The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - The CHURCH: BEST of THEO VON, Vol. 1 | with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: July 17, 2023

#339 - Recorded live on 12/10/2015. https://youtube.com/live/Y4HF8ehmePU    #383 - Recorded live on 05/25/2016. https://youtu.be/ho3WFBqJSe4    #443 - Recorded live on 01/02/2017. https://youtu.be/XNRYlW-JvMw   #499 - Recorded live on 07/17/2017. https://youtu.be/PxCssAVJjpU    #529 - Recorded live on 10/29/2017. https://youtu.be/-pqm56Y85AQ    This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT!   Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #TheChurch #TheoVon #LeeSyatt

We used to fill, fucking, we used to have this game where you would feel like people's, two dudes would fill our mouth with sugar, you know?

And then you would, you slap each other in the fucking cheeks. But here's the thing, bro. It's hard to hold a whole bunch of sugar in your mouth and keep it off.

And keep it all in. Well, here's the thing. It starts dissolving, but you get parts because all your moisture is going to this thing, so your body starts to dry out. So then you start,

you're basically holding the sugar in your dry mouth at a certain point man, you feel like the desert. How old are you? I don't know. Like he was a child. Okay, like when I was like eight. Like eight, yeah, like yeah. Seven, eight, eleven, eleven. Fourteen even. And this one 18 year old shit.

17, 11, 14. We used to have this fucking girl who's probably 14 that went shirtless, brus and she was like fucking four, four to 14 shirtless, bro. Shirtless. Why was that? I don't know. just so their whole family was pretty much shirtless and they didn't do any different by the girls, man. This girl was shirtless as fuck.

And we all thought like, damn, she's like a long hair. She's like the most best-looking dude you ever seen, right? We thought that till about 11. And then somebody's like, that's the girl, man. She just goes shirtless. And we're like... And nobody told her put a shirt out in school or not? Oh, I don't know about school.

But I never... I mean, she was in a children's school. I was a little bit older than her, but... I never saw anybody just be completely shirtless like that. There was a good. Who puts fucking sugar in that, Mom? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, it was a cheap game, bro.

It's like if you don't have a bunch of money to go do something, you fill each other's mouth up with sugar. And then y'all just got to slap each other in the cheek. There was a kid in my neighbor, John Carney. Not a bad kid. Always great sense of you. But he had a brother Brian Carney. In those days, kids didn't have ADD,

and they didn't have autism. You were just retarded. Yeah. Whether you had the cheeky eyes and I don't know. Yeah, he just wasn't cutting it. You just wasn't cutting it, man. And they used to torture them. Yeah, we called him God's favorite.

Yeah, they used to make him drink piss. They'd piss in a beer bottle and close it and then put it at the last bottle. He would take it. Clive a beer and he fucking drinking. I was never involved in this shit with Brian Carney. Was he handicapped? No, he just wasn't sharp. He just wasn't a sharp kid.

Nice kid always said hello, Brian Carney. But they did weird things to him. Like, they used to make him eat shit. Like they pay him like 15 bucks. to make a meet a lot of weird stuff. How much shit? Oh, I'm not even actual shit. No, no, no, no.

Like fill his mouth with pepper and shit like that. Then they had this other kid. The guy who they just fired from the Miami Hurricanes, defensive coordinator, when he was a kid, his brothers and all those guys' neighbor used to tie him up on a bicycle, make him eat raw eggs and blow him up in his mouth and all that shit. Like put the eggs with a shell and smack him and blow the egg of his mouth. No wonder the one guy went to Penn State was an All-American Tackling.

I would have died in your town. There was certain people who just got... I was too nerdy for that. I would have been one of those kids. The guy I got into it with when I did that club, before I met Lee, I did a club in New York City. One of the first times I went to New York to do comedy on my own, I booked a music club in the village.

Right. And I went there. The guy that started a fight with me, his name was Brian Burns. And when we were kids, when you were in grammar school, he already had a legend. What he would do is he had a gang of guys that would take you, tie you down,

and they would put duct tape on your balls and fucking that glue shit from taping, and they would call it a table. Oh, yeah. They would give you a table where they lay you down and wrap you up with tape and pull the tape off you and shit like that. He was known for all that stuff,

for spraying stuff on your balls. He was a big-time bully. And you know what happens to bullies, bro? They get beat up later on and light people. And I remember that night, like, I could take this fucking guy. And I had already a plan. He kept coming in to try to apologize. And I kept going, you know what, I could take this guy.

I could kick him in the fucking knee. You could see he got for like 300-something pounds. He never stopped eating. So, but you felt like, so it was crazy because the tide it switched with that dude. Like, and back in the day. He was a bully. Yeah, he was a bully. Yeah, he was a bully.

You know, he was, bro, when I was in eighth grade or seventh grade, he was already in high school torturizing people. They said if you play football, be careful. Because if something happened during football practice that you hit him hard or something, he'd get his friends to give you the table, especially if you were Spanish or something like that. Oh, that shit got racist. It was what it was.

It was what it fucking was. We had one Mexican kid that showed up in our time. We didn't have any Spanish people. We had one Mexican kid. Let me think about what this kid's name was. I think it was Nick, right? And I remember we all had science class.

And, oh, actually, in science class they had these hamsters you could play with until the second bell rang or whatever. Then you had to put them in a cage and everybody could, then we would do learning, you know? And this fucking one time they had this hamster, right? man we named him and uh and i was holding him in this fucking big sweatshirt i had right and after class uh i forgot

he was in here he fell asleep in the little pocket right where you put your hands right so after class i just throw him a book bag i'm running next you know getting a fight with two brothers right get beat up pretty good and one of them had fucking killed this hamster that was still in this pouch he'd fucking punched it so i never had it like sometimes i'll be caught fucking i'm not even joking but i'll have dreams where i feel like i had an abortion Superman. I knew something wasn't going to be good with that. I think his name was Superman. Let me think for a second. It might not have been Superman.

Why would you take the fucking hamster out of class and put it in your fucking pocket for anyway? No, because you were sitting at class. You'd just nothing to do. And it was nice to kind of have something more. Where'd you go to high school? Mary? Or not, Murray? Next, they had a town, a couple of way from there called Covington, Mandeville.

And where'd you go to college? I went to LSU and University of New Orleans. Really? Did you graduate from LSU? I graduated from University of New Orleans. eventually. Look at you, you bad motherfucker. So, I made it through. When you went to LSU,

they still talk about Pistol Pete Marvin. Oh, dude, the town I grew up in. Get the fuck out of here. He lived and died in our town, dude. Get the fuck out of here. Yep. And Lee Harvey Oswald went to middle school in our town.

