The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - Joey Diaz on Kill Tony at Madison Square Garden

Episode Date: August 13, 2024

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt talk about toupee's, why Joey doesn't think he would be good at online dating, and Joey's reaction to performing at Madison Square Garden on the LIVE Kill Tony. The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz

Oh, but it was great because, like, I actually think these are my first ever chili dogs. Like, these, and they're a little bit spicy. And so, like, the Italian ice at the end of it was like... They're a little bit spicy. They are a little bit spicy. God damn it. They're fucking good. This motherfucker wanted to get a hot dog that had mustard, onions, chili, relish, and cheese on it.

And I'm like, do you know... Let me look it up. Like in the morning. Do you have any idea? you have any idea what your asshole will look like in the morning it's bleeding and intestines hanging out you're trying to tuck it back in one of those tucks from fucking the hemorrhoid company you know you got blood everywhere

you're burping but I love it definitely I wouldn't know no listen let me tell you something I'm a whoop both fucking garbage disposals you know that I could eat any of that you know I try listen like I said I got a cheat day every week I do whatever the fuck I want sometimes it's Wednesdays, sometimes it's Saturdays. I go to the trickie-nickies maybe twice a month. You know, I keep the hot dogs under control.

But you work hard. You know, today I rode the bike, and then I went to boxing class with Mercy. Tremendous. Mercy and me did Browns. So he would coach her for three minutes, and then she'd hit the bag, and then he'd coached me and I hit pads while Mercy hit the bag. He made us do some drills. It was fucking tremendous.

That's cool. And you did the whole class together? Yeah, it was just a 30-minute private. But we do it together. She signed up a 10 and I signed up for 10. So we both went together today because we both had nothing to do. I had to pick her up at 11. That's perfect. I found him the hot dog.

I want to. It's the Longshoremen. The longshore. Yep. Mustard, hot onions, chilies, and cheese. Yeah, you're right. asshole to blow like the back of the Batmobile, you know what I'm saying?

Oh, they didn't go for any dinner. I didn't until you see you until late Friday night. I went to Jimmy Florentine's 60th birthday party which was fucking tremendous. My other goddamn water. I always bring two or three waters. I drink a lot of water. You know what I'm saying? You always got to drink, you always got to hydrate when you

got shrooms like these. Take a look at these motherfuckers. Look at this fucking thing. I thought that was a... Oh, shit. Oh, my God. I don't know how you do. You don't need any honey? It looks like it tastes great.

No, I put under my lip to get the juice out. To it hits you on the bottom. And booth. Here we are. Oh, yeah, we got like 20 minutes left. Getting ready to start to party on a fucking Monday night, Tuesday morning. You know, got to kick it off Friday.

I had a great weekend. I got bad news yesterday. I'm sorry. No, no, no. I'm sorry. I hate when people say that. You know, not sorry. I don't even know what the bad news is,

but it might be good news to me. Angel Salazar died. I did see that. I got hit up by a few people, and then you wake up Monday morning, everybody's got a picture with him, you know. Rest in peace, the bullshit, God forbid, you know. And I was like, well, I don't have an angel picture, you know, and I was like, I'm only teasing.

Right. But I started thinking about it. Angel was a fucking character. Like, I met him in 1993 while I was going to an open mic. I just happened. And he wasn't an open mic or was he? No. No.

He was comedy store trained. He was in Scarfield. He was in a couple of movies, but that guy could do some fucking comedy. You know, a lot of people didn't appreciate his style. We'll get to that later. But he walked out of a bodega, like in Hell's Kitchen. And I was walking past. I just turned around.

I said, hey, man, you know, I always thought he was just an actor. Then I found out through people, he was a comedian. I tried, you know, in those days, there was no internet in 93. So he could look at somebody set. and I approached him like a gentleman and I go, I'm a big fan of yours. I just started stand-up comedy. Dog, this guy was so nice right off the bat.

He goes, walk with me. We walked like two blocks, and he goes, where are you going? He goes, oh, go there, go there. And then he goes, what are he doing next Wednesday night? And he gave me a flyer for an improv show called El Barrio USA. And it was in the village. Okay. And he gave you his number.

Holy shit And he told me to come down And I went that Wednesday night And I got $4 in my pocket league As I'm walking in Fucko's walking out Eric Clapton Holy shit

Eric Clapton was there to watch something I didn't ask I didn't you know none of my business But I went there and then during one of the breaks I went in the back They said yeah he was waiting for you and he told me to go up and do set. Go up and do six minutes.

And I'm like, no. And he's like, go up. That's what a real comedian does and all this shit. Beto Jose Antonio. And I went up there and ate a bag of dicks. I mean, it was just awful. Awful. And I walked off the stage and he shook my hand.

Then he didn't talk to me the rest of the night. He thought I was going to go away. But I called him the next day and I apologize and he goes, bro, I did worse. He goes, keep doing it. And then he goes, I'm doing a show, come by, but I didn't do that night. And then I moved back to Colorado. And then I became a regular at the store. And I saw all his pictures.

And I inquired. He got chased out of the store by Kennison. Kenison stole his girlfriend. They were at war. I don't really know. I just asked Mitchie one time, and she was like, it wasn't good, you know, but I miss Angel. but I got to do a lot of work with him you know

and he was one of those guys that was very interesting this had to be from 97 to like 2001 I must have done eight weeks with him wow and did he remember you from when he first met he remembered me he goes I'm proud

you stuck with it then I told him I was a regular at the store and he fucking loved it and we worked in El Paso one time and it was you know like when you work with a name like a big name and all week long is a feature

you're writing your jokes down you're learning his fucking cadence you're learning his credits and you get there that Friday he's on a TV show and you get there and the guy's a dick and then to top it off

he ain't that fucking funny not at all like people were walking out for shows and shit. Angel was one of the first guys that I thought was a celebrity that destroyed the room. Lee, like destroyed it. And I knew what those names were getting, and I knew what he was getting at the time. And they were getting a steal. He was selling out all the shows, and every show was a standing ovation. Don't ask me what he said. He would be with a diaper. He would start off with a jeans, with a shirt, with an American flag.

He'd come out to Bruce Springsteen. I mean, listen, he hadn't written a joke for 20 years when I was working. He was still talking about born in the USA. But his opening was, how you doing the Spanish people? Where's my Puerto Ricans? Where's my Cubans? Where's my Mexicans? And he would go, where's my Colombians?

