The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - Comedy is a journey

Episode Date: July 23, 2024

Joey Diaz talks with Lee Syatt about the first time he saw Doug Stanhope's car, why The Wire is one of the most underrated television shows and why it gives his flashbacks to his days as a criminal, and Lee's surprise first full headlining weekend at a club this past weekend. Support the show and try Blue Chew for free. Just pay $5 shipping. Head to https://www.bluechew.com and press in promo code JOEY Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code JOEY. New customers get $150 in bonus bets when you bet just 5 bucks. The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz

And we can talk more about it if you wanted to, but I'm fucking birthday, my friend. How old are you? How old is that old? I'm fucking an old, 36. I think I was like 23 when I met you, something like that. 22. But you're still young, brother.

That's good. Congratulations. You had a great weekend. Oh, best weekend of my, of my comedy career. We've spoken about about two months ago, where one weekend, the headliner might get sick, and you get the nod, and you either eat four bags of dicks, or you maintain it and go up there.

And you did. So now good things are going to happen, I hope. Maybe nothing will happen. But at least you know you're capable. Well, it was, so thank God for Microsoft because unfortunately Josh, like he just didn't make it. And I didn't know if the shows were going to happen. And I was nervous, but like I was,

I have done it a few times now and I felt confident in like the chunks. And I knew I only had to do 45. Like an hour is a lot different than 45. So like the first show, I even, to be honest with you, forgot, like, one of my best jokes. And sometimes I got off stage. It was like, how did I forget that chunk? But every other show, like, I actually, like, the crazy part was late show Saturday.

It was like the only, like, 30-ish people there. But it was like everyone, even the manager, like, that was the best show. Like, it was, like, I was really impressed with, like, how much better the, joke got from early show Friday to late show Saturday. Like, I'm not, just to be very clear with people watching, I'm not saying I'm a headliner. I'm not, I'm working at it.

I'm getting better at it. I'm nowhere near Joey's level, but like, it was just cool. Like, even Josh fucked with me a little bit. He was happy to, like, recommended me to the club owner, but he texted me. He's like, don't fuck it up. And I was like, I said, I, like, tried to be confident about it. But yeah, I was worried about fucking it up. Like, it's a good club, a Summit City Comedy Club.

Like, it's exactly the club I want to work. And everyone was so nice. I look at the schedule. You're perfect for that club. It was great. And the beauty of it is that sometimes in your career, this is what you just learned. Because I say this to people constantly, they don't give a fuck. They just don't give a fuck.

Because they don't look at themselves objectively. to what's going on. You know, when you get that opportunity, it's like I wanted to work for David Tribble since 1994. For nine months, I sent that dude, everything under the sun.

Fake tapes, headshots, you know, fake bios. Every time I got a club, I send them a new bio. And one day he called me after nine fucking months. And he's like, dog, cancellation tonight, you're up.

And this is the club that you're going to, their report is going to base whether or not you work with me. Now, I wasn't ready, you know, a year earlier, when I thought I was ready, I would have ate a bag of dicks. Right. But now since he rejected me for nine, ten months it was. When the time came, boom, I passed. I did a great job.

and I moved on to the next fucking level. Now, if I would have done that at the second year, like after I won the contest with eight minutes, if I were to call triple, he would have gave me the same opportunity, but I would have added bag of dicks.

And that would have hurt like... Everything. That's because there's two other comics there. And every comic loves to see a bomb, okay? Everybody. And I want to see a bomb that's hard, like when they comic turns on the audience. You guys suck. You're all from the left. You know.

You just say this. Do you like that? Like you like when you're on a show and you see someone bummed? But you see it every six months in comedy where somebody goes up there and just destroys themselves. And you're like, what the fuck has happened? Talk, I was at a show one time. The show was bad enough. It was a guy. I'm not going to mention his name. He's a fucking hustler, this guy. And he used to bookrooms in Houston. 150. 175 on a Tuesday night. I got 10 cents in my ATM card. I'm fucking taking that gig.

This gig, there was a door where people walked in. Yeah, yeah. And that's where you walked in. And to boot, you were in front of a dart board. So all I needed was one of these fucking rednecks to fucking throw a dart at my eyes. So I'm sitting there. I do my time.

I go to the side. It's a great show. Like me and somebody else went up. And then this guy went up, that booked it. And he asked the guy something about drinking and driving. The guy goes, I just lost my daughter a month ago to a drunk driver.

Right there, I would have fell a piece. I would have just moved on. This motherfucker started asking the guy questions. How did she die? Who was in the car with her? I thought we were going to get killed in this country. You know, I've seen it.

The crowd didn't like it, I bet. Is that what you're saying? they went quiet for 30 fucking minutes. The show ended. These people just stared at us because of this fucking, yeah. Every once in a while, that's going to happen in those bar shows or in those, you know, listen, I saw it a lot at the comedy store.

I saw it all over the country. Yeah. And I felt it. I'm not going to, what are we going to sit here and tell you. I don't know what that bombing feels like. That's why you appreciate it because when you see somebody else going through it, You're like, oh, I just went through that a week and a half ago. Uh-oh.

Put a mask out. And the guy next year will go, why? What's going on? Somebody threw a fucking apple with me. Something's about the flight. And then the comic turns on them and calls them pieces of shit. And, you know, I don't have to tell you. Oh, and, like, you know, I would be anxious.

In my head, but I'm like, what if I do so bad at the first show, they demote me to the future? Like, what if, you know, I don't know. They could do that. what would happen if I like thankfully every show I was really happy with if I got I'm sorry I'm just gonna say like if I had bombed maybe they'd give me early Friday if I bombed both Friday would they make a change let's say you made your first show Friday and it was iffy you just the headlighting and then you come back Friday night you destroy you're good okay iffy the first show and then you get into an argument with the second show you

and you go back and forth yeah the next morning you're going to get a call listen we're going to move you to the fucking doorman tomorrow how do I know this because I had a friend in Denver an open mic friend and he ended up going to Florida when I was in Seattle

and he was God off he never had a chance you know it just it was just mental health there and he signed up for the coconuts tour this is like the fucking the room of comedy Oh, no.

At the time. No disrespect. I don't even know if they're open anymore. There was like eight of them. And the host had to seat people. Oh, yeah. Okay? The host had to see people.

He got the job, the headline on Thursday. By Friday, demoted them to feature. And by Saturday, demoted him to co-MC. He called me up. He's like, I don't know what I should do. If I should fight with the guy, listen, just get in the call. going on. What would you fight about?

He thought he was Dave Chappelleau at the time. Oh, no. He was a young guy that was good looking. He had a good rap, but he was a moron in life. Like he was really college educated and financed. He got hooked up with an older woman and she was just taking

care of him. She bought him a fucking corvette the whole thing. This was the only guy I ever pulled up in an open mic in a corvette. Yeah, of course. And I remember making a mistake with him. I got in a car with him before a gig and Greeley and he goes, listen. When I drive on these gigs, I don't listen to music.

I listen to comebacks from hecklers. Sit there and it's him rehearsing, hey, where'd you learn how to whisper in a helicopter? You know, shit like that. It really doesn't matter, but I saw... How long is that drive? Huh? How long was the drive to Greeley? An hour and a half, dog. And would he do the comebacks

for the whole hour and a half? No, he... Because everybody always heckled them. Every time he'd get in a joke or a voice, people go, that's not the guy. And he would get up there and argue. That's the night he banged his head on the ceiling. He jumped up and he banged it.

