The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - Giving yourself a shot: The return of Dean Delray

Episode Date: April 8, 2025

Comedian Dean Delray joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt on this new episode of The Church of What's Happening Now. They discuss The Comedy Store's legacy and what it takes to perform there, why The Sphere is the only place to see a concert, and Dean's new special, "5836." Available on Dean's Patreon and on Youtube 4/17! Support the show and get 35% off your first 3 NYKD order. Head to ⁠https://www.nykdpouches.com/CHURCH⁠

What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? Uncle Joey here and Lee Syatt. Welcome to the church, New Testament. What's up, you savages? Uncle Joey here. It's Tuesday, the 8th of April. The year is moving fast, cock suckers. What's up, Lisa Ayat?

I'm good, dude. Happy to see you. Happy to see you. You're looking good. You had good news last week. Yeah, dude. It's like getting into the clubs in New York, it's like my first experience trying to get passed at places.

and it's been a little bit of a grind, like a lot of a grind, but I got a good news from Broadway comedy club, so I'm excited I'll be there a lot this month. And I'm just, I'm a broken record here, but I just love being in New York doing a stand-up in New York. I'm having a blast. Good for you.

You sound like that song. Remember that song in the 70s? I love New York. I do. That's you. I never want to leave. I love New York. And then as you're saying, New York,

you're hitting the head with a stick from behind. Dude, every fucking day. Me too. just got an email yesterday. Have it? Hasnick a Hesley got mugged? Yeah, they got the over and under. Oh, you should put that on. They're going to follow you one day.

Take the mugging. It's going to be family. They're not going to beat you up. What do you mean? Just give the cash in your wallet. Give them a picture of your girlfriend. Whatever. Hold on to the wallet.

Do people still put pictures in their wallet? Do you have pictures in your wallet still? Yeah. I don't know. I've never met anyone other than you. It's like nine years old. You got that? But don't you have...

The dude, the weightlifting do? Raygo, yes. Dan Raygo? Yes. Dude, that's changed now since the phone, I bet. You're like one of the few people, I bet, who still has that. Old school. If the phone goes up to $2,300, I'm going back to a can in a string.

You know what I'm saying? $2,300 is what they're saying. This is just giving people an excuse to raise prices now. All you got to do is mention tariffs. All right. They're starting tariffs. tariffs. Everybody was buying cars this week

like a motherfucker because that's it. And now your parts, if you thought your parts took long during the pandemic, forget about fucking now. Especially if you got a, you know. Thank God I'm not buying shit. No.

Not a thing. And I, that's the only time I've been happy to not have investments. I'm the only Jew without investments and I'm thrilled about it. Everybody's like, I lost $2 million, bitch. If I lost $2 million,

I'd be burning down the town, all right? You didn't lose $2 million. Oh, I lost $8 million. Oh, you didn't. If you're saying it like that, I don't believe you. If you're saying it like, as you throw your wife out the window, she comes home with, I just got a new Range Rover. What?

I just lost $8 million. That's what I want to see. Don't just tell me. I lost $3 million. Yeah, but you're right. The iPhones are going to be expensive as fuck now. Everything. They're already expensive $1,400 a month.

Dude, I have that mint. that Mint mobile that sponsors us, I got so sick of even before the tariffs paying a hundred a month for a cell phone. A hundred a month. And mint is 15 bucks a month. And it's the same thing. Yeah, but you call people when you get another country. It works great.

That's a problem with that shit. You call somebody in there like in Bulgaria. Mint, mint, mint, got, god damn it. Oh, my God. I didn't do shit. I'm feeling a lot better. You seem like you're feeling better. Yeah.

I'm feeling a lot better. I started smoking again, not guerrilla style. Just because listen, let me explain something to you. I don't like not having an appetite. I had the control to go, you know what, I'm not going to eat that. But the worst thing is when you have to eat and you're not hungry, I feel like that as it's going down. I'm like, why am I doing this?

I'm not hungry. And you can't, you're not hungry without weed? Fuck. And the edibles, listen, let's be as honest as we can. can with everybody. I think I'm coming to the end. I'm coming to the end. I'm just waiting for something to happen with heroin. Like what do you something? Something. Something. They put in a gummy. Like an improvement in heroin? Something like heroin gummies, something because that's my next level. I smoked weed after five weeks or not smoking. I thought I was going to see the devil. It was okay.

Right. It was okay. And then I've been eating, you know, I throw down 800,000 milligrams, those ABXs. I'm expecting to eat the kitchen. Right. The are not I ate three little donuts. The tiny white ones? Because they're disgusting too now. You don't like those?

They're all fucking disgusting. Listen, donuts are done. There's no donuts on the East Coast no more. Dunkin' Donuts blows. We fucked up when we left L.A. And we didn't bring a franchise of Yum Yum Donuts with us. Call them up.

We should have brought a Mexican with us. Those are Mexican-made donuts. Oh, they're good. Fucking delicious. Yum, Yum, Yum. Well, because they make them fresh at the store. At the store. Dungan donuts, dude, especially, I see him in the city all the time.

Oh, my God, I haven't, have you seen what's at McDonald's now? No. Crispy cream is at McDonald's. They're just trying to kill us now. They deliver in the city. They have crispy cream at every McDonald's. Just in the back of like a U-Haul truck, they bring it all already pre-made. Last time I had crispy cream, it tasted like dick, okay?

Yeah. When we, Dean Delray, when you're coming out of fucking Irvine, Or Ontario is it? You're pulling out of there. It's 1130. There ain't nothing to do. And there's a fucking... Krispy cream.

Krispy cream. And I go in there and get a dozen... For the drive home. Of the... Just a regular donut with the... The glazed. The glazed? Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah. And Marilyn Martinez, wherever it was in the car, we're like dibs four. Fuck it. I'm getting four fucking donuts. That's how good. And they were warm out of the fucking box. Dude, it's my favorite part about...

doing Mohegan Sun. If anyone asked, I'll do a free spot of Mohegan Sun because they have one of the ones with the conveyor belt and that gets hot. Oh, that's amazing. But when it's like room temperature, it tastes like cardboard. I saw a Cinebond.

I still like those. I haven't had a Cinebant in 15 years. I was like, Mercy, you want to go inside the Cinebond? And she's like, hell no. Really? Yeah, no. It's like, that shit tastes like ass now. I can't know what else I destroyed in New Jersey

What the apple turnover It does not exist in New Jersey It tastes like dick I've had I bought three or four of them Just to try them out I think I threw away all four Fuck so but what about Carvel Carvel you don't go to just Carvel get a little ice cream Every once in a while

I go in there now and I get a little cone But the problem is you got kids working with Carvel And they don't know the spirit of Carvel Every time you go in there they just fuck it up A bunch of kids with acne Just fucking it up There's one by my house That's a drive-through

You have to If you want something original You have to go on the daytime When the owner's there She's my age And she'll make a fucking egg cream That'll make your head blow up If you tell her thin

She'll make it like milk Whatever you tell her She's dope on it The kids that work there at night They're like They're 17 bro They have no responsibility It's you know

Whatever they pay 12 bucks an hour They don't care. The fucking pineapple has shitting it. Oh, no. You have to take the pineapple and move it around every hour on the hour. Right. These kids just sits there.

Dude, if you're high, if you have 800 milligrams in you and stuff doesn't taste good, there's a problem. A lot of shit don't taste good. Wait until you get older. You're going to go, wow. I used to eat 22 of those. Now I eat one of them and I want to shoot myself. Your taste butts change. And I know you're half joking around.

But they're like, do you get the munchies on heroin? Like when you were doing heroin, did you get the munchies? Or are you just taking heroin because you want to be fucked up? I want to be fucked up, okay? Nobody takes heroin and thinks about the munchies, Lee. Well, you said you want to be able to eat. That's why if you don't want to go on Ozempic, just do heroin. You'll never eat.

You'll be asleep the whole time. You'll never eat. You'll sleep, get up, shoot, snort, whatever the fuck you want. But I'm just waiting for heroin dummies right now. That's it. I'm done with the TAC. I've moved to a different level. 50 years. I'm a doctor.

I got a doctorate in TAC. What do you want from me? So, but do you think, and I know you probably don't keep up on heroin, but I would imagine now, because they were making edible gummies in their kitchen in California. Yeah, but that's all fentil. I don't want to, listen. You don't think they're making heroin gummies? They probably are. I need to do it from a legit chemist. Somebody who went to Yale. I don't want to do it with Nikki's uncle.

No. You know, he went to jail and he knows how to make. I don't want to do that. Okay. I want to make it legit. I want them to get China White, that shit that makes you fucking play Jimmy Hendrix music when you don't even know how to play the guitar. You do a line of China White.

You're in here playing like Jimmy Hendon. You don't even know. You're in here going like fucking Jose Feliciano. No eyes and shit. Holy shit. Is Jose Feliciano still alive? He's still alive. How longed as a bat?

He's got to be 80 because he's. sang Cheek-O-N-A-Man song. Damn. And that was 77. So that's 23 and 25, 48, right? No, 58. No, 53. What am I thinking?

20. I think you said so many numbers. I don't know what. When was the last, like, what was the last time, like, you were, like, completely sober for, like, a week? 1988. And you don't, what, like, what goes through your mind when you're completely,

Like you just hate it. It's just boring. Boredom. Nothing. It's bad enough my mother died. When your mom or your dad dies, when your mom dies, the rest of your life, it's like eating food with no salt on it. That's the best way I can tell people. When your mom dies, that's what life becomes.

No salt. Right. And then when you stop smoking, I mean, there's positive things to it. I don't want to say, I had a good time the last five weeks. Yeah, it seems like. Things started coming out. Like, you know. The comedy writing was horrible.

The getting loose on stage was horrible. But I liked where my mind went. What was the difference? Clarity. A little bit of clarity. I had a lot of noise in my head ending the year last year. A lot of shit, you know? And sometimes, believe it or not, that's what makes you sick.

Really? You're thinking too much about shit? Listen, I know comedians that go on the road and they don't even worry about the material. and here I am at home going, I'm going to cancel that gig because I only got 20 minutes. Just, you know, there's so many things that I worry about that I shouldn't worry about, and the shit I should worry about,

I don't worry about it. Do you think that's what was fucking with your stomach, the worry? No, just, my daughter's getting older. I'm getting older. Listen, I didn't have a middle life crisis. What I did was had a kid. You know what I'm saying? When you're 50, you go out and chase some 20-year-old hole

and you crash your car and you go back to doing blow and you cash in your 401K and then when you're 58 you go back to your wife begging, you know, I'm sorry, like a fucking animal. I didn't go through that. I had a child instead of 50. So I knew at some point it was going to catch up and I thought during the pandemic

I'd have to deal with shit, but I did. But it was different. After I got out of hospital, the third time, I was like, what the, you know, I'm certified old. That's it. Once you go to the hospital three times in your 60, you're certified old. Your body takes a different turn, and I have to accept that.

