The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - Best of THE CHURCH! Vol. #1 | JOEY DIAZ & LEE SYATT | The Early Days

Episode Date: June 5, 2023

Clips taken from the following Church Episodes: #170 - https://youtu.be/mzgrb_EBlXg #196 - https://youtu.be/uq4OLVTS_3I #239 - https://youtu.be/n8DI-rEiUAo #241 - https://youtu.be/sjyvDHY672c #247 - https://youtu.be/xhEGGAmw-I8 The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz #JoeyDiaz #LeeSyatt #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #TheChurch

Sexy motherfuckers. Way to cut it. He just fucking cut it. You didn't even do a fucking dragon. No, fucking no. Slow in nothing. Cut it. Bain.

Bain. Nothing. What's happened? You beautiful motherfuckers. Welcome to the church of what's happening now. It's a beautiful day to be a live fucking Thursday,

July 16th. What can I tell you? You got the world by the fucking balls. That's all I can tell you. Right or wrong? What did you say? Was it yesterday or today? Like, you have big balls

and a neck brace? I'm showing up with a big dick of a neck brace, motherfucker. Just in case. Don't get confused. Just case you swallow this fucking helmet, your neck goes back. I got you covered.

You know what I'm saying? Oh, it's for her? Yeah, who do you fucking think the neck brace is for? That's romantic of you. Unless your name is fucking Chad or something like that, or fucking Corey. Something like that. You want to go hang out with the boys, you know what I'm saying?

That's it. It's fucking here. It's July 16th. You're sitting around scratching. Look at what he scratching his head. Oh, I got like 10 minutes. I already gave a 500 milligram anti-deloress out of him a little corner of the fucking. Oh, so I had at least 100 probably, right?

No, you took a little fucking piece. I had two big pieces. I gave you 30 milligrams. It's always 30 milligrams. You should have a line of edibles, and everything is 30 milligrams. Everything. Everything is always good. Everything is beautiful.

Check it out. There's a nice little... Look, if she doesn't even put in a bag for us, anti-dollars, that's why I love it. There's a chocolate death bomb. You could fucking throw this on Palestine. I wish they would. I'm fucking believable. We're here.

We're queer. didn't do yesterday because I had the fight companion, so what's the fucking difference? I'm going to do two podcasts on one day for him. Kill myself. Let's spread them up. I hope you enjoyed them. A lot of people mad at me all the time, but like you didn't talk, you were all high. I wasn't either. When you were in a room with two fucking, one guy that's a commentator, the one is a fighter, what am I going to say about a fight? What am I going to throw my two cents in, my stupidity in? That's where you go back to fucking trains, playing in automobiles, and you go back to Steve Martin. What could Steve Martin have done in the presents of junk candy?

He would have got squashed? What was he going to say? So all you could do is a little body language. There's a couple people that caught it. They were like, hey, man, you like Muhammad Ali. You rope a doper bitch, and you just throw a punch when you need to. And that's what I like doing in that president. You have to know when to strike unless you become too overbearing.

So I don't want people to think I was too fucking stoned or whatever. I don't like podcasts when you have four people trying to talk. Yeah. You know, they're a conjunction-type podcast. It's fun for a while. but it's different but I want people to understand where you stand in that

if you're in a room if you're doing a basketball podcast and you got Julius Irving and Magic Johnson on the fucking table what stupidity are you going to add to this? Yeah. What stupidity could I possibly add to that table? I could have a little color to it so please

it's not that I was stoned or I was just trying to be quiet I was just listening and watching paying attention. Some good fights and you know what and it's not even just because you were on it but I watched the full fights with the fight companion. That's a pretty cool way to watch a fight. I mean, it's not as in-depth as when Rogan's on, like, the pay-per-view.

But it was interesting. Well, they go on other tangents, which is always good, too. But, hey, listen, man, whatever to make anything that helps you that makes a performance interesting. Yeah. I knew it was going to come down to that. One of my friends told me, T.J. said that Rogan should start a podcast where he commentates along with the with the UFC or whatever the fuck it is I could see the

UFC going to it because I'm sure there's a lot of fans who and and just because I didn't hear them because I had the podcast up I'm sure the commentators last night did a great job but when you have Rogan doing it for song you have people who are really loyal to him and I could see since everything's on the internet is heading towards being on the internet fuck it you have three choices of commentators if you don't like the ones we have for free Rogan's on here for an extra or fucking they have another UFC fighter on there on a different one. They could probably have three or four teams.

It would be interesting. It's very intelligent. That's, uh, I never looked at. I had a great time. You know, it was the first time I met Brendan Schwab. Hell of a nice guy. You know, it's amazing that three of my friends are 26 years old. I've been thinking about that all night.

He's 26? Yeah. He's going to be a baby too, right? He said, look him up. I can't tell him his computer, but I don't have a fucking computer. What the fuck on my dad? It's just really weird that you guys are a 26 years old. We got into that conversation a little bit on Monday

where I was saying that I've been thinking a lot about that lately. How I had nothing. Zero. Zero going on at 26. At 26, I was coming out of fucking prison. And the only reason why I had the things I had was because of the girl I was with. It wasn't because I was, like I said,

I was making $7,000 a month before I went. the prison and having a hard time paying rent. Like, I would have to hide from the landlord for fucking three days because I didn't have the money to pay rent. I always had to get an advance from my job. That's how fucked up my money situation was, that I knew how to pay rent and I knew how to pay bills and everything. I just didn't want to pay them.

You know, I didn't want to pay anything on time. I had a, did I have a credit card then yet? Yeah. I had a visa with like a $500 dollar limit that I paid, you know? Yeah. is he he's 31 yeah there's close close yeah five years away 31 26 it's it's really fucking no difference but it's amazing I I that day that you had mentioned it I had spoken to you about I went home and I was like wow Lee and the Agostein and all these

young guys at least they know what the fuck they want to do at 26 they're in the ball game you know I bumped into somebody at the airport the day and we're bullshit and he asked me a question. He goes, that he didn't, he felt really bad about asking anybody else this. You ready for this? What he said to me? When do you realize you're going to leave your house? Did you, before you went to college, did you think you were leaving Boston?

Yeah. You knew that already. Did you want to go away for college? Well, I, that was maybe one of the mistakes I made. I went to a school in Boston. It was a good film school. I didn't particularly enjoy it. I kind of wish I went to Drexel and Philly,

even though it wasn't as good of a program, just to get out of Boston. And it's a little bit different for me because I went to film school, so the only places you can go, really, are New York and L.A. So it wasn't really even a choice. There's some people who stay in Boston,

and good for them, but they don't really end up doing anything. How old were you when you knew you were going to leave Boston? Honestly, honestly. When was the first time it crossed your mind? I don't know about leaving Boston. I don't remember that thought, but the joke in my family is that since I was two, I wanted a job, an apartment, and a car.

