The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - Joey Diaz' Seventh Grade Teacher

Episode Date: November 26, 2024

John Barone was a teacher and coach in North Bergen, NJ for 49 years; and had Joey as a student during Joey's second stint in the seventh grade. Joey and Mr. Barone talk about the teacher who broke a student's arm and the parents who beat that same teacher up, why Joey threw Mr. Barone's car keys away the first time they met, and Mr. Barone being the one to say that Joey was, "changing flavors." Support the show and try BlueChew for free at https://www.bluechew.com Support the show and get cell service for just 15 bucks a month. Head to https://www.mintmobile.com/DIAZ Support the show and download the DraftKings app. New players get $100 instantly in Casino Credits with a $10 wage with code JOEYSLOTS

Greetings, you bad savages. It's Tuesday, the 26th of November. It's the Church, the New Testament. Let's get this party started. The Church New Testament is brought to you by Blue Chew. Listen, if you've been wondering if Blue Chew is all it's cracked up to be, the answer is yes. Blue Chew is an online service that delivers ED meds right to your door, with the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, LaVitra, but at a fraction of the cost.

and you cannot go wrong. I love Blue Choo. You know, I'm old, but every once in a while, you get a little loving to me, and Blue Choo never lets me down. Don't miss out on the best sex ever. Blue Choo got your cupboard. You understand me?

When they're laying there looking at you, like, what the fuck just happened? That's you, Captain Blue Choo. Now, Blue Choo wants you to have the confidence to perform at your best. So, discover your options at blu-com. That's, again, that's Bluechoo. And we've got a special deal for the church fans.

You ready? Try Bluetooth for free. Just pay $5 shipping and checkout at Bluetooth.com. Again, that's bluechew.com to receive your first month free. Visit bluchew.com for more details and important information. And I want to thank Bluechoo for supporting the podcast. Turn off your TVs, run for your lives. It's over.

They didn't put you on this planet just to give up. If Uncle Joey could do it, I can rule the world. That's what you got to be thinking. Welcome back to church. What's happened, you savage, is a beautiful day to be alive. We're back. Don't tell me the walls are bare. You know, who gives a fuck?

We're coming at you, and that's all that matters. As we build, we get prettier and prettier and prettier, all right? Today, my guest is, you know, Lee's always here. I can't get rid of him. He's like a fucking, he's like dog shit. He's everywhere. But my guest is somebody who's very special to me. I'm happy I got him on the podcast.

I promised you real motherfuckers. And this is as real as it gets. Mr. John Barone, my seventh grade teacher the second time. What's happening, Mr. Barone? You were much better after one year of practice. Yes, that was a lot better. Yeah. It was really amazing.

We were just talking about where you came from. I always knew you had come from a different school. and then your first year there, I had Kingwell. Oh, he's bad news. And he was rough, this dude. He used to give you oral book reports. But I'm happy because now I read because of him. You know how he got in trouble?

He broke a kid's arm just punching him because the kid, I forget his name. He walked up to King Well in the hall and he said, let's have a contest. So Kingwell said, yeah, let's go. He said, let's see who could punch the easiest. So he goes, you go first, Mr. Kingwell. So Kingwell goes like this door. So now this kid says, now it's my turn.

He hits him so hard. They heard it in the first room all the way down the hall. He went, ah! He got so mad. He ran after the kid and brought. broke his arm with a punch. He says, Kimmy, I gotta get even. And he broke his arm.

He had a broken arm. He came into a couple of days. Couldn't move it for a year. I started McKinley in the sixth grade, so I had Levito. But throughout that whole year, there was drama with Kingwell. There was always drama with him. I was not there the day Alex Kavar's father, the beast,

He said something to the kid's daughter. He said something to Martin Perez's sister or something happened. She went home, told the father. Now, for anybody who doesn't know, I mean, I don't know if you ever heard him talking in your house, Alex Carvajal. This was a different type of animal. His father used to sit on 26th Street with a big Cuban cigar on the corner. Tremendous. Great family, Maria.

I still see them right. Maria was in our class, all of us. This fucking Mr. Carvaha had a quarter of three, all you hear is, and it's like, what's going on? Come in, and Mr. Carvaha comes in with the cigar, with the big gold chain, and he goes, I'm going to do to you? What did you do to my son? And they started fist fighting in the class. I mean, this was raw. So everybody, and he had another beef with somebody else.

So this was the reputation he had at that school. I got one more thing about him. Go ahead. He drove a kid crazy and like on him, on him, on him. The kid said, I'm going to get my uncle after you. So he says, get your uncle, bring him in here. Sure enough, a week or so goes by. There's a Marine in the hallway one day.

You know how a hallway was. So can I help you? He goes, yeah, I'm looking for a king well. I said he's in everyone next to me. Because I knew he was going to kill him. All you heard, all you heard was like when you get punched in the teeth, that he'd knocked three of his teeth out. Was he wearing the Marines outfit?

He had his Marine thing. I said, like, what is this guy doing here? But then Kingwall didn't talk to me for months because why did you tell him I was next door? I said, because you always, I felt like saying, because you're always bullying kids. You deserve something like that. He did something. Remember his, my seventh grade year,

he ripped his Achilles tendon. So we got Mr. Miss for a while, and that's what was pretty fucking cool. Mr. Miss was a good-looking motherfucker. He looked like Robert Redford. So whenever he taught, the girls would fucking be like all fucked up in the seventh grade.

Big old white yoke motherfucker. But then I still remember, you know, McKinley, was Buckwild. And it wasn't Buckwild in comparison to Horace Mann, Lincoln. I remember you used to always say, the kids at Lincoln, they bring them to the games with chains on. I used to fucking die, you know. They were throwing sinks one year out the third floor, so that's it. They got like tortured after that Lincoln School. Kennedy School was Buckwild with Calangelo and all those guys.

Every school in the system had like this weird thing. When I went to McKinland, the first year, okay. Here's the funny thing. Ms. Brando was pregnant. It was the art teacher. The art teacher in the sixth grade. But I had the biggest crush on Ms. Brando. So I grabbed her tit one day in the sixth grade art closet.

And she's like, what the fuck are you doing? And I was so in love with Ms. Brando, all the way to high school. Every time I saw, I just grabbed the tit out of principal. And she'd go, Joey, what the fuck it's from with you, Coco? This is McKinley in the sixth grade. You realize if

One of these things happened now, the entire, like, school district would be shut down. Oh, they'll shut it down. Anyway, who gives a fuck? We did something like that every week. Every fucking week. We were torturing people. And the principal didn't get in trouble. In fact, I may write a book.

Yeah, you have to. I might write a book. Listen, man, do you remember the pilot program? You were very vocal about the pilot program. Pilot program back then was when you hit 16 and you were still in the seventh grade? I love that it happened so frequently You became a sophomore automatically the next year It was called a pilot program

But Mr. Brong goes, you see these kids They drive to school, they got hair on their legs He goes, I seen the one guy He had a kid in the back He was this kid fucking It's hysterical This is fucking, you can't write this shit, guys So I had Kingwell

And then I got caught playing hooky With a girl You remember a New Yorker And then I failed like two classes. So I had to go to summer school for geography, which I fucking hated and math. And I went to summer school, but before you leave for summer school,

you're supposed to go to the class you're supposed to be in the next year. Okay, so if you're in the seventh grade, you sit with your teacher in the morning and then in the afternoon at 12, you go to your class and you meet your teacher and he tells you what's going to happen in the summer

and what do you expect from you next year. So they didn't send me to the eighth grade. They sent me to Mr. Barone's class. And Mr. Barone started fucking torture me. I'm going to have you sit up front because you're definitely going to fail. You're a fucking loser. You're a mook.

And I'm like, this guy's trying to fucking... You actually did well. No, but that's what it was with you. But this is how we met. So he pissed me off so much that I stole with fucking car keys, right? He had the Toyota hatchback. I threw him in a dumpster.

I threw him in a dumpster. I'm home an hour later. We're about to go play basketball and shit. And I see a fucking Toyota coming around the block. You fucking took my keys, yelling the whole thing. And I'm like, I'm dead. I'm dead. They're never going to like me ever again.

So I go to summer school. I play hooky. Mr. Dalton pulls me aside and he goes, don't come back no more. Just have Carmine called the school and we'll push up to the eighth grade. That didn't happen. And in my mind, how retarded I was.

was I, that I thought Carmine were gonna actually call the school and just promote me, because I'm fucking his friend. So the first day of fucking seventh grade, I'm marching into the eighth grade, and I go, Carmine called. Nobody fucking called. So they put me in his class.

Now I thought he was gonna torture me, guys, was completely different. It was amazing, it's like he had forgotten it. But then he talked about to Jimmy Pierce, since we have all these Red Sox fans here, he told the story about, fear strikes out. Jimmy Pierson. Look at that.

That's how good of a teacher. I still remember this shit. And all the Boston fans here, you know who Jimmy Piersall is? I heard the name. Go fuck yourself. I heard you. I heard you.