There was a low ceiling and Greeley at this fucking bar. And then like two weeks later, he went to the fucking comedy works with me and he ate a bag of dicks. And as I walked off, he was punching his tape recorder. What's mad? And he goes, this thing won't record the laughter.

that's when I knew this guy all he needed was a straight jacket. Like if I dialed 911, I knew somebody was going to come get him. There were going to, we finally got him. Call crime stoppers for a reward. He was out there. He was out there. His promo

Lee was the best you ever saw. He was an open micer, and he had a three-page booklet. About himself? Yeah. So this was like the cover. You opened it up. And in here was like a CD and a VHS. in here was a bio

and in here were all the characters he did with different headshots and shit. No, no, no, no. It's mental health time. He had like a phone number for his agent, but it was just his phone number? Yeah, and he played a Chinese guy. That answered the phone and shit. It was, and I hope you think I'm kidding you.

I'm not kidding you, man. We all come from a dysfunctional comedy scene. Denver at the time was, there was a guy that would get out of jail and come to the open mic, and get put back in jail. There was another guy who smoked crack and stole jokes, and they finally banned them from the Denver scene.

Yeah. Comedy's... Like, if you think about it, like, open mics are, like, you could go and just watch it as reality TV. Like, you would see, like, people you see... Because the only problem... The only reason you couldn't shoot an open mic show is, like, people would feel bad.

Like, there's some stuff, like, you can't... Like, no one would sign up to be shown on TV like that. Maybe they would. Tony, dog. Yeah, but they're at least trying to be good. Three minutes on fucking CBS on a Friday night to go up there and be outrageous. This could either sink you. You can either stay in Coles and keep shopping, stocking shelves, or this could be, this is it.

Listen, a girl did Hock Tour, and she's everywhere now. Right. Right? She's got a great publicity team around her. She's got a millionaire. Bro, she's got an Instagram that day. they're breaking down and they're doing a great job. Who's ever doing it?

It's doing a phenomenal job. I don't follow. I just happen to catch it the other day. And I'm like, is this the hop to a girl? You know. That's so crazy. And like that's where social media has gotten. But you're right.

Listen, man, you know, I always said when I, I didn't, listen, I'm not going to lie to you. The best open mics I ever went to, Denver was a great open mic, but it was too uptight. There were a lot of pros in the show. Okay. Seattle had a mixture, and that was a trip. The first six motherfuckers were a trip.

The guy who came up with the handcuff, the guy who did impersonations of a door, you know, they're a trip. Those guys are on their own planet. You wave, you nod, you smile, and you keep walking. And if you do hug them, search them for weapons, you know, just in case.

They have them. Fucking, but the open mic where I really understood what open mics and what the allure was was Houston. In the early 2000s, late 90s, Monday night at the last stop, five hours of open mic. So seven or eight were like real open micers, eight to ten were fucking David Tell would stay. You know, anybody who was in the area would fly up to Houston. So if you did Austin or Dallas the week before, you went Monday night to Houston to flaunt your shit, Jack. You know, you're in costume.

You got to go up there and represent. But after nine, it was a train wreck. 10 o'clock, it was a train wreck. And they would stay open to one or two. And it was interesting to watch. I sat there a few nights and said, let me watch this. And it was people with a dream. They were just happy to be there.

They're being pros there. and them coming up after the pros, it gives you confidence, but it takes away your confidence, but at the same time, it was like five minutes or seven minutes. And it was great to watch. I love it.

You want to learn about comedy? Yeah, you go see Dave Chappelle. You go see Shane Gillis, but you also go see an open mic on Tuesday nights in the neighborhood bar. And you're going to learn more about time. You're going to respect Shane Gillis more and David Chappelle more,

but at the same time, you're going to respect that guy on stage more. And there's our great open mics to go to. One of the best open mics I went to was in Bakersfield, California, because I love, like, it's my favorite, it sounds bad, but in, you know, remote places where there's not a lot of other entertainment options, those shows, and even though those open mics, people go to. There's a fucking great open mic in Saratoga every Friday night that I go to after.

The show. Yeah, and like, it's full. And, like, let's say tickets. It shows you how much an audience matters. $10 tickets. They're going to go. Oh. They don't have to work on Saturday morning.

You know, I told you, one of the best dirty shows I went to was midnight in Buffalo at the funny bone up there. It was 11 o'clock show. Packed. Sold out every week before the headliner. People like those. 10 bucks. You don't know what you're going to get. It's a surprise.

I might get a guy. with a flute. I might get a chick who blows firecrackers out of her ass. I don't know what I'm going to bump into. And that's the allure. Yeah, I, it's, and it shows how important it is that they're there. Because, like, even though shows,

if there's people there, it makes such a difference, because open mics are usually very sad. There's, like, six comics looking at their phones. And it's just, I don't know. Well, I'll tell you what I do. a lot of comics are rewriting their act right now

because Biden's out, all those political motherfuckers are rewrite jokes, black jokes, Kamala Harris jokes, you know, whatever the fuck is going on there. I'm not happy. I'm not involved in that shit. Would you have talked about that on stage? Would you have talked about that on stage?

No, I don't give a fuck, because I'd be lying to the audience. It's not what I think about during the day. Okay. I think about crazy shit. I don't think about, you know, Biden. All I know is I got to get up every morning and give it 100% for the last 80 fucking years and I'm 61. So I've been kicking it since the womb.

You know, so it didn't matter who was president. I suffered. I fucking was broke. I was poor. I went to prison. What do you think? I don't even know who was president when I went to prison. You think it was his fault and shit because Democratic fucking judge or whatever. So to me, it doesn't even matter. After I got the felony, you know, like, you don't have to vote no more. I was like, what? Not like I ever voted before. I gave my name to a few people. And they did what they did with it. I don't know what do they voted for. If it was right or wrong, that's their business. You come to me now and go, but you voted in 82. That wasn't me.

I lived up there in North Berger. They do the voting. I just fucking give the name and get a free sandwich or some shit. Hysterical. It's the truth. The fucking truth. What else? Why are you sitting there staring at me? You didn't even take edibles. What do you mean I didn't take edibles? Like a thousand fucking milligrams of these new edibles. Nothing happens, so I took another 300 of some different ones. We'll stop taking a thousand milligrams.

Why? I'm fine. I'm in training, cucksucker. For what? You always hate training. Hamas and the Jews have been going out and nobody's talking about it. So shit's going to escalate any day now. You know, it kills me how there's a war.

The Jews are fucking. and butchers and all of a sudden now nobody says nothing the chick is going to be president nobody gives a fuck about amaz palestine you know ukraine they're over there fight with one arm they got one arm they're down the bullets and shit over there yeah but nobody you do watch the news they don't they don't talk about it at all anymore i don't watch the lot of news but i'm just saying that you know i watched the news to see jews bombing people or that's what I want to see. They brought food.

They just took down the bridge. I know that. They took down the U.S. humanitarian bridge. They're like, listen, we can't do this no more. But now Harris, so everybody's on Kamala Harris. And I don't think she's even going to run.

