The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - Acid Church - Ari Shaffir, Eddie Bravo, Duncan Trussell

Episode Date: October 12, 2015

Ari Shaffir, Comedian, and Host of the, "Skeptic Tank" podcast, Eddie Bravo, 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu,join Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt in studio with a call from Duncan Trussell, 'The Duncan Trussell Family Hour" This podcast is brought to you by:   NextIssue.com/joey for a free trial.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout.   HITecigs.com For a better tasting, longer lasting e cig go to HITecigs.com. Use Promo code joeyschurch for five Hit E Cig's for $50   Naileditlife.com - Get 20% off a vapor pen by using code word joeydiaz. They are also produce some of the best edibles on the market, Los Gummies Hermanos   Recorded live on 10/12/2015.
   Music:  Hand Of Doom - Black Sabbath I Wanna Be Around - Tony Bennet Angry Chair - Alice In Chains  

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They have e-cigarettes and e-cigars for you. Use covert Joey's trip to get five hitting six for $50. If you're thinking of taking a hit of acid tonight, it's your lucky night. Columbus took a chance. What the fuck? Oh shit. Time's caught up with you. You put this on after about three hours a trip and see what happens to him. If you don't want to jump out a fucking window.

Fast forward that, Lee, a little bit. How far? A little bit more. I'll tell you when this stop. A minute and a half. Go. Keep going a little bit. This is the part that kills you.

Late in the night, I reach your fear. What? Go ahead. Get out right. Late in the night? You don't know where your head is at and you're tripping. And you put this song on it.

You don't even know where you're at. He's just playing on the album. I think it's like the second song on the second side. Yeah. And also, he starts throwing this on you. You fucking kidding me? Kick a Lee! The Chiquely!

church, cock suckers. October 11th, the day the devil was buried at sea. Eddie Bravo. Ari Schaffer. Who calls you down in Dallas? Where's Harry Schaefer? And Lisei, sorry we're late, but that's what happens.

You know what I'm saying? It's Sunday night. You got no work tomorrow unless you're a part-time fucking slave. It's Columbus Day. Everybody got the day off. You know what I'm saying? Everybody, even black people. Everybody got the fucking day off tomorrow. Does that mean I have the day off to know? You have the day off tomorrow. What do you mean the day that bury the devil

C. That's the devil to marry the devil at C. What is that? Is that a son of bin Laden or is that somebody else? No. It's just talking.

So, yeah, if you guys want to be on our level, like take acid and, like, pause this for half an hour. What's going on, Doug? Nothing. Eddie Brow was in the house, fresh from fucking jumping jacks and putting videos up.

I'm going viral on motherfuckers and shit. Going viral online. They don't know that you still got it. They think you're over here getting weak in the fucking bush or something like that. They don't know that you're over here getting stronger by the fucking day

out of it. they're just learning the rubber guard you've taken it up to three fucking levels since then you know what I'm saying What's up Ari Shafir How are you man What's up buddy I just finished all that stuff

I'm done with work for a while Going Australia What's in Australia How many weeks? Three weeks And comedy Yeah How many shows

Seven All right that's not bad Yeah And the rest of time I'm just going to look at kangaroos and walk around. I don't know. Go hang out. Do some shit. Absolutely. I don't know. Yeah, go look at some kangaroos. Challenge one. Learn my 10th planet white guard.

How long is the flight? Frankie Barker's down there waiting for you. Where's Frankie Barker? Melbourne. Are you Melbourne at all? Yeah, that's the first person I go to. The 10th planet Melbourne. You got to stop by Frankie Barker's house. They'll feed you. They cook Italian food and shit.

No leg locks. We'll get a hold of Frankie Barker. We'll be waiting for you at the airport. I'll go. I'll meet you. They'll send Mad Max to the fucking. airport to get you and shit. Great show this week, by the way. Congratulations. Oh, thanks. It's a fucking ninth season.

Two on Comedy Central, one in the dungeon of the improvs, and one online. Now you're up to season four and shit. Yeah, two online. Two with the team, yeah. Yeah, it was great. It went so good.

It went so good. You were great. Felipe was great. Henry Rollins. Ray Rollins, great. Who else did you say Wednesday night? Brewer. Brewer.

Ron White. Yeah. That's her. That's her. Good little fucking line of. Simone was on there. Simone did it. So, Steve, Simone, broke his cherry.

Yeah, magical. That bad motherfucker, Steve, Samoa. Oh, Nick Swanson. Nick Swanson. Fucked up to the gills with shorts on. Yeah, that's right, shorts. I love it. What does he wearing?

I don't care. Whatever he wants. Artie Lang was a free jacket he got from, like, it was like the NFC playoffs. From like 97. Yeah, that he wore a corner the night before. It's just his jacket that he wears around.

It's like, yeah, whatever. Fine. Come on, relax. It's fine. It's pretty fun to go up there and tell a story sometimes. It's kind of liberating, especially when you've held it in for years. Yeah.

You know, I don't want to give the plots to a lot of the stories, like Ardy's story. All those stories are fucking great stories that you hold onto. Yeah. You don't know who the fuck you're going to tell. Who are you going to tell craziness like that? I was on the phone with Rogan the other day, talking about coke and shit.

And I was talking about when I used to put fucking pool cleaner on my dick. What? When I was in the halfway house, I'd snore coke. Because I'd snore coke Friday and Saturday, and I wasn't going to beat the test. So I'm uncircumcised. So I'd take pool cleaner, and I put it on the inside of my dick, and I'd fucking put the skin over it. And then when I go pee, I'd pull the skin back, and the pool cleaner, I'd go into the fucking piss test.

And I'd still come back positive. Like, who do you tell this to that's going to say, Joey? What the fuck? You can't tell that. to a therapist. They'll die on 9-1-1 on you, though. I remember doing something to my dick one time, putting something on my dick.

I don't know if it's pool cleaner or like that shit you unclog a drain wet. Drain-o? And I'll never forget. I was working construction Eddie, and it was hot out. And I went into one of those plastic bathrooms, you know, those things that you piss out. I poured a potty.

And I took my dick out, and it was just blistered. Like, it was one big blister. Like, it was pissing out of like three holes. I swear the could you put Drano on it? I put Drayno. That's what I would do to pass

a fucking urine test. What is it all like now? Huh? Is it back to normal? I don't know. Let you sniff it later. You tell me Cucks a second. What's up, buddy, Bravo.

Look at you. He's fucking he just throws a giggle and goes right back. What's happening? Just hanging out. All right. Happy you here. So people know that

what you guys Yeah, that we did Al Sid. What the fuck? Well, we got to eat another little piece. My friends asked me, Taylor asked me,

he's like, wait, why do I have to do that? I don't know, because Joey said you have to do it. I didn't say we had to do it. Oh, come on. At least admit that you make people do it. I don't make nobody do it.

Nobody's got a gun to their fucking head. I said, I said, there's nothing. I didn't do it. There's nothing. I go, let's do it in a fucking ass.

I was like, okay. I just said nothing. What the fuck? It's fun. It's fun. You guys feeling it now or what? It took a little while last time.

I took it to Billy Joel at Bonarroo. I don't know. We're going to find out if we just run the fuck out of here. There might come a point where I can't take it. I just run the fuck out of here. There was a point in my living room Monday night, Tuesday night. Yeah, that was pretty fucked up. Really?

Oh, I was pretty fucked up. You're ready to call it? No, I've never been able to, never been able to be ready to call a tap out. Never. Never, ever, ever, ever. I said, Bryce. When I was about 17, I'd go back to the. the house where I live, the benders. And I go to the back and I take my shirt off

and I'd be on fire from the acid. There's a point like the third or the fourth hour where you're seeing shit whether you've got the lights on or not. You go to pee and your piss is pale. Everything is tripping what you'll be. Like, I'm coming down off this shit.

Nothing's happening. That's what happens. And then you walk into the living room and it's dark and you start seeing fucking shadows and you're tripping your ass off. And I would put it on like black Sabbath volume four with earphones in the dark and just sit there at least I had the fucking the both sides like a soldier on 8 track

I'm taking it back to the 8 track any problem you just had mad visuals like you were oh my god like fucking crazy some nights we'd sit outside and just look into the New York City sky and like just sit outside man look at that fucking look and I remember the best night I ever had

as a youngster one of the first times I trip we went to the soccer field. That's what we used to hang out. It's called Shitsen Park. It's a German banquet area, but they had a soccer field. And they used to have sheep metal. We used to go up there and party. I swear to God, we brought Louis de Nigger with us.

Louis Hernandez was not black nor anything. He was Dominican, but he had an Afro. And we all split a little piece of ass, and we started tripping on the clouds at it. So all of a sudden, what we realized was if he let us blow smoke into his Afro, the smoke would go into his afro for like two minutes then it would come out slowly and we'd be tripping

oh look at that look at that look I swear to God that's how fucked up we were back to I love Louis Hernandez he's a psychiatrist today he really is in North Bergen I think yeah we called him up to talk to him about it

no I saw him about 15 years ago at a deli and we spoke for a little while he's a really good kid wow so wait I have a question we've only done mushrooms like a little bit Is this the same as mushrooms? Like, do you start, like, the stuff start moving? No, it's different. See, I grew up on the acid in Jersey.

Really? Not the Colorado was when I started eating shrooms. I didn't really like it because they gave me diarrhea. All right. So I didn't like it. So I never really did anything ever again. And then I ate it one time. Then I ate it with you.

I went to see Pink Floyd. They were Fugazi. We went back to my house and watched the domino. Yeah. No, it got a little heavy in the middle there. Did it get heavy for you in the middle? Yeah. At the pantry.

At the pantry, okay. But. You're looking a little fucked up right now, you know? I can find my centered place. You're looking like something off Apocalypse now. Look at you. Sit down. So, Lee, you've never done it before.

I've done it twice now. Okay. All the past a week and a half. But yeah. Damn. It's fun. It's just. We did it two weeks ago when I went to New York.

I went to the stand. Right. Yeah, he went to the stand. And some comic came up and he was like, man, I love you to death. You want some asses? I go, you got some. He opened up his wallet. He had 100 hits.

He had a sheet of Ben Franklin. What? So I said, let me get two of them. He goes, yeah, take one and give the other one to leave. That's exactly what I did. And then we ate that, and then I went to Toledo, and some other nice gentleman came up to me and said, take these. What were those?

And these, and he goes, I'm on five of them. Oh, my God. He was on fucking five of them. So I ate one of them, and I was like, oh, my God. If he ate fucking five of them, that guy's got, he's got my tolerance for this shit. Wow. Because I could eat five of these back in eight.

not now. Yeah. It was weird, because the first time it didn't really have that much on the fact. It was, like,

kind of goofy, but this last time was... Same stuff. No, no, no, what was the difference? I had a lot more energy.

It was weird. Did you want to close your eyes or did you want to... No, like I said, I fucking pulled... You know, you know, like, the wire they run,

coaxial cable, when they put in cable? Oh. I pulled it out of the wall. What? Because I don't have cable anymore. It was dangling. It was bothering me.

and I got really amped up for some reason. He started cleaning his apartment. I cleaned my entire apartment the next day. He played fucking Maple. He made what's the name? What's the name? What's the wrong with you, Eddie, bro? Were you deaf-mute, or something?

What happened? No, I'm enjoying the conversation. I can't believe I'm sitting here with three dudes who are totally tripping. What? Well, we haven't started yet. It's going to start. I know.

It's going to start. I'm looking forward to it, all three of you. What's not going to be like? I might have to take over the show. I'm here for the remainder, though. I'm here until 2, 3 a.m. We're going to start taking calls, everything. You take calls, really?

We'll take them. What the fuck? If we're tripping, they might want to talk to Ari about something. But you told me I was going to be up to, like, 8 in the morning, so, like, you know. You might be. I'm probably not going to make my comedy source, but... When, tonight? No, you're in no day.

You might as well call them now and say it ain't happened. Uncle Joey gave me a hit of his fucking death. No, but it, like, it pumps you off, doesn't it? Well, it's got rat poison in it. So it just fucking lifts your spirits. You know what I'm saying? Why a rat poison, that just burns. Is it really rat poison?

Yeah, strict nine. What? Read the label. Read the label. Read the label. I'll give you a piece right now. I'll give you five dollars. You can find strict mine on there.

Oh, my God. It's going to get ugly in here. You do know that, right? It's going to get fucking ugly in here. I might have to go outside and get some air. My palms are sweating. shit. Um, spaghetti.

Oh, my fucking goodness. But tremendous. We all here together. When was the first time you guys did acid? Yeah. How old were you are, is your fear? Um, I don't know. I think, I think with you. No, that's fucking embarrassing. You know what I'm...

How are you going to do ass with young Jewish men? Do you have a fetish for taking young Jewish men to do... No. That might be what it was. No, it wasn't. For acid? When was the first time you did that ass? Never.

I've done acid Maybe, I don't know, twice, but small doses, so I just barely had a little visuals, like the walls that breathe a little bit and shit like that. It wasn't intense at all. But I've done mushrooms before in large quantities and totally had a tremendous experience.

Where you going, Doug? You got an Uber? I don't know, you brought a car with you. Yeah, but I'll just leave that there. I liked it. I always like tripping. I always tripping. I always tripping. really liked. It didn't scare you the first time? Do you know what's going to happen?

No. I fucking clicked my heels and it happened. Not yet. I fucking knew. I don't know. Did he know what was going to happen? No, I didn't know at that time. But at that time, I didn't really care about that point. Because I was trying to text and all the letters started like floating away. Oh, fuck yeah. But I knew that could happen, and so I was okay. Sure. That's what you're supposed to fucking happen. You're supposed to see shit move. That's the whole thing. It's taking you from one place to another.

Oh, my God. The only thing that takes you like this, your mind is like this is like this. solitary confinement. Like if I confine you for nine days with just food no fucking talking, guess where your mind goes? Your mind goes on weird places man. Your mind goes somewhere it's never been before. It's like fucking ass it. That's why I love this shit. Take shit deep into the murky

waters of the underworld. You ever listen to music on ass and you can just hear the symbols playing? Tremendous. This is what they invented this shit for. Like I was telling you fucking guys the other day, look, if right now Eddie Brabwood was to pick up a T-shirt, a rash guard right now, and I took a picture of you. and we put a million retweets on Instagram with Joe Rogan.

