The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - Professional Stoner

Episode Date: August 6, 2024

Joey Diaz gives his take on Joe Rogan's live Netflix special and tells Lee what he thins about live specials, the piece of work Joey is most proud of, cutting the mental fat, what Joey would do if his flight was delayed and much more! Support the show and get 20% off your Manscaped order and free shipping. Press in code DIAZ at https://www.manscaped.com Support the show and get 20% off with code JOEY at https://www.dietsmoke.com/ The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz

It's a fucking time clock, but we're just hanging in here doing the best we can. You know what I'm saying? Why does everyone over 50 have to talk about them dying? What are they saying? Did I say anything about dying? Yeah, because what did you mean?

Every fucking time, every time I talk to anyone over 50, I'm so old, I feel old. Stop talking about it. Listen, you have to look at it for real. I can't be walking around like I'm 39,

snort and blow, make them believe him Johnny bananas. So you have to know. But you're not in the retirement home either. No, and I'm not planning on no retirement home, unless you put, you're going there immediately. As soon as there, like anything, I'm standing you there.

You know, I know dementia's coming. Oh, Jesus Christ. You know, so that's what I'm little things I do. You prepare for dementia. You have to prepare for things that you know you're going to get. I got hit in the head. I did coke. I snorted out. You know, it's endless. The possibilities that lead you to dementia. Anxiety. Yeah. Having life leads you to dementia. Like, but I don't get it, dude. Everyone, as soon as they turn 50, when my parents turn 50, they each showed me where their will was. It's not even a joke. That's a real story. I ain't that fucking creepy.

Oh. Are you sure? Huh? I told my wife a couple things, but I ain't that fucking creepy. I'm not planning on anywhere. I got an uncle who's 85 who, unlike my other aunts and uncles, he really took care of himself. I got an aunt that's 80. You know, all the other ones punched a ticket when there was.

60, but they were drinking with three fucking hands in Cuba. That's that fucking old vodka from 1959. That they can't even help you at an AA meeting when you drink that shit. You know, that's deep. So, you know, you have to look at life unless you get hit by a car or you fall out of a plane or something like that. You have to look at life, you know, objectively. Number one, I don't make any unnecessary trips. I've thrown up spaghetti against the wall.

People call me up to do all these things. I look at the fucking thing, the address, where, how far? Two hours. I get fucking, a truck could go off the rails and hit me in the head. End the story. I'm not going. I'll sit here. The less moves I make, the better.

You know what I'm saying? I just went up to North Jersey. I got rear-ended. I rear-ended a guy. He almost went through the windshield. The bumper fell off. That's why. When you're a Schlepp, Rock, you stay home and you mind your business.

People go to a restaurant. They sit there and enjoy. I'm waiting for the first guy to take a gun out. because I'm always looking at the back door. You know what I'm saying? If that guy looks a little creepy, I called 911. I don't take chances no more.

I got a couple of years left in this fucking planet. I don't want to go on to somebody else's terms. I want to go on my terms when I'm fucking ready. I don't want to go to a concert and get shot there. Anyway. That's fair. That's like, yeah. Happy Tuesday.

You know what I'm saying? Happy year. Happy motherfucking Tuesday to everybody out there in the real life. world. What's going on with you? Did you get the apartment? I turned it down. Okay. But you can't get air conditioning in the window. That's understood. Oh, dude, I would die. That's, I've never sweat so much. I've been to Mexico. I've been in Florida in the summer. So, first off, I've been here for four summers, and I already

gave up on the summer. It was always two weeks of heat. This has been all summer long. It's been 90, 89, humid. The humidity don't bother me no more. You know, I don't need to show my balls to anybody. You know what I'm saying? Humili only bothers you when you're looking to get a little cup, a little swing gal on my mimia, you know? Oh yeah, but people must have to shower. Like, I've showered, I showered at least twice a day.

Like, you can't go home. When I grew up, I'd take three showers a day. When I was 16, because you weren't on press girls. So you can't have no stink on you. Your hair's got to be right. Your clothes have to be right. And in the summers, it's three showers. I'm on the second one already today.

And it's not even nighttime. Because I got to wash the fucking Cuban grease that comes out of my pores between the workout. Because when I got home from working out today, I sweat up a ton. And before I got it, I took a quick Puerto Rican shower, wash my nuts, I got to put the odor. You know, I took a shower. And I know I got to take another one tonight. Yeah, you have to. It was 92 degrees.

I went to box today. You know, he had me in there for 35 minutes. There's fans, no air. Everything's coming out of everywhere. My socks were so... I was going to go to cryotherapy. My socks were so drenched. My feet was still wet.

I would have had to put the cryotherapy socks on, and I would have walked out of there like fucking Johnny Boom with no fucking feet. I would have had whatever that shit is when your toes fall off. Oh, my God, frostbite? Frostbite. Because I was so hot today, you know. But a air can be at least fucking...

Listen, and I know that people are going to watch this. And our people are on the real tip that watch the show. This ain't no fucking, you know, people who drive Priuses on watching this show looking to save on my watch. So I don't even know what I was going to say to you. Oh, yeah. People go, oh, move.

Listen, everybody I talked to from L.A. Every other day is, it's fucking been really hot here, Joey. But you still got those jerkoffs that go, oh, no. We live by the beach. We just have a little fan. And you know, like, dog. I've been to your house. I couldn't even eat.

I was so fucking uncomfortable. Mosquitoes would bite me. You know, I'm indoors here. Mosquitoes are biting me. They're biting my fucking ankles. It's hot. You know, you get that breeze. Yeah, whoopty do.

Look at the scene of the ocean. I don't give a fucking, but I'd rather be in an ice box. Looking at a wall with warning electronics than fucking look at an ocean and be sweat to death at this point. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's just, I go to those softball games. There's an umbrella. We sit under the umbrella. umbrella, you know, we deter the sun a little bit as much as you can.

But I go out there and be in the sun. I want vitamin. So it's always a catch-22. But no, being hot and people who, like, let their place be hot drive me. Like, that's why the main reason I go to hotels, because anytime there's, like, a window unit, that was the worst part about getting an apartment is they would tell you, like, one AC window unit was good enough for the whole apartment. They said they never had any complaints. I need AC in every room in the house.

Me too. I like central air. Don't listen, man, when we lived in that broken apartment in Hollywood. First of all, let's be honest. There was no air and there was no heat in Hollywood. When they built that in the 20s or 30s, it didn't get hot in Hollywood.

