The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - Have some dignity!

Episode Date: July 15, 2025

Joey Diaz passes out, doesn't understand why people are jumping up and down about Epstein and Diddy, the importance of having an edible poker face and so much more! New customers, get a special offer from DraftKings Pick6 today! Just download the app press in code JOEY.

Kick this motherfucker, Neil Lee. What's happened, you savages, Uncle Joey here and this trusted fucking maniac buddy, Lee Syatt, for another installment of the church of what's happening now, new addition. What's going on, Tarzan? I'm doing great, dude. Hold on.

I forgot. It's the 15th of July. The rent is almost due, cock suckers. You know what I'm saying? That's how quick shit is moving. It was just two weeks ago. You were lighting fireworks, right? Three days ago, you were jumping up and down.

with your uncle, happy fourth. Look, it's the fucking 15th already. It's great. But you pay the rent right as it's due. I always wait till the fifth. Like, even today, like the mortgage. I pay the mortgage as, like, as late as I can. The 11th.

You pay the mortgage on the 11th? I paid it on the 14th. Why? Mine isn't due to the 15th. Oh, that's a nice one. Well, it's due the first, but they give you, like, a grace period. I'm Jewish, too. I don't pay it to the last minute.

Even if you have that money in the bank account, you don't pay it to the last minute. You want every last penny of interest. Fuck, no, I hate it. I always, as late as I can, and it makes me so happy. Dog, I like paying my bills on time. I paid on time, but I don't, why why want to give it to them right away? I can't tell you how excited I am to get my apartment deposit back.

That's four grand. Three. Oh, I'm going to be sitting there with a lot of donuts. Oh, it's a lot of, a lot of things. That's a lot of a lot of things, yeah. Fucking donuts. And when's your last day there? 30th. In theory, yeah, but I'm going to be gone.

And your birthday is the 28? The 20th. The 20th. Look at you. 30th. I was 23 when this started. 23 when I met you, now you're 37? Yeah, fucking wild, dude. Fucking corrupted them early. Doing all types of edibles and more sugar in the pills and the whole thing. How was your weekend? My weekend was great. I went and saw Tara film her special. How was that? It was fantastic. It was a cool little theater on top of a dumping place. right next to Grace Papaya.

George was very excited. I was on the train getting texted like every stop because it goes away. You didn't tell him fucking the Cuban place. I did. No, I did tell him. But he don't care. He didn't care.

He was going to eat that great papaya. That poor little kid's hot dog. That poor little kids crying over his cat. And George ate him. Yeah, and that papaya juice. But no, it was, it's cool. I'm years away from ever shooting anything like that. But it was just cool to see like Tara do it

because when I met Tara, she was featuring for people, and now she was shooting a special. It was great to see Chaz, had no idea who I was, which was fantastic, because I was sober. I said, hi, he's like, nice to see you again, Chaz. And he was like, ah, nice to see. He had no idea who I was, but that was really cool. And then I've just been packing this week.

What about you? Well, you know, the fucking ear. They got the stitches out. I had all of us. I had 60 fucking stitches. For that one thing, they gave you 60. stitches? I had no idea. I never asked. And then, like I did the show with you guys last week, people actually really think I got a facelift. Like I'm getting 10 messes a day on facelift,

what doctor I used. Some lady, they'd give you the other cream. At least I thought it was a good one. I didn't get no facial. I fucking got stitches from a, it was a boil. It was so deep that when they had to take out all the skin, they had to pull this skin back to cover the hole. Right. That's what the problem is. So, but Thursday was a real fucking adventure because I went and I made a big mistake. I let my wife come with me. And my wife's chatty. So when we sat down at doctor's office, the girl came in, then the main girl came in and she's like, this ain't going to bother you at all, but Bob, we're going to do that. We got a suck a lipoma out of your fucking back. I go, okay. So she sets me up. I go, give me a couple waters. When the doctor comes in and he starts talking to me,

you keep saying, yeah, we're going to keep the stitches out, and my stomach started feeling woozy. I'm like, I'm not feeling good already. So I drink a little water, and all of a sudden, she's like, we're ready to start? And I go, yeah. And she's doing something for like a minute, all of something. I hear like, dung, like she cut the stitch.

Okay. And she goes, that's one down. And my wife goes, how many did he get? And she goes, I think it was 60, all total. And just that thought, somebody gave me 60 fucking. stitches. What have I happened to three stitches or two stitches? Somebody gave me 60 fucking stitches. And they have to pull out each one, one by one? Or they pull them and they pull the whole thing.

Lee, it doesn't matter. I didn't feel it. This is the world I live in. This is why I say to people, it's always mental. It's not anything else. It's whatever you put your mind into it. You know, I didn't even feel it. And I fucking went down for like 10 minutes like that and put the fucking dog they put an ice pack on my neck and one on my chest and it melted within seconds it just went I didn't even feel it did you pass out I didn't go all the way out but I was like I don't feel good and the fucking thing that it's like when you torn your ankle I have a problem that whenever I turn my ankle or I hurt my finger it goes right to my stomach like a shot it feels like your stomach just gets like fucking a little right

and right away I got a shit and fart so never mind passing out never mind the stitches. I got to lay upside down with a fart in my ass that's about to come out. And fucking, it's a vacuum in my ass. I'm upside down. You know what I'm working with? And thank God it wasn't me there because you would have let the fart go. I'm surprised you have farted about the two fucking doctors in the room. They're women. How kill them with one those fucking farts. Oh. I remember when I was about 400 fucking pounds, I went to the doctor one day in Los Angeles. This is my old doctor, Waxley. He's retired. And he had this Mexican assistant. I liked her too. And one day they put me on the table. And one day they put me on the table.

to check something and then they both pulled me up and when they pull me up you just heard this tremendous fart come a thud-da-da-da-da-da-tah it just came out and at the end of the everybody just looked at each other nobody may ever move except me I got up and blocked the door right like you know to make it like you held them hostage oh I held them hostage with that fucking fart of death in the doctor's office oh my god I don't ever want to do it again because I remember to look on their faces there's no windows in the doctor's office no so they got to sit there and he held the whole fucking thing. Is that why he retired?

No, no, no, Waxson was going to retire no matter what. He retired after I gave him the pot cookie. He went down like Sarat Tiana. You did not give your doctor a pot cookie. Yes, I did. He was so paranoid. He would always tell me, leave it out of my office. I would always come to his office and go, Doc, I left you something.

He was from Chicago. And I would leave him like a cookie or the things I used to give you and switch the labels. Oh, the Cheebichu's? Cheapid shoes. And I remember one time I get, bro, one time I went down there and I lost a pot cookie like a month earlier and I got down there at 8.30 for a blood test.

And I opened the trunk and there's the pot cookie in the back of the trunk. I'm like, God damn it. I haven't eaten nothing. So I ate the pot cookie. The next day he called me up. He'd be like, get back down here. Your fucking test was all fucked up yesterday.

You pissed all green. Oh, my God. He goes, what'd you do? I ate the cookie in the parking lot. He was cool and shit with me. How did you find, how, did he ask for everything? Not. We were talking one day, and I just, every time I go, I bring him a lollipop. And he go, you got to stop this. He would always say, you got to stop. I'd bring him a lollipop or a pretzel.

You had to stop, but he didn't say no. This is in the early fucking days of when me and Ralphie would go to a place next to Dukes. They had cakes and donuts and shit like that, so I would bring them stuff. He had this with your coffee. But one night, I brought him a cookie, and I went to see him like a month later, and when he saw me in the hallway, he was like, and I knew I was in trouble. What I do? And when I went in there, he's like, motherfucker. I ate that cookie at lunchtime. I had to go home at 1.30.

And he was when I passed out until midnight. And then I got up. And he goes, I made Chicago hot beef. I had at the bottom of my freezer with the buns and everything. He goes, I started cooking that shit until about three in the morning. He goes, I made the whole thing a fucking that Italian beef. He goes, you motherfucker, what was in that? I said, I don't know.

So he's like, you bring me more. And I would bring him little cookies and shit. Do you buy edibles to give to people to, like, fuck with people? Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes they just give them to you, though. You know, like, remember in L.A., people give you, like, five milligram. Oh, yeah.

