The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - Episode #6 - Chip Chip, Challey Ho!

Episode Date: October 10, 2023

We talk about a lot this week on The Check In. We talk about Joey's fights with electronics, Josh Wolf messing with Lee on the road, you will learn the story behind chip chip, challey ho, and much, much more. This is a fun episode! This show is brought to you by:   Get a 4-week trial of Stamps.com, plus free postage & a free digital scale. Just head to https://www.stamps.com & use code JOEY   Support the show and download the DraftKings Sportsbook app. Bet $5 on any game this week to score $200 instantly in bonus bets with code JOEY.   Support the show & visit https://www.betterhelp.com/DIAZ to get 10% off your 1st month of therapy.        

What's happened, you savages? It's Tuesday, October the 10th. The checking is brought to you by stamps.com. Listen, the holiday season is upon us. The last thing you want to do is run out of stamps. Can you imagine? You're sending grandma a package. You got a shoo from a flea market, you know.

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Joey. You're going to get a four-week trial of Stamps.com plus free postage and a free digital scale. So head to www.com and use code Joey. Now let's get the party started. Welcome to episode number six of the check-in. I know this is a little bit of a weird way to start, but I got a phone call from Joey a few minutes before we started recording the podcast. That is the reason we started of the podcast is the phone calls that I get from Joey just like this. Joey is having a hard time logging into our recording. And this is a few of my favorite moments.

I'm going to enjoy it before the episode of the check-in. Thank you guys. Enjoy the episode. All right. Here, Joe. Hit record. All right. I'll send you another link of the same link.

What are you for? Maybe you sent it two hours ago. I sent it 15 minutes ago. Yeah. It's coming on. Emails don't change. The email doesn't change. It's still right.

It's probably still like the most recent email you got. What do you mean? What am I talking about? I sent an email 15 at 646 and at 702. It's the same thing. Well, where's his email right now? I'm over here. I can also just read you the link if you need me to,

for you to type it in. To Chrome. If you can't get into your email, if you can get into Chrome or Firefox, I have a link for you that I could just read to you. make you set up your browser in a few simple steps okay add bookmarks to your favorite google out

don't worry about that skip skip next what the fuck what the option what pick a background what it's his pick a background we pick whatever one you like

I know what the options are I think they're just colors Like a pussy A guy, hi-bye, Bob Okay I don't want to see how metric shapes Perfect The other one is

See these games Oh, let's do Earth There we go Continue Your Chrome Sign into Chrome Don't worry about it No

No, no, next Okay Enter email Don't worry about it You don't have to do any of this We can do this later if you want I'm telling you it says I'm trying to hit next

This motherfucker is a relentless people are fucking relentless I was gonna throw me into a trap watch what's kind of trap as Google is going to set for you hold on I think I'm putting together

I got to do this thing select all images because I got to play fucking yeah it's always great it's the same thing when I sign up

for fucking sack they hit me they're a shit they need to make sure you're not a robot yeah but then they keep sending me shit Like two hours, like cars. There you go.

There's a car. There's a car. There might be a car coming on that picture. I'm checking the images. Cars. Motor cycle now. Oh, I always get this one wrong. I don't know if it's hands.

All right. I'm not a robot. Boom. Okay. Can you type in the address? I'd like the website at the top? What website? All right.

Slash, okay. S. I won't. So if you, after S is, no, I'll, just as you type it in, I'll say it. I understand that. I'll go very slow and speak very loud. So it's S. S is in Sam. Six. Six. Seven.

Two. J, as in Jacob. Six. Six. Seven. Another one, another one too. All right. Six.

All right, let's go back to this. And then hit enter. There we go. Boom. There you go, cock suckers. They didn't put you on this planet just to give up. If I thought what Joey could do it. I could fucking rule the world.

I feel you got to be thinking. Welcome back to shit. Oh, what's happening, brother? What's up? Oh, my God. I'm so high. I thought that you were calling me again. That phone call at the beginning is my favorite.

I'm so happy that we got that recorded because that, first of all, you handled that a lot better than I thought you would. Like, I've been. My son. I don't know what I'm not saying like confuses and shit, but after a while, you're like, well, I get mad at this computer. I used to get mad at this computer. I used to get mad at this. the computer, Jack. When I first started, it was living hell.

And now they try to trick me again with the doctors that make you do appointments online. They want you to check it online. They want you to sign a contract online. I had to fucking drink coffee until two in the morning trying to figure that one out. What do you read? Doc, you saw you just click. It says click here. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Come on, guy.

What do you think? I don't know nothing. What do you get pissed off at? Do you get pissed off at like parking garages where you have to pay with your credit card at the machine when you're leaving? You know, I see if you could pay in the car on the way out, and I'd rather do that. Because once you're in the line, they can't mess with you. I put 20 Puerto Rican cars behind me. I feed the Indian comes. He sees that.

You ain't going to worry about nothing else. Oh, my God. one of the most angriest you got. Do you remember when we filmed the documentary? Yes. And so you gave me banana. It was like four in the morning. You gave me banana bread.

And you got mad because you got lost. Driving the JFK. Oh, we're talking to JFK. Oh, my God. I remember one of the corrections, and the guy's like, you got to buy a sandwich. And I bought like a bagel that was two days old, but we ate it, Doug.

We were fucked up as a can of worms. Oh. What about how we pulled you out at Times Square like those Hamas and pulling Jews out of the music festival, those poor people. I'm going to say a prayer for them tonight. I've been praying this shit because this is, it's fucking surreal. I don't want to cause a holy war here, but all I know is get ready to rock and roll little boys. We got the call. The big Jew called over to the little Jews and told them, take the money out of the fucking.

banks and the fucking what's the most important thing the box they put in the thing I have no idea what box do you talk about deposit box oh how about you talk about the Jewish thing most Jews don't know about say they make believe but they all got one of them and one of their uncle's name and they got one in Israel tax free you know so I don't put it at the bank though we put it in the floorboards oh we in the floor board under the Yeshiva, you know, we're always hiding something. I can't believe you, Tazana. It's good to see you, buddy.

Comedy was light last week. I did a show in Connecticut, and I, I haven't gotten high before a show in a little bit, and it was fun. I don't do crowdwork, but there was this, I like one, like, there's a woman, like, not heckling, but this woman and I were, like, going back and forth, and, And it was a lot of, it was a lot of fun, like, DTF comedy or something. They filmed it.