It was always 60. Maybe it dropped to 40. You busted out a blanket. When I moved to the valley, the apartment had no air. and that little heater unit in the wall that had a light with the pilot let me blow up every once in a while

up in the morning you had 2,000 edibles in you the night before you don't want to light a pilot light you're like fucking with that to the shower like a big one I'm not getting on the floor and getting the thing and putting it up to 500 I can't even see 5 fucking 100 here

I'll blow this thing up like a fucking you know so forget it I'm not going to do that every morning when we got into the other house that had Central Air I don't know if it had heat. That didn't have heat either. Wow. Yeah, no. That's crazy.

You're in the bathroom. Yeah, you didn't need it in the mornings. Freezing. But I'm not complaining. Listen, all my, I remember one thing about my childhood. I still remember going to Sedeno's house on the fourth floor of 148 Street. And opening up that thing, and I saw a kitchen, a living room. There was a couch, and all the kids were on the floor.

with sheets. Okay. It was one of those summers that you see summer of Sam. It's 98 and the humidity all summer. I remember those summers. And I remember walking into that thing and sitting with them and thinking to myself, how can you sleep in this? And they wouldn't sleep.

There was three nights in the summer when I was growing up. You just didn't sleep. Even with the air condition, it was so fucking humid. Mm-hmm. You know, it was just so humid that you couldn't put a sheet on you. You couldn't take one off. It got too cold. It got to the point where you even took the sheet off the bed to stay cool.

You're like, what the fuck am I going to do? It's, it's, so I'm an agreement with you. You need an air conditioning now. Yeah, no. So, but I, like, that was a little bit of a bummer. But it's going to be fun. There's a million apartments in New York. It's a million apartments.

Maybe you could call those Jews in Brooklyn. Maybe they've got an underground tunnel for you. You can. I have one of those, but I won't want one above ground, too. A hundred a month, you know, down. down there, a little electricity. You live like... 100 a week, whatever the fuck it is.

No shopping. It's so expensive. And it's so weirdly because there was two cities that you could pull this off. I pulled off being in the city every fucking day, having a boxing gym

to take showers. And then I just had it so I could be ready anywhere I was. If you called me at 1 o'clock and said, you want to go have cocktails, I could run to the boxing gym make believe I'm shadow boxing, jump in the shower, and then fucking put a suit on. I always had a suit in there. Smart.

Pants, and I would always break my day up, so I didn't have to run back to clipside to get a new shirt, a new pair of shoes. And so I did that. I lived in an office apartment, and I went to, I joined a gym. It forced my hand. And I was in good shape then, but the gym made me in better shape, you know. Right. So you find all these different angles. And New York's got them.

There's a lot of actors. There's a lot of people who are in our profession in New York. There's a part-time great jobs in New York for actors and comics. There's a lot of shit. Oh, yeah. Like, that's what New York is to me is like opportunity. There's just like on every level, not even just like comedy. I can't.

It sounds corny, but like this is like I've always wanted to live in New York. Like this is like it got like emotional. Like I'm so. excited and it like for right now for one year I think I'm going to try to live by myself and then meet maybe a comic who I could split up place with just move to New York right am I'm moving I'm moving right away you're thinking about I'm going to live whatever I'm thinking about the next 18 years all the time you know nice hot black chick after too much of that and she tells you're moving with me and put the rent you're going to have two rents and this conversation was

never covered. So why think about the future? At this time last year, you weren't even moving to New York. You were looking on getting married and fucking having a boat. What the fuck? You're a comic. Stop making fucking plans. The only plan to make is how I'm getting

on stage this week. And you're planned for the every three-month 90 day. Everything else is background fucking music. And when you put that away, we've had this discussion. This is the other side of your mind, the Jewish side of your mind. And it's an important weapon that you need for comedy.

I don't need the other shit that goes with it. Right. Deep thought and what am I going to do? Yeah. There's nothing to do. Just fucking don't worry about it. What if you're there three months and you get a TV show and you have to move to fucking Oklahoma for a year?

And here we are having a worthless conversation. Worthless goal, worthless everything. I talked about that in the Patreon podcast today, how it's not that I got funnier in 99. It's that I lost mental weight. Losing mental weight is very important if you're going to do anything and focus on anything. What's that?

The unnecessary shit that goes into your head. Is Johnny ever going to stop drinking? His wife told me that he's bleeding. Who gives a fuck about Johnny? At the end of the week, you know, Johnny's at the bar. Cocktails. He wants to die. Leave Johnny alone.

You're going to call me with this bullshit about Johnny. We have so many thoughts in our head that have nothing to do what we're doing. And once you start chopping them all, people get pissed off of me because of my anti-political fucking tirades. And I'll tell you why. Because it's a waste of your energy. It's 30. Put on that CNN any time of the night when you wake up. There's people in there.

They're always flabbergasted. Three in the fucking Folligast. You're fucking flabbergast. They're yelling at each other. Gamala Harris. He's a Hindu. Are you fucking crazy? If you looked into your life this much, you've been in a lot

better place. Right or wrong? I'm just... That's true. That's true. Cutting your shit out of your life. You're dating a chick, like I told them. I was in a horror relationship. I was in a relationship with a fucking chick that was great people,

but she likes suck another dick. every time we broke up she already had something you know what it fucked with my ego it fucks as your ego as a man and I had to live with her I didn't have to I was a starving comic I did have feelings for her

and I knew we weren't going to last and finally when we broke up I had that that shit of driving whether she's going to cheat on me again where is she who's she hanging with that's mental fat is my boss going to fire me

you're a fucking comic. You hope he fucking fires you. Do you follow? All these unnecessary thoughts. When I tell people I don't really give a fuck, I really don't give a fuck. How do you do that? You met me in the heat of the I didn't give a fuck Aaron.

Now I watch sports. You know, I play roulette. I fuck and go to parties. When you met me, there was none of that. There was no unnecessary fat. And the result was great. When I started in 2011, the result was great. So I appreciate that state of mind that I don't have time for this shit.

Like, I don't have time for this unnecessary. You know, how many times you go home and you're like, well, I just went to lunch with a comedian and he just brings you down. Brings you the fuck down. I can't get no work. people aren't hiring feature X anymore you know the funny bone going headline me

what do you want me to do and now you do feel bad he's your friend you and him started together you went on the road together and you're ahead of him in L.A and you know why because he had a girlfriend he always went on vacations

you know you know I don't know I'm going to San Diego to watch the charges or whatever are you fucking kidding me for the weekend. When you're in LA weekend, you've got to be doing comedy. You left your fucking family.

You left people who loved you. You left everything in your life to go dedicate yourself. You're in the major leagues. And now you want to do something on a weekend. Like that was the farthest thing from my thought. I lost relationships because of it leave. Right.

