The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - IT WAS BOULDER, 1985 | #241 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: May 1, 2023

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Uncle Joey here. May 1st. Fucking Monday. And I love when the month starts on a Monday because you get like a fucking second chance. You know, you're like, okay. My April, I fucked it up. I got high.

I didn't go to my sister's wedding. You know, listen, man, fuck-ups. They are what they are. And you fuck up, you acknowledge it, and you move on, then you start all over again. Trust me, this is from a guy who started 80 fucking times over again. That was just in 98.

You know what I'm saying? So give me a fucking break here. It was a great week. We got a great week coming up. Tremendous comes out tomorrow. Listen, guys, I'm happy. I'm happy that it's over. I'm sick of talking about it.

I'm sick of dwelling in it. And listen, it's in God's hands now. That's it. I did my job. I promoted what I could. I did what I had to do. I put my store. I put my heart out there.

And we move the fuck on to the next motherfucking mind fuck. Speaking of mind fucks, and I say this in quotations. I do not have anything against the transgender community at all, at all. They're growing. People want to do it. Who the fucking might have stopped them?

That's why you do it. That's why you move to America. You want to turn into something, especially now that you're going to identify as anything you want. I can wake up tomorrow and identify as an Asian man. You know, you got to run with it. That's the way of the world, guys. and if you're using it,

fucking use it to your advantage. A lot of people have been talking about this. I didn't say nothing about it. I have nothing against the transgender community whatsoever. You know, whatever people, I don't give a fuck. I'm sitting here in New Jersey getting rain done. You think I'm over here hating on anybody? The biggest thing that's happened lately is this Bud Light thing.

And let's chit-chat about this. Again, when I think of Bud Light, Budweiser Ford Anizer Bush Anizer Bush I think of When I think of

Anizer Bush And I see those Clydesdales And I think about Ford And this is an immigrant This is a Cuban guy That came here in 1966 Let me just tell you my opinion When I see Swanson's TV dinners

You know When I see McDonald's Yeah Swanson's TV dinner It's America, guys. It's as American as can be, okay? We all ate that Swanson's TV dinner. We shit blood for three weeks,

the little hot apple pie in the middle that you had to release it first. And if you didn't, and the brownie, if you didn't, you didn't grow up poor or you didn't fucking, you know, it's never too late. You want a dose of reality. You'll get yourself a Swanson's hungry man, fucking dinner, roast beef,

no, the turkey with the stuff Oh, yeah. Oh, and they used to be like a fish, you would turn green after you ate it. But it didn't matter. You weren't going to get the flu that year. Yeah. You know, Swanson's Ford, Chevrolet, you know, Cadillac. When I think of Budweiser, Anizer Bush and all this, I think of America, like just in the earliest, this is it.

Like, this is American. It's never going to change. It's never going to. This is the recipe, Coca-Cola. You know, these things are as American as fucking apple pie baseball. These are things that are ingrained in people's fucking, you know, we all hold something. Everybody hates something, but everybody likes McDonald's. You know what I'm saying?

I went to McDonald a couple weeks ago for a quarter cheese, whatever the fuck they were. I was fucking starving. I was starving. And I'll tell you something, that quarter pound tasted fucking delicious. I didn't go back the next day. I didn't go back the next week. I was in a pinch. and there's nothing wrong with an ice quarter pound

with a Diet of Coke Zero With a lot of ice God damn God damn But again it's a treat for everybody We're not talking about McDonald's here We're not talking about Subway I don't think of America

When I see Subway all right Blimpy I think of America You know there's all these companies That are just so fucking American That leave them be You know I was talking to you guys I think last week Or somebody I spoke to about

The movie the offer, the TV show the offer, how they made the Godfather. And throughout that movie there's always resistance. You know what I'm saying? Like there's always resistance. When I used to go to meetings in Hollywood, there's always resistance.

And it's resistance from one person in the room. That's negative as fuck. That likes what he likes. And you're not going to change his mind. You have to educate them to change their mind back. What's going on in America today is a lot of people getting jobs that don't have experience in. I'm giving you a job as a taxi dispatcher, but you've never driven a taxi.

Are you with me? There's a lot of this shit going around. You see it when you go out to the supermarkets or restaurants or, you know, we're not as experienced as we used to fucking be. And part of that is no work experience, no experience in the real world. Like I was telling Mike before we start the podcast today, we were talking about what kids learn in school now, that you have so much influence now. And I was telling Mike that in about three years,

one of his son's going to come home. Mike's going to say something at the table. And one of those kids are going to go, Daddy, that's wrong to say. And you're going to go, what? I didn't say nothing. Because the teachers and the schools and all that shit are going to woke them up a little bit, okay?

