The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - THE FUTURE IS AUDIO | #242 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: May 8, 2023

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT...   It's Monday, May 8, 2023…   This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH   This episode is also brought to you by Better Help & Manscaped…    MANSCAPED Visit http://www.manscaped.com and use code JOEY for 20% off + free shipping on your first order.   BETTER HELP   This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://www.betterhelp.com/DIAZ & get on your way to being your best self.   Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media:   https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world   And don't forget...   The Mind of Joey Diaz on PATREON:   https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz   #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #displate #manscaped #bluechew #CBDLion #HeartAndSoil #DraftKings #BetterHelp #stamps #RocketMoney   The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media:   https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast   Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....   https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? It's Monday. May 8th. The joint is brought to you by. Onit. Listen, it's time. We're having the semi-annual sale till May 14th at Onet. Cettlebells, gut health.

They got it all. So do me a favor. Go to Onet.com right now. Look at all the great things they have. The supplements, kettlebells, clubbats. I mean, they're Maces. They got it all. I'm going to save you some money with this sale.

So go to the semi-annual sale right now at honor.com If you see something you like, you want to save some extra money, throw in Diaz, Joey, a church in there and see what it gets you. Hopefully they'll get you 10%. But listen, this sale is going to be great. So if you're looking for some new supplements, if you're looking to try, here's your chance.

Honor.com slash Joey. The joint is also brought to you by Manscape, you bad motherfuckers. Summer is coming up. and your body will soon be glistening in the sunlight. Make sure you're grooming that nut sack on point with Manscape. They're dedicated to upping your confidence by giving you all the tools they need. Let me tell you some.

That performance package is on fire. The New Lawmore 4.0 will knock you into a fun. Your nut sack and the pogo stick will look its best. It's looked in years. The performance packet 2.0 is a lifesaver. It includes the essential lawnmower 4.0. Waterproof cordless body hair trimmer. And you ready for this?

The weed wacker. To get all those fucking disgusting hairs out of your nose. And some extra goodies for the crown jewels. While you're at it, deal with the toenails like mine with Shears 2.0 nail kid. They don't work on my toes, so don't worry about it. Get 20% off from free shipping with code Joey at manscape.com. Again, that's 20% off. off and free shipping with code Joey at manscape.com.

Trim your chesticles with your besticles, cock suckers. And now it's time to get this party started. Itings, you bad motherfuckers, it's Monday. The 8th of May. Holy shit. What a fucking week, guys. It's a beautiful day to be alive Monday, Monday, 8th. Ready to tackle some shit here.

First off, I want to thank everybody who purchased the book, the audible, the audio. I don't give a fuck. Listen, man, Eric and I wrote a book. We did the best we could. Did I think anything, that I think I was Mario Puzzo or fucking, no, not at all. I just wanted to tell my story. It was one of my goals, and I got to tell you, I am more overwhelmed than ever.

So thank you for all the fucking support and people putting up the pictures and me retweeting your pictures with your fucking teeth. out and shit. It was, it just was really great. It's a real great feeling. I can't tell you guys that, you know, I've been walking on like

a dream all week. Like this was I can't tell you. Like Monday was kind of weird. Monday not I didn't sleep, which I just could not fall asleep. And then Tuesday I woke up to phone calls and congratulations and shit.

Since Tuesday, I've been feeling like I'm fucking naked. Like I'm walking around naked. Like I bared everything to you motherfuckers. Over the years on the podcast, yeah, we spoke about different things and shit. But, you know, when you tell a story about robbing somebody, you can look at it objectively. But when you read the backstory, it's still a piece of shit thing that I did. But when you read the backstory, you go, wow.

Okay. Now I could be a little bit more. lenient on them. I didn't know what was going on in his life at that time. Yeah, you don't, you don't know. You just don't know. So when you tell these things in isolated ways, you know, you string them together and you explain that's what I wanted to do. I always, there was two things I always wanted to do. Tell my story, number one and number two, explain myself. Explain myself. Not that I needed to explain myself to fucking anybody. I wanted explain myself for me.

That was it. Just to let you know what happened, I told you all the bad points in my life. I told you all the good points of my life. And I'm very proud I stand behind both of them. I don't get, listen,

things fucking happened, okay. But the most important thing is that we're still here. You know, and I learned, I just learned a lot from writing this fucking book. I thought I had it figured out, and you really don't, man. It makes you look at your life and everybody else's life

a little bit more objectively. Like you look at it, like it made me get out of my body and look to see what the fuck was going on. So this has been an education. So I appreciate you guys letting me do this, even though it took 18 fucking years. And that's what I tell you guys, man.

