The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - The CHURCH: BEST OF ARI SHAFFIR, VOL. 1

Episode Date: June 19, 2023

Best of Ari Shaffir on THE CHURCH:   197 - Aired - 7/22/2014 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhJxoz26Oy8&t=1s   221 - Aired - 10/14/2014 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhx8N0ksMyw&t=311s   249 - Aired - 1/19/2015 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6w5Nprnldr4   362 - Aired - 7/13/2016 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ho-7h1kqZkk   489 - Aired - 6/12/2017 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD5ZGOaO-NQ   This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT!   Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH

What's up, my little brother? Come on, you're on with your hour? Yeah, you're flying back out to Montreal, my brother? Yeah, I'm going today. I'm on the show tonight. So you got, you're up there for three weeks. There's Ari Shafiel in the line, by the way, for everybody who's wondering. Oh, everybody.

Minds the business. What was last weekend? The last weekend was the Dirty Show? Last thing the Dirty Show is Slatting and Batalo and Metzger. And then, um... Did you say Slayton? Slayton, yeah. How was he?

He's worried about his future. He's really worried. Did you torture him a little bit? Did you torture him a little bit? Sorry to torture him, but then he always started. He knows him right now. He's like, you know, he's like, you know, he'll come. Like, uh, I try.

I was like, you know, a little bit. I guess, nah, you're, you're, you're on just a pot head. I know now. He's smoking him so good. Oh, I still, you know what? He tried to friend me on Facebook. Me and Ralphie was sitting here. Ralphie fucking did the podcast.

and let the cat out of the bag on the podcast how I used to torture him and shit and somebody else asked me about it how I used to tell him I put it under his fucking milk container and he'd say where the fuck is it? I don't know it's under a milk container Jesus Christ my daughter stole it

and he told him the first time I went it was so great when you told him like hey Ari Ari did a lot of blow he's got a package coming for him he was friendly with me and he was extra he looked at me all weird he said, where you going?

I was nothing. I got some friends we're going to meet. Oh, are you going to meet him later? There's a difference, man. Calm down. You get so into it. Oh, he's a great guy, man. The reason why I want to have Yon for this is because

I've been in what's called the conundrum the last couple was. Because you have, this is not happening now, but it's going from the internet to prime time TV on Comedy Central. Prime Time TV. Yeah.

11 o'clock at night. Prime fucking time, brother. This is a show that started for five bucks at the fucking improv backroom. On a Tuesday night. You're the first one. At Thursday nights, me, Mark Maron. Remember, we all did that fucking one show over there?

Yeah, yeah, all, Pegged Bill. Steve A.G. Yeah, that's when I told the Pink Floyd thing, but it's so weird that it all started, and now it's on a television, and you called me. I'm going to do one of the episodes in September at the Cheetah. We're going back for the Cheetah.

And it's so weird This writing This writing fucking process Has just been I don't know Ari This has really changed me Well it's kind of fun to be like Just to sort of think about those things

Sometimes I don't even think about those times Until I get a topic And then I start wondering what happened I call my high school friends sometimes I was like hey Did I ever get into it You know Whatever the topic is that would have

If anything happened I'm remembering and then remind me of stories. I'd be like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We thought that's toothbrush up our ass. That's right. Whatever it was. It's just fun to relive those days and stuff.

And it's so funny. Like, whenever I do those things, I usually think about it, I make little notes. And then I make calls. I'll try to call people who were around me at that time. And I go, remember that time? And I go, yeah, didn't you fucking, whatever? Like, I called my uncle.

because I wanted to get the whole funeral thing You know I called my uncle And we talked like an hour And he was like Let me tell you something And all my fucking 74 years I never saw a crazier funeral than your mother's And that's what happened

He goes, do you remember the first night? And I go, no And he goes, you don't remember the first night With Zerrida How she had the fucking owner by the neck And three people had to break him apart And I go Oh my God

Yeah That's right It was the open night, all white people came to that one. That was the all white one. Like everybody from the neighborhood came, their parents, the kids from the neighborhood. I was never so embarrassed in my life, Harry. Because, because Zerai didn't go off on the afternoon one.

You know, they usually have a two to four viewing. Then they have, you know, a four to seven or six to nine. A Cuban wake is 24 hours for five days. because that's how he did them in the old country. You put the body in your house, and people just came to your house. So this funeral- Like, Chescu, like a fucking, like dictator?

Yeah, like in your living room. In the old days, when you died, there was no funeral parlors. They put you in a casket, and they put you in the living room. And then people came over, and they drank, and they, whatever they did,

they pissed on you, and they went fucking home. No big deal. So they wanted to have, he wanted to have that same Cuban feeling in this Cuban funeral parlor. It's called Rivera funeral. Paula still in North Bergen. It's a different owner though. The guy made millions and got the

fuck out of it. And I'll never forget that the first day at the funeral, man, not the two to four one, but the seven and nine, I'm a young kid. I'm still in shock that my mother died. I'm having a conversation with some kids about basketball, and all of a sudden I'm hearing in Spanish, mecau, con you tomorrow, that means fuck your mother. I'm going to kill you and shit. And I go on the other room is the rioters got the fucking owner by the throat and there's three people and she's pointing at him and she's yelling at him and I go what's going on and and she told me that she my mother didn't have the right dress on and I remember thinking about that going who gives a fuck she's dead do you think she's worried about what dress she's she's fucking dead you know but

just uh and I know my uncle saying that there was uh they did like some santa ria stuff the first day at the the funeral I didn't remember this either and he goes that the day they buried it they still hadn't cleaned that water up and that the water tipped over in the jar in the limousine and at the limousine drive i do remember that pulled over and couldn't drive because the water so the santa ria water was the santa ria water had like chicken blood in it and all this goat blood and shit they had killed all these animals and it was in there mixed with feathers and shit and the fucking thing that you're supposed to throw it in the hole with it and the thing tipped over and the fucking limel

smelt like the limo driver had to pull over he couldn't drive he couldn't drive he kept puking this was fucking the funeral from fucking hell people were drinking people were doing blow I remember the first time they ripped out like a bottle of pinch because my mother drank pinch

so they ripped out a bottle of pinch which is like a whiskey and the funeral was like guys you cannot drink at my funeral I would lose my license and they just looked at them like you better get back in that fucking room We're going to drink.