People would not tolerate that from me. I'm having an art exhibit. I don't give a... There's an open mic. at a Mexican restaurant, but I'd rather be at. I love you. Love you to death. But I'm not going to your fucking party. I'm not going to that restaurant to sit with 40 people

who don't care about each other. Then the bill comes and they're all looking around the room like there's birds. Get the fuck out of here. You know, I'm not doing that. And 40 people make them believe they're friends. I'm not doing that shit. I'd much rather be at an open mic working on a fucking joke that's been bombing for two years. Right or wrong.

And once you're chopping that shit, people come up to me. Did you see that episode of Seinfeld? No. And I don't want to see it. It's got nothing to do with me. Right. Like, steak and lobster. I'm over here in a basement,

fucking drinking fat tire and snorting coke with one nose and nostril. You know what I'm saying? Like after a while, you've got to go, what's it got to do with me? My name is this. What were you saying, brother? I'm sorry. I thought you could have something else to say.

I was just going to say, like, that's a, like the thing I'm most excited for about New York is just I can do comedy from the minute like five o'clock until two o'clock every night of the week somewhere I can do comedy like I like nights a week if you really want to be a comic New York is your answer you know Austin if you really want to be a comic Austin is your answer if you really want to be a comic you've got to push you've got some acting under you, you want to go out to L.A. L.A. is the place to be.

Now, every other year, somebody else gives you a tax break and everybody gets excited. Oh, my God, I'm buying a house in North Carolina. And then a year later, you're stuck with your house in North Carolina, and you're fucking doing ads for fucking, you know, the local pizza shop.

You're like, well, what happened? No, the businesses in those three cities. Comedy, mostly in Austin, but the other two, somewhere along the line, somebody's going to tap you on the shoulder and say, have you ever been to an audition? Would you consider an audition for the, you know, it's just there. I haven't even started thinking about that, but it's... Oh, thank God, because that'll just bury you into a different fucking orgasmic Lysai atoll.

Oh, yeah, I can't worry about that right now. I just think about, you know, I remember sitting in those rooms, crying, snort and coke by myself, like just writing in a notebook, all the clubs I wanted to play at. Talk, I remember the mind flux. And if I could do it all over again, I think I would have still done Coke. I mean, that was part of it to me to be a fucking junkie comic. And they're going to talk about comedy.

But think of all that, from 92, from the minute I started comedy to 97 to 8, I was, my life was a mess. My personal life was a complete fucking mess. But what fueled it, what fueled my comedy, was my life. My life was not as easy as yours or another open mic. I was going through a fucking divorce. I'm thinking of killing motherfuckers. I'm a probation for kidnapping. I'm

snorting coke with three hands. I ain't got no money. I'm out of credit cards. You know, this was real. I was looking at a dead end. And I was like, Connoll get me out of it. I don't know how. But, yeah, here we are. It's crazy. It works. about that but all the mistakes i made was not just was focusing like and listen i didn't mind focusing on cocaine you know what i'm saying when i woke up in the morning i was like all right am i going to get a package for that but the second focus was stand up and it wasn't a girl i was dating families coming to l.a and they want to go out to dinner and meet you i don't want to meet nobody i don't want to meet your creepy parents and sit there with them at some fucking shitty

LA restaurant and talk about we're not going anywhere. I'm not getting married. I'm already got a wife. My name is comedy. Right. Not that mental attitude. It's fucking scary. It scared the shit out of me because I didn't give a fuck. Like you saw bigger, what did you see happen? Like you got real better quicker? I got better quicker.

I cut down. I mean, you know, I was homeless in LA. Here I am fucking taking a shower at the comedy store in the morning. And I'm there that night at 12 o'clock following four movie. So all those little things sleeping on Ralphie's couch, you know, it's funny. One of the girls that lived in the building that took great care of me when I was coming up. When I got to L.A., she was an unpaid PA on the Doug Stanhope show, unpaid. And two years later, she was a producer on a show. Wow.

A real producer. Big money. And she lived in the building with me, Ralphie, Gavin, a bunch of us, Jody, a bunch of us. And somewhere along the line, she got pregnant with this Cuban dude. She was a Mexican chick that could cook her ass for her ass for. She cooked for us and she had two kids. And then she married him and they moved up to Pasadillo. and I loved them both.

And one day they broke up. And she just went on a fucking binge. You know, and she's not with us anymore. But last year, I got a call from her son. He's a fucking set designer. Nice. What do you mean nice? I remember when that kid was a baby.

But isn't it good that he has a good job? I am fucking ecstatic about it. But that's not my point. It brought back all those memories from that building. All right. I'm watching Ralphie blow up and all that shit. But anyway, enough of this bullshit. Let's get this party started.

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If Uncle Joey could do it, I can rule the world. That's what you've got to be thinking. Welcome back to church. What up, Mook? Hey, buddy. It's Tuesday the 6th of fucking August. Where does the time go? It's crazy.

The year's almost over. It's going to be quick now. Quick. That's what it feels like. That's it. It's Labor Day. They're already putting Halloween stuff out. Can you believe that?

You go off to like CVS and there's Halloween candy out already. Have you gotten any? No. Why would I get out? I don't even like Halloween candy anymore. There's usually a bowl of your house. There's a why? You have a bowl for me?

At least it just for me? no I got a bowl up there but we buy candy on the 25th like every other normal motherfucker I'm gonna sit here being a professional stoner with chocolate upstairs every fucking night 11.30 when I get that sudden urge I rather go upstairs and need an apple I don't need dog we got stuck with 50 fucking chocolate bars in this house

how how to get stuck with it was supposed to sell them and my wife just gave it a small 20 and we got stuck with them I had to get rid of them after I ate the 6th fucking Chris. You know, so I don't want that stuff in my house. I don't blame me. I can't have it in my house either. A lot of stuff happened this weekend.

You know, I know you were in the city. Mm-hmm. You looked for an apartment. You found one. You lost one. You know, like I told you got to kiss a lot of frogs, especially in there. But they got a lot of apartments in New York City. Oh, yeah. And it's crazy what is considered an apartment. But, like, I did so much.