And whatever that means, you know, they're going to woke them up to whatever extreme. My point is that I've been dealing with this, Ben Bell is a great book company Netflix is great to deal with you know all of them but there's always those two people in the room

that aren't buying you and those people are probably college educated they went to a great college and they're so stuck on their fucking college diploma it's so far up their fucking ass that they don't see everything else they just pride

themselves in being smart which they are for that potential for book smart but then there's a fucking street smart that you get along with it and together somewhere along the line it just clashes you know so when i think of what's going on with anise bush and all these people you know again everybody makes hate videos everybody's got an opinion in today's world the you know the fucking uh the web is full of fucking uh but light things i looked at it from a business standpoint and how they let people down

Who drinks Budweiser guys? Who drinks Bud Light? Construction workers? I mean, Budweiser to me is fucking as American as can be. My favorite beer, as much of the hellbilly as I am, I like a cold fucking Budweiss. I'm talking put in the freezer for an hour and give me a frosted mug. There's no better beer than Budweiser in my world.

But I don't like IPAs. I'm not really a drinker. But when I think about Budweiser, to think about construction guys after work, you know. I think about people from the South, you know, hardworking, fucking Americans. You know, just like my wife, they're from Tennessee. They don't know nothing. And when they drink, they drink on a budget.

And Budweiser is the beer of beers. Yeah, you could go a little cheap and get a little rolling rock or one of the other off brands. I don't even know what beers cost anymore. But Budweiser stood for something in this country. It's not Heineken. It's not Miller. mill of light I fucking hate open up a bottle of mill of light and smell it you'll never drink it again it smells like piss right off the top that little air up in the top smells like piss but anyway this isn't

the critique hour I'm just talking about the common sense so somebody wanted into anheiser bush and said let's get bud light because again I have nothing against transgender but transgender's drink so much bud light I'm just saying let's cater it to them did the transgender community actually reach out to Budweiser and say, hey, we want a beer. No, this is somebody at Budweiser, somebody at the eyes of Bush. And let's, let me give a face to this person so you understand. He's probably young. He's probably woke.

He just got out of college. And he went in there and he's a good salesman. He pitched these people on this fucking transgender beer can. I don't know the story of the guy or the girl, but let me tell you something. they've lost Anheiser Bush has lost billions over this like this isn't just a bad weekend this is fucking billions I didn't know about this guys I'm so far behind on current events and shit

I saw all the hoopla you know fucking kid rock shooting the cans and shit and that's who drinks Bud Light that's who drinks Budweiser is somebody like Kid Rock do you really think Kid Rock or any of those celebrities or anybody in that world have they ever said you know they just they keep themselves that's the most quiet community there is the country community there's no east coast west coast rap is war there's no i hate this

they just perform they have a good time the chicks look fucking great so what would possess you in this day and age to put a transgender on you i mean people saying to invest in fucking every other beer right now every other like sams so many other beers though Right, like Sam Adams. They own Corona. Owns fucking Corona. You're going to protest a lot. You're going to protest a lot.

I'm not protesting. I'm not here to talk about protesting. I'm not saying nothing about that. I can care less what the fuck you drink. You know, if I go to the store today, if I got an urge for a beer, I'll probably drink a fucking Budweiser if I drink one. I haven't drank a beer and, I don't know, it's got to be a fucking year, maybe, a Heineken.

The Heineken sent me beers and I drank one of them. Oh, you know, that was a margarita at the baseball game. Yeah, that was a margarita. I haven't drank a fucking, man. I love beer. One. One, and I'm good, because then I got to piss 80 fucking times. But I just can't believe that they would do something like this.

And nobody else is jumping on board with it. You know, I'm sure corporations, I'm sure there was 10 corporations that were talking about it. They saw the debacle that happened in Anheuser-Busch, and they pushed that motherfucker to the back railing right now. until they could figure this all out. Again, I have no hatred for Bud Weiss or anything like that, but what were you thinking? What were you thinking just spitting in your demographics face?

And I'm not talking about people from the South are highly fucking religious. Whatever the fuck they are, seven-day evangelists, whatever the fuck they are, Christians, whatever, that's the second half of your fucking beer-drinking fucking escapades. and those are the people that you want to insult? Holy fuck! Holy fuck! I just listen, man.

