The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - Josh Wolf Returns!

Episode Date: August 12, 2025

Comedian, author, and Joey's friend of 30+ years, Josh Wolf, rejoins The Church for the first time on The East Coast for some laughs! Watch Josh's newest special, "The Campfire Special" on his Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgXSWbF02WE Support the show and get 20% off your first Lucy order with code CHURCH at https://www.lucy.co/CHURCH New DraftKings customers get $200 in bonus bets instantly when you bet just 5 bucks. Download the DraftKing Sportsbook app & press in code JOEY.

Kick this motherfucker, Neil Lee. What's up, beautiful people? I'm here with my main man, Lee Syatt, for another fun-filled episode of the Church of What's Happened Now, new edition. It's Tuesday, the 12th of August. Isn't that crazy?

The month is flying. The kids, I think in Florida, they're already at school. Oh, yeah. That's it. Florida, Nashville, kids are already at school starting. It blew by the summer, dog. My cousins lived in Florida when I grew up,

But I used to, like, that used to blow my mind that they were in school in August. That would suck. Sweatting your ass off the last two weeks, make them believe you want to be there. Then you got to go to school for Labor Day and then come back. Just start school after Labor Day. That destroys it. So I'm in school for two weeks and I got my first vacation. And it's a Monday and I got to come back on Tuesday like half with a sunburn.

Just let me go back to the second. Sometimes now they'll have you go like the Wednesday and then like you'll go for like two days and then you have the long weekend for Labor Day. They fuck with you. That's like a job like I sort of regret not doing as a teacher. Like that, I know it's a pain in the ass, but the schedule is fucking awesome. No, it's not.

You wouldn't like that, be done by three? Dude, there's so many comics. You're not done by three. They're done by three. You got to stay and mark papers and grade this and do that. Fucking second grade, so there's no papers. Oh, okay, but you still got to fucking work. You still got to deal with those fucking kids.

Yeah, that part's tough. got snots and kids are different and not respectful and so what? You got two months off in the summer? How bad do you feel in September? I'd rather work the whole summer than have the summer off and then have to go back in September like fuck now I gotta go back to this job and do

this shit all over again. Really? I would love two months off every year. You wouldn't like that? You don't like vacations? I don't like vacations. What am I going to do? I never understood it every... It's why you work so hard is to take a break. What break? There's no breaks.

What do you? What are you? You mean what breaks? People who take breaks end up dead. There's no breaks. Everyone ends up dead, so take some breaks. But on your time, not on the world's time, there's no break. Lee, you know why I don't like breaks?

Because everybody's always complained. You know, seven out of people complain about money issues right now. Yeah. And seven, and eight out of ten people complain about their career. But you got the audacity to go on a vacation. You know, I love stand-up comedy. The only thing I don't like about stand-up comedy, I never liked. That's why it's very weird that I did it,

because I don't like telling you what I'm going to do in two weeks on a Saturday. Leave me the fuck alone. You know what I'm saying? Don't call me on a fucking, well, October 23rd, I'm getting married. That's your business. That's got nothing to do with me. It's my son's birth. That's got nothing to do with me.

Okay? It really doesn't. I mean, so, but every day you get a, call on who's hurting financially, who's doing this. And then you have the people that, what about this? So your girlfriend, that's goofy bitch. Because everybody's got a goofy fucking bitch girlfriend that has horrible ideas, but she sucks our dick and they talk us into it. So how about next April we go to Caracas Venezuela? And you know, you just got your dick suck. You're like, oh yeah, that would be great. Oh my God, I always wanted to go to fucking Caracas.

Okay, and that's a great vacation. I'm not lying to you. You want to, you know, this is what you work for. But what if? Three weeks before Caracas, your cat dies, your car blows up, and you lost your job. Are you still going to go on that vacation? White people do.

Let's still go. What are they going to do you? So the whole 10 days, I'm thinking about where I'm going to work, I miss my cat, and what am I going to drive when I get back? That's not a fucking vacation. That's what I don't like. I don't know what's going to happen next March. How much do they want it?

A hundred hours. I'll lose $100 to fucking pander somebody. Like, yeah, maybe I'll go. But for me to give you $8,000, and I don't know what's going to happen next March. And all of a sudden, March comes along, my mother just died, my uncle's in the hospital,

my girlfriend's got a foot that got cut off, and you want me to go on vacation. It's not going to work. It's not going to work. Life isn't that easy. And there's people who still take off in that situation. And you have to worry about that. Like, somebody called me last.

I'm going on vacation but I'm concerned. My parents are real, my father's really sick, he's on his deathbed. That's when a vacation gets canceled. Because I would never want to be on a vacation and get to call that my dad died. That's fair. So three days later, I gotta get back on a plane, now I gotta go back crying. You know, I'm the fucking plane like a faggot. For what?

For what? And that's what I don't like about vacations. That I don't know what's gonna be happening at that time. Yeah, I'm paper. Anything. You know us as comedians. Right. Plan something. Plan something. As a comic, plan something. Because the day you go, your girlfriend's like, let's do August 23rd. Okay. August 23rd, that's the day. Tarantino calls you. Kim will cause you. That Friday. That Friday, before you leave is a day named the biggest director today.

He calls you and says, I have four days for you in the movie. They start Sunday. And now you got to look at your cunt family and go, oh, looks like you're going on your own. I didn't want to go to Disneyland anyway. I didn't want to go anywhere. I didn't want to go anywhere. That's in my mind all the time.

That's the type of guy I am. I don't want to miss nothing. When we grew up in North Bergen, you didn't want to go home. You did not want to go home. Did you ever want to go home when you were in high school? Because you didn't want to wake up the next thing. bro, after you left, a chick pulled up and sucked everybody's dick.

And you're like, God damn it, I should have done that paper, that book report on, trigonometry or whatever. So we were raised not to go home. So you understand all these little things? That's why I don't like vacations. I totally get it.

But why, I get the business thing. But like before that, every scenario was like worse. Like, if you go on a vacation, the world's going to end. Like, what if the world doesn't end? What do you mean the world's going to... You said, like, my mom died, my cat died. Right, but no, no, no, no.

Think about it. Let's say right now, you talk to your girlfriend, and she goes, this weekend we want to go to Saratoga. That's fine. It's Monday. You know, I don't know what I'm going to feel like, but oh, yes, she does go on Monday. I'll tell you whatever fuck you want to hear about Saturday.

You know, but as Thursday comes along, you got an audition Monday. I got no time to hold hands and walk around the time. Oh my God, let's go look at the museum. I don't have time for that shit. I don't have time. And I've never had time for that. I've been one of those guys that we cry when we don't have what we want.

But to get it, we're going to take a vacation now. That doesn't fly with me at all because if you're going to come back from that vacation going, I don't know what's going on my comedy. Well, you went on vacation for a week. That's what happened to your comedy. You went on vacation. You thought you earned the right to go on a fucking vacation. And at the end of the day, none of us earned the fucking right to go on a vacation.

None of us. None of us. There's a number that you have to earn to go on a vacation. It's unrealistic. So that means you're never going to want on a fucking vacation. I need to make $8 million in the month of March. Never going to happen. So I'm not going on vacation unless I mug Jeff Bezos.

What do you make seven? I ain't going on vacation. The goal was eight. Jesus Christ. That's how you have to treat yourself. Who the fuck am I to go swing somewhere when I owe on my credit card, I have a mortgage,

and I have all these things in my life. Who the fuck am I to go hang out with white people and drink cocktails and before you drink them, honey? We're going to put this on the visa car. So that's not a vacation. Right. That's not a vacation. A vacation to me is.

Let's go. And we got 20 chicks coming from all over the world. And they all got to sign NDAs because they're dying anyway. Right? We're killing them anyway on the boat. Right? They're not making it back to tell an Epstein story or nothing. That's what people are going to learn from this Epstein list.

No more stories. Once you finish with them, you kill them all. That's it. You want to come to an orgy? Just no prepared to die. Sign your will before you coming because you ain't going home. That's it. I hope people learned all this shit from Puffy and Ditty.

And Diddy and fucking Epstein and Island with Carlos Lader. What was that? Paradise Cove, where they were doing coke and doing abortions. Women were so coked up that were doing abortions fresh. Like they were just ripping the fucking baby out of your snatch with cocaine. What was the name of Pablo Oscar? Not Pablo. Carlos Ladez had an island. Remember?

Between Columbia and Miami, Carlos Ladea bought a fucking island. And it was filled with cocaine. Carlos Lader was one of the guys. from the meddling cartel that thought he was fucking philosophical. He was half German and half Colombian. So he was a, he loved Hitler. So he would fucking get coked up and talk about Hitler and fucking all this shit. And once he lost his mind, the cartel got together.

When the United States said, we're going to go, Norman's Kay. When the United States got together, they go, what we're going to do when the cartel got together and go, look, we could end this. Just give him Carlos late there. He's fucking crazy anyway. He's crazy. He lives on an island. He's having orgies.

He's fucking killing kids, women, people fucking sucking. They were bringing the Coke there and leave him like 10 kilos. And he was snorting at all. Do you think it was really good Coke? Dog, it was an island with Coke and nobody to watch you. Whether the Coke was good or bad, I'm having a good time. Somebody's diet. You know what I'm saying?

