The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - Smelling salts and Brisket

Episode Date: January 23, 2024

Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt about his recent trip to Austin to be on The JRE and the fight companion with Joe Rogan, Eddie Bravo and Brendan Schaub. Joey tells Lee about how he got introduced to smelling salts and what happened the first time he smelled them. Joey also schools Lee on writing and how to deal with hecklers. Support the show & try Blue Chew for free when you use code JOEY at checkout. Just pay $5 shipping. Head to https://www.bluechew.com to check it out. The Check In is sponsored by BetterHelp. Support the show and get 10% off your 1st month of therapy at https://www.betterhelp.com/DIAZ

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let's see what the hell of Lee's doing. They didn't put you on this planet just to give up. If Uncle Joe you can do it. I could rule the world. I hear you got to be thinking. Welcome back to shit. What up? Turkey neck.

Turkey neck. Everything else. Tick, top, fucking Magoo, ready to rock here. What are you doing? You know what Athena's kids call me? What? I swear to God, mashed potato tits. Okay, what are you going to do?

You got to turn them into hearts of potatoes now. You know what I'm saying? It's Tuesday. It's Tuesday to 20 fucking thirdly. You got to get to those kettlebells again. That's it. That walking shit is good, but it doesn't, you know, it's to get the fat off, not to, you know, you got to start throwing some weights around.

It's time. Yeah, it's time for that. What's the hot black chick that shakes her ass? You know, the chick for right now, you could join for a dollar and a dollar for a month. Oh, Megan the stallion or something? Yeah, Mike O'C. Megan, Mother Nature, Mother, whatever, she calls herself.

go over there for a dollar lift some weights, do some bench presses, do some push-ups and shit. What are you going to do? I don't have mashed potato titties, but they're sagging a little bit like I had a kid. You know, it's like a fuck. It's like a cat, but they're not pointy.

At least they're not pointing. I continue to keep some muscle under the tissue there by doing fucking slant. When I go to the gym once a week, I go to one gym, and then the other one. When I go to the other one, I do bench presses. you know, on a fucking whatever, on an angle, and then I do them minus. And then I do pullovers just to keep everything tight.

But that ain't enough. I got to go get some Mexican fucking pills or some shit like that. So it would be 220 tip top of goo. You know what I'm saying? You need that Swiss Chris. Alisa Dik was telling us about. Swiss Chris. The thing that made you shit.

Yeah, another fucking lunatic with another fucking suggestion. How is Nashville? Fawken really cool. Like A, the city itself was just, like, I'm not a music person. I know that sounds weird. I don't dislike it, but it's just not something I care about. But it was just cool to see like, like, I, like they look like, they seem like me a little bit. Like they were just, you know, doing bars shows.

Some of them were doing cover. Yeah, yeah. That too. That too. Trust me, there were guys in cut off tank tops in seven degree weather. but it was just a really fun way it was just cool that like people came to see like came to my show like it was like I love opening for people but it was just really like it meant a lot that people would come and and it wasn't like it was very cool for me but it wasn't anything like glamorous or and we didn't

sell a ton of tickets it was like the the coldest it's ever been there and they got eight inches of snow but it was just so awesome it was for the experience and then the question is that you've got to ask yourself. When you're a comedian from one to five years, one of the things I forgot to do that you overlook is the question of what did you learn tonight. But when you get upset about bombing or having a bad set, you don't think you learned anything.

But you really fucking did if you're honest with yourself. You're going to come out and tell me the microphone didn't work or the sound system, but the guy behind you got a standing ovation. Right. So you play all the, well, the guy before me pulled the rabbit out of his hat, out of his ass. So then you got to pull two rabbits out of your ass.

You got outdo the guy in front of you, you know what I'm saying? Well, absolutely. And I was thinking, I thought a lot about that this weekend because, like, the first night was good. I had a, like, I would say B minus set. People were happy. I did fine. But I noticed the second night, like, the energy in the room was just better. And, like, I, like, I fed off of it.

And I need to do a better job of, like, creating that energy if it's not already there, which is something like I think you were very good at. It's just like making energy. Like I'm getting okay. Like if it's there, I can feed off of it, but it's hard to create it. To get energy in the beginning of a set,

you got to go off your set. And you really got to pick up steam and have confidence with saying it because if you fall flat, now you're working for minus. Right. Those first two, you know, those first, that first minute,

It's so weird how Kill Tony is a minute. I've been thinking about that. What can an open mic do in a minute? He could do a lot. He could do a fucking lot in a minute. Because in a minute, you can make an introduction so special that when you get off, they want more. It's so fucking weird how you have to,

but I didn't look at it like that then. So that's how you have to look at it. You know what? I'm going to go up there and make them more and more. How do I do that? So all those little Contests and little things are planned out situations.

It's like going to Jiu-Jitsu and they say, today we're not going to roll. You're going to start with a guy in your back with a hook in and all he has to do is close. What are you going to do from there, working from there? And it's called situational training, you know? And that's the same thing in comedy. You have situational training.

So Friday nights, I hate Friday fucking nights. Really? Yeah. For comedy. Okay. I'm going to tell you why. You got out of work at five.

You drove to your mothers. You took a shower. You got dressed. You ate something with a, you gave her the solitaire cards. You ran to Athena. Now you have to drop Athena's two children off and then go do your show, right?

Okay, yeah. We'll watch this show at the Wilbur Theater. you get there at fucking 10 to 8 you walk in you sit down and you're huffing and you're puffing you're huffing and you're puffing you're trying to catch yourself and all of a sudden 10 minutes in you realize fuck I'm fucking tired

right yeah okay you know it takes young guys you know when I was 30 I could fucking leave work at 6 and be there at 7 and you're ready to go but people overdue themselves sometimes and they get there and something's not right, the air's not working, you know, there's always a lot of stuff that you can't control,

but you have to go up there, summarize it, control it, and then work with what you got. Oh, you only got one fucking hand? All right, use the other hand. You know, it's a very, I can't break them all down because we didn't plan to have this chat, but it's just so weird. Saturday, I got the whole day to myself.

mow the lawn. When the kids are at football, I eat Mama's Monkey. I fucking have a few drinks. I go out to dinner with some friends. We're all in a great mood. Now we go see Lee Syatt. Bye-bye. Yeah. I got nothing to do tomorrow. I could drink a little bit. I'm staying at the hotel right down the block so I could walk. It's a better feeling. They're more loose. How many other people that come to a, how many of the 250 people that go to a Friday show have to work Saturday month? Not many. Like I would sit there sometimes on Friday or early show and go out to take pictures and I go, where the fuck of the people?

