No. You understand? Everything is mental.

Would you say after everything you just talked about the past four years, do you think you're a different person? Obviously, some parts are the same, but... Absolutely. Listen, I still love to eat my mushrooms. I still like to

my bomb hits i haven't taken a zanx in two and a half years and it was funny because i wasn't done with drawing the program she drew for me she wanted me to keep taking a little zanics every day so you wouldn't get a because what happens with zanics is when you get off it's like alcohol you could die damn i was taking a blood pressure medication that they give people when they get off zanx So that helped a lot, that medication, not to let me get a stroke or something, there's something. But once I cut that little last piece off, because at one time I was taking a piece in the morning and a piece at night, and I realized that I was fine, so I took the piece in the morning. That by 1 o'clock, 2 o'clock, that's what my world would flip up. And then at night, I needed the Xanax to fall asleep.

So I had to learn how to get off the Xanax and learn how to fall asleep naturally. And now I'm having a better time. I'm not taking Xanax. I take another like a prescription medication, but it ain't Xanax. Right. A lot of people have trouble sleeping. I think that's pretty normal. But now it's a lot of, like today I took Sunday, I think.

Oh my God, Lee, I slept like eight hours, Saturday night. I went to two jiu-jitsu's. I've never done that. I went to the 11.30 class and I stayed for Nogi for the first. time ever, I got mauled. You know, I learned a few things. It was great. But I knew that Sunday and Monday were going to be rough. I fucking knew it because I had worked out all week.

Sunday I didn't do dick. Sunday, I took a two and a half hour nap Sunday afternoon. And every time I go to get up, I look at the cat and she'd go, nah. And we'd come with it. I'm sleeping a lot better. The quality of life that I'm living is a lot better. I have my mental is fucking 150% better. And that anxiety was gone.

The anxiety I had was from unhappiness. That gave you anxiety? Wow. The unhappiness stressed me out. I was sick and tired of waking up to pee at 3 in the morning and thinking about that date I took and how it was a mistake. I was asleep, but I really wasn't. I was thinking in my sleep.

So I'd wake up fucking, you know, out of it, you know. So I just had to learn how to do things differently. And it was great. And it's been great for me, man. I'm a different person. Absolutely. I'm a different person. I saw what I didn't like that I was doing.

Too many videos, you know, the world could move on without me. At some point, you in your mind think that they need that video from you. And you see it all the time. People just put up videos every day. They're not even promoting a date now. They just want to talk to me about something and you're like, go, you're just killing yourself to live. Get off that fucking, get off that fucking thing. But it's not once a week.

It's every fucking day. And I was falling into that trap. I was falling into a lot of traps because the era of comedy had changed. It was very, what do you call that shit? It was very desperate. Wow. You got to do this now. You know, they really want you.

They don't want me. They don't want me. Why are you lying to me? So I had to cut that out of my life. And I did. And now I look at the internet, what other comics are doing, and I saw I can't fault them. Cannot fault them because I was doing the same fucking thing. Well, and speaking of this, because I was going to ask you anyways, you mentioned it,

a week after, like, having a week to, like, process what happened at, and Madison Square Garden, how are you feeling about that? Well, not only was Madison Square Garden a big issue last week, but it was also, like, I had a bunch of shit happened this week mentally. It was also, I think Wednesday or Thursday, it was 36 years that I got sentenced to prison. Whoa. And that always hits me a little weird. Like that always goes, wow, what was I think?

Every year I go, wow, what was I thinking back then? And this year was a lot easier. because it took 36 years for me to get to the garden. Yeah, and that's that bad ass happened like the week of, I guess. So it was like, so one part of me is like, you know what, that's the way to end the career. At the garden, move on, go out with the fucking bang. But then the other part of me, listen, I'm 61 and I ain't dead yet. And I'm busy now, but not as busy as I like to be.

These fucking idiots. I don't understand it. I don't understand it. Why at night? All fucking day. All fucking day. Just to mess with you. All day they had to fucking text me. And now they want to text me.

Anyway, let's take a breather. I got to read something to you from Better Help. We'll be right back, guys. What's happening, beautiful people? Uncle Joey here. This episode is brought to you by Better Help. Now, listen. Holidays are coming.

you know, money's tight as an election. You've got to make more time for yourself. Are you just important to your wife and your kids? Better Helps online therapy teaches you to prioritize yourself so you don't burn out like I did. That's why I love BetterHelp. It's 100% online so you could do your therapy from home, from your car, whatever works for you.

