The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - The Church Of What's Happening Now Live #09

Episode Date: December 2, 2013

Rocco Urbisci and Sal Polisi join Joey and Lee Live at the Ice House. Recorded live on 11/27/2013

Yeah, hard time Yeah, yeah Stephen almost Floyd Oh shit Night before Thanksgiving This is fun This is the first time we sold out

Before the show started So thank you guys very much This is very fun Woo, it's Shit, it's bright Alright, well we have two great guests for you So I'm just gonna start it And bring up the main man, Joey Diaz.

Thank you very much, Lee Syall One more time. Lee Syatt. All right. Happy Thanksgiving to everybody. Thank you very much for coming out. I know you had a lot of choices. You got shit to do in L.A.

And you came out here and you're staying late. And you're drinking. Fuck the cops. Fuck the 134. I like the attitude. Because that 134 is fucked up when you're drunk. You could get home. Trust me.

There's no cops on that 134. But right after fucking Glendale, before fail on that's a fucking hell drive right there if you're fucked up I've smoked a couple joints and went over the line a couple times never mind had a couple margaritas and trying to have a good time here but I'm happy you guys came out thank you for the support you know there's a podcast we get crazy on there we talk about shit a lot of people don't even fucking dream about we talk about shit people don't dream about and because of you guys one of my things came true the guy kidnapped 26 years ago finally called the podcast he finally forgave me

He fucking forgave me after 26 years, you know, it was just hard enough to get him on there. I couldn't get him to talk about it. You know, I didn't want him to talk about getting tied up and put in the trunk. That's too deep. That's too deep before Thanksgiving. But I contacted him. It took me three fucking years on Facebook, persistent. You understand me?

I kept sending a message, Kent, I'm sorry. And then he would get back to me, fuck you, fat man. And then like a month later, Kent, I'm sorry, go fuck yourself. Then I asked him point blank, you know, would you like to do the podcast? And he's like, fuck you again. And then out of the blue, out of the blue, like a week before the 26th anniversary, I'm not lying to it. He fucking hit me on Facebook, and he sent me his number. And it took me three days to actually call it.

I mean, this is a guy I kidnapped that gunpoint. I mean, you know what I'm saying? It's not like I'm trying to sell him insurance. It's a complete different situation. You know, and I'm picturing the shit, and the phone rings, and he's like, there's no, fucking rolling papers, whatever, toilet paper, and all of a sudden it's me on the phone. Hello, it's Joey Diaz.

Fuck! You know? So I got scared. I didn't know when to call him. And I finally called him, and I told him I was sorry. And he goes, hey, man, no problem. I'll call the podcast. Then he called me that night.

I thought he had a couple cocktails in him. And then that Sunday, I called him like in the morning, and he never called me back. I'm not lying to you guys. About 8 o'clock, I think, fuck it. He's not going to call the podcast. So I wrote on Facebook, the guy kidnapped 26 years.

ago, still won't forgive me for kidnapping him. After 26 fucking year. I mean, what is? I've lit like a thousand candles. You understand me? I wasted candles on this motherfucker. Sometimes you go to church, you let a candle for your cousin. He's missing a foot.

You know what I'm saying? The other cousins going to jail for kidnap. Whatever. Fucking, you let a can. I would like candles for him to forgive me. And then, fucking, after I wrote it on Facebook, he called me. He goes, I'll do it tomorrow. He just called me.

He said he apologized. And we talked about, you know, because I would never kidnap somebody today. I mean, it was like a bad day. And, you know, again, seriously, sometimes you wake up, and you're like, fuck it, I'm going to run this red light, you know what, nobody's ever done there? You're like, fuck, today's the day. I'm sick and tired of stopping on Supervita before the fall 405.

That's a 10-minute light. You could shit eight times during that light. You ever get to that? Like, after a point you're like, what the fuck is going on with this fucking light, man? When does this fucking think change, motherfucker? It's a motherfucker, dog. But it's the holiday season. This is enough fucking, this is it right now.

It's do or die after tomorrow, motherfuckers. And they didn't even give a fuck about Thanksgiving this year. Did you notice? The night after Halloween, like 901, they didn't even mention the turkeys or the pilgrims. Fuck those motherfuckers. They went right to layaway plans. Fuck it.

They didn't even talk about them. Remember Rauch used to give a free turkey? Fuck it. Don't give away free turkeys. Don't do nothing. Rouse, don't give away shit. I boycott it Rouse. I'm done with fucking Rouse.

Fuck them. They suck dick. They give me bananas. I bring them home. They get rotten. How the fuck are they yellow? They're like magic bananas. David Blaine must have fucking put them together.

How the fuck do you buy bananas? On cold water and fucking Riverside at 4 o'clock. And they're yellow is shit. And by the time you get home, You take a bath, you take a shit, you smoke a joint. You go in the kitchen, they're brown. They're like, what the fuck just happens? Only Rouse does that shit here.

And they will do a switcheroo on you quicker than a fucking Jew in Chinatown. They don't give a fuck. You know what the switcheroo is? They show you the sneaker. Oh, you like this one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We come right back. Back there, they give you the old shit that they made like a newark.

They don't even give you the shit they made in China. They gave you the shit they made in Newark. Then you bring it home, I swear to God, one time, right? I was running the scam and I had to leave town. So I was going to do the scam at like two in the afternoon, and I was going to take the 9 o'clock flight. So the day before, I knew I needed sneakers for the scam. So me being the Puerto Rican that I am, right?

I pulled them up in front of the sporting group. My friend, I go, don't move the car. And I went in, and I didn't even put the sneakers on. Like I went in, I go, let me get nine and a half. Adidas. You don't want to try them on. Fuck it. I'm in a rush, Coxstock. I got to rob somebody. I pay for the sneakers. I put the sneakers in my luggage. I go to Colorado. I take the sneakers out. One was

10 and a half. The other one was like a six and a half. And what am I going to do? Send the fucking sneaker back. There was no federal expression. You know what I did? I put that sneaker on. I wore that motherfucker. With pride, I wore that motherfucker. My leg was purple. I don't give a fuck. They were $80 sneakers. I don't give a fuck. I had an ingrown toenel. My snobers. My toenails still hasn't fucking grown from that.

I got one of those fungi toenails. It just hangs there. Looks like a turtle show. You know what I'm saying? Ha ha ha ha ha. How you doing, you're sexy motherfucker? What's happening? Bad motherfucker you bring out with a miniskirt.

I like that. That's a Spanish dude right there. That's Fuezai and shit. And you probably call them up. Spanish motherfuckers will call a woman up. Listen, fuck that dress with the polka dots. I don't like that dress. It's too long.

Where the minisk? shirt dog so I can just case there's traffic I can play with you on the fucking car Spanish guys don't fuck around they'll tell you what the way don't wear that motherfucker and wear the pink underwear it's easy to pull to the side those those white grandma ones have the elastic like the wrestler you know what I'm saying you're like a fucking wrestler nothing falls out I can't get a finger in there where you go to the gym you're gonna wrestle somebody where the fucking tongue with the string like a finger bang you put a blinker on you know what I'm saying

I gotta keep my hands loose I can't be caught up in a fucking fact next year I hit somebody the black guy from all state shows up I love you motherfuckers thank you very much for coming out of the night the guy I'm bringing up is point blank

what the baddest fucking Jews living today you understand me he just beat out his great uncle stabbed Jesus on the cross that's how I'm just stabbed him what you fuck you cock sucker showing up with those yellow bananas and shit.

That's a callback, page 89. You know what I'm saying? Anyway, my brother from a different mother, Mr. Lee Syrac, get him up here. Oh shit. You know it's going to be a good show when you're fired up about bananas. Oh, I'm pissed about those fucking bananas, dog.

No, and they fuck me with bananas? They fucked me. They did the switcheroo to me with fish. That's when they fucked me up. I went there and the fish was beautiful. Shy, Shea, Shoe. whatever the fuck it was. And when I brought it home,

Spanish people, know what the chichalong is? The fat that they fry, that's what they gave me the fucking fat. So here I am, listen, listen, people, let me tell you something, there's two appetites. There's the regular natural appetite to have that it's your, it's like, I don't know, natural appetite

is completely different from being high and having an appetite. And going out and fetching the food. Like once you go to Rouse and you're high at Rouse, you start becoming a chef in your head. It's like when you go to a Chinese restaurant and the motherfucker's closed

and that's the flavor you had in your mouth. It's like a dog when he goes to lick his balls and they cut him off. And he looks one day and he got no nuts. You know what I'm saying? He was in the mood to lick his balls and now they disappeared again. So it's different.

You get home and now the fish is bad. I don't like that shit. Now I'm pissed off. Now I'm stuck making peanut butter fucking jelly sandwiches, which I don't mind. I don't mind the good peanut butter

how about you, little brother? No, that's what I've been living on for a week or two. I know, you like this. I had him today after you left. Yesterday, I stopped at this door because he's gonna give me edibles and I know I'm not gonna leave the house.

So I stopped for bread. What kind of bread did you get? Wheat or what? Wheat. You like peanut butter and jelly on wheat bread? Yeah, what's the difference? What type of fucking American are you,

cock sucker? Why is that bad? In the American cookbook, it's on white, okay? And you're supposed to cut the fucking sides off. You know, that's what the professionals do. You cut the crust off? Not now, because I don't give a fuck about the crust.

What am I? One of these half of fags? I'm gluten-free. Oh, my God. I can't do it no more. You're fucking Italian, cocksucker. How the fuck are you gluten-free? What do you eat peppers all day? You fuck? You can't eat bread.