I got to accept that. And you have to accept a lot of things that you're like, fuck, I'm not going to work that. I'm not going to go out and buy Jordas jeans and get a tattoo on my hand. And, you know, I'm not going to do that shit. You know, I'm just not going to do that and get a corvette to prove something. but I got to do something I don't know if heroin gummies is the way to go you're talking to me about serious shit

of course I'm talking about heroin shit that's something in the future that's eventually going to be fucking made somewhere so what do you are you talking like you want to have like a midlife crisis sort of no no no no no but I was just thinking about the fucking big question with me the last four years has it was what the fuck happened

over the last 30 years? Over the last, what happened those 23 years in L.A. Right. How did I go to L.A. with a fucking horrible drug problem and leave there with a kid and a wife? You know what I'm saying? Like, it's just very hard for me to comprehend. You know, the other day somebody came up to me and they were like,

I saw you in this. And I'm like, I never did that. And I was wrong. I did do that show. Oh, really? Yeah. Like, you know, like just little shit that I'm like, wow, I forgot a bunch of shit. And I just want to know.

Well, I think that happens. I feel like that happens a lot in life. Like, you know, thinking about, like going looking and back at a lot of the church clips that people are posting. I was 23 or something. And now, like, I think life just happens fast. But then, yeah, for you, like, you focus so much on just like what's in front of you that, like, Like, you don't seem like you go back in your head and, like, ruminate over, like, the past a lot. Like, you just are really focused, or at least war on just, like, just on the present.

You have to always go back every once in a long, figure out where you went wrong, what you could do to do better, what you should have done, what you'll do the next time. You know, that's just a part of life. That's just not. You do that? I don't sit there and go, I shouldn't have robbed that gas station. Okay, I did it. I'm happy. We moved on.

Okay. But there's little moves. Like you think about little things that you did that just fucking drive you crazy. Something you said when you were out one night, you know, you shouldn't have said it. You're like, what the fuck was I fucking thinking, you know? Yeah. When you're on stage, you say something. You're like, where'd that come from?

You ever have that? You go on stage and you're in the middle 20 minutes. You're having a great set. Then you just decide to just fucking say something. Yeah. And nobody catches it. Only you, but it drives you nuts? Only you.

Nobody catches it. People just go, what the fuck are he said? You know, whatever. That's it. But you know you said it, and when you walk out of there, you're like, thank God. George or Lee or Nickton say, Joey, what the fuck came out of your mouth just that? Right. So I think about that shit.

I shit in a bathroom that in my house. I put that there purposely. I put that there purposely. The bathroom. No. Oh. I didn't build a fucking house, genius. What are you talking?

you put there. I put on the wall June 8th. Not wrote it out, but when I went to do this gig in New Orleans, they gave me a plaque, the house of blue. I don't know what it was. They gave me like a plaque, June 8, New Orleans. I hanged that in my bathroom for a reason. Why is that? Because I bombed so fucking bad that night. And I want to see that thing every fucking day and go, what the fuck was I thinking? And then I bombed and the majority of people, African Americans, and what did I do? Start doing African-American jokes in front of these poor people. And then I had to walk out in front of all of them. And they all started hugging me and talking to me.

And I'm like, oh, my God, who's going to stab me over that black joke? I can't believe you kept the plaque. This is what I was going to do? Smash it? If I bombed that hard, yeah. You don't bring home a lot of shit. Like, you're not really like a sentimental person. Like, I'm surprised if you, just knowing you, if you bombed that bad, I could you see

you being pissed and be, like, throwing it away in the hotel? No, I brought it home to remind me that that can't ever happen again. Fuck. That cannot fucking happen again in your life or in the next life or in the life after that. You cannot let something like that happen. And it wasn't like an intentional bombing. It was a bombing when you're prepared, but you're overconfident. You just came from the store on a Thursday night.

Right. And you think you're Johnny Bananas. You fly in and you go up there. And it's your body language. Something about your body language. This motherfucker's coming out like he's James Bond. this is not going to work for this motherfucker. Yep.

And they refused, and that's the way life is sometimes. And what is that, what does that do for you, like just remembering it? Not to do it again, Lee. And you and I both know I'm stupid because it's going to happen again. Right. But in your mind that sits there that it can't happen again. A bombing like that cannot happen again. Did you?

because at the beginning did you like try to forget your bombs like forget they happened and like you go home and cry it out dog I've always gone home after my bombs and go even when you have like three shows and you do two of them and the middle one bombs you still go home and think about the middle one of course you don't think about the two that people went off

you brought a girl up on stage you took a tit out they don't remember that they remember that bomb so you remember that bomb and I would go home on Coke. So I'd be sitting there and this is not going to happen again. I cannot bomb. I try to listen to the jokes. In those days, I would stop after the first show. I would tape my first show and go, this is worthless. I'm not doing this shit, you know. It's amazing. But it's cool. It's cool to like use that as motivation and like to think about that you still do that and like it still gets to you. It has to, this is what I was saying before the podcast that as a comedian, as a lawyer,

whatever you're doing in life, you have to work yourself up. And then you work yourself up and you think I made it. But no, no, now it's a different type of work that you have to do. Now it's counterintelligence, it's this, it's that. It's just so many fucking things. And you're like, when does it end? When do I stop struggling? You don't.

You don't. You know, you don't. You know, Jay-Z sits there with black people jumping up and down around them. They're smoking blunts all. day. At the end of the day, eventually he's going to have to go back to work. And he has to cut 12 songs on a whatever. And it's just, I don't even know what my point was. The other was hitting me already. Do you think, me too, but do you think I was, as you were talking about that, I was saying what you started this with and how, like, the goal of the, like, the last little bit has been to,

like, figure out what happened. And maybe when, like, things were going crazy in LA, you just, you thought you could, but you really couldn't look back at everything. So in four years, you did 30, 20 whatever years of looking back. Well, just to keep that in line with you, there's a line of Godfather that I think about every two days. And it's as fucking real as it is. Whenever I, and I wrote it in my notebooks. It's written in a lot of my motivational style,

and this is a fucking horrible saying. It's misogynistic. But it's true. women and children can make mistakes. Men cannot make mistakes. And we make them. But if that's in the back of your mind, a lot.

And listen, it's in the back of my mind. I still make fucking mistakes. But think about that line. Women and kids can make mistakes. Men can't make mistakes. That'll fucking kill you forever. What does, why do you think men can't? What do you think that meant?

You know what that means? That when a man is a man, listen, when you're 19, you think you're a man, but you're a fucking moron. Okay? And guess what? When you're 25 and you think you're still a man,

you're a fucking idiot. And then when you're 32, you think you're really a gangster and you're still a fucking idiot. It's like there's a certain time, like when you're 44, that you see the field a lot better. That's what happened to me.

Once I got to 40, I started seeing the field and where this fucking guy, game was going and what we need to do to keep this fucking march alive. Okay. And that's it. That's it. Is how we're going to keep this drive alive?

With the giants, we're down three points. There's three minutes on the fucking clock. And we got to keep this drive alive. And now you're in your whatever 20th year in the league and you've seen everything. And before when you're a rookie, you have no idea what's going on. No idea. It does seem like life's coming at you really fast. when you're young.

No idea. No idea, but along the way, we think we got it. And you really don't got it. You're trying the best you can to compose it, and you're chuckling and jiving, you know what I'm saying?

And it's like, why they said, you become a professional in your mind. You're an amateur until you become a professional, but it has to click in your coconut first before you could go on to the next thing. So we're done with the fucking Nirvana hour here? Absolutely.

All right. What's I say? I was thinking about, I have never in all my fucking, life since I started this podcast, been hit up so much about this fucking captain of police in North Bergen who shit on his desk. I have never been hit up so much of people going. And then I guess the lieutenant got a DUI in Bergen County somewhere or something like this.

I have never in my life been hitting up from so many people. And it's like a combination goof fucking like Joey. Like some people like Joey, what the fuck is. happening in North Bergen. It seems like an onion article. Like it seems like a joke. Something on the onion. And, you know, every three days, a building gets hit North Bergen. A dump truck goes

into Target. It's always something down here. Like, we've never had this bad luck in all our lives. If we did this because of Carmine Balzano shot a guy seven times in the back, it was good, worthy news. You know what I'm saying? Right. Not taking a shit on his fucking desk. And, you know, people keep asking me, what the

fuck is going on up there? And the simple thing I can say is this, man. I've been back here for five years. I drive around North Bergen, parts of it look fucking beautiful. Other parts of it looked like it's 19, fucking 55. Where my mother has the house down there, had the house where I grew up, it looks like 1950 fucking five. Today, I got a call from a friend of mine that lived on the edge of my block. Grace, and we were talking and she goes, Coco, I went to visit a friend of ours, Lisa, who's also from that neighborhood. And she said, He goes, I went on our block.

What the fuck happened? I go, dog, they weren't ready for 2025. North Bergen just was not ready for 2025. They were not ready. Like right now, half these New Yorkers are dying to move to Jersey, dying to move to Jersey. You move to North Bergen, it looks like a bomb hit it. Looks like a fucking bomb hit it.

And aren't taxes really high? Really fucking high, and they're about to get higher. And the only way I can think about it is like, listen, man, First off, the mayor of North Bergen, it's like a mob boss, right? Like, I'm not saying he's a mob boss. I'm just saying this to you guys understand. He's hurt. He's down.

He got shot. All right. He's like Vito Corleone. So when you have Vito Corleone's shot, you got all your underlings trying to figure it out. And none of them, I don't think any of them really have to fill that void. I really don't. I look around this town. I go, I don't understand what happened here.

I grew up with this town was fucking straight up gangsters. This town was straight up gangsters, man. My eighth grade teacher was coming on the show next month. I swear to God, he went to fucking jail for murder for 13 years. A eighth grade fucking teacher. Before or after he was your teacher? During. The fuck is wrong.

He was the mayor of we walking. Up the town from when we taped. Jesus. You know, so we were raised here by fucking pseudo-gangsters and they stole. but everything looked up to date and everything looked great I look at town surrounding I went to Jersey City a month ago

looks like a fucking new city up there fucking Jersey City is gorgeous you know I come up I get lost sometimes and I end up in Hoboken fucking gorgeous and then you come to North Bergen and there's all these Puerto Rican vans and stopping on Kennedy Bulls

I mean it's it's just you know I don't know I don't know what the future is but why did he shit on the guy's desk I don't know. I'll call them tomorrow. I'll call 911 and ask them, hey, why'd the fucking chief of police shit on the fucking desk? That'll fucking baffle them.

Like, they'll sit there like, I don't know. Hold on. We've got to get. I bet they've gotten a couple calls about it. Yeah. Can you imagine? Have you ever wanted to do that to somebody? What?

Shit on their desk? Yeah. No, but I shit on a kid's box and put it in my inner drawer. In jail? Yeah, I shit in this cheese box. Yeah, but that's not. flag on it and fucking the welfare cheese. And I put it in his drawer and he found it like three weeks later.

