The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - It's a beautiful day to be alive!

Episode Date: April 16, 2024

Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt the one thing OJ Simpson did that no other man did and how OJ was involved in a very dark period in his life, the role comfort plays in being a comedian, what's going to happen when people start getting their hands on Chinese weed, and much more! Shop better hydration & support the show at ⁠https://www.liquidiv.com⁠ promo code JOEY for 20% off your 1st order. Support the show & download the DraftKings app. New customers bet $5 and get $200 instantly in bonus bets with code JOEY. The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz

It was a beautiful day to be alive. It was 80 fucking 2 degrees here in Jersey today. Yeah, it was great. I went out this morning. It was 66 out of coming and change. I love putting on shorts for the first time. Oh, I put on some shorts today. My legs got some sun.

Yeah. It was a beautiful day. I went to Osteria tonight and got a quick cheeseburger. Fucking delicious. I got to tell you, I'm not a big cheeseburger guy. I'm not a hamburger guy. I tried to get it out of my system 20 years ago. You know, like, because if not, you end up.

eat the fucking burger every goddamn day you know and i found that place in the valley which was good about three times on uh ventura yeah yeah went to the wolves they shrunk the burger it was dry you know it was a fancy burger place it was a fancy like a hipster one not a not fancy hipster hipster but the burger was pretty good and they did a good job they had fries or mozzarella on it you know those eight hot meat fries but you're gonna put cheese on my fries you're gonna put cheese on my fries you're going to put it on a steak fry. A fucking HIV fry or break in half, like a COVID fry, you know.

They just break in half. So this place, Osteria has a Monday night burger. It's 1695. Wow. The fucking burger is like short rib and, you know, the flavor on it. You get it a little rare.

And the flavor is out of this fucking world. And that's not even like, that's really reasonable. McDonald is costing that much now. Oh, 1695 and a fucking beer on Monday night. I don't eat a lot of burgers. If I go there once every 90 days for a burger, but today I felt like a fucking burger.

Oh, yeah. I would have drank a beer, but I would have got too fucked up for a podcast. You know me, Doug. It's so funny. You get that fucked up from one beer? Two weeks ago on Easter Sunday. I took my family out,

and I got Sangria. Oh, nice. And I said, what could one glass of Sangria do to me? But my fucking nature popped up and I drank half the picture. I got home. The alcohol with the food,

it just didn't mix. I fucking barked and I had to go upstairs and go to sleep. Fuck. You drink. It's a waste of time for me. It's not good. It depresses me. It's over. It doesn't depress me

as much as I used to when I was younger. You know, even those last couple years at the comedy store, very embarrassing. People talking to you've got to fucking water in your head, like some fucking Mamook, you know. I wish I could drink two or three rum and coax and go home. I wish I knew how to do that. But after the first one, it's over.

I get sick. The soda, the sweetener, it's just the whole thing. Wow. And you think it's the soda? But it's alcohol. It's all alcohol. That's crazy. It's alcohol.

You know? Especially, like, you have such a big tolerance for other things. Oh, I'm a fucking horse. But, like, today I had to give the spirits a glass of Bacardi this morning. Okay. I buy him a little fucking bottle of Bacardi, and I give the spirits a glass on Mondays. Just smelling it fucking drives me crazy. Really?

Smelling it, yeah. Fucking great. That is crazy. But the burger is nice. That I love. Do they have anywhere to sit outside at all? Or no, just yeah, yeah A nice, listen, if I had a ride, I would have got a burger

And they have a beer in a frozen mug, which is my all-time favorite Yeah If you can drink a beer, it's got to be in a frosted fucking mug And don't give me a half-frosted one with a little bit of ice I mean, I want that motherfucker to be, you know, I want it to stick to my fingers when I'm drinking it. You follow me? Do you ever have that at your own house? Do you put them in the freezer? No something. But then you get the odor of the fucking meat and whatever duck your mom has in there.

You know, you're trying to enjoy your soda and all of a sudden, it tastes like fucking chicken-a-mode, whatever the fuck it is. That sucks. All right, let's get this motherfucker started, Jack. What's happened, your beautiful savages? It's Tuesday, the 16th of April. The check-in is brought to you by. Uh-oh. 420 is almost here. And I'm going to party with the savages with my little freeze pipe. All the freeze pipe gear you need is top notch. Ready? Just pop it into the freezer for one hour. When the smoke passes through it, forget about it. It's like you're smoking on a cloud. Everything opens up. Even if you cough, it feels a lot better. You're not spitting up that black stuff that you usually spit by smoking that stamency weed.

You know what I'm saying? You're living like a doctor. And that's what happens with the Pipe. Me, for the last four or five years, that's all I use. That's the only glass I use. The freeze pipe. Why? Like I told Lee today in the podcast, I'm going to go from some type of lung things. So it don't matter. If you're walking on ice, you might as well dance. But with the freeze pipe, I feel a lot better. I don't wake up in the morning. Like I smoke 20 joints with paper for you professionals, if you understand what I'm saying to you. So do yourself a favor. Let the freeze pipe level up your experience. Visit the free freezepipe.com and check out the biggest sale of the year. Hey, listen, Fries Pipe wants you to have their products. You understand me? Whether it's the bubbler, the big bunk, they're all special, unique. And guess what else they do? They'll rock your world, Jack. So do yourself a favor. Visit thefriespipe.com. See something you like? It's not on sale? Fine. Use code Diaz,

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It's over. They didn't put you on this planet just to give up. If Uncle Joey could do it, I can rule the world. That's what you got to be thinking. Welcome back to show! Bam! What's happening? Happy Monday, cock lickers.

Or happy Tuesday. It's 4.20 week and the countdown has begun, Jack. Jesus. I just saw, by the way, someone sent me a clip of, like, when I would get super high and laugh. And one of the biggest things that made me laugh was when you would, For a while you were calling on it.com, alphabrain.com, and it just, like, we got so high that I just could not stop laughing.

I would just be, people thought I was sleeping. I wasn't sleeping. I was just fucking. Listen, brother, the damage we did took years to recover. Thank God for the pandemic, all right? Because people really have no idea. Thank God for the fucking pandemic. 2,000 milligrams a day and 22,000,

joints. It's ever good for you. Somewhere along the line, shit's going to break down. And it did. It did. But it was just so much fun. But yeah, I don't remember a lot.

But how was your week, buddy? My week was as good as yours. I got to get on stage one night. And then I really wanted to go to New York City, but goddamnly just thinking about it. Just thinking about it. You know, and I don't want to. Listen, man, the worst thing I see lately is like a high-level comic comes to town

And all of a sudden, like a comic that's maybe, you know, shows up and tries, oh, I didn't know this was going on tonight. Oh, you want me to do a set? I don't want to be that guy. And Josh is my brother. He knows. We always have a, but I don't want to be that guy. I don't want, and I can't sit in the audience because people will terrorize me. Hey, can we take a picture?

The fucking Josh is on stage. Right. He's on stage. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. You know, I wanted to go see Tony Rock last week. I can't, you know. It's just so many fucking things.