Somebody's dying. All these people want a party, but nobody wants to die. Like, when I was a kid, people oldied. Right at a party, they oldied. They fucking lost the fucking leg. That's a party. I don't think they went to the party looking at O'Gigo. These little faggits now sit there at DJs down the show.

Oh, yeah. To some black rapper with an organ and a stick. Think, think, yeah, you're looking good. Think, think, think. What the fuck? What the fuck? So anyway, we're talking about vacations. Now we're talking about black people.

I don't know how that. And nobody's going to Jamaica. Anyway. That's why. That's the way I've always thought, Lee. I mean, do you ever, looking back, do you ever be like, maybe like a one week? Like, I'm not telling you, I do agree.

I've never, knock on what, I've never had credit card debt. So, like, that, I've been very good about that, and that I agree with. But, like, if you can afford, you know, three days in Tampa. Why, Tampa? I don't want to go to go. Because to you, every vacation was, like, to the south of France, and I'm going $100,000 in debt. I'm talking about, like, let's go to the beach for five days and, and, I don't know, chill, go to Waffle House. I went down to that North Carolina, that,

fucking armpit. I forgot about that. You did go on vacation in the last couple years. That sucked. That shit sucks for a guy like me. You know what I like?

You know what a vacation is for me? Just going to a nice hotel. Yeah. Eating, going on the balcony, smoking dope, torturing somebody. Torturing somebody. Smoking pot outside and watching security.

And then leaving like a little jointly ashtray and then going to the front desk and going, do you smell marijuana? I'm a Christian. I do not like that. to smell of marijuana in my hotel. That's fun. Yeah. So I, see,

that is fantastic. So you just want to go alone and torture people just in, like, new locations. You just want to torture... I'm getting to an age that. When I was younger, I like torturing people. But I'm getting to an age since I have no friends. I don't talk to like, I didn't talk to anybody all weekend.

So I basically just tortured people. I took my daughter's softball whistle, that fucking whistle. The problems I caused with that whistle. I went to my buddy's restaurant, Eddie Bart. What was the name of Eddie Bart's restaurant? Out in the little ferry, fucking great restaurant. I'm sitting there Hackensack. Doesn't matter, George. I don't even know the name of it. So I'm sitting there with Eddie Bart and I'm blowing this whistle. And every time I blow the whistle, he's a general manager.

He's getting up and looking around for two hours. They thought the fire alarm was going on. And every time they would settle, I'd do another, peep, beep, and they'd get up and they run the fucking restaurant. He didn't know until I did the podcast a week later, and he listened to it, and I talked about the whistle. So Saturday night I went out with a couple to dinner, a young couple. I met her five years ago. She's the first person I met Marlboro.

Then she introduced me to her boyfriend. I'm tied with the boyfriend now that I am with her because he has a health food store. So I see him a lot more. So they invited me out Saturday. night. And at first I was like, I don't know. And I met him. I had about, I had the last two edibles. I had two, five hundred milligram edibles. And I had, I had some enigma mushrooms and I ate half the bag, but I haven't been eating mushrooms. So they kind of give you that euphoric

for about a half hour. So I was eating in this restaurant. I ordered the, the Chinese, the Italian fried rice. They got Italian fried rice. And I'm eating the fried rice, and I'm fucking tripping. I'm getting high on the edibles and the guy gave me a steak knife by mistake. So I'm just sitting every five minutes. I just pick up the steak knife and go, ha! The people next to me were going crazy every time I said ha. And I broke the whistle up by myself. And I just started doing

the beep, beep. And everybody's looking around. I'm like, and I'm calling the waiter over going, what's that whistle? Let me find out what it is. He's running the restaurant. That's what I giggle upon. That's what I like doing. Dude, I forgot that Terry and Mercy were gone. You alone for a few days must be, like, that must be the craziest thing that anyone's ever. Like, you just left to your own devices.

How long did it take you to break the whistle out? How many days were you alone until you looked? Thursday night, I took the whistle out. And they left Thursday morning. Listen, hold on. Let's go to our break. Let's bring it our guest. And we'll continue this conversation.

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Bonus bets expires seven days after issuance. Four additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dKNG.com slash audio. We're back. Don't forget, try Lucy Gump. Our guest today is a friend of mine,

my longest comedy friend that's still doing comedy. Mr. Josh Wolf. What's happening, brother? What's up, dude? Dirty fucking years, I know. I know, man.

We saw comedy go, change. people died you know what though like people definitely died well that lady up in Seattle that wouldn't book me and then she's like your ex-manager

my old manager the woman who Laura Laura yeah God rest of her yeah Laura you're talking about Laura? Yeah Laura I forgot her last name she didn't have Ron's last name no she didn't she didn't Crocker

Laura Crocker yeah she wouldn't book me but I would call every Wednesday and go hey can I do a guest out of your club and she would fucking cringe. I guess you can. And then the club would say, why don't you ever work here? I don't know.

Lord don't like me. She did like a one-nighter or something in the... She had a bunch of one-nighter. Yeah, but Pat Wilson loved you. Pat Wilson, yeah, until she found that I was getting paid and not showing to her gigs. She had that Friday at the Army base. I just stopped showing up.

I just stopped. That Friday at the Army base was horrible. Horrible. Horrible. I just stopped going down there. I don't want to get paid $25 bucks. to get put on a firing line. Do it.

It's the only place I knew when somebody threw a bottle at me from the crowd. It was a firing line. They were going to shoot you. It was fucking crazy. I stopped going. I kept getting the checks.

She was like, did you go? How was the show? It was great. I never went. I didn't go for like three or four weeks. It was just 25 bucks a week. Place was one of the roughest shows. The fact that the

they knew that they might throw bottles and nobody ever interfered. Nah, not once. And we had the comedy room with the parrot behind us. Dude, I've never seen... I was telling somebody this story the other day. I've never seen you angrier on stage

than when that parrot started making noises. Oh, my God, because you're trying to... I'm not up to him telling jokes and remembering my jokes. And I got a parrot behind me going, Johnny went to crack it. Yo, and this was... I'm assuming it this time, too, you had a,

or you always had coke in you. You were not a calm dude. No. And when that parrot started just, yeah, you were like, I'm going to kill this fucking parrot. You're like, how am I? You don't have to pay me and I'm going to kill this fucking parrot. Dude, I, listen to me.

The, the, I was talking to you about this earlier, but we did comedy together when it was. still just fun. Fun. Listen, comedy is very fun. I mean, the new generation, it's got to be a nightmare for them. Because they're coming up

knowing that if you get enough views on YouTube, somebody will hire you. If you, you know, let your dick on a fire on Instagram and get 3 million people, 10% of that has 300,000, right? 3 million? 300,000, 30,000, something like that. It's still enough people

to rock and roll with. And they're all confused. They don't know really where to go. And I tell Lee constantly, this is just about getting funny right now. This area, this year one to year 12 is basically you listening. Ah, ha, ha, ha. Oh, really? You got a Netflix special?

How great it's, listen. It's not anybody else's journey. It's your journey. I was watching that stupid movie the other day. Which one? And it made a lot of sense to me. Full metal jacket. Listen to what the Marines teach you.

This is my rifle. there's many like it but this one is mine okay listen to those words but this one is mine this is your journey whether you're fucking a ballet stand up

you know jiu jitsu karate whatever you're doing it's your journey once you start comparing it to Lees or Josh's or Nick that's where your journey ends and that's what I have to remove from the younger

generation of comedy that everybody's moving at a different pace right now. And, Doug, listen, when I got to L.A., the first six months, those are the most hurtful feelings of my life. How come? Because you were going to this place to see a guy that was on TV. I was raised in comedy that if you were on TV on a sitcom, you were not just funny on stage. You were a dangerous fucking man. Okay?

I would go see all those guys that were on TV. TV shows those days and I would rip their hearts out the first three minutes. They couldn't even run with me. And that's what gave me confidence. I'm like, these guys aren't as funny as I fucking thought. And then there were guys that just picked up roles in movies that you were like, he's a lot better than me because he was in a movie. Then you went to see him and you're like, this guy blows. This guy blows. This is terrible fucking comedy. You don't have that. Like, you can't gauge yourself with that no more. Listen, I could be the best actor in the world going to an audition now and if I don't have 300,000 people on

Instagram and a guy left in me has 10 million he gets to roll. But you know what else that we didn't have to deal with that they kind of do? Because there wasn't, especially when we first starting dude, there was no like carrot of, if you do this, you could make a shit ton of money tomorrow. row. So we took a real slow drip approach to the learning because that's what it was. It was it was all about spots and only about spots because there was nothing else. Right now, it's not just spots. It's spot content likes, all this other shit that we didn't have to focus on. So your focus is on being funny and writing.

This is what I'm saying. That's it. This is what I'm saying. Agreed. You focus was on being funny and writing. But our only goal, dude, was to be comedians. It wasn't to be internet famous. No.

There was no internet fame. It was just to be comedians. It was not of that shit. It was different. But still, like I told it with young comics all the time, listen, avoid. If I knew what I knew now, avoid social media for right now. Yeah. You're not doing nothing.

If you're just going to put a reel of you doing stand-up? If you're going to put a PCU in a comedy club behind you to show the audience, don't do it. Because everybody's doing it. Right now you've got to figure out something else if you're a comedian. Listen, tickets are not moving like they used to for a lot of people. Not just lower names, higher names. It's just not happening. They're looking at these $400 ticket pricing going, dog, you know, what the fuck?