You'd sell 10% of that, right? It's a recommendation of a rash guard, correct? When I was growing up, the recommendation of acid I had was, I heard Led Zeppelin did it. Really? I heard Jimmy Page did it, and I heard, like, other people did it. It wasn't all that bad, right? They're making great fucking music.

They're rock stars. If they used this to write, what can we do with it? I swear to God, that was my, that was the reason why I did acid the first time. I didn't do it because other kids were doing it. I thought about it. I knew the Riefer and the music was too strong for me. When I first got high and heard music, it took it to a different level. I always enjoyed music.

But the music on the Riefer is something completely fucking different. So you went from Riefer to acid? So, no. We did a couple little T.HC crystals, which is like fucking gorilla biscuits. It's whatever the fuck you call that shit. Angel Dust. We would do angel dust like a line to $10 for a package. of us will get high. That doesn't make your trip,

but it makes you gumbish. You can't really feel your body. You just feel like you're fucking floating. We would take it and go into New York City as kids are, and walk around. That's a lot of stimulation for your mind. And then the next level was micrododot acid. I think the first time I did acid

was in a Rolling Stone concert, though. Really? Just like that. It was in my eyeballs. That shit. When it was real fucking acid, though. Wait, they dripped it in your eyeballs? Two hits, one of each eye. What do you mean they dripped in your eyeballs? And a little bit of the sugar cube. Like what?

Bam! What, Jesus? It's all over. Like Vizene, you mean? Like Vizine, night, night. Oh. What if you get, sometimes you put Vizene,

you want to put like two drops, but you put like five? You go for, bro. I guess one eye's going to see more than the other. You know what I'm saying? Look, you're sitting there like fucking taxi drive. I don't know what the fuck you're going to do.

What's the last time you saw a taxi driving? That's been a while. I had to show the guy for my haircut What's that? I had to show the guy for my haircut. He wouldn't do it. Show the last scene of taxi driver. See if it's in this is the most radical fucking when he goes bananas. Whatever is it. Oh, that's a great scene. Sure.

Let's see. This isn't the big thing? We don't fuck around here on the truck. I thought you fucked around. No, no. Oh, because I've been hearing around that you've been fucking around. No, you want to eat this other piece? No. It's three ways.

They probably. What do you all even put it? No, no, I'm good. The last scene of taxi. driver when he goes bananas. Final scene, whatever it says in there. The guy starts yelling, I kill you, I kill you, I kill you. Fucking

tremendous people. I'm happy you're home. You're not doing dick. It's Columbus Day. Grab some beers. Get a couple bong hits. Ari Schaffer. Take a chance. And my main man, Eddie Bravo's here in the house. Lee Syatt. We took some fucking gorilla biscuits. I don't give a fuck all the cops. You ain't got nothing here. We got a little

bit of ref. Please don't tell them where we are. We're just sitting here minding our own fucking business, okay, people? If the cops busted in, you would die for this last hit of acid. What? If the cops busted in right now, you would die for the last hit. Fuck, yeah. I'd die for that last piece of acid. Like a sabbat. I took a piece of ecstasy one time and got arrested an hour later.

Really? Sure, I got fingerprinted. I had my shirt off. You should have seen me in the fucking fingerprint. I was jumping up. Put the fucking thing. Is it? I don't know. We'll see right now. Oh, this is the scene when he's driving. We've got to see the scene when...

No, no, right here. Here we go. Here we go. Eddie Bravo, you never saw this. This is what I'm talking. Look at Ari. Look at Ari with the Lee jacket on and shit. Guys, this is a different country when this came out. Hey, Lord, how you doing? Okay, okay, my man. Where do I know you from? I don't know. How's everything in the pin business?

Do I know you? No. Do I know you? Get out of here. Come on. Get lost. Do I know you? I can't tell. How's Iris? You know Iris. You know, I don't know nobody named Iris.

Iris, come, I got out of here, man. You don't know anybody named Iris? I don't know nobody named Iris. No? Hey, get back to your fucking tribe before you get hurt, huh, man? Do me a favor. I don't want no trouble, huh? Okay.

Got a gun? Fuck out of here, man. Get out of here. Suck on this. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! This bad motherfucker

That's Ari in Australia This is fucking unmoor This is like when I was a kid This is I'm 15 or something This is early 70s Yeah He didn't even move it away

You just standing there Who's the last time you saw this on? It's been a while You ready, you never saw this You know what? Leave this, don't touch nothing, Lee Hey Hey!

Baja, by the pinga! The fucking thing just go off it's over it looked like he had it is he really bald i don't know yeah this denaro he's he's he's mad he's like those fake bald wigs oh shit it's terrible what i don't know he's like some john way he trains with that before he does in his room he does push-ups and he devices up A thing from a sliding door. Happy Halloween, motherfuckers! There you go.

That's a movie right there. Fuck you and your fucking... Whatever the guy playing baseball. He's 90. Whatever the fucking HBO. This is a real fucking movie right here, Jack. Oh, that's right. Then he runs out of bullets.

And he's a hero. Oh. He's shot in the neck. He's shot in the arm. He don't give a fuck. He's on fucking Shroom Tech. Look at him. He don't give a fuck, Jack. I've actually never seen this movie, man.

Oh, yeah, you see, you're slipping. How old is this girl supposed to be? She's, who the fucking knows? And something like young, it's like... 15, 16? Oh. It's a tremendous movie. Fucking slow as fuck.

If you watch it now. Oh, man. Oh, my God. It's like Chinese connection is it? Jesus. That's got to be a poster, right? This one, this win. for career.

Just won something, though. Oh, no. By this time, he had already done Godfather 2. Oh, really? He had already done fucking... Touchedvers after that. No, what you're turning it off for? How does it end?

It's over. What? How does it? Is this the end? It's over. No, then he picks her up in a cab. He wakes up as a hero. He thought it was a hero in that shit out?

Yeah, we got to watch it again. It's so slow, Eddie. You fucking... You'll fall asleep eight turns. No, that's a good movie, though. But it's a great movie, if you know, that it won an Academy Award. He won something.

He got nominated. It's hard to watch anything after Narcos. After watching that, how do you talk that? It's a true story. It's pretty damn accurate. Narcos? There's massive killing. It's true.

It's like Game of Thrones, but it's actually true. Don't he fucking took a guy. The one you show me. He took a country hostage. He told him he did you do it in my way. A country. Not fucking a state, not 10 people, not a gang. A country.

A country. And he had more money than they ever dreamed of having 60 million a daily More than GM, yeah What was he losing? He was losing money and mouse money that mice would just eat a certain amount of bills. Well, yeah, he should marry it.

$60 million a day. $60 million. That's more than corporations back then. Blombo or blata? What was that mean? That speed looks at that man. If you know, either bullets or fucking money, take your choice.

What do you want? There's only two ways out of this. I know you love your family and know you want to upheld the law. I know you went to law school and your father's a judge. But here it is. You haven't seen this, Narcos? We just turned the monitor. You're going to be, you can't watch anything

else. You go back to Empire. It makes Empire look like those R. Kelly in the closet videos. What's Empire? That show? It's a show about, uh, music. Yeah, like a dude who's like part JZ, part Dr. Dre. I thought that show had a, uh, I thought that

show had something. It's good if there's nothing else. Nothing else is on. I'll watch it. But it's like it's a soap opera with What did it win? Occasionally someone gets shot. Palm de Ore.

Best Bafter, I'm looking for I don't see any. No Academy Award nominations. Nothing. Taxi driver. Have you lost your mind? I know he got something. I'll look for it. I'm looking for it.

Those are crazy fucking movies that they don't make it. Yeah. His hand blew up like it was a China doll. What movies have you seen that you thought were just the greatest movies of all time? But then you haven't seen them in 20 years and you go back and you see it. You're like, oh, my God, is a piece of shit. Do you have any of those?

Okay. The movie. Any of those? I think your attention goes somewhere. I just tried to watch the French connection the other night. Yeah. And it was very interesting for a while. Then I was home.

Listen, if two chicks are banging each other with Dildo, lose interest after 25 minutes I said, you know what I'm saying? But I watched the parts that mattered. Like, I taped it, and I watched it while I was taping it on, like, some weird channel. Yeah. And it was interesting to see, because I remember that movie.

That movie meant a lot to me because I was just learning English. And there's a scene when he's running up the stairs, and he goes, pop my dog, freeze. And when he shoots him, it says, filmed in New York, where it happened. And that, like, I lived in New York City, dog.

I wasn't, I was a Cuban. That was the trailer. Filmed in New York. Where it happened. And here I am. I live in New York. My head almost fucking exploded. So I fucking went to see that movie in the movie theater.

Okay. And those scenes when he shakes down the fucking bar, when Gene Hackman, those are the movies that made Gene Hackman. It was nominated for Best Picture, but I don't think it won. No, no, no. I think Robert De Niro got best. You're not going to shoot somebody. You know what stands the test of time?

And it's hard for comedies to stand the test of time. Think about comedies from the comedy movie from the early 80s. There's garbage. It's all garbage. But there's a lot of... All of them. There's a lot of great ones. No, no, no, no, no.

Except for Fast Times of Ridgemont High, which isn't a total comedy, that stands the tested time. Train fines on automobiles. It's stronger than death. I just watched Blast, you know that with John Candy. John Candy's a fucking genius. Some of those movies... Some of them are good. Dog, you know what the garbage ones?

You got to watch them again. You know what I got stuck on last week? You know, you know, man. me, dog. I tell you how it is. You know what I got stuck on last week? I watched it for an hour and giggled Ferris Bueller's Day off. I don't give a fuck. I was giggling for two minutes. I caught myself going. You know, listen,

listen. He's so cocky that motherfucker. He's so cocky. The fucking, the part where, the part where listen, I'll tell you, I'll see it in a movie that I'll put up against anything today and yesterday year. The part with Peewee Herman goes to the Mexican at the bar and he takes his high heels and he puts the fucking heels on. And he puts the

fucking heels on. All right. We'll battle with scenes. Watch this. Right? What do I put it in? You're putting in... What's the movie's name? I got to see.

Peewey Herman's Big Adventure. Peewee's Big Adventure. Peewee's Big Adventure. Watch this, Doug. Peewee's Mexican dance. La Bamba, whatever it is. Tequila. Press Peewee's Big Adventure Tequila.

Watch what happens. And put on the big screen, dog. This is classic shit. I don't give a fuck. Pee, we jerked off on your kid's head. I don't give a fuck. Do you understand me? They're still fucking crazy. That's it.

Lee, where is it? I know you're found it. Like, come on. You found it already, late. Here we go. There's a bike of band. He's about to get killed. Look at him, Doug. Look at this white motherfucker busting it. Look at him, Doug. Not out. This ain't dick.

What are he doing? Look at his little head, dog. Look at his, this is comedy, Doug. Watch his head. Watch his little cute head. Look at him. Healy Herman, Doug. What's that fucking?

That was right there. That's pee we, though. It's like he's pointing at his balls in his ass, the balls his ass. It's like he's pointing at it, right? Oh, yeah. Put on fast times at Richmond High. surf scene with Jeff Spacoli. Have you ever seen that movie?

Fast times? I think so, but not for a while. Last time that movie was on about a month and a half where I was home, it was one of my weeks off, and I was bored to pieces on a Saturday night. And this movie came on. I was a number of breakdown. Do you know why? Why? Because it reminded me how old that

was when I saw Fast Times and Bridges. That was one of the first movies I saw before I went out in the world. That movie, when I first tried to see it, we had to sneak in because that was 12 or 13 and we tried to sneak in, but we didn't get in on that one, we got busted. So we didn't see it. I didn't see it until way later,

but... I saw a home video. And I remember, yeah, that baseball dugout scene. I was like, whoa, wow. Yeah, the one at the top, right there. What is this? Spacoli's dream? Yeah, this is Spicoli Treeney. This is so good. Let's listen to me in his shit talk.

What? He's got great lines. He's got great ones. Jeff Spacoli, Jeff, congratulations. Things look kind of hot on today. Well, I'll tell you, still, I did battle with some humongous ways. But you know, like I told the guy on ABC, danger is my business. You know, a lot of people expect maybe Mark Tubman Davis or if Bob juggled at Girard to take the honors this year.

Oh, those guys are five. That's fantastic. Let me ask you a question. When you get out there, do you ever fear for your life? Well, Sue, I'll tell you, surfing's not a sport. It's a way of life, no hobby. The way of looking at that wave and saying, Hey, bud, let's party.

Where'd you get this jacket? I got this in the network, let me ask you. Headed over to Australia, and the Hawaiian nationals. Maybe you're gonna win out and over the run and jam with the stones. You guys are inviting too. That stands a test of time right there.

That's it going to be late again. There's a fucked up podcast tonight, but this is what you get people. What'd you expect? That's quality shit right there, quality writing. What did you get on to take it? Who'd you get to? that jacket he'd be so good. Got it from the network.

Oh my God. That's fucking Sean Pan. What do you want to play now? He was so good that I, as a kid, I thought that's the way he really was. I thought Jeff Daniel Snowball Fight scene from Dumber Dumber. What is it? Jeff Daniel Snowball Fight. Oh, yeah.

God. They're dumb and dumber, right? That's not the test of time. You got it from the network. Uh-huh. He got it from the network. He said it so cold Pan, too. He's just.

I got it for the network. Let's get to the back and talk about it. Like their real friends. Like their real buddies. Anybody want another star at death? Sure. It's going fast. I need to calm it down.

You want another star at that dog? It is one of the people. It is what it is. Nobody says it's going to be perfect. It's Columbus Day weekend. Cock suckers. Strap on your balls. Pick up a beer.

We're just four guys fucking around on a Sunday night. This part, this part, this part. All right, turn this off, please. He's beating up on the front now and shit. You bad motherfuckers you. What's happening, Eddie? How you feeling, my brother? I feel great, man.

King of Jiu-Jitsu in the fucking room tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Ari Shafir, this is not happening. Started with a little brain fart. Look at you now. You're a fucking brand and shit. People are telling us. always all over the world. This is not fucking happening. Heavy Rollins did one, man.

He was so good. Did what? Story of my show. Really? Yeah. He did a story. Like, what does he do? He told the story about I was on a psychedelic episode. Oh, he was on your show. Yeah. How did that go? Great. It's really good.

