The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - Nonna was a freak!

Episode Date: January 29, 2025

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt were blown away by @laitalianprincess. The trio talk about her insane diet, what is going on with the old pigeons, DJ's at restaurants and much more! Support the show and get 15% off your VIIA order, plus a free gift for new customers. Use code JOEY at ⁠https://viia.co/JOEY⁠ Support the show and get 35% off your NYKD order at ⁠https://www.NYKDPouches.com/CHURCH⁠  Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook app and using code JOEY. New customers can bet $5 to get $200 in bonus bets instantly.

What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? Uncle Joey here. Welcome to the Church to New Testament. It's Tuesday, January to 28th. Let's get this party started, Jack. Hey, Uncle Joey here. Listen, getting high should not be a guessing game. Choose the type of high you want with Viya.

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and you're seeing the devil with Uncle Joey. After the purchase, show support, and tell them that we sent you. This year, enhance your every day with Viya. We're here with our guest, special guest, today, aka the Italian princess, a.k.a. Leanne, a.k.a. fucking hilarities.

What's happening, beautiful? Hi, Miss Leanna. What is it? Leanna. Leanna. Well, just so you know, if Joey knows you and get your name correct, he doesn't like you that much. Okay, okay. If he likes you, your name's not right. He's been calling me the director from Israel for 15 years.

I've never directed anything, and I'm from Massachusetts. So if he gets your name wrong, he likes you. Okay, good. Perfect. You know, I wasn't hip to Instagram. Like, I'm a YouTube type of guy I got YouTube and fucking look at videos and concerts and shit So I didn't really know what was going on on Instagram

About four years ago I started looking at Instagram And you know, you get the fucking girls With the tattoos, wiggling their ass And all this stupidity But I'm into the fucking dog videos People make cat videos I like And I like people who talk about food, right?

Because I like fucking food Hell yeah And you know, there's a lot of amateurs on there A lot of like skinny Italians Well, I'm a skinny Italian. No, but trust me, these are like skinny, pale Italians. Well, I'm a little pale too. They have no testosterone.

Trust me, you have plenty of testosterone. More than these fucking MOOCs you see nowadays. And you see these guys trying to sell a sandwich, and they just don't fucking sell it. And then you got Deport, know who I love, who does great things, but I'm not going to eat what that fucking guy tells me to fucking eat pizza. You know, it's just we've gone into the wrong fucking realm with this shit.

And then I discovered you, and I was blown the fuck away. Like, I was like, what is this girl talking about? The accent, the way you moved, but you killed me when you brought your grandmother into it, and you're over there talking Italian, and I'm like, this is better any fucking TV show. This is what I grew up around. And when I moved back from California, I expected to have this. I was moving in central Jersey, my neighborhood's from fucking Staten Island. You know, I should have these Italians, I should have people yelling on the street, the one grandfather that runs away, you know, something.

Nothing. They're the most boring Italian people who have met in my life. They're nice people. But they eat macaroni and cheese and they, you know, it's just for me, like, I'm Cuban and I, Lee, tell other rules I have. There's a lot. There's a lot, man. Break it down. So, like, we were...

Like, you don't know the rule this morning. Oh. Oh, no. You put that fucking ranch powder on the tuna. And you even said it. I'm still a little Medi Gond. And I, and that's why I love you still, because you threw there a little Medi Gond from time to time.

I can't help that. Because we all got that white trash in us. I know. Like, before we were talking about Monagot, and I was thinking of not riceroni. What's the other one with the noodles that your mom used to make? Oh, hamburger helper? Hamburger helper was a motherfucker when I was a kid.

I asked my wife to pick up. up like two years ago, I took one bite. I went into a fucking sodium buzz. I grew right away. It was God awful. I still got like Dinty Moore stew. I'll throw a can of Dinty Moore stew down. I don't know what that is.

Dinty Moore is like a red stew that they sell at CVS. I was going to say. With a loaf of fucking bread. Dinty Moore, that meat is better than McDonald's. It's been on the shelf for 40 years and they've never changed. It still has packaging from the 50s. It goes with tang, you know, shit like that. So I make mistakes too.

but you didn't make no mistakes and then you're going to restaurants and then you're fucking drinking these drinks and then you're making videos with some skinny dude who is great by the way that one restaurant that he brings you one thing after the other

Oh, Robkees Robkees Yes yes yes And then I look at you and I'm like Where does this food fucking go You know And every day is a different How did you get into all this shit?

You know I just This is just how I live my life And it's just like One day I was bored I was like, you know what? Well, actually, I did it out of spite. I'm not going to lie. I started doing TikTok out of spite. And then within like a week of doing it, I got like 6,000 followers, which is crazy for TikTok. This was two and a half years ago. And I was like, you know what? Let me keep doing this because it's working. I got my spite. It worked. That paid off. So I just kept doing it. And I was always going out to eat. I was always going to my nonetheless house. So I was like, let me just continue this bit and just doing what I usually do. That's why I enjoy doing social media because it's not like I'm going out. looking for content to make. It's just my normal life. Like, I wake up, I eat a sandwich at 10 a.m.

I eat a plate of pasta at 12, and that's just what I do. It's like you live this life of, like, food and restaurants and nice cocktails. That's what they do. Wait, can we go back to that? You eat a sandwich at 10 and a plate of pasta at 12 every day? Not every day, but when I work, see, my boss, he's the best. He loves me. So I start off my workday with a lot.

He always gives me a lobster tail in an espresso. Then, like, after I finish eating that, he gives me my sandwich, which is around like 10.30 a.m. What time do you eat the lobster? You mean the pastry of the lobster tail? Yeah, as soon as I sit down to work, I eat my lobster tail. Then after I finish that, I do my sandwich. And then around, like, 12, 1 o'clock, I do my plate of pasta. He makes me a nice plate of pasta. And 2 o'clock, I leave.

So here's, we have the same diet, and we look very, I love. I love lobster tails. How is that even possible? You know, I work once a year? I work out twice a day. I'm not going to lie. So I wake up early. I wake up 6 a.m. 5. 3 a.m. and I work out.

But then also like genetics too. Like a lot of people always ask me like, oh my God, oh, by the time you turn 40, you're going to blah, blah, blah, blah. But nobody in my family is, I don't want to jinx myself. I'm doing the malochia. Nobody's like overweight in my family. so genetics plays a part in it too. I'm not going to lie.

Like, we're all, like, skinny Italian. So, like, I get away with what I do by my genetics. I'm working out, but. Well, I got to tell you something, no disrespect. Your mom ain't bad looking. Your mom is going to love this. Your mom is not bad looking at all, Jack. Thank you, thank you.

I mean, that shit runs deep in your family. And you could tell Nona was a freak back in 1940. You know what I'm saying? You could tell. Nona's got a sense of humor She don't say much Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah She's always right on that

But your mom is not a push-old, my friend Thank you. You know, and it's just really weird To see you in this Doug, I didn't have a family like that So when I's, it's like a couple years ago Duck Dynasty got big I don't know if you remember that show

A bunch of rednecks They go hunting ducks Or whatever the fuck they sold But at the end they did something They sat and sat and said a prayer and ate And that's something this country forgot. I grew up on the Walton's dog, okay? The Walton's, at the end of the show,

he would always go, good night, John Boy. Good night, Priscilla. Good night, fucko, the whole hour. We don't have that in this country no more. We don't have that. If it is, it's got to be played out. I got to have a gay cousin, or cousin's a tranny,

or this guy's fucking allergic to fucking life. You know, it just can't be normal. And that's what I, I've seen videos of you. you were your family eating. And you're like, my uncles don't want to be on tape. You know what I'm fucking dying? My uncles don't play around. It's so funny because, like, last year I had did a video in one of my uncle's houses,

and that was big too to, like, let me, like, do a video like that. And, like, his friends didn't know that I did social media. So, like, one of his friends was, like, scrolling through Instagram. He's looking. He goes, is that Carlos Kitchen? So now he's calling his other friend. He's like, wait a minute. Why is this girl in Carlos Kitchen?

And he's like, oh, that's his niece. Like, nobody knew who my uncles were. who like, and then my uncles have to explain, oh, that's my mom. Like, nobody knew because I, like, kept it so, like, low key to me and my nunna. Even my brothers, like, I don't really put my brothers on. My mom, she's on, like, once in a while. Like, my family, they're not, like, looking to be, like, social media famous. Like, they don't want to be, like, in that.

My nunna, for, like, the longest time, I used to say, Nuneh, please come do this with me. Because even her, like, she don't want to do it. Now she likes it because, like, she like, we have, like, this little deal where, like, when companies send me, like, olive oil and, like, food, I guess. give it to her and she loves it because she loves that kind of stuff. So like, then I do this, they're going to send me olive oil. She doesn't want to smile on her face. How crazy is it that people send you stuff now?