I think they're going to throw a fucking Billy go to at you later on. They're going to find like a nude picture of Kamala Harris, and then they're going to fucking, you know, trust me, something's going to happen here. It's a crazy motherfucking world, Jack, and you're just a part of it.

Let's get this cock snuck that started. Greetings. It's Tuesday, the 23rd. The checking is brought to you by. Oh, my God. Blue Chew. Listen, when things get floppy below the belt, you got to turn to Blue Chew.

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just to give up if Uncle Joey could do it I can rule the world that's what you gotta be thinking Welcome back to show Hey what up Happy birthday cock leaker Thank you buddy

You're back I know birthdays are always fun Unless you're blind You can't see the cake You can't see the candles Those poor blind people What did I do?

This is like the one thing they have is podcasts. It's like it's always for them. It's all audio. I don't know. I don't know. Listen, silly. I'm joking. And remember, it's Tuesday to 23rd. My political views do not reflect on me.

I don't give a fuck. So if you're going to hold my political views against me, I don't know what to tell you. I don't give a fuck. I just reported as I see it. I'm not like these fucking people. You know, we're here. Who gives a fucking fuck bummer?

all right. 174, he's getting his dicks up. The other one's 80. He's retarded. And now you're going to throw with Kevin Harris at me. I'm real excited. And I don't think anyone stands

a chance against Trump. I'm not saying I like him or would vote for him. But it's like, isn't it? It looks like, wasn't there a movie where like Chris Rock ran for president or something, but he was, they picked him to lose? Is it Poodie Tang? No.

It was like head of state. That's what it was called. and they picked him and he was supposed to lose. Like, it feels like she's just to find someone who just to lose to him. Chris Rock wants to smoke crack. He wants to play football I watch. Once he plays a mayor or something, I'm not in.

He was an alderman or something. It was a good movie. I watched it recently. Good for you. I'm happy you had a good time. That was a good movie. It was a good movie. Hey, man, I got to declare something on here.

What happened? I'd never thought I'd fucking declare my life. But I finally, I love the Sopranos on HBO. A lot of people love breaking bed. And when the Sopranos was hot, the wire was running on HBO. And I had comedy. I couldn't focus on 18 different shows back then. It's like now you talk to people.

And they're on episode 11, season 8. I don't have that type of time. I'm out there trying to get better as a comedian. So I overlooked. I watched a couple episodes of the wire. Okay. And I overlooked it. And when I moved here, I watched it.

And in four years that I've been here, I've watched the whole series three times. Oh, it's a great series. After this last time, I got to declare. It's the best show I've ever watched in my life. Why do you think it gets overlooked? I don't understand. I don't think people watch it and see it for what it is.

You've got to watch that a few times. They go from the ghetto with Michael B. Jordan to the docks, back to the ghetto, back to the ghetto. Now it's a political thing. The way the characters grow, I think the best character I've ever seen on a television show is Omar. He is just fucking amazing.

I love the cops. Listen, this shows that are probably good, but I don't watch them because they got one character I just do not like. English guy trying to be black. You know, it's always something. But there's two shows I really watch right now. The mayor of Kingstown.

Okay, I haven't seen that one. Very fucking good. And The Wire. I've really been impressed with The Wire. You know, the actors, the characters where they went. Like, there's a fucking homeless guy, Bubbles. I was going to say he's one of the best characters of all time.

Omar, you fall? in love with the lesbian cop that goes to have the kid with the cop and then she doesn't want to have a kid she wants to be a lieutenant you know there's just so many stories in this one four years or five years it's fucking amazing well it's only three seasons right i don't know three or four maybe i don't know i just store it's brilliant it makes my heartbeat when i watch it it reminds me of so many things in my life like how the one guy takes the other kid in and they live in a shitty apartment

but they sell crack to make a living just that camaraderie you know selling nickel bags on the street that whole thing where you're hiding from the cops and the cops are trying to get you all day I never had the ability to sell a nickel bag

but I was an interpreter so I would fucking go down and interpret for the Cuban refugees you know there's just so many things that were reminds me of who I was when I watched the Y. Let's figure it out. I was a fucking thug, you know. So I didn't mind doing that shit.

And then I took my show on the road. I took that fucking, you know, I went to San Francisco and mug people. I went down to Aspen, you know, I wasn't just a fucking local headline. I took my show on the road, Jack. You had a full on tour. Holy shit. Do you, so you connect? Like, when you watch stuff like that, like you do, like,

feel like you felt like when you were doing no it just hits me it just hits me differently it's a struggle the sopranos is guys that got money shooting people you know this is a struggle this shows a struggle of what a kid

wakes up to in the ghetto every day you know you get mad because my mom didn't fucking heat up the French toast these kids wake up the potato chips right from the shelter the night before you know and it's just really interesting to watch.

It reminds you of a lot of things. But, hey, one man's chicken is another man's fucking gumbo. You know what I'm saying? I get it. But I haven't watched it. I saw it at first. And it seemed more like a mini series. Like, that's one look at it. I was like, I haven't, why haven't I seen it?

But it's like shortened each season is like its own little thing, isn't it? Like the whole, they had some characters come over. But that second season was like with the, with the boats, right? The Longshoreman, yeah. Yeah. And they still keep the investigation open, but they're looking at the Longshoreman

and somewhere it meets. Then they go back to season one on season three. And then that's the only problem. Prison, and it's just, you know, the city has a thousand and one stories. I don't want to, I don't want to spoil anything because it's, but there's a ending to the end of the first season that is jarring.

yeah and like that's part of like that ending of that first season if i remember correctly it's like one of the saddest things i've been through on tv and like i almost don't want to watch it or like i skipped like like it's just like i said it takes you to a different place in your heart in your mind you know listen sons of anarchy had some great scenes in there that was another one yeah that's was, you know, Jacks, you know, Tony Soprano, and then you had Breaking Bad. But then, you know, last week, President Trump, President-elect Trump got shot. And the first main I seen was Omar with the name of the podcast last week. If you're going to strike the king, you best not miss, whatever.

That's something that he said. And it's just tremendous. His scene in the courtroom. That guy was a great fucking actor. he was brilliant and the thing that he hasn't been on TV in 20 years and he's dead and they made him

a meme, whatever the fuck you call those things, a me-may. I don't know what that is. A meme. A meme, you know, whatever. What about fuck these these call this shit?

Okay, they made it, what was a meme? About fucking Omar with a shotgun saying if you come at the king, you best not miss. Okay, yeah, yeah, okay. That was 20 years ago, and the fact that he's dead and whatever, fucking brilliant, man. Fucking crazy. I enjoyed the show a lot, and I wanted to, you know, I talked about it on Rogan.