So all these things I got from my uncle. I remembered the one night. That was the night that always stayed with me. But back to what we're talking about here, it's just amazing, Ari, what you've done with this. Because I don't worry about shit. I usually, when I write a joke, I write a joke, and I put it out there whether they like it or not,

it's a joke to me. And just by the sound of it, you know whether you're going to keep it or not. You know? This is something that we get to put out, one time we really get to practice exactly one time pretty much and then you're done and then you're done you get to practice it a little bit you know but not really because people look at you we're at a comedy show why are you telling me about your dead fucking mother you can work about a comedy because it gets weird sometimes yeah I tried doing it the other night people were like

where the fuck are we going with this shit joey so I'm gonna have to have lee uh tape me in the fucking here and we'll send it to you and see what you think but it's just really weird are Man, it's just, I like writing jokes. It's pretty cool, isn't it? It's like fucking 12 people in the audience. I'm moving to TV. Pretty cool. With no booze.

That's right. There's no booze in that. You couldn't bring booze in. You can get booze next to it. The first two or three of them, we had no booze. And then after that, you put a name on it. Somebody showed up and you moved it to the big room. And there was no looking back after that.

Yeah, they were getting mad because the line-ups was so good. And they were like, what do you have fucking joking? Diads and Bill Burr and Jim Jeffries in this and a little side room for five dollars I'm like I don't know it's a room you gave me you're going to book suckers just because you gave me a small room I'm gonna do that yeah let me ask you some of these stories when you're thinking about some of these stories like your sex ones do you fucking get fucked up for a few days like that you did these things like I always do yeah sometimes sometimes I just know it I have trouble sometimes with an ending

like a tied all together. And like, you know, there's no real beginning or ending to a story. I mean, like, even that funeral, it's like it doesn't begin at the funeral. It begins you and your mom were close. You know, it begins way before. So it's like at what point you started, what point do you end it? It's pretty cool, like, learning the process. Even if I'm watching other comics, too, you learn a lot.

You know, I watched all the series. I watched Rogan, I watched Moshekosh. I watch, I don't even know some of the fucking names Come on, Jean. And it's really interesting. It's really interesting the different styles of storytelling there are also. Yeah, DJ can totally even than you are.

Yeah. But then, you know, other people, CJ, or whoever, jump at. Yeah, it's cool. It's like there's no right way. So people just do it however. Do you go up and write it the same way you write jokes? Well, both of you are.

Like the same process. When he sit down and write a joke because of the same, like the same way you go and write, like, to write a story. Because the point of it isn't to be funny, like, in a way, so I don't know if it's a different process. Yeah, it's less. It's like, it's like,

you know how Annie Hall is a comedy, but it's not as many jokes as fucking Happy Gilmore. Okay. You know? So it's like, it's slower. But, yeah, so you don't think as much about comedy, because it can be serious moments

and there can be, like, like, you can plot, You can't just do a punchline every five seconds. Set some stuff up. But people will go with it. The first time I saw one really good was Ralphie Mae. I was working a cover booth in the OR, the Comedy Store. And it was just shitty night.

Nobody's doing that well. And Ralphie Mae was on for like three minutes, four minutes. He goes, you know what, you guys not in A audience. They're not getting my A jokes. I'm giving my B jokes. And then he started doing this story about the first time he met Sam Kinnison. I want some contact when he was a 17-year-old. And Kennedy was doing key bumps in front of him,

and the 17-year-olds, like, what the fun he didn't know what was happening. And, man, I'll tell you, you can watch on that coverbook. Everybody was from the edge of their seat. You know, like, interested in what he was saying. It might not have been, like, as funny as Ralphie usually is, like punch, punch, punch. But, man, it was interesting. You get everyone's attention in a certain way. I was in the bathroom.

This old guy next to me farted at the urinal. and like when I was like 10 I was in the bathroom with my best friend and Wendy's this old guy farted and we both died laughing and we ran to the parking lot he saw us and I saw

and this guy farted next to me the year wrote the movie theater today and it took all my strings it's fucking crazy it's funny when you fart I blasted a fart in the bathroom airport bathroom about a month ago

everybody freaks of that. Everybody. It was a long one. I was at the urino at the end of the P. When you're fucking uranus, you're tightening it up and shit, and I blasted one, a long one. And people looked at me, I thought that's where you blasted farts. But I guess not.

I guess not. Oh, my. I guess you got to blast them in public. I did one from the bathroom this weekend, and Paula started laughing because my bedroom was not that far from my bathroom. I had this big fart, and she just started laughing. I thought that's pretty cool. What else you do all weekend? Not much. We had her mom's birthday dinner

And then we picked her up Saturday Went to the gym Watch some TV Watch Patriot Sunday They win? Yeah Everybody happy Bill Belichick good

Yeah I was good I mean I was just I was worried because the bills I was worried we're gonna lose But it looks like we're getting better Beautiful I don't like having

The bills The bills We're doing pretty well And we were tied for first What? Yeah It's only six games into the season You can get them started

He's a cowboy thing. Ortiz has testosterone. Ortiz has testicular cancer. David Ortiz. You hear that today? No. Yeah. Yeah.

Now who did the Cowboys beat up on? Seattle Seahawks. They smacked the fuck. They went right at fucking Sherman. They took it to him. They played like men. That's how you do it. Yeah.

A couple freak plays. A punk got blocked for a touchdown and something else happened. Some fumble for a touchdown. And they still came right back in fucking last minute drive. Romo wasn't. Romo. Amazing. Five and one.

They're going to make the playoffs, man. The first, I was done. I thought six and ten this year. Look at you. Look at the bull. They're going to break my heart again. They're going to break my fucking heart again. Week 17, like they always do.

Unbelievable. I, of course, went to Denver. The improv. Very nice. Very nice, nice people. I want to thank everybody that came out. I had a great time. Metal Brad 420 brothers.

This fucking. The blunt of death? Grand. to death, which we're going to spark up after the show tonight. All Alien O.J. And make a video of. At the time, Lee, he'll be passed out.

Like the girl in 16 candles. I had three quarters of an edible of a brownie today. Oh, well, you're going deep tonight. We need some milk with this. What fucking milk? What's got to clouthing. Bringing out milk to jelly is, like, bringing up ranch dressing. Why?

No, chocolate milk. How about chocolate milk? I love chocolate. Let's get some chocolate milk and car our throats. Where are we going to get chocolate milk? 7-11. No, there's no 7-11 around. Yeah, we're dead.

There's 711 everywhere. Where? This looks like Bodecaville out here. There's no something around here. There's 711 10 blocks that way. Oh, yeah. Lowell Canyon. Oh, yeah.

But there's one off of Burbank. Where? Oh, that's right. You know there's no 7-Elevens in Dayton, Ohio? How come? I don't know, because it can't support it. They can't support it. There's no 7-Elevens on all of Dayton.