And he'd go, I want to talk to you after the show. and he would just fucking, you know, and it was kind of hacky. It was very hacky at some points, but it didn't matter. He was making them, he was destroying them. And I always learned a lesson

that it doesn't matter what TV show they were on. You're going to bump into headliners and you're going to go up to them after one and go, why didn't you ever go to L.A.? And they're going to go, oh, we didn't like it. I'm married, my mother's in a wheelchair, whatever. them and you're going to go wow, if you ever went to LA

you'd kill him. You fucking kill them. Oh, yeah. There's tens of those guys. Oh, I mean a lot of great, especially around here, there's a lot of great headlinesers who just don't want to leave. But it was cool. It's cool to hear.

It's nothing to do with that shit. Meanwhile, you work with a guy that's on an ABC show and he's fucking god awful. He's God awful. He's God off. Like I'm not I'm just saying ABC NBC the only TV guy work with that was solid was Tim Allen That dude was fucking solid he was he was a comic you know

I never worked with Seinfeld but Roseanne was solid When Tom Rhodes got his TV show in the mid 90s he was solid Margaret Cho was solid there's people who get put on shows And they run with it and I God bless him but when you go to see him live. You're like, I'm never coming to this again. And it's weird as a feature, because like as a feature, you expect it, I expect

and I was spoiled around you guys, but I expect as a headliner that they're going to come in and destroy it. And then to like see some headlonders who are just not very good or, you know, not at that level. I'll put it that way. And then they're douchebags at top of all. They have a publicist

with them and two agents and a manager and a fucking trainer. And you're like, oh, are you fucking eating this dick. Hook line and sink. Let's get this party started on a Tuesday morning. What's happening, you beautiful savages? It's Tuesday,

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Let's get this party started. Turn out your TVs. Run for your lives. It's over. They didn't put you on this planet just to give up. If Uncle Joey could do it, I can rule the world. That's what you got to be thinking. Come back to church.

What up, my brother? Great to see you, dude. Great to see you, too. You just left here two days ago. How good is it to see me? God damn it. You're the only person who can take a compliment or a nice thing and make it annoying.

I don't want to compliment. Just talk to me. You just left. It's like people, oh, you look great. I'm looking like an old billy goat. My skin's stacking. I got white hair. I got missing patches like I mugged the chick

and she rocked my hair. You know, how good can I look? Once my eyebrows turn white, I'll be a fucking albino. Nobody will see me. I'll have to live in a fuck. Will you color them? No. No?

Okay. Bad enough, I got to color my hair to shoot videos and whatnot. Listen, I colored my hair two weeks ago, and it just disappeared. That means it's over. That means the water. At least you have something to color. I don't got a shit to color. That's your problem.

You got to get a wig or something. You got to shave your ass. and super glue it through your forehead, whatever. I thought about it. They're doing it now. People are flying to turkey to do that shit. And they get like hair transplant. It's apparently great. But like, would you fly a turkey to get like, should I?

Let me tell you, when we're going to eat in turkey? You know what I'm saying? I'll come back a skeleton. So I rather as well keep my bald head and not go to Turkey. What? There's no place of Mexico to do that shit? I don't know. I've heard like the experts in Turkey.

Unless they're the experts. from Turkey, but you're always going to have that line. You always have that forehead line. You're going to look at you all that's a wig or, you know, he did a fuck and he shaved his back. He shaved the guy's back and put it on his head. You know,

you're always going to have that fucking line. And it just, sometimes it looks good, but sometimes it just looks like you got a fucking wig, even though it's your own hair. Oh, and that one, like that would be terrible. But there is, I'm just thinking, and he's a nice guy, but there's a

pharmacist and a CVS near me that just has a tope but like never matched the color. It just he's an older dude and it doesn't he's not fooling anybody and like it just I never wanted to be that guy. Nah, there's old guys that one morning go my fool. I might as well look a long. It could be a red wig and I got white hair. It really is. It really is.

You know, you can just do this shit so much before you go. What am I thinking? when you walk into a place of a wig you think you're fooling anybody you know and what was killing me about the wigs was in Hollywood especially all those motherfuckers got hair pieces and they all have the fucking redone hair do

and they get yeah half of those motherfuckers no oh yeah wigs fuck yeah they do the fucking hair thing on the off season they spray paint their head dog, I was on movies, okay? Like big, like big level actors have fake hair? Oh,

all of them. A lot of them. A lot of the set, and they put on little wigs and little pieces, and that ain't dog. You want to hire a 75-year-old. He ain't going to come in there looking like fucking George Reeves. You know what I'm saying? Like Superman in 1950s. But 75, like, and I don't want to say anyone's name and having a man. I'm thinking like A-list level like action star

is partially bald. Or are you talking about older guys? I'm talking about there's a ton of them. There's a bunch of younger guys that have done the hairweaves and the pieces. You've got to work in jobs and you see it. And, you know, the guy from Jack, whatever, his name was a mustache.

What's his name? A TV? Jack Lasson? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got a wig of mustache to boot. And I got to deal with it. I got to deal with it. Many years ago, nobody would talk to you

if you had a hairpiece. Now, people are too nice. You go up to somebody with a hairpiece. You got like a two-minute conversation and like, listen, talk to me when you take the wig off and they move on. You know, I can't talk to you with that fucking hamburger meat on your head. Did you ever mess with a guy who had a jupé? Like, when you were a kid? I worked with a guy and I tell him to take it off every day. Come on.

And then I would tell him, I'm going to fucking take that toupee. and robin he'd go no I paid $7,000 for it you know I would never do what the fucking stolen toupee Who are you gonna sell it to you know That's a clear you know Who are you gonna sell it to pay it unless you go like an old folks home

And get the small 50 Yeah I'm just glad I never did it I wish I wish I could get this laser I wish I could get like that ring I have like just hey I hate it Nothing ever comes up here I'm goofing on it, but it's not a funny

issue for a lot of people. It is. They take it very serious. Listen, man, I knew I grew up with a kid that he threw away his life in search of hair. He went to Egypt. He painted it. He did everything he could.

And it just wasn't working. And his dad had a full head of hair. And he used to be a look. This kid was and he was a good looking kid. The hats, the wigs, the fucking whole thing. And at the end of the day, all that, all that treatment, not a fucking hair came up.

Oh, no. And that's the problem. I think that's how I got lucky is I was never like a good looking dude. It wasn't like I was getting a lot of chicks with hair. So it never really bothered me. If I was a good looking dude, that'd be terrible. Looks don't matter. When you got the heart of a tiger and a big dick, you just got to sell

the dick and see what happens. You know what I'm saying? And you tell them right off the bat, I'm not a good looking guy. I don't want to meet your family. I just want to slice you. You know, I don't want to meet nobody. It's like that dude says, I'm not good looking, but I'm not shy. You got, you know, that never meant nothing. I've seen some ugly motherfuckers and some bitches lately.