They don't give a fuck about your picture. They got to go to work on Saturday. They got to go. They got to go pick up the kid and go to work on a fucking Saturday morning. They got to drop the kid off if the mother-in-law is 7.30 because God knows what people have on this schedule. You as a comedian, you have to entertain them

to take them off that schedule. They just pay you. to take them away from their life for an hour. When they get the bill for the night, it brings them back. You know, when they drop the checks, 200,

you know. Yeah, it's crazy to hear you talk about that, because it's, I don't really know, like this, like the headlining thing is completely, like,

it's foreign to me. I have no idea what to expect. I felt like I was nervous, like my flight got canceled on Thursday because of the snow. So I was like freaking out about that. I was worried about if the show is going to get canceled because I talked to the book or who is nice,

but he was like, listen, man, they don't have plows down here. So like the entire, every road is ice. Like the parking lot to the venue was ice. And so like up until the day of the show, I didn't know if the show was going to happen. It was just crazy what I.

You were in the same boat as the people coming to see you on Friday, man. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just the fact that anyone, like, especially in like a place like Nashville. I love doing my favorite place right now to do shows are cities where there's not much to do because like they're fun crowds

and like a lot of people show up. But like there's so much to do in Nashville. The fact that 35 people came is like amazing to me. And like it was a small venue. It was like a 50 to a 75 seat room, but it was just so cool. And like the crowd was cool. The guy who,

may or may not have given some like acid in the past showed up with his wife from North Hollywood. I'll ask you something. How crazy was that? We bought a box of sugar cubes and we're putting acid on the sugar cubes in the office.

Dude, at a point that wasn't even sugar cube, you just dropped it into my mouth. That's right. That's right. You had all these sugar cubes. We didn't even use them. Oh, my God. Every time I go into the mouse will eat one.

Oh, one of the sugar cubes? Yeah, we ended up throwing them out. We lived there, acid, like, in four sugar cubes. Now I had 96 of them just sitting there, like, bumps out of log and shit. What about all those? Because we used to get those stars, but they would give us, like, six or seven brownies that tasted terrible. So we never ate them. And, like, at the end, we moved out.

We had, like, 30 bags of, like, moldy brownies that were two years old. Those brownies were so fucking bad. And those joints from the weed stores. we had about 100 of those, the free joints. Oh, yeah. It's like sandpaper. They give you all the weeds and the stems and the fucking dust on the counter. It's a fucking nightmare.

Damn. When you said that to me the other night, I was like, liquid acid. What's he talking about? I'm like, oh, shit. Oh, yeah. That was just like the start of it. Dude, this guy brought like six different kinds of weed and some, like, mushrooms. I'm oh yeah

I'm I had a little we split we split them and then I gave I didn't want to fly home with them What why not what's gonna happen? You put them in your fucking what you mean what's gonna happen Are you serious? Yeah you put them in your shaving

I'm paranoid What paranoid? You don't think they know about shaving kits You don't have a lock on your shaving kit Oh yes you do you put it on the dirty You put it on the dirty underwear I travel with four five eights on me different weed, just in case I get stuck on the island.

Yeah, that's because TSA likes you. They know you. Yes, they don't know me. I separate. No, they don't. You pack it up good, you cover it, you get some rolling papers, some lighters. You bring a lighter in your jacket. Even though they don't want lighters on the plane, you always bring a lighter.

Just in case the plane crashes, how do they got to find you? You know what I'm saying? Do they kill you down? Yeah, they pat you down. They always tie you down. Yeah, well, I got metal in. my knee. So now it stops me to and then they let me. Grab metal

under there. Yeah, I got a fucking metal foot. All right. Stop bothering me. There's metal in my knee. I got a redo. You see the stitches? All right. You got a redo. Yeah, I got a redo. You want to see the stitches. So, yeah,

now that's why you can bring stuff on like it's my knee. I established early on that I was not going to go to a fucking town weedless. There's no way. It's too much to me. It's too much to my comedy.

There's no way I'm going to a town. I used to travel into towns with no Coke because I could always find a bum fucking Coke dealer. But I can't count on the weed that I smoke in every state. So before we have a misunderstanding, and I do buy an ounce and it's not what it is, it wasn't grown in California. My cousin grew it in Arizona,

but it was supposed to be cowlif. I don't want to hear that shit. I just bring the best weed with me. This week, when I want to, went to Austin. I brought four different reefers with me. Gee, you don't have nervous at all? Huh? You don't get nervous? No. They're for your health there.

No, they're not. See, you say this stuff like you could say it to the police and they would let you go. You're like, we established that I don't go weedless. No one established that. What do you mean? I believe. They don't, they're not worried about the fucking, you know, they're not worried about the fucking ate the weed you bring.

They're worried about the bomb and your gun and the electronic battery that might light under the fucking plane on fire. So, those dogs, I've been next to those dogs with a pound of weed, fucking boogaloo pills, the whole thing. And those dogs will fucking wag their tail and like, they want to be my buddy. They're not there for fucking reefer and for fucking boogaloo pills. Yeah, but the one day they bring the one who is, I'm going to be there. I get so fucking paranoid. Nah, you'll be fine. The dog barks just tell them fucking, you.

You're Jewish. Dogs been barking a year since the beginning of time. You know what I'm saying? German shepherds and Jews don't get along. That's why they invented... Antisemitic wrong. To hold the Jews against the wall and bark at them. And the Jews are in the corner.

We'll give you my pastrami sandwich. Oh, no. I'm speaking of... What did you think of the tunnels? What tunnels? The one in the city? Yeah. They're disturbing. It's very disturbing. You know, I've heard...

different reports. Some people said they were storing kids down there to fucking molest them like Epstein's Island. Some people said they were putting hookers there. You know, they were the leftover kids from fucking Epstein's Island so they were going to put them down there

and hold them up for they turned the belts and let them out. I don't fucking know Lee. Just the fact that the Jews, the Hasidic Jews, I love them to death, but there's some creepy motherfuckers. They've taken over a where I live here called Jackson. Right.

Like on Saturdays, I just go through to see them walk the temple and the rush and shit. Like they got diarrhea with those gum shoe, that detective gum shoe that they have, with that black fucking cape that they haven't washed in years, no head and shoulders. Those fucking tassels are dangling fucking dust on the jacket. They're hysterical, but they're perverts.

They're perverts. You ever see their wives? Oh, you have to be a pervert to marry those women. They like make them marry each other or something because I don't know about those women. They wear those little shoes and shit like they're Dutch ladies. Well, this is Jersey.

I got those a sedge in Jersey. They're not fucking around, Jack. I was just, there was just a video I saw today of like this prostitute in New York talking about that, about like a lot of her customers were Hasidic people. Not all of them, but like they just They like they're weird. There's not. They come in a little cap and they put it right back in the head like

That's why they go bald because they got sperm on the circle of their head there. Oh, I thought that helps. They whack off into that little cap. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you talking about the yamaka? I got like the little small one or the big one. The little one, the small one? Holy shit.