Get the fuck out of here. Swear to God, dude. And, I mean, I say this a lot, but in 19... Once in the 80s and in 1994, a bunch of infected monkeys got out because Tulane University had their primate testing facility center in our town.

and a bunch of infected monkeys got out and they let us out of YMCA summer camp to help the police look for them, bro. I remember they came to summer camp and they basically took the kids to look from Let me get that pen real quick. Not kids, dude, the tallest boys. They took the tallest boys right out

and we helped them look for them. I remember surrounding a couple of chimps outside of a Kenny Rogers Roasters, dude, off a highway 190. That's a true story, dude. That's the name of your book. Huh? I surrounded some chimps next to a Kenny Rogers Roasters.

And dude, the shit got racial like people would go around town they're really yelling. I mean, this is fucked up. I mean, this just shows you how far in the South you are. People would be like, 90 monkeys just escaped from this place or whatever. And you literally have like, you know, people riding around with guns, fucking Confederate flags.

It's like, dude, these are animals, man. Like, relax. Like, the shit almost got it was weird. Like, people were like, these fucking monkeys. Like, they planned it. Like, it was great. Like, it was weird. I just threw that name out because today, in today's paper on Twitter,

it said that the basketball player from the Lakers is producing a Pistol Pete Maravich. Oh, that's awesome. And I'm sitting there going, you know, what kills me about today is they're doing biopics about people that these motherfuckers don't even know. That movie should have been done two weeks after he fucking died. Yeah.

But nobody thought about doing it, you know? Do you know much about Pistol Pizth? I mean, I think I know a pretty good amount about him. I mean, I know he played, you know, he played at LSU. I know he played for the jazz. I know his two sons. Really? Yeah.

They play ball like whenever I was growing up. So one of them like a little younger, one of them a little bit older. So I mean, they were legends. It was kind of, you know, it was a small town. Legends, legends. Yeah. The biggest name in, for sure. If he lost, his father wouldn't let him sleep in the house and shit.

We'll make him sleep in the fucking yard. This is Southern basketball, Jack. Dude, they had a half quarter or a quarter court in their upstairs of their house above the... Look, look. In the attic. They had a basketball court. They didn't fuck around. The marriage is.

didn't fuck around. That old man didn't fuck around. That dude, he had like, that's why he drank himself to death, Pistol Pee, because there was no childhood. His father made him go out there and do wind sprints and shit. Yeah. And that guy wasn't fast, but his fucking handling skills were just phenomenal.

He made up for it. In my life, I've seen two people handle a ball fucking phenomenally. One was a guy named Pistol Pete Marevich, who was an NBA player. And another guy was a kid from South Carolina. His name was Jackie Galloon.

White kid or black kid? White kid. And he played basketball on acid. That's why he didn't get drafted because he was such a freak. But his handling skills, I saw him playing, and I played against him when I got older. His handling skills was so fucking unbelievable what he could do with a ball. And unless you see that, it's really hard to explain. Right.

Even if you see Kobe Bryant pass or whatever, you know, Stefan Marbury passed, it was nothing. Or dribble or the command. control that pistol Pete had for a white guy. And he had a tragic life. I don't think he ever won a championship. I don't think he ever won a championship. I know, I think he still has like the highest average per game for college. Yeah, yeah, because he shot 90 times a fucking game.

His father would, there was the coach or something. His father would say fuck those four guys. Literally. Shoot the fucking ball. Shoot the fuck those four motherfuckers. I heard he even tried that sometimes he would wear a completely different jersey. Like he would be on a team and they'd have playing a team. And then he'd show up in a total different jersey and be like, I'm going to play

both you guys and they'd be like you're out of your fucking mind it was nuts but yeah man we got out to look for all types of chips that had gotten out of that joint you know you can still look for it online they got some old stories about you know it's crazy because

they had a lot of I was going sorry no I grew up in New York City but in my heart after I saw different places there was a couple places I wish I would have grown up one would have been New Orleans the other would have been Houston and there was one of the place I wanted to grow up when I was a kid.

I don't know why. New Orleans would have a little. I don't know why. I always thought New York would be really cool. You follow me? Like there's always places like I'm very proud to be from Jersey. I love being from where I'm from. But it would be interesting.

Like when I go to New Orleans and I'm driving around, I always go, hmm, how would I turn down if I would have grown up on this fucking street? Yeah. Well, I don't know about you. But I feel like the South gets a bad rap up north. But when I was driving, I drove across the country three times. I love the cell. I love the...

Everyone's nice. It has nice weather? Like, I felt like I got a bad rap where I was in mass. People are fucking... I don't know. People are chill down there, man. But it's a lot of the same... Like, you definitely notice

it's a lot of old-fashioned ideas down there. Like, people, you know. The concepts are slow, you know. But that's what makes the south to south. Right. Listen, that's what makes the south to south. I read somewhere that last week, when those guys, the terrorists,

shot those people, that the neighbor said, suspected something, but he didn't want to call the police because he didn't want to seem racist. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Because he was too politically correct. You understand? We're at a point in our lives who were too politically correct. Look what happened yesterday. Fucking Trump

makes that announcement against Muslims. His fucking rating is the highest it's ever been. It's like 35%. He's 20 points ahead of the fucking competition. 19 points ahead of the competition. I like, uh, you like Sleepy Blatt? What's that? I don't know what that is. Ben Carson?

Oh, Jesus. I can't vote. So I don't Oh, you can't even vote. No, I got felonies, and I don't want to fucking vote. It's too much pressure. Down south, I saw a brother take a bite out of a Vietnamese guy once, dude. Took a huge bite out of his fucking arm, bro. Me, and everything, bro.

Ripped it right out. The Vietnamese guy was, like, threatening him with all this karate shit and everything, and his brother to scratch were fucking bit right into him, dude. If you think about it, that's the way to do it. That stops karate all the time. Because I don't care what type of karate you got. They got no defense for the bite. I'm saying?

Nobody got... Well, what if a motherfucker goes to bite you? Oh, my God. Hold on. I got to call the main jab in fucking Okinawa. Hold on. Let me put my commoto on, dude.

And they bite your ass, dude. And you remember that every time you try to fucking hug somebody and have you got a little divot in it? You know, you got a speed bump in your fucking hug. Why did I let Lee talk me into eat mushrooms on a Wednesday night? Look at your head. Look at Lee, right? Open your eyes, bro.

