The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - Episode #5 - An Unexpected First for Joey

Episode Date: October 2, 2023

This week on The Check In Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt talk about blacking out after last week's podcast, what happened to a friend who questioned Joey on the strength of ABX, and Joey's recent trip back to North Bergen.  This podcast is brought to you by: Support the show and get 10% off your order at https://www.thefreezepipe.com and use code DIAZ   Support the show and download the DraftKings Sportsbook app. Bet $5 on any game this week to score $200 instantly in bonus bets with code JOEY.   Get 10% off your 1st month of therapy and support the podcast at https://www.betterhelp.com/DIAZ  

Greetings to the check-in. It's Monday, the 2nd of October. We're brought to you by the freeze pipe. Let me talk to you guys, all right. For the smoothest way to enjoy cannabis, you've got to try a freezable piece from the freeze pipe. If you're tired of inhaling harsh smoke, having coughing attacks,

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Let's get this party started. It's Monday morning, baby. I don't see you just to give up. I thought what Joey could do it. I could fucking rule the world. I see you got to be thinking. Welcome back to show! Hello, hello.

What's up? Hello? I can hear you. What's up, dog? Beautiful Monday morning. That's good to see you, but... October. October, the Reds, dude.

It is. It's unbelievable how fast this is going. I can't believe it myself some days, but who gives a fuck? What's happened to my little brother? I was Omaha, Nebraska. Dude, it was one of the best weekends of, like, my comedy career, in quotes now, but it was as good as advertised. It was like even better.

Like, it was just... Four shows, correct? Five shows. Five shows. Look at you. five shows. Every show was really good. All the shows were packed. The club was awesome. The crowds were awesome. The staff and like I've heard about Colleen, who was amazing and like super nice. But like even the staff was hysterical. Like there was, I don't want, I'm not going to out anybody,

but there was someone there who was very nice the entire time, like just very quiet and very unassuming. And at one of the last nights, they came in and said, if you guys want to party, and he throws this bag of homemade cookies on the table and says, these will knock your dick in the dirt. And it was

one of the funny, like we were on mushrooms. It was one of the funniest moments in the whole weekend and there were strong cookies. They were really fucking good. Huh? Did you bring any home? No, we ate them. Oh, you ate them. All right. So you're

You mixed and matched on Saturday night. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was, but it was so fun. It was a great weekend. How were your sets? Four out of five were really good. The fifth one, it wasn't bad, but I stumbled over my words a couple of times, and I was unhappy about it.

But, like, Saturday night, it was one of the better, like, the better weekends I've had. Let's talk about Saturday nights real quick. It's fucking crazy, Lee. The first seven years, you will come home every Saturday night scratching your fucking head. Because you did great Thursday. Then you did great when you went to Uncle Floyd's piano fucking bar. You did karaoke and you did 10 minutes on material.

And Friday, you went back to the club. And you did another two shows and you did really well. You even added some material for the late show. And then Saturday, you eat a bag of dick on Saturday evening early. And then you fucking die an even worse debt on Saturday night. And you're like, what's going on with Saturdays for about, this will happen for about nine months. And then you'll block, you'll get out of that block that you put in front of yourself, and you'll start doing well either or.

What do you mean either or? Either or. You'll either do great. The first show. or great the second show. And then something funny will happen on the way to dance, like it usually does stand-up. You'll start

because where you came from and where people you were around early on and what you heard in that fucking room, you'll start saying, you know what, I don't even like, I won't even fuck with the early show on Saturday. The early show on Saturday and people coming in, they're confused.

I'm going up second. They're still coming in. They're sitting down. They don't know what they want to drink. There's a guy with three eyes sitting one next to him, and he doesn't want to sit next to them. The waitress comes over. There's so much movement going on, early game Saturday. So as a feature act, you come out, and they're still unsettled.

We don't notice that at the time, but this is what's going on. That's why I don't like these seven-a-fucking-clock shows because people got to cut motherfuckers off, like a Chinese dude, to fucking get to the fucking show. You know, who needs that shit? Who needs that shit?

So I always liked 8 and 10 or 8 and 945. The early show, it's people who have children, they got a babysitter. Maybe they're a little, you know, maybe they fuck with a sheet, with a little movement, they don't eat ass, you know. Who knows? They're the people

who go to church. You come out there with a fucking off-color joke, four minutes in. That's going to be the longest 26 minutes of your fucking life after that. You remember that forever. You'll remember that at so many moments of your life. I still do. But then you start figuring out that the Saturday show they're drunk.

They've been sitting in the lobby drinking. It's a college town. They were watching their game. There's so many fucking variables to a comedy set. And what happens on a Saturday fucking night, guy. There's the UFC. you bet fucking Dustin Porre and he gets kicked in the head you lost $100,000.

You know, it's a thousand dilemmas. And when I started, there wasn't social media. Right. You do one of those sets and like, not comedy clubs, but it's like comedy companies and they have comedy rooms for the weekend and every once in a while they'll throw you a Friday and Saturday. You're going to die.

You're going to die. But they put your eyes. it's three days off your schedule. You don't have to worry about. After the debt, you'll never even go there again. When people talk about that city, you'll go look at it. You run off the entire city? Yeah, like you're done.

I don't need to go there. People don't tell people the truth. The last time I went there, I got robbed. You won't tell people the truth for about a year. And then one day you go, dog, I ate a bag of dicks. What is wrong with me? Now I got to get back in there.

And now the guy remembers you bombing. So now he doesn't really want to bring you back. And then after about a year and a half, Jimmy Schubert calls you. And he says, I need a feature next weekend. And there you are again. And this time you destroy the room. And whatever happened four years earlier is forgotten.

That is a bummer when you do bad at like a show and you feel like a Booker doesn't like you now. How do you get past that? Think about it. You're a Boston Red Sox fan, correct? Of course. You know, when they pay $10 million for a season and this guy shows up and he throws and he strikes out all the time, it's pretty rough after that season.

And then, but there's so many variables. You can't write a motherfucker off. Yeah. Maybe he's a bust out. We all can't be fucking, you know, Shoshani Otani, whatever's goddamn name. It's definitely not Shoshani. If we were all Shoney Otani's, you know, it wouldn't be fair. Right.

So that's how I feel about that stuff. So never trip on your sets because it used to destroy me. Like I used to do those triple runs and fucking, he'd put you back there in six months. And you just got over that beaten because you were leaving on a Tuesday night and you had to pick up the fact. And you had to pick up the facts when you got to the hotel. Sometimes he'd say to you, Lee, you're going to go to Omaha, Nebraska, Wednesday night. And then from there, you're going to go to Ogalala, Nebraska. And then from there, you're going to go wherever the University of Nebraska is.

And you're going to go, okay, he goes, just for right now, get to the hotel in the first place I said, Omaha, Nebraska. It's a holiday inn. you're working with a guy Joey Diaz watch him watch him do not lend him money do drugs and avoid him and we'll send the facts of the remaining rooms to you

to the hotel where you're staying at wow that's waverbous yes so you jump in your car you put on the seven hours you get there there's four sheets of where you're going every night radio the hotel you're saying that, who you're checking in with. You go upstairs to your room.