The closest one is fucking Columbus. Where'd you fly out of? Dayton. Oh, they have a local airport. Yeah, international airport. Tremendez. No, Denver is very nice. Dayton's flying.

That's where fucking Wright brothers were after North Carolina. I don't know. Look at the pictures. You learn something new every day. After the pictures of the airport. Denver was very nice. I was very impressed with it. It was, uh, I hadn't been to do comedy in a long time like that, like by myself.

How long? Decade? Ninety-four. Wow. 20 years. 96 was the last. I went into the Tribble run. I did Craig.

I did, uh, Craig. Somewhere up close to Aspen and whatever. it was Saturday night. That's the last time I was dating the girl named Carol when I found the alone phone her asshole. And I fucking took her with me. I was a nightmare. It was a fucking nightmare. I'm sure she loves

that that's how you remember her. I still talk to her. She's getting married. She's getting married. And I asked her two weeks ago. I said, let me ask you something. Does he know how many dicks you son? And she's like, now? And he's not going to know. Okay. He thinks like your breath is fucking minty because that's

gum. He doesn't know that. That's fucking you probably got fucking testicular fucking nut sack cance in your mouth that tastes like fucking peppermint juice or whatever to fucking taste. Well, you guys got to get me on that type of stuff. Tell them what you ate on Thursday. What are you? The Chechiron burrito and the tater tots. Listen, listen.

There's certain places that you go to. Yeah. Like Ari and I went to Denver one time. Uh-huh. First thing we did was we walked around the corner and we got green chili. Yeah. At that place. Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's it. That's it, listen, that's it. That's it for Denver. You don't go to Denver, they get a steak or a cheeseburger. They have an Italian hero. Listen, stop it, stop it. You walk into a place, you look at the menu. If they got the port green chili soup, you walk in there,

and you go, let me get a fucking cup of soup. Don't ask, if it's spicy, don't ask. Just bring extra tortillas, and then you decide. If it's good, bring the cup. If the cup is good, then go all out. Then get whatever you want, but you're going to smother it with the green chili. Because it'll be good. Yes.

So the first thing I did was because they have, what people don't know, or some people do know, is that they have different kind of Mexican foods. The food you get in San Diego is different than the food you get in L.A., but it's completely different than the food you get in the southwest. Dallas? No. New Mexico. New Mexico, Colorado, Utah, Santa Fe.

Santa Fe. That's what they have. They have green chili. When you go to Texas, it's Texark. mechs. Chewis, Papacitos, all that way, the queso and all that stuff. So you have three different areas, maybe even four. I don't know what the other one might be.

Don Carlos was talking about that. I said it some truck went by and said, authentic Mexican food. He goes, dang, authentic Mexican food. He goes, they ain't any authentic Mexican food. I make fucking San Diego garbage Mexican food. That's what that guy makes too. He's like, be honest about it.

Well, it's been a hybrid. It's been Americanized. But they're still. have, there's a lot of things that are very, you know, uh, tacos, a fucking tacos. But they fuck it up in the East Coast.

I've never, I like Hart Shell. They're, no, they're not bad. I'm just saying it's not the same. And like, when I moved here,

I had never tried, like, a taco with cilantro and onion. When my, my mom made, like, no. Oh, I can't deal with that.

No, no, no, uh-uh. East Coast hasn't had fucking Mexican food since Jesus left. I know. It's so weird. It's horrible. Just they didn't migrate.

And even the ones that migrate, the good Mexican food in the East Coast, you have to pay for it. It's $19.95 a dish for like, you know, two enchiladas and a bean taco. And North Bergen has one. I grew up.

North Bergen, it used to be Gregory 7th and a weekend. That's waste. Then they have an upscale one in Fort Lee, which is a tequila bar. But my friends go, and they're like, bro, we drop 60, 80 bucks every time we go in there. I don't understand that.

I was telling Paula last night, we were walking by this place on Ventura, and it was like a fancy Mexican place, and the best Mexican food are tacos and enchiladas. It's garbage food. At its heart, it's garbage food. So don't fucking doll it up too much. Just eat it as it is.

But there's good fucking Mexican. Yeah, yeah, there's good and bad. See, I like the stuff in San Diego, the stuff by the comedy store, the rosaritas, by the Denny's. Right by PB, the barring, all that shit. Behind that's open 24 hours. What's the place on Western? It's so good. The restaurant?

Yeah. It's a restaurant. Yeah. The one on Western is the one, El Cholo. El Cholo. Man, that place is good. That shit. make the guac right at your table, the spicy guacamole.

Oh, shit. And the margaritas there. Yeah. I used to cater. We and Josh Bulf used to cater for them. And the main thing wasn't the money. It was to take a gallon of those margaritas. You always told the help.

We were out of margaritas. What were you wanted three gallons? They're out. These motherfuckers drink like fish. And, meanwhile, you got one in the trunk. When you poked up a gallon of that fucking margarita juice that they have down there. Was it hot, though? In the trunk?

Who gets a fuck? You put on ice in an hour. You take it an hour. I know, but still. No, you just put in the car and you fucking leave it back there. You cater at night. Come on, Lee, use your fucking head. I've never catered.

Yeah, so you put the fucking thing in the truck. They have ice in there from the catering. You can tell them whatever the fuck you want. We're all out. Let me see all three of them. Okay, whatever. So we take the fucking gallon home with us, and those margaritas are delicious, and they will fuck you up. So if you're a margarita fan, you're a Mexican food fan, El Cholo, and Western Boulevard,

and Western, delicious. past Olympic, I think, maybe? Yeah, yeah, it's not that bad. It's not that price. It's not that price. You'll pay like 12, 13. That's it. You can have a great time.

It's authentic. It's fuck. They had blue corn tortillas or whatever. The blue tortillas won, like, two months a year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a good date place, too. No, it's been that much with authentic. Yeah, the margaritas.

In Boulder, it was a place that you had three margaritas and they cut you off because they made them with grain alcohol. What? So you didn't even taste the fucking the grain alcohol. Oh, you are. Ha, ha, ha, ha. and next to you know, paham.

Fucking delicious. And at lunchtime they had dollar margarita's little ones. So people go in there and get fucking lit. I used to go and eat the black beans

were the best in there. They had a mix of like refried beans and black beans. Just delicious. But all that stuff is, you're right, it's not authentic.

It's like Taco Bell with the chalupa. Ask a Mexican what a chalupa is and who look at you and go, I have no idea. Right. Because they didn't invent it.

That's something, it's like Chabata bread. That's not Italian. That's some fucking Gentile. So let's be different. Really? Yeah. Ask what Italian. Fucking about Chabata bread.

