The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - Ralphie May Reloaded: Re-release of #454: Ralphie May

Episode Date: December 17, 2018

The podcast is off this week, but we wanted to share one of our favorite podcasts with the late Ralphie May. Ralphie and Joey were amazing friends for many years, and some of our best podcasts are the ones with Ralphie and Joey. Have a great week, we'll be back soon, and remember to focus on the yellow.    Love you Ralphie. 

It's going to be a good day. Oh, shit. Here we go, cocksuckers. This is Donald Trump's favorite song. What? Come on. This is what he hears in the White House every night. This is what the Obama's left from.

What? Here you go, cocksuckers. The church of what's happening now, Wednesday, February 8th. Who's better than you? Kick that horse, Lee. Uh-huh. Come on. Oh shit.

And you thought this was just a podcast, huh? This is a fucking party wagon. Here we go. Black people jump up and down. Come on, Black people. Mexicans jump up and down. Let's go, Spitz. Armenians, do your thing.

Oh, that's a jungle. Wiggle, cock suck, or wiggle. Here we go, the intensity. Oh, shit. There's a white chick-sucked black dixon in the 70s. Fuck, yeah. Here we go. Hey, Samma Kosa.

Lysayette. Ralphie Mae. Oh, shit. And Uncle Joey. Matali, what the fuck? What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? Uncle Joey here, the church of what's happening now? It's a beautiful motherfucker night.

I'm happy you get to join us. Lee Syatt's here. And yes, again, my brother, Mr. Ralphie Mae. Hi, everybody. If he's in town, we bump motherfuck. fuck is a Ralphie man I had to tell somebody today something happened a fucking studio burnt down I'll call you next week what do I give a fuck somehow I'm sure I got blamed oh you always get the blame

I always told Lee on the bus that motherfucker you put water on the computer people over there and shit I'm sorry about the periscope this morning what happened was this let me explain to you what I the hell I live it okay Joe Rogan's my brother I love him to death but he gets a lot of creepy fucking people that listen to them and the creepy people but when they can't get through the hymn they start going down the line so they go to Duncan when Duncan tells him to fuck off they go to Ari when Ari tells him to fuck off they'll come to me when I talk to fuck off they'll go to Brian when Brian tells him to fuck off they'll go to

Tony Hinchcliffe when Tony Hinchcliffe don't go to Saratiana and it's on and onward and onward so this started two three weeks ago in Cleveland I had a flying early the night before right I get there my fucking sleep apnea machine breaks at 6 o'clock at night I gotta get a new fucking wire what am I gonna get so already I go on the panic mode I got radio on Thursday morning I gotta be alert I can't I'm not gonna go to fucking see if I'm gonna deal with this let me let me get something to eat with these dudes from LA that want to play with me I know them and I'll come back and I'll deal with this shit I'll figure it out I'll scotch tape it I'll do something you know right I go

I eat with these two guys it's cold out they walk me back into the hotel you know the whole town Cleveland where you stay right down the corner from I walk in and there's these two people there I don't think about nothing you know I just see two people there that's my job is I'm talking to these two guys and all of a sudden they're looking over at us and they keep looking and looking and I smooth it and I try to I go they're here for a fucking picture god damn it I know and next thing you know I go real loud I go listen my sleep apnea the machine broke to the guys. I go, let me go upstairs and deal with this.

I turn around, the guy chases me with the girl. They come up to me and like, listen, listen, listen, listen. We got your present, but it's in our car. Right away, that's not going to happen. Right. We didn't know if we'd see you or not. Well, listen, I'm not walking to no car. You come into the show?

Would you like me to leave your tickets for the show? That's nice. Yes, we would. I mean, that's how fast it was. I'm in a rush, guy. Yeah. I got to go figure out to sleep at your fucking thing. So do you want tickets for the show?

took a picture and while we're taking the picture that's when he starts this shit the guy about fucking uh going to fucking some country the jungle of amazon and doing fucking iahuasca and all this shit that i don't even dirty white people i don't need to hear this shit this is not for me you want to take a chance go to the bronx and get a three dollar bag of heroin you don't need to go all the way to fucking but for what else you know listen before you move to L.A. you see how these fucking idiots work. You're on watching TV and you try to lose weight and you're working real hard, you're doing

jumping jacks. I'm a little Hollywood guy comes on and goes, I have a new revolutionary way to lose weight. We do this. These motherfuckers always got the next answer. Well, guess what? I'm from the 70s, bitch. That was the answer. That was the answer. You motherfuckers are stealing. Living off the 70s. Every TV show, every fucking movie, you guys

are living off the fucking 70s, okay? So when I see all, it's like, quailudes. Quayludes were great. They became exorcists. Yeah, that's what happens. They become exosine, but it's the same cousin to the fucking Quaker. It's the same thing that just evolved. Me, listen, you want the answer? Take a hit of acid.

When my mother was dead, three, four months, I think I recovered from the pain. I eat acid every fucking night. And that breaks down whatever problem you have. You don't need to go to ayahuasca in the jungle and have a shaman around your breathing. Stinky dirty thing. All you need is a $3 hit of some good fucking window pain.

You put on Black Sabbath, fucking Saddam, Bloody Sabbath. The answer to your questions will come to you. I don't care if you put the Beatles' help on. The answers to your questions will come to you. I'm telling you this as a man, because this is what I did for fucking years when I was recovering off the biggest pain you could possibly have in your fucking life. So don't fucking tell me my fucking job, okay?

And I'm going to tell you in front of somebody, just so you guys know, and he's going to tell you, this November I'm going to be cleaning off Coke for 10 years, Ralphie. I know. 10 fucking years. Can you believe that? Fuck yes. Did I go to get rober gained?

Did I go to Brazil? No. Did I go get hug? Did I go to rehab? No. I need to go to fucking AA and get them. You know, all these people in L.A. Go to AA and they get clean.

Yeah. But two weeks later, they go to a doctor, and they give them a stretch of pills. Yeah. And also, they have all these symptoms, these fake fucking symptoms. And they're giving you pills, so you're just drugged up on pills,

but you're still going to people telling them and you're on AA. Yeah, yeah. And not for nothing. I was there the last night. You had a great fucking run, and that was a great last night to go out on. I had a great fucking run.

That was a great fucking night. 27 years. run on fucking blow. Yeah, but I was there at the fucking finish line, dude. I know. Dude, you smoked an ounce of mine fucking Mato G.weed, an ounce, okay? After eating like four dinners, it was terrific food, all right? And we're laughing our butts off.

And then I bring out mushrooms. Oh, after dinner fucking get you started. Let the day go. Let's remember the Indians, natives. Aoo. All right, and we put around there. Don't start with the Indians. Remember what happened like that.

Hey, I love the Indians. Are you kidding me? Don't bring the Indians. the fucking Indians up. I love him. The last time you brought Indians up, you had to do benefits. I still do it. There's a kid with a tomahawk somewhere. Fuck yeah. No, I know. I sent that kid to camp. Space camp. I'm fucking, I'm helping out natives. I'm fucking saving them. Somebody's got to do it. Anyway, listen to this, garbage. I, I, we, we did, I bring out an ounce of fucking great mushrooms. Hawaiian ones. Have you ever

had the Hawaiian ones? I don't know. You have to ask him. Okay. The, the regular ones are a little bit bigger. The Hawaiians are smaller and the cap's thicker. All right? And I brought out a fucking ounce of the most deadly fucking mushrooms on the planet. Coco ate half an ounce of mushrooms. Okay, half an ounce. Do you understand me? On top of smoking, because it was Thanksgiving and he was goddamn thankful. All right? He did all of that over the course of like six hours. Okay. And then went to the comedy store and to the set. a la Theo Vaugh. Pows, zoom, straight to the moon.

And the fucking lights in there were turning purple. The whole original room was purple, and I'm in there telling jokes on stage. I felt like I was the only one in the room. I couldn't even see the audience members. I got in my fucking car. So funny. And I got the fuck out of there,

but 10 years with no drama. No. Oh, my God. I feel like doing, I'm going to re. What's the word they use? I'm going to re. Relapse. Relapse.

I'm going to relapse. The fuck are you. You make a decision. Right. You set your mind. Here's how you quit. I ain't doing that no more. I ain't doing it no more.

That's it. That's it. That's it. It wasn't no 12 steps. There's no 12 steps. There's no hard. Go to the escalator. There's no fucking yet.

I ain't going to do no more. I ain't going to do it no more. I don't want this poor girl I'm with to find me on the floor dead. I don't want her to walk out of the bedroom and see fat little legs in the kitchen. Yeah. And I turn in purple because I want to do blow in front of. I can't do it no more. And that's pretty much the fucking end of it.

Dude, that was real a shit, man. But it's like we had so much drama to getting high. Like, I like to just roll a joint. No, no, no, you got to roll a joint and cut a matchbook and put a filter. What filter are you talking about? What filter are you talking about? A matchbook cover? You got to be cool.

Everybody wants to be fucking cool. I'm through it cool. Right. I didn't play that game. Well, I'm from them didn't play the cool game. You would just fucking either you were cool or you didn't. Nobody teaches you. You putting on a t-shirt doesn't make you cool.

No. You putting a goatee and shaving it real tight. you know like a fucking half a fag that don't make you fucking cool you know what I'm saying? But it does tick on my balls Yes it does Berby in LA

wants to be cool I'm gonna go to Mexico city I have a doctor that does how you want Shut the fuck up Just take it listen If you're not gonna do a hit ass To take a $3 bag of heroin Just leave me the fuck alone

It's not my world It's not my world I don't even want to listen to that kind of talk I never did There's the reason people We're just hearing about it now. It's fucking stupid. I know.

And listen, it helps people with opiate up addictions and it helps all these type of people and shit like this. But you know what? Take it to somebody else. All right? I'm an old school type of fucking guy. And that's the way I'm going to go out. Lee and me have conversations every night.

And Lee looks at me because he knows I don't give a fuck. I don't know what you're talking about. You want an adventure? Go to the boogie down Bronx. I'll surround you with 20 black guys and three Puerto Ricans. And that's an adventure right there. You don't need to make till you can tell your friends at Starbucks. I went to Brazil.

Oh my God, you're so strong and valiant. Shut the fuck up. These are the same people that were going to go to Canada when fucking Trump became president. You know, I'm just sick, dog. It gets old, man. No shit. It gets fucking old. I come from a different fucking society of people and men act like men.

You know, I would not have turned the fucking TV on tonight. They're protesting again. How many times I'm going to tell you there's no future? And protesting. There's none. There's no future. People who do that. Oh, you guys learn how to bitch.

They go down there to fuck it with a hole in their chest. Just do drugs like I did. You don't have to mingle and to be cool. So people go, oh, my God, you're marching. Fuck you. Fuck you. I got better things to do with my time. It's called life.

Yeah, you're creating traffic. I know you don't like Trump, but go fuck yourself. You're fucking making traffic, you, cunt. I hope you fall get AIDS of your mouth. Fuck you. All right? They're a bunch of dicks. Okay?

I got stuck in one of that goddamn woman march. And I didn't know why they were bitching. Okay, all right, you don't like Trump. Hey, guess what? Maybe you should have mashed your ass to the fucking voting booth. All right? Because he told you three weeks before. Hey, I'm going to grab you by the pussy.

And you know what? Most of America was like, I'm cool with that. That's all right. I can overlook that. Nobody likes fucking Trump. Everybody's mad of fucking Trump. Yeah. They should have done something when they had the shot.

okay you know what bitching me about being a Democrat is fucking you have until the end of the game to win the fucking game Coco you have until the end the fucking last play all right like fucking new England on Sunday you thought it was over no we got overtime now we're going to settle it okay all right and instead all right these assholes these little fucking Democrat pussies are all fucking crying ooh I want a recount I want to fucking recount I want to get to a look at college not to do this. You lose on Sunday. You don't wake up.

Nobody from the Falcons woke up on Monday and go, man, you know, everybody, I know we lost yesterday and the biggest, you know, fucking choke you could ever lose. All right, but we really wanted to win. So now if everybody just agrees that we'll just say that we won, that's cool, right? That's cool. It's cool that we won the Super Bowl, even though New England won. You know what I mean? It's like you fucking,

I don't give a fucking referee valet Adam here Putin blew the fucking car. I don't give a shit. You fucking lost, you lost. You know what, bro? The way I look at it is they had Bernie Sanders.

They had Joe Biden, a man. You had Bernie Sanders, but you drank the fucking juice of being cool and a woman president. You jumped up and down like a fucking Momo that you were. You know, You fooled the country one time.