They come inside the... That's why you never find DNA on those motherfuckers. They come inside the Yamaka. Oh, and then they put it on their bald head? Yeah, no. They start with putting it on hair, but the acid from the sperm burns through the... You know, with all that pickle juice,

they ate a lot of pickles. Seeds, so... I did show fucking Rogan the... The fucking crackhead toss. Oh, yeah? What did he think? we put it on during the fucking fight companion. How was your time down there?

Honestly. Yeah. Really good. Nice, dude. Except for the no fucking sleep at night without the fan. I forgot to bring my little fucking Boy Scout fan with me. And I can't sleep without that noise. And I was up both nights for like four or five in the fucking morning

spinning around. But how was Austin? It was an experience. It was great to see those guys. I hadn't seen them. I hadn't seen Brendan and Eddie since the pandemic. Wow. It's been that long? Yeah, since we all left.

You know, they are what they are. They were the little family we had in L.A., you know, and it was great to see them. The fucking fight companion was awesome, you know. My podcast with Joe, again, it's Friday. It's 4 in the afternoon, but both tired, you know. Yeah, I didn't get to watch the fight companion, but I saw the clip of you guys dancing with the smelling salts.

Oh, my God. You had some moves, dude. Well, those are your old moves? What are you dealing with? Old moves, that new moves. I got a bunch of new moves. I get dance members. I don't think this is a new move.

No, that's John Travolta. I had to throw it in there out of respect. You know what I'm saying? It's fucking, it's molest your masseuse month. So I wanted to do a little shout out. I thought of it. Yeah, it's dry January and... Malusia masseuse month?

Malusia masseuse month. So I know Tevolta's on there on a tear right now. Hey, rub this little thing under my nut. You know what I'm saying? Him and you should die. Holy shit. But that's fun that you got to... Do you think any of the reason you couldn't sleep

is like you were just kind of like pumped up from like your two days? Like... No, there was something going on. Because I was sweating a lot at night even though the air was on. There was something going on. I came, maybe I had COVID and didn't know it.

Maybe it's another form of COVID. Because dog, the sweatshirt that I wore on Saturday night to sleep, when I woke up, it was a light hooded sweatshirtirt. I had no T-Shia underneath. I don't want to wake up to piss in the middle of night. And it's too cold to walk to the bathroom. Okay. When I woke up, fucking Saturday morning, you thought like I had been,

running a marathon for four hours. I put the thing in a baggy, and I got home. The bag was downstairs, and when I opened it up, to put it in the laundry, my wife was walking by, and I go, feel this. And she was like, Joey, what happened? I go, I don't know. The blanket?

I mean, it was a great fucking hotel. I'm not going to name drop. You know, Rogan takes care of you. Yeah. The blankets must have been those high-level thermal blankets. It was like being in a sauna. I would pee in the back and I couldn't lay in my spot. I thought I pissed the bed.

I was drenched. I hate when that fucking happens. You get back in the bed and it's like you're laying on a funeral fucking, you know, freezing the debt. You're like, why the fuck am I freezing? Why not just take the sweatshirt off and leave it on the bed in case you got up? What? Because couldn't that be why you were sweating as you were wearing a sweatshirt to bed?

No, because it was cold. so I didn't have I knew if I got up in the middle of night the sweatshirt, I was cold with the fucking sweatshirt in that room. I had to fucking add down to 60 with the fan on high. That motherfucker dog, I was blowing smoke out of

there. I thought I was in the exorcist. I was so cold. There's a great hotel. So it went down at 60. I remember going to see you the computer and I had to put a fucking jacket on to sit by the computer at night just to check something out to see what time the airline was leaving or, you know, when you get back to the hotel,

the internet would go down and have to reset it. Like, I'd have to log in again. You know, I'd freeze to death. I go, like, what the fuck is this? I'm sitting there with a hooded sweatshirt and a winter jacket on. But Austin was cold anyway, Lee. Really? Yeah, it was fucking freezing in Nashville. It was, when I landed, it was humid.

And I had an heart attack at the airport. When I walked off on that ramp, it was so fucking humid. And that humidity must have gone in my lungs. I started sweating profusiously. It was the humidity problem. Oh, damn. Oh, yeah.

It was still human in January? Yeah, it was like I couldn't walk the baggage claim. It was fucking a rough little walk. I had to stop and make believe I was talking on the phone. People were walking around me. What's the matter with him? I'm later. You know, so I got the lab bugget, baggage claim.

And then on the way back, I had no problems with nothing. I only slept two hours on Saturday night. I left for the airport at 615, got to the airport, the Salt Lake was open, like a motherfucker. Oh, yeah, you got barbecue for breakfast? You bet you ask, I got two eggs with some brisket. Dude, I didn't even... You sent me a picture of some barbecue you got this weekend.

Doug. Rogan took me to some place, and he ordered the ribs. I didn't order that. I couldn't eat that. Right. I have a lot. But I ordered the brisket with the smoked turkey and beans. It was fucking delicious.

It's so weird. You moved to like Boston, New York, and your friends tell you about this barbecue place. And you go there. And you go there and you eat it and you go, yeah, it's good, you know. Or it's like being in L.A. And somebody goes, Joey, you got to try this pizza just like New York. And you go over there and you eat it and you're like, yeah, it's okay. And then you come here for something and you got a piece of peach and you go, oh, no, whatever the fuck I was eating out there.

I was wild. It's the same thing. As soon as I've been to barbecue, there's a place here. My wife gets brisket from. I really like to bake beans with the burnt brisket in it. Yeah, the burned ends. But, dog, once I went down there and tasted that brisket, it couldn't even, it wouldn't even hold on to the fork. It was crumbling.

It was fucking spectacular. Remember, bad barbecue in Austin is better than good barbecue in New York. And bad pizza in New York is better than good pizza in L.A. You can't fucking lose. I'm sure Rogan didn't take you to a bad place. Which place? Whatever place you got barbecue this time. Yeah, that's where he took me.

I'm saying it wasn't a bad place. It was a good place. No, no, it was a good place. We went to do stem cells. I shot some in my knees. I did the stem cell IV. Can you see a difference? Not yet. It's only been three days. I'm a little sore still. I hit the bag a little today, but I can't work out the whole week.

Okay. I could stand in front of the bag and just throw punches and sweat a little bit, put some fucking music on and get the party started. I get some more those. Dog, I don't play around with smelling salts. I don't know what they're. about. I only put them in my nose and I'm about to faint and I don't even have them at

home. People put them in my nose when I pass out the dentist office and shit like that. That's the first time I snorted out of a vitamin container. People in America are losing their fucking mind, but I guess bodybuilders use them. Powerlifters use them. Apparently,

Josh Potter does it too. When I opened for Josh, he pulled him out. And I don't know, you were sniffing it. The clip I saw it, how do you sniffing it for like 30 seconds? You just not smell it? You, who? You.