I don't have Tony Rock's number. Right. I want to call to myself, slip in the back with you or something. I can't go in there. I like, listen, my motto has always been for me right now, the last 10 years. I could come into your room Wednesday and Thursday and do a guest set. Friday and Saturday, it belongs to the headliner. If I'm going to show up on a Friday and a Saturday,

what the fuck is wrong with you, Joey? You think so? You think it? Because people just go crazy? No, because it looks like I'm trying to steal somebody else that's done. And I don't want to do that. I never want to try to steal somebody stunting. People work hard.

I was never one of those guys to bump people. I was never one of those guys to run the light. Before you can become a great comic, you have to respect other comics and respect the comedy rooms and, you know, just all, you know, all around. And that's what, if you do that all the time, you will become a better comic. It starts respecting everybody else. Listen, I don't have the heart to walk into a club and bump comics. What do you do when people ask you if you want to bump? No, I'll wait.

Like, I walk in a room and they'll go, you can go up whenever you want. No, like these guys work their magic. Because I remember being on that thing, and some douchebag comes in and does 50 minutes. He's supposed to do 10. Right. And he does 50 fucking minutes. And I remember how I felt sitting back there going, what the fuck is going with my life? This guy comes in three nights a week.

you know, once they stopped that at the store, it really helped a lot of comics. Comics felt it really made a change because everybody knew that from Monday to Thursday, somebody was going to pop in and ruin your fucking night. So if you were going to go on at 11, now you were going to go on at 12, 10. I can't even imagine the audience has liked it for that long. They might have liked it at the beginning for 15, 20, 30 minutes, but not an hour or two hours. I love people I fucking love people

but you know one of the reasons I left Cuba because you got to pay attention to Fidel Castro every Sunday for fucking six hours of him talking and in my world I can't listen to Jesus talk for six hours you're going to give me a fucking breather

I got to take a walk around the block stretch my legs I'm going to sit there like I'm a mook you know for four hours three hours when I see a comic I want to see your best 50 fucking minutes and we get the fuck out of here. Right. If you got the fire and you want to take me for an hour and a half, but it's an hour and a half fire. I'm in.

But I never saw that, you know. We were talking about something the other day, a friend, Jimmy Florentine. If you go over at the garden by one minute, it's $10,000 a minute. Fuck. I think Gabriel talked about that with Dodger Stadium. I think he said like he lost money or I don't know what we have finance. Don't quote me on that, but he was talking about going over. Oh, there's a minute. Think about that. Damn.

10 down. Now, when I was a kid, I'd go to concerts. They do four encores, six encores. I would get so bored. I'd leave. Fuck it. I saw songs. They did my song. I kissed the girl next to me. It's time to go home. Why leave with all these animals and take the train and walk to the fuck and time, whatever.

Port Authority on 48th Street, whatever. We'd have to walk from there at the garden with 800 other people. You know. Get out. Now, get the fuck out. All right. He did my jam. It's time to go.

I stole a t-shirt from this idiot next door who got drunk. And... Who did he steal a t-shirt from? Oh, when I was a kid, I went to one show and the shirts were expensive. I'm like, I'm not back on a fucking show. shirt. And I'm not sitting there like 15 minutes and a little pigeon falls asleep next to me with a t-shirt under his arm like the wing. I just tickled him a little bit. He picked up that on him and stole that shirt. That motherfucker woke up 35 hours lighter and he had like

four people step on him. Dog, I went to a bunch of shows. I was just thinking about the last good show I went to Bill Burr and Dean Delray with it. All right. Oh, in L.A.? Yeah. And we're at the Palladium. We're watching. Guns and Roses, and that crazy dude is there. That's a singer, and he comes out, he says, Michael Jackson molesting him and all that. I forget that dude's name. Oh, yeah.

He was an actor, too, right? Yeah, yeah, and he does the concerts, and people goof on. People just hire him to goof on. Yeah. People are like, how much we got left in the budget? Give it to him. He's going to do something.

He's going to come out and yell at the band. You know, the guy is a fucking piece of work. But anyway, he's there. There's a lot of fun. freaky people walking around. I don't say nothing to nobody. I'm with my wife. I got 2,000 milligrams of me.

Guns and roses coming on. What do I got to complain about? But I'm watching this girl. I think I erased the photos. I'm watching this girl, and I say to myself, I've been that age. And that young girl has been drinking since 5.30 in the afternoon.

And she's here now. Guns ain't coming on until 9. and she's drinking beer and doing shot with those guys and the girl must weigh a buck 10. I just watched her out of corner of my eye and I go, Bill, watch this. And within 10 minutes, she started passing out on the fucking table. And the guys that were interested in her and all that shit,

they just fucking turned around and listened to Guns and Roses. And this chick is all fucked up. And it started with her sleeping on the table. Then she had both hands on the table. And then she said, abandon ship. just laid under the table. Oh, no.

On top of her. And as I was leaving, she was barfing. How did you get so observant? Like, I don't think, I mean, maybe, like, I understand when she's laying on under the table, you would notice her. But, like, you would notice her when she's just started drinking.

She wanted to test my instincts, if I was right. Fuck. You know, I'm looking around for fucking Iranians. You know what I'm saying? I don't know if they're going to bomb the fucking Guns of Roses concert. I don't know if they're going to lay down in front of asshole. When I get to a place, I'm looking for exits. That's the first thing you do when you walk into the movies or anything like that.

You sit away from somebody suspicious, always close to that exit where you could duck, roll, get that door open. Have you ever needed to make a quick exit somewhere? When I was a kid, there was always a quick exit, you know. There was always a back door run out of here. When I was a kid, you had to run away from, oh, my God, Jesus. But I That's crazy I had a really cool

Like music excited Because I'm not really a big music person But I went to Let's start from scratch Thursday night What'd you do? Thursday night Thursday night

I did three shows Where one at Broadway comedy club And two at the Williamsburg Comedy Club Okay And then Friday what'd you do? Friday I did What did I do Friday?

Friday I did I think one comedy show oh one comedy show at brooklyn comedy club and then uh jacob and i got like a we got to go to the radio city music radio city music hall and go backstage and it was just cool to see like we saw with the rockettes did all their shit it was fun good for you and then saturday you just did one show saturday i did two Saturday the main one was with josh at grammarcy which was my brother fantastic i i had a really good show it was the whole show was awesome it was uh before I ask, is the Gramacy going to close next weekend?

No, God. Not because of me, thank God. No, I had one of my best New York weekends. I've been there like five or six. No, more than that because of five or six with you. But like I've been going there consistently over the last couple of years. And Friday night at Brooklyn and then Saturday at Gramercy were probably two of my best sets in New York. Because there's definitely a different energy there.

And different kinds of material seems to work. And I finally felt like pretty comfortable. I did. And I know you hate it. I don't even like it either, but I just naturally, like Williamsburg is just small. So like I found myself leaning against the back of the stage.

I don't think I'll ever do that again. But I just felt very comfortable on stage. Well, it's very, listen, man, you've got to find your comfort zone. if it means hopping up and down on one fucking leg with a pogo stick, if that's what's going to make the audience kill, you know, that's what's going to, you have to find comfort. But I want you, when I first started, I used to go from side to side.

I was a big fan of Eddie Murphy delirious. And he walked from side to side. So I would walk from side to side. And then I just started slowing down. And then I would just stand in front of the mic. Yeah. Moose my hand on the mic like Ozzy Osbourne and control the mic. And then somewhere on the line one day I couldn't hold the mic.

