The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - How The CHURCH Ended & TREMENDOUS! #232 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT.....   It's Monday, February 27, 2023…   This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT!  Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH  This episode is also brought to you by The Freeze Pipe, DraftKings & BetterHelp...   DRAFTKINGS   Use code JOEY when you download the DraftKings Sportsbook App.   Gambling Problem? Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (CO/IL/IN/LA/MD/MI/NJ/OH/PA/TN/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (KS/NH), 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), visit OPGR.org (OR), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/KS/LA(select parishes)/MD/MI/NJ/NY/OH/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. Void in ONT. Eligibility restrictions apply.   $150 in Bonus Bets (void in NH/OR): Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 pre-game moneyline bet. Bet must win. $150 issued as six (6) $25 bonus bets. Bonus Bets are non-cashable and cannot be withdrawn. Bonus bets must be wagered 1x and stake is not included in any returns or winnings. Bonus Bets expire 7 days (168 hours) after being awarded. Promotional offer period ends 3/12/23 at 11:59PM ET. See terms at sportsbook.draftkings.com/mmaterms   THE FREEZE PIPE Support the show and get 10% off with the code DIAZ at https://TheFreezepipe.com    BETTER HELP Support the show and get 10% off your first month of online therapy at https://BetterHelp.com/DIAZ     Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media:   https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world   And don't forget.....   The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON:   https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz   #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #displate #manscaped #bluechew #CBDLion #HeartAndSoil #DraftKings #BetterHelp #stamps #RocketMoney   The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media:   https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast   Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....   https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

This podcast is brought to you by Onit. Go to Onit.com and look at the great selection of supplements. If you find something you like, press in code Joey and get 10% off delivered right to your house. What's happened, you bad savages you? It's Monday the 27th of February. This episode of The Joint is brought to you by Freeze Pipe. My favorites, listen. Stop burning your lungs when you smoke.

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Use code Joey. Minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply. See show notes for details. Let's get this party started. It's Monday, baby. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? It's Monday, the 27th of February. It's a beautiful week.

And day to be alive is the last week of the month. This dog, this month flew again. Again, it's the 27th. I didn't realize. Like, I realized it like Saturday. It was the 25th. And I'm like, it's February. We don't even have six more days left.

It's quick, Jack. So get ready for March, you savages. It's been a great week. It's great to be a week of 60. Nothing has changed. I still got pains and aches. I still got a fungi toenail. I got a lot of problems.

problems, but it feels great to be 60. I did it. I made it. You know, a lot of people rang, a lot of people called. I didn't know it was such a special thing to turn 60. I thought everybody fucking did it, but I guess not. People like, congratulations, congratulations. Okay, whatever.

I'm just happy to be fucking alive. That's basically at this point in a game. I went to the Philadelphia Celtic game this week. Oh, my God. I haven't been to a six a game in Philly since. Since 1983. When I walked in there, I told the girl from Philly was there. Some girl came up and welcomed us.

And I go, how long have you worked for them? She goes, oh, about three years. I go, last time I went to see a Philly game, it was 1983 at the spectrum. I saw Philly a lot after that all over the country. I went to see him in Denver and Phoenix. But that was the last time. The new arena is gorgeous. The fucking cheese steak my wife got.

I was pissed because we split one, and it was delicious with, like, white cheese or something like that. It was just great. It was on a seeded bread. I didn't eat the French fries. I had the Coke Zero. It was great. The energy in there was fucking outstanding. I thought a couple people from Boston were going to get stabbed.

Listen, man, you guys know me. I wore a Philly shirt last night that my neighbor gave me as a birthday present because she knew I was going to the game. And my wife got one online, and then my wife. got my daughter one online. If you guys know anything about me, I hate wearing a jersey to the team I'm going to. If this was anywhere else, like Lakeville and all that, I wouldn't give a Frenchman's fuck.

But when I go to Philly, I want no misunderstandings that I'm with them. Like, you know what I'm saying? I don't want, and especially with my family there, I don't want no misunderstandings that I'm in Philly. When I go to Boston, if I'm representing Boston that game, I wear my little Boston shirt

because I know that place is low on the crazy side. If you're a fucking Raider fan, you know, there's a lot of stadiums you can't fuck with people. And I'll tell you what, it's like, it's like when I understand you guys and I understand what it is to be a fan. But I don't understand what it is to go get kicked in the head by a fucking beer bottle. And guess what?

I've seen it in stadiums. I saw it once going to see the Jets against Philly. Some guy had a fucking Miami jacket. I thought they were going to kill this guy with bottles and pieces of pretzels and shit. You know, look what happened in the Dodger game. California, a land of love. Guy went in there with a San Francisco. He's in a fucking wheelchair today because they beat him so fucking bad.

You know, you don't know what they bet. You don't know what they're on. You don't know what they're feeling. You don't know what the fuck's going on. So even last time I went to Phillyford baseball game. I saw people yelling at people. You just sit there. You don't know nothing.

You don't take your camera out and tape it. you mind your business and you look straight ahead. You want to be Joe Gentile and take your phone out and, you know, don't do it in Philly because I'm telling you you're going to get clocked in the fucking head. There's no phones there. It is just a real fucking place. And I'll tell you, man, what the nicest thing I think about Philly that I like is, the brothers in Philly and the sisters, they're just so fucking cool.

like Dave in Philadelphia I don't know if there's there's racism everywhere but it's like the brothers there earned it like they fucking earned it and they're nice to everybody some little fucking kid

oh my God he was the cutest little black boy you ever saw in your life with his mom and I was sitting right when you hit the first stand thank God I didn't have to walk down those stairs and up thank God I was right there boom row 17 or something like that

and he came with his soda And before he went to step, the soda just fell out of his hand. And his mom was like, oh, no. And the soda's going down three throws. And I looked at the little boy. And he just, he was heartbroken, you know. And I had like a little, my wife got, I think she got like a meal. And it came with a soda, but I had waters already.

And I didn't touch my soda. I just gave him the straw with the soda. You know his mom came back. And she's like, you didn't eat to do that. but it was great that you did. You know, most people take those little gestures for granted. She came back, and she was a beautiful sister. If my wife wasn't there, I would have tried to talk to her and shit.