And it's the mother or it's just that they're honest. Women are sick and tired of dealing with pretty boys and the fucking eating somebody else's asshole. You know, they just get sick with some women. What chubby ugly dude ain't going to cheat on you. And he's going to eat your head. Like it's the last asshole in the world. So.

I'm going to put that on my time. Tinder profile. What's that? I'll eat your asshole. You used to tell me to do that. When I was broke up with Paula, you used to tell me to write some crazy shit in my tentations. Women don't want to talk to guys with flowers.

If you're on tendons because you want to be manipulated and somebody, you know, and eat your ass while you're waiting for the ambulance, there's always something. Bro, people are fucking nuts, okay? Yes, they are. And when people talk about sexual fantasies and all that shit,

people are nuts. You don't like talking about your fantasies? Listen, I'm lucky I pumped three times and eat some puff out. I was never a sexual guy in the sense of like putting roses on a bed because the payoff was never going to be big for me. When I did Coke, I enjoyed it more than when I'm sober. I don't really, it wasn't my style when I was, for me to get crazy, I had to get coke in me and make me talk evil and tell them I want to suck your spine out of your back

and, you know. But you know what's, like, that's the stuff that works. Like, I never did roses on the bed, but, like, I was never really, like, a big, like, you know, dirty talk, like, stuff like that. And, but they, they would much rather you tell them that you're going to, like, then say nothing or be, like, shy. Oh, listen. And I didn't write the rules. I saw it. I saw a friend of mine when we were very young.

Just tell women. Listen, we could talk and bullshit. I got to grind with fucking coke. Let's put it on your titties and let you to dart at them. Whatever. And the girls will leave them. And here your whole life, you think, and there's some women who do want gentlemen. There's still some very decent women left.

I'm not saying. Oh, of course, of course. But look at this. As a whole. I was not, I didn't come from a tender lifestyle. No. Somewhere you go home, even if you could just go home and call a number. And who's available in my area?

Well, we got a fucking chick with a missing foot down. on 74th Street, you know. That's pretty much what Tinder is. Yeah, it's me telling you I want to get laid tonight. That's what they like advertised it as, but then like, you know, guys and girls are just different. There are some women who will do that, but most of them, like, you know, they want. I don't even understand it.

I'd be scared to go. Look, I was always very scared of that. I don't know what I'm going to meet. Oh, yeah. Well, they do. I will say they are a little bit more careful now. Like you have to submit like another picture so like they know you are who you say. But they get,

people get around it. It's definitely kind of creepy. Take them for lunch first. Oh, yeah. There's that commercial with the chick who goes to to fucking a silent date or whatever fuck you call him and the guy comes out. He's like, oh, it's a lucky night.

I forgot my wallet. And she's like, bam. Oh, yeah. Because I couldn't. That's the part where I. couldn't handle. What was that? Like I got tricked when I was 31 years old and you ain't tricking me again. When I got into comedy in 1995 I told you I went to Michigan on the way back

from driving the fucking three days my shoulders get locked. Okay. I seen all these signs from the susses. I didn't know nothing. I never went to a fucking masseuse and I went to a masseuse in some part of Michigan. When I walked in there, the girl was fucking amazing. And then when I walked in the back, she threw a B team at me. She threw a chick that looked like a grandma. I kept saying, I suck it.

I hand job, $40. And I'm like, why would I want to argue with it? I'm like, I'm out of here. What the fuck is the world come to a hand job for 40? I just gave you 40. I don't want no handjob. Take pants off. Why? I want my shoulder rubbed. Like, I've never really, I don't know.

It's not my fucking towel. And now. But how does that, well, why would you have to do that for dating? I want to get to know, I want to talk to somebody first before I just meet him somewhere. And I'm sure what if I show up? You said he got tricked.

Yeah, I got tricked because the girl sold me fucking false advertising. Oh, for the massage. And also she takes me in the back with the one ton dragon. I don't need this shit in my life. Oh, it's, I haven't gotten tricked. I just think you know it's the same thing everyone puts up their best looking picture But somebody in our circle in LA got tricked one night

I can't remember who but even if I remember I couldn't tell his I wouldn't say his name right of course not This had to be about 12 2014 somebody from the ha ha went on one of those pages one of those pages where the chick charges like 50 but I don't fucking know I heard the story like weeks later and when he got there there was a black chick and they mugged them. Damn, that is scary. I've heard about that in Vegas too.

Like never get like a hooker on the street. They'll come in, they'll take your stuff when you're in the shower and the bathroom. People are, Lee. I'm very cautious of that shit. And I don't know. I just rather whack off and fucking have to go to that whole process.

Somebody coming to your house at two in the morning. I don't know what they're going to be talking about. You know, I don't know if they're going to start talking to me about Martians and Ayahuasca. That they were fucking transported to another planet. I can't call 911 because I invited her in. But you start talking to me about that silly shit. I'm going to lose mine, especially at 3 in the morning when I'm doing blow.

See, that's the thing. I never had drugs involved. I would have like snacks for them And that was but there were some crazy There's some people who were just saying some stuff that you would never What do you say? You got some chubby chicks coming over. You got to have some snacks for it.

Oh, I always had snacks. There were like them. Oh, and I always have stuff for them to go like a little goody bag. Oh my God. I don't know. I just couldn't. In today's world, I wouldn't do well. Like, when people.

I remember the first time I heard I slid into your DMs. They weren't talking to me. It was somebody else. DMs. I don't even know what they're talking about. Nobody's ever slipped to me. And then they're like direct messages. And I'm like, oh, okay, I got it.

I don't know about that slipping into somebody's. How do you slip into somebody's DM? Oh, it takes like a different level of confidence because with the dating apps, you have to like both say that you want to talk to each other. And then you can talk to each other. On DMs, for most people, you could just send them a message. Some people you have to follow, but if you see a girl that you like, you could in theory just message you'd be like, you're pretty.

Like, let's, and like just, that's what sliding into the DMs is. I've never, I've, like, talked to girls on there, but never, like, it was never me reaching out to them, be like, oh, you're hot. That's a different level of confidence. Are they kicking in already? Oh, because I ate a bunch of, I started eating about 615. I took some medibles. So why did you take more?