It was a skeleton. We'll be back with Dean Delray, Cocksuckers. What's up, beautiful people? This episode is brought to you by the best nicotine pouches you're ever going to try. Nick's their top tier. Nick pouches are made with natural coconut fiber, which means they're not going to tell your mouth up. And the experience is way better.

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My main man, Dean Del Rey's in studio. It's been close to four, five fucking years since we did the original church with Dean Del Rey. I couldn't believe in you said that. You go, I've been out here in Jersey for five years. August 19th, there'll be five. fucking years. Dude, it hit me like a fucking sledgehammer because I remember specifically

exactly how it went down. I was living around the corner from you. I go, all right. Are you still living there? No, I moved. I had to get out of there because, you know, once COVID was over, I go, holy shit, I'm in the Burbank flight path during COVID, no planes. Then all of a sudden, COVID ends once in a while.

And then after about three months. from 7.10 a.m. to 10 p.m. every eight minutes. Dude, it was fucking insane. And I was like, that's why Joey's on the edibles, because he can just pass out through those fucking planes. Because you were getting that, too. I never heard him. I never heard one.

Where did you live? You lived in the valley? I was right around the corner from. Yeah. Oh, I didn't hear one plane. Me neither. Oh, my God, dude. Well, also they said that the fucking some snafu went down where the rich people of Pasadena pulled some kind of shake and fake and had Burbank Airport switch the flight pattern.

So they're suing them right now. And all of a sudden, they used to fly out and then go over Van Nuys, the industrial area and then head out towards Pasadena. Now it's straight over Studio City and then take a right down, fucking, you know, all the way down Ventura. Boulevard. It's crazy. All day long now. So anyway, I'm on the couch and you go, hey, are you home?

And I go, yeah, you go, I'm coming by. I go, all right. So I'm out front, Cucksucker, come down. And you were just standing there, your Subaru. I'm out of here. I'm leaving them all. I go, what? I mean, I was fucking floored.

Floored, dude. Like the wind was taken out of me. And I go, what do you mean? And you go, yeah, I'm done about a place in Jersey. I'm out of here. And I still will never forget it because I was like, wait a minute, this is a guy I see every fucking day of my life. And now he's going to be gone.

We went to tacos? Yeah, we went to tacos. 86, 1986, 1986, which are opening in New York? Fucking crazy, right? Are they one of those guys coming out here? They're just going to. I hope so. It's two white guys.

No, I think one of the guys will come out. Yeah, I need those motherfuckers out of this show these. peasants. Got to get the flavor. You got to get the flavor. Yeah. But that was it, man. And now here,

he's up sitting on the cast just now, and you said five years. And I fucking, I mean, we've hung. You flew in town one time, and then we did the Sony hall together. But other than that, man,

you know, texting calls. It's crazy how fast it went. I really can't believe it, actually. We could have gone to college. Yeah. We'd have been graduating this May,

five beta capa. Yeah. With two fucking things. told the comedy world to suck our dicks. Want the bigger and better things. Sleeping in our own beds. When that shit happens, I get so angry. Oh, man.

I get so angry when I go, that was five years ago. Yeah. I could have joined the Army. I could have been out right now with insurance and benefits and fucking a new haircut. Now, I'm wasting my time in South Jersey. Also, you could have been dead. Yeah? I fucking...

I'm telling this bit right now, I'm at this age where I go to a... a big party. I just went to one of Jerry Cantrells from Alice and Chains. I'm looking around the pool. The sun's out. I'm like, oh, I'm at that age now or a couple months ago. Yeah, Steve died. You go, I just saw him at Jerry's party. That's the age we're at right now. Right? No shit. No shit. Yeah. It's fucking scary. I just saw him is going to come out of our mouse a lot in the next couple years. Dude, why does everyone over 60 talk about dying all the time? round up in the soil. All the time.

Everything's poison, man. It's even 50. When they guys start turning 50, all you will talk about is dying. Yeah. It's a reality. Yeah, but you don't have to talk about it. Everything.

When you're 20, you could wake up and go, I'm going to die. Whatever. Yeah. But once you, then you hurt 30, and you're like, I'm living like a doctor. Then you hit 40 and you fuck the chick with AIDS and you didn't get it.

You know, and then you just start going down the ladder and all something one day. You go, I'm lucky. but eventually I'm going to fucking die or something and now you start doing preventive shit or whatever you start going to church

you don't curse start going to church those guys man what do they find God quick oh you find God quick man we think it's a stroke you're like oh Jesus in the church when you're 60 or 50 you want to live

who doesn't want to live God yeah but then you start looking like there's a couple 80 year olds that do everything. You know, somebody was telling me a day that their 83-year-old still works, their father. They do everything. And some 80-year-olds can't get out of their fucking wheelchair. Yeah. Or can't get out of their bed. So it's a card you're taking, you know, so instead of taking that card, do something about it. Start getting ready for that age, you know, so you won't fucking be a mope, you know. You have to go to doctor now. And it's so weird to turn,

to get older. Oh, too. And you still think you're so fucking invincible. And you're really not. You cannot. Like, I went to a New Year's thing and people were doing Coke. Oh, my God. Okay? I was watching them do Coke and I'm like, I couldn't handle. I couldn't imagine.

A fucking line of that now. Just your heart alone, you know that. That's fucking scary. When you're young and you're like ride it out, you're hitting some wild turkey, trying to come down a little bit in the corner. Imagine you're 60 and you do. fucking bump and you're hoping it doesn't have any fentanyl, you're asking the guy, this stuff's cool, right?

And he's like, yeah, I think so. And you're rolling the fucking dice? Can you imagine being 65 doing a lot of cocaine dying from fentanyl? No. And you were running a marathon last month and you're like, God damn it. Yeah. I just saw him at Jerry's party. I just saw him at Jerry's party.

That's going to be the callback of my set this year. Holy shit. It's so insane. You look at that, like, listen, I'm going to be honest with you, motherfuckers. On the way up here, there was a little bit of traffic, and I'm trying to get around cars, and that made the biggest mistake. I put on Judas Priest, Hell Bent for Leather, the album. And like, song three, I thought I was going to crash the fucking car, because it was just too much going on. Yeah. Guitars and cars and people yelling, and I'm thinking about Halford when he

fucked the hairdresser in Chicago, and he busted his old ring and his ass. Did you read his book? Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Whoa, what a book, huh? my God. He lays it out there. Dog, and I always liked him. I didn't care if he was gay. I don't care. I knew he was gay the first time I laid eyes on that. Dude, you and I were from cities and you saw, especially San Francisco, I saw guys all day long, the denim with the chaps, and that hat. When you got that leather hat on, we know what the fuck's going on. You don't wear that hat unless you're out, ass chasing. You know what I mean? That hat. And it didn't bother me ever. I was like, this guy

He looks fucking badass. He's out there full leather gay daddy and he's looking at the metal heads going, if you only knew. You know? If you only fucking knew. I knew he was gay the first time. I saw him because he had a whip. Yeah, he had that whip. He came out with a fucking whip and he's

whipping the fucking floor. I'm like, oh, this guy's a great gay guy. He's a great fan. He must be great at parties. He's unbelievable singer, man. He's still out there. Oh, my God, come on, dude. He's still out there. I had him on the podcast, Joey, and I was telling somebody a couple days ago,

Brian Slegel, the owner of Metal Blade Records, he has a metal podcast. So I chose my song with screaming for vengeance. But I was telling this story. I interviewed him and the most professional guy I've ever seen. Every couple minutes, he uses your name. So you'll be talking, he'll go, you know, Dane, the first time I saw Zay. Zeppelin Dean. He'll use your name fully engaged, man.

And for two hours, just near name, he remembers shit. He's not punching it at all. And this guy's, like, deep in his career. He could be like, who the fuck is this? I'm on a TV screen. You know what I mean? But no, killed it. Well, that's part of being a singer, that articulation.

Yeah. That's why I always said, if you're a comic, you've got to watch singers. Because they're doing the same thing we're doing without music. Yep. They're getting to the fucking audience. And if that's what it takes, but it's just, I don't even know what we're talking about. Well, he's my favorite. Like, okay, I was talking about the metal singers.

So I love Bond Scott, of course. We know I love Bond Scott. But when you get down into metal, you got Bruce Dickinson Iron Maiden right around that time, right? 82, number of the beasts. And then you have Rob. And when you listen to Rob how fucking crazy he is on that live record, you just go, it's Rob. that's all there is to it victim of changes sinner uh green man unleashed she that's a great fucking out

unbelievable i still listen to it from time of time to lose my fucking mind oh unleashed in the east it was so intense in the car i had a switch to the smits yeah oh ha ha ha that smith had a switch to the fucking smits i was like and i'm thinking about you when i'm listening to the smits yeah because there's something a lot of people don't know when you're raised in the city, you know, you just go for a beer. George is going to laugh.

You just go for a beer. Then one day you move to Colorado and you move to a college town like Boulder, and they have beer and then they have 3.2. It's like a different alcohol level. You never heard of that? Oh, no, yeah. It's lower. It's lower than beer.

Oh, wow. Near beer. 21. Was it called near beer? No, no, no. Budweiser made them. All those companies had a 3.2 beer. Wow.

And they sell it. They used to be a club called Pogo's, an 18 to 21 club. And I remember, I'm driving, listening to the fucking Smith. Yeah. And I'm, dog, you know, again, you don't know what's objective in your memory. Yeah. The girl was from Cambridge Mass. She worked at Abo's Pizza.

It was Abo's Pizza, a driveway, and then downstairs was Pogo's. This chick was so fucking hot. I had just moved to Boulder. I hadn't met Kathy King yet. Within two weeks, I already know where to get a package. I'll never forget this. Like only I could, it was all weedheads, but one of the weed heads goes on.

I did Coke last night. Can you get something? He's like, yeah, 50 a fucking half grand. All right. So I'll never forget. I went to the pizza place. She started talking to me, real cute girl from fucking Cambridge Mass. I forgot what the name was.

First girl, maybe the third girl I met in Boulder. We're talking, and I go, what do people do around here? She goes, well, I'll be at Pogo's tonight if you want to join me. I'm like, bitch, I went home, take a shower, and I saw my buddy Ed, and they got me a half gram of Coke. I went to that thing. She's surrounded. She's an East Coast girl with strength.

She's got like six guerrillas around her. And I went in there like Carl Hall. With that half gram package, that bitch went to go. She was ready to go when she saw that little package. Travolta style, staying in a line. Just split the line? She said, excuse me. She saw that pack, and then you just turn around and start walking, and she walks right behind you.

And I dated it for like three days. Then I don't know what happened. Yeah, like three days she came over. That was fucking insane that I used to remember about 3.2 beer. And then this motherfucker goes to a party one night, and he takes my weightlifting gloves to Pogo's or some shit. And I go, where's my gloves? Because I think I left him at Pogo. I was going to fucking strangle him.

my fucking weightlifting gloves. He thought he was Rob Alfred. He's coming down there. He's coming in as the dice man. Oh! He's got the gloves in. I don't even wear those gloves out. That's embarrassing.