You know, just, no, I wouldn't. But that's the, I just like all that shit. One thing I did notice that I got to talk to you guys about, I watch games at home, football, baseball. Some nights I watch hockey, I watch the devils, I watch the Rangers. And I'll tell you what I noticed. fucking athletes today a trained just spiked i mean i saw some shit that wasn't even human i saw some shit that wasn't even human tatum smart joel imbid uh maxi those guys were doing things

that were truly fucking amazing just the fact that joe imbin is seven feet six 11 610 300 feet A fucking monster. He moves like, I've never seen it. And I saw them all. I saw Moses. I saw Kareem. I saw magic. The conditioning that athletes today get are second to none.

It's amazing. Fourth quarter, they're shooting free throws. They're not even breathing heavy. They're not even breathing heavy. Yeah, they have their injuries and shit. Some of the NBA players are a little lazy. I want a rest day. Who the fuck are you to get a rest day?

Nobody rest. But they are, I don't know what happened to fitness. You know, if you go to a gym today, just, if you go to any gym and go, you know what, I want to get trained by a trainer. I need some help with my fitness and shit. Either they're going to blast you, a trainer that doesn't really know shit is going to blast you the old-fashioned way, which is fine to. You know, five sets of six to gain weight, you know, up your protein. You know, there's so many fucking things.

I had a friend that never touched the steroid that was huge, huge muscle-wise. No, he was fucking 17. He was half a fucking robots. But he got huge doing four workouts a week, five sets of six. Heaviest weight you could put on it. No barbells, no dumbbells. It was all barbell. Like he went old school, a barbell.

Dog, he looked great. I saw people in prison that would do pull-ups and sit-ups. and sit-ups and do that shit, and they look fucking amazing. And that's old-school type training. If you go into a gym today and you go, you know what? I play baseball in a rec league,

whatever, let's say you're 26, 28. And you go, I just want to really learn mechanics and the strength. They're going to do shit with you. You're like, why am I doing this shit? Me walking around with a fucking, you know, a weight on my back or swinging a fucking Russian thing or why am I doing this shit?

What are these lungers about? Why am I pulling these strings and going up and down like that and you're like, after about three or four sessions you're like, oh shit, just when I was about to quit this guy, he's teaching me some different shit. I work out with a guy once a week.

He's busy as fuck. I really go with him from my knee. Instead of going to physical therapy, I go to this guy from my knee. His name is Tom. I have never met a guy more knowledge, about him when it comes to fitness. I got to be honest, you, the first four times I went in there,

I was like, this ain't going to last. This ain't going to last. He was assessing me and seeing where the problems were. And he came back to me with a note one day that I was like, whoa, he's like, when you walk, you trip a lot. That's because your muscles aren't strong on the front of your leg. You're not picking your foot all the way up. fucking amazing shit.

He goes, this is what I need to. He goes, I know. But for you to live pain free, which is what we're getting to, and be healthy, this is what exercise. There's days I go in there and do exercise. I don't even know what the fuck you're doing.

I just know when I walk out, I look at my whoop, and I burn 350 calories, and I did like a 10 fucking, I'm up to a 10 fucking, whatever, with the whoop. And to me, that's a great fucking day, and not even knowing what I'm doing.

He makes you do these lunges that are completely different. the first three weeks or four weeks that I went there halfway in it's only 40 minutes halfway into the thing like he's yeah he's massaging your leg and he's stretching it and he's pulling on it and he's fucking but then he makes you do exercises along with that I didn't do that in physical therapy

and I went to two different physical therapy with the doctor fucking recommended and then I come to realize that after all that shit I did with them six seven months in therapy I didn't even have fucking leg strength this guy every time I go in there the first 20 minutes I think my thighs are going to blow the fuck up

and guess how many weights we use none I could swing kettlebells in the basement after fucking five sets of ten my thighs are fucking hurting I'm sweating up a storm but this guy I don't even feel what the fuck he's doing I'll tell you what I go to Jitsu

I'm breathing but like I told him once a second I had to work on my cardio what are we doing it he's like Joey I'm working you at a level two cardio and he started breaking into this shit about cardio and I'm like I should have never opened up this bag of worms then he started sending me podcast because they do all these tremendous health podcast and he started sending me podcast of all this fucking these people talking about level two and level one you know cardio and how you switch it to three and two and that number

guys don't quote me on this I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about but I'm just letting you No, well, guess what? I go to Jiu-Jitsu now. When I used to go to J-Jitsu when I ran up the stairs, I'd get winded. I'd have to go in the bathroom and I'd have to go in the bathroom and I'd have to

fucking thing. I can run up that motherfucker now and nothing happens. You know, I can roll for fuck. I can roll two, five minutes, you know, and listen, for you guys are like, oh, Joey, what the... Guys, that's all I got.

I'm an old man. I don't... I do four, five, five-minute rolls. You ain't seen me for fucking ten days. You know, I like the one... What Tyson told Rogan, Rogan goes, I like that tape you made a couple of years ago. If you hit in the midst with the guy from Kings,

and he goes, bro, that workout, it took me a week to get out of bed. That's what happens. That's what happens when you're fucking old. Those muscles, you haven't used them in a while. So it's pretty interesting what they're doing, the explosiveness, the conditioning. You know, explosiveness comes from strength. These guys aren't walking around looking like Arnold Schwarzenger.

They're fucking thin, shit, they're skinny. They're fucking explosive. When they're around the rim, it's like, it's the same. When I used to go to games in the 80s and 90s, you know, the rim was something. Yeah, I got to jump up there now. These guys just jump an inch and they're by the fucking rim where at least it seemed like an inch. And they're up there up in the fucking end. You're like, what?