I've always wanted just to be older and out. I've never, and I had a great childhood, but it's just I've always wanted to be out and on my own, and it's just luckily, I mean, for me, I feel lucky that it was easier for me. What were the reasonings of you wanting to leave your hometown? I mean, you're a nice kid. You never got arrested.

You have no warrants, no drug problems. I mean, what was the reason? Did you think there was more out there? Did you think that? Yeah, I was bored in my hometown. And it's a great place to raise kids, but there's like, there was nothing to do. There's a blockbuster. There's no, like you said you could hop on a bus to New York.

To get on a bus, I would have had to gone like 30 or 40 minutes down the road. There's nothing where I grew up. Now how far are you from downtown Boston? 30, 40 minutes. I mean, it wasn't that far But it's just there's nothing And if you don't When I turn 16

Maybe that's probably one Because when I could start driving And I could go into the city And go do stuff That was probably around the age When I knew I was gonna leave Because when I was in San Jose I went to original Joe's for breakfast

Not at the airport Oh I didn't know They're having at San Jose airport And some guy came only Because I listened to the podcast I had a couple few situations this week I had that situation where he came up to me,

he goes, can I ask you a personal question? I didn't know what the fuck was going to come out of his mouth at 8 in the morning. And he goes, when did you know you wanted to leave your hometown? And I thought about it for a few days. I'm going to give you the reasonings. I never thought I was going to leave New Jersey and New York. I didn't know if something else existed. I had been to California.

I'd been to Miami and Florida. I had been to Puerto Rico, you know. I had been to Michigan for a bitty basketball tournament. and I'd been to up and down the East Coast, driving back and forth to Miami as a kid, you know, don't make that run with family or whatever. I never knew what life was like. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you,

I had been out here with my uncle, and I remember the rocks and the beach and Dodger Stadium, but not enough to make me want to leave. Nothing was enough to make me want to leave. Right, yeah, New York, I can't imagine wanting to leave. No, then after my mom died, I started looking around. And I'd, no, no, even then. didn't think so.

Really? One day, I was talking to Jimmy Bender, the first family I moved in after my mom died, and I asked Jimmy up, there was a trucking company named Florida and Texas. That was the name of the country. Is that where they weren't? No, no, it was just a trucking company, Florida, Texas freight or something like that. It was called when I was a kid. I still think they're around Florida, Texas, Texas, Florida, something like that.

And I said it to him, I go, Mr. Bender, do you think I go work at Texas, Florida, or Florida, Texas? and he goes, you can do whatever the fuck you want. He goes, that's an interesting question. He always goes, because he didn't hear the whole question. He goes, I always thought one of my sons or my daughter would leave. He goes, none of them ever left. He goes, but it'd be great just to go look outside the country.

He goes, I never thought about it. I remember looking at him going, no, Florida, Texas, the tucking company. He goes, yeah, you could do whatever you want to do. But he had already said that to me. Yeah. You know, so I'm thinking about it. And then that was the, there's always, there's always, There's always a silver lining, and I figured out 30 years later,

when I robbed that jewelry store when I was a kid, and the cops were looking for me. I had to go to Sarasota, Florida for four weeks. Yeah. And it's knowing without, once you know you can live without something, you don't know. You never know. You never know.

Like, before I went to prison, I'm like, oh, no reefer in prison. I'm not going to make it. And after the third night of no refa, that's it. I adjusted it. There was no sense in crying. There was no sense of yelling or talking about it. Nothing could help. we'd grow through the fucking prison wall.

So what the, you know what I'm saying? Once you realize you could live without something, it's like people always break up after somebody takes a vacation or something. Because once they realize, I didn't really fucking miss you. I didn't really fucking think about you. In fact, I was happy you weren't around. That makes sense. You know, I was very happy that you weren't around.

Once people realize that they could do without something, it was like, he ate half of that 750 milligram more. And I went home. My plan was, I only slept four fucking hours last night. So my plan was to when the podcast went kaput. I was going to go home, eat something, play with the baby till 9, and then take a nap. I hung up with the baby like I always do.

I watch those ABC videos and all that shit. And, you know, the wheels on the bus. Go around, then round. The doors click, click, click. I watched all that. What I played with it? And at 9 o'clock, I went in me and gray. I grabbed gray.

And I said, gray, we're taking a fucking nap, cock sucker. and I finally popped my head up at 10 to 10 I couldn't fall asleep so I said fuck it I got up I wrote the end of a chapter I sent to me emails I got aggravated you know me though it was a beautiful fucking day to be alive then you called me what happened oh fucking so that candy didn't work on you a little bit but not really didn't take it wasn't as good as a half of Gumi no no not those Gummies

any GUMMI okay no as long as I knew but I was just I thought I was gonna get high because it started to kick in and I was driving home from here because I had a piece of equipment at my house. So I went, I was driving home on Moore Park, which it's a really small street. And right at Laurel Canyon, this cop pulled up next to me and his side view mirror hit mine. On the left hand side on the driver's side. Shit. So I was like, fuck.

And it wasn't me. I was stopped and he just hit it. And I just like, I froze. It was a red light. And he stopped. And when the green light came up, I kind of pulled up. But I was like, I think it's okay, guys. And they were like, pulled over, we're just going to make sure.

I was like, fuck. So I pulled up into a little strip market. I got out. And if it had been broken, I probably would have said, let's just go. Because I didn't want to be high. You don't have a fucking anxiety attack on paperwork. So I just looked at, there was nothing wrong with it. But they, like, I just left and I got paranoid.

You didn't get out of jail free cards and none of these cocksers? I should have done. Yeah, you got to do something. All I imagined was Ari yelling at TSA. I was like, would he fucking yelled at these guys? But I saw a video tonight of kids at a bar yelling at cops who are arresting their friends. And cops don't fuck around anymore.

This guy, this cop tackled a kid. And I was like, holy shit. So I was like, nope, I'm just going to get out of here. Somebody put a video of a deer getting shot by a cop deer. Why do you people post those fucking videos at night? What is the inside of the day that? Some idiot months ago posted the fucking zebra getting killed. by the fucking giraffe.

I don't get what people. I don't like that shit. I don't want to see nobody suffering. You know who's the worst? And she's, she's great. Melissa Eva Perez from San Jose. Every fucking day on Facebook,

two kids kidnapped and burned. And it's like, oh yeah, she's the kiss of that. She loves that shit. It's the worst. Like, why are you posting that stuff? But it's just,

it was a crazy day. But fuck it, we're back. No, we're back. I'm sorry about the audio to that shit fucking happens. I mean, I can't control it. I didn't get any fucking water.

It's unbelievable. You won't? No, I'm straight. But it was, yeah, I went home. My knee is fucked up. I put ice on it when I went home. When I woke up, I put level, elevated. Then I about 1 o'clock.