You told a psychedelic story? Yeah. Yeah, it's cool. Is that what the show's about? Like, you're telling you different episodes. Different episodes. different topics. Oh, shit. Okay.

That's a good topic. Yeah. Everyone's got good. Especially comedians. Yeah. Some of them. Well, sometimes, you know, sometimes,

I know what I was going to tell you guys. That kid that got shot last week in Miami. The air conditioning in here. I know, Lee. It's on high. It's on high as fuck. It's really cold in here, you guys. One night,

well, what, we do a hit of acid, and we go to this, we used to go to this place in the Fairview. It was in the Fairview Cinema. That's what it's called. And there was two movie theaters. At midnight, they would always play a band, like a movie from a band,

like Crosby Stills, Nash and Young, or somebody's concert. The song remains the same, or the Storm's Sticky Fingers. And then the other movie theater, they would play the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Oh, that's terrible. So we all went and did,

this is when it was called Double Barrel Sunshine Acid. And you were supposed to get it and split it four ways. We got it and split it, two ways. And we went to see Apocalypse now. We left there blown up away, but it had just rained, Eddie.

So me, this kid that got shot, this other kid, Louis Castellito, we got like a three-quarter of a mile walk home. And we're walking home. For some reason, Louis Casolito looks at me weird. And he goes, do you hear that? And I play into it. I go, I hear

that. Do you hear that? And also, we're like, oh, my God, I hear that, too. And the kids looking at the both of us, like, we're fucking crazy. But we're all and we start going, Jesus Christ, the sirens, what the fuck? And my friend's yelling the sirens, the sirens, and we're both yelling the fucking sirens. All of a sudden, my buddy looks at me, and he just takes off, and starts running. And like a half a block away, there's a, what's that one, the concrete breaks a pothole?

Yeah. It was filled with rainwater. Oh, no. I never forgot, he stopped. He got in his hands and knees, and he started hitting his cell with rainfall. I don't hear the sirens. I don't hear the sirens. We were just fucking with him.

We didn't hear no fucking signs. You hear signs? Not yet. He kept saying there were rats in the trees by his house. Got rats in the trees. You sing them and shit. We need to do that. The big.

What's that? The big of squirrels. Yeah, but they sleep at night. I don't see the fucking squirrels at night. You see the rats and the possums in my neighborhood. You see a couple raccoons? Really? I saw a fucking huge raccoon who got hit by a call in Love of Kingdom.

last week. I had to pull over, but he was fucking dead. You don't want those things to bite you. So you just keep fucking driving and mind your business. This motherfucker was huge, bro. Really? Yeah, they get big up in those hills. Those motherfuckers will fuck your world up. We've got a whole family that come into our backyard

all the time. Where do you live? Yeah, and Sherman Oaks. I'm staying at Echo Park, and I saw a skunk on my porch. Yeah, we get skunks all the time. In the back yard, we see them because we have a big black... Are they going to spray you if you just come by near them? Or do they give you some morning? When they feel threatened. Usually when they see you, a skunk will turn around and leave on its own pace.

He'll take a couple steps on his own pace. Have you ever seen a skunk turn and spray you? It's terrible. It's a terrible situation. When they turn. When they turn. So they get this way and they spray it and they fucking stuff. Yeah, they get their tail up.

Right. It's not good. You know, I just realized, I always thought that they use skunk as a word for weed because it's smelly. I just realized that it actually does smell like skunk. Strong like that, that's it. I've had wheat. You know when you're driving around the neighborhood and you pass

like a spot where a skunk sprayed? You could smell it through your car. You know what I'm talking about? When you smell skunk? You ever drive through like your windows erupt. I love it. I love that. It goes right through the goddamn car. I fucking love that. What the hell? That could probably save the world

right. That's some powerful shit. They got to look they got to look into skunk piss. study that shit. They do have it. They have it at sporting goods. What? You can go to a sporting good and buy skunk pissed

because you can do it for something to lure something. Yeah. Or to stay away from your campground? Something weird. I bet it cures cancer. Just a little jar. It's a little thing

and it has like a swab and you just dump it to keep the bears away. I'm not correct. I'm not a hunter or nothing like that, brother. I don't fucking know. So you do notice that.

You're not walking around looking like Mad Max. What? You're walking around and looking like fucking taxi drive. Oh, yeah. know this. The people like, fucking, what's this?

I don't know, man. This movie, see, Eddie's younger than I am. Yeah. This movie was fucking strong. This set a message. 77. Really?

What was the message? This was after Berkowitz. What does that stand up for yourself? This was after like Berkowitz. Who's Berkowitz? No, no, no, no. Not the 44 caliber killer. That guy.

I think that was a little early. I may be wrong. But this was like weird. Like a guy went in and saved this younger, year old girl. People were fucking, like, people were still mad about the exorcist, like them using a young girl

to put a cross in her pussy. Now they got this chick who had already been on television. It's one of the sacred things. What's the young chick that's in this movie? Come on, guys, she's a lesbian. Sounds so lamps. Yeah, I'm looking. Rachel, something.

No, uh, contact. Yeah, yeah. Lesbian. She had Jody Foster. Jody Foster's been on television since she was five. She was on the courtship of Eddie's father's, Eddie's girlfriend. Really? That show, I remember being a little kid. So when she crossed over a few years later

I was like, oh, what year was the court? Go ahead, Jody Foster, what year was the courtship of Eddie's father? How old are you in 77? 14. I remember going to see this in the movies, and I left there a little fucked up. Like, I'm not going to lie to anybody. There's a couple movies I left going, wow, that could happen. But that movie I left there going, that's fucking dark.

Because he played it. He was one guy in the beginning. 69 to 71. Yeah, she was already in TV, bro. She's been on television for 50 years, Jody Foster. Yeah. 60 fucking 9, my friend. She's been on TV for 45 fucking years. She played What's His Name's Girlfriend.

So she was already visible, you know. So she was like America's little fucking sweetheart. That's a lot of people don't fucking remember. And Austin, they tossed her into this mix with De Niro's shooting motherfuckers. After Godfather, and now he's playing a crazy cab driver in New York. that's all they need in New York is some guy to be a fucking... How old is she in taxi driver?

How old is she... Jody Foster's in taxi driver? She's the girl... She's the hooker. So she's... So she's got to... No. Why does he ask if he has a gun right before he shoots him?

How old? Jody Foster was born in 62. So she's 53 right now. So when she shot that, she was 14 or 15, or 16. Correct them? No, no. Taxi driver was 76, so probably 75. Yeah. Yeah.

So she was how old? 13, 13, guys. So she was America's sweetheart. So, see, I remember this shit. Oh, he took America's sweetheart. He took America's sweetheart and put her as a hooker in a fucking movie. So that's why.

I knew it wasn't going to win, I knew it wasn't going to win an Academy Award, but he was going to win something for it because he was brilliant. He took America's sweetheart? Remember, like, when that fucking, that pervert, that fucking idiot, told the black chick that ended up marrying

the black guitar player, What's her name? What? Who? What's the black guitar player? The Jewish fucking black guy. Lenny Kravitz married the girl from the Cosby show. Whose daughter is in Mad Fucking Max.

That little black girl in the fucking car? That's Lisa Bonnet and Lenny Kravitz's his fucking daughter in the car with them. That cute little, yeah, that's what you get when everybody's fucking good looking at your family. Yeah, well, there's that much hot. You know, there's that much hot. So when she was on him, she was. It was number one family. Thursday night when you were Mexican, white, black

in 19, fucking 80, you turned on the Cosby's. That's it. It's like somebody said to me that day, listen, I don't give a fun. Who's the funniest guy? Because we were talking about DeLeer, who were at a cookout, and somebody, those things where they have the food trucks on Thursday. And the kid goes,

something about, blah, blah. The wife was like, I like Delia. And he goes, listen, in my book, I grew up on Martin. And I thought about how many people grew up on Martin. What? People watched that sitcom. Martin was great. Martin was one of the most underrated comedies. This guy's like, fuck DeLea and fuck this guy and fuck that guy in my world because I grew up on Martin.

And that weekend I went away and watched like four episodes of Martin. How was it? Fucking great. It still holds up for the end of time. Fucking Martin. His stand-up is amazing. Martin Lawrence is amazing. He was so brash.

He was so crazy. He was so crazy. He was growing a giant X. Are you so crazy? Listen, let's get that shit. I'm talking warm up. Air conditioning for once. I've been with that.

It's on high. I've been with that. He's Jewish. This is Auschwitz air conditioning. Listen, listen to me. He was the fucking host of Dept Jam. That's how long I've been.

Remember mine, that shit. When he was a young guy, Phil Flaring on Dept Jam, nobody remembers that. That's how him and Tori. Guy fucking Tori. Guy's the warm-up. On what?

On death jam. No way. This is... When I got into comedy, the biggest guys that were getting paid with Carlos Micea. Guy's... Fat Tuesday. Yeah, I'm too short. What? I can't wait that without the chair.

Two weeks what? The fucking thing, help him, please. If you want to say with Ging Ohio. The biggest comics, when I first got into comedy, money-wise was Carlos Micea and... Martin Lawrence. Martin Lawrence was getting $10,000 a night. And he was getting $10,000 an episode.

for Death Jam and I thought he was fucking great I watched that show I grew up on that show too it wasn't my show growing up I'm not gonna lie to you I was into the honeymooners and stuff and it came later on I was a little older I was a lot old on that

that came out when I was in prison that type of fucking shit what happened? I have no idea all right what's the matter sit down everybody's walking around all fucking crazy I got a piss can I do that

no you can do whatever you want wait what this is which way is that this way Yeah. Oh, way, I got to be my keys. It's an office building here. It's all office building, guys. I go out and then do what?

Left. It's immediately just there. What's the story, Ari? How are you feeling? I'm good. Everything all right. You're feeling good. That's for funny comedies.

Except that dumb and dumber. Why are you going to put that movie in? I just want to, yeah. That movie always depressing. I get done to hold up. That was goofy. How you feeling, brother? Good to see.

Good to have you back in town for a few nights. this fucking town is shit I want to be around it's shitty without Ari it's shitty without Ralphie around if Ralphie's around you know you're gonna bump into sushi some way you're gonna catch Ari he's gonna say let's go eat sushi be gonna play some musical I was but me go ahead go ahead play that motherfucker it's Monday baby this crazy poor people at home listening to this fucking acid talk Do you think we look normal?

I'm going to watch watching this. I wonder what it looks like. Who do you fuck can't? I'm not watching it. You don't see me with 3D glasses on? Who'll leave you to learn? Nice.

Very nice. Who is this? What is this? This is Tony Bennett. Tony Bennett. He wants to be around. Always. So you're going to Australia?

Yeah. Then you come back. back on where you're going. You're doing some more dates when you come back from Australia? Calgary. Calgary? And then that's it for the year. I mean, a few other dates. I'm here in Boston. Boston, you're doing a weekend? Dallas. Dallas? I'm back to Dallas.

She's doing Dallas, Houston, aren't you? Dallas, Houston for some festival. Which one? A festival, a music festival in Houston. And then you're doing New Year's with us. Yeah. Honey, Honey, Honey, The Wilter. Me, You, and Duncan. That'd be fun. the great motherfucking Trasini and shit.

Trosthenes? Yeah, no, I had a... I was telling you on the fucking way over here. You know, when I saw you Tuesday night, the first thing you said to me was something about fucking insurance. You were pissed off about after insurance, how they fucking were returning your course. So you put the kiss of death on me.

I wake up Wednesday morning, my ears feeling shitty. I fucking went to swim and then I flew, which is never good. I could swim all I want. When you swim and fly right away, and I forgot all about it. until I did it, I go, motherfucker on the plane. So my ears swole up a little bit Wednesday. I said, I'll see how it is tomorrow.

I put those swimmers drops in Dick Thursday. I got locked up on me. There was some pus outside in the morning. I call fucking doctor, whatever. We'll call you back. I call back like a two and let he goes, oh, he's out of the country. You tell me now he's out of the fucking country?

So can you tell him to prescribe earwax, whatever the fuck? And the pills, the antibiotic? She goes, well, get back to you. That was fucking Thursday. They have three 30 in the afternoon. What? So sad. They don't value your business at all.

Can you fucking believe these people? They got no nothing. These people have no honorable nothing anymore. His doctors, whatever. Don't care all. You're in need. Friday I wake up, I call my family doctor, who I love to death.

Nice Jewish guy. I've been with them since the junk. Nobody cares anymore. I took my phone with me into the gym even. That's how much I wanted to get this fucking call. Yeah. I'm sitting there. I'm on a call with somebody else.

He always calls him from Bob Hope Medical. 5, 4, 9. whatever the fuck the number is 323 549 he tricked me this time he caught me from an 818 number and I was in the phone with my fucking friend from Jersey and he lit me a message you know what that means you're not gonna get a hold of him so he's like I don't know what to tell you you go back to the fucking doctor so I had to go back to the fucking doctor yesterday and put the drops in my ears I'm sitting there last night my ears are throbbing guys drobb and it hurts so bad and I remember that old viking I had in my bag I had a viking there for like four years ago

they don't even make viking no more it's expired but I had to take a chance bro, fuck I leave. A leave only does so much. This was pain, Jack. I took that Viking and I put those electrodes in my ear, the 10 machine. I put down for like 10 minutes. You put it in? No, I put the fucking electrodes right in my fucking face over here and on my wrist. I did a

combo deal. What about it? The fucking things. You got from Amazon, the 10s. It relieves fucking everything. Arturitis. You put them on your fucking thing and you zap yourself. What is it? And I bring it on the row with me. If I do something and my knees twisted, I bring it on the road, it reduces sweat. What is it? What is it? Some tens machine.

tell me, come, I don't know what the fuck it is, what's with the questions? Somebody told me to buy it, and I fucking bought it online on Amazon, they still got it. What do you do? It comes with pads on it. Yeah. It's like a fucking, whatever, it had six different settings. Yeah. You can do like and it just like... And it gives you like

electrical things. Yeah, remember when you went to fucking doctor for the rehab of your knee? Don't they throw electrodes on your knees? Same fucking thing. Same fucking thing. You could buy those online. So when I went to, when I went to therapy, a lady goes, you know, you can buy is a Russian lady goes

go down. That's not good. Fuck, yeah. They put the ice on at the same time. They shoot you as over the goo. Who do you think you're dealing with here? Some fucking novice. Went right to the road.