Dude, I was just in your bathroom. And you got the fucking king on your wall in there. Kelly Leek from Bad News Bears. I didn't put that up. An artistic director did. That fucking guy, man.

And that, that movie is just a masterpiece. He's great. Yeah, that's a great movie. Come on, man. Then they tried to remake it, right? Yeah, with Billy Bob, yeah. Billy Bob's a bad motherfucker. Oh, I love him. But he's not the bad movie. Now, he's slingblade to me for life. Yeah, but he's good on this oil show.

I heard he's got to, he's killing. Tell you what else is a good show? Mobland? Mobland? With the London people? I heard that shit's great. Fucking Helen Myron dog. Oh, yeah. She's the sexiest old lady. You got to see her in this show. Oh, she's fire. She has a leopard top on, a leather skirt. She gives her grandson.

The grandson says to her, Mammy, I wish I had cocaine. And she goes, well, and she goes in her bra last night. She takes it out. I may have a little taste for you right here. Who gives their grandson cocaine? Granny finger. Helen Myron isn't even a bad motherfucker. Oh, I love her.

She is past that. That's Denzel Washington. She's legend. Helen Myron is up to like Because then I watched her on 1823 1923 And she was shooting motherfuckers last night The Western one?

Yeah, oh that's a great show Yeah, yeah In fact I got the other hour to watch Because it was a long one last night But that's what I'm watching What are you laughing about over there? Tricky Dicky I think it's Helen Mirren

Who? Helen Mirren That's her name right Not Myron Myron Mirren You know what I'm talking about You're an old English shit That's cute

I'll tell you a crazy story Joey about her she was up for an Academy Award about, I don't know, maybe eight, nine years ago for something like the Queen or something. She did some movie I saw it. She was fucking fantastic. So every Sunday morning, I would go riding with Mike Beach, the actor. You know, we did this movie together. So after that, we became really tight. We'd ride every Sunday morning.

So we went to that Starbucks on sunset across the street from the griddle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The hamburger place. Right, exactly. Right there. So we pull in at like seven in the morning and we're going to get coffees and then we're going to ride out sunset to Malibu. And we park and it's Academy Award Day and this car pulls up. She gets out.

It's like a limo, like a black car. And she comes walking towards Beach and I and I hit Beach like, holy shit. She comes up. She's all, gentlemen. I go, you're going to win tonight. And she goes, well, thank you. And she fucking won. And Beach and I were like, hell yeah.

we saw her this morning, you know? Amazing story. That's like a Hollywood type of story where you run into people, you know, like, did that happen? Yeah, she is. She's the real fucking deal, man. Oh, my God, I love her. I love TV show. I love what, like, for like, like, two months there was nothing.

Yeah. And now we got something again. I'm excited because now, then the mayor of whatever will be back. Mayor what? Oh, that's my movie. Oh. That's my TV show and shit. I still haven't watched TV.

in like 16 years. Really? You still gave up? Three shows. The Wire, Sopranos, Breaking Bad. Those are the shows I've seen. I'll tell you what, man. I hear it's great out there.

Yeah, it's pretty good. I hear it's good. It's finally starting to pick up, but I've watched the Wire twice this year. Oh, man. In a year. I've watched the series. It ended. I gave it a week.

I'm like, I got to go back. Oh, it's fucking phenomenal. I got to go back. I don't understand. It is some type of show that, Listen, I love the Sopranos. I had the Sopranos on a couple days ago just laughing my ass all.

Yeah. But that wire, that fucking Michael B. Jordan as a young kid, he's a fucking kid on that. Yeah, he's dead now, right? He's what? Did he die? No, no, no. Black Panther died?

Yeah, that's right. Black Panther died. Macomba. Macomba forever. God, what that's awful. That's awful because he was great, too. I just watched him as Jackie Robinson. Yeah, that was a great fucking movie.

Oh, man. That's a great fucking movie. Awful, dude. That guy's gone, man. Dirty seven or something? just a baby. Man. But fucking,

the wire. The wire is just... Come on. The cop's on there. The English black cop. Yeah. He's also... I just saw him in something else.

They have a bunch of people from the wire. Dominic Lombardozi, the detective with him. Just the gay cop. Dude. You see the captain, the chief. You see him in a gay bar in one episode. The crack head lady. The guy bubbles.

Unbelievable. This show, dude, I remember I went to me. Is it on HBO? or Netflix. HBO. So I go to a meeting. You know, you go to like HBO, right? I go to a meeting.

I'm in there trying to pitch this fucking show back of the day. And when you're in the lobby, they're like, oh, if you want some DVDs, go ahead and tell them. They got all the box sets there. I just brought down a fucking like duffel bag. I'm like, all right. I got the wire. I got the Sopranos.

I just grabbed them all, you know, and just fucking would sit home and watch that shit on the weekends on DVD. Back when you had the player, you fucking. put it in the... I still got my DVD. Fuck yeah. Because I told my wife, we have over,

I don't know how many goddamn movies. Yeah. I got a ton of movies. Oh my God. I'm on the criteria channel now. Thousands. Thousands. How are your place now?

They're in my mom's place right now. But yeah, I would go to like a place and get used DVDs all the time. Newberry comics for people like in, or FIE. Amiba? Amoeba.

All. Amoeba for sure. Amoeba. I would go, dude, I went to you. me but buy like 12 at a time. Yeah. Because it's like $4. I'd stop going on meba guys. Oh yeah, why? Because the money. Oh, it's a demon. Oh, it's a demon. The money you spend in there

is absurd. And then you buy shit you already have. How about that? How about when I cleaned out my office? Me and my daughter, my daughter took out 11 albums that were doubles. Fuck yeah. It's like that. Do you not forget? I had so many good albums and still doubles. That happens to me all the time. I go in. Ooh, Saxon, denim and leather. I don't think I have. I have this. Fuck yeah, I have this.

I fucking obviously own this. Crazy about Omiba, though. Yeah. I was looking for a particular out. And I went online, everybody had it for a hundred bucks. Yeah. I went on Amiba,

there was 699, and I became a fan after that. Well, yeah. The owner lives in my building. Yeah, that's crazy. I run into them. I couldn't even believe. Are they still right there?

Yeah, yeah. On Sunset Boulevard? No, they moved to a new place right next across the street from the theater. The font, I haven't been to it yet, but I know they moved like right around. We left.

You know, in a frolic room where you just fucking pound the Stoli Collins for $3. Yeah, yeah. You fucking get DUIs. Right across the street from there. What's the theater next to it? Seinfeld sometimes does big runs in there. They do Broadway plays. It's right there on the corner.

It's beautiful. No, no. Next to the Fonda kind of, you know, I forget what, there's pet boys there. And then there's that theater. Oh, yeah. I know what you do. Yeah, it's a famous theater. I forget. They do like plays there. But yeah, man, they moved in there and it's real nice. And

the owner lives in my building. He's got the Berkeley one still. Sam Fran one's gone. Oh, no, it might be still there. Yeah, it is still there. He told me, yeah. You know, I was, this weekend something happened that I would have been excited for. Yeah, 25 years ago. Now I'm too old to be excited. I saw some of the tape on it. It is what it is. I'm so critical of myself that when I see somebody, I'm expecting the album. But I don't know if you saw

Rat got back together. Who did Rat? Oh yeah. Warren Di Martino. Yeah, DeMartini and him, yeah. And I watched some guy put it on Facebook and then I went to YouTube to find more stuff. I didn't see back for more.

Right. But I saw Round and Round and Something else. Yeah. I don't know. D. Martino could still play that fucking guitar. That guy's a smoker. He's a fucking animal. I didn't know they had Carlos.

Yeah. They had Carlos for a long time. I talked to Rudy today. But I was just, you know, it's so weird how every summer I go, I'm going to go to a concert, I'm going to go see this, and I'm like, fuck that. Once I look at the price tag,

and I'm like, fuck that. And I got to walk. I got to get you in the sphere. This is going to be your last. concert. To see the dead. You got to go. Have you been to the sphere? Let me just tell you something right now.

After you go to the sphere, you will never go to another show. You're going to go to your local town, whatever fucking venue you got, and you're going to be like, oh. Because this thing is like VR goggles on a thousand.

Did you eat the mushrooms? Dude, I'm doing a bit right now where I'd say, I got there with the mushrooms. I get in my seat. The band goes on. The screens come on and I go, oh, fuck no. And I put those things away because I know what's coming. It is so radical of a venue.

These visuals, I don't care. You've got to be a season tripper to be able to handle what's going on with these visuals. I've never seen. First of all, this venue is only like six months a year old, which means they've been working on this for the last five years. I don't know where the fuck this stuff came from, but they went from way back here, the two screens,

to your living in the venue. It's like, what the fuck? At one point, I'm watching Dead & Co. And, you know, they've got the San Francisco Bridge and shit,

and you're like, whoa, this is crazy. And a satellite flies over your shoulder. And you just go like, whoa, fuck. I mean,

do goosebumps. Scary. Amazing. One of the greatest things I've ever seen in my life. What did you see perform there? What's that? Who else did you watch perform there? I saw you two on the Octung Baby record.

Unbelievable. So I've gone three times now. Two dead wants you two. And man, each time I go, this is fucking unreal. And the dead just got a residency there. Yet they do like 16 shows or, you know, six weeks or whatever, three a weekend. and I'm telling you, you don't even know the band's on. They are the music to this psychedelic ride,

some of the greatest visuals you will ever fucking see in their life. At one point, they got a giant fucking bear, and it's walking, and it turns into 100 pieces of acid, the sheet acid, and it's floating across the screen, And then the sheet acid just blows up and the bears are coming at you. And you're just going like, what the fuck? I can't even tell you, Joey. I couldn't exaggerate how radical this fucking venue is.

After that bear turning into acid. You have to go. I'm going. Yeah, I'm going to go. I mean, just to fight in. I'll get us in. You sit in a great fucking seat. The place is not giant.

And it is insane. What's your seat in there? It holds a lot. but feels small. It holds like 16,000, but it feels small because it's a ball and it's just a wall. It goes straight up the seats like this.

And then there's a floor, but I sit in the seats. And you just get this whole fucking thing, man, that you can't even, I can't even describe it. It doesn't matter where you sit. It doesn't matter where you sit. As long as you're not on the deck 101 back

because then there's a hangover that you can't see the visuals. Other than that, every seat in the house. And then it has something like, you know, 10,000 speakers. There's speakers in your seat. Everything. It sounds like a record, man.

The sound is the greatest sound I've ever heard. And I'm telling you, I only go to the sphere now. A lot of people forming there now. A lot of people. Yeah, yeah. They got the Eagles. They got you too. They have Denko.