I'm not saying fooled the country. But Obama was one of those weird presidencies. It wasn't going to happen twice, bro. You know, the who said it best. We won't get fooled again. Yeah. We won't get fooled again with the fucking smoking mirrors and the Priuses. You know, I know people who were buying clothes to go to Hillary Party, Clinton parties.

Oh, yeah. On the west side. Like, that's how fucking embarrassing it got. Like, they had to sit there and watch that fucking. Tell a prompt. You know, me, I don't give a fucking, I think we were doing a podcast, me. Yeah, we were.

With Totoro. With Totoro. Yeah, we were doing a fucking podcast. Oh, man. A little Nikki? Yeah, we didn't give a fucking. Oh, man, you didn't give a fucking two dicks about nothing, man. You know, if you know how hard we've worked in our lives and what we went through,

there wasn't a president there to help us. None. None. None. Not one time. I love Obama. He never gave me a fucking class of high state. Not one of them.

When I was fucking, I still remember when I got thrown out of the benders. It was they fucking Reagan got shot. Yeah. Do you think when he was laying there on the floor? He goes, hold on, Joey. I got a place for you to move to it. Fuck no, right? You can fucking reach out.

Fuck no, man. In fact, that's why I learned about bureaucracy. It was when my mother died. That's when I really learned what this country's all about. We're going to give you your money, but you've got to do 82 papers. By the time, it's like what they do to you now when you call Sprint. Yeah. To tell them that you have a bill problem.

They put you on hold so long you just hang up and pay $40. Yeah, yeah. My time is worth, you know what I'm saying? With bureaucratic. where my mother died I had to go down there I had to go down every other week oh you have to bring the mortgage from that I'm fucking 16 Who's got the mortgage book from the fucking house? Yeah, my mother's dead what mortgage book? Every week it was like more and more shit and I was taking a bus out to Newark Oh

Sometimes I get a ride but most of the times I take a bus at three o'clock in the afternoon and come back at seven eight o'clock at night I learned about bureaucracy and our government the hard fucking way Yeah because when you need something I got to fill out paperwork and more paperwork and come back three weeks from Thursday. You know, it's like you get hurt on the job. It takes you three weeks for your disability to kick in. Most American families... They can't wait three weeks.

Don't have fucking three weeks. No, not at all. They ain't got fucking three weeks. They don't have fucking three weeks. Everything's a fucking by the way. Everything. That's why, smoke your week. That's why I took the place at Harris.

I got offered a bigger place that would have charged more for tickets. And I said, My fans can't do that and I won't do that to them. Okay? You want to fucking go pay $120 and laugh at fucking sock jokes from Jay Seinfeld? Hey, there it is. If you want $35, me banging you in the face and talking about teabagging bitches, I got you covered. I'll give you way more fucking laughs than he will.

But if you want to spend that money, it's there. But man, my fans are coming from everywhere, dude. The church people, you guys are fucking showing. could show on up like nobody's business. They drive. They drive. They drive. They get vikolins.

Dude. They go. They go. And they're coming out. And because of all the love you show me my first two weeks, church, we're going to do a giveaway, all right, where we, uh, I'll be talking to late. Let's fucking get all you fucking the real deal, motherfuckers, okay? All right.

They and we, and you fucking went. You start tweeting about me and me. mad flavor and the flying Jew. Tammy. Tammy's the official winner. She's the first winner. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oogie spooky. Oh, yeah, yeah. She's already fucking done. She's good to go. She's good. She's won.

That's no problem. But we got to get some, we've got to get some more. We got Larry out there just cultivating. He hasn't even gone to the show. Well, Noble D. I'm bringing. Okay. So I'm bringing Darren. From Denver. Yeah, from Colorado. So I got that party going. I want to bring George out under the auspices that it might be a sports show. George, of course, George from fucking Georgia.

He ain't going nowhere, right? I know, he's got a girl, he's got this sort of thing. Oh, fuck, you stuff, George. Hey, bring me the chicken franchisee, let me frenchee pizza and just keep it like that. I don't know. I don't know. What? How can you not go there?

The chicken franchisee pizza. Yeah, it's so good. Did you guys see what y'all Romero put up today? I must have laughed for 10 minutes. I laughed. I laughed. What is it? What is it?

What is it? So is Biz being fired? him or not that I think it's the next fight I don't know if it's fully been announced yet but I guess it's I guess it's gonna this tomorrow night oh uh... Him and Gomez

oh yeah oh yeah and I love and I know you love Bisping I love my I love Bisping too but just like that I love trash talk so just he made a go on me page for his his future medical bills and who

I have nothing against Mike I like Mike but it's just it's just funny it's so fucking funny that MMA is getting fucking funnier and fucking fun My fucking Irish brother, Connor McGregor, Suck my big Irish bowls! Oh, cry.

I like, I want that on my phone. I want T-shirts. I want that. Everything. Suck my big Irish balls. Fuck yeah. Who knew? Who knew we had a church in Ireland?

Okay. Me and you. Has anything been going on with it? I don't even know what's going on when MMA the last two weeks. I haven't even seen nothing. Oh, my God. I saw that tray, three, and I said,

wow that's the first time I've seen anything on MMA yeah that's all I was there's a fight this week yeah it's Brooklyn Anderson Silva I place money on him nobody even knows nothing like nobody said nothing to me nobody's called that's why I didn't know I'm like what the fuck sold out what I may and also I've seen the fucking thing today

and I go wait a second there's a fight this weekend nobody's talking about this fucking fight Brooklyn New York Brooklyn New York I haven't heard one fucking thing I don't know what it would be a better fight the one in the ring in the octagon

or the ones with the people leaving because that's going to be a great fight right outside all these guys get all fucked up on Red Bull and Brooklyn it's going to go to this thing it's not going to be your typical Brooklyn nights it's going to be those tickets are going to be high

they're doing it up there because they can charge a little more that's that's Jay Z's neighborhood and shit so it's not the Brooklyn that we left 30 years ago with knuckleheads hitting each other and shit it's a new civilized Brooklyn where they're probably going to bring you know stevia soda and then to drink and nobody smokes but

if you lie to join at one of those things now they look at you like if you're Hitler yeah did you know that man especially in new yorks i can't believe it i grew up in new york i used to smoke everywhere in new york like me you like a joint now in new york people walk on the other side of the street they look at you like you take pictures of you on their fucking phones it is crazy there's a lot of I go out. I travel. People get mad at me. You don't periscope. Listen, guys, it ain't the same. It ain't the same. I know where you can periscope, but I know where you

can't. There's some places you can sit behind outside and smoke a joint, I put the fucking phone on a fence and nobody sees me. There's some places they're watching. You stick out like a fucking saw thumb. They're watching you, man. What's it matter, Lee? Nothing's a matter. You're really going through changes? I started

the sweats starting. Oh, my God. It's a... What do you mean the sweats starting? It's just, I'll be... I'll be, that it's shiny. I don't know what it is. I don't know. Does it make you sweat, too? I don't know.

What? What are you talking about, Lee? The sugar cubes is make you sweat. The sugar? It's not the sugar cubes, Lee. It's not the sugar cubes. It's what's in the motherfucking sugar cubes that makes you sweat. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Look at your fingers. Did it get not wavy? Not yet. The one, fingers aren't getting wavy, but everything else is. I'm going to do your favor. My daughter, she made this for me, and I'm aware. All right?

I just want you to look at that. every now and then, okay? It's going to be a safe place for you, all right, Lee? Thank you all. All right, if you need to look anything. Just look at that. Focus on the yellow. Just focus on the yellow. Okay? Just find me the yellow. All right. I got the yellow. Lee, when you were a kid and people spoke about acid, what did you think?

No, like, I, it's not even that I was scared of acid. What drugs are people talking about when you were 18 in high school? Uh, fucking weed and drinking and maybe some pills and I don't know. I was a nerd, so maybe they were doing it and I just wasn't invited, but I didn't see fun. I didn't see any of this. Maybe some, maybe some.

No mushrooms in Boston? I think some ecstasy. Excessy. Yeah. Excessy, Coke pills. Yeah, I didn't even see much. I didn't see Coke until I got out here.

Where'd you see Coke out here the first time? Party of a guy I worked with. And I didn't even really see it. I saw them in the room putting. And that's why I told you. The only reason I have a Volkswagen is because I like this key. I liked it. And this is the key they were using.

I was like 20. or something. Oh, they're doing key bombs on that? Yeah, yeah. A little Volkswagen key thing. And it's, uh, it was, it was,

yeah, yeah, I just like the button, but, uh, flipping Newton, right? Ooh,

I'm hot. Um, yeah, that was mostly just that. I never really, I think my introduction to like psychedelics is the podcast with like, you,

you talking about it, Rogan talking about, I've never, uh, even dreamed of it. Let me tell you, at 12, we were,

We were fucking doing mushrooms every weekend. Every weekend in Cuxville, Arkansas. All right. Boy Scout camp didn't fucking matter. Fucking anything, camping, deer hunting. Fuck, didn't matter. Fucking shrooms were on the menu. And everywhere.

Everywhere, everywhere. Everybody had cow pastures. Everybody, you just go pick. Keep them drives you don't get mildowed. All right. And do, you're done. Okay, and then we get then there was like the creepy guys who were like over the 21 who were always trying to fuck our high school girls who had parties like the Red Cup party Bonfires and that's when I first smoked a joint was there at that party

My buddy, uh, Joe, uh, god damn it I forget Joe was cool motherfucker. He had long hair hippie motherfucker dad was a Vietnam vet of Joe Penny. I knew I get it. Joe Penny, rolling fucking pinters. That's where I thought that name came from. The little pinter joints was from Joe Penny because he wrote little joints. And he saw me because that guy, that guy wouldn't, he thought I didn't pay for my red cup. And I'm like, you dumb, I was a wise ass. I was like, you fucking dumb fuck.

Like I'm just walking around the woods with a big red cup and who I just happened to fucking bump into you. You fucking dummy. And he wouldn't fucking give me any beer. I have fucking cock sucker. So Joe saw it and then when we were leaving by the way I smoked I thought He was like this is marijuana. Is it gonna kill me? He's like no and he was right Coco He was fucking right Jack. I I smoke five joints that night of that Mexican dirt weed Okay, we even played that game where you where you load up one joint with a big ass seed and everybody takes a joint

We all power smoke until the seed blows up and boom Blows their face like those old cigars as a greatest sweet game nobody can play it now because there's no fucking no seeds of seeds in the wheat and uh we did mushrooms that and uh and you'd always save up your money for uh for wine cooters so you could try to finger bang girls all right that was our fucking move finger banging the chicks with the barthes and james mountain berry was the that's the shit that resistance that's what it is who you are getting sweatedly Oh, dog.

It's open my door for him, please. He's going to have a heart attack. You're all right? Oh, yeah, I'm fine for now. And you're having a panic attack, too, so breathe out of your nose, Lee. I'm not having a panic attack. Hey, wait, why you're on the Twitter right there? Hey, because I'm not on my, put it on to, put it on,

it add me to the full thing so people can see this about the church because I didn't know the church's Twitter handle. All right? And Ben, before you get too fucked up, text, Aaron. to re-send it out. Okay, yeah, up the ass. I want everybody to know because I want all my fans,

if you ain't down with the church, you need to be. Okay, all right? That's number one. All right, you got to get down with the church. And number two, I want, I want everybody to have more chances to win a free vacation

to come to fucking Las Vegas, Nevada, Jack. All right, and we'll have a fucking blast. I like it. I like it, right? I like it. I like it. right oh it's uh just breathe out of your nose another cheebo chew drink no it really hasn't started kicking in yet it really hasn't so

what are you sweating from because it that's the that's the that's the anxiety you're thinking about it you're thinking about it no i can see it in your face well i can see it too he's right i'm not thinking it's just i just dude's what your face is so fucking red shut you up yeah and you're not thinking about it you're thinking about it you sit there and you fucking boil in it until you know yeah that's why you get bad chips dude I really I swear when was the last time you looked at the yellow

look at the yellow look at the yellow on the fucking yellow all right don't look at the fucking yellow look at the yellow there you go all right good man his little shug night I know he's all right how's every shirt I have a should night shirt because come on that's your street name Shug White Shug White he's bad he's bad

so who else is on this trip over there on Friday Man, um, um, um, no. No, no, dude. I think I'm the first one to have, uh, George Wallace isn't invaders. George Wallace isn't there anymore. They've got that piece of shit, Vinnie Faberito, uh, is got some, uh, the Orleans or some. I don't even know where his fucking piece of shit ass is.