I was smelling it slowly. I could take it because when I wake, when I pass out, they just don't do this to me. They put them under my nose. They put one in each nose when I pass out. When I pass out, I go deep into the murky waters. That's why I don't like fucking going and give them blood sometimes. I got to go get blood this week. That sucks.

And you pass out that they have to wake you up with smelling salts. I knew you would pass out, but I thought you would wake right back up. It hasn't been years since they had to do the smelling salt. Oh, thank God. It was smelling salt. Heavy duty. Because they gave me one one time and I fainted when I smelled it. They're like, this motherfucker is on a different level.

Wait, you have fainted. They woke you up with smelling salts, and then you smell the smelling salt and faint again. Again, then they put two of them in my nose. They were laughing when I woke up. And I remember talking with the smelling salts in my nose, and they were like, that is fucking crazy.

I didn't know it was smelling salt. I didn't do it together. It's just like just because of like of the cocaine? Like what do you think you like doesn't affect you? Because I fucking fainted so many times that you know, I just got used to the smell of ammonia like that in my nose.

Wow. Those things like I would take like one little thing and it would like knock my head back. The first time I did it knocked my head back but then I got used to. I saw that. Yeah. First time I did it.

It was powerful. It hit my lungs. I could feel it in my nutsack tingling like fucking somebody put acid in there. But you know what, man? We had a good time. I got to see my friends. And now I come back and my mission is a little clearer. Okay.

Whatever the fuck. On what you want to do this year? Yeah. Yeah. Now you, I know, like you did the podcast Friday. But did you think about doing stand-up? about there? I was considering it for Friday night, but I didn't hear from everybody. So I was very, uh, I don't know, Friday night I was pretty fucking tired. Right. Friday night,

I had just gotten up early. I didn't sleep the night before. So at six, Eddie wasn't coming until like 8.30. So at six, I got some Cuban food. I took an Uber to get Cuban food, which is pretty good. A place called Habana. Okay. And then I went back to the hotel and I started watching fucking Rambo 8. And I never heard from Eddie until about 11.

And Eddie had gone to the club. And he said nobody was down there. No, Tony Hinchcliff got there late. So he came home. So I didn't feel that bad. And then Saturday, we were shooting, you know, we went to dinner at 7 and then we shot that at 9. And we were there until one. You know, there's no audience at one.

Right. Oh, yeah. So. And did you do stand up at all last week before you left? Yeah, yeah. I went down to Uncle Vinny's Wednesday night. Tomorrow I was going to go to Sam's Club, but my daughter's got some, or tonight, I was going to go to Sam's Club, but I had a, my daughter's got a recital at 630. She's playing the fucking drums.

Oh, shit. That's cool. Yeah. she's been playing them for years in the school band. Since the third grade or something? Yeah, she joined in the third grade. Tomorrow she's doing the drums and the motherfucking triangle. So if you don't know, so yeah, I'm going to go with that 630.

If I get out of there early and they don't want to do nothing afterward, then maybe I'll take a ride somewhere else around here. Because Sam's like an hour from here. Yeah, yeah, the dojo. I'm excited to, I'm going out there. a couple weeks. That'd be really cool of you. I mean, it's just an open mic. It's just an open

mic, guys. That's fine. Are you, but are you enjoying it still? Oh, yeah. It's great to do. Listen, what I'm doing, it's a plan, and if it doesn't work, then you move on to the next chapter of your life. But this is how I need to do it for right now. I'm not Russian. I'm not booking dates.

None of that shit. No, I'm just, I wanted to see how it was going. No, just keep getting on stage, having a good time, laughing, giggling, coming up with material. You know, like I said, the thing I missed the most wasn't to stand up. It was to create it. My mind needed to create again.

You know, I got no more stories to tell. You know, I have to do something different. So this is the habit. That's awesome, dude. I'm just happy that, like, you're enjoying it, it seems. I didn't hear from any of those auditions last week. I knew I went to the producers on one row, but I never heard from them.

And again, I was sitting there today, and I go, wow, that's weird. And I go, you know what, they got a better plan for me. Everything happens for a reason. I'm not going to get upset. I worked hard on those auditions. So I had to, you know, because it was for the same people. So I had to wear three costumes and hide myself a little more. You know, but what are you going to do?

it just gets you better for the next time. This is, I wouldn't have had this attitude when I first got down there. He's to take a personal, go to the store, and snort an ounce of Coke. Now it's like, you didn't get it. No big deal. You watch the show, the episode sucks.

You're like, thank God. You'll be a fucking favor. Has it ever happened? Like, that you waited, you know, a couple weeks or two to get, to hear back about auditions, or they usually pretty quick. This is like a law and order type show.

They shoot these. If you don't hear from them in four days, they went to somebody else because they start shooting, you know, 10 days. Then they take 10 days off. Those one-hour dramas, they shoot 10 days. So, but maybe they won't call me until day eight. Who know?

You know, you listen. You wake up every morning and you try your best for that day. That's the, that's, if that's all you could do, that's all you can fucking do. Yeah. I'm glad. I'm glad you're, enjoying it and not getting too caught up in things.

It's really crazy that there's a stand-up page here. And one of the guys on there asked, you know, he goes, it's Monday, you probably got on stage this weekend. What did you learn? And I go, I used to ask Lee that all the time, no matter how high we were. When we did the ice house, any gig together on the way home, I'd ask you and Eric, what did you learn tonight? I want you to think about what you learn.

So that stays in your mind. Then when you go home, you write something different. And I was sitting there today and I'm like, wow, where did I learn that from? And I had to think for a minute. And I thought of you because you once told me you had a couple different podcasts going. And you're like, these guys can't get it together and they have professionals and they have degrees and fucking all this money. but the only guy that's consistent is a felon, you know. And I remember when I, I was doing comedy about three years.

I met this comic named Rick Kerns. The reason why we attracted to each other is because he was crazy like me. Gamble, drugs, you know, and just loved getting on planes and doing comedy anywhere. He would do any fucking gig. He was very funny. He was one of those guys that was funny 100% of the time. because he was just naturally funny, you know. And when I moved back to Boulder in 94,

you know, I was very fortunate. I got to work with him a lot, and I got to work with another master of writing Todd Jordan. Todd Jordan was very professional. He was the HBO comic of the year. Oh, shit. I remember the name, but I didn't know he won that. Yeah, he was a special writer that I did.

On the other hand, Rick had came in fourth in San Francisco comedy competition that year. He was very hot. But at the same time, he was very crazy. Rick is fucking 100% crazy and 100% hard. I haven't spoken to him since the pandemic started because he called me up. When I moved to him, he wanted a loan. And I'm like, I'm not working. He just didn't want a small loan.