You can't eat fucking pizza. You can't eat fucking spaghetti. And you can't make a milkshake. How the fuck? Are you going to live off people? And that's just invented. All these fucking diseases just got invented recently. You think a caveman 2,000 years ago

when you offered him a piece of pizza? It's amazing how all those phobias go away when you go to prison. You understand me? All those allergies disappear because people play along to those fucking allergies. There's no one who eats just organic in prison? Yeah, oh yeah, yeah.

They'll agree with you. They'll give you what you want. Oh, you want cow. You want raised on a farm. Okay, we'll give you salmon from the Atlantic instead of fucking whatever. It's amazing, all the diseases. And I'm getting a phobia now.

And I'm not lying to you, but you know a phobia I'm getting? But I'm gonna get fucking shot. Bananas? You ever get that phobia now with all the shootings? You don't know when you're gonna get fucking shot. Like anything I go to now, and there's a lot of people, I do what I gotta do, and I get the fuck out of there.

Like, it's time to go. With the menu, I don't give a fuck, I got an appetizer. I'm good till later. fuck this shit. I swear to God, now with everything that's going on, you know, you get this thing that you're going to get shot. You don't want to get a bulletproof vest and walk around like DuPock.

Because they even got him, even with the fucking vest. If they're going to get you, they're going to get you. So what's up, dog? What the fuck? What are we doing tomorrow for Thanksgiving? It's Thanksgiving. Are you grateful? Yeah, absolutely. Well, you already gave you two edibles today, so we'll see where this goes. Let me ask you a question. Again, let's go back to this shit, because this is what I go

back to it. Every time I have a problem. with something I think of two black kids in Africa laying there with flies on them right and saying to themselves well you gave me two edibles today go fuck yourself fuck no they'd be getting up dancing and shit doing the gator dance if you give you the flies off their shoulders if you're having girl problems I feel bad for you son I got 99 crumbs and a bitch ain't one if you give edibles to a kid in Africa they would pass out and die and like... No, they fucking wouldn't.

They would go out, they get energy for an hour, kill a fucking mule and eat it. That's what you do, you get creative. You don't sit there and let these flies eat you. You go, why am I gonna sit here and let these motherfuckers eat me and give me chingles? Fuck this shit. You take them off one by one and you get up, all fucked up.

Like Diane Nyad, where she came out of the water, that's fucking old. That fucking old bitch, she pissed me the fuck off. Broke the record. Fuck you, bitch. Cubans are pissed about that shit. Cubans like, she cheated. She had a boat.

She had a mask on. Cubans ain't got nothing. They got a raft and crackers. You think I'm fucking kidding you. That's what they come with. They have a raft, crackers, and water. And they just go out there. And one guy was telling me that he saw fucking a bunch of empty raps.

It's like the apocalypse now. After you're 30 or 40 miles in, 50 miles from the... States you see like people jumping up and down in Miami but you also see fucking wraps that are empty now and you see the sharks coming around it's fucking scary Diane Nyad had bodyguard she had fucking a sawin on to her to see what the things are she had a mask for the jellyfish fucking Cubans do that shit commando bitches you understand solo like fucking John Lennon anyway how are you with my love everything all right you will now I'm happy

you guys came out tonight so happy Thanksgiving for all of us, man. Without you guys that have fucking Dick and Lee, we'd fucking be doing something else. All right, so you got to eat the edibles. When Jesus came down, he sacrificed himself. He went out every day and did something. We got to do something every day.

We've got to fight the power. Does anyone else understand what that means? Get up in the morning. You got to put a public enemy. You got to put a Yamaghan. You got to salute the fucking flag and fucking pop an edipon and take your chances. That's what I'm fucking saying.

You're going to take your chances. You know, it's very easy to become an artist when you have a trust fund. Become an artist when you're stabbing motherfuckers. You know what I'm saying? I don't call myself an artist. I shit out of window in a hotel in Seattle.

I lived in a fucking one bedroom on a floor with a towel with a phone and an 800 number and people would put bets in there. I doubled and I took shits out the window because there was no showers and no backroom. I had to walk to the end of the hallway. And if the lady was mopping,

I didn't want to know I was living in an office for $125. That's suffering right there. You know what I'm saying? So I don't call my fucking self. What are we talking about here? For people who missed it, I told the story on the podcast today how you had a leg thing

and you just dropped your pants and while we were waiting over there, he just did it and all of you guys missed it. What leg thing? You dropped your pants. It's not a leg thing. It's not like I got fucking malaria. I don't have nothing like that.

I busted a blood vessel by my nuts out and the blood went down. So I woke up with a purple thing on my fucking leg. I didn't even know it was there. It doesn't even hurt him. It doesn't bother me. Why are we talking about my personal part? Anyway, we've got a great guest tonight. We've got a couple guests tonight.

You know, I'm a fucking comedian, man. That's all I am. I got felonies. There's nothing else I could do. I looked up. My wife made a list of things. that I can't do because of a felony, there ain't shit left that I could do. I can't even be a fucking barber in most states, if you have a felony.

Yeah, you can't be an embalmer, you can't be an undertaker, so there's nothing I can do. So I admire a comedy. I got into this because I admired it, but I admired it because I was Cuban, I didn't understand the language, and I just saw this comic, I heard him. I heard this comedian, and it just destroyed my insides.

And I'm a student of the game. And this guy's a teacher of the fucking game. So give me some love, give him some love, Mr. Rocco or Bece. What's up, Uncle Rocco? I can't follow you. You've been calling on the podcast, and people have always loved you. You came in live for Beauty and the Beast. Once old mythologic came on, it's so weird.

Talk about the prior talk? Yeah, I think about the prior documentary. I think about George Kahn. But also think about you, when I think about what you've done, and when I reach IMDB and all this stuff. And you've been in this town for how long? 40 years. Close.

Can you fucking imagine? Like, I've been here 16 years and I'm ready to fucking shoot myself. 40 fucking years of doing this. I mean, you know, most people want to know how you make a marriage last, right? Like most people, oh, we love each other. And we tell each other we, you know, whatever.

How do you stay here for 40 years without losing your fucking mind? Who said I didn't lose my fucking mind? Well, you look good, and you're still in the game. Most people would quit. Most people would have quit and moved to Maryland and sold real estate or had an acting school in fucking Connecticut. I'm fucking stupid.

I'm stupid. I still do this. It's amazing how I feel the same way about myself sometimes. What else are we going to do? I have no idea. I don't know what else would have to do. I wouldn't know. I've never had a job.

Really? This is it. I don't know what a real job. I did have a real job. I got fired. What kind of job was it? I worked at J.C. Pennies. And that was back in...

When I was a kid going to school, and I never could understand why I would spend half my fucking day stacking these shirts and nice stack, and then some stupid bitch would take the bottom and pull it out. I go, what the fuck is the problem with you? And the manager came over and said, you can't talk to people like that. like that.

Well, I said, let me ask you a question, boss. You bring me in here at 7 o'clock in the morning. I stacked the shit up, and then some asshole pulls the bottom. What would you do if it was me? I would go and get my last check and go home. And he fired me. Now, I didn't know I was going to do for a living, but my sister, my half-sister, God bless her, looked at my report card.

Holy shit. D minus, D minus, D, C minus, A in art, and A in Jim. What the fuck are we going to do with him? They sent me to art school. I became a painter. Seriously. I paint. I've had, how many art shows?

Four or five art shows? You don't even know that, do you? No. No. So I painted for a long time. And then I got into television production. And I did set designing and graphic designing. And then I was watching television one day.

He was a kid doing my homework, and I saw this funny black guy on the Merv Griffin show. His name was Richard Pryor. Then I watched another funny guy on a tonight show, and his name was George Carlin. If you'd have told me that five or six or eight years later, I would actually be in this town. Working with the both of them, I'd have told you you were fucking nuts. But that's how life happens, isn't it? Just things, you can't explain it, but it just happens. And that's why I got into comedy.

I worked out a music show called The Midnight Special. I don't think anybody have maybe half the people in here know what that was. What nights was that on the Midnight Special? It went on after Johnny Carson. It was the first, it was a 90-minute rock show. And it was on NBC. and we had everybody on it. You named the band.

They were on it. It was directed by a guy named Stan Harris who came from Variety Television. And he didn't understand rock and roll but he could cut music. I'll tell you a quick story. I'm standing in the hallway with the Doobie Brothers. And Stan says to Tom Johnson,

says, how'd you get the name Doobie Brothers? He turns to his buddy and he goes, oh, I know. We were in London and we were in a hotel and a police siren went by and went dooby, dooby, dooby, doobie, and he fucking bought it. He had no idea what a doobie was. You okay, Joey? Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. So, stop me at any time.

By the just keep going until you tell me that's the word. No, no, no, that's what you're here. Or until they tell me to get off. Wait, so can you explain for people who don't know? Hold on, can the volume get turned on? I'm having, like, just for Rocco and my man Lee. I can't, I'm fucking deaf, but I got to hear it. So can you explain what, like, what you did with them?