Listen, it's been about a year since I haven't been with Better Health. And I'll tell you what, I still use their exercises. I still use their techniques. I still look at my notes. And it really helped me a lot, and it can help you too. And getting started is really easy. You take a quiz about why you're signing up for therapy and what you hope to get out of it.

BetterHelp will match you with a licensed therapist, and you'll be on your way to feeling happy. All right? Never skip a therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash Diaz to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P. com slash Diaz.

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try and get on your way to being the best version of you. Now, back to the show. We're back, bitches. Anyway, contact BetterHelp if you feel the way I did during the pandemic or afterward. I'm using it. I love it. I had a lot of issues.

It really didn't. I never knew. And you never feel like you need to talk about them. And that's the first time in my life. that I finally came down to listen I've always had issues with the addiction the fucking mom dying there's always been an issue you know you always have something going up but you attack the ones that are I just wanted to get that feeling out of my heart anymore that was it and I'm I got a lot to be grateful for I got a great family I got a great house I laughed my ass off here very low key we're very low key we're very low key very low key. Nobody even knows I'm in this fucking town, you know, and I really enjoy it.

I sit on my balcony. I get high, not outside. Sometimes, but I sit out, ever since I got to talk about a raccoon, I don't get comfortable. And then my... You're going to come back? I haven't seen them, but my wife said she saw two of them in the yard. Then I go out in the yard in the mornings,

but I got a hornet's nest on my fence, so I can see the whole you know what they don't bother me and I don't bother them so we're both on the same fucking page you're not going to go over there with like one of those spray things and attack the hornets nest I'm a Buddhist let them live you don't sting me I won't go over there and spray this fucking chemicals on you we're cool and we learn to fucking live together and everybody's happy speaking of living together

when are we going to cancel cable the only reason I have it at my my place is because of mom there's no reason to have it anymore especially not the actual cable box well who has a cable box you know you have the fucking thing that you change the channels whatever but obviously that's a cable box you're right you got me that

I just saw another movie coming out April August something they made like a bunch of movies nobody wants to see oh yeah it's either movies you don't want to see they made that movie with Elvis and the fucking Hardy as Bikers from Chicago. Listen, I like a nice biker movie,

but I don't want to see a bike from 1930. And the chick was horrible. I mean, everything that's come out, it's like, nothing's in the movies. You and I have discussed us how much we enjoy the movies and going to P.F. Chang's and getting some fucking soup and then shoot right into the movies and smoking a number. That fucking thing is dead.

And, I mean, TV is dead. I'm watching. I'm watching shows I've watched three times. You're just re-watching shows now? Just re-watching shows. And hasn't gotten bad enough for you to consider watching

any of the Marvel movies? Like any of that stuff? Never. Never. I watch them sometimes with Mercy like if she likes the ones with Hardy, Vixen, or whatever the fuck that guy is. But The Avengers, I like Black

Panther. I really like Black Panther. Really? I'm surprised. Okay. Yeah, but everything else, you know, it's, I'm not going to put it down. It's just not my cup of fucking tea. I like movies with substance. I like a good love story. You know, Rocky's a love story. Oh, yeah. You know, I enjoy a movie, but the thing that's really killing me is just sitting at home at night has been really starting to take its toll on me. Thank God I do things. I look up things. I research things. I go on draft kings. I play the casino.

You know, I read, I fucking make charts. I clean out notebooks. I do a ton of shit at night. You know, but Jesus Christ, you sit on that night. You know, 8 o'clock looking, because I don't watch TV at 7. No, why not? I don't put the TV on until after 8. Because 7 o'clock is still fucking jeopardy. I feel like an old man.

So I don't want to, I don't even want to be in that jeopardy hemisphere yet. Makes me feel too much like a fucking dad. Like I got a blanket on my knees. And I'm just sitting there waiting for the bomb to drop. Yeah, when you watch Jeopardy, you're just waiting for a bomb to drop. You're waiting for Iran, somebody to just knock on your shoulder and go, it's over. You don't like to guess the answers? I'm always wrong.

Me too. Everyone's wrong. I'm always wrong. But then you sit with my wife. fucking win all the Jeopardy questions, but she'll forget her phone here. There's no jeopardy questions. You know what I'm saying?