That guy's the worst fucking human ever to get behind a microphone and call himself a comedian. I hope he gets three types of cancer in his ass and his mouth. not the fast kind the slow kind so they think they can cure it all right he's a fucking pestilence on fucking humanity ralphi ralphi relax i'm sorry i'm sorry i get flashbacks i get overheated about that vani faberito he's a piece of shit all right he paid his dues he paid his fucking he didn't pay his bookie he didn't pay his fucking bookies i tell you that fucking guy welts on bets too that you didn't fucking and people are taking action for him still you dumb fucks Okay, how about ask those Boston comics who got fucked out all that money?

He fucked them off with, all right? To teach a comedy class, dumb suckers, they should have known. You either have it or you don't. You don't go to class. You don't go to class. Focus on the yellow. Focus on the yellow. He's rubbing and everything.

Now he sees it. Now you see it, right? I can feel like, I'm not freaking out, though. I can feel kicking. It's definitely kicking in. I like it. I like it's just, I sweat. Right.

Hey, don't fucking yellow. Yellow. Just yellow, baby. Just pick about yellow. That's all I'm thinking about. There's no other colors. Just yellow. All right.

That's it. I like yellow. You know, it's my favorite color. Stay in the men. Stay in the zone, baby. Ooh, okay. It's funny that when I got into comedy, especially when I came out here,

I go, how long is it going to take for me to fuck up? Like, how long is it going to take for me to hit somebody with a chair or fucking rob one of these comedy clubs? You know, because you could just sit there and look at 10,000.

for so long. For so long. Before you have to smash this little fucking... Mama me. If it was anybody else's wedding. Oh. Oh. You know, it's like...

If they only knew, if they only knew, Coco. You know, it's like, it's so crazy how you... We sit here and we fuck around and you crack jokes. But how sad is it that, like, Keith Richards outlive fucking Whitney Houston? Oh, yeah. Like, like Ozzy Oswald's outliving everybody. I know. And he's still doing both.

in pills. She's tried to dump him two months ago because he was still getting fucking high and fucking the hairdresser. How old is this guy? They don't stop. What people don't realize is I just figured this out too. Me and my tour manager Ben, we were talking about this. How the fuck can

Ozzy you not understand a goddamn word he says but sings like a fucking bird? How the fuck did that ever happen? Lou Graham, there's English people. That's what they do. They're fucking bad at the bone, Jack.

I'm sorry, I'll cut you out. No, no, no, I'm just thinking about how these people, you know, I sit here and I go, how the fuck did I outlive Whitney Houston? Like, especially during the Martel Cartel Day. Yeah. And I always felt bad. Like, I never knew when the trust was going to end. Like, I never knew at what point.

I didn't know if it was going to be being on the road with Mark Babin one day. You know, like, at him being. No, no, no, because when I... Dude, I heard he's lost all his teeth. Yeah, when I first... first moved here he used to book these shows with Carlos and and uh and uh when what's his name was still very hot what's the mexican guy the you know the paul rodriguez and he was booking and george lopez i mean that was marg babbitt was driving back to texas with 30 40 g in cash yeah because

he was like he would take the money from the safe at the lab stop and use it to finance his tours. She was a millionaire. She's somewhere, does she still live? No, no, no. He bought it. I mean, he didn't buy it.

He didn't buy it. It was her. It was a old lady who owned... No, no, no. You're thinking of the Austin woman. Right. What was the name of the lady in Boston? Because Pete was a stepson or something.

Yeah, yeah. Right. And she was, she owned a bunch of country bars. But she just thought it was a good manager. And she bought it from, the uh...

uh... sandy marcus okay and sandy and her husbands are the ones who started the last stop and then sandy sold it when she wanted to get out to this uh... lady who was a multi multi-millioner probably worth probably a hundred and one hundred and fifty million dollars more because she owned like the men's club she owned the biggest country bars she had a majority of stake in gillies when gillies was hot

and fucking urban cowboy this this woman had so much fucking money and this was just one of her things that she liked comedy but she wouldn't even come in and that's how she got Pete in there but before Pete man with three hands Mark Babbitt was taking money out of that place so he was taking the money out of the bank and then he was pulling what I was doing as a kid

you borrow 25 grand on Friday as long as you have it back Monday before the bank opens you didn't win back 30 grand like I said I had a friend who worked at a bank in the early 80s that was was the deal. Friday at three, Monday at 9, he'd better have my money to put back in that fucking bank vault.

But I'm getting five grand off the top. And he did it every fucking week this kid. Yeah. But he could never be light on a Monday. He only... Wow. You couldn't even do that now? No fucking way. No fucking way you can do that now. Let me tell you how good they had it wired. This kid that I'm talking about in particular.

I knew, I grew up with him. And one time when my mom died, he worked at a bank. And I was telling his younger brother, I got these checks. I got this credit card. He goes, talk to my brother. Talk to my brother. So I called the brother.

I met him. I gained the two checks, the credit cards. He calls me two days later. He said, meet me a Knicks. So my mother had just died. They had just shot John Lennon. Oh, wow. It was just a week when they shot John Lennon.

They shot John Lennon on a Monday night football. during Monday night football I picked up that envelope on Tuesday Like I gave him those checks on Saturday Yeah And the next day when I was in school His brother came up to me and said Call my brother

He wants to talk to you about something I called him He goes meet me up at the next 8 o'clock I went up there He gave me an envelope that was four inches deep All fucking bills were $100 My mom was dead But will this take care of things for a while

Forever Forever I got that money And I put on the mic I moved in with this family and I moved on and I put the money under my underwear and they would never fucking know I would just it was like it was like a real ATM machine like I hid my jeans on top of it yeah and I would just dip my hand on there and take a $100 bill and go out at night wow that's how spoiled that was like that at that point and you never thought about saving any of it oh yeah oh yeah I thought about saving it and yeah investing go fucking stuff yeah yeah okay yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm going to invest in what? Getting a blowjob from fucking that girl.

Gabby, that's what I'm going to invest in Lee. There's no investment, Lee. You took that, you took that to the bar and you invested it. You would hear something for fucked up, Lee? Sure. Is that not only did he just say, oh, that was fine, he was still working, all right? Him and his buddies, they would drop out of trees on unsuspecting gay guys and beat him like gorillas to one fact. That's correct.

They weren't unsuspecting gay guys. they were perverts and pedophiles that did not know what they wanted to do you because listen man those guys would drop out of the fucking trees like gorillas

you want me to say something my friend just went to my friend just went to my friend just went to the mayor's ball yeah he's done my friend just went to my buddy's ball on Friday Beniri

had his first ball on Friday $175 a ticket Wow. Why does he have a ball? Like for his... Because he's a commissioner. Oh, he's an assemblyman. I love it.

And he told me that the guy we used for bait as kids was dead. I go, how does he look? He goes, bro, that dude hasn't aged a fucking day. He said he's still just like an Italian model. Oh, wow. We used to take this kid. And the reason why we used them is because he had a connection. I know that if we ever got arrested, this shit would get squashed at the end.

Right before they were really impressed charges, this kid had two. much juice. That's the reason why he used to take him. I'd split 50-50 right down the middle. But all he had to do was just bait. That's all he had to do was just bait. We did the fucking kick in and the pulling in the fucking... All right. So, so to explain to him. Okay. So he'd be out there and then... That's a horrible, horrible, dark, fun time. Did you ever say that to yourself? Like someday when you guys would be 50, you go, that was a terrible, horrible.

horrible fun time in my life it was that dark and terrible like it was like if I think about it now it was dark like even the daytime it was dark like there was no sunlight in my life that and it was my it was like my junior year it started my sophomore summer going into junior year where you heard rumblings there was this davy thomas this thomas family and they were the kings of it the family who owned wendies Stay with it. No, no, no. These kids did not own Wednesday. And they were the first ones.

That 64th Street crew were the first ones that started going to Boulevard East. And then the words started getting that. You can make some money. You know how people drive a lift now? Oh, yeah, right? That's how it was then. You want to get some money going on the Boulevard East at night. Oh, my God.

Like, that's how fucking, it was so well known. Spare change. You know, it's crazy when I read the Iceman's book. When I read the Iceman's book, Yeah. Oh my God. The Iceman used to live in West New York, New Jersey. And he said that in the 60s, he would just kill people for practice on Boulevard East.

Oh, wow. Get the fucking book. He goes, I can't, he goes, I really couldn't give an actual account of how many people I killed. Because there was three years, I was just practicing. He goes, I'd go to a bar on the west side and tell a guy I was gay or whatever, and he'd follow me to Jersey and I'd kill him on the Jersey side and shit. He goes, just for practice, just to practice control tactics. Oh, my God. This guy was the real fucking deal.

Why do you read this book? This book sounds like a terrible book. No, it's fascinating. It was very fascinating. Let me tell you something. Why do you look at tigers in the zoo? When the Ice Man popped up 10, 15 years ago, like, people called you the next day. Yeah.

It was fucking disturbing. Yeah. It was disturbing. Like, even the first time I was, I'm like, because you live near him? It was just disturbing. No, no, no, no. It was disturbing that. I always thought that you kick somebody in the stomach and you had some fun and you call them a cock sucker.

This guy had it to a complete different level. What was he doing? He was a hitman that, I forget the whole fucking story. He was working on a porno thing. Yeah, he was editing. He was making porn. That's right. Editing films.

And the guy wouldn't pay him. And he fucking whackeding. And then he showed work. His brother raped the 12-year-old girl and killed her. And then he threw the girl off the roof. I mean, the whole family's rotten. Oh, my God. The family was rotten.

To the core. When you read the book, there's times you're reading the book, and you have to shut the book and go, why am I reading this? Oh, my God, yeah. His first wife dumped him, and he cut her nipples off. Yeah, I remember you told me that story. He cut the nipples off. And he used to live right there with a co-factory.

When we were kids, that was it. We went behind the co-factory. If you go to the co-factory today and vacuum it, You're going to find rocks of Coke from the 80s until I wish I was kidding. It was every night you knew that if you were going to come over and you wanted to get Coke and you was coming from the city, go to the coat factory. There'd be four cars there and somebody in that car had blown. Somewhere behind a tree, behind the dumpsters somewhere in this area, there's an ounce of fucking coke.

Wow. Yeah, the first interview with the Ice Man was very fascinating. What happened was Leif that people took that interview. sucked it in and then started hearing other things and also put them together and they were all really tied together. Oh like different stories? No, all the mafia hits

were tied through him. Oh, yeah. He began doing hits for one family and then he kept going to different families and he would do hits for different captains and nobody knew what the fuck he was doing. Then he got really crazy. The third phase of it is he got really crazy and he started saying that

he was there on every murder. Like when Kelly got shot, I was up the corner Yeah, right. When a guy from the fucking bananas got shot, that's Joe Marry's restaurant in Brooklyn, and that summer, he says he had one of the tables. He was one of the backup shooters. If the original shooters fucked up, that's a lie.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. That was an inner family thing. They weren't going to get a fucking Polack to step in on that one. There was just a lot of things he claimed. But at the end, he said something that I've said on here, you know, all these people like conspiracies. You know, like every, last week.

Eddie Bravo's my dog. He loves conspiracy. He's another one for you. He, on his last thing, said that he shot a cop in Westwood, New Jersey or something. Watch the fucking thing on HBO. It's on YouTube. It's got to be on YouTube, all three of them on YouTube. But he tells a story on there very nonchalantly about that he got to kill a cop. Paul Peter or something, and he shot the guy, and he goes, who gave with the other? Simon de Bourguvon. Right there, there was a Fed watching that. And part of the fucking witness relocation thing is that you've never shot a cop or ever contracted a murder on a cop And they're a statement they read through the statement Sammy never

Contacted that hit you follow him saying to like they figured out that Sammy never told them by this point They had so many people coming in telling their stories and they were throwing them out because they were going You're a liar Sammy told us something different But one day they figured out after eight people came in he was lying to us yeah this motherfucker but you know Sammy was genius because he turned himself in first so they're gonna believe his story before anybody and he knew the nuts and bolts he wasn't no Henry Hill faker he knew the nuts and bolts of what was going on so when he went in there they bought his story hook on and sinker they got so

they didn't even care what he told them they just wanted John Gotti yeah they got so blinded by getting John Gotti that they took whatever oh you killed 24 people and Don't worry about. Oh, my God. 24 was what he killed the one year. Yeah. You know, well, he was responsible for the one fucking year. Jesus Christ.

So they put it all together, and they, because of that documentary on HBO, Gravano was already in jail for the ecstasy with the fucking neo-Nazis in Phoenix. They picked them up, and they put him under the fucking jail in Denver. Oh, at the Supermax, right? At the Supermax, but here's the beauty of it. Yeah. The Iceman? died mysteriously in his jail cell a week later.