I saw Jason Tatum do some drives that the power, the explosiveness was just fucking outrageous. So I don't know if you're training me. this way. If you're not, I know for sure I ain't training that way. I do three of those explosive moves. You're done. You won't see me for a fucking week. Yeah, on the mat, you got to move quick and stuff sometimes. But I do two or three of those. And Uncle Joey's no Bueno for a fucking, uh, for fucking a few days or so. I want to talk to you guys about something that I noticed last week that I need to explain to you guys. And I want to talk to you guys about the truth. Uh, during the pandemic, all these, you know, if you go on

Instagram and you say anything. Like, hey, like even when I was making videos on Instagram, this city, I would say, look, nobody's got a mask on tonight. And when I looked at the video, it said misinformation. COVID misinformation, you know, and that's all you hear about. And you don't even know whether you're coming or going half the fucking time. When I wake up in the morning, I don't, you know, sometimes I'll play music. I play music in the car.

But when I wake up in the morning, I don't want no drama, so I just put YouTube on. You know, I just put YouTube on. There's an album I want to listen to. YouTube's got everything. Okay, and it's quick. I don't have to come in here and clean the needle

and look for the fucking album. You know, I ain't got that type of patience at 8 in the fucking morning, 7 in the morning. So I just go to YouTube. But it's interesting. When I click on to the YouTube page, every morning, it's a fucking adventure. It's just an adventure.

And it's some people talking about educational stuff, you know, Rhonda Patrick, the other guy talking about testosterone, you know, just a bunch of good stuff because I don't tag on to a bunch of shit. But then as I scroll down, you know, looking for music or something like that, I'll see like just videos of people talking about comics, you know?

And I'll just read the fucking fine print. Like, and I'll go, these guys have no idea what they're talking about. And it's sad because other people read these things and they think they got to know it all on these comics,

whoever they may be, or actors or whatever. And, you know, when you talk about a generic actor, I don't know much about them, when you say something about John Berndtall and I'm watching it, I'm like, these people have no idea what they're talking about,

that they really don't. People think they're TMZ now. Yeah, everybody's fucking TMZ, breaking late news. They taste stuff. and they twist it in these videos and you sit there and go, like I said, I would watch those videos

to about nine months ago, and then when I said, you know what? When I watched those videos, they really give me anxiety. They really do. Whatever the fuck they are, whether they're talking about the guy

from the radio, I'm like, this ain't for me. And I found one about a month ago about two fucking white dudes I never even seen before talking about why the church broke up. dog there's millions of videos out there

but there's like a handful of ones like bigger on YouTube this is like two guys just talking they had a podcast I don't know what the name of the podcast was and they were talking about pressure and we had to get out of town and it was like

that there's warrants out and I'm like and it was an old video it had to be about two years after we moved and Lee Syatt is about to do an interview and just I was looking at this and I'm like what the fuck and the reasons why and none of them I feel like four minutes I'd turn the video I go none of these things were correct they were just talking and I don't even know who mentioned these things because I never even

heard this shit before that they were talking about and then last week it was my birthday weekend and Lee came Mike Cahill and I go lead let's do a podcast and I did a podcast with Lee the way I did a million other podcast with Lee. And it wasn't until about two days later that you guys started sending me pictures and little messages. I got a lot of messages from that podcast last week. Weird ones, but all good.

All on the positive side. You know, we're happy you and Lee, blah, blah, blah. And again, that's what I don't understand.

Like, what are you happy that me, me and Lee have always been cool. After we ended the podcast, there was a couple weeks of, you know, bad feelings like why, how,

He wasn't in the right mental state, and guess what? Neither was fucking I. Neither was I. But one guy sent a picture to my Facebook, and it was brilliant. He took a shot of me and Lee last Saturday, last Monday, and he took a shot of me and Lee like January of 2020. I don't know who we had on the podcast. Guys, I looked at that picture, and I was like, whoa, whoa.

to see it and to think it and to read it was to see it fucking shocked me like I had a neck I didn't have swelling around my face Lee lost

he lost a head his head the picture I saw January 2020 and I have a picture that Lee looks just got awful I took that picture because I was like this is the last time I'm going to see this

kid. The next time I see this kid's in a hospital room or something. And I stared at that picture and I sent him the picture about a year after we moved. And he was in shock. He was in shock. He looked like a ball of salt. It's like salt had just creeped into his body. And let me tell you what happened, guys. We started to podcast and tuta.

Let's get back to it. I was doing a podcast with Felicia. I started bringing up some rough topics, you know. and Felicia's a fucking sweetheart. That's another person I adore. She hit me up this week. She met the guy that was the cinematographer on a movie. Her and I really enjoyed Soul Power.

It was a movie about a festival in Africa around Ma'am and Ali and I think George Foreman or Joe Frazier. I don't know. And, you know, we're just tight, man. She comes to visit me. She's come. I flew back here with her. When we moved, she flew with us.

A lot of people don't know that. You came back here with us. And we're tight, man. So to see, like, that Lee and I weren't getting along, that those are all lies. And what happened was this, man. Lee and I started that podcast in a fucking bedroom. And then my wife got knocked up.

So we must have started that podcast in 2012. Then my wife got knocked up. And then we went to his apartment. And, guys, it was just a fucking podcast. It was just two guys talking shit. We had a guy call in from time to time in the mornings. At six in the morning, we had guests calling in. A fucking nightmare.

We didn't have no idea what we were doing. And then we fucking Lee got a girlfriend. She was moving in. So we got a studio and that studio was a fucking disaster. The lady threw a side out. She kept banging on the door. But guys, this shit was all fucking fun. You know?

It was just, it was a podcast that was about fun. We did the acid, we did, you know, it was just fun. It hadn't been done before on a podcast, so we took you guys out of, you know, now they do everything on podcast. But it was fun. And then we moved into the office, the office that we ended the podcast with. And whatever we were doing at the other office on Lancash him

and the other office, I mean, it all came to a boil there. But something happened that crossed past. I was having a great time, guys. I'm selling out shows. I'm starting to make money after 20 years in the fucking business. And I'm very excited, but my wife had a child. I got invited to do oddball fest, which for years they wouldn't even talk to me.

That was a great feather in my cap. I got to apologize to Wendy. from Denver. We came to an agreement of what had happened with me saying I smacked the girl's ass, you know, whatever.

And everything was fine. You know, everything was going great. But like everything else in life, you want more. And I did want a Netflix special. I really did, guys. I thought that if I got a special, I thought I was ready.