I wish you all luck in the world, Budweiser. I'm not boycott you. I'm not mad at you. Well, you fucked up. That was a big fucking fuck up. And I'm sure somebody's sitting down right now with his hands tied behind his back and there's a chubby redneck just hitting him with a glove.

Like, you fucked up. We lost all this money because what was, the purpose of it. Okay, well, then what are you going to get now? I mean, I'm not being an asshole, but when was the last time you seen a transgender on a fucking Clydesdale? You know, when was the last time you've seen?

No, it's, it's, it's, you know, you can't get mad, you can just laugh like I'm doing, but it just goes to show you where the world is going right now. It's going to a place where sometimes you look at it and go, what the fuck is that? What are they talking about?

You know what? It's the way of the world. It's really got nothing to do. I went to fucking Austin last week, and the Uber driver showed me a video. I mean, this guy was fucking furious in the car. Spanish, Cuban guy. Furious.

And I go, what are you mad about? He said, this fucking Biden, fucking those Cubans, bro. They fucking, they're Trumpers. Oh, those Cubans are fucking Trumpers. He was telling me that Biden did something passed a fucking law to fucking, What is that shit when you buy a mortgage? You have to pay $40 extra and help somebody with a bad credit rating and shit.

Cubans come, they smell that. That's socialism. They smell that shit and they get fucking angry. But hey, I'm not a political fucking advocate. I don't give a fuck. Budweiser, good luck to you. I don't know how you're going to get yourself out of this one. You have to put a fucking cowboy with a big dick on the can just to get back on this.

So good luck to you. Again, I have no hatred for Budwey. anything. My big question was, what the fuck were you thinking? What the fuck were you thinking? Anyway, I want to talk to you about something. One of the things I failed to put in the book that I want to talk to you guys about, I forgot all about it. And I remembered when I told the story a couple of years ago on Sickler's podcast, about 1991, 1990. No, it was 1991, 1990. When I lived in Boulder, I did time with this guy. Michael Bell and he fucking escaped eight years later, eight months later. I wasn't friends with him.

I knew him. I said hello to him a couple times. And he escaped and he shot four kids in Boulder and then they shot him in the neck and fucking, they shot him in the neck and they couldn't get the bullet out. So they had to call a special surgeon. And one of the surgeons was one of the surgeon that they called, that guy had shot his kid, killed his kid early in the day. And they wanted him to operate.

It fucking tremendous story. There was a lot of crazy things going on in Boulder in those days. Before I got locked up, I was enrolled at CU Boulder as a full-time student. I was going to start September, and I got sentenced August 15th. So that all fell apart. I was on campus, you know, and I would see different people, and I had a health and fitness class, and I became friends with Mike Pritchard in that.

He was one of the wide receivers for the Colorado Buffaloes. And then I met Canabas McGee, and I met some other guys. And, you know, I wasn't a big Colorado football fan. But you know what? I was finally going to go into college. They were giving me a bunch of money to go to college. And I'm like, you know what, man, I'm going to be a college kid. Even at 25 years old, I'm going to put a backwards hat on and walk on campus like a fucking college kid.

And then that all ended when I got sentenced. But when I came out in 89, I waited a few months. And then I said, let me go back to continuing ed. And I went to continuing ed. I was selling Subaru's. I was selling Toyotas. I was selling Toyotas, and I was taking two classes a week. And I met, you know, a couple of the people when I was taking the night classes.

And one of them was this girl, and she was like a trainer. She was like a tape girl. You know, people put tapes on. ankles and shit on the Colorado football team. She was a dear friend of mine. Her name was Joyce. And she invited me to a party one day, and I went over there, and I ended up meeting a lot of the football players.

Chad Smith, Chad Brown. He had a bunch of snakes and shit in his house. I met Christian Fourier. I met a bunch of them, and they were all very nice. In fact, I hooked up with Christian Fourier years later in Seattle when he played for the Seahawks, and I was living in Seattle, and he would go to Swanies, and he would go to Swanies. He remembered me and we talked and stuff. So I wasn't a football guy, but I liked those guys.

I knew some of the guys from the basketball team. I knew some of the guys from the weightlifting. You know, I just knew a couple guys. I didn't hang out with them. Shortly after I enrolled in school, I got invited to a football game. Like when I went back to continuing again, I got invited to a football game. And I saw a quarterback named Salon Nessie. He was a freshman.