Yeah. You know, people like conspiracies. There you go, cocksuckers. Take that to the moon. Yeah, right. Take that to the fucking moon and back. I love it. I love it.

How are you feeling, buddy? I'm at the moon. This yellow thing is helping, though. How did you know that would help? No, because... It's a calming effect. It's a common effect. You're from the generation where...

Yeah, but... You like French poodles. But you're also talking to guys who've done acid, like, a lot. Okay? And you've got to have focus. And something's like... 10 years, that yellow won't do dick for you. No.

You'll throw that in my face. You know what I'm saying? But now. But now, tonight you'll need that yellow. Yeah, it's helping it. Yeah, man. It's helping. We might even turn the lights off for the rest of the podcast and just talk to each other with a candle.

What do you think about that? Boogles, boogily. Like a Puerto Rican seance. Would you like that thing? It doesn't sound fun. I don't know for Puerto Rican seance. Just come up with stuff on Hazard. We come up.

with stuff even without us and leave your little head is shiny oh my god i just am not so i can't stop sweating i can feel the heat see this is this is the and i'm not like last time monday this i was freaking out at this point this is now like i'm still a little nervous we know the cheap at you okay he's like okay it helps it helps with the end oh my god it's just burning straight What do you have tomorrow, my son? Nothing now. Nothing now. Okay.

I'm about the kids. Look, look, we're powered by Cheebateeba Chooze. We ate Chewish, transmission fluid. Lee, we're done. We're done. That's it. We can't keep doing this to ourselves, Lee. That's what you keep saying.

But then next time, one day we'll be back here, fucking 18 drops coming. To have a new setup. Like, I'll be happy. We lost that strip of acid. We've been, we lost that for six. months. A sheet of acid? Oh my God. Did you buy it? That's the shit. That goes

all the way back to London, that acid. Kid who gave me that, it was a chip, chip, chaldy-ho dude. That's the shit that Pink Floyd took when he quit the band. A chip-chip-chip chelago, dude. That's the cousin to the acid. Take a piece of paper home with you. Give it to the hotel manager.

I come in tonight with talking about the acid, talking about the acid. I look on the shelf. The acid's been on that shelf right there for the last six months. See, people, I don't steal it. Sticking. I thought he clipped it so we didn't have to do it. See, if I was smart enough, I would have

done that and I wouldn't let you find it. I thought he clipped and sold it on eBay. Oh my God, I should have. How are you doing, Lee? Can you open it for me? I knew you him. I'm surprised Lee Lee will even eat those. That was the beginning of Lee's downfall. Oh, my God, yeah.

Lee was a great kid. Until Cheeverchee was a great kid. Cheever Chiba shoes and those cookies. Oh, they're so kind. The so kind cookies. You know, man, I don't even think they don't make those no more, do they? Oh, they don't come up here. Maybe SoKind's still on.

They just don't come up here. I don't know. Cheebichuze everywhere, though, man, and it is fucking good. And I just fucking have a hard time with this, too. And I just fucking took it on. We don't do not with 180 milligrams. Nothing. Nothing.

Nothing. I got it. We don't do nothing. Cheapich is still a great product. I miss them. I missed eating that one. It was delicious. Delicious.

It's like a fucking tutsy roll. It's 2,00 milligrams. Fuck it. We need five of those today, me and Lee. You know what your shit looks like? Look at Lee. He's getting sick already and stuff. You're right, though?

I'm probably now, but I'm not going to eat that, so yeah. You're not going to eat it? No, give me one. I will eat it, but just give me one second. Go fuck yourself, Lee. You made me open it. You're eating it. I'm going to eat it, but you don't want me to puke on you, so give me one.

No, I don't want you to pukegner. You better not be pukegots. You got spare t-shirts here tonight? We got spare. Yeah, like you got spare T-shirts for me, motherfucker. Great, I'll use one of those

size fucking medium to wipe my titty fucking die. I put two strings around those pillows and shit. One of the front of the guy. Like one of those guys from the 50s and shit.

Circus is in town tonight. You have a little billboard and shit. Fuck it. That'll take you to the car. Every time I come here, I got to tell you this. The other day, I was,

I tying on my TV and I got this new fucking, cable in Nashville where you just, I call it Stevie TV. It's like from X-Vinity, but you just hold on to it and you say it. And I go, outlaw Josie Wells, boom. Outlaw Josie Wells.

Anytime I fucking want it. Boom, for free. All right, listen to me. When he's talking to fucking 10 bears and he's talking about, that's the most okay, go fuck yourself, go fuck yourself these people today.

All right, Kevin Costner's and all these asses. assholes go fuck yourself you want to take acting school it's too much drama for what they do it's fucking amazing to what it's the people now make a big deal about and they never gave police with any credit no you watch that scene a holy shit when he's talking about 10 bears and about about their fucking you know his mark on they and we'll jerk beef every spring and fucking man motherfucker talk about let's I'm Listen, I want to be an actor.

If it's on, I have it on for 10 or 15 and 20 minutes. If the Al Gore Josie Wales comes on, it stays on until I got to make a move, which is 20 minutes, 30 minutes. Right, right, right. But the last three weeks, the part's been coming on, my all-time favorite with the kids bleeding. Oh, yeah? And he goes, give him the bucket, Doug. Give him the bucket. Where's the bucket?

Over there. Give him a bucket. He's starting to see the devil. touch the rope yellow yellow yellow yellow yeah you're trying to eat at a chibachia you you ain't the chibichu i'm trying to right now that's what oh that's why you're getting sick yeah oh my god drink the water quickly let's go come on what let's go lee we got a podcast 10 years he's still fucking drugs eating chocolate i was trying to eat in silence and no there's never no silence with you there's always going to be a noise there's always a grunt there's always a bhrer stop giving me all those fucking drugs then

oh yeah you're the only guy to complain about that ever I'm not complaining at all I'm having fucking fun don't give me all the weird don't give me all those three drugs he loves it he loves it I'm having a great time what there's nothing complain about I'm telling you my daughter's my daughter Maire that yellow's helping in it

it's helping a lot it's helping a lot she's good girl whenever I see that fucking scene I always watch listen whenever lately I've been catching the other scene Now I go for a stretch like in three months where every time I turn it on It's the scene right when he sees the young bucks and then he goes down there Yeah, and he gives him the sign of the whole thing that whole fucking spiel like I said that that's dead

That's an acting class. That's it that and the godfather is all you need to watch If you don't get it after that then I can't help you I cannot help you when Bram is at the meeting and he's talking about his son what yeah I'm not Not a superstitious man. Yeah, all that stuff. But if something should happen. Listen, all that stuff. That's an acting.

That's acting 101. That's as good as it fucking gets in my world. It was until this moment. I knew it was Barzani the whole time. Oh, my God. That's so deadly. When you watch that, you just get shivers. So HBO, even after 80 years,

the Godfather's still the oldest movie. They still talk shit about it. HBO is doing another thing about it now. It just released your dad. Just saw HBO. I was watching HBO. They said, new announced HBO,

Francis Fort Coppola, HBO are teaming up again to do this, the unseen foot, just a ton of shit they're going to do again. Wow. The movie's that fucking interesting, I guess. Man, you know, I never knew when,

when, oh, God, I'm blanking out because of those drugs, when the, get the canoles. Okay? That he goes in and sits down and has a whole, spaghetti dinner. All right.

He's like, guys, I'll be right back. I'll be right back. He goes in, all right, and he says down, it's a whole huge plate of pasta.

All right. It was Bruno Kirby's guy. And one, remember, okay? And he gets the canolies and everything, and has a meatball, and fucking all this shit.

And his guys are waiting on him. Like, in some big transaction, he's having fucking dinner before dinner. I was crying. He makes them all go that guys, keep your eyes open. All right, like, I'm going to go in here and see these people.

He walks in. It's the back of the kitchen. He takes his jacket off. He hangs it up and shit. There's a little table waiting for him. He sits there. It's a fucking three-course meal. Meanwhile, they think the mafia's coming.

They're out there with guns, blazing. He comes out 20 minutes later after a good meal, man. That was a hectic meeting. How are you doing, Lee? You're breathing heavy. Oh, yeah. The cops are coming, everything. You think they're coming for you?

No, they're not going to. I'm not there yet, but. Why aren't you there yet? I don't know. I need another sugar cube. No more sugar cube. No more sugar cube. No more sugar cube. Not tonight.

You do another sugar cube, Lee. Not tonight. The fucking zoo naked. Holding onto a tree and shit. That would be hilarious. You got to take a picture like that, dude. No one wants to see me naked holding it. Oh, no.

On a tree hanging down, that would be fucking hilarious. There was, oh, when I, listen, I went for you. years without doing this shit i hooked up with lee and since lee didn't know anything about this i kept busting his balls till someday somebody actually brought one yeah to the show that's what happened we talked about it on here we talked about mushrooms or somebody showed up the show with chocolate covered mushrooms yeah you know it's always fucking something at those shows you know and i'm not gonna say no what the fuck i bring him back and me and lee experiment and we try him out i was just breaking his balls with the acid all some people started showing up a liquid acid and people started

You know, I hadn't heard that acid, acid apparently was making a huge comeback. Because there for like 10, 15 years, acid wasn't real fucking big. Well, but people scared. The name of it is acid. Yeah, right. It's got such a negative fucking thing. When you hear acid, you're like, oh. It's so funny.

We did the same thing. Yeah. God damn, we've been friends for 20 years now. Yeah, yeah. When you hear acid as a 13 or 14 year or you're like, I'll never do that shit. And all of a sudden you're at a Rolling Stone concert. And you read the fucking ass. And you're like, fucking starve me up.

What the fuck has happened to my life? The two, there was one particular, bro, there was one night that was horrible. Like there's Coke nights and there's pill nights and there's alcohol nights. There was two asses. Oh, yeah, yellow's moving now, so that's not good. Yeah, that's not good. That's good. It was good to there.

It was good to then. It's good up until it starts snaking around. All right. Lesson one down. Okay, good. Leave the snake out for it. All right, lay the snake. Oh, Jesus crying.

Slother around the table. Lee, Syatt, I had a, it was my 17th birthday party, right? It was my 17th birthday party. And we broke into my house, the one where I lived in as a kid. It was a Monday afternoon. We walked in there about two in the hours. afternoon. No heat. Yeah. No electricity. February

19th. Happy birthdays coming. Two in the afternoon. We've got our jackets up in the attic. We're drinking fucking beer. We could hear the mice running around because the electricity was off and the power was on. We started eating those microdut hits a acid,

man. We started popping. We probably ate like three of a each. We were gone. We walked in there and the sun was out. When we walked out of there, it was dark. And people were tripping their balls off. And I was one of them.

Yeah, you're in your fucking own house, man. No, no, no, no, no, no. At that time, I didn't live in my house. Oh, yeah. I broke into my house. I know. I was living with the benders. We went up there as a party.

But one thing I remember, I was tripping so hard, I went downstairs. He's going through changes, ladies and gentlemen. I went downstairs to pee. Oh, my goodness. And Louis Hernandez was pukin. And I pulled him by the Afro. Louis Hernandez was the only Dominican kid in the neighborhood, but he had an Afro's, they called him Louis de Nigger.

And he would have to say a thousand times, listen, I'm Dominican. They didn't give a fuck in 1970. Not back of the day. You're black. Fucking crazy how racist it really was then. These people do nothing until they don't know what they went through. Louis was Dominican. They called them Louis the nigger.

To his face. If he still pops up in North Bergen, they go, oh, look with it, Louis de Nigger. And you're like, stand there. Like, you're like, fucking, I'm 50 years old. They're still calling me Louis the nigger. I don't think I've ever heard about Louis. Louis Hernandez moved to North Bergen and the seventh grade. We were fucking 0 in the seventh grade in basketball.

And awesome God just started dropping things on us. He dropped Louis Hernandez on his. I got left back and I practiced all summer so I got good. We had David Ruiz. And we just had this great fucking team. I forget who all. We had Dominic, Spatiaia and Chuckie McBreen.

That's how deep we were. You know, you know, Chuck. That's how deep I go with Chuckie. Seventh fucking grade. What was saying? Do we talk about acid? And then in your old house. Oh, no, no, no, no.

When you're broken in. So that's how back I go with Louis Hernandez. says, Louis and Anders was puking in the toilet, and I basically pulled them by the afro. I said, Louis, I'm sorry. I put my dick in the door like this, and I put his head back in, and I go ahead. But I left there that night.

And it was the first birthday without my mom. I was cracked. I was cracked. And I walked into that bender house, and they're like, hey, you want dinner and stuff? And they don't know that I'm on fire. I'm burning on acid. They're talking to me and I see wigs on fire.