I got bored to death about 1230. And the heat of the sun, I went outside, I started doing kettlebell swings. Just sweating, and I fucking started doing it. Is that okay for your knee? Clean, you know what, man, I got to do something to move the blood around. Because walking hurts a little bit, and I was taking a hit in the bed.

bag at the Y. I just didn't want to lose my parking spot. These motherfuckers by my house notorious dog. I'm fucking anti-anxiety. I am anxiety written over my parking lot. I will rather sit home and eat nothing than get my fucking car and lose that parking spot. I hold on for that mother. That's how you know you're getting fucking old. Oh, yeah. I'm doing two things lately that are just embarrassing to even talk about. But I'm going to talk about me. I'm doing not leaving the house because I don't want to lose my parking spot. Yeah. In front of the house. I like that spot in front of the house. I will kill a motherfucker for that spot. But I will walk to

the bodega and get like, you know, stupid shit so I don't have to leave the house. I got enough food at the house. And I'm stealing sweetness from fucking restaurants when I go on the road. You put it in a little napkin in case they break? No, I put my fucking pocket. I don't give you it my fucking. It is the weirdest thing

because every coffee, every fucking hotel room I go down on the road has a corn egg or a fucking coffee machine. But there's only like two sugars and stuff? They give you two fucking sugars. Like you're sitting there at midnight. trying to drink coffee, watch a law and order, and there's no fucking sugar. So now you've got to call room service. They won't open the door because you got no do not disturb so it takes in 20 minutes.

They go right back downstairs and call you. Hi, you do not disturb son is on. Then you come back up. Now by the time I put the fucking thing in, the coffee's goddamn cold, so what was the point of it? I just get aggravated. Yeah. So I think I got a box of fucking sweetenloe at the house. Do you think I put it in my suitcase?

Fuck, no. I leave it home every goddamn week. And then I go on the road and I realize at fucking 12 o'clock, I need a little coffee because I like drinking coffee. at night. One cup before I go to bed, I sleep like a fucking soldier. Nice. Because it takes me up, and then right down, I crash, baboon. Oh, okay. You follow the other fucking. That's old school mentality. It's cocaine days. You go up, what goes up, must come down, cock sucker.

When I was testing the audio and waterboxer called, just because I was bored, I didn't want to talk to it to myself. And he was telling me a good wing, because I was like, he was telling me how he does the edibles. And he goes out, I'm like, how do you do it? He says he drinks is like an energy drink right after he the edible. So it's like it's like a heroin brings down, cocaine brings you up, it's like a little mix so that's how he walks around. That's good for him. I don't know.

The water bottle of a jump-up. Did he call the podcast today? He just called me. I was just testing the audio. He wanted to see what was crack a lactate with you. Yeah, I put it up on Twitter. But something weird happened today. I was never really emotional. But as I get older, I want to hear what you have

to say about 9-25. What older? I don't know. I'm older. That's what everyone says. Everyone says I'm young, but I feel old. The Boston bombing thing, they had all the videos today of the marathon. I started getting teary-eyed. I wasn't there for it, but just seeing the pictures and the people hugging. Like, you weren't in New York for 9-11.

But how did that affect you? I was pissed. Really? I didn't get pissed that morning. I was pissed later on because I know what it does to people. Those people that were walking around that day. you know, I got pissed when I heard the stories and I'm taking the ferry over.

Like, they were just fucking frozen. I can't imagine we had the Boston Marathon last year. That was one of the most thoughtless fucking things. Who knows why they did it? Who the fuck knows these people nowadays, man? Yeah. Who the fuck knows? I did stupid shit when I was 21.

I would never think of doing something like that for kicks. But who knows what their motors were and whatever. They have a show on NG, whatever, Discovering, National Geographic about them getting caught. Did you see it? No, I didn't see it. Pretty fucking interesting in how they shot the kid and blah, blah, blah, and the other kid went into a fucking boat and hid

and how the pictures, the FBI saw the pictures, and when the bomb went off, those two didn't move. Yeah. That's how they knew it was them. It was very interesting how the FBI catches you. And now, you know, man, we got fucking cameras everywhere. You have to assume there's a camera watching you at all times. Even a black and white little fucking porno camera

That won't see your dick or your hair But it sees you and it'll fucking show you in court You know, some guy will come in and clear it up and fucking court So who the hell knows, Lee? I just my heart goes out So the Boston Marathon was today, correct? Yeah, it was today and you know what? I'm going to piss some people off

But and tell me, if I'm wrong, tell me But just seeing all those people out there It's something I don't see out here I don't know what it is But East Coast people in the towns Like there was so much, pride for Boston. And it just, it made me, it made me, like I started tearing up.

And I just made, I don't feel that out here for people from this city. So maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I just don't interact with them. It's an empty city, man. Yeah. I have a lot of problems with this city. I have a lot of problem with friendships in this city and how they work, how everything is to let people know that they know you.

After that, there's no friendship. There's no friendship. You know, when I grew up, those are friends I had around me. Those motherfuckers, I could count them for anything. I had a great time with them when I went out. When I went out, I had a good time with them from the heart. Here, I see people for a few hours, and I feel their fucking death. I feel, because maybe things aren't going their way.

When I'm around, people who sold their fucking soul, I leave them, and I feel like shit for three or four fucking days. People sell their fucking soul. That's the people you fucking people clap for and cheer for and jump up and down for. These people sold their souls. You're like, Joey, what do you mean? The devil showed up with a pen. No, no.

Somewhere along the line, they ignored something, something natural that comes over you because they thought what they were doing is completely better than what somebody like you, somebody at home, is doing. You know, they have this air to them that they're better than everybody because they have $3 or because they're on TV

or because they've done a movie. And I've never understood that. For me, it's always been about the job for me. It's not because I'm better anybody. I've lucked out. I'm not even close to doing that shit. But I just, that's what I don't like about it. And that's why when you go to a Dodger game,

people leaving the sixth fucking inning. You know, that's the big knock about the Dodger games. Yeah, parking is hard and walking out of it as hard. But it's like they're Johnny Come Lately Fans. There's a word for those type of people. Banerangangling. It's like after the Boston Red Sox won. The Boston Red Sox

hat now is fucking as big as the Yankee hat. Maybe, you know, because everybody wants to wear Boston. For years when they were losing, nobody wore a Boston Red Sox hat. You understand me? It's amazing. The loyalty that we have here,

we have no loyalty. Like I said, between me getting a job or you getting the job, how bad mouth fucking leave you get the job, even though I've known you for 15 fucking years, you know? Yeah. I look at this town, I can tell you,

I probably have four close friends, you know, and you're one of them, you know what I'm saying? Ari, I mean, the rest of just fucking acquaintances because I know I look at somebody and I know if I ever got in a beef and I had to call them to bail me out, the cash wouldn't be.

They'd hang up and make up a story, how they couldn't get. The ATM card didn't work. And then I would look at them weird. I would never look at them the same way, so that's why I don't even put them close to me because I know these people aren't worth their weight in gold. It's fucking crazy.

But there's a dude in the background of every shot just like nod in his head. I could do that. That's what black people do. No, he's white. He's a white dude. Whatever. He's confused.