He said that there was Anthony Bordane's favorite show, and he hadn't watched it yet. It's that fucking good, man. That's crazy. It's crazy when you revisit something and you find how good it is. Tonight, I had to run an errand before the podcast, and Led Zell. when the live album came on and a whole lot of love came on and and it just took my breath away had to kick it up to 56 my eardrums were fucking bleeding and i'm like this is just this will never happen again this is just so good i love when i revisit something and i go holy fuck i forgot

how good this was you know and did you like when did that first come out what the album you just listened to 75 76 Okay, so that's like 40-something years ago. Were you like that emotional about the music back then, or is it like more emotional now? I think I heard Led Zeppelin first, like the album, like two and then four, and then, you know. And then once I started getting into Led Zeppelin,

somebody lent me the live out. And I always hated live music because it didn't sound like the out. It drove me crazy back then. But I didn't know music. I didn't know art. I didn't know that he could go anywhere. And once you listen, and I'll tell you what, if there was a show that used to be called,

it was on W&AW on Sunday night, the King Biscuit Flower Hour. Okay. It was just an old guy talking about music. In fact, I met him years later in Hollywood. Oh, snap. He lived in Studio City. The guy used to go to Marie E.T.

He was the host of it or something? Yeah, he was old now. And he said that he interviewed Jimmy Page the week they were in New York. And I'll never forget Jimmy Page saying that on the second night of the shows, they would do five nights, that Jimmy Page did everything but did the guitar head. So I never forgot that. And when I got an opportunity to listen to it, I listened to it with a little open. It wasn't me.

I was like, it's too out there. Now I think it's one of the greatest albums ever made, because it shows Zeppelin's versatility in 75. They only played, I don't know how many songs, but each song was 40 minutes, 30 minutes, 20 minutes. You're like, what the fuck? And they improvised. And I always love to improvise somewhere in the middle of stand-up,

because once you got them, if you go out there improvising, it's something different. But if you go out there fucking killing and then you switch it to improvising, it's a great night for everybody. So here's the only thing that I didn't, I did okay Like trying to do something about Fort Wayne Right like the jokes I had before that Were like should I do jokes before

The jokes about the city Jokes about the city Yeah like I try to always talk about the town a little bit No you want to talk about the town first When you go up there So I am doing that And it goes okay sometimes But it's not as good as my jokes

No no no no But at least they know you're paying attention It's great to be to this town I love Fort Wayne I love the black guy that stands in front of the gas station with the ukulele, bam! You got it. You got them.

That's it. Can I get away with saying McMinn? Whatever. Everybody else sees it and they don't say it because they live in the town. Right, okay. A comedian, a Jewish comedian, to come from out of town to say,

why is that Indian stand in front of gas station all day with a fucking cigar? bam it's weird I never talk about being Jewish I'm always a little bit worried and people haven't been mean but they have pulled back when I mention it

why tell them what they know tell them something you don't know right something I don't know about you and then if you want to visit the Jews and Hamas you can do whatever the fuck you want I don't give a shit about that I just it's uh

throw your nationality out if I'm Chinese and I go out there and talk about being Chinese There's no fucking surprise here I know you're fucking Chinese or one of those knees Japanese, Korean, you're one of those motherfuckers, Filipino where you don't got a suntan That's why I like Filipinos

Because you know exactly what they are They're Chinese with a little dark skin Everybody's happy and they got a Spanish last name You know what I'm saying? So it's all great No idea Yeah, a lot of Filipinos have Spanish last name But With the pilot to Bombadilla

pilot the bombardee. I don't think you have a train track near your house. You don't think I have a what? Do you have a train track near? I don't remember being there. Look, I got deer outside my window. I got a raccoon. His name is Rocky.

Yeah, I got problems. I got no trains around here. Okay. The way, that's you. That was not me. Okay, who knows? Who gives a fuck about a train? Why you got to cut me off for a cock-suck-sock?

I'm sorry. I thought you were playing the harmonica. I didn't know what was going on over that. But, yeah. You know, you relate. And listen, people don't notice a lot. And some people don't do it well. No?

You really have to put a weird twist on it. And it's a 50-50. If you open it and it goes down, ooh, lority. So those are the chances you take. So what happens if, what happens if a guy's never going to throw one punch? right you figure he's going to do a one-two on you so he hits you with the jab and you might not see that or block it

but then you get to block the second one before you crack a joke like that out you have you better have I wouldn't do it because I don't give a fuck but you better have an emergency joke if your skin is not thick yet my skin's thick I go up there crack the joke and if they look at me go all right it didn't work Fuck. All right. It's a part. You people do everything perfect.

I just got it an hour ago. At least I tried. I didn't get to the library because the black dude was out there giving away pencils. You know, and you just run with it. And you don't know where it takes you. I've seen silly shit.

Eat a bag of dicks after 20 minutes. If you're headlining and you're dying at the 18th minute, take the girdle off motherfucker go for it bust that ass make them shift a little bit make them shift in their chair a little bit how do you do that

by fucking throwing heat at them lighting them on fire a little bit well are you blind why you looking at me like the one eye whatever I don't give a fuck anything from the norm that's why you enjoyed yourself for the night with the 30 people 30 people is a beautiful number Because at the end of the day, the biggest audience and average you play for is 30 to 40 people. If you write the numbers down every night, right?

You go to an open mic, there's 18 people. Right. Open up for Josh is 180. Big fucking difference. That number's going to go down. And then, you know, but you'll notice you're about 30 to 40 people a night. That would be great. I mean, I have no, I hope, boy, if you come.

I just want people to know. I do the podcast now. but like I actually am a pretty good comedian. I really am working really hard. Brother, let me say three people from my Patreon reached out. Really? One guy sent me a Facebook message that he drove three hours to see you.

No, I was telling me. You know, you got people that are in your corner. That's awesome. I appreciate all of them. And you're not there showing me a gold watch. You're not there flying on a private jet. You're not there trying to be something. not. Just trying to be a headliner. And people know this, Lee. Your honesty, people know this.

You know, and here's the gift. You said you had a great, it was so funny when you said it. I was kind of high. You told me that there was 30 people and you had a great show. Like I say, you average your best. You know, when I got to the store, 40 people was Thursday night. Tuesday, Wednesday, Wednesday were 28, 14 by the time I got on. just need three people to go on to get paid to get a $15 check I would need three people to sit in the audience even if it was a comic I would drag them in

those are the nights I learned the mostly I didn't learn the most by killing every night in the fucking theater or killing every night in the comedy club I was doing comedy in the early mid-2000s it wasn't like now there was not a big boom on comedy then

the comedy store was not popular we were number three on the charts of all the comedy clubs wow yeah people go to the improv first then they go to sunset the laugh factory only people who are comedy enthusiasts in those days would come to the comedy store but I still remember going to Houston

and doing a show for 30 people and him saying this is great and then a year later a buddy in mine went down there from the store and Thursday night he had a light audience there was a basketball game or something and this kid got a stand standing ovation with like 38 people

and he goes, I've only seen you two guys do that. I go, now you see the magic of the comedy store. In those days, 20 people were a fucking party. Oh, yeah. So 60, 80 people. Forget about it. I'm at the

fourth wall with a ukulele. You know what I'm saying? Right, absolutely. And that's a cool thing about, I was talking about it with the openers. And I wanted to like, thank you. Because like, I was talking to the openers and I And I felt bad, but you always, like, whenever anyone asked you about, oh, can I do this joke or how much time can I do? Like, you don't care about any of it.

And I just did. And, like, the openers, like, they talk. Like, there's obviously a lot of cool comics out there, but there's a lot of people who, like, are mean, not mean to the openers, but, like, restrict them or, like, tell them they can't do things. And they were just going on in their life. And they got one fucking credit. Yeah. They're going there and usually at one credit or at one and a half credit to make a feature act when MC feel bad.

