The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - Episode #7 - What were we talking about?

Episode Date: October 17, 2023

This week on The Check In Joey Diaz talks with Lee Syatt about the strength of edibles at the beggining, yelling at Joe Rogan, Eddie Bravo, and Redban about their cell phones, and one of the things Doug Stanhope taught him about stand up comedy.   This show is brought to you by:   Support the show & try Blue Chew for free when you pay $5 shipping. Head to https://www.bluechew.com & use code JOEY   Support the show & get 20% off & free shipping at https://www.manscaped.com & use code JOEY  

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Visit blotchew.com for more detail. All right, without further ado, let's get Lee Syed on the phone. They didn't put you on this planet just to give up. If Uncle Joey could do it, I could fucking rule the world. I see you got to be thinking. Welcome back to show! Boom!

What up? Tuesday. How's it going, buddy? You know, looking good, feeling good. I smell like a fucking Billy goat, but... I took a shower before this. I took a shower. I took a little nappy noonu. I don't know if I was high or tired.

I don't know. How many showers are you taking now? What's up with you? What? I'm doing great. How many showers are you taking now? Because you would always come and showered for the podcast. Two, maybe three.

Like today I really took three because I went to the gym. So I took a shower. And you do the whole thing? What? You do the whole thing every time? Yeah. You got to wash your hair behind you. I'm a filthy dude, bro.

You know, I got fucking a yeast infection in my ear. You know, I got problems, dogs. I've been fucking, I had to get medication. I had to put some fucking cream in my ear. You know, you're fucking 60. I don't know. I'm just trying my best to keep it together. I got a nice hairdo.

She put a little fucking dead ink in there. I'm jealous. You know, it's keeping together. I got like 13 hairs. I drink my collagin every fucking day. What are you? You know, the, the milk that comes out of your tities when you first have a child.

The collagrin, whatever the fuck is. Are you saying collagen? No, it's not collagen. Look it up. It's called Armora, A-R-M-R-A. Okay. I didn't know this is a thing. Yeah.

Look at that. What do you think you're dealing with? Joy bananas? Why are you bothering me, Lee? I don't know. I'm sorry. How was your weekend? Very good.

That's it right there What's it say? I can't read what I'm like What's it called? What is it called? What do you mean you can't read it? Colostrum? Colostrum.

Yeah. And that helps with hair? Why did I know about that? It's supposed to fill your hair. Yeah, it does help my hair But the hair on my kneecaps, the hair on my arms, the hair under my armpits.

I'm everywhere where I don't fucking need hair in my nose, my eyebrows. I got to trim my eyebrows. every four days, the wolfman's nephew. Every four days, I got to ask my wife, because you got to put glasses on

and try to trim my eyebrows. Fucking Houdini can't do that one. Yeah. So you got to have a partner. You better pay the barber that next to $10. I've never had to trim my ears and my nose, but I've never had to trim my eyebrows yet.

Oh, it's coming, cock sucker. It's coming. You don't even see it until you go to Vegas. Like, you don't even see nothing. until you go to a different mirror. You ever notice that? You go to a different mirror, that motherfucker never lies to you.

Your mirror at home comes your psychological friend. Think about this shit. Next time you go on vacation. At home, you don't see a lot of stuff because you're so used to your image in that particular mirror. You comb your hair, you brush your teeth, your shave, whatever, right? But then you go to a hotel in Vegas,

you come out of the shower. There's a mirror right there. And that's the first time you look at it. yourself new than years, that's a fucking confidence burner right there. And then you go to shave or brush your teeth after the shower. Forget about it. You see hairs,

no, you see that one long fucking stranded hair. And then you want to shoot yourself because you got no nose trimmer and you got two shows the rest of the weekend. It's a fucking nightmare, man. Have you ever to do? I fucked up. I had to take an Uber in Columbus

because I try not to go. I try to shave my head before shows. And the thing and the thing died halfway through. And you look like I was going to have... Benero and taxi driver for a minute there. You look like the chubby guy and the road warrior.

The Lord humongous. I looked fucked up. And I had to ride in an Uber. I lived with you for eight years. I know exactly what you looked at. I never had a half a head on. I don't know if you... Dog, I feel bad. Sometimes. I don't even know if you can wipe your ass correctly

because you can't reach back there. got like bad shoulders. You always leave like a little patch back there, like a little afro. When I was really fat, I couldn't wipe like that. It wasn't good. Thank God for the Tushy. No, I'm sure you could wipe.

It's a fucking joke. I know, but I'm telling you the truth. But, no, I would, like, you kept saying it would have strips, and I would check. And sometimes I would, but most of the time I wouldn't. Most of the time, I always miss a spot. I miss a spot.

You don't know. I don't use a mirror in the shower. I just dope it up with shaving cream, and I go by sound. You know Uncle Joey, I just make the water hot, I make the pores open up. There ain't no mirror. You ever buy those fucking no fog mirrors?

That's what people take showers in cold water. That ain't for people, savages like me. I go in there, I turn the knob all the way to the end. It's like I'm going to the chair. Do you really? You keep it up the end? Oh, I pushed it all the way to the end. I like my shower hot.

I put the heater on. My bathroom is fucking cold in the mornings. So I got to put heat around before I go in there. I mean, the heat goes in there. But for some reason, we have a fucking sky roof in the bathroom. Why, I don't know. Who would sit in the fucking shower looking out the window like a fucking idiot, you know? You don't do that?

Huh? You don't look out the window? No. When I go in a shower, I'm focused on washing and killing the germs. And, you know, I thank God for giving me another day. And I'm grateful for you and Joe and, you know, Mike and all the people I deal with. You know, that's what I do in the morning. I get my head together.

Sometimes I get too stone and I got to turn the water a little cold. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. The shower can be scary when you're high. That's great. Like, where do you keep the heater? Like, a heater and, like, water from the shower doesn't sound. just play fucking fear factor.

It's under the sink, you fuck. You're worried about. Bring you fucking shower with me and take my chances. Oh. Either I die or come out of my dark. That's fucked up. Oh, my God. I had a pretty good weekend.

I got to do two shows on Saturday. One at five in the afternoon. One at five, which was... Listen, dog, I didn't want to say nothing and fucking burn your parade. Dracula don't come out until the sun comes out comics don't go on stage and the sun comes out, all right?

It was an interesting time, but it's a fun room. Like the guy who runs, it's really cool. But it was, you know, 5 o'clock was the earliest I've ever done. They've got to be home by 7.30. What the fuck? It was the start of the 90s. You know those 5 o'clock people got to be church-goal people.

You know what? They were very nice. but I have but you're very nice also bring me with you one time and let me come out there and go look at you 5 o'clock maggots gotta be home by 7.30

I catch 7 a.m. to prove to these people that you're a good fucking Christian. Get the fuck out of you. I have a cocktail. Tell the baby so to stay home you're giving them the extra 50. You're going to come up and dress home like back whatever the fuck you want to do.

