The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - Episode #9 - Joey Diaz went DEEP on the Lord's Day

Episode Date: October 31, 2023

Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt about making the decision to talk to his daughter about something very important, Joey's advice for staying calm when you eat a lot edibles and his addiction to comedy during his early days at The Comedy Store.   This show is supported by: Support the show and download the DraftKings Sportsbook app. Bet $5 on any game this week to score $200 instantly in bonus bets with code JOEY.   Support the show and get 10% off your order at https://www.thefreezepipe.com and use code DIAZ   Support the show & try Blue Chew for free when you pay $5 shipping. Head to https://www.bluechew.com & use code JOEY    

Right away, you want to open up with something ridiculous, you know. You want to turn the finger. Listen, we got on here. We got on graveyard. We're good. Are you calling someone? Hi, honey. Everything good?

All right. I'm going deep in the murky water, so. All right. Is it cold out there? Is it cold out there? Yes, it is indeed cold out here, but we did really, we're doing well. All right. And my bitch is there?

your main bitch Jay he's here all right send them my love bye bye that's it oh my gosh

that's TikTok I thought I was hallucinating because he said I'm putting it on an airplane mode and then a phone started ringing no no no I called my wife just before I put it on that plane mode

you know I'm a professional I figured it out I figured it out I know you did Every week you call me And half an hour earlier I have to take the edible Pretty soon it's gonna be nine in the morning

Taking the end You're like this week it was I had a rough morning So I had to come home and take an app Before the edible I got up I washed my muffler I made a protein shake And I threw three of them down

And I just threw another one down With a fucking schnapple iced tea That's it I haven't had dinner yet So it's perfect When I get out of here I have a little fucking something something, you know what I'm saying? That's the best

part. I love doing on an empty stomach. And then it's a great end. Like, I, do you time out at all? You probably don't. Like, you don't. Look at your face. You're really irritating me. You know what I'm saying? You're by the timeout. I think a timeout, believe it or not,

if I told you this, man, I can't eat these no more during the week. Wow. Because I know. I myself, like, destroying food. Like that's ripping and shit. Like in the morning, whether it's you know, fucking salad, a protein shake,

whether it's sometimes I eat those honeynut gerios. I kill that box. That little skinny fucking COVID box. They used to be big boxes. Then all of a sudden fucking COVID came and the box is fucking shrunk. And something that to me. Well, that's what I was talking about.

Like I time out my edibles to eat. Like I don't want it to hit after. You need to train. You're like a half a fag. I'm not a break. Like I take it in order to eat. There's no 60 milligrams in our world. We started 200 here. So get it together.

Listen, can you give me, like, can you give me the benefit of the doubt and tell these people when I took 60 the first time in like years is when I was driving back from a show? It was driving back. I don't want to drive an hour on 200. Where's he going? I got to get my snap. Walk away. What's

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Free! When you use promo code Joey at checkout. Just pay finals for shipping. That's Bluetooth.com promo code Joey to receive your first month free. Visit bluechew.com for more details. Lee, where you at? I don't know if you, they can put you on this planet,

just to give up. If Uncle Joey could do it, I can rule the world. I feel you've got to be thinking. Welcome back to show! Happy Tuesday, you savages Uncle Joey here with the fucking flying Jew Lee Syatt. I should even say that

because now they'll chase him in an airport. You know what I'm saying? Lee's going to start getting chased like fucking OJ. And the 7thansa Airports, that shit. I was talking to somebody. They said, did you see what happened to Russia? I don't know. Anyway, it's good to see everybody. What's up, Lee Lee, Leeland?

I'm doing really good. I hope I don't get fucking chased. How was doing my comedy list last week? Really fun. I did... My heart is starting to heal, but now it's dry, so I got to put cream in my fucking ear with a cute thing.

Now the whole day it feels like there's sperm in my fucking ear. It just goes, so I don't know what's what in it. I got like Donald Thugged in my left ear. Please, I got problems. 60 years old, everything starts falling apart. Who has a fucking yeast infected in their fucking ear?

You know what I'm saying? Why are you putting? Do you think it could be from putting your glasses in your ear? It could be a lot of things. Sometimes I put my pinky in my ass and put it in my ear. You know, something's going to fucking happen. A pumpkin, a fucking piece of caught, something. But anyway, I'm good.

But it was really, it was really good. I was really happy. I had a couple cool things happen, but it was at this one show I did, and I did the longest I've ever done. I did like 39 minutes, and that's... Oh, shit. Crazy for me, which is really cool.

And everything... What do you say? You didn't call CAA? I left the message. All right. Don't call you back. But it was really cool. Like a bunch of people came out from the podcast.

It was like quite like this one guy, he walked three miles, like from the call. He was at like Worcester State. and it was just really cool. I offered. He said he got an Uber. I offer. But it was just really cool.

They've had a bunch of like, not like terrible, terrible sense, but a bunch of like stuff I wasn't super happy with. And the whole, I did basically every joke that I do. And I was able to like flow. And it was a pretty, I thought I did pretty well. There was like 30 people there. It was pretty fucking cold. Something said you two last week.

Let's see. I need this number quickly. Five. This number should be a little number. You should have a little, you know, like geeks have that little pen thing where they put their pens in there. You have to have one in your shirt with how much money you got in the bank at that time and how many said you did last week. And what your goal is on sets for next week. You know, your bank is every hour on the hour.

I know you got money the dollars under the math. But you got all these investments. So a guy like you has got to be on top of everything. So every hour, you got to call the bank, Lysayat, dash 9991. Give me the account number. And Mrs. Sayat, he just called last hour. Listen, I'm calling every day on the hour, every fucking hour. However you want to figure it out, that's it.

That's it. There's a war, Saudi Arabia, gasoline, you know, things are happening and fucking, you know, everywhere. I'm really sorry about But you know what? I knew that dude shot him. I knew that dude and Mayan shot himself. I told my wife other people. They're looking for a fucking ghost. He

shot himself. He fucking he ate some mushrooms and went into the weeds and said, fuck it, it's over. Baboon. I'm done. Where are you going to go? You're going to go to Canada and deal with the Mounties? You know, I don't know who you are. Even Rambo got shot a few times. This guy

didn't look like Rambo. He had you know, the shit going on. But anyway, my heart goes out to the people in New Hampshire. Leave the fucking house because there's a lunatic in your fucking neighbor. It felt like us during COVID. That's what I kept thinking about.