And I noticed that when I moved my hands, the story, the delivery, I sold it. That's what sells it. It's everything connected to you. Right. Jok is coming out of your fucking heels and it moves up your body. And it's like when you hit a baseball or when you hit a golf ball, I don't really know much. about golf. But when you hit a golf or baseball, your swing is fucking perfect.

Like once you get your swing perfect, that's when, you know, and that's when you start to see it, you know. Yeah. And it's interesting because Josh and I talked about this. He said that like he would do, once he got into it, he would do like a year. He said he did a year sitting down and then a year standing up, a year with it in the mic stand just to see like what works with what. and now he's now he like flows between all three i would say and yeah it was just uh

like i just started i have one joke where i sit down for 30 seconds um not even it's just part of the joke but i like friday i got saturday was great it was awesome to do grammarscy and the show went very well but friday was a little bit different of a set because i went i didn't go up there with like a plan at all. And like I don't, I don't really do crowd work, but like stuff was happening in the crowd and I addressed it from the previous comic.

And I just, it was like more like we were having a conversation than me just talking at him. And it was like, I didn't get heckled at all, but it was like one of the cooler sets that I've had. It's very funny when you, I don't know,

for me it took eight years. It was in the belly room where I was doing a story. storyteller show. Like we were doing something, testicle testaments. And it was really tough the first couple times I did it because there was a minute of silence. Right.

You're telling the story. But that minute of silence, that night taught me patience. It took me eight years to learn patience on stage. That you're navigating. It's like when you see a black belt doing a technique, you see a blue belt doing it. And he's about to submit. guy but he's huffing and puffing he's red in the face the guy's moving a black belt locks you up first and by the time he takes your arm for the arm bar it's clean it's perfect it's just precision you know and

that's bro it's years on stages like years on mats like years of playing pool like years of building the houses you know you just get a knack for it and you get quicker at it and better at it and you know i'm having a problem right now where I love to get up three or four nights a week. Right. You know, if I could drive 20 minutes here, 40 minutes here, it's not happening. It's not happening, you know.

And there's other reasons. It's just not happening. I'm thinking maybe one night, when I get back next week, watch when Ari's at the stand and go up there and hang with them for the night. And maybe start doing that. Just go in the city one night a week, do three

spots and get in a fucking car and come home. start all over again. Yeah. You get good at comedy. Listen, you've got to be out there. And I've told people this for years. Like somebody said to me, if you put a date out for 18 months and where you booked the garden, would you do it?

And I go, listen. People have no idea how much work it takes into selling tickets at the garden or packing a garden. You know, fuck. People. If Tony Hinchcliffe would have done the garden first, maybe he wouldn't have sold it up. To thank God with Tony, he built it up. He went to the Moody Theater or whatever, the University of Texas. He sold out not one, but two shows.

I don't know how many fucking pay-per-views. And now he goes into the garden selling out, not one, but two. What do we talk about the other day? Momentum. Right. is momentum. It's a train. I'm not going to get any better

comedy going on stage three times. To get better at comedy, it's a seven night a week, 10 to 12 year trek, and you sacrifice a lot, you tell a lot of people to go fuck themselves, you lose a lot of friends,

nobody starts inviting you to things. I'm not going to invite you, you're not going to show. And you're like, come on, I'm busy, but deep down inside you're like, I just hope you wouldn't invite me. Because even if I do get invited, I'm going to find a gig that night.

Hopefully. I'm a comic. I'm on the way up. I'm trying to fucking get better. I can't sit at your house for fucking four hours and reminisce. There's a spot somewhere out there. There's a stage that I can slip into and do it. And that's the mentality.

And you asked Josh, when we got to L.A., his cousin would always have Hollywood parties. asked me how many I went to. I told you. Zero. Zero. I wasn't there to go to parties. I don't mind snoring coke by myself, but I'm not there to go to parties. I'm there in L.A.

If I'm fucking in L.A. And I'm not enjoying my family or my friends back east or missing things. What are you doing? Somebody's got to pay for you on a fucking daily basis. somebody's got to pay if you get up out of bed you're fucking getting up out of bed to rule the world

you're not getting up out of bed to fucking oh today i'm gonna smoke 10 cigarettes fuck no motherfucker you know at the at the six-year market comedy i was doing what you were doing Monday morning no matter how many lines of coke i did no matter what time i fucking fell asleep I was at the print shop on Monday mornings in Seattle. Lying. Just making up fake schedules, booked in Alaska, booked in Hong Kong.

They can't check references. Not like they could go on a website in 1995 and checked if I was booking Hong Kong. They don't know nothing. So I would lie about those dates and when they'd see it, they go, wait a second. This guy's in Australia. He's in Hong Kong.

Maybe he's got something going on. To be honest, he had never worked. I was going to say, did anyone ever say? How was Hong Kong? No, it never worked. My international, it's like those guys in the soprano when they're like, hey, we recorded in Denmark. You know, who gives a fuck? Denmark.

So that's, you know. No, you're talking about, like the growth and like, you were talking about what happens when you get to a certain level. Because I saw, I don't know if you've seen it. I don't want to butcher the joke. but Cristella Alonzo put a joke up on Instagram that I saw about her dad passing away and it was really quiet for a few minutes and then got like one of the big

like a humongous lie. It was one of my favorite jokes and like it's obviously a fucking dark subject to cover. Well when you cover those subjects you got to have a back. Those subjects are tough because a newbie might go up there fuck with that shit

and then you can't get yourself out of that hole no listen I was doing comedy 10 years and I told the story on stage of my mother dying done done I didn't know how to get myself out of that hole I did not know how to get myself out of that hole and I would try it

for about two weeks I would just go up to the bum I'm leaving people crying in the audience you didn't find your mother you know that's a tough subject and I learned that that night at the comedy store in the belly room because that's the story I close with and I'm like I'm happy I close with this

because nobody could bounce back from this and even when I did the one-man show those nights I couldn't bring it up up front it's a deep and then you learn I'm not going to lie to you learn from it bomb and after you bombed 30 times you'll learn how to pick them right up. It's like when David Tell goes,

I'm with Biden, hump to Biden, you know. Speaking of that, did you see his new special? Yeah, that's where I got it from. Oh, is that a joke in that special? Okay, because that was one of the best specials I've seen in years. You know why? Because it was not produced. It was crazy.

It was crazy. He was talking to the side curtain. Oh, he's broke out the recorder. It's good because we needed that. We needed that for special. Somebody had to go up there and break that fourth fucking wall. Enough with this going out there with a brand new jacket on and a suit. He went out there with a flute.

He looked like a fucking burglar. Those are the dudes I hung out with when I used to burglarize homes. Oh, my God. Speaking of burglarizing homes. O.J.'s telling me, I don't feel so good myself. You know what I'm saying? Oh no People are losing their minds

About what OJ dying They don't say no Flabagastin That motherfucker never went to the grave And got away with the biggest Trick of all time And didn't he

Like he's they're still fighting Like even though he's dad He's like they're still not getting my money Do he pulled listen That motherfucker died Ohin Jews $34 million That's the greatest trick ever done. A black man owner, Jew in this world.