Oh, I love it. It's the best. You get home and there's like a box of food with ice around it. It's like Christmas every day. And you're like, what the hell? I just got something Friday. I got a chocolate, those Italian things. Those Italian things?

No one? From Long Island. The kids from Long Island. Wow. Oh, my God. They were delicious. I took one bite. I'm like, this is too rich.

Like, it was just too rich. And I thought it had edible juice in it. Because it just has... You said something like that you, this is what your normal life is. Did you ever try to, like, force it or, like, make content out of something and didn't work? And, like, is it... Or have you always just been doing your normal life? I've always just been doing my normal life.

Yeah, I just... I go through, like, phases in my life. So, like, I went... Nobody knows, like, they always asked me, oh, you're at college, you go to college. But, like, yeah, I went to college. Like, I have a bachelor's degree, but I don't put on Instagram, oh, I have a bachelor. Like, because, like, I don't know. To me, that doesn't really mean anything.

Like, it's just a piece of paper. Like, I don't. So, like, I don't flaunt. Like, oh, she doesn't even have a degree. And I'm like, no, I don't. But I just, that's not what I'm playing off my Instagram all. So I have, I was going to, my uncle's an attorney. One of my uncles is an attorney.

I was going to become a lawyer. Worked with him. My uncle's like a Nazi. Working with my. I love my uncle. My uncle's, like, the best thing. in the world. He's like the night, but when it came to work, oh my God, it was like horrible working with him because we're both very headstrong. So like he would tell me to do something, but if it was

something stupid, I wasn't going to do it. He would fire me. I would call my nunna, like on the train home from the city, like none that he fired me. She'd call him like, oh, why would you fire her? Then like that following Monday, I had my job back. I would go back to work. So he did this for a little bit. Then I was like, you know what? This is not for me. Then I was like personal training, which was fun, but I was like, you know what, I don't want to do this either. And then just, I was just, like I said, eating and that blew up. So I was like, let me just do this now. I'm working in a deli, working, sitting in a deli.

But I've always done food. I've always done just food content. And like, go ahead. I'm sorry, guys, I can't know. No, I just, it's interesting. Like, there are, like Joey said, there's a lot of people doing food. Why do you think people like gravitated? to you more than other people.

I think because I don't force it. Like I see other like content create. I say I'm like the Joker of content creators, like of influencers. Like I'm like the evil villain. But it's not because I want to be like I don't want to collaborate with anyone. Like I used to do that. But then like I don't know. Like collaborating with people like when you see what other influencers are about, it's like,

oh, like this is ridiculous. Like I don't want to do this. Like I do all my videos in one shot. Like, it's like, boo-boo, boo, I don't care how I look. I don't care what's going on. Like, one shot, like, kind of, like, doing it with other people. Oh, I don't like how I look. We need to reshoot this.

And then it's like, oh, I'm not doing this ever again. 10 minutes turns into two hours. Oh, and it's the worst thing. Fuck you. I ain't got that type of time. I've sat at dinners with, like, other influencers where the food gets cold because, like, oh, no, no, we got redo this. Oh, no, we got to redo this. I never do that.

When I'm at to dinner with people, I, one shot, and that's it. Like, if I'm, that's only if I get invited to a restaurant to do content. going out to eat with friends or family, like on my own. I'll never pull out my phone and start recording because, like, I like to enjoy, like, time with people too. But, like, some people are just so, like, in, like, just in it that they don't care. Like, the food will be cold. They just, they don't care. So I think people like me because, like, I'm not like that. Like, I'm just, I say whatever. Like, I don't care. Like, if people think I'm stupid, like, sometimes I think it's good to look a little ditsy for Instagram, like, because I graduated college with honors. Like,

graduated cum laude. But people think I'm like this Italian dits. And I'm like, yeah, I like it. It's good to be a dits. Like, you know, like, don't let people know too much about you. You're playing them the right way. It's crazy because when I first saw it, the thing I liked about you the best is you kept it classy.

Thank you. And I said that. You kept it classy. It wasn't like bikini shots and a tattoo and, you know, just bullshit. My uncles would beat my ass. Because I'm still a dad. You know what? My family would not let that slide.

And I don't tell quick. Because I look at it from a business perspective. Well, that too, yes. And I'm also a dad, and I like women. I like the whole fucking thing. You know, it's just, you gain that credibility. Thank you, yeah. And it's like, I have a friend that I'm a fan of hers.

I brought it to you. Katerina, she's a fucking artist, but she's an artist to the end. She could do jokes. She could paint the fucking picture. You know, her things, I love her content. It's not forced. Right. It's one shot.

She gives zero fucks. Zero fuck. I don't want to see you Donald up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to see you when you're primitive. I want to see what you look like

in the morning when you're eating fucking apples and tuna. And ranch, don't forget the ranch. Oh my God. But you fucking basic, you know, you went into it.

Listen, because I'm on Medi Gahn, I got to add some ranch. I'm like, all right, she's off the hook. I don't think I'd be off the hook if I put ranch on my tuna. You're Jewish. I got a big word.

But it's just, you see these, listen, We got into this in 2010, not knowing Dick. All right, there was Adam Carolla and Joe Rogan. And nobody knew who Joe Rogan was. It was Mark Maron and Adam Carolla. And we got a room before my daughter was born and we started. Then my wife threw us out and we went to his apartment.

And then we got thrown out of there and we went to an office. We seen a chick get kidnapped. We fucking left that office. I mean, it was just a law. But this was all through mistakes. You don't learn from, you know, like now I see, take a podcast course for six weeks. Go fuck yourself. You know what I'm saying?

Who's teaching this year? Some guy at Seaton Hall? Get the fuck out of my face. It's a good scam, though, right? We should do it in the city. I know some, I know people that are like content creator managers that buy their followers. So like this one person that I know, 300,000 followers, right? And they're teaching courses on how to grow your social media, blah, blah, blah.

But like somebody with a brain, like me, I know the ins and outs of social media, you go to their page. Their videos get 100 views, two comments. All right, 300,000 followers. All of a sudden, yeah. But businesses that don't know any better are hiring these people because they see 300,000, 500,000 followers, and they're making money. So it's a good racket. It's a good scheme. How does it work?

Like, do you, like, when you got a good amount of followers, do you just reach out to, like, restaurants and brands or no i never reach up so i know a lot of influencers do i never do because like i don't want to be thirsty you know like i don't want and plus like i say like i like i like i like social media but social media is not my life like if this all like when ticot was shutting down last week like i was fine with it like you know it wasn't the end of the world like life goes on but like i don't reach out to restaurants and now i have pretty much a nice like following where restaurants are reaching out to me on like a daily basis so i don't need to reach out to restaurants or brands, but even when I had like 10,000 followers, 5,000,

I never wanted to be thirsty and be like, oh, I want to come to your restaurant and for a comte meal, I'll do this, I'll do that. Like, I never want to do. That makes me look bad, you know? Right. But it definitely does work. Like I, if you look at my explore page, it's not chicks with asses. It's comedy, sports, and food. And I can't, like, I've been to a million place, especially in New York. Like, since I've moved in September. I'll find places and I'll just like that's how I go. Like I, you can tell when it's like really scripted. Yeah.

But like when it's someone who's just going somewhere because they like it. Yeah. I'm going to give that a shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's cool. I never go to restaurants based off of influencers. Now that I know like influencers and what they do, I never go. Because I used to do that like before I started social media, I would go to restaurants that like influencers would post.

And like the restaurant, it would be the most disgusting restaurants. The food would be disgusting. because a lot of these places are gimmicky. Like the food is just like, it looks good for videos, and then you eat it, and it's like, oh, like, like, atrocious. I like the run-down spots, like what we were talking about before where Fat Tony is laying on the bar. Like, I like a place where they tell me no phones, no videos in here,

and then I'm like, oh, yeah, now I'm in a good sign. No, that's a good spot. Well, it was interesting what you said, because I actually read an article a couple years ago, like this restaurant owner in New York looked through his security cameras because he was getting a lot of bad reviews and he's like, what's going on?

and forget the number, but he's like, people are taking forever before their meal to take pictures of it, do all that, and then the food gets cold, and then, like, everything gets messed up. So we, like, banned phone.

I forget what it was in the New York Times, but it's interesting how, like, that's, like, ruining some restaurants. Yeah, it's annoying, even though I do it. But like I said, I do it one, two, three. Like, as soon as the food comes out, I do it. And I have friends that aren't influencers that I've been out to dinner with them,

and they're annoying as hell. Like, oh, man, no, no, no, we got to get the right child. Oh, no, move here. hand. Oh, no, no, put your bracelet like this. And it's like, oh my God, please let me drink my drink my drink before I friggin go nuts in here. And it's like, it's annoying. And you see every other table with the flash, blah, blah, blah. That's why like when I go to restaurants to do videos, I go as soon as they open. And like a lot of times people will be like, oh, the restaurant's empty.