Everybody who knows Jeopardy don't know dick about life. Look at those people in Jeopardy. Like if you said to them, you know, if somebody calls you from Africa, don't give them your bank information, they'll give it to them. Those are the people that give the Africans their banking information. They want the $5 million that was left of them

from Kingfaheem under his name. Yeah. because they have no fucking common sense so they went all the, you know, what Beatles song? And they're right there. Fucking Beatles song came out. Who gives a fuck?

I'm trying to put two and two together and you want to fuck if you with a quiz here. I would love to see you on there. Have you, because you were talking about like movies and TV, and I know you wrote the book, have you ever like considered writing either of those things? Like, is that something that anything that interest you?

Again, I'm a positive guy, but for what? For what? You don't think you'd write a good one? It's a fucking... Listen, I could write a great script about my life. Yeah? Write a phenomenal script about my life. But let's be honest with you.

The book did well, and one person reached out, and the deal went under. You know, it's not an easy... I'd like to be a serious... but it's never going to be a series. This can't be a series. This is a movie. You think so? Yeah.

This is a, this is, if you really think about this, this is an Academy Award winning movie, because it's an Academy Award winning script. If you put the right people in the right places, this is a great script. But at the end, it's going to be an uphill fight to me. And then I'm going to get, 20 million to shoot it.

And then before you go to shoot it, they're going to look at my Twitter. And give me 200,000. Now I got to hire people for $100. I got to hire a water pistol instead of a real pistol. I end up with an Alec Ball, and some guy dead on my set. Listen, it's not even, I don't want to waste the energy. No.

No. Okay. And television right now, listen, man, look at the shows they're picking up. They're not picking up anything. They shot one pilot last year. I'm at a point where I don't even know what was out there. I don't watch cable.

I don't know what's on the four channels. Fox, CBS, ABC. I know The Bachelorette's on. I always look at white-looking dudes with suits on, give me some Chinese chick a rose. You know, I see that shit. I watch a little ESPN. You know, I love my...

I don't really love anything anymore. Like, it's not... Like, I've seen everything. I haven't had the coronas on in two years. Like, it's been like two years. I can't even watch those anymore. I just watched the wire for the last time. Whenever you come, we put it on because I know you like it.

Oh, yeah. I hadn't seen it a while. And it was great. Television has gone to, and everybody I talked to lately is like, I'm thinking I can't. Fucking opt-a-monds, like $300. Oh, it's a while. Would they charge?

That's $3,000 to watch fucking nothing. Nothing. To get a bunch of political people yelling at each other at two in the morning. No wonder these politician people getting crock and crazy. No wonder that crazy. It's on all fucking day yelling at each other and Kamala Harris and the fucking guy. And you're like, you know what? I still got to get up and snap three motherfuckers tomorrow.

So Jesus makes a comeback. I can't focus on this. I got to focus on my family, my life. Well, Joe, you're not focusing on the future. Who gives a fuck about the future? I ran in the Jews are about ready to blow themselves up and fucking drop firecrackers over here.

God knows what the fuck's going to happen here. And it's not worth it. And I brought up the Marvel stuff because Jesus and I went to like a Comic-Con this weekend. Oh, how was? So everything in me and Jesus and I were making jokes the whole time. There were definitely some, I would love to bring you to a Comic-Con. I would love, I don't think you'd last three minutes.

No, I would not. No, what's going there. But when you were just talking about, like, everything that's on TV and the movies, at least they like, like, they love it. Like, they were there from, like, Thursday till Sunday. And, but it was, like, the people walking, I would just love to see you see people walking around in costume. They had to make your own, you could build your own lightsaber,

which I thought you really like. Build by a one. Lightaber from Star Wars. what's a lifesaver? Like the blue thing that like Luke Skywalker you could build one of those for 200 bucks.

That's a bargain. I would have done like eight of them. And then like have they ever asked you to be a part of one of those conventions because there were a bunch of like actors there like signing stuff and taking pictures? They've asked me, Lee.

It's like asking me to go to a weed thing. You could ask. Ask me. I ain't going to go. I couldn't see you there. Like, listen, we've gotten a different culture, the youth of today, developed these Comic-Con. And I love them.

And I really think it's a great idea. It's not for me. Right. I'm not that deep in entertainment that I give a fuck who's going to be in the next Marvel movie. Like, we're going to unleash this guy, you know, Brian Downey Jr. or whatever. You know, it's, I did it in a couple of weeks ago, and I got a lot of slack for it about wasting time. Okay.