Because for people who don't know, you directed 10 George Carlin and how many of Priors? Well, I directed 10 Carlin's. Okay. I met Richard on the Midnight Special. Okay. I booked him on the midnight special and the executive producer says if that fucking guy goes home you're fired

because you know you have reputation not showing up I was like 22, 23 years old so I kept sitting in the dressing room and he said motherfucker what are you doing here? I said the boss said if you don't show up I get fired so I'm going to make sure you go on fucking stage and I bought him a bottle of Cavazier and he looked at me and he laughed

went on the show And then about three or four years later, it was right when Saturday Night Live went on the air. If there's one person that I really envy and really have a great deal respect for and hate is Lauren Michaels. Lauren Michaels has created a show that's now part of the fabric of American culture. Saranite Live, whether you think it's funny today or not, that fucking show has produced some of the most amazing talent ever. So I'm watching Saturday Night Live, I'm getting stoned, and I go, how come

I'm not producing that show? I got to do something. I got to do something, something. I know, I'm going to ask Richard Pryor if he wants to do television. So? I went to the comedy store, I hung out for about three, four weeks, every night. I'd be backstage.

He remembered me from midnight. And then one day he said, motherfucker, what do you want? I said, well, you do a prime time special? He said, go sell it. So I went to my old boss, NBC picked up the special. I couldn't be the producer of it because I didn't have any producing credit. So they made me the head writer and my partner was Alan Thick. Alan Thick, the father of Robin Thick.

So Alan Thick and I were the writing partners and we were a disaster. But there was a guy named Paul Mooney Oh, fuck. That Richard thought Paul and I should write the show together. So all the other wives would write shit and Paul and I were cooking. We were just snapping. So here's the thing that got me over the top.

I went to Richard and I said, I want to book the Pips. He said, you mean Gladys tonight in the Pips? I said, no, just the Pips. Fuck Gladys. So, I called up Bubba Knight, who I'd worked with our midnight specials. Say, Bubba, it's Rocco. What up, brother? I want to book you and the guys to do a Richard.

What about Gladys? Fuck Gladys. Just you guys. They flew to LA. They had the charts. And we did drum roll. Ladies and gentlemen, the Richard Pryor presents, and the Pips. And they did midnight train to Georgia, all the backing track would all

glad of singing lead. Dun-dun-dun-dun-d-d-d-d-dun. She's too much for the man. You know she's leaving. Leaving on that midnight train to Georgia. So on that show is John Belushi. And there was a guy named Falstaff Wild. Remember him?

Well, the opening of the prior special was a slave ship. and Belushi was throwing a whip, whipping all these black guys on the these slaves. And here comes False Def Wild. False Def Wild was probably the most over-the-top gay comedian ever. So he comes running in, he goes, Oh, Captain, oh Captain, they want another one, right? Another what?

So we smoked a lot on Midnight's, I'm Richard Pryor. We smoked a lot. So Richard was a slave, and Belushi picks him, and they take him and they throw him out in the hallway of NBC, and that's how he gets his first special. He's walking down the hallway, and he meets all these people are going to be in this show, right? So we're standing in the hallway, and we're blocking,

and down the hall they were doing a sitcom with Billy Barty. You people don't know who Billy Barty was. Back in the day, we called them midgets. Right? Now they're little people. I don't think Billy Barty was taller than this. You know we man? Jackass wing? Yeah. About the same size. So he wasn't very big. He was a very, very heavy working actor. He worked all time.

So I'm in the hallway like this. I'm talking to Richard, and here comes Billy Barney running down the hallway like this. And he yanks on Richard's jacket. And Richard turns around. And Billy goes, hey Richie, how you doing? And Richard says, hey, Billy, have you bumped into any good pussy lately? Have you bumped? Have you bumped into any good pussy lately? Now, let's analyze that joke in how long it took? Five seconds?

This is the brilliance of the man. Do you realize in five fucking seconds, that guy painted a picture for you that's so hilarious. Have you bumped into any good pussy? Not have you gotten any good pussy? Have you bumped into? But we got to go back to something real quick here, guys. A lot of you guys are younger. You know, you have an iPhone, you have a fucking computer,

you have all this shit in your house. But think about it. When was the last time you pictured a boat on NBC with John Belushi whipping black dudes on fucking prime time? You motherfuckers will never see that on prime time. But we have all these things. We're supposed to be so high tech and we're supposed to be the society that's free and all this shit.

You know, I watch a lot of whatever that fucking is, Nicolode. Not Nickelodeon, the other fucking one where they show the old shows. And every once in a while, they slip with Archie Bunker or whatever. They could never play that shit now. Never. You could never get away with that. Belushi with no shirt whipping black people on a fucking boat. I want you to close your eyes and think about that, you fucks.

Next time you watch Modern Family and you see the two gay guys, you're like, oh my God, that's so cutting eggs. Oh my God, how do they like that shit? Fuck you, motherfuckers. Fuck you, so. Fuck you's all. How about this? Stop watching that shit.

It's making you soft, you fucks. You're right. How about this? How about this, Joey? Fuck a man. I'm sorry. Now, this is my... This is 1977.

So now George Lucas gives us all the characters from the Star Wars. All the characters. And we do a thing called Star Wars Bar. And Richard played this character called Mudbone. He was a shoe shang guy. You would never get this on television. So all the characters are in the bar. And one of the Star Wars characters, the guy looked like they had a bullhead, big snorted nose and

big lips. And Mudbone bumps into him. And the bull goes, and Richard says, you look like a nigger I knew in Detroit. That went on primetime television. And that's 17, what? Seventy-seven.

So that's what? That's 30, the 20 fucking 3, and 13 is fucking... Look, I gotta do math old school. What the fuck? I'm an old drug dealer. I got to think I'm a move. You know what I'm saying?

You know what Day Chappelle said? What's that? We did a salute to Pryor at the Yasmin Comedy Festival. Dave Chappelle came up and later he said, how in the fuck did you get that on TV? I said, I'll tell you why. Richard was the 100,000 pound gorilla. They were so fucking afraid of him. They were terrified, terrified of him.

And they would call me up, the network guy, go, you know, you can't have Richard click. I hung up on him. Richard Click. So they come here and say, you have to have Richard Pryor do an opening monologue in the show. It's a must. I said, you want me to get Richard

Pratt to open a show with a monologue? Okay. So they're rich. They want you to open a show with a monologue. He starts laughing. He says, okay, I'm going to sing, there's no business like show business at the end of the monologue, and then have Mooney hit me with a pie. Right?

In the control booth at NBC, all the executives, they're all excited. Right? Richard opens up, he says, sorry I'm late, but a white girl was sucking my dick in the parking. From there, it didn't get any better. So at the end of the monologue, he goes, this is how brilliant he was. At the end of the monologue goes, there's no business like show, right? We cut the opening, this is how the opening was.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Richard Pryor's show. There's no business like no... business like, no. And the monologue was cut out, of course, because he knew it. That was his opening line and the NBC's executives. I thought the compliances and practices person was going to die. That was her opening line. I'm sorry I'm late, but a white bitch was sucking my dick in the parking lot. Well, what about what he ended up walking off the show for, which I saw on that documentary? That was on the naked opening. Yeah, the naked with no tick opening.

Okay, I'll go real quickly. So we're trying to... Now, Joey, you have to appreciate that. This is how I broke in the show business. I'm crazy. This is crazy. This is my first... By the way, this is my first network job.

My first producing job in the network was Richard Pryor's show. All the reason. It was 24. Okay, so now watch this. Richard calls me up. He says, we have to have an opening for the show. And I'm thinking about doing Frankenstein. You bring in a white guy and me, and we transpose our brains.

And I get up and I sound like a white guy. So we come in the next day and we start to write it. It's not going anywhere. He used to call me like two in the morning. I got this call. I was like, Richie. Yeah, what's up, Rich? Can you get somebody to make me look like a mannequin?

Yeah. Richard Baker, whose world-renowned makeup artist, was working on Star Wars, came in, and this is what we did. Richard was completely in the studio. We had him propped up like this. He had a pair of shorts. They put a body makeup on him, so he looked like he had no dick and no balls. He looked like a mannequin. And this is how the show opened.

I remember it because I wrote it with him. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. And welcome to the Richard Pryor show. You know, a lot's been said about me doing television. Richard, you shouldn't do television. You'll have to give up everything. Well, that's ridiculous. I'm standing here naked, head and the toe.

And I've given up absolutely nothing. No balls, no dick. Let's go on with the show. Right? Richard Pryor's show is going to premiere with that opening on it. That was the premiere of the show? Yeah. I get a phone call.

I get a phone call from Dick Ebersaw. Dick Ebersole became the president of NBC Sports. He said the network wants you to cut out the opening. They find it too offensive. I said, does Richard know this? He says, absolutely. Okay. I call Richard up and I say, Richard.

Why are you editing out the opening? See, what the fuck you're talking about? See, if I hadn't called him and I did it? I wasn't too smart, but I was smart enough for that. He went fucking ballistic, and he quit. It was a big press conference. I didn't take it out. Somebody else had to cut it out.

Now, here's the thing about censorship that I really enjoy. Do you realize if they'd have left that fucking thing alone on Richard's show, which is against Laverne and Shirley in Happy Days, he actually sent Gary Marshall a telegram. Gary, can you cancel Happy Days in Laverna and Showers if somebody watched my fucking show to know? So,

they cut it out. It's on CBS, it's on NBC, it's on ABC, it's a press conference. Richard Pryor quit the show over that naked opening, over censorship. And what I find interesting about censorship

because we all know sitting in this room if it wasn't for Lenny Bruce saying go, you know, fuck the government, we wouldn't be having this conversation anyway. You fucking imagine that guy? We've got to remember Lenny Bruce. Lenny Bruce died for our sins, Phil. You got to check out Lenny Bruce.