So something's got to happen with comedy, and we all know what's going to happen with comedy pretty soon. There's just too many comedians. There's too many clubs. And there's not much going on. But you know what I think is missing dude from comedy? What I think is missing also is like there's there became like this. This is what comedy is. But if you go back to the lineups that Mitsy used to put on, there's no Heath Hitch's now.

Do you know what I mean? There's nobody. she celebrated every different type of... And I think that is missing right now. It's all... I mean, it's not all the same comic, but it's all the same comedy. Do we don't have those dudes?

Heath Heaths, dude, when we were... Where is Heath? I don't know, man. Heath was legitimately funny, and to be funny in 15 minutes with all of that stuff was very... difficult. He was a prop guy.

Prop guy. But he had a prop dog that he played a preacher, a black preacher. Yeah, dude. And he had white women. Yeah. He controlled them with fucking. They were like eagle arms.

He controlled them and shit and they would pop the head. Yeah. He did some crazy shit. My, first of all, I was watching George Carlin, I'm a big George Carlin fan. You're not?

No, but I actually watched it for like 20 minutes. Let's get down to basics. Okay, right now, we're living in a time where we all sound the same. The top guys are not doing anything spectacular. They're not doing anything spectacular. I'm not doing anything spectacular. Nobody's really doing anything spectacular. We're all that.

We've been around for 20, 30 fucking years. Okay? So, you know, I'm waiting for that material to blow out of my ass too. I'm waiting. Every day I sit there and go, I've been doing the same shit I did for 30 years. It's just not doing it anymore. Yeah.

It's not doing it no more. But this is why when I hear people like Marin talked shit about Matt Rife, you sound like an old dude on the porch, man. Country music isn't just Hank Williams now. Right? It evolved. And comedy is not just, it evolves also, right?

And to sit back, and poo-poo. Because I think you're right. The younger crowd does like... Part of the younger crowd that's watching, they're watching guys like Morgan Jay. And they're watching Matt Rife. And it's way more interactive.

And it's because of social media dude and how they have ingested comedy, that's what they like. So to sit back on the porch and be like, this is what it has to be. Well, here it is. Matt Rife is fucking. really good at what he does. Dude, he's so funny. He's good at what he does. Oh yeah, dude, fuck yeah.

But my philosophy, okay, this is the philosophy I was raised on. And it took a long time to get there. Stand-up while it took a long time to get there. For sure. That philosophy that I was raised on was I'm not paying 30 bucks to come into a place to hear Josh Wolfe ask George what he does for a living. No, I'm with you. Okay, don't start with that. Don't start with that. Now, let's talk about honesty here. When I met you, Josh Wool, I had eight minutes of material. The rest, I just went up there and left the fate.

I'm the first guy to tell you that. That ran, that worked for four fucking years. I was that good. For four years, I could do it. But, dude, also, to be fair, what was amazing about what you did was you weren't crowdworking. You were writing material. On stage.

Okay, but I knew it. And I was banking too much on it. Yeah. And I knew it would get me to a certain level. My daughter is good as softball. But she's going into a run now that athleticism ain't going to do it. Now it was when you've got to work hard. You've got to work a little harder.

And as you get older, that circle shrinks, okay? I started comedy and I improvised at the broker for two years because I had to do five new minutes every Tuesday. I wasn't experienced enough to write five new minutes. This was Colorado? This is Boulder. When I first started, my first two years, I had a gig every Tuesday. But it was the same audience.

So I had to change it up. And I did. I tried writing as much as I could, but I would do three minutes and then 10 minutes of improvise. You know? And it was a 50-50 shot. It's always 50-50 when you improvise. But when you, but you've always, and maybe it's changed, but you were always the best writer on stage.

On stage. On stage. I don't know how you are as far as sitting at a desk or whatever. But on stage, you're one of the... And to watch you do multiple sets and change... Change it. I'm getting bored. Yeah.

I don't want to get bored. Yeah. I don't want to sound like a fucking machine. Yeah. So you got to put something in there. Even if it bombs, you've got to put something in there. So you just don't rattle off. But you've always done that, dude.

I don't like how I felt when I did Coke. because when I did Coke and went on stage, I felt the disconnect. I feel the disconnect. When I moved here to Jersey, the first year, when I would go down to Uncle Vinnie's and you come down, there was a disconnect. It was a big, that's why I stopped doing it.

Because I'm like, I'm not doing blow, but I feel my comedy's on Blow again. There's no connect. And this last time, I'm starting to, I feel that sometimes in my set when I don't have enough material. But to get back to what we were talking about. My first two years in comedy were

50-50. And I moved here in 93. And what happens here? Everybody does that. New York City is, hey, so what do you do for a living? And it's every fucking weto doing that shit on stage. So I started doing it here. And then when I went to Colorado in 93, a good comic told me, he goes, once you start getting up in the levels and you start getting close to L.A., that's not accepted no more. So go away from that. And dog, I went away from it. Once I got to the comedy store, I knew that wasn't going to work.

I don't think I've ever done crowd work at the comedy store. It was taboo. I don't think I ever had. And you could speak, listen, I remember there was a comic that we were both friends with, moved from another state, was in L.A. for about a week and a half, and I did Brea, and I invited them down to do Brea. Yeah. And as soon as he got offstage in Brago, this guy's not going to last here.

And within three or four days, his uncle mysteriously had a heart attack, and he had to go back and give up the apartment, and he didn't last year. He's still back where he is. Great person. I do think there is merit, like when I go on the road, if I'm doing 45 minutes or an hour, of not jumping straight into material, however you want to do it, to make sure it feels more like a conversation. I don't think there's any good for me to walk.

on stage and hop into material. Even if that means I bullshit about the city I'm in. Yeah, yeah, the first eight minutes just a warm one. We're just kind of... So we know we're part of a conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm with you on that. Listen, you don't think about that when you're doing

comedy eight years. No, not. You're not even up to that level of thinking like that. I got to go out there and introduce myself. I know that you got 20 seconds. You got 20 seconds. They make up their mind in 20 seconds. Yeah. They're even going to fucking like you. So in those 20 seconds, what do I do? I, Lenny Clark. I go up there and I just jump

on them. Why fuck around? As soon as you hit gloves, instead of going back to your corner, just come out with the right. Why are we even going back to the corner? Why are we doing this shit? You got 20 seconds for them to like you. Google it, GPT, chat it, whatever. All that shit, You got 18 seconds for them to go, I like this guy. Yeah. I like his eyes. I like his shoes.

He's fat. He's too skinny. I don't like his fucking neck. I don't like his gold chain. You got 20 seconds. I'm not going to give you 20 seconds. Yeah. I'm going to get into you when you can't make a decision.

You're just laughing. Now you got no choice. I'm making you feel different. My finger is already in your pussy. There's no like, look at the fingers going in. No, it's in your asshole already. I'm already. And now,

You ever just get to a girl and start eating her pussy? There's no like, hold on, my dad might come home. None of that shit. They're in. If you asked them, can I eat your pussy? My dad might come home. My grandma's on the way from bingo. But once you dive into that monkey and pick up those legs and you're like,

and you're licking that fucking asshole, they're not going to tell you. Stop, my grandmother's coming home from church. You're in. You're in. So why are we going up there playing this dumb game? You got 20 seconds. You got 20 seconds for them to even consider you. I don't want them to make that decision.

I don't want them to make it for them. I will tell you something right now, first of all. Nobody has ever attacked a crowd in the first 10 or 15 seconds. When you decide to do it, you don't always do it. But when you decide to go in on it, it's kind of crazy. but you have like your secret sauce is that energy right there.

And the laugh. The smile is on my face. For sure. So they're not getting tortured. They know I'm fucking around because not what you say. It's how you say it. But that energy

and how you can go in stories or just in your stand-up, it's honestly what I equated to Kinnisans that, when he used to do that ah-ah, like that voice, it's so zero-d-d-

to 100. You have to. But there isn't, you're taking for granted that that's kind of your superpower. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Most of us,

but most of us don't have. We don't have superpowers, not to you. For you, for sure, dude. So give them to fucking box and look at them. I'll take it out only on Friday night. No, dude. But this is what's amazing about your stand-up.

Is that it's such, it goes from zero to 100 and you're back down to zero, but it's all fun. And you're watching them. You're watching your audience. You want to break them a little bit. And then like anything else in life, you got to give them a little breath.

They got to get the first day kit. You know what I'm saying? They've got to get the first day kit. But as they're putting the band-aid on, before that band-aid gets wrapped, I'm hitting them again. I'm hitting them again. Then I'm going to wrap that band-aid.

Why let them rest? I have to ask you a question I've never asked you before. And it just dawns on me because I just saw it the other day. What's that special where your hair is jet black? I've known you forever. That could not have been your decision to do jet black.

Ask him what happened. The first show, the camera wouldn't. My head was too shiny or their hair, so they had to darken it up, dog. I was like, there's no way before. I just saw him a week ago. There's no way I've known you first. You were like, I got to dye my hair before their show.

It wasn't died. They put, like, powder, black powder. Yeah. Why did they do that? Because. I wasn't involved in that. That whole thing was from the start. That was the special where the couple was fighting in the front room.

Yes. That was a nightmare. What are you? That's worse than the parrot. No, the parrot was the fucking... The first show I ate a bag of dicks. And the second show, I was like, I got to change this around. And I did your idea.