Nobody's ever done that. He just went all day long. Fuck you motherfuckers. He was the king of anti-Semitism. He wasn't giving them a... He moved to Florida. He got Kanye West to play the drums on his album. He didn't give two fucks.

Holy shit. He didn't get two fucks. If anybody was anti-Semitism, he didn't even make a payment plan. He told those Jews, I'm moving a four. Florida and you can't touch my pension and you're not going to take my Heisman. You know the last motherfucker who tried to take my husband? I did some time.

I'm all right now. And now they're going to try to get his money. And I'm telling you, that fucking dude, he did 10 million things so those Jews couldn't get his money. Poor Goldberg. He's still walking around with the picture of the son. What am I going to do? Listen, Goldman, let me go already.

He was delivering Coke to the poor bitch. And he got stabbed in the lung. next time mind your business. I ain't bringing no glasses up there. He hid it a lawyer. His lawyer is going to court saying like they're not getting anything. Like he said like that's one job. He called his,

he told when that lawyer came and he goes, listen, I just want to talk to the lawyer everybody else out. He goes, listen, I killed that bitch ten times. You know what I'm saying? But I don't give a fuck.

Then I get a dime of my Getus. Not a red fucking sent. You understand? me. That's so petty. Let's hide it through Jamaica. Let's the Hall of Fame money, the fucking pension, the NFL. Let's give it to Junior Seya to make a comeback.

Let's do something here. You know what I'm saying? Let's do something. God suck. I think Junior Seo committed suicide. What are you going to come back? God, forgive me. Who knows?

Maybe they froze his head. I don't know. What do you? Can you explain? Because I was obviously not around. for like people who are young, who would you compare like football-wise and like star-wise OJ Simpson to before he committed the murder?

It's very sad, Lee, because anybody my age, a little younger, a couple years older than me, they'll tell you the same thing. We grew up on OJ. Right. You want me to lie to you and tell you on Monday nights,

he didn't make my Monday nights as a kid. I thought about this the other day. I got no shame in this. I wasn't involved in a murder. This happened in 2004. I'm a 31-year-old man. You know, I'm out of prison. I ain't stabbing nobody.

Well, but let's be honest. You know, I grew up on the guy on Monday nights. I also grew up on Earl Campbell. I also grew up watching Pete Rose and the Mets and these guys were my heroes. You know, I didn't play football at that age, but O.J. on a Monday night. Fuck. Fuck.

The bars would be packed. Really? My God. O.J. on a Monday night. Earl Campbell on a Monday night. They knew how to pack those schedules. So Monday nights, I told you about this. Fucking huge football.

No, but I like happy hours. Cocaine, bitches. People flying, hitting each other with helmets. Monday nights were buck fucking wild. And then what about his movies? Like were his movies popular? Yeah, he was like an ensemble, I guess. I don't, you know, I'm not a big whatever at that time.

Okay. And maybe in all those, he did those type of movies. I don't remember many movies that I saw as a kid, but I was a fan of his football. Like, you know, like the way I am, a fucking red or back. And those are my heroes. Earl Campbell.

in Houston, I remember being 12 and going one day I'm going to Houston. Regardless, I'm going to Houston, Texas. I don't know how, when, when I got booked in the lap stop, it was the happiest day in my life. I'm going to Houston. Because he played there?

Yeah. And then my second favorite played there, Moses Malone. Fifi Fou Fung, you know what I'm saying? It's it's like and I maybe not to this level but it sounds like almost like a Tom Brady level like it sounds like he was like one of the more popular It was OJ shit. OJ was to shit hold on let me break real quick and talk these savages about draft kings and we'll come back to that story okay give me two minutes cock suckers Yo uncle Joey here with draft kings listen do me a favor don't miss out on any of the playoffs action. Start tonight. Do yourself a favor. Draft King's Sportsbook has you covered. They're the official sports betting partner

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All right, we're talking about OJ. Correct? I know my edibles are starting to kick in. I eat a little mushroom stemming. I've been eating mushrooms, bro, and they put me to sleep, like a certain amount. What are you talking about? I have to have a sleeping pill because of mushrooms. What are you talking about it puts you to sleep?

I eat like a gram at 9 o'clock when by 10.30. I'm yawning. I get a little tingle for about 10 minutes, and that's it. But anyway, we were talking about this guy. And, you know, after he retired, I don't know what year retired. You know, I got into comedy. and I was going through hell and, you know, I wake up one day and I go to my friend's house in Boulder, and there it is in the paper.

OJ's wife got killed. And I heard years earlier he had gotten in trouble for domestic violence. Yeah, John McCarthy was talking about that. Like he pulled him over one time. And I remember going, but at that time, I didn't know anybody. I was like, he killed her. Wow, okay. But I want to explain something to people that have to, if they haven't figured this out yet,

Uncle Joey's going to tell them, okay? Just like people were amazed with the Epstein thing and people today are blown away about the Diddy thing, this story had a lot of layers. If you knew anything about what was going on. In fact, if you want to look it up, Mezzaluna, the restaurant where, Mr. Goldman worked and they left that night. They got two years later, they got shut down for cocaine. Oh, Jesus.

They waited until after the OJ trial and they shut it down because the owners sold a kilo. I don't know, look it up, but they closed down. That was never there ever again. They were involved in a tricky situation. They were separated or divorced, but he was still banging up from time to time. You know, he had control of her. You know, she was no angel. God rest her soul.

I'm not saying anything bad about her. But she played a fucked up game with people who were fucked up. I mean, what on the street is the waiter brought the Coke over to a house that night? And she was waiting for Marcus Allen. Really? Are those stories true? No. I don't know.

I don't know. I'm not saying no. But, you know, she ends up dead. You know? And everything points at OJ. I mean, the truck, the glove, and they fucked it up on one technicality, and it was they found a print. But it rained that night, and it washed a print off.

And then they fucked it up with whatever they wanted to do. And then they got the word from the higher-ups. Listen, we can't because if we convict, there's a thousand things. But the bottom line was just as creepy as Epstein, just as people are appalled by Diddy right now, it was a disgusting life that they didn't need. He told him, moved to New York. You can do whatever the fuck you want.

You can light your pussy on fire. Just don't do it here because this is my backyard. And people are going to hear about it and they're going to embarrass me. And, you know, I guess people believe, I feel bad about the whole thing. You know, we're goofing on it before. But in reality, I'm a human being. Yeah. And I felt bad at the time.

Only, I got to make a confession to you. At that time, I was thinking of killing my wife. My ex-wife. Right, yeah. So it fueled that. Really? It really did fuel that. It fueled that.

By the time he got let off, I was living in Seattle. But that, because it was a similar thing. You know, she took my child and moved her in with a man without even talking to me. Nobody ever came to me. I kept calling the mother and she's like, oh, she's out. Really? At fucking three in the morning, she's out with the fucking kid. You know, it's just.

So I felt like, you know, I was disrespected. That anger, the blow didn't help. Whatever OJ was going through, I was going through, you know. And it just, you know, it was one of the many things. that we never discussed how it just fueled me. It really did because it felt like I had to do something now. Like the fucking dog was talking to me. You know, the Jewish guy in New York City, the dog was talking to?

