The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - Say goodbye to Zoom!

Episode Date: November 12, 2024

If all goes well, this will be the final episode of The Check In...because next week The Church of What's Happening Now : The New Testament begins! Joey and Lee talk about the new show and the thought process behind restarting The Church. Joey also tells Lee what seeing an old picture did to him and much more! See you in person next week! Support the show and get 20% off your first Liquid IV order with code JOEY at https://www.liquidiv.com Support the show and download the DraftKings Sportsbook app. When you use code JOEY, new customers can bet $5 and get $200 in bonus bets. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://www.betterhelp.com/diaz and get on your way to being your best self.

What's up, buddy? How are we doing today? You looked depressed. What happened? I looked depressed? Yeah, what happened? Nothing. Maybe it was the 12 p.m. mushrooms I took.

I don't know. I feel fine. I thought I looked happy. I wore a bright sweatshirt for you. You took a gram and a half of mushrooms. Yeah, and I usually took two. I'm wearing a bright shirt. I thought I looked really happy.

Listen, I can give a Frenchman's fuck about your bright shirt, all right? Bright just starts in Rogan. Look. Look, that's where he got it from. Oh, Jesus Christ. He's saying I'm wearing the same sweater as Rogan. Okay. What are you going to do? Next thing you know, you're going to have J.B. Vets on the podcast. You know what I'm saying?

I'm doing good, buddy. It looks like your internet's acting up. I don't want to... Now, you're back. He's back. I just don't want to start of it. I'm back like herpes, brother. Don't worry about nothing.

This all work itself. All right. I'm doing good, dude. Today, the delivery came from the furniture. We got carpets. We got to get some shades. And that's pretty much it. You know?

Now we just got to get it all set up. And I'll tell you what, I'm going to burn this fucking Zoom. I am so happy. I'm done. Like, I'm done. I've been doing a podcast for, four years that has basically been a disaster. Like, you know what I'm saying? But when I moved here, that's the best I could do.

I didn't even think about a Zoom. I was Zooming and guests, but they were a pain in the ass. And the Zooms wouldn't work. And this has been a fucking, you know, it's like we had this podcast for like 10 years going, eight years. And then for four years, I had like, they put me back in the B-leagues, it seems like. I'm, I'm, I'm, back on the fucking farm team. And I'm okay with that because now I'm going to start with, you know what I'm saying? And I'm sure a lot of people

are disappointed, but listen, that was the best I could do with what I had to work with for a year or two. And to be honest, I'm surprised. Listen, I didn't like doing it. I was having a hard time with it doing it. That's why I cut it from two episodes

to one. It was fucking brutal, you know, and you you have all these things you want to talk about when you have a camera in your face for an hour until the camera gets put in your face. And then you're like, I'm out of shit to say. You're putting me on a spot every week. You know, podcast definitely worked better.

I mean, listen, God bless Bill Burr. God bless all people who do a podcast for an hour by themselves and just rant. God fucking bless them. In another time, maybe I'll do one with no YouTube, where I just don't even have to look at a camera. I just sit there and it's like ramblers. It's like Marlon Brand on Apocalypse now

when he would make the tape recording of horrors and all this shit. That's my next podcast, The Horror. That's what it's called. I'm over 65. The horror. And I'll play the fucking me shit in my pants, me changing my diapers, you know,

be empty in my colossomy bag, whatever the fuck it's called. So, but it's okay. But I, you know, This is why I'm so excited. You could tell the last two weeks I was a little fired up the last three weeks. I've been very fired up because you have no idea. It's been like, and listen, over the pandemic, mushroom, mushroom,

who, podcast grew, podcast grew, and record numbers. And the terrain changed. The terrain really changed a lot in the podcast world. in four years, you know, fucking, uh, the Chinese app,

Twitch, whatever the fuck they do, they jump up and down for a minute. What's it called TikTok, TikTok and all that? It's really changed. And now these are all elements that you can use towards a better podcast,

you know. So we'll have to open up a church, uh, New Testament, TikTok, because these are the things that will lure people. But I don't want to know, you know,

In my world, there's never been no smoking mirrors. I don't like, it's like I watched, what's that show? Yellowstone last night. Okay. And I had a funny feeling that the show was going to suck. And I'll tell you why, because it was such a great show. And then they took like a two-year hiatus, maybe even longer. And the writers have to come back.

They have to get a last night episode. They spun around a horse for 15 minutes. then the guy played a banjo for 10 minutes you know it was like I was lost it was like the fifth season of Miami Vice I think Miami Vice lasts at six seasons the last two seasons it's like what am I watching everybody quit the people who stayed were high they didn't know what they were doing and

my point with with that is we're coming back so I don't want to come back weaker now I want to come back strong I want to come back doing things that we didn't do on the church because we We're too stoned. You've got to be thinking. Welcome. Greetings from Podcastville.

It's Tuesday to 12th of November. Poop, poop, boop. I'm excited. The check-in is brought to you by Liquid IV. Listen, you can drink all the egg, not all Christmas that you want, but you're going to need to get hydrated, all right? And you can make those little pinocalladas and jump up and down without this or Santa, but you're still going to need hydration.

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better hydration today using promo code Joey, J-O-E-Y at Liquidiv.com. Now, without further ado, let's get this party start on a Tuesday night. and bam! Listen, I love getting high. But I look at those old church episodes, and I break your balls.

We're never going back there, Lee. It's okay to get high. But I don't want to drool again. I don't want you passing out. You know, every once in a while, it's good to see you go through changes. Oh, yeah. I'm not good.

For me to come back and put a bong at the circle and start that all over again, no. What I want to do is what I told you. I want to floor Hutchin County. I want to put Mr. Barone on. I want to put. Louis Hernandez on. I'm going to put my eighth grade teacher on.

I'm going to put my sixth grade teacher on. I got cops. We got musicians that live in North Jersey. I don't want this to be. I'm going to interview a lot of regular people. People that are more interesting than any of these fucking celebrities that you see or these personalities

because they didn't put tattoos to be cool or, you know, they wear a pink hat to step out. These are real people. They don't give a fuck about none of that stuff. They didn't cry when common lost. Yeah. They didn't do any of that shit. You know what I'm saying?

No, I think the smartest thing you've always talked about from like fighting to comedy or whatever is evolving. And I think because when you were talking about those TV shows, I really like the show suits, but the last two seasons are the unwontal. And I think you're right.