There's not a comedian I haven't worked with. Pryor, Carlin, Jamie Fox, whoever they are, will tell you to the person. That guy fell on the sword for all of us. He did. So for people who don't know, he was a comedian and he went to jail for saying fuck

on a comedy club. Yeah, he said, fuck on stage one night, and they arrested him. And then he went to court and represented himself. He did. He defended himself in court

and he lost. Listen, guys. Because he had to read something. Like the judge said, so what did you say? And he's like, suck my dick, suck my dick, suck my dick.

And if you read it, like when you read it, it's so far out there. Guys, I didn't know what I was going to do with my fucking. I ain't gonna lie to you guys. I have no idea what I was gonna do with my life, right?

And the first book I read when I got locked up was on Wings of Eagles. That was the book of about Ross Perot. All right, how he got this fucking mercenaries and they went to Iran, and he said, oh, my dick got hard when I read that. And then two weeks later, the book guy came along. And I just pulled out this Lenny Bruce,

there's a couple of them, but I booked the one when he used to do heroin and live at the hotel in New York. He lived at this fucking Chelsea Hotel in New York, and he go there at night after he did comedy. There'd be hookers and jazz musicians, and he'd do heroin. Are you fucking kidding me?

That's the life I wanted. Fuck going home. Watching Law & Order with like some fucking fag. Do you know what I mean? Waking up with a fucking thing around, you know what I mean? Shit. Some chick dead next to you, that's living. That's living. That's living.

That's living. That's what I'm talking about right there. We get up, ah, ah, we hit the alarm. Richard Lewis, Richard Lewis was at the club the night he got arrested. He's got a picture in his house of Lenny Bruce being escorted away by the police. Isn't that amazing? He was there. He was there. He denied he got arrested. And no fucking cell phone. No.

You follow me? So that's balls right there. He ain't not texting, that's for sure. No, nothing. No. When you took a picture in 1954. of some chick's pussy, you were sharp. You were sharp. You showed up with a picture of some chick finger banging herself. That's a sharp fucking guy right there.

He talked her into and said, stay right there. I'm going to go to the car and get the camera. Don't fucking move. And you know, how many times have you had a chick ready to suck your dick and you forgot something in the car? When you come back, it's all over. She sees a picture of the boyfriend or the grandmother. She hears that song and it's all over. Now you've got to start from scratch again. I remember one time, I swear I've got to tell these guys this story.

It's the Thanksgiving story tomorrow. You can tell your family, I swear to my mother's great. It's a holiday story? Oh, tremendous. This is 1999. Guys, I'm all fucked up on blow. I am fucked up at this time. I went out to do comedy to make money to buy cocaine and go home and jerk off.

look out of window. That was it. And every once in a while I would bump into a victim at El Compadre and I'm an ugly dude. It's tough for me to pick up chicks, but with a gram of Coke, I'm a fucking, I'm Brad Pitt, dog. You give me a gram of Coke? I'll lure you back to the house, dog.

And I'll close you before because I, you're not doing no, I would close you at the bar. Listen, I got to rock of coke in here, but if we go back to the house and you do coke. I'm gonna put you to work. And they look at me, what are you talking about? You know what I'm talking about?

You're gonna suck. They gotta do something. Ain't no freebies at my house. You understand me? And they would look at me, I would close them. And if they, I don't know. Well, next, I'll find the victim.

At Elkin Padre on sunset, you'll find somebody to suck your dick at three in the morning. If you got a good rock or Coke, and you also have aspirin on the side. You cut a couple of bare aspirin just in case. You know what I'm saying? She gets too chatted.

You got to slow to. that bitch down. Give her a laugh at that. Once they talk, talking about the uncle and the mother, hold on, I gotta give her some bear ass print. So, I swear to God,

Rock, you're gonna love this. I go to Laugh Factory, and Paul Rodriguez is on stage, and he's arguing with this chick who is so fucking hot guys. She's 22, 23, and I'm looking at it. I can tell.

I had, like, a couple bumps that morning, because I would never do coke before I went on stage. I wanted out of my system, like 12 hours. So I did it like at 8.30 so I was good. You know what I'm saying? I had like a 920 spot so I was good. But I still had that freak cocaine radar when you're looking for a victim. You could see them. They're emotionally broken. So I go into the Laugh Factory. They throw this chick out. I got like maybe two grand,

two lines of coke in this bendal and $8. I ain't going to lie to your people. And that's when I was the strongest. When I was running low, that's when I could close anybody on anything. Listen, give me an eight ball. I'll be back at eight in the morning. I'm getting this check in the government. I killed these Indians. Oh, I could fucking close here. So she gets thrown out, and I'm talking to it.

I got a spot, and I'm like, fuck this spot. I got this chick. I go, you want to do a line? I give her like a little control line, but she's going, you know? And she's telling me she's a computer programmer, but after two or three lines in a beard, she breaks down, I'm really a stripper.

I'm thinking of it. of going to computer school, right? Rocco, I swear to God. Listen to me. She finally signed up for some computer course and the state of Seattle sent it down to L.A. And she was staying at a hotel downtown.

So we're going back and forth. Guys, I'm down to $8 and the car is on minus E. You know what I'm saying? When the air's not working and shit, the lights don't even go on no more. You're like, Because you're a good audience. I'm gonna tell you guys this story.

I don't tell this to. I don't tell this to just white Christians and shit. So I'm throwing fucking heat at this bitch. I'm closing her, right? I got her. We're going back to a hotel. She's telling me about her boyfriend, but I don't give a fuck.

I got a line of coke in my pocket. I'm closing it with that line of coke. I'm gonna sacrifice. This chick was banging, and I had to take a chance Columbus did. We get to the hotel, I parked the car. I got this beat-up fucking Toyota mixed with a Hyundai Mixed with something else

It's like a mother car as they put it together somewhere I run up to the hotel we open and I spent six dollars on beer and we got there She had those fucking refrigerator filled with booze. I was pissed right there I was putting the Budwizers back in my pocket for later Now my plan was when we went to the liquor store She may believe she didn't want no dicks or she went for her ward And this bitch had a couple hundreds And right there, I said, no, no, I got it.

But right there, as I was paying for it, in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, this bitch is going down. You understand? I'm going to mug this motherfucker, somewhere along the eye. It's how crazy I was, guys. So I go back to the hotel with Swap and Spit.

I'm sucking the titty. I get her pants off, and that's the clothes. Let me eat that pussy. I'm going to suck uterus out. I'm going to lick your asshole. And I get the one gene off, the one leg off, because she's got money in that pants. She's holding an anchor for deal with her.

She don't trust me either, right? So I'm eating her pussy, but I'm trying to pickpocket her at the same time. And it's 20 after 12. The Coke dealer closes at one at Los Felice. So I'm racing against the clock here. That adds, that's pressure right there. I'm sucking that pussy, and I'm eating her ass. I'm making noises and shit.

And every three minutes she pop up and push me away. My boyfriend! I got a start from scratch. I already had a hump and... I had about a hoof, you know, when you get your fingers under there. And it's going, and you're picking them up.

Oh, my God, it was a... I'm getting horned up thinking about it, right? And this time I'm going through her pockets, but I'm getting dollar bills. I'm like, what happened to the fucking hundred? I'm trying to rob this bitch, right? And I'm eating that monkey, and she's popping up. I'm racing against the clock.

It's a quarter to one, and I can't find that $100 bill. I was going for, like, three or four of them. If I could just get one, my party's complete. And I finally go in, and I take a $100 bill out, and right there I put in my pocket, and I just pop up. She was popping. I was going, she was, I go, did you put a quarter in the meter? I think.

I'm looking at a ticket. I'll be right back. I got on that 101, you should have seen me in that fucking car. On minus C, I made it all the way to Lord's Release to the guy's house by like one minute to fucking one, bought the Coke, robbed the chick. And that's it. You know, I don't feel good about that story, but it's a good Thanksgiving story for you guys. I just want to point something out to you.

Joey, and I don't have to blow her up his ass, you know, I've known him a long time. But Joey is really unique. you know, in that he comes up with concepts on his feet and just you know, rock and rolls. And that's a real, that's a real talent. It's separate from

somebody who, Richard was more like you. Richard had concepts, right? Suck a girl's tit. Bind some Coke and fill in the dots. Fill in the dots. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. You just... George, on the other hand, wrote every word

verbatim exactly the way he wrote it and I'll tell you something that was marvelous before we used to do an HBO special just go on the road with him and he would do an hour hour and 15 minutes and

HBO would require a show to be 5830 now they run over but that back in the day 5830 by the time he walked on stage and I was like I'd be in Colorado Springs with him and then go to Elmira, New York, and by the time he got to the Beacon Theater on Friday for the dress rehearsal, the show was close to

5830. When he walked on stage on Saturday night live, he said, good night, ladies and gentlemen, at 5830 to the goddamn second. Now, it's marvelous that he would work that annually and be that visually brilliant and you guys take concepts and you have so much confidence in the journey you're going to take that you just take the moment and just turn it into it's it's two different ways of work but they're both brilliant and you're one of the best at it Joey I want to tell you brother thank you all right it's so weird

it's so weird to it's so weird when he said Paul Mooney before I'm not lying to you guys when he said Paul Mooney my my fucking spine got electrocuted because before I moved from Seattle to LA, I bought that out in race. Yeah. Just picked it up. And I was fucking blown the fuck away. I was like, this is, it just blew my head.

And I didn't know where I would see him. I never heard of this guy before. You know, I wasn't computer savvy. I didn't know about Wikipedia. I don't know Dick. I just thought he was a black comic. I didn't know how old he was. And I'd get to the comedy store guys.