What are you doing over there? What are you doing? What are you doing? Looking at a fucking delivery services? Looking at Yankee Stats, 1927 or present? You stream's going down again? It's good.

Yeah. I'm not getting it back. Fuck you stream. They're always doing. The feds probably shut them down. What do you think? They're spraying the clouds right now over this this motherfucker.

Eddie Bravo. Look, Eddie, Bravo's new fucking tempo. Can you turn the Wi-Fi off on your phone already? What? Could you turn the Wi-Fi off on whatever that was? Why? What's the problem? Why?

Because I'm trying to make sure the things will be okay. Look at the shape of you. You're not going to do your little purple shirt. What's that half a sandwich? My wife made you. Yeah, I have no idea. Where is that fucking thing? It's probably in the car.

You guys can eat on that shit? No, but sometimes you have to eat the Tame the tiger a little bit. You got to do you got to do. You got to do some things sometimes that you don't want to do. You know what I'm saying? Who are you texting? He told me to turn the Wi-Fi off. Jesus Christ, I got no Wi-Fi on my phone.

I could even see me some pictures. I had a picture I want to send the two people for anything. I couldn't send the picture. What's up with you? Everything all right? Everything's good. This is great. How you feeling, dog?

Solid. Want to turn the lights off? Yeah, the lights too bright. Is that what you think? Yeah, if anything. Turn them off. They're right there. Just turn them off.

At least down. Oh, yeah. That's what you fucking need. Who are you texting? Who are you texting already? I'm trying to make it brighter. Is Paula watch? Probably not, hopefully.

Hopefully. What's going on with you, Eddie, Bravo? The World Time Planet, when is the next EBI? December. Next EBI, EBI 5, is Sunday, December 13th. Downtown, L.A. at the Orpheum, once again. Beautiful theater. It's a great place to see a show.

And this time we're doing one 16-man bracket, the lightweights. Denny Procopos is the champion. We got Eddie Cummings, who is our featherweight champion, moving up and weight and trying to take that lightweight belt as well. How's Denny doing? Denny's doing great. Yeah? He's doing great, training his ass off. Hell yeah.

What's he do now? He has his, you know, he runs 10th planet in San Francisco. Oh, cool. And, you know, he's a very busy man when it comes to Jiu-Jitsu. I mean, he's always training, always teaching. He's a. You think of how many schools have popped around the area. Yeah.

You know? That guy that he has a great system. But how many fucking people? Every fucking day here is somebody opening up a new fucking school. It's like hotcakes, man. So you're out there fighting every fucking day. The lepers are at your door. What?

You're trying to keep a fucking school open. It's not like you used to. You're trying to charge this. This guy wants to charge this. He's beating you out by 40. bucks, people sign up, then they steal your identity, they sell it to the Brazilians, then you've got to start from scratch,

now you're back on an American school. You know how the fucking thing goes. It's always a night. One minute, you're fucking buying a year's description to a jitzae bowl, the next thing you know, you're buying a hacibo in Rio de Janeiro. You don't even have a fucking passport. What the fucking's going on here?

Joey, give me your phone. Why? I ain't put the lights. Leave the light alone. This ain't no fucking yes concert, cock sucker. Right away, he wants to put lights on. This is a let's up on a concert. Turn the lights off. What the fuck is wrong with you? We got a candle.

That's it. Okay. Or you can just leave your phone on with the light up and just put it on the desk. Who gives a fuck about it? Listen, we got no U-stream. We might as well do this in the light. We got it. We got it. We got it.

We got night vision on these cameras. We got night vision on these motherfuckers. I'm sorry, people, we can't spark up a number in here. We just can't tap out this way. We light this place. It's nice and family. We can go outside and smoke a number in the darkness. We can do it.

We could podcast periscope. We could podcast. Play that song. Which one? What the fuck is that? I need more information. You need some vocals. You need some drums.

Anybody on Twitter know what that song is? Yeah, just blight that. That's the fucking... All of a sudden it's jeopardy. What's going on of it? He probably talked to me. Fucking hour he's passed out. He's over here thinking about Saigon.

Look at him. Lee Syatt's got his purple shirt on, giggling up a storm. put the light back on. Now we're going to fucking fall asleep here. He's going to put, you're going to put the light on. I'm getting scared.

That shit scares the shit out of me, like that night. You get scared too? Sometimes I'm going to leave the fucking house, Don't. That's my paranoia. What? On Halloween?

Halloween's the least in my proms. I'm talking about seven nights a week or four in the morning when you're snort an eight ball and you're looking for a Coke rock under your carpet. And the DEA's watching. Halloween, you could suck my dick. I was in the halfway house

and I would go home for furloughs in Boulder. Why? And my wife, listen to me. You already done that life. Listen to me. My wife was pregnant at the time.

Oh my gosh. I would come home. I would come home at six. Wait. You had a pregnant, your wife? Coming home or what? Listen to me.

In the halfway house. Listen to me. Did he listen to me? I'd fucking come home on Fridays. I'd eat dinner with like a normal family. She'd go to bed pregnant. about nine o'clock to get the itch in my neck.

I'd make the call. A guy would deliver an eight ball. I'd put a leash on the dog and made believe I was taking the dog for a walk, and they'd get like a 12 pack of cores. And I'd hide each can in the fucking snow. You know how we'd do it, though? I'd hide each can in the fucking snow.

You know what? I'd go to a liquor store, and I'd buy 12 cans of cores. Okay. And I'd come back, and I'd take each can out of the wrapper and put them into the snow. Okay. On this side. So I knew I had drank them already, right?

I'd do a couple of bumps and I'd go back in the house and she'd fall asleep. I'd do two or three lines. I'd watch a porno and I'd let the dog out to pee. And then I'd take a beer, crack it open and drink it real fast. And hide the beer. I would do this all night. I would get so thirsty, I would have to let the dog out to pee. You know what it is?

When you're a ninth beer, when you're paranoid is fuck and you want to... Dog, you have no idea what it's like to open up your front door. You have no idea what paranoia is when you think the DEA is waiting on the other end. I don't know one weekend I did so much coke I wouldn't even let the dog out to pee He sat by the door You could see the pee drippling out of his fucking ears

Before I opened up that door Two days I didn't open up that fucking door Two days, an husband He finally peed in the hallway He broke down And he shit and I had to pick it up the next day But I wouldn't open that door I was so fucking paranoid

Really? Yeah You left him out there He left him out there No no I let him back in the house But then there was one point I wasn't opening up the door no more You're in a yacht, cock second. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And once you go out, there ain't no coming back in. So get back in because you're going to drive me crazy all fucking night. What the fuck are you giggling about? Nobody even said nothing. What are we talking about? We don't talk about nothing. Just look at the screen. Make believe you're looking for Martians or Matt Damon,

whatever the fuck you're looking for. Play Adventure Time. Oh, and it was a song that we opened the podcast with. Is the song that Ari was singing? What? Boom, boom. Hand of Doom. Who is it?

Black Sabbath. Oh, really? Yeah, it's Hand of Doom. It's what we started with. That's where it is. Look at the fuck. What time is you just spot at the store? I don't know.

Who is the fuck? I'm going to call him and tell them, listen. Don't wait on Ari. Don't wait on Ari. It's over. So what are you thinking, guys? I thought people would be jumping out windows by now. Nobody's doing dick yet.

I want to jump out of a window. I'm sure you do You have a fucking cake Play some music Okay Yeah play some music Put that fucking What on that or on this

What is this a party I'm gonna put this fucking He shows up in a jukebox You said But his mother bought him Fucking when he was 12 I can't believe you bought that It's two speakers

It's testups It's test talk's players How old are these fucking things I don't know like four years old You can't just play anything on your computer I know I can't But we didn't want to take it up for YouTube What the fuck

What do you want to play What do you want to play? What do I'm saying no goddamn music podcast. I'm trying to talk to Ari and Eddie Bravo. They got to step up to the pump. Get up, car. I can stand straight. Wake up.

We're talking about. Where's that half a sandwich? Wake him up. I tell my car. Jesus Christ. The hook. What's that? What's that?

What's that? What's that what? You have a piece of acid? Yeah. We ate it. No, wonder what that happened. Ten minutes ago. You didn't see it go down.

That's how smoothed I am. What? He's so smooth. Nobody saw it. Check your bottle caps. You thought Cosby went to work. Check your bottle caps. Look at Eddie, looking at his border. What are you talking about? I can't teach an arm ball when I'm doing ass.

Yes, you can, cock sucker. Oh, my God. What's the matter, Doug? Look at the shape of you. Your head's purple. You got blotches. You got sit up straight. I'm fine. Nobody wants to chitter chan. That's it. You want to go outside and stand outside and get some air.

And periscope it. Look at people on the street. No. Fuck that. Let's go look at people on the street. We stand out there long enough. We might see a hooker. Like a white hooker walk by.

Really? They got hookers out here? Up deep. They walk weird. What? They lurk. They make believe they go out there. Hooker's loving an outberg.

Oh, I always see my grocery stores. Yeah, cock suckers. Loving and outberg. Around here, huh? There was one the Ardenne Lankish... Yeah, there was one in the Arden, Lancashin. Yeah, there was one in the Arden, Lancashon, that had a black dress on the black one.

That was beautiful. Yeah? You could see she wasn't fucking around. She was going for dollars. I was watching it from the light. I was just watching. I go, oh, look at this freak. She's got the wig on.

She got the whole thing. So how come she doesn't get arrested right away? Because she's doing it right. She's probably got something under her arm. She's looking for something in the neighborhood. But she's making them all the time. We used to see the black one. They used to walk around fucking Riverside all the time.

With the blonde hair? With the blonde hair for years. 10 in the morning. 10 in the morning. She'd walk around the YMCA. You'd see it. I'd see it. I'd be at the park fucking walking the baby in the carriage.

I used to live on Sherman Way in Sepulveda, and that's like where they hang out. Well, that's the headquarters. And I'd go back at night, like at 2 in the morning, and it'd just be out. No, I'm talking to Studio City on those little streets. You see them. They're out there out there. They're out there out by Whole Foods. How do you know their hookers?

Because I saw the black girl working it one day. And then I saw her black. She'd make an eye content, right? No, she didn't make eye contact with me. I saw how she got another guy, an older guy, to lure her at the whole food. You know, when you just get something to eat and you're parking in your car, and you sit there for a few minutes and you eat it. Yeah.

And he was just looking to the parking lot. You're not looking. You're just looking at the parking lot, bro. That's who you're there. You're just looking. And I saw her come in. I saw her walk in, walk out, and she went to the driveway. The guy got in his car with his groceries, picked her up and took her.

What? And then I started seeing her more and more. And then that was... Right by Whole Foods, whatever that is. They do it at Ralph's all the time. No, no, what's the one by... What's the one by the fucking... What's the white one by Laurel Canyon?

Trader Joe's. Maybe it's a hot place. Just public place. The hot one by Riverside. What's down the block from the Marie ETC? Yeah. That's Whole Foods. That's Whole Foods. Whole Foods is a black chick that hangs out there.

Because that's her cover. She's going there to buy something. And she walks in that park. a little old guy comes out, sees and wants his dick suck. And she looks, guys, she can't do that if she's ratty in Studio City. Oh, right, she's got to look to her. She looks like

she gets offered, so she goes around there getting offers? She looks at, seven, eight? She looks like the black girl from the movies, from Catwoman. Hallie Berry? Holly Barry? Wait, and she's, like, hot and she's going to a supermarket parking lots of the rich? Dresses, yep, that's how

she does. I've seen her. I just feel like... I think we got on her. Gelsons. fucking Gelsons. Wait, wait. Gelsons. Is she Ethiopian? No, she's black. I never really had a conversation with it, but I've waved at it. She's waved at me.

She knows that I know that she knows that I know that she's a hooker. Okay, we used to sit there and drink coffee and she walked by every day. And after a while. She's dressed up in hopes to meet some of Starbucks guys. Listen, whatever the fuck. She's walking on Riverside and Laurel Canyon. You're not going to see crack people walking up there. So what she does is she walks down.

Riverside. She sees you by Laurel Canyon and she walks down to Riverside and by the time she gets to Kofax or that following fucking street, you pick her up. Oh. Oh my God, what a surprise. And then she'll ask you whatever the fuck they ask you. You know, whatever the fuck it is that they do. You want to suck my dick. Whatever the fuck they want to do. I never did it like this in the bushes. No, no, no normal people do it like that. It's crazy how there's this one chick that does it right here in the valley. That's insane. And I saw her for a long time in the mornings. My wife saw her. My wife saw her. My wife knew what she looked like. Then there's another thick black one that I tormented from 7-11. The one I tormented. That one that I tormented. She wouldn't even talk to me no more. Because I used to tell her away from me

on the corner. I'm going to go there and shove it up your ass and put jelly on it and she called me all night. Where are you? I'll be right there. I'm on the corner. This one, I met her at the ha-ha. I met this one at the ha-ha. She was the ha-ha one night. Hi, how are you? I'm a comedian. No shit. Nice to meet you.

Two weeks later, how are you? Nice to me. She was another chick. I thought that was kind of weird. They're both comedians. I know comedians, but then again, maybe I don't. I'm not on, at that time I wasn't hanging around on Sunset Boulevard. I didn't know the comedy store. And the third time, she goes, I'm booking a room

in Chamego, California. Can I text you, whatever? Can I call you? I go, call me with the info. I never fucking even remembered her name, guy. Never remembered her name. And then around the holidays. This is when my wife was either really pregnant or just had the baby. Like, I was in shock.

And then one day my phone rang, and she said, I don't know if you remember me, not really. And she was like, this is my name. I want to know if you could help me with comedy. And after a few minutes, you know, when you talk to somebody, you remember him? I know, yeah, yeah, I remember me. And she said, if you could help me.

You know what I was just starting to go on the road. I go, listen, I'm on the road. I just had the baby. I don't know if I could go on to the ha-ha. Okay, that's it. She left her at that. I didn't hear from her again. Then I got a call.

me, bro. Typical hooker shit. She's in a bind. One good question. Did you put it in this? No. She's in a bind. Somebody... Transmission just blew up. No, what was it? Somebody stole her call.