Right. That dude. And that wasn't the dog. That was, I told you, that Jews dress up. That was a Jew from Israel dressed up as a dog barking at him and shit. Barking at him in Hebrew. How do you ask, because you've talked about, like, almost doing that to like her new boyfriend or whatever he was.

And then you thank God you decided not to. Dog, it was a very, very scary time for me. I was very volatile. Yeah. And I was angry. And I felt like, you know, I was lost. And the only thing that kept me alive then was stand up. That's why I owed my life to stand up.

because everything was shitty in my life. I wasn't really making any money. I was doing drugs. I was living in a basement apartment with a metal shower. My bed was like a $1,000 bed, but it covered the whole room. So I didn't have walking distance. I had to take the door off the hinge,

and I would just jump in the bed at night, like a fucking chimie knee, you know. And that seemed like an option. it was like if if I get rid of these motherfuckers you know for a couple weeks I lived there maybe for a few months it wasn't good and then I started saying the truth that this was never going to work and but just because it didn't go to work I couldn't be around them because I know I know me I know how I get you know I don't think about it for a year and one day I'm driving down the street and some guy cuts me off and I think about her and I'd make a U-turn and drive to a house and end it. I'm one of those

idiots like that. That's why I always got in trouble because I don't know when, you know. So, but man, it was a tough time in my life. Because, yeah, I lived there from, he killed her on the 12th of June, maybe 94. And I stayed another year almost to the date. I left like June 25th. And I don't know if you ever even got this far, but you couldn't, there's not really a way for you to get help for that, right?

Because as soon as you say that, you're going to somewhere. Like, it would be almost better if like, I wish you could talk to someone about that. At that time, I was broken, you know, I had no control over anything.

You know, I had no control over the relationship. I had no control over. my addiction. The only thing I had control of was going on stage. And no matter how bad I felt, I'm like, if I go on stage, I'm going to feel a lot better. Yeah.

And that, this is why I tell people, just because somebody read you the riot act, your life ain't done. Because I took that anger and I went out every night. And I got to be honest with you, I never showed it on stage. I never really showed it on stage until that night at the club 50,

too when the guy threw a bottle cap at me and I hit him in the head with the microphone threw up the fucking batteries came out and shit but I never really did I knew that at that time that's what was keeping me sane I would go home at night I would cry I would look at the clubs I wanted to be in does it remind you anybody Lee yeah I would make notes of what I'm going to be there and this better happen you know and then I cry my eyes myself to sleep. I didn't know, you know, I was losing control of that. But the only thing, I remember Wednesdays, I would drop her off. And sometimes my ex-wife wouldn't show. My wife's boyfriend would show. And I would hand that child to her. And guys, I don't know if you know

what that feels like, for people who know what that feels like. And I would turn around. And before I get in the car, tears will be rolling down my eyes. And I would always, always roll a joint and leave it in the ass straight. I'd watch them take off, and then I'd take off to a different parking lot, and I'd fucking smoke a joint. I'd cry a little bit. I listen to the pretenders, maybe some black sabbbing,

and I'd go fucking on, because I had two options. I could go home and cry, get mad, buy a gram of Coke, and go over that one in the morning and kick that fucking door down. I didn't want to do that. I'd rather go out, talk to people, and then get occupied. So comedy saved me in a lot of fucking ways, guys.

Yeah. And thank God. I've been angry, but I've never, like, that's something you could, you would still be in jail for. No, shit, I'd just be getting out. And there'd be nothing available to me except fucking a one-bedroom apartment

in a basement under a basement with Jews living next door to me. You know, I could just knock on the door. What are you doing? What are you doing? Yeah, you've been. All right. Good to see you.

Where you at this week, Tarzan? This week I'm at the floodwater brewing company. And what night is that? Deep Western Mass. Thursday the 18th. No, sorry, Thursday the 17th. Thursday's the 18th. Is it?

Yeah, 420s. Oh, you're right. You're right. You're right. My bad. Damn it. Right away, you're giving our fucked up date. and shit.

I'm, well, the 17th. No, it's not the 17th. Whatever Thursday is the 18th. The 18th.

Well, you better pray that you even have a show. Why? Because Israel's launching tonight. They're going deep

into the murky waters and nobody wants them around either tonight or early tomorrow morning dawn. Israel's going in. You think that's going

I hope it doesn't affect I'm going like deep western mass. I don't think it's going to affect over here. You think so? fucking time

Israel launches it's going to affect everything tomorrow traffic the weather you know I shouldn't have paid my taxes I would have held out till May 25th I would have paid the dime extra

because you never know what to happen that might not be a tax department tomorrow we might be walking around like fucking Mel Gibson and Mad Max stealing gasoline and stabbing Pete board getting a bus with a bunch of homeless people and driving across the desert for the gasoline.

I wouldn't make it that far. I'd be dead immediately. I wouldn't be dead within the first day of that happening. No. Yes. No. You put alcohol in your ears with cotton balls for the nuclear

shit. High dine. There's a bunch of stuff. You go deep, deep, deep. You got a bottle of tang. You get some reefer and you go deep, deep, deep, deep. in the bunker. You get some oxygen. I got some Russians. They taught me how to do it. They do that shit all the time over

there. I met them at the couple months ago we were talking about. They're like, bomb, that don't that don't scare us. We have system. I dine. These, that gasoline. We eat plastic chips, you know. See, I think you're fuck cool. I think you're just trying to get me for when it happens. You're going to call me and I'm going to

have gasoline in my ears. I'm going to let on fire faster or something. No, once I'm going to have. it goes down. I have my friend call you the fucking Russian and tell you exactly what to do. You rub your hands and the whole fucking thing.

So nobody's going to make a mess for you. They can't smell you. Don't answer the door. Don't answer the door. And if you do, you don't know nothing. Next thing you know, you're buying Chinese wheat. Wait for that Chinese weed starts busting out into the streets and shit. That's got

to really fuck people up. They have Chinese weed? Yeah, they're buying all the farms across the United States. Oh, I heard that. And those migrants that tiptoed their way to the fucking border because those Chinese motherfuckers didn't even walk with those Mexicans. They just flew over like one of those Kung Fu movies.

The fucking the immigration people didn't even see them. They're a whole home of Hondurans and the fucking Mexicans back. And I was thinking, what the ha? And let them go. What am I going to do? I'm going to fucking I'm getting minimum wage. I got a pension.

coming in three years. I'm going to chase the fucking guy. Lighter than me that's flying through the air. Every 10 minute, what a! What a? They sent like eight and two got caught. They're like the Colombians with kilos. They send 22 keys. They lose 10. They still got 11 net. You know what I'm saying? So they're making, that's what they're growing is weed?

Yeah, they're up there by you. Vermont and shit. Go online. Rogan even found a 911 call. We trap. Get us out. They don't feed us out. Oh, shit, I forgot about that. Yeah. They're grown weed and shit. They're buying farms all over the place to Chinese. It's over.

It's over. Our fucking fruit's going to be fucked up. We're going to eat an apple and be fucked up for two weeks. That's what they're going to do. They're going to grow high-level weed with nuclear shit and then plant Chinese apples and that motherfucker for people. Next time you go to Chinatown. You're blown in the dark and shit.