It's because they try to do the same thing. They try to do the same thing. And you got to dope it up. Then after a while you have, you know, this uncertainty in a writer's room, which a lot of people understand about TV shows and what really happens. That if a show is successful for the first two seasons, they're going to go after those, right? And they're going to offer them more money than you're offering them.

And now you know how much you need lead, but your network can't cover the spread. You've got to take a pay cut or you got to, you know, or you can't have an assistant or something like that because I want to hire Lee because I know how good he is, how efficient he. is and that's what happens to these things. You know what my biggest question is now? I don't know if you noticed this. Beside Kansas City in football,

nobody has really won a World Series lately or a championship or Super Bowl beside Kansas City and really held to that number one spot for years. last year Texas Rangers won it This year they were fucking 8 and 34 You know what happened They traded away players So you just booked the team

To win a world series And that's it Now you're gonna trade away The players that got you there The chemistry that got you there Yeah one or two people are gonna leave But that's what I seem in sports In NBA every year

Something nobody's running a dynasty The Celtics are the closest thing To a dynasty But it's like people win they don't win four in a row no more you know they don't keep no new englands it's kansas city now you know and it's just really weird i never understood building a team and then breaking it up over money

right break up over money and that's and i don't think that's what you're saying but i just want to make it clear for people watching that's not why the church ended that we never fought about my like no no no no no no i'm just saying that listen, the church had to end. Let's get this. The more I think about it, I'm like, I've made some mistakes in my day. It felt like a mistake at first, but it saved our lives.

It saved our lives. It saved our friendship. It just saved a lot of things taking that breather. People have no idea how deep we were in and how deep I was in stand-up and how deep I was in acting. And then to wrap this up in a bowl, I got a wife and a daughter. You follow me? So it became, it's the law diminishing returns.

Even at the end with the podcast pandemic hit and we were still doing it. But towards the end there, it was starting to maybe get a little repetitive. People, it's crazy because people, you could put, when it came to us, we could put the president on there. And they would still say, that was a great episode, but I'd rather just be you and Lee. Right. And then when we do two episodes in a row, they yell at us, bring back a guest. And you're never going to please everybody.

So do what the fuck you want to do. And the people who want to stay, you stay. And the people that want abandon shit, go. Because eventually they'll come back and they'll see that, you know, a podcast that maybe an hour or 15 minutes. But it's better than sitting there for three hours. Just picking up shit to talk about because that's when you get tired. That's when the people at home go. know what, I've had enough of this.

I'd rather keep the conversation fresh. When it's not fresh, I'm this fucking thing. Sometimes I do a podcast for 40 minutes, and I've got to get the fuck out of it. Like, I don't know. There's so many of them. And you know why I'm so excited about, like, this new, like the New Testament is, and I'm not saying we'll never have a comic on, but I like the idea of having other people on. Because so these comics have been on every podcast and told a lot of stories.

There's a lot of stories that haven't been told, especially that, like, add color to your old stories. So it's not only going to be, and we'll still get high. It's not like we're going to sit there like, no, don't go over. And the podcast is you and me are mumbling. If you look at some of the old podcast, we just ended them.

The last 30 minutes were just us too mumbling about farts and da-da-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-da. And we could have got out of there. And then we'd stay another hour after that. That's what people didn't understand. We just weren't doing a podcast. It was a whole night. It consumed our, whole fucking night. By the time we got home,

we're like, what bar did I go to? Nowhere. You left the fucking... You know, so these are the things that people never really understood that I never had time to explain to people. There was a lot going on. You know, now, till this day, there's still people

oh, the news is going to come out. They left in a rush. We just looked around. We heard what was going on in our neighborhood, and we both looked at each other, including Steve Simone, and a bunch of other people said, I'm paying $2,300 to live

with guns going off outside my fucking window every night and shit, because it got stupid, you know. But again, I don't want to dwell on that. What I want to dwell on is what I want to do with this. The studio is perfect for us. I mean, it's definitely a little bigger than what we

looked for, but we'll take it. It's worth it. We got to get some heaters in there, because I can tell it's going to be a cold winter. It was warmer outside than it was inside, time. Oh,

well, yeah, so it's concrete. But, yeah, we are going to need a heater, but it's cool.

I like that as big, too. We can do more stuff in it. It's like, because I think what people don't know is how small.

We had one, the office next to in and out was decently sized. Every other office we had barely, like you could, like that first one

where they kept saying we were smoking weed and we weren't smoking weed and we weren't smoking weed. Oh, it was. Yeah, the people that we couldn't even get around it.

If you couldn't, once you were in for the podcast, you couldn't leave. And then there was also, they took one office and cut it into two, so our office didn't have AC coming into it. It only had the outtake of the AC.

Like, we didn't, like, it was, that one was tiny. And then the last office, it was fine for what we needed, but it was, there was only one place to put the table and it was tiny. This one, I remember going to a fucking podcast studio, look at it. And the lady's

like, yeah, people do podcast here, all the time. And I'm walking in there going, no, they don't. It was all 10, metal. Oh, yeah. The lady's like, oh, it's cool here in the summer lady. It's 80 outside. And it's 104 in here. Me and my wife are sweating, walking through this. Ain't nobody doing powder here. It's fucking 11 in the mall.

Yeah, ain't nobody doing cocaine. And we're sweating fucking profusiously. And you're telling us that this place cools down. I mean, I hate all that shit. You know, me? air condition. I like it's got to be a little cold, but this is going to be a little bit colder than what we anticipated in January. So we'll have to get there a little earlier, put the heaters on, take a ride, then come back and do your thing. But listen, I like the whole setup that we're doing. I'd like to meet you a little earlier so we could get a dinner, go somewhere and eat and bullshit or do the other thing. Get the podcast done with it and then go get a bite to heat.

And that's a continuation for YouTube or whatever, wherever we go to eat. And there's a lot of places to eat. Oh, dude, there's nothing that's going to make me feel warmer inside than one of those chili dogs from that we had today. Those chili dogs, especially January, if we're cold and then they just get six of them and two orders. Those things, I've never had anything like that, a Hiram's hot dog. That was crazy. I can't believe. First of all, they deep fry the hot dogs.

Yeah. They're good. I can't believe that place I went there for my eighth grade. after we took a trip, the pictures that I put up with me and Dominant, God rest of soul, and Louis Hernandez and Dave Ruiz, that was that day.

We had the suits on. We stopped down. The city, it was Hirams was next to Callahan's. So some people like Callahan, some people like Tyroams. So I haven't been in. Hiroms are still in there.