I was never, ever good at specials before. I had shot one for a company. I had had a couple CDs. But Netflix was big. The problem was my agent couldn't sell it. So he came to me when then he goes, I got the way to get you on Netflix. We're going to get you a manager.

He really likes you. He's called about you a few times. And he was a great manager with a great management team behind him. At this time, I had the number one manager and the top agency in my corner. Like, again, 10 years ago, 20 years ago, these motherfuckers wouldn't even want it me in the room. And now I got the best two agents in the world, or management team and whatever. So I'm very excited.

I'm thinking that now is my chance to do whatever the fuck I want. So, again, I sold a TV show to Fox on an idea I had. That was great. You know, when I first got to L.A., when you got a developmental deal, you had an idea that were giving you millions or half of millions. six figures. I got neither of that shit. I got like 22 fucking grand. I'm telling you guys the truth. Here's a fucking TV show. And I get 22 grand. I know a guy that

got a million dollars and never even wrote a pilot. I wrote a pilot. I got 22 grand afterwards. Again, it's not about the money. It's about the opportunity. And I'm telling you these facts, just to be as honest I can with you. Did I want this show? Yeah, I wanted to do the show. It would have been something different. It would have been, it would have been great, you know.

But I knew, come on, guys, I'm never going to make this work. I'm going to say something. I can't be in a corporate setting. So it all went down the drain. And I was okay with that. I was having a great time being a comic. I really was. It was exciting to travel, but I was worrying myself down, man.

It was a lot, and I didn't know it at all. Two podcasts a week. doing two other people's podcast a week, you know, four planes a fucking week, you know, one to get to the first place, then you do the fucking theater, then you've got to get another flight and go to another fucking town on Saturday morning, and then Sunday you're right back out of it again. Again, I'm not whining. This is part of the thing.

But for 20 years, for the last 50 years, nobody had a podcast. So people were just doing comedy. And every once in a while you book the movie and then you canceled comedy and shot the movie, whatever. I was going. I was burning a candle on both sides. Plus, guys, we're fucking smoking major pounds of weed. We're going through a fucking quarter a day of high-end, 30%, 28%, 27% weed,

seven days of fucking week. You know, anywhere you go there's weed. Any way, any comedy club you go to this weed. Not to mention we're eating fucking 2,000 milligrams of THC a night. not to mention the fucking 5,600 I'm doing in the daytime on my own pop it every time I go by a fucking desk. Now, on paper, that sounds like a lot of fun. But let me tell you something.

I don't know if you guys ever saw the Joe Rogan podcast when he had Tom Seguer on and Tom was talking about the trip I took with him. But I took him on the plane and I made him eat a gummy and he had anxiety. And then when the plane landed and Joe Rogan said something very intelligent, he goes, listen, man, some people look at that. and say there might be a problem there. I'll never forget those words. And in my world, what I was doing was there was no problem.

I was just living my fucking life. That's how I do it, you know? There's no fucking part-time in my life. If you're going to do it, listen, what I got sick of and I wanted to prove something against was that I was dealing with all these fucking L.A. comics that all of a sudden, all of a sudden they were big stoners.

And they weren't. They fucking weren't at all. They just jumped on a bandwagon to get you people to buy into it and you people bought into it. And I was fucking disgusted. I'm like, dog, I've been smoking since the fucking womb. And you guys are fucking selling hair. Well, look at me, dude.

Get the fuck out of here. So I wanted to bust that shit open. And I did. These motherfuckers were all fakes. And you saw it. We were blowing them out of the water by miles, these fucking guys. I was getting challenged from all over the world. do bong hits for 10,000 guys come on what are we 10 what do i got a fucking yarmico with a propeller

on my fucking head i'm not doing that shit are you fucking crazy so then something happened i was eating cuban food my wife one day old cochinito and silver lake and out of nowhere my phone rings and it's the manager and as a matter of fact it was my agent he goes hey man the manager is going to call you a few minutes he's got something for you he got a net offer for you. And deep down inside, I was fucking happy. And also he called me. He goes, man, congratulations. I got you this fucking show.

It's a half hour. And I'm like, I just finished my meal. I thanked him. I said, we'll talk on Monday. It was like a Friday night or a Saturday night. I fucking ate my meal. And that Monday, I called him. And I was like, a half hour?

What the fuck? He's like, listen, there's the start. Do the half hour. You're going to get great. numbers, then they'll come back at you for an hour, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, okay, that sounds great. I'm working it backwards, but you know what? I'm that type of comic.

I'm not in the circle of the comics or comics. Yeah, I wasn't in their circle, you know what I'm saying? So I get it. There's comics that just sit at home and Netflix calls them. They don't even go out every night to do comedy. Yeah, and Netflix calls them. And again, I'm not talking out of jealousy here or nothing. I'm talking to you about facts, so you know where the fuck I'm coming from.

Hey, we're taking a minute from the podcast so I could talk to you about Better Help. These past couple years have been especially taxing on all our mental health. You could see it, but what people are saying, you see this guy Santos, you know, it's not been good lately. I felt the same way about myself, and I figured I'd try Better Help. Better Help is online therapy that can get you back to the best version of yourself. Simply fill out the questionnaire, get matched with a licensed therapist, and let me tell you something. matched within 48 hours, you'll be talking to a therapist online, on video, however you want. Listen, if you don't like your therapist, you can switch counselors at any time easily for no

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That's betterhelp.com slash Diaz. Take care of yourselves, guys. It's rough out there for a pimp. So I get this Netflix special. And while I'm preparing for the Netflix special, they're driving me crazy. The agent and the manager are driving me crazy. I'm getting 10 calls a day of stupidity. Just stupidity.

And the whole time I'm like, can't believe I signed with this guy. I'm paying him 15 fucking percent. And he didn't get me what I wanted. And on top of that, besides the script, everything he's presenting to me is not what I want to do. You know, he would be at all, you know, when you get a special,

Netflix will come see you every once in a while. And they'll let you know, we're coming to see you tonight to see your material. Well, they came to see me a total of four times in five fucking months or something. and three months. I don't know what the preparation was. Never. We love it. Thank you.