Because how are you going to fucking be a bartender and be an AA? You know, nobody wants to sit at a bar and buy a drink from a fucking AA guy. He's looking at you selling your vodka tonics, but at the same time he's like, you're ruining your life, cocksucker. You know, insane. How can I talk about shrooms if I don't eat one and toast you guys on a beautiful Tuesday morning? That's what real gentlemen do. They toast you.

Good morning. Take a mushroom out. like you right now. If you had any heart, you eat another edible right now. It's Tuesday. You're going to be on a train at four. You don't want to be awake in the morning. You want to sleep on that fucking animal. Oh, gee, I wait.

I can't hit another 100 milligrams. Are you crazy? Sure. You saw me. You saw me on Saturday night. I had food dripping everywhere. You just love it. You're not in training.

The best was he told me he was going home to have a diet meal. I did I have two of them. The Fawa went home and had the diet meal to boot. Oh, yeah. But I didn't have, I didn't get a sandwich at Wawa. Should we back? Should we back up?

Yeah, I did. I did. I did. I've been doing really well. I've lost like over 20 pounds recently. But I got back on Saturday night. And I stopped at Wawa to, let me tell you to the honest of God truth, to get a fork in a knife to eat those diet meals. And then when I was there, because we drove back from the city, we, I felt like I was getting smuggled because I was really high.

And we went from one car to another car. And at the end of that drive, my mouth was so hot and so dry. I got to Wawa, and I was like, you got me a milkshake there before. So I got a milkshake. And then, you know, it just sort of derailed. They have ketchup chips at Wawa. So I ate, I ate like a fucking animal on Saturday night. And then I did eat two diet meals.

Jesus, Lee. Oh, it was a lot. I didn't eat much. I didn't eat much on Saturday night. We kept the hot dog's light. We kept the hot dog's light. I had a protein. shake when I got in the car and I had a

light breakfast. And then we got to kill Tony. And that fucking chef was there from Instagram. And he was like, did you eat? And I'm like, no, but I could eat. I smoked some dope. And I went in there and he

was pushing the great sandwiches. The guy from White Plain, I have his card in my fucking wallet. Now I read his name out. Because he did a great job. And I ate four meals. And what? I was craving. Just a tiny plate of baked Ziti.

I craved that. I didn't see that. Yeah, I took the meatball, put it on it, and let the sauce on the fucking Ziti. I killed one plate of Ziti and four fucking meatballs. And I was like, and he kept pushing the sandwiches on me. That looked delicious. I just don't like eggplant. Me either usually, but it was, I had a, that's how good it was, is I had a

Like roasted eggplant and roasted red peppers, and I don't like eggplant or red peppers. And that's all good. Bread. Mm-hmm. What up there bread? That ain't even Jersey bread. Jersey bread ain't that good. That's real bread.

That's that Brooklyn bread, that white plains bread. That shit could fucking, you know, you can't put that down. It was huge, too. It was like, what? What sells or something? Yeah, you're not putting that fucking bread down with sauce around you. or a meatball. You don't even need the rest of the food.

Bread, meatball, and it's horrible for you, but yeah, not horrible. The meatballs's like two, three points, but they put veal and those are real meatballs. So you can't. Plus, you're eating like 17 of them. I ate four. I used to be able to eat 16 of those things.

So, trust me. Four is not bad. When they're that good and that clean, you know, it's not like fucking some guy cooking meatballs. These meatballs were, you know, I want to talk to them. That's why I saved this card because I'm going to call him and set up a meatball sample. There's a dude in Jersey who makes a ball that'll fucking kill you.

Is it just a dude or a restaurant? It's a dude, especially. Oh, nice. Okay. It'll fucking kill you. It'll kill you. It'll kill you. It's that good meatball, but it's a YU meatball and you get three of them for $90.

I'm not talking about that. That phenomenal meatballs. Right. I'm talking plain Jane meatballs, what these guys sell every day. Those are the best two meatballs I've had in 50 fucking years. And I love my fucking meatballs. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah.

I'm going to talk to these motherfuckers about Draft King's NFL is right around the corner. I'll be back. What's happened, you beautiful people? As you know, UFC 305 is around the corner. And Draft King's Sportsbook, the official sports betting partner of the UFC, is here to bring you a tremendous opportunity. The middleweight title is on the line for the main event. Plus, the card is totally stacked.

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See terms and responsible gaming resources at dkng.com slash MMA. We're back, bitches. Don't forget, draft kings, football, fantasies coming up. You still got baseball. You got a great UFC fight coming up. And that's it and that's that. But let's get the kill tone. now. Yeah. I learned a lot

the other night and I spoke about it on the Patreon podcast today. Hard work pays off. Sticking with something pays off. When you first start something, people always want to knock you down. Why are you doing that? Nothing's ever going to happen. And look what happened. I mean, I think the podcast has been going like since 2010, 2011, 2009. And the reality of it started a 90-year,

seat room. That's the fucking reality of that podcast. And you saw what I saw on Saturday. Four levels of people packed. And it started with a 90-person commitment. Oh, they're just a show in general. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what to tell you. And that's what I was explaining to people that you read about all these people. Like when you grew up in Boston, who was a local guy when you were growing up that went to the pros or, you know, the fucking...

Let's just say Doug Flutie. I don't know if he's from here, but I think he went to Boston College. He went to... Now, he's from Boston? I don't know. Let's just say. I'm looking for somebody that came from your county that you looked at one day and go, oh my God, he made it to the Reds.

I don't know if I could do that, you know, but at least it opens your eyes. Right. It gets you interested of what things you could do. Because as you're growing up, you look at your neighbor. Unless you grow up in Beverly Hills or fucking, you know, you look at your neighbor and you're like everybody's blue collar. Everybody works.

You know what's kind of, yeah. It's not for sports, but for me it was Chris Evans. He went to my high school and he kept in America. There you go. Not even sports. Okay. So when you saw that, it opened your eyes. Yeah.

A little bit. Even if you said that's not what I want to do, it just goes to show you what a person from your neighborhood could do. People fucking do things, you know? Mm-hmm. And, but then you meet somebody. And for us, it's either a comic.

For me, the first person I met was my neighbor. We were neighbors for a month. He would come over at night. We'd split a bag of reefer. You know, he was a little younger than I was. His girlfriend and my girlfriend danced together. And they just, we were neighbors. and him and I became pretty tight

at night. After the comedy store, he'd come to shows. Like I said, one day he came in. I asked him where he was. He says he was in fucking Ohio shooting a commercial for three days. And he goes, it was weird because they made me switch bags. To make a long story short, his first check was $250,000. Okay? And he got another fucking half a mill or something.