Well, they may call it something else, but that's garbage. I hate that shit. I hate Chabada bread. Really? Yeah. I love it. You know, I heard sushi is not that huge in Japan. I heard that's like not, like, I always sounds like the main dish.

It's different. It's different. It's like fucking, like, dirty birds and shit. You eat dust and, and, seeds and sea clams and shit and your fucking fish has been stabbed and they throw it back in the water. Yeah.

So you see where the knife wound was, shit like that. You know, shit like that. That's what it's different, but it's freshly. This was later. What was this reinvention, Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club band? What was that supposed to be about? I have no fucking idea.

It was so long ago. But the cover is tremendous. Yeah, so much in there. The cover is tremendous. They got the flowers and it's shaped like a guitar and it says Paul's dead. Oh, it says that on? Remember they played the whole trick in the United States

that Paul McCartney was dead. dead and these fucking saps fell for it but it was tremendous marketing yeah they didn't know at the time that was the most brilliant marketing that ever fucking ran it played i'm the walrus backwards and it says all that crazy i just started getting vinals and a couple of them had really cool like artwork and then i got a steve martin when it had a set list in the on the back it was pretty cool i never had any about set list that's a cool thing to put on you it was a photocopied set list on like a car on the back of like a cardboard uh headshot it was pretty cool yeah i someone got me one It's like kind of a thing now

to get back into vinyl But somebody got me a vinyl So I got your Bill Cosby With the pill in it I came with a film I got a whole bunch of Cosby albums For Steve Simone got me gift And got me a whole bunch of albums

I'm like a nickel now I wonder if they're I wonder if any of the sets Or the Spanish Fly sets That's gonna be fucked up if it is He does do a set about Spanish Fly I mean I remember hearing about that in camp But when you see him say it now

After all that stuff is out I'm Larry King You're like Uh Spanish Fly That was big when I was growing. That was big. I don't even know if it worked.

A guy left Spanish Fly's Gullke apartment. He went into the grocery store. His girlfriend found it. He found it. Came back. She was dead, humping the fucking stick shit. My friend, the Olsons, he gave it to his grandmother to see if it worked. We all chipped in.

We gave him to his grandmother. You poisoned your friend's grandmother? Not me. He poisoned his own grandmother. He didn't poison her. Set her free. He just set that bitch free and shit. In fact, it's his birthday today.

Mike Olson. He's 54. I stayed in Facebook. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? A beautiful day to be alive. I had a very fucking interesting evening. Weekend evening, had a great morning. I went, I had fungi.

I still got fungi under my toenail. So I got a laser-fucking beamed off. If you got fungi under your toenail, go get it laser beamed off. It is fucking tremendous. Everybody wants to live in the future. Here's your fucking chance. They shoot laser beams right in your toes.

They got a hose with water with ice in it. And they condense it. I don't know what the fuck they do. When they blow down on your toes to freeze them, then they beam it because it gets hot. Every once in a while, you're like, ah! And it burns, and you can smell your fungus and your toenail frying in the fucking air.

It's only 10 minutes. I've got to go today, and I've got to go next Monday, and the Monday after that, and I've got to rub some fucking malucca juice. When do you start getting fungus in your toes? Fucking 10 years ago. And then what does it do? Stinks?

It pushes your toenail out, and the fungi develops underneath. And so what is it? So you ever see people that have a fucking fucked-up toenail? It hangs over when you go to the pool. That's what it looks like. I cut it. I keep it good and I paint it.

I try this Wahili and a jujitsu. I put a fucking band-aid on it, but it always falls off. Paint it. And people see that fucking infested fucking toenail. I would give somebody a 50 to sniff it. Just sniff that motherfucker. No way.

Put that big old toe in your nostril and take a big old fucking like it was... A liquor sniff. Does it smell? Yes. It smells. It doesn't smell like you don't smell. the air. But sometimes late at night I'll cut the toenail.

Underneath it smells, yeah. Underneath it smells hard. When you let that, it's like a toe jam, but a little tougher. And you're spinning around your finger, and then you put that ball on your counter. And you wake up in the morning, you smell that ball, you almost fucking die. That's disgusting male shit. Sometimes I'll do that. I'll dig underneath the toenail, like, like, off here, and then I'll dig if that's a toenail like that, and then smell what's left. Oh, it's horrible. Twit that will lie. People know. I'll tweet them. They don't know. I forgot the shit.

Welcome to the church. I did something this weekend that was completely out of my fucking character. I drove two hours for the Jitsu tournament. Two hours? On the five. On a Saturday. To watch one? Yeah, at three o'clock and at two in the afternoon I decided me and my Evan John Evan. No, man. You know, I don't do much. And people come to the shows and stuff

and I always feel guilty. I don't go to enough things like that. Like how could. At this point in my life, I could have some experiences. I can sit there for a basketball game or football game. You went to a Laker game. Watch a Laker game. You know, you experience it. But I can't go watch stand-up or improv comedy.

I'll go watch a play if somebody knows of a good play in Hollywood. You know what I thought of on the way here? Let's go see that Angela Lansbury play. I wonder if she's still good. I heard she's freaking really good. I mean, she's been an actor for 75 years. It's right there, right on the... Probably somewhere around there.

Probably take it's on expense. I want to see if you can get better. with you when you're that older. It's a cross in the W. It's a cross in the W. Yeah, yeah. They say it's a great, the Pantages.

The Pantages. The Pantages. It's across the W. It's a great fucking, and listen, bro. The older they get, the better they get. I wonder.

If they stay sharp at their 70s, they can be a fucking powerhouse. Murder Shabert was in, like she was old then. That was a long time ago. How she's still alive? Those people take care of yourself.

What do you think? Lee, how was your weekend? I was your weekend. Did you see Billy Crystal's news? thing. It's not, like, it's like a one-man show. Comedians? On comedians or something? No, well, no, yeah, they give him a new show, which it's probably going to be terrible, but his HBO special,

like, 300 Sundays or whatever. Yeah. With his dad, it was like, half stand-up, half-one-man show with, like, pictures and stuff. It was pretty cool. Yeah. Half stand-up, half-one show, no lefts. Not again. No, it had laughs. I mean, his entire audience is, like, 90-year-old. Billy Crystal has a precise audience.

My mom loves him. And they're older Jews, and they go, and that's their pride of joy. Really? They dress up. They spend a little bit. They even take an extra 20 out of the ATM. They live it up when Billy Criss. There's just some Jews that Jews go out for and live it up. Like they make Jews proud.