I see everything that they're not seeing. I go right into that bedroom. Above the subway. It's 7 o'clock at night. I fucking go into that bedroom. I light myself in there. Lock myself in there. I'm like, I'm not even leaving this room.

And the fucking phone starts right. In those days, people that have phones in their rooms or cell phones, you had to actually leave your room and come downstairs. And Louie, uh, Lisa, here's the beauty. They had a mirror right in front of the phone. And I went and I'm like, Hello and I started And they're like

You're coming out tonight's your birth I'm like yeah I'll be out in a little one And I looked at the mirror And all of a sudden my face To get to melt in the mirror and shit And I'm like hold on I gotta call you But dog I'll never forget that I started tripping right there I couldn't look at anything

That's when you're like fuck I'm going in my room Yeah And you just go in your room You don't even look at nothing Lee Because everything you look at starts shifting That's where I am right now And it's just a little bit That's what I was saying on Monday

It's just because I can't even close my eyes You close your eyes? No, because then the color starts moving to it. It doesn't... There's like a 20-minute period where I'm fucked. I'm in it right now. So it's just... Dog, I'm starting to see little dragons.

I just saw a little fucking thing behind your head over there. There was little bats the other night. There was a little... There was a little mott, like a little thing. What do you call those? Moth? Like a little tiny one. And it was everywhere he was the other night.

Like it flew in. Louis Lee was tripping. For like a half hour, I watched this mort just tormently the death. I didn't even know it was there. Remember you said, I just saw a bat. It wasn't no fucking bat. It was a little moor. Oh, my God.

It was a moat. Oh, Jesus Christ. Okay. All right. And back in Houston, all right. And this was like late 90s. We did acid. And Mitch Headberg.

I was over at the house and it was like me and John Watsling and one other person and dude we did ask it and fucking greatest time in my life but one guy was nervous

that a fucking dragon was going to kill him all right and you had to tell him no there's no sense of dragons they're not real they're not even real they're not even real dragons are not real no no but teradactyl They were real.

No, they were real. They were. All right. Keep a looking. Listen, no fuck with Lee, because we can't lose Lee, Doug. If there's Terradackles, I'm gone. I'm going back to pass.

Lose a first round draft pick. We can't lose Lee. Oh, my God. I can't bring up dragons and Territacles. That's what I draw the line. He meant to her manager's like, no, fuck Dad. Leo being a hotel, fucking the hospital,

tell him about fucking dragons. He just took church communion over here for the first. time. How you feel? My tour manager, Ben, Ben. How you loosening up a little bit? Yeah, loosens you up a little. Yeah, right? That's it. You smoking a cigarette, drinking water. Get a little feeling about it. I'm sure Ben and I got the same dose.

Don't wander. Don't wander nowhere. Stay where you are, okay? Yeah. He's a wander. They always are the first time. They don't know. Fuggett, find a couch. Let life come to you, motherfucker. Yeah, yeah. It's like, hey, when Willie Walker took him to the Chackle Factory, he didn't take him on. They got on the fucking boat and fucking just. Just hit it.

Oh, I cannot blow that. Oh, yeah. Listen, bro, that 170 north is close by. You got lost on there. It's all over, though. They won't fire until Sherman Way. He's shit. What is it about L.A. that causes people to run from the cops?

I've never seen this. You see that black guy today? It's every day here. It's every day. But that black guy today? Or how about the stupid fucking white guy? There was a stupid white guy in a white minivan today. They rolled up on two.

cops said he had a gun in the car and then took him on a fucking eight mile around the world slow chase like he's got OJ in there, all right? And then gets out and just, and at one point, a guy with a camera, he walks up to him and he's like, hey, why are you running from the cops?

And the guy's got the camera. The guy supposedly says he's got a gun and you're fucking over there with a camera, you dumb fuck. And where were the cops? If a fucking fat ass with a beta cam can get right there by the guy, why couldn't a cop go? Hey, you want to get the fuck out the car?

All right, please. Can we just stop this? I saw that, too. When I saw, the cameraman literally, he must have been following. Where you throwing on cigarettes out? Don't throw them over because they'll evict us. The helicopter? Don't think it's leaked.

Oh, yeah, they will. Yeah. I get blamed for everything in this. In this city, in North Hollywood, I'm blamed for. We'll pick up everyone up. But, uh, what we're talking about? We were just talking about. The fucking people wanted to run from the cops.

Oh, yeah. Like, I just, I never saw that. Everyone's faces are moving now. I never saw that anywhere else in my whole life, running from the cops. You never ran from the cops? Fuck no. Really?

Not even as a kid? I haven't run from anything. Let's say you want this. Strongly. That's at least as fuck it. I hate running. I have short legs. It's not fair.

Dude, I can't even walk next to people. You took it. You took it from a fucking the greatest of all time. I don't run from anything. I got short legs. I'm a dumpy juke. Me too. I got dopey short legs.

No, but you never got chase as a kid with spray painting. Fuck no. Lighting the fire at the park. And somebody go, hey, you little bastards, and you run away, nothing. No. I was, I guess, I mean, my town was super white as it is, but I was like the whitest of the white in that town. Nobody you hung out with one of the light of fire or fucking. Oh, yeah.

Set like a cat on fire and nothing, but these kids weren't normal? No, we didn't say cats on fire. We would set like little fires in our yards or in the driveways. What about the bullfrogs with the firecrackers? No, we didn't do that. I didn't do that. Oh, man.

Okay, well, y'all ain't from the South because let me tell you what. You get some of them straight from fucking Tijuana M80s, all right? And strap a fucking bullfrog on that motherfucker. Oh, my God. Boom, bitch. Get out to wait. Are you kidding me? Those things went out.

That was like a quarter stick of dynamite. He says, oh, my God. Oh, my God, Lee. You have to do shows for Pito's song. Frog just went everywhere. Just everywhere. Well, they're not in danger. Come on.

We're spreading the love. All right? We're feeding the other animals. Bro, you never know. Not in today's world. They might show up with something. They might show up with something. You want to be a million for fucking three frogs.

You killed. I hate frogs, dog. When I was, I'm a New York City kid. Now we go down to Miami. And the first problem... Dude, the frogs in there are fucking big. Bro, in Miami, those... I couldn't sleep at night when I was a kid.

I couldn't stay. They're loud as shit. You're eating? No, no, no, no. Listen, I don't want them around me. I don't want to eat them. You're not going to eat them. Not never.

Not even close. Not even by mistake. Not even do I want to look at that thing. When you tell me, I got to go on the table, I excuse myself. It's like, I got to go. I got to go to snails. Fuck ranch dressing, right? Can we just say that.

I mean, seriously. I've been saying it for 20 years. Nobody listens. I'm, you never had it in my house. It was always blue cheese in my house. Like the motherfucker. Fucking always blue cheese in my house. Shit.

Out of respect to Buffalo. What? Oh, my God. We are fucking synchronizing. Oh, my God. Fucking little shout out to Buffalo. Fuck a fuck dubs and the anchor bar. Hey, don't leave.

You're going through changes? Want to put on some Black Sabbath? Nope. No, I do not want to put on Black Sabbath. That's okay What can we put on by Sabbath To really take you to the next level Oh man

Great assing music Yeah No no A fucking Led Zeppelin You need No no You're scared You and Dean Dalry and it's all over

You end up in the hospital room And shit They're like Don't wander, dog Don't wander, don't wander This ain't a good neighbor to wander No No no

You know that train Don't take your dad downtown, it's all over. One minute you're in a protest, the next minute you're sucking dick with a drum around your head. Saying free the fucking Villanovas. What's up, Lee?

I'm doing good. I'm just, it just hits me strong. I'm enjoying it. I just enjoying listening to you guys talk. Ooh, okay. I'll tell you what, when you were smoking before, I could smell it. Oh, yeah.

I thought something was burning. I'm like, something's on fucking fire or building. I'm like, this motherfucker. See, my... I don't like the music with it. It gets my heartbeat. My heart's going a mile a minute right now. You need some...

You need some... You need some of that Zeppelin right now. Because Lezbo let you go a little high, and then it'll slow it down. You know? And then it'll a little high and then a little low. No, but they do the bass, the bass, and then it fucking gets your heart going.

It gets me... No, it's when them drums kick in, when that fucking... When them horse tranquilizers and fucking drums hit. That's when the shit's over, Jack. You got to be ready. You got to be on the train or you're left to the station. That's all I'm saying.

Right? You need fool I'm in a room Come on. Oh my God. Well, you didn't know it was going to be an easy night

tonight tonight. Come on, Lisa. This is training week. This is like Shark Week in the podcast business. This is like Shark Week in the podcast business. For us.

We got to go into the fuck and that's it. Every week is this week. It sounds like we take an easy week. This week. But that's why people love the church because it's, It's the real shit every week.

You never know what you're going to get. This week on the church, we're doing kill shakes. That's never going to fucking happen. No, no, it's, all right. Now it's okay. All right, now we have three kinds of acid. All right, let's see. And listen, people are going to start selling it from all over the world now.

Without a doubt. About a month, we're going to have so much acid stock. It's all over. You have ISIS acid. Dude, they're going to put it on a hundred. You got to take it. You got to point towards a. Mecca why you drop it.

They're not going to pull us under the jet. We don't know nothing. Oh, my God. They're going to flavor your falafel. All right. They're going to give you that shit straight from a fucking... They don't get you for a prison. No, Hebron or whatever that is.

That fucking... Where's your people from? Over there in Israel. Come on. My people from Russia. Oh, you're a dirty Russian? Yeah, I'm a dirty Russian. Oh, Christ.

Thank God you're a Jew. I wouldn't even stand near you. Oh, my God. I ain't never gambling with you, Lee. I love you. But if you're a Russian, I can't gamble. It didn't work out for fucking Denzel. It ain't going to work out for me.

You know what I'm saying? Who went to see John Week 2? I haven't seen it yet. It comes out this week, right? I don't know. I think it comes out this week. I saw I'm happy because the guy who trains him is in it. He put him in there as a cab driver.

He gave him a child, so I'm happy for him. Dude, how about how strong was, what was that place we used to go at breakfast on sunset? Pats, not Pats. the place the diner that we go on down the strip by the rocks yeah yeah yeah

yeah the classic one yeah yeah and Keanu yeah and Keanu would just always just fucking just roll right in cool like a motherfucker dukes dukes

and he was always cool as shit with the crinkle cut french fries nice cheese omelette oh stop deadly Coca cola if you want to be fatly that's where you go to breakfast dukes I'd eat the fucking

and I tell them forget those home fries give me an order of regular fries at 7 o'clock morning, you could switch up to regular fries, Lee. Who's better than you? That's fucking awesome. I do that at Denny's.

Wait, in the morning? At 7 in the morning? I don't really go. I mean, if I get one of the sandwiches, yeah, I fucking, I don't like hash browns. Oh, God, damn. Lee, I'm a Southern, and you're spitting in my face. Yeah, but Denny's hash browns. Denny's hash browns got AIDS.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Okay, Denny's hash browns got AIDS. All right, but you come down and I'll put you out some hash browns. Oh, I'm sure. I'll bring you to Jesus. That's how. I'll take you past Jew. He'll put sour cream in and he'll put fucking cheddar cheese.

Oh, stop. Stop sour cream. Oh, my God. I'll turn that thing to fucking a thousand. Who farted to this motherfucker? It smells like an animal in here. It wasn't me. That candle can't even sustain it.

That can't. That means it came out of you. If I'm about to get blamed for it, bet your fucking sweet ass it came out of Joe's ass. I don't blame nobody. All right, all right. But you're the one who first said or something. So eventually it's going to come to me.

And you're going to fucking hit me like you did in fucking El Paso with your best shot on payback. All right. That was your birthday. That was your birthday. Yeah, it was your birthday. We were in El Paso working. We had the Red Devil with us giving shit to Micea. Okay?

And we fucking... That was 99. 99. And we fucking went and saw payback. And because me and Joey both wanted to fuck Lucy Lou. And she's throwing sidekicks and had a little Asian pussy. just looking at you, just winking. Jesus, that little pussy just winking.

Oh, my God, dude. That was 99, Jack. And then you, they got quiet. And Joe Diz, you fucking let out a fart that was tremendous. As a man to a man, I got to tell you. And I've had phenomenal farts. Ben's been a witness.

It ricocheted off the chair in between the two lines. The evaporating the Nader. The actor had just said his line. And right before Mel Gibson was about to spit his line and went to rha. And everybody, everybody fucking heard it. Like, it was just embarrassing. Like, everybody heard it in the movie theater. I was shocked.