The restaurant's empty. Or I'll go like an hour before they open because one, I never get people in my videos, like people that are just sitting to eat. Like I see like that all the time. And it's like, If that was me and I'm in somebody's video and I didn't know and I'm just out to dinner, I'd be so mad. So, like, I always go before a restaurant opens or when they first opened. So it looks empty, but it's not empty because they have no business. It's empty because nobody's there yet. I'm there before. That way, I don't annoy people that are actually there to eat.

Like, I can actually just do what I got to do without being a pain in the ass because I hate pains in the ass. It's just crazy that I love eating and I love food and I love going with different people. places, but I don't like cheating. Like, once I'm in a restaurant, I'm in a fucking restaurant. Like, once I feel like I'm family in that restaurant. Oh my God, me too. I'm the same way. I can't cheat.

I don't want to cheat. I'm the same. Nothing bothers me more than one a restaurant. And you're like, I love the chicken palm. And he's like, I love the manigot. And all of a sudden, some fucking knucklehead at the table says, well, it's not as good as this and I'm really part. You don't understand.

I'm like, I don't want to fucking hear your fucking mouth. Like, I don't want to hear your fucking mouth about what's better or what's saucier. I don't want to hear your fucking mouth. We're here right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's all that fucking matters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's the thing that bar, any restaurant you go to, there's always that one fucking lunatic.

Well, no, this makes, no, it does it. We've been coming here for 12 fucking years. What are you fucking talking about? Like, it infuriates me. When I like a restaurant, I like a restaurant. Yeah. You know, I grew up at this restaurant, a Chinese joint by here. Doug, you know how many times I got arrested and cops told me?

I would say like something about Chan's and they would go, we did a steak out in there one fucking rats were moving the walls. That's how big they were. Did I not go there the next day? I went there next day. You know, because I've been going there for 20 years. And when it was over, it was over. Like when it was over, it was over.

It's not going to come back. Nobody's going to put it together again. Right. It's time to find a new place. That's the problem I have. We live in a fucking, what, if we really look at the numbers, 65% Italian restaurant dominated areas between Louis's pizza, Nick's pizza, Domino's Pizza.

Think about how much fucking pizza. Now think about Italian food. So I like chicken franchise. Yeah. With a little cider pasta or something like that. I could go get it at Rudy's, which I really like with Osteria, which is fucking great too. But I know some dickhead's going to go, oh, you have to go to Zombo in Brooklyn, you know. You know, I don't want to hear your fucking mouth.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. So for me, when I fall in love with a restaurant, I can't cheat no more. Yeah, I like shit from this restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I used to go, by me and Marlboro, there's two restaurants. One's more towards the seafood thing. But it's too Brooklyn-y, you know, Thursday night.

It's all these divorced women. Oh, I hate restaurants like that. I know exactly. And they got the DJ. I'm in Long Island. Long Island is the mecca for those restaurants. Are you kidding me? Thursday night and Saturday nights at some of these restaurants.

There's a restaurant that I really like on Saturdays. They have that. And it's like, I can't even go there because it's like the DJ's going. And it's like you have all these like middle-aged people. that are like acting like they're 20 years old, like animals. Savages. Me and my friends who are in our 20s will be sitting at the table looking at these older people 60 years old,

acting like animals. And we're like, oh my God, like these people are freaking crazy. We went to one on mushrooms, and they were having like three birthday parties, and they had like the sparklers going off and going to the table at like 7 o'clock. It was still kind of light out. The fucking 22 sparklers, and everybody was saying it was gay.

The little waiter, they use the same gay waiter, happy, and I'm on my mother using my fucking mind. And you see these, listen, I love women. I love women, all shapes, all sizes. When a woman's 50 and she's dolled up and she don't give a fuck about her little stomach hanging out, that's the sexiest thing in the world. You goof on it a little bit.

You know, you look at their leopard pants or the fat hanging over the heel, and you're like, you know what, dog, look at this. Trying to get her. I can't be mad at that. It's the guys who bother me. It's crazy. They're my age.

They fucking grease their hair back. They put the white teeth in. They do a couple steroids. Hey, commos at each. Then they come over to you talking Italian, and they don't even talk Italian. Me and my friends love it, though, because we make fun of that.

Oh, yeah, you got you. That's the best. And now they think we're stroking their ego. And meanwhile, we're like, look at this clown. Like, it's the funniest thing. Hey, good for this. Yeah. Not much.

It's so funny. out of my face, top. You have like the fanksters, the how you doings. Like, they think they're like these big-time gangsters, the wannabes. Oh, my God. It's so funny. I don't even leave my house on Thursday nights in Long Island because I'm like, I'm going to stay home.

Yeah, so Thursday night, the best is when the disco singer from the 80 shows up. But I like it a little bit. I'm not going to like it too. I like a little disco freak. But that's when those freaks come out. But that's when they do the lip syncing over the thing. And she's all coaked up. She's sweating for pieces of me.

Crazy. Come on, dog. Give me a breather. Leave her at home. And you try to eat your food. You can't even eat. No. At that point, you're like, shit, I'm done to eat.

Let me. Do they return into karaoke at night? Like Thursday night or Friday night, they start doing karaoke? No, no. I don't go to one of those ones. They don't do that shit out there. The thing that they also do is, I used to follow this girl that we went to grammar school with or high school.

Her husband left it and up in Rudy's or something. You know who I'm talking about. She don't, she, she, she, I got sick of following her. I don't know. what happened? Facebook just said don't follow no more. I used to follow up to see the train wreck because she's my age and she's still out there

hustling. It's crazy. Trying to hustle guys and she's in no shape. The hair's falling out. Every time she takes a close-up you can see that where the shots go in. I mean it was just like there's a point where you've got to let it go. I appreciate it. I really do. You're trying

your best but you're at a point where you're hanging out with 30-year-olds and you don't look good but she'd go to all those restaurants with the chubby chick is dancing with fire. Listen. If I'm eating fucking food, I better not see no chubby chick dancing. That does not appeal to me or DJ Mario on a Saturday night or a Thursday night. I'm trying to talk to you.

You can't. I can't go out. I cannot. And then like the best part is, is like you have like these older people at these restaurants and they'll be looking at my friends. Like they'll try to like, you know, like try to like show. us, like, who's the boss? And, like, these women will be looking at me and my friends, like, and we'll be like, do what you got to do. Like, we're not here to take your men.

Like, we're just here to eat and just, like, because they think, like, it's a competition. Like, we'll be in the corner and they'll be like, and I'm going to be like, what do they call young girls who go after old pigeons? Gold diggers? Gold diggers? I'm not going to lie, I like an old pigeon. No, you are. I like old pigeon.

I was going to say, like, if I were you, I would take every free meal that I could get. Well, I don't need an old pigeon for a free meal at this point. Because the restaurants reach out to me. Oh, they must be pissed. I don't need the old. That's the only thing the guy's head. I like the old pigeons because I like the old pigeons. But you know what it is?

You know, because my mom, she always says it to me too. Like, my mom says, like, you hang out with these old men. But they're not old. But I like, I like the old school way of life. But I'm not talking about, like, these fanksters and wannabies and hang out of these places Thursday. I just like the stories that you were telling and like that old school. Like people my age now, they don't have that like old. They don't, it's not the same.

They don't believe us. That never happened. Okay, it didn't happen. I have more fun talking to somebody who's older than me than somebody my age. I'll talk to somebody my age and I'll be like, all right. But like talking to somebody older, just, and then they're not a weirdo and they're not trying to put on a show and they're not trying to be a creep. That's what I like. And I like to hear like their stories about how life was with the Italian.

and this, then. It's funny to me. But I do like, I'm not gonna lie, I like old pigeons. You know, man, and it's weird because, like I told you, I like talking to women. I like chit-chat and I like breaking their balls. I like that I'm married because it helps out a lot. Like, it just helps out a lot. You get out of a mess real fucking quick.

I gotta go, my wife's calling me, you know what I'm saying? Like, this ain't one. If they're crazy or whatever, nothing. You're on the hunt or nothing. You like to go out. I'm a comedian, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People fucking say shit to you. Women say shit to you.

You gotta talk to them. But I look at them, and I look at them like a kid. Like, yeah, it would be fun. But not really. Don't talk too much, because if I have my own pigeon watching this, then be like, I know, I don't say too much. I was reading a book today. I was reading the book.

I went to the hospital, I started this book. I liked to reread books every two years. And I was reading the book about Jose Battle. This motherfucker was 72 in the hospital and the feds finally came in one day and were like he goes for dialysis twice a week but on Thursdays it takes him an hour longer he was fucking his 24 year old wife that's crazy he posed her as a nurse and she was I was like at 72 that's extreme listen that's a little extreme I'm 62 next month, and I don't want to show my balls to anybody.