This feels like me during COVID. I'm sitting here waiting for fucking some guy that jumped through my window with a Black Lives Matter hat on and a fucking ready to shoot me and shit at death. Anyway. You can tell you. No, thank you.

my God, I can't breathe. What's the problem? Everything. It's not the problem. It was funny. It was not good. It was not good last week. My heart goes out to that.

There was a time when you didn't watch shit like that. You don't pay attention to shit like that. But now, since it's everywhere, it's all over you, you got to fucking, you got to read a little bit and see what's going on. You know, I don't believe nobody anymore. You know, first they said he shot 40 people. Then it went down to 22. Then it went down to 18.

You know, and I know in the beginning the numbers aren't accurate, but my heart goes out there. That place don't deserve a fucking lunatic like that. No. They got those people. It's like when I was thinking about when I first went to Colorado. When I was 19, I met

fucking dudes out there that eventually they were going to shoot somebody. Like with an AR, there was a lot of Vietnam vets when I got to Aspen. And I really thought about it after I left. I really got tight with two of them. I got tight. with two Vietnam vets.

One in Basalt. What did he live? Yeah, he lived in Besalt, close to Aspen. And then when I moved to Boulder, I met a guy, and I was friends with him until the day I'd gotten that car and left. And he's like, how did they remind you of the mass shooter? Listen, you could tell that they were a little unstable.

You know, they had to go to the VA. They were on medication. Some of them had an age in orange. And they had issues. They were too young when they got shipped over there. and the Vietnam guys really saw some fucking wild shit. You know, I listened, I wasn't there. I was a young kid.

I was in Cuba. Yeah, I wasn't there. But, you know, I talked to this guy a lot. And none of those Vietnam dudes I never did cocaine with. Why? They smoked weed and they drank. You know, they didn't do coke like that and then. And they told me about what happened.

They would tell me little things, you know. You see a lot, man. That's traumatic. 18. I don't get how they train you. You know, the mind is the mind. You know, so. You know, it's interesting. You say it, though, because my, like, my mom is still, she watches the news, like, three times a day. And it was on right before we started. And the CBS News was doing a story about how, like, there's a statistic. They see a trend of people who do mass shootings. There's a trend of, like, a certain percentage of them have a military background. And they were, like, It was, I couldn't believe they had it on the news because that's going to piss off everybody. But then B, like, I can't imagine going through, like, being a soldier. I can't imagine what, like, I, every day, like, I, I'm amazed more people don't have, like, panic,

that's, and freak out. Like, it doesn't make, it doesn't surprise me that, like, people who go through that terrible shit have issues, that we don't do, like, anything about, which is crazy. You know, when you see something traumatic, right? When you walk in New York City and some guy on a bike gets hit by a car, you know, you giggle, you walk a little, please. You know, no helmet on, so it's not going to be a good fucking thing. You're not going to see that every day.

Unless you're in the city every day, your percentages are higher that one of these bike guys in the city gets hit by a truck or something, you know, it happens. but that's one day that I saw that let's say I saw his head blow up let's say I saw a building land on him or whatever that's one day and that could do a lot of damage to you

my heart goes out if you ever witnessed that in any level but to see it every day for a year or six months to live under that pressure you know and then to get out of it it's it's a big it's like you got a fucking air tank and it's filled and you're like

deflate it and you don't know where that balloon's going to land you know so that's a crazy way to describe I've never heard it describe like that but it's you know like I said I really was interested in those guys all three of those guys that I became friends with I really thought the world though one guy used to sleep at his house on Friday nights and I would hang out with him I'd smoked up with his wife we'd watch movies you know we talk about weapons he took me to shoot you know so it was always when I skied, when I first got up there, the guy who owned the Mason Company was also a Vietnam vet.

He was like a good looking, blonde-haired guy. You know, he was all right. He was a ski champion, like he had one-thend, you know, and he was back home. He was originally from the area. But he seemed normal. He was running a business. And, you know, hey, listen,

that's a good little percentage there, you know? It's great. So, yeah, I wanted to, speaking of news, Joe, could you pull up that clip? I saw something, and I wanted to get your reaction to it. Here we go. I know. Because we were talking about your rules. You're in, like, you're in my head with everything, but especially with food.

And I saw this guy. He is going to raise your blood pressure. In Los Angeles, if you order a bagel, you walk in. you say, hey, can I get a scoop, gluten-free bagel? The person behind the bars is, you're like, of course, we have these different options today for gluten-free. Of course, I can do that for you. In New York, I just walked in and asked for a stupid, gluten-free bagel. The guy just looks at me and goes, I'm not scooping your fucking bagel, bro.

It's like, dude, that's how I want it. It's like, get the fuck out of here with that shit. I'll say, all right. On to the next one, I guess. There's nothing more. So that's it. Do you know what a scooped bagel is? no fucking idea.

It's when they go in, like, you ask them to, like, scoop it. Yeah. There you go. My wife made pasta for lunch with, like, triple garlic in it. I've been fart and knocking myself out. I must have passed out three times this afternoon from the garlic.

Oh, Jesus Christ. You see what in my sleep at me a mask? It got in? Wow. It made an sleep having a mask? Yeah, I took a nap this afternoon. So when I woke up, I'm like, what the fuck is this garlic smell on this mask? I had a soaking listerine and brush my teeth and take a shower, get that garlic effect out of me.

But anyway, why are we talking about garlic here? What are you a vegetarian? What else is going on in a cucket? Some dude who ate a scoop and a bagel. Listen, man, what can I tell you? I don't know. I don't know these people. I don't know what they're talking about, a scoop and a bagel.

I'm an old man. I go get a bagel maybe once a week. Sometimes I put that hot jalapeno spread on it, a little turkey, a little Swiss cheese, or tomato. stop it. That's it. But you don't ask them to scoop the innards of the bagel out? No, no.

I never take the middle out. If anybody takes the middle out, I take it out of Italian bread, rip it out of there, and then put a stick of butter on that motherfucker and put it down like a little super ball with the butter in the middle, and I just pop that motherfucker.

That's how you eat bread, the guts. People used to tell me when I was a kid, I was going to get sick when I got older for meat and all the guts of the bread. but I don't give a fuck. This guy's not eating it. He's taking and throwing it away. I know. What are you going to do? These people are mooks.

Why do you bother me with these people? When I lived in Atlanta, you go in and say, let me got a gluten-free fucking bagel. Let me tell you something. I own a place in the Bronx, and you come in and ask me for a gluten-free bagel. Like, I'm at this age. I just got, like, a fucking torture chamber downstairs.