And guys look at, let's get this shit out of the way. I never had confidence or nothing. I'm just a fucking loser. I was like Richard Gere, I had nowhere else to go. So I kept going to the fucking comedy store. When you have nothing to do, you got to do whatever gets you to the fucking dance.

But I remember going home, San Francisco, comedy scene, had a magazine in those days, a newspaper that came out monthly, and at the end was all the comedy clubs in the country. And I would go home at night when I had like eight minutes of material and circle the comedy clubs.

I hoped to play out one day. And I would just cry. because I knew I wasn't good enough. So I buy this Paul Mooney on him, and I get to the Comedy Stone, L.A., and now I see Paul Mooney meet him, but here's what gets worse, guys. This guy that I thought was a brilliant comic,

Mitzi Shaw would always put me to follow him. You have no fucking idea, guys. Let me ask you guys a question. Did you imagine the show started at 930? Can you imagine if I called you at 8.30 and told you when you were coming down here, and I was going to tie you up and put a pipe up your ass? And you imagine,

and you drove here, would you drive here still? Would you fucking drive here? How many of you motherfuckers would drive here? If I called you and said at 9.30, I'm going to put a pipe up your ass. Not the whole pipe, just three inches. It's going to be okay. Would you get on the fucking HOV lane and fucking drive here by yourself? You understand me, guys?

I would go to the comedy store knowing I was going to die. Like knowing I'm going to go up there and I could stay up and write for two fucking days and knowing I was going to die. And I did this for like six months. And one day I said something to him, I was, Paul, how do I stop bombing in front of you? How do I stop thinking about bombing in front of you? He goes, they could do him good, homie.

And my life changed, guys. My life changed. He just broke it down for me. One fucking sentence. Another time I went up to him, I said, Paul, how do you write? What are you doing when you're in a slump? And he goes, you've got to go out and get entertained. He goes, when you get entertained, he'll bring out the creative in you.

He's one of my idols. And one time I saw him in Hollywood, and he was in this convertible. And I'm walking with my girlfriend on Hollywood Boulevard. And I hear, like, Cuba! Cuba! And I look, and there's Paul Mooney, and he looks at him. He goes, go home.

Just because you're Cuban, it still means you're a nigger. Now he made the U-turn and took off and shit. So, you know, guys, for me, this is just, Been like a dream come true that when you talk about these guys, I never got to do nothing with Richard Pryor. I saw him one time, but I grew up on two of those, three or four of those albums that just put me here.

And I appreciate you bringing us to life and keeping it real, Doug. Well, listen, I got, I don't know, my girlfriend put it best. I was talking to one night and I said, I don't even know how I wound up working with, being so lucky to work with Pryor and Carlin. She said, I have an answer for you.

When you work with Richard, he trusted you because you were young and innocent. When you worked with George, he trusted you because you weren't. And there's very true to that. George got me at a time when I had worked with Richard. I had worked with SCTV. I did two big specials with Lily Tomlin. I worked with Robin. And when the time I got to George, I was kind of more seasoned.

But here's where George never forgot. I booked George Carlin on the Midnight Special. I booked his brother Pat to write two specials for me. I booked George on the old Steve Allen show, the last one that he did, because he needed work. This guy doesn't forget. I'm driving down Wilshire Boulevard and it says at the Walsworth Theatre, it says George Carlin, I buy a ticket, I go see a show. I hadn't seen George Carlin in five, six years, seven years. The show is over. I'm standing in the hallway. He gives me a hug. He says, how would it's like to do my next

HBO special? And I did 10 of them. Now, I don't even know how that happens. When I did one, I never thought I'd do two, when I did two. I used to get calls saying, don't do anything, January 11th of next year. Now, I got to tell you, in all the years I was, I was going to tell you, in all the years I worked with him and Richard, do you know I never have one bad confrontation? Never. And I think the secret is, even if I was working with you, what is an artist want? The most important thing an artist wants. Honesty and trust.

If something isn't working and I tell you I don't think it's working, it's my job to tell why I don't think it's working. If you still want to do it, then you take responsibility for it. But for me not to say anything and you walk out stage and you bombs, and then when you come off, I say, well, I was going to tell you that wasn't going to work. You should fire

me. That's bullshit. And I think a lot of problems that comedians have and artists have in general is that we live in a world of bullshit. It's all bullshit, folks. All of it. All of it's bullshit.

And what you're trying to find is you're a little piece of the universe, your little piece that you can extrapolate your voice and do what you've got to do among the bullshit. Right? And I watch Sarah Silverman special. And I got to tell you, that little girl has grown immensely. You know, it's very hard to be a pretty girl, and people take you seriously.

It's just hypocrisy. She's really grown. And when I see someone grow like that, I get kind of like excited about it because we all know how tough the journey is. You know what I'm talking about. I remember Richard Pryor told me once. He got a knock on his door.

He was a big fan of Bill Cosby's. And he was appearing somewhere, I think, the original improv in New York. And Cosby came into his dressing room and said, Stop doing my fucking act. You know? He didn't even know he was doing Cosby. You know, and look what it did for him.

He changed and did whatever he did. You're talking about the three great ones. You're talking about Lenny, Richard, and George. Am I right? You're right. Lee, what are the questions you got from the band of Steel? You're sitting there mesmerized. Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee.

Lee, Lee, Lee. What's up, little brother? What's happening, Lee? No, it's just, uh. You want a jeep with you? I have two today now. That's it? That's it.

I gave my half. He cut it and had it. half and he cut it in half and he cut it in half again and he had a drink of water and juice and milk he squinted like that like and then he came oh no I can't and then again I go either piece the fucking kid cut it with a knife from he took it cut it again in half do the other you know he threw like this and then blow the one piece under his arm pen you don't it's your night it's your night it's called it's called the deck of dose because there's ten

This is a second dose. There's a single goat. Lee. Lee. Lee! Lee! Lee! Give one, Joey.

You got a driver, mate. It's over. You got a driver. Oh, I'll give you. Oh. I've never been booed out of the sand. Fuck. Fuck the booze.

Go ahead. What are you going to do, wake up and eat some food tomorrow or what? What? Yeah. You know. Yeah. You hate you so much. Joey had me watch her mythologic.

I don't think you guys realize, and I understand this the night before Thanksgiving, but the guy, the comedians now doing one special, doing it for no one. Can you explain when the HBO special was? You did, how many specials did you do? Like 20, around 15? Somewhere around.

I did, um, let's see. Jimmy Fox, Rosanth. Billy Crystal Bo Rodriguez And these are all for HBO Yeah, well you know So few people don't know HBO as a comic Is it? That's the fucking it that's it

That Trump's Comedy Central That Trump's fucking Nouveau TV That Trump's fucking A&E That Trump's fucking everything Showtime That Trump's fucking everything. That is That is the Crem of the Crem. That is it.

You know, that's when you take your dick of your breath bit. You just take your dick out and go like that and make believe it's not out. And wait for the first victim to get hypnotized. And that's what the HBO is. That's your dream. In the 80s, they were the land, 80s. I would say early 80s about just around the early 90s. HBO was the home for stand-up conference.

That's it. Not anymore. They don't do it. it anymore because they're quite frankly they did Sarah but there's not that many I mean they would do Eddie is or they be called up they would do you know Klein they would do Seinfeld right probably would still do you know Ricky surveys or something like that but back there in the day they they're I did a special with Sandra Bernhardt right so what they what they would do I don't

mean that was I didn't mean it with the stain I'm just saying that they If they want to do a special with you, they were bold enough to say, you know, Chris Albreck, when he called me up, he said, I heard this comedian named Roseanne, you know, she is. And I said, yeah, she's working out. So he said, go see her. So it used to be this simple. I called Chris up and go, you know what, she's really great. Let's do a special with her. It doesn't work like that anymore.

You know, it's just too much corporate interference and too much thinking. Yeah. You know, it's not an exact science. If somebody is funny, funny, they would put them on TV. You would think so. And we were on, Joey was on Great Fitzhimmons podcast a week or so ago, and he invited me to go, just I think so we could use the HOV lane. But he invited me to go, and Greg was nice enough to have me in and talk.

And he said, what's the hardest part about work? working with Joey. And I really thought about it. And if I wanted to be successful, there's a lot of easier comics to work with. There are a lot of comics who could grab a Comedy Central special once a year. Wait, but you have to elaborate on that just for a second.

Well, there are comics who are more commercially friendly. Yeah, that's what I was saying. There was an easier path to take if I was trying to be a millionaire or just something like that. but the there's no bad every once in a while

Joey and I will have a he'll yell me about hummus but other than that oh shit he don't like hummus either thank you sir I hate that shit with all my fucking heart

you understand but there's but there's you can say that about you could say that about every comedian I mentioned he said no exactly my point but there's nothing

I have such a great relationship with him and I think the same reason Richard liked you is why he likes me and because I'm funny on the edibles but like what do you have any bad things to like what was it I can't imagine working with like it must have been hard

after Richard lit himself on fire and like all that like you wrote you wrote Jojo dancer with him the movie yes which is the story of him after he lit himself on fire after those monks let himself on fire when was the last time any of you motherfuckers lit yourself on fire huh not even fucking around you won't even like

You told me that one, I'm fine. It wasn't, he was free basing. No shit. Yeah, he was getting down. So it's just, I mean, I can't, like, do you have any, like, regrets? Like, do you wish you had worked with a comedian who might maybe still, like, if you had worked with, let's say, Seinfeld, he's still going out? Like, you wouldn't have, like, all these fun stories and, like, I don't think you'd have,

like, the same relationship. I'd like to, I know Jerry very well. I would like to work with Chappelle. Oh, yeah? You know why here? See, I guess we, it's got to be dangerous. What? To work.