I switched it to a story. I opened up with the story about Willie Vandy and the 18-inch dick. And then I got him. But the whole time, there was a girl came to see me, but the boyfriend didn't like me. So she said, I'm going to see Joey, and he goes, I'm coming with you. Out of jealousy, like the chick, you know,

she's probably just into stand-up comedy. The thing was an ugly little thing. And she brought her boyfriend, and the boyfriend kept making a little remark. And I remember sitting there for 22 minute more going, what would happen if I just kick this guy in the head like a feel pump? I'm like, what kind of special would this be? Would I get sued?

Would the club get sued? This is all I'm thinking about. And then some kid tapped him on the shoulder and the kid calmed down. But it was not good. It was not good. I was like, you know what? I'm going to end this right here and just feel punt this guy's fucking head.

Like I was that pissed. that I finally wait all my life. It's 1991. It's 2015 or 14. I waited fucking 15, 30 years to shoot a special. And I got to have a kid trying to be cute here in front of me, making noises. I don't want to be here.

I'm going to watch Mission Impossible. And I'm like, do I just feel punt this motherfucker's head away and end my career right now? Like that was going to... I had to kick somebody out, my the no no not kicking out in Vancouver kick him through the head for his head fly no he told him and the guy in the back goes score three minutes three points punt the ball

this drunk she was the drunkest in the front row for the taping of the special and she was sitting right next to the stage mic Joe When I listened to the show up until before we kicked her out, it was a lot of these noises. That type of drunk. And then she would say to her friend, you could just hear, we should have brought more buzz. Just it's all you could hear when I was watching.

And when I had to kick her out, it was, you were at the show. It was like she couldn't, I'm just trying to have a good time. Yeah, they're all happy to go. Yeah, yeah. I'm not drunk. No, no. You're not drunk.

Don't worry about nothing. It's all going to be okay for you. Do you still write as much on stage or do you, because I know for a while you were by, what was that like that egg joint? We met at a couple times in the valley out near where you live. Yeah.

Which one? Maria at C. and I would show up and you would have you. Two notebooks out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In the afternoons, it's just not working like I used to. But when you were writing, when you were doing that, you were disciplined about going and sitting there.

Every day, you're getting on stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a rotate. You know, stand-up comedy is not getting on stage once a week. No. And that's what I'm doing, basically, once or twice a week. You've got to get out of stage three, four nights a week, and that role, it's a role.

It's a role. And forget about after a month. And forget it, but that's why there's no vacations. That's why there's no vacation. You know, I just go back from vacation. I know, but... You've been doing this in 30 years. My first one, too.

Agreed. Agreed. I agreed, agreed, agree. Nowhere. Nowhere. Until something big happens. Yeah. And you take... Listen, I didn't take time off

until I booked the longest yard. So from 91 to 2004, I was on stage every night. Do you still have your notebooks? When I got in the notebook... Mexico. There was no open mics in in Santa Fe. You had to go to Albuquerque and it was like once a week so I wasn't going to go down there. I was focused on a movie.

But that's the first time. That wasn't a vacation. Have you showed him your old notebooks? I throw him away. I throw him away. I throw him away. I got to like 10 years you got to them away. You got stats of them. I know, but... It's four a year. But the notebooks

that you kept about every set... Oh yeah. I still got those in a box and a clock. still have those? Yeah, I still got everything. I stopped doing them when I left LA because I knew that there wasn't going to be no more 300 sets a year. Listen, you know one thing I could never understood how

you walked everywhere, you did a ton of Coke, but you were 380 pounds. I'm like, this dude never stops moving. All he does is snort, but he's, how was he still 300? And he fucking, you walked everywhere, dude.

Everywhere. Because But then after a while, I couldn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I got to 310 was when I started having difficulties. Like, it was bad. Like, if the elevator broke, I didn't leave the house.

I was on the fourth floor. No, I remember that. I remember that. The elevator breaks, you're in no danger. And there was no grubbed then. There was none of that shit. It was delivery, and nobody was going to deliver four floors. When the elevator broke, I wasn't like leave.

Papa didn't leave the building. It got to the point where my, wife had to tie my shoelaces. You bought me four suits. April of 2001. You gave me 300 bucks to go buy three suits, three shirts, three pairs of socks.

That place up on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I gave you everything. I got a commercial for the oil. Pay us now or pay us later. Pensor. And I had to wear a suit. And the people told me, we don't have a suit for you.

Like, you're a jumbo. So Josh had to give me money for me to go buy three suits. I bought those suits in April of 2001. Jumbo. And this is the truth, guys. In June, I went to put those suits on. You know when you put a pad pants on, you have to squeeze your stomach? No.

It was three inches away. Like, I couldn't even... That's how fast I was gaining weight. That was the speed of the weight I was gaining. I just found... Because every morning I wake up, people send me Joe Rogan's shit. Yeah. And I found out, like, in those days, this was my first five hours on the planet were 10,000 calories.

It was all destruction. Everything I did from the time I woke up to 1 o'clock could kill a person because I would get up and drink coffee and smoke a pack of cigarettes. Three quarters of a pack of cigarettes with weed. But what people also don't understand about your cigarettes, he went, you went from never smoking a cigarette. And your life to two packs a day, the first day you picked him up. Like that. He was like, I'm a smoker now. And the, and the, it wasn't like lightly doing.

No, two. The most aggressive cigarette smoker, like you hated them. That's how you smoked. Hated them. Fucking hate them. It was. You're like two puffs and just, that was it. It was insane.

Yeah. What my body had gone. But we discussed it this morning. Like, I don't miss stand-up like I used to because my friends aren't there, you know? Yep. I've made new friends here to do stand-up once or twice a week, and it's great. Do you miss things like... I don't miss the hang at night.

I got to get home. I'm tired. Yeah. But I tell you what I do miss. I miss afternoons. We used to have really good days. And you know what? I hate to say it.

We had no money. No. we had enough money. I would always steal cigarettes from that gas station. I would stick my hand behind the counter when he was pumping gas.

What was the place that no matter what you were getting a lighter? 7-Eleven. Yeah. I robbed that 7-Eleven. I had 80 lighters. Yeah.

I was pissed because they used to have football teams on the Bix. I would rob the whole top floor and put them in my jacket and go home and I'd have everybody

except Dallas and Philly. I go, I remember I asked you once, like, don't you have enough lighters? And you were like, I'm doing it on principle. I'm like, what principle? Well, I don't think you know. You know, Josh, this is what pisses me off.

I told my wife, I think you're going to think about it this way, too. I'm 62 years old. Yeah. Like, I couldn't even, I cooked a hot dog this weekend without my wife. But pretty much I was scared to turn the kitchen on or anything. You know, I did some laundry and I was scared to put in the dryer, you know, all that shit. But I'm going to tell you guys something. This is how I feel today.

I don't have patience with people no more. Yeah. Because of what happened with me. I have a friend and, you know, she contacted me a year ago about something. People might think I don't talk to it because, I don't know, I don't talk to it because she's a loser. Because after what we went through and what we saw, especially a guy like me, Because remember, when I was doing coke and working, the hardest I was working, I was not the healthiest guy.

I had a girlfriend, I had cats, I had no bank account, or I was getting all my clothes from Big Daddy. If I got any money, it went to cocaine. I didn't even buy clothes. Underwear and socks. And then I said, fuck it, why wear underwear? I save on underwear, the laundry space, that's an extra quarter, because my underwear like this big, you know what I'm saying?

So why, fuck, I put three pair of pants on this. suitcase. Yeah. It's 80 pounds. You know, I'm not going to lie, nobody. Yeah. You're 400 fucking pounds. But my point is, I started comedy in 91, and my cocaine addiction was what it was, and

I just came to terms of it. I said, I'm going to keep doing comedy as hard as I can, but I'm sick and tired of quitting cocaine. I'm sick and tired of quitting for three days. Forget it. Why quit? just keep it under a minimum, just make sure you don't get into cocaine more than you do the comedy. That was my rule, okay?

I can't believe that through all those addictions and all that waking up at six in the morning and getting up, going to bed at five, getting up at six, and looking at breakdowns, and sending them in at nine, and you were there when I had three managers for a showcase and six agents, I would lie to all of them. Because I didn't give a fuck. And the fact that I stopped snorting at 44, and things didn't really change for me until I was about 48, 49. And I didn't give up and I worked with that intensity

but people are going to come to me now with a fucking story. I can't even talk to you. Never mind, look at you. I cannot talk to you. I cannot talk to people no more. When somebody says they're going to do something now and they tap out after two months,

I'm done with them as friends. Because I can't believe that I'm 62 And I had every reason to fucking quit. GED, felon, no family. And I stuck it out. And motherfuckers today are like, well, you know, you know what? I ain't got time for this.

Not to mention just in our, forget your personal life, which is, which was had horrible things happening. Horrible. But just your career, you were told, I remember, man. I remember too dirty. Nobody's ever going to book you. Too dirty. You can't talk like that. When I got to LA, I was already 34.

I wasn't fucking no 28-year-old good-looking kid. But also remember what you taught me. When we got to L.A., we were talking one day, and you go, Joey, they don't want to listen to you until you start talking about your life. You have to draw a picture for them. And that's one thing I didn't do. I just thought it was about jokes. And even today, I'm struggling with that.