How should you know your number? Because I met her at the fucking car. I thought she was a regular black chick. I thought she was a rich. When somebody tells you they're a comic and they're going to book a room, you don't want to be fucking rude. You think that you're going to give me your number and they're never going to call you again. They're going to text in You're going to be out of town or that's it.

I didn't fucking think nothing of it. She was a cute girl. She got a cute fucking little Chinese girl, whatever. But I felt something weird. One night this fucking, when I first met him, we met some girl. He left with her and he came back 10 minutes later. He didn't tell me. That she wanted him to suck his dick.

Bro, you don't know who you bump into North Hollywood. There's dick suckers out there. Who the fuck knows? I go back to my, I never think about this shit. What are you there? There's dick suckers out there. All hours of the night. He don't fucking know what they want.

So she calls me one night You know when somebody calls you Eddie And they want something from you But they won't tell you Like Eddie I want to train for a month for free I don't have the money They're waiting for you to ask them And they call you again

And you know they want something What is it bro? Well this happened for like three times In 10 days When are you doing comedy again? You know like when you're busy And you're doing something And you phone rings

And you recognize the number But you don't And you let me pick it up And you pick it up And it's like hi It's Clemiel Whatever how fucking name was Are you doing the set in your way?

You know what? I don't know. Can I call you back to me? I'll need you hang up the phone. That was it, guys. One night I got to call that. A car broke down. If I remember her.

No, I don't. And she goes, my car broke down. I need money for something. I'm a DJ. She hit me with the DJ story first. I came right back. I go, listen, I got a fucking baby. I'm in no position to

whatever. I can't help you out. Okay. Sorry to bother. And it was too easy. Somebody who really needed $300 would have fucking work me for it. Yeah. Then like a week later, she called again.

What? And she said, I got out of the bail. Thank you anyway. Good luck with your family or whatever the fuck. And that was it. And then I don't even know. Over time one day, she just called and I go, listen, man. What the fuck is your problem?

What do you want? Yeah. Like, what is it? It's one in the fucking morning. Because she switched numbers. So she started calling me with a New York City number. You know that weird number from New York. it's 925

something something fucking different so I see New York I think it's one of my buddies it's big two in the morning it's fucking Camico I want to know and I asked the one night I said what the fuck is your problem and she goes well sometimes I turn tricks

you know I'm 23 and I'm like oh I fucking knew it I just connected this seven months later I'm 50 I don't you know I don't have had that when I'm 20 I would have banged her already and stabbed her and fucking left her in the desert but now you know what I'm saying like you look at it you go yeah whatever

and then I would see her around town I'd see her at the 7-11 and then I told her, you're fucking crazy and then me and her bumped into her one night we were getting something at 7-11 and she's like, oh, where you been? I started talking until I got in the car, go, Lee, that's the hooker. So she called me again like an hour

later, were you doing anything? I go, you know what, let's finally do this. You know that Jim Lawn, Lancasham? Meet me right there. Shave you a little black pussy. Put a blonde wig on. I just told her a thousand things. And I said, go there. You know when you get high and you forget about somebody. Then the phone rings

and now they're like, where the fuck are you, motherfucker? She called me back and I'm like, what? I ain't picking you up. I just hung up the fucking phone. Never heard from her again. Like what Katie calls you? Guess what? Like six months? Like six weeks later. She calls me again one night.

Hey, baby, I want to know if you're lonely. Who's this? Chimiquot, whatever. I want to know if you're lonely. I said, you know what I am? Meet me on the corner by the jibb. And she's like, okay, what are you going to wear? And I fucking tormenting her. Put heels on, shave your pussy, do this, wash your ass. Okay, baby, okay, baby.

An hour later. What the fuck are you? This went on, like, every six weeks were like two months. It was hilarious. She finally gave up on me. And one night, me, Steve Simone, are eating at that fucking... She just passed. She was going to leave her out there. I used to slating her the whole time.

I was just tormenting her like Bobby Slate. I'll be out there at 25 minutes. I'll be out there in 25 minutes. Wait by the statue. I used to torment Bobby Slate. It was the best work. We can't call him up, no. Because now he knows I don't get high.

What'd you do? I would fucking, like, he'd call him. He'd give me $200 and he'd say, put the Coke under the statue. And I put, like, the statue with nothing under there, like an empty envelope. I just fuck with him. He called him.

What happened to it? I don't know. I left it there. Yeah, there's an envelope, but it's empty. I don't know. What the fuck to tell you? Don't say this to me. Maybe my kid stole it.

Maybe your kid stole. I don't fucking know. Go check with him. Call me back. I didn't got time for this shit. I would torment him. And then I learned what cities he was in. Okay?

And I would call him up on Thursday night. And I go, you got anything? Do you need anything? I go, why? You got a connection? Yeah. I know big people. I didn't know nobody, Eddie.

I knew nobody. He'd be like an Indiana. Right? he'd be like He thinks he's getting drugs He's just waiting for it He's like oh Oh my god

How long before he was Two years until he finally One day realized I wasn't coming through I worked with him once Bobby Slaten in Montreal The whole time He kept going like

I was already Been duck it out early He was doing love That's why I ducked out early he's got it off he's got it off oh my god he left him

both you got it so I would call him like on a Thursday he gained trust with me he took him out just for fun by yourself you know me dog

I'm the mind of a devil when I there's only one guy who ever bought into me Rod Long when they called me up a black comic he was so jones it all the time

listen to me a black comic in Seattle pulled me aside one then he goes you should change your business card from comedian to professional torturer because that's what you are because he had a kid that used to steal his jokes Count Hopkins III

was a black black black guy with a pink tongue, you know those black people that went on stage all you see is a pink tongue he was black Count Hopkins he would do Rod Long's jokes but not really he wouldn't do his jokes but not really like let's say Ronald

say yeah I'm sitting on a pier and I would see Count Hopkins do. I'm sitting on a pier. We would get right on the phone and call right long. He's doing your sitting on a pier joke. No, that Negro is it? Yes, he is.

I'll be right down there, Joe Diaz. He's the only black guy I call me Joe. Oh, my God, he's short at the club, Joe Diaz. He used to call him a joke buccaneer. Where's that joke buccaneer? Where's that joke buccaneer, Joe Diaz? What country was he from? He was from Seattle.

A little light-skinned black dude that I loved for. Rod Long, good fucking dude. La Haya was up there too at the time. The Bushman, I liked the party. So Bobby Slane, we're back to Bobby Slane. So I found out Bobby Slane was a fiend like me. Oh, yeah. So he hooked him with El-Campadre.

So he would call me, I went down there, the bass player. I don't worry about nothing. I hooked him up with the Armenian. Next thing, he's having barbecues at the Armenian. Tremend. He's loving the Armenian. They're over the house.

The wife's getting him. worried. So he would go on the road and he would I would call him on Thursdays in the afternoon. I'd say, do you have anything? And he goes, just a little bit. Why? You know somebody?

Who the fuck you think you're dealing? I know everybody. I go, where you're at? And he told me, I'm in St. Louis, the hotel Eddie Bravo. I go, all right. I'll call you in ten minutes. I'll hang up with him. I call the hotel back. I go, how are you doing? Is there any landmarks close to your hotel? And they go, yeah, like, I'll call you. I'm like, a mile down.

It's like a horse and buggy stand where Abe Lincoln stood perfect. And I would call him back and go listen. I just spoke to the fucking Colombian. What's his name? Don't matter. His name is the Colombian. He's going to meet you over down the corner and I break the

address down to him. This is before the internet guys. I don't know nothing about the fucking internet. And just, are you just sitting in a hotel room in a random city by yourself? I'm in a random city down in 411. giggling to myself, calling information, calling comedy clubs,

calling hotels. Once I know the club, you're doomed. Once I know the club and I know the people at the bar, I'll doom you because I know that I would put them on people who didn't do anything with drugs. And I'd say, go to the bar and wave at the Chinese guy

and blink your nose. And he would do that and say, the fucking guy ain't saying nothing back to me. I owned him, Eddie Bravo. I owned them. You do specific guys to said him to, but for nothing. But for nothing. The guys weren't getting high.

I would go, go over and scratch your nose twice. They'll give you the package. I went over and scratch my nose. He didn't give me nothing. I'm back in my room. You're fucked up. You got nothing tonight. So I would find out, and I'd call him back and go, okay, you're meeting Eddie.

All right? You're going to meet him over by the statue. How long? 30 minutes. And he goes, you know what, snowing out? I don't give a fuck. You got to meet him outside. I'd put him out there in the fucking snow in Cincinnati, Ohio,

in the dead of the winter on a Friday night. to go get his fix. To go get fucking, to go get his fix. He'd be calling me 45 minutes later. He's not coming. He's not coming. Where are you? Go to the thing and wave your arms. Now we'd tell him to wave his arms.

Torture. Then I'd hang up the phone and not answer the phone the rest of the night. He'd call the house 80 times. Just before cell phones. He called the house 80 times. Where are you? Pick it up your fuck. Chino never show. There was no Chino. I just told him that. I just made up the fucking name in my head.

Poor Bobby Doug. Finally, he called on. He was like, I can't take him, no one. He never can't be a single lead. He's not to once let me just a fucking Coke. He could hook him up a couple times. The Armenian? I mean, yeah, good boy. You have a couple of legit hookups. Yeah, he's got to

keep the wins. That's why. You've got to give him something. You can't win them out the whole fucking time. Every fourth one, you give it to me. You got to give him fucking something, you know. I used to, I was telling these guys a while ago, I used to shake this Chinese restaurant. Oh my God. The first walk, Chinese restaurant.

What happened was, I got turned on to Ron. Ron was like a player. He bought neon from my friend. And he had this big lounge. So one day I went to Ron, I go, Ron, let's do a comedy show. This is 94th, dog. I had eight minutes of comedy. And he goes, well, what budget?

I go, give me three bills. I'll pay the headliner, 100. the other guy 50 and I'll keep the rest, right? We do the show. This guy makes $3,000 at the bar. Oh, really? Eddie, he's never made more than $200 at the bar selling my ties and shit.

This guy kept calling me. Joey, when we do it again, when we do it again? So now, you know me and my cocaine line, every time I see him, I just make up a name. What do you want to see, Richard Pry? Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I see Richard Pry. Give me 300, let me call his manager right now, and I'll get him here next Friday,

and he'll do it. Really? He was sure. And, dog, I did this to this guy for six or seven months. Every week I see him and I go, give me 300. Bill Cosby's coming. I'm, well, Richard Pryor, no, come. What happened to Richard Pryor? Listen, Richard Pryor came, but you weren't here. Remember when you went to New Jersey?

Yeah, he was here. He was, no, nobody told me. Oh, I had this guy. I was playing him like a fucking fiddle dog. I was having a great time with this guy until one day he finally goes, nobody's going to fucking show up. Yeah. And he finally goes,

I ain't giving you no more fun. Oh, yeah. How great what Chinese would be? Right now? Yeah. If they delivered. I love those rooms. All this messings got into.

The what? Free margaritas. All you can eat. Where? Whatever the rooms were. In a Felipe's room? Yeah. Felipe's rooms, yeah.

You eat like your ass off. And make like $25.50 bucks? Years ago. Yeah, they were great. Get loaded. They'd give you little tacos at the bar. I go down and they give you 40 bucks.

They were drunk Mexican girls. I didn't know how to appreciate it back then. No, it was too much for me. I would go down and just bomb on principle. But those rooms were fun, man. It's better than just sitting at the store waiting for spots of the nights. Some nights you got to fucking go down there and don't even laugh at you. They didn't want to know fucking white people.

That one room changed name so many fucking times. The Brave Bull? No, that was Rudy Moreno's room. The one Felipe had with Willie where they got shot at. Oh, what? Somebody threw a knife at somebody. That's what? They got chased. They jumped him over a fence.

Yeah, they didn't like fake Mexicans down there. Nothing. What? Why would you go do comedy there? Because it's 50 bucks on a Wednesday. Yeah, you have to, I guess. But no, it's pretty good, though. It's like a real, usually it's a good show. There were good shows. It's a way to drive you out there? Depending on who was hosting.

Yeah. You know, those shows were great. Jeff Garcia was there a lot. If you were the first three comics to go up in those bar-ass shows, he were great. Anything after that, they're fucking hamby. the lake is lost. And Willie Barsana. Willie Barsana would do an hour and a half

in those fucking things. That was the first I ever saw that he would be like, hey, you might have seen Carlos Monsia do this joke, but it's my joke so I can do it, no? I can do it! And then he would like, he would go up on stage and torment Carlos Monsignol. He would talk about everybody.

Oh, my God. He'd talk about everybody. All in stage. And then he'd smack you. It was great. He smacked a couple people down there. He drove somebody's nice. nose and shit.

He got banned from the laugh factory. He broke somebody's nose at the laugh. No way, really? Yeah, he can't step in the laugh factory, will he? Oh. The comedy store either. Mitsy banned him at the comedy store. What's the matter?

There's not in your war, unless I'm a fucking octagon. What happened to that hit? I don't know. Whatever happened to it? We either. Yeah, I told you. Me, you and Eddie ate it.

Eddie. What's one with your feet? You're worse than me, cock sucker. You're looking good, Eddie. You're like Gallum. 42 years old, look at you. You got the 45. 45, looking smooth.

You're looking like Metallica. When they came back from rehab, remember they were all club? Reload. How bad was Metallica, though? 20 years ago. First time I heard that shit, I didn't even know what the fuck I was listening to. They cut the hair. They got, they had a country song on that album.

It was called Load. What? The single was until it sleeps. But they got the same shit for the album before. The Black Album, everyone thought they sold out. when the Black Island came out, when people heard, when I, I'll never forget my friend James telling me that, you know,

you heard the new Metallica song, which was Inner Sandman. Yeah. And if you're, I like the older Metallic. I was young. I was like, 18, 19. The older Fast Metallica? James goes, dude, it sounds like fucking ACDC.

And I'm like, no, no, Metallica sounds like ACD now? And he goes, yes. Oh, my God. And then I, then you hear that Sandman, It is like easy, fucking Deasy. Never was into that song. But the black album does have some great shit. Like, sad but true.