I heard you. I heard you. Go fuck yourself. When he used to go to the outfield, they used to jump out of the stands and fight him. Jesus Christ. Everybody hated the guy too,

because he was crazy. He hit a homer and he ran around the bases backwards. During a game? Yeah. He hit a home run and he turned around and it took him like three minutes to go around the bases.

Hysterical. And I have another Kingwell story. Is he still alive? He's in Florida. He's in Florida, I heard. Maybe. Maybe he's in Florida. In Tampa.

You know five corners there? Yeah. There was a bakery. Yes. That was his dad who owned the bakery. He used to go eat there every day. I never knew that. Yeah.

It was on the, you know, it was, if you go in Liberty towards school, it was on that first corner. Bakery. Wow. I didn't know that. I forget the name of that bakery. Yeah. Five corners there that had the, the, was it candy store? A candy store.

The sugar bowl. Candy store. The bank. The stereo store, where you bought stereos and washer and dryers. I don't know what was on the other corner. I know Mr. Biggsons in the middle, the hair dryer place, the women's hair cutting place. Frank the barber.

But it was, you spoke about Jimmy Piersall, and you cracked the joke that they had him in a padded room, and you fucking killed us. You were killing us that they got them in the room, and they tied them up, and he ran around the bases backwards. It was a different approach to teaching. I had been a Catholic school, and then I had fucking Lovito, who was a great teacher also,

and then Kingwell was just, you know, Kingwell meant well. Do you know what I'm saying? Kingwell meant well. My whole room, we used to play volleyball at lunchtime. Yes, remember? Yes.

The only reason why I played, I tried to knock his wig off. Levito, yeah, yeah, yeah. And once the kids, once I did it once, one time I hit him square in the head, the ball and his, the kids went nuts, so I wanted to keep doing it. I never, I was, Never able to do it.

Are you saying volleyball or dodgeball? Volleyball, volleyball, volleyball. Dog, the year that I got there. The year that I got to McKinley, I was on the up and up. And like the first month, somebody put acid in Mr. Grester's coffee in the morning. And at lunchtime, he never came back. You know what?

Mr. Grest and Mr. Levito came to a show of mine in Point Pleasant. And I go, Mr. Levito, remember? when Eddie Lemenka put the fucking acid in his coffee, he goes, ask him, he's here with us. I had a big argument with him. Mr. Dresda. On Fridays, let all the kids buy bagels on Friday. Who, Levito?

Levito. Every Friday, if you were in his class, you could buy a bagel. So now, a couple of weeks went by, and I said, I can't believe he's doing this for the kids. You don't do nothing for kids. It's very, you know. So I said,

I said to the kid, how much do you pay for the bagels? He goes, here, he's got a menu. He gives it to me. When I look at the menu, he was added on every bagel. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. In other words, he knew the price, so he made up his own menu, but added 50 cents on each bagel.

I love it. I went up to him, right, in his face, and I said, how could you cheat? These kids don't see 50 cents on your week. and you're getting two bagels from them? What a group of teachers we had in that place. Dog, it was, we'll tell you who else I met there, that I still think about it all the time.

She was the best lunch lady, Mrs. Sabatino. Yes. Fuck, she was gold, man. Gold. She always gave me that extra oatmeal cookie that Marco made, because Marco used to make those at home, those oatmeal cookies. Fucking tremendous.

But since you're talking about volleyball, this is how crazy McKinley is. We had some crazy principles, too. Oh, yeah, yeah. I've seen Leo Gatoni get hit in the head by Louis Aldivar in the basement, but this was the classic, this is the classic North Berger McKinley story.

We got a gym teacher called Mr. Totoro. Oh, that guy was a little crazy. And we're playing volleyball. We're playing kickball outside. It's the seventh grade against the seventh grade. I don't know what the fuck it was. But we're all playing. Now, every time I go to kick the ball, the Italian kids are going, Cocoa Katoa. Right? They're just yelling, Kokoai Tomo.

And Mr. Tatar is saying, hey, knock it off with that shit. And the kids kept saying it. The mainly Anthony Balzano. So this motherfucker has the balls to go up to Anthony and say, say it one more fucking time. And Anthony goes, Coco Kademoco. He grabbed Anthony. Martin Perez went to jump in. He grabbed Martin. And then I had him from the back, and he banged their heads, and he grabbed me, and he banged our heads. Fucking Anthony said, fuck you, blah, blah, this is in the morning. I still remember that.

I had a Pete Rose jacket, and you told me Pete Rose was Cuban. I almost jumped off a fucking bridge. And I asked him, I go, how do you know? And he goes, I saw him on TV with kind his corner, and he was talking like he had a stomach problem. He was speaking Spanish. I was fucking dying. I was fucking dying, right? So I got this little faggy Cincinnati 14 jacket

with the sea and we're outside and all of a sudden we're headed to the principal's office. But Anthony breaks away from him and goes, fuck you. I'm calling my father, I'm calling my father. He goes upstairs, walls sitting in the principal's office. He asks the lady, can I get a piece of paper? Letty gives him a white piece of paper. Anthony starts doing this shit and he puts all his hair on a paper

and then he goes, take your hair, shake it in there. And when Carmine walks in, like he calls in, like he calls him, called Carmine, there was a payphone in there. And the principal's office then, there was a little payphone. He called him, Dad, I don't know what's going on. Doug, it must have been eight minutes later. You heard the walkie-talkies through the hallway. And there was Carmine with another cop, you know, with a uniform.

And they're like, what's going on, nothing? So he goes downstairs, Carmine comes in, he asks Anthony what happened? Anthony told him, he goes, shut up, Anthony. Cochorini, what happened? And I'm like, dog, what happened? He said, the guy hit us, we were just talking Spanish. He goes, nobody cursed at him? No.

Mr. Matash. You know, you had him? Yeah, I had Mr. Mustache. Now, he died. How? One day he says, I won't be in for two days. I says, why? He's all the snow.

I'm going to my house down the shore and I'm going to shovel the snow. People are complaining. Because it was like a snowstorm. So he went down there. He never comes back the next day. So everybody's worrying, worrying. He froze doing it and died, took a heart attack.

They found him frozen in the snow with his shovel. I told him, call somebody and pay him. He wouldn't do it. Did you feel guilty? Because you used to call him George Jetson. Yeah. Remember he had like a George Jetson hand to? He remembers that.

Come on, dog. I forgot about it. You used to call him George Jetson. Oh, fucking George Jetson is bothering me. So we were up in the office. And Carmine's got the walkie-talkie. I'll never forget that walkie-talkie. And he's like, listen, Mr. Musta, I just want to talk to him to see if my son was wrong.

Bob-Bap, Bob. He doesn't want to come out. He's scared. The guy opened the door like fucking Cato, like in the Pink Panther when he would open up the door. Hello? You know, that type of pipe and shit, Carmine had a gorilla fucking hand. Carmine had the biggest prosciutto ham. He just grabbed this guy, took him out and started pouncing him guys.

And we're like, what the fuck is going on? And he just started punching him. The guy dropped. And he goes, come on, everybody's going home. And that was it. We went home, we came back, and Mr. Taur was gone. I never saw him again. I walked into the high school two years later.

I'm in his fucking home room. And he comes up and he goes, Koucarini. If you don't want a show, don't worry about it. I just remember the Carmine Kingwell thing. I don't remember the Carmine Kingwell thing. He's having, he's got, his son's got spelling with Kingwell. Now, the kid's failing spelling.

He's getting like, he's failing every test. The kid comes in my room and he's short, I go, let me see one of your tests. Look at one of the tests. Kingwall was giving them 20 words, but he was taking 10 off for every one they got wrong. So nobody noticed it but me. I said, that means if the kid got on the mall right,

you got to give him 200. If it's 20 off of each, sure enough, the father found out. This kid goes home to his car mine. Mr. Barot said, he's cheating. That's why I'm failing. He came in and I was called to the office. And the first thing Good Tony says is, will you take him in your spelling class?

Well, you, because I wanna switch him to you. So of course, I'll take him. Now he says to Kingwell, you ever do anything to my son again, I'll blow your head off. In front of everybody, there was six people in the room. You can't do that. Think about it.

Who couldn't do it? You don't really have to think about it. He did it. He got away. Oh no, no, no, he couldn't do that. to the kids. But he was doing that for like probably waiting for you. When I was there, yeah, he'd had something kinky because he would give you like a minus 40 and shit like that and look at you with a straight face and you're like, what the fuck did I do? There was so many kids in that class that was so fucking confused. But that whole error when you taught us. I didn't know you had me, Tish. He was, yeah, and then. George Jetson. We couldn't find a basketball coach and we kept talking about. We knew nothing about this fucking background. We're just like, you know, pop, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

and one day he goes, I'll go by the courts. This fucking guy starts popping 30 footers without even looking at the basket. Da, da, da, da, and we're like, who the fuck is this guy? And he goes, who the fuck am I? I'll tell you, I'm in the Hall of Fame and the job. I'm like, oh, here we go. He's blowing smoke up.

This guy came with pictures, the Miami Floridians, the ABA, And we were like, no. And I remember showing up at his house one day. Like, we used to get off at one on Fridays. And I took my fucking bike, and I went up and I go, you know, I want to learn how to shoot. And he broke it down for me, man, how to fucking drop your wrist. He would make me shoot close to the basket. Your brother Joe used to come out.