That's got to be rough going to comedy at 5 in the afternoon. I hate it. I don't even like going on stage of seven and the sun is out. Yeah, it's different. It bothers the fuck out of me. And even though you're inside a dark place, I still know it's fucking light outside.

Sometimes you're not there. There's windows. You can't have no. You ever been in a club with windows? I want to do comedy when it's dark out and you get mugged. That's not I want to do comedy. When happy you're in there, because you're fucking petrified of the streets.

You're going to come in there with Uncle Joey and the security at the comedy clubs so nobody bothers you. I swear to God, these edibles, I must have had some mushroom juice left over in my system from the weekend, and these edibles set these motherfuckers off. I'm seeing things. I'm hearing things.

What are you seeing? Two of yous with a little guy behind you with a fucking, with a stick. I don't know what I'm seeing. I'm just, I'm seeing things, you know what I'm saying? You ever see things, but you don't tell nobody. I got the balls to tell people. I'm seeing things, all right?

I advise you later or dial 9-1-1 Jesus Christ How was your comedy What did you learn? What did you not learn? You had the 5 o'clock show You did well, you called You checked in

And then you went up and destroyed the 8 o'clock It was a fun night I got the future I unexpected The first show I did 10 And the second show I did 20 Good for you, Lee Yeah, I was I thought I was going to do like a five-minute set.

And it's a really cool place in Foxborough. It's like for like, you know, a booker who has a lot of clubs. And it's, I got it a day before, which is, like, at my level, they don't, no one calls me two weeks, like, only a couple people. Usually, like, can you do something tomorrow? So that was exciting. And, you know, it was a fun night. And I think, thank you. Like, there was like five people between both shows that came out from the podcast.

So that was very cool. It was a lot of fun. People love to see you in the beginning so they could say I knew you back when. From my conversations with you, I was thinking about this day or night after I spoke to you on Saturday night. My conversations with you really enlighten me to the fact that how much in love you are with comedy. Oh, yeah. We fucked around and we make tapes when we call and shit. you know, but we have to be really high on the same night to make those funny fucking calls.

But I've noticed that 80% of our calls now are basically focused on comedy. And it's really inspiring to see. And it makes me believe what I've always believed about comics starting out. Like the best education you get is in your backyard and working outward. You know, like you stay and then you see. spread. It's like COVID when the fucking guy went skiing and he landed in Jersey and he fucked up that Burden County town. Same thing. It's, it's, it's, it's just really weird to see that when I lived in L.A., along with you, we met so many people that went out there in their second

year and it's balsy. It's ballsy as shit. But, like, I don't know. To get back to the conversation, It's just really impressive to see how much you're into it. Because you and I both know, we ran into a lot of people that I love doing comedy. I want to do this and I want to do that. And a week later, you know, they're not doing nothing. Two weeks later, we'd see him. And they're not doing what they told us they were going to do. And we talk about it.

Like, wow. You know, so it's really nice to see a guy that works as hard as you. I appreciate it. But I learned a lot. Like, when I met you, I had, I didn't want to be on the podcast. Like I, I, we, we didn't fight about it. But you're like, no, you're, I had, I was just a fan of stand-up. And, like, getting to meet all the comics that I got to meet on the church.

I got to be in, like, in the room with the top pod, the top comedians of, like, the last 20 years. And I, I just, I've always liked going to shows. I've always, I've just learned so much with that time we had in L.A. That I don't, I don't want to be someone who someone goes to see and say, they say, oh, he was just with Joey. He wasn't that funny. Like, I, I really, like, people give me shit. And that's fine.

But I, I want to actually be a good comment. That's, that's my goal. Like someone like that people, not respect. I don't like that word, but like, acknowledge, like, hey, he's at least doing comedy. like he's actually doing it. You know, everybody always thinks that people can help you. Like, I'm just going to jump in and make a call to Warner Brothers and tell them that, you know, I lived through that also.

You know, with the longest yard and Spider-Man, it was always this guy called for you. Nobody called. I wanted a room with 20 guerrillas in an audition. It was somebody called, which nobody ever did, it would just be my support to go, hey, he's a good actor and a good guy or whatever the fuck, you know?

But nobody ever did that. I earned those roles. I earned his roles. So, and I always wanted to prove myself also. You got to prove yourself and people got to see it. You have to, your attitude has to be contagious when you're a comic. These comics go home and they fucking talk shit

and they get bitter. You know, like they get bitter. no, you got to be involved and you got to fucking, and that's what you're doing. You got to be able to talk to Bill Burr and you've got to be able to talk to Fingler's Joe, who does the open

mic on Tuesday nights, who's fucking a great writer, but he's missing a finger on stage and he's ashamed of it or whatever. You know, you're going to run into all those people, but at the end of the day, 20 years later, I cherish all those fucking things.

You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm done with those memories. Like I can't tell you year by year, but I can tell you that something inspired me along the way. And you just got to put great people around. You're a couple open micers that are good people. And you create a little fucking community in Boston. And you don't need to go to L.A.

You're getting more from what you're learning in that area than what you would get from rushing to Los Angeles with your nose wide open. And there's something that's like really been nice. Like there's, people can complain about a lot of shit. But something that has been very nice about comedians has been like how helpful.

Because like they've been, there's been many, so many comics who will put in a good word for me somewhere or ask me to be on their show. And it's just like, you would think there'd be a lot more hate. And I'm there. I'm sure there's a lot of hate, and I'm sure I get, because I just want to say one quick thing,

I am aware that, like, I totally get shows that at my level, at like your level, I wouldn't have got or shouldn't, like, because I do get a little bit of a bump up in a lot of scenarios. So, like, that's part of the reason why I work hard. I just wanted, like, people, because your resume has the comedy store in Hollywood on it, has the comedy store in La Jolla. That has great. Zanis on it. You got I got

the improv. I got the Wilbur. You brought me to the Wilbur. That's fucking Broadway. But like the Wilbur is Who you are in the Wilbur? High is fuck. Balls of steel. You went out there. You barely fucking walked out there like

the penguin. You know, I mean, and somewhere in a comics mind, no matter at what level. That takes a lot of, that takes a lot of, people respect you. I remember one show I did,

there was a certain open mic, or I want you to think, no names. There was a certain, that bugged me, bugged me, bugged me. He came to the show in Vegas. I was going to put him up and he told me he didn't want to go up anymore.

Like he just saw it for what it was and he was packing up and going home or whatever. I don't know. I don't know how I felt about him after that. Now he's doing stand-up, I think, I hope. But at that time, you have the opportunity of a lifetime. Who cares if you're not ready? Who gives a fuck?