Adult. You have to live your life, but we peter. I'm wasting time. We really do as Americans. And it's part of procrastination sometimes. Like, we're going to go to Comic-Con. We don't need to do it. It's so many things.

You know, I know the Comic-Con numbers across the country have been down because they're expensive. they're expensive. They're fucking expensive. They take you for everything in those things. And my brother works on him. Which is a great framer, and he does them in California. He did it for years. This year he didn't do it.

He didn't want to do it. You know? And listen, if you want to dress up, but there's a lot of different people that correct people with like furries. I didn't see. I saw one group of furries, but it was mostly, it was interesting because like some of them were actually pretty cool.

they actually build their own costumes and this one was at a casino in connecticut great casino but it's not like it's not like to the level of san diego okay like that part was pretty cool i will say there were some people that like hey zeus and i were saying like they just don't what you think i'm going to do just not leave the house and they were just a little ruffle like they weren't dressed up but like they were like so some guy was walking around with a shirt off which was and he was he would look worse than i did and it He just had the biggest nipples that I ever saw. And it's just there were.

But there's also like, there was some comedy stuff there, some movie stuff. Like, it was cool. There was a couple people that Kevin Smith movie clerks. There were a couple people from that. Eric Estrada was there. Oh, boy. You know, I would love to hit to see it. I knew he wasn't there, but they were selling his stuff.

But it was, you know what was pretty cool was the art stuff? Because, like, they had people, they had, like, actual, like, comic book artists. like who were there and like one guy was actually like uh critiquing your work if you wanted it like you're he was he would give you advice and it was just a world i had never seen but like you you're always in my head with everything that i do but it's it's for that one specific i wonder if joey would last five minutes here it's interesting i think that i fucked up by not going and seeing it one time in san diego right and that's why i really can't judge it, you know, for some, listen, man, we're into different things now.

Young adults are into different things, you know. I see it with my daughter. I learn a lot. Remember when we had Ray Canella on the podcast? Of course. And he quit sci-fi because he saw how his son was watching TV. And that tells you, when you pay attention to your kids, they tell you where it's going, you know, and it's different.

It's different for kids what they find. You know, they're into anime. I don't even know what anime is. Some Japanese art. I don't fucking know what it is. Yeah. Anime shirt. It's the ugliest shirt I've ever seen in my life.

With fucking pride. Ugliest things I've seen in my life. I even threaten. I go, we've got to get you a new one. Because this one's giving me optical illusions. It's green. It's yellow. It's got squares on it.

I'm like, I don't know what this is. And I'm not here to judge it or whatever. No. You know, things change for young adults. priorities change. When I was 21, I'd rather be in Studio 54 jumping up and down eating quailers. But for these kids,

they'd rather go to a Comic-Con. It's something positive. They smoke their little vapor pens and they think they're walking on the wild side of life. And hey, it works for them. Oh, yeah. They love it. I couldn't imagine

in my deepest, deepest being at a table dressed in the longest yard costume Oh no Talking about that movie Or sitting at the Spider-Man 2 table And talking about that And it just doesn't suit me

And you don't like people come up to me now And ask me about Sam Ramey And I'll talk to them Because I know they're real Sam Ramey fans I love Sam Ramey everything he's done Army of Darkness All that crazy shit So

you know, I get it. When I saw Sam a couple years ago, I almost died. I hadn't seen him from Spider-Man, too, and I saw him at a meeting, and he came right over. We hugged. We giggled. You know, so I get it. Adam Sandler people, they're crazy.

You know, they want to talk to you, and I get it. I get all that stuff. But somebody are, like, I don't know. I don't want to meet anybody. Like, I don't want to go to a line and make somebody's life rougher. You know, it's like, the wrestler.

Right. Oh, yeah, yeah. When they're at the VFW and fucking Rawa here, and there's like eight people and they're selling Polaroids for five bucks. I don't know. That's, I knock on wood, and I wish

I'd never have to be in that position. Right. When you were a kid, is there like, if they had had that for, like, musicians or athletes, would you have gone to something like that? Movies. Definitely. Movies. I went to a lot of them. I went to Bruce Lee festivals. I went to Charles Bronson festivals in the Bronx 30 years ago.