Damn, dude. What the fuck? you're already fucked up. You gave me $800 before they were in training. I told you. When you go down the fuck, when you join the Marines, they're not saying you to Miami. You know,

with a fucking seagull. No, they say you're a fucking Paris Island debt. What Marines did they put in Lee? My own private. This is the church. What's happening now, though? I love it, bro.

We've got our own Marines. They come in all shapes and sizes. Amen. Well, Lynn, listen me, man. He's got a use in the Marines. No, I don't. Yeah, Lee, we'll get three dudes to throw you to that fucking plate glass window with the guys in here.

You come flying through with a helmet You know what's damage you could do? Yeah Lee, Lee Come out of it Why are you gonna throw me as I was I'm not sleeping I was just trying to imagine being like a human battering way

Yeah but you could do that We'll put some shoulder pads on you And a fucking helmet with no t-shirt on You come through that window You have no idea You thought that black dude scared Those three white kids You ain't see nothing yet

With a swat stick on your forehead With a beard Nobody's gonna stop you You got to. People will put their guns up and go, now. Yeah. No, it's not even worse. This guy's got a swat stick on his head with helmet and a fucking pair's shoulder pads.

He's showing up like he's got bad intentions. Yeah, bro. Oh, you should run for governor in that outfit. What's up, Lee? You have a good time last night? I had a great time last night. It was, uh, it's fun. I've been in the last few times because they've done, I think they did one or two seasons of digital.

And then this is the third season of, like, TV. And it's just, like, the people, I got to hang out with Steve Simone all night, but then, like I saw, like, I saw, like, Brian Regan was there, which was cool, and it was... Big Jay Ocason was there. Good time last night. We had an R.E. Show?

Yeah, last night. A lot of people were just hanging out. Yeah. You know, and who else was there when Josh Adam Myers had like six bitches with him? Eating fucking, you know, set food. Yeah. Are you going up? No.

He's just there with six bitches. He's just there with six bitches. He's fucking set food. They're combing his hair. He's like, I just took the bus over for dinner. He don't give a fuck, Josh, Adam. If it's a Comedy Central, man, he's dead. He's in.

My show got picked up. I don't give a fuck. I'm here to sing a song. He's in. I saw Vince Vaughn last night at the comedy store, too. What was going on down there? He was just hanging out. He went to him to Steve Byrne, his buddies.

So he came out to hang out with them. And then him and Sebastian Manascarco were talking for a long time. But he was super cool. I went right up to him because I did his Wild West Comedy Fest last year. So I'm right up to him. I was like, Vincey. I don't know. And he was super cool.

He was like, yeah, yeah. And then I was like, I met your sister last year at the comedy festival. And we talked for about 10 minutes. He was cool as hell,

man. Anyway, he said I was just kind of cool at the store. But I'm jealous I didn't get to do the R.E. show, man. This is a showcase for it. Yeah.

Did you showcase for it? Uh-uh. It's at the score every Tuesdays. Upstairs. Oh, I didn't know that. Just ask him, why I put me on a dog. No, dog, how many stories you got?

You got more stories than most people forget in their fucking life, you know. Yeah, man. Yeah. Fucking feeling high, I think. I watched your special, and it's... Tremendous. My favorite part about your special. Oh, my God.

It's just, you're so goofy, and it just goes, like, it goes in ways, like, that's my favorite part about Joey's comedy. It's just sometimes when it goes ways that you don't expect. Right. Because sometimes, if you watch enough stand-up comedy, sometimes you can just guess the punchline. Right. And when you can't, especially when it's so goofy, it was great. It was like, because Joe and I always talk whenever there's a new special up, we watch it, we discuss if it's good, and yours is one of the only few that's been good.

You and Ali Wong. Yeah, Ali Wong killed it too. Thanks, man, I appreciate that, dude, especially coming from somebody that's seen so many comedians and it works with Joe, man, I appreciate that. Well, the funny thing is that you do your joke, what we like. This is what I like. I think sometimes that people have too much respect for the punchline, and it's not really that punch line. It's that little

stupid line you say afterward. And listen, right now, it's working today, they ain't nobody better than you saying that little stupid line afterward, because that line, that little stupid line is a funnier thought that most people get all day.

And it's your inner voice. Right. I have the same inner voice. My inner voice cracks me up all day. What you think is funny, it's so fucking bizarre. And then you draw that last little, well, you know, and that That kills it. And people from the South do that.

They have that last little three-word fucking sentence at the end of it that just fucking makes the whole joke, you know? Yeah. Well, you inspire me, man. After seeing you over at the store, dude, like, because you just like, because you're selling, but like my intention when I came out here was never to sell jokes. I wanted to be me.

And then I got caught up for a long time. Everybody does. I thought like, fuck. And then nobody likes me. me, I got to fit in just like everybody else. But then I saw you at the store one night, dude, and that fucking music went off. I'm like, what is this going on? I'm like, I'm about to park a cruise ship on the fucking stage.

We don't fuck around down there. And then you got up and fucking ripped everybody up, a bunch of fucking hamsters in there. When you left, I was like, I am never not going to be myself again. When you come out to Los Angeles and you hear three months or you hear two, months and somebody's interested in you and they take you to lunch and then they sign you as a commercial agent or theatrical agent or a manager doesn't matter they're going to send you out for an audition for most people don't know that it could be any audition a commercial audition and the first words out of your mouth I don't give a fuck if you're classically trained is I don't know what to do or you're

going to say something and their response is going to be be yourself and you're like thanks And you hear that, guys, for fucking 15 years before one day you go, oh, I know what they want now. Yeah. I wasn't getting it. The whole time I'm here, I'm trying to be Doug Stanhope. I'm trying to be Paul Mooney. And I'm not saying that.

I'm just saying it. Yeah, I know you're not saying that I'm one of your brothers. I'm trying to be Nick DePaul. I'm trying to be Mitch Headberg. What if people go home and go, what if I could put Nick DePaolo or Mitch Headberg? But the funniest character that Hayden is the character they're hiding. Yeah.

Because that's the reason why they came out of here is because of that fucking character that's gotten them through everything for 15 years, that voice. Yeah. That voice that you only let out in front of your friends. Yeah. And that your friends like that is fucking hilarious. We're having a conversation at the store one night and, like last week, some guy got found with 30 pounds of hamster bones, you know.

They did in my town that is busted a man. It just doesn't. Right away, you got to stop what you're doing in that conversation and giggle. because nine of the ten people wouldn't be proud that that happened in their home town. You know what I'm saying? Like they wouldn't even mention it. If somebody comes up to them and go,

are you from New Orleans? Not really. I'm from Texas. Wait a second. I got to go. You know, you get to that point. Most fucking people would be embarrassed to say something like that.