Why? Because I'm going to put everybody who fucked with me, I'll put them downstairs. like that Hannibal. What's that movie, The Silence of the Lambs? We used to tie up the chubby chicks in the basement and shit

and give them cream to rub on them and stuff. I put anybody who comes in with a goofy fucking, can I get goat's milk in the coffee? Sure. I got a goat downstairs. Let's go see it. You can milk it. Here, bring your kid too.

You fuck goat milk. That's what I thought. I can't stand fucking goat's milk. No, I had a. I had a good weekend. I did a bunch of, like, stuff with my girlfriend's kids. Like, we did the pumpkin maze shit and carved pumpkins. That's great.

Yeah. I've never liked, I like Halloween for, like, the candy. Like, I've never, like, I've never done, like, the adult Halloween party thing. Do you, I can't imagine. When was the last time you dressed up? Does Mercy make you dress up? Are you fucking crazy? I don't know.

party and there were three dads last night that looked like fucking jackawks. I just sat there going, what the fuck? Why do I do this to myself? I put on like a New York Cuban's shirt on. That was my Halloween costume. I wanted it as Ruben the swinging Cuban. All right?

It's for the imagination. That's it. But you look at that, you know me, I don't know. I have no sense of humor when it comes to that. I was never a big cut. Listen, on Halloween, you know what I did? I'm coming over. I don't know panties.

I don't want no Tutsi Rose. I want a dollar bill. We're going to have a fucking problem, right? Me and two of my buddies are coming on. We need dollars. I don't want no apples. I don't want no candy. You know, but that candy comes in handy,

except for one night when I eat like 1,200 milligrams, and I go upstairs and I bump into one of those candy bags. And I cast those baby roots and the fucking, Every night I destroy something different. I take all the baby roots out. Then the next week I take out all the fucking M&Ms. Then the next week I take all the Swedish fish. The Reese's pumpkins are the things that get me.

Those Reese's pumpkins are fucking dangerous. You know, but now over the years, it's slowed down. But when I have edibles, I can't control the sweets upstairs. My wife, we got a box of fucking chocolate from, you know, from Mercy's softball team to sell. these kids don't know how to sell dick okay at that age I was selling them stealing them back

we selling them fucking taking the insides out you know but these kids I even told they go we have to take those up to a restaurant and sell them she's like no dad what the fuck these kids have no idea how to fucking sell I'll get her I'll get her

trust me so what did you end up buying all the chocolate bars yeah my wife hit them upstairs but you know fine fucking uh you know I'm a fat fuck. Look at this bugle on my face. I could sniff out odors that you've never seen before. So I found them. And they had almond bars up there.

I was eating two of the shoppy. Ooh. Like three nights, I told my wife, you got to get those out of the fucking house. Enough is enough. You know, I'm down there fucking light myself on fire with the bomb. I come up. There's got to be something going on.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's, you know, you live in a dangerous area. Like, have we told them about chocolate bread yet? about who? I don't, I don't, I bought chocolate bread. The Royal Crown chocolate bread. Holy shit. And the last batch I got was the best batch I've ever had in my life.

I don't know what it was. I ate that whole thing in one sitting. I left the elbow. And I got up in the middle of night and destroyed the fucking elbow last time. I told her don't bring that shit over here no more. And she's not going to listen. Nah, I won't. Trust me.

I got to go. This is the season. I got to go clean now. This is the season. You fuck around now, it's January and you're fucking 60 pounds heavy. I will. You know where I live.

Yeah. And thank God. What do they bring over in your neighborhood? What's that? What do they bring over in your neighborhood now? What do you mean? What do they bring over? Like, because like, you know, in L.A., you got tamales.

Like, what are your friends bringing your house? Do you have people do that now still? Coquito. Coquito is a Puerto Rican nutmeg like a whatever the fuck that. What's that drink that people drink with rumming him? Eggnob. Oh, okay. Okay, right.

Koken up based little thing with rumming it, you get fucked up. And I got a bunch of Puerto Ricans at the Jitsu School. So there's two guys that sell it, $10 a bottle, and there's a Puerto Rican water that just makes it for me. And I drink like one bottle with ice cubes, you dope it up

with some Malibu or something like that. It does nothing to you, but at least you drink the fucking nutmeg, whatever the fuck it is. The eggnog. I like eggnog. I'm not an animal. The eggnog. I drink one six ounce glass every Christmas

and that's it. Why is that? Have you gotten fucked up on eggnog? That shit. Don't find you're dead and buried. You start drinking that. Listen, if you want to put weight on, if you're a fucking skeleton, you start drinking that shit every night and lifting weights, five sets of six.

Squat, deadlift, behind the neck, front of the necks, bench press, and bent over rows. That's it. Do those basic exercises and eat a steak, shrimp, you know, salads, apples, but at night blast off with a fucking eggnog. You see what happens to you. You get big, man. You get big.

I will fucking yoke you up like a motherfucker. Jesus. And you used to tell me to get chocolate milk after I'd do the kettlebell guy. Yeah. I want to like. Nope. Just a little something. Because they said that at the end of the work,

you know, people drink electrolytes, but then somebody was saying that milk ain't bad. So listen, I'm a fat fuck. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm just trying, like, I'm saying? I had a good month working out, though, this month. This is my best month. Yeah.

And this is my best month since like June. You know, July, I got a little fucked up with my back and the whole lung issue in August. September, I was halfway there. But I kept working out with weights, the whole time through, except for the week I went down to North Carolina, and then I came back, and I had to breathe. When I go to the gym, the first 10 minutes, I wanted to fucking shoot myself.

Why? Because I couldn't breathe. I'd do the bicycle for 25 minutes, you know, hit on the bicycle, and then I'd start stretching out, and then I'd start doing weights. The first 10 minutes were brutal, but I'd go, if I could push through these 10 minutes, I'll be fine. And I kept going, gone, going. Now I started going back to Jiu-Jitsu.

And that's changed me. That's made between this, Jiu-Jitsu steady. You know, I got a steady thing now. I'm good. I'm very happy and very good. I'm good. What's your schedule every week with it?

What do you mean? Like Monday, Jituttu Tuesday away. It's like, what do you, what does a normal week look like for you? Wednesday off and I stick to it. Wednesday I get lost. I go run my big errands. I got to go to Newark.

got to go to Union City, if I got to go to Cliffside of North Bergen, if I got to go to Fort Lee, that's what I do on Wednesdays. I get the fuck out of here so I don't go to the gym. I get tempted. Then Thursday, I'll lift this time, and then Friday I go to Jiu-Tit-to to switch it around. And that's it. I burn a certain amount of calories of jih Tzu on Monday, and then Friday, I do whatever the fuck needs to be done. I just stay there until I get sore. Because if If I go all out on Monday, I won't make it back until like fucking Sunday. And I can't have that. I have to be more consistent.