And we're howling. Everybody was shocked. I'm howling because they're looking at Ralphie. Yeah, and then he starts. Ralphie. God damn it, Ralphie, why did you do this? And everybody's fucking looking at me. And I'm like, God damn it, Coco, Jesus.

I didn't know it was 99. Oh, my God. Hey, we all are. Now we're getting really fucking old. We all are. How's that yellow tree? It's on this snake right now, so it's okay. It's not a snake.

Ah! That's it really nice. That's an old-school bird, bro. That's been an hour and a half. That was an hour and a half. Listen. Listen to me. Team fucking bust your balls.

Concentrate on the yellow. He says concentrate on the yellow. As soon as it starts moving, last 20 minutes, Lee, I've been doing this. And you're going, oh, my God, oh, my God. And then the snake came. Listen to me. I could torture you to death on acid.

Everything I could torture you in regular life, what I could do with you on acid, I'll have you call 911. You'll be like that dude's Chris Heather when the cop show. out. He got out of car and gave his own wrist. That's what we'll do.

You understand me? I can take a motherfucker in real life and torment. Oh, that's what you could do. That's what you're doing to me. It's going to be all right, ladies. On a daily basis. Car, car. Oh, stop with the turrentals now.

Dragon fire. You hear that. Oh, Leebs Fucking dragons hilarious Oh my God Lee Seiger You're so fucking funny

I don't try to be I know That's what makes you great If you tried You wouldn't be nearly It's funny Holy shit Oh my god

You jumped up before Lee I'm surprised We're not pulling You're poor head out I can't throw a snake At somebody on that Look like a first war That's the first small of acid.

Like, it's fucking fight club. The first thing about half the club is you don't those snakes. No snakes, no fucking lizards, taradactals. Ladies and gentlemen, this is it. This is the thing that this is what you did. When you was 16, you dropped the head of mesquine, you went to somebody's garage. Went to the movies. You know?

And this is what this is it. into the movies. This is it. For four or five hours, it's a constant and have a blast. Digglefest. Torture you this poor kid. They torture me. Did your mother call? My mother's dead. Why would she, you know, it never ends. It never ends.

You know, that's what you do. I mean, dog, like I said, I'm the master tormenting you of my husband. Oh, my God. All right. I wouldn't tell you this what time leave. This is how much I got it before you got it. You need to come back, Ralph. So I survived the fucking two

17. Oh my God. Come on. Anytime I'm in town, you got me in a thousand seconds. No worries. Dude, this shit was so funny. Coco would drink all the juice, and then we'd come out and go,

who fucking drank all the juice? Where the fuck is the juice? And I'm like, God damn, Coco, I just made some juice I thought. Oh, fuck. I got one more can. I make that juice up, stir it up. And fucking, I swear to God, be watching a movie. Hey Ralph, you want something from the kitchen? I'm getting a glass of water.

He drank the other chug of juice. Okay, you were vitamin C, you were orange, you were Trump before Trump. You're snort and coke. Yeah, right? You got to get in with it. That's your fucking lifeline. You got to get it. Oh my God. And then he's like, Mommy, what the fuck? Who drank the orange juice? God damn. I don't know. Ask this guy. Who drank the orange? I would blame it on everybody but me. Looking poor Lee. Lee, it's good. You're good. You're good. You're

solid. I'm good. There's no purple walls. We'll just shut the podcast down in 10 minutes. We'll put music on. We'll put the purple lights on for you the whole thing. Yeah, right? We'll play the air guitar. Play some cream, white room. We'll play some fuck and smoke some cigars and shit. You know how we do it, Lee.

Yeah, nice and easy for you. If you're going to ask it, go cream. What? The band Cream? Leave him alone, please. Don't know no music. He don't know music. He don't want no music. All right. You put music on. He'll jump off the balcony and then we got to talk to the cops for four hours

and tell them what no no nigger you got to talk to the cops in four hours we're going to be I like the studio on fire when we're leaving this motherfucker I'll get you out of here as fast as I did that in Dublin's when you ate

that coke rock in the fucking fridge you think I'm kidding I would like this I would like this building on fire so all the satellites will fucking melt on the sky there won't be no footage on Google Maps nobody I was thinking about that You can't remember

If they're really looking for you They found it Yeah yeah Yeah they got you If there's a murder on 1482 Smith Street At 10 o'clock All they got to do is get that Google Mazzo zip it

Turn it back 10 minutes And let's see who walked in the fuck out of that It's crazy dude It probably costs a lot of money to fucking do Right off the bat but I go I can't see Who says they don't already have it? You know they have it

They've had it What do you mean how it? we thought about it they already have yeah exactly they're already on to the next fucking level and they don't need google earth they have street light cameras and yeah right cameras all the businesses they don't need google earth

we're doing it for them the camera phones yeah your camera yeah the head of the NSA before I don't even do it but the head of the NSA before said we should all be putting tape over the cameras or a laptop oh yeah they watch fuck it I'll go over there dance in front of and just have the camera

on for nothing neck and dance fucking team bag it fuck yeah like I don't give it shit fuck you no you don't want to have that camera you gotta tape that shit I don't get that's wild listen they know what

listen you have to listen they know everything right at this point they got everything everything they've pushed on you is consumed for you to give them a credit card yeah right you can put any credit cards any slot now within 30 seconds

your whole credit history comes out that was creepy I had a I had an issue where that pipe Oh. I had an issue where a credit card, I had to change the numbers changed. And I went to my gym to switch the numbers.

They're like, oh, no, the bank, we already, they already contacted us and switched the numbers for the automatic payment. I'm like, motherfucker. Like, I guess it's okay, but it's fucking weird. It's like the bank is working against you. And every supposed to be working for you. Is that what you made? Well, not. Well, that, but it was just weird that, like, they were giving my information to the gym.

and then and then it was it's weird every time I get a card from Bank of America it somehow magically gets stolen every time like I don't even get it I don't even open it you just heard about Bank of America

you just heard what happened no she's what I'm saying to you while you're watching Parks and Rec yeah Bank of America just got in trouble for what they get in trouble for fucking no it was Wells Fargo

Wells Fargo was making they they were Oh yeah Well's Fago artificial of you the heavy you open all these accounts and they charge you and you didn't even have these accounts and people were fucking and they weren't even fucking going through the uh they were pulling some kinky shit they were pulling kinky shit that shit from the fucking 80s and 70s too that's that's

shady shit man and and they just got busted on but you know what i mean i'm fucking tired of hearing people fucking if we if we can't you know we'll shoot a black guy who stole fucking ham sandwich okay but we didn't do anything of those cucks sucking bankers All right, and now Trump's got them all in their cabinet. Those cuck suckers should be in jail. They're fucking bigger thieves than any of us. They're bigger thieves than anybody. And they just fucking stole.

And we just let them. Motherfuckers. All right? And they call us fucking criminals and outlaws and we smoke riefer. You know what I didn't do? Take your grandma's fucking yom yom money. Okay, I didn't do that. All right?

I didn't, I didn't make sure that you're fucking, oh shit. Where you go, Lee? Yeah, the whole wall's behind you It's moving now So it's I love it Lee Like you need to take a hit

Sure I know you did Now you think about it All your information is gone It's gone It's all gone It's all gone It's all gone

It's all gone And it's sad to think I don't mean to You know Put anybody in a bad mood But it's the reality Yeah Once you type

Once you bought those pair of shoes Or you got those fucking that plane ticket online and you use your Amex, that's it. Yeah. They got everything. When you call the phone company, when you call the airline already, their security system so high tech that while you're talking to them with your phone number and stuff, everything comes up.

Right. Everything comes up. They already know what card you're going to use. Which is so pissed. It pisses me out when they make you go through the whole system and they already know who you are. Yeah. They already know.

I don't know what the whole fucking. Sorry. No, man. we're fascinated. I'm with you. I'm over here too fucking burning up. I just know how to cover it up, Lisa. You know,

I'm not seeing fucking ghosts or, you know, spirits and shit. Take a real hit, though. I'm high as fuck. I don't know. For some reason, whenever I do this, I can't take a deep breath. I'm off this week, bro. And I always seem to forget that.

Like, I always, when I go to Nashville, when I go to these cities, You know, when you work, you work, man. Yeah. I'm a grown fucking man. I get tired. Those fucking early morning flights kill me. You know, so when I'm fucking off, I'm off.

Right. You know? Yeah, I write jokes and I send my emails. I take care of my business. But I'm off. I'm not in training camp. I'm not thinking of shooting anything or tape or anything. That's the most distant thing from my fucking mind.

I'm off. I'm just doing a podcast on a Wednesday night with two, fucking savages. That's it. That's it. Let me give some shout-outs before I forget real quick. To some bad motherfuckers. One second. There you go. I know I ain't fucked up.

Jennifer Jones, Brandy Lynn. I'll see you in Minneapolis in two weeks. Trapper Welton, Gravity King, Mennie Moreno. Jay Unitos, Uki, Spooky, our girl. I love it. Scott and Fernando Zorilla.

What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? There you go. And that's it and that's that. Well, hey. No, we ain't. Okay, good. Because I got to tell them about the thing. I want to become there.

I just want to give him some shout-offs. I love these guys, man. My buddy enforcer, he's Paul Marsh down in Little Rock fucking is a member of the church. Okay, he's deep in love. All right, wants to give you moonshine and watch you fucking get all fucked up

on that okay uh like a paul's fucking great people um also i heard today from rickie cruz down of florida his boys out of the hospital what happened his boy had a uh had a sinus infection and uh and and uh he took it to the er the doctor said oh it's a virus and the sinus infection got so bad but there was an abscess and the little boy's sinuses all right this a boy seven years old god bless all right and so the little boy had he was in ICU for like nine days had to have surgery okay and and and and he does all this and he and i'm talking to him and i'm like well mike can i get you where are you okay you know i said everything for kids okay and and he goes uncle ralphi you uh maybe like legos or something i sent that kid every kind of Lego they had and send him everything

the kid goes to that all he wants is a Lego God damn it, you got heart, kid. You almost died. All right. That's been there for nine days. Nine days, dude. The abscess got so close, you know, the little bones in there. They're so close to the brain.

And these dumb fucking ER doctors who don't give it to shits, all right? You know, to look, you know, take five minutes. Look at a kid. All right. What's the color of the snot? Okay. You know what? Hey, he's seven.

Let's give him antibiotics anyway, just to make sure. He's okay. All right? It's fucking Miami. Trust me. He'll need extra antibiotics for something. All right. You know, he's only seven.

But he'll still need it. Okay? And it's like, and that little boy, Ricky and I are working together. We're in West Palm. And he left every day and every night. And it was like, his wife was like, I took it to the ER. He had a fever and spiked.

Oh, my God. Can we talk about like some of my, my God, that's terrible. It's horrible. It's horrible. But God bless him. Is he okay now? Yeah, he's okay now. Thank God.

I know, thank God. Ricky, Ricky's a brother, you know. Ricky's family. The old school. Old school family, 1440. I still remember beating Joe Chadwick and Ricky was mad at him. Ricky was like, you can't do that. Fuck him.

He pays his $300 to host. Fuck him. Fuck you. Joe Chadwick. What? He wanted me to MC and I told him, send me the plane ticket. Yeah. Send me cash.

And I just said, fuck it. I broke down in Vegas. I'm not coming. And me and Ricky split the dough. What the fuck is with the planes? They're coming for late because he's unassing. Oh, Jesus Christ. They're probably looking at all them taradillos flying around outside and wondering what the hell's going on.

In Jurassic Park, Teraductals pop out here. What's going on? What's happening, Lee? Sounds like the terror tackle's coming home Should we close the door? No, fuck it out of it Unless you want to close the door No, my God

It's so funny Yeah, right Yeah, right Okay His eyes look weird now Oh yeah Oh yeah, both y'all are finding the right spot, aren't you? I'm good

Yeah Yeah burning calories like a motherfucker but I'm good yeah right yes it's fun if I didn't have court drama I'd take it some way save me some save me some of the listen let me tell me some it's not like

I don't think they're making this stuff or first of all my tolerance is off the chains yeah what the fuck yeah right my tolerance is off the fucking change at all level yeah but you know he's sitting there like he had a cup of coffee He's like, oh, Ralphie, that is interesting. No, I got a little kick to, this little kicking this meal right now.

I'm not seeing devils or fucking, uh. Snakes. Yeah, I just felt somebody tickled on my arm, though. It's fucking gay. Oh, my God. So fucking funny. Yeah, every once in a while, you just got to break out of the ordinary. I love doing different types of podcasts.

man I really do. I love experimenting in here. There's nights we eat mushrooms. There's nights we just fucking smoke mushrooms. We smoked mushrooms. You know, smoked mushrooms? Well, yeah, we put stem in there like an animal. We did that a few times.