They would do a weekend of Charles Bronson. I love all that stuff. And what I really enjoy is like martial art places. Like when I was a martial art place that was called Honda in the city. It was a building. It was a fucking building. And it was like six floors. And every floor had like punching bags. I like that goofy shit, you know, seeing like different. everything else as a kid. I remember one time we robbed a van. Me and a bunch of kids on giving that terrace. We didn't rob a van. There was a van parked on the

corner that had been there for like four or five days. What the fuck is this van doing on this corner? So finally one day we looked in the van and it had all. You don't even remember this. They had these shirts and you could like press stuff on the shirts. You don't feel it. But in the old days, it was a cheap shirt. And once you washed it. Your mother put it on the dryer. Everybody had a picture of Farrah Fawcett on their shirt. And once your mother put in the dryer, Farrar Fawcett was everywhere, right? Right. What was they talking about? About the van. The van. So we took the van and we moved it. One of the guys was like a hot wire

and he moved the van and we put it close to one of our friends' houses and we emptied the van. And it was t-shirts. It was a press. And a thousand stickers. Thousands of boxes of stickers, Lee. Wow. It was like eight boxes, but each of them had like a thousand in them. It was like a, you know, like a box like this, like an album box.

And they were all for like to put on T-shirts. Yeah, like stupid shit, Rolling Stones or, you know, just don't. And this is 1975, at least, 76. And that Sunday, there was something in New York, like a t-shirt convention, and we went over there and sold all that shit. We sold. We sold the t-shirts. We sold everything. And that one, I remember going there and going, what the fuck is this?

Like, it was cool. It was, I don't know where it was. I don't remember. It doesn't fucking matter. But that was me for conventions and stuff like that. Like, look, you're going to a convention this week. Yeah, I was just thinking about that. You are looking at.

I've been to three of them so far. I'm going to podcast movement. And it's been very interesting. This is the third one with my day job. And it's cool to see it from this point of view because it's on the business side of podcasting. And to see, like, I went there as a podcast and it's really cool and you get to meet podcasters and you get to, like, learn about new technology.

But this is like the biggest week of the year. or one of them, just for, like, all the business stuff you see, like all the groups, all the ads you hear. It's, like,

this is like, this is where, like, actual, like, it's more than us just in your office, eating edibles and giggling on stick them.

Like, it's, like, it's a real deal, 15 years or whatever it is later, 13 years later, like, this is a real deal thing now.

Like, it's a, Podcasts are real. So that's a cool. It's cool to be a part of that and get to see what's going on. It's not as exciting as Comic Con, no costumes. I'm really happy that you're moving here. I can't wait.

I'm really happy that, you know, you're trying to move on and do different things. I like to do a podcast in studio. Okay. Something fucking, you know, I don't know where to take it. I have a friend that I like to use. Dennis Colangelo. Just to give us some more humor in there. I don't know how he'll do it, but

yeah, I don't I really enjoy podcasting. This is all fucked up through Zoom, but we got our message out and it works. It works for right now. And I'm happy that people, you know, enjoy it, whoever does. And I understand. People move on. I understand all these things. I understand more these things than ever.

I know what it's like to get a half million downloads. I know what it's like to get 10 downloads, you know? And it doesn't affect what you should be doing in your life. It just when it's time, you're going to get 100,000 on all of those. When you blow up, everybody's going to watch that shit. So right now, you just keep on making videos. But podcasting has gone somewhere different now. And look at us.

Five years ago, we couldn't Zoom a podcast. It wouldn't be acceptable. No, and it's really cool, but I do, I'm excited to do, to be in studio again, whatever it looks like. You know, it's just, I think this has been a blessing because I love getting, I mean, we talk all the time anyways, but I love getting to, like, sit down for like an hour and talk to you and, like, learn from you and laugh. But there's definitely something different about being in studio, for sure. Well, the energy's there, like I said, I don't want to put guest on because they slow us to fuck them. rather add a dimension to it and we just go fucking off. This guy has the same craziness in his head like I do.

And, you know, I'm looking forward to you moving here. I think that's what I needed also. You know, I'm going to be 62 in February. I don't want to work forever. But I tell you what, Lee, for about a year, I was feeling like I was going to die in this basement. Oh, fuck, yeah. Like, I'm not going to die in this basement. I'm not going to die in this basement. I'm not dead yet. No.