I went to the comedy cell which was awesome I saw like an 1130 on a Tuesday show and it was packed and it was and dude and there were like there was the comics

and I know a few of their names but like there's like the level of the jokes at 1130 on Tuesday I was like oh yeah this is definitely a step above like it's like it

because like that's the goal right in New York and one of the goals not all but like just like the level it was impressive you know you want to get in time sometimes that ain't for you and you don't have to lose your mind though no there's plenty of clubs I'm like that

I want to do every club in the city I know you do but it was just bar mitzvahs whatever you get your hand on oh yeah I would do the fuck I have a bar mitzvah but it was just like very uh like inspiring it was like I was like so I was overdosing on like serotonin

I was so happy. It was very exciting. Lee, it's great to see what you're doing because it lets me know how much I'm not a comic anymore. Watching you grow and watching you talk to me brings back old memories and in other situations it would make me get up and want to get on stage, but it's like, you know, I'm excited about

kill Tony on Saturday night. We're going. I don't know what I'm doing. He just called me up and said he's going to swing by. So I might as well go by and say hello. Hopefully you'll be in the city. I went to Wildwood last weekend, New Jersey for the first time in 42 years. Nice.

And, you know, the softball tournament didn't go our way. But it was their last weekend together as a team. Half of them were going up to 14 U now. And it was just great to see these girls. And I was just looking at my daughter thinking, Wow. She's growing a lot. That's it. She's going to be these girls in two years. And these 13-year-olds are just fucking, it was just sad.

But I had a great time with the parents. And I stopped at a weed store. Like, I was looking to go to this one weed store. But there was two of them. There was like a chain, cannon. And then there was this other one, Carova. I saw the Carova one. And I went in there.

And I didn't know what to expect. I brought home three weeds, all of them. a fucking A pluses. I mean, I'm in fucking stone for two days. I got some gorilla thing that they dip the weed in, like they call it something else up here, like golden nuggets or something.

Right. Those things, but this looks so good. I gave it a shot, and boy, I'm happy I did. I rode the bike for 20 minutes this morning. Forgot 10 minutes later. You know what I'm saying? That's how I was this morning. So you don't like see a huge difference between New Jersey and California?

The weed? Yeah. When I got here, listen, I didn't touch New Jersey weed for three fucking years. I didn't touch New Jersey weed till January. Okay. When I was falling out with the other side, I was like, well, I better get to it. I got sick and tired of waiting on people to send me shit. I can't live like that.

If I asked you on a Monday, I'm thinking you should put it in by Wednesday or Thursday. When I call you two weeks later and you're like, oh, I told my assistant to do it. And he forgot. You just wear me out because I'm doing a good job on my end for you. Before the money, send me the wheat. Send me to eat. Get the weed in the mail and that will make me happier than any fucking check you could send me. Right.

So that's why I'm at. I'm having a great time doing it. But I don't know if you watched it. I want to talk to you about the Rogan special. Because I know a lot of people I've already gotten like fucking 50 things of what I thought. You know, you haven't had a chance to watch it. Not yet, but I'm excited to. I tried watching it Saturday Night Live when it came on,

but all the girls came up to the room at like 10, 15, to get fucking speakers and shit. And I had all these kids in the room, my wife, their parents. So I shut it off, and I was upset, but I got to watch it last night, the whole hour, relax, the whole thing. I love the theater. I think Joe's a great job. Was it the best special I ever saw?

I don't know, but it was a good special. He made me laugh a couple times. I could see the work, and I know the work it takes to do a special. I enjoyed it. I didn't see anything negative Sunday, but today I started reading the negatives, and I'm like, wow. And, you know, it's, you're not going to make everybody

happy. Not anymore. Not with the internet. You're not going to make everybody happy. And that's just the way the world is today. You know? And what is Heather? They're mad at them for some of his jokes? No, I don't, I didn't, I, listen, I was home for maybe an hour today. I left at 9.30 this morning. I came back here, one, because Ari was going to meet me. So I wanted to run every errand I could, do a podcast. I had to do a ton of shit today. And I got back. And I got back. I didn't see him when Ari was here. He was checking his messages. And I started looking at the computer

and I asked him, well, look at this shit. All of a sudden there was nothing. And it was just the thing on Twitter that was, and then it disappeared. Oh, weird. It didn't really matter. But I think he did a good job. I saw him do his hour at

the mothership, but it was great. Yeah. You know, I mean, if I know him he changed up a couple things. Like we all but I saw bits of it at the mothership. I would always go out and somebody would talk to me and then are you going up next to the other room? So you really couldn't focus. So I would go out there for bits and pieces

and I enjoyed what he was doing. And it seemed like it went great from what I've heard. What do you think about, because they've done a couple of them, like, what do you think about doing a special live? Like, that's also like a crazy aspect of it of being like a one take. Like, that's intense.

Guys, it's the future now. You know, I've always said we needed to spice up comedy a little bit and look at Ari's storyteller show. Was it a new realm for a long time. It became a genre for about 10 years and I capitalized on that genre. Yeah, you had a bunch of great stories.

Now nobody's doing it anymore. So now we're looking for other avenues to draw people into stand-up. you know, entertainment's changing. You know, I don't know if there's going to be three-man shows in two years. I don't know what it's going to be. Interesting. You think it could change that much?

I think a lot of things could happen, I think a lot of things could happen. Comedy's changing, television is changing, movies are changing, the way movies are shot are changing, the way they come out are changing. You know, I would order a show for 12, episodes and if it did well i put an order in for 26 not anymore then they have the other deal where you shoot 10 episodes and then you shoot a hundred just to get syndication and you put the show out there

and there's no art in that because what you're telling me is that you're shooting a hundred shows in no time to just get out there nobody's going to remember that show right they just want the money like everybody else why am I surprised but look the stock market ate it yesterday I heard that a lot of things took a dive yesterday you know

like I told you we're expecting a fucking a fucking a war any day now a bomb something anything could happen you could wake up tomorrow and there could be something or you know hurricane Betty comes and cleans off your fucking roof

you know she's already turning into a one but they're scaring white people I love that people stuck at the airports fuck them I told you not to travel in the summer it's a fucking nightmare traveling summer is a you got lucky this weekend but you also delayed for a little while I was delayed for a little while traveling blows blows anymore they can't handle it it's been proven ever since COVID they fall in apart and every time it rains Two inches, the whole country shuts down now. There's rain in the Midwest.

They're already bailing out of Florida. People are running out of Hurricane Betty. You know, give me a fucking breather. You're so happy and I'm going to travel. That's what I thought you meant when you said earlier. Like, I'm not going anywhere. I thought you meant like you don't want to get on a plane. And I don't go anywhere anymore.

Like, unless I'm really in the mood and my dick gets. And I feel bad because I have a daughter and I should take it. And I am. I got to go to certain places. I'll do that in time. But right now, in the summer, fuck you. Every day I get the Newark report. You know, 249 delays, 82 cancellations, you know, when is it going to be you?

You know what I'm talking about? When does it happen? I don't want to take that chance. I don't have the effort anymore. If I booked your comedy club and it fucked. and if I got delayed, I'm just going to call you now. I left my luggage here.