That's a lesson for you. That's a lesson for you. You know, I mean, I wasn't fortunate enough for somebody to take me to an arena in the beginning or a theater. I didn't do a theater until I moved to LA maybe and I did some rooms with Paul Rodriguez up in the north

and they were like, you know, thousand seat theaters. I was getting 500 bucks and I would do like three theaters and a weekend with him. And I always bond in those days. You did you do all theaters? I remember the one weekend,

we did a Friday, Saturday, and a Sunday. Friday a bag of dicks Saturday of the bag of dicks but Sunday I went out there

and destroyed the room some guy fucking knocked on my door and wanted to do blow with me and gave me a rock to take the go it was insane it was insane

like I bombed for two nights but then the third night it was like a fucking explosion they went for the material and you know things happened do you remember I mean I don't know

if you remember this But, like, did you do anything different? Like, did you, do you remember changing up, like, your delivery? Or? I remember just being fucking angry that you bombed two nights in a row in front of a good booker and in front of a fucking headliner. He didn't watch my shows. It didn't matter.

But still, you're there. Somebody believed you enough to be there. Listen, at the time, I was doing spots at the store. I was doing, you know, spots at the improv. the laugh factory and he called me one night and goes, do you want to go up there? I was like, yeah. And I'll never forget.

Like, that Sunday, I just went off. I didn't care where the pieces fall. I was already 0.2. I might as well go down swinging. I wasn't going to get shot down in flames and go down 0 and 3 on a Sunday night in front of a thousand people. So I caught in time maybe.

It could have been the timing of the theater. it could have been the lights, it could have been that I got a good night sleep the night before. Could have been a lot of things. I think I wasn't prepared. That's number one. But it's so weird how

I always think about this and I want to cover this with you because you went from a huge market and you went backwards. Yeah. And some people go, why don't you stay there or whatever? but you saw how hard it was to get,

look, I think you're getting more quality stage time here than you would over in L.A. right now. In L.A., you'd still be going up in front of a lot of comics. Yeah, I'm definitely quantity, open mic wide. L.A. would be, but the quality as far as, like, actually having audiences. No.

And, and getting, like, because I went, honestly, like, two steps back. because Boston, in Boston has a great scene, but it's smaller than L.A. And I've been, I spent like a year-ish, a year plus in Worcester. And it was, it was, it was, but I got better because people were really nice. And like I started to open people. And because I remember, do you remember being afraid of doing 20 minutes? 20 minutes was a hard one for me to get over.

I was afraid of doing 20 minutes of Sam Tripoli shows. on Tuesday nights, you know, you're in there in front of a full house. I never forget this. Like, I was dear friends with the guy who gave you the time and the light and stuff. Uh-huh. And he would give me the light, dog. I wouldn't even, I'd just run the fuck out of there. Like, whoof, 20 minutes, thank God.

Yes, I have, I had a ton of anxiety about 20 minutes. It's, for some reason, that one took me a while, I feel like I had enough material for. Just being up there. Remember, you could do a quick 20 minutes or you could slow 20 minutes. It could be a 20 minutes that's revolved around patience and getting them into a groove, or you could just be so scared like I was 90% of the time.

And I would just go out there and rush it just to get it over with, just so I get that $100 bill to go home and snort code. I mean, let's, you know, just to get that. hundred to buy some beers and sit with some people, whatever the fuck it was. I always rush through my sets and I didn't become better till I slowed them down. And me slowing them down was my confidence building. How do you slow an audience down? That takes years. That takes years. Because no matter what I tell you, once you go to L.A., once you're ready and you go to L.A., you're going to bomb a lot in the beginning because you follow

so many different styles. It's not like I'm following Lee and I get to adjust to Lee's energy by Friday, which is all I give a fuck about. I'm getting the big envelope. I need to be tip top by Friday and Saturday.

So I'll take a beating from Lee on Wednesday and Thursday. I'll figure him out. And by Friday, I'll know how to slip in there. And going on stage at the comedy store Improv Lap Factory. One night you follow Deng Cook.

One night you follow some Indian kid. I'm saying Indian because they're a little slow-paced. They don't know the language that well. So sometimes you've got to follow that. Somebody who's Russian and they speak a little slower because they have an accent. Comedy's changing. Comedy's growing.

It's not just for white people anymore. You know what I'm saying? It's worldwide now. So I remember still going somewhere the fuck did I go that I had a follow really nice. Oh, when I did Dangerfields. Right. This kid was funny.

He was an Indian guy. He was funny. But his gift was that he was slow paced and he kept his volume just a little lower. Because from watching him, I could see people leaning in to listen. And I'm like, wow. This guy had been doing comedy like 23.

years. He did spots around the city. He said they wouldn't give them like the big clubs. He told me he won a contest in New York. And he had a day job. He's like some type of chemist, some Indian kid, you know. But he was very sweet. I'm sorry I forgot his name. But I remember learning something that night because I went up there fast and I ate dick for the first four minutes until I remembered the tempo. He had sucked him in. He was so good that he had sucked him in

on that slow, methodical, I bought the lottery tickets. $50, whatever. You know, I'm not trying to be cute. I'm just trying to be honest. And it was an education. It really is a fucking education, but you're not going to get

hit with that. Do you go to L.A.? or you go to a good open mic where they rotate? You know, if you got 10 good features in Boston and they all go to the same open mic every Monday night, that's good. If the guy who's running the open mics rotates you, obviously if Dane Cook walks in or somebody local from Boston, that's a star and they get on stage, they close the room. But you teach everybody. I can't wait until you think you're really, really, really funny. You've got a tight 50 minutes and you book yourself out as a headline in an A room.

And that's a big education. That's a tremendous education. That's completely different than you've ever seen before in your fucking life because you're not really a headline. You're just learning how to put blocks. first you learn how to do tens like you're doing right now then you learn how to do 20s and then you're done with that

and then you write another 20 and then you're done with that and then you write another 20 and now you got yourself an hour right you call the booker and go I got an hour but now you go out and yes you're going to learn

how to do those 3 20 minute bits but you're also going to learn how to weave it that takes about a year and a half two years to learn how to weave that set together, and that's when you become a headline. I want to go back, because you just kind of blew my mind a little bit

with, like, following someone's energy. Because I don't really, I have a few things that I start with, but I don't, I think that's sometimes why I have rough sets. Can you, like, talk, like, how do you jump in to, like, someone else's energy? Like, what if, like, they don't do well? Like, what if there is no energy,

what if they're, like, it's just, that's crazy, the thing about. First of all, to learn about energies. Your assignment from now on is to go out one night. I don't care who the comic is. If you have a Thursday night off, you're going to go to Laugh, Boston, Providence, somewhere local, pay the small $2.50. And I want you to watch that comic. I don't give a fuck who he is. I don't give a fuck if he goes up there with a ukulele. You know, I don't give a fuck. Because every comic has a different appeal.

In 45 minutes, because he has a different appeal, whether he's a comedian that is an AA comic and you're not allowed to drink. So you're doing comedy for sober people, to the drinking water and eating pretzels? I've done that show. Okay, and sodas. You have so many different variables of comics. You have to watch them all live.

See, this age is shit now. You know, we got lazy. We got really lazy. In fact, we got so lazy that something that benefited me, I get mad about. I get mad that my wife will call me and say, hey, honey, what are you doing tonight? Nothing. My friend gave us a reservation for two at a steakhouse,

and there's a comedy club two doors down. We've never done that. Really? You know who the comedian is? Well, I just looked them up. I'm going to send you the link to stand up. And, you know, right away I go in there pre-judgmental. That's why I'm at a comedy store.