They're going to put out some clips. So you might have some clips of me now. But I was really, it was really fun. I got to see, I told you guys last week, I got to see Seinfeld on Saturday. And how was that? Very interesting. Because, you know, I mean, I don't know. It's like, levels of comedians subjective.

but I would say he's like top 10 most influential stand-ups ever I would say I would say top 10 is pretty fair and it was just cool to think about he's 69 years old with hundreds of millions of dollars and I have seen other like quote-unquote famous comedians who are older and they kind of phone it in and it seems like they're doing jokes that they did in the 80s and he like was not doing that. I'm sure he threw a couple old jokes in there. But, and it was, it was something that I think you probably deal with and I can understand as a comic that we get frustrating.

But people were just so excited to see him. Like you could just feel it in the audience that like, Like, just the fact that they were in the same room as him was very exciting for a lot of people. You're a young guy, but I know you know this. Seinfeld went on a tad, and I was there to watch it all as a comic, you know. And when the show came on the first season, I was fortunate, like, you to go see him into my comedy, you know, 92. You know, I went to see him early with a friend. She invited me.

And she goes, I know you're a comedian. You're up and coming. I got ticket to Seinfeld. And it wasn't a date. She was my friend. I knew a boyfriend. She bought him, but he had to work. Okay.

And he goes, yeah, take Joey. He's a comic. And I was blown the fuck away, what I saw. His jokes were very precision. I love his Rodney special. The fucking show over the years has been great. He toured with Tom Papa. which you thought he'd be opening,

which I fucking loved Tom. I was hoping he'd be opening, yeah. The guy, and the guy who opened for him, that was actually something that I, I haven't done in a while. Because, like, that's my, the guy did, like, 15 minutes.

But I haven't been, like, a, like, an audience member in a while. And something that I don't think I'm doing, I've been doing well. But, like, I feel like I should do more of, like, even if I'm not, posting, like welcoming people as opposed to just going into straight jokes.

He didn't really do this, but, like, to me, it was just like, if you're there to see someone, like, let's, like, get him in as, like, you know, like, welcoming, like, friends almost. Hired DJ Khalid to jump around in the beginning. Why you bother me for? Listen, whenever you have a situation as a feature act or an opener, you read the goddamn room. guys. You read your goddamn room, but I'm no welcoming. If I want to be welcomed, I'll go to a

welcome committee. When you walk into a state, you know, the Kentucky welcoming committee, you go in there, they got a picture of Jack Daniels, whatever the fuck they do in Kentucky, little runaway Chinese people. I don't know. I don't fucking know. And you, every audience is different. Every room is different. I will tell you

what. I will give you guys great advice. I had opportunities from 94 to, you know, et cetera, et cetera, opening up for big acts, you know. And when I got to L.A. for the first two years, I was opening up for like Paul Rodriguez on the weekends

or the Latin Kings of Comedy, you know, and whatever, whatever the fuck I was doing up in Modesto to keep the lights on. And then those things, when you go as an opener, bro, If you go out there really excited, you might die. You go up there jumping up and down. You got to capture them, Lee. You're the first guy going out there.

Unless you got a plan and you're like, welcome to whatever. We're here to see Jerry Seinfeld tonight. And they clap. And right there, you fucking jump in their ass. All right. You all know Jerry's coming out. Let me tell you a little bit about me. God suckers.

Bam! And now you run with him for 15 minutes. You say good night. You go in the back. You watch Jerry's coming out. from the side. Nobody knows who you are, so they'll let you sit there, and nobody will come up to you and interrupt you.

One of the best things about comedy is doing it is great, but watching it at the level where you want to be is fucking, you go home, and it's like, your head blows up. Every comic will tell you a story of who they went to see and knew right from there, from what they felt. some of it was funny, some of it, but a lot of it is emotional, and then the back of it is the, I don't know how to, what word to say, I don't know, and, you know, I'm not a narcissistic. We all go, you know what, I'm funny in that motherfucker. And you went to the fourth wall, right?

I did it when I first went to an open mic at the comedy works. I did it sitting at home watching, you know, MTV comedy hour Evening at the Improv going you know what I'm not funny in those three guys But that first guy that one up I'll take his ass to the hoop And that was me just Being a car salesman

Being a fan of comedy from this side And it was just cool For all I could keep thinking about Was like Seinfeld at some point Did open mics At some point And he talked about it at the beginning, that he did the Chinese restaurant outside of Boston,

all the small clubs he did. Not that I think I'll even ever be a tenth of his popularity. But just the fact that he did literally the exact same gigs that I'm doing right now. He did it at one point. I've always thought that the coolest thing about comedy sometimes is where the situation is at. when I can't lie to you, when I used to get this newspaper from San Francisco when I was at your level and I would fucking read it and study it and it was a, I forgot the name of it doesn't matter, but it was like a week, just for less.

It was a weekly publication and they would have the names of different places, you know? And what lawyers in those places is like the name. It's so fucking cool, you know? I forgot what my point was those edibles have been kicking in for the last 20 minutes. Just that you can do it. You can imagine yourself there. Yes.

You see yourself there, and it's just spots where, I don't know, you get sighted to play at more than others. But I don't even know what we're talking about. I'm sorry, Doug. Yeah. Where's the whistle, fucksuckers? I can't whistle.

I should have left my, I should have took my whistle out of the time. truck. I've been rocking motherfuckers. Do you have to charge that thing? What's that? Do you have to charge that thing? No, I don't even know if it ends. That's like one of those Russian whistles.

You know, the ones they give to Ukraine. I don't know. I love it. No, it was... The best thing about you is that you're always busy in the weekends. I remember there was a time in my life where I was separated and all I wanted to do was fucking comedy. And if I got comedy on Friday or Saturday, it did something.

It gave me another week into life. Like I was like, all right, there's hope. And I would eat a bag of dicks, you know, but at least there's a little bit of hope. I have a question for you. Okay. How does it feel like right now at this level when you don't have work on a Friday and Saturday? Kills me. I hate it.

All right. Then you're on to the right. game in. I feel like a bum. I can't, I can't, and I'm getting over it. Like today I sent a couple emails out about, like, which is my availability. But I feel like I'm bothering

people and I have to get over that. And I, I, get over that. People have been sending me clips that I have and I don't like any of them. And I'm sure that if I send them to a booker, it'd be fine. But I just don't want to send that out. But it

fucking, I I feel like I have a shit in my pants. Well, listen. I don't have a weekend get. Rub it on your head and pray for the best. But I've done that before. We're going to say something right now at this level or any comic that's watching this. You know, like when you live in like, I don't know, Atlanta.

No, Atlanta's got a bunch of comedy. I don't know. Maybe a town like, you know, Schenectady. I don't know what they have up there. I'm just saying Schenectady. Right. You like dream of going to this fucking club. I want you to do something.