And all you got to do is give those guys a joint. Tell them, do whatever fucking joke you want to do. Let yourself on fire and they'll look at you like you're a king. Yeah, it was crazy. It was fun and get to do it. What do you want me to say? Just say, Joey Diaz. That's it.

Really, bro? And then they go up there and they put their twist on it. Sometimes I get mad. Sometimes I don't. I know it's flat. and I know they got a sell. But I just told you just to bring me up as Joey Diaz. I don't want you to get tongue twisted with credits.

Now, when I was an MC, I used to get abused all the time, Lee. By him. Luser comics, losers that would come up to me and go, okay, and now these guys had no credits. At the end of the day, when you sat them down and go, bro, when were you on, Seinfeld? Remember the episode with Don Marrera?

I was in the car. I was an extra. You weren't on Seinfeld. He said he just walked in and filmed one day. But that's how it is. You pick up a credit as an extra. So these guys would say that. And then at times that

they would just write a fucking credit down and somebody would call them out after the show. And I'd be there thanking people for coming to the show. I had nothing going on. But I would listen to their conversations. Do you have anything big going on there? Yeah, yeah, Hollywood called. No, they didn't.

No, they didn't. Why are you telling these poor people that in this fucking church gig? You know, those old people that come up to you. You're very funny. Do you have anything going on in Hollywood? They're like, yeah, they got nothing going on in Hollywood. You know, then they treat the other comics, the club owner. But I've heard of comics that won't go in the green room.

Why? Because they're too cool. They want to sit in the car with sunglasses on and wait five minutes. before they go on stage and you've got to bring their food out to the car. I've never encountered them. That's wild. A level-headed comics because a lot of people are like

fucking, you know, they got to manage his job. This is the best job they'll ever have. So they hold on to it and pull rank like it's their business. That at the end of the week, they don't realize eventually they're going to get fired from fucking McDonald's. They take it too seriously. I always remember that I was a fucking ex-fellant. always. That was always in the back of my mind.

No matter how this I get, I'm fucking prisoner war. You know, what am I going to pull strings on this kid for? Now, there's people you work with that are fucking outlandish and you want to pull them aside, but then you go, it's just one more show. If I say something to him, he's going to get argumentative. But this guy, if he keeps doing what he's doing, he'll get thrown out of three clubs. really

for just being bad for not being good when you're an emcee and a feature you're being watched and you're there to study a lot of people confused that with the party and shit now you're going to go Joey but you're the biggest co-cat in the world

correct I always waited until I got off stage then the high thing started. And then I went at the bar and I fucking snorted and I met women. You know, that's what being a comic is for. You didn't sign up to be a comic to be a

fucking Christian. That's what all these people don't understand. Not everybody is cut out to be a comedian. Okay? That's why there's more doctors than count, whatever the fucking stat is. But at the same time, they look at a comic like to be

a voice of reason. None of us are voice of fucking reasons. If we knew what we did in the beginning, you wouldn't even talk to us. The shit we put up with, the women we bumped into, you know, whatever. So what the fuck? You know, we're just comedians, man. We just put our pants out one and like at a time. You know, that's how I feel.

Speaking of that, like, I'm sorry, buddy, you broke up for a second there. That's what you feel about what? God, I'm here. All right. So, like, towards the end, like, when you were, like, had a line. before your wife, obviously. Like, would you, like, hook up with women a lot on the road,

or did it, like, focus more on, like, getting rest, or were you partying every night? My first thing was to get coke. I was always the plant. Okay. The Coke, and then whatever happened, if I had to go home and snort cook by myself and jerk off,

that was fine. If I had to fucking, you know, meet a victim and tell me no, that's fine. too. If, you know, I didn't look at it that way. I wasn't sexual. I'm not a fucking heavy, good-looking sexual icon. You know what I'm saying? I'm not known for slinging dick or any of that stuff. So I knew I

wasn't always good at that. So why make the situation worse? You got a girl that wants to hook up with you, to hang out with you to snort coke. Leave it at that. Maybe suck a titty's telling you love it. Call it back when you come back to town. You know, I don't know. When you see comics that are hooked on women, their careers go somewhere else. If you're doing comedy to get laid, it's going to catch up to you. And comedy is not going to be how you end up. Because you're going to knock up two of those bitches.

Okay? That's not cool either. But I can name three comics that you know that do comedy for women. And now you'll see why there'll be feature acts till they're 95. Got it. The club knows it. Everybody knows it. The waitress has come back and say,

Joey Diaz's been here five minutes he already hit on. Wow. And these guys don't change. That's their, they got into comedy and realized how easy it was because they were good looking to get pussy. But those guys just to get too caught up in it. And they disappear on their own.

You hear from four years later, they live in a, you know, in Vegas or something like that, you know, Michigan. And they hooked up with a girl and that's where they are now and whatever. But they got two kids. And what, listen, it's your life, Lee, on the road. Obviously, in today's capacity, if you sleep with women, they're going to dog you on the internet or whatever because, you know, these guys turn on you like anything.

But let's face what stand-up comedy is. What the fuck is it? It's a bunch of children who haven't grown up yet. And then you put more children around them, women that haven't grown up yet with daddy issues or whatever the fuck they got. And what do you think is going to happen? Right. You know, not good things.

I remember sitting with you one night outside my appointment. apartment. We sat out there for like two hours just talking about my early beginning comedy, what I had going on those first four years to Boulder. It was sickening. When I think about it today, it makes me sick. Those first year and a half on the triple runs, they just disappoint me. The road, the people I met, the women I met, you didn't even have to work for it, pretty much. And you would meet them at the shows? Yeah, I still remember the girl coming up to me at the show.

Good looking and going, are you staying at the hotel tonight? I'm like, yeah. She goes, do you have an extra bed? I'd like to share with you. Yeah. A brother would walk her over to me. This is my sister. Take care of it. I'm like, who would leave their fucking sister with me? Well, again, we smoked pot.

They were a hippie. They knew another girl who was going to bring pot on. over, listen, man, like I said, when you choose the path of comedy, it's a different world. And along the way, you make adjustments. And some of us have support throughout the way. Some of us have a girl we hook up with when we come home. That's not going to be enough support. You know, when you have somebody in your corner, you start to see life for what it is.

And you'll see that there's struggles on the road. have to do your time, be nice to the wait staff, tip them, bring them gifts, go to your hotel room, order any food you want. Because once a girl says she's in your room, Lee, you can't. There's nothing you can do. If you're married or you have a girlfriend,

anything ever happens and that girl says she was in your room, I can't say nothing to my wife. Right, of course now, yeah. Listen, man, I got, I was in comedy from 91 to 2000 before I met my wife. That was nine years. I don't know the amount of women. I don't know the amount of drugs I did before I met her. I had a steady girlfriend for four years out of those nine years.

So for five years, I was single. You know, so think about it. A lot happened. Some of it I'm happy about. And it was my life everywhere. Like I had the problems with John. my ex-wife. I was shoplifting espresso machines.