You look at the one for that night. You review it. It tells you, you look at the one for the next night because you want to see what time you got to leave the next morning. You can't be snorting coke and doing karaoke with

waitresses if you got to get up at 4 in the morning and dry. Like sometimes when I saw that, I would pack my fucking bags, do the comedy show, and just get in the car afterwards. So you're not going to sleep anyways. Oh, yeah, I'm not going to sleep.

So I would pick up five, six hours on the road, take a two-hour nap, drive another two or three hours, get to the hotel at lunchtime, and sleep all day. Get up for an hour, write some jokes. But there was also always a line in there and it said, by the way, when you get to this room, you're not allowed to say any curse words. It's a Mormon room. Fuck. So for a guy like me seeing that, at the four-year-old,

level, I can't cover that spread. I got to throw in a couple of fucks in that, you know what I'm saying? Did you ever get fired? Yes. What is that? That sounds crazy to me. It's not as crazy

as you might think. I got fired. I'm a trifecta type of motherfucker. I got fired from comedy club. I got fired from a TV show set one time. I had to leave with security. Holy shit And then

That was it That was it Which one do you want to tell first I can't tell the comedy club one Because I don't remember what club it was It was so it was like It had to be 95 How bad do you have to bomb and get fired?

No, we didn't bomb and got fired We did a room Myself and another comic who this comic was great I was already at the comedy store and fucking this guy we co-headlined a comedy club in West Virginia

it was a week of one-nighters this guy was burying me late he was he featuring for you huh was he featuring for you no no we were co-headlining co-headlining sorry he was just burying my fucking ass you know

and we got along. He was a great guy. But my Pomi was the real deal Holyfield when it came to women. I would go to my hotel room and I'd get a call from his wife. You know what he is? I've been calling this room 80 times

and I'm like, I'm trying to snark coke and whack off to whatever movie there is on this hotel. Calling me from that owns a hotel. Now you call, I swear to God, every fucking night. My phone would ring at one time of the night from his wife. Jesus. You know, so he was just a plan.

Then, like Friday night, he caused some damage, and the wife was involved. She showed up, and he had his other of many women there, and we both got fired. I woke up that Saturday morning, and they said, you got to go. And it's funny you mentioned that because I was thinking about that motherfucker this week. The guy who you were with? Yeah, he would have been right now today. He would have been one of the top comics. What do you think held them back?

Eating fucking pussy. How's about that for you? How was your week beside that, Tarzan? My week was pretty great. My week was honestly just focused on Omaha, to be honest. That's what happens. You put everything into it. You look at your tapes.

You listen to tapes. You put your peas and cues and you move the fuck on. We had a good week. Finally, the writer's show. strike is over. I'm very happy for you. Huh? Why are you happy about that? Because hopefully I can do something with the book

Tremendous. Oh, perfect. Okay. That's awesome. So with some luck, hopefully we get optionate and start some talks for a TV show or series, whatever the fuck they want to do. You know, the actors aren't going to go back for a few weeks. So that'll give the writers some time to write their fucking new stuff. I hope they don't come

back with, you know, Galaxy of the Guardians or whatever that shit is, and I got to put up with those things. I watch them with my daughter. I don't know how they do it. They shoot those movies like in three weeks. You think so? I don't know, but nothing is real. You just stand there

next thing you know, you're in Galacticaville. A little fucking chubby Mexican dude and fucking Mars. The next thing, you know, the illusions, whatever the fuck, the makeup. I don't know. I don't know. You know, this is why I enjoy those movies with her. Right. We see her get a tick a lot of them.

But I also try to mingle other shit in there so she knows reality. Beyond that of how to watch in the French connection. That's a great movie. She didn't dig it. That's like a 60s movie. What's that? Isn't that like a 60s movie? 70s movie?

Seventies movie. Early fucking 70s. Pretty good movie. High intensity. As a matter of fact, the guy who directed that directed the Exorcist. rest of soul, whatever, freak in that fucking freak. But he's somewhere better now. Anyway, that the writer's strike went back. I had some meetings this week that were fucking pretty good, you know. I feel a lot better.

My family's great. I just like to doublehead her. Oh, shit. For basketball or softball? No, it's softball season, cock sucker. She has two games tonight. So I went to the first game. That's awesome.

I don't know if they won a loss. There was a lot of hits and a lot of walks. She was in the fucking, they were playing Staten Island. They were a little better of a team. They were more coached, a lot better. But I got to watch the first game. I got to watch the warm-up. There was a DJ there today.

Does she like that you're there now? Yes. Listen, I like to be that. When I'm there, there's no other place I'd rather be. I'm watching them play softball, which I never thought I'd watch. You know, I may have some medables in me mixing. I got the off to keep the flies away, and I'm

catching flies at the same time. You know, I'm having a great time. I'm blowing the whistle. Whenever Mercy's pitching to get her to focus, so she knows I'm in the thing. That's how we talk secretly. You follow I'm saying? I learned that from the Houston Astros. You got signals?

We're banging the garbage bags over in Chicago. Yeah. On signs, you got to do little things. I'm not stealing signs, but I try to focus her. Like if she throws too high, whatever. But who gives a fuck? Half the people watch that don't want to hear about my fucking daughter who's a

fuck, I don't know. I think they do. I took for the movies the night. What do you see? My friends had a big dinner at LaForte in Hackersack. It's a new restaurant. My buddy opened up fucking Tremont's food. And me and a bunch of guys from high school were going to go. Pretending like Wednesday my daughter throws a bomb on me. I said,

I told my wife, listen to me. I'm going to meet these guys. She goes, wait a second. And Mercy was like pale. She goes, you didn't remember? We're going to see dumb money. And I'm like, okay, I felt bad. She goes, this is 7 o'clock. So I said, perfect.

I'll take you to MMA. We'll come home. We'll shower. And then I'll shoot you over to King's Chinese restaurant. When I took the menu picture. Yeah, perfect. She got the steak on a stick. I went light.

I got the shrimp and garlic with the white rice. Kept it really light. We got out of there. I can't believe you didn't get the dumplings. What's that? I can't believe you didn't get the dumplings. Dog, I got to watch shit. And I tell you what, when I have those meals that are rich now, I'm done.

I'm done. It's over. I'm a different billy goat. You know what I can still eat snots and shit, but I got to watch my meals. You follow what I'm saying? Are you still eating your snots? From time to time. Not as much because I don't produce as much.

I'm not snort and coke. I still got the little nest that comes out over here and I wiggle it every once in a while. Sometimes you get a good one. Sometimes you get a little speck. You throw it up in the air. But sometimes you rip out like a little vein, like a six incher.

And you play with it for a little one. You just inhale it. Like a fucking oyster. You know what I'm saying? Spick, you know, cootless one. Oh my God. Jesus Christ, Joey. What do you want to do you?

You told me... This is the fucking checking, Lee. This is not about, you know, this is us talking shit. You know, whatever they want to do, they got to do. Can you tell me... Was it? Was it last week you told me you eat gum still?