That was great. You know, and I was just trying different things out. I was trying to push the envelope in front of them to say, for them to say, listen, you can't use that, reword that, and that's fine. These motherfuckers,

I get to that night of the shoot in Vegas, Theo's there, a bunch of guys are there, we're having a great time, and all of a sudden I'm going to knock on my trail. It's six o'clock that Netflix wants to see me, to go over my material. And right then and there, they just fucking dump on me

what they didn't want. I got a show in an hour. You're going to hit me with this shit now? I have a notebook, but it doesn't have my whole repertoire. It has what I'm working on now. It doesn't have what... You know, sometimes when it's late,

you can move shit. And I went to my manager, and I went to the agent, and I go, what the fuck is going on? And these guys were like, it is what it is. They made Tom do it. No, you don't understand that.

Not right before. And on top of that, not never. You guys got to have my fucking back. And you know what, man? I'm a big enough dude from the training I did when I used to be really upset, when I used to drop my daughter off, and then I want to force myself to do comedy, that training came back.

Because as much as I didn't want to do that fucking half hour special, I was like, you know what, Joey, clear you had going there and tackle this shit. Okay. I walk in. Now, you know, Vegas has 80 fucking facilities, stages that are gorgeous, all sizes. These fucking knuckleheads pick a pool hall, okay? A fucking pool hall. Come on, you ever do stand up at a pool hall?

You hear balls hitting. Either they shut it off, I'm lying to you guys. But it's a big room. No, we used to do comedy at Hollywood billy. It's me, Rogan, Josh Wolf, for years. They pay you $50. You're in there cracking jokes, and people are yelling.

They're hitting the eight ball. You know, you're like, okay, I got to crack a joke over this shit. So, you know, I'm in there. I'm fucking watching Mommy, you know, Tom Seguer's wife. Christina. She's on stage, 10 minutes,

and all of a sudden the vault falls down. Like you came out of a vault. When they announced your name, it was like some little fucking Puerto Rican do with a string, and they opened the vault then fire would come on, you would come out. When they opened the vault, the whole vault fell down. They had to stop the show.

And I'm like, what I just fucking say? Why are we doing comedy in a fucking bull? And again, guys, this is my fault. Because I was caught up so much by the thought of shooting a special that I didn't take a look at the little details. That was my bad. But my manager and agent did nothing. No warning, no protection.

And let's be honest with you. I went up there and ate a bag of dick to what I wanted to do, to what I was used to doing. And I went up to the second show, and I did a little better, but it wasn't much. And that's what I, I went to my room that night. I had a good time. I was happy my friends away.

I had a great time with Lee. Everybody was there. But I was angry that night. I was like, this ain't, this ain't what I signed up for. You know, I remember being behind the comedy store, there's stairs. And we would sit there when we had nothing, when we would just become regulars. Me, Ari, you know, Steve Runazizi, Bobby Lee, and we talk about our dreams

and how we couldn't wait to be with a big agency and a great manager and this shit that we're going through isn't happening anymore. Well, guess what? It happens now that you have a manager and an agent and all the pieces, you've got to work double to fucking get that shit. And at the same time, this manager and this agent aren't listening. to me. You know, I'll never forget I did a show and I go, listen, I'm taking some time off. You know, I'm doing this. I'm going to do that. And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And with the same breath, the manager looked at me, goes, you know what I think we should do? We should get a

camera for the road and put it in front of your face with a screen so people could see your face. I'm like, that's not stand-up. That's an arena. That's not what I want to do. And for the next couple weeks, everything they were thrown at me was shit, I was uninterested in doing. I did not want to fucking do half this shit. As a matter of fact, these people were bothering me, and as a matter of fact, it was climbing on into my life. But something else had happened. Around that time, I went to the store one night,

like I did for fucking 30 years. And they come back then, they go, Joey, you're up next. And I was smoking a joint, whatever the fuck I was doing. I go, let's go do it. Like I've done a thousand times. And I run through the whole way. I say hello to people.

who's in the hallway, Eric Griffin, blah, blah, blah. I walk up to the top of the stairs in the original room I look in in and that really great girls up there, the writer, I forget what her name is, she just moved back down like. She was close with Stanhope, living down there.

And dog, I got a batch of anxiety that I couldn't see. Guys, I got anxiety that I couldn't fucking see. My hearing was going in and out. I was starting to fuck, I couldn't breathe. is this something I've been doing all my life and here I am, am I having a heart attack?

I'll never forget that I looked at the window at the comedy store, but behind the stage there's a window to the right-hand side of the comics they had covered it. That made me panic more. So I went to walk down the stairs, now I'm really out of oxygen.

I just wanted to see the outside of the street. This is all happening at the comedy store with the light on. What that means is I'm next, And she's going to end that any fucking minute now. So I run up the stairs looking for anybody for help. And I see Pauley Shaw, who I fucking love. And I go up to him, I go, Pauley, come here.

I can't breathe. I go, Pauley, come here. I got to talk to you about something. He's like, what's up? I go, listen, dog. I can't get on stage. I got a horrible fucking, I can't breathe. He goes, you don't look good, buddy.

You want some water? I go, no, I got some right here. But I don't think I should go up on stage. and he looks at me, he goes, I already went up. I can't go up, I'm going to go, Paulie, who gives a fuck? Just go up there and tell him, Joey's going to be, give me two minutes and get mad to he goes, nah, bro,

you're on it, yourself. And I'm like, God damn it, Paulie, cock's up with that, Joey Diaz. Guys, I went up to the stage, and I never blew it up to what it was. I remember talking to Pauli, and next thing I remember is being on the stage and within two minutes the light coming on.

That's all I remember. And people were fucking howling. And I don't know what I had said. I don't know what I had done. Now, this is a joke amongst us, but it's not, guys. I walked off that stage. I had to pee right away. I was sweating.

I had tingles in my body. I'm like, I'm going to fucking die. And I went to the car. I peed. I went to the car. And I just sat there for like 15 minutes. I got my bearings to me. And I went home.