So, hey, man. I'm doing the best I can, brother. Because you have to maintain some type of schedule somewhere or you lose your fucking mind. You know, you got to maintain some schedule somewhere. And for a long time, people would call me for something and they go, all right, we have to do that 1230. And I go, fuck, I can't go to Jiu-Jitsu now. So I stop that.

You know, whatever you could do at 1230, you can do it 2.30. I'll be home by 1.30. I'll wash my monkey, get a fucking protein shake. And I go wherever you need to meet. But 1230 is out of the question. I don't do that many lunches no more. I stop that shit. So it's good.

I'm in a good fucking spot. And something else happened in my house this week. This has been going down. This has been going down for about two years. You know, but it really came to. life when we moved to this house because I would keep my bong under

the bar and I go grinder under the bar I was hidden but the weed is very pungent yes it is every time people would come down you could smell it sometimes my wife goes you could smell it in the fucking hallway

when you walk in about three weeks ago I took the bong and I steamed and cleaned it with the steamer hot water, I boiled it. My wife said, are you smoking pot in the house? The whole house smells. Because the bond was fucking deep in THC and I steamed that motherfucker.

So a couple days ago, I'm talking to my wife maybe two weeks ago. She says to me, Joey, you know the cops were at school and they talked to Mercy about marijuana. Wait, wait, specifically Mercy or just her class? No, no, the whole class. You know, it was like the DARE program, a certain cop. Listen, you got to have that.

I had that growing up. Not that it made a difference. Let's be honest. Not that it made a difference. I'm not proud of that, but that's the way it worked out. And I told her, you know, and then she came back and I said, so I heard they talk to you at at school about drugs today. And she's like, yeah, dad, marijuana.

And then she just started rattling off. Like, she absorbed the whole conversation. and she was talking about how this, THC, you know, like little things. It does this to you, Dad, it does this to you. I go, okay, about a week later, I come in and I go, she goes, Dad, are we going to go eat something? And I go, absolutely. And I go, go change your hair and get a jacket. And I'll wash my hands and leave.

Well, I went outside to sneak a bung hit. And I was sitting there with the bomb. my fucking hand and she comes with dad i'm ready she saw the fucking bomb guys she saw the fuck so i hit the bomb i went in i washed my hands and i may believe it didn't happen we had a great time anyway i didn't bring it up but the whole night i felt weird and i felt like you know i got to come clean with her at some point i got to come clean with her about 20 things i just had a wait for her to understand, you know. She's still too young for a lot of things.

So she saw the bong and we pussyfooted around. And then one night she comes into the office when I moved it. And my grinder was on the table when the lid had fallen off. And she looked at it and loosed. So now I got to say something to her. So I didn't say nothing to my wife. I waited a couple days and she came downstairs to do something. And I called her over and I go,

pull up a chair. I got to tell you a fucking story. Who shot that? And and and you know I go listen when I was

13 I was raised this particular way I knew what drugs were and I knew the evils of them but one day Mercy I just couldn't take it and I didn't like alcohol and my friends were smoking pot and it made me feel terrible

I took that fucking joint. I took a hit off it. And I go, my world changed, Merce. I go, I didn't have anxiety no more. But I was very ashamed of it for two or three years. For two or three years, I was very ashamed to smoking pot. I did it with certain people. I put cologne on.

I gargled with fucking listerine, a little bottle, Benaka. You know, I did the whole thing. And then my mother died. I didn't give a fuck anymore. Everybody smokes pot. You know, it wasn't a big fucking. deal. So I told her the truth. I said, you know, I started smoking, blah, blah, blah, and then

I came a couple years ago. I did this and I joined with a company. And that's what laughing gas is. Also, she sees laughing gas and she sees the joint tubes. And she's not stupid. She's not stupid. You know, she doesn't know what's in there, but she never really asked. Now, when I was growing up, I lived in that same predicament. I know they were doing something. And then I found that what people were doing. And then when people would talk about it in front of me, I had to make believe, like, I didn't know what they were talking about. But in fact, I knew more about drugs than they were talking about.

But I wasn't allowed to say nothing. And that always created like this conflict with me, like this inner fucking conflict, you know. Because you, like, you had a conflict because you knew it and like you, like, you didn't tell your mom, like, what was a conflict? The conflict was I saw people at my mother's bar doing Coke. I didn't have the heart to tell other kids. It was 1975. I was fucking 12.

You know, I would see them put the Coke rocks. And then I would wake up in the middle of the night and they'd be in my living room putting Coke trucks in their nose with the aluminum four wide open. I would go into the living room and talk to them, but I would make believe I didn't look at the aluminum four. At one point, they stopped putting it away. And at one point, you know, it was just an uncomfortable position.

but I knew how to... It was... It fucked with me a little bit as a child. That, you know what I'm saying? Like, I knew something that nobody else had a secret about. That here's my living room. I'm waking up in the fucking seventh grade and my mom is cooking

and there's fucking... My stepfather's watching TV and there's three gorillas drinking, fucking snort and coke in my living room. Listen to Cuban music. Something ain't right here, you know? But it was very hard to come clean with people at that age and go,

what are you talking about? I just left fucking three junkies in my living room. Right. And it's like, your living room now couldn't be more different. Like,

Mercy doesn't have that at all. No. So this house is peaceful. There's nobody's showing up here, stabbed in the middle of the night, and I got to, you know, clean his hands with gasoline because he shot somebody.

And, you know, my life isn't even close to that. This is a fuck, and we watch venom at night, you know, the cringe, whatever the fuck it is, you know. I don't want that in my house,

especially for her. So I fucking told her. I told her what laughing gas was. I explained to her that I made a living, that it was medical marijuana. And it helped people that we donate to a couple fucking PTSD places, you know. And I just didn't want her to live with that.

I told her, don't say nothing to your mom. And I asked her mom today if she said something to her. She goes, no, he hasn't mentioned it to me. So, we're straight. I feel a lot fucking better now. And next I got to drop another

bomb on her and then I'm going to have to drop another bomb on it because she understands but she really doesn't. Do you think I'd be talking to you about this 20 fucking years ago? No. What am I doing here? But I just want to let me talk that it was a tough decision for me.

It was really fucking tough. I pulled it off and I feel better for doing it. I'm not lying to her. well I think a lot of people I have a I'm not a parent but I think a lot I hear a lot of parents talking about like when you make that decision to like tell someone about that

and like I think like the medicine thing is it like was it just the fact that she saw were you just going to wait for her to see it like what was it what made you make that decision I was going to tell her eventually she was going to smell it she's not dumb all right let me tell you a quick one So there's a little boy that comes over here.