You know what I'm so glad you brought it up. How amazing does it feel? putting powder on your nuts. I love it. I don't need it as much anymore and I've lost a little bit of weight, but I still have powder. You're rough against the jeans and shit. You don't make that noise. It's fucking Monday. It's a beautiful day to be alive. We're back. It's a second week of the year, you know? What the fuck? What do you need? All they need is you. Just looking on Twitter. Five people got shot at a Chris Brown concert.

When the fuck are you people going to realize? Stay the fuck away from that kiss of death. Because that's exactly what that motherfucker is. He was at my gym for a second. He's the kiss of death. How the fucking building didn't blow up is beyond me. Five people. Chris Brown just has this fucking thing. Even when I see him, I'm like, that guy, I don't know what the fuck his deal is.

You know, again, five, I don't know what the fuck the story is, but if you bring, why would you bring a gun to a Chris Brown console, unless you're going to shoot him? That's what I'm going to shoot his fucking Chris Brown, right, in the fucking neck. What the fuck, it's Monday? You know what I'm saying? You got to start the week off good. I'm going to go shoot, Chris Brown. In the neck?

Whatever. Right in that fucking tattoo with a stupid fucking neck What's happening You're beautiful people Had a great time Saturday night You came to the Melrose Improv

Thank you very much We had a great time Lee was there with the girlfriend There are a lot of cool people there Yeah Einstein From 10th Planet Cove City My man What the fuck's his name?

Reney? Alder, Reney was there Who else was fucking I mean Alder from 10th planet Van Nuys It was just some fucking Renee and Carson. He's probably a Disneyland yesterday, so it was raining. He flew in from New York with a girl.

He's just like, fuck, I'm going to take a vacation. Yeah, that's how you do it. And then didn't someone else come from, like, Australia and then England? There was some people there, so it was cool. I got stoned as fuck. I ate some stars. We need a star David this morning. Did you eat at?

Of course I did. I was watching me. You watch me, like, until I stopped chewing, you, like, you're watching me, but you're not watching me. I got to watch you like a hot, cocks sucker. You know, uh, when I did you do you. do these shows now, I feel different, you know, on stage and I feel different when I'm there. I got to tell you some, it's a good time for comedy right now. It's a very good time for comedy.

If you live in the L.A. area and you've stopped by the comedy store, it's a good time for fucking comedy. You know, at the improv of the other night, it's a good time for comedy. When I'm at the Laugh Factory, it's a great time for comedy. You know, uh, it's something's different. It's like the good guys won, finally. You're not watching the shit that Comedy Central puts out and all these other fucking stations put out, you know, network.

You're watching the underground shit come out now. The shit that people wouldn't talk about. And it's all through Twitter and social media. And it's coming out on the network now, like little after it was just on TV. They have to. Always on TV next Friday. Let me tell you something, man. Right now the funniest guy working is Sebastian Manascoco.

I haven't seen him recently. A tight, close second is Ari Shafia. I'm telling you this right now, guys. I'm not telling this is my friend. I'm telling you that material that Ari is thrown right now about big, you. and going to China and taking the shit is some of the funniest shit I've ever heard in stand-up. And I'm not telling you guys this.

He's my buddy. I love him to death, and I'm really proud of him. He tore it up in Las Vegas that night with Rogan. I was sitting there going, what the fuck am I going to come up with? Because this guy's killing him. He was...

Kill him, killing him, killing him, kill him, kill him. So, you know, Bill Burr is out there now. I mean, it's just... So his special for me is Friday night, Ari. Yeah, I think you can buy it pretty soon on it as well. website. Okay. But yeah, you could, he said something crazy.

Like, he shot like 70 minutes and only 40 something's going to get on TV. So for five bucks, I'm just going to go and buy it and get the whole 70. That's Friday night on Comedy Central. Yeah, I think it's the 11th of 12th. It's like that night at midnight. So it's a Saturday morning. No, no, it's not the 12th. It's Friday.

Okay, it's Friday. The 16th. Yeah, let me check. And the 17th, we're doing the Riot. Like, Riot Comedy Festival. Right. And I'm doing the show Saturday night without Madrigo.

I think T.J. Mill and Ari. And it's called revenge. The theme is revenge, which is fucking perfect for me. And then his show comes out that you're on. When is that the following Thursday night? Well, the whole season started. It's like eight weeks, I think.

Right. I'm on the last one. Oh, really? Yeah, I'm on the last one. Oh, cool. I'm like in fucking April or something like that. But I don't give a fuck. Hey, listen, man.

No. For Comedy Central does not even look at me. For Ari to go to Beller, bathroom me with Comedy Central, I own my fucking life, you know. That's a type of kid he is. He just told him from the jump. He's doing it because he was there from the beginning. It's the 16th at the midnight.

You got to admire that because the 17th were doing a riot festival, whatever fuck it is. Do you think, do you wish you had been on Comedy Central? Yes and no. I just didn't like the fact how they shunned me from the beginning. But listen, man, that's the beauty of life. Some people like you and some people

don't like it. I never really, it made me work on a different direction. At least I knew that door was closed to me. I don't want to live my life going, ah, maybe. At least I knew that they didn't want to do business with me. It all started when Joe did the man show and I came out naked running. They all banned me for that.

It kind of like it was like a silent type band. But then years later, they took a couple of comedy pictures from me. They called me in for a few comedy pictures. And then my name's been thrown around for, specials or whatever involvement on midnight and stuff like that. And they've just said no, you know, flat out. So, you know, I hear everything. Yeah, I hear everything.

Even when they're working again, you know, this chapter on this thing of revenge, when I already called me because they're doing this, it was really weird because it's going on in a weird part of my life. I'm trying to write this book, and I'm writing the book about the rocket ship when I live in that rocket ship in 84. And I didn't know until I was writing the chapter about living in a rocket ship in 84. On the way here, I made a left, and I went down that alley, and I saw a guy sleeping outside next to a shopping cart.

Yeah. And I kept going, I go, I wonder what if, you know, I said to myself, I wonder what it feels like tonight to sleep outside. I go, you know what? I slept outside many a fucking night. I slept outside in a car here in L.A. for about three or four or five months. And an 84.

Do you get any sleep when you're sleeping outside? I can't imagine you get any sleep. It depends how fucked up you are. I see, have you ever been walking? You just see a guy, like, dropped. Yeah. And you got to walk over him. Like, that guy just got tired and fell.

Like, that guy just said, fuck it. You know, yeah, you sleep. You sleep with one eye. You got money in your pocket. You don't know if somebody's going to run up to you and stab you while you're sleeping, you know. If I'm walking down the street and I'm a killer and I'm looking to kill somebody, I see a bum, I'm going to shoot him right in the fucking foot, you know, something. He's sleeping. You know, there's no resistance if I'm a fucking psychotic person, you know?