In 2007, I got off the blow. and I was fine at first. You know, I was off the blow. I was off alcohol. I was off, anything else I was doing that was crazy. But now I go to the doctor one there. I go, doctor, I don't know. From time to time, I have a hard time breathing.

He goes, listen, this is anxiety. Let me give you these pills. He gave me those footballs addicts. So, I don't know. I would take them one or two when I felt it and then leave him at home. I would be out at night and I would get anxiety.

It never bothered me again. After that bout at the store, I'll never forget I had Rogan that week, and I had to go on Rogan and tell him the story. And as we were leaving, he's like, bro, that sounds crazy. I didn't explain it. I wasn't totally honest with everybody about it, but I blacked out, guys. And after that, my anxiety level started going up. After that Netflix thing, I don't know what happened to me.

Something wasn't right. and guess what guys I got up all the way to I was 340 pounds 336 I was smoking god knows how much I was eating god knows how much my diet was okay but my sleeping wasn't good and when you're not sleeping good you're not thinking clearly you know the sleep at me it wasn't affecting me but the fucking sleeping five hours having to fly having to sleep two hours all that shit wears on I didn't fucking know it. Who knows it? Who fucking knows it? We're fucking gangsters. You know what I'm saying? We don't have time to fucking bleed. And guys, somewhere around that time, I'm like, I got to start eating these fucking Xanaxes.

So here I'm eating the Xanaxes. And at the time, I was eating maybe two of that. I was eating one in the morning and one at night to sleep. And they were fine. And I'm fucking, I'm not drinking on them. Thank God. And I'm smoking weed like a motherfucker. I'm taking edibles like a motherfucker. I'm eating edibles like a motherfucker. I'm eating ash like a motherfucker. You know, I asked Lee the other day. I go, Lee, remember those bottles of liquid we were drinking? They were 200 milligrams.

We would drink one of those just to, when I saw him, they were like in a pyratee. Hey, what's going on? Take a tube and leave it going to go, not again. And he'd drink it, you know? Between the Xanax, the edibles. Right then and there, 2017 was where I started a drop. I felt a drop in,

in my connection with Lee was dropping. Lee was starting comedy, and I was very happy for him, but I didn't want him to become a Brendan Shab, like for people to go after Brent, like I didn't want people to go after Lee how they went after Brendan. I appreciate what Brendan did,

but at the end of the day, a lot of you people are right, he was given too much too fast. I love Brendan. I'm not saying nothing bad about him. What happened was that that, you don't react well to that when you're a young comic.

You don't, guys. All that up front of the third or second year is not healthy for anybody. And I looked after Lee, you know, and I kept him at home. He went on the road to me some weeks, but for the most part, he would stay home and do stand-up, and that was based around our relationship. But our relationship was starting to wear down because we were worn the fuck down. We were worn down. And it didn't dawn on me how worn down we were, until like,

November of 2019. We would do the podcast, and usually we were talking every day, three or four times a day. We would do that podcast on Wednesday. We wouldn't talk again until Sunday. And I knew right then it wasn't. We were going both directions. He dumped Paul after that, you know, he started a new life. But our fucking edible use, and listen, guys, I'm the first one to tell you that you could smoke dope all.

day and do edibles all day and it won't affect you. I used to be able to say that. Now I can't look in the eye and say that because it all has an effect for you. And all that shit together, mixed together the way it was, guys, I was drinking eight to 10 expressos a day. Eight to ten guys. Not two. What does a fat fuck need ten coffees for a day?

And I mean, I couldn't live without those coffee. at all, at all. I would have to drink one at two, one at five before I took out of martial arts. I would do four or three cup espresso at eight o'clock. Not fucking Starbucks ass water, Cuban espresso with fucking ten scoops of sugar. Fucking, you know.

And on top of that, I'm eating a fucking Xanax to get out of the house. On top of that, I'm on fucking a medication that I threw the fuck out when I moved here. And it fucked with me for a while, but I fought it out, and it was the vertigo medication. That shit was fucking me up,

as stupid as it sounds, because it was giving me pukes. I would puke once a week to guys, I was a fucking mess, you know? Not rehab mess or anything like that, but I was just a mess. And I was getting unhappier and unhappier.

And every day I would ask myself, how can you work hard for 20 fucking years? Get to where you are. Get to the best part of your career. And you're just not fucking happy. I want it off the road. Not because I didn't like comedy no more. Because I was burnt.

I was burning the candle with the podcast room. Listen, I lived and died in that podcast room. Lived and died in that podcast room. When I would go to that podcast, I leave my soul there all the time. Whether telling stories, telling something I had never told before. I would leave my soul on that fucking podcast. But when I knew, it was definitely fucking time to abandon ship, was the daily and I did ketamine on a Sunday fucking afternoon.

It was fun, you know, and then we did it, did a podcast, and then the guy left like a gram of it, and we did it in two lines, and I was fucking gone. I'm never forget doing a line, getting in the car, and by the time I got to the light, I didn't know where the fuck I was. I had to make a left turn, and I couldn't feel my legs. And then I got to my house.

And when I pulled my leg out of the car in the driveway, no bueno, guys. I had to pull my leg in and clam the door and sitting there for like 45 minutes. I was fucked up. And then I went in the house, and guess what? Out of all the nights of my wife to stay up,

she's fucking up watching true laws that show with the fucking dude from the Green Book and the other dude at the time. And I'm in the office. tripping out. I'm like, listen, if I don't go out there and see my wife, she's going to come in here and check on me. I might as well go out there and see my wife.

And I went out there and I sat on the couch and within minutes I started sweating profusely and I had to take my fucking shirt off. And she's like, why are you sitting like that? I'm like, woof, it's hot in here. And finally, the guy we were watching, the guy from the Green Book, his head started doing voo, voo, foo, foo on the screen.

And I sat there after two minutes, I go, take this off and she's like what the fuck is going on with you i go i'll tell you in the morning i'll come clean with her in the morning that did ketamine she didn't know how to fucking react to it but i remember her looking at me going joey this can't continue you guys are going crap i mean we would go i would leave to do a podcast at seven o'clock at night and i'd walk in the door at one 30 in the morning you know many times we got to the podcast at seven with a guest and would talk shit for an hour and a half maybe two hours before the podcast and then kick ourselves in the ass we didn't turn this on and by that time we're fucking blasted on THC,

they're drinking, they're doing whatever the fuck. But the good thing was, there was no alcohol, a lot of the nights, most of the nights there was no booze. I think Ron White one night we drank with, there was never any cocaine, except for two people who did coke in there that had nothing to do with us.