And you don't know until you go. Like I see it because I'm a non-Jew. So when I go, like when I went to see Bet Miller, I went to see Bet Milder 30 years ago. How is she? Phenomenal do three hours. She'll do stand-up. She'll sing, she'll dance.

But it was filled with Jews who, for that night, they forgot they were Jews. That was a Super Bowl. Yeah. Like, you could tell. They were very. nice. You know, they won't smoke pot of nothing, but they'll giggle and

they'll turn their head. They'll smile and even the bed will loosen up a little bit. Like, holy shit. One of the first non-animated kids movies, like when I was a kid, one of the first movie, like actual adult movies I saw was Mr. Saturday night. My dad loved them. He had a movie star, right? Yeah. When Harry met Sally, he was massive. I forgot about that. He just seems like

a has-bit. What? How was he ever? The movie that isn't bad when he plays a cop. I don't know. With another black guy, with the the dancer. He plays a cop and they fucking, it's a Chicago movie. They're like Chicago cops. He did that like in the 80s. Billy Crystal's been

doing with the Cowboys. City Slickers. City Slickers. City Slickers. City Slickers. City Slickers. He did some good money. He did some good shit, Billy Crystal. City Slickers, Hermit Sally. There were some really good movies he was in, huh? My giant, I'll forget it. But at least it was that. Well, 300 Sundays is about him and his

love for the Yankees. For his father. For his father. What they did. That's what dads and sons do. He loves baseball. He loves baseball. games, you know. It's like a poor man's Woody Allen, though. I always saw him as that, just like the actor version of William. I never got to see any of Woody Allen's stand-up. Was he funny?

I don't know. I heard an album. I have no idea. I think so, but I don't know. He was like deadpanish. Yeah, deadpan. You know, like, very like, oh, they all wanted to be the crazy Jew. So what's the crazy guy at home?

Who's the crazy Jew? From the 60s, the reason why we're here. Lenny Bruce. If you watch that, the one I always talked to you, like a black and white one. That's one of my favorite pieces of stand-up, yeah. Yeah, man, because... I never seen any of that. Is it good?

Yeah, it is good. You catch it, and you're like, damn. Damn, look at this motherfucker. Jaze. Yeah, he was jazzy. He had a great rhythm to it. That's cool. But that was interesting.

I had never been to a jih Tornament before. Oh, yeah. I tell you what the most interesting thing was about it. What? That I don't feel bad being that fat in a jihitsu ghi no more. Why not? Because there was a ton of fat jujitsu guy. No, really, really?

And they're tremendous after a certain level. Like, after they hit a brown belt, they get bigger. Like, they get bigger and fat, like, with a strong fat. Yeah. And I saw this one black belt pull guard, and he almost ripped the other guy's shoulders off. Oh, because it's so big? He's so big. Like 300 pounds?

He just fucking pulled them out. Yeah, if you're going to move that much weight every day, you probably get stronger. You just get. It was very interesting to see them take that tops off. I mean, I went to see something else. I didn't go to see that. I just went to see a tournament in Neon Bellies and, you know, Blas and shit, that's it.

And I ended up picking that out. You see like eight fights going on at once? It was six fights at one. Chuck Norris was there. Oh, really? Ashton was there. The whole Machado family were there. All the graces were there.

I once the one with Tate in Long Beach. Yeah, they're fucking, I mean, I was, and I appreciate the jihitsu lot. Listen, when I was a kid, well, not when I lived in New York. Renato was there. What's the kid's name? The black kid. La Ranja was there. We hugged.

We had a great time. My friend, he was there. You know, when I was a kid, not when I lived in New York City and did karate, but La Roonjo's father. When I lived in Jersey, I got to say three years of my life. You had to go to three things a weekend with this karate. Gush and Guru karate where I went in Jersey. The guy's name was Kevin Norlander or something. And he was a Vietnam vet, but he was not all there.

Remember we talked about him? somebody called in and he goes he still teaches and he wanted you to go to three things a month you only have one sunday off a month or one saturday so he would check him off like you before you sent your application he would check him off so every month you went to the bronx that's what i did guys before i started smoking dope me and six idiots like you would get together at eight in the morning with our karate geese and we take a bus somewhere and we take a bus we go to an auditorium with each spar not with each other in a tournament we do four and then three of the six would take a gold or a platinum or whatever the fuck the metals are

and we'd go home once I started smoking pot I didn't want to be with those guys no more not that I didn't love them I was just too embarrassed they didn't get highly uh Ari all they did was do karate so these guys didn't understand that world so the more I got high the more I distanced myself from those guys which was my fucking I would have been a killer if I was those guys those guys were great guys, but that's what they did. And that's this lifestyle. 800 milligrams, 200, you know, me, I'm always ready to rock and roll.

So all the irregulars. So we take the irregulars and fucking, and sell them for 20 or the small 15. Me and Frankie would get like 12, 13 pairs. And after the third time we got caught. these dudes circled us and said, listen, you can't be doing this shit no more. This is our fucking angle.

What you could do is we'll buy him for us for five bucks. But me and Frankie in those days used to drive down there when he was 16 and a half. To the flea market? To the flea market in the Englishtown, New Jersey, which was a good fucking hour. And we listened to Bachman Turner

overdrive, that eight track. Over and over. We were going to go take care of business. You know what I'm saying? Me and him, we're going to go take care of. business is like a theme song. This was there. We were gangsters. We'd stop and get hot dogs. I remember we stopped and got White Castle. And at that age, I knew I couldn't eat White Castle. Why? Because I got such a bad headache. I couldn't leave the house the rest of the day.

That next Sunday I woke up and barked. I didn't eat White Castle again to high school. Too salty, maybe? Yeah, it was too much sodium. Also gross. Also gross. Oh, they're delicious. They're awful. Listen, those little white castles with cheese. steamed. Are you fucking kidding me with some fines? They were the worst things in the world. And a Pepsi. Listen, if right now, if right now we drove over to the one in the work again,

you are terrible. If it is not fresh out of the oven, and I mean like take it out and just throw it into your mouth. That's not that. What do you think we're going to do? You think I'm going to say it in for two years? But I'm going to tell you something. People take them to go? What? I'll tell you what. I guarantee you, I could be

right next to one. And I can get the three packets from Rouse. steam them and you won't know the difference. Did you know that? You get the three packets from around. There's a quarter of a week. That's the same. You're saying that's the same as...

So what you do is you take the fucking thing and you take a little pie pan and you fill it with like a half inch of water and put it under it. My friends do it all the time. We go over it. We're like, where the fuck do you get these white castles? And they go, listen.