Or it would take them 10 minutes after everybody told their story to say, oh, by the way, there's a guy in a... No, we were just talking. It was two days. Yeah. We were ready to go home. And you came out with it,

and I'm fucking. Me and Lee would dine in the car. Like, what's he talking about? Hamster meat. What the fuck is he talking about? Yeah, they busted him, man. Listen, they got him. What if?

Thank God. I'm like, it's like they got him. No, I'm glad they got him, dude. 30 pound bag of hamster one. Like, I mean, that's, because you have to, there's not as much meat. There's very little bone in a hamster, bro. Him ham's got, a hampt probably has, like, a quart, like an eighth of an ounce in its chest plate. Bro.

You can't even make a wish on a hamster. their bones, you know? There's nothing in there. Where do you get all those hamsters from? That's it. Well, they breed them in our town. I used to work for this group. They used to sell tattooed hamsters and guinea pigs after, uh... They tattoo them? Yeah, they used to brand them with concerts and raves. They would say it's tattooed just to make people not be as

sad about it. But it was a brand, bro. Of what? With like a heat and ink, bro. For what? Like, what did it say? Uh, 311, Green Day. Anything like a different band that were coming in town? Toadies. That's my God. Tody's acid bath

Who else? Raves Whatever, bro. We used to truck these hands Into the city And fucking Vend them, bro. We did, man.

Because there wasn't much There wasn't much work in our town, dude. You know, you had to get what you could get, and they had a man that bred hamsters. And then they had to do the tattoos, and they fucking met up. And that was a merger. That's a big business, you know?

And they started... A merger. They started doing it. Man. I got me some 300 miles in my house and shit. And some other guys are like, you know what, man? I'm a pretty good tattoo artist. That's Louisiana.

And that's it. A merger is for it. That means someone listening to this right now has had a hamster with like a band label on it. Who the fuck buys a hamster? I'm fucked up, dog. Those stars hit me hard tonight. That's what happened. You know, why they hit me hard?

Because I trained last week. I didn't eat stars last week. Lee sprayed out of his face out of the gate, boy. I didn't get it last week at all. I sprayed it, but I'm still, I'm still here, bro. You kept eating stars and shit. Fucking them, brown. I had transmission for what I didn't.

You took that, you know, you didn't. You threw a chocolate away. This is why I have to do everything on Periscope. Thank God for Periscope. Lees Leas fearless, man. I don't see how you do it, Lee. I really don't. He's really not the choice anymore.

He does like a little bit. He goes like this in front of the camera. He goes, I'm going to eat some chocolate. He takes a bit like there. He chews and then this 80 milligram, whatever. He throws this or, So what? And he tells people he ate it.

And tonight he ate the whole thing. And it was coming to his fucking fingers. You should have seen him. He was gilling out, huh? You know, when you were telling your story, bro, the thing that I was thinking about the most were the 200 of those stories that I had that I wish I had the time. I wish I had the fucking time. And I got 10 that rolled around in my head sometimes.

And one of them would pop up in the main. middle of the night before I'm about to fall asleep and my whole body shatters bro those are those type of stories especially when it comes to drugs yeah especially when it comes to fucking drugs and you the next morning you wake up and you're like that's fucked up yeah my life together I got to call somebody you shit but you know 10 days later it happens again and you know and sometimes it's it's sex sometimes it's crazy sex you go to girls house on her son, her sister and her stepfather in the room. Yeah.

And everybody's banging, and you're like, what the fuck am I a part of? You know, I just want to watch the fucking Nick Gang. Is that a real scenario? Lee, you would be fucking surprised what you bump out into when you're out there. Yeah. Especially when I started to do comedy. You'd be surprised what I'd bump into. And I had you one night talking.

I remember my body was shaking. Yeah. My body was shaking. Tell him Lee. just tribal tours, just Boulder, just, you know, I thought life was a certain way when I lived in New Jersey. Oh, yeah, I remember. Boy, was I fucking wrong.

I remember trying to fuck this girl on roller skates one time. You ever tried to do that, dude? No. At Halloween. Unbelievable, bro, but that was drug-induced. I remember... Never been arrested? Dude, I got arrested in Mississippi one time.

We're all high at some house. And they brought a kid. The cops show up. and they brought a kid from downstairs, right? And they said, this kid is here. Everybody's going in for contributing delinquency of a minor. And then you could, but once you got outside, kids were paying and getting out of the thing.

They put us in the, like the slave shackles. You know, the things they put between two legs, you know, and then hook you to the person in front of you. What does that shit? Dude, and we had to walk downstairs. So who's the dumbest thing ever, bro? It must have taken us 40 minutes to get downstairs. in these fucking leg shackles

with these two stupid cops. But they brought this kid down and then later there was a rumor that they were, this was this kid, this was a stage kid. They were high, they were paying somebody's kid to fucking, they would sneak him in the back and put them in people's houses

and come down in pajamas and then making money because they're busting everybody in the house because now they got a charge on everybody contributing. What else did I go in before? Nothing real serious, man. God bless you,

man listen but that was the thing I just wanted to get I just yeah part of me was like you got a fucking career you're on the upswing right now you know what you fucked around you got your dick sucked I'm not telling you to go get married but it's time to start watching your back because this is when you're a good looking guy shows are getting developed and written you could be the number two dude pick up a check five years no drama you know you already did it yeah I've had so much fun You know, once you get everything out of the way, this place becomes a complete different animal. Yeah.

You know, and listen, Lindsay Lohan survived it. The fucking Hilton kid survived it. Some people don't. Yeah. Some people don't, man. I told you when I walked in here, I'm not, I'm happy about the podcast. I'm happy I get to see Lee and we get high and we talk shit and he makes a living and I make a living. and we sell tickets and, you know, guys like you could come on here

and people get to hear you. I like doing stand-up. I don't think I could do this shit if I was doing blow. Yeah. There's no fucking way. This podcast would have been done. Would have fell apart. Lee would have been to,

Lee wouldn't even have been talking to me no more at this point. Lee would have gone, he left me there four fucking days in a row, you know. Who's going to come out of the house? Yeah. Yeah, and that was the thing. I was just like, I just don't, I need to take a, If this is where I'm kind of ending up once in a while, even once in a while, I just want to get it.

So nothing happened after the cab ride after that. That shook you enough. Oh, well, seeing Daryl Strawberries was shook me. The next day. Because he was 13 years sober, and he was like, I mean, this dude was eloquent. He had his life put together. He's a multimillionaire now. And then he was pushing the documentary 30 for 30, the new one with Doc Gooden.