He wanted a big fucking loan. And I'm like, I don't have that number. I just bought a house. All my fucking, we didn't have it, Lee, you know? Right. He got mad at me, and I've been thinking about him ever since that. You know, I mean, we all go through different things. He ended up getting the money, and it worked out for him and stuff,

and he's doing well now. God bless him. But Rick was fucking crazy. So let's say we had a gig at 8 o'clock in Wyoming. Right. Right. He would fucking, like, either take a buck, to me, and I would meet him in Boulder at five.

And the first stop was at a liquor store. Oh, okay. He'd get a gatorade, he'd get a big gatorade, and a bottle of vodka. Right there on the road, he'd throw the fucking gatorade out. He'd leave like two ounces of gatorade, and he'd pour the whole bottle of fucking vodka in there. And we'd drink it on the way up, and then we'd stop and get another one, and somebody always brought powder to the show, and it was just... But on the way home, no matter how fucking high we were, he'd always go, what did you learn tonight?

And I'd sit there like in awe because I didn't think I learned anything. But at the end of the day, you did learn. And you learned a ton of things, not to talk to the manager. You know, you just learn little things. But what did you learn on stage? And even though, listen, when you kill, you learn and when you bomb, you learn. That's what's great about fucking comedy. that you learn both ways.

You're going to learn something about yourself. You know, you're going to learn something by yourself. You know, I felt really bad for Joe Coy a couple weeks ago. Because, again, it was people criticizing him that didn't know the art of comedy. And then somebody made a joke about that he flipped on the writers. He said, hey, I didn't write these jokes, you know. If that was any other situation, that's a very funny line.

Right. As a stand-up, it's very funny. It's very funny, but on TV and in front of those muckety-mucks, it's not a funny line. And then the press ran with it and whatever. But it's really funny. He didn't write that. Like, he wrote that on the spot because he wasn't doing well. And he was trying to get out of it? He was trying to get out of it, you know.

Any comic could see that. He did great, considering the fact of where he was. He had just forgotten where he was. was. We perform, you know, we work for years and you build an audience. And every time you do a show, it's your fucking audience. When you step out. Yeah, it's, it's very weird. So when you step out, that's why I fucked up, but I wanted to feel that that before I shot the Netflix special, I was going to the fourth wall and I was going to flappers. I should have been at the store in hindsight.

But I wanted to work differently. It was a different... I didn't want people to see me. I had a bunch of reasons why. I forgot why I brought this up for the story, but it was just... I don't know.

You were talking about what you learned. Okay. And the recurrents tight. I learned that I should have done it at the store. I should have worked on my special at the store, sharpening it, even though they were an audience that was familiar with me.

The reason why I was going to Flappers in the Fourth War was to go in front of an audience that wasn't familiar to me. I would do the Fourth Wall first to get the wording down, and then I would go to Flappers in front of a show that had nothing to do with me. It could be a

Polish show, and I'd go there. Right. And I'd go up, and out of 30 people in the audience, one guy would go Uncle Joey, the rest didn't know me from fucking Adam and that's enjoyable because you can really test your material Right, I can see that

And you were talking about Joe Coy And his experience, he felt bad for him Because of what happened to him at the Golden Globes And guess what? Even though he's a 10-time millionaire Even though he sold out the garden, he learned something that night He learned some of himself that night.

So whether it's good or whether it's bad, you're going to learn something and Joe Coy's been doing comedy what 25 years he's a fucking veteran Have you ever had it because that happened to me a little bit this weekend I did it I had a better show And we talked about what days they were

But my better show was in front of people who didn't know me It's kind of strange Lee because you sold it When I would go up in front of an audience that knew me I could use both podcasts I go on the podcast with the church and Rogan. I had so far to my realm.

It's like living in Seattle and then moving to California, you lose 10 minutes of material because you're talking about Seattle. A geological site, a fucking, you know, a geological. A fucking street corner, a certain restaurant,

you went in front of a mall, what goes on up at that fucking airport, C-Tac, whatever. So you lose material. It's the same with that. It's the same kind of concept. That's why I said to, you know, keep writing. It's so important to after your show to keep writing

and before your show to tune up your set. I don't really think you should start. You know, it's exercise. It always do some writing exercises, write about a situation in your first grade. First grade. I don't give a fuck. You know, I don't give a fuck.

I used to write the weirdest stuff just to warm up. So I wouldn't sit there with a pet in my mouth. Fuck, it's an interesting way to start. Okay. You said that before you just start writing. Why am I going to sit there with a pen in my mouth for 45 fucking minutes doodling, Athena calls, my wife calls, mom calls. And you're sitting there the whole time with a fucking 45 minutes.

Right. The time you get to the hour, your hour 15 deadline, you started getting hot the last hour. But for that... But if you got there right off the bat, opened it up and just went into a story. Any story. I don't give a fuck.

You know, you don't... How long do you want to sit there with it? And maybe that story, now let's turn that funny. And you start scratching words out and putting words in and blah, blah, blah. Lee, it's fucking amazing. It's really fucking amazing. and it's, I, I listened to what you taught.

We talked about it a week or two ago about watching yourself, and I really don't like doing it, but I've been trying to do it. I have a phone that I record on now, and I noticed for some reason the Friday show, I just had my hand on the stool for like a good portion. Like, and it looked like, not like, like, like, I was scared, but it didn't look as confident as, like,

if, I don't know why I was touching it. It was just, like, and I, it was just something I don't really, I know, that's where I noticed my energy was down when I was watching it, because listening to it, it wasn't as noticeable. You learn a lot from tape. It's tough to watch, but you'll improve a lot faster. I really believe if you look at, I mean, listen, I don't want you to go to Mike's fucking snack shack and tape your own mic's at and get upset with you.

You're opening for Josh. You did what you did on Friday and Saturday. You know, that's when it's worth it for you. So you get an honest, an honest reaction from the audience. And it's you working under pressure. Yeah. When I go to an open mic, do you think I sit here and right before the open mic? I go there to actually put a gun to my head to make me say shit,

to make my mind work instead of why sit there with the pen in your mouth. It's also like the, how long did it take you? you to get comfortable to do 45 to an hour to go from 25 to an hour what do you mean i noticed that i was focusing a lot on my set list and the order of things similar to when i started doing 20 instead of 10 now when i do 20 let's focus your set down to a 30 minute set before we can do 45 you're through 30 minutes. The education you got from that was actually doing the 45 and it's not easy. Nothing bothers me more than when somebody goes. I did 45 last week. Yeah, the fucking bar. And you're not a headliner. No. You could call these club owners and tell you're a headliner.