He bought a house. He bought a five series BMW. Him and the girl got married. She stopped wiggling. So when you see that, you go, wow. Now, stupid and you're ignorant, you get mad. And you go, he's lucky. I'll never be that lucky because guys like us feel that we either got to rob you or win the lottery to ever be millionaires. It's never really going to happen in your fucking lifetime.

Nobody else in your family were millionaires. There's so many negatives around you. But then you get to Hollywood. And for me, it was real. It was Ralphie Mae. How many fucking times did we share money to go to fucking Rouse and buy co-cuts at three in the morning or go to Jack in the box or to buy a balavaka? You know, it was real.

And all of a sudden one day, he moved into a gated community and two months later, he was in the house. Wow. And that has to do something to you as somebody's friend, not make you jealous or angry. I knew Ralphie had done the hard work. fucking knew it. He deserved everything he got. And once you start feeling that way and going, that could be me. That could be me if I keep doing it.

It'll happen. It'll happen because you surrounded yourself with people who are doing things. Yeah. And it's not for you to come to me and go, fucking Ralph, he got another deal. Josh Wolf is making this much. No, it's for you to go mental note. I'm beating that. For me, it was the first time I heard Martin Lawrence made 10,000 an episode on Def Jam.

I was like, that's my number. Yeah, that's a fucking good number. That's a good number, you know. But to walk in there and see the hard work and then see the people from the comedy store. To look at Dice, to look at Pauly Shore, and just the generations of the store, you know. Like, I'm the class of 97. I don't know. Who gives a fuck?

that's hard work man and that's why i took you i wanted you to see because you knew the podcast i think you did kill tony early on didn't you no not yet then you go down there with me when i did it one time remember i was doing it on a monday night or something i don't think i was there but i've watched it and it's uh yeah though i like that was exactly how i felt there on saturday night you know it's that's what i'm trying to do and to see, you know, like I had never met atel before. South Volcano was there.

Everyone was there. But it was just, it was really cool to this, like, exactly what you were saying. Just be like, you know what? I'm not going on stage tonight. But maybe, like, if I keep working, maybe I'll either do a show at then, or do, you know, my own version of Madison Square. Like, my version of Madison Square Garden is the Wilbur. Listen, that's what I want to do.

It's your success. It may not be the garden, Lee. It may not be the garden. It may be something smaller. But that feeling, when you see your hard work, like when you're on stage, Lee, I couldn't breathe. And then stop clapping. No.

They got real for me was when I looked up. That's what I got. People or the Jumbotron or both. the Jumbotron at the people in the top row and I counted the rows down. And for every row was like seven years of my life, I dedicated to get to that row. So I've been doing comedy about 2060, no, 30-something years. It was four rows. It was like seven years a row.

That's what I, as soon as I looked at it, I wasn't thinking of jokes. I wasn't thinking of any of it. I was just thinking about how. great it was that I got on that stage that night and how great it was that I stuck with it, not knowing not knowing any of this shit was going to evolve

you know. And then when Aaron, whatever came on, he started throwing footballs, I started throwing weed. No, you didn't. That's awesome. Weed that was tremendous at this guy. He was from Jersey. He tweeted me. I see he wants to know where I got.

I got it from a friend of mine. But all that was, to me was a great way to end or a great way to start again. Nothing could top that night for me unless I, in two years, make a goal to sell that out. Right. I don't need that goal, but I'm pretty happy seeing what my work did. And if it was the garden, then so be it. For some people, it might have been a movie, a TV show.

for me it was never the guard until I looked at those things and I looked at what that place meant to me. How many people I went there to see in all from fights to basketball games to concerts, hockey games, college basketball. So it just felt it hit a little different, you know. When did when did you start feeling that way? Because even being like backstage there must have been pretty cool for you. No. Or no and not then. Okay. I have an idea of what was going on and while I was talking to the audience. They look like any other audience in front of you. Right.

I look at the left that I go, holy. And then I looked around the rim and I'm like, and right there, I counted the levels and I go, about seven years apiece. They're clapping and yelling and Joey. And I'm like calculating shit. Yeah, it was like the equalizer. It slowed down. I was thinking, I was laughing to myself.

because every time I do a show now, people will say, like, oh, how much time do you want me to do or this or that? And you always used to laugh at me about that, but then you got the call to, like, tell you what you were doing, like, basically on the way to the- You saw that. You heard it. People think, like, you know, I got the call.

They told me I was going up and they were going to do something. But you were in the car with me at approximately 5 o'clock. Right? When they called and said, this is what you're doing in two hours. You're going on stage for the few minutes. And you're going on stage. Yeah. And people were like, hit me up.

Why did you do more time? You just bailed. Dog, the show was over. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Over. He even said it. We got to rush through this because we ran out of time.

They had a 10 o'clock or they got fined. Yeah, I forget who I was talking to. It wasn't anyone involved with the show. but there's like a humongous. It's not like a $500 fine. It's like tens of thousands of dollars for a minute or something. A minute they charge you by. Like $8,000 a minute, $10,000 a minute.

So nobody wants to pay for that shit unless you don't give a fuck. Unless you just go rip the check up. Rip it up. It don't matter. I almost got kicked out. It was, it was if I, it was almost like another south point. But thank you. It wasn't edible.

Thankfully, I didn't have a problem. But, like, they take security serious. Like, it's like not just some security guard that they hire for $10. These guys are like... For two hours. So shame on them. At 10, 10, they decide at 9.45, they decide they wanted to throw you out. And they fuck, that's got to be Johnny White Man.

You know, he's like, he's not even the security. He's like the help they got, like from that security detail, those places that they give your shirt that night and 12. 50 and you go home with a fucking hamburger. You can't have a gun or a water pistol. That's why. It was 10 o'clock. The show was ending at 10. He decided to come

up to you at a quarter to 10. Oh, yeah. Yes, is Jesus left fucking Chicago. And thank God for Steve Simone. He saved me. He found the guy. He's getting a small 15 an hour on an hamburger. And all of something, he wants to play rental cop. It's fucking 10 to

fuck it. And you're like, guy, are you fucking? Oh, I would have been pissed Because I, dude, I haven't heard a poll. Like, everyone, like, the show was great. Everyone did great. All the, all the panelists were awesome. Tony and Red Band were awesome.