I haven't been in there since 1985. I thought about it on the way home. 1985 was the last time I ate from Hiram's and I that hot dog today was off the fucking hook the chili was off the hook the onions were off the hook the bun was off the hook I ate two of them I blew a fart like where

the turnpike meets the fucking parkway now if you know that area exit whatever it is it smells like a fucking dead mule for like 10 miles you look at each other you start smelling your armpits. It's an odor you never smell. And it's the birth of cancer. When you drive through that, that's when you put your fucking mask on.

Not because people are breathing on you during COVID. You put your mask on when you drive through the birth of cancer on, the Jersey, meeting the fucking parkway. I blew a fart that I had to open the window. I'd rather smell that than the fucking fart. I just blew from those two hot dogs. You know why? Because they were fucking loosened up in Hudson County.

water right there from the Hudson River. Oh, my God. You think you happened that quickly, just on that ride home? Oh, I blew a try. I didn't eat anything else. I had fucking two eggs with a piece of toast and a fruit bowl for breakfast. It was plain this morning. So I didn't eat anything else. I ate those two hot dogs.

I blew a fart. The fucking windows got fogged up. It was tremendous. I didn't matter. I ain't mad. I'm just saying. Oh, dude. I haven't had a sip of water

since then because it was just so like it's spicy a little bit A sip of water You're going to dehydrate Tugs sucker Well that those hot dogs tastes is good Thank God I got liquid IV as a sponge I brushed my teeth twice in Listerine

After I got out of the shower I had to come back and work out I did something like that I went to the gym at five Why? Because I was sitting An hour and a half up And an hour and a half back

I can't do that And I couldn't lift this morning Because if I fucking swing kettlebells I get in the truck Then I come back And I can't walk for three fucking days And I knew I ate that shit for lunch I was like I ain't taking it

I got on the bike for 20 minutes I peddled that motherfucker Like 10 cops were after me And then I just got out in the gym I stretched I threw some kettlebells I fucking did all the cables And I got out of that

Tomorrow I'll go to boxing class And I feel better about myself Oh. And I need to do that. I'll need to do the stairs an extra time. But you did like my favorite, you did my favorite thing to do at a place like that is you just got one hot dog to start.

And then you finished it and you're like, I think I need another one. Yeah. And it takes two seconds. Oh. Why go in there all in for three of them? That's the first time I've been in there the first time. And next, you know, the hot dog tastes like a fried mouse.

I don't need that either. They'll just cut the tail off and put two of them together. I don't need that. either. You know what I'm saying? So you always got to start with one. You always dip one toe in the pool, right? Right. Oh, yeah. Jump in. You always dip one and you're fucking...

But that's, you know, history, man. Those places are fucking North Jersey history. You were saying as we were driving up there, that across the street used to be like an entire amusement park and now it's just a complex?

Palisade amusement park. If you're over 55, you remember. if you live in Jersey right now. I think I went there with my mom a few times after my dad died and we came from Cuba. And the thing I remember the most is the pool.

It was the largest saltwater pool, but it was like the ocean. It was a wave pool back then. This was the early late 60s, early 70s, you know. They already had a wave pool and they had vanilla ice cream that was better than

a fucking Dairy Queen and better than Carlin. And then one day they closed it, man. They just broke everybody's heart. They built buildings. But it's too valuable. Yeah, that landscape is just, you know, it's like today we saw that church. That was beautiful.

And he says it's for sale. They're going to not sell it and knock it into condominiums. You know, that's where the money is now. I tell all these people on the sunset strip and all you think that eventually everything is going to change. Those locations are hot. going to keep coming to you every year where you take $8 million, where you take $9 million, and one year you just go, you know what, I'm getting sick of fucking sitting here.

$9 million. Is that cash? Yeah. Okay. Or my attorney, because I'm out of here. I don't want to see another comic laugh. I don't want to hear one of their fucking stories. Yeah, I think it's why it's exciting.

Like you inviting your friends on has to be pretty cool. Like you've known some of these people since you were in like middle school or maybe before. and like now like to like get them all on the on a podcast but you guys are still like young and okay like that's pretty cool I'm sick and tired of hearing that these stories are made up I'm sick and tired of people

saying that this never happened I'm gonna put people on there that I grew up with and at the same time they're gonna explain to you what was going on in their home the reason they acted like they did and the reason I acted like I did you know we're all still friends

like Saturday this Saturday is my my brother, Chuckie McBreen, they're going to name the Ramapo college basketball gym after him. Oh, cool.

We're all going up there. You know, and this crew has known each other since the fifth fucking grade. And we love each. I mean, we talk all the time, me and these guys,

you know. They have to come on the podcast to really, you know, Ralph Fuso has to tell the story when we went to basketball camp in the sixth grade and we were just tortu

the counselors putting shampoo in their sneakers. These guys were men. We were in the sixth grade with no fucking worries. No worries. Chuckie McBreen, the coach of Rampo, we're going to have him on. To talk about how many nights we played basketball to 11 o'clock at night up in this pool.

And his pool was even dirtier, you know, from us jumping in there. I want to have Louis come in and talk about basketball, what it was to us. We didn't know what, like, I watched my daughter last night. I wanted to stick a fucking screwdriver in my eye. But it's not her fault.

Her generation doesn't even play when the sun is out. Never mind going to the court after dinner and playing three on three till two in the morning. You know, I want to, I got to bring, you know, I'm going to try to bring Christy Lorenzo on, Bonehead's brother. You know, Bonehead's brother. He lives around the corner from me. But you got to make sure he's sober.

You got to get him a little high, no alcohol. I got a lot of guys that are going to explain the state of mind we grew up in, which is more important. When you hear the state of mind, you'll go, oh, I get that story. I understand that story. You know, I bumped into John Regal last week. What's the first thing he said? He talked about us robbing a gas station, and he was the getaway, man. Did I say something to him?

Watch the video. He said it first. You know, all those have a fuck. This is what to let you know. We were three hungry kids. You know what he told me? Once I took the tape off, he goes, I was the getaway drive because my younger brother threatened me.

And in those days, he would kill me. I had to do it. You know, this is the guy, you know. But I want you to understand where that state of mind came from. I'm going to have decent kids come on. I'm going to try to have Stephen Villo come on, which is my brother, the debt, and he's decent as could come.

He didn't live a life like ours, but him and I still breathe with one another. He plays in that band, the Pastmasters, you know. It was very interesting. I'm going to try to put anybody that grew up like me on Lucio Fernandez from Union City. You know, he's a big shot, Union City in politics. We grew up together.