Yeah. What happened? Let me tell you something. Let's talk about last week, for starters, just to get this party. Listen, hold on one second. How about a word from my... sponsor. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Sometimes you're lacking the motivation

to do things you should do and you're self-sabotage yourself. Let's talk about this. Therapy can help you figure out what's holding your back so you can stop working against yourself. Better Helps online therapy is incredible, but you can talk to a licensed therapist through video, chat, or by phone, or even by message. Getting to help you need has never been a easier. When I moved, I had some struggles. I was stuck. I contacted Better Help. Here I am three years later, throwing heat. Take a quick quiz to get matched with a licensed therapist. If you ever need to switch therapists for any reason, you could change at any time for no additional charge, no questions asked. So do me a favor. The holidays are coming. You want to have a clear head.

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you want your parents to invite you back to the house for dinner. You know what I'm saying? Anyway, what were we talking about? We're talking about last Monday. Last Monday, you and I decided to do the edibles a lot early. Correct? Yes. I did the same thing I did last Monday.

I did not respect. I didn't know what my tolerance was. And I think I opened up with maybe three of them, right? I blasted those at like five. And then during the podcast, I must have been popping them or at seven, I popped like two more.

Let me tell you something, my friend. When I had a, when I wrapped up, I already knew I had to do that Fox show. Yeah. To Jesse Walters, whatever, his name is. So, you know, they just called at fucking 5.30 and wanted me to drive into the city. I'm very grateful they thought about me.

Thank God. It was a subject that I kind of knew about. They tried to go a little political on Uncle Joey, and that's what I tapped out. But there was more to the story, see, because I'm sitting here with you, and they're texting me, telling me they're outside. Oh, damn. So already I ended the podcast with you.

I basically got up, drank some water and went outside right into this little fucking CIA van. As I'm going in there, I'm like, where am I doing? I got to go inside and get a gun or something because these guys might be Cubans. They might be taking me to the front. fucking airport. Those were the edibles that were hitting me, dog. Trust me. And I got... You're getting paranoid? What? You were getting paranoid?

Something was going on. Like, my mind was just racing. So I got into the fucking van. There was one sweet kid. Shook my hand, what's going on? I sat down. And as I'm sitting there in the van like this, remember, it's a fucking van. I got a room in here.

Okay? This is a fucking van. I'm sitting there. And all of suddenly, the edible start percolating to the point where I had to tilt my head back so I could see the eyeballs was hearing fucking Spanish people

I was hearing Afro-Cuban music. It was on. And now they made me put the earphones on and I'm sitting there like a mook. They told me to run out and now they got me in there and they're like, you're probably going to go on about 9 o'clock. I said, listen, I ain't going to make it until 9 o'clock.

and that dude's face froze. He's like, okay, we'll get you out of here about six minutes after the commercial break. By the time they hit me with the fucking camera and the question, I was in fucking GagaVille. I blacked out that night. I blacked out on fucking edibles. Yeah, I blacked out.

I don't know what happened. On TV or later? No, not on TV. Later, like two hours later, the edibles met up with the fucking mushrooms. And shit got deep. So all I remember

is going to bed and waking up and my wife telling me a bunch of things. You don't remember being downstairs and talking about this movie for like 20 minutes. I don't remember Dick. Jesus. I went deep in the murky waters. How often do you black out?

Come on. I haven't blacked out in 20 fucking years when I was eating qualoos. I thought you. That was even 40 years ago. Why, you know, who blacks the fuck out on those other things and shit? But maybe, I don't know. I was doing bong hits.

You know, it was a rough week. Who the fuck knows? The next day I got up and I went right to the red light therapy. And I sweat that mafungo juice out. I love sweating in there for 34 minutes. And then I walk out. I sit in the air condition. I dry up.

I put my clothes on. Then I open up that door. And I smell in there. Oh. Oh. Oh. The red light therapy? Yeah, with the heat, it's 154 degrees in there for 34 minutes.

I take a 30-second break. I step out and drink some fucking liquid IV with some fucking cholesterol in that motherfucker, which is tit protein when you're born. It gives you extra strength. Anyway, we're not getting into that right now. I'm not a fucking doctor. I'm just a player, you know what I'm saying? And what does that smell like?

What's that? You said the smell of the red light therapy. Oh, when I come out, it's not the red light therapy. It's the water that comes out of me late. Oh, no. Yeah, you fucking, it smells like straight up ABX capsules, fucking eggs and Freddy's fucking pork fried rice. Damn.

And you're not high anymore? Like, you know how you're not high in the next day? when I wake up after the red light therapy one cup of coffee sweat it all out you know I try to move around I go to the gym I go to I went back to Jitu last week

I was fucking ecstatic about that I finally got to go in there see the fucking guys and make it happen you know that's awesome how to go it went great I'm gonna hit this week twice I'm gonna try to

to hit this week twice. I got to do a couple things. I went up to my neighborhood the other day. It's been raining here for a fucking week and a half straight. Every day is like land of confusion. You don't know when you're going to get the call about the canceled softball practice,

the canceled game. You know, so we were just playing, you know, we try to get to the MMA. We try to get involved in this shit, but it's been brutal. So Saturday, I fucking said, fuck this early. I filled up my car and I went up north.

What do you do up there? I went up the fuck. What do you think I went up there? I went over and took pictures of the joint bridge because I went to fucking Rudy's my friend. Oh, should you get the calamari? Huh? Do you get the calamari? Yeah, half order with shrimp and calamari.

I had the salad, the house salad, the full order. Nice. A nice cup of Rhode Island fucking seafood chowder. Jesus. Then I got to call. I drove down Bergen-Line Avenue, my old little haunts. I drove down into North Bergen to visit my friend's ex-wife. She's a very sweet lady.

I called that she didn't answer, so I didn't think she was home. I went over to Bergen-Line Avenue to see my buddy who owns a jewelry store, and that's impossible. You're not going to get parking anywhere. That's just impossible. I mean, I was at a light. It changed eight fucking times. Oh, that kills me.

By that time, I was like, I got to go. I don't have just paid. I gave it a New York try. I should have gone up like my plan was to go up on a Tuesday, go up on a Thursday. Tuesday's even better if I get up there and get it out of the way. I can leave here at 9.30. Get up there at 10.30, find parking, go see him,

swing over, pick up a couple of Cuban sandwiches. some bakery products and fucking make a U-turn South. You won't even know I was there. The only people come there is the easy pass. Bing, Bing.

It was too... The motherfucker doing 90, you know what I'm saying? It was too busy on a Saturday. It's too much. All those Spanish people are out getting the best deals. They need the avocados. God knows what else, you know? But speaking of that rain in New York,

did you see that flooding that's going on in New York in, like, the subway and shit? Listen, guys, this was everywhere. This was, I don't know. I don't know what happened last week. I don't know if we got the message. I don't know if this has become Seattle, New Jersey. I don't know, but hold down one second.