In fact, I'm more alive than ever right now. I just have to take my energy and put it towards somewhere. And that energy, I don't know what, whether it's adding three chapters to the book, whether it's finished writing this project with Steve Simone that I really want to do about Barnabas and St. Michael and Mary Magdalene, it might be being on stage. You know, like I told my age.

agents this week. I can't do two shows in the night. Okay. That ship sailed. For me to focus, now I have to do one and give you fucking everything I got. So there's no misunderstandings. You know, I'm not doing it for quality. I'm not doing it for quantity this time. I'm doing it for quality. And like, I was thinking about how you, like, you said you took a break.

You took a break from a lot of stuff for a while. Like, it's almost like when you, have you ever heard of like with it when you have like an allergy to food. They make you basically take everything out of your diet and then like slowly put stuff back in to see what works. And like that, it seems like that's what you're starting. Like, you've never really moved fat. Like that's what you're starting to do. You're putting, you put stand-up in for a while. And then, like, you know, you're going to put writing in and you'll see what fits. Like, it's like you're a completely new person. That's pretty cool that. You know, I think that part of my attitude has really changed and I hate hawking on this and

saying it. But my jiu-jitsu school. My jiu-jitsu training, especially since last year, like last December when I got hurt, I was like, either, I'm going to do this. I'm not doing anything right now. I'm not working towards anything. When you lift weights, you're working. I'm not lifting weights to be Johnny Bodybuilder or to join the bodybuilding. I'm just lifting weights to stay healthy.

Yeah, your blood pressure goes down and you get good numbers and cholesterol. But I wasn't doing anything. And I said, this is the only thing I got. I'm going to build on it. And I've really, really, really done a great job the last eight months. I really have commitment-wise. Like Saturday, I never train on Saturdays. Never.

I'm always busy on Saturdays. And it's my family on Saturdays. But you know why I went in there? Why? Because I only have one class for the week. And I made a commitment to make two. And the last two weeks I've made three classes. So little things start somewhere.

and they build on everything else. I'm not telling people they got, but you always should be working on something. You have to be a little better than what you were yesterday. And the only way to do that is to be working on something, reading, putting something together. Right now, I just took a notebook and cleaned it out. All those jokes I wrote this year, garbage, got rid of them.

Funny jokes, but nothing to reflect on me. It's the same shit I've been talking about for 25 fucking years. Right. So it's time to move on from that material. I watch Paper Tiger the ad day from Bill Burr. Oh, okay, got it. Okay. There's a brilliant special.

It's a very brilliant special. And that's the level that I want my material to be, something from my heart that really bothers me, not what bothers the world. You follow me? We've all been doing the wrong type of comedy lately. That's why you see all this putting down comedians. The podcast, I tell it on Rogan a year ago.

You have the podcast and you do stand-up, you cater to your podcast audience. That's great. They're your audience. They're your people. But at the end of the day, you're alienating everybody else. So that's what I'm trying to do right now in my mind. I'm trying to change all that shit. Whether it's good or bad, at least I'm trying.

And it's not going to be good right off the bat. It never is. But the more you take your mental into that direction, you'll see it. Observational comedy has always been tremendous. How the world affects your world. How your world affects the rest of the world. You know, it always does. And it's the littlest thing that you look at and break down.

That's exactly what Bill Byrd does. He's basic 101 comedy, man. That's what to me, like my favorite thing about a great comedian, whoever it is, is like, they can look at one thing, even just like a water bottle and attack it from, like, there's jokes every, it's not just one or two. It's like they surround it with jokes, just one little topic. And that's, so that's what you're thinking about right now

is, is like what bothers you, like what actually bothers you? What really ruffs against me? Comedy is about me. It's not about a gay guy that I don't like. It's not about a transgender act that I don't want to move. Everybody's talking about that same shit. Yeah. Everybody's talking about that.

So you have to take it somewhere else in comedy. Where that is, I have no fucking idea. I feel a lot comfortable on stage when I'm talking about eating ass and doing that, but can't keep doing that. Can't keep doing that. It's not who you are anymore? No, I mean, I still like to eat ass, but it's tough for a 63, 63, 62,

year old man to go up there and talk to you about eating ass. It's cute for about 10 seconds. One thing I'll, like, kind of challenge you on is like, you always, whenever you say this stuff, you always like, well, I'm 60 or I'm 62. You at 62 is a lot different than a lot of other 60. Like, it's just the number thing I think is big to you. And I don't think it's as big to other people. It's just a reality, man, that I got to keep in mind.

because if I don't keep it in mind, I'm not going to be grounded. It's like when I walk into Jiu-Jitsu. When you read, there's elite something, elite MMA, some page on, it talks about old guys. I always refer to that article. And I always refer to the Rixon article, the Hicks and Gracie video about age, starting Jiu-Jitsu over 50.