And he threw for like three touchdowns that fucking day. Two touchdowns. He was great. I just somebody invited me to a game and I went and Shortly after that I was selling Toyotas and somebody contacted me I used when I first got the Boulder in November of 86 I had did a job so I got a job with the car wash the puddle car wash I worked there as a towel guy for about three months

You know was six bucks an hour plus tips you made about 75 a day but you froze your fucking ass off and you work dog you had to wipe down cars and vacuum and shit it was fucking work but you know what man I was dumb I didn't have any plans I had no high school diploma this is what I had to do years later they called me back and they're like hey man we want to talk to you about a position over here if you want to take it I'm like sure and they're like we want you to be our host

that's where you greet people and sell them and I was like it's great you make like 1500 a week and you work three days a week I was like what in Boulder And they're like, yeah, man, it's great money. And if you work five or six days a week, but you have to share the job with this other guy. So my job was to get the other guy to quit,

but that was later on. This puddle car wash was one of CU's biggest boosters. The guy that owned it, his name was Howard, sweetheart of a guy, his wife. I worked for a guy named Richie, and there was a black dude there that played for CU football. He was just great guy. His name was Howard.

And they hired me, and, you know, I would meet all the coaches. I met Gary, the assistant offensive coordinator. I met a bunch of guys. I also met the DA of Boulder who got me off probation after I got out of prison and parole. I bet a lot of people there. It was a great job for me.

I got to meet the McCarthy's, the wife and the coach, you know. Nice people, you know. Irish Catholics, Irish, my type of fucking people. She was always very nice. I didn't know nothing about nothing. And all of a sudden one fucking day, I hear that she's pregnant. The daughter is pregnant with the quarterback's son.

You know, and there's a big scandal going on in Boulder. I don't give a fuck about scandals or anything. I'm just paying attention for that. And shortly after that, it was revealed that he had stomach cancer, unoperable stomach cancer. This fucking 18-year-old, 19-year-old kid from Oceanside, California, who was fucking great.

The reason why I'm telling you all this is because I saw the 30-for-30. The other night I saw it was on and I taped it. I'd never seen it before. And I put it on and I had forgotten about my time emboldened. I was just trying to be normal, guys. I had gotten the biggest second chance of my life by being able to go to college with money, with Pell Grants and fucking, you know, loans and shit. But it wasn't costing me an arm and the leg.

I was proud of that. You know, I was proud when I walked down the fucking on the campus. I felt like a fucking million bucks. Like I'm like, my friends from Jersey We'll never believe this That I'm on a CU Boulder campus Not a CU Boulder Extension Campus, not a CU

State campus. I'm at the University of Colorado GED quit school and I'm walking around Like I own the joint, you know And it was just fun guys And again, for me, it was a mind fuck I had forgotten who I was I'd forgotten that I was just a dirty

fucking criminal from North Bergen, but it felt good just a dream, you know? It always feels good just a dream, you know, walking around camp and shit like that. And the football team got popular, and then they lost a noted dame in the championship game. They made it to the fucking Orange Bowl. And that's when I was really involved in 91. And then going into the second season, that's when Salon Nessie died. and they dedicated the season to them

and they fucking went to the orange bowl and they won. I was all a part of that in a way. Like, not that I played football, not that I was a sponsor or not that I was, you know, I was there. It was just so weird that I was there for all this. And then he died and they won

and, you know, people were fucking tearing the coach's daughter. And it was just a bad situation. It's hard to believe that it was 30 fucking years ago and that that kid that they had because I did the math that two nights ago

he's 34 years old now that kid she ended up having three other kids with football players and shit that's none of my business she was a great sweet girl you know God knows what her the motors were you know I don't fucking know

but it was such a great time for me you know like I was a part of something that wasn't criminal I mean let's face it I was faking the funk, but it was just great, man. It just felt great to talk to kids and just, I don't know. It was short-lived, you know, I went back to the University of Colorado and tried to sign up for six credits for continuing it on the slide. Just for me, I didn't care about the degree or anything at this point.

And I got a letter like a month later telling me that I wasn't allowed off campus on campus anymore that they would have to. I called the police if I went on campus and charged me with trespassing because I had gotten a felony and I wasn't allowed on campus. And that, guys, I don't have to tell you. I mean, when I was watching this, I was thinking about all this and I had tears in my eyes because it was the end. Like I had this short-lived college fucking career. And I thought after prison that I could just make it all go away

and walk back there like a fucking man. but they told me they were going to throw me on. And I got a lawyer, and I tried taking them to court, and it just got nowhere. And then we just made a pack, listen, you're not really banned from campus, but by that time it was too fucking late, you know. But it was such an interesting couple of years.