I still remember getting tackled by Joe Jump on that block. He fucking tackled me one day playing basketball. You know, it was amazing. I went from fucking sucking. McKinley went from 0 and 7. and he turned that whole team around. Chuck McBreen was taking pointers from him. I mean, he just got the fucking ceremony at his Ramaphore College.

The gym got named after him. There's all the guys that you touched. You know, there was a bunch of us that you were like, it was just amazing. And then after that, you were the favorite teacher in the school. And then we went to the eighth grade. And I had Miss Walsh. And the other guy was Ms. Verga.

But Ms. Verga... She wouldn't say give you me it. I was asking her, could you switch? I'll give you two girls for Coco. She wouldn't switch you. I like Ms. Walsh. She told her. She goes, I've been here for 40 years.

Nobody has ever broke me. We broke her. Don't fucking, you know, we used to go to shop right and steal hubbubba and fucking ten packs of piece and going to class. And we had Orlando Salcedo. God rest his soul,

He died during COVID. And at about 1.30, he would start. And then we had an Italian kid, Michael Allegretta, off the fucking chain smart. And we'd hit him in the head. We played hockey. We hit him in the heels with the hockey stick. And he go, ay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That motherfucker's got to be like a neurosurgeon today or something like that. We had Charlie Gizzy. I remember him. The guy who used to, every time the plane went by, he'd get up and shoot it down. He was gone. During the class, we had really.

Richie Colombo, Mr. Barone, he used to comb his hair a certain way. Like, I don't know, he didn't have a blow dryer or they didn't have water or something. He used to take the comb pocket to the middle and just push his hair down. And one day during attendance, Mr. Brone goes, Colombo, what did you comb your hair with a stick of dynamite? That motherfucker didn't know anything. He was just cracking people. And attendance was the biggest thing in North Bergen. But some people did it lame and some people did it pretty good.

But the day I knew that there was something weird about us, that something was not right. You know what's sad though? Teachers today can't do it. No, they don't do what you did. I would have got arrested and fired. If the teacher ever did what I did with the kids, nothing was bad.

Nothing was bad. It was fun. It was fun getting along with all of them. Because once they left my room, They weren't the same. Even just the haircut thing would have been enough. The haircut thing would have got you player. I'm in four Hall of Fames.

That did it. That did it. I'm in the high school, my high school one where I played. I'm in the North Berger one for coaching 30 years. I'm in the Hudson County one. And my ball's in the real Hudson County because I got all the free throw record.

The one in springfield. Nobody has touched your record. I think so. Really, somebody broke 74? When I check it, sometimes it says I'd still go and some people, sometimes it says it's not. So they don't know what they're doing either. But they didn't realize once they left, people would say it, they would come in my room and go like this to me. Because they saw these guys being good.

Like, how did you do that? You gotta be nice to them. I still remember they had that glue, not Helmonds, not the fucking white stuff. But, no, not the cement glue. And I'll never forget, we're sitting in the front row. And Mr. Barone's playing with it, playing with it, and all of a sudden he looks at him, he goes,

what's this remind you of? And I fucking lost it. I had just seen it for the, I had just come maybe two weeks before that. So I'm fucking dying. I'm like, ah, he's still got it, Mr. Peron. If I didn't know your name, I called you Wolfgang. Wolfgang.

Do you know how many people I see today? I'm in a chop ride. I got to go, oh, Wolfgang. And they called me. And this was way before Wolfgang Park. Like, where did you come up with Wolfgang? It's just that name. That was Eddie Munster's fucking something.

That just got me. Who? That just got me, Wolfgang. Wolfgang. Hold on. And this might be the wildest start to a podcast we've ever. had. We barely introduced him and we're talking like how old were you at this point do you think? When I started when you had Joey when I started 22. I don't think your daughters were born

no no no they were born while I was dead and Patty was a fucking knockout I remember the first time I saw your wife I'm like holy shit mr. Barone got it going on and shit holy fuck she was good looking And like So you knew It sounds like you knew Like you'd heard of Joey When he was coming to your class For seventh grade the second time

Like you Like did the other teach you warn you? Kingwell We got along But I was strict with him The first time he was in my class Did you have any What did Kingwell tell you about him

What did you, what have you heard about Joey Before you met him? Kingwell hated everybody Everybody So I could If he was normal I could say, yeah, I remember him saying so. He hated everybody,

had every nationality. And I don't know what, he was German. Yeah, he was German. He was a Nazi. He was German. He hated everybody. He hated the teachers. He hated.

One time, Maytash says to me, I want to play a little, what do you call him? Poker. On the board. Back in? In the June, we used to set the table up and we used to play. And I can't think of a...

I don't know what the fuck. Table tennis. Okay. So now, Kingwell, he said to me, Maitish, come on, I'll have you a game. So Kingwell hears him and he comes up to me, he says, I want to play him. I said, he asked me to play him.

He goes, no, I want to hit that boy. and cream them with it. So I said, yeah, go ahead. I wanted to see him do it. Do you know? God heard that. Maytash could have won a gold medal in the Olympics. He killed Kingwell, and what Kingor wanted to do with him,

he had a black guy. He, and everybody laughed at every game he lost. It was like a reward. So I said to, I said, uh, Maytash, I said, why did you learn how to do that? He says, well, that's the three years I was going to be a priest. He said, that's all we did, the priest. We had a table and we played tennis.

For like 10 years he did that, played every day. The poor guy had to die shoveling. Yeah, because I think I only had him. We had Gatoni. Gatone. And then made, no, I first started with the king, Mr. Mure, Jack. I miss him. Come on now.

When I went there, he- Come on now. Tommy Mure. Mr. Mior, he was just abandoning ship when I got to. God, damn it. And then we had Virgo left, and then Mr. Lindsay replaced him. Who is coming?

May I hear a wee-hawking, who. Yeah, he's coming on. on the show. Yeah. He's coming on the show in a couple, when he comes up from Florida because. I grew up with him in Holboken. He lived right across, right around the corner from me. He comes out to me one day and he says,

you work in the summer, do they give you a job? I don't know, he goes, I'll give you a job. Come to Wehawk in Municipal Port. I go there and he says, I go, what am I gonna do? Did you know Turk, do you know Turk Jordan? Oh, we'll get into Turk Jordan in the second. Okay. He said, here's your job, John.

See that guy over there with the wig? I go, yeah, he's crazy. He goes, yeah, I want you to work with him, do whatever he does. And if you, if I only lose 10 votes a day, you're doing a great job. He's crazy that guy. Who, Turk or Wally?

Turk. He's a crazy. I'm from Hoboken, you know how many? Nuts I know from Hoboken, he was worse than all of them. Okay. He was gonna coach us in the eighth grade for a while. He showed up, he had felonies, he couldn't do it. Something happened, you know.

Hey when that happens. So we kept busting his chops. He's like, I'm going out tonight. Because we're in the fucking eighth grade, seventh grade. This guy's like, I'm going out tonight. I'm getting my dick sucked and all this shit. So in the eighth grade, we finally go, Mr. Turk, when are you gonna get us?

Because we already had an adventure with him in the city. He took us to see the sixes against the Knicks on Christmas Day. He told us he had tickets. The day of the dog, the day of the fucking game we get them. He goes, I got no tickets. We're stubbing our way in. Give me $5 a piece. He took us into the Nick game.

We're like little fags. We had the basketballs and the Nick t-shirts and shit. You know, and this guy's got us all the way in the top. Some guy kept walking past with his family. He grabbed them. He goes, get up one more time. I'll fucking kill you. Then they threw us out of that.

Then he went to another area and the guy was getting up. And he told him, you could have got more exercise at the YMCA. Then they threw us out of that section. Now there's three minutes left. This guy bet the loser, because he's a fucking stiff, but I loved him. And some guy goes, he's on the floor. And some guy goes, can you move, please? Ask Whitey.

It was me, Whitey, Chuckie, and somebody else. And he tapped him. He turned around. He grabbed the guy's wrist and he started, ah, and the guy's like, ah! And we just left him. We just ran out of there, ran to the port of third. So he asks us what happened. We're like, Turk, listen, if we have a winning record,

can you get us laid? And he goes, absolutely, I'll get you late. Okay. Eighth grade summer, I go to five-star basketball camp. I don't graduate because there was a huge snow week. There was like 18 inches of snow every two weeks, so we were closed for a week. When I come back from Five Star, I get a call from one day.

It's like July 8th. He's gone. And he's like in the lunchtime. I just happen to be home. Hello? Go go. Perg Jordan here. You're going to be at the 38th Street courts

a little while? I go, yeah, all of us. We're going to play right night. He goes, I'm bringing you down some presents. Now I had forgotten about the lady. I had forgotten all about that that he was going to get us late. I thought he was bringing his basketball shirt.

Sure enough, we're on 38th Street running back and forth. He pulls up with a fucking Cadillac. And he's like, guys. Winking. A Winkin Continental. Something. An old one. A fucking huge car.