Like, I don't care what you're selling. You know, we can do anything else, but I don't want to show you my dick or my balls or my fungi toenail because I know it's going to fuck a woman up for the rest of her life. Even if she gets out of the old man craze and she marries a guy her age, you know, it's going to come out one day. Why are you making my tie? I used to date a guy that was 80s.

Yeah, but I wasn't going for 80-year-olds. I'm talking about like 50. 50s, yeah, yeah, yeah. 50, okay. And I can see it because you're very mature. Thank you. This conversation with us today, I've learned more about social media

than I thought I did just talking to you. And now, like, I want to ask you something. Again, none of my business, tell me to go fuck myself. I notice something. I go to a boxing gym, and there's two girls like you there. Young, innocent,

they love breaking my balls. They just love it. And I love them. You know, they, Joey, what are you doing, Uncle Joey? Come over here and punch me in their head. You know, whatever the fuck they want me to do. You know, because young girls are fucking nuts. So the one girl came up to me, she's like, Uncle Joey,

you don't follow me. And it's like my daughter came downstairs with five-hour girlfriends. They're like, Uncle Joey, follow us on Instagram. I'm like, listen, you five little dirty bitches. I am not, fuck, because that's how they throw you in jail. Yeah. They're 12.

They're 12! I'm not going to follow you. follow you five dirty bitches, okay? So get out of my fucking basis. They all went upstairs with long faces. Like, no, I didn't call them bitches, but I ain't following you. And especially that. Like, I don't know who I'm following. So I follow

her, and it's really weird. Like, I see, she's a fitness chick. She trains Pilates, and she does this. No men. And that whole fucking thing of hers is not one man. And this girl could have any man she wants. No bikini shots.

Nothing like that. But I've noticed a couple girls that age now. No men. Why? I don't know. I think with me, because I have such a big following on social media, I think people get intimidated. You know, even if, like, let's say, like, they're, like, you know, they're established and they have this. Like, I went out with one person who's, like, the love of my life.

So she's watching this. Okay. And, like, we went out to eat, and he's, like, very established. like in Long Island, we went on deep. They put us at this little table. Then they caught wind that it was me. So they come over. They're like, oh, do you want to sit here?

And it was like this huge, big round table. And we were like, no, we're fine sitting here. And after like they walked away, he's like, oh, you know, they knew who you were. That's why they wanted to move us to the big table instead of the little table. And then I was like, oh, and I was like, shit. Like, this is awkward because, like,

I don't want somebody to think like, oh, look, I have all this pole. And I think maybe that. that intimidates people, like, that I have pull and it's like, I don't have this. I don't know. That'd be, I'd love to go to a restaurant. I don't know. Maybe, maybe some men.

Here's a better table. Here's some appetizers. No, I don't know. Like, what do you think? About what? Those animals kicked in. Like, if you're, like, out with somebody and, like, you think, like, you, like, you know, like, but he's nice.

He doesn't think who he is. But you're out. And then, like, oh. Like they're putting on a show for the person that you're out to dinner with. And then he's an older guy. I'm young, whatever. He, they might start to get a little insecure. Maybe it's different for women.

Because, like, for guys, like, we're the ones we're supposed to show off. I think that's what it is. I think it's like a... Like, you know, like, imagine you were single. It emasculates someone. Right. Imagine you were single. And, like, but still a comic.

Like, you went to a place and, like, maybe they, like, made a big deal about you coming. But then she's saying she goes, and it's the opposite. And some guys are, like, a little bit insecure about a woman being, like, the more important one. or more well-known one. I think that's what my problem is. Well, let me show you something I'm a little crazy. I'm going to learn a little crazy. I'm going to show you.

I'm going to show me. This is the funniest thing I've seen all fucking day. I hope it comes through. I saw this and I fucking died this morning. It was fucking Ali Wong. Okay. You know, Ali Wang is a Chinese comic who is fucking nuts. and I love it at all my heart.

And she goes, you'll never have the idea what it feels like a woman with more money than you suck in your dick. That was on after you're real this morning and I'm like, God damn, Allie. And she went at it.

She was, I'm trying to find it. It was like four minutes to her going, it's spectacular. I'm talking, she's a nasty bitch, so she was just riding shit out. And I'm saying,

sitting there going, wow, that's a fucking pretty interesting thing. Right. If your wife made that much more money than you, what would the dynamic be in your house? Like, what would the dynamic be? Like, if your wife obviously made $10 million. Like, it's expected for the guy to be like a professional sports guy, and he makes $85 million a year, and his wife can be a housemaker.

But flip that around. Wait, that's what they call them, right? Homemakers, right? Yeah. I want to be a homemaker. You do? You do? Really? I do.

I do. I go through, like, phases. So like, like, I'm done with, like, social media. I always say, like, I want to get, like, I'll get married tomorrow, arranged marriage, delete all my social media, do homemaker for a little bit, and then I have my next phase after that. But, like, I want to do, like, a homemaker. I don't know. But you know why?

I grew up. My mom was a homemaker. My nondah was a homemaker. Her mom, her mom, her mom. That's just what I know, homemakers. Well, we're talking about homemakers. As you know, from, like, and all the men, I got to pee. So.

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467369. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-78-9-777-7 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino and Resorting Kansas, 21 and over, agent eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Boyd in Ontario. New customers only. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.com slash audio. We're back, bitches. Don't forget, Super Bowl's coming. Two weeks. a little dad out.

So anyway, back to you. Because it's getting interesting now. Talk to me about your dad. Oh, so my dad passed away when I was young. How old? Nine. Wow, I'm sorry. It's okay.

A lot of people, they always like, where's your dad? Where's your dad? That's why I don't post my dad. But I'm not like, I don't look for pity parties. So I don't even tell people unless like they flared out. Like, I'll never be like, oh, I hate my life. My dad died when I was young.

No, now I know your mom's available. My mom's going to eat this up. And you know what's so funny, going back to what we were saying about, like, the people, the older people on Thursday nights. Like, my mom makes fun of those people. Even though that's her demographic, she always says, like, she would never be one of those people, like, desperate. And she's like, I'd rather be at home. We were talking about my five German Shepherds. I'd rather be at home with the babies than be out, like, these people, like, just desperate.

It does make you look. But again, like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I'm like the first time I moved back to Georgia, I went out on Thursday night. And I saw eight women, all of them, 200 plus pounds, seductive clothing on, and I'm like, what? And I go, stop, Joey. Stop, look at them. They're fucking beautiful. God bless them.

God, what am I going to do? God bless them. They're not your type, and maybe you're not their fucking type. But at least they're out there slinging. You know, a lot of these freaks, not to cut you up. Freaks? They're swingers. Okay.

So there's one. What do you mean swingers? Like, there's swingers. Like, there's a restaurant that we were at, me and my friends, and we got word that, like, oh, don't look at these people. Like, it was an older couple, don't look at them because they're swingers. They, they, a lot of these older people that look like, like disgusting, but all seductive,

they're looking for other older people to bring home. That's like Long Island. Long Island is a crazy place. So it's like married couples will fuck each other. Oh, why? You've never heard of that term swinger? No, no, I understand. But it's funny that you said that

Because I've never been I've never seen that shit I'm me either Joe and me either At the place I go to There's a couple And they're always up to something No good

Yes Always up to something Every time I go to this restaurant On a Saturday night There's a couple there Looking to pick people up And I'm like oh my God These people are sick

And they say don't look their way Do not look their way So I'm right with these people They'll try to like inch over a little bit And it's like I'm looking at you Because you're a freaking freak like freaking a weird way, not like a freak that I want to join you guys. But Long Island, it's a freaky place.

Thursday and Saturday nights, Long Island, no matter what restaurant. If a restaurant has a DJ in Long Island on a Thursday or Saturday night, do not go. Because it's a freaky spot. The one place is really like big money by me. And there's a woman at the gym saying, she's telling them, she goes, those women have sex in the bathroom. And they thrive up and fucking Lexuses or Mercedes. sick. They're banging in the bathrooms at those restaurants, do it. Yeah, it's sick.

And the one place where I go to the girls of the waiters, we were talking the night, she goes, I hate Thursday nights here. She goes, you got to look at the women's bathroom. It's disgusting. She goes, the men's bathroom is okay. The women's bathroom looks like a fucking bomb hits it in there,

puke, and fucking stockings ripped and shit. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's really crazy. How, like, are you, do you have a lot of friends your age who are more like you? or a lot of your friends, like the party type? No, I have no friends out of the party type. All my friends are like me.