It was something that, at least it gave me something to get up for every day. And the only regret I have at that whole fucking time, is that I was involved in that whole bolder fucking kidnapping thing and the other thing was that I really didn't grasp of what was going on because I was high on coke half the fucking time. You know, I was, the cocaine was deep, deep, deep in my motherfucking system. So, but it was, you know, man,

I see people now like young kids and I talk to them and they're like, I'm not going to go to college or whatever. I wish everybody goes to college. I wish I could have gone That's one of my shortcomings And that's one of the things I wish And I've tried to take classes at night And I looked on schedules

It's not the same It's never going to be the same I'm glad I got the opportunity You know, it was very fucking exciting But can you imagine me A little C-U shirt on With books and shit Guys, I was selling it

Guys, I was selling it Because I really really wanted to believe that I can fucking make this happen. Real quick, let's take a minute here for a word from my motherfucking sponsors, Jack.

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you got fucking, I think, fucking Kansas City beat, whatever last night. It don't matter. NBA playoffs are heating up. Download that. draft kings you're gonna have a good fucking time i i enter the contest that you play roulette and for every dollar you spend if the nicks and the heat score a fucking three-pointer you get like five bucks

so i'm hoping i'm just pulling for three yeah who gives a fuck it costs me ten dollars or something like that you know when i get bored i don't mind playing a little roulette from time to time i'm not a fucking degenerate gambler but i enjoy it so who gives a fuck i ain't breaking the bank i'm not fucking running from bookies and shit like that. What a fucking nightmare. Back to Boulder. No, man, that always sucked here. And I always wanted to talk about that.

But when I wrote the book, I forgot all about that. How I really wanted it to work. I thought I was going to be Johnny White Man and fucking walk on campus. And they were going to love me. And I was going to get straight bees and shit. And my grades weren't bad. I could lie to you and tell you that.

You know, my grades weren't fucking bad at all. I studied, I did my homework, you know, I did everything I could, but if I could do it all over again, that's what I would go for this time, the right way. You know what I'm saying? I don't think I want to be a frat guy. Like I was too old to go into a frat. Fuck that shit. I don't want to hang out with 20 stinky guys and drink beer out of a bong and shit like that. I didn't want to do that, but just, you know, the CULP program that I was in offered you.

I mean, it was for retouch. guys the c uop minority program i was in it was for retards and part of my the only thing i had i was a little ashamed of it because i knew what it was it was uh i was i was a statistic that's all i was i was a statistic and at that time c u boulder had a lot of problems recruiting players of minorities because that's what else they were talking about

about this documentary that was interesting. When I got the bold, I think the second year I got the Boulder, 90, 25 football players had been arrested, and they didn't know what to do. They were black. They were African-American, so the cops didn't know how to handle them. One of the guys they showed a documentary was J.J. Flanagan. I told my wife, that guy saved my life.

And J.J. Flanagan told the story on there that he was, it was Halloween, and a bunch of white kids attacked him. Like they were yelling at him and shit. I mean, this guy's scoring touchdowns every week. And the fucking Bold. The kids were still yelling at him and calling him fucking the N-word and shit. Then the cops came and they broke it up. And he was about to go home.

And one of the girls that was with him called him the fucking N-word. And he held off and smacked her in the fucking face. Talk, there was a lot of problems in Boulder at that time. He smacked her in the face. They arrested him. But they threw it out of court. And because of that, they made a law. It was called the J.J. Flanagan law.

That if you call somebody a racial slur and the city limits of Boulder, you got one coming to you. Like you got one coming for free. Like you could smack that motherfucker, kick them, bite them, hit him with a bottle. They won't press charges. And that rule saved my life in 95. That's the reason I'm here. That's how much fucking, they were getting tortured. There was a couple guys.

were real thugs, they were fucking, like there was a bookie in Boulder that had a diner, and he was sending these black kids to beat up fucking white kids to college campuses. That was not good. But these kids were fucking good kids. I knew half of them. They were just 20-year-old fucking gorilla football players. That's it. They were the biggest motherfuckers in the world.

Before I left Boulder and 95, like I was tight with Chad Brown, the linebacker. And I would go over that. and buy weed from him once a week, and he would tell me you got to stay outside because the snake is loose. He had these fucking snakes in his house. So I would, you know, I stayed in it for as long as I could.

I spoke to them. I wasn't like a football brown nose I didn't give a fuck about any of that shit. I wasn't going to play football. I was an old man. These guys were fucking real football players. It was just, it kept my spirit up, you know? So all those guys were getting fucking arrested,

and I was there for all that shit. You know, I still remember of them getting fucking, they had to bring it a black psychiatrist to get them like they didn't have any other people at the school. There was tons of rumors going around, but they were all fucking lies. They were saying that the quarterback was selling crack. I knew that fucking guy. I knew him well.