Send them a package. I don't care if they're ready. If you're ready, I don't, I don't want, you know when you're ready. If you do an open mic in Chicago, and some guy goes, which you'll hear a lot, hey man, there's a guy in Seattle that's going to open up a club,

and he's looking for packages. Send them a fucking thing. You're a feature act. You get there on a bicycle. I don't give a fuck. There was a time where, whatever, wherever, your gig was on Friday or Saturday,

but at the time I got to Thursday, I'd take half the price. I would just call you, like, what's going on over there tomorrow? Joey, you were just here two weeks ago. I know, but what's the story? I need to work. You know, you're looking to work, but in reality, you're not even looking for the money. You're looking for the state's time.

And that's a great fucking attitude, Lee. It would kill you on the weekends. Like, you don't even know. And there's women, there's a party, there's a wedding, and you're like, I don't want to go because I know if I can. admit to that, I might do a comedy show at a coffee shop. And that means more than jumping up and down with a bunch of fucking lunatics at a wedding.

Oh, yeah. I'm not getting invited to, but it just, and then I see, like you were saying earlier, like I'm funny than that person, I see people who are very nice and they're very funny, but I see that they have a show that weekend and I get piss. And here's the beauty of it from the like five year to the eight year mark. you start analyzing every move you do. It's a very, you have to have a very addictive personality. When comics say, you know, when people say comics have,

listen, they have a lot of issues. Addiction was my issue, right? But part of that addiction was, look, if you're not up on, I still remember delivering domino pizza on Saturday night to punish myself. Like I made myself one of those, Whenever you have a four hours come in to deliver guy, I knew the guy. I didn't know you did that.

Yeah, dog, it was great money. I would deliver some Coke, deliver some pizza. You know, Uncle Joey, I'm not stupid. I ain't afraid, though. So. I know you delivered Chinese food, but not pizza. I would deliver fucking pizza in Boulder until 2 a.m. So they got really crazy.

Like I knew I was going to get mugged or whatever. I would drink coffee. In those days, I was drinking Mountain Dew with fucking snooze, whatever those things, to stay awake because I was doing triple runs and shit. No does. No does.

But I still remember living in Boulder, and at one of the open mics, some guy goes, this is a comedy company, he's a magician, she's a feature act. They're opening up a comedy thing. They got like four comedy clubs. And if you send them tapes, I call them,

them. I sent them like a fucking tape. Not Lee, it's percentages. If you get opportunities to send the tape to Moscow, send it. Because that's just a number. If they call, then that's your choice. If you want to go over there. But you know what I'm saying? You know, I don't know if I like New Orleans. Send the tape. You never know where that guy might send you. Yep. I might like your tape and go, you know what? You're not good for me here? But my buddy has a restaurant in New Mexico. You do two shows, all you could eat. 50 bucks and you're sleep in the back room.

And all of a sudden, you're like, you know what? I need some green chili in my life. That's my homework this week is I have to send out 10, 10 emails. I can find 10 emails. 10 emails on Monday mornings at 9 a.m. You program them so 9 a.m. they get them. They're going to disregard them. But guess what?

You're going to send them the following week at fucking 9 a.m. And so on and so on and so on. And all of a sudden, you're sending 10 emails, 12 emails, 13 emails. The percentages are in your corner. So just keep doing that Monday, 9 a.m. When I started comedy, National Booking Day was Tuesdays. Really? Yeah.

Tuesday was the day. You bothered the bookers. They communicate with you. year from 12th to 4, you know, in that particular city. Like, if you wanted to work Cleveland, dog, I wasn't ready, but I would just call people and torture him. Introduce myself. How are you? Yeah, someday I'm going to be a fucking savage. But right now I got eight minutes with a bad, with a bad tooth.

You know what I'm saying? I love it. You know, and I'm so, as jealous as I can get, I'm so happy for one of our good friends. I spent like an hour with Eric on the phone this week. because he got passed as a door guy at the comedy store. Oh, my God, I spoke to him. And I was very happy, and I'm going to tell you something, just to be honest on the upstine.

I told Eric I was going to call her because she likes him. I know she likes Jen, who's, I miss her more than, you know what I'm saying? Like there's some people, Jen is tremendous. And I got her number, but I just felt, you know what I'm saying? saying she works a lot at the store but it's got to call her on the cell and I'm sure I got hi I forgot to call Jen

he got this on his own he got this because I did a show with him as an opener and he she saw him and then told him to keep coming back this is good for him because Eric

is not only a comedian with great future like yourself, but he's a historian. He likes film. He likes stand-up, old stand-up. He knows prior. He knows when he told me his adoration for Paul Mooney, I knew he had a chance because he understood that both gay men. So he understood Paul Co.

Let me tell you my Eric wrote your story. Okay. You ready? Okay. Yeah. So I have an agent. Right. Right.

And then I have a friend who's been at this agency since 2003. He was there when I got Spider-Man 2. He was there when I got like, I don't know what it was. I don't know what it was. But he was definitely there for Spider-Man 2. And many other things I booked with him. He had a boss named Nancy. And I was her client, but she got to be big.

and she gave me to him and then I started rocking and rolling now Nancy wanted me back but I loved Dave and Dave is gay not very flamboyant but when you see him you know he's a gay man

so my second call when I got to New York was to Dave that's how comfortable I felt at the time even though I was petrified of COVID and everything that came with it because I always knew Dave had my back

So I called him. He's like, absolutely. I do theater specifically. But if I see something, I'll submit you. And we booked some great stuff together. I mean, we booked some great stuff together. You know, it didn't fucking buy me a car or nothing. But it was, you know, co-star work on Law & Order,

the show with Han Hathaway. And, you know, he's been good. So out of all the fucking people to call me, I see he's calling me from his 818 number. in L.A. because he used to live in L.A. Now he lives in Jersey. And he goes, Joey, how are you? Hello. He's like,

the strike is back. You know, it's over. Now I can submit you. Oh, my God. What's been happening? We talked about the book. We spoke about it. By the way, it's got nominated for a fucking Grammy. Congratulations. Audio. Will it win?

Who gives the fuck? We got nominated. Ten years ago, I was getting fucking nominated of a felony. Anyway, so we talked for a few minutes and he goes, Joey, can I talk to you about some? I go, what's up? He goes, your name is on my roster. And a little after the strike, he goes, I didn't even answer the phones. But I kept getting a message from one of our clients, are you ready?