But I think it's Backstreet Boys or whatever just announced. They're doing it. like a run there, which would be wild. But what I'm waiting for is like tool. I think tool in there will be fucking insane. And then we got to get Gilmore or Roger Waters, one of the two in there.

And if we could give them a billion dollars and do one last run, hate each other but stay on the sides. The greatest of all time will be Pink Floyd in there. Of all time. There will be nothing that will come close to it. Yeah, because they did all that shit.

They did all that shit 40 years ago. They did that shit when It was from when they were making it. They're in the back making, you know, flying pigs and planes flying. There was no screens. They were making that shit in the backyard. Dog, that was, uh... Fuck.

It's crazy how they did that. They did that. They did that with the wall because that first song has a plane flying. It crashes right into it. They come right into the fucking thing. And I was like, and I did some heavy duty acid for that one. Yeah. I was 16.

I was mentally deranged. I was a mental midget and I was fucked up. Where did you see that one at? Mass hall Coliseum. Yeah, that's right. Because they only did like 14 and 14 shows. Yeah. First night and I was fucking, I left there going,

what the fuck was that? Creatively. Yeah. Creatively, when you go somewhere and see something that you go, how did they even think of that? Yeah. That's how this fear is. When you see it, you go,

who the fuck give them all the, awards, the visual awards, the sound awards, the venue award. This is how insane it is too. I don't even fuck with bad food. They have pizza in there from some place called Pizza Rock in Vegas. So I go, ah, fuck it. Let's get a piece of pizza. We're at a concert.

I eat this pizza. I'm blown away. I'm like, what is this? Even the pizza is fucking good. Everything. How far from like it's on the... It's right behind. It's kind of connected to the...

the Venetian and the wind right there. You can stay at either hotel and you just walk in. Easy. You'll love it. No bullshit. You walk in. You sit in your seat. It's perfect climate temperature.

And you know, the whole thing is a screen. The entire fucking place. So when they, at one point I'm watching you too. And they're dismantling Vegas. Whoever does these videos, man. It's insane. They start taking Vegas apart over a, a song, and by the end of the song, it's just Vegas desert and that old tropicalana sitting

there. And you feel like you're outside. I can't imagine doing ass in there. Oh, that's what I'm saying. Because you're sitting in there going, fuck. Vegas is falling the fuck apart. Oh, yeah, you feel like you're seeing it. You're going, oh my God, we've got to get out of here. Oh, man, I can't wait to see it. So here's what you got to do. You book a gig in Vegas so you're not just out there. Right, no, I don't just go nowhere. Yeah. You got to pick up an envelope. You pick up the envelope and then the next night we see that, man, and it's a glorious week.

On a Sunday night or Sunday or Sunday. Yeah, Saturday or Sunday or Sunday. We were flying Friday, do the mushrooms Friday. 100%. Go Friday night and then do your sell on Sunday. I would actually take mushrooms with you there because I've been there now three times, so I've got my bearings. But, you know, first couple times I go, I don't want to fuck around in here. This is crazy, you know?

Oh, man, I'm telling you, Joe, it was fucking epic. And John Mayer just destroying. Just destroying. Destroyed. He's so fucking good. It's fucking nuts. Guy is unbelievable. He's fueled by pussy.

Yeah. That motherfucker has fucked everybody in Hollywood. Everybody. He has destroyed every snatch with that guitar. He just walks in, like, one of those Latin Mexican guys playing the guitar with a cape on. Yeah, yeah. Zorro. Didn't he fuck this chick?

Right. She wrote a song about him, the skinny chick that's dating a football player. Hell sweet. Yeah, he fucked that too. Oh, fuck. Yeah, he banged her in the head with the guitar. He just said, here, take these songs, bitch. He fucked in the head with a guitar. The guy can play.

The guy can sing. Holy shit. So you're doing something that I'm very proud of you to do. I know you've been working on it for a while. It's your new special. And you got a bunch of. symbols surrounding it. I mean,

this is just, it's great for you that you're doing this and how seriously you took it and the sets and, you know, there's not a lot of people

that work with like you Dean. There's not a lot of people that are out there working like you. And when a person like you, your attitude,

has that type of animalism, shit doesn't really bother you. No. Because you're not focused. It's like what you said, The guy promised you on the Apple show, and then you don't hear nothing next day.

Yeah. But you're so used to your stuff that that's what happens. The only time you get uncomfortable shit like that was you're not doing the work. Right. And that's what people don't realize. I know who's bullshit me. Like, I can't get stuff going because you're not putting in the work.

Right. Don't tell me that you're not getting this. It's like me with stand up. I'm having a hard time, but I can't put the work in. It's so much fucking work. Oh, my God. You know, with so many notebooks. I sit there for hours in the morning.

and I just write stories and shit like that. I got to do R.E. Storytelling show. I'm in no danger. Oh, my God. I don't even have a story for it. Yeah, yeah. You know, nothing has happened exciting in the last five years.

Oh, fuck. Do you know what I'm saying? Except my daughter hitting a double or something like that. You know what I'm saying? There's nothing exciting. But that's a fucking story because here's the thing

I think is interesting about you right now in this thing. And I try to convey on stage also is like this is funny because you're you've been this tornado your whole life tornado and now you're like hey fuck all this

you know what I mean I just want to watch these literally dads fight and I'll just have an edible and laugh at it and then I want to go home to my house that's what I do and that is a fucking interesting thing to hear from somebody that achieves such high status in comedy from the fucking ashes all the way up to you know you and i you're sold out

the chicago theater you got specials you got a book you've been on tv so it's cool to hear that side of it like yeah fuck i just want to do nothing you know there's funny there's something funny about i want to do nothing and it's so hard to do nothing talk i got up in the morning and I try to be like Johnny CEO. Yeah, yeah. Johnny CEO. And it just ain't working no more. You know what I'm saying?

It just ain't working. I used to wake up like with this fucking voice in my head. Like you go out there and make people suck your dick today. I go to Facebook. I'm like, I'm not even going to write it on there. Yeah. Because they're way beyond that already. They're still fucking in the woke world.

Oh, God. Yeah, yeah. Can you imagine that on Facebook today there? I wouldn't send Facebook on fire. What's that? That post. The people on Facebook are like old, like, I think, I don't think they could handle that today. What's that?

You're saying, like, get ready to have the day suck your dick. Like, all that stuff. I used to say it all the time. I used to. Yeah, I'm saying now. And I can say it now, but the only thing they don't let me say on Facebook is like, I'm in the mood to stab a motherfucker. Oh, my God.

Don't write your letters. You can't use violence on. What the fuck? Yeah. You're suspended for two weeks. High school shit. Yeah. stabbed three Puerto Ricans suspended for like fucking.

I'm like, fuck, you can't even stab a Puerto Rico. That's just a, that's just a saying, man. But it's so weird how, listen, and I've said this for years, I've tried to duck it. Dean, when I went to the comedy store, and I sat on those stairs. Yeah. And I said goodbye to the building.

Yeah. And I rubbed my name on the wall. I knew. Yeah. I knew that. this was going to taper off because that was my bread and butter. That was the nucleus for the last 23 years.

That was home base. That was everything. That's the cocoon. And when I wasn't there for those six years, I improved, but not really. I wasn't doing much. It's not until I went back there in 2014, and then when you're around those type of people,

you grow. Oh, yeah. You got to rise up. You grow quick. You got like a month. You got to follow DeLea. you gotta follow this one. Once you learn it, now you got it.

And once I got on that plane and I said goodbye to the store, I always knew it was gonna be weird because in my mind, I knew I wasn't in the major leagues anymore. Yeah. I'm in the major leagues of my heart, but in my mind, there's no way,

you know, I'm in that level of, people will never understand those four years at the comedy store, the last four years for me. Incredible. I always looked at the first four years as my college, but it really wasn't. It was the last four years

where it became, like, you had to go up there on your fucking A game. Like, four expressos, fucking two joints, an edible. Like, I had to have a plan to go up there. It was my A game. You didn't know. You didn't know what was going to happen.

I still remember getting angry up there, like motherfuckers dropping in. You want to drop in, bitch? I'm going to make your life a fucking living night, man. I'm going to show you why you got a worker in this bitch and they would leave. You know, I just saw that

Judapato made a comeback three years later after I buried them at that fucking store that night. And then he started going to Largo with all those Largoeans, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the other night he went back.

He was looking around, I heard. He was looking at the linehouse making sure the boys are fucking the gangsters weren't in here. He don't like that. He don't like following that eat. Well, it's a different, it's a different animal.

when you were coming up, and when I started there 15 years ago last month, I tell people, you don't understand the hazing and the radicalness and the brutality of you've got to kick ass.

You can't go up and go, where are you from? What do you do for a living? You can't do any of that shit. Are you married? Listen, somebody pull you aside and go, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah.

It's like. It's a deal. Different, different machine now. And, you know, there's guys like me and Hinchcliff and Gerard Carmichael and Melissa Villasena, Tony Baker. These people, when I started, you know, you're just there to four in the morning. You didn't leave because if you left, they were like, yeah, that guy doesn't want it. Four in the morning. Four in the morning, yeah.

We'd walk to Pink Dot. Yeah. Get a sandwich and walk back and then sit there and talk to Eddie Griffin. about how Bruce Lee fought 100 samurai the night that he died. And you got to sit there and go, wow, this is interesting shit. How many cocktails did Eddie do? Fucking hysterical. It reminds me of when I stopped music when you told me that story

because I thought about it. I talked about it on my podcast yesterday. Two days ago, Genghis Cone announced that they were closing after 40 years. No. 40 years, dude. And you and I know it well, done comedy. I didn't stand up there. Exactly, exactly.

They had a good egg roll for a while. They had a great pot sticker. Yeah, they had a good egg roll for a while. They got good parking and a cool little room on the side. Angus Khan is going out of... So check this out, Joey. I play music 25 years. And on the last 10 months of those 25 years, I did kind of a world tour, you know, playing all over America and Europe and stuff.

And when I came home, I was like, you know, in my mind, I was like, this is kind of it. You know, people aren't buying music anymore. They're downloading it. CDs aren't selling, you know. And so I get booked at this gig at Genghis Cohen. And I get in my Dodge Super B, and I put the acoustic guitar in the trunk,

and I drive up, and I walk in, and it's packed. And I go, oh, shit, yeah, it's packed. And there's a girl on before me, like a pop girl. And as soon as she's done, the place empties out. And I'm next. And I go up there and I'm playing a 10 song set. There's people texting. They're talking and shit.

And in my mind, I go, this is it. I'm going to count down these tunes. And when I'm done, I will not play music ever again. So I was like on, I was like burr on that thing. Ten more minutes. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Seven more minutes. I was like five more songs in my head.

Four more songs. And when I got to the last song, I put the guitar in the cage. put it in the trunk, drove the Super B out of there, and never played music again, other than the Bond Scott thing once a year. But it's amazing how quick people just forget. They're not like, hey, where you get, you know, a couple weeks ago, when's your next gig?