But Doc Gooden wouldn't show up. Godgudden couldn't show up because he's sick. He's all fucked up. Yeah, he's all fucked up. And I know my life isn't. their lives, but it made me think, okay, you just got to monitor what's going on, because I just, yeah, I don't like to,

I didn't like to party, I just like to put myself in a crazy situation. Fuck, yeah, me too. You know? I was, that's what I was thinking about the whole time you're saying that, I go, I don't miss the drugs, I miss the 6 o'clock on a diner or waking up and some girl gives you an Audi to drive home. And you're like, what the fuck just happened last night?

Yeah, dude, I was in Louisville one time I came out of a show. They had a big group in a limousine. invited me to go to an after party with them, right? I was like, I'm only coming if my boy can come in. I'm like, who's your boy? And I'm like, Le Cedric. They had a brother nearby, right? wearing this Louis Vuitton jacket, dude.

Probably about 60% homeless, right? And they're like, that's your boy? And I didn't even talk to this, dude. I was like, yeah, that's my boy. And like, all right, he can come. So I fucking walk over to him looking right in the eyes. And I was like, what's up, I'm Thiel? He's like, Lecedric.

And I was like, all right, dude, I told these people you're my friend. You ever been in a limousine? He's like, Nuh. I was like, come get in with us, just act like you're my friend,

right? We're going to a party. He's like, all right, man. So we go in the limo, bro. We're in there, hot chicks,

dudes, people fucking, LeCedric kept saying, we're friends. That's what he kept saying out loud, right?

Kind of fucking, not the best actor, bro. When did we get to to this house party? It's a nice, cool, fucking party, bro.

I'm downstairs, I'm in the kitchen. Somebody's making us a drink. I'm talking to somebody. Fucking six, minutes later, right, I hear a fucking... somebody scream, I hear a window break, right? Somebody comes running down, they said

some dude just stole, like, four purses out of the coat room upstairs and fucking jumped out of window. That would have been me, Doug. And that was fucking LeCedric, bro. And that was like, but... And everybody there was, like, crying and pissed. And some girl was,

was like furious because all her tampons were in there or something. I remember she got pissed. She was a tough girl. She was like one of those what do those people that slide the thing on the ice she said? Curlers? She was a curler. But I was in my head, I was like

this is the best fucking night ever. No, that's... So just shit like that where I just love to put life just in precarious situations, man. You're never going to get to run it to another house party ever. Oh, I blacked out one time here in Hollywood and that scared me.

I woke up in my own bed. I had no clue how I got there. I'd wet the bed. I mean, I wet the bed at all. I was about 30 anyway. Did you two? My until I was like a teenager. Oh, that's nothing, bro.

And that was a pretty crazy night. Hold on one second. You wet the bed, see you were 13? I don't know. Probably around there, I would guess, yeah. I got to watch you like a hug. Damn. Those people always arsonist.

Yeah, dude. It might have been a little. little bit, maybe not 13, but close, maybe 10, at least. Well, 10 ain't far from 13 if you're talking at least. Probably fucking... No, but yeah, I had a huge issue with it. It was terrible. Dude, I used to have those buzzer underwear, bro. They put these underwear on you. When the urine would hit them, a buzzer would go off, right?

Oh, my God. I'm not joking. Look them up online. This ain't no joke, bro. So I went to my grandparents. My mother didn't tell them that I had these, right? I'm really hoping these are a real thing and not just like a torture device your parents put on. Not at all, man. They made by themselves. This doctor gave him to us, dude. This dude was a bona fide. This dude was a bona fide doctor.

So we went there, I got the electric pants on, dude. You know? Wait, wait. What did you like Google? I'm getting my rest. Probably, you know, buzzer underwear for urinators. Google buzzer underwear for urinators. And so then, but they didn't tell my grandfather, right?

So he fucking had a, and they had a son. small house, bro, a little bitty house. So my fucking crotch is just butt, like he wakes up middle of the night, dude. You're on fire? I'm not on fire, but I'm buzzing hard, bro.

Because I'd had apple juice, man, and I piss big on apple juice, dude. I fucking spray out on the AJ. So I'm in there just buzzing, dude. I didn't know. And he came in. They still got him? Yeah. Get me a pet. He didn't. He didn't know. That's what I want. Get me a pet. He didn't know what was going on.

Oh, my God. That's what... He comes in. He's scared, bro. How loud is it? How loud is this? In a little bitty house, you could hear it from down the hall. I just want to wake my wife up in the middle of my, like, twice a week.

I would just do two drops in you, and it goes off. And so my grandfather's in there, right? And he's all scared and shit. Oh, they sort of been terrible when I was a kid. And he's pushing me with a broomstick. Dude, he thought I was dead. Dude, he didn't know what had happened. And he thought was possessed or dead.

he's pushing me with a broomstick to wake me up and he was worried because he had one of those heart makers and he was worried he would get electrocuted he thought something was happening he thought the house had short-circuited or the phone company had fucked up that's what he thought the phone company had fucked up so he thinks I'm fucking just laying there buzzing like

there's a fucking miscreant but he died man my grandfather ended up doing he died I love people I love laughing I love laughing and shit like this that's You can't write this shit. I forgot about that.

I did, man. I did, man. This has been the bad, man. I appreciate you to have me on because I've been, I was sick the past two days, man. What was wrong with you? Oh, man, I had adult diarrhea, bro, to be honest. It happens.

Those fucking flights. You're eating fucking Katrina leftovers. Oh, yeah. They still got some guys got it in stock. Oh, they're serving fucking crippled pig pussy down there, and I was eating it by a handful. They ain't fucking around down there, Jack. Oh, my God.

I'm high on those stars because, like I said, I ate fucking transmission fluid and a couple of these moon things. The night that killed the cookies was the another ate the transmission fluid and the moon thing. And I was home all night with my wife. Oh, my God, I fucking killed those cookies.

I want some cookies, man. Dude, I ate half of a pot cookie one time. I never had one. There was a couple years ago. I invited this casting director, right? Out to a comedy show. So she comes, but the comedy show was the next night. I had the nights wrong.

So I felt bad, and she was cute. I was like, well, at least I'll get her dinner because she came all this way. I didn't want to be like a, you know, just like you said like a mook, you know. So buy this lady dinner. We're sitting there eating dinner. She gave me a pot cookie. And I got high, man. I never had one.