And I go, yeah, he goes, it's the gay men's comedy theater. and they love for you to come in and do a set. And I understand you're a comedian. Why do they want you so bad? And I go, long story. The man's name is Eric Rocha. And he goes, who is that? I go, he's a Hollywood gay guy, but he's a hard hitter.

My friend, he went off at a bar that had a tent in there. And, you know, people would fuck each other. And you have to guess who it is. And he goes, oh, my God, I've never even gone there. and then we spoke about Boys Ahoy and he was dying I forgot about Boys Ahoi He's like Joey I would never consider calling boys aoi

So he goes yeah they'd like for you to stop by I'll get some dates for you and you could swing by But this is the funniest conversation I've ever had He was telling me How would you there? Anyway you Now go ahead Go for

They would They would love that's the thing. Like, people might think, like, you know, you might not like gay people. You might not like Jews. All, like, my favorite Jews, I don't know. But, like, you know what's my favorite is women.

When women like you, like, I'll never forget going to Denny's on Lancashem one night after you were at the ha-ha. And you would say shit to, like, this waitress. I don't even, like, it's not sexual, but basically hitting on her, but not hitting on her. And anyone else, they would have called the cops. But there's just something about, I don't know if it's your smile, your laugh, or what it is. But women fucking love it.

They love when you talk shit to them. Crazy, man. I love them. I always yearn for shit. But anyway, we'll get back to that. Let's take a quick breather here and drop some knowledge on these people. Hey, this episode is brought to you by my people over at. better help. Do you ever feel like you know what's good for you, but you really can't make

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Take care of your brain. With BetterHelp, visit BetterHelp.com slash Diaz today and get 10% off your first month. If they help me, they can help you. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-B dot com slash Diaz. We're back. So don't forget, if you're feeling a little t-com-ta,

before the holidays, contact BetterHelp. They'll hook you up. You'll stop hearing voices and whatnot. Trust me, if they can help me, they can help you. All right, my daughter. What's going on? What else? Where do you got this week? This week on Saturday, I'm at the jungle. In, like, outside of, it's in Boston. It's like a five o'clock show.

I've done shows there before. It's a really fun, it's a really fun room. They sell crack. No comment. They probably do. They fucking sell. I did an open mic last night where the host was on mushrooms. That's okay. And it was fucking really fun. He was up there. He was eating at Twix. What if he ate, what if he killed 21 people and one day he decided,

maybe he'll try mushrooms and now he don't kill nobody no more. Do you ever think about that? If he's happy and you don't have a gun or a knife, who gives a fuck? You go up there and you tell him, listen, if the cop calls, don't tell him nothing. And then you fucking get on the mic. Oh, I love when the, if the cop calls don't answer, that's my favorite thing. that you, I love, and it's always like, why is the cop going to call? And they're like, I love also that the cops call.

Wouldn't they just come and pick you up? Well, call means a combination of things. They might call you or they might knock on the door. They knock on the door, you don't open it. You're going to say, how can I help you? Is this Lee Syatt? Listen, whatever you got to tell me, either talk to me or put a bottle in the Hudson, and maybe I'll get in the year 2020, fucking nine, all right?

I actually saw something. Joe, could you pull up the internet? video. I saw something because have you seen on Instagram that like they have phones in jail now. Me? Yeah. Well, no. Of course you. I'm not thinking to go to jail so I don't think about

it in any way of fucking matter here. Like look at this. They have this like they have all these things. This guy's frying fried chicken in prison. Can you play that? This is in prison. Yeah, no, this is just he somehow has chicken and he's

frying it like at the stairwell and they have like they have phones and they have them like this is just one video that I found like look at that they just have a fire underneath the pan and it just it kills me every time I like I I spend way too much time on Instagram but look way way too much fucking time okay but you know what's interesting about this man that you always find the way how do you how the fuck do these Cubans get on a rap and decide we're going to America and we're going to make it. What belief do you have, you know? It's the same

type of belief. Like, it's like, listen, you incarcerated us, but you can't take away our chicken. And there's other ones, like, there's one that's guy had like Domino's Pizza and like Chick-fil-A. You got to look at a thousand situation. This could be a halfway house.

This could be a three-quarter halfway house. I mean, I don't, like I said, I haven't read about that stuff in years. You know, I like the legal system. So I would read about all the changes and legislature and you can't fucking smoke in there. And, you know, so. But I still remember I was just talking about this guy with somebody about this guy I met in the inside when I was young. And he was very quiet.

And one day I saw somebody eating something. And I go, you make that. And he goes, nah, the dude in number two over there. And I went in there and this guy had nachos for Monday night football. Oh, shit. Like $3 because you were allowed out for 20 minutes a day. So on Mondays, he would stock up on, he would have to run over there. He was about 56.

So he would give me a couple dollars. I just said, listen, I don't want your money. Just give me free nachos every Monday. And that's what our relationship started. So on Mondays, the Chinese restaurant was closed. So I wouldn't get Chinese food anyway. I'd waste my time in the bodega. Because you had 20 minutes to run to the storm back.

In retrospect, the distance was from the comedy store past the hotel to that fucking bar where people bounce on the horse and shit. Right. Right. The roadside, I don't know what it is. And you had 20 minutes. So it was a three-minute run. I was young.

and I would run into the fucking bodega. You buy stamps, you know, a certain soda you wanted for that night because they let you out every day. You were allowed to have $40 on you, $20 on you. But then I figured out you couldn't hit the Chinese restaurant and the motherfucking bodega.

So I used El Cogono. I went on the phone and called the Chinese restaurant and said, Can you have ready by 1207? Yeah. And I go to the bodega, get a soda, ice cream, whatever. They all men needed and my Chinese food. And that's how we lived it up.

And then other guys would get spare ribs. So I would get egg rolls and soup, and you would get spare ribs and pork bread rice. And we'd sit together at night and eat like gentlemen in the library or in the HIV center. I know that like To me Anytime I think about going to prison It's like scary But do you

No shit I don't give a fuck who you are You know You're gonna walk in I'm going in there to get raped Hello That's what goes to your mind If you don't

If you're not real with You know All these people like You know Half those prisons are full With people going I'm gonna beat this And they never think about anything

I was always very honest with myself So I started lifting as soon as I got bailed out I knew what time it was I started eating different I started fucking riding the bike every day Back and forth I hit a punching bag every night I lifted in my garage

I had a dog Which meant I had to walk that fucking motherfucker A couple times a day What would you say? Like if there's someone listening today And they're like fuck I'm going to jail in 90 days what would you have them do? Pick a book list.

So your asshole up. Like put one of those things together in medieval times. We need a fucking key and swallow it. You know what I'm saying? And now nobody gets it because they're not coming out and it ain't going in. You follow me? But either or you got to give up something.