He would come into the car wash. He was always very nice. Did he smoke pot? Maybe. He was from fucking L.A. You know, he was from downtown L.A., whatever fuck he was, Compton or whatever. But, you know, man, if you got a chance to go to college, if you're a young fucking kid, you know what? I don't give a fuck if you got to take loans.

I mean, take us, you know, you got to investigate and see what the fuck they're giving out. I had a guy that was my fucking roommate that that's what he did for a living. He got you Pell Grants and fucking scholarships and guys, it's just a matter of looking into it and attacking it. It's a lot of letter writing. It's a lot of sending shit. I mean, the process has probably changed today. But guys, I was getting a lot of scholarship money. I don't even know how much.

But I know for a, there was a small window for like six months. I was getting a check every week. $500, $250, $750.750. And nobody knew about this shit. Like, it wasn't that they were like school money. Like, he would just sign up. I got money from every Chavez there is. Every Mexican gave me money.

Every Cuban artist gave me money. It was fucking crazy. You know, and it was a program to keep you, you maintained, you needed a 2.0 grade average. That's a D. That's a D. You got two to three hours of tutoring per class per week. So they did everything they could to, you know,

push you up the ladder, if you're a fucking immigrant, that's the last thing you want. You know, there's some people that like that shit that like to just fucking get a D and move on. It wasn't for me. That was not... I looked at that D and I'm like,

that seems okay, but I'm not going to go to school to get a fucking D. I'm going to go to school to at least get something out of this fucking shit. But those are the things that kind of made me ashamed of the program was the D, the tutoring.

There was like eight other things that they basically held your hand throughout the whole thing. Was it cool? It was cool, but you know what, man? People go to school and they work hard and they study and now you come in and all you need is a D to get another scholarship for the next semester.

It just didn't cut right with me. But it was one of those things, man, that I'll never, ever forget. Like, I was so proud for a while when I got out of prison. I thought I was really going to go down the scholastic route. I thought I was going to be walking around I'm bolder with a pipe, you know, with Birkenstocks on, talking about engineering and shit, but it didn't work out for me, man. And I wish it would have.

I always wanted to do something with law. You know, and listen, I go back to school now at 60 and get, like, a paralegal and learn how to do some fucking things. But fuck that. That's what I did for 20 years. A paralegal? I didn't know that. No shit. You don't want to do it no more?

I would like to do with you. You got to deal with the people that can't pay the mortgage. You basically like to go between for the mortgage company because they don't want to deal with it. I would like to do like a... Or something good, like a doctor's office or something. No, I want to work with criminals. Oh, yeah.

I want to work a fucking criminals. What is that? Public defender? You can work for a lawyer. No, I would work for a public defender's office or work for an attorney's office, but I would love for it to be. in law.

I would love for it to be in like a criminal drugs, you know, shit like that I know about because that makes it easier. You know, half of those attorneys don't get fucking high. So when you're defending somebody, you really kind of get lost. That's where I come in.

I could be a mouthpiece, you know. I can't go up there and testify and say shit, but I could fill your fucking, I could fill his lip and let him ask questions that, you know, could fucking helping win the case or what other fuck's going on here i always loved that avenue i thought somewhere along the line i would fucking fall into something but again you don't fall into fucking

law okay again uncle joey's being fucking ridiculous here you don't fall into law you got to fucking go in there and uh fucking do it but it's so weird when i was watching that documentary on that i really wish i got to done a podcast at that time with the documentary behind me because It was just so fucking interesting. And I got to be honest to you guys, I lived in a lot of places. I miss Boulder. I miss Boulder a lot. Like I miss walking around those streets.

I miss what it was. I mean, Boulder's completely different now. It's grown 10 times since I've been there. I don't even think there's any fucking hippies left, you know? But I love to go back with my daughter and my wife. Not, I'm taking a break from the planes. United, fuck me up last week. I can't go on no planes for a while.

I got PTSD from United Airlines. It's, it's over. Once I saw that dirty silverware, I'm like, fuck that shit. I can't deal with that stuff at all. Dirty silverware, guys. No, I can't. I got to move the fuck on. But in time, I'm going to go back to Boulder and say my goodbyes.