You know, we weren't doing anything like that. We didn't lose control like that. We just lost control of themselves. And I caught myself on those podcasts, just talking nonsense. It was just nonsense. It wasn't what I wanted to do anymore. I knew I wasn't fucking healthy.

I didn't know how unhealthy I was, but I knew for a fact my little buddy Lee was really unhealthy and very unhappy. You don't shove food in your face like that when you're happy. He was unhappy. I was unhappy. And it wasn't until the pandemic that we were in there one day. He's coughing. And I go, when is this going to end?

We're not. We're not going to get no better. We're not going to come out of this pandemic any better. And I remember saying in the beginning, a lot of people are going to change during this pandemic. And man, my fucking words to God's ears because I'll never forget. I'm like, we can't continue to do this anymore. Either that, I got to add a new person in here.

I didn't want to get rid of Lee, even though, listen, this is the beauty about it once. I was getting 100 emails a week to get rid of late. And I refused. I fucking refused. I was getting frustrated him. There was moments, but I couldn't do it. But when I saw the Twitch that night,

when he fell asleep on the Twitch, that was the night I said, we need to do something. Either I send him a way to get out, we take a break from the podcast, and I said, none of that's going to work. And I think a few days later, and my wife said to me,

listen, we got a house in Jersey if we want it. And just to let you know, there's not going to be any school in California until June. And I called Jimmy Florentine and everything was done. And we decided to break that thing up. And, you know, the rumors were flying. Oh, my God. What I saw on that, I don't even want to repeat them because they're the dumbest things in the world. What people took from that.

I feel so bad for them, you know, for even coming to those conclusions because nobody had said those things. I still remember when we had the YouTube page that the guy was putting my clips on it and I said he couldn't use it anymore and he's like, I have hidden footage of you guys doing cocaine and having orgy. Come on, guys.

Who's going to have an orgy with me and fucking Lee? Get your fucking life together, guys. That's what in Reddit. Oh, yeah, and it's like just, Nothing happened. We just looked at each other one day and said, we can't keep going at this fucking rate. We just can't keep doing it no more.

And I was fucking miserable. My anxiety was to an all-time level. Those fucking Xanax's, I went from eating two a day to eat and a fucking day. Two of the fucking chunk because my heart wouldn't stop fucking beating. And you know what it was? The Xanax was making me do that. because Xanax is only supposed to be used for two weeks to cure anxiety

until you get to the medication, whether they give you Zoloff, frontis and this, that dude, that bus Barton, whatever the fuck they decide to give you. If you read anything about Xanax, it'll tell you, it's just a temporary fucking thing,

three, four days, and you've got to get off that shit. Between that, my unhappiness, and this is what was sad about that, that how can you be fucking unhappy when you have you're selling out theaters Joey but something occurred and all that

the Sopranos and listen there's always a silver lining while I was shooting the movie I thought it would be a good movie there was a couple things that I questioned but I think they would have cleaned them up but the thing I got the most out of that movie I enjoyed working for David Chase

it was great but I came home with No Lee for three weeks. No wife, no kid. And I told my agents after the third day because they wouldn't stop with the... I just spoke to Cleveland. When are you going to make that date up?

I don't give a fuck. I don't really give a fuck. I'm on a set in a movie. I'm having a good time. As a matter of fact, don't call until I'm back in California. I'm never a dick to people, but I had to make that rule

because they didn't get it. I'd be in the middle... I was excited just to be on a fucking set. They didn't want to hear it. You know why they didn't want to hear it? Because the movie only pays you $600 a day. That's $60 commission to them. That's why they'd rather have you getting beat up on the fucking road

so their commission's a lot higher. They'll tell you how happy you are that you got to, oh, we're so happy and proud of you that you got the movie. They're fucking hating life because you're not making them any fucking money. So they don't want you there. And the whole time they're calling you, trying to throw you off your game. Hey, what do you think about this date for Ms. What do you think about this date for New Year's Eve?

Listen, do me a favor. Don't call you no more. And those three weeks was when I was like, holy shit. Holy shit. This is fucking tremendous. I'm out of Los Angeles, which I definitely needed a break out of. I'm here without Lee, which at that time kind of felt good. I needed a break from everybody.

But when I came back, I realized how much I loved Lee and how I want. And even till today, man, what I found out since I moved here is, I love that little guy. You know, he helped me get my word out to the fucking world. He helped me put a vision together. I didn't know I even added my fucking head. And at the end of the day, Mike will tell you, anybody will tell you that's been around him. He's a very, very sweet kid. all that talk and violence and drug use and eating ass

that must have traumatized that fucking kid he's a sweet sweet kid and yes when I got on that plane when he left I was never going to leave him there there was listen there was no way I was going to leave him there I would have waited till he was ready to leave and both him and Steve Simone who I loved dearly

I was like dog when I go I'm taking you with me. Even if he's moving with me, I do not want you staying out of you. And that was it. And once I got here, it was weird. Lee was in Milwaukee and we were talking,

but it's like we were still mad at each other about breaking up the podcast. Because when I went to him, I didn't go to him in bad terms or anything. I just went to him and go, Lee, this ain't working. I don't want you to move to this neighborhood with me. This is all family.

You know, you're just going to be down here alone again. I don't want you alone. I know what it is to be alone. I was alone in L.A. for 23 fucking years. Enough of this shit. Go home, get grounded. Go to your mothers. Get that feeling again.