If you listen to the people at Routts, they take to put them in the oven. That's not the way to do them. You got to steam them the way they do them. and you steam them? That's what I'm saying. Look, you think I eat that shit, but I'll tell you what, out of respect for New York City.

Every time I go to New York, I'd get two white castles and fry a diet Pepsi. Are we lying, and lead, and I'm not taking a white castle on 91st Street. You did? We did not eat on the corner like animals outside. We saw homeless people. The fries are good. They have really good fries.

The fries are good fries. You agree with me. The burgers. The garbage burgers. They're only for when you're drunk. The burgers, oh, God. See, here's the thing. What you like as a kid?

Because I didn't have my kids. I didn't even like them as a fucking kid. And I'm telling you, as an adult, you know what? They're a piece of America. Since 19. How old is White Castle? 19, fucking 15 or something like that. Out of respect, you got to go eat one.

And you never die. They always said there were horse meat, whatever. It's the same shit they give you and the shit I like as a kid that steak. That's your mafia meat, they always talk about. That's your mafia meat. It's White Castle. They have from a year. 1921.

1920 fucking one they've been serving food come on give me a fucking breather it's not it's not cuisine it's not arty mortons it's all like sheep butter it's what it's like it's like other me i'm talking how does it get so gross i don't understand i'll take it to the fucking one in the burgundy it's just beef right i get you a surfing turf don't knock your socks off all right the the burger with the with the fish patty oh it in white castle yeah oh it's a surf from turd It's kosher the whole thing.

Don't worry about nothing. Where the fuck you've been, Doug? I don't call, you don't write. Last time I saw you had a bald head and a leg, now you show up with hair. Yeah, I got to cut it again. A fucking broken leg. What is it with you?

You're like, you know, you're loving life, and I got to give you that much. You don't give a fuck. Yeah. And it doesn't matter. At the end of the end of you. You're single. You have no response.

disabilities you got apartment here you got an apartment there you got no car you said fuck it you got a bicycle that's all that bicycle key and that's it and that's it brother that's all who gives a fuck you got a show and come chase the son yeah chase the son listen man at the end of the week that's all that matters you're happy yeah having a good time and you're doing what you love doing your story comes out tomorrow i know on youtube the other story what you got to remind me for you know you don't know Yeah. We got to tell these people for. That's good.

I was watching it today. Lise, I, how are you feeling? I'm good. I had a fun day last week on Thursday. What did you do? I went to the beach for the first time ever in L.A. Did you? By you?

Yeah. Where? Where? Well, I was going, I was just going to go to Malibu because I don't want to fight the traffic to Santa Monica, but someone told me about Point Doom. And I went there and I was great. Well, June, yeah, I heard about that. It's kind of scary, though, because they have really steep stairs, and I was really high. So the stairs were kind of scary.

But other than that. It was all the water? Hell yeah. That was the best part. I went up and I went it all the way into my head. And fuck yeah. I like going all the way under. Really?

I haven't done that in fucking like 15 something years probably. How cold was it? It was really cold. Oh. Is everything out of those caves? I don't know. They had surfers. They probably did have caves because it was like you had to like climb down a mountain.

To get there? Yeah. Damn. But it was so fun. A lot of people then. No, there was, well, here's the thing. It's March, and it was like a weekday, so maybe they just

didn't have people, but there was no one. It was great. You know? Listen, I love the fucking beach. Who doesn't love the fucking beach? It's great. It's warm. I grew up on a fucking beach. Okay.

That's a great sound effect. What's that? That's ironic. The cops, the cops always around there. I'm not being a kid in the summers I fucking grew up right in Miami. I'd go down to Miami for three weeks, and the last week my mom would come down and we'd get a hotel with the family. I stayed with. She was a godmother to their daughter, and all those, you know, we'd stay on the beach for eight days, you know, and go out there.

I love the beach, but it's such a fucking chore when you live here. It is, but it isn't. Especially if you go to the 101 to the Malibu because the Santa Monica is going to be death. Why? Why death? The 405. Yeah. The 405 would just.

Yeah. There's no way. But in the other, the best part about it, I didn't say, I took my shirt off. I haven't done that ever. Hell yeah, man. I've never done it. It was great. I'm so white.

But like, I was always too self-conscious. But I was like, fuck it. Yeah. That's a fuck. Yeah. At the beach. At the end of the week, yeah, you got a little sun, a little vital. and dealing your tithies.

I got high and I, like, I, there's actually a spot because it got too cold. Yeah. So I climbed up the mountain and there's a spot you can just like look over the water. Like they have a like a lookout spot. And it was great and I just sat there

and like rode all day. It was like really fun. I spoke to you that morning. You sounded very enthusiastic, but at the same time you sounded very like you wanted to go out of your comfort zone. Like you were done.

Like you didn't want to sit around anymore. You just want to see you. I like it too much. So I'll do it all day if I could. Like I would. If I could never leave my house again, I would. That would be fine. But I wanted to try.

I live in L.A. I might as well go. And then you were right. Like you always told me to like get some son and just get out of the house. The house is the best. That's why I don't want to leave. Did you eat when you were down there? You just stopped when you got like a fish burger?

I wouldn't got a burger at like a place. Oh, fish tacos? But no, but that's, here's the thing. What? I normally wouldn't go to a place like that And I normally would I don't like eating alone So I would take it to go

But I stayed And I ended up talking to a guy And he told me about point doom I was just gonna go to a random beach So it's like I always It's terrible I hate being social

But it worked It did so that's why I'm trying to do it more I went into the beach in San Diego this weekend I went into the water With my crutches on I crouched out there I thought of everybody Did you bring a fucked up on

Putting on it? Did you bring your fucked up foot in that too? Yeah. You got some water on it? I got some water on it. The short water heals it with the oil. You just dig in.

You just dig in. I fell down a couple times just standing up in the regular ocean. How did you? Three legs. Once those waves come, no more than you. And I had two stars in me

with two of the red ones. It wasn't really anything. But I kept thinking, like if I died, I was going to be like the first person to like get blamed for weed. But it wasn't that. Like, it was just,

I only went up to my waist and then I just dug under when the waves came, dude. It was so much fun. I miss going to the beach a lot and I was doing it a lot before Mercy came. Me and my wife were going down there

twice a month of the beach. Remember I fell and I got a hole in my leg and I got hit by the rock down there. I was going to the beach a ton. Once my daughter came on when she gets car sick, either way. Whether we take the 101, to fucking, you know, the other way down Santa Monica

with all the curbs, you know, you get off. What the fuck do you get off on sunset? Topanga? Yeah, no, no, no. We used to get off the 405 to sunset and then get off and make it right and go down that that way. I guess the straightest way would be the 405 to the 10.