You know, I've never gone back to Boulder. This is 95. Never. never didn't even i always when i went back to denver to work the comedy works i always said i'm gonna take a ride to boulder i shit the bed in boulder guys not that somebody would point me out now i'm bold i got plenty of friends still in boulder i still talk to them i still keep in touch with them the problem is me as as joey dyes i always felt that i shit the bed in boulder Boulder opened the

I don't know Going into Colorado Was like going into God's country For me it was at 18 I had gotten my eyes open To a complete different world That I wouldn't have got my eyes open To living here

All these motherfuckers do is go to Florida Atlantic City You know that's it Jersey people go to Florida Atlantic City That's it That's not me at all I don't like fucking Florida And Atlantic City

Twice a year I could go and I'm happy So when I went to Colorado for me. I always felt like I was I was living in God's country you know and then I went there and what did I do? I fucking kidnapped people. I robbed the university. I robbed

the town. I got married. I fucking fucked that up. I got arrested. I went to prison. I mean, you know and the hits don't fucking stop. You know, the hits just don't stop in Boulder. And you know what? I usually don't feel guilty about shit. Like I don't give a fuck what you think.

This Boulder thing really bothered me. My behavior in Boulder bothered me. Just little things. I always tried to stab a guy. You know, it just, no, it's just guys. Boulder caught me at the wrong time, man. I was the age of 24 to fucking, what, 24. I got there in 86.

I went to Boulder first in 83, but just to look and I swore never go back there. I went back in 86 and I stayed till 95 in Boulder so that's nine years so when I left Boulder I was about 32 or 33 I even on the way out I I fucking spit on them because

on the way out of Boulder I had two driver's licenses and I was going to Ogden, Utah to do my first triple tour and fucking I was like man I'm short on money I got to fill up my gas tank I filled up my gas tank and I gave the guy my license and I said, I'll be back.

I left my wall. He goes, take your time. And I never went back from my license. It was $28 or something like that. But again, guys, this is what I'm talking about. So it's taken me 28 years to forgive myself over Boulder. And now, maybe this year, we're thinking about it this July, but I think we're going to go next year, give the fucking airlines a chance to get it together again.

And I'm going to take my daughter, my wife. wiped the Boulder and walk around and, you know, tell them where I lived and showed them where I went to school and stuff. I don't know. Maybe I'll open up her eyes. Maybe she'll want to go out there when she's older. But I think it was a great place. It was a great place for me. To this day, I'm very happy I did time, but I'm very ashamed that I did those things in Boulder. And it really, really, really fucking bothered me. So when I left there, I said, you know what? I'm going to take a breathe from Boulder. It's like doing time.

Boulder is such a paradise that I took myself out of there and I gave myself time like Chris Cornell and fell on Black Days. I just go, you know, I had to do it. Yeah, I had to do it. So now I'm ready. I paid my fucking dues society. I paid my dues to myself.

And I could go back and walk around my chin fucking high, you know, and that's how I feel. If you ever get a chance to go to anywhere in Colorado, go. I don't care if it's a tell you ride, especially when you live in a big city or something, go to Boulder, go to telly ride, see those mountains, man. Those mountains change my fucking life.

They didn't change my life enough to stop stealing and snort and coke. I still laugh about my head. I had a friend that used to always go, what the fuck are you doing in Boulder? Doing bolders? That's what he would ask me, what the fuck are you doing in Boulder, doing bolders? I wish I would have put more of this in the book, my life in Boulder. It was, it really, I was in with some great people. I was in with some bad people, but I was in with some great people also that I still keep in touch with.

And they're like fucking family to me. And the people that I was with there that moved away, I still keep in touch with them. I have friends in Mississippi, Columbus, Ohio from Boulder. I got a guy in Minneapolis. They used to come to my shows at the House of Comedy. I got friends all over from those days. From 1985 in Boulder, I still got fucking. friends. We're all a bunch of old sacks of shit, but I can't explain. I got something out of

Boulder. Like when you hear all my stories about growing up my friends in Jersey, it was great. I had a blast with these motherfuckers, but it was nothing. My Boulder years added to that. I forget all the people that were in my life, but like Danny Feebles and his wife, I had some good fucking friends in Boulder. They were there with me when I started comedy. Until this day, at least, let me tell you how much I fucked up. For the last 10 years, I've been trying to go back to the Boulder broker. And I even had a guy who worked there that reached out to me. And I asked him if he could put it together.

I fucked up so much in Boulder. They won't even have me back at the broker where I fucking started. Comedy works will have me, but Boulder, am I ashamed of telling you this shit? Yes, I am. But at the other time, I'm proud of telling you this. because I changed my life. Now I could walk in there and go, you know what?