And somewhere along the line, you're going to crash because you don't have your feet under you. Trust me what I'm telling you. I've seen it a thousand times. And it might be so devastating at the third year that you don't recover from. those are the guys that quit right there. Yeah, do they bomb for 45? Yeah. No, they go up and think they're going to do 45 and they go into the wrong room and they eat a bag of dicks and they don't know how to get

themselves out of it. And that's 45 minutes to get yourself out of it. If I MC and I bomb, I only got 10 minutes to learn my lesson. If I feature and I bomb, I got 25 minutes to learn my lesson. If I headline and I bomb, you might as well fucking trade places to Jesus. It's the same amount of time.

They're going to kill you in a fucking hour. So this is why I don't like that. I want people to understand. And guess what? This is one of the things I never did. Because I knew a headlining, like being a feature, like being a host, is an art. All three of them are distinctive fucking arts. And yeah, you're young now.

You're a new comic. They're going to tell you how to read these ads. and they actually fuck with you when you it messes with your material but there's one day you're gonna figure out how to read the ads in your jokes oh as a host as a host right you know yeah it's they're not gonna sound like ads mm-hmm you know coming next month Cheech and Chong the month after that Tony Tunisia the month after that Joey didn't nobody cares they're drinking they're drinking why are you hit him number three days. Let's focus on Cheech and Chong. We'll come back next week and fucking vote on Jimmy Tooch. But for right now, let's focus on fucking Cheech and Chong, all right?

You just learn shit. You just learn shit from being there. These little things that you just pick up. You know, so when you attack a MC spot, the owners of the clubs are going to be there. You usually feature lead. But the night, there's no feature

spot. But the guy that runs the club, he's got 18 clubs. You're going to be there tonight. this is like stealing for you. You don't go, well, I'm going to feature. I'm usually an MC. Shut your mouth and make the best of what you got. You're an emcee tonight. You got 10 minutes to rock.

Right. So I suggest you write that fucking set out. You got a minute to greet him and welcome him. Maybe go into some crowd work. Maybe. Maybe. Are you pregnant? Thank you.

Happy birthday. And then from there, bam. At the seven minute mark, stop and do a fucking, whatever ads he wants. you to quickly like it's part of your material and then you attack the the last part of your set like a fucking manic like they just gave you a fucking smelling salts up your asshole and then you wrap up the mic you got that

last minute now and now is when you go I'm gonna bring up the next guy but don't forget next week is Cheech and Chong two weeks from now is Lee Syatt blah blah blah blah coming to the stage the very funny Lee Syatt now the The features also have to look at his style. What is my style? Is my style high energy? Is it low-paced? If it's low-paced, if I'm high-energy and you're slow-paced,

you're actually going to do, I don't know, 30 minutes of material in 30 minutes. I'm going to do 45 minutes of material in 30 minutes. Just joke, joke, joke. breathe, watch your next, watch your next target. Unleash, watch your next target, unleash, talk to them, let them catch their breath. Bam, ended one last time. So it's all a strategy, Lee. Yeah, I know that's what I'm hoping, when I'm looking forward to improving, because I don't have,

I do try to, like I have a set list and I think it flows okay. But it's just, I thought about you, because I would ask you sometimes, like, there was a difference between you doing 20 minutes at the store and doing a headlining, like you would slow them down a little bit, and that's what you told me. Like, you would be like, they can't, I couldn't do that for an hour straight. It's an hour, so you have to slow it down. I only got 45 minutes of material. So I know I could rock them 45 heavy. What I'm praying for is for something to happen. because I'm praying for some chick to say I love licking ass

or some crazy chick in the audience and then you run with it you know that you're praying for and you will get it because you're material struggle running with it you what? Because I'm just thinking when you're saying run with it like crowdwork or reacting to something

like I can react to something and go into material reacting completely improvised it's not that I don't do it, but it's not very long. It's like two minutes. Okay. Did you ever die doing that? Or were you always good at that? That seems like something you probably were pretty good at.

The prom, I started improvising by mistake. I was a house emcee at a fucking restaurant. And I had to be there every Tuesday, and the first two rows were the same fucking people every week. They came in to get the prime rip of $15.99. Right. So about two months. I was in my beginning stages.

I said, I can't keep doing this with the same material. So I would write the whole week. I would come up with five new minutes every week, then seven new minutes. And I remember there was a time I was doing 10. And it was because I was doing crowd work. And I got into a bad habit of crowdwork. And then I got into the worst habit. I moved to New York.

And this is the town of, hey, where are you from? Oh, you're a truck driver from the Bronx? What do you sell? ovens, you know, fucking, it just went on and on and on. And then I went somewhere and a club corrected me and they said, you can't do that here. And he goes, I know you can do it, but I don't want you to do it because I want you to work on your material for the next time you come here. Wow.

And then you get really good. You know how to improvise and take it back to your material and improvise and take it back to your material and improvise. So I always like when people learn how to you know how to do you know how to improvise and improvise. I always like when people learn how to improvise. Like once you get stand-up down for two years and you're comfortable, go off the limb a little bit and learn that realm. And then after a while, you'll fine you or whatever. For years, I thought I was funny if I didn't write one up there.

Guess what? I had 40% good sets. And when you, at that point, were you taking, like, an improvised something and turning it into a joke? You were just going up. Improvise. Go up there and talk to the audience. Wow. That's crazy. Even to me having 40% good sets doing that is pretty fucking high. No, you want to be at 80, 90%.

You want one bomb out of 10. Oh, well, yeah, but with material, yeah. But if you're going up there with no plan and just being funny off the cuff and in front of an audience? Well, I was doing a lot of that shit at the Seattle Underground. on Mondays and Tuesdays. But then when I wanted to work Harvey's and all those other clubs, they were like,

you gotta do material, man. And there's some people who are really, really, really good at it. But you'll see after a while that, I don't know, I mean, Jeff Ross is good at it so I could be really wrong. You know, Hollywood just doesn't react to it after a while, you know, not Hollywood, but just there's too many people doing it. I don't want you to ever get in the habit of it, but I want you to know what you're doing.

Real quick, let me talk to these people about BetterHelp. I'll be right back, Lee. Hey, Uncle Joey here. Listen, the checking is brought to you by Better Help. You're saying, Joey, what's better help? Better Health is an online therapy that's very helpful for celebrating your strengths, working through your weaknesses, and learning to set boundaries and taking action in your life. I don't know what that means.

All I know is I was fucked up, and I contacted Better Help, and they put me with some woman and she taught me coping skills. I don't know nothing about weaknesses. I don't know nothing about learning to set boundaries. All I know is that, you know, I was fucking out there when the buses don't run. And they brought me back in.

Listen, better help is tremendous. Why? Because it's completely online. So you could talk to your therapist through video chat over the phone or by message. Whatever works for you. For me, I spoke what I want to see

who I'm talking to. What is this? Some bar. some, I don't even know. Just fill out a brief questionnaire. You get matched with a licensed therapist, and you could switch therapists at any time for no additional charge.