I love him with all my heart. He comes over to watch football. He comes over, sits here. I give him a yoooo. We watch the game. Then he goes home. His little sister comes over also. One dad passed the joint to the mom,

and she left it in her car. And the next day the kid came in the car, and he goes, Ma, it smells like Joey's house in here. And she told me, she goes, you're going to clean up your house. So this is part of the reason to get rid of the bar. the children area now is completely fucking clean I got the bongs outside

I got them locked up so whatever bong I want to use I go over that I broke out a new one from freeze pipe like one thing a while ago I also fucking raffled off two of them at the book signing in brick New Jersey if you attended it was a fucking great event everybody was cool as shit my nieces came my dear childhood friends came

Frankie Edgar showed up. I had him a call. Maybe you can jump on his podcast pretty soon. And it was just a nice night. You know, too bad I can't do. Like, I'm having a hard time getting them. When you call these places, they fucking talk to you like Jimmy Bombing. So I'm done, you know, unless they come up with a new bond.

And Noble in the area. I've called all of them. 9-14. I've called all of them. You know, Manhattan. People like come to the city. But there's another place in the city. And they said they were going to get me in there.

And so, you know, I can't fight with people no more. I'm at an age now. I don't want to yell at agents, any of that shit. I just want to fucking do the podcast, work out, eat good, and be a fucking dead. And smoke refa. I got fucked up this weekend, too. Oh, you did? Oh.

You know, I'm cool during the week. I'm very cool during the week. but you know what on Friday it's Miller time so I opened up your three gram cookie from fucking sillies

I think I had an old raisin bam ate that and then midway somewhere else I popped another half a bar Lordy I was on fucking fire you understand me Friday night I was seeing shit I was hearing shit

and then Saturday I cooled it down a little bit because I knew Sunday was going to be a big day. And then Sunday, I actually shot a video for them, for Sillies. And as I was shooting it, I was eating it. Oh, damn.

They're shooting the video, I realized I ate a bar. You didn't think about you didn't think about eating like a fake bar for the like that. You know me, dog. There's no fakes in my fucking world. I can't be selling people fake. You got to do what you got to do.

You got to fucking take one for the team. How are you going to I'm going to sell something if you're not fucking inhaling this goddamn thing. You know what I'm saying? So I went deep into the murky waters. By the time the fucking jets came on, I was like fucking, you know, that's the only game that was on over here.

I don't have the NFL package and I was too high to drive to Jimmy's. I was to watch the fucking game. I was out of it. I was out of it. And I watched that Jet Giant game and I went into a fucking coma. The only thing that was keeping me alive was

I put a small fucking 25 on Dallas and they were blowing out the fucking, Rams at home. That's the only bet I put in. That's it. I fucking went deep on the Lord's Day. So when I went into a little nap, a little fucking mushroom, whatever you call, like a... Coma? A trance. Oh, trance.

And I came out, and my wife said, we've got to go to a Halloween party. What do you think I did? I fucking ate another half a bar. And I went to the Halloween party and I was on fucking fire. I got home at 7.30 last night on fire. I watched two episodes of the killing. I watched something else. I didn't even eat nothing. The fucking mushrooms were burning a hole in my fucking heart.

I loved them. For you motherfuckers, remember always, some of the best shit. Sillies. Go to Fung Factory Farms on Instagram. Use my code, Uncle Joey Savage, Capitals. All right, whatever.

What do you call them? Uppercase. I forget. Tell them on the attention. I actually had that you are, I had that written down. What do you, because I took the edible early

and I started getting a little bit of like paranoia. I started getting nervous for some reason. And I was saying like, because you talk about like being, like you like being nervous and when you're, like, what's your advice to someone to like calm it down? Like how do you like go like keep from losing it? Go in the back and throw cold water in your face.

That's it? And if you really panic, get an ice bag and put it on your neck. And if it really goes sour, take that same ice bag and put it between your legs on your balls. If that won't time you're down, then jump off the building because it ain't going to get no better. That ice bag to the balls might set shit off also. It might hit some of the rod in this areas and make you go fucking crazy. And next thing you know, you're fucking a mule down the road. I'm saying, I don't know.

What are you asking me these stupid questions for? I don't know. the first thing I do when I got into a jam that time at the San Jose Impra Right It was a second sandwich That slows it down If you eat a lot of edibles and CBD

CBD CBD helps You know if you're fucking out on an edible And it's really taking you down And your heart's beating And on your fucking whoop watch It's like fucking 128 I can't have you call on the hospital

Like a half of fucking fruit cake I can't have you doing shit So what you do is you put some CBD under your tongue. Just basic CBD. All CBD for it to work has to have a little bit of THC. There's not going to be enough in there to put you over a fucking, excuse me, put you over, I just have one of those THC burps from the capsules when they're fresh. I love that.

I love that shit. That means it blew up in your chest, tremendous. It's probably going into my fucking lung right now. Barking it, Lee. You know what I'm saying? Walk up it. What time is it here? Who the fuck knows?

Anyway. So, yeah, that's my story and stuff. But you're slipping lately. You're not in training. Well, I am too and try. I'm over here, fucking pulling up the fort, eating silly three days in a row. Tomorrow I got to get up early,

go to the gym, and then from there, I'm going to the red light therapy to sweat all this malucia juice out. I'm going to throw all the small 20 to fucking raise it up to about 35, 40 minutes. I'm going to sit in there. When I get out of there, My balls are going to be...

When I go into the fucking red light therapy, at one point, like at the 28-minute mark, I just always cut my balls, and it's like jellies coming out of it. It feels like wobber. It's like this thick pace, so I don't know. What do you do with it? I drink it.

What do I do? And I put the towel on top of it. What do you think I put in the container with fucking collagen and drink it like some fucking moot d'all? I don't know what you do with it. He says you go every week and you check for it. Yeah, what you do is you go in there and you're pissing a cup when you're in there,

so you don't have to leave, and then you drink that in the red light therapy. Wait, a small 25 if you do it, you know what I'm saying? You're peeing a cup at the red light therapy? It's a joke, Lee. It's a fuck. When was the last time I've peed in the cup? And now, word from our sponsors. Hey, the chicken is here.