I was fucking, you know, it was a nine-year experience that I think I write another book and just put those nine years before I got to LA. But once I met my wife, it was the weirdest thing because I had just dated a girl until about April. Not dated. It was just

me and her were doing whatever we could. And then I just, one day I said, I can't do this again. I'm home now. I've been on the road for two years. I got a great 45 minutes. It's time to take this. And I remember meeting my wife. And then I was with her or I was always with Ralphie.

That's who I was with. I was either one of those guys. I was over at Ralphies, over at my wife's house, or at the comedy store. And then you got to remember, I moved them with my wife, four months after I met her pretty much. I don't know what, you know, when people look, that's why people could do whatever the fuck they want.

I never wanted to break my wife's heart because she was very sweet and very nice. And at one point in a relationship, some girl at the store, a waitress said that she was there one night when I hooked up with a girl. And my wife was like, you're lying. Because I was here that night, he went on with me. We went food shopping.

So it just, after I met Terry, It was like everything else is, I couldn't do anything at the store because she worked there. Right. I'm at the store. I didn't want them back. The worst thing for a woman is for another woman to come up to her and say, hey, this is what's going on. And he did it right here. Right.

So you never do that door, yeah. It wasn't worth it to send me. When she was off from me at the time, I was 37, she was 30. I had everything I wanted with her. So. And over the years, you bump and. for some freaks, you know, whatever. But, like, I haven't been in the strip club in three years.

No? When I first got here, I was bored. I would go to my buddy's strip club. Then they got shut down. And one day I go, well, maybe I'll go back up and I'm like, I don't even feel good looking at naked women. There was a girl up there that scared me every time I went up there. How can scare you?

Because she wore combat boots, and she put her heels together. She was balls-ass naked. She weighed like 80 pounds, but she had a lot of fucking, mussel in those bones and she would clack her fucking heels together and it would always make me jump and I'm like, I can't focus. I can't even say, I would be watching the game.

They had all types of girls and they're Asians. There was everything. You were there to watch the game? I would go up there to, I would bet a game, like a basketball game, 25 bucks, and I would go up there and watch the last quarter. I would talk to my buddy, and I would look at some young pussy.

Why not? What am I, fuck? I don't say this doesn't make sense. I looked at them interacting, which was even better, and I looked at guys. I love seeing guys in the strip club. Oh, yeah. Guys are the too cool, and they don't want nothing.

We don't want nothing. We're here to discuss business. And 10 minutes later, you see them going crazy once they get three drinks on them. You know, I love all that shit. But the reason I like that club the most was because they were Cuban girls. There were a bunch of Cuban refugees.

and I go in there and I give the girl like a $10 fucking singles and she talked to me for 20 minutes about Cuba and what was going on there. Believe it or not, believe it or not. In Spanish? Yeah, I would talk to her in Spanish. She was telling me that they would fly supplies to Cuba every Friday by Tibero Airport. And she could take me to Cuba. Her family could take me to Cuba.

They live in Miami. Dog, it was on. I was thinking some fucking great thoughts. But then I was like, man, I get caught in Cuba with no protection. I go to jail for 30 years. Nobody can say shit. Who's going to save me on the hour? Steve McQueen is dead.

You know what I'm saying? Jesus Christ. Real quick, we got a UFC this weekend. We got a great card. We're going to take a breathe. I'm going to talk to you about draft kings and the options they got and how much fun this weekend's going to be.

And then we'll come back to rep this motherfucker up. I'll be back in 10 seconds. Yo, Uncle Joey here. I want to talk to you about something. Listen. July is ending with a bang. UFC 304 has not just one, but two titles on the line. We're talking about the welterweight and interim heavyweight title to round out the main card,

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All right? Remember, download the Draft King Sportsbook app and use code Joey, J-O-E-Y. And now back to the podcast to see Lee pass out for a little while. Gambling problem, call 1-800 Gambler. Or in West Virginia, visit 1-800 gambler.net. In New York, call 877-8-Hope-N-Y or text Hope in Y-4-669. In Connecticut, help is available for Problem Gambling.

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Don't forget, big UFC card. Baseball is big, but I'm going to tell you, all you have to do is better. Johnny or Judge to hit a home run. Every three games, and you're a winner. You're going to win 20 bucks a night. O'Hanney's crazy. What's that?

Otani's crazy. Last night when it was Boston 3 to nothing, my buddy called me. He was like, yeah, I'm watching the game. It's three nothing. I go, where they're playing? He goes, L.A. Go, you know what? I don't trust O'Tani. He can hit you from anywhere.

And then it was three to two, and I said, you know what? It's five runs. I guarantee I should bet the over tonight. And I didn't even look at it. This morning I'm in the gym. There it is on the thing. They won like 13 to 6 or some shit. It went over like a motherfucker.

You know what I'm saying? And he's just like a crazy person. And then like that... Do you ever think if like that gambling thing was... Like he's just so good that he just paid his buddy... To like take up... That's a yakuza. Anything could happen.

I could be wrong. I've been wrong before. You know, he's such a big attraction for the Dodgers now. Anything is possible. I hope that's not it. I hope I'm wrong because I really like him as a baseball player. He's so good. Yeah.

It's a video game. I know if I was him, he's a big motherfucker and he's young. I'd have 18 Japanese women waiting for me every night in those fucking hotels. Yeah! Doing karate, the whole thing. Karate, judo, making sushi. I'm in eating ass with sushi in it you know. Have you ever done that?

No, what do you think I eat ass to the sushi restaurant? There was that restaurant close to the comedy store. Right. And they were a sushi restaurant for a while. Since I was in L.A., they have been everything. I went to them when I signed with my first agent. He took me there for breakfast. That place was everything. A breakfast place, an Indian place.

But anyway, towards the end, they made it a sushi place, and one night a week, they would eat the naked sushi off the naked lady. They would have like an Asian one and like a blonde. And you go down there, I don't know if they'd let you dip the sushi in that wasabi ass, but I would try

it, you know what I'm saying, put a little wasabi in a muffler and throw that little yin-yang sauce in there with the wasabi, a little taste of the fucking pubic hair from the asshole. It might be something different. Some people like caviar, some people like pubicab. It's all whatever the fuck you think you like, Lisa. I never went to one of those places. Choo-choo, you know what I'm saying? But you'd rather go eat a conveyor belt

with dirty fingers and God knows what on it. Me? I'll go eat some dirty fingers with some blonde's asshole that has fucking a piece of Philly roll in there, some shit. You know what I'm saying? Jesus. Do you have cities with like one of the most fun do I what do you remember like cities back then when you first started like you started to do your first like shows

where you were headlining yeah I had a ton of great cities I went to like my first round what I would do is go to cities that I wanted to do something in okay so the first city I really wanted to go to was Detroit because it was the murder capital

when I was younger I wanted to go check it out and I found love in Detroit It was great. And then I ended up in a room in Baltimore, all right, for two weeks of the shot. That club is long gone. And then those are my first two

that stuck out. And then Tribble had some runs that obviously, you know, you go back a second time within like six months. Every town, I'll never forget one thing about my early years of comedy.

One thing I was really pleased with was I really liked to traveling and where I was going. I wasn't going to places that people spoke about. Those are my favorite places. And at the end of the day, those will always be your favorite places.

All the best. I don't know why. Because... I always said to you that some of the best Coke I got was in South Dakota. This was filled with Indians and white people. I go to the one restaurant that has a Mexican cook.