So I went to the Union City, and then from there and I said, you know what, fuck. It's time to go home. I got back on Kennedy Boulevard and I shot. No, I said, dog, you couldn't make her left up right onto Bergen line. Until I got down to like the fucking 39th Street. and I knew that area. So I finally made it right there. And I crossed Kennedy Boulevard.

I shot down to Bergen Turnpike there. I drove past my mother's cemetery. Dog, they haven't mowed the lawn in about fucking a month in that motherfucker. Or it rained so much that the grass grew that much. But there were two spots where somebody hit the fucking fence with a car and it's still bent over. Like, you can just walk the fence and jump the fuck.

And then I went down to my own neighborhood And it's like they just suck the fucking energy out of there How'd they do that? I don't know First off, it looks like it's a war zone My corner, my ex corner there Where I would hang up and grow up and give it that terrace There's two houses on the corner

As you drive by you go What the fuck is that? There's like shit growing on the buildings I don't know I don't know It's weird when you go to where you grew up And you expect to see something But the park is very nice

They did a great job with the park But they built everywhere The woods were we grew up That was our fucking That was our little camping territory But nobody had a tent You know what I'm saying We just went up there and did all the shit

You're not supposed to do at home People would drop playboys up there You'd see all condoms And you'd pick them up with a stick And you'd talk somebody to sniff gave somebody a small $2 and a fucking bottle of Budweiser, a nip. Don't do anything. And they tore it all down?

No, it's all fucking developed up there. Right. Building of them on front of the buildings, they built some other shit. And you're like, I used to walk through there to cut up the shop right. I would walk up through there and there'd be 10 kids walking through there because their mother said them to fucking shop right. So we cut behind the fucking pool hall And then walk up the shop right there Is it depressing that they change it

That shop right where I used to go as a kid Yeah They could turn that into a haunted place It's still there I went to shop right about a mile from my house It's a 2,023 shop right Holy shit lights Fucking self-checkout

Self-checkout if you have a card Self-check out if you have cash Self-check out if you're on welfare whatever the fuck you're showing up with, they're taking it from you. You know what I'm saying? They don't give a fuck. They have a special line just for welfare?

What's that? They have a special line just for people in welfare? Don't take international money. They don't give a fuck. They cash it right there. A little arrow comes out with a suitcase. You're a handcuffed around his wrist and they open it right there.

What do you got? Money from Belgium, Honduras. You got it. We take it. We take it. a two point big because we're right here in the middle of the supermarket and when I'm going to ask you for an ID.

Thank God. Because obviously you're going to spend the money in our fucking supermarket. I don't know. I'm just making this shit up. I don't know what they do anymore, but it was very nice compared to what I expected to walk in there to see. It was fucking beautiful. Clean as fuck. People everywhere.

Helping you. Can I help you? Can I help you? Very high level. How does it make you feel? to see the changes. It makes me feel very... Are you fucking crazy? I don't know how I feel. As long as they get me out of there as fast as possible.

No, not a shop, right? In North Bergen. It makes me feel emotional. You know, I was discussing with my therapist. Maybe... You were attached to that shop, right? It's fucking crazy. It makes me feel like

time has moved on. It's over. That was then. This is now. All I got to worry about is fucking what's in my circle. You know what I'm saying? Speaking of which, we're coming out a little early with you. So I took a fucking bad today.

Not a minute. It was 50 bucks, you know. When I say it bad, you know me, and I knew my shit was off. I took Miami because I was going to Florentines out of respect. They were getting two and a half. That line was whack.

If you bet Miami today, you're whack. I just threw the small 25 just to watch the game. And I had Cleveland against fucking Baltimore. Baltimore. I thought Deshawn Wilson is going to fuck until 20 touchdowns. Obviously, he heard his shoulder, you know, trying to do a reach around around the little Chinese masseuse. You know that dude.

There's a masseuse with a story in Cleveland from last night. Anyway, let's drop a little Draft King's love on you, motherfuckers. We'll be right back. Give us a minute. Hit it. We're back. Listen, how many times I've got to bother you people? The NFL season is going strong.

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You guys know me, Doug. I just told you I lost this weekend. What the hell? I lost Sunday. But I had a great time. I had some action this weekend. I went over to a party. Listen, it's the...

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Anyway, thank you for listening. We're back all day. You expect the phone calls. You know, call nobody. Everybody wants to be your fucking friend. Get the fuck out of here. You know, yesterday I called three people for something. They all called like eight hours later.

Nobody, I didn't pick it up for nobody. Like, I don't even know what I called you for anymore. My sister keeps calling. What did you call me for? I don't know. Call me on Tuesday. Maybe I'll remember by that. I'm getting old.

I don't need this shit. Either pick up the fuck the phone or call me tomorrow because by that time I'll get my head together. You know what I'm saying? I love it. I got no complaints. You know, what do you want me to fucking do? I'm doing the best I can.

I love doing this with you. This is the best I can do for right now. You know what I'm saying? Oh, I'm having a blast, dude. Yeah. This is all you. need to do. Hopefully you come down and we'll set up a little live show somewhere.

Oh, I would love that. Oh, deep, give away some fucking Malukia sticks. I've been liking, I've been liking doing the, like the mushroom late shows with Josh. Like those are, I, like, it's been, like, I used, I was scared of when we were doing the church.

Like, I was, like, genuinely scared of doing mushrooms. By the way, for the people who are concerned about, my, first of all, I found that online. I found that one of the listeners that had yeast infection in my ear. Oh, I went to CVS and I bought that little yeast medicine. I think

a little cute tip, and I put it in there, you know what? My ears are a little bit moisturized more, but they still smell like donkey fucking dick every once in a while that juice that comes out of there is the worst. I am so embarrassed

about it, but I addressed the issue, so thank you very much. You know what I'm saying? As you can tell, I'm looking very fucking, very, I don't know, he-he-hee, anyway. What were we saying, Tarzan? I was just talking about doing doing mushrooms.

Listen, Lee, I'm a big fan of what you're doing. I fucking admire the ball sack on you. It's so fucking funny, you know. Like, you know, point blank. I got into comedy, after I read that fucking book by that fucking knucklehead Jewish junkie, whatever his name is.

You know, at the time I was out of prison, and it fucking just sold me on what I thought I wanted to do. I knew I was a dead in Ghana, and I said, fuck it. What's the guy I'm talking about live from Carnegie Hall, the album I have? Lenny Bruce. Lenny Bruce. So, you know, listen, when I got into comedy,

I remember I got into comedy, June, all right? And I kept getting froggy and froggy. You know, I would smoke dope and then I would stop. You know, I was like, how can I have? During the contest, I didn't do any drugs, any drugs. I took that contest very fucking seriously. I had ruined everything in my life. I'm not fucking going to keep ruining it. I would go in there sober as a judge. And after whatever happened, I'd have a few fucking margaritas. I'd get a package. and I do what I have to do. I'm not going to fucking tell you I was a saint here.

But I started experimenting. Like after three or four months, we started taking chances. And the biggest, worst thing I ever did was eight months in trying to do blow. On stage? Yeah, and I was the first guy to go up.