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All right. I love you. Stay black. Back to the show. We're back, savages. I got to fix my eyeballs. They're not straight tonight. It's like I got punched in the head A couple years ago

I had a comic who got hit, beat up at a club And when I saw him, his head was jaded The guy decked him, probably the skull went this way He's all fucked up now What are you gonna do? Anyway, what's going on with you, Lee? What are you going on? That's the most important thing.

What's going on in your world of comedy? I told you about my world. I got nothing going on. I'm good, man. I have a show on Friday. I'm hosting. I have the next two weeks I'm hosting at least once a week

and the show's in Turner Falls, Massachusetts at a brewery. It's going to be on fun. During the week is open mics. You got to remember. Well, Halloween is canceling? Huh? I'm sorry, go ahead.

No, you got to remember, Lee. I love you to death. You're doing four to five sets a week during the week. That's big. Don't ever trip on yourself if you don't have Friday and Saturday work. In time, you'll start getting guest sets.

in time. When people come to town, they're going to go, call Lee. I just saw him in Milwaukee. Let them come down here and do that. And you just go down there. You don't expect them to know money. You go down there, you work your magic. You work behind a different host.

Maybe the guy's a fucking balloon act. You learn how to follow a fucking balloon act. I don't know. But that's how you really get in the mix. But right now, you're doing the best thing in the world. Four to five sets a week that puts you at 20 for the month if you do that. And you take the weekends off and play the violin. I don't give a fuck.

I'm trying I'll have to look back and see what I'm averaging but I'm trying I'm trying to do as much as I can so it's pretty You go up for 300 a year at this level At least

You go for 25 spots a month right now You've been doing comedy for three or four years Right now you're going now All of those paid If you have 25 in a month If you start getting five That's your goal And for two months

months in a row, you get seven. Then the next month you go up to eight and a half. Some guy gives you a steak for dinner if you do the open mic. You know, it's just lean it and it goes on and so forth. And next thing you know, you go from doing three spots a week at open mics to four or five to doing three and four at a club. Now you're doing seven spots and four of them in front of a real audience. And you build until the final goal is to be on stage every night in Los Angeles. So when you get 10 years from now or 8 years from now, fucking the world is yours. You've already gone through this basic training.

And that's like, it's crazy to think about, but that's like it's honestly all I think about. And it's, um, it's hard. I was kind of down on myself, honestly, for like the last week or so. I felt I was like very upset. because, like, there's been a trend of if I'm in front of, like, a Booker or someone like that, I don't usually do as well as I normally do. No, because you get nervous.

So I rather you take yourself away from the Booker. Go in there, but you're just telling me jokes in the Green Room like you used to. Take your mind there. It's funny. When the book came out, I read it immediately, even though I did the audio on it. Right. And then last week, my wife, wanted me to sign it. Somebody.

One of our neighbors, you sign it. And I picked it up to sign it, and it opened up to like a chapter, and it was stand-up comedy. You know, and it was that time, you know, I forget now because I ate those fucking edibles. But it was pretty inspiring to me. I read like five or six pages, and I got the tingles. Because I knew how special that time was. Now, at that time, I was making $9,000. a year. Fine. But that's how special

that time was to me. There was so much action going on. I was part of a community of comics. I was part of a club in Seattle. I was hanging with Josh Wolf. I was living with Josh Wolf. It was, you know, even though I was starving to make ends meet,

it was a time that you can't replace. It was a perfect launching for me to go to L.A. And it talks a lot about Doug Stanhope helping me out. out on the store for me and, you know, it just brought me back. And next thing you know, I'm doing five nights a week at the fucking store leave. And I'm dying, four out of the five.

I'm dying Saturday in the main room. I'm dying Thursday in the original room. Wednesday, I'm doing, I, you know, I. And then I have two nights where I get lucky and I have good sets. You know, it's it's just, it's a rotation.

Don't get down on yourself. even though you are, I did. You know, I did. You're going to, but the thing about comedy, the thing about it teaches you to break down is comedy is a day-to-day war. It's like those kids that went to Vietnam, you're going to Vietnam for 10 years. And your war is to get better.

And it's day-to-day. You know, I was a junkie, so I know what it's like to get up in the morning, drink whatever's there, and already think about how am I got to get $25 bucks today? to fucking score a bag. But now you have to take that and put it to comedy.

So I would wake up in the morning and that's the first thing. I would call everybody. What's going on tonight? Because you don't know. Some guy would say, I got a fraternity in Fort Collins. Do you mind if I give you a ride

and do 10 minutes? No. That was part of the addiction. It was addiction. That I had to have something by 12 or I was just fucking hijacking a show. I was going to an open mic, a poetry reading. I was going to, you know, whatever provided eight minutes.

I was fucking hooked. The same way I was on Blow. You know, we were having a conversation there on the phone about how it gets to a point where you don't want to be anywhere else but doing comedy. Right. And that's a very hard thing to tell people, especially when you have a relationship. And they look at you and go, what did you just say? And you're like, listen, you got a nice house.

you know, your pussy smells like flowers, but I'd much rather be in a dingy bar in the back with a bunch of guys that are looking for a fucking dream. It's a pretty interesting concept when you think about it. And everybody in that room has their own little dream, whether you agree with them or not. Right.

Because the guys who don't even have a dream. They just show up every fucking Tuesday. And here you are worrying about all. stuff. Just show up. Any comment, just show fucking up. Keep showing up. You were talking about being part of a community. And so I was thinking about something today and it's something that I don't do well enough and I don't spend enough time just hanging out after. And I see that it's something that like I think is important. Like how much would you hang out in those days? Every night. every night. When I was doing

open mics in the city, it was tough. Nobody wants you creeping around like a spider. You just fucking died on my died, you know. God, the piano player was here to save the fucking walls from collapsing. You know, they don't want you hanging out. So you, if you, like you did,

you get one of your comedy buddies who bombed with you, you go get a slice of pizza, and you try to meet up tomorrow, write a joke, maybe take an acting class, maybe go to a free, write, comedy workshop at NYU, you know, there's so many things. We were talking about comedy work. Comedy work is not just fucking getting on stage, guys.

Not just getting on stage the first five years. You're doing everything. In the next couple of years, you're going to bump into people. Everybody's a fucking, I'm a producer. No, you're not. You're a Muklevard, okay? You know who's a producer? This guy, because he's done comedy.

He's ate his shit. He figured out he's not a good comedian. but he's a good promoter. He knows where he stands. And, you know, it's a beautiful fucking thing, man. I'm so happy for you, Lee, in so many ways. It makes me, you know, I see the fucking beauty. I remember some of the beauty.