And it's just, sleeping outside just does something. to you. You sleep a few hours, you sleep light. I slept outside when I was a comedian. You know, many of the nights, I had to take a bus somewhere, and there's a four-hour delay. What are you going to do? Hey, you got to fucking sleep. You sit in a bus station, you put your jack on over your head, you put your money in your front pocket, and you put your hand in there, and you put the bag next to you and try your best. Yeah, but there has to be a difference between my buses coming in four hours, and I got nowhere to go. Oh, well, absolutely. Absolutely. You have nowhere to go, and you, you know, you wait

For the heat from the sunlight. I mean, I remember being on that fucking rocket ship and doing coke in there. Like, it's a three-foot, you know. Someone posted a picture of it. I thought it was horizontal. It's vertical. It's vertical. dumb shit, you know.

But I know what it's like to be outside. And it was November and December in Jersey. I mean, there's snow. There's snow. It's fucking cold up. So I thought about the rocket ship. You know, I wrote a general thing living in a rocket ship. When I go, nobody wants to read this. You have to describe what you were going through.

What it felt like at the end of the night to not only come down off the Coke and get depressed, but then you're naturally depressed. You're living in a fucking rocket ship. Yeah. You know, the weight of everything was on top of me. But on that weight was a pain that I had had. Like, I was 21, and I was just sick and tired. Sometimes people just get sick and tired.

I always know I want to leave Jersey, so I came out here to see my uncle. And I came out to get, you know, listen, life throws curveballs at you. And then people throw a curveball at you, but you know your family's always going to be there. You know? This last Thanksgiving, I've been talking to my uncle since 2009. And this last Thanksgiving, we were going to get together and do Thanksgiving. We had them on the podcast.

We had them on the podcast. And the Monday before Thanksgiving, my cousin called, and she said, hey, he doesn't want to do it. He wants to go to a restaurant. And in the way, it helped me out because it got me off the hook. I didn't want to bring the baby down with the turkey in the car and all that. So I started thinking about it. I go, you know what, this is perfect.

So he called next day. He goes, no, I didn't say that. So I said to him, listen, what I'll do is this. We're going to go get to turkey. we'll eat here and we'll see what you're doing later on. If you don't want to go out with your girlfriend or your son, we'll bring some food down to you. Well, I called him that day, and he goes,

no, my son's here. I'm going to be all right, but if you want to stop down later, that's fine too with the baby. I go, all right. So that was the week I had the vertigo. So we went out, we took the baby out. I went back home and I fell asleep. I had verdict. I laid down on it.

I called the next day. He didn't answer the phone. He didn't call me back. I called him a couple times. He didn't call me back, which meant he was pissed off at me. Christmas Eve, we get him. to my cousin's house, his son's house.

He's there, and we're cool, but we're not usual cool. He's not saying much to me. So I can tell he's pissed off over Thanksgiving, which he should have told me directly instead of telling his daughter. He should have told me what was on his mind instead of mentioning to his daughter that his daughter told me, and I just lost, you know, when somebody let you off the hook, they let you off the fuck.

Oh, you don't have to be there Sunday at 6.30. You're like, fine, often they call you back an hour later and go, no, no, we switched it to 630. Fuck you. I already made plans, bitch. You know, so old school in it tonight. Fuck the guest. Poor you, cocksucker.

We're going straight up tonight. Old school. Check in with you guys. It's been a while. We've had a lot of great guests from Saratiana to Rich Franklin to Joe Rogan to Gabriel to Ralphie. You're a bad motherfucker. Do you see what Gabriel is doing? Like a week in one theater in Chicago did like 20,000 seats this week.

Oh, please. He fucking kills him. Then he comes here. He does three nights somewhere in Anaheim. and then two nights, then he's off for fucking New Year's and it's over. If I get out of work early in my, we'll go to his Christmas party. If I get out of work early, I don't know what time again. It's supposed to rain here in LA.

If you guys don't know when it rains in LA, everything goes fucking caban. So if you got to leave for work and be there at 8, you leave at 7, you got to leave at like 545 tomorrow. I wish I was lying to you, fucking guys. It's a sad truth. They fall the fuck apart. When you live in Colorado and it snows, It's amazing how it didn't affect them at all. Like snow was just another day for those people.

Like, it snowed afoot. People still on time at work. You know, when you live in New York, when I lived in New York, back in the 80s and it would snow, the city would shut down. This is a huge metropolitan city with so many things available to it.

Excuse me, and the city would shut down. Then a small town like Aspen, Colorado, it snows the foot, and it's gone in two fucking hours. My mom calls me a whip now. She called me the whole week because I said it was cold I was chilly like 55 degrees And she's coming from Boston

She's like you're such a wimp now Oh no this is It was cold in the fucking mornings Listen You're talking to a guy That used to fucking bathe In this 40 degrees Now I get out of the shower

And I yell at my wife When I'm putting the heat on Like take the fuck She puts it on for a little while And she turns it off Because it gets too hot in here Too quick But if you turn it off

When I come out of the shower It's freezing I like opening the door And that bust the heat It's you And it dries you off to the last couple spots you haven't, you know, fucking dried off. But it gets, you're not used to the weather.

You're not used to the cold weather no more. But last week we had rain Friday. We were wearing a few days last week. But last week, the big storm was Friday. And that was the day for some reason. I didn't have to be at work till 7, but I got up like at 4.30. Because in my sleep, I was worried about the rain. Yeah.

They said they're going to call work for the movie the next day. And they pushed it back, but we still worked, and they cleared up. But they were scaring fucking white people. Scareing them. Don't go to work. The 91 is backed up. You know how long it took me to get to Sammy Valley? 20 fucking minutes.

Yeah. With the rain. I got the Subaru. I kicked that motherfucker. Well, it's always four-wheel drive. And if it hits a puddle, the other tire picks it up. That's how the Subaru engineering works. It just picks it up where a tie, if it's hydroplanes or something.

I got to the fucking set in 20 minutes. I couldn't believe it. They were scaring fucking Gentiles, the death on TV. We don't think we talked about it. Why did you decide not to get like a Cadillac? I've never been big. I don't like how in L.A.,

everybody judges you by your car. Yeah. It really bothers the fuck out of me. I was telling my mom a lot of people here have, like, Porsches and BMWs. In studio apartments. Everybody has a Series 3 BMW here. Yeah.

You know, if you see anybody in the industry, a junior agent, and then as they get there for a while, They get a five series. Listen, I'm not here to impress anybody. I'm here to impress myself, you know. I like the Subaru. I like feeling safe.

I like knowing that if it rains, I could think that a Cadillacs a great car and whatever, but I can't pay three to 400 a month and not sleep at night if something does break down. I've always had great success with Subaru's and Toyotas. Why would I want to change it now at this point? Yeah. If I start making an abundance of fucking money,

Yeah, my second car would be a Cadillac or something. But then I'm going to have a family, so I can't be selfish. It'd have to be like, you know, what I'm saying? Plus, with your daughter, you don't want to have messes in the back of a catalog, I guess. Listen, she could do what the fuck she wants. As long as I pay for the car, it's my fucking car, you know, and they're going to throw apples on the kids. Kids are going to be kids.