I'm not coming. Yeah, but the plane will get it at 9. We can do three shows tomorrow, one on Sunday. Look, it's not going to work. My balloon is deflated, okay? All my agent will set this up for six months. You know, that's it. I don't have to pay for the fortitude anymore.

I'm not waiting at the fucking airport for three hours. I'm 61. I ain't got no time. We go in 10 minutes or I go home. It's just fucking easy. I ain't got it. It's so specific. I don't need to assault on my attention.

I don't need this assault on my anxiety. I got the whoop watch. It tells me when I have anxiety now, when my stress level goes up. When you tell me that plane is delayed, I just look at the whoop watch. I don't know. heartbeat, and if it beats a certain drum,

a river dirty. I don't tolerate it no more. Restaurants. I just walk away. The other day, I went to CVS. I got that 735. This fucking Guguts has a mask on. Right away, and I know COVID's going around, but it's not enough to put a mask on. I don't know. I don't think somebody's ringing my door. I'll fucking stab. I can't hear anything. No, it sounds like somebody playing the xylophone. Oh, that's probably Jeopardy.

And some jerk off is winning, like hitting that buzzer. That's what it is. Okay. I'm talking about here. I don't remember, to be honest. Well, we get your shit together. How many edibles you eat tonight? One again?

Yeah, 100. No, 100. We're still in that. Oh, that's it. I can't wait for you to move to New York. The first week, I'm just giving you an intravenous of that. Oh, Jesus Christ. I had some mushrooms tonight.

I had my last handful. But don't worry. The other ones are coming. These are even scarier. Why about they scary? Oh, these are called like omegas or some shit. I don't even know. Enigma.

And you're still eating them by the handful? What's I eating by the handful? I got my cup measured. That's why I learned that diabetic class. Everything like a cup of nuts. It's your little four on there, your little palm. It's like an ounce or two. Yeah, but they're not usually having you measure psychedelic mushrooms.

Who gives a fuck? Anybody who measures that mushrooms should suck my dick. Just eat them. You know what I'm saying? I'm not going to sit there with a scale and measure mushrooms and put honey on them. Either you're a fucking animal. It's a personal attack because that's exactly what I... We're going to sit there now and, you know, converse over the mushrooms and weigh them.

Leave me the fuck alone, all right? Stick a handful in there, a stem. Get some stems, a couple of those fucking ugly caps in there, and get back to me in the morning, all right? That's really a lot. What a lot. You don't know nothing about a lot, Doc Sucker. I mean, the commercials and stuff.

You know, yeah, they might go live, a lot of them. You know, I expect to go for to shoot one. It's an interesting thing. I expect Ali Wong to shoot one. Oh, wow. I expect a couple of comics to give me a nice fucking live special. Me, I don't even want to, uh, no, I'm okay. I'm okay.

I'm okay. I'm okay. I was just wondering what your thought on the process was. The process is always the same. It's the same process. But usually, I mean, how many, if you were going to shoot a special, how many shows would you tape four or two? Yeah, two, four.

And you got to take two of them just to have them the can and then do the live one. Right. So you're going to shoot two in front of an audience or one to get one in the can. Really? You think so? I know so. You always shoot one to get one in a can. And then you're going to shoot the live one. Okay.

And watch sit there like fucking, you know, like waiting for somebody to say, fuck you and they edit it. I don't know. But there's no different process. I don't want to put this into people's minds. the process is experience that's what the process is you know I see a young comic having a hard time with this this is a good thing

for all the more established comics that they've done 50,000 shows plus these guys right has done you know 30 years given the fucking live special the control is there the confidence is there everything is fucking there

you know do you think i wonder i wonder if he was more nervous or if it was like what do they feel like when you're shooting a special it's very scary you're putting your soul out there and people are going to sit there and wait to fucking criticize it you sit there like you go into a talent contest and you work hard and then you get there that night and it all changes you know i was never a good special comic and that's just the way it is i'll take that i will always always take that. I was way better on audio. It was just rough for me. Right.

You know, I thought it would be easier. But that's me. That's me. That's my weakness in stand-up, and I can't get out of that. I never shot a good special, and that's fine. I got the opportunities. I did my best. I put the work in. It's not like I stayed at home

and just went up there and improvised. I put my... And that's all I'm happy with. And the CDs, I think, were awesome. I think, like, that's why I do think of you as someone who could thrive. Like, that would have been a cool, live one to do, or just, like, any sort of recording. Like, the first CD we did, like, the ITD you were the priest. That was just a, we didn't, that was one show.

The first two CDs I did were just total garbage. Anyway, the process stays the same. For me, I just, I was always buck wild as a comic. Right. And I didn't like, and I had my moments, man. I had great moments. But specials weren't one of them. I did very well on the Ari things.

Very well. And I'm very proud of that work. I could show that to anybody and go run with that motherfucker. Yeah. Is it different than stand-up? Why do you think? I don't know. It was 15 minutes.

I knew the stories close to my heart. It was a storytelling show. They expect to hear a story and how it affected you. So it just worked for me. And when I'm telling the story and I know the end, I could improvise more and I could fuck around with the material more because I know it. I'm not going to forget my place.

and when I'm going into it, I'm still going to fuck them up. Right. So you have the storytelling and then the comedy is going to... And then the comedy will come from the real story, the story time. So it's very interesting. It's a... I think it's a fantastic process. I think that I wish...

If I would have had more guidance as a manager early on, I would have been better at shooting special. But I'm not talking about sales. manager. I'm talking about the manager that I always wanted. Somebody who groomed you from the beginning, picked you out of the choir, worked with you, and his belief inspired you to do better. Because he picked out of the choir, he got you a little dough,

and now he's giving you some direction. You're not going to agree with all of it. We never are. But after a while, you start saying that the guy knows what he's doing, And once you give your heart to him, it's over what he's going to do with you. Those guys don't exist anymore because there's no money in that. There's no money. It's nourishment no more.

Let me see what I could do with you. Let me see what I could do with you quickly where I didn't have him. A friend of mine had a great manager and I saw how he worked. He signed him on a Tuesday and Wednesday he was on a set as a SAG Extra, making $259 an hour. Wow. You know, Lee, that's not what I want to do. What, you don't like money?

Right. That $1,200, three days a week, is going to let you stay in town until I get you on the fucking road. So shut your mouth, go down there and do it. Plus meet different casting directors. So what? You're an extra.

Why do? $259. A manager is supposed to put the ball in your court and get it running immediately. But what it was and what it is is two different things. There's no money in me sending you out for a movie at scale for two days. Yeah, it's going to build your resume. That's where I come in.