I'm having a hard time writing about me, about my conflicts. Because right now, listen. Yeah, but, but, but, but, but, but this is a thing. One of my conflicts. I got up at six hours. I drink a cup of coffee. I sent on my balcony. But you, whenever you.

You've always, here's the thing. You're, I think it's two different things. All of your material has always been very personal. That doesn't mean you have to divulge something specifically personal about. No, no, but the problem. My life is so boring now. Oh, yeah. There's nothing.

Got it, got it, got it, got it, got to. At least we were on the road, you got a story. The chick was going to suck your dick halfway, and she passed out and puked. You have something. When we did this podcast before, Monday's podcast was about the week before on the road. We had a great time last week in Miami.

Holy fuck. We had the red beans and rice. We had the banana. Nikki jumped off the building. He broke his ankle. You follow me? So we moved that. So now it's like,

I don't steal nothing. I don't steal a coat. You tell me you don't steal lighters from 7-Eleven's when you walk in? Not anymore. How can I steal now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm 52 years.

Yeah. Listen, once a people are. Yeah, yeah. I have dark moments in my life. Okay, yeah. Listen, I still double-take of a purse. If I see a purse, it's ungar.

I'll look at it and go, Joey, what are you thinking? Get your shit together. I see purses with phones sticking out. You know, that was my day. I would just be clipping phone. When I got to the store, I would go back in the morning to see who would leave their phones. And I would take them to the black bank robbers

from St. Louis. And they'd give me like 50 bucks a phone. I thought, I stole everything. I'm not going to lie to nobody. Do you remember? I don't steal anymore, but I still get urges. When I see things, I go, look at these motherfuckers. Do you remember cash in those?

those checks. Do you remember cash in those checks? From the improv. No, no, no, no. That got sent to my box. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I had a world's far-go account

that I just used to fucking stolen checks. I had a banked or a miracle and had a world's far gold that I just used to stolen checks. Why do you go to a check? Because they would take percentages out. So I had a check one time

for Spider-Man. This is how much of a fucking Puerto Rican I am. And I'm not, I'm a, I'll tell you the truth. I thought me and my wife were flat fucking problem. I mean, we couldn't make rent. I'll never forget the Sunday when I said, you better look in here. I got my first residual friend from Spider-Man 2. I looked at it. I go, because on Sunday, SAG post what you're getting that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know that, right? Six o'clock. You always look at SAG to see what, that's how broke I was. I remember checking the websites, too. You too? Oh, fuck.

And I would wait for the mailman of attention. The little Filipino guy, I'll be out for the fucking, no checks today. Come on, check, check. He would tell me, no mail today. Bro, check in your bag. There's something in there for me. I'm telling you, I saw it. Sag.

I would fucking fight. But I'd never forget that Sunday when I called my wife and I go, look at this check we're getting. Like, I was like the biggest check I ever had at the point was like 300 bucks. Anything. And I told my wife, look at the check we're getting. We were like walking on fucking eggshells for three days. The check finally came. This is how much my wife trusts me.

I called my wife at 11.30 and told the check got there. She goes, I'm on a bus right now. I'm going home to get that check and cash it. So we went to Bank of America, and they wouldn't fuck. No, we went to the check cashing place. Yeah. On Hollywood Boulevard, they wanted like $2,100, dog. And I'm thinking, that's a lot of cocaine.

that's a lot of coke. We got to figure something out. Yeah. So me and my wife went to Wells Fargo. I had that checking account there, the cash stolen checks. And I fucking, and I went there with her,

but they wouldn't, the check said Joey Diaz, they wouldn't cash it. Me and my wife were like, you better cashed his fucking check. It was an $18,000 check. Does your, we haven't eaten.

License say Joseph? Jose Diaz. Jose. My wife found the check stub from SAG that said, and that's the only way they, so they let us deposit, but they only gave us $1,000. We went right to sizzler. Right on Vanette.

Yeah, it was on LaValleah. Right there. Soggy shripy. Oh, I remember that. Yeah. You follow that fat fuck on Instagram. You always eat, this shit. And then he jumps in a little pool after eats and shit.

Yeah, that was us. I thought I was DJ Khali. Remember that fucking... Searloin and shit. Every time I got a check, I take my wife there. Like, we were fucking Johnny Bananas. Surloin, two tables, please. And then we got to go eat that shrimp

that gives you diarrhea. Or my other celebratory spot was Acapulco. That was my joint. All you could eat lunch special. Where was that? Oh, Acapulco was the old... Come on, Josh, Wolf. In Hollywood?

Two of them. The Seckmore Tavern. Oh, right, right, right, right, right. Right, right, right, right, right, right. Los to lease or whatever that fucking was. But they had the best all you could eat. Dude, we were, I'm sorry. Cheap.

$9.00. We were Boston Market. Oh, Boston Market. That's what we did. That corner, because kids and I could go and I could talk. Whenever I went, like, especially when I was single, I must have looked sad enough. Yeah, you were sad. Yeah.

Yeah. So I must have looked sad, but they used to get. give us free shit. And that's in Burbank? That one? No, the one, Boston Market was on, like, Libreya.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Suns said there's some shit. But, but, um, yeah, I, look, I, the Ralphs,

the rack and roll Ralphs, we used to go there, three, four times a week, and the lady behind the hot counter, she just gave us food. Because she knew that, I don't know how she knew.

the kids up extra late. Oh yeah, this guy was the kid. He's like a Puerto Rican mother at welfare. You remember that? He brought his kids, the neighbor's kids, and everybody's crying. Everybody got a rip in their pants. Oh, please, a little dirt.

Tell them they weren't getting Christmas presents and shit. They're all looking depressed and shit. But what was no joke was that car with no air conditioning, that fucking Saturn. We took a road trip to... Lake Havasu.

That's right. And this motherfucker put viz. and his eyeballs. The sun was shining right on it. We have no air in the car. The sun is right on it. The sunroof was open. So what's in the thing?

This motherfucker puts Vizene his eyes all of a sudden you hear. Ah! Yeah. Fucking hilarious. What was funny is that you saw me doing it and didn't stop me. Yeah, he was just like, no,

this is too fucking good right here. Were you driving the car? Yeah. The red saturn. That red Saturn drove it down from Seattle. I think I bought it. I think I might have bought it up there. But yeah, because in Seattle, we didn't need air conditioning.

No, you didn't need air conditioning. I always need fucking air conditioning. I like to be cold. I don't like that shit, people. Oh, you don't need that shit, fuck you. Oh, the wind blows. Yeah, yeah, good. That's great.

I know about you, and I was fat. It was scary enough driving with you just because it was being, like freezing and you would have the AC and the windows open going 90 on the highway. I'd have to bring sweaters. You'd be like, why do you have a sweatsh? Because I'm driving with you. I'll tell you something else. You can tell who you're getting in the car with by how somebody buckles their seatbelt.

But you buckle your seatbelt with intention. Like you should like your, yeah. Yeah, you're like, hey, everybody. else. Get ready. This is, yeah. So I get to three accidents every day. Look at my car. The right side. I got scratches. I don't get. And the funny thing is, honest to God, I don't give a fuck. Because I know my wife

will buy me another one. But the best... She buys them, I smash him. That's the motto of the Diaz house. You buy him, I smash him. What's the best car ride of all time is Brody in the backseat of his own car. Oh my God, God rest of soul. Driving to Olympia.

No, the other place. Was it not Olympia? City, something, Island, something? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where the bar where he got up and said there's no Jews on the wall. You're not coming back to me. You driving down the wrong way down, one way. Tell me, motherfucker, I'm not going to make it down an hour and a half.

I was making it down an hour and a half every day. And he's like, no, it takes three hours. Well, let me drive your car. I did 90 on the way down there. And we put him in the back on the trunk. Do you remember what he said to you when he got out of the car? People don't live this one. He goes, this, we get into the parking lot.

Gig Harbor. Gig Harbor. And he gets out of the car and he goes, this is not how I live my life. And then, I didn't see it. It was so funny. Then we moved to L.A. Yeah?

And when that I'm a coaching horses with Carol. By the way. And another blonde stripper. Carol, one of my favorite. Oh, favorite, favorite. Okay. But can I tell you? She's still my favorite, Doug.

She said to me one night in Seattle is in the underground. Because I know at what level you must have just tortured her. Torture her. She said to me, in the underground one night, and she looks at me, and she grabbed my hand, and she squeezed it, and she goes, she squeezes my hand and we're in the underground. And she goes, he's driving me crazy. And I was just like, no, yeah, he's in.

I was like, oh, he's fucking, you know, when she calls me now, we're always talking. She goes, you know, I really love you, what you put me through, but we put each other through. Yeah. But I was thinking, today you mentioned the hurricane ball. The which one? The hurricane ball. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You left like September of 97, of 96.

Right before Jacob was born. I got down there January, February of 97. So you left, and I was pissed. I'm like, this motherfucker left me alone up here. And I was selling advertising for pizza companies for $15 an hour. It was a new company that were going to advertise during football games and pop so you could order delivery. Where were you living?

I was living. I had no fucking idea. And a car or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was working at this place. I got my first check for $600. And I was so fucking excited I could get the move to L.A. now. And again, I called Carol, and she's like, I'll pick you up.