And I didn't know how we knew each other. And it was like a nice restaurant. And I started thinking that this was like my girlfriend, you know? I was like, fuck, dude. I'm the war. And I tried to make a move on her, but I was like, cab stand dude and she's like what the fuck are you doing you know and uh she wasn't my girlfriend man anyway that was it that was it dude but uh yeah yeah stuff dangerously i think it's what i'm

getting at here by the way my suspension on facebook is over my suspension on facebook is over my suspension on facebook is over thank god they were trying to fuck with me those people god damn But no, man, I'm very proud of the year that you've done. This has probably been a tough year for you. I know you work on yourself or not. I know you suffer from anxiety like I do and you deal with it. Yeah. And how many meetings are you going to a week?

I'm probably going four. Are you fucking them up at the meetings? You make them laugh from time to time? Sometimes, but sometimes I've got to be careful not to get caught up in that kind of stuff because, you know, I want to make sure that I'm being a part of, what's going on. No, you're just a funny guy just talking. Yeah, but sometimes, yeah, people start talking, you know, the other day, you know, there's a black guy in my building, always calling me the N-word and stuff, and I'm telling them about that,

and how it's upset at me, and people are laughing, and so sometimes you just don't even know what people are going to laugh at, you know, but, but I mean, yeah, I go, and it's good, man, it's a good sense of brotherhood. I mean, some of the reason I get in there is because I need some structure in my life, you know? That was the thing, like, I never had anybody, like, my whole life I made every decision. No one's ever told me anything, to do or any why to do something or not to i mean i i think i've never had anybody i've never listened to anybody or cared to really so you know a lot of that i'm just learning how to coexist with others and to listen to other people to take direction um and you know sometimes

i feel like a kid again but sometimes i feel like more like a man you know and it's a journey bro and i'm happy to be on and like i'm one of those people that kind of i feel like i want to experience everything a little bit you know which maybe one of the reasons why i even used to do cocaine or party you know like i would put myself in crazy situations because i just wanted to have a story i wanted to experience you know i just want it i just want that i want to be a part of the story i just want something i need something you know so it's nice to try and not need something and just be but you check in it when you man makes me feel good and you know it's things like that that make me feel supported and stuff like that and i appreciate it man and even just getting a note you know i've met

some neat people through you and getting to know you and uh it's inspired you and uh it's inspired firing also to see some fucking hammers on the stage again, you know? No more of these joke writing mathematicians. Let's get some fucking slinging dick out there. And let's see some entertainers, bro. I'm sick of this. You need to support entertainers, man. We're supporting all these fucking Muppets, you know.

You got away with words, brother. Sometimes. I'm learning from you tonight, man. And it's good to see you, Lee, bro. I always love seeing you see you. I'm disappointed. I'm happy for you that you're going to Montreau, but I'm going to make it.

and next week so disappointed but next time we would have been there together why you go to Vegas Friday yeah birthday this Friday correct Thursday yeah nice and you have to be 29 years old you know yes sir wow you know that that people at home know know that I torment them with the edibles and shit I'd explain myself last week that if I didn't do these things there's a part of me I looks at Lee and he knows I love the death and I'm happy he has a girlfriend. It bothers me when he talks about marriage, you know, because he's not ready at all by no means.

He'll be ready when he's 34, 35. He has to play this handout. He'll see if he wants to open up his own business. But the other part, I always wanted Lee to do something, you know. He's not the type that's going to criss-cross the kind of Thailand, like Ari Shafia. Yeah. Lee's not going to do nothing like that, you know.

So the last five years, I've been trying to get Lee to find something that's an adventure for a little extra yeah oh something they threw them off the fucking line the i was not going to throw it off the zip line people keep sending me let's not bring it up we don't need to open up all sorts but it's weird how champions of blamers you know uh i look at my life some time and it's pitiful last night i laid down and i thought of part of my life it was so disturbing actually how to get up of my robot and going the fucking office to sit there for now. Wow.

I'd actually fucking take it like a valley of my Xanax, a little white 2.5. Because I thought about something that I don't know how I'm going to attack something I did in my past that I could either avoid it or confront them in the next year or so and explain what I did, why, and maybe, who the fuck knows?

And I'm tight with this person. I feel fucking horrible. You know what I'm saying? And I have to confront them and shit. I bet they'll understand, man. I think anybody would understand coming from you. know? No.

It was at a fucking bad time and people do weird fucking things. Yeah. I get it. I fucking get it big time. There's times in your life a divorce shit like that

that I went through. I didn't know that I found out years later that even the divorce fucked me up a little bit that made me do a couple little fucking outlandish type things, you know. so I want to go straighten up with them

and that's it man I'm just trying to put the pieces together just like you brother good for you man I'm happy you got you one thanks too I got my 10 without blow dude that's huge man that is huge if you fucking think I remember that was a time that I had accepted it

like in 93 once I accepted comedy I said listen part of this comedy deal is I'm not gonna fight this inner demon no more this bullshit are getting high and then for four days shaking and not it's not worth the aggravation either I'm in or I'm out

I got no responsibilities I got zero responsibilities I'm a nomad I live on a pager I got a P.O. Boxing Boulder and I got a $400 a month apartment that's my bills I had a $500 a month

a nut I had a fucking car that all you had to do is change to you all in it taught I became a fucking nomad you know what I am And part of that No Matters that all those songs

you hear about life on the road and wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi or that's what it became for me. To become a fucking solid comic, you've got to go back to fundamentals and sometimes you've got to go to hell and do comedy. And really, like, I came out of here

and I thought I was Johnny Slick from Seattle. And I had enough to do spots at the store at 1 o'clock. But I didn't really have, I got eating alive at the improv. between Doug Stanhope and Nick DePaolo, I felt and I saw all the holes in my game. And I knew to get those holes cleared,

you got to go to hell. Buffalo, you got to go to all those towns. And once you rock them, you come back to LA in a year and see what happens. That's a training camp. And I just took everything I could. Michigan, Ohio, Atlanta. Yeah, that's what I've been doing.

Tampa, you know, I would do whatever I could. Myrtle Beach, and I lived week to week. Every Monday I sent out faxes, 100 faxes, and I get a week somewhere. By Tuesday, I get a week somewhere, fucking Theo Vaughn. It was crazy. There was somewhere I got a week. In fact, I was just telling, I was in St. Louis last week, and I went there the year before, and I went to the year before with Ari.

But before that, I hadn't been in St. Louis since 2000. I was on the road living like a nomad with this broad me and this brought are on the road as a headline of feature act we're not fucking but we're fucking like savages and snort and blow but we're actually sleeping in separate hotel rooms

but I would stay in her hotel room until five we'd do everything she was crazy I loved I still do and we got a call from Roger Paul you know that is in New York I think I was kind of week for you in St. Louis call me back. How much is it? 500.