He comes out to Pop the floor and I go, bro, you got a cousin where I get some shit from? Next to you know, I'm at his house eating Mexican food. And his cousins there weighing cocaine up for me. In South Dakota, in front of his sister, his wife, you know, and I'm like, only I can bump into this. Now, you go and Joey, it's a drugstore. I used to go where Evil Caneval jumped.

I would go there and eat lunch and watch where he jumped. How would you meet these people? I would go to Cleveland and go to the Rock and Row Museum. I went to all those places just to go to those places where I wanted to go to. And then I went to places that I didn't know anything about, like places in Montana

that till this day, I'm happy I went there. I love that shit. The big cities, you go there once or twice, everything you do, you're locked in with 20,000 other people. You know, when you go to, like, Nebraska and Colleen

takes you for lunch, and you go to, like, a place that's 22 people in there and eight of them know each other. And people are saying good morning to each other. And they give you a hearty meal with bread and salads. And it costs you 18 bucks. And you're like, wow, this is fucking great. And then you say to yourself, man, I could live here. Then you stay there the second night, you see some of the more people in the town and you're like, I don't think I'll move here, but I'll keep coming to town. There's a bunch of those places. And I still remember saying,

to myself, you know, you meet all these people that try to be debonair and they talk about Europe, France, and Spain and Montego Bay and they sound to be so cool. I think this is cooler. What I'm doing is a lot cooler. I'm meeting real people. Yeah, there's a lot of cool people. Even like the people who work at the clubs, like being there the whole weekend, you get to like, you know, to meet people. and as crazy as the world's getting,

they're still like a lot of cool people out there. It's, uh, I love small town mentality. I love to go to those towns and they talk to you and you have to calm them down. Like, listen, I'm not that guy, you know. Like, this is before the Sopranos and shit. But people always come to me in those towns and go,

well, you want a mob movie? And I tell them that you. I don't do no fucking movies. Oh, you belong in the movies and shit, you know? know you. But they always want to know your story. And that was very nice. They don't care about money.

They don't care about success. And that's nice when you meet genuine people who want that from you. That's a weird feeling, man. Right. No matter where you were in your life, you're just a struggling comic, and you know it. And these people are treating you with respect. And you're like, what the fuck is going on in the world? But then you appreciate it years.

later. You appreciate it then and you appreciate it years later. And it's fun. Like, I'm not really, it's always cool to do a show with you and I love it. But the people who are there love me just because of the podcast. They were already pretty happy for me. Like, it was fun in Fort Wayne because people came out definitely last minute who came for the podcast and knew me. But most of the people were Josh fans.

who came because they had tickets already. And it was cool to just get people who had no idea who I was and thought I was funny. And that was great. You know, we should name this podcast, Comedy is a Journey, because it really is. And the beautiful thing about this journey of what you learn about yourself along the way,

that's the best thing of everything is you learn about yourself. and what you could tolerate. And all of a sudden, what felt weird to do two years ago, now you're doing it. You know, it's amazing the first time I saw Doug Stanhope's car. Like in 96, I saw his car, 97. No. What the fuck am I saying?

Like, 93. I saw his car. What did that mean? His car was just a road machine. It was a car. The front seat had a cooler. Okay Backseat had a hanger

Stick in the back And there'd be shirts back there The trunk had everything in it Water bottles Extra oil A basketball A Frisbee He got everything in there

What was it? Like a sedan? It was a two door But the back seat had a stick in the back And it had his clothes on there And then He slept in the back seat. Holy shit.

He had a pillow and he was smaller. He was a smaller guy. He was a tiny guy. So he would just put his feet up and sleep in the car. And when I saw it, I was like, oh shit. I need to get prepared now

for what I'm going to do my next journey. And I hunted down like an old Nissan and fixed it up and that car. And I did the same thing. I copied from Stanhope, the hangar in the back. Hang a suit back there, a nice shirt, everything that you might need. Because you're going to need it.

You're going to go to a comedy club one night and they're going to go, hey, did you bring a suit? And you're like, no, 90 degrees, you know. There's all those things. So he had all those things already ready. That was mind boggling to me. In the back, he had spark plugs, wrenches, a jack, a tire, you know, everything that he needed just in case. and went wrong. That's crazy. And he just

never went home. No. He was home. Most interesting thing was when he won San Francisco in 95. The night of the final, somebody broke into his car and stole all his clothes. So he had to go to the fucking goodwill and buy a suit.

Like a green suit. And he went up there and won. And that's what, is that why he like wears the suits he wears now? It's like that suit. Yeah, he's a thrift store guy. He always has been. That's wild. That's like, and I love comedy, but I don't know if I'm,

I could live in my, like, there's a lot of comics. I have a lot of respect for who do that. Brother, listen, we've discussed this. You're going to do this.

I'm doing it. I'm just going to be a night. You're going to call me and go, there's no hotels. That's different. The guy, no. There's nights you're going to call me and go, dog,

Buck 80 for a hotel. Oh, I needs a three-hour nap. Oh, yeah, I'm definitely cheap. I would do that for sure. All over on the side behind the hotel. Take a three-hour nap. Wake up, go to McDonald's. It's open 24 hours, get an egg McMuffin.

I already put the coffee and you're out and fucking running, my friend. Oh, yeah. It's going to be, I like this part, but it's, it is nerve-wracking. But I'm excited. It's nerve-wracking. It tests your wills. it really shows you like dog you think when i met people and i was doing comedy for 15 years at least for me 15 years i had a movie okay by 2006 i was in spider-man too and fucking the

longest yard so it wasn't a waste of a 15 years got it right what about those guys you know how do you think i felt at the 20 year mark i had nothing going on for me right that's 20 years? No, it was starting to. It took 20 years for the needle to start moving. And I see all these young comics now, trying to do like videos and

interviews and racial stuff, like to identify. They're never going to sell tickets that way. It's going to introduce you to an audience, but to really win over an audience, you have to give them a piece of yourself.

And that's what's good in today's comedy world that through podcast, people get to see you, you know, and they get to hear your opinions and how you speak and blah, blah, bah. So now people have an idea who they're going to see, you know, who they watch. 20 years ago, people went to a show. You probably have one YouTube tape on there. Right. No?

They didn't have an idea unless you were on a TV show, and they went to see that character. See, if you were Boomer in a show on CBS, and you did great on that show as Boomer, people are going to go watch you as Boomer. When you go up there and talk about, you ate some black girl's ass, they're going to look at you and go, well, we've never heard this dialogue before.