You're fucking matched away from going. It sounds like this is what you want them to do. No. You would love an apple with weed in it. Listen, let me tell you something. There's one good thing about refo. It'll let you think in the future. You know what I'm saying?

And when you add 1,000 milligrams, 1,200, a mushroom sten, you're way ahead of the game for a few days. You follow me? You start thinking about shit. Yeah, but you do that every day. So you're like decades ahead at this point. Nah, because I don't mind fuck myself every day with that shit, because I lose my mind.

You know, I finally figured out why everybody became a political nut, why people were throwing cans and bottles of people. You know why, Lee? Why? Because they watched that 24-hour shit, 24 hours a day. And that's programmed to make you go fucking zombo. You watch that shit more than six hours? They start smoking for the TV speakers.

It's like pedophile smoke, but a little bit more advanced. it just makes you fucking. Oh, dude, and it's even more than 24 out, because at least CNN had commercials. Now that stuff is on social media. Like, there's a lot of political stuff on social media. But no, when I would go on the road, let's say you went to bed at one.

Mm-hmm. You get up at three in the fucking morning, four, you know, you can't sleep. It's hot in the room. You drink some water. Now you can't fall back to sleep. You turn the TV on. You know, these fucking times I turned the TV on at 4.30, 5 in the morning.

and that before white people arguing, and I'm like, dog, who needs this shit? Can you imagine waking up today every morning and sitting there with a cup of coffee and going, you know, you leave the house all fucking, you know, you're ready to do January 6th. You're ready to go to the wall.

You're ready to fucking jump in the fence and start stabbing fucking everybody. Yeah. That's what happens. That's how they get you all crazy and shit. They gave people. too much information that we can't comprehend and it's all fucking wrong.

And then we try to make a hypothesis and that's how you lose your mind. Right. Next thing you know, you got a white jacket on, there's people surrounding you. They got your shoelaces off. Or you'll end up in jail. Or both.

You know, it's crazy. I don't want to lose my mind. That came close. I came close. I don't ever want to be there again, dog. Did it take you a while to come back? Yeah, it did. Yeah, it did.

It was fucking crazily. I had no memory for a while. And there was a lot of things. It was the Xanax, the 3,000 milligrams a day, the anxiety, the weed, you know, two podcasts a week, a theater a week, a lot of writing, a lot of process. You know, it just stacked up on day. And it was like, fuck, you saw I could. I love comedy. I just went cold for seven months.

And then when I got on stage, that first time with Rich Voss and Florentine, I was like, it ain't going to work. It wasn't ready. It wasn't even. I kept getting on stage and it just, the processing was horrible. It was horrible. It took me about a year and a half. Fuck.

I was talking. about with like your your ex-wife, but you think that was more. My ex-wife? But no, but I, let me tell you. Let's be honest with each other here. The ex-wife situation, that anger, started in about 93. And I'm not going to lie to you. It went until about 2000 or 2001.

That was part of me getting funnier, was losing a little bit of that anger. And when were you the angriest? Like when were you going through the way What were you talking about earlier? 96 was when the bottom fell out on me. I could feel it. I could feel. I was arguing 93.

I was fucking hot. In 93, I came home for maybe a year to do comedy, live with George. George was in his own world, and I got maybe into five altercations. and four of them were friends like friends so when I went home

I was like something's not right and I taught calm myself down I got a job I got to a comedy schedule and then within six months she got my blood pressure back home and that went that went from 93

Christmas of 94 Christmas of 93 was not good. It was not good, but the only thing that was taking me out of that tunnel was that at that point, while I was going deep down, my comedy was going up. The only thing I could focus on at that time was writing jokes and getting on stage. Thank God. Somebody else would, trust me, there was a lot of nights when I said, you know what? I'm going to go home.

I'm going to get a gram of Coke, a bowl of it. a fat tire and I'm going to play Russian roulette, you know, but I couldn't. I was like, I can't let these people win. So in hindsight, that anger that I had, I fueled it. Now, I could tell you, I knew what I was doing. No, I didn't. No, I didn't. At one point, all that anger had to do something with it. Yeah, you could hit the bag. Yeah, you can lift weights, but it became my energy for comedy. But you kind of use it now, because you like to get annoyed

before you go on stage. But it all started then. That's crazy. It was a certain night in 96 that somebody had a camera. And I was like, there was 16 people he put up. And I was like maybe number 14.

I had maybe $4. I started the day with like $300. Now, if you know anything about me on that time, if I had $300, that was equivalent to somebody having fucking $8,000 today. Right. Like $300 at one time, that was huge for me. That was a Graham of Coke, a cheeseburger, a new shirt, you know. And I got tangled up with my girlfriend, and next thing you know, I had four bucks.

She said I owed a $200 for a phone bill. And then two hours later, she threw me out. So here I am at this fucking thing. I got $4.00. I got nowhere to sleep tonight. I got to ask Josh Wolf if I could sleep in this fucking trailer, whatever the fuck you got at that time. And I was so hot that I went up on stage.

And that's the first time I started firing. Until then, I was very punchline. Boom. Punchline. Talk to the audience. That was the first time I started firing. And when I got off, some guy came up to me goes, I taped that.

And I had it for a long time, that tape. Who knows what happened to it. And were you doing jokes or are you talking about what you were mad about? I was talking about what I was mad about. Fuck, okay. One of the jokes I got from that night was a really corny joke. I said, you got a bunch of dollar bill. You're sitting there.

You get lap dances. You're in love with her. She's in love with you. Then you run on a dollar bills. That was one of the jokes from that night. Which is, you know, stupid. And there was something else I said that night that I took that. And I said that for about a year.

Oh, at that time, that was the first time I had ever seen a woman with a tampon. Even though I was married and I lived with a girl before, this was the first woman I dated that would walk around the apartment. And I'd be sitting there high and a little string would be walking out of a baby. monkey, right? And I would sit there every night, like, what the fuck? I never had the balls to ask because I didn't want to know. You know, I was 30 at the time.

Wait, you had no idea what it was? I knew what it was. Like, I grew up on Kotex. You know, like women had Kotex, and they talked about it. Now this chick is walking around a little sticker, a little few little monkey, right? And I'd sit there every night. Like, there's a joke here. And I never said it. Until that night, I was so hot.

I go, this bitch walks around the fucking apartment with that little fuse sticking out. I don't know whether to pull it or light it. And then I go, so I lit it. That's a great joke. That was how hot I was. Two of those jokes. That was Felipe Espar's favorite joke when I moved to LA. If he'd get me a gig, he'd go, I'm giving you this gig, fool.

But you got to say, pull it. light it. Okay. And I go up there and say the joke. People would laugh and he'd be like, yeah. Yeah. Come tomorrow night, fool and do that joke again.

You never do that joke anymore? That's a great joke. It's a 20-year-old joke. Who cares? You wouldn't do a 20-year-old joke? Isn't it better? Think about a 33-year-old man doing that joke.

A man with white hair that's losing his head that's got the fucking, you can't get away with that. You don't think you could rewrite it in a different way? Put it in something? The anger's not there. I didn't get to see it. Right.

No, I can picture you doing that, like, that night, but I'm just how, like, because that's crazy to think about it. Like, that's a great joke. Like, just that line, that imagery of doing that? Like, you don't think you could put that into another joke? It's anywhere I would use it. It's a lie.