Yeah. I went to the park with a Saturday, and there was a socket thing going on a soccer camp. And it was kids, hooray, a little older. Some kids knew what the fuck was going on. The other kids were just two bots. They were just there out in the sun walking around, half fucked up. There was a camp for like two-year-olds and one for like four-year-olds. And I'm walking around.

I'm watching those two-year-olds because I could see if I could put her in here. My wife and her a battle-in-law. I'm like, what's going on? She goes, she wants to go down there. I go, I don't let her fucking go down there. I go, you're going to sit there and battle with her. You've got to pick your battles with these kids. She's going to run down there anyway.

She's going to walk around, touch the net, touch the ball, and then she's going to walk away from those kids. No, she's not. I picked her up, walked her down. That's exactly what she did. She kicked the ball. She saw 20 kids. She looked around.

She goes, I don't need this. She went to give her myself. She walked away. But we signed her up. Oh, that's cool. She's going next Saturday of 11 o'clock. Yeah. Even though she might not like it.

She'll like it. It's kicking a ball. It's running around, falling in leaves. They've got two coaches there. They coach you. They tell you what to do. You know, she's mingling. This is what they're supposed to do

so they grow up with fucking social skills. You know, you got to wonder all this shit talk about cops and all this. You know, when I was growing up, cops were more involved with you in the next neighborhood. There was the same cop patrol, in the same neighborhood. He got to know you.

If something went on, he came and saw you. You talked to him, he asked you questions. And now you have all these complaints of cops and aggressive behavior, you know, towards... Excessive force, yeah. Excessive force. What the fuck they want to call it?

And it's because maybe they don't have the right social skills. We do live in a computer generation. Yeah. We're very computer generated. We're not. When I used to dealing with people, we leave the house scared if you watch the news. Everybody is fucking fearful. You know, one good thing about the church, I was thinking about this.

When I first got into the church, when I got into Beauty and the Beast or the church, it wasn't to expose Bigfoot, it wasn't to expose steroids, it wasn't to expose Hollywood people that are gay. It wasn't to expose anything. It was to expose life's bullshit that we get fed, and either you believe it or you're, You fucking don't and move on, you know? Do you get nervous, blow? Because I went to the movies with my mom today. And for a second, when they were doing that thing,

like if you see any suspicious people, tell somebody, for a second, I was like, what would I do? A gunman came in here. I'm here with my mom. When I'm about myself, I don't really worry about it. But like, do you worry about it now when you're going out with mercy and stuff? I worry about everything and everything. And you'd be an asshole if you wouldn't.

You'd be an asshole if you wouldn't. Every day you go on Twitter, and there's an explosion somewhere, 14 people got killed. That guy in Australia. The guy in Australia. Every fucking day, people. You get up every morning,

and if you have a half a heartbeat and you weren't an asshole like I am, that we actually look at that shit to start your morning. We actually look at that shit to start your morning. Because I do. I'm guilty of it. All right, I won't put the fucking news on,

and I won't hear it visually, but while I'm streaming on Google or whatever the fuck, my first page is Yahoo. You see what happens. You know, 14. children get killed in Africa, whatever the fuck, you know. And it stays with Utah today. Listen, I'm not the type of guy that would blame police officers for anything.

I know what life is on both sides of the shield. I've seen cops that are stressed out, and I've seen people that are stressed out. They just have a bad day. I know one thing about life leave. People have bad days. You know, there's a guy, did you see that? He killed his wife, put in a chunk of the car, and then took the three kids. Oh, Jesus, no.

this picture, he's all cracked up and shit. I mean, I don't know a bad day for that. I know that there's bad days that people just leave the house and they have a weapon and they get out of a car and a cop, you know, there's bad days. Did you ever fight with the cops? I know you dealt with them a few times, but

no. No? I couldn't file a complaint against a police officer because every time I've had contact with a police officer have always pretty much been a gentleman. When I was a kid, I got hit one time by a cop with a stick In a big melee I was a young kid like maybe in the seventh grade

Really? I never heard of this. It was the night that we felt up their chick's titties And shit after that basketball game There was a fight first on the thing And a cop hit me and I didn't know who it was And I wasn't mad at him I could have been an asshole and made a big drama Because I always thought from his side of the fucking thing

This is a guy that's just telling us to go and you get hit with a stick. But I've never been ever assaulted before. I've always had good relationships with cops. Like when they've arrested me, I've been cool because they're just doing your job. All your job is to shut your fucking mouth. And don't argue with them and don't tell them

that this is what really happened. Don't say a fucking word. That's the best thing you can do it. Yes, no, thank you. Their handcuffs hurt. They don't fucking hurt. But for me to sit here and say, pigs suck and all that,

I can be that type of guy. I never have been. They did a job when they arrested me. They did the best job they could. I can't lie to you. I've never really had... Yeah. Because I go back and forth sometimes.

Like, should I be protesting? Like, I don't know. Like, is this like, is this like an important thing to be doing? But I... Have you a protester before? No. I just...

What are you going to do? You're going to do? You're going to do? You're going to do. You would kill me if I if you saw him as a stick. I lived in Boulder. and I saw protesters and the CIA would come to town

and they'd come to recruit on campus I don't know if they recruited they took applications or they spoke to applicants or whatever the fuck and there was always little wars on there and these kids would go down there and then I figured out who these kids were that

you know they would trust fund kids that just wanted to get some form of attention and I got it you know and unless you really believe it looked like I I just it's not that I don't like protesters and what they stand for

is I think that sometimes people are down there protesting and they don't even know what they're protesting for. Right. They're just protesting to make friends. It was like that thing I always made fun of, that thing that happened downtown years ago. Some of the Wall Street something. Yeah, the people who were going to shut down the corporations,

but meanwhile, they're calling their mommies on the iPhone. You know, she's making videos and sending tweets out. You're not shutting nobody down. This is what a complete shutdown is throwing all that shit away. you can't stand online on Apple for your fucking phone and all that. Yeah. But you were onto something very interesting, and that was the cop thing normally. I never, I always knew they had a job.

When I was a kid, I was exposed to cops that came and once a week got an envelope, and that was whether it was the bookie place in the Bronx. For a long time, when I went to Catholic school on Saturdays, I helped out this other bookie jail, and they always had a relationship with cops, and it was a known thing. Listen, I'm going to do this for business. Nobody's getting hurt. Nobody's getting bitchlapped

without selling drugs here. Here's an envelope just to make sure everybody knows we're on the legit side. Some people would judge me and say that's the wrong. You could never pay a time. That's not from the movies.