I'd rather build your resume. These guys are like, nah, we'd rather put him on the road, whether he's ready or not. And that's where it's failing. We've had this discussion many a time you and I have about, comedy managers and whatnot. And it's like people don't care no more. And that's in every avenue. We're very lucky we have a good podcast manager.

Very good. She's always had our backs. She's always believed in me. And that's a great trait. And that's why I still do it. You know, because we have a great lady behind this. But you have to, you know, it's like coaching. I saw what my daughter did the last year with this coach.

And I saw what she did with that schmuck that she was with the first two years. It was fucking terrible. The guy couldn't get people to play from. And now he's lost two more stars from that team. He's down to one. Because all of them said, like, we're not doing nothing here. This guy's making my kid worse. I'm trying to make you better.

Does it feel good to be right? So I learned a lot from watching her. Everybody, you know, nobody wants to take that time anymore with things. because of our society, we're all in a rush. And then when we fall in our faces, we wonder why. We wonder why? What the fuck was the rush? Understand it that it's going to be there.

It's going to be there. It's right there. It determines how you take that fucking run, you know? Right. I didn't do the best journey. I was snort and coke most of the fucking time. That journey wasn't pure. but I don't know.

Something hung me in there. Knowing that Mitchie Shaw was watching me, made me better. You know, there was just a lot of different variables. I wasn't trying to make my uncle proud or my mother proud or my grandfather proud. They're all dead.

You know? Dead is fucking disco. You really like the Upper West Side. And that was really good. Holy shit. I told you. I love it up there. That's why I grew up. That's the cool area. Fucking fight.

And I went to the little, look, I don't want to mispronounce it, but look, how are we done? That was, those pork chops were amazing. Amade. Did you have the pork chops? Yeah. Two of them? Yeah, with garlic sauce. And dude, I got the, the next time he said he would just give me more, like a whole bowl of garlic sauce.

That garlic sauce. Oh, yeah, that garlic sauce is tremendous. And I got the plantains. And, but I will say, I felt, I was trying to be cool because I was like, okay, it's a Cuban. place. I asked for an iron beer, but they don't have that. No, they didn't have it there. No, they don't have that. No, no, no. Atway, they had a good coffee. I had a coffee.

And the flound was pretty good. It was heavy. My daughter took a whole night but took a bite now. I was full. So. So, but if I, here's my question. Because they had something that I want to get, but I think you wouldn't like. It looked like they had something called General Gow Shrimp. And that's something that, like, I've dreamed about. Yeah, if they have.

Okay. All right, because if I go with you, I know, like, yeah, that's like what I want to try next. General, it's like General Tau chicken. Yeah, but true. Only gentle cow shrimp. Yeah. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that.

Okay. I don't know. Sometimes I, sometimes, like, well, even if I don't like it, just eat it. As long as you're not eating tofu, McDonald's Subway, we're good. We're good. You're eating some fruit, whatever fuck you're eating, you know, we're good. I remember going to eat fruit and funny No, you got to eat fucking fruit

I had a salad this weekend That was so delicious Oh yeah I love salads And you got to eat food the morning Like now I eat fruit every fucking morning Eat it every morning with my breakfast I usually have a Greek salad

That's what I usually go for Listen I don't care what kind of salad You have Greek, mozzarella lettuce, tomato onions, some fucking dressing vinegar and oil I'm fucking good to go I love that shit a good and I was

in a seafood town. So all we ate was seafood and I got to tell you the first night the seafood was great. The second night I had the same dish at a different restaurant. I shit blood till I took a shit Sunday morning that when I went to flush it, the stick broke in half and I'm like, this toilet's a Ghana.

I flushed it again, nothing happened. I just closed the seal and I checked out. Up to $20 tip for a little maid, let her deal with that fucking shovel. It had to be 24 inches and it just broke it. When I turned around and looked at it,

it was all the way to the end of the toilet. And the head was like a snake in the water. And I'm like, this is not going to work. I left it for a little maid. I left the $20. When she opens that surprise, it's not going to be Bueno. Holy shit.

I can't imagine what... I would love to put a camera in that by the time. Nah, you know, what are you? Airbnb? You don't put no cameras nowhere. No, just don't have a camera show. I'm like, Jesus Christ. Next thing you know, you're looking at old people washing their ass. No, not for the whole time, Jesus Christ. Like, you look just to see...

What are you going to do on a camera? You're going to bang one out? You don't put a camera in nobody's back to them. No. See somebody drill a hole like the old people and fucking go in there, fucking with a little telescope from Jack in the Box or whatever fuck they give it to you, Cracker Jack. I did take Ari to the Jewish deli today and he went off.

What did you guys get? He opened up, not what we got. He got the liver to open up with. He got the round appetizer. He got the round kinnish. And he got some other fucking Jewish thing that was icky. He was like, this shit is good. I'm coming back.

There's some Jewish thing, man. I was like, I don't know. He was eating out of a cup. I don't know. What it looked like? He kept off of. He must ate 18 pickles. maybe he can't

I don't even know they were gone He was eating pickles like he hadn't had a pickle Ten years Holy shit yeah They're free Let me tell you something That place was dynamite today I had the chicken noodle soup

I had I only had a protein shake For breakfast and a cup of fucking fruit Raspberrys and blueberries And I sliced a banana Only half because it got too much sugar in it I was starving at 3 o'clock Yeah And I was hoping he didn't say Chinese

I was like, I don't feel like eat Chinese. And I was dying for a roast beef, the open turkey platter over there with the mashed potatoes and the gravy and the fucking... Nice. When I got there, though, I looked at that menu. And that menu is treacherous because you just don't have... I don't have the time or the stomach space to eat what I want in there. Like, I saw this on the menu.

I saw turkey and pastrami with... Coleslaw and Russian dressing on Rye. And my dick automatically got hard. You know what I'm saying? Like Russian dressing, Swiss cheese, bistrami, coldslaw, and turkey. But I was like, Joe,

you can't do that to your body. You're working out too fucking hard. What about, they have something on the menu called the Canish Witch. They just take a canish. They cut out of a... Oh, my God. Do you eat that? I haven't, yep. I want to. Ari was almost going to get that today.

That's crazy. That a conishin has. and they put what in there, corn beef or pastrami, right? I think they apply for whatever they want, but yeah. That's a fucking heart attack. But you always get the Doc Brown's diet soda. You feel all right. You know what I'm saying?

You got the water. Healthy. Jewish people, they don't give you no ice. You got to, like, ask three times. Got the ice. I want to part with the ice. It's like a diamond in Africa. You know what I'm saying?