I gave up. Once I heard, I understand, man. I'm like, fuck, Metallic. I was done. I'm a sad but true type of guy. That's a bad ass. But, you know, Unforgiven ended up grown on me, and that's a classic.

And nothing else matters. That's a ballad, but it's a classic. But I remember being an FM station here in the Valley to see a Kiss cover band. And in between bands, they play music, and they played Sad But True, and I was right by the fucking PA. And they had it so crank. I thought, holy shit, this motherfucking song was good. Come on, Sad But True.

No, I'm with you. You can't deny that. How sad but true. Start up from the beginning. Oh, shit. That's a fucking jazz. I gave up on that album. That song pulled me back in.

That song said, oh, shit. I got to go back in. Yeah, let's go. This is deep, dog. That's, this is one of their best. Yeah. I love this jam. Monday mornings is one of my favorite James to play.

There you go. Brick this motherfucker lead. This is Churchill what's happened now. Talks up to Sunday night. Christopher Columbus is a bad motherfucker. One, two, Eddie Bravo on the mic. Ari Sharifia giggling. Yo.

I'm drooling shit. Wait, that's it? Here we go. There we go. Oh, all right. Oh, yeah, I remember this. Come on. Yeah.

That's heavy. Here we go, people. It's starting right now. Here we go now. Hit it, Joe. It's pulled you back in. It's pulled you back in. Heavy.

The chorus is strong as fuck. Turn the light up. Here we go. Turn this fucking crunch that shit. Pilot the bombardier. Pilot the bombardier. Oh, shit. Hit it, Jones.

Who you texting? Okay. You're periscope. Who's fucking periscope? Who's fucking periscope? Who's better than you, huh? Another star of death? What did you do?

What do you do? Oh. I'm going to give some shout-outs. Keep the music playing. Hot-struck. Oh, shit. Michael Marcy, Sierra Realty,

Tommy P. David Martinez. Nick Manzoralla Dola, whatever your fucking name is My main man, Matt Bolzzar, Leo Costa, Dennis Pearson over there in Boston The girl wanted to shake those tithies

Waterboxer And my main man, Jordan Lee Who came out for the fucking This is not happening again Here we go, Arishapier The time to see the devil, cock sucker Oh yeah, here we go Oh shit

Oh shit Bad motherfucker I love this day. Oh, a Metallica moment. That was a nice Metallica moment. What do you think? Would you order cheeseburgers? Sure.

How many cheeseburgers could you eat bread and Elisa? I don't know. Wanting another star? Sure. I know you do. Look at him. Sure. You got him hooked.

He don't give a fuck, Lisa. Yeah. We're already down to like 500 milligrams. How much you eat it daily? Just those. Milliguel. Or do you mean most? As much as they can?

If you ate two more, three more, it would just burn through. Even if you wait two and three more, this burns right through. I have like... You don't even feel it. The two I have, I don't even feel it. You don't feel it. Everything gets overpowering. Because he gives me fucking...

I'm telling you, I'll give you two more. It'll burn right through it. This is what you need in an hour to take you off to Jack. Put on David Bowie, ground control to Major Tom. Let's do this motherfucker right now and shit. If we're going to go deep, let's go deep into... Eddie, one of going to start. No, no, no.

Can I like that one? How are you going to come up with a twisting? Play that song. Play that song. You want to know the start, dog? It's time. Yes. One more to tame the animal.

Look at you. What animal? The animal outside of you. Look at you. You're a fucking savage. Round control. Six. Five.

Yeah, that's a whole crazy beginning part too, right? No, it's fucking craziness, man. Ten seconds. Ten seconds. What time? It's still fucking. Yeah, bro. Hey, man.

215 in the afternoon. You could still go out and fucking do what you're doing. I appreciate you guys sitting in with just three fucking morons talking shit on the Sunday night. What else are you going to do? This is it? This is as good as it gets for you. You guys doing shows on Sunday nights now?

Is that the thing? No, no, no. Just tonight. It's Columbus Day tomorrow, dog. There's no work. What the fuck? People at home, they can't fucking sleep. They're sitting there with the thumb up their ass.

Oh, yeah. You just got to sit around. This is it. Ground control to major tongue Oh shit Ground control To major talk I thought it was the person I was looking at

Twitter and shit Take your protein pills And put your helmet on Put your helmet on, cuck, We're going deep tonight We're going to make the tongue What's the story? We're going to eat this other half of them on

Countdown engines are The one. What you're one? That's the worst star. You're who? I'm good. I'm high. I'm fucking good.

Me too. Good sharp. Helmeton. Ground control. Who is that? Who sends that song? David Bowie. Where the fuck you've been?

Put it back on. Where are you sound? He's about to go off. Put it off from the beginning of you. I'll be with you. This is... Really? Oh, no. Oh.

Charlie. Ready? It's tough to ten. This is the last real juice. So least. We're gonna fuck around. We go deep here. Wow.

What? There's people in other countries that are wished they had a star. That's a flame for enterprises. He didn't start like Matt Max ate the salamander. He started to get out of his mask. That's time to get out of his mouth. And he's like, he's like,

and he's not getting down. That's too little. I start was delicious. They're really delicious, you should want to know the other one, but good. This will take the edge of, you ready for half of one any problems?

Half of what? I'm good, man. I'm good. Thank you, though. Appreciate it. My fucking ear swelling is going down a little bit. What did you ever hear of it from? I fucking told you from jumping.

It's even hot right now. It's fucking on fire. Last night took one of those four-year-old vikens. My fellow, sleep like a baby. Tonight God. What are you eating over there, Lee? You're still eating that fucking salamander? Uh-huh.

He's not even one that wants to go down with it. Try to spit about that. You don't give a fuck. No. Oh, my God. I don't have a choice. It just takes their arguments away. What do you think this is?

I mean, is Castro here? You got choices. It takes, like, 30 minutes if I wanted to say no. I feel bad and then they go on Twitter. What do you say? He said give more stars. He said give more stars. Where's ground control of Major Town?

What happened? What's that about? What? That's all. Put it on from the beginning and we'll break it down here. It's got to be about drugs. Go ahead, Lee, put it on. Space is always used as in taking off, blasting off.

Is that it always used as a metaphor? drugs. Yeah, probably, right? Which was? It could be about, you know what? It might be about nothing. There's some singers that write about nothing. They're just putting cool phrases together, and it's really about nothing.

And I think David Bowie might be one of those guys. Grounded and drugs a major talk. What? Just like, didn't even read anything? There's bands out. What are you doing? Lo, Lee, Luke. There's bands out there.

Low. We're going to talk over it. He's writing a bunch of cool. Go ahead, keep up. It's not really about anything. And they do it on purpose. To fuck with their audience? No, just to show you're going to talk about the melody.

It's not what you say, really. That's the icing on the camera. Like that R.E.M. song? Like that R.M.? I don't know about R.A. I don't know. You know the one where it's like a... What's R.M. got to do with this conversation?

Do you know, what's one... Hey, you're talking about... Yeah. Relax. Yeah. So you're saying that was just about nothing. That's a different. I'm just saying,

Eddie Bravo, get in the mic. The melody. No, it could be about something, but you don't know what it's about. I don't know what it's about. No one knows it. No, I hear what you're saying. But people love it because of the melodies.

Yeah. It's not really, if the words are making sense, the lines sound cool, and within the line does it make sense? It doesn't, there's really, no story to it. There's a lot of songs like that. You just name, I know, 80% of the song.

That's the R&M song. We didn't start the fire. What is that about? I know, nothing. Exactly. He's just sang. Nothing. He's just sang some stuff.

Exactly. and stuff. And he's like, why? I love those lyrics. I love them. Because meanwhile, they're not about anything. They're just a stream of conscience. Who's playing in the Maracas? You're the Maraccas? Is it me? It happens a lot. You understand that it's... And then you give

more power where you're a little fucking 14-year-olds? You let them relate those phrases to their lives, and that's supposedly you know, in the music business, I think it's better that your audience doesn't know exactly what you're singing about. That's actually better. So they can kind of just

make up their own shit. And then, you know, Once you tell them the truth and they've grown up thinking a certain way about this song, actually, how about lyrics that you thought they were saying, you find out they weren't saying that at all? Yeah. And that was a cool line that you gave them credit for the lyrics, and it turns out a whole different line. You know, so.

We can miss my friend. All that means it's about the vocal melody. It's not totally about the lyrics. The lyrics are great too. Then that's a bonus, but you don't have to know what the song is. How many songs are like that? Think about all your songs and try to. to figure out if you really, really know what that song's about.

How about the one with the, it's about baptism or whatever? I love that song Cherab Rock by Smashing Pumpkins. What songs are? I have no idea what it's about. I love the song. I don't know what disarm is about. Tonight, tonight. I really don't know what.

It's about tonight tonight. What the fuck? It's tonight tonight. Can't be about tomorrow tomorrow. That's a good point. Today, it's about tonight. Yeah, I don't know what those songs are about. You know, if you stop to think about it, most of the songs you love,

You don't know what the fuck they're about. That's what makes them interesting. You don't know what they're about. But Judas Pre-sang. He was singing... I thought he was singing the devil or something, at least. No, he wasn't singing to the devil. He was singing to cock.

Oh, what? Same devil. There's a different fucking outfit. Name a couple of your favorite songs, any of them. Just the songs that you like. There's any songs. That leads up a song where they go, uh-huh. You know what that song is about?

No. Of course. We come from a land and the ice. Is that one of your favorite songs? Yes. Okay, give me another one of your favorite songs. Give me another one. Give me name one of your favorite songs.

Name one of your favorite songs. I'm like a magician. I bet you don't know. Most people think they know. Yeah, most people think they don't realize that they don't know what these songs are about. Some of them, yes. Some of them, if you're obsessed with a band, you listen to interviews, and they ask what's the song about? And then they might say an interview with the songs about this and that.

Those songs, there are songs out there. But you've got to hear it from the songwriter and interview. If you don't hear it from him, Like maybe live, that guy will introduce the song, say, this song's about my sister, and, you know, how hard it was growing up with no parents. You know, okay, then you remember that shit. Okay, that's that one song.

But if you didn't hear him talk about it, you would never know what the songs are about. You go to a hotel and some dude goes up there playing song. This is about a song I wrote when my mama was in the house, but who gives a fuck? Just sing play that song. Don't ruin it for me. You get 200 a night.

Just fucking play. Godflapped. Lenny Kravitz once said that he doesn't, Or was it, no, I think it was Seal. Seal said he doesn't want people. He didn't want to explain. Seal! Hey, Seals are talented motherfuckers.

Come on. Seals down. Fuck Seal. Come on. Let me grab it. I want to listen to him. He had some good shit. Crazy.

Crazy. Oh, yeah. Crazy. The one is so annoying. Yeah, but he sings it to everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that's on.

The Batman song. The Batman song. He's still showing up. So bad. The Batman song. The Batman song sucks. The Batman song. The Batman song.

Oh. But all that album, that was some good shit. He had some good fucking shit. I'd way rather listen to SEAL, first two SEAL albums than like the shit that's out now. You know, like, like... Did you get this from fucking Doctor yet? They want you to shit in an envelope?

Did you get this from SAG yet? Any problem? This is when you know you got problems. Why did you bring this into the office? Because I just remember, this is what I got to do with my life. This is what my life is trying to... Huh? Why don't we talk about Lyrics?

Sample deposit, right? How do we get on that? I don't know. I'm just trying to tell you people that this is what happens sometimes. This is what you get in the mail now from SAG. UCLA Burley Pathology. Yeah. All right.

Don't just send you this. When you're 45 and they said you've got a shit in one of these. What do you mean? What are you right? Right here. You got a shit in this little fucking paper. Is that for SAG? Yeah.

This is some SAG. Wait, what? I think I'm fucking with you guys here. What is that for? I'm trying to drop knowledge on you, motherfuckers. When you turn to a certain age, You got a shit in the glass. The first guy, and you have to send it to a doctor.

They pay this guy like 12 an hour to analyze your shit. Josep. See? I got to send you. What? Hold on. They send you? Yeah.

Stuff. I didn't shitting it yet. You sheds are way very long. What? And you're supposed to shit? You're not sent it back to them? When you're trying to certain age, you're going to get a call one day when you're to drive.

What do you mean? Just set us stuff? Be careful. Be careful what kind of shit to put in there? Make sure it's some good healthy shit. Who are you doing it? Who are setting stuff to? Who are.

I'm going to eat some fucking good Chinese food, some salads. I'm going to fuck them up. All right, you get a call from Kaiser Permanent. They're saying, Ari Shafir, here's the deal. You got to fucking pontificate. What's another word for shit? What's the decent word for shit? Pontificate or something like that?

You've got to do something. Deficate. You're like, what do you talk? I thought it was a joke. No way. And they sent it was, and my wife is saying, you have that in the hell. You got a shit in a cup. What do you mean?

They can't collect your feet on there. And they tell you what's going on with you if you're a half a Martian. What's not evisible? They're processing you? Does Brad Pitt have to do that? No, what is this? Everybody does this. What is this?

Have you heard this? No. Pathology, I understand. Services, everybody. I think you might have got Jim? No, the prison psychiatrist told me I was going to get this in the mail. Wait, fucking. Wait, wait, wait.

Collects tool for sample, collections instruction. Read that. Read that out loud. You think I'm fucking. That up. I'll print that up. I love you guys too much. Someday when you guys get old, you're going to see that.

They send you this shit. No, wait. is this because of prison or is this? No, it's because of fucking just being old. That's what you gotta start doing when you turn fucking 40. Rap sampling bottle in the dormant. Look at the Sunday night. Weaves a music video.

It's a plastic bag. I told you. I ain't fucking lying to read that out lot. Read that out lot. Humiliation when you get old and shit. He's just laughing at home. What? It bail you at home to disturb you.

They bargain your, collect your shit. They give you this. the shit in that? You have to. You got no choice. They'll bother you to your shit that fucking thing. They will call you every day. They're on the podcast. I'm not going to shit that thing on the podcast. I eat the Cuban sandwich. No, no, I ate a Cuban sandwich for dinner.

Come on, you got a shit. Who wants it? Who wants to smoke a joint? I got another joke. Who wants your shit? The fucking UCLA. How many times I got to tell you? O.C. Auto package. When you turn fucking 45, you got a shit in the package, answering your questions about correct the call. How do they know it's

your shit? What if you put like a 20-year-old shit in there? All right. What are the risk factors for collector of cancer? Age people with inflammatory bowel disease or Crohn's disease. A personal history of collectoral cancer or They're going to make you videotape it.