The feature gets $250. That's it in those days. We were like in fucking Miami. We got that car and drove up to Fairview Heights, Illinois. There was a hotel. And then there they had a comedy club that was part of a Yoda run.

Yoda also booked it, and the owner booked it. I think the guy's name was Paul. Fucking Johnny Bananas over there. Lee knows the broad I'm talking about. We walk in that place on a Wednesday. It's Wednesday through Sunday. You know, those places give you three beers a night.

Those places give you three beers a night. I got a hookup for Coke. When I got there, first night, somebody at the club was selling 40s for, you know, it was like seven-tenths of a gram. And I got an advance of $200 bucks. I figured I'd walk with $300, $200 would last me a whole week. They gave you free breakfast at the hotel.

Yeah. The club gave you dinner. So all I had a scaven. or four in those days was a lunch which is a subway veggie and cheese that went light those days you know what I'm saying bag of chips a combo was a fucking big day like you got a combo for lunch sometimes I have to get the 12 inch and eat the one for lunch and the other one for dinner yeah so if I had Gidus to eat one 12 inch for lunch leit those are big time days right there I was living big you know

I got a 12 inch and shit like that living a lot a fancy car do I fucking jump up and down and jiggle for love at this point in my life you know me a long time bro i got my own views i live my own fucking life i don't give a fuck about what you know directors and producers think before you came here you're a fucking man and you got to leave here fucking man yeah if you become what they want you to become those are the fucking people that they should never came here they never should have came here yeah those stories i told last night at the ice house on They're true stories. I told the guy to go fuck himself

on the set of this fucking highline commercial. Like I shot this R.B.'s... What is it again? Are you sure you normally saying it? No, what's the name of the company? Hardys. Hardys?

Oh, I love Hardys, bro. What's the name of the cousin to Hardys? Oh, Carl's Jr. So years ago, bro, I shot three national commercials three weeks in a row. Like in my 20 years here, I've looked like 10 commercials.

But in 2009 or 2001 of those years I booked a fucking three national sprint Wow Something else and this RB's Which was fucking money Yeah Because they pay you from both companies

And they put the ads together You have no fucking ideally Dude I did a shitty internet commercial one time I made 25 grand over three years Bro how many people How many people staying in front of a cup with 7-11 25 grand over three years is a gift. Oh, it was, I couldn't.

It's a gift. I couldn't imagine. I thought I was going to make $600. You know, I could never imagine that what I made down with $20 over that time. Oh, yeah. And they give you a little, I told Lee for a year now, Lee, stop the shit. Go get your head shots. Go get that guy $1.

Go to Aqua telling me you want to go out for commercials. Jesus Christ. All right. I would put you in some shit. Hershey kisses, snacks or something. Anything that people eat and jumping up and down games with a jersey on. you're what to do you know you're a zombo looking motherfucker you're saying

yeah you can be the friend that's sitting on the gotta chips bro you're a dim guard a dildon the condomist dude or fucking sitting there with some pussy on your leg it's I love that that sounds great somebody told somebody said to me they stopped going off

with the actual and they just focus on commercial and I was like you know what I think it's time for Uncle Jerry to get a commercial agent yeah because I'm going to book a mafia commercial once a year or a cook or a chef or a pizza guy or a garbage man. Yeah. If you're not in the game, you're never going to book the game.

Yeah. I signed with a chick, and a week later I get paperwork, that I got to put my bank account information on there. And I go, what do you need my bank account information for? She goes, well, if we ever need to get that, that, da, da, that, that. You got to take that off the contract. Papa just gives you a name and a headshot. Go to work, bitch.

Yeah. And then we'll worry about fucking bank information, social security numbers. Suck my dick. I got to give you a credit report. Who the fuck are you? Let me see your credit report, bitch. I thought Veggie's made you fart all the time. Not me, man.

You're clean, you're sober, you look good. You're going to shoot a special. What do you want to do? I think we're going to do one more so time. We'll see. If not, dog, listen. You see that album right there? Yeah.

What's his name? He sold a bunch of those. And you know what, bro? You get yourself, Lee. You throw Lee a couple dimes. We put together a little team. You take it to the Irvine Improv. We blow it up on a few podcasts.

Do it at Ice House. And you do two shows. It doesn't matter. Materials, material. And guess who owns the material? Who's got the money on fucking iTunes? Yeah. You do.

And you know what? This whole business is media anyway. How many people have free internet and how many people have Showtime? Let's take a fucking vote. Yeah. You know what? If it's going to be Showtime, you're going to say yourself for Showtime, fuck it.

You know what? Let me go. Let me put a fucking hour amount. You put pictures in there. you lighten-case asshole on fire. You with your buddies at the Comedy Store, we'll come down and support you doing it on the night when we're all in town. People rather have that and a fucking CD. And guess what?

You're the Captain Kirk of the Enterprise and you run it. Because you know these people are going to listen to you at work and laugh their ass off. Yeah. More than they're going to tap into Showtime Go and all. Yeah, I agree. You're making them go to places they ain't there. And you know what? They love you to dead, but ah.

He went to showtime. Fuck him. Yeah. I'll go to somebody who's on iTunes for $2.52 and I can listen to that work and giggle. And what about the video? Could we also put the video on iTunes, you think, Lee? Yeah, absolutely. You can do whatever fuck you want.

With the video, I'd rather you control it. I rather you pay... Yeah, that's what I think. You pay the G-note, let them get the video, and then pay another number, and let them get a G-note, and let them get the video, and behind the scenes with Lee and us,

and smoking reefer and you going home and showing your father's grave and you bowing and let's go show me to camp where your sister stripped the first time and low key let's go see what they're doing today low ceiling dude they're developing a bunch of surfers strippers

you know what I'm saying da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-bat man suck my dick they're all doing that what's that thing? Like my pussy like my d-batman that da-da-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- What were some of your Halloween costumes when you were young?

Dude. What the fuck is this? Japanese? I want to know, man. One of them was probably Batman. You couldn't even have a fucking, a boy scout couldn't even be next to me because in those days you were flammable as fuck. When I was a kid, people used to light on fire on Halloween.

All the time. For no fucking reason, though. Boof. You go to school on a Tuesday, and the next day they come in with bandages and a jar full of Vaseline and no eyebrows. What happened to you? Were you lighting people on fire? No.