No. Hold on of those. But listen, before we talk about blood diamonds, I got to take a breather and talk to you motherfuckers about diet smoke. I'll be right back. Hey, I want to talk to you about diet smoke. If you're looking for the best little gummies around, diet smoke is your one-stop shop.

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I had these leftover. I found some medables. You know, like those jelly ones when they're just hard? Like they haven't had hair in like a year. No, I eat my animals. What are you talking about? Like two of them fell out of a bag, and they were under something.

I remember these animals being strong like a year ago. I had held those two motherfuckers, and I ate the last batch of mushrooms, and there's dust in there. I'm saving that for you, so we can smoke that. Oh, thank you so much. Before killed Tony, we'll smoke some mushroom dust. No one's smoking mushroom dust.

Oh, yeah. You don't even going to know it. I'm going to put it in the barn with the weed already. You just told me. I'm not going to... Trust me. You know that. No, we're from dust.

What? We've got a car to drive us into the city. We've got one of my friends to drive us with a warrant. Well, those are two different things. What? A car and your friend. That's it. And he's going to drive.

No, because the car would drive, like, very safely. And your friend will probably also be, have a bonnet. Oh, he's having everything. We do. Yeah. Yeah. What are you? You just can't drink.

You know what I'm saying? Why can't I drink if I'm not driving? What the fuck you want? That's what I'm saying to you. I'm not drinking. I don't drink. I'm just eating mushrooms and smoking reef and mushroom dust and anything else.

I get my hand. That's a hallucinetic. I'm going to the garden to see if I can kill Tony. Why wouldn't I take everything? Mishunga juice. Whatever you got I got. I'm not drinking, but part of his deal is he's eating shrooms. He's doing the.

ABX Edibles. He's storing mushroom dust. We're going off, Jack. This is an event. This is a comedy event. I'll never go to one of these things again. No, you don't think so? Fucking Tony. Fuck yeah. Listen, man. Listen, no matter what you think of the fucking kid, because I always have people make fucking stupid remarks to me about Tony,

he did something fantastic. He started in a 99-seat room, maybe 1008 if I'm wrong. And then he put it in a 450 seat room. And then it went on and on. I don't know what the Vulcan seats. I don't know what, you know, Rogan seats. But then on New Year's and New Year's Eve,

he took it to a major fucking arena and sold it out. No matter how you feel about a person, when you're a comic, that makes my dick hard. Because that lets me know I could do that. People want to know why do these idiots stay out in L.A.? Why are they? Because of people like Tony, because of people like Burke Kreischer, that was there a doorman at the underground or the comedy seller?

I think it was like the Boston or something, right? Steve Byrne, were they not door guys? Yeah, they barked for sure. And no matter what they did, you have to respect that journey. You could sit there for hours and go, like Rogan Special. He talked about, listen, look at the fucking inside of that.

For 30 years, he stuck to something. You can't stick to anything for three days. I couldn't be sober for three days. These guys were sober. They've been doing comedy for 30 years. Doing the same shit you were doing now. Only getting treated, a lot shittier.

Okay? These guys did it. all you know so it gave me appreciation for what I did this times I sit here I'm like I'm a bum no I'm not a bum I'm not a bum I did a lot of bummy things but I'm not a bum okay I fucking took something I believe them turned it into something else did I predict this no I just didn't give up why give up until the dream happens right everybody gives up and then you're the bad guy because you stuck with your fucking dream. Fuck you, man. It's not fair.

And then people want to raise their hand. Listen, you know when somebody just goes out there and just calls in it. There's just some nights, I don't see Rogan calling in, I didn't see Chappelle Rowling in, I didn't see Chris Rock rolling in. I never saw Bill Burrow calling it in. There's something to that. I've seen a lot of comics

call it. I refuse. I refuse to go on the road and make people pay for me when I don't have a decent 45 minutes. Do you think a lot of people would do that, Lee? No, I'm sure they wouldn't. They wouldn't. I could fuck call my agent tomorrow and get a time in Atlantic City now that you're close to me and go down there and give you more time than me. Like, I'll go up there and just do 30 minutes. you could do 45, get Tammy Pascatelli. I've been thinking about it, especially now that you're moving here.

But for me to sit down with a pen now and try to be funny, it doesn't happen anymore. Well, I think it's happening in different ways. Oh, I know it is. I know it is because I still laugh. Right. I self laugh and I don't give a fuck.

As long as I can make myself giggle, that's all that matters to me. I have my own fun and my own little fucking world. When people go, oh, you get an eye all day. You know what I do? a lot of things all day. Getting eye is one of them. And I always put it to good use. I don't waste it on video games. I don't waste it on porn. Every once in a while I'll get on draft kings and make a pick. You know, football season is starting. So I'm very happy about that. I'm happy that the fall is

coming. You know, we're a month away, but we're professionals. We already know this, you're going to sneeze and this month is gone. Then you can't wear white no more. till next Memorial Day or whatever the rule is. I have no idea. I also look terrible in waiting. You look terrible in everything, cock sucking. Anyway,

you got to shave that beer and see it looks like Fester again. Maybe they'll put you on fucking... Fessna, why would I want to look like Fester? Because you ever see Uncle Fester, the original? You look like him. You got to shave the bee and give you a light bulb. You're fast. What the fuck?

So are you getting ready for political season? Are you ready to vote? Fuck no. I don't even know what's going on anymore. I just hear that. You don't know what's going on. I know what's going on anymore and I love it. Like I come home and I watch the news with my wife.

Not like CNN just to get torture her and torture me because I don't know what's going on anymore. I don't know. I don't know. It's not good. It's not good. I just don't vote anymore. And I get, I get you all the time.

Who gives? I gave up on that shit when I was 18. I knew that was a fucking scam. But I'll tell you what I'm happy about, man. What's that? I'm happy that, except for comedy, the goals I had this year are all coming together. I'm doing little fucking things.

I got some goals for August that I'm going to take care of. I'm very proud of one thing I'm going to do. And every day I try to, that's what I've been doing lately. I'm trying to get my life together, trying to get this fucking room together in this office. I'm going to clean out the fucking garage. I'm painting the, the front door.

I'm doing a lot of little things like that. So this winter, I'm good, and I could just focus on whatever it is. I'm really thinking to write another book. I was going to call tomorrow. Yeah, it's time. It's time to write a revision for this book and to start working on another book. You mean, you're going to revise your first book? Yes.

Does it take a year? Put, like, four new chapters in there and revised. Interesting. Okay. Shit that I thought about after I wrote the book that I wanted to put in there. That while I was writing, I forgot to put in there. Also, developments that happened since I put out the book, you know. That'd be cool. Yeah, I got to figure something out for the winter because it's going to be a long fucking winter.