They're like that OG, like old school ways, that they have like the same kind of families that they were brought up. Like, so they're not, I don't have friends that are like, let's go to the club. Like, you'll never find me in the club. I'd rather be in these freaky restaurants, these freaks looking at these weirdos

than actually be in like a club. You don't go to these clubs with like VIP bottles. No, no, no, no. Not even when I was younger. Like, maybe I went once or twice, and it's like, it's just that you stand there like this. Like I had to explain that to my mom the other day

because she doesn't go out. So she thinks nightclubs are like how it was back in the day when she was going out like in the 80s and the 90s. And I'm like, my mom, nightclubs are not like that. Like you go to the with the VIP bottles and people just stand there. And they're all on drugs. Like, it's crazy.

Like going out in the city, we'd never. I just never understood that whole. It's just a show wolf. No, that's all it, basically. Like when we grew up, there was, you know, you stood at the door like an idiot. The duty that knew you, you had a hookup, a cousin, you got in there. And you went in and the drinks were like, whatever, eight bucks,

and everybody drank, you know. But now you got to sit in the back and why you're in there. Hold on. Security fucking. Yeah. From fucking. That's it. We're going to cut this part out.

The guy's name that I'm dating is, like, seeing my husband is . There you go, see. here, step aside. And he walks in with like fucking eight other guys that you could mug them. Like I would have taken that money 10 years ago right off the back, like, without even thinking. Like, where are they sitting?

Let's go over there, take that cocaine, whatever the fuck they got. That's what it is now. And you walk in, I used to go to Vegas. Now I would get sick to my fucking stomach. After the UFC fights, they take me out, and I go, I'm not doing this. And you go, and I'll tell you what else has died

about the club life. Half of these motherfuckers shouldn't be in a club. Let's get to that. They're not that attractive. Yeah, but the lights are dark so you don't know what you're like. Neither am I. But I go to Vegas, like when I'm walking back to my room and I see these people waiting online,

you've got to start tapping. Listen, you'd have a better time with that tomato and cheese soup in your room because they have it on the menu in Vegas, right? Remember, I always tell you, you can always get a cup of fucking tomato soup with cheese instead of putting yourself through it. That's a bunch of young people. Like, listen, when I was fucking 19,

If there was a guy in a bar that was 27 talking to my friends, the girls I was with, I would have a fucking heart attack. Okay? I would have a fucking heart attack to the point where we either rob them, get into a fight with them, it was always something.

So as I was getting older, I always thought the same way. Like Joey, you're just too fucking old to be there. You're just too old to be there. Like even my last 10 years of doing drugs, I was not out. I would get that package and run home by myself. Lock my wife would be knocking.

What's going on in there? Nothing. I'm fixing the toilet. Whatever the fuck. I didn't like it. I did not like it. And now, like, I find myself going out one night a week to a bar. I don't drink.

I go. I eat mushrooms. And I sit there and I fucking giggle. And that's the last thing I was going to tell you that. Last time I went out, I bumped into swingers. I didn't know there were swingers until I gave them the mushrooms. And the chick goes, why don't you eat something? some too. And me, you and my boyfriend

and go back to my place, and I'm like, she's hotter than fuck. She's an Arab chick. I was like, nah, I'm out of that shit. Nah. Nah, nah, not to get back to social media, but like, I would love to like see what your DMs are like. Oh my God, my DMs are great.

Because they must just be. Some of the DMs, I block, if they're like really perverted, because I get real perverted one, I block them because they, but But like some of them are just desperate and or they're funny like whatever like oh, blah, blah, blah. But like real perverted disgusting one's blocked. I don't want you on my page. Like even comments I get like, I'm like, these people are commenting this disgusting perverted stuff on my videos.

And like you see that picture. They have their names. Like you're not embarrassed. Like somebody seeing you say that. But I deleted and I block it. I'm like, this is disgusting. Is there a world where a guy would, you know, I'm not obviously dickpick crossing a line. But like if a guy was like hitting you up like, oh, you're so pretty.

Let me take it. Could that ever work? I can't imagine that ever work. On some people, yes. I don't meet people off social media. Okay. So for me, no. It could be, he could be a billionaire.

You know, I like to people, maybe not a billionaire. Maybe I would. I don't blame you. Maybe I would go. But I like to meet people organically, even though I don't even leave the house. I just leave on Thursday and Saturday night. I don't want to meet those people either. But I don't even if, if they're.

could be a nice person. I look through that pictures. It could be attractive. Would I answer? Maybe I'd say thank you. I'd probably not even thank you. I would in my head say thank you, but I would never be. That's all they get. They get a double tap. I could never meet somebody off social media. I don't know. It's just a weird. I don't want to get married to someone and then be like, oh, we met off social media. Like that's, it's crazy. Do you ever do any of like the dating apps? No. When I was younger, so it's so funny, when I was like 21, I had a boyfriend for like three or four years who loved you. you and like he would always be watching your podcast like all Joey Diaz watched Joey Diaz so he's gonna see this he's gonna go oh yeah he's what hi he's gonna see this and he's gonna cry himself to sleep but um but we met off of a dating app but i was young i was 21 at the time now at 27 would i meet somebody off a dating app no no just like in real just real life okay yeah like a real life so you're 27

yes i i you know i can tell you i i thought you i thought you were 25, but your presence is 34. Thank you. See, a lot of people used to say to me, oh, I thought you're older, and I used to take it offensive. Because you just fucking confused the shit out of me. That you went to college and the boyfriend, so I'm like, maybe I was right. Maybe she is in the 30s, but... I used to get like, what the fuck are you talking about? I'm 30, like in my 30s, but then, like, people would explain

it like, oh, you don't carry yourself, like somebody in their... And then I'm like, all right, because I was saying, what do I look old? Like, back in the day when I was like, 16, 17, and somebody said to you, oh, you look older. And then it's like, oh, okay. Now I'm like 30. But yeah, I don't know. You don't look 30, but you carry yourself.

Thank you. But that's why I like an older crowd, as opposed to my crowd. Because I've never met somebody like my age, like to go out, like to go, like the guy that who was in love with you when I dated him when I was 21, he was four years older than me, but he was like a, like a child. Like he was like, it was so much that it made me like. I need an older man. And ever since him, he ruined it to me.

I was like, I need somebody older. Like, I can't. I can't with somebody young because it's just, it's too different. Like, if somebody, the mindsets. Were you the same growing up? Because, like, even taking dating out of the thing, like, in high school or whatever, like, my best friend in L.A. is sitting right there. Like, it's like, it's just, I've always connected more with people who are a little bit older than me.

Me too. Yeah. Me too. Growing up, I always hung around my family, too. I don't have any cousins. I don't have any young people, like, besides my brothers and my family. So, like, I always was around, like, older people. Even, like, when I was little, little, and, like, I'd be sitting at, like, the grown-ups table with my non-no, my nunna and his, their sisters and everyone, like, all, like, 70-8-year-olds.

And I'd be, like, five years old, and I'd be sitting there, like, having the time of my life around these older people. But I've always gravitated towards older people. And that's why I love working at the deli that I'm at. It's because it's all, like, seven-year-old. 60, 70, 80-year-old Italians, like those old-school Italians. And it's like, oh, I can relate to these people. Like, it's funny. Like, the shit they say, like, you don't hear that anywhere else.

But that little store, I'm like, this is the Twilight Zone. Like, that all these freaks come in and it's the best thing. But I've always gravitated. I got to tell you something, man. You're the first woman I've met in a long time. I have to go home and hug my daughter tonight. You give me fucking faith. Thank you.

I meet women. I got to go home and hug my daughter two times and go. What the fuck, man? What the fuck? But you're a different type of fucking egg, my friend. Thank you. And it's so funny, going back to my dad passing away when I was younger, I always see, like, fatherless.

I don't know if you've ever seen, you've probably seen it because you're younger, like fatherless activities. Like, it's like a joke, like girls that grew up without fathers. Like, they're like these monsters, like, like, like pigs. Like, you know, so I'm like, shit. They're pigs. Did your mom remarry? She did.

So I grew up with a stepfather in the house. And he was cool. Yes. And then I had my like, he was, you know, growing up with a stepfather's never. Never good. He was like kind of like a finkster, like a wannabe gangster. So like I didn't pay him any mind. What do you call him?

A finkster. Oh my God. When they're like the wannabe gangsters, they're finksters. Like he was like a finkster. So but growing up I had my uncle. So like I always say like I grew up like my father passed away. but I had my uncles. So, like, my uncle Carlo, who I'm very close with, he's my godfather, every weekend he would come over to my nun that's house.

He'd be taking us on vacation. He'd be taking us to Six Flags. He'd be taking us here. So it was never like we grew up without a father, even though we didn't. We, like, always had somebody, like, showing us love and, like, attention. You know, it's funny today I was talking to a friend of mine that you probably know. And we were talking about Catholicism, you know, how I want to do a show about Barnabas. you know, the guy that Jesus forgave on the cross.

And, you know, we want to talk about St. Michael and fucking all these fucking religious Mary Magdalene, you know, we're all going to put them together. I forgot what I was going to fucking tell you. I can't be smoking pot. Catholicism. Catholicism. No, but I was trying to talk more about old school. Like how we were raised.