And we talk about your expectations. Okay, and when you walk in there, yeah, you feel like you're 30, but you're really not. Right. And that's one thing that I always want to keep in mind. I never want to put a blonde streak in my hair, put a hat in my hair, and put little bracelets on to look cool. No. I don't want to change because I want to be cool and put a tattoo on my neck and have pictures of me, smoking a cigarette and all mysterious and shit.

That's, it's phony. I'm sitting right what if I made a comeback with a suit on it's phony but like I don't know would you consider yourself phony like that's no and that's like I don't think you know I'm not saying I don't think you would ever do half an hour on on giving them the best dick of their life but I think no I don't think it grosses people out to think about you like occasionally having sex 40 I was giving out good dick now I give out two it's a two or a one. Okay, so I'd be lying to you right off the back. And that's what I'll talk about. You just say when you get older, what happens? Like, you look at it the same. The spirit is willing, but you can't come to spread no more.

You know what I'm saying? Like, there's so many things that, I don't know. It's just different. It's just different. For you to be different, it's got to start with you. I don't make age a big barrier, but I keep it in mind. Okay. Not like me.

I need to keep it in mind so I don't go off the deep end. You gotta remember I'm a retard. The reason why I don't act like a 62 year old is because I'm immature and I'm a fucking mook. You know? I wish, like I was looking at something the other day, a bunch of people, like a ball. You know, people go to those days. Oh, John Wick.

I was watching John Wick last night. I was reading something. I'm watching. I've seen John Wick 80 times. I love it, yeah. He shoots a big Japanese. these guy in the head. I love that scene. And the violin chick. Yeah. The guy with the ponytail. What was I talking about? You were watching it and...

Five. Because you said like you're immature and you were watching John Wick and doing something. I don't know what I was doing, but I'm not your, y'all. They were having like a party. Like John Wick was going to go kill the Italian guy and they were all drinking wine and they all have costumes on. like, you know, glitter. Like today I was following my friend that's my age

that goes out every weekend Sunday. She went to something down the shore on Sunday. And she's 62. And she's at this thing. And it's like a black tranny dancing with two white chicks next to them. And it's like on the back of a fucking bar. It's like, what are you doing with your life?

We didn't like that shit. We were 20. Because you imagine now I walk in there and see this guy with a ponytail. I'm turning around and walking out of it. But back to being immature. How does that ponytails enough to get you out of there? Yeah, man, I'm immature. Like, you know, things that I couldn't do.

I can't be that person. Go to a ball or these guys that go to art exhibits and drink wine and like, what does that picture? It tells me you're a fucking idiot. That's what it tells me. Right. But I think that's like, and it's not the only reason people love you, but people love you because, like,

you're honest and like you no one likes that stuff i don't really think they even like it but it's like but they go why go i couldn't nothing else to do there's nothing on tv listen a couple weeks i got invited to that soprano thing okay listen there's nothing on tv but i ain't walking into the mouth to hell because there's nothing i'll roll a joint and drive around for an hour by myself listen to sound garden before i fucking those things okay okay tell you last week when i first got those mushrooms those mushrooms are strong by the way the one you had on last week oh I still got I got like a half ounce ready to go

just finish them just finish them there's no brus yeah but they're not doing like I gotta eat more every night right I just don't I'm I'm scared of them are these new ones yeah those are they look like powdered donuts oh they're fucking strong Funk for fuck factory is not fucking around with these things and I got these new ones I want to get

I'm gonna send them money tomorrow to get me the one before I go on vacation. So I got different ones, these, I got a couple of chocolates, I got a couple of gummies. I'm going nuts down there for a week. I'm going to see my brother. I'm getting a box of fucking reefer this week with holes with the hash

in them and shit and fucking toe fungus in it, the whole thing, you know? I interrupted you. You were saying that last week with the edible, something happened. Oh my God, so one night, not the edibles. I live mushrooms, I'm sorry. I ate like, I didn't, I don't weigh him. Right. So I just eat them. And then the other day, I go, I should weigh them and see what this weighs. And I put one on as like three grams. Like, I've been eating three grams a night. I thought I was eating like a little gram. These things are like stuffed mushrooms with fucking last night I ate a piece that put me in a different planet. It was ugly. It looked like the inside of my coneail when I, oh, it was uglyly. And I ate it. Tuesday night. I think I got them Monday. And I ate a little bit Monday. Tuesday, ate some watermelon. They got new.