And I remember that I always struggled at other shows when I went up first. And knowing that, I said, you know what, I'm not going to wear a suit. That's the other thing. decision I made that night. I'm not going to wear a suit no more. It's not getting me nowhere. The only thing I'm doing is dropping 12 a week on dry cleaning. You know, and I spill it, and it smells like dick, and there's cocaine in the pockets. Why am I wearing a fucking suit for every week?

That was the first week. I have a fucking dressed like a shirt, a pair of jeans, sneakers, and I got a package for the headliner, and he gave me like a quarter gram, and I did like two fucking lines and I went and got on stage. That was not a fucking good situation for me that night. What did it feel like? It felt really fucking bad guys. It did not feel good on stage. I knew I didn't have any control and I never tried it again.

That's how bad I felt on stage. All my life I've been doing this dumb shit. and now I'm going to bring it into my comedy, shame on you. So St. Patty's Day, 92, never again on stage. Then I started fucking around after the 10-year mark doing it the night before a show. And if you don't think it hurt me, my performance, like if I got hired a Thursday night, if you want me to sit here and tell you it didn't hurt my performance on a Friday, shame on me.

But that's a complete different thing. I know you don't drink alcohol. You're very focused on what's going on. And I'm very surprised that you're doing mushrooms. And I'll tell you why. I would have gave you mushrooms three years ago. And there's a certain reason with you, you're Jewish and you're neurotic. And I always told you.

And I was kidding, Josh, when we did the Zoom call last night, I wasn't affecting you in no way. I always saw you as a Woody Allen type writer. without, you know, marrying some Chinese kids. I always saw you in that realm. I really did. Once you started doing comedy, I was very shocked what I saw came out.

I know that every once in a while you want to work R-rated or whatever, but you're always very tight. And we'll go back to, you know, tonight I blew a whistle at my daughter's game. Right. Right. When she was on pitching, and then I blew another.

one before she was batting. She goes, Dad, do me a favor. Don't fucking distract me with the whistle. What's what you're going to do if you keep doing this? Once you go to playing Newark, we think those girls are going to be doing. They're going to be throwing chairs at you. And you're up there pitching, a playing third base. What do you think you're going to do?

A whistle's going to really fucking distract you. You know what I'm saying? And, but you need that. That's how you grow sometimes. And since day one, and you can be honest, you know, I don't give a fuck who knows. Whenever we did comedy at the Ice House, my job was to fuck you up. That job was because you had too much of a stick up your ass to do comedy. You had all the tools, except you were scared to cross that line.

When you came into the office that day, and what I always loved about you was your kind. of the honesty. Everybody kills. Everybody kills every night. Right. Get the two or three year mark. But they're sitting right next to your paying for a $5.5.00 spot. Right. And they bombed the last three times you saw.

But their friend got them a spot at the Irvine Improv. They destroyed. They got a standing ovation. You know, no. You came home and said, the fucking, I had a great time, but the guy brought me up as Lee Swat. My insides crumbled up.

You know what I'm saying? It was like, and I got that. That happened to me a thousand times. I laughed because, wow, I forgot what it happened to me. Like, you reminded me of all this shit I went through and I would giggle because I forget how I reacted to it. Are you with me? A hundred percent. So, you know, it's funny when you tell me those things.

So when now you're doing mushrooms. before a fucking show on Saturday night late. If you call me and said you bond, I would never be angry. Well, we sometimes do it right before I go on stage. I'm not like Theo who did it on the church and then went to the improv. I haven't, I've done shows with you on Edibles a million times. I haven't felt the mushrooms on stage. That would be, but it is, we do it like right before,

either right before I go on or right after. but it's been I don't and Josh would never make me do it I don't think like I don't feel like if I said no he wouldn't give me shit

but I'm trying to be like I don't know I thought in Rome me yeah exactly I want you to understand one thing in comedy one in Rome number one look at who you're with

and they've always shown love for you right they're out to throw you out of the game in fact it's going to be a different experience for you you might even say to me, you know, next time I go to LA, I'm going to eat mushrooms because I'm more

freer. Whatever the fuck. Whatever makes you free, I don't give a fuck. Look at these people. They do pounds of fucking steroids and they walk up to you. I train every day. Knock it off. Why are you embarrassing? You know what I'm saying? With this shit, this is the same thing.

I think I couldn't listen, the first two weeks of this podcast or the second week, we did a podcast and we took it for granted, and we were a little stiff. I'm stiff when I do these things. I know in my mind I don't want to drink alcohol. Like, it just doesn't taste good.

So I got to drop an edible or two, but I got to make it hit me, but then I got to eat one when I'm here, so it hits me all at one time, and I'm on shock when I'm here, and I got to make my mind work double fast. I enjoy that shit. I enjoy being loose.

I'm better when I'm loose. anybody when they do comedy if you go on stage with a beer in your hand and that makes you feel loose I would never be angry at you but don't force it if you're not a drinker don't force it bring up water or whatever stay hydrated you know the fucking commercials

I don't have to tell you here but you know Paul Mooney used to go up there with a bottle of champagne Cat Williams and I know they wouldn't Joey that was later on but I don't give a fuck I don't bring, I don't give a fuck if you bring a teddy bear up there. As long as you feel comfortable, whatever takes that stiffness away from you, so be it.

Again, I'm not adhering to Adororov. I've never even done that shit. I'm not adhering to a shot of blow. I'm not adhering to heroin. But I would be a hypocrite if I fucking sat here and said to you, listen, I want you to kill. my goal is you to fucking kill you think I'm mad at Led Zeppelin for being heroin junkies

you think I'm mad at Sabbath for being cocaine junkies it worked for them it worked for them and they have trials and tribulations from them and they want on to do fucking great things you know I'm not advocating drugs here I'm just saying that some people need alcohol listen when I moved to LA I didn't want to fail.

So I wanted to focus. So what did I do? I went on a little coke. I was broke. I'm not going to lie to this. It's not like I gave up cocaine. No. You know, things were bad.

I'm making 15 a spot here. And I started smoking cigarettes. To give the same effect? It was a euphoric effect. And Josh Wolfe started very late. Like I said, there wasn't much money. So it was $2 a piece. We'd go to 7-Eleven on Curseon,

and we'd buy a pack of camel lights or Marlboro lights. We'd always alternated. We'd go to where we had to do comedy at. When we got home, we'd throw away whatever's left in the box. That's how it started for me. It really started at the tail end of Seattle. I noticed that a lot of comics were smokers. At this time, if you were a smoker and you got in a car with me

and lit a cigarette, I'd throw you out of the fucking car. If you told me that you were going to drive me to a gig and I got in your car and there was an ashtray with cigarettes, I'd have to get out. But at 33 years old, something from watching other comics, then I started studying tape and a lot of them were smoking on stage. And it was the guys I liked. So I tried it and I fucking enjoyed it.

I enjoyed smoking before stage. I never brought a cigarette on stage. Well, isn't nicotine, like, good for focus? Like, do you feel like it, like... What am I? I don't know. Dr. fucking Phil. I don't know if nicotine's good for focus.