You don't know who the fuck you're going to see. But to get back to your question, Lee, energy, you got to watch stand-up, live. Watch it. Once a week, not to eat. But don't show up at the club like, hey, pay the fucking 20 bucks. Oh, course. You want them to go, why did you pay? Nah, bro.

I'm here to watch the comedy. In fact, I'm going to sit in the back with a pinia collada. You won't even know I'm here. And you watch all three comics. You're going to see the MC bomb. He's going to get clunky with the announcements, which suck. But they all teach you a different muscle,

which you won't see until years later. You're going to see a great feature act. But he doesn't really have 45 minutes. but what he has is very controlled. And then you're going to see a headline of that. You're either going to like him or not, but you're going to go home and write the things you hated and the one thing you like.

And now you're going to find what people see that. You don't like him. You may not think he's funny because you watched him on a fucking Netflix special. You didn't catch him Monday night when you went to New York City at the comedy cell at 11th. 30. That's why when you told me you were going to the cellar, I always bust people's balls.

I didn't bust your balls that night. I wanted you to go there watch. Right. Right. Yeah. That was a great night. That was, because you're right. Like, there are, like, there's a lot of places. But yeah, that, like, that would be one of the dreams of a place to go and to see different levels and to see. I'm not good of like energy yet I guess but what I do what I do find interesting is like the different levels of laughter between like that you would get versus like my best set like just you know like the levels of laughter

like the level comedian can give is like it was just crazy to see what a comic can do with like that level of it on it like just that amount of people can make the sound they can make them out of them is pretty cool It's an art And I'm happy we do this Because I may not be getting on stage But the last couple years

Is give me a chance to reflect You know, my next book Is gonna be about stand-up obviously About, you know, the questions The comic wants to Know at the third year mark At the five-year mark No pressure

You don't have to be anywhere this will be something that's going to be for novices, for hobbyists. You know, I encourage more hobbyists than comedy. Yeah. Started there were a lot more hobbyist. To be honest to you, these guys were fucking funny. They had good lives.

They made good money. They were college educated. They had a wife, but instead of playing darts, of playing golf or, you know, playing fantasy football, their time out was doing comedy. And they would come out like on a Wednesday night to some bar to pick up a hundred bucks

and then that you would see them on a Sunday at a comedy club. And I appreciated those guys because there was no bullshit from them. At the end of the night, they're going home. They're going home and they're going to do what you do every fucking day. Those guys are better comedians sometimes because they're so more in touch

with what's really going on, you know, how people that get up at 8 in the morning fucking feel at 9.30 at night. Absolutely. We stay out till 2. We get up at 9. We go to fucking deliver whatever Uber eats until 1. We smoke some pot

with the Indian kid. And then you're fucking, you know, right in, jokes and then going to fucking now, get back on stage. I mean, but it's just so weird, I love the hobbyist, so I want to encourage more hobbyist. Because I think doing stand-up fucking helps you in every field. I know the first time I did stand-up how I felt.

I didn't feel like I was going to be a Hollywood star. I didn't feel like I was going to be Charles Brunson. I didn't feel anything. I felt that a different part of my mind that opened up. It really did. I think... Go ahead. I'm sorry. No, no, go ahead. What was your question?

I was just like... To be honest, I forgot. No, it's... It's... It's very interesting. You know? I forgot, too. You threw me to the fucking wolves, Lee. The edibles are finally...

I got to be honest with you. I ate those edibles. I ate five... And I fucking got sick for a minute there. That's why I drank this fucking mukiak juice, this fucking rhyme, because I just ran and got something. I sat down. I watched fucking Houston strikeout with three men on, with bases loaded. And I didn't feel good. I'm like, oh, my God, I'm going to have to cancel this.

I got T.A. intoxication. I poisoned myself. But then I did a couple bonh hits. And I'm back like herpes, you know what I'm saying? That was a figment of my imagination, Jackson. When's the last time you puked from edibles? When I puked on that one street driving home,

we still lived on Comston. Oh, it's been that long? Yeah, I was still in my amateur mode of edibles. I was just eating them until I fucking got sick. Dude, those two, I passed out on one of those 200s. Did I tell you that? Like the next day I, the ABXs. When was this?

Maybe a year ago. Something like that. I took a 200. You woke up? You woke up. Took a piss and passed out. Yeah, yeah. Fucking.

What happened? The next, yeah, exactly. As I was taking a piss, like the next day, I woke up and it never happened before. And I just went right down. That's what happens. That's the power of ABX, Jack. You know, when you were talking about something,

about, like, how edible is used to come. Uh-huh. Gave me a memory of me, John, and Ralphie, going to a dodger game one day. It was fucking 90 degrees. Ralphie got these sensational tickets, but little did he know. We were in the sun, Jack.

Oh, no. And I mean fucking bacon in the sun. And before Ralph, he picks me up. There was a weed shop next to Dukes, the breakfast joint. Right. And one music place on the corner there, the real whiskey a go-go. I think it's whiskey, another music venue. Then it's Dukes, another building.

Then there was a weed store. And that weed store had a refrigerator. This is way before I met you, Lee. When you walked in there, they had a refrigerator, the size of like a fucking schnapple refrigerator, a pizza joint. Right. And it was filled with fucking cakes and brownies and, you know, apple turnovers and fucking, and nobody knew. Nobody went in there and going, hi, excuse me, what's the milligram on those? Fuck no.

Either you bought the cake or you didn't. And there was sometimes you ate a piece of cake, it didn't get you. so you ate another piece of cake and you were fucking done. Like I still remember them carrying silent Bob Felipe's friend out of the boxing gym and his feet were

dragging because we didn't know just Frank the Edibles back then. This has to be 2008, 2009. We were just eating shit. We were just Jesus. And wherever the

pieces fell, they fucking fell. But we went to that fuck Dodger game with a bag. They let Ralphie walk in with the fucking bag. They like bring food in. Of chocolate cakes and fucking, you know,

so we're burning under the sun and this shit's starting to melt. This shit's 10 degrees. So I'm going to forget we're fucking eating, eating, eating cakes, puddings. They had everything. Fucking chocolate brownies with coconut on it.

God knows, Lee. How much sugar me and those fucking guys ate that day. And then we couldn't take the sun no more. So we got out of there and we walked to the car. Forget it. Three sheets to the fucking wind. Holy shit. And you've no idea. And barfing that night. But I didn't barf from the fucking reefer. I barked from all the fucking sugar. Oh, you think so?

It's like when you get sick from alcohol, think about what you drank the night before. If you were drinking Tahiti fucking Reds with a wine punch, you're going down, bitch. You know how much sugar is in that fucking Hawaiian punch? It's not the alcohol that kills you. It's the fucking sugar. You're drinking rum and coax all fucking night. Like Fidel Castro, what thing's going to happen?