We used to go to that beach, and then, no, no, both ways you get sick, so we stopped going. Fuck it. I love the goddamn beach. You know, the Jersey Shore, all that shit. But we were talking about. about something that you didn't fucking know about.

Oh, man, I just don't doubt. I know you did. Because that's, no, that hash will take you to where you need to be. That's the one I do. That's in your jeans. No, that's a fucking edible kicking out. No, the edible has new stuff. You're right, right, right, right, my fault.

Nah, what the fuck? Whatever it is. Who gives the fuck what is? So, how it's going. All right, sorry, what are we talking about? We were talking about you hurting your leg before the fucking show. Oh, yeah. And we're talking about my skiing thing.

A couple of weeks ago, I worked with Marin. Boom. And I was talking about skiing and dimensions and sizes and the guys like, wait a second, you ski and I go, dog, for fucking four years, that was my life. And nobody knew about it. Nobody knew that you were a skier.

Nobody, I never, I got there in April of 83 and everybody busted my balls. You're going to ski? You're going to ski? You're going to ski? You're going to ski? And my acclaim to fame was in Jersey one night. My friends took me out. It was

midnight skiing at the Playboy Lodge. This is how old long ago this was. Ari. I know what it is to be cold. Walking the fucking northern New Jersey with the winds off the Hudson in January getting off a bus and walking up those three blocks,

your ears feel like they're going to crack. Fuck that. When I went skiing the first time with those animals and I got on top of that mountain, that fucking wind hit me. I tapped out. I threw the skis down and I told the guy to help me

and they shot me down on the fucking thing. You want to talk about embarrassment with a fucking grandma Coke in my pocket and they ball in the room and I was like I'm never skate it's a type of cold that just goes through your jacket I didn't understand how you're gonna go skiing on ice when it's cold you're gonna fall and you're gonna fucking bump your head you know I just didn't feel the logic but once I moved to Aspen my friends get water it's completely two different work yeah the East Coast is

way worse the East Coast was garbage like at that time at that time I didn't know I That's what I started on, the East Coast. I didn't know what a good ski was. I didn't know. I had no idea. But all I knew was I didn't like the experience in Jersey. So here I am in fucking Snowmass Village, November of 83, and I'm surrounded by people.

Ask me if I'm going to ski. And I tell them, oh, no. I'm a retarded fucking New Yorker at the time. No, I don't fucking. ski. Fuck you people. I'm not even going to watch. And one day I went up there and I went to get a bowl of chili, a bowl of stew at the stew pot.

And I walked a long way. And I saw these people zooming by. And I was like, when a second, I'm fucking 19. What am I doing with my life? What am I doing? I'm going to a gym and hit my bag. That's my fucking life. And I go to Aspen and I fucking take classes or whatever the fuck I'm doing.

You know what? Here's the deal. My neighbor was a manager at Sport Kalen. Sport Kalen's a big-time sporting thing up there. And his dad died, and he had to go back. So I lent them money. And when he came back, he gave me the money. He goes, listen, your first ski lesson is on me and all the equipment.

Just like that. Really? So December 24th. What? The dude, I walked up there December 24th. I hadn't spoken to him since he got him back, and he gave me the cash back like a man. And I walked in there December 24th, and I said, I'm ready to go skiing.

He goes, dog, I'm busy as fuck. I can't give you a lesson. But you're getting tightened up with the best demos I got. Yeah. You go to Indonesia with this. These are $34 a piece in Indonesia. You've got to you for so long. Yeah, you've got like 20 years.

And just give them to the people at the police station. Take these there. Vitamins. Those poor little Chinese people go down in fucking flames in Indonesia. We ready? We're ready. This podcast is brought to you by Hellotushy.com.

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On a beautiful Monday morning, slinging dick and giving out chopsticks. Lee Syatt's here. I think Ari Shafee is here. I'm here. I'm mostly here. I'm mostly here. That was a tremendous bomb. I told you. Yeah. This new weed. We're getting out here.

This new weed from the one I Jew. Jesus. This is killing, motherfuckers. I tried to send you your postcards. It's a warning. We didn't get to me. Don't come back. What? Too strong now?

Nobody went out there and told you and shit. You wouldn't wait for a long time. Joey. You don't shine shoes no more. This weed, you smoke out there. You would have laughed at it. It's all brown. Oh, yeah.

It's just like sticks of things. Seeds. Oh, yeah. So many seeds. What do they charge? Depends where. Some places, not much. Like 10 bucks for like a ground-up eighth.

You know, like a shitty-looking eighth. Where'd you get the best weed at? Vietnam. Vietnam had good we. Yeah, one guy had it. Like California weed or Vietnam? It had been a long time. It had been like two and a half months already.

So, just way better than anything I remembered. How was the food in Vietnam? Pretty good, those bombie sandwiches. What a bono? You would love those. Just quick fucking, in a little bun, like an eight-incher. They stuff it. It's like just fresh, super fresh bread.

They grilled it. They got that from the French, and the French invaded them. And they just stuff it full of shit. Like what? Chicken. and then like a little long carrot and some like hot pepper in there if you want a little bit of salt it's just their own like

you know hoagy I guess now who invaded Vietnam first French French the French got out and then immediately America is like hell yes we're getting in there because if you watch Apocalypse now the Redux yeah they add those scenes what scenes where they have in dinner at the French house and they get into an argument and the guy tells

the French are already gone you know what man or the French are is part of the house. The French, it's the French's house. This is the scene after they go and surf, Charlie don't surf, and then they go to the thing, and they see the playmates come down in the helicopter. From there, they go on to the lagoon,

and they go somewhere, and the movie turns, you know, Apocalypse Now, when it came out in 79, it was a great cut. It was a three-and-a-half-hour movie. Yeah. But then for the 20th anniversary or something, I don't know exactly,

They added that extra hour and a half. Hour and a half more, that's five hours? Something, something. If you want to look it up, Lee. And there's a scene when they're in some guy that's French soldiers and they're having dinner and they get into an argument and they explain to the American that, you know, we can't believe what you're doing now, that we already dealt with this.

So that's now, yeah. I forget all about that. Yeah, they had like two successive wars there. The French and they drove out the French and then immediately Americans moved in. they're like, we're going to take you over. They never attacked anybody. They were just there. They called the American War there.

And how does Vietnam work today? It's all right. Ho Chi Minh was pretty packed. Pretty packed. Yeah, motorcycles everywhere. It takes you like 20 minutes to work up the Kurds across the street. They just go, there's so many of them, hundreds of them. Yeah.