He goes, guys, I got something for you. I never forget the way he rubbed his hands. He goes, come here. And the back seat was a chick laying there with a shirt rip and a chit sticking out. And he's like, there you go. I brought you a girl. And we all looked at each other.

We're like, we got to go home and study for next year. Everybody. Here's fucking 13-year-old kids that want to get laid. We'd do anything to get our dicks up in your 13. When we saw the chick in the back, She looked like, I don't even know. Let's not even get into it, because we'll all get arrested on this.

He was my boss on Phil Lindsay. He's still around. No, he died. When? He just died. Because when I got here, they said he was on Kennedy Boulevard. He takes the change out of the newspaper things.

He owned all them. Yeah. And he had kids that are working for us. They used to have to go and get all the quarters. There you go. One day, I use his car and I notice, it's like, I'm looking this way. So I get out, I open up the trunk. He's got $9,000 worth quarters.

And the trunk would say. And the thing was like this, the car, I'm driving it. He was the unbelievable guy. And I'm telling you, I know a lot of nuts in Hobart. Doug, when he showed up with that, woman and she had those fake tits like from George Washington's Day like that type of shit they were hard only one tit was sticking out God knows what happened to the other one I do not want to know but during all this and this is why Louis I'm

still tight with Louis I'm still tight with Dave I'm still tight with Chuckie our friendship didn't come from just being in Northburg and our friendship came because all these kids had something going on in the house it's funny how it mixes too all of us all of us All of us, I still remember going home and the year, bro, bro, I still remember walking home in the seventh grade with Anthony Balsano. He couldn't go home.

The feds had the house fucking surrounded. They were whipping out machine guns and shit. That was our neighborhood. Michael Clemens won't talk to me no more because Carmine beat him up, handcuffed him and beat him up on giving that terrorist and he was yelling fucking... I wish he were the Fort Kingwell.

Police brutality and fucking, I mean, this neighborhood was You know, it just was going on. It was fucking going on. Every night we ripped that fucking pay phone off the fire department phone. We rip it and the cops were chases. Who does this anymore?

We used to run across tunnelie. I mean, the shit. I go to work one day, and he says, you can go home, you don't have to work today. I said, why am I going home? He goes, because tonight, we got to take two bus loads to the Yankee game. I said, oh, that's nice.

get there at night, all parents and kids, you're like beautiful, they all got their uniforms on and penance. Everything's going, everything's going, everything's going perfect, okay? We pull up Yankee Stadium, the guy with a clipboard's there, and he says, where you're from? He goes, we hawk and wreck. So the guy looks at his, he looks at the thing,

I don't have no wehawk and wreck on here. So I go, turn. Did you get the tickets from this? He goes, no, don't say nothing. Sure, he don't say nothing. The cop arrest him. I gotta bail him out. They figured he, this guy's crazy.

And another time I bailed him out in the track. He says to me, you got any money? He calls me up. You got any money? I said, yeah, why? He goes, I'm picking you up. He picks me up. There's a guy sitting in the backseat.

We're going to the track, the Meadowlands. So we drive into the Meadowlands, and all of a sudden, we get out. He says, bed it all on the seven. The guy leaves us. He says, bed at all on the seven. So I look at the horse, this is all fucking, they're going to make glue out of this horse, I'd say. He ain't going to win. He says, you know, who does?

the driver is, the guy that was in the back seat. I got to take a breather real quick and read an ad. We'll be right back. All right. The church is also brought to you by Mint Mobile. Listen, when it comes to phone service, Mint Mobile has to hit the jackpot. You're going to be saving tons of money

with premium wireless that only costs 15 a month. All plans come with high-speed data and a limited talk and text. It's all the list. in the nation's largest 5G network. I love Mitt Mobile. Keep you the same phone, keep your same number, and keep all your contacts, Jack. The only thing that's going to change

is the change in your pocket and you save a little money every month. To get the new customer offer and your three-month premium wireless plan for 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com slash Diaz, D-I-A-Z. Again, mintmobile.com slash Diaz.

Cut your wireless built to $15 a month with mintmobile.com slash Diaz, $45 up front payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on the first three-month plan only. Speed slower

above 4GB on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for all the details. We're back, bitches. You know, so I had you in the seventh grade

And then I went to Ethel Walsh's class But the eighth grade, we had Mr. Lindsay And he took us He took us to the fucking Philadelphia They took us to Philly to see the... You go to Washington? No, we didn't go to D. He took us to Washington, too?

No, he took us our year. They were a little scared with us. All right, so they took us to see the P-knuckle. What is that? The something? The guy with the fucking sticks. whatever. They took us to this beautiful thing in Philadelphia, which I'll be at Wednesday night.

And we started shooting paper clips at the guys on stage. And they fucking threw us out of there. We went to Betsy Ross's house. They were mad at us, but then they stopped at high rooms and Callahan's and got us all that shit. And we came back. And we were all just playing basketball at that time. And I'll never forget that I went to the courts like any other night. And at 6 o'clock. Marianne said, go, go, Anthony, come and eat. And I go, my mom's cooking.

I can't go over there tonight. When I went home and that night I didn't go out, like I just stayed in. And next morning we went to school and you took me in the hallway and said, you hear about Anthony, got into an accident, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So this is our eighth grade year. It was like, this fucking winded me. It winded me, you know. I still remember the parents being on Saturday Night Live, Carmine and Marion during Saturday

Live, they cut in. because they were begging for a doctor to help their kid and shit. I mean, it was fucking real guys, you know. And that was the beginning of our eighth grade. And until this day, there's a sadness down there still. Because we lost Dominic two years later and my mom a year later, which is all in the same. We all ran together these kids, you know.

But it was really weird. What was your last year at McKinley? I was in high school more than I was at McKinley. Yeah. So you figure I was there about 20 years. At the high school? No, at McKinley. Really? And then I went to the high school for the rest. Because I still.

And that one year in Horace Mann that they said, you three guys, Sperba used to buy lunch every day. And I used to say, where did you, what are you getting this money? We used to go to a place every day, me and him and Gallo, order a nice lunch. There was a bar right now, like my lady of Fatima. It's a doctor's office now over there. Okay.

But anyway, we went to that bar every day, I had lunch, steak, sandwiches, whatever. And give me that check. Sperba. So I said, how are you getting all this money? Where are you getting all this money? He goes, hey, I love you and she and me. I'm so happy to hear, because he was there a year ahead of us.

So sure enough, one day a girl comes in the room. We're collecting for Biafra. That was a country in Africa that you give money. They would raise money. and send it to them. So I'm saying, and who sent you down here? She said, Sperba, then it hit me. Because the girl came in every day.

We're like three months. And we were eating every day with the money that everybody was throwing in the thing. Who knew? Who do? I said, you're stupid? We're going to get fired. I said, they'd find out.

He goes, I, it's on me. You're not going to get fired. I says, well, he goes, I'll squeam on you. I'm not going to get, I'm not worried about it, but you just got to stop. You know, I was telling Nick Asklees that when we went to school, they just weren't teachers. You know, I always said that, that we get to school at nine and we're there until six, until three. and sometimes if you play sports, you're there until five. You're there with them longer,

where you really are with your parents in those days. You know, unless your mother stayed home, which a lot of moms did. But, you know, we goof around here, we tell a lot of stories. I still remember the night my mother died. That the ambulance came at like 3.30, and I just sat there.

And within fucking 30 minutes, I saw a cop car coming up the block. And it was Carmine. Because he didn't sleep at night. he would sleep on the couch, listen to the police scanner with the gun ready to shoot somebody, right? So,

he came and me, him, and Pete went to breakfast in that diner on Tunley Avenue, Collins diner, and then I go, what am I going to do? And Pete goes, I'm going to school. I go, take me up to high school. And like an hour later, I get a fucking thing.

Jose, come to the class, and is Mr. Barone. He goes, your mother died. What do you do? in school, let me drive your home. And I'll never forget that. This is the shit that we goof around and we tell these fucking stories and stuff.

Now, when did you become the JV coach? My first, my, let's see, my second. 78 or 90? No, it had to be before 79. No? No? No, because I ran the grammar school league for two years, and I started teaching

at 75. I started, my first year was 75. So you figured, I would say the law 80s. Okay. I started with J.V. Now, do you remember

the ref with the glass eye? Yeah. What was his name? It's in the tip of my tongue. I was just thinking about it in the bathroom. He had a pigeon eye. He was a substitute teacher. He was a substitute teacher, but he was also the one ref that coached, you know, coached the rector Franklin.

And you know why they stopped him from coming to school? Because he was taking care of my class, you aren't in it. And he said to the kids, I'm going to the bedroom. And I'm going to keep my eye on you. He took it out and put it on the desk. When the kids told me and I told them, I said, I went to the bathroom. He took his eye out.

I don't want him in... Doug, this is old school teaching, okay? They got to you. When the teacher takes his eye out and puts in the cloud, gives you to my lukeye look. I'll be watching you. I'll be watching you. I gotta be honest, compared to breaking one of their arms

and, like, this is pretty minor. Like, the eye thing I kind of think is funny. The eye thing I like. So... But can we go back to him coming and getting you when your mom? Like, that was... Yeah.