And after that, it just, it kind of goes away, and you're selling Harleys in the Valley in the 114 degrees sun. How let some guy go, pull the blue one out again? I want to see it in the sun. It's like, motherfucker, it's a, 117 out and your wife ain't going to let you buy this. You know, get out of here. When I got here, I was looking for a job.

Yeah. Like during the pandemic, I was close to get a job at CVS. Stock and Shells by my house. Whoa, really? Doing what? Stock and shells. Whoa. I was like, but then I realized nobody would hire me. Yeah. Yeah.

I couldn't get hired if I fucking wanted. Thank God for that felony, huh? No, well, the felony and, you know, people like Joey, If you come to work here, you'll get mobbed. It's going to be mobbed, appear. We'll make money, but then when you're not here, we're not going to do nothing.

Yeah. It just, it was like. But also people are like, aren't you, hey, can I get a photo? Yeah, that's the reality of it. Oh, my God. How can I get a fucking job in the warehouse? People are going to fucking torture me and shit.

This is how fucking crazy I am. Why were you getting a job? I just wanted to try the normal life, man. Yeah, I tried it. It sucks. It's just like the godfather. When they go, I'm out. And they pull me back in.

Because there I was. I did music 25 years. And then I go, I'm going to sell Harleys. I need health care. And then the Tarantino people come walking on one day out of fucking nowhere. And they go, hey, we need an advisor on this biker film. And next thing, you know, I landed a role and advising on Hellride. And then I start doing movies and then comedy.

So it was like, what the fuck? The weirdest way to get into comedy. You know, the long way. But it's crazy how I was like, you know what? Something's going to happen. Yeah. I'm going to buy into a weed store. Somebody will have a fucking hot dog business.

They need a partner or something. Nothing's happened. Yeah. So I'm stuck doing stand-up. And it's just fucking fine. Yeah. I can't be on planes every weekend anymore. I'm just, that's one thing that the tours, that's done.

It's worse than ever, the planes. The planes are worse than ever. I don't have the patience no more. I just don't have the patience. The animals in there, man. If I get there and they go, their plane's delayed, I fucking snap like a twig and then the walking and the switching and they lose your luggage.

And you're like, you know what, man. And every once in a while you do get a great flight. Yeah. You do get a great flight. But no air traffic controller guys anymore. You're like, hey, are we cool to come in right now? You know, a wheel falls off. There was something wrong.

They were taking, diverting people out of Newark. There was a fire at Newark, yeah. Fucking crazy. You could see the flames from the fucking highway. Some shit. Every time you get on a plane now, now you have to take that insurance. Yeah. So your family gets nothing.

They got like $5,000. What if I thought if I died in a plane ride, I got a couple million. Oh, yeah. You get $250,000 or $175,000, a percentage of what you're going to make for the rest of your life. That's the bigger. Look at these people in Minneapolis. The plane that flipped over.

They told me the 30 Gs ago, fuck yourself. Go fuck myself. I'm calling fucking the judge that's getting that poor basketball out of Nicaragua that Trump sent down there by mistake. You see that poor bastard? Oh, yeah. They got him in a prison. I didn't do nothing. He had to do something. Somewhere along the line,

you ran a package for the Nicaraguans. You did something for Valé Del Norte, whatever that gang's name is. I don't know what the fuck their name is. Oh, my God. No, the other fucking guy that you know, Trump just sent back he iced some people, right?

He sent back a bunch of Venezuelan gang members. Well, he took this dude that was like a UPS driver. in Minneapolis. The judge told him he's got to be back by Monday. And they're like, listen, that ain't going to happen. That prison is like 40 G's deep. By the time they find him, he's been raped already. God knows what's happened to him.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, we got some crazy times. Really? He's staying? Yeah, because they was on 60 minutes last time about the tattoos and how they found this guy had a flower tattoo. too over a crowd and he was like my favorite soccer player and they're like knock it off you're a fucking gang member cocks sucker how long did it take you to work on this special dean well i was

um the first half of the material was kind of working up to do conan for my second time and then covid hit so it was a chunk about my back and i was just going to go like an al magical style which I really like his style where you pick a topic and that's the thread of the five minutes. And from there, Burr started touring. We did a Texas tour right around COVID and COVID was ending. And then from then on, I went on like a two-year arena tour with him and I started working this stuff. And about the last four months of the tour, I was like, two-year arena tour. I was like, two things scared me.

You know, I had this weird acid reflex called silent reflex where I didn't know I have it. It's not like the reflex where you go, God damn, heartburn. It's silent. My voice started fucking like going away because the acid flies up on your vocal cords and doesn't, it just trashes it. So I went to the doctor and I was like worried. like I have no special in 15 years. If I died right now, it would be like I didn't do comedy. You know?

Like, yeah, I already did comedy, but I never fucking saw it. So immediately I was like, I got to get a special going. And I really felt ready. And I remember Dave Attell telling me, he was like, don't rush it, you know, because once it's out there, if it's a piece of shit, it's just out there forever. So I really fucking dug into it. I was ready. and at the right time

I ended up interviewing this guy named Todd Mayo and he owned this cave in Tennessee where they do bluegrass concerts he has an Emmy award-winning TV show called The Cavern Sessions on PBS it's like the other show Austin City Limits but it's bluegrass

he found this cave he was just down in the dumps in his life and went cave fucking hiking found it when I wonder if we could do a concert in here he does Chris Stapleton his first show 12 years later I'm interviewing him because he wrote a book called the caveman chronicles mid interview I go I got to shoot my special in there he goes man we've always wanted to do comedy let's do it and a month later bill burr myself and Marcus price who directed it flew out there took a full gamble no one's ever done comedy in there we don't know what it's sounds like we don't know what it's going to be.

And it's an hour and a half outside of Nashville, which at the time, if I knew that, I would have been nervous too because it's in the fucking no man's land. And these fans got to come out there. But they came out, two shows sold out. We shot the special. Marcus killed it. Bill produced it, financed it. It's self-financed.

And it looks fucking insane. and it's the best thing I've ever done in my life. I absolutely love it. I don't care if it's one of those ones. You could trash it with your comments and I'd be like, yeah, it's not for you. It's just, I love it, you know? So yeah, we got it. We shopped it.

I was like, here we go. We're going to shop it. They're going to be like, what the fuck? The million dollar special. No one called us back. No, Netflix? We couldn't even get them to look at a one-minute clip. And this thing's phenomenal.

Like if I was Ted or whoever they had guy is over there and somebody said, you might want to look at this. I'd go, I don't care what it is. Just buy that because they're going to click on it with just the look of it. The look of it. Just the look of it. Everybody that sees, they go, what the fuck? And, you know, nobody's really done a special that looks like this. We're in a cave underground.

It looks like fucking Mars. It's insane. And at one point, a bat flew over. I was like, oh, shit, I'm fucking bat. You know, like in the cave. It's a real cave. It's not a Hollywood fucking lot. People are in there, and there's one door in, one door out.

Anything goes down, you're fucking done. And then we had all these cabins there and yurks and tents, and people flew out and stayed camped out there. partied for the weekend and came into the show. It was goddamn magic, man. And now it comes out on Patreon when? It's on Patreon right now for 10 days. And I put it on there really for my Patreoners that really helped me through COVID, man.

Without the Patreon, I would have been fucking on the streets. I gave it to them last night. We watched it together. And now you can buy it on my Patreon for 10 bucks. you know, it's self-financed. So anything helps. And then I drop it the day we hit Austin, April 17th, the Paramount Theater, I'm dropping it on YouTube for everybody for free. And all I ask is just to share it or fucking just watch it, man.

You know, it's pretty fucking insane, the look of it. And I love the jokes. The thread is great. I was ready. I was definitely ready. You know? I god damn I put you on the front

the intro has all these photos the people that helped me in my career and if you stop it it's kind of cool you can stop it like a slot machine and see who comes up like Joey San Francisco when it was fogged out and I had the headline for you while your flight was stuck Oh shit that's right

Yeah that comes up then you and I in the comedy store hallway the last week before you left boom photo in there i put everybody in there that um really meant a lot to me in my life and my career and then i dedicated to my mom who passed away a couple years ago who didn't get to see this unfortunately but uh you know marcus price who did the recent keith robinson special he directed the shit out of this thing and he's in a cave he doesn't know it's not like a we're all in a cave like What do you do?

I think he just get a crane and fly in it. You know, we had a crane in there. It was fucking flying over the people. It looks cool, man. You saw some of it, right? Yeah. It's really crazy how I don't know what's going on in the special world anymore. Yeah.

Some they buy. Some people go on YouTube. Yep. It's, uh... I mean, they didn't buy like Joe List. But these guys are inspiring to me. You know, like a Sam Rale or... or, you know, Tim Dillon, all these guys that put them on and they blew up, Shane, you know,

these guys put them on, then they blew up and then people buy it. And it reminds me exactly of the music business right now. The music business just sits back and they look around like, this guy has 10 million followers, and these three songs are one billion streams. Give them a deal. So now it's almost like they're kind of laying back and they're waiting. And if something blows up, then they come at you. And then that's when you grab all the money.

You know, because you go, well, I already made this. So you got to, you know, come with something because I already got it going on right now. Now, I am not delusional. And I tell people this a million times because people just go like, yeah, you just put your special up, man. You get like three million views and you're selling out theaters. That's if you're like, you know, say like on Rogan weekly and you're getting people sharing it and you're getting the viral thing. This thing could easily just do 5,000 views. But in my heart, I'm fine with that because I made a special that I fucking love.

And that's all I cared about. You know, I love this thing. That's it, man. You know, you either get clicks or you don't. It's not going to make you stop, you know? It's not going to fucking, at least people get to see you. That's the number one thing about a special. It's a shame that HBO doesn't really put a lot of specials on anymore.

Right. If they do, it's somebody older. Yep. Now, you know, it's just everything has changed so much, but it's also changed that we have the power. It's great. We control our own destiny. Yeah.

If you want to put a half hour special up, put a half hour special up. Yeah. Yeah. YouTube. and then there's this new Venmo TV coming out that I've been reading heavy duty on. I think it's just going to get better and better for self-made people. So Venmo, what they want to do is you have your platform. They do Venmo TV.

There's no algorithm. So you're not battling like, oh, nobody saw mine because I wasn't in the algorithm. them. It's just straight up your own TV channel. You have it hooked up to your Venmo and people just tip you or whatever. And everybody with Venmo can just watch this shit. They're going to have like a TV channel, dude. It's going to be crazy, I think, that it could take off. Because, you know, like a PayPal did a PayPal TV. You know, everybody has PayPal. So you're on PayPal and you go, oh, fuck, look at this. A special. I'm going to watch that. It's kind of a wild world, you know, that we're about to probably venture into.

But they also, I've seen a lot of comics, like, get their old specials bought, like, later on. So, like, maybe they don't buy this one, but the next time they'll buy both. Right. When they blow up, like Shane Gillis or something. Yeah. They license it. And then you really got it because you still own it. Right.