And it's overdone. Like, you just keep their districts to go out farther and farther and farther. They'll tell you, fuck you American. No, not once. They like us now. They like us now. That was just an old government. They don't care about them.

Well, are you going to like the Chinese anymore. Are you South Korean or Vietnamese? Am I of Korean or Vietnamese descent? No, I'm sorry. Are you in South or what's your, what I'm sorry? Oh, no, you're in Vietnam. I'm sorry.

Jesus Christ, that's how. Wait, what was your question? For a second, I was confusing Korea with Vietnam. Did you think I was Korean or Vietnamese? Yes. No, no, no, no. I thought you were in Korea and not Vietnam. Oh, I get it.

I get it. What did you find out of Apocalypse now? 4.50. That's what it finished with the time. 4 hours, 50 minutes? Yeah, for the Redux. Golly, that's so long. Yeah.

You can't. Come on. You can't do that. No, I can't do it. I've watched parts of the Redux. I can't lie to anybody. I've watched parts of it. It's just too long.

Yeah. And I think it takes you somewhere. You don't want to go. They've redone the Godfather. They've added all the scenes back. Really? Like, fucking nine hours. All three of them together?

All three of them together. You see them in chronological order? You see that? No, no, I think it's the first two, and they put all the parts back. And it comes out, if it starts at 12, it goes till 6 or 7 o'clock at night, HBO. Oh. And now I think Bobby, didn't Bobby put something out today on Facebook, Bobby Sharon. They're releasing the Godfather for a week.

What do you mean? In theaters? Yeah, next week or the week after. Oh. They're re-releasing the Godfather for. a week for the 40th anniversary. I think that's going to be the move. You know why?

You know why? Because they're Godfather 4. Because they're trying to to present pre-hyped for it. Really? Yeah. They're trying to get people talking about Godfather 4. Are they going to shoot a Godfather?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the grandson or something. Or like them and like a war with somebody else. I don't know. I mean, I think they should just leave a little. Maybe it was that kid. Maybe the kid grew up, the boy, a dumb boy. Yeah.

Yeah, what if a dummy got in, like, got in head of the mafia? Seems like a comedy then, right? I guess. That's low-witted son if he became the head of the mafia. It always happens. I've thought for a while that they could, I think the movie theaters could survive on just re-releasing the best of the old movies. And then, and just, I mean, there are movie theaters that show old movies,

but if you just re-release, like, the best, not every movie, but just had, like, a week. Dumber and Dumber. Yeah. And you could do, and you could do, like, marathons. Like, if you wanted to do all the godfathers in one row, yeah. But just give the new movies a break until they get a chance to make some... Listen, there's people that are nostalgic about a lot of movies.

So what you do is 16 candles. Yeah. Ferris Bueller. Let's get Ferris Bueller. Yeah, sure. Okay, Ferris Bueller, everybody loves Ferris Bueller. You want to re-release Ferris Bueller. You'll get my $7.

But I'd rather you add two or three things. you know, two or three scenes that we didn't see. Oh, yeah, something. And we release it on the 30 second anniversary, and I'll pay you the fucking 12 or whatever the fuck it is, Ari. I'm just saying that, I don't mind. Those are my favorite movies.

I mean, everybody's nostalgic about 16 candles or what's the other one? It is 16 candles with the Chinese guy. Yeah, they adopt the Chinese guy. Do you steal her underwear? Yes, he steals the underwear. That's a good one. It shows it off.

Or Michael Hall. That's right. had the party. Yeah, yeah, yeah, these other things. All those movies are phenomenal. You know, the Breakfast Club was just on. What did I watch today? Today I watch the second half of something

that I said this never fucking comes on. You know, those movies, if there's nothing to do. Yeah, you can watch it. Now, let me explain something to you. There's some people who like going to Tarantino's feet or the Beverly. Oh, yeah.

The new Beverly, yeah. Would you, let me ask you something, Lee, because you actually go to more movies than myself and Ari. Yeah, for sure, right? I used to... Would you go see one of your favorite old movies with Paula

at the Starlight? What is the Scablight? Arclight. And pay the $18? See, I wouldn't pay $18, but here's the thing. How much is the Arklight? I think Arklite's around that. 12, 15, 13, 14.

15, something like that. So let's pretend now. I'm not even talking about the Godfather. Let's be fair. Let's say... Here's an example just for kids my age. Like, we watched Good Burger a few months ago. Yeah.

Had a way better time. Like that, and, and that's not a classic for like a... Good Burger, really? But it's a classic for like Stoner, like, just for like kids. But I think you could get away going from like the 70s and 80s, even not even the 90s. You could do the 90s if you wanted to, but just 70s and 80s. And just because how you always get out, get out mad at me for like not seeing things.

Like, give us a chance to see it. And then because of, the only reason tickets are that high is because of these, whatever it's called, the studios are making, that's where they make their money. So if they just re-released old movies, they could lower ticket prices

because they're not paying anything to get the movies out there. So they probably end up making more money because they're not, all they have to do is pay residuals. I would like to open up a movie theater. I would do it differently. Like I went to a movie theater in San Francisco in 1985 R.E. That you would have died.

Yeah. They closed it up, or maybe it's still a, open it's on the tenderloin it's on the it's on hey dashberry I'm sorry and it used to be close to the end and I saw a mask there the movie of the man and the little kid not the mask oh sorry mask in 1985 would share when she had the kid that was really ugly with the fucked up head you ever see that no what a defourne a mask yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Eric Roberts Eric Roberts so what I had to do was this movie theater I don't know how they made money but this is the deal but this is the

He had a big head. In that movie he did. Yeah, it was real life. It was even bigger and he died the summer and shit. Did he really? Yeah, he died that summer. Eric Roberts? No, the guy that Eric Roberts fucking played.

This is what they had. This is why I don't know if you can make money and be successful. First of all, you'd have to put love seats because people go in twos. Go where in twos? To the movie theater. So at this movie theater

that I went to San Francisco. In 85. Yeah. They just had 23-man couches that looked like the couches in La Jolla. Oh, really? All fucking busted and whatever. They redid them real cool. Yeah.

They had ashtrays in there for weed and cigarettes. Oh, cool. They made popcorn with real butter. Nice. And they made homemade chocolate chip cookies. Not the fucking, like a guy was there packing the cookies in. No way? Yeah.

Wow. And they would come out and a bell would ring like a white- Nice, nice. It would still look like 1950 in there. You could still smell the sperm from the burles days. But it didn't matter.