Candies and shit. What am I going to do with five million candy? Yeah, but you're not giving people five milligram candies. I'm giving them whatever they give me. Yeah, you give away the heavy-duty stuff. That's amazing. I've never heard of one, because usually people lie to their doctor. Like, they ask, do you drink?

Oh, occasionally. If you lie to your doctor, you're going to get nowhere. I agree, but I also don't give them edibles. I remember when I got surgery. on my neck for the fat ball. When I told that doctor, he's like, so how much Coke do you do? Once, twice a month. I go, every day.

Holy shit. He goes, how much every day? Go, either a gram or an eight ball, doctor, I'm on fire. And he just sat there and looked at me for eight minutes. He goes, just try to do it until the surgery. Not to do it until the surgery. Right. I did it until the night before the fucking surgery.

I went in there coming down like fucking Tony Montana at four, seven of the morning. I think I know. I think I did get out of the night before it's there. Because I got high enough. I had a monkey on my back. I wasn't going to stop then. And when somebody tells you not to do it, that's when I do it. Right.

When somebody says you can't do it because you're going to die, fuck it. I'm surprised you even went to the doctor. Huh? I'm surprised you even went to the doctor. I knew you had the fatball back then. I had a wife, man. I got a girlfriend that would bust my ball. She would make you go to the doctor.

I would lie to her all the time. Yeah, I went. And then she would call me from work. I went on the credit card. There was no copay. There was nothing. You didn't go. You have to go tomorrow.

You didn't go for your blood test. Jesus. Then she started taking me to the blood test. Oh, to make sure you stayed? Yeah. And then she realized why I left. After about six months, she's like, you pass out all the time.

She goes, I don't know how you do. I remember one time she took me to the dentist, and she was sitting reading the magazine, and all of a sudden they had, like, the red light going, and she just got up. She goes, that's my husband. Lady goes, where are you going? She goes, that's my husband.

She goes, how do you know? She goes, I'm telling you, that's my husband. She knew if they came and got her. And she knows exactly how to cool me off. How? She puts ice in my hands. Okay. And then paper towels, because my hands drip.

Swedy? Drip when I'm getting a needle. You can tell when I'm about to get a needle because my hands get really fucking slippery and slimy. What's more anxiety producing for you? Stand up at like a big theater like that or a needle? A needle. Holy shit.

But you've gotten better. I'll give you credit. It took me fucking 18 years. years of acupuncture. We're going on 18 years of aces. I'm going on 18 years of sober from cocaine. I probably started acupuncture a year before I got clean.

So the needles don't bop. When I go to acupuncture, I still jump in the air. Really? When she puts a fucking needle in my foot or something, I still jump. I still fucking, she puts one in my shoulder that's like you get here, going, yeah, yeah, sometimes it bends.

Sometimes the motherfucker bends. You know how many times she forgets to take needles out of my hair? and I'll be driving home and I'll scratch my head and I'm like ah and I got a fucking needle in my finger and shit holy shit what because you were just saying everything's mental why do you think you're still afraid of needles it's a 50 50 okay it's a 50 50 I went to the boxing gym today I did eight rounds I burned 620 calories he trained me for like seven rounds and then I did my own shit

but the rounds he trained me I didn't have to take a break or pee nice right I'm fine When I have to walk up those stairs on the side, I think my world's going to end. Not because the stairs are bad, because it's mental. I have these little mental fucking quirks, man. That's crazy. And we all have them.

We just don't. We just don't realize we have mental quirks, what we do. Everybody has, and it all depends how I feel when I walk in. There's days I can walk in there, put my arm out, and they can shoot me, and I'll talk to the lady. And there's days, like, I'm like, I don't know.

This don't feel like that. that day at the first day. That didn't feel right. So everything was going to hurt. The first needle, the second needle, the third needle, the fuck, everything fucking hurt. Because, but usually I could tell you, I was in the hospital for three weeks. There were days. I was getting fucking 12 needles a day.

Oh, I can't even imagine. I was like in training. Hit me here. Hit me here. Hit me here. You did way better than with that hospital stuff than I thought you would have. Like those three, just knowing you, if you had told me, how's Joey going to respond to a week in a hospital once a month for three months.

I mean, I'm sure you didn't like it, and I'm sure it was scary. No, nobody likes that shit. Nobody likes it, and you do it because with the pretense that you're going to get better. Right. You know, you're going to get better. Let me stay here. You know, I don't want to put this on my family. If not I'm at home in front of your family, you got to put them through this shit.

You have insurance. You pay a lot for that fucking insurance. Pay these people. Go to the hospital and get and take. taking care of because if not you're gonna keep coming back coming back coming back now again Lee I didn't think that way when I was 25 right I said fuck it if I die I die it big difference I was gonna say if you were imagine if you didn't have mercy right now or even Terry I'd be a renegade really I wouldn't be here for without the both of them what do you think would have

happened if I would have kept doing drugs I wouldn't have any of them so it wouldn't have mattered but I'm just saying that after a while you just go I have to do this because it's that penzo commercial either you're paying me now or you're paying me later you're going to end up here anyway you're going to end up here for 90 fucking days and then they're going to put you in a rehab for fucking 30 days because that's what they love to do now so take care of these six days because as far as I'm concerned six is better than 120 right fuck yeah six days in the hospital is better than 120 fucking days in the hospital so it's two different things it's still going to suck no matter what right but I'd rather do six than 120.

And that's if nothing goes wrong. Right. You know? And there's always something. By the way, not to change the subject. You said those edibles were 100 each. There's no way those were 100 each. I'm already fucking feeling them.

Who gives a fuck? It's Monday night. Your girlfriend's out of country. We'll lighten you on fire tonight. It's all over. Who gives a fuck? I was feeling warm and cozy myself. Oh, yeah?

I don't know what they are. It says... Where did you even get these things? Fannie sent me a bag of these edibles that taste great. Okay. To 20 milligram grape ones, which, what am I going to do with 20 milligrams? Nothing. I got to eat 20 bags.

And then these that said it was 20 pieces at 500 milligrams a piece. You just told me it was 100 each 15 minutes ago. We take a chance here. Oh, you get me 2,000? No, it's not 500. It's stupid. Nobody even makes 500 no more. First of all, that tastes too good for me 500.

Yeah, that's true. Remember the chocolates we used to get those brownies? they tasted like. What about those moon bars? You love those moon bars and those things tasted. Look at me, I like chocolate. Those things tasted like asshole.

What moon bar? I don't think of me. Those little thin ones. You talked about them on Rogan. They're like, they're like almost like kick cats almost. They were like long, they were strong as fuck.

That was strong as fuck. It's amazing. You have so many rules about food that, like you don't like this, you don't like that. You'll eat the worst tasting edibles out there. Listen, when you eat broccoli, right?

Like, when you eat broccoli, I tell you it's good for you. It's going to give you iron. It's going to help you with sunlight. That's that, da, da, da, da, da, da. Right. It's shit you don't see. When I give you an edible, it may taste like my asshole, but you're going to see something.

You know what I'm saying? Are you with me? I guess. That's why, why eat a brownie with no fucking THC in it? Because it's delicious. No, it's not. It tastes like dick. Give me a brownie with THC and some almonds in that motherfucker.

Then we got something to talk about. I'm surprised you haven't started like baking edibles. Yeah, that's what I want to do with my fucking time is sit there with a spatula and fucking be Mr. edible. That's what I really want to do with my fucking time. That's 62. I'm going to take up a new hobby.

I'm going to make edibles and lose to open up a business to lose money. I'm not even talking about a business. I'm just talking about you making edibles to fuck with your friends. Nobody trusts me no more. They still eat your edibles. I got to give them to people down by me and that's rough. Nobody eats edibles down there. Oh, my God. You're like the impractical jokers. Like you can't trick anybody anymore.

No, a lot of jokes. That's it. They won't. Like the mozzarella fell for it. You know, I could still get a pigeon from time to time to give them one. How excited do you get when you give someone an edible, you know, they can't handle? Look at the smile on his face. I don't know if it excites me. I just want to see where you're going to go. I don't know what the big deal is. We've done worst thing. You know, listen, when we eat 200 milligrams, even this go-goo-ch's short. George. George has done everything. So when he tells me, I have to work tomorrow, he knows that that infuriates me. And if I have a chance to shoot him with a thousand milligrams, like a dart or something, I would.