If it's not going to be dangerous, where's the fun? You don't want to be, I can always speak for me. I don't want to work with somebody that's going to be so pristine and great, even though they're great. You want a little bit of the edge. You want to know that maybe it's not going to quite work. You want to have the ability to, be with someone who appreciates some input,

not always agreeing with you. Right? I had a tremendous disagreement with Richard on the first cut of Jojo Dancer. And he told me not to come back. I told him what I thought, and he was very upset with me. And it hurt me. I was sitting at home for three weeks,

and my phone rang. He said, motherfucker, come back here. So, you know, you know, I mean, when I came back, and to be quite honest with you, I was never happy with the final cut of Jojo dancer because Columbia, if the original cut was released, I'd be much happier, but you start to get in that mix master of the corporate film mentality,

and they start to erode you and think about marketing and how to make it more palatable for the, viewing audience and it's your first movie and you want to be able to play that balance I'm talking about for me now just for me as a guy who wrote it with him but a lot of people think the movie's fantastic yeah I loved it I watched it when you when he had you on Beauty and the Beast I watched it it's uh I don't I don't think the movies I don't think movies I don't think the movies I don't think the movie's not good I'm just saying if you could have been in the screening

room and saw the first cut yeah for or they started to mess with it, I'd be personally much happier. I love my names on it, and I love the fact that I was part of something very special. I wrote that movie with him in Hanna. That's crazy. Well, you wrote it a couple months in Hawaii?

Yeah, it's been two months. That's fucking crazy. And Hanna's the most boring fucking place you can never go to. There's nothing to do in Hanna, I'm telling you. It's pineapples and fucking... I used to play basketball. It's the Samoans. And after I got done, I went to the...

shower I black and blue all over. You ever play basketball with Samoans? They're like bricks. They don't move. You got some time? Stay right there. Stay right there. Stay right there. I got another guest that I want to bring up here. You ready, dog? You ready, dog? You want to come up and say hello? Come on up. I got another guest in the podcast that I'm Beauty and the Beast. Mr. Saloo Bats. Raise you. Get a chair over there a little brother. The Sinatra Club, check this motherfucker out.

Shit. My life inside the New York Mafia by South Police. I can't fucking see without my glasses. What's going on, Doug? I got them in my pocket. Don't worry about nothing. Is this guy a bowl of energy or what? I'm the fucking testosterone, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm off that shit. Fuck more energy. I had more energy being me. I don't need no fucking injection every one. fucking injection every week. And every time I go to testosterone, they're all the same. They got a bunch of old guys that are yoked up with a wig on. Why be yoked up? You got your wig

all twisted and shit, you know what I'm saying? It's great to be here, brother. Five years ago, I wrote a script about 15 years ago, and five years ago I'm casting. And there's a couple of parts, you know, sort of peripheral parts. And we're casting for a guy who's going to be the bar owner who's getting extorted by the Tommy D. Simone character, which was really played by Pesci in Goodfellas,

which was one of my crime partners back in the 70s. So we're going to cast, and this guy's going to read The Sides, you know, for the part. He comes in, he doesn't read a damn word of the sides. He just gets totally carried away. And I go, this guy is great. And he's acting like an Italian. I had no clue. He was Cuban. He had no clue. He was Staten Island. I thought he was in Brooklyn. Both from Jersey. Jersey. Same shit, a different smell. So we just give... We give him the part and he was great. I mean, and that's how we sort of became friends. We came friends after that and got the movie completed.

From the movie, it's kind of strange. I did the opposite. Simon Shus used to give me a book deal, so this book just came out recently. And it's going to television. I don't know who's going to take it, but it's got all the real characters in it. And I guess Joey had some connection with Italian family growing up, right? Yeah, when I grew up, you know, it's weird. Today we had my seventh grade teacher call up. And seventh fucking grade teacher. Seven fucking grade. The guy, the first time I met him, I knew who he was, I got left back.

And when you get left back, you know, I felt dumb enough. But this is what they do. Instead of putting you in the eighth grade where I belong, they put you in the other seventh grade class. And he was the teacher. And he's like, hi. doing you got summer school this year you're gonna fail you know that right so I got so pissed off he left his car keys on top of the so I took the keys on the way out

and threw him in the dumpster fuck him and about an hour later he's walking up my hill you motherfucker you stole my team so he became friends and we got and he told the story today about a tea a time that a teacher didn't want to and one of the guys' fathers came in and put a gun to the teacher said later on in life when my mother thought I lived with them for a while and it's just just so weird that I see the little things going on. But then, you know, I mean, even if you grow up here, you know, today there was something in Inglewood,

there was a shooting. When you're part of a neighborhood, you know the different things in the neighborhood. You know, you know where to go. I mean, you have a Spanish girlfriend now. Yeah. And when you go pick her up, it ain't fucking the Eiffel Tower. It's just go out of the Harrah Central.

It's fucking training day, the black guy with the PJ. No. They shot Training Day there. They shot Training Day there. And the black drug dealers were sitting on a turned-over shopping cart from the 99-cent store and it scared the shit out of me. I had to do it.

Because like there were six of them and they just sat on a fucking torn over shopping cart and just staring at me because I don't belong in that fucking neighborhood. Every neighborhood has the element. You know who it is. In the East Coast it's even more, you know, where to go. You know where not to go.

every once in a while your mom will give you a piece of paper with three numbers on it 179 with a five dollar bill in there go up to the corner tell them it's for me you go up there give it to the guy and the guy says thank you after a while you realize that's an illegal lottery and so on and so forth you know but then the state lotteries came in and pick six all that shit went away you know here we go captain giggles there he goes Listen.

So Saturday night, I stay in. I watch Shark Tank, whatever the fuck is on Saturday night. And we're going to cut the CD. We're going to go over. And I go over there. And we got a half of a Cheebo chute. And I go, Lee, it's Saturday night. Let your wig down.

I go, eat half the fucking thing. And then we'll go get some tacos from the Mexican guy on Lancash. You can't go wrong. He only comes out twice. Like, freaks come out at night. The taco guy only comes out Fridays and Saturday. If you ever up like 12, 15, right on Lancash him, he makes the hot dogs with the fucking bacon around him.

Tremendous. Lee loves it. Lee goes crazy when he goes down there. His hair gets up early and shit. I'm always hot as shit down there. I give him the edible. We go down there. I give him the hot dog.

That's the night we ran into this fucking stink bomb. We ran into three of the stinkiest men I've ever smelt in my life. I don't want to say what nationality they were. They had the sweat, the onion, and they poured cologne over it. Oh, my God, that fucking rank onion. And when I got out of the car, they were 10 feet away from me, and they were next to a hot dog cart that was cooking hot dogs with bacon around them, with onions and peppers, and their onion was stronger than the onion on the grill.

And it was already diluted with cologne. And it was, let me tell you some guys, I'm not even being funny. It was that body odor that actually you feel bad for them. I looked at the fucking hot dog man that was like, can you fucking believe these trees? And he's cooking like this, I know. I mean, they fucking stunk terrible. They stunk horrible.

And then, let me tell you, they had no class. At the end, the poor Mexican guy, he's out there with his wife. This is how he fucking, they had a tray of cucumbers that's out there complimentary with a fucking thing. The guy didn't even care with his stinky fucking armpit fingers. He took a cucumber, ate it, and winked at the Mexican family. They just, you know, 20 years ago, I would have hit him with a stick. Nah, what am I going to do?

What are you going to do? And listen to me, just the thought, I went home. As I was getting home, my friend called me, he goes, you know those three stinky guys? They got into a fight. They got beat up on Lancashim. And some guy took his shirt off and lit it on fire, like, don't come back. And this was sad that these three guys went out stinking like that, thinking that they were going to stink like pussy.

Listen, again, I'm not trying to be funny. each of them had body odor. Once you get in the car, don't you go, it stinks in here. Is that me? No, is that you? No, it's all fucking three of us. Let's go through a fucking car wash, something. And they thought they were going to pick pussy up.

That's the sad fucking thing. Without blow. At least with blow, you got a chance. I'll go home with you, but you got to take a shower. I'll take a shower. All right, let's take a shower. So they got beat up. So wait, now you're being a lot calmer than you actually were.

I drive really slow when I'm high. I have the system, like, three pumps and a break. But anyways, I got there after you. And I love getting places after you, because I could tell when I pulled up, you were already pacing back and forth. Oh, I was furious of the stink. I don't know what he was saying, but like, you called him like a Punta compadre or something. Oh, these guys smell bad.

He was yelling. No, in Spanish, but you smell some, it means beste. Like, in Italian, it's based up. Right, boots, whatever. I kept saying. Because that's, it took me, it regressed me, rat, to being like a Spanish getting Cuba. Like, yeah, bette, compere, like I was talking about. Goon, but, coon, but what, peete comrade, me caw, oh yeah, me caw,

that coo, de, too, mal. I get fucking emotional. He's in front of a hot dog standing saying that to himself. I was saying it to myself. And I kept looking at the Mexican guy. He goes, you say it? You say it? And I kept yowl on him, cune, but what I peck,

and I felt like these stink bombs would get the hint that maybe peste, peste, you know, I got a B in Spanish and they figured it out, oh, I'm stinky, no. They went into the club like the 70s, sang that live with acroids. That's how they went into the club. We are too interesting. Oh my God. And Stinkies, whatever that club is, Skitties. Skinnies ain't no fucking... It ain't no palace.