With no edits, no cuts. What is the correctoral cancer? I don't know what the fuck they're saying in here. These people send you to the skate. You know, one minute you're walking down the street. You're not going to join. For the mail, Joey. That's some sort of weird scam. What mail? No, this is

fucking sag. I got a call. That could be a joke. Guys, I ain't fucking with you. They can't. I'm saying someone's probably fucking with you. They collect your fecal matters. Who does? Sagan sure. The insurance takes your shit. How do they know it's your shit? What I'm going to do is I'm going to go to the park and put a dog shit

in there fuck with their mind. I don't know. Yeah, exactly. They got to take up. Where do they put a horse shit in there? When you go to the doctor and he puts his finger up your ass, they take the scrapings. And they send that to the sample. You got a finger up your ass.

Who do they send it to? They said to some guy. You can tell a lot about it. $15 an hour. And he checks us. And every five years, listen, when you turn 50, you got to go for a colonoscopy. What? You got to drink a milkshake, pee for 16 hours, and they shove a camera up, your fucking ass.

That's coming for all of us. That's for everybody. It's got to go. A third of us are going to get that, that Terry Bradshaw disease. What, retarded? No. Which one? The one with the skin falls off.

Jay Brantchow's skin's falling up Yeah One of those guys Joe Nameth and Terry Brancho That's leprosy No It's like leprosy though Is that still around leprosy?

I don't fucking That's the worst fucking disease No one can even help you Look up to scut you Yeah I'm hungry but I won't Eat these stars That's one vaccine

That's what happens I just eat You got Pringles? No I'm saying Instead of just collecting stars In your place Get some Pringles once in a while What fucking Pringle?

Get something non-medicated to eat Look at the size of me I need Pringles in my fucking life? for a second? I need Prindles in my life. Why you're insulting me? What's up, buddy, bra? We can take a pot. We can pause it and go... We'll pause. There's no pauses in real life. What do you do? There's no pauses in real life. There's no

pauses in real life. We ain't fucking life. We ain't fucking around here. We ain't out of any podcast. I thought you want to smoke a joint. We'll figure it out. That's a T-shirt right then. That's a communist. What's up? Ari, you want another piece of this in? No. You good? Yes. Oh, my God. Look at the shape of Harry.

Holy shit. It was really strong. It's strong. Let's periscope this shit, I already mean. No, I'm just having a good time. Me too, me too. Oh, my God. I don't want to look at my eyeballs.

I'm scared. I don't want to talk to nobody. I just want to sit here and look around the room. Any problem. I'm happy you came down for it. Hey, anytime. I love it, man. And, you know, I just want to tell you that most

of the Tenth Planet Association worships you. love you. Oh, I love them too. The 10 W. Everybody on the 10 W.O. I love them too. I love it. There's got to be 10 Planet Flans still showed up to all the show. All of them. All the shows. You see a 10 Planet shirt and it does something to you. You see a lot of guys that come and go, I don't want to take your time. It's something like, oh, that's cool. Yeah, they're really are. Every school, every school designs are in our own. And I got like 55 or something like that and they're all competing on, you know, on designs.

What's the story? You're going to turn the egg on? I benefit because I don't think anybody has as many cool rash guards as I do. I have a shit load of badass rash guards for my schools. I'll have nothing to do.

I'll rip off a little part of that design here. I'll rip off a little part of that design here. A little of that. Make my own. It's a trade-off. They're using the logo. I'm using their designs. And Jiu-Jitsu is rolling right along, man. Yeah. Yeah, but I got, like I said,

55 schools. If you're interested in Jiu-Jitsu, Get on 10 Planetjj.com. Click locations. You might be surprised to find a location near you. Most of my locations are in small towns. Small towns. 55. Something like that.

I'm not sure. Could be 51, could be 59. Could be... This is what Duncan says me. He's watching. Oh, shit. Let me see that. Let me see that.

That's what all with that. I can't see He's like Oh He's naked He's naked He's gonna take him Are you allowed to put that on the camera?

He's shaped like Bobby Lee Oh my God What is that? Oh my God Please help What was that? That was it The fucking a war in the night

Goes to Duncan Trust Nobody says nobody is Unless they're a professional Oh my God Duncan, you suck dick. Oh my God. You have to watch this in the beginning. What is that monkey thing?

I don't fucking know what it is. Oh, God, 20 seconds. It's like some kind of monkey thing. Oh my god, that's so weird. Only Duncan would fucking find out. He's like a Ukrainian man. Oh, he's naked. Text number.

Text Duncan. Joe, look at the camera. What's up, cock suckers? Text Duncan the number to call in. All right, text the number. Is this him? Don't say the number out. I'm not going to.

Cocksucker. That's him who text me that video. Okay, okay. Send him the number. so he could call in, tell him calling in two minutes. Okay. We got to discuss where he got this video. Who sent him this video?

I don't know why he would send me that video if he knew the condition I was in. He really got down on him. Oh, my fucking God. You text him? Not yet. I have you. He looked like a hedgehog.

He's looking like a hedgehog. He was hunched over. I'm loving this, people. I haven't done this in years. Sometimes. And they've got a muff hair he at. This is as crazy as I like for it to get in my world. I'm controlled.

I'm around friends. Wait. That was a lot. bottom of muff hair though right? That was the creepiest fucking thing. I ever saw on my life. Only Duncan could find that. I didn't know what it was. I thought it was some guy singing. I thought it was Duncan

making a video of himself. Saying like, I'm just testing it. Texting what? I'm testing. Oh my God. Are you sending it to him so that he could put it on the screen? I don't know are we allowed to? Are you allowed to put it? It's a YouTube video, I guess.

But he's on YouTube. No way it's YouTube. Who is it? Who is that? he was naked, right? Who is it? Where is the video from? Who has the video? Where is, what is it? What do you mean?

What the fuck? Put the video on. Let's see the video on the big screen. That's on your phone. Well, you can send it to yourself. You know all these computer fucking tricks. Okay, let me try, but hold on. Here, text Duncan.

Tell him to call in the number. Who cool? We know what we know. FCC's going to come after you for putting this up on. for doing what? They're putting this up online. I'm not going to put it up online. It's not me.

Some fucking little kid dancing around with a bush. That's got nothing to do. He looks like a monkey that kid. Oh, my God. That's the scariest thing ever. I didn't know what it was. Like, I thought it was Duncan trying to put a flashlight in front of his face, trying to go, ooh.

Boy, was I in fucking shocked. Lee, what are you doing? One day, beards on your genital tell you are going to be back. Beards full beard. One of these days girls are going to be attracted to that again. Just a, The hair Hairy is

Bush Somebody has to be now, right? There's got to be a... Beards are in. Beards are in. High school kids have bearded. I've never cut my ball hair. I mean, I've done it like

15 times in my life. You what? Cut my ball hair. Cut your bald hair? Ball hair. That is the funny... Oh, cut your bald? Yeah.

I have seen... Do you? Yeah, I trim that shit. I'm a hairy man. Duncan's on the line, ladies and gentlemen. I trim the shit out of my shit. All right, Duncan's on the line. I'm like...

Half Armenian, half Iranian. Duncan, what the fuck is that video? Who is that? Nobody knows, man. Oh, my God. Can you tweet it out so people can see? That actually comes from Brendan Walsh. She's got a friend named Blazer Wang

that sends him that stuff every day. Like the creepiest, weirdest shit. What is that? like a person. What was that? That looked like a fucking hedgehog. That's a, no, that's a person for sure. That's just some little guy. He's little. Alone in his

apartment dancing for someone. Too bad you can't show it. That is fucking, we almost died. I don't. Show it. I want to try to. It's so weird looking. We do 20 fucking. Oh, yeah, there's naked guys. Yeah, no, you can't be doing that

shit. These people are. I'm sorry. I said you. You know, I know what's going on, and I just felt like God wanted me to send that to you. I think it's disgusting, man. I can't even focus in on what video site he's on. What was that music? That's it. What's my hair?

He's really. kicking love. America, this is really fucking bad. This is bad to think that people do this. You guys should stare at your money. That's another thing I like to do when I'm up. What a fuck? You should have came down here, I'm telling you.

Right now, you would have been the ring leader of this fucking ass and trip here. You're scared a dollar bill. It's so weird. All right, who's got a dollar bill? Let's put it to a test. I got no dollar bills. Anno Lee's got a dollar bill. Do you have to turn the lights off say some hymns or anything? No, just look at it.

All right. Look at it with the veil of conditioning listed. It's fucking weird. I mean, I would stare. I remember doing that one. Me and my friend actually like burnt money one, like old school hippies.

Really? Just because we're staring at it and it seems so I don't know, just so malevolvely. You don't mean, though. Yeah. To burn money, it's so fucking bad. Yeah, it's like ultimate blasphemy but it's meaningless it's just a rectangle of paper but it's when

you're doing it you know it's literally it's illegal too I think but when you're doing it it's really it's really fascinating to notice how your brain reacts to just burning paper it's very interesting what else is going on my brother well I don't know man I've been watching your podcast really enjoying it you guys seem to the end It's a great time, and I just wanted to call him and say hello. I wish I had something interesting to report. Talk, that fucking thing that you sent was enough. You took, he threw us for a fucking loop.

That thing, that's wanted in 20 states, that little dance from that fucking poor little Mexican guy. It's so fucking hilarious. I'll continue some more stuff now. No, not tonight, not tonight. Any other night, but tonight. My mind is overloaded already with that poor bastard, singing with a bush. I love you, Dee. I love you guys.

Thank you for calling in, brother. You got it. What's up, Ari Shapi. How long are you going to look at that dollar bill now for an hour? I don't know. Jesus. Maybe money was meant to be looked at on acid. Yeah, maybe.

That's an old one. What's that? An old dollar bill. What difference does it make? I don't know. You got a new one on you? No. Oh.

You got a new one? That's fine. What's the matter? Yeah. You get that dollar back? You don't remember me. What's the matter, Lee? You're right? I'm cool.

You want another star to calm you down? Sure. No. He's a savage and shit. A nation of fucking set. What's up, E.B. You're sitting there. You got the new haircut. You don't want to say nothing.

I'm just, I'll just hear hanging out. When is Eddie Brownwell radio coming back? We're coming back as a new fucking label. It'll come back eventually. It's just, man. There's been so much shit going on in my life. You know, it's a need to take a little break from it. It gets busy.

Sunday nights is a bad night. Yeah. It's family night. You're in. You're relaxing. I got to get up at 9 o'clock and go talk shit for two fucking hours. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah.

I love it when you're doing this shit. But I have put out a couple songs on my SoundCloud lately. Last week I put out an old song by Temple Amir. It was never released it. It was a song that I never. I never put out there, but I always wanted to finish it. And Billy Howardo from a perfect circle, he engineered it. And we took all her old vocals and redid the drums, the bass, a lot of the strings,

left a lot of the guitar from the original, and just popped it on SoundCloud.com slash eddy dash bravo. If you like to any of that old Temporamere stuff, you'll dig this one. It's in the same vein. I think it's better than all that of the stuff, especially now with the high-quality production. Now this is the way Temple Lemur was supposed to sound, just like this. It was better than you.

It was better than you? What's that Cuban sandwich, Cox? In the car. It's gone. Fucking, you leave it in the car. It smells like, Arjunio. You brought me over there and he gave it to me there. Anjuna.

Is that what the Italian people say? Anjana. What's Anjana? I don't know. Adjula. Anjana. Adjia. What does that mean?

Heartburn. Oh. What are the Jews quality? I don't know. They got something. What do they call heartburn? When they get arduited. Fucking Jews get arduited.

They call it something. Give me, I don't know. It's called a burp. What's going on, Lee? You're starting to see elephants? Sure. You ready to smoke another number? They'll calm it down?

Huh? That'll calm it down? Sure. They'll calm the dragon down for a little while. He's going to show up at your door breathing again in two hours. What's up, Ari? Everybody's depressed and everybody's pooped out. That's it?

No, I'm all right. any new moves and stuff? New moves? Yeah. And you show Lee a move to that. Show Lee. What's like the biggest... How farce are gone now?

It's always evolving, right? Yeah. It's always changing. It's just like asking a comedian, do you have new material? What are the trends now? We got into leg locks. Really? Tenth Planet has always been leglock friendly.

I just didn't want to be heavy on heel hooks. Like, that's our main goal is to fuck you up with nice. I never wanted to go that route because... It's such easy. And MMA, it's risky in MMA. It's great when there's no punches. It's awesome. But now with the rise of the submission only game and that, man, you've got to have your leg locks together.

If you're going to mess with any submission only tournaments. Why? They just keep trying to get it. The legs are a very big part of submission only. Yeah. And not a big part of traditional points tournaments. So submission only is blowing the fuck up. There's all these tournaments busting up everywhere.

Submission only. That's it. No points. No points. Yeah, what are we talking about? That's it. Yeah, I like that. So you ask the question, is there, what's the latest evolution?

Over the last six months, leg locks. Getting really, really heavy with leg locks. Just as heavy as rubber guard, just as heavy as all the lockdown stuff. Really? Just as heavy is all the twister stuff, that heavy. We're taken to the next level. And it used to be a 10th planet. We always had heel hook guys.

We always had guys that were all into heel hooks. And even though personally I wasn't going to make the heel hooks. heel hook game, my number one priority. It was always my backup game when my clenching game wasn't working. But, um... You always call those other guys in, too. Like Shigekeke and stuff, you'd be like, hey, show this.

Show this. You're good at it. We always had a few leglock guys in the mix. There's always a few. Shigecki was the original guy who was getting the inside heel hooks from the saddle arm. But now, now everybody in the system, from day one, the white boats, they're all exposed, heavily exposed, to the

heel hook system. So that's the biggest It's changed. Okay. And it's changed my game tremendously. Sometimes I just go after heel hooks the whole time I never did that before. Really? And now I'm just going after them. If you're really good at rubber guard, that means your flexibility's on point.