Because he can handle it. He's just a half a fag. Right. Okay? He can handle it. And this ain't shit. I'll take you to Bronx at three in the morning and give you two of these. And then you come back to me.

That's torture. When you don't know where you're going in the Bronx, we're having a good time of you. Okay, this is a controlled fucking high. Nothing bad could happen to you. Nobody's going to hit you in the head. Nobody's going to mug you. Thank God. Nobody's going to do nothing.

So what's the big deal? Give me what you got. If I can't drive home, fuck it. You got a blanket, right? Right? You got a blanket. You got a dog. I'll just hold on to the dog.

That's it. That's what you have a pet for. When you do edibles, hold on to him. Holy shit. Just grab them and say, listen, I got to hold you. We're going into a deep cave here. Your dogs look at it. You're like, what fucking cave?

You know the cave. But I don't think, like, do you even do you get to that level of fucked up anymore? Of, like, being scared? Every once in a while I scared myself. Jesus Christ. And I love it. The first night I got the pain pills, like I had them two nights, I didn't take them. Okay.

Because I was saving them for a specific night. And I popped like three of them. I was fucked up. I had three of them, a mushroom, fucking hours fucked up. My wife was trying to talk to me. I was giggling. I kept eating. I ate apple jacks.

I ate a bunch of shit that night. I've gained like eight pounds this last week. Off of pain pills? No, edible. The pain pills are gone. Okay. I just saved the pain pills. They don't give you a lot.

In New Jersey, if you get surgery, they'll give you like, they'll say take two or three pills a day for 10 days. That's dirty pills. They give you like nine. And you're like, the mat don't add up. Right. So you don't, I didn't need the pain pills.

But I need to eat. And then you always need to get a little higher every once in a while on a pain pill. Just as a reminder, you go to a Yankee game. A nice Viking that never killed nobody. You know what I'm saying? You have to be walking a lot of bleachers. Your knee hurts anyway. Right?

You go up there. You drink a beer. You got a goobah home. So that's what I did. I said, you know what? I only got like nine of them to take four of them from one shot. And I just inhale four of them. But again, it's 20 milligrams.

What did you even save it for? Like, what was the big night? Friday night. You know what I'm saying? I got shit to do it. people to see. Weren't you at a softball tournament? No, I didn't go to a softball tournament,

your fucking knucklehead. I was doing something. I went to a party or something. I had to a party was going to be boring. So I said, you know, if I know a party's going to be boring and I have to go for my daughter or my wife and tolerate it, I might as well eat edibles and do it my way.

And I don't say a fucking word. I go to those things and maybe there's one of the dads that will talk to me for a little while. I'll talk to them. I always find somebody. Yeah, but you don't. look fucked up. That's the, like, I... That's the secretly. Yeah, but

how do you do that? Every... I look fucked up. You've given me so many edibles. I look fucked up when I'm sober. I call them every Tuesday morning, guys. You have to hear him on Tuesday morning. Look, yeah. I'm up till... You think he got raped by at a ditty party. You think I got raped? You think you got raped by fucking escorts and black dicks.

And I'll say, what's up, Lee? You know what's up. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm up. I'm out of the house. I drank water. I took a shit. George taught me that. You know, you don't want an edible. hangover, drink two cups of coffee in the morning. Eat an apple. That first shit, you go in the shower and in the shower, you'll start, or your ears will deflog. You know when your plane starts to land and your ears go, that's when, once you get in the shower, and after you take that first shit,

why are your ears popping in the shower? Because you were high last night. You're up in the fucking cloud. Jesus. Once you hear your ears pop in the shower, you're brand new. Then you come out, you take an egg sandwich, and that's it. But even when you take the edibles, like your eyes don't get red, they don't get smaller. The only way people can tell your eyes, you start to whisper. That's the only way people can know that your eyes, you just start, you start telling people's secrets. And I don't know what, like, everyone else, as soon as I take an edible, my eyes close, you don't, nothing happens to you. It's a poker face. But you can't just say, it's a T-HC poker face, you know what I'm saying? Oh my God. You got to fucking keep it

under control. If not, you got to be one of, huh, eh, let's put some pot. Who gives a fuck? What are you? Cheech and Chong you fuck, you smoke pot, you have to have some dignity. I agree with you, but it's not something it's not like I choose to look fucked up, I just get fucked up. Who cares? You know what I'm saying? We get fucked up here. That's what we do. As a matter of fact, it's time for another edible.

How's that for you? How do you know? Your watch go off? You said, I just, you know what I'm saying? I can feel in the air that you need another help. I must be talking too much if I need another edible. That's how you always know. I got fucked up in Cape May this weekend.

I went to Cape May for a softball tournament I told you Let me tell you something Friday, Saturday and Sunday night As a matter of fact Saturday night I had a fucking Heineken Really? I got fucked up I love it

One Heenken That's it And it was the coldest Heineken down the shore And he gave me a fucking glass That broke, it was so cold When he gave it to me Motherfucker shattered He gave me another one

He just went when he put on the bar I just went I drank it in two sips. Yeah? It was delicious. Every meal I had in Cape May was fucking amazing. I went to the Mayflower Hotel. They took care of me like I was Johnny fucking bananas of my family.

We walked in there Friday night with like 19 people. Damn. And the dinner was fucking good. They had a nice steak, ate out steak with a nice baked potato. And I had a cup of something that you wouldn't think I'd drink. Again. Asparagus, cream of asparagus soup with crab meat in it. Delicious.

Wow. Now, you know how many asparagus as I've eaten in my life? Zero. Zero. I hate those fucking disgusting spears. I hate cream. I hate broccoli. With cream of broccoli done well, shit. Dude, that's what you have to do online is the soup reviews. There's no one in the same. Would you leave me?

No, because that's what they... You're the only person who has soups. Nobody makes soups. Everyone has... Who, Campbell? I'm going to go bring them back from the gate. No, you go to a restaurant. I went to...

shop right for fucking soup today. They haven't put a piece of salt in that soup in 20 years. I took two seconds they didn't put salt in here. Chicken, rice, no fucking salt. Tons of chicken, tons of celery, tons of this, tons of that. They forgot to go, oh, put some salt in that.

Nobody makes a fucking sensational soup anymore. It takes like it has to be something like a small family restaurant, not a chain. It's got to be a small family restaurant. The brass rail in Marwan is the closest that if I had to give a review for soups, I'd go with them.

When you're trying to get a good soup, like, what's a good soup to you? Listen, anybody can make New England clam, anybody can make onion soup, that fucking French onion, anybody can make lobster bisque, and any of you can make New England clam chattah and Manhattan, okay? Give me something different. So that doesn't impress you. Those, like, standards.

Listen, Cousins makes a Manhattan clam chowder, that fumes will come out of your ass old, so forth. good, but they also make an exceptional lobster bisque, and then New England is second to nobody. Cousins in New Brunswick, Marlboro, and now Bricktown. Phenomenal, but those are the three soups they make. Fucking Cafe Luna has Nana Pasifazoo with pastina in it.

You want to talk to me about soups? Like, that's a soup. What do? Like a fucking pasta for zoo with. fucking bastina in it. That's something different. My man and me and George, we're cream of turkey motherfuckers,

you know what I'm saying? But our standards of lowered because when we go for cream of turkey, now it's all out of a camp. Nobody's really giving you cream of turkey from scratch. They don't. If you know it's cream of, you know it's from scratch,

if it has something additional in there. Like we used to go to a plate, our in-laws used to make turkey gorgonzola soup, like a cream of turkey. Gorgonzola. That's how you know. When you get cream of turkey

that dine, it comes out of a fucking can. They got it from Campbell's cousin. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's not going to really... I like, like, there's a restaurant. The brass rail makes all those broccolies, all those soups great.

They make a fucking red pepper soup, a cream of red pepper. Never even heard of that. Fuck. Exactly. Make me a soup that I don't know about. And do you like creamy or like chicken kind of soups better? All that shit.

Like, dog, there's the Mall of America. Yeah. Oh, yeah. When you do the Mall of America, they put you in that hotel. Yeah. Upstairs and the Mall of America, they have a soup. At that fucking mall, only in the winter. It's got everything in it, like beef barley.

They put, like, beef barley, beef stew. It could be a million degrees under. And you drink that soup and you warm up. It's just comfort soup. I like that stuff. but not, you can't have it when it's 90 degrees out. I know, but it's been 100 degrees here for like a month, and you're still eating soup.