If you don't give up the muff, I'm just teasing anybody. Doug, you just prepare. Keep your mind open. Keep your loved ones close to you. You know, get a support system. There's so many different things that are available to you. Go to BetterHelp.

You got a phone, right? Contact BetterHelp. B-E-T-T-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash Joey. There you go. They should give better help to people in prison. Lee, when I went in there, I expected something different than what occurred. But let me talk to you about something. How'd you do this weekend?

Oh, I did. You know what I did? okay on was the basketball preseason, which by the way, I'm so much more. I know I'm wearing a Patriots hoodie. I'm so, I'm football, when, when your, when your team isn't good with football, it sucks. But it, I, the, the, uh, the Cowboys and 49ers fucked me last night.

I know you. 49ers are too good. I got the, I had the under and it was not good. You know, man. I think that this is the craziest season I have ever, ever seen in my life. And I got, I never, you would never hear me say this in years. But I've heard it so much lately. And yesterday I saw something that looks so fucking obvious.

It was pathetic. And it always, something always happens with the, and I love the dolphins. You know, I go to a dolphin house. I saw the line was at 12, right? So I fucking, I go, you know what? Come on, Buffalo's going to beat them. Miami's going to beat him. But you never seen a bookie with a part-time job.

They'll beat them by 10, and everybody fucking goes to bed. You know, you went on the cover, and they're happy, right? There was a part in the third quarter with two or three or three, a fucking interception that guys it was right to the other guy even the receiver was like he put it right in the fucking

guy's hand and when the camera went on him somebody must have said something he was laughing I don't know I just felt really weird I see the scores and you know you open up the morning with Buffalo getting beat up by the Jaguars but you know what that wasn't this wasn't my week

for that shit I had one pick on Sunday. And it was motherfucked Detroit, given nine and a half at home. Nobody ever talks about Detroit. They're like that team. Everybody's watching a Dallas Cowboys. Listen, Dallas is always

going to be Dallas. They need a complete different team. Complete different. This is the year that the owner there has to realize somebody got to go, Jack. But anyway, did we take a break yet? We took one. Do you want to take another?

Yeah, we got to talk about draft kings. That's why we're talking about football. All right. Hold on one second, guys. We're going to take another breather here. I got to go to back in real quick. So work with me. Draft Kings is coming.

So hold on. Hey, Uncle Joey here. If you're not keeping up with the major league playoffs, you're missing out. If you're not keeping up with the NFL, you're missing out. Not only are we getting some amazing games coming up, but, you know, my peeps,

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You know who I had last night? I had Philadelphia. Getting the run in a half in Atlanta. You got to take the run in the half. And if you lose, it's like shooting somebody but getting shot in the leg. You know what I'm saying? At least you took that dude down.

Number two, I like Green Bay getting two and a half. I don't know what happened last night. I think I did too many bongy deed. Well, anyway, it doesn't really matter. When you're looking to make life just a little bit more exciting, look no further than draftings. And I tell you that with all the confidence in the world. It's fucking fun, guys.

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If you're in New York, call 1-877, hope New York or text H-O-P New York, New York, 467-369. We're back! Anyway, can you believe it's Monday? Can you believe it's Tuesday, the 10th already? No, the year's fucking over. Yeah, it's, I, dog, I, it's so weird how fast this fucking year went.

I'm actually 60 and a half years old. Come on, God, I never thought about this day of becoming. I want to do a thousand things, but I don't want to do any of them. You know what I'm saying? Every time I want to do something, I smoke reefer, and what I realize I don't want to do, I realize ain't worth doing at this point. I just want to watch, you know, it's just a different fucking world.

and I'm enjoying this shit. That's fucking awesome. I wanted to ask you because it's happened to me. And some of the funny, huh? I do have crabs. Oh, right.

Josh Wolf, and not in a mean way, has been messing with me in hysterical ways at the hotel. Like, at two separate hotels at one hotel, he got me the handicapped room. And then at the last one,

in Omaha, he called up and told them that I'm not violent, but I'm severely autistic. And just to keep smiling. And if I get angry, just keep smiling. And they, like, they were so nice to me when I, every time I check, every time I was down there. So I love that that's in my note now at Holiday Inn. That I'm severely autistic.

I was just I was wondering Next time you go Tell him that You know fucking Machinowitz Machinowitz machinowitz is going to call over there To take your name off the list You got better things to do Than be described

A little fucking Ritart who can't box You know what I'm saying Where did boxing come into this What's I don't know He's violent he's nonviolent I don't fucking know Why you bother me with his questions

I don't know Did anyone ever follow Like, did you ever fuck with it? Like, the only time I remember. Absolutely. What do you think he got the fucking midget idea from? With the handicap room, you go in the shower. The shower's up to your belly button.

You got to lay on the floor like you're five foot two. And then you don't want to call the front because you bang one out and you come on the shower head. And you're like, this ain't bad. This goes directly into the sink here. Then you splash your face and nobody knows nothing. I can't stay off my pants. What? because the toilet seat was like higher.

Yeah. And my, it just, oh, my pee went right between the toilet seat and the bowl. So I was just, I was on mushrooms after Friday night and I'm taking a piss. And I just feel like my pants getting warm.

And I peed all over. I had to throw some shorts away. You got to do what? I had to throw my shorts away because I pissed. What am I going to do? I'm not going to travel with piss on my shorts. That's, what you put in your bag on top

and underneath you put like the 22 ounces you smuggle shit from Israel. I'm going to need to. I got that little thing in my bag the last time that TSA looked at it. It's fucking parent. I hate that shit. What's different things in your bag when we

traveled? I wouldn't throw, get you thrown in jail and half the times they never even stopped you. Listen. What do you mean? You put stuff in my bag? Looking back at it, the guys that are successful with a great team. And I think about Gabriel. Right now, Birch got a great team.

Joe Coy's got a great team. But I think of the guys, I'm not talking about management agent, publicists, all that shit that comes at the job. When you're at that level, I think about the people that are around you, you know, what we're talking about? You said, I was talking about me getting far. with on the road, but you were saying... You bring people because

they're part of a fucking joke. They're part of a running joke. But it's all a joke in love. Right. And it's the funniest thing that you'll ever... Those are the things when you're selling out arenas and you're doing all these things. Those are the things you cherish forever. Those memories. You know, I told you. I had a guy in El Paso

that was the House MC. But his real business... was he cleaned movie theaters and he cleaned the comedy club and this guy guys was something out of this world because he just was there every fucking night

with a tuxedo on you know he had like a little big head he was like five foot six he could have been an apocalyptic I don't know what he was he was married she'd come in but he'd still hit on women he had the platform shoes which was hysterical

right and we used to fuck with him the club owner told me give him a long letter give him a long intro like this next guy coming to the stage went to Catholic school before high school and while he was up there reading it

he'd be looking like you know how long is this and the club owner would go read it and he'd read the whole fucking thing like two pages show you what the prison came out then he was going to be a chef but then he changed his life around. He became a magician.