You're going to wake up feeling tip-top magoo. Not even liquid IV can save you then. You got to do like a real IV and they got to rub your feet. What's too much fucking sugar? That's crazy. That's why I drank. Diet Coke and Maker's Mark because one time I went to one of those cheap. I didn't know it was cheap, but I went to like a open bar thing in Vegas to watch like one of the

Cornier John Jones fights. And I was drinking regular Coke and Maker's Mark. And they, of course, water the drinks down. So like, yeah, I got, I've never, I felt sick from all the sugar. I've never had, like, figured that up before. You know, I used to go into this joint in Miami across from improv and coconut grove. fucking tremendously. There were frosted drinks

like smoothies, but they had one that was 140 proof. And it was red. There was a red one that I drank and a brown one looking one. It was 140 fucking proof. It was red. You know many times I woke up and the sink was red? And I was ready to call 911

because I thought I was bleeding internally. But when you wake up, you have a headache for two days. And it's not for the fucking 140 because I was burning it off with cocaine. This is the fucking sugar. It was the sugar

from those smoothie drinks and shit. You live and you fucking learn. But that's why getting the original point, that's why I like ABX edibles. At the end of the day, I'm not eating 3,000 calories. They allow me to eat 3,000

calories later. But if I got to ingest 3,000 calories to get high, I don't want to be a part of that organization. Right. have to know ABX are the best. When people come to me, I go, listen, this is why Tom talk about it. I've killed people with those things.

Oh, yeah. You're my brother. You know, I love it. I never killed you with those things. No, right. I definitely didn't have a hotel five minutes down the road, but ended up sleeping at your house. Who cares? It happens. You were tired. Sometimes I don't want to drive either. You know, I'm a lot happier this week.

Oh, good. well you know they fucking said i uh i got the fucking whatever the fuck in my lung so they put me on the antibiotics and some other shit to clean me out it's a two-week treatment with the antibiotics so i feel better but i tell you what i did lee i for those eight weeks i was getting you know for like six weeks i was getting these palpitations my backs were hurting i just had so many mental it was just mental shit so i continued working out and walk in and hit the bag but I stopped going to jiu-jitsu

because you got to walk upstairs to get there and then when you're there like I have a hard time as it is I was like I don't want to have a heart attack and I'm a fat fuck and they got to carry me down those stairs because you can have 20 jihitsu guys then they're going to pick me up and hold me down

those stairs at some point they're just going to drop me and I'm going to roll down the stairs like a fat fuck with a jiu-jitsu giyon I need that TMZ so I was like Why do you think this is going to happen? Because, man, that, you know, I know how much, I know how hard I work in that class and how I feel when I leave there. And I know that sometimes I do shit in there that I have to get up and take a walk and pee.

Because I go to, you know, stay healthy. There's a bunch of young guys there. I still keep the mentality. You know, at my age, jiu-jitsu is completely different. You're not looking to fucking submit. You're just looking to stay alive. roll around, but you have to do it perfectly. Because if I go in on a Monday, like yesterday,

and I become King Kong, then I'm not going to make it on Wednesday. So on Mondays, I just drilled now, and I took one of the younger guys, and we did some situational stuff. You know, I was there. I took my little whoop watch, went up to fucking 10, so I'm happy. That gives me the rest of the week.

I got an option to live today. I want to go back to class. And at least I lived another day. day. So the next time I go to class, I'll focus on drilling and I'll roll a little more, and then Friday I'll roll because I've got the weekend to recover. So it becomes

something else. I got to fucking go to red light therapy and sweat my balls off. The other day, I looked down and under my nut sack, there was a little puddle, like a little inch like this puddle. And it was direct

sweat from my nut juice. I think that must have been like a coating of fat around my nuts and the red light therapy just burned it off. I looked down I was tempted to pick it up and sniff it like Ozzy and the Molly crew movie but I was like let's leave bygones, we bygones. I slept so, what's that motherfucker?

I do yoga in there. I do, I breathe, I stretch. I sit for the, it's 34 minutes at 151 or something, right? Really? Yeah. And is it something you lay in? How does it work? How do you do yoga in it?

Or is it a room? It's a fucking private little steam bath. Okay. And it's not really a steam bat that's red light therapy, but you're in there so long that you fucking start sweating your balls off. So when I first off, let's get the party started, right? I go in there early. Sometimes I go late, but I'll try to go in there.

Like when I say early, it opens at nine. I'll get there like, 10.30, 1015, because I do 34 minutes and it lets me to come home, take a shower, put my gear on, and go to Jiu-Jitsu. It opens up your breathing. But before I do anything, I fucking go in that backyard and I do like fucking eight bongs, blah, blah, boom. Right off the bat, like a soldier, right? Let me tell you a quick story. So yes, I'm in the backyard. It's like five in the afternoon and I'm just blasting fucking bongs. The big freeze pipe. the good freeze pipe I show you.

In fact, I got to rotate it. My lungs are getting used to that one. I got to use a different design to blow back into limbo. So I'm out there, and I'm doing these bongits, but I know this fuck. When I blow the smoke out, the wind is taking it, and it's really spreading

out. Right. And I must have done like three of those hits in a row where you're killing the same fucking chamber. And it was one big cloud of smoke. And there's some dude walking his dog. Like a 66-year-old man walking his dog. And he's walking like, you know, he's thinking about Lawrence Welk music. He's thinking about, you know, 1950.

And all of a sudden he saw the cloud of smoke leak. And he held down to his dog. And then he looked around and he saw me in the yard under the fucking thing where you can see out, but you can't see it. And I'm out there doing bongage. And he's looking at something black. And he's seeing smoke come out. Wait, are you blowing some more smoke out of money?

He's still there? Oh, my God. I'm trying to scare this guy to call like one. And I swear to God, he looked like twice. And then he walked by. And as he was walking by, I popped up like a, like a dude. And I was like, hey, how you doing? and he just fucking ran by.

All right. So Thursday night, I did something that, you know, my friends call me, you know what I'm saying? They want to do stuff, but I got to put the piece of it because Thursday night is movie night in my house. Like this Thursday, we're going to see the De Niro, whatever movie. It's me, my daughter, and my wife. We're going to sit there for three fucking hours.

So after tonight, I won't eat no edibles after tonight. To prepare? Huh? To prepare? Yeah. Three hours in a movie theater. You either a couple of edibles or a left hook. That's a long fucking time. You have Marroy gets the developer that motherfucker.