Yeah, I'll have soup. Is that a Spanish thing? And I'm being, because... Spain. Yeah? Spain. So my mother made a lot of soups because of my father. When my father died, she kept making those soups,

and I fucking loved the shit out of them. Because Cubans have things that say, lop, lo wap, a little wop, no thomasop. That means real bad motherfuckers, don't drink soup. But I said, fuck that. bad motherfucker, but I need my soup. That's a Cuban saying? Yeah.

No wappan a thomasop. Why don't Cubans like soup? Listen, it's just an old fucking Latino shit. I don't know. The fuck is wrong with you. I have known. Like that, a nice creamy turkey soup, see? That's very nice.

It's some carrots. That's how you could tell. It doesn't come in a can. But you go to a diner. You get high. I'll smoke some wee-wee, and I'll take you to that diner. On Wednesday, we'll put some fucking some crackers in that motherfucker. You won't know the difference.

Oh, my God. That's my favorite part about you with soup and iced tea. With soup and iced tea, with ice tea you take the sweeten lows with soup. You'll grab like 18 of those cracker bags and you put, there's more crackers in your soup than soup. It's, and dude, that's, I think, the happiest that I ever see you. Well, I'm eating soup. A soup and an iced tea and you are thrilled.

Salmon with mashed potatoes and spinach with pieces of garlic in it. That's my second favorite fucking meal. Now, it used to be chicken colors of mashed potatoes. But nobody ain't making good chicken colors except for my man, Georgia. Everybody leaves the vein in the middle. Oh, no. I can't do that no more. I can't even eat chicken palm no more because I always get that little tender.

The other day, I got sushi and it had that, and I wanted to fucking hang myself. Oh, gross. Yeah, white tuna. I'm like, you know, Jersey and California, the sushi is two different fucking worlds. I'm sorry, I'm done. You know what I did for the first time, and I know you're going to make fun of me? Licked my asshole. I don't think you make fun of me.

I can say thank you for that. I went to a, it's called like Omicasse where like they just give you pieces of sushi. It was like the first time I ever did. It was fun. It was a good time. It was fun, yeah. You've never done it? No, I don't want to eat nothing. I don't know. Don't give me nothing. They tell you what it is.

Yeah, there, but I can't tell them before they bring it. They're going to say, I don't want to be surprised. I don't want to be surprised. Then they'll bring you all the shit you don't want to eat the shit. Just give me what I want to eat. Okay, I'll pay you, just give me what I want to eat. I don't want no surprises. I don't want the chef special. I don't want that because then they come out with lamb look with the chef's special listen I don't eat lamb now I got a taste and shit blood for do we so let go away go like that because I

just give me the same I ask for I don't want nothing else but you always put yourself in these predicaments it was good I was really happy to do it I had sake for the first time 38 years old sake for the first fuck I had it once before I didn't like it but this was a good one what was in this one honey no it was just with a good quality I don't I don't know. Good quality. You only had sake one time. Yeah.

How was this a good quality? What did you sniffed? No, this one, I don't know anything about it. I'm just saying this one tasted good. Leave me alone. I knew you were going to say shit. Yeah, because by the way, you always got to, you've always tried to make sushi. Dude.

You hear that shit? None. What am I, you, you, you refused to go to sushi with me because I was too boring. Now I'm trying new things. And you get, I, there's no winning with you. We went, like one of the, like a year or two before we left L.A., the play. the place that he likes for sushi, sushi Dan, we went, I like two things.

I like tuna and I like shrimp. And I get like a few different varieties of that. Halfway through the meal, you just look and be like, no more sushi. You're worse than my wife. You're boring. You know, he gets those shrimps. That's what he gets.

No, no, I do get that. No, no, he doesn't even get the shrimp. I do. I love you. Don't tell me. Look at me. I get shrimp and two pieces of tuna. You don't need no spider roll.

he don't do anything else. He's like, he's like if you go to eat sushi in Iowa. That's him, that's Lee. So I try something new. I get king salmon, which was really fucking good. I didn't like the scallops,

but there was a couple different, I tried that like the orange, like the uni, whatever it is, it's like custody. It was pretty fun. Custody? Yeah, it's weird.

Yeah, no shit. Leave me the fuck out of the line. No, not the orange balls. It was like an, it looked like ice cream. Oh, I know, he said orange much. Yeah.

You're reading like an eagle eye. You don't even know what the fuck you're eating. Yeah, that lady from North Bergen that ran over everybody. You're eating one of her eyes is shit. The fuck is wrong with you. Someone ran over somebody? I don't know. Something happened in North Bergen.

Some lady ran over seven protesters or something. Jesus Christ. You know what? Let's just fuck with me today. I'll tell you something else I did, which I've never done. Do you ever get pedicures? Leave me alone, Lee. Jesus Christ, Lee.

You don't like it? I've never done it. You told me I had the Auschwitz. By yourself or did your girlfriend walk? No, no, no, no. You got to start getting it together. What's wrong? You told me I had the Auschwitz toe because it cut a hole in my glee.

Lee Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee. Yeah, we're going to have to have a talk after the podcast. This ain't working out. It's not going to work out for you, Lee. What's wrong? It's constantly with you lately. Constant. What do I do?

Mediures, manicures. Not a manicure. I didn't say manicure. It tastes like shit. It was good. It was good. Okay. I'm not going to, I don't want to talk about it.

No more. You just, you just killed me. You know what I'm saying? But my feet are fucked up. Yeah, so am I. So am I. You don't, your feet are going to, listen, a plastic surgeon needs your feet. Not some little Asian chick that weighs 40 pounds drilling on your toes.

That's why I don't go for a pedicure. They tell me all the time, bring the toe. I go, I got a fucked up toe. If I bring this toe in there, those chinks are 90 pounds apiece. They can't chisel. They got a chisel and shit. Are you fucking crazy? But I don't have the fungi toe.

I just have the outside. You got everything else. You got a toe that's like me. I do. You got a foot that looks like it stepped on Hitler's head. Like if they would have used your foot to kill Hitler, it would have been fine. I wish I was there. But it feels good.

I don't know. You're in New York City. Yeah. And you're getting fucking pedicures and shit. Not all the time. We got to have a long talk, eating sushi out of it. I like, you like to. White Castle.

I didn't go to why I said I wanted to go to white castle. I didn't go to papaya. This guy makes the best hot dogs on the Monday night. He got him. I didn't. I know. I know. And you let him.

I was on the train. How am I going to stop him from getting grace papaya? North Bergen, New York City barbecue, Harlem fried chickens three doors up and the Cuban place. And this guy goes for hot dogs. He makes the best hot dogs possible on Monday here. I don't know anymore. I just don't know anymore, guys.

I just got to go home and just, they just got to put me on an island soon. Because I can't figure it out no more. I cannot figure it out more. What is it to figure out? Why does other people, like how other people eat or do what their feet, why does it affect you? Those Stouman's hot dogs on Monday with halapeno

and the best fucking thing you do you get in. I agree with you. He goes over and gets a fucking dog that is the worst thing you could ever eat. I have to be honest. You understand me? Yeah. So it's like you can't even pay attention no more.

Like I just, I feel bad. It's like a retarded child. Like today I went down this block and I saw all the goofy restaurants he tells me about. On a nightly basis, the chocolate place I saw today with the $10 milkshake. The other days give me an ear beating. It's about a $10 milkshake. Listen. No, it's you.

I don't want to even make a $10 milkshake. Listen, I go for a $10 milkshake because I know it's going to be that good. I hope so. If I give you $10 for a milkshake, I better taste the cum in there, like from your mother's pussy. I want to taste everything in there.

I don't want no chocolate, I want cocoa. You know what I'm saying? I want CO, COA, co-cow, whatever the fuck. You know what I'm saying? Cacao. Yeah. But he has all these places that you shouldn't even be walking by. Muslim this, Turkish this,

Viva, Mexico. I saw all those places. That's an old gas station. Viva margarita. And you idiots are in there. That's how lude. You fucking retarded. I saw all those restaurants.

I'm like, this is not good up here. You could fall into death up on Anderson Avenue now. And at the end of the day, that is Rudy's is probably a last white food in fucking Clipside Park. I was in shock today. You know, he was telling me, It's a chocolate bag. Oh, it could be good.