That's how I thought back then. that was the thought process back then I was more of a stoner this chick used to make me fucking laugh you know yeah just fucking it's crazy to think that you have so much material that I'll never get seen

I got so much material that I don't remember but none of it listen none of it was exceptional at that time even towards the end let's be honest I had Mickey mouse material. I sold it. I told you how I felt. I told you the story and I told you who I am today. And that's what they want to hear, you know, at that time, whatever. Now I go on stage. I don't

even remember a fucking story. Did you know that the last, this whole fucking time? I have not told one story. I'm just working on material. Interesting. But from the material I got I'm looking at today, I'm going to have to tell a story this weekend. Like, when you would do like testicle testaments in L.A., it's, I knew you worked on it. I'm not saying you went up there cold, but it just seemed like you were just flowing. Was it, like, does it take you a long time to put a story together? Testicle Testament or Ari's show. Testicle Testament.

You never seen me do, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we did them every Wednesday. Or no, a bunch of them. Oh, you got to remember one thing. Testicle Testament started as a. Four-man show, everybody does 20 minutes apiece. Okay. So you wouldn't have that much time to get you to your story.

Your story had to come out quickly. That got me ready. That year we did that in the belly room with Jay Moore, Dice, fucking Scott Wolf. I mean, I had everybody, Glenn Plummer came through, the actor from Sun's Anarchy. I mean, I had so many guys come through and just tell a story. Don't worry about a laugh.

Right. Tell me a story of what made you become a man. Don't tell me that you fucked the neighbor. No, nothing sexual. Tell me at what moment you knew you were a man. When your dad told you, some guy told the story that his father and him didn't talk for four years. And at this graduation, his dad pulled up to him, got out of car, gave a hug. And he goes, you became a man.

You know, like he hadn't seen him. I don't remember the story. But everybody in the room was. crying. Yeah. And that's what you want to, you want to portray that to me. So that opening of your guts was exposed to me in 98, 99. Nobody was doing it. What am I going to do that joke? In Jacksonville, I'm going to talk about my dad beating up some fucking guy in the street. By that time, I wasn't even focused on that. Those stories would come out once in a while. And what happened was, I was doing a gig with this fucking hillbilly, right?

In 1995, this is a rough fucking story, right? We got a couple minutes. I'm doing this fucking show with this hillbilly. I got a call. The lady wants to use me, but on one condition that I drive this gogooots. All right, he's going to pay for the driver's license. So I'm not going to mention his name and throw him under the bus, right? So I'm living in Seattle.

It's 95. We do Friday, Saturday, Sunday. I'd love to tell you where I don't even remember. It could have been the three cities, the Tri-Cities. They had the volcano room on Thursday, Friday, Saturday. But it wasn't. That's why there was a Sunday involved. So it could have been we did like the volcano room.

And then we did Moscow, Idaho. Okay. You have a connection to Moscow, I know. I do? Yeah. What's that? What was the quarterback before Brady? Bloodsoe.

Where do you go to college? I'm guessing some aren't I know. I used to see him at the airport all the time. I used to see him for some reason. There was a gig there that was booked by John Fox, and there was Wednesdays and Saturdays. I told you, and the whole job. to kill the comic, to send them tequila with Tabasco in it. Oh, geez, yeah.

Yeah, it's not good. But I fell for it one night and I pupped. Then I got like a speeding ticket on the way home. I don't know what happened for that ticket. I didn't pay it, so who the fuck knows? Anyway. Allegedly. You know, you're getting a call with somebody and you're telling stories, right?

Okay. And this guy was a nerd, whatever. And we started telling stories, and I'm telling them my mother's bar and I'm telling them what years they were and he goes the cops ever come by and I go yeah there was a cop or two that came by and picked up an envelope blah blah well you know I told him that like on a Thursday then Friday we're talking about something else me growing up in North Bergen or something and on the way on Sunday he goes do you mind if I go to the open mic come on I go no you're the headliner you can do whatever fuck you want he goes alright I'll see it to open mic I

I drop him off. I take the car back to the rental. He pays me cash for the rental. The next night, the open mic, this motherfucker has two beers. And at one point, he comes over and he's like,

hey, man, I thought about your story about your mother's bar. Do you think you're really proud that they paid cops off? So you're part of the fucking, I mean, he just got very gentile on me.

You know, this guy never read a book. He never, I can't even tell you where he's from because you'll go, oh, yeah. He's a fucking. So, you know, he'd go it off on me.

And I finally just told him, shut the fuck up. You know, and I left. I'm like this, but he made me feel bad. Like, how he's like, this is like the first time I started telling stories, not on stage. Just to like you, they'd say where you're from, North Bergen. So I never see the guy again. I just moved to L.A. I got there.

I get there on a fucking Monday night. I pull up on Fairfax. we'd take showers in the fucking trail and me and my girl we get dressed up to the nines we go to Alcapulco on sunset not the first one not Tripoli's club

all the way around like we have to be the Silver Lake that was the best one they had enchiladas and fucking nobody would go there so we go to Alcapulco and then we go let's go to the comedy store so at that time I didn't know nobody

you couldn't park in the back so we had actually part And as I'm walking out, who's running out of the comedy store yelling and screaming at Chewy? That guy. That guy. And he's like, fuck you. I don't need this place.

And Chewy threw his hat at him. Like, they ain't even had a hat. Like, they had to push him out there. And I'm like, what's going on? Like, I had never been in the store. So I didn't say a word. And Chewie's like, get the fuck out of here. And he's like, fuck you.

I'm a national adliner. I'll never step foot in here and all. this shit. So that night I go to do the comedy store and I think I called Doug Stanhope and he goes meet me at the coaching horses. So I go up to the coaching horses you know, I got a package.

This is the coaching horses was fucking rocking on sunset. And I'm with Doug and the girl and there's a bunch of other comics. David Fulton, a bunch of other comics and we're laughing and shit. And all of a sudden Stanhope's like, now guys, you can't come over to my house tonight

because that comic is over that. And somebody goes, why is he over there? And he goes, I did a triple gig with him about seven years ago and said to him, if he ever needed a place to stay in L.A., this guy took it literally. Oh, no. He hasn't showered in like three fucking days. He smelled so bad. And what happened was he did Judy Brown's competition.

And when Judy became a big shot, she was casting, I think the Chast Pomerantieri show. No, no, she was casting the Jenny McCarthy show. Okay. She called me in to be Chas Palmy and Terry's driver on that. Again, she told him, he went up to her and goes, listen, if you ever need anything for this Jenny McCarthy show, call me. You don't have to pay me. That's the last thing you tell a casting director of anybody,

but Judy makes him flying on his own dime, Stay at Stanhope's house where he hasn't shower for three days and gets him a job as an extra where he has to wear Toga. But guess what? He got on the set. He didn't know how to act. He started telling the director how to shoot the scene. And finally suddenly goes, shut up.

And they gave him a stick of deodorant because he smelled so bad on the set. Holy shit. Oh, my God. This was like a fucking, like everybody knew about this. He was so embarrassed. Then they fired him from that. Not only did he get fired from that as an extra. because he stunk and he was annoying.