He came to get me and he drove me home. He told me to keep it together and he just talked. Did you go to Bear Mountains with a group with me? No, no, no, no. I left. We went to Great Adventure. Bill Osloads, 130 kids. We let us go out.

They said, let them go out. The lady teaches, leave the kids along. I said, you better play games with them. No, let them go. It was Bear Mountains. I don't know where it is, but there's a forest all around it. Okay, so it's time to go. It's time to go home.

I say certain people have clipboards. How many, anybody missing? So I see them talking, now they turn around and they go, 62 kids are missing. I said, sick, how could you just not notice that with the group? We only had 170. and 60's missing and you're just finding out now. I was in charge of that truck.

I almost killed the one lady. You don't tell me 60. Because I knew all the while, but I figured they'd come back. They're not going to come back. We got home 8.30 at night. We were supposed to be home. The mothers were waiting 3.30 on school. We got home 830.

But they finally all come back. Girls had their pants ripped. I said, we're going to get in trouble for this one. Bear Mountains. Was that the last time you went to Bear Mountain? I didn't want to go. I didn't want to go. You know.

Mr. Brone, the ref's name. Because this is killing me. You gotta love this one. The ref, no. The ref had a glass eye. So we're walking home in the 8th grade. And I'm walking home with Anthony Balzano, and he's pissed about something.

And we're all walking home, Anthony Dominic, were yelling. And he goes, that fucking ref, he keeps calling Fowler. And Anthony goes, that motherfucker, he's my cousin. We're like, what? What do you mean? He's your fucking cousin.

He goes, I'm going to go home and tell my father now. So, We walk in his house all fucking rushed up. And he's like, Dad, and Mr. Balzano was eating with the thing, with the thing on. And he goes, Dad, that cousin, he had it, because he was their cousin. He was their cousin through marriage or something. Decapatorra.

Capitora. There you go. Cap, Cap, cap. So he goes, Dad, Cap keeps calling files on me and Coco. You better talk to me. He goes, Cousin Cap? He goes, yeah, he fucking gets up. He wipes his thing, fucking dials the number.

Cap, let me talk to you about something. You rat the game with my son, Anthony and Cocoa, you call a foul on them again. I'll fucking go down there and kill you. And he hung up the phone. We're playing Dendero and Compostro. We're karate shopping them. They're like, foul, foul.

And then we would, because he had a glass eye. So if you're on the right and your eye is fucking glass, how do you call the file? So we used to challenge him all the time. Challenge, no. You did not see that. You have a fucking left eye that's glass.

How did you see this thing here? And that was it. I don't know what happened for that poor bastard. Remember Haltner? Who? Eddie Haltner? Coach, ref. No, a student.

He was probably after you. Yeah. His father knew, I said, we were having a cookie drive. So his father comes into my room. I'm in charge of me. And he says, you're having a cookie drive? I can get you burry's cookies.

I said, how many could you get us? A truck load. I said, get it. Get it. So sure enough, truckload one day is backing into our pocket lot. You know, that's a back. McKinley, yeah, yeah. Can't come in straight.

The guy, I go, he was, I tell the principal, we're getting a truckload of fucking cookies. Everybody's happy. All the teachers, the ladies, the office. I go outside, the truck driver gets out of the thing, opens the truck, and gives me like three bags. I said, what are you doing that for? He says, well, that's all you're getting. It says, Ed Holner gets the rest of these. It has an address. That fuck just used the school for them to give us the cookies, but he wanted to keep them all.

They said, I must be your friend. I said, I don't know this guy. It goes to school here. That's why I believed them. Three boxes we got. The whole truck was full. We built, they built the gym. You know that gym was built when the eighth grade.

Yeah. We got to play the last. I complained so much. About that gym. And out of everything. Why? Why did I? complained. Where was our gym

when it was snowed? We shoveled snow and I got a D. No, but we were in the hallway. We were in the hallways, yeah. Every day these kids bowled with bowling. I said, you can't have gym every day and do the same thing. Yeah, and Mr. Fontana,

we had Mr. Fontana when I was there. It's the race, and I'm trying to teach. It's the whole way to your class. So I went to Fishback and I gave it to him. I said, listen, I want to be transferred. He says, why? I said, they take gym all day. Remember, you get eight periods a day.

That's right. So I had to listen. I want to go, the kid wanted to go to a bathroom. He gets trampled by a race. They're having like races. Sure enough, he said, Sure enough, he says, you know, you got some background. You got to help us.

Maybe you can talk somebody into building us a gym. I don't know anybody, but you use my name. I'll do whatever they want. I had to give a few clinics. That was crazy. Everybody had to do. We had no fucking gym. So for you kids at home, you're fucking grateful.

We had no fucking gym. They had a shovel, snubbed. How do you have a school at an old gym? I don't even know where we practiced basketball in those days. I forget. And then we had lunch. Where the kids are running back and forth. There's a...

There's like a... A little table on the side, a little edge. But there's kids eating. There's bowling and track games going on. And we're trying to teach in the classrooms. And Richie Vanichek would take nails in his... would take nails and hit him in the thing upside down. So when you put your hand on the wood, the nap, dog.

That's cool. I was there one time with Richie Vanichick, and his father were talking to Kingwell. And Mr. Vanichick had his hands like this, and Richie was standing right here, he had his little fucking glasses on. And he's looking at Kingwell. Yeah, yeah.

And also he just goes, bam! And fucking broke his glasses, Richie dropped. I mean, this was McKinley School. It was, but you got to remember, that was everywhere at that time. Parents would knock you the fuck out.

You know, anywhere, parents would not. And nobody would say, jack, shit. Parents would just clock you. And they never complain to kids. You know what I mean? What about the cap? At the end of this thing that I just set up is a little room on the corner.

Remember the way he's eight, where they made the food? Yes. As soon as you walk in the door. Like Eddie Munster's house. There's a little room. Yeah. And the walls were like this.

Like this. And you walked down. in there, yeah. This was real. Two ladies making lunch every day. Fucking ham. One of those prison county lunches? The ham with the pasteurized cheese with an apple, an orange drink

of milk, and Mrs. Sabatino gave you a cookie to bail you out in case you didn't want the liver sandwich. Who eats liver worse in those fucking days? We used to go to the fucking York Hotel. That's where we went to lunch to fucking get the, and to look at the

hookers, and we put cord in the machine and go back with potato chips. But what nobody, this is all goes together. We got the gym, right? And as they were building the gym, I went to school and then there's cops everywhere. There's cops on the three. Because we used to cross,

we used to play basketball behind center for it. Yeah. North Bergen had those little courts there, 26th Street. Yeah, 26th Street courts. They still play there. When you go over the bridge there? Yeah. You'll be, you'll be,

I went there one time. Somebody said, O'Coran's playing in the court. O'Coran at that time played for the North Carolina. Yeah. Played for the Nets, I think. Yeah. He's playing in that court.

Yeah, they all played there. Yeah. And it was like, you know, 10 guys like him playing. It was about as long as this. Was it even? Yeah. Was it about as long as this room?

How did you get? a D and snow shoveling. I didn't do the corners, you know what I'm saying? I just pushed this shit like that. But we finally got the gym and as we were building the gym, they found the body across the street at the York. Iceman. Ice man.

Under the bed, he was alive, whatever the fuck. So we were having a problem getting a coach. I'm not going to go into this. We couldn't get a coach that they could sign on. We had Pete Wolf who could slam the ball, but that's it. We had a button. And then some guy signed that. up and he didn't like Spanish people, right?

So I start dating his sister because if you're going to be a racist, you might as well not have a sister because you never have to be a racist. So this goes on for a few months. She's older than me. She's a Chile that's Sacred Heart Academy on 16th Street across from St. Michael, so I would have C.Y.O and I'd walk home. And I'd walk home and he caught his holding hands. and the next day,

all hell broke loose. So he, like, called me a spick. What are he doing? My sister? You're dead and all this shit. So I went home, and I called Anthony Balsana. Anthony's like, fuck this motherfucker. We'll kill him tomorrow at lunch or whatever.

I mean, yeah, this is when we were nuts. Dominic, Michael, a bunch of us were like, we were going to hide in the gym and get him. The first day we're hitting the gym, he never showed up. Second day, we were hitting the gym. He never showed up. The third day, we said, let's go get him in this fucking house. We went there, the house was already put up for sale.

All right, that's how much they hated Spicks. So that was the plan. We were going to fucking drag them out to Route 3 and let them die out there because they blame it on whoever killed. We didn't know it was the Ice Man. Whoever killed that person on Route 3. That was our fucking plan at that age.

Like, we were going to hit them with hammers and shit and fucking. It's, uh... I got, I made a deal with Holbeig. They had no... coached after you. They had no coach here. So I made a deal with a Holbeig. Remember Holbeck?

Yeah, the woman. Jim teacher? Huh? The girl. Patty. So I said, will you do me your favor? You like sports? I think you'd be perfect.