I thought about the chocolate place in Baltimore. Okay. Those shakes were $10. But they gave you a chocolate straw. Oh, a chocolate fucking straw. After you drink the shake, you eat the straw like a doctor. You got it all over your teeth. That's a $10 shake.

You don't know, George. Dude, milk shakes are like $10 as cheap for a shake now. It's fucking solid. But then he tells me it run by Turkish people. They don't know about milkshakes. So I ain't going in there. They got like a recipe from Louis I. You know what I'm saying?

Like they're all like fucking third world nation people You got another restaurant Up there, you know, that I just saw about a Some other fucking they have two crazy ass restaurants Next to each other Countries never even heard of Like what? Countries you never even heard of Like by the fucking

By Mcagna Before you make the left on McCagna Right there Yeah there's something from fuck I wouldn't eat that shit You probably eat there And they give you a leaf of coke up by mistake You fucking die then

Some fuck, I mean, he's got it. It's insane. So what kind of restaurants do you want to see? There's only so many Italian restaurants you can have. I didn't say that. Did I say, I don't want to eat a fucking Italian every day? So what else can you eat? What's allowed if Colombian?

What have happened to a nice steak? Okay. So it's two kinds of places. What have happened to most Cuban up the corner there? Whatever happened to nice? You got great Chinese up here. Those places you see with the fogged up glass and shit in Jersey? they're fucking good, okay?

They're good. It's not like California where you see the fucking Chinese guy he's got like a hippie hair cut, no. These motherfuckers are good. The one on Park Avenue where you took me that time? Tremendous pork fried rice.

I don't know about disparages and shit like that, but they're fucking good. But, like, where does the line get drawn? You know where the line gets dropped. No, but the line gets drawn differently every fucking day. You make up new rules.

You make up new rules during the game. No, this is common sense. Common sense, this is common sense. You eat the best hot dog in the world. I mean, it's just common fucking sense. You know, I don't know how many times we've had the conversation about food and food and food. And we all go back to the same thing.

You know, by my house, it's great. It's great for what they have until you come up to Hudson County. And then that shit changes. And then we get on a tunnel or a bridge and we go over there and get fine dining with all the bullshit, people drinking martinis or whatever.

But at the end of the day, where there's a motherfucker get the best bang for his buck in Hudson County, New Jersey. And that goes for pizza, that goes for Chinese, that goes for Spanish, Cuban, Puerto Rican, even Colombian.

That's right here in Hudson County. Okay? Everything else, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Now, again, Clifside is in Hudson County. Right. It's Bergen County. But still, it's on the same neighborhood as us.

They should all have the same dignity. You know what I'm saying? There's a word called fucking dignity, okay? So that's what's going on right now. That neighborhood, Fabio and Cliffside is very third world nation, whatever. Turkish, Arab, whatever. I got nothing against those people. But you're not going to make me a fucking Philly cheese steak.

I can't do it. Stick to what you know, hummus, papaya shit, you know. Okay. Fucking coconut milk with shrimp. You don't mind the restaurants. You just don't want other, you want people that's like jail. I want people who know what they're doing. to cook my food.

When I walk into a Carvel in California, I was very excited about the Carvel. Very excited. I went to the Grand Opening. I was one of the first people there because I'm 400 fucking pounds. That's what people will 400 pound do. Cario ceiling.

That's Chang'or, the God of fucking thunder, to correct me. So, Corral. I walked in there. They wanted $5 for the cone I paid it. Everything was hunky-dory until it was street. Chinese people. Now, I have none against Chinese people, but what do they know about Carvel? Now, again, you know, Joey, you're being racist. No, I'm not. There's a Carvel by my house

in the 33. It's a drive-through Carvel. It's run by Chinese people. They've owned it for 30 fucking years. You go in there, you tell that motherfucking Chinese dude make you a shake thin, and he knows how to make you a shake thin. That's the place I used to go and get the thin chocolate shake with the double-comb vanilla ice cream, vanilla chocolate with colored sprinkles and whipped cream and I would dip it in there, that's when you're a 400-pound fat fuck. That's a good carve out, but it wasn't an investment for him. Right. It was something that they liked.

He had kids. All the kids worked there. I've seen him grow. The girl is beautiful now. The fucking father's yoked. There's another one on the 520. That's Chinese own. They don't know what they're doing.

That's an investment. The lady on the 516, she owns it since Jesus left Chicago. That's a drive-through. So she only works in the daytime. So if you want it done right, you got to go in the daytime. Because if you go at night, it's kids with acne and pimples, and they're on their phone. And you can see like a cherry floating in the pineapple.

That's when we leave. As soon as I see a cherry and the pineapple, we got to go. You go to Carvel, you can't even get hard ice cream anymore. Carvel used to be hard ice cream ville. Now you go, it's like your grandmother's refrigerator. You ever eat ice cream out of granny's refrigerated? Always had that core of air on it because they leave the top off,

and you're supposed to eat it and tell her it tastes good. Meanwhile, it tastes like lasagna, garlic ravioli. You're like, oh, yeah, this tastes great. I don't want to eat. My ice cream's got to be tight up in the top. Right. Dude, you just rattle off, like, the schedules of three different... Do you know, like, all the Carvilles in this state?

I got, I got, that's what I do. I'm a fact, fuck, I'm stupid. I don't know much, and this is what interests me. I have no other interest. If you're going to talk to me about politics or Elon Musk, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck about SpaceX. I don't give a fuck about that shit, okay?

What do you give a fuck about? I give a fuck about a nice piece of good food, not getting tortured, and that's it. But if I go into a place, I can tell if it's an investment, especially if it's a chain restaurant. You could tell if these people, this is what they grew up on, and they believe in that product, or if it's a fucking investment. And ice cream is a weird one because, like, there's a lot of, like, happy memories. associated with Carvel for you. It's not like it's like a sandwich place. Faggot, or what?

Happy memory. You're the one who has so many rules for Carvel? I don't know happy memories of my ice cream. No? I get stoned and I like eating it. It associates a lot of happiness with the fucking... You don't think so?

No, you're depressing me now. You sound like a white person. I am white. Anyway, let's take a breathing now. We're going to talk to you about this weekend and Draft Kings. What's happening, beautiful people? Uncle Joey here.

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You missed my draft king's ad. Oh, I heard it was good. It's always good. Anyway, I want to talk to you guys about something that's been going on for a few months that you guys caught on to it. I went on a few podcasts, and I got some heat for it. Every time I said it, when I went on Rogan, I got heat for it. When I went on Burke Chrysher, I got heat for it.

And I went on somebody else's podcast, and I spoke about it. And you guys, as usual, you know everything, so you make your stupid fucking comments or whatever, you know, because everybody's a fucking authority all of a sudden. So, you know, I told you motherfuckers not to worry about Epstein or worry about Diddy. I told you motherfuckers repeatedly for years. We lived in California, guys.

Now, I'm not going to blame California for this. I'm going to blame a city called Hollywood. I'm going to blame a city called entitlement. I'm going to call a city white entitlement. I'm going to call it, you know, just the worst shit that could happen in any city that I've seen is in Los Angeles, aka that Hollywood scene. I shouldn't even say Hollywood. Hollywood's a great little fucking town.

But there's a certain mindset in that town that all you fucking idiots on TV and everybody thinks they know about, listen, I like getting my dicks up. I like coming on your tits. By mistake, it goes into your eyeball. I get a giggle. You know, if I have to, I'll come on your feet.

I'm not an anal guy. We're talking family here, okay? You know, I'm not going to give it to you up the ass. It's not my big man thing. I was just a regular guy, okay? I got accused of a lot of shit online. People said this. Oh, he's scared of ditty.

His name is on the ditty list. The level of sex and stupidity in Hollywood is one that you'll never understand. I sit here every week for 14 years with Lee, and I've mentioned to you that the people that you people idolize and think are great, they're the biggest pieces of shit. and your family, your parents didn't raise you to know that, to read that in people. You just fall for, he was great and fast to fury. You know, you fall for that shit, you know,

and you become fans or whatever of these people that, A, don't know you exist, B, they wouldn't talk to you if they did, and three, they're just horrible people. You know, I mean, I've never snatched, come out of a girl's pussy to rub on my nipples. Who did that? somebody comes on her.