I know for me, it was working. You know, I remember having a conversation with you about coffee. You don't like coffee. Well, guess what? I was raised in the fucking Cuban house where they make coffee with milk in it and they give you a piece of bread with butter on it. That is the nastiest fucking... thing I've ever seen in my life.

So at a certain age, even though I enjoyed the smell of coffee, I did not drink coffee. Ask me when I started drinking coffee again. When? 19, 2000. I was 37 years old. I didn't touch coffee when the time I was

fucking 13. I was 37 years old. Ask me why. Why? Comedy. I started enjoying a cup of coffee before show with the cigarette. I thought that was the most euphoric thing in the world.

And if you fucking put a joint in that mix, I'd go to 7-Eleven. You know, I was making headliner start of money, $800 a weekend. I would go to a 7-Eleven and get a cup of that Brazilian bowl or whatever their fucking coffee was, nicotine plus, whatever the fuck they had, premium plus, fill it up with that fucking sugar

that, whatever, that cancer sugar. I'd buy a pack of cigarette. I'd have some rifa. That, to me, was the most euphoric thing I could do before I went on stage. It just rose me up. It didn't get me too hyped up. Because sometimes you eat a mushroom,

and it's, before you get on stage, you're like, yeah, you know, I'm Jimmy Hendrix. And then when you get on stage, the lights, the people, your heart starts beating, not become something completely fucking different. how do you care with the mushrooms well what I was thinking about what you were saying about the weed

I because I was like I up until like six months ago maybe a little bit more I was like very nervous like almost debilitating before I would go on stage like at pace and I think the weed I don't really smoke much anymore

but if I would get a little high, I'd be very relaxed. And I think now, like, you don't smoke cigarettes anymore. Like, I think that was a good thing for me to get over my anxiety and my anxiety. I just, I guy,

I've had bad sets high on stage. Like one of the, uh, Sony Hall ones. I took an edible in the car on the way there and then an edible on stage. And I just fucking, breathe. Oh, yeah.

Look, I've been there. You saw me one time where I had to ask the waiter for a chicken sandwich before I was going on stage because I didn't know. Milligrams, whatever. And guys, I was eating animals, but the excitement of the show, the excitement that you have, the adrenaline. Once the adrenaline mixes with that THC, that's a weird feeling sometimes. And sometimes you've got to adjust yourself. You've got to, like, ask questions. Who's in the Army?

You know what I'm saying? just to get your head back together. Who's they going to join the Marines? Just to get your head back together. It's like getting punched in the fucking head. You're going to step back for a little. You're going to breathe a little bit. You're going to see who what the fuck you are.

And you're going to fucking keep going. I mean, you can't call a time out when you walk on stage. Yeah. I was thinking about that this week is like, because I had that show where I stumbled. And I like, I've blanked too. Do you ever address it with the crowd

Just say, oh, I got I lost my spot Or do you just blaze right through it? Fucking, you get to a point Where you just tell the audience What you feel? And they'll take the ride of you Because they feel the honesty

But it takes a long time to get there Like it takes a long time to go, guys You never want to go on there With a fucking hour Guys, I got into a car accident Before I got that shit You shouldn't have a lot of that shit. you shouldn't have shown up

you want to wait for the attorney you could have made some money with fucking Sullivan McGee whatever one of these guys would have showed up with a fucking hospital bed you rushed over here you understand what it's like when a fighter fights he loses and a week later I got an injury in camp

a week before come on man don't even bring it up maybe it's true but don't say don't say that and this is what I want from comics young comics don't blame things the quicker you realize

to blame yourself and look at your thoughts and listen to the tape the quicker you you know the world ain't built around you you're not doing something correctly it'll take you a while to adjust and you'll get it we all fucking get it

what do you think we all just went up there and blew bubbles out of your asshole and people were giggling and shit stop it stop it that's part of the fucking fun that's the fun of it that every night is different you know how many people sit at home every night

and they got to get up in the morning and go to work and they're like I got nothing going out in my life we get to do something different every fucking night we get to look at somebody go my the show starts that ain't the show ends at 10 I'll be home about 10.30

and at 10.30 you're talking to two fucking stewardesses from France that got a pound of Coke and you know, a miniskirt on. Where are you going? You better call that job and tell him you ain't showing up tomorrow. And you're at a fucking bar in Worcester. I mean, I'm not saying I hooked up.

I'm not saying that. But I'm saying there's so many, it opens up these adventures for you. Next thing you know, you come to me with talking. I'm an open mic, or you're an open mic, but guess what? I got my own apartment. I work for an insurance company. I make some money. You want to come over and watch the game. And me, you want a couple of comics come over there.

We watched the game, and we each talk about each other's fucking journeys, you know, whatever. But there's also, we had someone trying to get into the green room this weekend. Oh, sure. And then I was thinking about it. Do you ever have, like, it might have been a girl, might not have been a girl, but, like, you bring someone to a show and they go crazy? Because it reminded me of a story that happened to me in San Diego. Did I ever bring a girl to a show and she went crazy?

Or anybody. Like, yeah. No. I don't know. No. My wife, not the girl I moved to L.A. with. No. No.

I've been very fortunate, man. I heard horror stories about a dear friend of mine who was working on a TV show, a big-time TV show. And he invited his wife to one of the functions. And his wife cornered one of the other actresses and was like, you know, when you made out with him, did you use your tongue, you know, and they had to score her out of that and shit like that. So you got to know the animal you're fucking dealing with and know how they're going to react to alcohol around other people and know how they're going to react to stardom. And people of a different realm that they're never around. So I'm very fortunate about that.

Even the girl that I moved to L.A. with, dog, we still fucking talk. And she's still very supportive. She calls me. She goes, I found posters from Seattle's and pictures. I'm going to scan them and send them to you. It's, it's, I've always had people around me that were very supportive, especially when it came to women.

You know, my friends in the business were all women. We all supported. other one way or another. You're not getting into the business to sleep with comedian girls. You're getting into the business to make them your fucking allies. You know,

you help them to help you. You're on the road, you bump into them. They don't. Listen, I'm at the fucking hotel around the corner. I'm over here two blocks away. If you need me, I'll call you after my show. You call me after another. The next day you have breakfast. The next day, her manager

is telling her that, you'll. you know, he wants to talk to you about management. You have no idea the possibilities. Meanwhile, Joe Schmoe is trying to get into her pants. Why do that? That's what everybody's fucking doing. That's, I... Vue.

I never, like, the one with me and I, like, Jim Pine, he's a door guy at Matt House, or he's a comic, but he... I met a girl at a bar, and she asked to come to the show with me. This was when I was 300-plus pounds, And it was as soon as we got there, she started heckling every comic, like every comic. And Jim told me to leave. And apparently after the show, she got on stage and started yelling into the mic.

It was the only, and then it reminded me last night because this girl, this lady was very nice, but she just got too drunk and tried to get in the green room. And what you want to do? She want to swap spirit with you? I don't think so. Not me. Oh, she was dead to see Josh Wolfie? Probably, probably Jake. Listen, that happens.