You put stems in here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't give a fuck. Yeah, right, fuck it. It'll burn some ice. We'll be all right. It'll burn some ice. It's kind of good to fucking just get fucked up

from time to time. Yeah, right? I think if I ate the mushrooms, be having diarrhea. Like I said, this shit dog, I go home, I forced myself to eat something. Yeah. That kills it. Yeah, that kills it. On the drive home,

you know, listen, I'm old school. If I see something, I just walk home. I'm from the old school. I just walk home or Uber. Yeah, I couldn't believe it. I just drove home, went home. I sat there for 15 minutes. I watched TV. And I go, you know what? Let me see. I think she went to routes. I got some salami and a piece of American cheese on a piece of Wonderbread

Like a doctor Ten minutes later That was nappy noodle That was fucking nappy noodle He told him he stayed up all night Yeah But it was up You stayed up all night

On acid? Yeah, all the time Oh my God But then the one time I did it with Ari When went to see That kid Went to see the Pink Floyd

Same thing happened That night I never sleep on acid We took the acid At 6.30 By 8 o'clock We were kind of burning By 9

We walked into that What's the famous restaurant downtown? Philips yeah yeah walked into philippes tripping our balls on we ordered food the food came and we looked at each other like who's gonna eat this shit like who's gonna eat this shit who would eat this who ordered this shit how did we get in here give us a tab we're out of you guys like you want boxes fuck no fuck no we got on the train we went to the house and we ended up watching something stupid on TV oh the bounty hunter chick with the fucking

Mickey Rourke and the I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, bounty, whatever the fuck. With Mickey Rourke and the black dude Duendo Lindo, whatever his name is. He was the black dude and what's the big movie Del Lindo?

Not Pulitzer. What the fuck was he in? The one with Travolta and fucking get shorthy. He's the black. Oh, yeah. Del Rey Lindo or something. Yeah. Something like that.

I like that guy. Yeah, he was great in that, get shorty. Yeah. I don't even know what the fuck we're talking about. No, no, no, no. But you get me mesmerized by which black guy it is like this. It's like, like, I don't know which one like that is.

I don't know. How you don't like? Hey, Don Lee. I'm doing good. I'm tripping my balls off. I love it, Lee. What are you saying? It's just a lot of mixing.

It's a lot of, like, twirley mixing. Like swirling like this or like that? No, the first one. Like this? Yeah, the wheels. This one? Like starry night? Like that? Starry night ones.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, because this one, that's bad ass. Is it? Okay, this one's the good ass. Is it or? It's both. It's both. I don't know.

Like, even in my pee, like, even in my pee the last time. Like, I have a picture on my phone of one time I took acid and I shaved my head and my beard. And I thought, the hair looks so magical and I took a picture and I had it out of my phone. It looks stupid. It just looked like a fucking looks like a sink. Talk. Whatever work for you

that night. Did you have a good time? Don't shave anything. Okay, I'm doing you a solid. Oh yeah, it was weird that. It felt weird. Wait till 4 in the morning and the middle of the time. When you have a good time, shaving eyebrows. Take a chance. No. Just shaving eyebrows. Go up a bit.

Take a chance. You were a 12-year-old. Shoot, even a I'm a eyebrow. Shamed and Ibrown in Philadelphia like a Filipino on the weekend. Just put like a little purple thing. Take a big sharpie and make it look real surprise. Every weekend it's a different color.

It's the yellow rooster. You know what I'm saying? You got a little red. Yeah, you got it high. Oh my God. Right here. Lee. They used to do that shit to people all the time when I was growing up.

Putting air on you when you were sleeping. And then you'd take a shower in the head with something. off of shit. Oh, man. Oh, my God. They used to have some wicked shit. They don't do it no more. People lost them.

Remember lemon up? Lemon up. Remember that shampoo that you put it in your hand? It was lemons and your hair got lighter. What wasn't it? Lighten up? Yeah, right? Yeah, Lemon up.

Yeah, Lemon up. That was a shampoo in the 70s. It was fucking huge. Everybody. Once June came, you got that shampoo. And you put it in your hair, and your head got all light and shit you got sexy for the summer.

Yeah. But by September, you like a dirty whore, like the rest of the shit. That was the first invasion of the dirty whore. It was the lemon in your head. From there,

it all went downhill. Oh, God. I got to tell you, what is the fucking deal? All right, when you, do you, you're going to tell stories about

how, when you go to Gavin's, the producers of part. carpet and and clogged up a shower. You're going to tell these people that shit. He clogged up someone else's shower? I don't know.

Yeah, he clogged it up. He knows. With what? I take it a shit in there. I don't fucking know. Don't listen. He took a shit in there. That was so good and powerful in the shower.

But he couldn't push that. He tried to push the devil with his toe, and it was such a good turn. It wouldn't go down. It had hard. No, no, no. That's exactly what happened. And then he said the water started covering up on you. All right?

Yes, yes, and damn. Shut to fuck off. You know I remember these things. And so you watched your feet in the clean because it was disgusting. You're like, I'm Catholic. I can't do this. And you got out of there, and you're like, and something's wrong with you. If you had you shower it.

And then you're like, and then you're, you're not. You came over to my price just in your fucking in your, in a towel, Gavin's towel. I don't think Gavin's ever got that tail back. I think that became my towel. All right. And then you finished your shower. My shower. You got into the whole thing.

I don't remember that shit. Oh my God. Go, go, go. I don't know. I'm like Mike Tesla three weeks ago. At least, stop fucking with the wiring and shit. The microphone's shit. You're going to electrocute yourself.

I'm going to have other problems. You okay, Kill? I'm okay. All right. How about this one? Go, go, go. Have you ever told him how you, are you fucked up Jay Moore with the fucking Vizance?

We told him two weeks ago. Oh, you did? Yeah. Oh, okay. All right. All right. I got more. I got more.

All right. How about that tag watch from Gavin? I never put that. I know you didn't. I know you didn't clip it. I know you didn't clip it. But you and me were the only ones who knew you didn't clip it. All right.

I think he was fucking... Let me explain some to you. I'm going to be as honest I can't with you. I didn't give a fuck. At that point in my life... Right. Do you remember he came up to the store? Yeah.

And he tried to get tough on me with Keith. Yeah, with a little... I looked at him like, are you fucking crazy? What... Listen. I made some mistakes, but what did it really happen was that a certain girl came up, he hooked up with her. Right. And he fell in love with her.

She told her he was going to move up here. You don't remember that story. But six months before that, they hooked up Skype. And they would whack off on the phone and talk dirty to each other and dildoes and shit. You know, that was 1998, my friend. Skype wasn't 10 cents a fucking minute then. You know what I'm saying? So he started getting these bills and going.

and all the bills are disappearing you know who's putting these high fucking bills on my thing he was on that whacking off he couldn't come to conclusion then the watch disappeared there was like three or four things the watch disappeared like five and he came to my house one morning I was living with Terry I was sleeping at Terry's and he knocked on my door one morning that morning I looked on my go dog don't ever knock on my fucking door again you want to see me you call and we'll meet you later goodbye and I that was it Yeah.

And that time was about the watch. Yeah. The watch was stolen. He left it on top of that, but then he found it. Right. He couldn't make face. Right. He couldn't tell anybody.

Then somebody saw it on his wrist and said, isn't that the watch he stole? Yeah. And he goes, no, no, no, no. I bought a fake one. Yeah. So wait a second. You had a real watch. It got stolen, and you went and bought a fake one.

The exact kind. The exact kind. You know the odds of that? And we're not talking fucking... Listen, man, I was no saint. No, but you weren't that. But I wasn't the devil either. And you know what?

At that point in my life, I was playing that role for 20 fucking years by that point. So I already knew. I grew up in North Bergen, where those guys would go, you know, fucking Ralphie, he stayed here to wait in the morning, snorting cuck, really?

You didn't help him. You didn't help him. Oh, yeah, I did. a few lines, you know. I mean, what the fuck? I drank a few beer. No. So it was all Ralphie. Yeah, right. Well, I was growing up, that was every morning. When they walked into Hashways and one of the biggest speakers in the city, they go,

fucking Coco kept us out until six in the morning, really? Right. You weren't, it was your car. Yeah. You could have threw me out of the fucking car three hours earlier, but you didn't. Exactly. It's just, uh... I want to let another candle for Mama Hashways.

Rice pudding. God damn that was delicious. She's still alive. What a shame. You know, Billy Herenda moved to town We talked from time to time That's why nobody goes home no more Yeah, right Because there's nowhere to go I mean, you can go to chance dragging in and still get a strong egg roll Okay, no, no, those places are still but our base Yeah, right

That the one down the corner where everybody went in got a roast beef sandwich and you knew mrs. Hashen You could put it on the arm for credit right And you went behind the counter and put your own salt and mayonnaise. Yeah, make it nice. You know, no, no, no, no, no. That was, and that's what happened. I spoke to another friend of mine that called in regard to something else about a month ago. And I go, you come home a lot and he goes, he goes after Hashways closed, I moved down here and I never came back again.

Yeah. It was so important. Hashways was so fucking good, dude. You get you a fucking, what is it, was it chocolate sodas you used to get me? Was it egg cream or something? No, the Uhoo's. The Uhoo's. The Uhoo's.

Okay, I get a U-Hoooo's and a rose beef. A roast beef on the roll. A rye and on a roll. Why didn't you drink on chocolate milk? What? Chocolate milk's better than U-Hoo, I think. No, no, no. I had to get the full.

When you want chocolate milk, you want chocolate milk. When you want a motherfucker, you want a motherfucker. You want a motherfuckering you-hoo. I was going 7-11 got you-hoo This night's I stop pee and I go And I can get a yuh

I'm good for the night Yeah Drink a yuhu You're good It's amazing What a yoo-would do to you It was 16-ounce you Oh

Totally fucking new I did I did everything That was before One of the Hashways Had the lump Okay But Mama still came in

And great rice pudding And then that was My first time At Hatchways This how cool this place was Six months later Eight months later I am going through and going, fuck it.

I don't know any place. I'm going to go into the city. I don't know any place. I want to park over there. I'm going to, JFK Boulevard. Fuck it. And I get off right before I go into the tunnel. I go to JFK.

And then boom, pull right into hashways. I'm there. I got to say hello. I got to tell them to tell Coco. They said hello. And then Mama Hashway, not only did I get my rose beef sandwich. She made me an extra one. and then she goes, I heard you love my rice pudding.

So here, take a bigger thing. And she gave me extra rice pudding. And what are those, what's the chips that they had there? Wise. Yeah, wise chips. Potato chips. With the owl, right? That's the ones.

That's the fucking ones. It's funny, Lee, one day we were having a conversation years ago, and you were talking about that pizza parlor in your neighborhood. Right, yeah. That is the best pizza in the world to you. Like, to you. Like, when you go home, No matter what anybody says, no, you got to go to Johnny's on Fifth Street.

You still go there. And it still tastes as good as it did when you were a fucking kid. Absolutely. That was Hashways. Only with yelling and screaming and people giving gossip and, you know. Man, how about that heart attack on a roll in the morning, that morning sandwich that she'd make us? Oh, my God. You picked up two of those?

I started eating that. I mean, I started eating there. You got a figure in 19. 75. Doug. Rafi, I went up there. I was a downtown kid, and I went up there. The word on the street was if you wanted to get better in basketball,

you got to go up there and play the rough games in the daytime. And when there this kid Fuvio Pagliario. Phenomenal name. Slam me. He was the catcher on the baseball team. By mistake, slam me. And he goes, man, I'm sorry, you know. So he got me a roast beef on rye with Swiss cheese,

thin-shaved lettuce. let me tell you something when I bit into that it was all over I never tasted anything like that in my life I went there every day after that too it fucking cool yeah we did the documentary yeah absolutely that's I didn't go in that time we went in there at 2 o'clock

and the rose beef wasn't ready I knew the M was near yeah right what are you talking about what are you talking about the roast beer used to be done at 10 in the morning earlier earlier we'd be back and eating the rose beef So it's like when they first-dust that first bounce check, you know, the first time they hit you with a bounce check and they're like, oh, my wife didn't deposit the founting. That first bound check means to boogie with nuggie. It's only going to get worse after here.

Don't make me give you references, you know what I'm saying? That first basketball means run, even if they give you, even then they'll cash it right away. They make themselves look solid. What's going on? I don't know. Don't wander. Don't wander. Don't wander.