Listen, better help is here to help you. They're a great service. I believe in them 150%. Why? Because, you know, when I got here, I was getting flashbacks of Vietnam. I was, you know, people with chat. I don't know. I don't know.

But anyway, don't worry about me right now. I'm back because of better help. So celebrate the progress. you've already made. Again, I don't know what they're talking about. Visit betterhelp.com slash Diaz today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash Diaz.

Trust me. Better help is going to help you get there. You know how I know? Because they took care of Uncle Joey. And now without further ado, back to Lee Syed. All right. See, I don't even know what we were talking about.

I'll interrupt you, but I had to tell these beautiful people about that Better Help. and how they get a little help every once in a while, you know, shit happens and talk to people. Absolutely. You were talking about improvising, but I was also, I wanted to ask you,

I don't know if you've ever dealt with this, like, oh, the wrong reaction to your jokes. Like, some guy was very nice. He came both nights, but I'm kind of self-deprecating, is my style. And, like, he was, like, he, Like he would laugh, but he would also go, ah, a lot. And it was, like, it's not something I knew how to deal with.

I don't know if anyone's ever, like, had a weird reaction, like, a little wrong, not the reaction you were looking for to your joke. Was it his face or was he talking? He said it a couple times. He wasn't rude, but he would just, like, he, that was his reaction. I think he just, like, liked me. No, he was fucking rude. He was rude.

I'm not going to sit there and analyze each of your fucking, jokes. He was rude. And next time, don't pay him no fucking mind. Don't even look at the motherfucker. Look at him one time and then look the fuck away from because those people go out to ruin your night. That's some fucking snobby dude. That's some snobby dude that nobody invited him to dick. Not even his mother invited him all for dinner because he's so fucking annoying. So now he's going out of his way

to break somebody's balls who's trying to do something with their life. you know, it's like when I shot the thing in Chicago, that fucking kid, you kick him in the fucking face. I mean, it was horrible. He was hammered. He did not want to be there. And he was jealous that his girlfriend wanted to be there. Though she was 30 years younger than me.

I'm not going to hit on her. And she didn't want to. She just liked that whole group. There was a ton of girls I spoke to him on the road that came with their boyfriends. And they were the primary fan. It wasn't a lot. It was a lot of, that's why I always brought a woman to open for me. Because I had a lot of people, guys that would come.

A lot of women would buy tickets for their boyfriends. And I got three people, three guys going up. I got the whole room filled with women. So I would have a woman go up before me so they could get something too. Right. But every one's the while, it's a woman who wants to come. She watches Rogan. She watches whatever.

She knows what's going on and she wants to hang out, you know. And yeah, but I remember that couple fighting in your special. I can't believe that happened. It was horrible. It was fucking horrible. And there was a point where I was ready to fucking kick him. I could not believe

that you work so hard all your life to get a special for somebody to pay attention. And tonight is the night. Some fucking drunk shithead. wants to come and ruin your night because she bought tickets for herself but he didn't trust her

so he said I want to come why would you want to come if you don't like him well because and they come I learned that when Rogam was on Fear Factor that was one of the openers I saw that a lot it was a table of girls and there'd be one husband

that fucking loose and he'd be sitting there glaring I you, glaring at you, hating on you, hating on you. Well, what'd you do? Instead of fucking getting caught up, you just looked into the audience and made them laugh their ass off. So he hated you even more. You want his wife to go, isn't he funny?

And for him to go, boom. So that's how you work those dudes. Don't even look at them. Do your show, be as funny as can be. And after a while, you pay him attention. They're going to keep doing that. Right. Always talking to you and you don't talk back to them,

they're going to eventually stop. There was one time that I saw you deal with it. Like, it's probably like the best dealing with a heckler I've ever seen. It wasn't, and it was similar. Like, we were in Denver, and after every joke you did,

this moment went, yeah. And you just didn't react to it. Like, you know, she was not hiding it. She would laugh, but then she would like just do, yeah, like after every joke. And I don't think you said anything. I don't think you said one word to her. I was like, Jesus Christ, how does he handle that? Let them, listen, first off, when you're young, you want to battle the audience member.

Right. A bad habit to get into. Unless the guy throws something at you, a knife, a bottle, listen they like the shoes you know whatever if you get into with them you're going to get hot and the audience didn't pay there to see you get mad or to see you shut down the heckler for 20 minutes to say everything you know i don't go to your job and knock the dick out of your mind you know it's the same shit so i decided one day don't say nothing to them they go away on their own and after a while the laughter does

and after a while security just throws them out they were either drunk I saw one time when Joe was on Fear Factor we did Brea and do you remember the doorman at Brea was a real muscular guy I think so had a guy that was bald and he looked like a fucking door

I don't know if it was Brea or Irvine. Was it La Jolla? No no no it was an improv. It was an improv. It was an improv. He was an improv. He was a guy you could tell I mean this guy probably ate a box of steroids a day you know

he even had a heart attack years later he lived but he lost all the way he came to an improv and he was walking with a cane and it was bad oh shit yeah he was fucking big at one time a little too big and he was tough

and I opened up it's probably online God damn it even when I turned the phone off I get these fucking things. I don't understand. I'll figure it up for you. Yeah, I got to turn it off on the computer. And now, all day I don't hear from these fucking losers.

And now at 8 o'clock at night, they want to fucking be my friend. Get the fuck out of here, stupid motherfuckling. So when I got up there, this guy was already being a problem. He was being a problem with Ari was up there. Ari was opening and I was the feature act. In fact,

if you go online, you'll find the video. it's not some somebody taped it and they attacked me for going off on the guy and it was probably that tape that made me go i get it now instead of argue with them and then i would see other comments get into an argument with and it just shuts the show down right it does it's awkward it's conflicts to show now you got to work from zero again now i'm in the bottom of the grave and i got to dig myself up to the top you know it's it's you know it's whatever they're expression you're use but I remember I went off on the fucking guy and finally Joe went up and he went after Joe and that's when it got ugly I mean the security guard came and choked him and he was yelling police brutality and they beat him up outside and as I walked outside the wife looked at me and she goes this happened like six weeks ago at a different comedy show then why would you bring up for another fucking comedy show?

Jesus Christ, he goes to different... That's one thing. I normally don't get like heckle-heckled, but I don't like that. It's just a crazy thing. Some comics invite it and I don't get it. Like that's like my worst nightmare. I don't want to get heckled.

Look, everybody's different. Everybody's looking for a different... Like I said, what did you learn tonight? What did you learn tonight? I learned that I went after a heckler and he left. And I'm better. Think about, is this business or is this a fucking rep? There's a thing called, whatever, that challenge, what's it called?