And I would just give him like a fake bio. I'd have no credits, but I'd give him what he says up there. They don't care. Every time you'd give him a new bio? Yeah, and then I worked with him on New Year's, and I realized that he cleaned after New Year's. So I went to Kmart,

to one of those places, and I bought that shit you grew up in the air, you know, fucking... Confetti. Pimpelloo, whatever the fuck thing is. What the fuck they say? Maybe hip-hip-hip-or-ray, but I don't think you say that on New Year's. What? I don't think you say that on New Year's.

When do you say that? I don't know. When do you say that, Thip-Hip-H-H-Rae? I think it's Yip-Yip-M-Roo. I don't even know what that means. No, no, not that hip-hip-hip-Hare's a word either, but yip-Yip-Yip-Hib-M-Roo. Chim-challie-ho. There's a bunch of it.

the people say. No one says chip, chip, chip, chally-ho either, but you've been saying that for years. You never said chip-chip-ch-ch-talli-ho? No. You don't have any Arab friends? You don't know what I always thought that was British, that's Arab?

You what? I always thought that was British, that's Arab. I can't imagine an Arab guy saying chip-chip-challi-ho. Yeah. Oh. It's Tuesday motherfuckers. You guys needed a fucking tip-top, Magoo.

Wake up, there you have it. What's the word again? Yibia Peru. Yeah, yeah. What do the fuck they say? Oh, I love it. This is the way to do a fucking Tuesday morning, you know what I'm saying? This is it.

This is the best way to start. I told you, motherfuckers, you know, a lot of people emailing me. Listen, it is what it is. This is the best of us that we get. got we're trying to get into the groove right now. We figured out, you know, like when you go to a movie, you eat mushrooms. Right now, our biggest problem

is to time it. You know, and I can't, I got a kid, I can't be sitting here with a watch acting all creepy and shit. So you just go with the full amount. Fuck it, take a chance Columbus did. And here we are. This is what happens. At the end of the day, listen,

I don't need to do dick, but I'm T.AC field. Mark McGuire, fucking drank steroids by the fucking bottle. Uncle Joey needs to smoke his refreeful, you know what I'm saying? But in this case, I only did a few bonkets today. I ate like

five of those motherfuckers. Just to keep me out. We got the timing right, whatever the timing was. Why? We were but what? The timing tonight was right. Those edibles are kicking right now. Oh my God. I could feel my heart beating and shit. Let me tell you what

happened before tonight. This is why I was a little late gentleman. You don't like to check in here a little early, preparing myself. I love my neighbors. The Puma's a solid, solid. They keep me together when I'm just about when I'm like, what the

fuck is going on with these people? I got a call from her. And today I saw her husband. I said, what's going on? I saw your wife didn't go to work, Columbus Day, whatever. And he goes, yeah. I go, what are you guys doing for dinner? She goes, she's cooking. and I go, what's you cook?

And he goes, your favorite chicken scapulini, whatever, with the potatoes. Now, listen, I got great restaurants around here, and I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Shall I cook the fucking olden my girl, Jody Puma? I'm telling you, her chip, and I've had that same dish

at two top-notch restaurants, just a test. She shuts them both fucking away. She cooked, it's like, eating sausage and peppers with tremendous peppers with chicken breast and then little potatoes that are fried

and she cuts them just perfect so you could stick all that shit and you mount all that one shot come on though are you fucking kidding me or what? And I had a amount of points, you know what I'm saying? For today I had chicken and rice had our chicken breast

with black beans, rice and onions that's six points the last time I check. Bye ya. Wait. So why are you late? Because she invited me over there like 10 after 6. Okay. I was already going into like a fucking tramps

here. So I just had to run across the street and I ate and then she goes, hurry up, you got 15 minutes. So I got here at the 10 minute mark. I like to get here a little early. But why are we discussing this? Who gives the fuck? But I just want to get out. She does make really,

she cooks a lot of good shit. And she can't because of a job. And I get it. When she fucking throws down, she always thinks of me, best garlic bread in the fucking world. You know. She makes your on garlic bread?

Oh, my God. And garlic's it with butter. And then she puts chunks of garlic in that motherfucker. And she uses the bread from Lovotis, the seeded bread. And she toast it. She's a fucking wizard. And then she makes a garlic dip

in case you just expecting veldies. vampires at your house. You could drink the fucking thing. What are your parts like after that? I used to go over there and she knows. I used to go over there and dip a whole thing of bread. When I first moved here and she invited me over and I saw that. That was like a dream for me. I love fucking garlic. It's a miracle drug. It cleans you out. Toxins. If you read up on it, your hair will blow the fuck away. That's why I ain't got no hair. You're doomed already. but I love garlic. I went to that garlic restaurant in Los Angeles.

The Stinking Rose. Because it was phenomenal, but I don't have that money when I was in L.A. When I went there in 98, somebody else paid, like an agent that wanted to sign me. You know, I invited him and my girlfriend, and he fucking, you know, I walked out of there with garlic pudding. That was nice.

Those weren't good for it. But who's talking about? about Fards. Let's talk about the next week. What do you got planned this week? This week, I got that one show on Saturday. Where, where, where? Details, tickets, links.

The ticket links is I'll tweet it, I'll put it on Instagram. It's the jungle. It's the name of it. It's, yeah, hold on. It's in Somerville. The very nice comic. Peter Lou puts it together.

It's 5 o'clock on Saturday. I'm very excited about that. And then... Friday night? Friday night on all shit. Thursday night? Just open mics this week. Okay. If anybody has a bar up in the Boston,

Lee Syatt area, contact him on Instagram, you know, something that you want to do on an off night, sell some fucking happy hour menu, some fucking nice drinks, get them a mic and give them 50 bucks from the bar, and these jimokes will be happy, and you're fucking, that's the best way to help the comedy community.