Luckily, you've only been a couple people mad. So this, this podcast, let people see you. podcast let people see you YouTube lets people see you so now people know what they're going to see that's why when people get mad about an act now I go that's bullshit

you had every opportunity you could even go on your phone and look at them in YouTube everybody's got YouTube as the app right so this is a fucking journey Lee this is what nobody seems to tell you when you first join

they don't add that word to it Yeah, sometimes people ask me, like, why do you do a show here? Like, and it's, I honestly think it's, like, you have to do it. Like, I wouldn't have been ready for the last weekend if I hadn't done, like, weird, not weird shows, but shows in the middle of nowhere. One of the people on Patreon, I explained to them that I was not surprised that this is happening. Why? Because I'm only taking credit to helping you in one way And that's by bringing different comics in front of you

Oh yeah, I saw every comic And you got to hear that story Especially somebody like Ralphie Mech, who you identified with You really enjoyed Ralphie I love Ralphie Bert Tom Ali Sadieke Is doing great now

He came on the podcast eight years ago and destroyed it you know it's great to see like look at the church and look at Andrew Schultz when he came on to church right you're gonna

you're gonna fucking die when he was a baby when he came on when we had him on that you know and you were around these guys right you know Jimmy Florentine's son is in camp this week basketball camp and I told him before he left

I go listen they're going to throw a lot of information at you. It's a lot of information in five days. I don't care of you're 12 or you're 30. That's a lot of information. But if you could take one thing from each experience, one thing. Lee, hold the microphone with your left hand. Lee, you know, because there's constant things I can tell you.

If you join the boxing class, every time you come to class, I'm going to Lee, you're not picking up your left heel. After a month, you'll pick up your left heel. But now you're not bringing your hand back quick enough. You're focusing on the heel. He's going to catch you with the jab or whatever. I'm just making shit up here, guys. I don't know nothing about boxing.

But with stand-up, it's you catch yourself. You know, you have to really be open. And you took the best. You took one quality from all those comics. And that's brilliant. You didn't even know. You would call me a week later and say,

man, that's weird about this guy. He lived in a shoebox for a month. It either made you hate the guy or like the guy. Right. Yeah. That character, that character, either the character flaw, him laying it on the line for you,

made you love him. You know, we never did a podcast where we spoke from strength. We spoke from our flaws. Right. Of course. Everybody wants to hear your strength. Fuck your strength. Tell me when you suck dick

behind a Chinese restaurant for five dollars a cock during a happy hour, you know, whatever. Right. And that's what we did, and that's why those comics grew on you. I was there, Rao. You know what incites, you know what makes you grow enthusiasm. Enthusiness always makes you grow. Even when you bomb, if you're enthusiastic about your set,

At least it comes over like you give a fuck. Think about those words, I just told you. Enthusiasm is everything. But the biggest enthusiasm you get from comedy is from seeing somebody rise, more so than yourself. When you went up to somebody after a show at a Mexican bar and go, Doug, that was pretty funny. And they're like, yeah, you work out at the improv.

Yeah, you're at the laugh factor. And all of a sudden you start meeting. And all of a sudden you start going to his house. And all of a sudden, one day, he gets a call, man, from NBC to do something and a week later he's a household name. But you were there before anything, you know what I'm saying?

Right. Eight out of, six out of ten comics because they're insecurities. He's a fucking douchebag. You didn't put me on the show where a guy like you would go, bro, nothing but success for you if you need anything. You need a joke, whatever you need, I'm here.

And there's a lot of comics who can't do that from the heart. That's real growth. when you see a friend of yours growing in front of you. And then it's been a year, and you're still fucking doing Aunt Paisley's underwear on Wednesday night for the small 50. That'll inspire you and make you enthusiastic. And, bro, enthusiasm in this business is what makes you grow.

If you come out and I can read how enthusiastic you are being here, fuck. I'm taking the ride with you. I'm sucking your dick afterward. I'm buying a T-shirt. I'm taking a picture. I'm going to fix you up with you. my mom, you know.

Yeah, and I don't even, I don't even have any merch or anything like that yet, but. No, no, no. We're talking about merch, Lee. Oh, I know. We're not being funny right now. We're not talking about merch or anything like that. We're just discussing the journey. We're discussing how people need to slow up.

You know, people see all these kids on Netflix and shit. And then you start questioning yourself. When is my ship coming in? Your ship's coming in. the same way it did for Lee when he was ready for it. Your ship's going to come in the day fucking

Microsoft sells your fucking stuff for the Chinese. Josh can't get there. You get the nod and you perform. This is, anxiety was right. I flew in the night before

because I was, I can't, I get so nervous flying in day up. And like, it just, anxiety was right. It got me. my fucking chance. That was awesome. Well, anxiety paid off.

The early bird gets the worm. We always went it on Thursday nights. Right? Checked in. Got a nice dinner on Thursday. Smoked a couple joints. Now you're there for Friday. Yeah. It makes me feel so much more comfortable.

That $130 in the hotel cost you a whole day of aggravation. Yeah. Once you went to a great restaurant and you dropped a $100 tip so that everybody knows you're in town. I love it. I do it all the time. I'm really proud of you for last week, brother. Thanks, buddy. Nobody gave you shit.

You fought for every goddamn piece of it. You sat in that office with flies on your neck and hummus and 2,000 milligrams a night like a soldier. So what's going on right now should not surprise you. The respect Josh Wolf has for you should not surprise you. And the respect I have for you should not surprise you. It's, you're on and ready for your fucking journey. You got your wings, cocksucker.

I love you, buddy. I'm excited. I don't know what's going to happen. You're going to have a great time. You're a free bird. Everything that you wanted came into place. And now it's your turn to fucking navigate this. I'm too old.

This is your game now. I'm living vicariously through you. I'm your assistant to the assistant to your assistant manager. I'll see. The move is in New York for you. I'm so excited to get to. I guess can I say it? By the end of the year, I'll be in New York full time.

It's going to be. I do this, like, even before a comedy, since I was like six, New York has been a dream. Here I am drinking Coke Zero like a fucking Morton. Like, I'm losing weight every fucking day. Yeah, I love Coke Zero. Lee, it has been a pleasure. sit behind the scenes and watch you grow.

It really is. It makes me want to cry. It makes me want to, but I know why you did it. And Lee, tell me, I didn't call a club for you. I didn't do nothing. I wasn't going to sign up to fucking make it an easy path for you. I tortured you the first three years and make you do edibles. I put blindfolds on you.

You still make me do edibles before the shows. What do you mean? You did. I had Ralphie torture you. I had Josh. I had Eric torture you. I've thrown so many obstacles at you. And listen, it's been a fucking pleasure. So the last, my last couple of years in L.A., now my memories changed a lot. Because you were sitting in like an old Jew paying attention, taking notes. And that's what a good old Jew attorney does, my brother. Where are you at this week? You didn't tell me nothing. I didn't tell you yet. On Friday, I'm at the comedy scene in Foxborough, and Saturday I'm at McHughes in New Hampshire.

All right. What time of both show? Are you headlining both of them? Are you part of an ensemble? I'm featuring at the comedy scene and at McHugh's. And then August 29th at 915, I'm doing a show in New York at Rodney's. I'll have the link on my Instagram. What's the date on that?

It's August 29th. Okay. I'll be... Thursday, 915. I'm sorry? That's a Saturday night? I think I thought it was a Thursday. Let me check.

Fuck! I know it's the... I'll be out of town. Before you... Yeah, it's a Thursday. The reason why I started this podcast late was my brother calling me from Delaware to ask me some dates. And I was like, God damn.

And now you're telling me all the dates I'm not going to... I am happy. I'm making it for the Gracie barbecue. Oh, shit. Nice. 24th. I'm happy about that, but I got nothing going on. I'll just be here next Monday with you, talking about fucking what we do best. Stand up.

Right. Love you. Happy week, my brother. Love you, buddy. The checking is brought to you by. Oh, my God. Blue Chew. Listen, when things get floppy below the belt,

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