Like, I had a godfather who, my father died when I was three. My Godfather was there every fucking Saturday. Yeah, the time. And we'd walk from 88th Street to 42nd Street, and he'd take me to one of those fucking kid movies. And then he told him, he goes, I'm not going to go to those pussy movies no more. He took me to see the world's greatest athlete.

I'll never forget, and the love bug. And he's like, I can't tolerate these things. If you want me to take it to the movies, I've got to take you to Big Boy movies. And for the next three years, he took me to see every fucking movie, never porn on 42nd Street just, you know, people getting shot

and they're crazy, shit like that, you know? And you forget that. Like a godfather, what a godfather's job is? Yeah. People, like my daughter's godfather, we haven't talked in two fucking years, and he hasn't sent the car. Yeah, yeah.

God knows. It's like so weird how the godfather thing has disappeared from this country. Like, when I was a kid, my godmother, my godfather were divorced, I wasn't allowed to see my godmother. My mother would send me down to Miami She was fucking gorgeous And she would fucking cook for me

And give me clothes all week That was a godmother and a godfather, you know Now all those things have disappeared Now it's just a name They just name godfathers and godmothers Just because it's not the same man All these things Like when the last 30 years

That's why I was so Like I wanted to meet you Because you brought it back to me Like just the people yelling on the streets. You know, there's a place that just opened by my house, Fyellas. And people were pissed. They're like, why would Fyellas open if Lovotis is around the corner?

Lovoli's like a big chain. And I went into Fialas and I'm like, I get it. Because I can talk to the butcher. Because I could talk to this woman about the rice pudding. I could talk. He's going to bring me chocolate bread from Staten Island. I love that shit. You know, and that's what we're missing again.

Yes. Now it's my favorite place. Friday. I was home from the hospital. I went out to get the mail. He left me a fucking meatball sandwich with rice pudding. You understand me? Yeah, they don't have places like that.

That shit has disappeared. I mean, you went to one because my brother George goes to a meatball place. What's the name? What, Cuomo's deli? No. Oh, well, Cuomo's over here, but especially out, too. I don't think I went to that one. I went to Cuomo.

You went. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He said a couple days later he went to Cuomo. Like, that deli. Yeah. You know, like, get fucking, I'm Cuban. And they're Cubans over there. Not the guy, not the owner, but all the workers over there are Cuban.

Yeah. I'm Cuban. But nothing pisses me off when a motherfucker walks into Jersey mics. Because somebody's grandmother came over on a boat to make capacola sandwiches. And here you are going to Jersey mics. Like, where's the fucking tradition? And Italian kids are going in there. I'm not going to lie, I've been to Jersey mics a couple.

I know. And listen. Listen, man, every once in a while, I think once a year I eat Jersey mics. You know what it is? These Italian spots, they close early. Jersey mics is open until 10 o'clock. So sometimes, I get an anchor. You know what?

Then fucking wait. Then fucking wait, okay? If you can't have it from the man himself, then fucking wait. Sometimes you get a hangaring for some copicola. 9 o'clock in night. It's not the same, but. Well, because I was thinking about when you were asking me some of your rules, I want to get your opinion on this.

If you went to, like, the deli that you work at and someone ordered a turkey sandwich. We don't even have turkey. I told you. What the fuck? We went to the... There was this place. What was the name of the restaurant?

Everybody talked about in Van Nuys, whatever the fuck in California. Dominic... Steve loved it. Oh. Vicentees, whatever the fuck it was. Something like that. All right.

I went up there one day. It was okay. You know, they spoke... I don't even know if they spoke it. What was the name of it? Remember the one of that? Steve Simone on the Toro Boulevard. I remember the pizza place, the pizza from

Brooklyn, but that's not the place you're talking about. That place sucked dick, too. The deli. Oh, yeah, I do remember the deli. There was two of them. There was that one in Piccolo's in Burbank. Right. Piccolo's, just, if Italians are out there,

burn it. That place, the food was beyond bad. The meatballs were beyond bad. In California, the only good place to get Italian food is up north. Santa Barbara, that motherfucker. There's a place up there that makes a lasagna with a meatball in the middle.

Holy shit. Holy shit. But down in the city, all that, I went in there one day. I was like, like, I'm going to be in a bad mood. Going in there already, you know what I'm saying? Like, who am I going to bump into? And some motherfucker came in there with sandals

and all the turkey sandwich on, like, fucking white bread. I thought I was, I had to do everything like. And then he started complaining. I'm like, that's not enough salt on me. I hate that. Listen, get the fuck out of here.

Go to shop right, all right? You're gonna come in here. Domingos. I was trying out, yeah, yeah. Domingos. That's a good place for that way. All that shit drives me fucking insane. You have no idea how fucking, like, little things at restaurants.

Like, all of a sudden, waiters became really fucking annoying the last four years. They stand by you. How long do they stand by me? Go away. Give me five. You know, you tell a guy, give me five minutes, but he only goes with George's. And you're like, Now, do you think they do that to you because you're you?

Because I've had restaurants do that to me because of social media. Okay. Which is annoying. I know what you mean. It's annoying. Listen, it's sometimes it's because of me. They think, I don't know. But if anybody knows me, I slept on the fucking park.

So I'll eat with that dirty fucking fork. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't need, you ever see pretty women? No, I heard of it, though. You ever see the Richard Gia? I've heard of the movie. Okay, she's a hooker.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he takes her back one day, and she's eating strawberries and all this shit. I don't know what he's talking about. And at one point she goes, listen, I'm a sure thing. You know what I'm saying? That's the same thing with me. Yeah, yeah. It's a sure fucking thing.

What are we talking about? You're talking about when it denoes you when the waiters are close. Yeah, when the waiter comes over and it's just too much for me. Do you want bottled water or regular water? Just give me fucking water. Or do you want Agua Premanada, the lemon, just give me the fucking water. I'm going to be having a conversation. They don't read the room no more.

God forbid, I'm overproposing to you. God forbid. Lianne, I want to marry you. I want to be one of your old pigeons. Yeah, water or lemonade? Get the fuck out of you. They just don't know anymore. They just can't read the fucking room.

You know, my daughter told me about a month. She's like, I don't want to go to a restaurant no more. I go, why not? She goes, because the waiters drive me fucking crazy. So if I take it on my restaurant, I got to take it to the bar in the daytime. She loves the chicken pawn from there

or she takes it to go. Dad, bring it for me to go. I don't want to deal with the waiters. She fucking hates it. My daughter is the only fucking kid that won't go for breakfast. Hates it. It's too much drama for her in the morning.

Too much. Too much. I asked her again, the ad day. I go, what do you want to go for breakfast? She's like, too much drama. Too many questions. And I'm like, you know what? You're fucking right.

You're fucking right. But all that stuff went away. I like to be left alone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll call you. Lan, what's up? I'm sorry, I know you're with the other table. Lan, can you bring me the monogne?

You know, whatever the fuck it is. My favorite thing is because after the podcast, we've been going out to eat, I know Joey well enough where I can see when he's getting frustrated. And when, like, a server, you don't like when they're close, but when they disappeared and the food's taking too long, you... You get so upset. And when you try so hard, I can see you, like,

talking yourself off of a ledge in your head. Listen, Brian, I like the Chinese led this country in service for a reason. You ever go to a Chinese restaurant? You sit. They come over, they give me that fucking menu, and you go, I don't even need it. Give me number three. Hot sour soup in there.

That motherfucker ain't coming back out unless he's got the soup, the water, and the chips. Don't come back out empty-handed. Now people come out empty-handed. Where do you go? Where's my soup? You go in and go like this. That's the shit that drives me fucking crazy. Like there's no more thought.

Right. You know, there's no more. I went to one restaurant and I, great, steak place, but they have the best hamburger in Jersey, supposedly. And it is a good fucking burger. And I asked the guy, go, how do you have a burger and a steak? He goes, well, get two hamburgers and get a steak and chop it up, you know? At least the guy had a solution.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The other waiters were like, I went to another restaurant where I'm with my childhood friends. We're having a night out. And this motherfucker brings me a towel and doesn't bring it for the rest of my friends. Oh, that's fucked up. Then he brings my neighbor to the table. that didn't even know I was there. I was on the other side of the restaurant.

So this motherfucker went over there and said, Joey Diaz, and here's my neighbor. And also my neighbor comes back then. They're staring at me like, hi, how are you? What can I do? Sit at the table? I already got eight gorillas at the fucking table. It's like they don't think.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't like to be bothered when I'm the type of guy. I just want to eat, keep it light. Let's talk about your boots. Let's talk about whatever. I don't want to get into politics. Oh, me, I don't do that. Oh my God.