They'll be gentlemen, they'll act like fucking civilians. You know, this is what it's all about, Lee. And pretty soon you're going to have to get one of these rooms because it's great work, it's great networking, and it's great leverage. People will put you on if you put them on. and now on your ass on a Friday night at midnight

he's got a bowling alley somewhere in fucking West Chattanooga I don't even know if that's in Boston I'm just saying that he's got a fucking room he's got a bowling alley and Southie you know what I'm saying Yeah I absolutely need to have a show

But that's there's two people There's two groups That I got the emails for recently that I'm going to start sending it out that's local to hear and it's that's what I need to do I have a cool one coming up

in a couple weeks but we're not talking about that yet so you're going to surprise everybody no no you just usually yell at me say I'm not supposed to talk about future weeks I'm going to be in Wilberham

on the 18th I see what you're saying I thought you had like a TV appearance I thought you would do something on the no I don't have I don't they pay you now what do you say? What do you say?

What's that thing with the women around there and they give you five hours and get naked? Only fans? I would do that in a second if anyone wanted to see. You should screen comedy? I don't know. Let's not talk about it. Like, what I stick to the fucking basics.

You know what I'm saying? But I want to tell everybody, I do got a book signing, October 25th in Bricktown. Hopefully Frankie Egggo stopped by my lease. Is that New Jersey? North are coming down. So a lot of people I went to school with them. live down that.

So I've been getting emails. What? That's New Jersey? Yeah. Very fun. 6 p.m. Yeah, man. Listen, it's always

an experience. You know, I've been trying to get more, but it's like pulling teeth. But who gives you a fuck, Jack? I'm having a good time. I'm going to see you in a few weeks. Oh, yeah. That's going to be fun. I'll help you. I got to go for a fucking

echo tomorrow. And then two Wednesday I meet with the hominologist. And I've been going to Jiu-Jitsu. You're breathing, you sound, you didn't, I don't think you coughed at all today. Yeah, I did. I got choked up with the water. Okay, maybe once, but compared to what it's been,

it sounded a lot better. It's good that you're working on it. But I'm happy that you're fucking sticking with this thing like a soldier. We talk, you know, all the time and figure out different scenarios. We strategize something that's not in comedy anymore. When you sign what... I was thinking about the true...

For people who are... Whatever. Thinking about getting into comedy and what a manager is. And what a manager is. And then you get a manager. You're like, what the fuck? You know, it's not like the old days

where every 90 days you meet to get coffee and a butter roll and we talk about your next... move. And I don't need to make money on that. This will make my life easier down the road. You follow me? People don't do that no more. Little things like that. And if they do meet you for lunch or something like that, it's always, when I first got to LA, you met with your manager. He used to go to his office once a week. Check in. What's going on? What have we got going on pretty soon? My friends got this. My friends got that. But I want to tell you a young comic something. Just so you

fucking notice. I've always forgotten about this. This is just to let you know that one minute you're fucking hanging out with and it don't mean dick, guys. It don't change your life. You see a comic trying to hang out with an actor, trying to pose big

time. It's great, but at the end of the day, you know, what does it sell ticket for you? I'd rather you get positive exposure, learn down, you know, while you're young that young comics, then rely on famous people to help you.

You'll get those. You save those for later. You saved those for later when you go like, here, motherfuckers. I thought you motherfuckers knew. Anyway. But I had just done the longest yard. Okay. A dog, the movie had just been released. I'm lying, T.

It got released May 25th, right? Mm-hmm. This was like the second week after it was released. It had really caught on, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I think the first week, I forget where it was, the warm-up, but I didn't do well. And now it's the second week. And I know I'm doing Chicago on Thursday and Friday. And no, on Friday and Saturday, and I'm doing two other clubs.

One is a Thursday night, but it's a Thursday night. it's a regular club, like under the Zanis banner. Okay. The other one was another club that was under the Zanis banner. I had to get picked up. I had to take a flight to Chicago, then take a connecting flight for two hours. And when I get there, yeah, they're all there.

They're great people. When we go to this imaginary name, El Fuego Comedy Club, it's really a fucking bowling alley, Lee. Oh, yeah. I do those right now? I had sweats on and there was a line of people like you know in those days

there was 48 people that was the line you know what I'm saying with the word got out I was dirty and I wasn't Adam Sandler like jumping up backwards and shit it ended and I'm like where's the because I flew with sweats on and you went right on stage

no I'm like is there a green room they're like what hmm there's the bathroom or the car and I fucking just had a change put jeans on, take a fucking Spanish shower put monkey grease in my hair and here I am in a fucking bowling alley They were they bowling during your show?

No Thank God It was one of the roughest shows in my life That just goes to show you It don't matter what you did on Saturday You might end up in some fucking town doing a bowling alley on Thursday and they're touching you

it's like one of those places they all never shower with those people they all have like flannel they chew on straws and shit I was gonna throw their teeth captured outlaw Josie Wales like those two guys

to drag them, we'll shoot him and drag them to the woods they look like that in that fucking town I remember leaving there like fist I had picked up an agent that was a big time agent at the time through a friend. And they gave me like a fucking janitor.

He passed me on to a kid. Listen to me. The dude gave me five gigs. And it's August. And I go, so what do you have planned for the September? And he goes, he goes, I'm going back to college. What? What happens after September? He goes, I don't know.

We're going to try to get you a different agent. They gave me a kid. They gave me an intern. I was just going to say that. I never told nobody that, but now you know, cocktuck. And this was after the longest yard? It had just been released. $58 million dollars.

And they give you the intern as an agent. Yep. God damn it. No. Listen, no shame. At least they thought of me. They gave me the intern and shit. Oh, I'd kill for the intern right now.

They could have gave me. They could have gave me the show. They're going to have done a lot of fucking things. But just to let you know, guys, it never ends. I didn't realize this. The drama never fucking ends. Whether you're an open micah, or you've been doing it for 20 years or 30 years, movies, TV,

always remember that pen. That pen's going to save you forever. Something I was never good at. I'm still not good at. I try. You write 100 jokes. You get 10 good ones. In my case, I got to write.

200 now to get two and a half. Are you still writing? Yeah, I started again, and guess what? I'm having a great time. That's all. Where do you, do you go to a coffee shop again? No, I don't have the time.

Do you just sit at home and just? Yeah. Last night I had an insomnia, and I fucking, I couldn't sleep. Listen, I got eight good nights of sleep. I knew a bad one was coming. And about, I looked at the clock. I laid down like fucking 1047 and I looked up and it was like 12.30 Lee.

I was just daydreaming or whatever the fuck. I didn't take edibles last night. I was the Lord Van. I didn't do dick. You didn't take any edibles? I don't believe that. He took zero edibles? Dog, I wanted to see the devil tonight.

If I came up loaded, if I started eating them Friday, if I dropped five of them on Friday, tonight I got to eat 10 of them and they're only going to give me a shorter high. So I said, Fuck it. Take the weekend off. No mushrooms. No nothing, Jack.