Like, they would actually do that. They had chaos cops. Do you consider them dirty cops? Well, there's fucking jerkoffs and there's gentlemen. And that's in every fucking business. Yeah. There's jerkoffs.

and there's gentlemen. There's guys that come in and go, Lee, how you doing? My name is Detective, whatever. This is great that you have a new bar here and everything's fine here, but from 12 to 5, the kid works here, Joey Diaz. He's a known felon. I know he takes book here.

And I know that if somebody wants to get a gun or maybe a kilo or Coke, he could arrange her from. We could shut you down. Right now, I could call the ABC and shut you down for employment. this guy but I'm not going to do that what I'm going to do is I'm going to send somebody in here once a week you're going to give him an envelope let's say what do you

pull out of here a week let's say in real life Lee you pull out 13,000 they're going to say 10,000 and you're going to go okay he got me every week we're on 400 a week all right that's one cop who comes in shakes you down this is the old days I don't know what happens today this is when my mother had the bar you're never going to see that guy again okay but every week a patrol guy's going to come in. So let's say that guy came in. Now, then there's going to be, that's a sheriff.

Okay. Then a city copse on the coming. Oh, no. And he's only one of 200. And you're going to agree to that. What's the story, Doug? What the fuck you've been hiding all weekend? Last time I saw you,

I gave you a brownie. You were going to eat with a bunch of uptight fucking people. And that's why you got to load up when you go to hang out with people like that. It's okay you hang out with people like that from time to time because they make you seem how low. lucky you are to hang out with crazy people. Yeah, I was telling Steve, and I don't remember if I've said that on the podcast, but one of my favorite things about podcasting is how cool, like, we get to have these cool

conversations that no one has in regular life anymore. Like, I feel, whenever I watch old movies or TV shows, I always watch, because I've basically forgotten what it's like to live without a cell phone or internet. Like, I was 10 or 11 or something when that started coming out, but I honestly don't remember. so I always look and see what people used to do and a lot of it was just hanging out talking like doing activities and that's what and I went to this thing and they were all very nice but it was supposed to be a birthday dinner and maybe I was just high in paranoid but it seemed like everyone was very quiet so like I tried to produce the dinner conversation but I meet the birthday girl and she goes oh and they were talking like oh I was in Japan for two years

I was like oh were you there during the earthquake and she got really sad and I realized that after I asked it that it might not be the best thing to bring up on her birthday but I was like and she's like yeah I was I was like um well must have said

it's fucking crazy like I've always every once in a while I have a friend they invite him or something and I get them like oh my God

what have I done they start talking about and I don't even know this life they're talking about you know and you try to and the best thing to do is just shut your mouth

act civil giggle you know smile You always bond with somebody. There's always some other nut in there that you and him on. I was the only guy there. Yeah. Oh, no.

Yeah. Yeah, that's even, see, you got yourself. You got to cut that shit out to. That's something you got to say. It was good, but. Yeah, but it's one guy with five gallons. I just know, you got to cut that shit out. Yeah.

It's a shit. You got away in your life. You don't want to be caught in that trap. I got lost in the way from the train to the restaurant because I was so high. I couldn't really understand what my phone was saying. So I was just walking around downtown. And then it was scared. on the way there. It was like that Star Wars, when they

go into hyper speed or whatever, and the light and the lines keep going, because the train was going really fast. And then there was this homeless dude who was hammered. And he had his shoes off. And he was having a conversation with himself. And he was crying and laughing. And I had my headphones in because I was just

trying to, like, focus on, like, a podcast or something. And he was just hysterically laughing. And then he'd go to crying. And he was just hammered. So it was an interesting night. Like, I'm fucking. I right now.

No, he was... Anytime you're on the train lead, there's going to be... I love it. I love that about Boston. New York's a little bit more. New York, I can never figure out the system. Because I've only been there a few times,

and there's express trains and shit like that, and there's too many lines. There's an A train, and that's all a Broadway-type deal. Okay. Then there's the Express. That's from 178th Street. I think it just takes you right down. It's like, if you're going under,

don't quote me on this 125th, for maybe 70 seconds. I don't know. I don't think I ever went that high. That's like Harlem. That's what I'm saying. Right. That's Harlem up there.

But, you know, they have like the number one and all that shit to Queens. I don't know. Don't quote me on this anybody. I don't know the trains anymore. I don't remember that. It was a long time ago.

But I always had fun. For me, it was a bus growing up. Oh, yeah. For me, I wrote a bus. I sit. Like a school bus or like a city bus? Like a city bus. Oh, okay.

And it was a straight line. It was number one. I went from New York to New Jersey or vice. first so that's how I traveled in those days. You know, two bucks to get you into the city. You stop, you get a little bottle of Blackberry brandy, maybe a fucking eight pack of beer,

put it on the bus. Nobody would say nothing to you those days. A 20-minute ride. You drink three beers, a couple shots of Blackberry of Brandy, you're in the city tuned up already. But, you know, it's just, it's what you could get away with them, what you could do.

You're not going to get on the train drunk and drink, but you're going to do little shots or something. You're going to put it in something. Yeah. So it doesn't look like the other. What was your go-to? Cock, Gatorade. Really? Yeah.

Vodka and Gatorade. Pupacca. And then when you get a little bit more money, you get to Walshmit, whatever the fuck that is, the silver label. That's why I can't drink vodka anymore because the plastic chug or jugs we had as kids that someone won't buy or something. They were disgusting. Tasted like paint thinner.

I can't do vodka anymore. Yeah, you got to get yourself out of that fucking one guy. You got to ask her now. Is there going to be men there? No, not really. It's all my. I'm gonna do sitting around with five fucking women Talking about what I'm sitting on like a fucking momo

Looking around Thinking about a gun I used to have a girlfriend Another girl that used to take me to those things Let's go out with my friends You get there and six fucking women at the table And you're like, what the fuck do I do? Yeah

And I'd always get like a call I don't even know I'd always get myself out of it I fucking make something up I gotta go I gotta call my friend in Jersey maybe he's going to pick me up, I'd always do something fucking ridiculous. That's always been like my fears falling into that woman room, like into that fucking room.

What do you think's going to happen? Just, I'm going to hear shit. I don't want to fucking hear. You get four or three women together and you sit there for more than eight minutes. You'll want to fucking shoot yourself. I love women. I love, but when you get three or four room in the room and they start talking about what's important to them and shit, you will fall off your fucking chair

in laughter and aggravating. You want to kick one of them. Like one of them will start, like one of them will just break your fucking back. Yeah. And you'll like them, whatever, but when you get a couple of them together longer than 20 minutes,

you want to shoot yourself. No disrespect to women, I love you, but I'm just telling you how it is what the world on the street is. I just love the way you put it. They start talking about what's important to them. Yeah, I'm like, whatever the fuck. They talk about the story.

or whatever the fuck, you know, and you sit there and go, wow, how do I end up here? What the fuck did I do to deserve this torture? You start thinking about torture. Like, where people define this torture, like, hummus up your asshole. Like, sitting here listening to this shit for an hour.