We're going to go cash that check. You owe me $184 from, you know, it was always I owe to something. The cheapest human. So I get in the fucking car with her, and she gets the check. And when she goes, I'm going to cash it. I'm only going to give you a hundred bag of. Carol, don't start your shit, okay? This bitch, I say something to her, she takes that check,

rips it up and throws it in my face. And I grab it by the fucking hair. Right in the car. I'm like, Carol, are you fucking crazy? This is all the money I had you. Fuck you. Fuck you. I just grabbed her by the wig.

I just grabbed her and pulled her hair real hard. You motherfucker. How dare you? And she's like, I'm calling the police. And she called the cops on the car wash. And I'm like, fucking bitch. But was this pre the restraint? No, this is at the end.

This is after. This is what? What about the time I was fucking on? The ecstasy. And I got caught. the restraining going and I hit under the bed and the cops coming in the bed is going up and down it was just going the mattress everything and the cops like come off from under the bed yeah this was years of listen I'm gonna tell you something I'm 62 I said it earlier for the last five years I just

been trying to figure out what happened mm-hmm you know what I'm saying mm-hmm I got here 59 years old I had money in the bank and I just want to figure out what the fuck happened And I wrote that book with that girl. And I still think of every day, what the fuck happened? And how did this happen? How am I 62? It was just 1995. We're jumping up and down in Seattle with the lip, Robin Safs. The lip, Franklin, the lip.

Bro, you got me that apartment upstairs. And in the morning, they only had a bathroom. And if the bathroom was clogged, I'd have to take a shit off the fire escape. No, you? Yes, I did. And I would sit there. It was like the third floor and I put my, it'd be eight in the morning, there'd be nobody out there. And I'd take a shit and the shit, you can see it flying down.

I know exactly. This is fucking endless. Like this is fucking endless. Like this is endless. Like this is endless. I lived in an office and I talk some guy into fucking the book guy, the bookie guy that didn't want to pay me. Yeah? I kept beating them and shit.

And I got this other guy. I met this other guy at his restaurant. And he gave me free phone lines. 1-800 numbers. Ashosh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, it was going to happen to me.

And then I had a guy that wanted to put bets in it. He lost every week. And every week I would just take his $300. And he would tell me, I want to meet the bookie. You don't need to meet the bookie. And you and me were going somewhere. They didn't want to pay us. And I said, you don't want to give me the money.

Don't give me the money. But this guy's going to come looking for you. He's going to break your fucking head. Okay, I'll give you the money, but I'm up. Bet no more until I met the bookie. He wanted to meet the guy. Yeah, yeah. He wanted to meet the bucket.

There's no bookie. There's no man behind the curtain. It's Uncle Joey. You're a loser. You're going to lose everything you put in. I'm taking that chance on you. I remember saying to you, I was like, you don't have the money to cover if he wins. And you're like, he's not going to win.

He ain't going to win. I was like, what do you mean? And you're like, no, he's not going to win. He's never. You were like, he's a loser. There's no way he's ever going to win. I remember that, dude. I had the weirdest.

fucking like life in Seattle. Then I hooked up with that dude. I used to live, oh, that's what I was living with. The last three months I lived in LA, I lived with the cook. You lived with, uh, not Leonard. Rodney, whatever's name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I can't remember. He's my brother. Yeah. This dude was solid. He had an apartment with a broken window. And in the winter, you were freezing there, but he would invite me. You don't want to, because if I Like, he started, I started staying with. Lyle. Lyle.

I started, no, no, no. His name's not Linoleynle? No, no. I started staying with him when you lived in Bremerton because it was too late to take the bus. Oh, we gotta take a bus to where you and Malia live. So he would say, just stay with me, bro. This guy was a one-man wrecking crew at night.

He turned into like a fucking animal. He lived in a warehouse, okay? And I'll never forget. He's like, stay here. I'm freezing. No heat. No nothing. There's a broken window with training and also people throw rocks to this window.

Hey, can I come up and smoke crack? I'd wake up and there's three black guys in my living room with no lights on with candles, smoking crack. I go, what the fuck is this? One night I went up there and he's like, you want to go to a party upstairs? I go, yeah, went upstairs to a party and there was like 10 girls. There was a girl dancing in a cage and shit. I'm like, fuck, you go, I thought his name was Ron. I go, you got it going on.

Really good guy. It wasn't Lionel? Lionel! Lionel! No, it's Lionel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Lionel. So this guy comes in with a white jacket on with a hot chick, and he's talking about,

I'm the mayor of Seattle. You knew him. He was like, I'm the mayor, I'm the mayor, I'm the mayor. So they got coke out. Was it John Eagle? I don't know. They got coke out. But somebody had a little heroin out.

And this fucking guy, there's a pole. Like poles. It's a warehouse. So there's bees. No, it was it downtown? Yes, right down the front of the underground. Right behind with that band where Hart used to play. I went to some parties there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And there was a warehouse, and you had to take a shower in the hallway. Fucking great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm up there one day, and this guy comes in at like 40s before. I'm the mayor of Seattle, and I'm all right. And there's a pole. I'll never forget this.

And there's two mirrors on the table, whatever. And there's Coke and there's heroin. He thought it was the Coke. So he took the heroin. And he did the... the whole line of heroin. He's like, ah! And he's making all these noises. And all of a sudden, you see the heroin hit him, and he holds on to the beam. And all of a sudden you see him hold the beam, and he just starts spinning around the beam. And he just falls, man. He just

fall. And I did some of that heroin that night. It was like a little line. Anyway, next I work up at Lionels. It's like 10 in the morning on a Sunday. And the shower was in the hallway. It was just a metal shower that you went into, and there was a wall. And as I was waiting to get into the shower, I had done so much. heroin the night before, I just passed out. And went right through the wall. It was like that scene in Bruce Lee when he kicks the guy. Yeah. Through the wall and you see an implant of the guy

with his hands like that. That's what it looked like? Lionel came out. He's like, what's that noise? I was in the fucking wall and the wall had nothing. The other side had the metal beams. I cut my shoulder. I was bleeding and he's like, you gotta go to a doctor. What happened? I go, I'm Doug. We were doing heroin last night.

He was doing drugs a few fucking days. Yeah. No, that place was crazy. I went to a couple parties there. That place is crazy. But the people who would just, who he was completely cool with anybody who walked in the door. Yeah, he didn't give a fuck. No, he didn't give a fuck. If people were,

renting or just like a crack? No, no, he was renting. It was his apartment. He lived there. He lived there. It was a warehouse that had different rooms and you could, and I mean, you could just pull the, it was like this. That's the doors. There was no, but it was like, it was like that.

Dude, and I remember one of the parties, I said there was, because there was somebody shooting up. up in the back. Oh yeah. And I was, I asked line and I go, who are that? And he goes, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. He was like, I don't know. Yeah. That was a bizarre time, man. When I look back at that, the beginning of

L.A., the end of Colorado, I'm like, what the fuck was that? Like that? I have to admit, like I enjoyed my, the type of material that I was writing back then when I look back at it. Did I tell you that that first

CD that I recorded I re-shot, I rewrote the entire CD and I shot it when I was in Nashville. I took all the same premises and I was like, let's just see... What comes out now?

Yeah. It's pretty interesting. And so I did that, but like wait a second, why was I talking about that? These mushrooms are starting to creep up on me a little bit. You're what? What are we talking about?

It was beginning of L.A. End of Seattle. Oh, oh. I, when I look back at my old material, there was a, there was a bite to it when I look at my material now that isn't there. No, no. My early material had a, like a real,

but like a, yeah. It was a real bite. There was no food in the refrigerator. No, you were working for turkey burgers, dude. There's no reason to stay home. Like, I still remember living in Boulder and going, I need the money, but I don't really need the TV. Yeah.

I'm selling it. What I need a TV for? I don't need a fucking TV. I'm trying to do stand-up comic. I removed all that shit from my life. I was like, I don't want to watch TV no more. That's it. It's over.

I'm just doing stand-up. And that's how I live. That was, bro, for somebody's such a junkie, I had such a great discipline. I always looked at things as the discipline to it. And I forced myself to it. When I used to drop my daughter off on Wednesdays and my ex-wife would bust my balls, I would go get in the car and cry.

And the only reaction I would have was to go buy a gram of Coke, snort, and then go shoot them. I said, no, Joe Diaz, you're going to take this pain and go do comedy. And I would roll a joint, leave it in the ashtray, I would cry, I would sit there, I'm going to stab these motherfuckers one day, I would smoke that joint and force myself to do comedy. a discipline. I wasn't going to let depression or none of that. This is comedy guys. This is a business. And that's what I don't think people today understand.

And they're not allowed to understand it. Because now as an open micer, you're not just a comic. But dude, you're people are posting material two years into stand-up. Two years, two months. And they're just posting.

it's too early. It's too early. You're not, but they're, but this is the thing, dude. There's nothing down. They're, you and I wanted to be great comics. That's the thing. It's just evolved. They want to be comics, kind of, but more importantly, they want to be famous on social

media. And so like that wasn't even something that, but you were also dude, not even, you were more about doing the stand-up than getting a TV show. You wanted to do stand-up comedy, which was different. Because when we were coming up, I guess our version of the internet was the sitcom. Everybody was trying to, you know I fell into that. Tom Rhodes, Tom Rhodes, Margaret Cho, the Spanish kid, you know. But that's how you sold tickets to.