Yeah, me either. I went to a comedy club one night. They bring the pizza in the words of my Italian predecessors. It was pure Mushad. This pizza, he's like, the best pizza you ever gonna have. The fucking thing folded 18

fucking times. I just got it to put the mushrooms in to eat the pizza with. His buddy comes in and now they want to talk about politics. By blood pressure. And I kept saying, guys, it's a pretty fucking small room in here. This guy, you saw him that night. Wouldn't shut the fuck up.

I finally go, don't, no politics, get the fuck out. And he ran out of that because all those things, when I eat, I like to eat in fucking peace. Right, right. But today's world, you can't eat in peace. Who wants to take a fucking picture? Yeah. I'm over here telling my life story

to this nice little girl. And you want to come over here and take a picture? And then if you don't, you're a bad guy. Yeah, how about I crack you in the fucking head? You're pissed of shit if you don't take a picture. Yeah, get the fuck out. And I tell him now. Look where I am. Yesterday, I took my daughter in the mall.

We're sitting outside one of those girls' stores. You know, love me forever. I'm embarrassed enough that I'm in there. I'm crossing Victoria's Secret. I'm looking like a fucking pedophile out there. So there's a chair.

I turn the chair around and I sit looking at the corner like I'm going to climb out because that's how I roll. I don't want nobody to see me there. I've been my daughter. I told myself, we're not going into fucking

Victoria's Secret because I fucking have a heart attack. But then I saw another place. Bring your old bra in, and they'll give you 20 bucks. Oh, airy. And I'm like, go in there. Go give them the old fucking stinky bra.

Oh, my God. I saw that same sign yesterday when I went to the wall. That's so funny. And that stuck with me all fucking day. I thought I'll wake up to Selena Gomez crying. What the fuck is wrong with that little Mexican bitch? Oh, my God. These California people, why are you crying?

If you like the Mexicans so much, get on the bus. Tell Trump to pick up. you up. I'm over here sweating bullets. You don't see me walk in the last couple days. My last name is Diaz. They might make a fucking mistake. And I'm calling you collect from Columbia. It's the fucking truth.

I know. I stay out of all that too. That's why I stick to food. I never go into anything. I know. I see that. I don't touch upon anything on my social media. But it's not, I don't want to say that I don't care. Because you can't say that you don't care. But it's like, I just, I can't be strict.

Because what is stress ain't going to do over these things? It's not going to do anything. Right. Well, like, what are some of you, you heard what pisses Joey off? Like, what are three things that if you're going to a restaurant that's, like, hired you to go out or even if they didn't hire you?

Like, what are the three things that piss you off? I hate when people come up to me and ask me for pictures. And so, like, now I'll take pictures with women. I don't take pictures with men. Because men are creepy. You know, some, they've been taking pictures. Like, one time I had a guy coming to the deli, and I already enforced this policy where I,

I don't take pictures with men. He goes, can we take a picture? I was like, no, I'm sorry. He's like, come on, I want to make my Sicilian wife mad. So you're going to use me to make your wife jealous. So then she's going to hate me for no reason. I didn't do anything. But you want to like, so I don't take pictures with men.

I was at a feast over the summer in Brooklyn. And I was around like all other content creators. And there was like these guys, they're a little bit older than me, like maybe like 10, 15 years. Like early 40s. We're having a conversation. I've always, like, have been friendly with them. This kid comes up to me, and he was like 20 years old. He was with his mother, who's a boy, man, he was 20 years old.

He's like, can I take a picture with you? Now I'm like with my, like, I just didn't feel like taking pictures. I was like, no, I'm sorry. Like, it was fine. Like, I didn't want to do a picture. I saw these motherfuckers the next week are on a podcast with somebody else that I know, talking about all these influencers, they let it get to their head, remember where you came from.

We were at a feast. and one of them said no to this child and his mother. And I'm watching this. We're thinking we're friends. And I'm like, these motherfuckers are talking shit about me. And then the other guy, oh, I saw it with my own eyes. Can you believe how these people are to their fans? And they're talking to other people I know.

I called the other people I know. I'm like, these motherfuckers, they're saying X, Y, and Z about me. Now, the other people they were talking to, they know me. So they're like, I can't believe they were saying that. So then I unfollowed them. Like, I didn't want problems. I unfollow them. Not too long.

This was over the summer. too long ago, one, he messages me. Hi, Leanna. Why did you unfollow me? I thought we were cool. I thought we were friends. I said, excuse me, I said, I saw that podcast and I didn't appreciate that you were talking about me. Even though you didn't name me and name, you guys, after I had walked away, we're talking shit. Oh, can you believe she said no?

Like, if I don't want to take a picture with somebody, what the fuck? I don't want to take a picture with them. Like, it's like, I got to take pictures with people. I came to the point where it was starting to bother me when I did comedy. so I stopped doing comedy that's how much you've got to me yeah and especially when I moved back here because when I was growing up

there's no cameras a lot I don't know what you're doing with that camera there's cocaine there's naked people here put that camera away we're gonna break it on you we're gonna ask you one time and that's how I was raised that's why when I put the book out a couple years ago people are you have no pictures because we weren't allowed cameras

we don't like these fucking cameras when I did the documentary what I say to you keep that camera low and what happened on charge A guy told us to put the camera away. We don't come from that society. So put the fucking camera away. But I do think, because like, it's different with comics, because I think a lot of comics take pictures after the show.

And I've seen you take that... No, no, no. And I think that's the point. And the time and the place. Exactly my point. But... And not during the show. Not during the show.

Like, I can't go to see you perform. Because if you're singing and I come, three motherfuckers are gonna go, can we take a picture? That's disrespectful to Leanne. Right. That's disrespectful. when you're supposed to take picture. No, it's fucking her night tonight.

Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's disrespectful. So get the fuck out of here with the camera. There's so many situations where I love people, and I love women and I love men. I don't mind taking a picture because of the fucking place for it. Right, right. Friday night.

I was in the house school last Friday night, not this past Friday. The former force, I said, you know what? I'm just going to go for a ride Friday night. I went out, I picked up my drunk brother. I dropped him off, listened to his bullshit for fucking, about the 10 families and the mob the fish company

I know I dropped them off and I stopped by my place now it's dead and I'm fucking happy I'm really it's dead now I just got a hospital

I don't drink but I like their pistachio martini is fucking badass in there I didn't get it I just got a water and I was talking to the owner's wife

there's two people over here two people it's a bar like goes circular two here two here two here two here two here two here, but there's seats in between us. The place ain't packed. I'm sitting there, and I see a black dude and a white dude walk in.

I'm like, fucking ICE is here. Because they both looked like they were big and shit, and they had, like, jackets. I didn't say a word. I just kept watching. There was a hockey game and political shit. And when I go to those places, I just look at the TV, because I don't want to get involved. Right.

So I just talk to whoever I'm with, and I look at the TV. these two guys come back but now they bring eight guys back guess where they decide to stand right next to you like to get close like I want to meet you yeah like I'm over here looking at a phone sending I was sending old

podcast videos to my daughter that's what I was doing at the bar 1015 I just knew I wasn't going home till 1030 I couldn't walk in my house my wife was what happened to your night nothing I just couldn't walk in that I walked I said I'm gonna wait till 1030 I got up because they got coming closer

and louder and louder and trying to get me into the conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had that happen too. And you're no dating. You're never going to get me into your country. You can light yourself on fucking fire. You can light yourself on fucking fire

and I will not get involved. If I don't know you, and finally the owner turned around, she goes, guy, after three people walked down and they kept telling you guys, can you move? The owner finally turned around, guys. The place is fucking, like fucking, and they were all in their 40s. Uh-huh.

They're not like, you know, steroid dudes or nothing. And that's what happens every time I go out. That's annoying. And some nights I take my wife. And, hey, can I take a picture? Yeah. When I grew up, if a guy's telling his life story to any woman,

whether she's six or 60, you keep fucking walking. You don't say nothing to that man. He's talking to a woman. And the same goes out. If I know you are, I see you talking to some old bird. You think I'm going to come up to you. Hey, no. I just look at you.

You give me a wink. And we just go, I say. the fucking things, you know, but now it's, and people have no idea that when you take a picture, you're going to get everybody else started. Right, yeah. Now people who don't even know you

are going to come over, don't take a picture. So guess what happened? 20 minutes of your night, 20 minutes that you were going to spend with Nona and your mother talking, just we're not doing it. But people don't realize that

because they say their rationale even for you, oh, but you do this, you chose this, so you got to do it. It's like, I'm a real person. I'm a human being. I'm the same way. I won't do dick. I'm the same way.

If I don't want to do it, I'm not going to do it. I'm the same way. Thanksgiving night. We did a show somewhere. Did we not? We did a show. Parks in Philly. I went to my bar.