Especially if I don't get on stage with you or decide to do anything. And right now, my mind is open. I'm just going to take the summer and enjoy what's left. But I love doing this podcast with you and everything else. But like this Wednesday I thought about going up to the dojo comedy because I love Mike. I love that club. Let's see how I feel Wednesday night before I come in. There's also a Nogi class at my school on Wednesday nights.

I've been dying to go into just to try it one time. I might do that also. So I don't know. I'm living life. We finish this. Now we got, she's got CDC this week, whatever that shit is, religious instruction. I drove this morning. They wanted me to come in. I just took off

on the building with those fake fucking nuns. And then the next week she's got like some softball camp of four days. And she's got a couple days off. Then we leave. I'm pretty much

podcast on the 26th and leaving. I got to go to a party, the 24th. And that Monday I'll do the podcast with you guys. I'll probably play Bachi that Tuesday. Unless I get a cover and I'm out of you. I'm going to go see my brother for a few days and end the summer correctly. I'm an old fucking man. I don't belong out there no more.

Telling the stupid jokes. My mind don't even think that like that's not anymore. Like I told you about the writing. But I enjoy writing for you. Like whenever I get a great joke, I always hand it to you. We laughed our asses off last week at my buddy's joke about the girl. We can't even say this joke. It's so fucking.

horrible but we were both dying and that that's good enough for me right it's not the size of the audience you know i sat there openly and watched joe special and there wasn't one time i would have said i would have said this there was a couple things i wouldn't have said but everything else was great everything else and it was great to see him up there again it's great to see one of your friends doing something like that because that lets you know that that could be be you if he really wanted it. Right. That's why when comics hate on other comics, you're just

slowing your progress. You're just slowing your progress. That's another waste of energy. That was something I went through for six months. Why does he get a deal and I don't? Why does CIA sign him and I don't? That guy can't even walk into the store. Doesn't matter. It's a business.

Just know to cover all the spaces when you go there so you don't get bitter about this shit. Nothing to be literally. I have nothing. When I started comedy, I met so many fucking guys that I was like, I never want to get to that age and do comedy. 50 and above.

You get in the room with them at the end of the night, and it's a horror show and a condo in some D room. And the blame is also always on the faggotry. You've got to be gay to live in L.A. You got to do this. You got to do that. You got to kiss ass. No, you got to be funny.

And you got to be, just by looking at you, I can tell you're a fucking bumble. You know, and you see this in people. I've never wanted to be bitter at this age about comedy at all. Like to sit there and go, oh, this guy, you really suck. That's not my game. That's not my game. I'm out of it.

I just want to fucking see other people do great now, like yourself and Eric Rocha. And I'll tell you, who else is picking the momentum? Di Agostino. You three guys are fucking, like, keeping me alive just by watching you guys. The Agostino isn't on the computer. He does his podcast. he just put out some dates he's going to be in Boston October I think he always calls you you know yeah he just put out a special too bad you won't be there what's that he just put out

a special he put out a special these guys all you guys are doing great and I'm happy for you now one time if I sat here and said what's this guy doing you know you and I have conversations about people who it's you know but again that's what keeps comics in the game when you cheer for the comics you did that open mic with that same time i still remember driving to gigs with this guy that was so nice to me and he had a three-cylinder justy that's way before your time that was like 92 93 it was a three-cylinder subrunner subru okay that people bought to save mileage you know every time i got in that tin can i thought i was going to die and i did i died on stage he would always bring me to do guest sets.

And then I started getting funny with him. And we both were like 20 minute fucking comics. And then I got fucking, I left Denver. I never talked to him again. And six years later, he's running a club in New Mexico. And I'm in El Paso. And I call him up and I go, bro, what's up?

He's like, Joey, how are you? Oh, my God. Where are you? I go, in El Paso, featuring. He goes, you're right down the corner. I go, bro, give me a feature. We could go, send me a tape. I did fucking, how many open mics did I do with you? How many fucking gigs did I do with you? And you went a fucking tape, and he was just, then over the years, I would send messages.

I didn't want to work there. It was a shit club. But I would send messages after the longest yard. Like, I want to come down there at work. And for free, he wasn't having it. He just did not like it. And it's not like that. Listen, that's the way it is.

But he ended up fucking, he's selling cars now or some shit. So the least you have on your mind on the way up, the better. All I thought about was today and tomorrow when I did comedy. And whenever somebody called me with a gig, hey, what are you doing August 14th? Yeah, I'll do it.

But everything else, I don't know. Because in the back of my mind, Seinfeld could call me tomorrow and take me on the road for a year. Why am I talking to you? Right. As a comic, you could go into the New York. Comedy Club leave there. And the next day, the New York

Comedy Club, like, listen, who's your manager? We need to talk to you. Okay, what's up? Fucking Seinfeld saw you last night. He wants to take you on a world tour. You're like, but I'm supposed to be in Poughkeepsie next weekend. You're like, no, it's... Go up for Kipsey. Tell them you going out with Seinfeld.

You know, all these things are what you should be thinking about, which are never going to happen. But they will. Never going to happen. But they will. And this is your future, Lee. So, I'm, like I told you a couple weeks, so I'm just your comedy manager now.

I'm not taking no other clients. I'm going to teach you the old school way. And you have your own manager who does great things by you. But I'm your third fucking wheel. I appreciate everything, dude. $1 million, then you give me five points. Five, not even ten. And at that time, you're not even going to give me five.

You're going to go, you deserve 15. Because you're going to see the differences. people don't I don't want to bother you with every decision but I don't know I mean listen when you call sometimes I answer sometimes I call you back in 10 minutes yeah you know me dog

if I answer I answer but yeah I'm loving what you're doing I'm very proud of you thank you buddy guy on Patreon asked me if you want an apartment in Newark he's got some nice apartments a two bedroom I think for 2,600

or one bedroom for 2600 2600 which is absurd but those are the prices in new jersey it's 20s in new york if you want to live in red bank at 2700 but you're trying to i'm just trying to get rid of my car what are you going to do i'm trying to give it back to the dealership love to see i at least the car for how long i have like another two and a half years oh no you're in no danger so hold on to it for a year bring it down here park it and when you go on the road for those weekends you take the train down pick it up and shoot it or are you'll tell you where to put your car in the city cheap okay all right you don't want to be without a car what happens when you gotta go to pennsylvania you're gonna ride with the feature act right okay and now you gotta put up it's so expensive yeah what are you gonna do it's all part of the journey my friend oh yeah stick with it but let's close this motherfucker out it's tuesday the sixth the check-in coming to you from these

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