Go in that fucking bedroom as a kid. Go into your garage. And he did. And he fucking one day, he told me I'm losing this fucking weight. I'm walking. When he was in Milwaukee one night, he called me. and he said he got so high he was eating kick cats

and he fell asleep on the kick cats and when he woke up they were all melted this should not be happening to a 30 year old guy at the time and that's when we had to talk about Lee you got to take care of yourself and he went for a walk and fucking started a patron and everything was great

and I gotta tell you something our relationship today is better than ever and I think he came down here at one time not this time or the time before one of the times we did a podcast with him and I gotta be honest

of you somewhere somewhere in my mind that was like well maybe I'll ask Lee to do the podcast again and I remember us sitting here that podcast he was over here and I was over here

I think Steve Simone was here one of those and I'll never forget that I said it would never work again I don't want to do the podcast for him I'd rather have him as my friend and as my confidant, then for me to,

I remember even Mike said to me when they'll let's do this, I could be here in 15 minutes. Mike doesn't know. We can't go back there. Like, can you imagine us eating mushrooms now and fucking 500 milligrams of edibles?

You'll never get home, Mike. Your wife will be calling me going, talk, come on, man. He fucking shows up. He's bleeding from his eyeballs. You know, but I'd do it. I know you'd do it. I would do it fucking too.

I was doing it when you guys were doing it. We're doing it, yeah. But the thing was that it was a time, there was a time for it. We were both wounded fucking deer, and we made it work because we needed each other on that podcast. Now, we're not wounded deer anymore. I know exactly what I want to do and what I don't want to do. And I'll tell you what, guys, you've looked at me the last month. Tomorrow's a month since I've been on stage.

I look better. I feel better, and I'm going to tell you what the problem was. I don't like shit hanging on my head no more. I don't like it. I don't like living here on February 27th and going, fuck. On March 4th, I got to drive to the city. That shit bothers me anymore. I'd rather do it as a hobby.

I'd rather show up and have a good time. That's a conclusion I've come up to. I don't know what I'm going to do in my future. But I don't want to take my life to where it was. It's completely different now. They can't even go there even if I wanted to. I don't have the time and the energy to put into that shit. I'm having a great time as a dad.

I'm having a great time with Mike. Look, I told Mike one day, Mike, we ain't doing Wednesdays no more. I'm not happy. It makes me too stressed out. Boom, we do one day a week. I get my shit out. You guys get motivated.

I get motivated. We're all fucking happy. For me to sit here and talk for three hours, those days are open. I ain't got three hours in me. You don't want to hear me for three hours. You know what I'm saying? I'm getting emails now.

Joe, you're not funny no more. I tried to tell you. You wouldn't fucking listen. Yeah. Some guy hit me up Monday morning. You're not funny. no more. I don't like you on the pot. Okay. I told you guys. I'm not the same

fucking person. What do you want me to whip fucking balloons out of my ass and be a fucking magic trick if I can. I can't fucking do it. And that's it and that's that for a beautiful fucking Monday morning. I love exactly where I'm fucking going right now. And it's a positive direction. And just to drop something on you

motherfuckers real quick, just to let you know I'm a man of fucking many opportunities. Take a look of this fucking reefer right here. This is as beautiful as this. gets. This is made by laughing gas, but it's not one of my brands at all. This brand

is called Guava Cush. It's not one of my weeds. I'm telling you right now, if you're in any, if you're close to Laughing Gas in Studio City, if anytime you go into a wheat store, they have

this guava runch, it's called, jump on it, buy it all out. This is some of the best reefer I've smoked. Let me tell you. I've been smoking this weed for a week. I did two bong hits Saturday night after the Philly game. I passed out in my fucking chair. This weed is still getting me zunk.

It smells like pussy. It smells like a Greek chick. Did aerobics for an hour and didn't fucking zoom her little monkey. That's what it smells like. It smells tremendous. I love it. I gave a little bit the mic there. He's ready for the week.

He's tip top two. I got my little bud left. I got a couple buds of this left. And I got another surprise for you, motherfuckers. Bo boom! It's here. It's in hand. And it's ready for you, motherfuckers, to order.

Tremendous. The life of a comedy fucking savage. Guess what? I got nice pictures in here for you dummies in here. You guys like pictures. Yeah, but they're not like great pictures. This is pictures you probably saw before. But I got the pictures of families that took me in.

And that meant more of them. meet the having that anything. I don't know if these are pre-prints or whatever. Now I can't find the pictures. Oh, here they are. I got the runnies. I got fucking Mr. T. The Benders. I got fucking Bert Reynolds

in this motherfucker. I got my boys. I got my two brothers that died early on. Ah! You'll see the book when you fucking get it yourself. It's a great book. It's a great fucking read. I went it on Saturday. I started doing the audiobook. That was a

of fun. I start doing the audio book March 7th, but it's here motherfuckers. And thanks for you guys. And thanks for all of you guys. The years on the church for letting me fucking tell some of these stories to you and really polish them up.

There's other shit I found in here that I was like, wow, I can't believe I gave that info. But it's good info for you guys to know so you know how to fucking this whole thing came apart. They're here. Amazon.com. You could pre-order it right now. You'll get it May

motherfucking second, you bad motherfuckers. So I thank you very much for having my back on this. It was great for me to do. It was one of the things I really wanted to do. And that's where I'm at,

you bad motherfuckers. So thank you. Thank you for another great week here. Thank you for letting me be me. And thank you for understanding what the fuck we came from, why that podcast. And what I want you to learn from that is,

guys, a lot of people called me names, A lot of people sent me hate mail when I canceled it. We weren't going nowhere with that podcast. We had accomplished everything that we could have. It was time to move on to the next chapter of our lives. I know it's very hard for people to do that sometimes. But sometimes you have to learn from that. Shut it down, rebuild, see where you're going, and start all over again.

And that's what we did. Listen, the joint ain't the church by no means. But I didn't want to do the church again. I didn't want to do the church again. I didn't want to come in the Indubang. It's you guys already knew all this shit. I wanted to give you something different, whether I've given you that or not, whatever. I'm trying my fucking hardest, you bad motherfuckers.

So thank you and have a great week. And here's the fucking word from our sponsors. All right, you, you savages, thank you. Thank you for letting me explain myself to what happened. And thank you for being here on a beautiful Monday, the 27th of February. Don't forget, listen, this Saturday, after three years, John Bone Jones is making a comeback to heavy. and he's coming with a vengeance for UFC, 285. He's fighting serial game.

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