You know the Grammar School League that I run? He says, yeah. I said, McKinley don't have a coach. I said, could you coach this? I'll coach if you practice with. them. So I said, I got my team. How am I going to practice with the, but we filled, I had practice start a little later, and I gave them an hour and a half every day, Monday to Friday. They won the league with this girl coaching them. They won the grammar school. That's the only year they

haven't won anything. I think with Jose Castro, they won two ones. Alex Alivar, they all play. They all played for us at the high school. That was a good group. And then we had, and then they had a fucking coach of Kennedy named Ruggar. Larry Ruggar. And in the seventh grade, bro,

his team was the state team. He made them wear suits to the game. He had, in Kennedy school. He had picket before Whitey. He had Calendrillo. He had Picanich down there. He had Cruz down there. And I'll never forget, they played Harvest Man

and they beat him by like 80 to 2. And Rougar was mad. So he made him go back to the gym and run with their hands up for a fucking whole practice. Rougar used to wear a suit. Rougar was fucking a savage. Then he coached us somewhere. But I want to know one thing, Mr. Perron. How the fuck were you on the bus with us in 1980 if you weren't coaching at the high school?

Because I coached the high school all the years I was at McKinley. what were you coaching? JV, for say... That's what it was, okay. My first five years, JV, then when Sabello died... Right, you were waiting on Subbo. Shave got the job. I was his assistant.

Assistant. So I think that was the longest stretch. I coached. Then when Shave packed it in, I think I was 10 years, head coach. You know, the school's seven, years old and we only had four coaches you go to any other school any other sport they got 15 coaches it's something that you know when I played when I coached

my JV coach Ralph in the wheelchair stop boys wait the JV coach was sitting in a wheelchair it's power wise yeah he was a good dude Ralph Bousa, Ralph Marino, got rest of him. He played baseball for me. I also coached the Bill Better Boys. Remember that? Bill Better Boys. After high school?

Holy shit. Okay, I coached North Bergen for a couple of years. Ralph was on the team. He was a catcher. Okay? So sure enough, base hit, man on second,

the kid was the mayor of Union City's nephew. I never forget. He roused third, and I said, there's going to be a collision. Marino, instead of just sweeping and tagging him, he put his head down and he got in the guy's way like this, and the guy ran him right over.

He hits the ground. I run out to him. I said, he goes, Mr. Brunham, paralyzed. I said, no, you're not. You got a concussion. He was paralyzed. He was paralyzed. knew it. What year was done? So now, I go to see him in the hospital. When he's in the hospital

recuperating a year later, and he says, you want to do me a real good favor? I said, yeah, what? He says, he was on a table about that high, a bed or a table about, and they had a mattress on it. They were doing something to him to get exercise for his blood. So sure enough, he says, if you push this to that window and then push me, you could push me out the window. He said, is this what you want? He says, I can't take it. Lost his fiance.

He was all set to get married when he was playing baseball. That's after high school, that league. That's right. Hold on one second. I got to go to bathroom. Oh, it's the most. Wonderful time of the year. Holidays on the house at Draft King Casino.

With this season's offerings, you'll unwrap everything on your list. Exclusive games, huge jackpots, and exciting rewards. Like I got one this morning. 20% back on all your slots. Who's better than Draft King? Nobody! Make the season way more fun with Draft King Casino. Draft Kings is offering a warm welcome to new players.

I'm going to give you 100%. $100 instantly, just like that, in casino credits with $10 wager. Again, we're going to offer you a warm welcome for new players, $100 instantly in casino credits with a $10 wager. Plus, everyone could get in on the action with a holiday reward every week. So sign up with code Joey Slots. Again, Joey Slots, J-O-E-Y-S-L-O-T-S, because the holiday cheer is here, Jack, only. at Draft King's casino.

Gambling problem, call 1-800 gambler. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-78-9-777-7. Or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. 21 and over. Physically present in Connecticut, Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only. Void in Ontario.

Eligibility restrictions apply. New customers only. Opt-in required. Casino credits are non-withdrawable and expire in 168 hours. Terms at casino.draftkings.com slash promos. Ralph Marino is a good. story. I coached him in baseball. He gets paralyzed. He wants to kill himself. And he wanted to use me. Nobody was able to do anything. And he figured being I was with him all these years, I would do it.

Slide me out that window over there. You pushed the thing. He told me how to do it. So how am I going to do that? I can't carry lift you. You don't have to. Look at the bottom of that window. It fits perfect on the table here you're on. So he says, you open the window, you put it up against the window, and you push me out, pull me out, throw me out. So I said, Ralph, now, because of that day, I walked out. I just said, I can't do it. Get somebody else to do it.

I leave. I always had that guilt feeling because I used to see him watching a game. He didn't want to do anything. He was a great baseball player. And I think he could have been a professional golfer. That's how good he was. I went golfing one of them once. He was unbelievable.

You got a better golfer than you are, an athlete. So sure enough, I said to him, I got the thing for you. What? I said, you could be my assistant, basketball. That saved him. I was just going to tell you that. He loved.

You ask Frankie, nobody loves basketball like Ralph did. Nobody. He'll watch 10 games in a row. He'll drive to California to see a game. Huh? That's crazy. He was the best. Well, I was a freshman.

But he's got too many. I said, somebody asked me on a show, hey, how is Ralph Marino as an assistant coach? I said, if I had, let's put it this way. If I didn't have Ralph Marino as a coach, I would have won 20 more games. Because he cost me with technicals, because he was in a wheelchair. He used to go, what the fuck are you looking at to the rev? Or he would say, scumbag.

I curse these guys. I'm in a wheel. I should say, why are you doing? He says, I figure I'm in a chair. He could have gave me a. That calls. You suck. You know, he used to, I think, because he was in the wheelchair,

he could say anything he wants to him. Before the game, the ref would come up to me and say, you know, are you going to control this guy tonight? The game didn't even start. I said, come on, give him a break. You know how I got him not to get the technicals? Randy thought of it, but I did it. Oh, Randy did it.

first. Soon as he got a technical, we got somebody to wheel him into the fucking corner of the gym. So he's looking in the corner of the gym. Somebody come and get me. Coach, I'm sorry.

I hear that out of my sleep sometimes. Coach Barone, come on. I won't say a word. You could tape me. Ralph was great. I remember being a freshman and Colangelo played varsity, maybe.

Colangelo? Dennis. His best year was the JV year. With you, yeah, he played. But he never got better. He never did it for the varsity. He was my best player. But then when he was a junior,

he went to varsity. Right. And they caught him. Well, Sabella probably. He thought he was a troublemaker or something. Yeah, because I well didn't like downtown. No, he didn't like downtowns. He wanted the guys from Horace Mann.

Yeah, he didn't like me at all. That's why he didn't win. Yeah, probably. Those guys do their homework. I still remember Marino sitting in the wheelchair yelling at Dennis. Dennis, defense, defense, Dennis. And Dennis would look at him and go, yeah. And then like three defense Dennis, he'd go, time out.

And he go, Marino, say it one more time and put you in the closet and shut the fucking door. I would say, Dennis, you can't do that. He won't fucking leave me to fuck alone. My brother loves him. Who, Dennis? Dennis? Yeah, we all love Dennis. Dennis.

It's still the funniest man. My brother just asked me recently, is Dennis Colangelo's the story? He's alive, but he lost his wife. And he's having a hard time, and he's a fucking sweetheart. I hooked up on him a couple times when I got here. I don't remember the next time you see him, Joe Burr. around my brother. Okay, yeah, yeah.

Said a long. But we were on, my freshman year, I played for Riedin, and he didn't play me. So for some reason, we were in East Orange and we went this Christmas thing. And it is a fucking riot from the time we get there. Because at that time, we used to call Juan Rodriguez's little brother. It was Juan and Carlos. So at freshman practice, we called Carlos Eddie Munster. and he would pull you aside like a man and go, dog,

I'm not in on Eddie Monster shit, so don't even try it. And every time practice got Harry, somebody would say Eddie Munson, he would stop the game and go, dog, I tell you about that, Eddie Munster shit. So now we're in East Orange for the Christmas tournament. And we're losing it. It's like three minutes from the halftime. I'll never forget this.

And he was taking the ball out. He was going to chuck it into Chuckie or somebody. He gets the ball, and the two little black kids go, Look at my man. He looked like Dracula, right? And that's all they said. I was sitting on the bench, and I could hear the crack, like his whole demeanor, like,

and you can see on his face, like, I do look like Eddie Munster. It just hit him. We were dying on the bench. We ended up getting killed. But at the time, my mom was always up at the bar. So my mom would leave me a $20 bill or a steak. I had an option. So I would say, fuck the steak, because it was too cuban-y, garlicky, the asshole that I am now,

and I would get steak-ums and get all right of fries, throw them in the oven, and then throw two steakums on white bread with the American cheese. And I kept eating them, eating them. That's what I ate every night, two, three weeks. Dog, there was a week I couldn't shit. I went for like six days without shitting. I didn't know what it was. Now we're in this Christmas tournament, and we're out and fucking East Orange, and they,

They're shaking the bus, the whole fucking thing. We get out there and finally we take off. And I'm like, man, my stomach hurts. And I'm in the middle of the bus. And also I go, I'm looking around to see who's around me or I can blame it on. I didn't know what type of fart it was going to be. So I let the first fart out.