But then, like, when they announced you at the basically end of the show, like, I've never heard. That was, like, huge. Well, that must have been the biggest you've ever gotten, I would imagine. No, I got a bigger audience crowd at a 200-seater one-time leap. Are you retarded? There's 18,000. A little bit right now.

Yeah, a little bit right now. 18,000 people. 18,000 people, even if 10,000 of them shut up, I would have still, you know, it was, I didn't let it, you know. The only problem I had was I couldn't breathe. How long did they take you to catch that? 10 or 15 minutes. because their energy was 18,000 coming at you. Right.

And it felt like their energy wouldn't let my stomach expand. So I was just yelling, you know, without letting my stomach expand. And then when I got off and they made me come up, I ran up those stairs to boot. I'm like, I'm going to fucking die. I just held on to the thing. I was singing with the drummer because I couldn't move. I just made them believe I was singing with. the drum.

Did you, like, see yourself in the stadium, like, as a kid, like, and the places you sat, like, what was going on, what was going through your head? All I kept thinking about was I talking about, going there for the fucking circus. That's all I kept thinking about. I had gone there for millions of things, but all I think about when I go in there, that's humorous to me, is the circus. For years, people were like, did you see gladiated? No, I went to the circus when I was fucking six.

I went to the circus in New York City. Whatever they did throughout the country, they would fucking have to do it better here. So they eliminated the net. If you fall, you fall. This is New York City, you know. Kids getting hit in the head with fucking lights. The next year they came back with like a special Olympian helmets. They didn't even know with special helmets.

They were like homemade helmets that your father made for you. So you wouldn't get hit with a light in the head at Madison Square. That's all I can think about. I could think about walking there. I wasn't thinking about anything. I even told Rogan right in front of you. You were sitting right there when I go, dog, I don't know what I'm going to say. I knew that was true.

He was like, he's like, you don't know what you're going to say. I go, no. Do you have anything for me to say? And he was like, I don't know. And I asked you and you tip me with something weird. And I'm like, no, I can't say any of that shit. I got to hit these motherfuckers like, you know, Johnny Bench, 73. Woo!

Oh, yeah, and you did. Like you, and that's when you. really should record is every time you've ever said to me that you don't know what you're going to say it's like it's been your best sets which is crazy because you dig deep deep in the fucking murky waters you know what I'm saying but mushrooms are doing good you're yawning oh yeah I love these troops I'll be on fire about an hour who ready to go ready to kill you know what I'm saying but yeah now I don't know what to do I don't my next moving is, you know, I still remember walking out of the garden and that hot Puerto Rican girl talking to me about, I remind her of her father.

I'm like, that's not what I want to fucking hear from, you know. Oh, that's a bummer. Yeah, she was great. She was funny as hell, though. Oh, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah. A great night, but I was happier for you, Lee. Me, I'm an old man. What I give a fuck?

But I was happier for you. I wasn't even happy about going on stage as much as I was happy for breadbanned. and Tony. I'm very proud of those guys. Those guys are what I dreamed of, you know, that everybody could do. No matter what, if you're a guitarist, you know, once you pick what you want,

you have to push. And I know, bro, he got into tens of millions of arguments with agents over that show. Trust Tony? Yeah, I know what's going on in the background. And he did his dream, man. So for that, I got a toast that motherfucker. That's big.

When people tell you what they do and you tell them fuck you and you win, that's big. That's like, you know, Roseanne or when you take that role and you win, they can't fuck with you no more. I didn't know. Jesus Christ. I didn't know any of that was happening, but it's just crazy in the last. It seems like four years or so. They taste good. They have pepper in them.

They're peppery. It tastes like that shit that looks like shoe leather at the stores. The chick that looks like shoe leather? What chick? I don't know. The fucking... Oh, beef jerky? Beef jerky.

It tastes... When they say it's going to be peppery, that's what this tastes like. These are peppery mushrooms for any event. You know what I'm saying? It's going to do a lot more. on the fucking beef jerky. Oh, yeah. I'll be up to 4 in the morning

tonight looking at windows, looking for UFOs, waiting for the Jews to strike, you know. Oh, we're coming. No, it's getting ugly out there. They're doing something. Oh, they said, U.S. sent stuff over there. So, yeah, they might not be a school year.

So, you know what I'm saying? There might not be a lot of things in September. So if you're going on on vacation, August, take the shit that you love. because like I said before we rock hard core once the fucking Israel starts launching those missiles they're going to hit anything

like if you live in Pittsburgh I'd be scared anything with the begins to repeat Pennsylvania Pittsburgh Philadelphia fucking even Oregon got to look out Paramus yeah that's like an hour from my house

that's why I'm on delay Anything would a beat, they're going to fucking, you know, so good luck to everybody. I think I'm eating mushrooms at 9 o'clock at night because I'm optimistic. This is not going to be good, you know what I'm saying? But no, that was a great night. Oh, yeah. You know, in so many ways. But that was, to me, it was like a comedy store night also.

Mitchie Shaw was there. But then they'll wake up Sunday and see poor Angel was dead. That's sad. The last Angel story I heard was from Rochester, New York. Because Angel was a savage. Right. And he had two shows on a Saturday night. I told this on the Rogan show, and I got in trouble.

Angel sent me like a long message, and I'll tell you what he said. So I hadn't seen Angel in years. I used to party with Angel. You know, I used to do everything with Angel. Angel's a good dude. I was just thinking about this. What was I talking about? Your last story of Angel Salazar, I think in Rochester.

I told the Rochester story on Rogue, and he sent me a message. It's not the way you said it. But anyway, so he goes to Rochester. He has two brilliant shows on Friday night. Now it's Saturday night. He goes out Friday night with his creepy friends. They do coke till like fucking two in the afternoon like usual. Guys fucking 60 years old.

He's got two shows. He goes, does the first show, and he kills. He tells the owner of the club, listen, I'm going in. I'm going to close the door. I'm going to take a little nap. I didn't sleep too good last night. He closed the door. They knock on the door an hour later, no angel.

An hour 10, no angel. At hour 15, they kicked the door down. There's angel foaming from the fucking mouth to the other whole thing. I wonder why he had a problem with you telling this story. They gave him tea. They gave him nitrous oxide. They woke him up and he went on stage. He did like 20 minutes.

He was just falling apart. So they took him off stage and they put him back on the couch and he slept. And when he woke up, they carried him out to his Jeep. And Scotch tape is checked to the fucking windshield. When he woke up, he was outside in the Jeep. So when he heard me tell the story, he reached out to me. He goes, you were wrong. He goes, they roofied me, so he didn't have to pay me.