Should he, right? Damn, I didn't hear that one. Celebrities, whatever. Escorts were coming to her, and she would make her run into the room, and he'd take the come out of a pussy and rub it on your nipples. If you don't understand that,

that is a complete different level of fucking disgust. Like, even disgust that I wouldn't think of when I'm coked up when you think of disgusting fucking things. Because when you're doing drugs with a girl, you're thinking disgusting fucking things. And I've never thought about

taking come out of a girl's pussy and rubbing on my nipple to fucking come. Especially when it's not yours. No. So my point is that the level of sexual deviancy, I mean, if you guys didn't learn anything, you guys didn't learn anything from Harvey Weinstein because you focused on Harvey. You didn't focus on what was actually fucking happening, that a guy is making fucking Hollywood stars suck his dick for movie roles. This has been going

Now, you guys act like this never happened before This happens daily At jobs in New York City This happens, you know If you're an immigrant Those are chicks and you come over and you want a job You're gonna have to suck a dick or two Some white fat fucking ugly dude with red hair or something

You know, that's the way it's been I didn't write the fucking rules I didn't write the rules But the sexual indiscrepancies in Hollywood Had always been disgusting How long did it take you to hear about stuff like that when you joined? I heard about it maybe 2010, 15. Who knows?

It's like everything else in my life. It goes in one ear and it goes in one ear and it goes out the other because at the end of the day it's got nothing to do with me. Right. But I just meant more like when do you start hearing rumors of like, oh, this executive did this? I heard rumors for years about shit, underage, fucking. I heard rumors for years. Fuck. I heard rumors for years, okay?

And after a while, there's smoke, there's fire. But I'm so busy trying to be a good comic, but I'm not worried about that shit. I'm too busy trying to be a husband and a father and trying to fucking take care of myself. I didn't worry about that shit. That had nothing to do with me. We had a mutual friend that was involved

in thousands of things that we didn't know about that I didn't know about until we moved back here. And then I found out hours of material that were like, I was blown the fuck away. You know, people have weird lives. out there. And when I'm going to tell you podcast people, you pop back to cast people that listen or whatever, there's list of everything. But the problem why you'll never get those lists, because they're influential people. You know, at Denny's party, he had a bunch of fucking people

in there doing it. And I don't know if you know anything about the judicial system, but then again, I don't know if you're dumb motherfuckers know anything that's called money. And money could do a lot of shit, okay? And when you have that much money, well, Jay-Z, Jay Z's worth what? Billions, I would guess. Even if he gives a half a billion away. You know what a half a billion buys in this court system and all that shit? Are you guys even familiar with how this works?

Whoops, I'd have the width. Yeah. But you're never going to find out who's on it. Doesn't that depress you at all? No, it doesn't depress me. Number one, ain't none of your fucking business. And number two, what I've been saying since day one, how is it going to change your life?

Do you got a raise from no one who's on the list? No, you just want to know who's on the list. Oh my God, I can't. It's like those idiots. I can't wait till Trump releases the Kennedy assassination. He got shot in the fucking head. In the 60s. 1960s.

And you're getting excited. 63, I'm sorry. And you're getting excited. We've just gone to a different level of fucking stupidity that we actually think we deserve to know. Who's on the Epstein list? No, you don't. No, you don't.

Because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. But these people might have, like, important jobs. And what would make a difference? If you knew that the president of Disney was getting his dick sucked by a 10-year-old girl, you're not going to go to Disney when you have a child with this chick. Not if he's working there. Listen, man, we're all a bunch of fucking hypocrites.

All of us deep down inside. Either you could be a fucking hypocrite or you could try to live your life the right way. But what about, like the other, what I was, what depresses me is like, yeah, I think you're 100% right. Like, if you have a hundred million dollars and you donate it or whatever it is, the rules don't really apply. That's the way it's been since day one.

What makes you think it's going to change now? What makes you think it's going to change now? Because all the politicians go in saying they're going to change it. We only got half of who was at the ditty parties and we'll only know four people. they picked that poor retard because who gives a fuck about him the prince of fucking London because he's a retard as it is

he looks like fucking Herman Munster they're all fucking retarded that whole family look at the other one with Megan Markle he's a fucking dirtbag you know so what you know guys it's that what I've been telling you didn't matter at the end

this is all I was trying to say at the end of the day it's well Joe he's a sexual devious that's why he was on the list really like I fucking know Epstein like I've ever met fucking Diddy Like I've ever even seen

Fucking Diddy And even that What are the chances of me going to his party That's number one And number two One of the chances One of those hot chicks Actually sucking my dick

And fucking rubbing And I'm Diddy's nipples So you tell me This is what I understand This is why my argument is people You're worrying about shit That's never going to come your way It's never going to come your way

I'm angry about one thing If I'm angry about anything I'm angry that the CIA was involved And bringing cocaine in the 80s They were all in on it Yeah I almost lost my life because of that shit But our own government was bringing us in

Listen Am I upset? Am I going to go to Congress You want me to run over Poor white people North Bergen Who are politicking out there It doesn't matter I did the drugs It's my fault

But think about it When our country put us in the hairs, you know, you're finding out, we knew 30 years ago that our own government shot Kennedy. Okay, we knew 30 years ago. You knew 30 years ago. All right, what agency, Joey? I don't know.

May I give me a fucking, give me initial. FBI, CIA, NBA, CBA, BBA, it could be anybody. It could have been the Cubans, but somewhere along the line, the United States were involved. somewhere along the line we shot our own fucking president I was too

I'm not making a fuss about it but if we did that my mother died from the vaccine again why should they give you a good vaccine right if you're that stupid and went out of eight times

what can I say to you obviously you deserve to fucking die just tell listen I won't get any vaccine now now they fuck me I'll take my chances I'll go get a natural vaccinal, like that, the shit you shoot in, McCackle, pneumonia. I'm not doing that. And I'm not doing the other one.

The fucking, where you pop up with red marks, hives, they want you to do that. You shoot that, your arm can't move for a week. That ain't nothing good. I have no idea which one you're talking about. The one about the fucking, what is it, George? You've over 55. You got to take a shot. Shingles. Oh, shit.

I ain't taking no shingles shot. My friend shot, he couldn't raise it. He couldn't fucking play Hitler. He was German. He had to jerk off on his left fucking hand. That's really rough. You're fucking crazy. I don't trust him no more. I don't trust him after the Xanax.

Okay, Joey, you did the Xanax. I understand. But nobody told you just to do it for two weeks. And then you had to move to a fucking real thing. Well, I think it all boils down to money. Like, they have lobbyists who, like, make it so easy to get those pills, who convince people that, you know, like, all the, like, they put chemicals and everything. It's crazy what it was allowed.

You know, so I just, I was very. happy when that shit went down last week and people were mad. Well, well, you know, if you're that stupid, I mean, Bill Gates and Tom Hanks are on the list. You're never going to see that list. End the story. Move on with your life. Go care about Hamas. Go set up a restaurant

and Hamas. Go do something where you can make some real money and not worry about the dumb shit that they're feeding you on a daily level. On a daily basis, we get fed shit constantly. Why do you think they feed us this shit? Because they try to throw us off our game. To throw us off of what our goals are to make us worry about our fucking credit cards. I was down Cape May this weekend.

Guys, there was nobody down there. Okay? There was nobody down there. Okay. I was going to go to Ocean City, Maryland the week before. I couldn't get a hotel because every hotel had rooms. except on the 4th of July. Then Lisa Gallow told me,

she goes, you should have seen it on the fit. It was a ghost town. People ain't leaving for three days no more. Those hotels are fucking expensive down there. Fucking expensive for the American family. They're not. They said Saturday and Sunday was empty in Ocean City. It's not what, you know, we're not focused.

When I look at things, restaurants, when I went to four years ago, that you couldn't stand in and now it's one level and the seats aren't even packed every night. Concerts are not selling tickets like they were. Comics are not selling tickets like they were. A lot of

things are down, but you're worried about the Epstein list. In 2032, there might not be Social Security for us, which you have to assume they won't be. When they say that, just figure that they won't.

They won't. I'm going to cash out when I'm 65 because I was not going to even retire but now that since they have no money I might as well cash out when I'm 65 and make them pay my daughter for three years then they could end it and fucking uh in whatever four years later whatever at least I get my daughter three years at 2000 a month or whatever the fuck that is but this is what you should be thinking about your health you know your life your family not right now we're living in a fucking people are pissed people are confused it's a horrible political climate it's horrible guys eyes.