So, last Thursday night, I planned. There was no movie to go see. I'm not going to see no fucking Taylor Swift movie. My daughter don't want to see it. You know, my wife don't want to see it. So we got saved from going to the movie. So last week I planned with a couple of my old school buddies, Sharps, Conti,

and my friend DeFuso to meet at my other buddies. He's a manager at this restaurant in Hackensat called Fortease. Lee, fucking delicious. Oh, yeah? They had a lot of dishes that I wanted to try. But I only eat, you know, I had a cup and a half of pasta pizu with some Italian bread. And then I had a piece of lasagna that was so good. but yet again so fucking rich

fucking delicious and I think the owner said to me very nice people the owners because my buddy's the general manager whatever the fuck he does in there my buddy's doing a great job the restaurant is fucking beautiful

but for some reason as I was walking in I put the whistle in my pocket I walk into the bar I say hello my buddy goes hey stupid I turn around

I haven't seen him since I moved here I give him a big hug we grew up together and as we're talking another friend of mine comes in I hug him let's get a table and also my other buddy walks in so the four of us are there

we're waiting on one of the guys Sabatino the kid who cried during the fucking when I had the porno when I was 13 and he was like 10 that guy back in my life and I love it he's crazy or never so he's back in your life yeah yeah he's just

just popped back up after like a couple years. You know what I'm saying? Things happened. Anyway, yeah. Anyway. Anyway. So you brought the whistle? I brought the whistle.

We're sitting there. And the owner, a sweet, a sweetheart of a guy, and my friend, the manager, are eating dinner with us. And crack at jokes at the table laughing. Now, my friends know I got

whistle. But the owner and my buddy don't know I have a whistle and I hit the whistle twice did they both got up at the same time and ran because they thought the fire alarm and got off. So me and my buddies are howl and I'm like don't say nothing. They sit down again. I hit them with another whistle like eight minutes later.

They both like, Jesus Christ, what the fuck is going? You're terrorizing New Jersey. You're terrorizing New Jersey. Yeah, you see it like, who brings a whistle? And your buddy works there. That's so fucking, oh my God. Look, I'm 60. I'm half a retardant.

I got to kill time. You know what I'm saying? I'm just trying to, you know, I'm just trying to have a good time and keep it together. That's it. It's a good birthday card. If it's a whistle, fuck it, so be it.

What do you want me to drive around with a fucking BB gun and shoot people with the bus stop? No, I'm really happy you're not doing that. know you had to bring a whistle around, no. Listen, when you bring a whistle around in these times, it keeps people who check, especially that whistle. It's fucking tremendous. Sometimes I do it, my daughter jumps up in the car. She don't even see the car. But anyway, Lee, I got to drop this on you.

What's up? So me and my three buddies sit down, four buddies were talking, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And also my buddy says to me, hey, behind you is your old buddy, Mike Batoly. and I know Mike since I'm a kid. Great guy. Turn around. He's with his mom. She's like 100.

She still looks good, though. And Mike looks at me and I go, and he gets up. Ah, he gives me a hug. Good to see you. All this shit. Last time I saw him at a wake when I came back here. And I'm hugging him. And I'm looking at this dude.

And he's looking at me, point at me, Lee. So I'm like, oh, no. I got to deal with this fucking guy. He's going to want a picture. I'm just about to sit down and eat in order. I looked a little closer at him, and I'm like, holy fuck. That's my old CYO coach from the eighth grade.

Basketball? Yep. His name was Steve Rubinaccio. He was my coach at St. Michael's, the assistant coach with Steve O'Charty. Holy shit. And dog, we held each. other. I cried because

I knew Rube when my mother was alive. Like I knew Rube and I used to always break his balls. I was playing family because he was a cameraman. He was a young kid. I was gonna say. If I was

fucking 13, he had to be 19, 20. Oh shit, okay. He won and he was already a cameraman on Good Morning America. That's cool. Every time I would see him, I go, dog, when are you going to get me on Good Morning America? I would just, I just wanted a job in that industry.

I didn't know where to start. I go, let me go in and carry shit for you, and he would laugh. And I'll never forget when I got sober, partly in 85, I actually called him. Like, I hadn't seen him since like 80, which I'll get back to. And I called him in 85. I'm like, hey, Roo, what's the story with that job? He's like, are you going to fucking stop with this shit? I can't just get you a job

because I knew people who were stagehandlers over there. And I knew that they were, I didn't know if there were big shots over there. I wasn't sure. But anyway, to make a long story short, he told me, he goes, you didn't get on good morning. I didn't get you on good morning, America.

But you got on the stage anyway, on your own. So I'm proud of you. And then we sat, he had his wife with him in another, couple, so I didn't want to bother him. And then at one point he walked over, and he goes, you know, I was just thinking about the time you and that other North Bergen guy robbed all the

fucking boosters. Do you remember that? And I go, yes, I do. We must have taken 800 stickers. In those days, we called them boosters. There were fucking stickers. You stuck them on your window. That's that I support St. Michael C.Y. or Johnny Banana's Temple, whatever the fuck it was.

And you sold them? I sold like 200 at my mother's bar. And then he shut it down the following Monday at practice. He's like, I'm going to close the door and make believe. I don't know who did it. Tonight, by the time we leave here for practice,

I want to fucking haul his stickers back. So me and the other dudes put them back. If we took 800, there was probably 600 in there. they took the loss, but nobody went to jail. That's crazy. You remember you from eighth grade. And there was a quiet dude there that used to be a little chubbier. He didn't start, but when he played, he played fucking tough.

And I'll never forget one night we were stoned practicing in there on a Monday night because we used to always practice on the Monday night. But after we got together, after we started knowing each other, we knew that some of us got high. and we vow to get high and then put Visina eyes and your mother alone and we go to practice and giggle as fuck

and one night we were high as fuck me Louis Whitey and somebody's gonna take the ball out the throat like somebody's gonna take the ball out like to bounce past to somebody

right and this kid that was a big chubbier kid wet to steal the ball. So my buddy picked up the ball like he was going to throw it. And homie jumped up, but at the same time, his mouth was open, right? And my other buddy goes, look at him. He thinks it's a meatball.

On the floor, and I'm sure he was embarrassed. Well, I hope I don't bump into that dude today. That dude was Frankie Winters. That dude played with fucking Brett Farr. He fucking was his center over there, all those years. That guy was an all-star forever, a pro-bola. Holy shit. Become somebody.

And that's what he said. He goes, I can't believe, out of all the years I coached, I ended up with a fucking center and a fucking comedian. I don't even know why I told you that. Who gives a fuck? It's cool to see, like, I mean, like, how many years has it been since your mom passed? 40-something. I haven't seen him. then he told the story

he goes the last time I saw you he goes when I heard from you he goes I heard from you years later but he goes I must have saw you he was trying to give me the date I couldn't figure it out that night but I know the last time he saw me and he goes you were sweating

you didn't look good and all I could see was your eyes were pitch black you're up to know good so it's just cool it must be it must feel nice to have them see how well you've done and just like to remember being an eighth grade. Wasn't that like the last year you did basketball?

Like I think, like you tried to try to make it. You know, I went down there. I had to go down there for something. I had to go into the middle of Union City. And I purposely went that way to look at where Holy Rosary Academy was for girls. Bergen line. Then you crossed over. There was St. Michael's.

There was a girl. I used to date that her parents on the house there right across the street from the church. And I remember that when I went, this is maybe I got here in August and I went up there

maybe in February and I went down that street. I was heartbroken. All that shit was gone. Except the pizza place that we went to around the corner was still there. I mean, it wasn't owned by Enzo, whatever the name is anymore. Right. But it was amazing.