Just to fucking somebody would roofie you when you're 62 years old. Yeah, he was the real fucking deal, though. This was no joke. He was going into towns. I still remember working in a condo with him, like living in a condo with him. Right. He wasn't even in town yet. The phone was ringing.

Drug dealers call him his angel there. We got a package for him. Tell him to call Julio when he gets to town. I'm like, fucking, who has a drug deal? And that's when I started having drug dealers waiting for me after I saw his leave. Really? I worked with Miami on New Year's Eve. And it was one of the second biggest bombings of my life.

What happened? Me, him, my girlfriend, and two other crazy chicks snorted coke like until four in the afternoon the next day in somebody's crazy apartment. And that was a friend of his, he just took us all. he didn't know i knew the girls i knew them for a long fact i'm still friends with them and he didn't know my girlfriend and he just said come everything's taken care of we were there to four in the fucking afternoon new year's day and did you have a show no we had a show the next day the second but i bombed so fucking that was the second time i worked in miami but i had never

worked new year it wasn't the same audience that they usually get so I went up there thinking it was a Wednesday night. Oh, Lordy. No, Bueno. I bombed two shows that night. Oh, no. And were they both bad? There was no food left.

The salmon was coming out late. I could say a thousand excuses, but it was me. Right. I came out the wrong way, and I didn't read my audience. It was an older audience. They were Jewish people from West Palm Beach. Oh, okay. I was speaking Spanish, and they looked at me like,

not tonight there fucking boy if you're not going to iron my shirts don't be talking that shit tonight it's New Year's Eve I would love to see you do that in front of old Jewish people because yeah I died a slow debt that fucking and what year was it do you think 2000 New Year's

no 99 99 2000 I was in Opasso with a magician 99 I was in Miami with him How did it go with the magician? Not too good. Not too good.

It never does go well. You know, these clubs hire different genres, and I appreciate it. But New Year's Eve, unless you got a lame fucking audience, who wants to see a fucking magician on New Year's Eve? Right.

I mean, unless you like, I mean, who wants to see a fucking magician? Who would take the honey? guess what? You know that comedy club on Main Street? There's a magician down there at New Year's Eve. We should get our friends. And if you got two other people that go here to see a...

You got to take all four of those people, sit them down and put the gas on. You know, who the fuck goes to see a magician on New Year's Eve? I want to see a dove disappear on New Year's Eve. You don't have to be... No, I want to see a bird disappear. Some guy with a top hat... What about car tricks? No.

Are you fucking crazy? crazy? When I was 10, that's good for New Year's. Some guy comes in and does Greek hard tricks and on the way. But fucking, I don't want to see no fucking magician on New Year's Eve, dog. Who is even there? Like, were there? Like, were there, like, more than 10 people there? A bunch of Mexicans were there, but they don't like magicians either. They started walking out after me. Oh, no. Mexicans don't like magicians. I know you don't. Now, I don't like magicians. I just, you know, Whatever. Don't get me starting on magicians. It's a nice night. I'm happy.

I don't want to bring it down. But yeah, dude, I killed Tony was just amazing. It was so cool to see, like, everybody. No, for me, it was more than just, I was blown away. I was really blown away by the work,

you know, what they did, how they, you know, Tony, just Tony and Redband, man, and they kept doing it during the pandemic. Yeah. And it was selling out during the pandemic,

big in Austin. And I'm like, these guys, anybody who went out during the pandemic like that worked, people didn't forget. No, and I think they were also really smart with, like, they do a great job on YouTube. And I think, like, that's, people love watching it.

It's like a podcast are great, and I love them. But, like, if it's mostly audio, like, you have to have some YouTube. And if it's a great YouTube, if it's like a real actual show, it's going to do great. You know, it's great. Like, we did a live podcast with the church. Yeah. And after one, I said, we can't sustain it. Mm-hmm.

It was sustainable at the time. I was traveling, you know, it would have been great to do a tour with the podcast at that time. We would have done great. Right, yeah. Being back in hindsight, it would have done great. but it was just too much with the road. I was trying to get in on Thursday nights. Do you remember?

Like I talked to a few clubs and they're like, ah, we rather you just do stand up. They didn't understand the concept that. No. And it's, go ahead, I'm sorry.

No, no, it's, and it's even, it's an even weirder concept for anyone who's ever been to, like, a comedy open mic, like,

they're terrible to go watch. Like, a lot of open mics are just awful to, but then, like, they, their special pardon, they have the great guests. It's like, it shouldn't, it almost shouldn't work,

but then like the way they wove it all together, it's perfect. You know, listen, with the band. Yeah. And everything, it, I love open mics. I love, really. I don't love to see people bomb as well as how they react to the bomb. You're going to bomb on stage, Lee, but if you let the audience know that you're bombing,

you're going to bomb harder. Right. You know, when you're a young comic, you'll start saying like, ooh, this is a long night. You know, you start blaming the audience on stage, and you're just digging yourself into a deeper hole. Just digging it into a deeper hole. You know, you've seen it.

And that's what I liked about open mics, but I wanted to see how people reacted to not doing well. Because that's the learning process. I know I'm not doing well, but I'm not giving up. I'm going to go back around. I'm going to go back to basics. And trust me, some nights, it's just not your fucking night, man. I was there tons of those nights.

But some nights, you start off great and there's a low. A lot of people, and you learn how to get yourself out of the low. Right. Oh, yeah. And I can't even. Then there's, because I cut a 45-minute set into three pieces. Okay. I cut it into 15 minute chunks.

That's how you should look at it. So there's three periods. You can lose the first two periods and still come back to third period and win. Just destroy. You could win the first round, lose the second and come back strong on the third. But you're not going to recover from the second and third from them two fucking rounds. It's just not going to work out for you. Right.

That's what I looked at it. I always looked at headlining when I started getting better at it as 15-minute chunks. And between those 15-minute chunks, you could dick around a little bit to add two, three minutes to it before you go into that other fucking chunk to rip their hearts out for the last time. That's a whole new level. What's that? Just like looking at, because to me, I'm at the point where if I'm doing 45 or more, I'm just doing pretty much every joke I've ever written. No. I want you to look at it in 15-minute spots and break it up.

Intro, medium. Remember when you went to school and they taught you how to write a letter? Right. Same thing. I'm writing a letter to the audience. So you have the first paragraph, you have your second paragraph, and then you close strong in your third paragraph. You can't lose the first, you can lose the first two

and come back so deadly in the third that it's fucking, you know. But that's how you have to look at it. And no segues, that's when you have your two minutes to drink your water, giggle a little bit, say whatever you have to just in between that to kill time. Right. But it is also, with the open mics, it's hard to do that in five minutes. It's hard. In one minute, it's almost impossible.