I mean, there was probably other people in there that stunk, but these guys won the contest that night. Nobody outstunked these fucking guys. I'm so sorry, Brian. You know, we talk about what's real here. Yeah, it's very real. This is in our heart, you know what I'm saying? So what's going on, Lou Bucks? Tell me something good.

No, just working on some new material, new script, follow up. Okay. You know? So before you were a writer, tell these people what you did. It's not like you're just a Hollywood writer. Well, I was born and raised in the mob. He learned a lot. Grew up with a guy

named John Gotti. Yeah, in the 60s and 70s before anybody heard of his name. I opened up a little illegal gambling joint in 1972 and Gotti came out of prison. The first place he came was that

place, Sinatra Club. And the mob was the entire New York mob was at war in those days in 1972. And families didn't interact. They just were really, you know, paranoid about who was going to take over the city because, you know, there was just killings all the time. And the Sinatra Club, uniquely enough, I was friends with Jimmy Burke.

That was the character that De Niro played in Goodfellas. And I was involved with the Colombo family. And then Gatti came out. He was involved with the Gambino family. and ironically we had guys from each family would come there and gamble, but the rule was no guns. And this went on for quite a while for a couple of years. And trust me when I tell you, when John got to get out of jail, we had to loan him 50 bucks to play in that game, in that card game. And in those days, there was, you know, there was no off-track betting, no casinos in Atlantic City.

It was five years before Atlantic City. Of course, that club served as a meeting spot for all types of crime. You name it. We did it. Of course, I was a bank robber and a hijacker. That's what I did in the 70s. And I worked with both families. And lots of funny stuff.

I took about the most incredible things that happened. I mean, one time we were hijacking trucks out of the airport like you saw in Goodfellas. And we hit so many Italian. shipments at JFK that we robbed the truck, like took it back to the building and opened it up, had the buyer come in and it was like thousands of shoes and was all laid out. And when the buyer came in, he opened up the shoes and he said, wow, these are great shoes. We got one problem.

The entire truckload was lefts. I mean, the Italians got smart. They shipped the lefts in one truck and the right to the other. So, you talk about funny, funny things, right? We're talking, this is for real. I mean, we did these hijackings. And, of course, there was another time when we took, like, a couple thousand suits. And we had them in a big building, and John Gotti came in, and Tommy D. Simone was picking his suits.

And, of course, in those days, it was polyester. The ugliest colors, you know, this plastic suits, you know, sort of like plaid. And Tommy had laid out a couple of suits, and then Gotti had a couple of suits. and all of a sudden, God, he looked at Tommy. He didn't like him, and he goes, you can't have that suit. Give me that suit. He turned to another guy and said, give me a scissor. He cut the suit up, the one that Tommy had.

He says, nobody wears what I wear. A few years later, he had gotten a brand-new Lincoln, and he saw someone else had a Lincoln. He told another guy, go steal that Lincoln and chop it up. Nobody drives the same car I did. Naturally, that was in the 70s. By the time he got out of prison, the third time, he said,

in the backseat of the Mercedes and he became a boss. Of course, everybody knows most of that story of, you know, who he became. But there was a human side to John Gotti. In 1979, I was a football coach for my kids, Pop Warner. And we were all in the same neighborhood. And I had coached for two or three years, and I was coaching with this Irish guy who didn't like football. And we kept losing. And my kid was the quarterback.

So I went to the club, and I said to John, you know, your kid's going to be on my team. Peter, your brother's kids on my team. I got two burglars, their sons are my team. I got a safe crack of his sons in the back field. We got to do something about this coach. He said, what do you want to do? You want to kill him? I go, John, we can't kill the coach.

Look, just come over. Just come over to the practice. Take him for a walk and just tell him Obatz. That was my name because that was crazy. Tell him who bots is going to call the place. Goddy comes down to the field with this big long car. Says to the coach, take a walk with me. He walks around the block.

Comes back. he gets in the car, he leaves. We close out for the practice, and the coach stands up, the head coach, he says to all the kids, you know what? I've been coaching 15 years, but this year, Mr. Polici,

that was my name, he's going to call the plays. So naturally I call the plays, and we won. But this was the type of stuff that was human that went on in the neighborhood. I did recently, I did the CBS morning show with Charlie Rose and Gail King. It was a series that was involved with this summer called Inside the American Mob.

And I told them the story that most people didn't know. You have to understand the power of the mob in the 70s. It's not there now. But in 77, in the summer, we had a lot that went on. The Bronx was burning. The Yankees and the Dodgers were playing. We had a blackout. But above that, there was this madman running around the city killing women.

By the name of Berkowitz. Of course, nobody knew his name. So the NYPD came to the club, John Gotti's club. And they said, John, come on out. We want to talk to you. they said if you'll help us find the son of Sam we'll give you guys a whole year of a free pass

we won't arrest anybody we just want you to find this guy Charlie Rose asked me you can see the interview it's on there Charlie Rose asked me well what did John do I said are you kidding John wouldn't help any cop he didn't do a damn thing besides he didn't have that power he wasn't omnipited

I mean you know he was just this figure man he was a pipe piper and people believed in him Naturally, he had the ability to tell, you know, guys go out and kill this guy, kill that guy, and all that. And of course, he pulled it off, you know, because he was charismatic. He was a Jim Jones of the mafia. That's who John was. You know, can I share a story with you? Sure.

So do you remember a movie that Matthew Broderick, Bruno Kirby, and Marlon Brando did? Yes. It was called The Apprentice. The freshman. Okay, so here's a story. Here's a true story. Billy Crystal told me the story that Bruno Kirby told him. They're in New York, they're having dinner, and the guy walks in and says,

Mr. Brando, John Gotti is in the back room, and he would love to have a glass of wine and friendly conversation. And Brando goes, but I'm with my two friends. He says, give me a minute, sir. He goes back, goes back, says, Mr. Gawai. says your friends can come. Now Bruno Kirby and Matthew Broderick are insane they're going to meet John Gotti.

Marlon Brando walks in to a room. There's John Gotti and two big guys. With Matthew Broderick and Bruno Kirby and a guy says, holy shit, John, it's Ferris Bueller. Yeah. my brother was. The big guy had no idea

who was. I love that. Holy shit, John. As fair as Bueller. I didn't mean to interrupt your story. No, that's cool. The timing seemed right. It's really amazing how I grew up with guys that were in that life or whatever,

but they're neighbor they don't do anything outside. They go to Atlantic City for a week and that's it. All that money, they don't travel. they don't go nowhere. They live this secluded life, you know, and it's so weird, like when they talk about California, they talk about California like it's fucking Mars. Like, even when I go home now, where you're at?

You're still out there in California with those fucking naked people walking around this street? It's amazing. You know, they're so, you know, it's like my wife, went back to Tennessee, and I wanted to ride. She looked at me, she goes, I'm really fucking sorry. She goes, I'm really sorry. You have to judge these.

You have to be around these. fucking crazy people. You know, the father was talking to me about, I don't know, corn hogs or some shit like that. And I looked at it and I go, you know what? You don't have to apologize. Where I come from in Jersey were eight minutes from New York City, the biggest metropolitan fucking center in the world, and there's people that are still fucking small-minded, you know? They don't really know dick. Let me tell you what bothers me. I'll tell you what bothers me, those fucking cameras on your phone. That shit bothers. Whoever invented that thing, It was a good idea for about an hour.

And after he sold it, he goes, I fucked up. Because now you can't do nothing. Like I said, to take a woman's picture now, it's nothing. Because she could be sleeping. You can make believe you're on the phone and just go click and take a picture of a pussy. So it's no fucking skill. Shame on you if you do that type of shit.

The eyes might be shorter. But, I'm sorry. Hold on one second. But what the fuck was he talking? I'm sorry. Go ahead. I'm sorry. No, I wanted to ask him a question.

Because I grew up in Cleveland, the streets of Cleveland. So I wasn't quite sure what the mob scene was in Cleveland in the 70s. Was it pretty active? Sevelli was there. I mean, you know, not so much Cleveland, but Youngstown, if you do the research, it was an amazing place. They had more murders there. It was the bomb.

It was like bomb captain. There's a relief. Only Heathcliff. They were blowing cars up there. Youngstown had, you know, I mean, when we think of Youngstown, we might think of, you know, boom or Mancini or something. But there was this bombing going on there. And, I mean, it was wild and crazy.

Was there a copo in Cleveland? They always had mob guys in Cleveland. Sovelis were there. And, you know, each city had a few. I mean, when we got out here, when we started thinking about L.A., there weren't that many Italians out here. I mean, most of that stuff was really, you know, back on the East Coast. Right.

But, I mean, without Vegas, the Italians, the mob didn't have anything to do with the West Coast. They don't want anything to do with it. I mean, they really chased, if you go to do the history, they chased the filmmakers out, you know, Lasky and all the... They chased them out in 1900 out of New York because they were trying to shake them down. So they came out here to do these movies, you know, silent movies to get away with paying the mob back then. I mean, the mob always had their hands in all kinds of unions. I mean, we all know that.

And, you know, then we had these great mysteries like Hoffer and all that kind of stuff, which, you know, lend all this here myth. I mean, just like Whitey Boulger and all. But I will tell you it's not the same, it's different. And the mob, we lived, I mean, I'm going to be 70 years old, guys. We imitated the movies and the movies imitated us. And that's a fact. And I worked undercover with David Chase for a year.