Places passed. I walked in them in the corner. Mushrooms are on fire. I'm going to move to talk to nobody. I'm looking straight ahead of an NBA game. I don't even know who's playing. And sure enough, our fucking 12 guys came over

from the ages of 25 to 30. I'm like... Men are worse some women when it comes to that. It's Friday night. I suggest you go get some pussy. They looked at me like I called them a fucking... They looked at me like pussy.

What's that? The bar is filled with pussy, and you guys want to take a picture with a 60-year-old fat fucking felon. Get your fucking priorities together. Thank you, sir, and they walked away pissed. I don't got time for that. Because at that age, I'd be mugging that celebrity.

Anybody who knows me? I saw a richer gear out one night. I almost killed that motherfucker. Because when we were young, every woman wanted to be a richer gear. How would you feel? If any time you want to be with a man, they go, I want to be with Isabella.

And you're like, fuck Isabella, that dirty bitch. Now, when did the jewelry line come up? Because you were involved in a couple different things. Oh, my God. So, yeah, so the jewelry I do, so it's so funny, the girl that I do it with, she's like a social media, she's the best.

I love her. I've known her since I, like, first got started. Like, she's, like, the one who, like, taught me, like, oh, you need to monetize this. You need to make it a business. Like, because I was just doing it for fun. Like, I wasn't doing it to be famous or to make money. She's, like, always been from the beginning, like, the nicest places.

Girl, and I'm the worst. Like, I decline or I won't answer, like, 95% of the things I get invited to. It's because I just like to live in my own, like, bubble. and like I just I like to do social media from my like house and that's it like I don't want to go outside my bubble so like there's so many things that I could go to and like everybody that knows me personally gets so mad at me because I decline like big things but I'm like oh like I don't want to do it like unless I really want to do it like this I really wanted to do it like this I really wanted to do it like this like trying to help me and like this I was like really in that like I just wouldn't answer like she never would stop like oh you go do this go do this like trying to help me and like make this into a business for me. So I appreciate that. And then she has this like really nice jewelry line. So she's like,

you want to do a collaboration with it? I was like, yeah, sure. Okay, let's do it. We'll split the proceeds. So now we have that jewelry line and it's like really fun. Like she would hire like a photographer to come. We would take pictures. It was like a lot of fun like to do something like that.

I like to work with nice people. I won't just work with anybody because like, if I put my name behind something, I like to actually like like the people that I'm working with. Like, the same thing with restaurants. Like, I won't go to a restaurant if the staff is, like, rude or, like, fucked up. Or, like, like, some restaurants, like, there's this one restaurant that I go to, like, I don't know.

Like, the girls that work there, like, they're, like, the biggest bitches I've ever met in my life. Like, I'll walk into the restaurant like this. They'll look at me and I'm like, fuck. Like, shit. Like, I'll never come back here again. Like, it's simple. Like, you know, like, well, excuse me. Like, I hate that.

And, like, I like, I like to be friends. with everybody. So like when I see that, like, I'm not the type, like, I have girlfriends that, like, they'll see that and they'll be like, all right, let's do something. Like, me, like, I don't want to, like, I just will never come back. So, like, there's a restaurant, like, I just will never come back there because, like, the girls that work there make me feel so uncomfortable for no reason. I don't know how I stood talking about this. But, all right, so going back to restaurants. So, like, that restaurant, I probably would never post again because, like, there's no need for that. I like restaurants where, like, they're really nice. Like, the staff is

friendly. How did we start talking about this? I'm rambling. You were talking about your jewelry line. You like nice people. Oh, yes. So I like to work with nice people and the girl that I do with, she's a very nice person. I do think getting back, you said something interesting about like you get invited to things that you don't go to. Something that Joey started like in the top of me in the beginning is like you don't want to have like everyone has the same video. So like if you went to all those things. I'm sure I've seen eight videos about the same stuff. So, like, your stuff is always going to be unique.

And it's like, you don't need to go to, like, the pizza festival. Because every other person is going to be there. So, I love, like, growing up in New York, New Jersey has feasts, too, like, the Italian feasts. Like, I love them. Like, the Brooklyn Feast. Like, I like the one 18th Avenue. I like the one in Williamsburg, out in Brooklyn. Like, I would go

to those. And, like, I was, like, I don't want to say I started it. Like, I don't like to be like that. But, like, when I was going to these feasts, no influencers were going to these feasts. Like, these were, it was just, I was the only one doing this, maybe with one other person. Now, I went to the feast last year. I went to one, I never went

again, because it's all, it's like, come on. Like, if you weren't doing that from the beginning at these feasts, don't come. You know what I'm saying? Is that they show up on the Yankees in the World Series? Yeah, right. It's a Yankee act. Yeah, like, don't come. Like, make your own feast. Do not come to

these feasts if you weren't there when I was doing it originally years ago when nobody was there. Because then it gets to the point where it's like everybody's showing Zeppelies. Everybody's showing sausage and peppers. And it's like, I don't want to do it anymore because everybody's showing it. Everybody's doing it. And now you've ruined my favorite thing. I love peace.

Now, if they want to look at this jewelry, where do they go? Oh, so the brand is Cozenza, NYC, so they could go on that. But like, I always say, like, I don't like to push things on people. Like, I'll never be like, buy this. Oh, I'm selling this. Buy this. I don't like to push things. Like if you want to buy it, if you want to support.

But they're nice jewelry pieces. Like they're beautiful pieces. So like that I'll push. But I don't like to push things down the throat. Like I see like a lot of people do cameo. You know cameo? Do you do cameo? Okay, good.

I want to do shit. But like I see people do cameo like, oh, for $70, I'll send you a video saying happy birthday. Like what? Like, who the fuck are you? Like, you know what I'm saying? Some of them are a lot more than $70. Like, I see people like influences like, like me, like charging people and people buy it.

And like me, I'm like, what the, like, I would be embarrassed to charge somebody $100 of a video of me saying, hi, Tom, like, congratulations. There's a lot of things you've got to have your pride for. That, yes. And there's enough money to go around. Yes. Unless you're a fucking, there's enough money to go around. And at one point, you've got to go, these are the things I'm not.

doing. And these are the things I refuse to fucking do. And you got to stick to them. It's like anything else. You know, you want success. If you don't want to be in that hole, then don't be in that hole no more. If they call you to be in that hole, go, no. It's a little bit of money. But yeah, it's like short films. You know, SAG has these low-end movies. For three or four years, I got called on all the $100 day movies. Until I go, fuck these bitches. I said, it's time for them to pay me my money. Right. And guess what?

All of a sudden it went up. I took a year off from doing those stupid movies. What I lose? $4,000. Right. I lose nothing. And that's the same thing.

You can't milk these people from every fucking direction. Right, because nobody's going to watch you. And people want to support you. Yeah. We give them a free thing. When you go to a restaurant, you just saved their time

and you made it colorful for them. Right. Maybe they were thinking of taking their wife there. Right. You know what I was at a restaurant on one night. I made a video. When I went to pay, somebody saw the video on Instagram and picked up the tab.

Oh, that's nice. Called the restaurant. Oh, wow. And they never said to who it was. I want that to happen to me. Yeah, they never said. What the hell are you old pigeons doing? Yeah.

But, man, listen, this has been an education. I wish there was, you were a breath of fucking fresh air. Thank you. I expect there's something completely fucking different. It was educational. You're beautiful. Thank you. Your mom, your family.

You always got a home here. Thank you. I appreciate that. So anytime you want to come, use the place. Fucking, what, George? Oh, my Instagram. You can find me on Instagram, TikTok, La Italian Princess. Yeah, she's the Italian Princess follower, but you're always welcome here, man.

Thank you. You were a fucking breath of fresh air. Thank you. I had a lot of fun. I know I'm going to get hit up for your info and shit, so. Because that was, fuck. You took me to the fucking basement before. You took me in the basement?

What's up with you, Cocksucker? I'm doing good. I'm going to be at Laugh-It-Up and Poughkeepsie, February 8th. That's my next big one. Headlining, right? That's going to be a fun show, yep. All right. And I'm at the White Eagle Hall, the 12th, if my fucking lung doesn't collapse.

Jesus Christ! If it does collapse, then I don't know when. You'll see him at the nearest hospital. I'll be playing at Neptune. It's a $2,200 because there's only. eight seats available, so knock your stuff. I want to thank you again, really, for coming down here.

Thank you. Thank you, thank you guys. You're a breath of fucking fresh air. Make sure you follow it on Instagram. If you like food, if you're in New York area, Long Island, go, no, don't go fucking visitor anywhere. You dirty motherfuckers. And do not go out on Thursday and Saturday night. And don't go out on Thursday and Saturday. Unless you're a freak. Yeah, unless you're a freak and you're fucking down and out. And before we go, a happiest of birthdays is to my brother. Bob Lalingis, one of the brothers, one of the original fucking eight,

along with Uki and a bunch of you motherfuckers. So we love you. We'll see you next week. Thank you. Love you. Thank you. Lee. Happy birthday, Bob.

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