And, you know, we could keep smiling, jumping up and down. I don't know what you fucking jumping up and down about. And I'm a positive guy, but I see what I fucking see. And I look at all that shit. When I walk in a restaurant, I go, it's a Thursday night. This motherfucker used to be packed on Thursdays. You got three waiters in here on a Thursday night. They used to be 10 of them on a Thursday night.

And do you, like, I know you're, like, do you think part of the reason stuff is, is down is because too many people are focused on shit. Like, do you think, like... No, brother. Pandemic, people started using cards. And the four-year window ended, the three-year window ended. Declines on credit cards are higher than ever in restaurants right now. More people get declined every night than ever fucking before.

That tells you the credit card system is almost fucking overrun to. There's so many things that you could be worrying about. your kids, where they're going to do this? What am I going to do if they cancel soy security at 62 at 1932? You know, whatever, 2003. That's eight years from now. That makes me 70. You know, can you imagine being 70 years old in this country

and getting thrown out into the street? Half of all these old people getting thrown out into the street anyway. They don't have a way to live. You go into these old folks homes. You've got to give me your fucking house, your pension. You got to get them everything. It's a fucking, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, It's unreal what we focus on.

And I told people for years, yeah, I know you love your president and all this shit. I've never loved any fucking president. You know why? Because I've always had to get up to work every morning. I want the president that says, no more work. That's what you're up for him? Take a career. I want to be a bartender.

All right, go down to the Hudson River. There's a bar over there for you. Something, 20 hours a week. But you know what I'm saying. That's the, right now we're killing ourselves to live. and you're worried about who's on the fucking list? We've got a fucking war going on. That who knows when it's going to fucking end

or it's a ceasefire, bro, any of those motherfuckers to start unloading any fucking day again. It's the Jews, you know them. Yeah, of course. They got a bad wind up their ass. Caboom. Kaboom. Holy shit.

Because, like, look at the same, like one of my favorite people, Sam Tripoli. Like, some of the stuff they talk about, seems nuts but then like a lot of it's fucking coming true you have all money in your credit card

a little bit yeah you would think about it at night remember when you got out of college and you owned your loans at night yeah and you think about your loans and if you think about how many credit cards you got and what you owe you hug your teddy bear really hard for a minute you didn't feel that

feel your asshole when you go to bed and you owe a lot of money you squeeze that teddy bear But then you're like, I'm never going to get to pay this anyway. Like in your lifetime as a person who's just been killed with dead all your life, you're like, what difference is it made? I might as well think that gram of Coke because it ain't going to change nothing. My $60 to Visa isn't going to do dick anymore. That's a horrible way to think.

That's a fucking horrible way to think. And that's what happens. You get controlled in your mind. I was telling my wife, my daughter, what breaks up a marriage, George? Money, I think. There's two things. Infidelity or money. That's fucking insane.

That two people who love each other would break up over fucking money. I think it's what you said, it's stress. I can't imagine. It's a fucking imagine. So when you think about your debt, like I used to look at my child support, $88,000, and then I would look at my attorney bills, and I would look at them and go, I don't know how they're going to get paid in this lifetime.

And there are some people who aren't stressed about it, which is crazy. That's what? We are stressed about it. No, but some people aren't. We stress about it for about eight minutes. Okay. And then you go, you know, I put it in God's hands. I hurt the lottery.

That's always what you say. I hate the lottery. Because to get out of that debt, you need four chunks of money in like a year. You need like 40 grand, four times. you know, you just can't get 40 grand and wait three years to shoot another movie and get 60 grand. By the time you get to 60, you're going to be debt

and 40. And that's the thing about movies and shit in LA that I can never get ahead in the television world because it was few and far between. And you needed to be acting constantly. Constantly. And even that, like in 2003, 2003, 4,

I was pretty much on fire. And I still couldn't make a living. Yeah, 28,000, 31,000. That's great money from acting, especially you're from North Bergen. You don't know how to act. Right. What were you making comedy at the time? 35, maybe. So that doubles your income. That really helps. So the income, the comedy would help the stand-up and the stand-up would help the comedy. The acting. The acting, you know, back and But it wasn't like, I think I had two good years in acting on a 23, that I could support a family. Now, like, do you think back then if you had put less, because you were mostly working on stand-up,

if you had taken it and gone 50-50 or even 75-25 for acting, do you think you could have had a career in acting? I didn't want it. Right. No, yeah. I wanted a movie once a year to take me off the roof. like a car agents and managers and club owners and go, ah, I got that movie.

You mean you're canceling? Yeah, I got that movie. And I would tell them myself, I would fuck you in your week. This is what I'm bringing to the table, motherfucker. I remember that. You know, like I would always, so I use it as a deterrent. Oh, that buys me three more weeks.

I'll cancel these two because it's actually three days of work, so that's like $1,800 in the movie business. That's a lot more than I was making, comedy-wise at that time. Right, and it was... Why would I want to? I want you to remember this. Okay.

Acting is great, man. It's great to be on a set with a good actor or two good actors. You watch them, you learn a little bit, you eat some good food, you go to a party, maybe the movie shoots in Boston. All that's great about that.

But you're still fucking limitations and you're still saying somebody else's words. You know? And for those three weeks of work, yeah, it was lucrative and it was great and I ate good food, but I'd much rather do Friday and Saturday and get it over with. I got to be there for six weeks to make a living. I could do two weekends and I'm home.

Right. So I always love the set. Listen, let me tell you something. I can only describe maybe two or three things that are better than walking on a studio lot. Why is it so good? It's just because I used to walk on Boulevard East. I used to run from the cops on Kelly Boulevard.

Now I'm walking onto a lot. And I belong here, and I'm headed somewhere. So I would always die for people to come up to me and go, excuse me, can I see your badge? That's right, bitch. Look at my fucking badge. What? What?

You'd walk real slow? Because for the first time of my life, I was supposed to be there. You know what I'm saying? When you're not supposed to be there, you're like, you're walking around like Chinese people before Bruce Lee. But when you're going to be there And you're supposed to be there And you never expected to be there

And you're where I'm from Where movies were so fucking big You know, I would walk on the lot And go, oh shit I would get a bounce right to me and shit I would go right into the place And get something to eat You know

Did you have that when you were headlining clubs Or is acting even like Was that feeling even better with acting? It's just the walk on the lot Is something to me that You cannot Especially on a sunny day when the sun's out they let you park on the lot and you're walking around this shit and somebody

comes hey you want a ride fuck yeah and you get in the back they start talking to you're a comedian oh i used to go to comedy store all the time then you go back there you steal a shirt i love all that shit when i go on a lot it's like whenever i went on a lot i go my friends are never going to believe this in luffberg they're never going to believe i saw this i'm not even going to remember this in my memories because if I tell them they're not going to believe me. Like I'm walking on the fucking what was who produced uh, Bocco Steve Bocco when he produced NYPD like I would walk into the Steve Bocco building like what NYPD blue bitches I'm a felon. There's just some I don't know and I don't know if it's like that for everybody I would go eat right

away I would go on the fucking lot and eat and maybe go to the commissary because the food is cheap in the commissary. So you're going to get like a milkshake for two bucks or something like that. And you like even now, because you've done a bunch of movies and TV on lots and like you still get that excited when you walk on? Oh yeah. It's just something about that. Listen, I know what day it's going to be.

It's got to be perfect. Like I'm going to be in it out of there quick. Okay? There's going to be good food. Like people always send me to do these movies. I can tell by the script if I'm going to have been eating cheeseburgers or I'm going to be eating steak. Just by the way the movies, it was written. the script I could tell.

So I want to, you know, it's like I told my agent two months ago, I go, listen, man, I love working, but with the podcast of my daughter, I just don't want to do anything that might not work. I want, if I get up to work, I want people to see that movie.

I don't want to do it for the money, and then nobody sees it. In fact, I got a movie coming out Friday, bitch. Oh, yeah? Guns up. Where can they watch it? I have no fucking idea. Okay.

It's not going to get a theatrical release because the fucking Fantastic Four is coming out this week. So I don't see the Fantastic Four. Kevin James? Yeah, me, Kevin James. Oh, it's a new Kevin James movie? Kevin James. Oh, shit.