And then you can do whatever you want. Constantly chop it up, put it out, make clips, sell it to a different market, put it on the hotel. the airplanes, anything, you know. When do you think you were ready? Like, because you said you're at 15, like, do you think you're ready at 10 to do a special? Or like, when do you think you were ready? To do another special? When do you, no, like, to do this one?

Oh, about a year ago, I was like, I'm ready. I had done this material in an arena all around America opening for Bill. And that's a tough, tough gig when you're opening for one of the biggest comics in America. hands down and he's a slayer and you're coming out stone cold no host and you're doing 20 in an arena you know and people are just looking at you're like where's bill and now you got to get it going it is the fucking truth yeah 18,000 garden you just did the garden it's so fucking electric when you walk on dude i got goosebumps right now you walk on, you're like, I'm fucking right where, you know, some of the greatest shit of all time

happened. You saw concerts there, you know, like fucking Zeppelin played here, six, seven, five nights or whatever. And you're in that dress room. You see all the photos? And they're like, all right, I got to fucking get this. You know, it is. So you really figure it out right away, is this material working? And once you see it's, work and you're like, it's time to shoot this and move on, you know? Did it change it all going from like doing it in an arena to doing it in a club? No, no, it's just like in the arena, like somebody told me when it first started doing arenas, they go, the tip is go slow.

Go slow. That's it. And I was up there after a while. I was almost kind of cocky after a while because I was like, oh, another one of these. Because once you're inside, they're all kind of the same. It's driving up to it. You're like, fuck, we're in an arena. But once you're in, you're like, oh, yeah, where are we?

If you go up there and do my style, it's the nightmare. Oh, yeah. Because all you hear is a person yelling to the microphone. Right. Because I'll go on a rant. Right, right. And those rants don't work that well in the arena. At least Bill hasn't tipped.

Right. But a fast rant, you just hear, bo, blah, blah. It's like fucking listening to, you know. Yeah, you got the echo. So you have to do the joke, let it magnify, and come back. and hold your faith and do it again and it's hard to learn but that's why you do the theaters

that's why there's an evolution you know nobody goes from well I did I went from fucking 18,000 seats to 60 last Wednesday and I died a slow death I just died everything that came out of my mouth was horrible

that night but I'm like I couldn't make like I just came from the garden and I'm in the back room at a fucking sandwich place. Dude, the same thing happened to me. I did the garden, and the next morning, I did the cellar brunch show and ate the biggest dick of all time.

And that's okay. You just came out of this fucking garden. Dude. You're good. You're good for a month. Yeah. If you bomb within that month, it don't matter. Because when you walk off, you bomb tonight.

You really, bitch, I just did the garden. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Check yourself, motherfucker. Yeah. I'm into ball. Yeah, 99 problems and a bitch ain't one. Was that your first time doing the garden?

Second. Whoa, who'd you do it with Rogan? Tony Hinchcliffe. Oh, Tony. Oh, that's out today, man, everybody. It's on Netflix today. The New York one? Just came out.

No, not that new. It's a new episode. Oh, Kill Tony? Yeah. Oh, I thought it was the garden thing that they put out. No, they just recorded it. Yeah. Oh, wow.

Last night. do not to go, I guess. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah, yeah, the one with Shane and all those guys. I think Rogan's on it, yeah. Yeah, it's out today. Yeah, that's amazing, huh? Fucking crazy.

Kill Tony, the belly room, and now they're on fucking Netflix. Dude, I look at a lot of people from the store, and I look at the success they've had, and all of them, crazy hard workers. There's not one person that blew in there, and they're like, that fucking guy was like here two weeks, and he did a rena. No, man. It's like grind, grind, grind. I had a situation a couple weeks ago.

These guys know about it. A friend of mine wanted me to put her podcast up. And it was a really weird conversation. And I did it for her because I have history with her and she's a wackadoo. And two hours later, she goes, I want you to take it down, you know? And then I heard from her like that night,

like a 10 o'clock. And she was saying that she really wants to do a podcast, but she thought about it, and she just destroyed herself. Like, you know, when you're talking to somebody, I've seen people do this all the time. Like, you know, I want to be at this, but they just put all the negatives in it. Yeah.

You know, and I said, okay, whatever you want to do. You know, it's up your choice. I really don't give a fuck what she does. But I thought about it for two days. people don't see themselves growing. But I thought about how, when I did comedy all those years, I thought I was just going to die a bum. Okay, I was just doing comedy

instead of doing criminal activities, whatever. My point is, but then you're running in this circle. You're in a circle, and everybody in that circle is poor. You're all struggling, this guy's got two roommates, this guy's mother sends him money. And then, in my world, it was like Josh Wolf, living in an apartment, eating turkey burgers, he gets a half million dollar deal.

And then, you know, I saw Ralphie Mae in a studio apartment, and six months later, he's in a fucking house with a pound of weed on the fucking living room table. Yeah. You know, I still remember Joe when he was on news radio. Right. And he had the NSX or something like that. He sold the charioticry.

Rocco. Yeah. To the skinny kid at the store and bought an NSX. Oh, and Accura. You know? Yeah. Like, you see people. So when you see people, like when you grow up in North Bergen and you hang out with

10 guys, yeah, one of them, one of them. My hit Eureki gone to the Stark market, whatever the fuck they did. But unless you see it, you don't believe in it. Yeah. And that's how I, because this isn't the problem, I wasn't just pointing her out. I point to even people in LA that come to you and they go, I really want to write a script and I just need your help. And you're like, whatever you need.

And then a week later, they talk themselves out of it. Yeah. Just talk themselves out of it. And you're like, you want to like talk them back into it, but you're worried about, I got a daughter. I ain't got time to convince you to get your life together. But it's so weird how, unless you see people grow around you, that's when you start believing it.

Like I'm Josh Wolf. Ralphie Mae, Bobby Lee. You had all these fucking people blowing up around you. Crazy. You know? And all of a sudden you're like, here I am in a one-bedroom studio,

eating fucking ugat for breakfast. And then one day something just happens. And now you're at least, like there was a time I had to call my wife every day and go, can you put $20 on the back account? Oh, yeah. I would have like four from the night before. Yeah.

So now I got 24. I could actually take 20 out and buy a bag of weed. Yeah. You know, I never. thought I would be out of that. This was at 40. I was still calling my wife every day, and you put 20 on my books. Joey, you know, we don't have money for the rent.

I know, I know. I'm going on the road, all this shit. But not even that. I'm not even talking about that. I'm talking about having good sets. When people put you on a special or Comedy Central or whatever, it just switches. But unless people see other people growing, it's tough for them to believe that they're going to grow.

And like I said, I just pointed her out because her attitude went from hero to zero in four hours. Yeah. Like, it's not for me. I want to work behind the scenes. What? You know, I mean. And I just, all right, good luck, whatever you want to do. I'm here.

And for two days, it really like, wow, how people got, I know, listen, I'm going to be honest with you. I know so many comics that were so much funny than I was. Oh, man. And then they won a different route. They got scared. They did this. They did that. It's so many, I saw so many people talk themselves out of a career in L.A.

And they were close because you never know how close you are. You don't. But the words of my girl, Cheryl Crow, why quit before the miracle happens? Yeah. Let the fucking miracle happen, you know. It's a fucking miracle. For me to have more than $200 in my checker, account. That was a miracle.

Yeah, man. Because if I got 300 for a gig, I bought an eight ball. Yeah. Okay? An eight ball. Yeah. So it's a fucking miracle. And people don't, it's really hard to make people believe that you have to get into the slot.

It's like you're in L.A. doing open mics. Then one day somebody says, come to the improv with me. You go, the book of like shit. They make you do sets in the front. Yeah. You just moved into the chamber. Totally. Now it could be a chamber of a fucking machine gun with 1,800 rounds

or it could be a chamber with six bullets. You don't know? You decide, and you don't know. Yeah. And you don't know. And you get into that. And the next thing you know, you book a national commercial.

And now it's no big deal booking a national commercial, but people can't fuck with you because they know you got a chance now. I don't want this motherfucker to blow up and they won't talk to me. He's in the machine. So, yeah, you're in the machine.

machine now. And then you might book a one-line role in a movie. And then it just keeps going and going. But you're in the fucking rotation, you jerk off. Don't give up now. Now is not the time to give up. And even if you're not in the rotation, get into the rotation, then quit. Yep. You know, it's so weird, Jiu-Jitsu. People quit after their first blue belt than anything. People just want to get a blue belt, then they don't show up no more. Yeah. It's just so weird how people don't see themselves. And to me, it's like a fucking shock because I didn't see it either, but I think

when I got off the Coke, I started to see it. And I know, if I ever had an opportunity to do it, it's now, and it worked. So I think people should really give themselves a fucking shot, you know, and go, I got this. And if I don't, I die doing it. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter no more.

Nope. You're going to be broke anyway. You're not going to buy a car. I mean, it's just what we're going into the next five years going to be horrible for everybody. Yeah, so do what you fucking love. So do it.

Who gives a fuck? That's what I said. I got into comedy when I was in the worst spot of my life. Out of prison, fucking divorced. It was fucking horrible. It was horrible.

But I wouldn't have wanted, you know, it's like I totally leave. Nobody ever pulls up to a open mic on a Lamborghini. No. You know what I'm saying? Nobody pulls up to an open mic

in a Cadillac, fucking Escalante. It's even playing field at an open mic, even playing field. We're all in there. No man's land. You know, it's like people who work for an hourly wage.

That's great. But you're telling me you got no fucking balls. Take a chance. Columbus did because guess what? On the first, we're all fucking even. Yeah. Whether I'm the number one salesman and number 10, we're all even, bitch.

So I got another chance at the first of the month. And I love that. I love that we could throw away a month in your life. Fuck, and I'm smoking dope. I'm getting herpes. I'm not.

not fucking sleeping this month. And then you come back, you take your herpes medication, and you're fucking back. That's what this whole thing is about, man. And as old guys, we've got to explain it to these young motherfuckers. Yeah. That we've seen it. Yeah, man.

You know, I've seen it. I've seen people fucking hit a home run right in front of my fucking eyes. Oh, God. And go, holy shit. We would just... That parking lot at the store is a fucking plane, you know, like, it's like, here comes this car, like,

Whoa. Someone got a deal. Yeah. I still remember meeting, I still remember writing a one-man show with this fucking loser. And I would meet him at that hamburger place in Burbank. Oh, yeah. Where people bring all their cars on Friday nights. Oh, yeah.

Big Bob's Big Bois. Is that out of business yet? No, fuck, no. Is that burger that gives you hemorrhoids? Oh, man. That burger is next to the fucking Starbucks. Red Band and I used to go there at night late. Yeah, it's right next to a Starbuck.

Yeah. And I was in there one day. What the fuck was that going to tell you? God damn it. I forget now. Carves. Pulling in. No.