And I'm like, oh, my God. And all of some, people start going, what the fuck is that? Jesus Christ? What is that? Open the windows. And you couldn't open the windows. There were the high ones.

You got to slip down. They were all fucked up. And again, another fart. came out of me. Right? And now everybody's fucking going, Jesus, what is that? The Chilean started crying and shit. They were crying. That's how bad that thought was. I gave it about a 30-minute window. Everybody was like, ooh, thank God, who was that? It was Sabatina. We were just blaming it on people. We are you, blaming on everybody except me. I was like, I think came up from over there. It wasn't me. Finally, I threw a tremendous fart. This one's

worse than the other two. Mr. Barone's holding his face from and going, he's changing flavors. That was fucking class. They held their faces, so they got in front of the fucking high school. But you got turned off because now, what year was reading thing? When you were sophomore? I was a freshman, so I played everything I did, I fucking,

But I was the JV coach thing? Yes. No, I don't remember. You know I were the picture. No, but it was eighth grade. I was buck wild. I could jump and shit. Riedon just didn't dig me.

So I used to torture him from time to time. I had people threaten them and shit. He held his ground. We never really spoke. And then I went and ran spring track with compasta. And he broke me. Reardon did like, I was like, I don't want to play basketball anymore.

Just one day I just got up And I go, I'm not doing this normal And then I would play by the high school After school for money With those animals, Vuvio, Plagario And all those guys We play for like a sandwich and hashways Where did you play in the back gym?

Practice? Where did you practice? We practiced that Horace Mann. We had to leave the high school. I didn't see you when this was going on. No, and then we used to... You came out, let's say you were practicing in the back gym

when you came back at this guy I said, don't worry, next year you got it made. Yeah, because we only played in the back against some team because they canceled it. And that's when you came and all the other teachers were there and a bunch of people. And they were like, why isn't he fucking playing?

Like, it was obvious I could play. And people were like, but that's the way it went, you know? I still, to this day, fucking kind of regret it. You know, you mentioned that kid before. I mean, listen, man, when you go to a school or something, I wish, this is why I get pissed at people. people now, especially teachers because you're supposed to open kids' eyes. You know, like I want to still beat up Mr. Longano because he never told me about New York City.

I could have gone over and got an acting class. You know what I'm saying? Like shit like that. But what are we talking about? How about you, Quinn? And I just, I just didn't want to play no more. And then I got a lung infection. I was going to play for Vinny.

Vinny goes, come play football with the sophomores. And I went, and the first day I got there, I spit, and it was just blood. And one of the coaches came on when he goes, what the fuck is this? And I go, I don't know, I got hitting the mouth. But then he kept seeing puddles of blood everywhere. I had a lung infection from smoking paraquot. And I had to be in the hospital for 13 days. When I got out, I couldn't play football.

It was too late to play basketball, and then my mother died. And I wasn't doing shit after that. You know, I wasn't going to do shit after that. And I stayed in school maybe for the end of junior year. Then I said, I got a job at Mazbach Century Hardware on 89th. If you go down, 83rd Street Hill, Northburg, and 85th, and what's the street all the way down? Where all the West Side Avenue, that last warehouse, that was Mazbach Century. And then I didn't see you.

But the problem was I was just embarrassed. I was just embarrassed to see you guys. I was not the type that was going to go up to the high school and hang out, you know, and then I really got into a pinch, and I was really embarrassed around you guys because you guys had seen me, you know, when I was a young kid and how I acted, and now I was a different fucking animal, you know, so. But when I did the documentary, I went to your house. I go, this guy's great, you know, and, uh, though, you made my childhood.

You and that other fucking knucklehead. Because nobody, you know, I still remember, I didn't know nothing. He sent us home. Make sure you watch the NCAAs on fucking Saturday or something. The semifinals were on a Saturday and you sent us home. And he goes, that's your homework for the weekend. And the finals were Monday. And that was the year Marquette played North Carolina in the finals.

It was that dude's last game. And I'll never forget that that Saturday, I just come back from the court. I'm a Spanish kid. And I put the fucking TV on. And North Carolina is playing U.S. and all of a sudden somebody got hurt. And the fucking TV said, coming in now is the freshman

from Jersey City, New Jersey. My fucking head almost blew the fuck up. I'm gonna get him on here. He lives down the shore. I'm getting no corn on here. My head blew up. Well, I saw Jersey City as a freshman. And then, to top it off,

the motherfucker scored 31 points as a fucking freshman. And then they played Monday night in the championship, and they lost... Who are we talking about that? Michael Corrin. O'Corran.

O'Coran. You're the guy that said, go home and watch this college game this weekend. He was on that court, though. I was the only guy I remember that was playing in that game. Where, in North Carolina?

No, in North Bergen. No. They used to come down with Spanarkle, Sergio Badaji. He used to bring somebody else down, not Jackie Galoon, but there was another kid that played from Wee Hawkins.

It was probably in a motel that drew to them. Well, the motel, but those guys played, remember when you go over the Lincoln Tunnel, when you're going into the Lincoln Tunnel, before you make that turn, they used to be a court. Yeah, I played there. And that was a special league.

It's still there. It's still there because I see a football field, but that's where they played during the week. I can't stand when you played here, though. All the cars coming in the tunnel. Yeah. That pollution, yeah, you're going to die. That's why they stop playing.

That's why we're tougher than fucking death, you know what I'm saying? Because we face debt. I still remember. That shit is playing. And we played for four or five hours straight. Hoboken was the best. Oh, think about that scene a year when Hoboken had those two black dudes, Juicy and Bob Du Bois and they led the county in slams.

They led the county and slam dunks. It was fine. Northburg and beat them this year. Northburg and beat them. Yeah. And then by two points that game. Yeah, in Hoboken. And you know?

In fucking Armando Oribus. But you know, do you remember how we won the game at the end? The guy was taking it out for Hoboken. Missing itch. He was taking it out. Oh, the guy was on Hoboken. They're down one. They score, they win.

The Colts says, Oh, he calls him. He went like this, and he just threw it. It went to the Norbergen guy, and he makes a layup. They're up three. Games over. There's no three-point shots with like 20 seconds left. That's how they blew it.

And I was so happy because I hated the Holbocker coach. I wanted a coach there. You always want to coach where you played. First. Once they gave it. The guy was, Connors, his name was, he was on the board of ed, a member of the board of ed, and his son got the job. Never played basketball.

I was sick. And I came, then, then he was my homeroom teacher. He said, don't worry about it. I take it in Northburg. You know, Artie's moving there next week. I'll straighten everything out for you, and he did. I owe everything to that man. I was working in my father's grocery store.

I wasn't even going to go back to college. He walked in, said to my father, how's he doing? I'm behind the fucking thing. And my father said, Johnny, the coach is here. He gets me outside. What are you fucking doing here?

I says, well, I'm going to go back, but not now. You fucking make sure it was like August that you're in school next month. Or I never would have probably went back. My father was a bookie. I would have been a bookie. I'd rather do that. Wait, he owned a grocery store and was a bookie? Everybody was a bookie back then, Lee.

That's only a front. Yeah, that's only a front. They saw apples. Any questions you have? A lady would come in like, you know, you would come in. You have any comfort? Watch, get lost. We just got oranges and apples.

Take a fucking walk. Then he used to complain when I'm getting enough business. Did he ever do anything that made you want to, like, not, like, not that you wouldn't like him, but did he ever go too far? Couldn't. He couldn't. Couldn't do it. That's great. He gave me everything.

How could you, well, you grow up and your father is good to. here. I don't think he ever hit me. No, I'm talking about Joey. I'm talking about my father. Well, I'm glad you're dead didn't hit you. This name is Joe. Did this Joey ever do anything

in class? You're like, fuck. Might be too much. He made me laugh so much. I couldn't get mad at him. We laughed, man. And like, why do you think you can't like teachers can't act like this anymore.

Like, have this kind of relationship with their students. I wasn't surprised when he hit it. When he did it, I didn't know what he was doing. And then I saw him in the prison movie, the football movie. And I said, this guy made it. Do you remember the last time you saw him before then? I used to see him like games. Sometimes you used to come to a game.

I remember, like, calling you like, I left in 85. So I still remember going to a game with Greg Askleyson Shave. We're playing Memorial in North Bergen Beat Memorial. And I had his uncle Greg. It was a little boy on my shoulder. And I kept giving him money to say, bingo and say cullo and all these bad words in Spanish. And all the Cubans memorial were walking out.

And then everybody started coming over and give Greg money. to say bingo, and fucking Shave was like, you motherfucker. He was like this as a kid. Right, and it's a lot to handle now. I can't imagine at 8 in the morning. As a kid. Holy shit. You know, man, these teachers gave you a reason to live.

12, 11, they gave you a reason to do your homework. They gave you a reason that you wanted to do fucking good. You know, and that was, I always had one of those teachers every year that you had to go into school just to see them. So you could feel better by yourself. I look at my daughter's teachers. There's no fucking personality. They're young, they're fucking, they're white, but I mean white.