The fucking barbell fell on his chin. when we were lifting weights in our backyard. What does that tell you? And these guys, you know, it wasn't the stories. It was the state of mind that people want to get to. And once you listen to these guys' stories, you'll understand their fucking state of mind

and why we did those things. Zero flux were given. Zero. Do you think you would have? Do you think it would be possible to have the lives you had now? Like if you were kids now? It wouldn't be accepted. kids are different we're different now and listen i didn't believe it but i'm living it now i'm living

it with my daughter how many times do i get up fucking she come home at two forty five and i go let's go for a ride at three 30 there ain't us you go to the park it's a bunch of six graders uh six year olds playing on swings you go to the basketball courts when there's no school listen there was no school we were at the court at nine oh one a m regardless of the weather. If it was too cold, we played or warmed up. And we stayed there until three and take a break and then come back. And then at 7 o'clock after dinner, that was a complete different time to go out.

That's crazy. My daughter, the kids in the neighborhood, there's one kid that rides his bike. And what if Mercy came to you and your wife and said, hey, I want to go out like at 8 o'clock or not? Would you guys let her? Yeah, if she had somewhere to go, not to hang out of the fucking wah-wah and eat bubblegum outside and stand your, you know, phone. At least stand outside a liquor store and try to hustle somebody getting you a bottle of Blackberry brandy or something. That's, you know, and that's what people don't understand. There's no kids hanging outside of liquor stores no more.

No, no one would do it. That's like, that's what I was going to say is like, I don't. If you come to me with the right story, I'll do it. If you're a 15-year-old kid and you're like, listen, Doug, I just want to smoke some joints and get a six-pack of Budweiser. I'm about to buy a six-pack and drop it off in the parking lot where there's no cameras watching because he was a gentleman. But if he tells me he wants whiskey,

he wants to make Long Island iced teas and blow him up with gasoline, I ain't getting that motherfucker nothing. He ain't drinking shit. Drink shoe polish like I did. Go home and steal your grandfather's whiskey. But who's going to tell you that? Aren't people going to tell you the first one most of the time? The what?

Aren't people going to come at you, like, more respectfully more, most of the time? Well, they're going to come respect them, but I want to know what they're ordering. If you come at me and say, if you're a white kid and you say, can you get me some wine? I'm just going to say, listen, take your faggotry somewhere else. But if you come to me, you're like a nice kid and you're by yourself and you go, I just want to smoke some refing. I need a bottle of boons for him. I'll get it for them because they're gentlemen. spoken like a fucking true gentleman

but you're not going to come up to me and work me and tell me listen I want some kamikaze mix and I want pineapple da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da what are you Puerto Rican pineapple juice relax what if they are Puerto Rican then they should have pineapple juice at the house I'm saying they can have that oh okay yeah that's fair Puerto Rico coconut juice

pineapple juice coconut milk they got coquito at the fucking house Puerto Ricans got it down, dog. Oh, my God. Why are we fucking talk about this shit for you? I don't know. Puerto Ricans are getting a bad rap lately. Enough is enough.

It was a joke. What the fuck? I am retarded as a motherfucker. The other night... What? What do you mean? What? Put your glasses on, took it off, and said that.

Yeah, because I can't... I can't. I can't see. I need the, you know, not the teleprompter, but I got to see what time it is before I go into it. I was a sad. Last week I did three sets. I'm very proud of that.

Nice, dude. You know, I did not want to go on stage tonight and not be prepared, you know, even though I'm not going to be fucking prepared. But at least with three, four sets under my belt, I could see where it was Wednesday, show that the dojo was the set, was okay. But it was like Bill Burr's first two minutes on saying that lie. He was like, and also he just let loose.

And then I remember what it is to let loose and what people really want to see. You know, because of my age and because I just slowed down. I go up there with a more whatever relaxed. They don't like that Joey Diaz. As a matter of fact, I don't like that Joey Diaz. I got to go up there. I didn't say motherfucker at the end in the beginning. you know, I got to steal your heart right from the beginning.

You got to know where I'm fucking going with this. But I tried some great jokes about my antidepressants. I'm scared to sleep at night with the sleep apnea machine because I might keep spinning and choke myself to death. You know, at least I'm talking about different stuff. This is what I wanted to talk about. This is the most important thing to me. Not going back up to Antiquette.

Listen, you're going to get a rotten-ass joke or something, but I just couldn't. I couldn't. My life the last four years has been so peaceful. I ain't got no stories to tell. Can you believe that? Like nothing really, nobody got hit in the head. You know, nobody.

I could go off about the baseball coach and tell the story how he was looking up at the sky when the girls were hitting home runs and I was like, timeout. What are you looking at? You also have been eating mushrooms by the handful. I mean, it's not like you haven't done anything. But I eat mushrooms on the weekends. Today was an exception.

I didn't even eat a mushroom. I ate a breast strip. Yeah, that was really cool. That was really fun. I just going to let you know what we got in store, what the ammunition is that's coming for you. It's a different world now. It's not going to be 2,000 out of milligrams of edible. I don't even eat that much.

Listen, I got these new edibles. Somebody said pretty good. Packages are 50 milligrams. Each 50 milligrams. But when you look at it, it's there. 80 milligrams of THC, 10 of something else, and 10 of CBD. Four fucking banks. You know what I'm saying?

It was an awesome. Like 400 milligrams. I got to tell you, at first I'm like, these things suck. But last night during my daughter's basketball game, those motherfuckers came to life, right? I was like, oh, shit. And let me tell you what I ate, because I can always be honest with my people. I started with Eminem peanuts From Halloween

These things were already all breaking apart It meant nothing to me You know what I'm saying I just started tearing up those peanuts And then I had a banana milkshake You made a milkshake? You made a milkshake?

Yeah, a little bit of vanilla ice cream Two bananas, milk. Boom, tremendous I went down. I went down. downstairs. Lee, I was still hungry. I had to go right back upstairs and make a fucking half

a bagel with cream cheese. And then... Hold on. Yes. A half a bagel with cream cheese. Why only a half? What did you do with the other half? My wife had somebody sent his bagels and she had cut one in half. Okay. I thought it was you.

No. So half is better to hold. I came downstairs. I smoked some more. I must have fed that edible again. I ended up upstairs toasting white bread, getting chicken cutlet with American cheese, tomato, lettuce, mayonnaise on and heavy on the salt and pepper.