Now it's Obama High School. They got that. They got Emerson. They got the two high schools and turned them into one, you know. So, whatever. It's a different fucking place right now. You know what I'm saying? What do your plans for the week?

What shows do you have talked? This week, I have two cool things. The next, well, the next two Wednesdays, I have shows. one in Wilberham in a in a barn which I think it's like a local thing it's been a fucking awesome and next Wednesday I'm at Off the rails and Worcester

but then I'm seeing Dave Chappelle this week I'm excited to see him and he has a lot of you with him I'm excited to see all of his overall he's got to have Lunell Donnell

oh Lou Nulnelle is going to be there too hopefully she's been going on this tour. Oh shit, that'd be cool. And that's going to be tremendous because Dave is very low key. Right. Dave is always, Dave's genius, even since 94. The first time I saw him at

not the first time, but the first time I saw him like in a comedy club was at the comedy, Boston Comedy Club. It was a Monday not open mic. I wasn't, they weren't going to put me on

drag. I just went. as like I told you, a spectator. And I remembered that what impressed me most about Dave then, and now he's the chief of, is his patience on stage. Even though he's dying to tell you the joke, he knows he has to be patient. And that is lethal. That is a great attitude to have.

That you're so confident, your material, that you're going to slow the pace down and watch before you hit it. Like Israel, you know what I'm saying? Like they're just sitting there right now with the tanks. I don't know. It's going to get ugly, but it's the same thing. That's a stand-up comedy.

The stand-up comedy is really an act. Okay? It's a person that you fucking become. Okay? It's somebody that you become. It's somebody who you want. I mean, that's how I looked at it. Okay.

Me every day. People contact me. Well, they contact me. a podcast stuff, but it's an act. For me, I made it real. I incorporated my life in that. Right. Which is difficult sometimes, but I still had to push through it because I know that was where the comedy was.

That was where the real comedy was. That's where I touched you. You know, I see podcasts now, even ours. You know, listen, we're just doing a check in here. I'm not looking to fucking nothing here. I enjoy doing this with you anyway. I get to see you. I get to make sure you're not eating hummus.

I get to see what's going on with you. And we get to talk. But even podcasts have kind of become like, we're just talking here. Anything I did, whether it was stand-up, the storytelling, the church, or whatever, I always tried to slow you down.

I wanted you to find the comedy and the pain, you know what I'm saying? That I know I was doing it at the time? Not really, but I felt something different from what I was doing comedy before and going up there and doing a Rodney Dangerfield impression. Because you were talking earlier in the podcast about, like, at night that you came back and you were angry. And you used to tell a joke, like you like to get people to piss you off before you went on stage. Absolutely. Is that?

Absolutely. Absolutely. I said, you know, you got to do something to light a fire under you, to get your message out, right? That's what you're trying to do. You're trying to let people know you're a funny motherfucker. Right? So when is, you know, when I'm going off with you, you and I both know it, that while I'm going off, I'm fucking laughing at myself for going off, for acting how I'm doing it. Are you really? I didn't know that. Oh, my God. I got into a situation about 10 days ago that I went old school Joey Diaz. I regret it. I feel very bad. But when I got in the car as mad as I was, I giggled about the things that I said. They were not rehearsed.

They were not written. Nothing. It was pure gold. I said like three things that even I said, oh my God, where'd I come up with that? People have no idea if you go to the Judy Carter workbook. It says exercises to do. And there's a whole thing in there about right about what you hate. And when I first got that book, when I first got into comedy, even when I used to read it,

I would do all the other exercises. until, and it took me like four or five years. I was Johnny Know It All, like every other comic. Seinfeld was popular at the time, so we were all trying to be a little Seinfeldish. I've said to you that I had a suit on at first. I was trying to be Seinfeld and Lenny Clark were a little fucking flare.

But the section I liked the most of the Judy Carter book was, she goes, write five things that fucking anger you. And at that time, when I started doing the exercise, obviously I'm going through a fucking custody battle. So that I would look at it the next day and go, I can't go up there. At that time, I couldn't go up there and talk about a custody battle. I was not prepared. Do you think you could now? As a comedian.

I was going to ask you, like, how do you, my only concern with that would be like being too negative. Because like sometimes when I'm angry about something, it comes off as angry. and like not funny. Well, it's not what you say, it's how you say. The great Doug Stanhope, when I say the great Doug Stanhope, I mean this from the bottom of my heart. The great Doug Stanhope once told me that the reason why comedy is good is because no matter what happens,

you could go up there and talk about it, whether it's your mother getting hit by a car, or whether it's your daughter graduate in the eighth grade. You have to find the humor in those realms. And that's why he's a great fucking comic. A lot of people are going to listen to this and go, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, Joey. Think about it.

This is why every day you have material. This is why every day, if there's an open mic, you should be down there. I don't want you to get on stage and talk about the Jewish to Hamas. That's not comedy. That's what we're listening to when we turn on every fucking channel. I want you to talk about how this affects

you. Fuck. You know what I'm saying? If there's a war in the Middle East, you know we're going to have a problem getting hummus in this motherfucker. These people are going to have to be going back to onion dip. You know, whatever. I don't know. I don't fucking know.

But that's what's great about comedy. You can talk about the good stuff and you can talk about the fucking bad stuff. But I want you to talk about what gets you angry. So here I was doing knocking on jokes in a San Francisco stage. Honest, honest, I'm doing comedy at this time. I don't know. Let's clock it at 15 fucking years, which is about right. And I'm going on stage talking about stuff that's kind of funny. I'm a feature. I'm at the store. I'm good enough to be at the store, but something was missing.

And before I go on stage, I look at Brian Redband and Rogan and Eddie and whatever. If there were six of them, four of them have the same phone. And for some reason, that would piss me off for no end. I don't know. I'm old school Cuban guy. This had to be 15 fucking years ago. You want to judge me for this? I just didn't like it. It wasn't in my realm. that four dudes had the same phones and they put in each other and look at their phones. It drove me up a fucking wall.

Do you understand me? No. I would go up there and I would look at the phones. And I realized when I would look at the phones, I'd kill that night. When I had that pre-thought of the phones, like two minutes before I went on stage,

the guy would come up and go, Joey, we're going to give him the light now. And as I was getting up, getting ready, you know, going, and they go, knock them dead and shit. I'm looking at the phone. Like the first two nights, I did great because I got mad

at the phones. You know what night I fucking destroyed that audience? And you know that I ate dick at that place. I was there 10 years at five shows. If I did

60 shows there, I can honestly look everybody in the face here and tell you I ate 44 back, 45 bags of dick. No. San Francisco, straight up. Straight up. I've been bombing the Cobbs. Since day one, I've been bombing a Cobbs. You understand me?

They just didn't dig me, and then I made them dig me. I learned how to fucking, so now when Rogan had shows up there, they'd add shows, I'd fucking come out attacking. I failed sometimes, but I experimented. But the night I literally destroyed. them was the night I actually looked at those guys and I'm like, what are you, a bunch of fucking fags? The fuck is wrong with you guys.