That's how you sold tickets. Well, listen, I didn't want, listen, I always, I always knew to specify goals. I never wanted a TV show and I never put late night TV comedy sets on my goal list Dude, listen Because I wasn't going to go through that

I wasn't going to let you tell me What I could say Also So I never thought of Letterman I never That wasn't even in my mind Like why think about something That you're not going to want to do

And I knew that Four years in The one time you did Late Night TV on my show They had to cut Three quarters of what you said. So all you saw was me, introduce him, and then say, and let's thank my guests, and then

he popped up again. It was amazing. But the things I decided early on. Yeah. Like the things I decided early on was, I'm not even going to worry about that. I know. Why worry about that? It's not in my future.

And I knew, I'm not an idiot. I knew that anything big in Hollywood, so many stars have to align. You know, people think, oh, I hit 40 home runs in minor leagues, so I'm going to be in the major leagues. So many things. You know, what's he hit every year, Judge? 60 home runs? 350.

3.50? Can't win a fucking World Series. What good is it? You know, but that's not my point. My point is that I didn't want a TV show. I didn't want the Joey Deere show. That was not going to happen. That's too many things, too much to worry about.

and I got a job to do to be funny. So while I'm thinking about the Joey Deere show, I'm not being funny. I'm thinking about characters and who my mother's going to be and who my uncle. I don't want that. I made up my mind in 2000

that I wasn't going to go to Montreal. CA wasn't going to sign me. So I had to do what I did best. I wasn't good looking. I wasn't young. I had nothing going for me. I had stage presence and I had the comedy store.

That's it. In 1999, I had two things. Stage presence and the comedy store. Material was one star. Delivery was two stars, and I know this. And that's why when my car apartment got towed, what did I do? I disappeared. I was already a regular at all three clubs.

And I said, this is not. My development is so bad. I made this call when what's the name's car got towed. Yeah, man. I didn't, nobody came up to me and said, Joey. Yeah. I think, no, I made the call. I go, you know what?

It's time for me to go on the road. And I'm talking about, and you know, remember, I would go for nine months. Nine months. No come home, buy clothes on the road, send home a box to Gavin's. That was my life. I didn't care about anything else. There was nothing else. The bus ride to the gig, Yoder.

I had everybody in my pocket, Yoder, the fucking creative, who I just talked to last week. what's the name called me for something? Garcia? The guy that who did what? The guy that owned Charlotte. Oh, uh... Great guy.

Great guy. The comedy's owned down there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He owned all the... I was in with them, I was in. And I just said, I'm just gonna fucking... Whatever they give me. There was no ego.

I'm at the comedy store, but... I'll tell you what, you got an MC spot for me? Give it to me. You got a feature spot for me? Give it to me. You want a call headline me? Give it to me. I took anything I could

because I knew it was all going to this. There was no ego. What am I going to sit there and go? I'm really a feature act. If they want them, have seen me? That can't know I'm seeing me. But do you think, dude?

No. They don't know that. But do you think that you almost had to, with who you are, you've never changed who you are? No. But in order for more people to accept you, this character of,

not character, but just the term Uncle Joey. Yeah. Changed so much, dude, because, you know, I forget I was telling these guys earlier. I remember watching you as a young dude on the stage at the underground. And you'd always been so charming on stage,

but you were, the way you moved and how young you were and you were angry, you made some people uncomfortable. Oh, yeah. I was really angry. I mean, I had nothing to be happy about it. But this is what I'm saying. No money, no daughter, no family, divorce, no nothing. But then this as you age, as you get older, it fits so much better.

And like it was not as threatening. Young Joe Diaz on stage the way you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, dude, the way you paste and you were a, I tell people, man, I remember late night there was a basketball court in Bellevue when you used to live in the backyard. And we'd go out when we walked Bud and we'd shoot hoops every now and then. but I remember the first time I shot hoopsie I was like oh this is an athletic motherfucker Yeah

And so the way you were what 220 or 230? 230 up there The way you used to pace that stage early I just saw this today I just saw this today That's crazy you said that To yeah

This is one of Carol's pictures She just sent me this about Three weeks ago Because she's moving And she found Boxes she said what the fuck is it I saw this picture

Was it the Me holding a dog No Holy shit You and her In the 3-piece suit On the stage at the comedy underground Y'all he was

He had his 3-piece suit on Yeah dude That was like When they would give us a Wednesday Or a Tuesday night At the club That was a huge night But

He was headlines, so he went three-piece suit. Hell yeah. McSawley, we would go to that place afterward. You know, and that's what I taught to tell people. The camaraderie was different. It was $10.00 to get it in the underground. If 50 people went, what was that? $500.

$500. They took a percentage out, and then we'd take the rest and chop it up. Instead of giving each other money, we would go to McCormick and Schmitt. Yeah. Late night night and $1. The fucking one. Cheeseburgers, French fries, Coca-Cola. on the bottle, clans on the ass.

Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The only reason I go to San Jose is to pay my respect to original Joe's, but the first place I eat is McCormick and Schmitz because of how they treated me in 1995. If there's the McCormick and Schmitz, I'll go in there. You're, but you love that. Because how they treated us.

We had $0 and they had a $2.00 menu. If you had $10 in McCormick and Schmitz, you ate like a fucking, king of those days. By the way, that food was good, too. Yeah, four to seven. Legit. Yeah, it was good food. Four to seven and ten to one. Yeah. Four to seven

and ten to one. And we always went in there making sure we had tip money because it was embarrassing if you couldn't fucking tip them. I was telling these guys the story about you being my security guard at the fetish night.

Oh my God. And those two of old dudes dressed like Scarlet O'Hara, and I asked you to throw them out, and they were hitting you with their parasols on the way out, and you were laughing. And then you called him, you were like, those two queens kept hitting me with their umbrellas. It was a fetish night, and I was a fucking horny motherfucker. I had a girlfriend who would let me fuck her daily. Like, I dated that girl, and I got to be honest for you, I fucked every day except for periods.

You're talking about Carol? Carol. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My balls and everything. I got my monies wear from Carol. I fucked every single day like a fucking animal, ass, tits. Every day, once in the afternoon and one at night. That was a fucking sexual deviant.

But I'll never forget he had those nights. And I go, let me go down there and get my dick sucked by a chick with leather on. Let me tell you something. These are the ugliest women I had seen it all my life. Ugly. I remember one night they had a girl on a pool table. She was fat as fuck. They were melting on her.

Dude, do you remember? Oh, my God. Her boyfriend was skinny, and he was licking her toes, and I'm like, oh. There was a side room. So you paid $50 to get in, but there was a side room that you had to pay extra money in. And there was a glass table, and like some dudes paid extra to watch chicks shit on the table. And they would slide underneath. Yeah.

You remember? Well, he didn't know that room. He didn't know that room. He didn't know that room. Yeah. He didn't, he just knew, was it, his name was Aki? Huh? The Japanese day was the name Aki, right?

Aki, Aki, yeah. And so he knew the upstairs. He didn't really know what was going on probably too much in the downstairs. I mean security, like. And I was security at the same bar I rubbed. Yeah, yeah. A year later, I had to take the safe out of that by myself. Fucking, you know, and this is what I tell people.

How much money, how many quarters was it? Like, $600 and $1. Here's what I, here's, we did laundry for a year. Here's what I forget, though. I forget. How heavy that fucking thing was? But did I have the, did I have the combination? How did you get?

You said you had it and then you forgot it. Yeah, yeah. How did you? Like, you and the lip had to open it, right? I opened it. You know me, dog, there's a world out of death. I was there at 4 in the morning. Kink, kink with a pencil and a fucking hammer.

I'll do anything. It was, that was. And then we threw the safe in the lake. You were, nobody could carry it and shit. Do you understand the open mic life I had? I really had a good open mic life. But those Mondays and Tuesdays at the Underground were legendary. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.

I can't. I cannot thank Carl and Ron enough for doing that. There was no, it's impossible to explain how much growth happened. On those Mondays. And honestly, when he let you host those nights, because you were encouraged or you were people knew you were going to fuck with the comic who just came off stage you were going to roast him a little bit that's kind of how it went when I first started going and Oshack was hosting the comedy store he would roast everybody everybody what a great kid ohshack but that that that time of playful kind of fuck around with each other so I didn't when I hosted I was I always torture people. Torch you left the stage.

Let's keep it going for the hat. You know, whatever. Let's keep it going for the feather. You know, a joke that bombed. You go up there and repeat it. You know, an impersonation he did. That's fucking. Your favorite one ever was that guy who is doing terrible impersonations.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you just screamed, do your impersonation of a comic. Oh, dude. You can see him crack on the stage. You go up there every Tuesday. Every Monday and go, hi, this is my impersonation of a flower. And he would turn around. Yeah, and he turned around and go, this.

And then he would turn back like this. There was another guy that went up on stage with a handcuff. He killed himself two years later. Whatever, the kid with the black suit that had body odor. It was insane. The open mic scene, we had the first transvestite. Like all these people talk about trannies and stuff, we were running with the first transgender in 1995.

Rito. I got her picture in my phone. Did I show it to? Yeah, yeah. Look at the size of her head. She was the real fucking giant. Okay, I was there when she called, I was there when she called the fucking White House.