And your dexterity is also, you know, it's got to be solid. So that's exactly what's needed for leg locks. You need dexterity in your legs, the flexibility to get in and out and in a weave. They need to work like arms. So rubber guard and heel hooks go together so well. Nathan Orchard. He's all rubber guard and heel hooks. And he's got other stuff too, but he's very strong with just those two.

And same thing with Brian Debs. He's one of my purple belts from, he's a head instructor at 10th Planet, Beaumont, Texas. He's all rubber guard and heel hooks. It works so well. Going closer, Eddie. Going closer. When people pull out of your rubber guard, if they posture out, it fails,

bam, you got a good leg lock game. It's right there. Boom. You can't clinch for the rubber guard. Start attacking the legs then. Or go after them right away. that's the biggest change in the 10th planet game is now we're all heavy with it now it's standard it's in the we have heel hooks in the warm-up curriculum really yeah we have white belts that are really good at heel hooks already

you know so that that's the biggest change lately you know now they legal or not legal competition in points in some tournaments they're not legal on the big ones the iBJJF like the big ones the traditional ones heel hooks are illegal you can't even reap you can't even bring your outside like in and you get to qualified. It's really, uh, why it's so easy to injure? That's what they say, but it's really not. What's just the one to tap? You're already injured. Is that the one? That's what they

say. That when you tap, you're already injured. That's all bullshit. That's all bullshit. It's like your shoulder is just as vulnerable as your knee. You know, you're putting Camoras and Americana's, a shit cranks the shit out of your shoulders. I can tear shoulders apart. What's better

or worse? Your shoulder getting torn off or your ACL getting torn. It's both the same thing. Why are we protecting the sacred knees? Oh, they're so sacred. It's all sacred. But you know what?

This is jiu-jitsu. And it turns out that heel hooks aren't that dangerous. We've always allowed reaping at 10th plant from day one. I never discouraged reaping. What's always? No, it's rare that someone gets hurt from a heel hook in, or a toe-hohoho. What's reaping? Bringing the outside leg in.

It's your legs, there's all these different leg configurations when attacking legs. There's inside heel hooks, outside heel hooks, and all different kinds of variations, and in all different ways you can place your legs, and some places are the best place for your legs, and some are not so good, but still effective. And there's all these different levels and positions. Reaping is just one position where the outside leg comes in and over the hip,

and it seems like, oh, it's going to tear the knee apart, but it doesn't. It doesn't. People rarely get hurt from heel hooks. Abu Dhabi allows heel hooks, and as far as no gee goes, that's the most prestigious. So they allow all sorts of hicks. And, you know, sometimes people get hurt.

But, you know, you can get hurt with neck cranks and elbows and shoulders. So I think leg locks just got a real bad rap. And it was from the Brazilian jihadistica community. And I think that, you know, the grappling systems that had nothing to do with Brazilian jihadica, like catch wrestling and even judo and there were sombo. these styles were rich in leg locks. So that was that was huge in

battling these guys. A Brazilian jiu-jitsu guys, they knew that the only shot they had was leg locks. So that's the, it seems like instead of embracing the leg locks, let's just make it illegal and let's just cut it out. It just seemed like, yeah, like they don't have to deal with it. Now they don't have to deal with it. We just made it illegal.

Boom. It should be legal. really should. Naga, Naga has, they allow heel hooks. There's not all, there's not this epidemic of people with torn ACLs. It's just not happening. You'd, you'd tell your, um, I've never had my ACL tour from heel hooks. I've been doing Jiu-Jitsu 21. Yeah, it could happen. Anything can happen. You can't get hurt. People have gotten hurt. People have gotten hurt from various positions, you know, you just, just part of the game. You know, it's like playing basketball or playing football. Sometimes you're going to tweak your knee. Sometimes you're going to tweak your elbow, your shoulder, you might break a finger or something.

That's just, it's just a part of sports. People get hurt playing basketball, all the goddamn time. They tell you that, in wrestling and all that. So it's jujitsu, you don't get hurt more than any other sports. It's the same. I've been there in the trenches for 21 years. It's funny, I went to dinner with some friends of mine, and they have kids that are old, you know, like 14, 15-year-old kids.

They were talking about girls' soccer, how the one kid's daughters had three concussions already that they don't fuck around in New Jersey with their soccer. Concussions? Concussions? Playing fucking soccer bumping into other fucking people. I've never heard of society. I got so many fucking concussions. When I was a kid

I had one concussion. I fell off a motherfucker ex-1-75 doing 80 on some Seacoccus road with them. It wasn't developed. I used to be a motorcycle guy. Did you know that, bro? Other people don't. When I first moved up, when I first moved...

Why do you think it's misconception? It's the weirdest thing. When I first moved to North Bergen, those guys, the guys I ran with were a motorcycle kid. So we all had, we all had a... Oh, that kind of motorcycle? Kawasaki 250? No.

I started with a Honda 50. Wait, were you up in the air? I started from the bottom, dog. I started from the bottom to the top. You were like, no, no, no, no, no. Dude, my first car was a moped. I had a moped when I was 15 when I got my, it's not, it's like the learners permit thing.

You can drive mopeds. Dude, I was done. as the long-haired dude. In Southern California? You know how many people pulled up next to me? Like, dudes thought I was a chick from behind. It's like, I had this hair, they had this shades. I was 15 years old, 16 years old.

I looked like a little girl. Dude's a pull up. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Fuck, mope. No, when I from moving to Jersey, I had a Honda used to make a 50 that was an automatic.

What do you mean? Automatic? No clutch. Oh. Just three under three. on the tree. Bang, bang, bang. There were 50 Cc's, a Honda Mini Trail.

And it just so happened that you could steal them off the trucks and Seacorpe. So the whole neighborhood had a Honda mini trail. But then, you know what? You could bore out a 50-CC engine. Like if you have one of those geeky kids in the neighborhood instead of Jiu-Jitsu, they bore it out engines. You can get it to be 75cc.

But by that time it was too late. Yamaha had like an XL 75, a Kawasaki that was brilliant. XR 80. That's what it was. And XR. 40, fuck the 70. was showing up with an 80 bitch and it came with the fucking already ready to go with the

mud flaps and shit that wasn't good enough then you got a 125 then after the 125 you get a 175 the one after that's 250 the one after that you're just the fucking biking I stopped at 175

but bro I had every type of motorcycle growing up like I loved all that dumb shit but the one I loved the most was the lawnmore ones nobody ever had a long mower motorcycle it's a low mower motorcycle it's a low mosaic

yeah there's little mini bikes yeah there's a little mini bikes Mexicans invented the low moan minibike where you're going Oh where the fuck you go I'm gonna go down

in the ground for a minute No no no No way I can't wait done You can't wait down I can give you a different mic Yeah give me a different mic Go ahead

But keep talking about the long mar Leave him You know it was crazy about my Moped that still haunts me And my nightmares I swear This it haunts me Wait, Eddie, I can't already switch.

What? Uh-huh. Just switch seats. No, no. Who's gonna fucking switch seats now? He's on the floor, late. What do you do this is? Musical fucking games?

So, you know, on a moped, there's no gas reader. What do you call it? Gasodometers? You just have to kind of guess because you have to mix it. You have to, you have to make the gas. You take this moped. You have to mix it.

Yeah, it's a weird moped. I'm telling you. So you had to guess, I had to keep track with my eyes and shit. Dude, if you run out of gas, it's like a bike. What? Yes, mopeds are. were half bike

have legs of strength the fuck you you have to do this to go like it wasn't worth the aggravation barely go inch long that was like the biggest fucking faust the Americans had

it always ran out of fucking oil you gotta mean so I dream I dream that I'm in on my moped and I'm like fuck I don't know when the last time I I don't know if I'm gonna run out of gas it's been so long I can't remember when I put fuel in it last

and I have these night of the dream yeah and then I wake up always stressful dreams I'm on my moped and I don't I can't remember. But that's one of those dreams that if there was a gas odometer and that wasn't stressful,

maybe that would have been a good dream about, dude, I had a great dream. I was on my moped. I was 15. But since there was that drama there, maybe that's what fucked up the good dream. Because now I got all stressed out about it, right? But if I didn't get stressed out about it, maybe I would just have a cool moped dream. Does that make sense? Yeah, a little bit.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because check this out. One of the craziest dreams of nightmares I always have. I have this one all the time. You don't get stressed. You just have a good bo-pen. A bo-patency.

Yeah. What the fuck is what I'm thinking. What the fuck is that? What is this? Because of the gas. And the stress is the gas. I'm like, I don't remember the last time we put gas in this thing. I could run out at any second.

Oh, yeah. And then I'm all stressed down. I think of your life. Coming through your horrible dream. You think so? It's more of that. Maybe that. No, you say that.

But I think that's right. I don't know. I think that's supposed to, like, I think I'm getting a treat. I'm getting a cool moped dream, but the fact that the gas, that thing didn't exist, the gas odometer, it stresses me out. Just like when I used to order the strip club. Yeah. I think I'm supposed to, I always have nightmares that I'm at the strip club DJ and I can't

remember any of the girls' names or I can't find it in the CDs. You got to be on. You got to know the girls. You got to know their songs. You got to know every girl's different. There's a girl that likes Tool and Marilyn Manson, there's a techno girl, there's an R&B chick, there's a hip hop chick, there's a chick that just says, just put up, play anything, and then you just play your favorite shit.

You got every chick, you have songs attached to them. You got to be sharp to be a strip club DJ. It ain't easy. How do you remember all this? It's time. Hold on, hold on, strip club DJ wannabe. Listen to this right now. This is how to be a fucking.

You have, I'd have professional DJs come in to audition that were sweating because there's no he's going to be able to figure this out. He doesn't know the girls. And you've got two and a half minute songs. You got to keep it going. You got to know when to rotate. You got to know the girls. It's all by the skinnier teeth shit.

You know, a chick. You got a chick's a set ready. She comes up with a CD and goes, okay, play track two. Fast forward at 33 seconds on that one. And for my second song, play track four, and then make sure you're faded at 2.30. And then you got it.

And I'm about to play it. I'm about to play her set. Some guy asks her for a lap dance. Now she goes, skip me. I got 15. seconds to find another girl and her set. So if I got 15 seconds, I would say

Candy, you're going on stage now, and I would grab the Crystal Method, Vegas. It's like Chemical Brothers. It's like Chemical Brothers. I would grab that motherfucker, boom, bam, track four, track eight. You know what I mean? That's a skin of your teeth set right there.

So my dreams are, my dreams are, I'm supposed to be having a great strip club dream, a great one, but I can't remember. remember anybody's name. So I'm all stressed out. The manager's coming up. I have these all the time. The manager's pissed. I'm going to get fired. I'm like, fuck. I can't

remember shit. I can't read the CDs. The club's packed. Girls are everywhere. And it just, it ends up being a fucking nightmare. Every time it's a nightmare. It's never cool. Your time is present. You want to feed your mind with the best or what's out there. But who has time to send you all the nonsense on the internet?

For those of us who want premium content and don't have the time and to watch waste finding it, there's next issue. For those of us who want premium content and don't have time to waste finding it, there's next issue. Next issue is the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines. Anytime, anywhere, using your phone or your tablet.

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Sign up for next issue right now. You'll get immediate access to all the top magazines, including back issues and exclusive videos. And photos. Hey, listen, they got the best content around, like I told you. I love architecture, so I watch the one magazine. What's the one thing I get? I don't even know anymore. I can't even describe myself. I like sports, so I get sports illustrated.

Sometimes I want to find out what's going on entertainment weekly. I got a bunch of stuff like that, you know, People magazine, whatever. Go to the next issue right now. Do me that favor. Right now. The best part is, next issue is offering you a free trial right now when you go to next issue.com slash joey.

That's the best part. Next issue is going to offer you a free trial right now. Right now when you go to next issue. com slash joey. Again, try next issue for free. Right now when you get a next issue. dot com slash joey. What happened, brother?

I don't get a read about these people. I don't have no idea. Whatever it takes. You know what I'm saying? I'm sitting over here. I'm sweating bullets. I got enough problems on my mind. How am I getting home?

Uber. I ain't gonna fucking Uber home. I'm gonna drive you guys home? No. No, come on, man. I got the horse and buggy. You think you're dealing with it. Where are you going to drive this fucking good at us?

Look at him. He's on the floor. He's done. You want another hit? I can't tell if your mic's working or not. Who's Mike? All right. Does it matter?

He's saying so much. He's singing a fucking song. You got a seed for this possibility. What kind of seed for this possibility? Don't forget also. Shroom tech, on it. for all your supplements that you may need.

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Which I've been puffing for like the last fucking eight months Joey, how's this a job description? He's on the floor, on acid, trying to fix on his microphone. I have no fucking idea. How is this job description for your employee? Leave this poor kid alone.

Look at him. He's got money sticking out of his pants. You know, and shirt on. You think this kid's on a level. He takes Uber. He believes fucking dirty rock. See, who else takes this much acid? Who?

Um, Sunday night. Who takes a what? You didn't take nothing. We didn't give you nothing. We gave me two stars. What are you fucking crying about? Everybody's beautiful here. Go to honor.com right now.

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Play another scene. Play another comedy scene. Also to my main people. What other funny scenes are there? NaileduLife.com, that we call their support and all our comedy venues. They showed up, and this is not happening. Heavy duty with some fucking Gumi Bears, Los Gumi's Hermannos, they showed up blow-torching motherfuckers.

I love these guys. Go to Naileditlidlop.com right now and press them much. Joey Diaz. Joey Diaz and get what, 20% off of Vaporpen, the best one in the market. Just buy the fucking thing. They're such good people. You understand me?

We're going to switch this over the Periscope. We love you guys. Have a great Monday morning. It is what it is. Cock suckers. Enjoy it. Stay black. Put that up.

Put Hollywood Shuffle. No, put the music on. Put the music on, Cocksucker. Close it with the music, Cocksucker. Go. We're going to switch to Periscope. And we'll put Hollywood Shuffle on. You know what I got a fist?

I'm going to use it. Put the, Go to next issue.com. Onit.com. Hiddy6.com. I love you. Motherfuckers are all my home. See you Tuesday or Wednesday.

Minneapolis, this weekend, next weekend, Fort Lauderdale Improv. The countdown the Dixie Act continues. I'm coming back to New York, November, stress factory, New Jersey. Look at these two fucking set. Put the music on Lee, God damn it. All right, have a good night, hot, sense.