He got fired. He got thrown out of the store because he went in there going, I'm going to be next. And they're like, I'm going to go to the fucking you. I want to be next? Yeah, I write children's books. Get the fuck out of here.

They pushed them down the stairs. And they threw his fucking stupid hat at him. That's one of the craziest things I've ever heard. That's like a fucking, whatever called a buzzboy telling the chef how to cook something in a restaurant. This was like six months. have to see how you see how let's it.

And every once in a while I check on this poor bastard on Facebook. He's still alive? Oh, he's alive. He's, you know, a sensation on the cruise ships, playing the drum, the whole thing, you know what I'm saying? He's got the fucking a sensation.

Oh, no. He's, oh, that gives me, like, what are they called, like, secondhand anxiety or something? Like, was he, was he? a drunk? No, he was just... Oh, is that just mental health? He was just... And he had a family and stuff, and I could see what type

of guy he was. He probably cut coupons, you know. Hey, don't knock it. No, no, no, no. He put his kids to like McDonald's, put three hamburgers for free. When we were on the road, those three nights, he was very cheap. He wouldn't want

a tip. He was something different. Oh, yeah, gross. And every once in a while you see those guys and you're like, that's not the guy I'm becoming. That's why it's good to do those gigs. Yeah. Because they'll give you a full understanding to what happens.

Like how to behave? How to behave? And what happens if you don't pay attention? You've got to check your ego at the door daily and see who the fuck you really are and where you stand the totem pole. If I got on stage, you for the first time ever at the fourth wall okay and i'm just being a sarcastic here

i don't even know what i'm trying to be let's say you and i hit this we both met at an open mic at the fourth wall in 2014 okay and then for a few months you saw me there once a week I started hanging out with those dudes that shot a special for showtime but they left the air conditioner on all that type of shit and then you don't see me for a while and one day

you're doing a paid gig and one of the three guys in the beginning is me and I'm like hey Lee how you doing what's up buddy I'm like you showcasing too and you're like showcasing bitch I'm preaching this motherfucker

you know and I'm like really wow how did you get that you like I've been working when I go yeah man I've been working too it's a struggle you know you know what are you at the store and you're like yeah and you're like do you think you give me a reference

to the store so I can get in that and all of a sudden you go yeah and all of a sudden I go up before you and it's not good oh no and now you got to run out of there give him like a fake number, you know, it's like, it's like that chick with the iPads that wants to meet up

with you later on. A fake number. Did you have one set, like regular? Like, I could see you doing that, just having the, like, one standard fake number. You got to think, quick. Like, when can you call me? When can you get me in now? I'll talk to them.

And then you call them back like a week ago. You need, like, 19 references. Oh. It's so sad, you know, and people go to it. And you're like, how can you ask me to get you in the store? when you're still doing a fourth wall online shows tonight. Right.

And that's how crazy they get. So you want to check yourself before that shit even starts going. All right. I'm trying. What do you got this week? You just got that gig? I got that one gig.

And then May 7th, I'm at Williamsburg Comedy Club at 8 o'clock. May 7th? You're back in Williamsburg? Yeah, doing it with a bunch of great comments. Shit. That'd be a lot of fun.

OJ's dead, and I don't feel so good myself. It's 420. Get your fucking freeze pipe ready to cook. You know what I'm saying? Fuck, yeah. Do you have anything? Do you have anything you're doing this week? No, I got rhythm showing up this week to meet up with me to drop, give me some more fucking Queen Cola.

Nice. I put a little picture of me up today holding the stem of Queen Cola. That's the weed that they don't give you loose. They give you a stem with it in a package of envelope. It comes fresh up. the fucking stem like a doctor? Is it an indica?

No, it's a fucking, yeah, it's a goddamn indica. I don't know. I've got some animal crackers from rhythm. That's 34%ly. This is the first eight that's lasted me a couple fucking days because all I do is three or four bonkers at a time.

But every time I smoke it, I'm like, yeah, I'm pretty high. I haven't heard you say that for a while. Trust me, I smoke other weeds. I got everything on, you know, right. And plus I want to just very quickly, when you say bong hit,

do you mean a hit or do you mean a bowl? Because I think you mean a full bowl. No, I can't fill up my, I can't fill up my freeze pipe full. I got to fill it up powdery on the bottom and keep it light. And those are the best hits I get.

Those are the real lung fucking kickers. What were freeze pipes. you don't feel who gotts. No, it's great. Listen, let's face it. I'm going to die or something lung related. One day I'm going to... Jesus Christ, Joe.

Listen, why... Come on, guy. I'm 61. You figure I started smoking when I'm 12. What's that? What's that? No, I don't know, 49. Not to add to that.

You know, you grew up in Jersey, God knows which in your fucking nose. Then you packed cocaine in your nose for 27 years. Angel dusted three. You got a little heroin in there. You got a couple of pubic hairs in your nose from sniffing mufflers and God knows what else. You don't think those help?

No. Well, the lungs and when you cough, when you do a bonnet, the fucking pubic hair, it's like one of those vacuum cleaners. It means out those spiritos. Yeah, we think so, but fuck. God damn it.

But I'm getting, bro, my cardio, was really building up. I'm very impressed. Yeah. Yeah. Very impressed. I'm doing the right stuff. Hitting the bag. You know, Tabadas, whatever fucking Rogan put me on, 28, 25 seconds of punch in the bag, and then you stop.

First three times I did, I had a rest for like two days. Just 20, like, when you see Mike Tyson doing all that shit, come on. Jesus. It's fucking powerful, powerful. But my brother, stay black. Love you, buddy.

He loves you and don't worry about nothing, all right. Remember what I told you. If Israel strikes tonight, right. Call me in the morning. I'll give you the number of call. They'll give you instructions. Paroxiding your eyeballs, the whole fucking thing.

A gas mask. How to make a gas mask at home. You started to go in and out there. I think fucking they're listening. What's that? I think the internet's listening. You started to go in and out there. You know what?

You know what? You know what? The feds are on. They know my connections. They know. They're trying to wiretap me every other way. I hear the clicking in my phone. I hear Eddie Bravo.

Yeah. It's fucked up. Let's hope it doesn't happen. Have a great week, my friend. Stay black and beautiful. Love you, buddy. Love you. 420 is almost here.

And I'm going to party with the savages with my little freeze pipe. All the freeze pipe gear you need is top notch. Ready, just pop it into the freezer for one hour. When the smoke passes through it, forget about it. It's like you're smoking on a cloud. Everything opens up. Even if you cough, it feels a lot better. You're not spitting up that black stuff that you usually spit by smoking that stamencia weed.

You know what I'm saying? You're living like a doctor. And that's what happens with the freeze pipe. Me, for the last four or five years, that's all I use. That's the only glass I use, the freeze pipe. Why? Like I told Lee today in the podcast, I'm going to go from some type of lung things. So it don't matter.

If you're walking on ice, you might as well dance. But with the freeze pipe, I feel a lot better. I don't wake up in the morning. Like I smoke 20 joints with paper for you professionals, if you understand what I'm saying to you. So do yourself a favor. Let the freeze pipe level up your experience. Visit the freezepipe.com and check out the biggest sale of the year. Hey, listen, freeze pipe wants you to have their products.

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