Not that I ever want to fucking do it again. But it was a very, very fun. I appreciate when you call me at night. I went to an open mic. There was a guy in the back that was, yelling. Two weeks ago, you went to when there was a tranny on stage. You know, there's always something going

on, and that's the world that went open mic. It also tries to test your will for you to go, why am I done? This guy's missing a leg. I got a guy up there with a I got another guy playing the bongos talking about he hates Jamaicans. You know, but that's

what builds up. So when you get to a higher level, nothing could fucking phase you. That's definitely true. You can light yourself on fire. If I'm killing, you're going to die before I, you know, until you burned to death or you laughed at that. I don't fucking know. But it's such a, you know, I don't watch that much stand up anymore. No. No, it's kind of weird, but it's, it's great to see, like, Ari, like I talk to Ari a lot. You know, that's my,

dog. I talked to our other buddy sickler, Simone. We always talk about comedy, you know? And it's like, I feel good now because I can talk to you people. I'm like semi-retired, but I can consult.

And you guys know I won't take you down a dark past because I've done it all. So I know what I'm pretty much talking about or at least I'm pretty fucking close when it comes to stand-up. You know, we weren't one of Hollywood's pretty boys. We just didn't walk up

there and people love me right away. I had to work for every inch. And that's why it tastes so much better today, cock sucker. So, I got to tell you this, Lee, you're going to love it. Okay. So Saturday, I had to go to shop, right?

My wife wanted me to get like Entemines breakfast stuff, like maybe a Danish. They were going to go to church or something like that. So you know about that shit. Go down there. I walked in. I went to the wrong area. Like I did last time she didn't tell me until I got home that enthrmann's got two places at shop,

right? So I only went to the one place. I got to be honest. I was kind of high when I went in there. And I don't know. I looked at the Entemans donuts and she liked that. She wanted a fucking cake to bring to church where they all sit around and cut the cake. Not that she said, I'm just going to leave, but you got to show up with something.

Right. So I went down there. and I didn't find it. I called her up and she goes, just come home, I'll go over there. So as I'm walking out, some kid goes, Uncle Joey, Uncle Joey. And I go, yeah, what's up?

He goes, can I take a picture? Come on, walk me to the car. You know, I give him a fucking number. When I get him the number, I can see he's a little stunned. He takes the picture, and I got the whistle in my pocket. Right? So he thinks the picture, he goes, Uncle Joey, I got to talk to you about something.

I grew up on the church. I listened to it in high school. He goes, I got to ask you something. I'm 24, but there's a girl that wants to date me, and she's 42. She's fucking hot, but I don't know. I'm kind of scared. I go, what are you scared? And she goes, well, I've always dated, you know, girls my age.

I don't know what to do. What would you do? I'm embarrassed to ask my dad. I go, listen, bro, 42, and she divorced? He goes, yeah, the kid's like fucking 10, but she goes away to the fathers on the weekend. and she wants me to hook up with her. I go, have you shown up yet?

He goes, no, I'm kind of scared. I don't know what direction. I go, listen. I go, what nationalities is he? I go, she's Italian and she's hot. I go, listen, you go over there and you grab those diabetic ankles. You flip her on her back. You rip those panties off.

You get that patty liner and you sniff the drippings. Oh, you don't know, fuck. You never sniffed the drippings? No. I've never picked up a panty liner. You sniff the drippings, then you blow your nose in it, and you fucking throw it up in the air and say, whippy, and then you eat that monkey, they go fucking bananas.

They don't know what they do. He just looked at me, and I blew the whistle at him. He just walked away fucking mummified. Poor bastard never heard language like that in his life. He'd never heard of a panty liner. Yeah, he just looked at me. I go rip that fucking panty liner out of there. And you just sniff the drippings.

And then you dig into that monkey like a man out of prison. You understand me? He just looked at it. What was he? Did you ever hook up with someone like that, 10 years old than you? When I was 19, 18, I had a 28-year-old girlfriend. But she didn't have a panty landing. She didn't even have panties.

Jesus. He wore panties like once in a while. How did you meet her? She was cut in my hair. To be honest, she was my neighbor. I just moved to Colorado and her and her sister live next door, and they'd always come over and hang with us and cook and share food. I remember that girl.

Yeah, I was young and stupid, so I would go over there and try to hit on her. And one day, I just asked her the truth, and she goes, when you move out, we can hook up because I don't want to sleep with my name. I go, bang, don't worry. I wasn't that fucking apartment in two hours. I was already in front of a house with a fucking tuxedo on a dozen roses. And she came back to my house with fucking Brie cheese and an apple. I had never eaten Brie cheese before and crackers and shit.

And she had a kid. She wanted to sit in the middle. And I'm like, listen, I'm 18 years old. I just want to eat your fucking, I just want to get to tune you up. And she's like, no, you got to eat some apples and break. And we laid out there for like four fucking hours. And I'm a kid. I'm like, I just want to do what I got to do.

I don't want to lay out of here and talk about fucking, you know, be impossible. I can't imagine you do it. What would you tell your 18-year-old self now? If he was telling you that that you ate brie and apples. You wouldn't eat braying apples now. I love brie cheese now. Really?

Anytime I go, like, I don't buy it for the house, but if I go to an event and they got a circle of brie cheese, that motherfucker's going to go. I eat half of it, and I wrap the rest up and put it in my pocket. I like that brie cheese. I eat one piece on an apple.

just to feel like a fucking boy scott. But that shit goes on a piece of cracker or a nice piece of Italian bread that's crispy, a little brie cheese, a piece of prosuit in that motherfucker. There's a place around here that makes a turkey sandwich with brie cheese. Damn.

And it's pretty soft of it. I only had it one time, but it's part of a sandwich. It comes a certain way, like with mustard and stuff, my friend gave me half of one of the girls' softball games. You know what I'm saying?

Nice. Have you ever done that? Have you ever taken food from like a buffet or something. I've always wanted to. Yeah. When I was a kid, you know, when you're 16, we used to go to the Mike High and try to put a bunch of shrimp in a napkin

and put it in your sleeve and your jacket. And then hopefully you make it out of them. Not the napkin falls or the shrimp falls for a business. He's walking straight. Something happened once at one of those restaurants when my friend dropped a napkin with something in their wings or

did it land? right in the middle and everybody looked at it. Yeah. This is 40 years ago. I mean, it's not like people who remember in the restaurant, that chubby kid? No, they don't remember this shit. But I remember we were young, and we went somewhere and one of my buddies tried to be cute.