You know, when you go to a smaller city, they're very excited, you know. I mean, I saw somebody the other day almost crashed that car. Why? Because they wanted to say hello to me. Oh, Jesus. And then they left the ass of the car out, and they ran across the street to take a picture, her and her son. It was fucking like, and people were beeping

at her, and I'm standing there like, I don't know what's going on. I don't know these people. And then they started going around her. And I may believe, I don't know what was going on. A friend of mine pulled up behind. That's what really happened that my friend saw what was going on. He was

driving by, and he pulled up behind them. You got love this fucking. It's a little tatate from yesterday. So I'm about to go eat some lunch. I figured let me get out of the neighborhood. Let me go up north and do something different. The girls were somewhere and I wasn't going to see him till seven.

Bob were going to drop her off at MMA. It was movie night and water pistol night. They put down her and her girlfriends. So me and my wife had plans anyway. So I was going to meet my wife here about 4.30. I go up there. I go, let me grab some fucking lunch. Boom.

I go. as I pull into I parked three fucking things away. I put a dollar in the meter and quarters. I'm walking into fucking Rudy's and all of a sudden this thing goes down. I hear the lady pull up. But right there my buddy pulls up behind her.

A kid I fucking grew up with who I loved dearly. And she comes over, takes a picture. And I go, bro, you're going to come in? And he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be in. Let me park. And right there, two other dudes came over. And I took pictures to them,

two little Spanish dudes. We talked for like a minute. I went into the restaurant. I had to pee like a motherfucker. I just drove for 50 fucking minutes. I got to pee. And I peed. I washed my hands.

You know, I got it together. And I sat down. And all of a sudden, you know, you don't have to give me a menu to that place. Even though I wish I would have got one yesterday because there's something else I would have ordered. Did I tell you about this? I don't think so.

So let's cut through the chase. We're not going to talk about what I ate. I ain't dick. I had a salad and fucking. soup and some pride calamar. Yeah, you said you ate that. Yeah, so I'm sitting there, and all of something my buddy comes in.

Now, whenever I go to this place, I always bring up some loose joints, some laughing gas. I bring up some ABX for the main dude. He loves the ABX. He'll fucking pop up with his mouth and chew on them with no water. I know two people who stick them in their mouth and just grind on them. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Last in their mouth. I never seen nothing like that. And my whole 20 years together, we never fucking, I never popped one of those things in my mind. I think I was fucking faint. Oh, yeah. Those pellets you put in your mouth, the Thompson Grover ones. And I'm sitting there, and I think I had a mushroom bar.

But we start talking, and we start talking about edibles. And he's telling me he smokes that shit that you and I smoked outside the improv with my brothers up in San Francisco. The dabs. The dabs and shit. I fucking almost fainted that night on Melrose. I can't take that shit. I was an old man already,

and they give me fucking dabs and stuff. So he's telling me he smokes all these dabs. And he goes, if you want, I'll give me something. I go on. What am I going to do with dabs? My wife sees a pipe. It's over. I don't need that shit in my life.

So the next thing you know, he's telling me, you got any edibles? I got some edibles, but they're not the ones you play around with. Okay? Yeah. It's like, come on. dude, I've done this, I've done that. I know this guy for 40 fucking years.

I got him by 10, but I've known since he was a fucking kid. I mean, a fucking kid, Lee. All right. Let me see if I have the messages. He was sending me last night. Oh, here we go. I hit him up at 140 a.m.

And he put sleeping. When I called him, he texted me back. And then, when I woke up, I answered at 907, but he sent it at 615 and he just kept writing

wow, wow, wow, wow. And it's one of those fucking Uncle Joey classics because I felt like he was doubting me. So I showed him the container, he looked at it. Right? I had one of these. I showed him the fucking ABX. He looked at it.

And he's like, I don't know. And I go, what do you mean? You don't know. I go, take one. He goes, Give me two of them. I'll take one now, and I'll give one to one of my friends. I'll do what the fuck you want. So right there in front of me, he fucking pops his little ABX. I love him to death, and I see him drink his fucking club soda, and we're talking.

And I got to go. I give him a big hug. I take a picture with one of the guys at the bar. I get in my car, and I told you, I went down to North Bergen, the whole thing. Anyway, I'm not even on fucking Route 3, and this motherfucker's all right. already texting me. Dog, what's in that thing? Right?

And I call him back. You know, he texts me, but I call him back. And he's like, dog, I can't stop bouncing around. What's in that stuff? I'm confused. They go, listen, you wanted to see the devil. Coxuck, and you're going to see the fucking devil. All right.

And he's, I can't believe it. I'm just going to go home. So when I got home, I was concerned. I called him back. Talking about his dog. He's like, man, I don't know if I can pass out because my dog, Lola or whatever the fuck it is. This was six in the afternoon,

six o'clock in the evening. Why are people still doubting you with edibles? This guy, this went back and forth to about ten, and then he went radio silent. He just went kaput. I didn't hear nothing else. He blacked out too. Oh my God.

When I talked to him this morning, he said he woke up. He pissed and he went right to the refrigerator. He ate two bags of pretzels. He told me what he deviled. I forget I'm too fucking high right now. He said a cheesecake earlier. He said he ate an entire cheesecake. A whole cheesecake from Costco and something fucking else, guys.

Those cheesecake from Costco's are fucking big. And he made a protein shake. That's right. He started off with a protein shake. He thought that would tame the fucking lizard. Not this fucking ABX. You go deep. The other day I made a concoction.

Monday night. That's what happened. She reminded me that I ate. I didn't know that I ate Monday night. That's what really happened. It really wasn't a blackout. I probably went upstairs and a thousand milligrams hit me, Lee. And the next thing, I'm fake.

I'm making a fucking mortadal sandwich on this rye bachlavar bread with fucking arugula and spicy crust red pepper and a slice of avocado. Nice. Who you think of? And I toast the fucking bread. Come on, Lee. I'm just trying to stay alive. You know what bachlava bread is?

I don't know either. I don't know what they call. There's some bread from over somewhere. Chachik-tick. I don't know. It's just good. I put an avocado toast on that motherfucker in the morning. Tremendous.

No egg. You people put the avocado, and then the egg, I'd have a fucking heart attack. Just give me the avocado, put a lot of crushed red pepper, put a little olive oil on that fucking savage. Ooh, smoking. You know what I'm saying? So what happened to your buddy?

What buddy? The guy who gave the animal. too. I called him today. He asked me a bunch of questions. I said, listen, don't worry about it. I go, go on Netflix and fucking watch the Thompson Guru special. That's the same thing I gave you.

Call me like five hours later. He's like, what's your friend's name and what is it on? And I go, Netflix. I ain't got Netflix. I'll look it up on YouTube. And that was it. I haven't heard from him. He's MIA again. I won't talk to him. until during the week. And he hangs up on me all the time. Like, whenever we talk, the conversation always ends. We'll be talking like me and you. He'll go later, click.