She called the what? The White House. I want to talk to the president because the bar in, what was that town that were Carol stripped? Ballard. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ballard. We were in Ballard one night,

and we were up on, I was hosting or something. Or she was up there and she was doing jokes. And then she said, fuck and the guy came up and took the mic from her and said no you cannot say fuck in here this is family and we go no no give her back the mic she'll be clean and she went right back to

fuck and suck so he goes everybody out get out so she had like a bag of coke and a bunch of pills we went over to her house and were snorting coke and shit and she's like I don't understand why they don't let me say fuck and I'm like I don't know Rita cut another one and she's like I don't get it

and I'm like listen if you got a problem call the president. And she goes, I guess I will. And she picked up the phone and started calling, can I get the White House, please? And I'm like, Rita. And she's like, I want to talk to the president. They won't let me do dirty jokes. Hello? Hello? Hello? And they hung up on it. And she called back. And when she called back, I'm like, I'm going to start taking this coke and some of these pills.

Someone's coming. Because they're coming. They'll come. They'll come. They'll come. And sure enough, as I jumped in the car, the cops are coming down the block. I just, I can't believe you're leaving me. Yeah, because the cops are gone their way. And you got $10,000 worth of the pills here. You're, okay. You, in the many years that we've known each other,

you haven't gotten me quite as good. But when Rita O died and I asked you how did she die, you had me believing that because her head was so big. Yeah, she fell off the speaker. Yeah. That's what really happened. Because her head... Listen, her head was so big because she was...

She was a small Japanese man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She was a small Japanese man, and then she became a woman and put a wig on. So the head stayed big, but her body lost all the weight. So she had this head that she would fall once a month and have to go to the hospital and an ankle and all that shit. She really fell off the speaker? And she was dancing at that bar, the gay bar, Capitol Hill. And she fell off the speaker and she banged that.

She went to a coma and she died. But she came to L.A. one time, and she started getting snippy with me. I owe the 500 bucks, and I wasn't going to pay her, right? I owed a 500 bucks from headshots or something. And she's like, I want my money. And she started yelling at me in my house because she was a carol. And I was making tomato soup. You ever hear about that story?

You did tell me this story. And I grew the tomato soup on both of them. I just said, shut the fuck up. There was tomato soup everywhere, the walls, the table, the fucking carpet. And you did over on the money? Huh? And you did it over on the money? Did what?

I owe her the money? I owe the $500. Yeah. And she's like, where am I getting my money? I said, soon. When I get the check, and she's like, I want it today. I go, you can't get it today. I'm not getting paid till they send me the fucking check.

And she kept harping on me. And then Carol's like, you should pay her. I go, Carol, you're my girlfriend. Do I have any fucking money? How do you want to pay me? I go, why don't you fucking pay it? Yeah, she's good. And I'll pay you.

And she's like, no, okay, then fuck you. You got to wait for my check. And they kept haunting me, and I was making tomato soup. Here is tomato prison soup, not even like good soup. It's Campbell's canned shit And I'm like, you want to bust my balls About fucking 500 bucks I'm eating fucking soup

And they're like, well, you're not going to get bread What? And I just threw the fucking soup And everybody Let me ask you What, that tomato soup? Man I remember that she was so cheap by the way Oh, she's the cheapest ever

So you used to Collect Call me at work Because she was too cheap to accept it. The collect calls. So I had to do it at where I worked, so she would come in and talk to you on the phone. Look, she's a multimillionaire. Cheap, cheap, whatever the fuck you want to call it.

She's a more, I don't even think she buys tampons. She's that cheap. She's just like a fucking piece of cotton enough snatch. I don't know. She's cheap, though. Multi-million? But she never spent a dime, dude. No, listen, we're going to wrap this up, but let me close up with the Carol story.

Carol and me broke up in 99. All right. And I think we played around... No, in 99, I moved in with her for a while. Like, I just lived with her. She lived in a one bedroom, and I just told her I'm moving in. She was dating a guy.

She was asleep at his house. I remember that. And then she'd come back and get naked in front of me. Yeah, I remember that. And she made me help her dye her pussy hair one night. Blonde. I mean, Carol is the best, thought. That's my girl, okay?

So she started meeting some other guy. She met some other guy in L.A. and then that guy tied her up and was going to kill her. And SWAT came. SWAT had to come and shoot the guy, and then he went to jail for a year, and she moved to Florida. When she got to Florida,

she met an Indian guy. Granted, she was probably 32, 33. She meets this Indian guy who's 70. After about a month, she marries him. And after three weeks, that motherfucker dies. I remember that, dude. And left to like $800,000. Okay.

You know, you leave with cheap bits like now. Do you think she stopped stripping and sucking dick? Oh, no. She still was stripping at her age. She did something very smart. She bought into a gym called Curbs for ladies. She bought one gym, and she was such a good saleswoman. Her volume compared to the other gyms in Michigan

were nothing. Like she's such a good, she's been selling pussy she's eight. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. On the farm. So think about her

salesmanship skills. She bought one more and then she bought one more and then the guy that was the leader of that said buy all of them. And she bought all of them. Nah. And then she sold them.

And she got like $4 million back or $5 million. And she took that money and moved to Florida and started buying Airbnb's and selling them. So she's got like 18 Airbnbs. B's. No, she does not. And then she married the dude. She had two kids with a dude

and they were doing coke and he ran over a cop. So he had to leave the country. He's in Greece. He can't come back. So he raises the kids long distance with her. That is so fucking way. Through messages through the mother. Yeah, maybe I did. Maybe I saw him when I was over there.

Dog, when I met him, when she introduced him to me, she made him buy me an eight ball, and I'll compadre. That's how much I love cattle. She's like, buy him an eight ball. I'm like, why? Buy him a fucking eight ball. He bought me an eight ball. That's cowl. That's why I love cattle. Fuck. The El Compagery was

a crazy place. Oh, my God, dude. She still has the best line in the world. She came home one day and she goes, you're not going to believe what happened to me at work today. I go, what? She goes, a truck driver wanted to lick my asshole for $60. I go, did you do it? She goes, no, I didn't want coffee breath in my ass. She was dead serious.

She was dead serious. I just looked at her like, I would let them lick my ass for 60 bucks. I would have gained more than coffee breath, you know what I'm saying? So you have no idea. I remember putting a bottle of not martini and Rossi, the other one, the wine cool and the pussy.

One day. We were at a fucking. The Bartles and James? Bottles and James, we were at a fucking resort, and it was a cave where people couldn't see in, but water was running. And we got into an argument, and she was laying there with a bottle. I was drinking the wine cooler, and she's laying that way reading the book with her ass out. So I'm like, look at her ass. I took the corn, and there was no wine cooler left, and I started rubbing her ass with the bottle tip,

and then I fucking was robbing her monkey with the bottle tip. And then I just slid over the panties and started working with the bottle, like a fucking animal that I am. My dick started getting hard and I'm working with that bottle and I'm pumping my hips and I'm like I'm gonna kill this bitch with this bottle and she's like ah and she's yelling and I'm fingering with the bottle

and I'm getting all excited and all of a sudden I hear and a bunch of blood shoots in the fucking bottle because the suction from the bottle pulled her old period out it was like brown blood and I just dropped the bottle Did you faint?

Fainted like a motherfucker She's trying to wake me up people had to come over and what happened? He fainted. The fucking bottle had blood on it. I thought I broke a pussy with the bottle. I thought it broke and it cut a pussy.

But it was brown blood. It was that nasty, period blood? Do you still faint with blood? Uh, I did for the ear surgery. Yeah. Like when they took, when the lady took the blood. I only fainted because the fat chubby chick had sourcrow breath and she was breathing on me

and I could smell it. And I'm like, I'm getting anxiety. This chubby chick is breathing sourcrow breath. I'm like, fuck. When's the special come out, Doc? What's today? When does this come out? Tomorrow.

Oh, it's out today. All right. It drops today. So tomorrow you can wake up in the morning and watch Josh Wolf's new special on YouTube. Where are you at this week? San Antonio. I'm in San Antonio this week with Jacob. Comedianjoshwulf.com for all the rows of.

And where are you this weekend? On Saturday I'm in Memphis. You're definitely getting mugged this weekend. You ain't coming back. There ain't no. Jews in Memphis and there ain't no Jews in Mississippi. When are you touring next? I go to...

23rd Parks and then... 20th, 3rd Parks, 6th, Florida. 28th, the Dojo Comedy for another bucket chaos. And this Thursday, I'm at the Dojo Comedy and I just added September 5th at Uncle Vinnie's.

Which they have like four tickets left, so get them now while tickets are hot, whatever the fuck. I'm just trying to get loose for September 6th, and then Why? What's September 6? That's the gig. Oh, that's the gig. Oh, okay, yeah.

So I got Philly the week before, and then we... Do you know what it feels like, what the 45 minutes feels like right now? No. I don't even... Yeah, but I don't even know what the 45 minutes is anymore. Like, that was then, this is now. I'm starting with a whole new set for this. From Florida?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to try it. Why not? Do some spam. any shit, pull up a story or two. I got to get vulnerable again, so I got to figure this shit out, so. But good luck on the special.

Thank you, dude. It's always good to see you. Good luck in Memphis, Cocksucker, and Mississippi. You're going to need it. Wait until you go to Memphis and see black people with red eyeballs and shit, because they don't play in Memphis. They're those angry brothers. You know what I'm saying? They're angry. Do not bring the Yamika down there.

Don't not bring a yarmica down there. No. Because you will not make it back. I love you, motherfuckers. Have a great week. And don't forget, football season is around the corner. We got good news coming for you. Stay black, have a great week, and we'll see you next week. Tip, Top Magoo.

Love you.