I ate one of those. I was ready to grow two pieces of bread in the oven to make a second, but I said, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. I ate the fucking chicken cullets with no bread, just salt and pepper. That was my dietary last night. That's what I ate last night. So I had to go to the gym today.

I had to burn that ball. I can see that now. Tomorrow I got to go back and banging out the boxing gym because you got to get your levels down, the fucking sugar. I got to take a test tomorrow too, a fucking AM1C test. Tomorrow is my last diabetic class. I took a pre-diabetic class. That's for free.

I'm getting old. I need things to do. I'm not laughing at you taking the class. The class is pretty cool. Dude, I've eaten so many pines of ice cream. But you opened up with a milksh. I've never made a milkshake before. You need an eight-a-ounce-a.

I love banana milkshakes. I really wanted to make a strawberry one, but we were out of the strawberry ones. I had blueberries and blackberries and raspberries, but I always have that with coconut water and put protein in it. So I really wanted something different. I like cutting up strawberries and putting them in a bowl with milk. You put a little sugar in there, close it up and come back two days later, and the milk is fucking red.

You don't know what it's like. you make you hold on dude i know you pretty well are you telling me that you you make strawberry milk specifically for strawberry milk yeah i never would have guessed you make milkshakes at night i didn't make milkshakes i started making them here because why go to a place and get a milkshake that's loaded with fucking sugar

at home if you make a milkshake it's still not better for you but at least you can control it a little more right okay you know you've got the milkshake it's thicker than shit and it's got two thousand fucking plus calories in it. And then you come home, you get briars, vanilla ice, no sugar, ice cream, vanilla.

I think it's 80 a scoop. Eight ounces of milk. It is what it is. I'm old. You know what I'm saying? I like my milk from my bones and my calcium. So I'd rather control the sugar and I make them at home. I love it.

I need to sleep. And I'll use some of that fake sweetener, which is cancer too. So you're not going to win. You're not going to win. And I make the milkshake eight ounces. No reason to fucking make a 16 or 22 or whatever, even though a couple days ago I saw a commercial for the new, it was like on Instagram, Shake Shack.

It's a new chocolate shake there. You lock shake? Bro, they're not fucking around. I'm not even going to drive by that no more because I'm going to fall. I'm stolen. That's on the way back from boxing and everything else I do. it's right there in Freehole New Jersey You have to drive by it all the time

Yeah I don't really listen If I eat that shit it's every two weeks of my daughter My daughter likes it So she'll stop in there my wife They'll talk my wife into it I just you know I like I do like the cheeseburgers there With a slice of cheese and onion raw onion

That's it I put a little mustard I like mustard on my burger you know what I'm saying Oh you got to do Do you? You said you saw it on Instagram You said you saw the shake on Instagram? Yeah, it was like an advertising. Somebody was talking about it. Do you ever look at, like, do you look at a lot of food?

I look at a lot of food on Instagram. I'd rather look at a chef that's cooking something healthy or, you know, there's a lot of food on Instagram, and a lot of it is just the same shit. It's the same shit. So, you know, I got to watch what the fuck I'm doing. I must have put on five pounds last night with the bagel and the chicken coutics. But I don't eat.

much in the daytime. That's what's killing. Anyway, let me talk to you, Savage's real quick about BetterHelp. We'll be back, Jack. All right, Uncle Joey, back here to talk to you about BetterHelp. You know that they help me out. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Here's a reminder

to be grateful. It's easy to forget what a badass you are. Better Helps Online Therapy gives you the tools to appreciate yourself just the way you all, like they did for me. You know what I'm saying? They were there. They gave me exercises and different things to do and my mind to change. And here I am three years later, like an Ani Mali.

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Everybody in the holiday thinks of their uncle or their mom or what could have been. Listen, why go through the holidays like that again? Better Help is going to ask. you help you. So let the gratitude flow and let BetterHelp get, help you get through the holidays. What I'm going to do is this. Betterhelp.com slash Diaz, D-I-A-Z to get you 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.com slash Diaz, D-A-A-Z. You're going to do fine. I love you guys. Now back to the craziest show on Earth where you need therapy after you listen to the goddamn thing. Stay black.

we're back, bitches. If you're feeling a little ho-hum before the holidays, contact better help. Believe or not, they did miracles for me. Don't work. Me too. Miracles for you. Anyway, back to the show.

I was just telling Lee, I got a doctor. And, you know, because my name is Jose Diaz, they only text me in Spanish. That's why. Did you click a box by accident and say Spanish? No, it's my name. but they fucking, so now when I call them and they say press one for white people or two for Spanish, I press Spanish.

See, I make that work for me on certain things because, listen, no matter who you call, they don't want to piss off Spanish people. Always press the Spanish, whether it's United Airlines, the doctor's office, just a free little tip on a Tuesday from Uncle Joey. Don't believe that. Press two, and the lady goes, are you Spanish? She's not going to make you get off the phone, nothing today, and they're listening. so use your coconut from time to time that's the Joey Diaz review on a fucking Tuesday morning

anyway yeah they keep texting me in Spanish like I fucking you know I only go to Spanish route when they want to put me on the phone for 22 minutes and you call it that there's 22 people waiting on the block well not really

I'm pressing number two and I'm speaking to Dr. Juan right off the bat you know what I'm saying I don't leave figured that out. Yeah. They've never... Listen, I've been figuring this shit out for 20 years.

I told all you motherfuckers. Never got... Always got on the first class line when you fly. Always. You don't know nothing. You don't know nothing. I didn't know. Me no, I blow.

Me no, you know, whatever the fuck. Me, no. Just, I don't know. They're not going to throw you out and embarrass you. They're just going to really kill you. They're going to go next time. Stand on that line. Sure.

There ain't going to be no next. time. And guess what? The next time I'm going to stay on this line yet again. Jesus Christ. Yeah. What these people talking about?

Poor bastards. But anyway, I was talking to you about a picture I posted. Saturday night, I was driving home from Uncle Vinny's. I went down there and did a guest spot. And somebody texted me with a number that I kind of recognized, but not really. and it was a picture of me

and she goes thinking about you hope you're well and I'm like and I didn't look at the picture I just saw it and then I called her back and I said hey who's this and she said Mary Koch you know these were dear dear friends of mine

in Boulder in 89 on he was the pastry chef at a famous restaurant called Odysseo you've talked about him yeah Joe Joe brother marries my sister i love them both and uh they did a lot to me man when i got out of being locked up it was joe who let me some dough to do roofs whenever i needed money to do roofs

i would just go to joe joe cut me a check so i did his roof i took care of him but he made me a deal when i started comedy when i started comedy it was basically tuesday nights so he would go to he baked monday nights he would bake all night till 7 in the morning. And I decided I'm going to write jokes with you all night. So very early on, from 91 to about 93, every Monday night, I didn't sleep. And I didn't do Coke either. I would go to the restaurant.