Just a wild night. night, dude. Listen, if a car was driving, okay? People don't spontaneously combust? Oh, yes, they did by those suits. They were made by some material. Carosine. I... Dog, this shit was blowing up. So let's say you were walking with me, you,

Theo, we got a couple idiots who were 10, we're walking across the street with our little fuck, and there's people who made costumes, but then there were parents who bought them. They came in a box, and they came with a mask up on top of the fucking thing. And the mask would cut your fucking skin. Yeah, the mask would cut your skin. It was like

razor blades. It was for tough kids. And then the suit, you were going to live. When your mom gave you that suit, she signed them for a liberty, national insurance. Because, let me say, let me put it to this way, Lee. You're crossing the street, you got the hand that goes like this, you know. Right.

Right. But at that first light, there's a car. And by mistake, it's like a 1960siavel. If it backfires, you're going up with flames, you know what I'm saying. Dude, they had some textiles going around our area that had kerosyxels. And I wish Lee, I was lying. Kerosene in the cloth. Yeah, you were burned.

He will burn up in a heartbeat. Every Christmas, you see a group of kids. One of them were like a flash suit or Batman. You're like, that kid's not going to school tomorrow. Yeah. Somewhere along the line, those poor bastards were fucking combust. Chevy Blazers would always do a fire off too at the end, you know? My uncle used to get out and run back to the back of the car,

and they would go off and he would act like you shot him, you know, and he'd fall on the ground. Because a lot of those cars would backpire. And they had a lot of clothing back in our area. Somebody was making bad clothing. and a kerosene in it. And kids were fucking getting adults too.

A lot of adult men were smokers were getting burnt up. Fucking hilarious. I forgot all about those fucking... Remember the boxes? I forgot about the box? You forgot about the box?

And they had all different sizes, all different colors. And they were called, take your chance, Halloween. Mickey Rooney. It was like I told me the other days. People wanted to get scaredly.

You want to be Halloween? Shove a dick in your ass and get a mirror in front of your face and look at your reflection of your mouth open. you'll be scared. How was this company around more than one year?

They went to states where they endorsed fucking they endorsed fucking, what do you call those people? They endorsed, flammable people. Yeah. They endorsed like, jugglers, wizards. You took your...

Dude, they had a girl in our neighborhood, dude. She put that mask on and her head was so big. It would like smash her face into like a shape of like a cookie, right? And it would take three days. Even after she took the mask off,

it would take like three days for her fucking pace to go back to form, bro. I'm gonna fucking pass up. She looked like Mickey Rooney, dude. This girl looked like fucking Mickey Rooney, bro. I told you, when I was growing up, you were growing up. Every day you live for you,

you struggle for your life, whether you were rich or not. Because those are the kids who bought those little half-of-fax suits where those kids that had the flammable fucking Batman suits and shit. The kids that just, like I put a shit.

on my head one year. Yeah. You know, whatever. Everybody's a fucking ghost. I'm a loser. One year, I was a garbage man. One year I was a fucking abortion, you know. I'm a fucking stu-on.

But, yeah, you put a sheet over your head and put a fucking hanger around your neck. You know, like a fucking moron. Yeah, like an Italian nun. Yeah, so that's what, you know. So that was the fucking story. I dressed up. I probably got dressed up fucking four times

in 54 fucking years. Yeah. I wasn't a big Halloween. Dude, that dressing up shit scares me. Yeah. This week scares the shit out of me. Really? Fucking Wednesday's deal, a little mortoes.

Dude, I went this weekend to Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Yeah, you people do it the white way. You go up there, you think somebody's going to come out with a boo mask on. I think, I go deep into the voodoo world. Yeah. I go deep. I don't like candles. I put a cigar out.

I'll probably put some Cuban food out for these fucking spirits this week and drummed crazy. I got some guineas on there. I got to take care of it. I got to get a meatball from them from rails. something. I got some Irish people. I got to put a shot of whiskey out from him. You got the altar.

You got to have the fucking altar for your people who fucking kept you alive over the years. Dude, a lot of... I got Balzano, Rago, Dominique Special. I got fucking... Jesus, my mother, my father, my godmother, I got Zeraita. My stepfather, he could burn in hell. I don't give a fuck about that. Oh, come on, dude.

Yeah, I don't toast them for dick anymore. I used to toast them. Get him with doughnut or something. You can just toast so many people. You know what I'm saying? I got people dying left and run. I got Ralphie now. I got to get a picture of Ralphie and put like a fucking jalapeno popper.

Out of respect for that fucking cock sucker left me here with these fucking Gentiles. Cow-cow. I had a rough time after the other night's podcast because he showed up to the office the other night Wednesday night. Yes. We heard the horn go. We were talking about him. We were talking about him. We were talking about him.

You know who gave us that, Lee? That speaker, he gave it to me. Wow. Look how long ago it was. It was by that company that you get a magazine. Sharp image. Sharp image. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I got that in my house on a box. I didn't even know what the fuck it was. I go, honey, I got this in the mail. She goes, Ralphie sent it to you. It's an iPad. iPod charge it. I still got the, I'm so old school. I still got that iPod.

I brought that here because the speakers are sensational. And right as we were talking about it, you felt like a little breeze. And all of a sudden I could. feel, I can just remember him. He was just there three fucking weeks ago, four weeks ago sitting there. And the fucking Mexican fruit guy came and he goes,

blah, blah, bopop, pop, pop. And Ralphie always would go pinga papaya, pina. For years, Ralphie's been saying that shit whenever you play that, that horn. And dude, yeah. First of all, everything he said is exactly how I went down, but also

we're here every night. That truck, that sound is never here. Wow. It's never here. It's always it. You came by to say goodbye. That's reality, guys. They stick around for 30 days.

They just don't go into fucking the next image. They want to see your friends one last time and touch it. And listen, bro, I had a friend Jimmy Burkle that I loved. And I didn't forget getting a call from him on that Friday. He was in the hospital already. And he was like, Cokes, what's happening? And I could tell him his voice, he was done. He would wrestle with two years.

Mm. And I never forget getting a call that Sunday saying he died Sunday morning and fucking he was saying goodbye man When Carmine Balzano died I missed his call When I called him back he was dead Wow

Later Frankie called he goes Yeah your phone you just called him He must have just gone to the bathroom Got up and died of a heart attack Damn They call you to say goodbye Everybody says goodbye believe it or not They all say goodbye in their own way

And if you talk to people who've had somebody die recently, give them 30 days. They give you a signal before they leave just to let you know that they got you back. It's the weirdest thing about life. Yeah, I believe that, man. They'll give you, and I know it sounds crazy.

I'm talking about flatter, or whatever. I'm talking about the spiritual world. I was raised in it, so I get it. I believe that my dad opened up a lot of doors for me and closed a lot of doors. I was there a lot of nights, man. with a lot of choices to run

and I always made the right choice and that I wouldn't be in this fucking chair something makes you make the right choice something