Water, reefer, and that's it. I thought there was no reefer. What do you mean no reefer? You just said, oh, no edibles, but you're smoking. Yeah, but I don't need... I just told somebody I was smoking. When we were together,

should I tell them about when I used to tie you up and all that stuff? No, anyway. I was smoking three eights every two days, Lee. Remember? I would come in with three eights, that fucking mongo juice with the drift, that dress, that tastes it like oil.

You thought I was poisoning you, but I had to drink it first. I would have you picked the wrong one all the time. I was 100%. You were the only person. Put fucking toe dusting. And then you always picked the wrong one. Well, there's no right one.

You probably put toe dust in both. I cracked the label on the front, put it in the front, and the, with the fucking, the one that was clean, and I closed the other one really well with Toad Dush Jam, Malukia juice, heroin, the whole fucking jabang. And I put it in a tube next to it. And you'd say, that one was broken.

I'm going to drink the other one. I'm like, perfect. You know, I call you in the morning, and you're in the office with your socks off. Yeah. I had a fucking You're not supposed to drink Tonyel juice

You probably got Well, uh-huh You probably got your socks off right now Of course they do You have socks on right now? You got what? You have socks on right now? Of course I'm not wearing feet

I got the jufeet out I got socks and adidas on I didn't think I got here What do you think I was rolling skating Fucking With my big size 13 Fungi toe I got a half a toe

I'm down like a half a toe What happened to your toe? The fungus is eating the meat, everything. It's all over. No, it's a... I've tried everything with this fucking fungi toenail. It's just a... It's in my body.

I can't use a big zapper because it'll affect my kidneys. And that's why I'm at. What are you going to do? Did you ever tell them what you called my toe after we did Jiu-Jit-to that one time? No, the Auschwitz toe. Yeah. Listen, you can get his toe in an arm lock.

Like, you grab his toe, do a comor with it. You got to see the size of that Oshwood's toe. I do. I have a fucking big-ass callus on my big toe. I'm telling you, look like he would climb up the walls, like Spider-Man, like Batman without the rope. Remember the old fucking Batman? He had the rope with Robin behind them and then asked himself questions.

And that's my toe? What, dogs? And that's my toe? That's your toe. Oh. What? But yeah, so you just couldn't sleep, and that's what got you back to writing?

Because sometimes when you're having a son there, sometimes when you start the day, you just throw that shit out there, and I throw something out with anger, and, you know, you catch a good thing in there, and you pocket it, and that's it.

I'm really down. What? No, go ahead. I'm sorry. I'm really down on current events because when you're a comic, you look at current events to compete with your life and bring on stage.

And now I'm not into that anymore. It's whatever I read online real quick. If I go, I look at every Tuesday or Monday that gets published, especially on my little Mac, whatever, the portable one, what I have. Right.

So say your screen time and I'm looking at it. It's going less and less. Oh, really? Yeah, I watched it for a while. And I saw the results one day. And God, no, you know, you get high at night. You start watching YouTube videos. I'll fucking get a notebook and put Led Zeppelin live from fucking Mass

and Square Garden. I've done it 20 times in the last fucking 10 years. And I'll just sit there, you know, I'll go outside, smoke, come back in, listen to two more songs, get upstairs, drink a diet Coke zero with ice. Nice. You know, this is what you do when you're stoner. What do you want me to tell you?

I play draft game casino. I love drafting casino. So I'm always going to look at the lines, like if it's football season. Last night, I was already looking at lines for the following week. I make some note. You know, this is why it's not like you're at a bar jumping up and down.

It's not like I'm in L.A. when I could go to the ha-ha cafe. It's not like even if I wanted it. Can you put any bets? 10.30, I'm thinking about hitting the crib now. Mm-hmm. Because I want to lurk at 7 a.m. Why do you want to lurk at 7 a.m.? Huh?

Why do you want to lurk? What does that mean? Lirk means I want to get up 30 minutes before. my daughter gets up 20 minutes, whatever the fuck it is. Then I got up like at 6. I come out, I pet the cat, I walk out, I open up the back door, I make some coffee, I go out on my balcony and I just sit there.

And for 20 minutes, I don't know nothing. You know how much peace of mind that is? And I just sit there and I stare out into the horizon like fucking rain, man. and next thing you know, somebody's awake. I start talking to them. I already had a half a cup of coffee. I finished my mug. And now I walk in and it's a fucking family time

until she has to go to school. You know, it's not like I talked to her the whole morning. She don't want to talk to me in the morning. No. She'll give me a hug. On the way to breakfast, we'll cross paths. Sometimes she eats breakfast before I do. the breakfast is ready

but I didn't hear my wife so sometimes she eats as I'm going up I get her a hug in the hallway but I can tell she's got to get ready for school I don't even want to interrupt her you know what I'm saying

if I go upstairs and break her balls she's going to forget something and she's oh when she goes to school she's got drums a fucking backpack you know a canteen like she's going to Vietnam

don't they have water at this fucking school. No. And it's a problem if they forget it. Like, I used to, I never brought water one day in school. I got more fucking water canteens than anything else in this goddamn house. Do you bring any around with you? Do you have one during the day? Oh, sure. You got to see me with my little sand was on, walking around, looking at

trees and dead deer on the side of the run. I got to get the fuck out of here. I got things to do with people to see, all right? Monday night football is about to start. It's Las Vegas giving Green Bay two and a half of that this morning. What are you picking, Lisa, yeah? I'm picking tonight. I'm probably going to go with... What I did, and I know you're going to fucking give me shit for it. I know you got to go. I put a bet today that the Chiefs and the 49ers would play in the Super Bowl. That's who I think with the Super Bowl will be. Okay, that's great that you want to be the Swami from Salami. But who you're betting tonight?

Green Bay. Who? Green Bay. All right, Green Bay. Great to see you. Great to see you, but. Thank you for helping me bring the computer back to life.

You're welcome. I was in shock. The edibles were hitting me. I'm about to have a nervous break now. I can't do my favorite fucking show. Look at the lighting. I look like I'm selling heroin and playing the organ for a living.

But I love you guys. Love your joke. Thank you for another fun-filled episode. of the checking. I also want to thank Better Help, and I also want to thank Stamps.com, but I want to thank you guys for tapping in with the Savages this week.

I love you, stay black, and we'll be back next Tuesday morning. Tip Top Magoo. All right, thanks for listening. Stamps.com. Listen, the holiday season is upon us. The last thing you want to do is run out of stamps. Can you imagine?

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