watermelon gummies. Oh, I ate them and I ate a fucking, like three grams. And I went out. And I went into CVS and they hit me in CVS, all the lights and shit. And I got in the car. Lee, I sat in that car for 45 minutes. Just looking on the floor, listening to the fucking James Brown. I'm trying to make calls. Nobody's answering the phone. I'm lonely. These mushrooms hit me. I'm surprised you could even make calls. Oh my God. I was making calls, but nobody was answering. At least in the mushroom

trip, nobody was answering. I was going to say, did you even hit go? Dude, I can't tell you how many times at the hotel that I stay at when I come to see you that I've made it back to the hotel. I've just sat in the car. No radio on. I just I'm like, I can't believe I've made it.

It's like a three-minute drive, but it feels like at three hours. The work. It hit me and I got to go on the 18. It's all dark and shit. You think you see deer, but you really don't. I'm dodging things and there's nothing out there. Oh, yeah.

Edibles I'll do, but mushrooms, dude, every time I'm at your house, I keep, like, you have a ceiling with those light that are in the ceiling, and every time I see spiders up there. Like, I'm almost convinced that you put like a, like a little fake spider or stuff like it's, but I can't imagine. I would, yeah, I would jerk everywhere,

driving on that shit. That's crazy. So what do you got this week, Tarzan? This week, Friday night, I'm at City Winery in Boston at 8 o'clock. On Saturday night, I'm going to be at Mulligans in Bitterford, Maine. 8 o'clock, very excited to be back in Maine, and then a big one, August

30th at Rodney's. I'm very excited to be my first official show as a New York City resident. Very excited. August 30th is a Saturday night. Friday, Friday. Yeah, I'll just be getting back that Saturday. So, Well, I'm, like you were saying, dude, I'm so excited to be moving there. Just to see you is going to be great.

The comedy is going to, like, I, this has been a- You're not going to see me a lot. Just worry about your fucking comedy career. No, see, fine. You know what? Maybe I ain't going to, I ain't walking up four floors to see. No, I know you're never coming up. I was thinking about that.

I was 15 minutes and then they got to walk four floors. And I got to find parking the boot. Listen. You know what? Parking's not bad up there, which is pretty cool. And then- I get there. Until I get there. I'm driving around the corner. I got to park in front

of a fucking hydrant. Oh, I know. If you couldn't find parking on one loop, you would just leave. I'm aware of that. Because I still got to walk four flights. Yeah. The challenge hasn't even begun yet. I've had it before. I'm going to have to hire

people to help me move in. I can't carry shit up four flights. I told you. That's going to be a nightmare. You better get that rope and that arm going. You got to get this motion. It's not bad, but it'll get me in fucking shape. I hope. It'll get you in shape, walking up and down. Like I said, after a month, you're going to go, I don't know what I did.

But there's a, the whole reason I got the apartment is it, like, it was the nicest one inside that I've seen. But it has like a 20 by 20 terrace balcony. Like, it's just, it overlooks New York City. I can write out there and smoke a little bit of weed. And just like, it's the biggest, that's the coolest thing I've ever seen at any apartment I saw. And it has central air, which I don't know how people live in this in New York City without air conditioning. So I'm hoping they don't ever raise the rent. But I'm so excited.

People live in Venice and tell you, they don't have air conditioning. You're sitting there and they're living there. And you're sweating. You got a mosquito on you. And they're like, isn't this nice? Not really. Put the fucking air on the poison. They're like, listen, we opened two windows and the ocean breeze.

I saw the breeze. Listen, the ocean smells like ass. It's Santa Monica. Homeless is shit in there. fucking people are coming from other countries. You go in that water, you come out glowing in the fucking dark in Santa Monica Pier. That water is disgusting. Yeah, you don't want to smoke.

When you walk out of there, you go home. By the time you get home, you smell yourself. You're like, what the fuck? It's like going to Galvest in Texas. Well, I bet homeless people wash in there, don't you think? Shitting, washing, pissing. I can't. I can't anymore.

But my brother, have a great week. You do, buddy. I will see you have a great time in D.C. It'll be fun. And keep me fucking posted. I'm here, I'm queer. I'll keep you guys posted all. So stay black.

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