I wouldn't want to do Coke. He was baking. So I was like he would give me everything to taste and all the mistakes. You fucking kidding me? You know, I got a down dog. Even then I had it done. That was the purpose. taste my desserts

let me know how they are and not just sit there and I drink coffee you know drink sodas and shit but it was a very interesting time when I looked at that picture

like when I got home I looked at it and I got to be honest I had to take my glasses off and cry for about three minutes why what about it I just saw different Joey Diaz there

you know and how And like, where were you in your life? I was in Boulder. I had just gotten out of prison like a year before. And I was about to start standing up. But it was not the guy you're seeing right now. There was a little bit of him.

But it wasn't the same person. When I looked at the face, I was like, I remember that dude. That was a different world, man. That was just a different world. world. Yeah, I would love to Guys, if you can pull it up, I'd love to see it.

It's just a sad It's very sad to see who the fuck I was. You look at the picture and you're like, Joey, it looks just like you, whatever. I know.

But that look at my eyes was, holy shit. That was after the kidnapping plus 10,000 other bad things I did back then. in that mind nobody could fuck like i i just did not give a fuck it's so scary to look at that picture and i was big i was healthy but i really wasn't mentally stable at all you figure yeah i just was not there i was just about to get separated when i got that picture i could tell because

i had some son from roofing that was the white shirt I would wear, I would roof. And where were you? Boulder. No, no, I didn't know. It was like a party. Like, it's amazing to me, like, the one picture hadn't, like, give you this much of a reaction.

The picture was taken at the restaurant in the back with a shitty camera. Obviously. But it was just a different person then. And I was weaker. I was very weak. at that time I applaud myself for doing comedy

but at the same time I was just waiting for somebody to save me at that time I wasn't serious about comedy I was just doing it to see what would fucking happen

you know and now like it's yeah it really fits into like the theme of the new podcast dude well look at that picture and I see the man I see a man that

procrastinated a lot. I see a man that made excuses when things didn't go his way. This guy didn't like me. They were old. They've been doing comedy longer than me. You know, like when your friends come to see you and they're like, hey, those guys are way funny.

You're like, well, you got to remember, that guy does this. There was a guy who gave excuses. There was a guy who had more. more mind fucks and the mind fucks weren't going to be the mind fucks like when I got a mind fuck now from somebody

I have an audition Thursday I can't say for what it's pretty big I had to sign paperwork and shit but I would I just avoided everything Lee I was tiptoeing through life because I knew deep down inside I was just a fucking sack of shit in a criminal so it didn't really matter

by that time my daughter was already born and that's why I know yeah my daughter was born at that time already she was about a year old but if you look at that mind there was no dad in that fucking mind at all there was nothing that screams dad out

and I could be thinking like too far into it but like you weren't smiling in the picture like do you think and now you smile all the time. Do you think was that just like a random picture or you weren't smiling? I didn't smile too much in those days. I just came out of prison. Life had done it to me again.

It wasn't me. God forbid I didn't. And that picture, that's what I thought about. God forbid. God forbid. I never took the race car. They threw me in jail because I was Cuban. No, no, no.

God forbid. They threw me in jail. Just that wording. is loser talk. And when I got out, I changed that wording immediately. I knew it had to start with how you thought and your words. They didn't throw you in jail. Nobody just comes to your fucking house and throws you in jail.

You know, I lost my job. How do you lose your job? What happened? The quarter fell out of the power. I mean, what happened? These are all procrastination that we tell ourselves and other people. And the people that are telling that to, and they don't go stop. that's wrong.

They're the same type of people. They accept that behavior. And that was the mind that I had back then. That's why I had no success at 30 years old. Because I involved my past too much in what I was doing every day. They had nothing to do with it. Today is Monday. Get the fuck up.

Cut your shit. Nobody cares about your story. At the end of the day, nobody cares about your fucking dead mother. you know, that's how I would talk to myself because that's the only way to really get into yourself. That no claim and responsibility, you're going to end up where you were 15 years from now. And I've seen it now.

Now that I'm 60 and I've lived life, all those people, all those, the guy from the laugh factory didn't like me, you know, all the excuse people that, who knows what, that was the biggest change i did that never mind stopped being a thief and stop doing that i mean three years after that i was still burglarizing houses and i was back here doing common and that was eight months of just pure crime so thank god i bet the the jets uh against philadelphia they not randall cunningham uh anyway speaking of jets let me do something about draft kings

I'll be right back after we talk about Draft Kings. Stay black. All right, guys, Uncle Joey here for Draft Kings. Do I got to talk to you about something? This is the fight that fans have been waiting for. Two epic battles on back-to-back nights. Get it on the action with Draft King's sportsbook. You want to get it on this because on Friday,

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Anyway, download the Draft King's Sporting app, the, what is it? Sportbook app. And just don't forget about your uncle Joey. Anyway, yeah, so that's what I saw when I saw that picture, Lee. I got all the answers of why I hadn't done anything with my life. Not only was I a thief, you know, I had warrants. people were looking for me. The police thing going to prison thing that locked

everything down. So now I'd gotten that off my fucking back, you know? So I was free to do stand-up comedy in those three years. I just fucking procrastinated. You're living, you learn, guys. But I'm telling you how it was when I look at that

picture. It broke my heart because I don't know that person anymore. No responsibility. Didn't give a fuck about your rent. Didn't give a fuck about your car payment. had it when I fucking had it. Shut your fucking mouth. Didn't give a fuck about that.

I was on probation or parole. And how do I know it? Because I kept smoking. I had a daughter in the house. When you don't care about your kid and you're still fucking around, you're in no danger. Anyway, let's talk about

something happy. I got to Steve's him on this week. Bro, let's talk about Tampa. You hit a gold money with Tampa, and I'm very proud of you. The problem that you were doing was, you know, anymore, it's not worth it. I see years ago how they started treating feature racks, hotel, this and that, this. I just saw it.