And you get, you know, the Chinese napkins, they're big. And they're like, if you put them, who's clipping them, and then he put them all in there before we left, so the grease wouldn't go through it. Damn. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

So, did you guys get kicked out or something? No, we just walked out. It wasn't me, dog. I'm not into stealing fucking Newark fucking shrimp. I'm not going to go to jail for fucking shrimp with the black still in the back. You know, it's that shrimp that you dip.

Yeah. In the fucking 80s, when you gave away shrimp, everybody came out. You know, everybody tried to get over on shrimp. I still remember people going to me, bro, I go there just to eat the shrimp. And I look at them like, you know, I get it. Now I just go to a buffet and get the goodies.

But back then, just go to a buffet. get the shrimp and they didn't give a fuck where it came from. That shit will kill you at one of these happy hours. You got to be careful where you're eating that shrimp from. They keep saying they have it in Vegas like cheap shrimp cocktails. I've never seen it. Like I've never seen like a 99 cent shrimp cocktail. They got them.

They got everything in Vegas. But it's not the shrimp I almost died on when I went to that restaurant with you, that big fucking prawn. It's going to be one of those leftover Katrina's shrimp that's going to the warehouse since the fucking storm. And they just busted it out. because it snuck through FDA approval, whatever the fuck it is,

the fish people let it pass. And listen, what, you know, I mean, if I give you a 99 cents, what am I attracting? I'm taking a loser deal. So I got to give you a shrimp that's three or four days old. I go to Vegas.

I see a 99 cent steak and eggs. You got to ask yourself, what kind of meat is that? Is this a price leader? Am I going to go in there and buy this? and do they want me to buy green chili? Like when we go to Sam's, you buy the two eggs,

and if you pay an extra 50 cents, they throw the green chili in. And, you know, so I've always been a suspect of that, of that mafia meat, that it's cheap. And what I heard they did, because I heard that this is what I read 30 years ago, guys.

I read this when I lived in Boulder. Paul Costellano was a butcher. Okay. Okay. And when he became boss for the Gambino, or a little before that, he devised a scam where the meat that gets old on a, when you go to, when you go to, I don't want to name a supermarket because, you know, when you go to a market and at 930 and it closes a 10 and they have like, you go to the steak section, they have like

three stakes that have been there all day and you look at the expiration and they went out there since yesterday, Paul Costalano wouldn't just draw that away. He'd take that meat and he'd dip it in a chemical. There was a chemical that they had, and it made the meat look fresh again, and they'd take that meat to Vegas. And that's the 99th state. And then they'd said, it goes, the chemical

would get you a little sick, like a little bit of diarrhea. Like, you'd wake up in the middle of night, and you fart and a little bit of diarrhea, but not enough to make you go crazy. You wouldn't fuck their shit blood for $8.00. So. I had that happen

before, like, right, like, two years ago. I went to one of those all you can, like exclusive or whatever, all inclusive resorts in Mexico and it was probably, we left early. It was that bad. Sure you did. The steak was, we couldn't eat one bite of it.

I remember being maybe, I don't know, a young comic and going, and dog, you starve as a comic. So when you go to these casinos the first time and you're a feature, they give you like an employee card. That means you're eating the employee food. That's a, piece of chicken with a bite taken out of it.

Let's go off the buffet, bid it and put it back. No, I'm teasing you. But, you know, listen, man, when you're broke and you're getting $600 for the week and you have to pay for your plane ticket out of that, well, you pretty much eat what they give you. You know, you go to

do a one-nighter in a bar. They're paying your $500 and do some fucking bar. You think they got steaks in there? They got onion rings on a fucking typical burger. You know, and what are you going to eat? You got $4 in your pocket and they're going to pay you with a check. What are you going to eat?

What they give you? Are you going to eat a fucking salmon at a bar with a, the bartenders got herpes on the neck? No, I don't think so. You know, you're not going to get a fucking salmon dinner there. But you look around and you see where you're at and you got to watch it. Can you imagine doing a gig and getting paid and you eat at some fucking joint and you get stomach sick?

I've worked with a couple of comics that happened to in 30 years, maybe two times it happened. I worked at a comic one time when I was an open micer. I was in the crossover. During his show, he kept saying can the host come up here? I got to give you...

No, I was the feature. This was one of the Bill Bauer gigs. I know his face, but I don't remember his name. And he fucking went to the back and the puke. He had eaten something at the fucking bar. And now he couldn't show. So me and the fucking host I'd have finished the show. I mean, he got his money. I didn't give a fuck. I got more state time, more time to bomb. So it all worked out.

Have that, I remember specifically, I forget when it was. It was years ago that you did the improv one night in Hollywood and you were like really sick. Like you had a cold and we were standing out in the rain. I was like, Jesus Christ. Like, have you ever like been traveling and gotten like sick enough to not do a show or do you just power through it? You power through it. If you're on the road, what are you going to call the club owner and go, you get up that morning, you're all by yourself, you got no car, you got to take a cad to like a CVS, you got a bitherap flu, Vix vapor rub, whatever they got at the hotel. You're going to be at a hotel that the people don't speak English. When you go downstairs and ask you for aspirin, they're going to give you a fucking bacon soda thinking you're making crack.

So, you know, you just got to work. I had a horrible experience in 2015. I woke up with vertigo in Chicago. Oh, shit. And I had two shows on a Saturday night. And I'll never forget, getting up in the middle of night to pee and just falling on the floor and the room. And the whole day, I had to sit in the fucking bed.

Thank God the hotel had room service. I had to crawl to get the fucking room service. I don't know if I knew that. Yeah, and I did two shows with my head twisted while the whole room was just going, bang, bang, bang, bang. and the next morning I was a little better when I got on the plane and then I got home

and I had to get my ears checked out and I had something going out with my ear. And I had a, remember for a while I had to wear something? No, I remember you had vertigo, but I don't remember you crawling on the floor to get room service. Anyway, because you weren't there.

How would you know? I don't know, you told me a lot of shit about yourself. Sure, but who the fuck was there? There was nobody else there. There was somebody there. You'd think I'd be crawling to fucking get the fucking No, I know I wasn't in the room, but, you know, fuck. I fucking stuff my dough, I tell you about it.

So where are you performing at this week, my brother? It's a place in Western Massachusetts, it's a brewery called, sorry. Next week I'm at Silver Tome Bar and Grill in Boston and Brick and Feather Brewing in Turner Falls, Mass. And this is Friday and Saturday? Friday this week, Saturday next week. Okay.

Well, I'm really proud of you, man. Had a good time with you tonight, even though we're both fucking pretty high. But we got to get higher. We got to blow it out of the fucking water here, you know what I'm saying? Let's do it. I love doing this, buddy. It's always good to see you. Me too.

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