No. Oh, I know what the fuck it was. I'm sitting there. I'm writing a one-man show with a guy. Oh, yeah, the loser. I forget what the fuck I was going to say. God damn it. Those edibles are good.

Oh. I'm writing a one-man show with a stiff. Yeah. And as I'm walking out of here, Joey, what are you doing here? And I turn around at Billy Gardell. Oh, wow. And I go, Billy, where? What's going on?

How you doing? We start talking. And he's telling me how he's thinking of moving back to Pittsburgh. That the funny bones just offered them a deal and it was horrible money. And I was about to tell him that they had called me too. And the money was God awful.

And then I had to call him back and go, I'll do those weeks, but I'm not doing Sunday. Then we're going to pro-rate it. And they were like, oh, you have to do Sunday. And I'm like, listen, this deal is not going to work. Yeah. But I still remember Billy God, Adele telling me this, and a year later, he's on a CBS show.

And now he's the host of a fucking, wasn't he hosting? He's had two shows on CBS that are in fucking recurring, whatever the fuck that's called, syndication. Right. And he's touring now. You know, he's going to be here somewhere. I see him in flappers. Yeah, I know he's in flappers.

He's a funny motherfucker. Oh, man, good dude. But I still remember seeing him. He lost a lot of weight. Yeah, yeah. He looks killer. Yeah. I still remember seeing, and he was a guy.

killer comic. Yeah, he's one of the nicest dudes, man. He'll come up and go, God damn, that fucking joke strong. Yeah, no, he's a good dude. He'll tell you that. He's a very good dude. He's an old school comic. Yep. And I still remember with him going, I don't know if this is going to work out. Motherfucker, you got

a billboard on fucking CBS and shit now. And you know, and I remember those things. Yeah. Ali Wong. Oh, man, I tell the story all the time. Fucking, you know, happily, Whitney will know, no, I didn't know Whitney before the operation. Allie Wong's incredible. What a superstar. Yeah, I don't remember. I didn't meet it. I didn't meet it until

after she had the TV show. But you see all these people and you see them make the explosion. Now, you're like, okay, that could happen to me. There's been a lot of explosions out of the store. A lot of it. It is nuts. The chick on sign of that live. Oh, yeah. Melissa. No, no. Oh, Oh, fucking punky. Punky. Dude, bartender to S&L. Great story. Great story. I bumped into that Black dude. Leslie Jones also out of there? Yeah, Leslie Jones. Fucking Melissa, three S&L people, you know. Crazy.

I love it. Yeah. And I remember meeting the dude, the black dude from Forrest Gump. Oh, yeah. I forget what it? Yeah, Forrest Whitaker. Michael T. Williams. Michael T. Williamson did the pilot for Miami Vice.

And years ago, we did a new Law and Order mock-up show. I got a call from an acting coach and he goes, keep this under the fucking wraps. Law & Order wants to do something else. It was called Law & Order, judge's circle or something. And they just wanted to use a couple actors

and she used me. It was me, the kid that's always on, he was on our podcast. He's a guitar player that came from the, he came from Northern California

and he was Joe Bonamaso student. I forget what his name is. see him a lot on Twitter. Richie Cotson? Huh? Richie Cotson? No, no, no. It was him and Michael C. Williamson.

Oh, wow. And during the breaks, I would talk to Michael C. Williamson. And he goes, I saw you at the store one night, good stuff, and we started talking. And he goes, I used to hang out at the store a lot before I got Miami Vice, because he was on the pilot of Miami Vice.

And he goes, I used to see Trudy. Trudy was on Miami Vice. Yeah, yeah, that's right. She was a waitress at the store. Wow. She was a fucking waitress. He used to see it. And he was, I go, where is she today?

And he goes, she owns a clothing store in Compton or, you know, down there. Yeah, yeah. That place is a fucking has churned out the stars. What's that? The store? It is crazy. In the last 20 years since I started, I'm 15, 16 years in now. I just look at the people and they go like, wow, you know, Ari, Burr.

I mean, Burr, of course, he's, you know, 30. There was always a star. Right. But I'm just saying like, you know, when you really look at like these guys that became these giant killers in there working all that material, you know. And then Gerard Carmichael and who else was somebody else fucking shot their special thing? There was so many, so much shit that came out of that. Yeah. And I tell people all the time.

I told Lee a couple weeks ago on this podcast, I don't really care about shit. Like, I didn't do nothing in comedy, but I held my own on Tuesdays and Thursday nights the last four years. And that meant more to me than anything in the world. Those are the best lineups you're going to see, and we were right there, and, you know, they were always, just being around that,

you knew you had to be on top of your game. There was no fucking, and that's all I ever gave a fuck about. No matter how this ended, I came out of Comedy Storm Marine. Yep. And that's all I ever gave a fuck about, here we are. You get that name on the wall,

and sometimes you're rolling down sunset, and you turn the corner, and you see your name on the marquee, it is fucking awesome. I wouldn't even look. I would just shake my head and pull in the parking spot. It was awesome.

And the first time they put your name up there, you come all over your son. Oh, I sent it to my mom. As you're leaving, they're putting the name up the night before. Yeah, they put it up. Oh, shit. And then you get that, it's a different name. Oh, yeah.

They just put that up because then somebody called in to pop in. Yeah, yeah. And you come down there and watch this, bitch. Oh. Barry Sobel. Motherfucker. What the fuck?

Motherfucker. Any dates, brother? Huh? Any dates? Oh, yeah. Let's see. This comes out tomorrow. So I will be with you at Moon Tower,

17 and 18th. And Lee, it's a Paramount Theater. Then I go to the Vegas seller for seven shows, May 12th through like the 16th. And then one of my, one of my favorite new clubs in America, the comedy fort in Fort Collins, Colorado. I was telling you about it.

It is fucking amazing. The owner's great. I'm there in June. So yeah, you know, and then the special once again comes out, April 17th on YouTube free. Go to my website,

Dean Doeray.com, all the tour dates, everything, the Patreon. Congratulations, bro. Oh, God. I fucking love you, man. Lee,

what do you got, Coxucker? Yeah, look at the shape of this beauty. Yeah, I got a busy week. I got a busy week. I'm at the Broadway comedy club Tuesday and Thursday.

I'm with you on Wednesday in Jersey. Dojo of death. Yeah. Jojo of death. And then I got May something. May 17th at Philadelphia. That's sold out. N.J. Packers sold out now.

We got tickets going on sale for August something at Parks, right? August 15th. Where? Parks Casino. Philadelphia. Oh, fuck yeah. Oh, yeah. Where are you telling me you're going to do like a run there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've done two shows. Oh, that's cool, man. I got one more next month and then I love the place. So where are you going to be again, Lee? Broadway on Tuesday and Thursday and with you at the Dojohn Wednesday. Lee got cooked. What did you give him? What didn't I give him? He's got some slurring going on. Oh, yeah. It was that last fucking episode. Lee and I rode the bus over, man. That was wild. Wait if you have to ride the bus home with him and carry him.

Wait you have to sit on your lap on the bus. I'm going to Uber. I got to go. I got to go. to the stand. It's good to see you, brother. Congratulations again. I miss you, man. I miss you, man. I miss you, man. I miss you too. And just being here right now brings me back to those last couple of weeks in LA. At a time you get you, I smoked the 24 carrot

at snake bite and I was drooling and you were talking. And I just came out like, Joe Montana's the best. Just, oh, ha, ha, ha, ha. I was running down the stories with Leah on the bus ride over here, that fucking family brawl at the Gotham, you know, with the tables. Oh, my God. What about the time we saw the guy with the pirate?

The driving. The guy driving. And we were right next to him. Oh, my God. And the guy looked at this with the... That was the fucking funniest, dude. You're a pirate. Look at you.

Let me tell you something. There's nothing like a comedy ride. Oh, my God. And you have to go to a gig and there's traffic. Me and Lee had to go to San Diego one night. Oh. We could not stop. We had to pull over.

Oh, yeah. I was laughing so hard, my head was ringing. That's the night I was telling Lee about how you have to come in a woman's mouth and then punch her in the stomach. And then she comes, and then you make a suck it up with a straw.

And he's like, how do you do that? I had never done that in my life. I'm just pulling his leg. So wait a second, you come in their stomach and then why do you punch him to get it out? And then what? Then you make him suck it up with the straw. He was like baffled.

Oh, my God. You had never heard that at Jew Summerway Camp. Also, and I could be wrong, isn't this also the ride where you told me that you were pregnant? What's that? Isn't it also the ride that you told me that Mercy was coming? I don't remember. I think it was that same ride, like you told me those two stories.

I don't know. That was when went to San, that one went to Harris in San Diego. Oh, yeah. We were fucking late. We were fucked up. We took like 2,000 milligrams on the road. down. Oh, fuck. We got down. The guy's like, the show's starting, though. It's not.

We're eating first. We got to sit down for a minute. Yeah, they can wait all they want. The guy brought me fucking lobster biscuit in a rush out of like a Chinese container. I'm like, I'm not getting on that stage. I'm fucked up. He's like, what do you mean? I'm fucked up. So you better

get some food out of here. Lee was eating right out of the fucking container. They gave him like steak or something. Oh, man. I don't think. I don't think I had an iPhone yet maybe. or, dude, or something didn't work, and we kept getting lost and kept getting lost. Yeah, we kept getting lost.

You had to get out of the car at one point because I think you'd do puke or something. You what? Didn't you have to puke or something? Oh, yeah. I was, bro, we ain't like fucking everything. Oh, my God. And you're driving.

And we're driving. And we're driving and doing 90. 90. You know, that San Diego traffic. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, the worst. I did it last Thursday. Oh, the worst.

I did a one-nighter at La Jolla. Oh. You know, it's. seven hour drive down. You can just go to SF if you wanted. I'm done. That drive always used to get me. And people never understood. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. I like the train. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. It's too long. It's far. When you drive back in an hour and 30

and it takes you 40 hours to get, it takes you four. You leave at two o'clock, you're not getting that till six. Nope. Forget it. I leave it 10 now. I'm not fucking doing it. Crazy. It was always horrible. That was the worst drive. in America. How does a one and a half hour? Bro, I even made it back on that one. I was doing Coke. Oh, yeah.

My drug dealer used to close at one. I made it back on an hour 20. Oh, yeah. That's 90 from Irvine all the way to fucking Hollywood. I did an hour, 43 minutes Thursday night. No problem. Bro, on the way down, it's fucking four hours. Oh, easily.

Easy. Easy. Easy. No. No. I don't even like that San Diego that much. There's nothing down there for me. You know what I love that club, boy.

I like the club. I like the beach. I like the sushi. But after that, put me in the fucking car. Four hours for this shit. I can just go to sushi's eye. Whatever the fuck is by my house. The one next to the comedy store.

Sushi Zen, whatever the fuck it is. I love you, cock sucker. Stay black. We'll be back next week. Don't forget to watch Dean D'Elray special. And don't forget to, uh, I don't know. Keep it alive, cock sucker. Stay black.

We love you.