I worked with David Chase for a while. Wow. Helping him create authenticity for the Sopranos. And after we did that, I walked away and I said to my wife then, she goes, he gave you a contract. I saved the HBO contract. that'll be on about three weeks. I was so wrong.

What I didn't get was that Chase humanized the Gandafini character. That was amazing. And everybody loved it. I mean, it changed television. I think the sopranos in Texas City changed television. Pretty authentic.

Yeah, amazing. Absolutely amazing. They're on every day. They're on at 5 o'clock in the afternoon, and that's when my wife was coming home. And sometimes I wouldn't watch it, but I put the episode on and listen. It's either that or I witnessed news at 5,

which really blows on ABC. It really fucking blows because they always drop bad news on you. By 5 o'clock, my first edibles are kicking, you know what I'm saying? I don't want no bad news. I want a happy story. I want to see a little Japanese kid that plays the drums at one hand or something like that, you know what I'm saying?

I got to wait for Diane Sawyer for the last eight minutes to get like some little Puerto Rican kids that walked here from fucking Mexico or something. You know, it's always that. But they always open up in a car accident. Or a shooting at Englewood. What are you watching? Because it's fucking habit.

You want to be informed. You know, and if you watch CNN, they badmouthed Obama. If you watch Fox, they badmouthed this guy. Don't you just want to watch something, or it's a fucking dude, just telling it like it is, or whatever. You just want to watch somewhere. It doesn't take your head into a gram. You ever wake up at fucking 5 a.m.? You put fucking Channel 5 on right away this morning in San Gabriel.

Valley, eighth grade gym teacher got arrested for molesting a kid. I don't want that going into my head. And fucking six-thirty-old. I don't fucking watch it. I'll tell you what the problem is. I got fucking sicknesses. I got diseases like everybody else. Okay, when I was a kid, I was addicted to reading the fucking wanted signs. The 20 fucking years, no matter what I did, I always I couldn't even get a job. And I would always look to see how many plumbers they were hiring, how many electricians, how many people in fucking nutrition. I always did that. Once the newspaper got evolved, I got a new disease now,

and it's called, I watch the Channel 5, 5 o'clock, Channel 5. I want to know if there's traffic on the 405. Even if I don't have to get on the 405. I don't get it up. I want to know. I want to know where the dots are. You understand me? I want to know where Susie Chang is in the helicopter.

At all times. That's how I roll. I just want to know where the traffic is, so I get negative. If I go to myself, oh, today I might go to Culver City and go drop an agent. I'm not, there's going to be traffic on the 10. Fuck that shit. I was just sit home and smoke dope and do something. Hey, Joey, were you that curious as a little kid?

When I was a kid, bro. Little kid, like six. Every fucking day for years, even if I had a job, I opened up the first thing I did was open up the Daily News to see what number come out, the bottom of the track handle. And then from where I go to three pages in, and I'd look at the job. Did you ride the little yellow bus to school? No, no, no, no.

I wrote the big bus, but you know, that's what you look at. My mother's favorite number was 604, 516, and she boxed 516. So out of habit, even now, today, 30 fucking years later, when I go to an airport now, if you go to New York, the paper is 75 cents, anywhere else in the country at an airport, it's 250 for the New York paper. That means I put a quarter in the slot and I take it to go. Fuck you. your chances TCA you still look at the number you still look at the number I still

look at the new york number or the jersey number I look at the jersey number I look at the Jersey number I look at the jersey number everybody knows and then I go to the front page to see the picket the legal number how fucking retarded am I that's my fucking and did you look at the Bulldog edition back then remember the pink paper at night is it the post you're reading oh you know my daily news they had the pink paper at night it had the numbers on it it was the early edition way back yeah way back when I read them black London's that with the hat to mat. Remember rap and do.

The ha, the ha. You never know which way to... Anyway. I'm happy... You motherfuckers came out tonight, man. I'm happy you got to see a live podcast and see what it's like. What it entails.

And, you know, I called Rocco because every time Rocco calls in, I get a lot of emails and Lee wanted to meet Rocco. Now he's fucked up, Lee. Look at him. Look at him. I can't believe it. He has his favorite guest on, and he has the balls to eat edibles, and his favorite guest. This is what I'm talking about, young people.

You got to pay attention. It's not all fucking fun in games, and ha-ha-h-h-h-hees. You can't eat marijuana just because you've got a license, bitches, okay? I don't have a license. Well, how the fuck do you keep eating it for? That's against the law. I wonder how. That's against the fucking law, Doug.

See, he's piling up stories. He is. He'll be a guest one day. on the show, and he'll talk about this evening. Oh, Jesus. Right? This kid changed my life. Huh?

No. This kid changed my life. I had nothing going on. I was going to get a job selling cars at Friendly Ford on Lancash and Bill. You're right. And he sent me an email, and Gabriel Glaze gave me a little bloggy.

I did the Comedy Central thing, and as a gift, Gabriel gave me a bloggy. And I was going to put it in my desk with the rest of the cameras. And I said, fuck that I'm going to do something good with this. So I drove around and took pictures of myself at Kmart. Me at the weed store, and I gave him $100 to chop them up, and we put them up on Monday, and we created Matt Flavors world. Then we did a documentary.

Then we did a couple CDs, and then they just kept going on and on and on and on. Now we have a podcast, and we compete every week. I'm not a celebrity. I'm not on TV, neither is him. And we compete because we go on there and we talk to truth. You should be a celebrity. You're wickedly sharp, though. No, no, no.

You got to be fucking sharp. Guys, you got to be fucking sharp. You guys got to be sharp, and that's it. Listen, listen, man, I want you to let them think you're fucking retarded. You know what I'm saying? When they're, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, skin it forever, dude, whatever. You know what I'm saying?

And you go, eh, uh. And when they fucking least think about it, you chop them with that fucking knife. I wasn't that high, motherfucker. Welcome to the machine, bitch. Right, you got to give them the illusion that you're high. But you got to be sharp, people. And I thank you guys for coming out and supporting the podcast and all your emails.

And if you want to email us, it's always joeydeers.net. And, you know, if you guys want to, any questions real quick, we got about five minutes. What's up? What's the book again? Sinatra Club. The book is a Sinatra Club. It's already on Netflix, the movie. So, Sinatra's an easy one to remember.

What else? Cocksuckers. That's it. Everybody's a... Hey, yo, Joey. Joey, you got actually with anxiety, man. What is your biggest... Anxiety?

I got off the testosterone, but I still got anxiety. Let me tell you what happened to me last week. I got awarded a window seat in first class, right? With upgrades, I swear to God. And I took my blood pressure medication, and I got on there, and all of a sudden as soon as I got on there, some guy got on there and fell asleep, and I had to pee right away, right? But I didn't have the heart to get the fuck up, and that gave me anxiety.

And I held it in. I even thought about taking my dick out, I'm peeing in a cup. Because, you know me, I don't give a fuck. Jack I don't give a fuck Jack and you just have to breathe and they told me to go to the island of Serenity and think about where you're fucking where nothing's gonna happen to you know whether you're the safest you have to be on a I want to be in an island drinking cocktails with three Asian guys rubbing my feet no that's not where it is where you know what I gave blood last Tuesday I didn't even fucking feel the needle I put my

arm out I put Zeppelin 2 on she fucking tied the thing on my arm I gave it and the The whole time I kept thinking about the honor serenity. So it works. Just fucking try it. Just go to where nothing's going to happen to you. When I was a kid, I came from Cuba, and I'm going to tell you guys this because you're a little older. The biggest thing I loved was in the 60s and early 70s, the biggest thing in New York was the underground shelter in case the Russians dropped a bomb. And in school those days.

Really? Yeah. Every building in New York had a yellow and black sign with radiation on it and a skull with a picture of a road. Russian. Right? It was fucking hysterical. And you were supposed to go down there if you lived in the building

and put your canned goods so if they drop the bomb, you go down there and live. It's like doomsday preppers today. That's what it was for people then. So I always said to myself, can you imagine living in one of those things? So even now, till today at night,

when I go home to sleep, I put my sleep apnea mask on, I put the air conditioner on, and when I go color up, I need for it to be cold. But in my mind, I'm homeless, and I'm sleeping on this street, and there's a mouse crawl on me, right? And that's how I pass out. That lonely to sleep?

And then I wake up the piss at three, and I'm like, I'm not homeless. You know what? I love you. You are a crazy motherfucker. I do. You have to be crazy. You are crazy. Dog, we're only going to do this one time.

So please, take the stick out of your ass. Go to ITT Tech. I know, you know what I'm saying? They're waiting for your call right now. Financial aid is available. No, dog. Go out there. Happy Thanksgiving.

Listen, tomorrow, go home. Smoke dope in the garage. You eat fucking with your family. Love them. Hug them. And tell those motherfuckers tomorrow, the dinner table. You know when they're telling them their stupid fucking stories.

Right? I'm like, oh, tell them. Tell them, you know, I got a bee in music. Great. That's what I give a fuck. But you're fucking 13 and your 350 pounds. How long? What are you going to think? You're going to be dancing around and sound of music,

you fat fuck? You know, throw, whoa. your skateboard up the corner. Who gives the fuck? I want you to look at your fucking family and think about what I'm telling you. Look at them all and say, I got an announcement to make. And going to the next year, motherfuckers,

next time we're at Thanksgiving, watch my motherfuckin' smoke. Good night. Thank you very much. I'm coming out here. Rocco Obisi, Lee Syatt, and Crazy Salibbutz. I'll see you guys outside. Let's smoke some briefings. Joey Diaz.