They used to do it at the store where you tear each other up upstairs on Tuesday night. Roast battle. Roast battle. Go to a roast battle. I actually had that written down. Have you ever done, like, roasting jokes? No. No?

Okay. No. I think it's always been fucking stupid. I don't want to get into a fucking argument with nobody. Because they're going to take it somewhere, but I'm going to take it somewhere. that I'm going to take it somewhere and it's not going to be fun for either for him or for me.

Maybe I'll say something to get under his skin or he'll say something to get under my skin because there's a thin line. You know what I'm saying? There's like a thin line. And then somewhere along the, I remember years ago, they were doing a series about that.

It was, I was fucking Ralph. If you look at early Ralphie, he did a series. Oh, okay. Remember where I think one of the girls, Jody, went off on Ari because of his nose and shit, I didn't want to do it. I didn't get it. I don't like roasting celebrities. Not that Comedy Central always asked me, but I don't, I didn't like doing that shit.

No roast. I like stand-up. I'm a stand-up fucking comic. You know? That's it. It's that fucking simple. And that's what you define as your. as you're getting into the business.

You know, I was, when I did the podcast with Joe, I told him, I said, there's going to be a time when I just want to do stand-up again. There's not going to be any podcast. There's not going to be any acting for like a year or two. I just want to write and perform. 10 minutes a week, 20 minutes a week, just to see what it was like to put all your attention

and to stand-up, you know. With the social media and the videos and everything, Somewhere along, and I told Joe, even with the sponsors, somewhere along the line, you forget what you got into this for. This is the reason why years ago, 30 years ago, Bill Hicks went after fucking Jay Leno. And he said that Jay Leno should get a gun and shoot him, stick it in his mouth and shoot himself and blow the back of his brains on the NBC peacock. You know, and you think about that. I remember going to Houston one time and a bunch of young comics

like, oh, fuck that, man, you do commercials. Like, I got an addiction. I got a fix. Money at $100 a set. You know, I don't have a rich mommy and dad like you motherfucker driving up here with new jeeps and shit. You know, it's different for everybody. I didn't do commercials because I wanted to.

I did commercials because they fucking paid. And I got insurance. of it, you know. I really enjoyed doing movies and TV, certain projects. I really enjoyed... When were the last time you... When were the last time you did only stand-up? 1997.

Fuck. So from 91 to 97, I didn't get head shots until 95. Never. Just focused. Just focused on stand-up. Writing, stage. Writing stage. Writing stage.

Writing stage. There was no, nothing else, there was no distractions. And that's why when I'm writing this book about stand-up, I have to make it clear that you could take all the pictures with funny comics that you want. You go to all the award shows. You could, you know, you could do all the shortcuts you want. But at the end of the day, all they're going to give a fuck about is the one thing.

Because once that gets up, then everything, else gets noticed. And some people have a lot of success with videos and stand-up. You know, Eric Alessandro is great with that stuff. I love Eric's videos. Have you watched Eric Elanro's videos? I don't know if I have.

He makes the best videos any comedian can fucking make one. That can end up a big time director someday. Comedy is just a stepping stone fan. If he doesn't direct in 10 years, he's going to be In 15 years, I call he directs a big movie.

That's going to be his path. He makes these little videos that are tremendous. And he's getting popularity from him. And he writes and he performs and he goes on tour, you know. But it's some people, I don't want them to get. I see a bunch of comedians at my level, a little that came like five or six years after me. They're trying to go to award shows. They hire a publicist.

and they go to all these Latino women and this and that. Look, that gets you nothing because the people that go to those things are all looking for the same thing, a fucking handout. So if that's what you think your career should be doing, what would you rather do? Go do three sets in L.A. or go to an award show

and sit there and dream of being next to Brad Pitt, you know, and hopefully get into the back or go to a party. Yeah, you can pay your publicist $3,000 a month, and she'd get you those. You're not going to get to Elton John's party. Right. But you're saying to some kid that plays, you know,

I don't know, one of these fucking terrible shows and he's like the eighth lead. He'll have a party and they'll let you in there. You know, it's just so weird when it became, what I saw, the waste. You know, I enjoyed just doing stand-up. But I enjoyed podcasting. I really fucking did, you know.

now it's going somewhere different all of a sudden. You know, it's changing. It's going to shorter podcast. It's, you know, so it's very interesting. Even for you and me, sometimes I sit there and I go, it was completely different when we started. It was so different, you know. And now the people got in it and they just, I don't know,

it's weird now. Everybody's got a podcast. And I ain't mad at nobody. It's the way it is. was a different market when we got in. There was only 10 drug dealers on the block. Now there's dealers everywhere. There was only...

And not all of them. Huh? I was going to say, not all of them, but like, some of the biggest podcasts are by famous. Like, there were no, like, the most famous person who had a podcast was Kevin Smith when we started. Yeah. And, and now, like, there's so many podcasts hosted by,

movie stars. And it's just This week I'm in Vancouver At the House of Comedy with Josh He's filming a special Oh shit Yeah I'm doing shows on Friday He's filming on Saturday

But I'm going up on Friday and Saturday At the House of Comedy You have shows on Friday? Yeah And Josh is filming a special on Saturday So make sure you go to that one Two shows? I think so, yeah

Good, good See that's the other thing now Comics have freedom again with specials. Everybody wanted a Netflix special. Everybody wasn't going to get a Netflix special. A lot of people didn't. And it stopped people from growing. They're like,

I got to shoot a special. I'm waiting for Netflix. Shoot your own shit. Break it down to seven minute routines. You know, it doesn't have to be fucked. That's great now. You could shoot one of these with a fucking iPhone. Straight on you. Connect yourself to a mic, get your buddy

to come down with the soundboard. You want it to sound. I wanted to like Richard Pryor. One of his albums or fucking, you know, something by Paul Mooney early. You know, I wanted to sound like a red fox. I don't want it to sound like everybody makes their shit sound today because then you're not different.

You're the same fucking, you know, it's a different world, my friends. And then you're going up on Wednesday, you think? If her recital gets over? Well, Tuesday is the recital tonight. Got it. Okay. So tonight, it's 6.30.

I think it starts at 7. You know, we're not going to get out until 8.30. And then 8.30, if I drive an hour, it's, I'm walking up to go do a set in an open mic and bump people or whatever. I don't want to do that. I want to get there early, talk to some of the comics, you know. I don't want to get there in a rush.

Like, I'm Johnny Gumbar and just, you know, would you like to go on stage? No, I came here to fucking call my... I love it, buddy. It was good to talk to you. It was good to talk to you, man. And we'll talk tonight or tomorrow. Absolutely.

Talk later. All right. Have a good night. Thank you, brother. Thank you for watching the show tonight. To check him with Uncle fucking Joey and Lee Syatt. See you's cock suckers next week. And now for the ad of the week.

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