When you're a feature, you go out there, but if you're not making money, you're going out there to at least be seen. And, yeah, if you're doing 100 tickets to show, you're getting seen. but it's not like a feature could survive. You were working all these clubs up in, what's the really club? The really good club in Providence, I like. Oh, comedy connection. Yeah, comedy connection.

Great club. But if I call him tomorrow, you tell me the same thing he tells you, everybody brings a feature at. Yep. Everybody brings a feature act. Everybody brings a feature app. But when they do come,

the headline is paying. for everything. I got to pay for their hotel. I got to do the whole thing. I don't mind doing that at all. But when you're an un... Like when you're going to 70% of the clubs the people need to see you,

they're not there anymore. Never. In fact, let's raise that even higher because I know there's a lot of comics who watch this show. 90% of the people are going to book you are not going to be there. If you're not with a big agency or something as a feature,

they're going to treat you on the bottom room. I understand you win because you get to go on stage and at the long run it made you better. But I also want you to think about the investment you're making, the four-hour flight, like we discussed last week. Tampa, I'm very proud of you because you made the owner get up and talk to you about giving you a week before you left

and even giving you a special night on your own that fucking Sunday. Those are the clubs you want to go to, where the owner's there and he's involved. enough with these corporate clubs, they're not going to see you. The feature people will tell you, you did great,

and we'll talk to the manager, but, you know, I'm sorry. I've gone to do some, no, I, it was really cool,

dude, I've heard about side splinters forever, and I've been to a lot of cool clubs the last couple of years, and there, like, there've been some really cool managers. I'm almost positive,

other than, I guess, the dojo. This is the only club I've been to, who were the owners ever there? Yeah. And he wasn't just there for like five minutes. Like he was running food.

Like he wasn't, he wasn't watching. He was just, he was out there. The reason why his club has a great reputation is because he's there. Yeah. It was really cool.

And the comics were great. The staff was awesome. And yeah, it was the first time I didn't, he just came up to me and we talked and he rebooked me. And I've gotten to do clubs more than once, but I've never had a booking before I left the weekend.

That was really fun. I'll call on Tuesday. Mitzie, I'll talk to her. And you know what? Thank you. But no, thank you. There's another brain dead fucking weekend. I don't get no response.

I did that all the time. That's why look at the early churches. Got to make the call. Yeah. Is somebody here this week who booked me? No. Okay, next time. Next time, when it's too late, you're going to have somebody there. Now it's going to cost you.

Now you get me for four bills, five bills a week. But the next time the name comes up, you're going to have to pay me, bitch. In fact, I'll just send you a bill. I mean, these are all the things that you have to look at. Why am I there? Why am I taking a five-hour flight so the owner had to go somewhere with his kids this weekend? Right. You know?

That's true. And that can always happen. Yeah. But, but, but this one, this was, like, I booked this in February. I, like, because I, I, I reached out. I remember. I was pretty much in shock when you told me. I thought you were headline.

I was like, oh, boy, but no. No. He ran through the right channels. He featured it. Come again, let your headline, and then it starts with a great other feature act, co-headline. And you grow with the club. These are the clubs you want to go to. That's not going to happen to you on improv.

Unless there's one, unless you live in Virginia or you live in Houston and you're an hour away, they could develop you little by little. And then you start headlining and you headline Fourth of July. You headline Thanksgiving. You headline the day before Christmas. You eat a thousand bullets for them. But after two years, people, will start coming to your shows because you talk about local spots.

And after you do it like twice, you've got to make a decision. Because now this club owner is looking at you going, we did everything we could. We've headlined you four times, six times with the holidays for two years. You've got to go on your own night. Now you've got to graduate the theaters. And a lot of people get comfortable at the home club. Oh, yeah. And this is where it starts.

they start getting cute at the home club where you're building at a home club when you go to that club next time the feature you're gonna fucking not from the stage we got to figure out a way for you to get people email on the list so the next time you go to tap all you got to do is click a fucking switch and people come watch you i'll never forget me i was a full-time feature act david tell came up to me in florida and he goes i think what you're doing is fucking smarter than fuck. I could tell you're building a market done it and I go yeah

that's what you're doing. That's a free track. You can't build the market everywhere. So if you're working 20 clubs, you've got to pick the 10. The 10 that is perfect to launch you. It could be Chattanooga. But you're going to headline there first and people get

to see the picture you headlining and blah blah. So do you understand what's happening, brother? Oh yeah. And it's just so cool to see like a club that really cares and like to think about because some people message me like like some a couple of people like hey we had a really good time I had no idea who you were and it would be crazy to think

of people coming to shows in like 10 years like I see that all the time don't me people put up pictures of you they've seen you 10 times or whatever it is like that's crazy to think about that's what there's people that come up and go I remember when you came with Rogan there's a lady who came out to me the other day she goes I went to see you in New York or Rogan when you did

something about a nun she goes I was fucking dying and that you build the following as a feature act but later on when you're really hitting you're featuring when headliners are complaining about you

that's when you know you're doing a red job when they're saying this motherfucker and then there's a the fucking guys that are going to go, you know, he, he talks to the audience and you just make excuses.

Don't book yourself as a headline. And next time, learn him, watch what he's doing and work against it, and not switch with him. And taking bullets as a man. There's no pride here. I'd rather switch like a hero than die and look like a fucking zero

because of my pride. I can't, I've never even thought about people switching. Switch. Switch. Doesn't mean no thing to me. Wow. We don't talk about you. Right.

I'm going to congratulate you and let you know that you did great because you made the show better. You didn't fucking look at your ego and go, well, I'm going to, you know, stick around because, no, this is what people do. This is what a team player does for a club. When you get a home club, they're also going to call you one day. Go, Doug, we're going to bind here. I need a MC. you're not going to go to the bury the fucking feature act you're going to go to when hansis act you know like help him out a little bit

right this the other side of comedy these are the people that don't run the light these are the people that respect the other comedians in the room and they're not fucking arrogant and let's talk about something real important before we close up because I think it's time that people know how I felt about this shit we had an election in this country and it was we've been very lopsided as a nation for the last eight or nine years. I don't speak about politics

because I don't know about politics. I wouldn't bring a politician on the show to ask them as policies or whatever or the DOJ. I don't know anything about these people. But over and over, I told you on this podcast, and I know people leave.