Don't wander. I'm gonna watch you look over. Let him wonder, fucking, he's got a coat out. He'll be fine. He falls down some stairs. Who hasn't? You know, who hasn't? This is a very interesting night of podcasting.

I have no idea what happened, what it was said. I mean, I think we had fun, man. I know I left my balls off. And at least I had to scare him with the snake. That was tremendous. You got to say that for the fucking hot eye real. All right, dude. The only way I'll forget.

give you Ralphie as if I got a $10,000 steak at the, at Harrah's with the blackjack table. Not 10,000. I'll get you, come on. We'll sit there. 10,000. I don't know. I'm going to start high.

You're Jewish. Relax. I know. What the fuck. We're going to work them. Rub a toe. Look, man. I love you.

I'm not going to let you not. 10,000. And not fucking play with me. I mean, here, I'll give you money. I'll keep you there. No, no, no, I'm not asking from you. Oh, my God. Oh my god

The snake Focus on the yellow Yeah, find the yellow So funny When you went out there It was out there with the car Don't look now Now you can't fucking look

See what I'm saying Now I don't need you to look I can stick my hand over When you went out there casually I want you to cash out of the left eye To see it was in the fuck Somebody would have run a light song That's nobody else

No Gotta watch that shit Lee I'm watching him You know, that's a DA wait. God damn it, y'all. Just so everyone else knows, this isn't for anyone who is listening to the podcast. This is just for him. He's just putting that in my head.

He's going to call me in three hours. The DA's outside. Don't answer the door. That's so funny. You see the Kiss of Death. The Kiss of Death was at the airport today, and they canceled two of his flights. And he's still there. Who do you think?

Slaten. I was ready to call the airport. I can go like Bobby Slaten, Terminal 5. And he'd be sitting there after the fucking Subcommittee over there. Listen, when they cancel, he's ready to sniff somebody's asshole at this point, Bobby Slatting.

Oh, my gosh. I can torment him right now. I think about him every day for pleasure. And I go, no, I can't do this. No, you can't fucking go. No more. I can't take it no more. This is bullshit.

I hooked up with a Colombian. He's Armenian too. He's a Colombian Armenian. This guy's got the goods, and he'll buy right into it. Like, what do you mean? Goods? Like, what do you mean? What type of goods?

I'm talking about in New York City, 19-fucking 73. Your ears and numb. The flake. Your nose are numb. Flake. It's yellow. Chinese people licking. It's yellow.

What I'm saying? Come on, really, how much a gram? You just get them with an outrageous price. Give me 22-50. You know what I was like? Bam. I'm going to the yellow box right there. I'm telling you, man.

When you fuck, okay, fucking was late, what's funny. All right. But when Joey doesn't like somebody, that's even funny or torture it. Okay,

all right. How about, how about to tell the story about how you tortured my black Jack Wilson? All right, with the guy, remember when he missed,

we found out that he liked to cross-dress. Of course, you know someone, blackjackwellson let me ask you a question let me ask you what was the chick with the kid she said what's the name was the kid's father at the comedy store she was dating bob baker what happened to that broad oh where is she oh i don't know anything i haven't heard anything nothing you're not i was sitting there going and i see the dude yeah yeah yeah you're walking around yeah i feel like saying what happened to it but why

Don't. Maybe the body... Leave that rock close. Yeah, that's what I figured. Yeah. So funny. Coco, when you don't like somebody, folks, he'll find out where they're working and call up

as somebody who was complaining. I was at the... 9 o'clock show. Our show started at 7. Then it was the 7 o'clock show. Cuck, sucker. You'd just be so mad. And so mad. And then, okay,

hang up, call up. All right? And then, like, an hour later, he picked the phone back up and call the guy who hates, who he hates. What's going on? Another? Hey, man, not for nothing. But the club just called me and asked me if I wanted to come in and do your week. Oh, my God.

They did. Let me talk to him. So he would make sure that they would talk to the club. And then he's like, yeah, we heard some complaints. Okay. Heard some complaints. Then the guy gets scared. Hey, yeah, man.

already got me at the fucking airport, all right? You're going to lose your job. All right, yeah, they're going to... All right, hey, come pick me up, and I'll have them to let you feature, all right? You did that twice. But the best of the best you've ever done is when you used to fuck Pete

out of the fucking... From the last stop, out of those fucking... Out of that fucking airfare money. Like, I want to say probably 10, 15 times that you just beat. paid up for fucking airline money. Like, hey, red's tight.

Hey, Pete, yeah, fly me down. I need the money now, though. So here, send me the money. I'll buy the ticket. I'll be there. I'll be there. I'll be there. No, no.

Yeah. Oh, dude. Don't. Don't, dude. The best was. I was burying motherfuckers for a while. You were barring him. That was for a while.

The best was your boy in Beaumont. When he goes out, you got Joey this weekend? And you're like, I don't think so. And he's like, what are you being? I don't think so. You started talking to my Wednesday. I saw Joey at the store last night. Beaumont was not on his mind.

No. Exactly. Oh, my God. Okay. Dude, dude, you had Pete at the fucking own intercontinental airport waiting on a continental flight, all right? And you're like, no. And he's like, Joe, you're hearing these leaving messages. And Joe, you can hear baggage from Phoenix.

is on Carousel 3, Carousel 3 for Phoenix. And you can hear this. And then that's what made you laugh. You're like, Robbie, mate, listen to this. And we're in my apartment, smoking weed. It's fucking, you're supposed to be at the last stop. You fuck them. I beat them out of 800.

Listen to this. And when you keep on hearing the bag of the Carousel 8. I sent Pete from airport. Hey, I'm here. Where are you? Push. No. Hobby.

That's a 60-mile fucking trip. And then when you get the hobby, I'm like, no, wait a second. Oh, fuck. So where are you right now? Wait a second. Let me call you back in five minutes. That's it. You'll never hear from me again.

You'll be dying. You'll be. You'll be tired now. We never. You were in my room. We were in my kitchen table. And you go, Robbie. You know what this is?

And I go, what? It's Pete driving home away from the airport. Because I ain't this. God. Oh, my God. I sent them to three different airports, because Houston really got three airports. They got another one that you go all the way down.

It's a small airport. And if you get a ticket on, like, cheap fucking Puerto Rican ticket service, it's 8.45 a.m., and they won't tell you. You got to get all the way down there at 8.45 again. And they put you on additional... Let me tell you something. It's like putting you on a plane from Hollywood

to North Hollywood making you get off. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Yeah, shuttle. Bruttle. Brutal. Oh, Coco, when you fucking get into people. And you don't even, you play nice.

Like, not for nothing. Them Clintons should be calling you and giving you Putin's, like, all you need is his phone number. All right. If we feel to find out how much he fucking got into him. It's like, fuck a fat guy on a bed All fucking cyber attacking Let Coco have a number Yeah, that was telling my old drug dealer

Which one? I mean like Wood Street? No, Hollywood. Oh, okay. We always talk, we talk once a month, but we talk extra heavy around the Super Bowl. We're both talking, talking, talking. And he gets off the phone

And whatever, and New England wins. I call him back and we're talking. And that morning I wake up, I'm thinking about it. I'm like, how many years do I know this motherfucker? This relationship started by him getting beat up and me giving him my gun. I stole from 1440. It was a piece that was there, an old piece in an apartment. It was a 38.

And I, yeah. It was in the top shelf. And I gave that to them for protection. Plus, that bought me like 10 bags of blow from him. You know what I'm saying? Just to keep me alive. I gave me that gun give me a couple fucking bindles here yeah that relationship's been on to 19 I've been buying I was buying coke from them but now we've been friends

since yeah damn near 97 wow that's how long I know those brothers for yeah so 97 I was fucking with that man and I'm still friends with them today and what I did to them I used to torture him oh yeah I used to tell him come to the store Hurry up. Mc Jagger's here. James Brown is here. Listen, if they snort Coke, they're here. Get on down here. Motherfucker, I'm laying down. Not for nothing. You also had a lot of credibility because you also knew Bobby fucking Brown and Whitney Houston.

None, no, no. And that's legit. That was none of them. But they never came to the store. No, no, no. But I kept that completely. Nobody even knew even existed. But it was funny how that's how I would get this particular. guy down there because I always owed him a thousand bucks. He go, why am I going to come down there? You owe me money?

You got my money? Fuck no, I got you. I got a $15 check for you. But I'm telling you to come down here because you could sell a fucking ounce down here. Everybody's here. Rick James is here. Rick James is dead. He's here. I'm telling you. I just saw him. He's looking for fucking packets.

So I would make him go down there. I would make him go down. Look at a poor I would make him go down there. And he would make him go down there. and he would go, where's all the drug deals? Where's everybody? I go, they just left. They just left.

But while I got you here, give me a 60 to tomorrow. Motherfucker, I knew you're going to trick me. You know how many times I did that, Tom? Are you serious? You would bring a... I would make him come down at one in the morning, tell him that least I had to hear. With a fucking...

Stack a hundred. Stack a hundred. Two bitches who are nose hungry. Even if I just held on to that one skinny dude, just give him a 20. Yeah, bro. A two. 20. That's better than nothing.

Let me hold on to that 60 till tomorrow. You know what I got a shit happening. The producers call him tomorrow. I got to go by. I got to go to the laundry room at 1440. Hey, I got to go 100 room. Wait for the mailman to come and shit. Dog, tell Lee that we knew the mailman by first name of a Filipino.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Dog, we were skipping them refa. We were gambling. We're out there. Okay, we're outside of our apartment complex. He would tell me if I had a check. Yeah.

Like an hour before, he go, I got to, I have check. And then he comes back. That meant party time. Lee, look at that 20. You heard the fucking guy. He's got a check for you. Now, Lee, at that time, it could have been a check for $3? Or it could have been a check for $3,000.

Nobody knew, but in my mind, it was the $3,000. Sit tight, Lee. You're going to learn something right here. What? And that would just $36. Jesus Christ. I'm going to fall away away from 3Gs, you know what I'm saying? But we'll make it work.

Let me cash this check at the Wilcox. Yeah. That means they take $1.50. I still got $23 in chains. I can still stop by my buddy's got a $20 spot. I still got $3 for gum. That's better than you. Who's better?

And the $2 for a tip for a water at the comedy stuff. Amen. Yeah, man. We would sit out, we knew that guy so well. I mean, we'd just be sitting out there. Pimpy would be playing around. This is way before Pimpie. Was it before Pimpie?

Yeah. No, we still knew the... We knew the mailman. Listen, I got mail there until 2005. What? Yeah, easy. When did he move out? When did he move in?

Nigg, when did he move in? He didn't move in? He just opened the door. Can I stay here? Yes. Boom. When it was on the road, whoever didn't come home that night,

the door was open. There was always a... A cigarette. Something. Something was going to happen in that fucking building. It was what kept us alive for two or three years. Bro,

bro, we, we, I'm sorry, but I'm just, I'm losing it right now. What happened, Doug?

I don't know. You're fine. What did you see? Nothing. Nothing. It just, what did you hear? But that's the honor.

Damn. You do need to remake crank yankers. Listen, this is two. Listen, it's 2017. This has to become a show soon. Three dudes just taking

to his ass in. And topics coming up and you just dying and smoke. Somebody will buy that. Somebody will buy that for, even at three in the morning. We'll start at three in the morning. Nobody does nothing.

No advertising. No shit. Zero. This is a green. Fuck it, man. We can buy, if we did a season of these, we can pull a Byron Allen.

Doug, you could sell this somewhere. Who's going to last a season of these things? Are you kidding me? Listen, we'll shoot them all in three days. We'll just go for broke for three days. After three days, we'll take it to a hotel room, a hospital room. You're not going to take me anywhere. We'll go to portals.

We'll get some sandwiches. What was the last time I left? You'll be fun. You'll be fun. You don't leave me, but you're going to take me here. I'm not going to go to no hotel. I'm not going to take it to a hotel. I'm not going to take it to the hospital.

I can't believe he's still going to feel a little fourth text and you should be ashamed of it but it's, I mean, Lee is like our mascot, man. It's like what we always need it. I don't want them fucking seeing things and shit. Give me the paperwork. What do you mean you don't want me seeing things? No, I don't need you seeing things.

Oh, my gosh. Do you want me to read some of this shit? No, I'll read it. All right. We're going to go to jail. Do not say nothing during this one here. I don't believe it. I love him.

I want to thank hellotushy.com. I want to thank Ralphie Mae. I want to thank the Flying Jew. This was a hell of a podcast. Hell of a podcast. I'm starting to see things too. You know what I'm saying? I got to take two steps to the ring

and get out of this motherfucker right here. It's been a hell of a night. I love you. Stay black.