Like, they're white, like, you know, white. Like, you know, they're on the level. Like, that pen doesn't have enough ink, you know, shit like that. Yeah. You know, like it's, and I could see why kids are the way they are now. When I told my daughter I was coming up here to see me. I wish I was a superintendent of schools and I could straighten out what I know. I mean, I taught for 49 years.

I know what they're doing. I know half of it sucks. But what could I do as a teacher? Okay? When do you think the shift started? Like around what year did people start? Like, did you have to start being a little bit more PC or, you know, you couldn't do the stuff? you were doing when you were teaching Joey?

Like, when did that start changing? In the high school? Or just what, like the 90s? No, it was, yeah, yeah, because it's 30 more, yes, that's about right. And what do you think made it change? Was it like cameras going around or? The attitude. It's just something.

You know what it is? I'll tell you what it is. It's that kids don't sit at the table with their family at night. and have dinner. Think about it. How many people, like, you know, I watch Blue Bloods? Every Sunday they sit around.

I used to ask kids, you ever with your whole family? No, because the mother works this time. The father works this time. You can never get, the sister has a job. You can never get them together. That changed everything. That family.

thing. That's why the kids went old, they're a little crazy now. There's nothing that's why they don't fear their parents. They're never with them. They're out playing. They come back.

Me? If I did something wrong, my father was right there, right? Waiting for me. Today, I couldn't, sometimes I couldn't get a pair at the car. Or you

get a parent and they come and they did, her daughter did something bad and in school. I forget what it was, but I saw it and she did it. And she sent in front of her mother, I had the superintendent there and the principal, because she wanted to sue us. So I said, that's what happened because she said, how do you know? Because I saw it. But then she said, but you're lying. So I said, why are you saying I'm lying?

He says, I was watching your body how you acted. Like, you know, like body language? She said, your body language was wrong when you were talking. You got people like that or people that don't care. You got people to make things up. What about when they don't realize? King won't make me bring my mom in. but I hired the guy from my mother's bar to come in as my brother.

I paid him like the small 20 to come in and be my cousin from Cuba. And King was like, next time I have to talk to your mom. I played it all. Then the next time he goes, this time I have your mom come in. And I want to talk to her. I'm standing out there with an awesome. He goes, I told you his other son. And my mother's like, what?

I don't have another son. And kids today are street small. They might be even better than we were. No. No fucking way. They're street smart on a fucking computer or how to send you a text. Let's put it this way. They know how to send a bomb to the school through VPN and shit like that.

But they don't have what we had. There's no way I see it every day. I see the kids that my daughter plays with. I see it in these kids. We're going to have a hard time. Look at the 20-year-olds. A lot of 20-year-olds don't know what the fuck. fuckers going on right now.

They just walk around. They don't know. And they go to college for four years and somebody pays them, a bunch of money, and that's even worse. That's even worse. They don't know. They don't know anymore. Listen, there's not one of these motherfuckers that on a Friday night

would pay $200 for $400 for $400,000 and so on for $4 and make the quick $200. That would never happen again. That might be a good thing. They won't hustle with football sheets. There's no more delivering papers. See, that was the backbone of America.

That was the backbone of America. Now, go get a job. If you're 14, you've got to sign paperwork and the school. Listen, when we were kids, you walked into Tom McCann. You need somebody in the afternoon. Yeah, come back tomorrow, 2.30. When they went, you follow me? All these things went away.

We lost a paper out. We lost a paper out. Nobody knocks on your door for the American Heart Association and says, I'm going to walk around Hudson County Park, give me a nickel for every fucking loop. Do you think I walked that thing every year? I kept half the money and gave the other half to the Heart Association. You know, they don't have that.

How many people robbed St. Michael, C.Y.O for all the boosters, and I would sell them to a dollar and take them back. Come on. And I'm not saying you've got to be a bad kid. I'm not saying that, but they don't have that mentality. You can't learn that. You can't learn that in the classroom. I feel bad for the kids today.

Me too. And I have an 11-year-old daughter, and I see this. I don't see it as much as her. She does her homework. She does all that shit. But I see a lot of boys. Boys are not boys anymore. I remember in California.

I signed my daughter for a ballet class. The class had six fucking kids. Four of them were boys. And the moms brought them in there with the silver shoes and the whole fucking Guys, but that's out there. But here, you know, again, when was the last time you went out, and you got stuck in the snow and three kids were out there

trying to hustle you for $10? That doesn't exist. We can't even get white kids to mow the fucking lawn. If I was Trump, that's the first fucking rule I'm making. I want to see white kids mowing lawns again. White kids don't mow fucking lawns. You know, this is not good, guys. We do not, they don't have the mentality we were having at those young developmental years.

You see a child. When I was a kid, my mom goes, you're not doing nothing today? You got to go to the bar and stock the ice and stock the beer. 20 bucks. Instead of just hitting me up for a 10, I'll give you 20. They don't do that no more. It's unheard. They have no social skills.

Have you gone to a restaurant lately? Have you gone to a CVS? Have you gone somewhere and seen the process that they put you through? They just don't have it no more, Mr. Barone. And then, you know, you can't fire nobody no more. No. God forbid. I'm Cuban.

No. Let's call the Cuban American Association and sue them. You know, I'm Portuguese. Whatever the fuck you are, I'm not pointing on anybody. But these are all the things you have with these kids. It's not good. It's not good. No.

Instagram hasn't helped us. Social media hasn't helped us. Dog, I had to threaten my daughter to go out. And she goes out. now. I said at least 15 minutes go dribble the fucking ball. Go dribble the fucking ball 15 minutes. And what kills me is that the kids I'm dealing with, their parents all grew up like we did.

Why don't you encourage these fucking kids to go out? They got them in the house all day. Mr. Softie stopped coming in my neighborhood. No kids come out. Only me. My fat ass, my wife and my daughter out there, Mr. Softie. It's not good, Coach. It's over.

Kids don't have that American ingenuity we had. They don't mind. Kids are different, too. I have three grandson. You think one of them would have what I had. The girl, my granddaughter has it. You know, she's on North Bergen. She played freshman as, she played ball city as a freshman.

Now, this is a, she's a softball, and she starts. Basketball? She's got the thing I wanted the guys to have. They're playing with their computers. I teased them all the time. So how could you have your sister a better athlete than you? I go to the gym. It doesn't work.

And I see kids boxing. Like, what happened? That's the first thing. Your mother taught you. Your father taught you how to put your hands up and these kids are like, they got no legs. Who's the kid from our area, his daughter wrestled? Who?

Amanda Pace. Pace. Donno Pace's door. Did you know him? He went down by you. She got a scholarship. This girl, I went to see her wrestling. I don't watch any wrestling.

Not even pro wrestling? But she was from North Bergen. This was for like the state jamb Yeah Whatever And she fucking kicked the shit out of this other girl And Donald I mean I had Donald at school at McKinley

It was like a klutz I hope he's not watching I'll watch him Would you if you had like we're 22 again Would you be a teacher knowing what you know Like right now? Like right now you were Definitely Why even with everything going on?

I think for me, I don't want to do anything else. I get, even just being in in-school, I used to be proud when I left and I saved two kids by talking to them or yelling at them and embarrassing them so maybe they catch it that way. You can't treat every kid the same, you know that.

But it's a great feeling to know. And how do you find out? You bunked it? I bumped into these kids every day. They are in every store, shop right, there. And they make you feel good. Kids say, oh, wolf tags here. Mr. Braun, I want to thank you for taking the time.

Thank you for being a great fucking teacher and a parent and everything that you've done for a ton of kids, especially me. You changed my fucking life with humor, and that's it. You guys got to meet. He's changing flavors finally, huh, cockcasses? Tomorrow night. Tonight I'm at Freehold sold out. Tomorrow night, me, Lee, Rich Voss,

are at Parkes Casino. Next Tuesday, we're at the open mic again, and Wednesday we're in Jersey City at White Eagle Hall. It's sold out. So I don't know what the fuck to tell you. I had some more dates later. Lee, you got anything for these cock-suckers? I'm with you in Parks.

All right. I love you guys. Happy Thanksgiving to your families. And thank you for supporting the Church New Testament. Stay black, talk suckers. The Church New Testament is brought to you by Blue Chew. Listen, if you've been wondering if Blue Chew is all it's cracked up to be, the answer is yes.

Blue Chew is an online service that delivers ED meds right to your door with the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, LaVitra, but at a fraction of the cost, and you cannot go wrong. I love Blue Choo. You know, I'm old, but every once in a while, you get a little loving to me, and Blue Choo never lets me down. Don't miss out on the best sex ever.

Blue Choo got your cupboard. You understand me? When they're laying there looking at you, like, what the fuck just happened? That's you, Captain Blue Choo. Now, Blue Choo, want you to have the confidence to perform at your best. So, discover your options at blutu.com.

Again, that's bluechew.com. And we've got a special deal for the church fans. You ready? Try Bluetooth for free. Just pay $5 shipping and checkout at Bluetooth.com. Again, that's bluechew.com to receive your first month free. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important information. And I want to thank Bluechoo for supporting the podcast.