We're just talking about a restaurant, chick. What the fuck? That's something you would do. What's that? That seems like something you would just hang up. You know what, bro? We grew up together. So I told you, it's kind of, but we'll talk three times in the night. And he'll just hang up. Are you coming? That's a great move.

Come on, dog. Sometimes. you gotta hang up on a motherfucker. Anyway, I got no winners. Kansas City's about to play fucking the Jets. I don't know what they're giving six and a half or something. Listen, you never seen a bookie with a part-time job. I'm gonna go.

It was good to see you, my brother. Good to see you, buddy. We spoke every night. We did a check-in every night after each comedy show. I think Saturday was too late. I was up, though. I was up last night. I was fucking blasted.

I was up last. night. It was a time difference. Yeah, we, like, yeah, we talked every day about it. Wow. No, but we spoke at night about your comedy and how you, you know, felt. Then Josh Zoom with me, and he praised you. And then this morning I got pictures of you with you and Colleen and shit.

Oh, yeah. She sent you those? Yeah, no. And the dirty ones, too, with you kissing up on it and rubbing the... We didn't kiss up on her. You put your fucking little... Just because it's a Jewish New Year, you're out there kissing women in Omaha, Nebraska, trying to tell me to fucking sour, the Rubin was invented Nebraska.

That's what she said. It probably was. But it, well. So you learn, listen, like, you go there now, and you might not go there for two or three years until you're ready to fucking go, you know. And then you become fucking regular there. and then you do it for about two years and then one day you go, fuck it. I'm doing the clubs I want to do

and that's one of the club. That's a club when you want to disappear. If you want to go up there on Thursday, you disappear and you fucking, nobody knows nothing for three days. If you want to disappear again, you go to wise guys in Utah.

You disappear there for three fucking days. Ain't nothing going on. There you go. You take some notebooks. You take some reefy. You walk around the fucking desert. You get bit by a snake and you come home with a fucking little iPatch. That's it. I've never been any wise guy. I've heard good things.

I like... These are all little clubs that there's no must, no fuss. You do one, two radio shows on Friday and you're out of that, dog. The community is grown around comedy and there's a bunch of community. I can list 10 of those names.

Utah. Look what's going on in Boston. The explosion of up there. there in a different way. The old guys are moving on. They're getting old. We're getting old. The young guys are taking over with a new brand of fucking comedy and whatnot. Did anybody see

Sam Jay's new special? I haven't seen. I saw that because she had one on HBO and there's one on Netflix now, right? Is that it? I don't know. I watched the one on Netflix last night. Last night I fucking was watching the honeymoon was with my daughter. We were all excited

because of Mambo, Mama Loves Mamba was on At 1230 We were all jazzed up already We made chocolate egg creams last night She dipped the Entemans chocolate Donut in that motherfucker Oh yeah yeah

I said drip the chocolate Not for me, that's Diabetes Central I had not time to do that money Jumpin Jax before I go to bed So we came down here It was like 10 to 12 Seinfeld was on WPIX I'm sitting there with her

And fucking midnight comes There's another episode of Seinfeld. The look on her face, it was like the look on people's face, then they shot Kennedy in front of the TV. You know what to talk to? You know what I'm saying? Like, he's bringing hope to the world or something.

And we wanted to kill time. So I know Sam J. I know Sam J. from Boston, I think. That's why I met her, one of the clubs. He was my feature act, like once or twice. Oh, that's cool. yeah I spoke to her when she lived in a small place and then when she came to LA she came to the comedy store

great girl I knew it was a matter of time she had a great look and she spoke the truth oh my goodness this fucking special is the most unwoke thing I've seen in fucking years even I mean I was in a I was in a position where my daughter was there and she was saying some shit that I was like I can't have my daughter hear this

Oh she was watching it? Huh? Oh, you let Mercy watch it too? I thought it was She's going to talk about black issues No, I don't know I didn't think she was taking it like that She did a bit about fucking midgets

I was rolling for 10 fucking minutes She said that she watched the show Where these seals Go on top of the show these ice things and then ice things grow and they start getting cold to they commit suicide, they jump off the thing. And you hear the audience go something. And she goes,

why should I give a fuck about that? I mean, she just dropped some real knowledge, suck my dick. When she said suck my dick, mercy nearly folded into the couch. I love it. You know what?

It was me at that age listened to Richard Pry. And it shows you where people, people take it sometimes. It's not like I have that shit on constantly. I put that shit on once a month with somebody who's doing something special. I didn't know she was doing something that fucking special.

But the 15 minutes I saw, she did a great job and she didn't play by the fucking rules. I love, I haven't seen it. I'm going to have to go. I love watching new specials. And I'll leave you with that, my little fucking friend. What do you got this week, Tarzan?

This week, Thursday, night, I'm at Ellicit Brewing in Connecticut, and that's this week. That's it, no open mics. Oh, yeah, I got open mics every night. I'll be in Maine. Doing open mics the next couple nights.

Wednesday, I'm in Western Moon Socket again, Thursday in Connecticut. And what about the weekend? What are you going to do? Saturday, I'm going to say, it's funny, you just brought him up, I'm going to see Seinfeld. There you go. I've never seen him live. You take a mom? Yeah.

I saw Seinfeld maybe 91. Really in New York? No, I saw him in Denver. Oh, shit. Very excited to see him. I was a fan of the show. It was funny. Like, he really enlightened me.

I was a big fan of his, really, from his work on the Rodney Dangerfield, young comedian special and what he did with all those top-notch comics, Seinfeld was very good in that. So I always kind of liked them. I liked the thing. I went to see him.

He was very, he was different than what I expected I was going to see, but still very fucking good at it. He's really good at what he does, you know. Now, that's what he does. I don't know, really. I see him on,

he's drinking coffee in a fucking car with somebody on Netflix. I think I watch one episode. So enjoy it. But he's one of the masters from old school. I'm excited. This month I'm seeing two. I'm seeing him.

I'm seeing Chappelle in a couple weeks. Okay. Where are you seeing Shepel at the Boston? The garden. And then, you know what? Actually, in November, I'm seeing Burr. So I got a good month. Where, Burr?

Foxwoods. Okay, because I know he's at Madison Square Garden. And Dean Delray's opening for him. At Madison Square Garden? Yes. That's awesome for Dean. Yes. Dean's a bad motherfucker just like you, Cuck'suckers.

You're fucking moving up and Dean's moving up. Doing the garden. Who's better than Dean Delray? And nobody even looks at the fucking kid. You know? He deserves it. He works hard. Yes.

He's got to fall into something. They all do, doing it. They all do. They all fall in shit. Work prevail. Hard work always fucking prevails. Don't believe the hype. Stop it.

That's it. Coxuckers. I'll see you guys next week. Have a great fucking week lead. Hit me up during the week and let me know what's cracker lacking. Love you, buddy. All right, love you to.

And now for a word from my sponsors, Jack, have a great week. Thank you for listening to the check-in. I want to thank Lee, and I want to thank everybody who puts this together. But before we leave, I got to talk to you about something. The holidays are coming, Thanksgiving's coming.

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