Lewis Guzman. Oh, shit. Christina Richie, Christina Richie, my girl from fucking, that I did a couple scenes with in that show on Showtime. Yeah, man. We shot that. we shot that where Satrials was. Did you know that?

They knocked it down. Oh, from the Sopranos? Yeah, and that was the Irish bar right there. That's the Irish bar next to Satrials. Look up the release date. It was just some Irish now. It comes up Friday. Look, go to Fandango, Nick, please.

Yeah, I got a movie coming on Friday, bids. It comes out on theaters. That would be fucking cool. I don't think it's coming out on theaters. I think it's just going to stream. I don't know if it's Netflix. I don't know nothing. This movie got shot by a bunch of good Irish people.

I had 12 days on it. We shot in Carnie, New Jersey. Right there. See who's in this movie. Pull it back. Kevin James, Christina Richie. Lewis Guzmong. But go...

Timothy from the... There's a lot of good guys in here. Timothy Murphy's a good dude from Sons of Anarchy. The dude who played in the basketball movie, we liked. The guy that played Kareem. The big tall guy, he's in this. I mean, I had a great time.

shooting it, you know, and I like this type of shit. That's so cool. Yeah, I like this. This always, it takes you away for fucking two or three weeks. I did this for a whole month. When did you do this? This shot the last month before the strike. Wasn't the strike this year?

Do you not tell, like, I knew you, but I don't remember you, like, you being away for that long. I shot it, it was in fucking Kearney, New Jersey. It was 30 minutes from my house. So I know you were, I know you were just. Oh, yeah, it was two. It was July of 2003 because

that fucking show came out and my daughter wanted to meet Louis Guzboe on that fucking Adam's family, the Adams family. Okay. Am I on that list? No. I'm on the IMDB and if you look at the...

Here you are. Here you are. Yeah. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with? What was my character's name? Charlie Brooks. Charlie Brooks. You're the top caster number four

I don't fuck around dog They can't be fucking with the Cuban You know that but that chick is in it No There's a woman that's Oh Yes Melissa Leo Oh you love her

I love her She's the real deal Holy Foh Huh? Yeah Yeah No I wish she was referring to me I know

Okay Yeah they're gonna release it in fucking The Ching Ching movies Over it fucking Harlem on the 18th Street. Oh, I'd love to go see it there. No, it's going to be this move. What's getting released Friday?

Look at the heat that's getting released. It's the biggest weekend of the fucking year. I heard Superman's pretty good. Okay. Why don't you go eat it after? You go to the sushi place. First of all, that sushi place is really good. Second of all, I haven't seen Superman.

But what else is coming out this week? What else is coming out this week in theaters? You have a bunch of shit. The Smurfs. I know we did last. Oh, wow. That's like a 30-year-old remake. Guns Up is coming out, so we'll find it life after.

What's the big one you thought was coming out? You said what's coming out? Yeah, is it full? Oh, Fantastic Four's coming out. But even that, if I was going to, and I'm not, if I was going to go see a movie, Fantastic Four is like a remake of a remake. Yeah, but Kevin, like, I like, maybe it's me, but I love Kevin James. You were the body double in this movie.

I know. You didn't know that. Dude, did I tell this story on here about the people who thought, okay, yeah. People, Sam, Kevin James constantly, but he, like, he, like, that's, like, I, oh, I haven't told you this on here. Like, I'm going to see Sandler in Albany in September. And it's like, Kevin James is, like, on that level with Sandler for me. Like, maybe a little bit not as high as Sandler, but, like, Kevin James, like, that Comedy Central special, where he talks about peeling an orange, do that.

Like I would go see this instead of like a fantastic four any day. Okay. Well, I'm happy, brother. I hope everybody feels like you. That's all I hope. Yeah, hopefully it looks. It's a good, you know. I had a good time on that movie.

I learned a few things. The director was very nice. The whole cast was Irish, so they were on me all day long about fucking, told me about Cuba. Really? They were good people. Yeah, they were very sweet people. They bought the book.

I was signing books on there because all the Irish guys want to take the book back the island with them. It's very nice. So if you get a chance to see guns up, go do your thing. What do you got this weekend, Tarzan? Today, this comes out. I'm at the Luxoril Lounge and the rest of the week. I'm around New York and other places coming up. I have mouth surgery on Thursday at 10 a.m. So I will be out of comedy for about two weeks. But when we come back on like, coming back to week of August, July 27th, and we'll start booking some local shows. and then Philadelphia sold out. And then we're getting ready for Florida.

That's going to be great. September 6th. My man's already looking at private planes for us and shit. We're going to have to fuck. You're going to have to break into the computer system and rob one first. We'll have to just take off from Teterboro and get down there. So if anybody has a plane service out of Teterboro, I got six guys that need to fly from Teterboro,

September 5th early in the morning to get to the Fort Laude there about lunchtime. We could take a nap, smoke some dope, you know, go swimming. Then we don't have to do nothing Friday night. Just relax. You can hook up with milkshake. You can do whatever you want. Jesus Christ. Tell her you're playing the hard rock.

You have tickets for her and a limo to pick her up. You know what I'm saying? We know people down there. And then we'll be back. What's that? The movie's on Netflix. Which one? Guns up.

Oh, it's on Netflix? Oh, shit. There you go, cock suckers. So watch it up. Well, nobody's going to watch it because, again, fucking Sandler's coming out next week with, uh... Yeah, I'm going to that screen. I'm going to the screening with my daughter. Gomore 2?

Having a good. Yeah, I got it. She's excited. Oh, that's so good. They sent me the link today. I got to fill it out. See if we go. But I'm going to take that.

She likes all that stuff. Oh, yeah. She keeps asking, what kind of my outfit am I going to want? Here, look. Let me tell you something by your fucking outfit. It's a casting proof. It's not a premiere. It's not going to be there.

There's no picture taken. She's not going to be there. She's not going to be there. make you wear a tucks or a suit? No. I'm going with sweats. I want to be comfortable. It's a premiere.

I don't want to be with a suit or not about me. I don't give a fuck. I'm not in the movie. I'm just a spectator. I don't have to dress up for anything. Okay. I'm just a spectator. Even if Mercy wanted to dress up and I was like that.

I don't give a fuck. She's 12. I'm the Captain Kirk of the fucking Enterprise. Give a fuck what she wants to do. It's going to be July 24th. It's going to be fucking hard. humid. I'm not going to wear a suit and get in a car and your ass sweat for two hours. Have ass rashes. Like on my cheeks and I asked my wife,

why do I get these rashes? She goes, because you have leather seats in your car and your ass sweats on those long drives. Because I don't do anything. It's not like I usually get a rash and I don't dry myself. Like if I just put underwear on and I don't dry my ass cheeks, I'm scratching for two fucking days like a cat. But if I dry everything, then I don't scratch. But for some reason I've been scratching. watching again at night. And I asked her, what's going on? And she goes, you have those leather seats. It's been hot lately, so. Why does your wife know about, how would she know what's going on with your 25 years? They look at you. They know that you got heat rashes, carrot rashes. You got a rash from bad pussy, you know, you got a rash on a lot of things. So these things were a lot. So what do you

think of these edibles? You like them? All right. We'll have to get some on the podcast then. Fantastic. They called Dracula. Yeah. Sour cherry. They went to Polly. We'll lose that motherfucker for a few days. Next time you see Polly will be on Hengelwood over a cliff with a gun.

D.D. Mao. There they are. They think they're Vietnamese people. I love you, motherfucker. What's that? Who's Polly? Don't worry about it. All right.

Oh, Polly Shore. Not Polly Shore, you fuck. Polly. He's a Vietnam vetty. He's a Vietnam vetty with a hammer. He works up and down. Oh, Polly. How could I not have known about the metal?

You know, Polly. And we always give him 200 milligrams, that poor bastard. He probably fucking digs a hole and goes in there with a fucking spare rib and yells at himself. These Vietnam vets, you can't trust these little slippery cock-suggers. Anyway, we love you people always, always here fucking trying to put it together. Fuck did he. Fuck Epstein.

Open up your own fucking island. You know what I'm saying? Get your dick sucked your way. Why are you worried about fucking? fucking diddy and the other guy, you dumb motherfuckers. All right, I love you, cuck, sucker. Stay black. Have a great week.

The cops are coming. We got to take two steps to the rear and get out of here. Stay black. Later.