I know people. Last Monday night, I took my daughter to get pizza at 9.30. I realized my wife was out, and we were just sitting here, and this is really bothered me all week. And we were sitting here, and I go,

Mercer, you have no school tomorrow? Let's get the fuck out of here. You hungry? And she goes, you? Yeah, let's go to Austria and get a pizza. Watch Monday night football. So it was the night before the election. And there was a couple couples at the bar,

having a great time. Having a great time. I had gone earlier. After the podcast, I take a ride just to cool off. And I stopped in there, and there was nine people at the bar. But there was this couple that I remembered. They were having a great time. So I come home thinking, I'm done for the night.

And then Mercy tells me she's hungry. So I bring her back to Austria to get a pizza. The pizza is fucking sensational there. And as I walk in, they said, did you see the ruckus outside? And I go, no, there was no ruckus. I walked in with my daughter. What happened? I go, you see that couple at the end?

I go, yeah. It was their fourth wedding anniversary, and he was getting drunk and talking about how Trump's going to win, and his wife just said, honey, calm down. Well, the fucking guy held off and started yelling her that she wanted Kamala. He doesn't even know why she's married to her no more, that she's a fucking puke. And he got up, and he left his wife there.

Holy shit. And she was outside crying, waiting for an Uber, waiting for a friend to pick her up. Listen, man, I don't understand that. I've been banging my head off the wall all week over something like that. And then the reaction I got from people. Like, if you ever watch Led Zeppelin or the Eagles or all these bands, I like, they never stop in the middle of a show to make a political fucking statement.

The first band I ever see do that was fucking YouTube. And I'd never, you too, and I've never gone back. You're playing music You know whatever his fucking name is YouTube Bono Loved them I just won't go see him Because I went to see him

About 15 years ago It was all politics My friends Shut the fuck up Shut the fuck up And the reaction of people And the reaction of friends of mine That I knew in L.A.

They have their proms, their fake people But there was two particular women that I've known for over 30 years they've always been very fucking promiscuous that's how they got to having a fucking career and I wish you could have read and I'm not outing them I'm not you know I wish you should have read what they were writing

after all the dicks you sucked after one girl used to take it in the ass from every fucking comic in the Midwest after all the dicks you took in the ass now you want to talk about sexual assault victims and you know the hypocrisy is so fucking big now it's so big it's like i don't even know anymore where these people what happened and i'm just happy about one thing that we got the fuck out of that because i think that's what was driving me crazy at the end of the day the fucking hypocrisy and the bulls and the bulls

They were just talking. These people don't even know what they say. One of them wrote a thing after Tony Hinchcliffs did that thing that actually won him the presidency. They wrote a thing about just

Lee, I'm not going to out of her, but if you were to read this, you would have gone, what was the point of this? This is ten pages. And I see three people who said, you're brave, you know, you're articulate, you're a great writer, but at the end of the day,

he just wasted two hours of your fucking life writing a blog that nobody gives a fuck about. You're just going to have people going to tell you, yeah, how great you are and how strong you are. What the fuck is wrong with people? You know, it's like, don't ever stick a finger in your pussy?

No. He fucking grabbed these contestants' pussy on a fucking Miss America. Those chicks love their pussy. I mean, you know, I don't know. I consider those chicks just as creepy as the comics we came up with. And the actresses that complain about fucking, you know, the fucking dude who used to make him come up to his office and read scripts. My point is, it's, we have just, the pandemic didn't do any favors to a lot of people.

And I never forgot who the fuck I was, you know. And these people just forgot that they sucked 80 dicks. And, you know, they blew every fucking manager in the business. They forgot. Like, and then they're going to post shit like that. And it drives me crazy. So I'm congratulating Trump. Congratulations J.D. Vance.

Yeah. Listen, this is our country and who we are already. January 1, he's coming out the box. he's throwing people out. He's stopping wars. You know, the stock market went up. So the proof was in the fucking pudding. And I didn't want to side anybody or didn't side.

And I'm not here to be a political fucking, you know, whatever. If you listen to me, you're fucking retarded more than anything. Because I really don't know what the fuck they're doing. So, Asta La Vista. That's a great endorsement? Yeah. And Athola Vista. to Zoom because hopefully after this, I don't

care we have to sit on the fucking floor next week with a blanket on and do the podcast together. I've had it. I'm coming up early. I'm doing fucking everything that's older. I got a two-gram mushroom that looks like my toenail waiting for you. I was going to say,

I don't know what you're like worst. The mushroom ones or the shit ones you used to send? No, these are clean Bobby. Clean Bobby. I'm excited to do it in person So we got an extra show

We added November 20th At the Dojo of Comedy Hopefully I'll get Paul Versey And Lee and a different fucking people Tonight it's New York City I also I'm adding December 26 At the Vogel Theater

Not the Count Basie I'm doing the little one Get in at 730 Get the fuck out of there by 930 Go to a bar Bang your girlfriend You got those little cards, you know, knock yourself out. But those are the dates I added. And I'm doing an open mic,

November 26th at the American Comedy Company in conjunction with Uncle Vinnie's and the Wheat Store, N.J. Leaf out of Fairview. They're my home base wheat store. They're very good to me. And this is going to be a couple of pros. And then we're going to pick out of a hat to get a couple open micers and everybody gets to go up together and you guys could see it's a different open mic for you guys so hopefully you'll get on this week if not uh we're going to do it once a month and then they have their own open mic that we're going to be at anyway so it's time to fucking get out of the house on tuesday nights wash your pussy smoke some dope and watch some fucking comedy american comedy hotel november 26 i think they got a handful of tickets left if you want to come

I'm not headlining. I'm doing 20 minutes. Lee, you know, we're going to get Aaron Berg. Hopefully we'll get Vixie Danyo. You know, that's it. This is about the younger generation, not some old white-haired, pale-looking motherfucker. Love you, motherfucker.

Stay black. I want to thank Lee and everybody. I want to thank our sponsors. And I want to thank the people who stuck it out with us. This is fucking real. We're going next week, cuckuckers. So get ready. We got about six.

shows before the holidays and we're going to try to make your holidays fucking better this year. Stay black. I love you. I love you guys. See you next week. The check-in is brought to you by Liquid IV. Listen, you can drink all the egg, not all Christmas that you want, but you're going to need to get hydrated, all right? And you can make those little pinocalladas and jump up and down with Elvis or Santa, but you're still going to need hydration. Liquid IV is going to make it easier for you. holiday season. Liquid IV packets get you eight vitamins and nutrients. Three times the electrolytes are the leading sports drink. And guess what? No artificial sweeteners. Again, no artificial

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Now, without further ado, let's get this party start on a Tuesday night. BAM!