I did what I had to do. I'm back here. I'll go to Chautauqua Park. That's where the gods live. You know? I go to fucking North Hollywood, North Boulder Park. I still remember where the guitar player from the Eagles made a statue for his daughter when she died there. And I would always go over there and eat lunch and just sit next to the statue.

Not Glenn Fry, not the fucking guy they're thrown out, but the guy who joined the Eagles of Rocky Mountain Way, the guy that sings all that shit, he lived in North Boulder when I lived there, and his daughter died when she was four, and he fucking made like a dedication at North Boulder Park. Boulder was very good to me, guys, and I'm happy that I changed my life around, and that I go back to Boulder with pride now.

And that's the Monday motivation on fucking May 1st, guys. I'm excited this book is coming out tomorrow. And I'm excited it's over with. I put this to rest. I'm going to do Boston Sports tomorrow when the book gets released. And then I'll keep you guys post on the book signings. I haven't heard shit. I told her about this a month ago and I haven't heard shit.

I haven't heard anything on that. New Jersey 12. I was trying to get on New Jersey 12 because I went to the gym the other day and I saw one of my friends, Bill Bell and he put out a book and he was on fucking New York Live. And I'm like,

I don't even want to get on New York Live. I don't want to do any of those shows. But I would like to go on New Jersey 12 and talk some shit and, you know, go down to our Ponty restaurant with Erica and just talk some shit. So I'll keep you guys posting on that. But there's something else I want to talk to you about.

Laughing Gas has done it again, guys. I've been with Laughing Gas. for two years down and they never seen. They sent me a little fucking bud last week of this Neptune or something, runch or something like that.

Holy fuck. They didn't send me enough of it. I would have gave you some. I was fucked up. And now they released these. Motherfuckers, you ready? Out of respect for the book tremendous. I have collaborated.

And we've got, are you ready for this, motherfucker? Bam. tremendous gummies. We also have white truffle gummies. We also have cocoa gummies.

We also have fucking rainbow rudge gummies. We got them all. But this is tremendous out of respect for the book coming out tomorrow. You can order these. We'll deliver these to you. There are 175 milligrams and 175 of live resin.

These do some to you a little differently than what you used to. But who the fuck am I? Go to laughing gas.com and order these motherfuckers. You're going to be fucking happy you did. And as usual, the weed is stronger than ever.

They're fucking tremendous, and I love them. But go to Laughing Gas Coe and take a look at these fucking monsters. I gave my man Mike. He's one of the first victims. I gave him some white truffle ones this week, and we're going to get the fucking party started right,

because it's celebration week. So I'll be around. smoking dope. Tuesday I'm doing bar stool. I'm going to stop in North Jersey, get some lunch with my friend. And then I got a softball game Tuesday at my daughter so we can't celebrate nothing.

But I'll let you know if I do something locally in Marlboro, Manalapan, something like that that you guys could stop by. I'm still waiting here on the book company in Park Ridge, and I'm still waiting to hear from fucking New Brunswick and Freehold and also Philadelphia Barnes & Noble. How's that for you,

motherfuckers because how are you going to release a book without motherfucking Barnes and Nobles? How am I going to release a book if I don't go down to Philadelphia and say hello? What kind of varmint would I be if I didn't go down to Philadelphia and say hello? So that's one of the stops I definitely want to go to. Don't fuck with me because I'm bringing fucking mace and everything else cock suckers. You guys in Philly are savages. But I love you motherfuckers. Hey, listen, man, thank you very much for letting me come on here every week and talk shit.

I know it's not what you motherfucker is expected But it is what it is for right now I'm trying my best I'm just happy it's all behind me You know The church was fucking three years ago man And it still lives And I'm still tight with Lee

And whatever people thought about Why we closed it down Listen I knew that this was coming I knew better days were coming We had to get out of there And everything changed for everybody Lee's doing great Mike's doing great

and I'm doing great. But I got to thank you guys for always having all three of our backs and whatever ventures we're doing. So thank you. You know, listen, the podcast is what it is. I come up here, I talk some shit. I tell a story and we abandon shit.

What do you want to keep you here all day and try to make believe I'm a genius that I'm not. I'm no fucking genius. But just remember, it's a new month with a whole new set of rules and only you fucking control it. I love you, motherfuckers.

Have a great week. Stay black. I'll see you next Monday. Tip top motherfucking Magoo. And now for a word for my motherfucking sponsor, Jack. All right, guys. Thank you for listening today.

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