Matching fucking phones. It's 2009. You motherfucker's got matching phones around me. There was a computer one night that they didn't want to close and I broke it. nights I had the best sets of my life. I just want to clarify something. Were you just sitting in the green room and it was like silent or they were just talking about juditsu or something

and you just turn it going off about phones what's that you just randomly out of nowhere brought up the phones and turning going from like zero to a hundred they're doing jumping jacks they're talking about minerals whatever the fuck they're talking about and I'm sitting there

like I got to go up in eight minutes and these motherfuckers are talking about minerals and the things on their phones that their phones do and then they put their phones down and just looking at those four phones I would have fucking deep, deep anger. Like I would just think about, I don't know, I don't know why.

It just burnt me to fuck up that they had four matching phones. In fact, that was one of the things I told Eddie. Bravo, when I told him Rogan was in the CIA, that fucking, remember when they had the matching phones? Yeah, you're right. The lung feels great, cuck, sucker. But yeah, I just- that the night I actually

now there was a bunch of guys that could turn me into a pretzel in there they were laughing their fucking ass is all they were laughing their fucking ass I'm calling them fags look at you what's the next pink shoes you know what the fuck

and they're dying and laughter because they knew where it was coming from and then one day somebody actually got mad at me and when I got on stage Joe explained to them it's all enact. It's all an act. He's going to come back in that door and he's not even going to mention. He's going to give you a hug and tell you he's sorry that he was

fucking with you because he wanted to get fired up because he was going on stage. I will start anything with you just to get hot to go on stage at that time. And I still need it. I still want, I don't want nobody in there, but I do because they're going to irritate me. They're either going to bring hummus in there or olives. or they're going to bring their grandmother in there and I can't smoke dope. There's always something that has to irritate me

even though on any other day I would giggle at it because I got to get the Spanish blood boiling to dig into I want the people to hear what I'm really fucking talking about. Not the knock knock jokes I was writing. Right. That's great.

I'm going to fire it up. Now I got to get out of here and do like 10 more bonhits. How long we've been out here? I think it's time, Cox up. Yeah. Yeah, we, hey, listen, man. They are what they are.

We're just having a good time here. We ain't making, you know, promises. We ain't telling you no lies. Tell them, Lee. Drop some dollars on these bitches. Where are you at tonight? Tonight, I'm fucking staying here. I took a lot of those.

No, where you at this week? Oh, this week. I'm in, like I said, I'm in Wilbraham. I'm sorry, I don't know more. It's a barn. You know what I'm saying. talking about if you live there. It's a cool, it's like a real cool place.

And then next week, Wednesday, the 25th, and I'm off the rails in Worcester, 8 o'clock. Between you and I, there's bond. Yes. You want to make more money with Jewish Lightning? You want to make a statement? What are you doing? I don't think you can't have you talk about it on a podcast. It's a far. It's a bond.

All you got to do is fart on the fucking hay, and that place is going up. Oh, it doesn't have hay. It's a nice place. Oh, it's a nice place. All right. Yeah, thank God. I'm done doing shows, plays with hay. Like I said,

it's always very nice to talk to you during the weekend. You know, like I said, I'm not a full-time comic no more, but I always be a fucking comic. And I like doing this with you. I like talking a week when you hit me, you know, what should I do? Should I send them an email? No, send them a

fucking joint. Send them a picture of a fucking 21-year-old with bottle rockets and a fucking asshole. Then he might, I don't know when they're going to call you back, Lee. Right. You know what? If you don't submit that email, you're not creating anything. Because sometimes you might send me an email for some shit because, you know, somebody told you if you worked for the clubs.

And all of a sudden, you might not hear from me. But you might hear from somebody else with the better offer. And you're going to go, how the fuck that you hear about me? He goes, the guy you sent the email to, Joey Dears, he sent his package to me. So always send the package, always make the call. Let them tell you fucking know. Always be the aggressor

because in stand-up comedy, the first five years, if you're not the aggressor, not, I don't want you standing outside their house. I'm saying? I don't want you standing outside the house, telling them you want to rub their feet and paint their fucking house. Not at all. I just want you to tell him, introduce yourself, send them the package. Don't send them a bottle of wine. Don't be a suckass. Yes, if Lee tells you to call him, drop Lee's name. If I tell you, Lee, call him, drop his name. He told me to tell you to drop his name and he'll know who you are. If not, you take your chances. Your goal every week is to get on stage at this level. But your goal also is to make a notebook.

and write all the people you call. And you've got to make at least five calls a day. That's 25 calls a week from Monday to Friday. Some people are going to hang up on you. You're going to get a lot of voice message. You're going to get a lot of, you know, your call has been redirected to a voicemail that has not been set up yet

or whatever other excuse. But just that energy of you calling, that creates something. Trust me, I was the king of that motherfucker. I'm telling you this from experience. Because that's like, I think it would be like a great thing to talk about in your book is like, I don't, I never want to bother anybody. So like you, if you're making 25 calls a week, you're only calling one person one time a week, right? Like you're not calling someone every day. Listen, man, you're looking for work. You're always looking to meet new people. Reckoning all ideas and trying to get work from people you've worked for before. You have to balance that. I'm exaggerating at first because I want you to think that way

that every day you've got to make a call, Jack. Every day. Every day some guys are you going to go do an open mic tomorrow. Tomorrow night? Correct? Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah. When you go, some guys are going to come up to and go,

hey, man, you ever playing fucking whatever? No. Give this guy a call. I'll call him tonight and tell him you're fucking great. You just did 20 minutes and you crushed here. He loved to have you. It's 200 a hotel, and they give you a fucking red lobster dinner. You know, you're not looking to conquer the war.

You're just looking. So you never know what move you're making. But again, nothing happens on the fucking couch. So I'd rather go, that's why I said to you, even if that one night, I want you to go watch comedy. Going as a civilian, you're not looking for a guest set. You're not looking for none. You want to sit in the back like I did. The privilege I did that I had,

the none of the other comics had, that once I finished with my set early on, I went to the comedy store, smoked dope, and sat in the back. And I'd watch four or five comics in a row while I drank a water and a big fucking coat. Yeah, I did, I snorted coat later after my stuff. As I used to go up at one in the morning then.

But my real pleasure down there, and the real reason why I learned, was because I'd sit there, average of four nights a week for an hour. And I made myself watch live comedy, live comedy. So you could see everything. And I like what you do from time to time you go see a band. Every once in a while, I try to definitely do, like, a bunch of stuff. I always watch whenever I'm lucky enough to, like, open for somebody. I always stay in the room and watch their set. All right.

Well, listen. You keep doing what you're doing. You call me doing the week. I got shit to do on people to see, all right? Love you, buddy. I phone, put out the wall here. I love you. Have a good week.

And we'll talk in like fucking two hours. I love you, buddy. I'll talk to you soon. I love you, guys. All right. Stay black. And now for a word for my sponsor. It's over.

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