You're an open mic when I give you 15 minutes. I want you to chop it up into threes. Right. Oh, yeah. I give you 10 minutes. You're going to chop it up into threes. You're going to have three rounds or three minutes. you're always going to divide your sets like that

and that's going to make you a lot better when you go up there. I want you to know where you are. Every minute will be a set. So I don't want you just to go up there. I want you to actually say, this is my intro. This is what they're first going to see. This is what they're going to see and they're going to make a decision within,

I don't know, what the consensus is 28 seconds, whether they like me or they don't. Interesting. If I go to that role, then I got it. But you know what? I'm not fucking Richard Pryor. I might not get them in the second round. Something might happen.

Somebody drops a dish. I say the wrong joke. I say the word cunt on stage, which is terrible, which I never did. But I'm just fucking saying. Sometimes you get lost. Now instead of them showing that you're losing the war, you stand firm, you put the microphone back, and you go back to your basics. you go back to one.

And you never address it. You just keep gone. No, you address it, but go back to one. What did you do in one? You tried to win them over. Slow it down. Slow it down. Things got out of control.

You ever get to an argument with somebody? You go, slow it down. Things got a little out of control. And you end up hugging and kissing. That's the same thing. Sometimes in the second quarter, things get out of control. Yeah. I said something, you said something,

she dropped a glass, you know, I didn't know that she had a retarded son and I called somebody a retard. All these things happen. Right. But if you know that I'm dying, you're going to die. I'm not ever fucking let you know that I'm dying.

Even off of my mind, last fucking, and the times I died early was because I let them know I was dying. Why would I let them know they're dying? I already, they see them, I'm fucking dying up here. So why would I keep...

Oh, this is a long night. I could see you guys don't have a sense of humor. Now you start turning on them. And now you're really not going to get nowhere. I'd rather you get out of there as a gentleman and they'll come back and see you a second time because everybody knows you have a bad night. But don't run off the stage and say, you know,

you guys don't have a sense of humor. I was so high on the mushrooms just now. I thought you were me. I'm looking like a fucking mirror. that one's been down on who that it's scarier for probably for you you look at it and i didn't look at it like that the first 10 years don't think i looked at it the first 10 years because i would have gone farther in my career i looked at this when you started planning when i started headlining okay got it you know if you i'm saying and you

got 15 minute spot you got three five minute quarters if you're a feature you have a anywhere from 25 to 30 minutes, you got three, 10 minute quarters. And if you're a headliner, you got three, 15 minute quarters. Then anything you do after that is, if you're winning at 45, take a chance, but don't push,

don't give them too much, because then they won't come back. Right, it's better to get up earlier. You can get the fuck out of there. It's really a hard chemistry, and it's hard to actually make that map early on because you don't trust yourself where it's going to go. But that's the best way.

I took that from talking on the phone, selling on the phone. They have, I can, I'll have, you know, for a month or for two months, I'll call you and the guy that's looking on my shoulder is telling me to tell you what's on that sheet. But after 90 days, he don't bother me no more. He knows I'm already a good salesman. so I become cocky and what do I do? I go off the script and then for two months I don't sell dick I might sell one or two but I ain't going to sell like I used to

and then you go back to the script. I never really wanted to have a script on stage. I wanted to where I was and where I was going. I could switch third quarter with the second quarter at any time. and you would absolutely if that first quarter material's not winning let's hit him with the fucking heater

let's go with the third quarter I don't do that enough and then also I what you just blew my mind with is like because you always hear about like the closer like the closing set closing bit but like I'm thinking back to a lot of my bombs and I think it's because of the opening bit

like I would try something new and like I like do you think the opening is like almost as important in the beginning and if fails, you still got three quarters. Right, but you were talking about first impressions. So I'm saying like, is it, is like,

to like have like a really good opening joke is like super important. When I got into comedy, I loved dice and I love Bill Hicks, but I also love Lenny Clark out of Boston. Because the minute Lenny Clark touched the microphone, he went to work.

He brought Boston on stage. I believe that you could write some of them. Like I was on a plane one time and I landed in Vegas and I read what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas and I added if I fuck in the ass I'm telling somebody.

That's a great one. Lying to go out there the first joke and say, that's tough. How are you guys doing? Listen, before we get started at the airport I read something what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. That's all good. But if I fuck in the ass,

I'm telling somebody. That is such a horrible way to open it. Really? Or 50 or 50, but I also knew what I had behind me. Right. And there's also your audience. No, no, no, no. No, it wasn't. Oh, okay.

I was a feature act. Oh, shit, okay. Yeah. So I knew what was coming behind that could save that wall. You're not going to take the wall from me. I'm just going to come out and try something new. And then I didn't keep the joke, but every time I went to Vegas, I used the joke.

That's a great joke. I didn't stay it throughout the rest of the year or any other towns or use it in a bit. I just used it in Vegas. So it's really interesting before, you know, you start headlining to really look at your sets like that before you start doing anything. I wish I would have done my sets like that in 1995. I would have been a way better comic, but I was too busy snorting the dust off the field. you know what I'm saying?

Hey, it worked out, but no, there's gems. I love it. I love these, like, these little things because it changes how I do everything. What do you got this week, Cucksucker? This week, I am at Huckies in Westfield on Wednesday night with Lamar Lee. On Thursday through Saturday,

I met Comics Mohegan opening up for Jesus Trejo. I'm very excited. One show Thursday, one show Friday, two Saturday. Send them my love. That guy's a soldier, Jesus. This is amazing. But yeah, if I get a chance, I'll give you a call tomorrow when you're in the city, see what's going on. I know I got something early, and my wife's going to take mercy tomorrow because she has to work Friday or Wednesday.

So I'll be around, my brother. But knock them dead. Keep doing. Thank you for coming with me to kill Tony. And I knew you would get something out of it. That's what it was for. Well, thank you for that. I was doing it.

And I'm happy that you said. that in public that I didn't know until we were in the car two hours before the fuck the show. Let's tell these fucking people. I don't know nothing. And you're great. Yeah, because I was scared to debt.

I was scared to fuck. No, that's what I'm saying. That comes through years of never let them see you sweat. I'll see you next week, Coxie. Stay blessed. What's happening, you beautiful savages? It's Tuesday, August the 13th. The checking is brought to you by Blue Chew. Listen, if you want to sling dick like a savage,

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