What is worse to you? Humbus up the asshole or six women at a sushi dinner? I'll tell you what, fuck. I didn't know how much what bothers me to no end. Cotton in my fucking mouth. Like, I don't wait to touch of cotton at all, except when it's wiping my asshole. that's it I don't like cotton

play cotton balls cotton or gauze yeah like the other day the fucking dentist but gauze in my mouth when he was doing the root canal that bothered me more than needles fucking everything

yeah I don't like it touch it has a weird texture yeah I don't like cotton close to me in my mouth and my fucking head it drives me fucking nuts you understand me I don't know why

it just drives me fucking nuts well be a high did you get high before the root canal uh sure I haven't been there 9 in the morning. I got blasted like 7.15 like a motherfucker. That's always my fear. I feel like pain would be super

intense on weed. No, well, it is the problem. If you take the gas, you might go to a weird place. What the fuck is? What the fuck is that? Sun's Anarchy's outside. All of a sudden there's white people shooting fucking black people, cops. I can't breathe. What the fuck? I don't fucking know. I can't breathe. I don't You order one of those shirts yet?

So you can walk around to show solidarity? No, there's no solidarity, you know? I mean, what do you want to tell you? That's fucked up, though. The cops getting killed? No, please. This is a complete, you know, the best is, oh, we're going to put body cameras on them.

You can show up with the, they had everything about a fucking camera crew on that thing when they chubbed, and they choked the black guy. Yeah. They had everything by the fucking camera crew, bro. They drew them to the fucking floor. That's murder.

That's murder. in any other fucking city. Would you invite on murder there? Yes, you fucking would. That's a murder. I saw it, you saw it, but they're the fucking power supreme. Now they're going to dig themselves into a fucking hole.

Now we started. Now they're going to get copycats. And every year we go through a trend. Three years ago it was the children going fucking bananas at schools and morons blown themselves up at movie theaters and shit. You know, I'm trying to watch Batman, and this guy wants to be fucking Clinties

with all of a fucking sudden. I need this shit. Most of them, it was like, Bozo the fucking clown. Obviously, somebody sat him down, smacked him, gave him a pill, and sent him to the movie theater, loaded to the gills like Rambo and says, shoot everybody in there, you're on a mission from Satan. You know, that poor kid is half-retarded. You can't tell that poor kid's half-retarded.

Somebody sat him fucking down, bit slapped him, told Martians who want to stick a grenade up his ass to go shoot the fucking movie to that poor kid. You know, you can tell. So somebody else is going to strike now. and start shooting fucking cops. Let me ask you something. I have dear friends of the cops.

I grew up with a lot of cops. As a criminal, I've never had a beef with a cop. You'll never hear me on a podcast or anything. Call a cop a derogatory name. That's why I've always had that attitude. That's why I've never had that problem with police officers. There was one cop. In my 51 years on this planet,

that had a problem with. And that was the cop. that got a sign on the Vela kidnapping. Me and him went back and forth for fucking months. Like he came to your house and told you they were coming for you and stuff? No, no, no, no. Not that one?

This was a guy that took his job a little bit too fucking seriously. Now, the Vela Kidnapp and he became you know, Johnny Saint on the scene. He looked at it from a different perspective. He didn't look at it from anybody's perspective. He had a different outlook on it, which I forget what the fuck it was.

He had the outlook that you guys were scumbagged when you took this guy down and there was no drugs involved. He were trying to rob him. You know, there were drugs involved. There was just no trace of drugs. There was a scale that was cleaned off. And there was, like, other paraphernalia,

but there was no proof of the fucking drugs. So they were saying, no, you guys tried to rob him. And that was his intent from day one, this guy. But this guy didn't let up on me at all. after I went away to prison, and I came back for the community service hearing, he was there. And he was going against me all the fucking way. And there was a couple times we had just verbal exchanges. You know, he was a big guy, but I hate him that much, and he hated me, you know.

His hate for me, in turn, made me fucking hate him because I knew, you know. But besides that, I've never really had a problem with any fucking cop. No, I mean, it's terrible. But it does stuff when people take their job too seriously. Like I waited in line it for 30 minutes today at UPS. What the fuck happened to you at UPS? Think about your words. UPS.

What the fuck were you doing at UPS for 30 minutes? Because I had a gift that I had was going to get delivered And I wasn't at my house Because you can't wait at your house from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. And I went to go pick it up Saturday, but they wouldn't give it to me, so I had to go back today. Why didn't they give it to you Saturday? They said even though I called the 800 number,

I didn't put a formal request to get the package. So I came back. It's just bureaucracy like a motherfucker. And then they weren't going to give it to me because my ID doesn't have my new address on it. And I was so, I was this close to, like, ripping their computers and throwing it on the wall. I was fuming. But it just, it's, I worked a lot or, I worked, I worked three or four retail jobs and restaurant jobs. It's tough for five or six years.

It's tough. It's tough. It's tough dealing with the public. Very tough. But the thing I'll say is, I think they're going to run into an issue asking for a $15 minimum minimum wage, minimum wage. because I don't think a lot of these people working there deserve 15 an hour, so they're going to lose their jobs. Because a lot of these people are just, it's beyond the worst.

At UPS. Every way. I was at Target today. I was at CVS today, and I don't know if they're overworked. The service has gone down horrifically in this country. They judge everything by labor versus workforce. You know, everything is done by a fucking formula. You walk into, listen, I do all my business with CVS.

The only reason why I go to CBS is I love the two girls. And it isn't their fault. It isn't their fault. Yeah, that's true. They got two girls working there. One is filling prescriptions. The other one is taking prescriptions and picking them up and giving them the people. Breaking down the prescription, you have to drink a with two every four hours.

What's that? Four every two hours? No, two every four hours. Oh, my God, I need glasses. Well, we'll talk about it. You know, it's two fucking hours. Right. It's tough.

And the phone's ringing. Pharmacy line one. Pharmacy line two. Pharmacy. When I go to CVS now, I prepare it for a 25-minute wait. Right. I work the CVS for two years.

I grab in, I get what I got to do, my nasal shit, the fucking vizine for the refire eye. I get whatever else I need tape from my wrist, for jihito. Whatever the fuck I need. I stand online.

I just take the beating. So when I get there, I sit, and it bothers me because the front counter has the chicklets. The bite size, like a motherfucker, I need one package of those to get me straight.

once a week and I'm good. You know what I'm saying? There's a gas station on a little of a canyon by your house. Yeah. They gums and the way down the economy store, I pull over there and get one package before my sets. It sets me straight. Some people do steroids.

Some people do drugs before their sets. I pop those little fucking little chicklets. You love gum. You have like a gum by the liquor store that we go to? The Mexican gum. The former thing, I love that. And then on the way down to San Diego, at the time when you got super high,

you put an entire pack of gum in your mouth. When I'm fucking stone to the gills, and I'm driving, I'm falling asleep. I got a pack of gum going that works the fucking jaw, like a hooker giving 10 blow job.