Listen, man, whether you're quitting drugs, whether you want to, I don't care. Everybody tells you you need to get a college degree in four years. That's what they tell you. I know some people have gotten three, two and a half, But I've also known some people that took six. Didn't it take six years for Burke? I should have fucking graduated.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, listen, guys, it's a struggle. It's your journey. It's your fucking journey. You know, we always rush ourselves to, oh, my God, I've got to be a millionaire. I better tell him I'm 25. Bro, you got 10 cents in the bank, and you're 19. How are you going to fucking be a millionaire? Unless you hit the lottery, unless you bet the self-de-I-I don't fucking know.

I don't know. So, you know, I'm not better than you guys. I'm not smarter than you guys. I wasn't born with a golden spoon in my fucking mouth. You know, everything I got, I had to fucking work for it. It's funny, there's a dear friend of ours in the neighborhood. I mean, dear friend. The kids are like my kids, you know.

They have a little boy who was born with a fucking football, a baseball, and a basketball on his hand. He's just a tremendous little natural athlete. He's got a sister. and she started playing softball. A little after mercy started. And she struggled the first year. She didn't know the rules, you know. And the second year, she went back and she had some of the things.

Guys, this is what I watch. I love when people get it. I love when the switch goes off, okay? And she struggled. Whatever, the coaches recommended that she go to a batting instructor. She struggled again. without the batting instructor, but this time a little bit more.

And now I went to watch it this morning. I went to watch a Saturday morning. And I got to tell you something, guys. She scored twice. She struck out three fucking people. You know, and she was so fucking happy. She was so happy, and it meant the world to me, but it meant the world to me.

I pulled her aside, and I go, remember when we had a talk that you would just get better? Was I lying to you? I go, and how much better does it take? that you had to work for it. You know, guys, some people don't have to work for it, but then it all falls apart. The people that work for it,

they fucking fight to keep that shit like I did. You got to fight regardless of what the consequences are. You got to keep fucking fighting every day and pushing. And, you know, I'm going to see her later. I'm going to see her like this week. Oh, my daughter's got a game with her. And I sent the text to the mom. I go, I wish you were at the game.

The mom had a watch. work on Saturday. I wish you were at the game to see the improvement. It took three years. It took three years for her to become a player. She's not Willie Mays yet. But do you know what I'm saying? Like it takes fucking time. You could keep banging your head off the fucking wall a thousand times. So take your time. Enjoy it. Enjoy the ride. Don't worry about Peter's doing. Don't worry about what Jake is doing. Because you know what? It's all about you, motherfuckers. Always keep that in mind And that's your fucking little Monday kicking the fucking ass. I was blessed this last week to be able to do,

Are You Garbage? If you guys notice, I've been getting out more. I needed to go into the city more and do some fucking podcasts. Last week we had to cancel barstool till this week. So I'll be doing barstool this week. I'm doing Andrew Schulz in a few weeks. So things are starting to move a little bit more. I have not heard anything on the book signing, so don't ask.

As soon as I find out, I'll be just as happy as you, motherfuckers. So don't ask and we'll fucking leave it there. But the are you garbage guys, I'll tell you what really, I think Wednesday night I was watching something on TV with the family. And I was thinking about the office, the old podcast office, you know. And it came over me how much I missed that place. Like I, that was just not an office. That was a place on earth for a little while that, I don't know.

I don't know. When I think about that office sometimes I go, what the fuck was that in there? There was never, you know, everybody assumed whatever was going on in there. Guys, you saw what the fuck was going on in there. Two fed fucks getting high until they couldn't talk anymore. You know, that's all the basic of what it was, guys. Could we pull it off again now today? Not in a million fucking years.

But it was for that. The excitement I'd get when I walk into that office sometimes, I'd throw my bag, sit down, smoke a few fucking bongheads, bullshit with Lee. You know, and when you had, like, a guest that you really fucking knew, it made such a great difference. It really was. I missed the office so much that I actually called Lee that night. It's like midnight.

And I go, can I ask you a question? Do you miss the fucking office? he's like it's funny you said that I was stagled man that office just had you got to see guys and ripped the carpet up I wish you guys should have seen that I really wish you guys would have seen how beautifully disgusting it was when we ripped the carpet up especially in the area where we used to sit because we picked it up and rolled it out so everything could roll down guys there was fucking there was more THC dust, buds,

fucking acid that had disintegrated like in the fucking liquid acid that just fucking ate through the bottle. Like eventually that thing ate through the fucking bottle. I mean, it was just when you picked that shit up and it rolled down and you saw it, you were like, I don't know

what I should be happy. Or fucking sad. Or I should call an NA meeting to come here and bless the room. Or I should bust out the fucking exorcist fucking. the power of Christ compels you it was really a fucking different situation

when I walked into are you garbage I felt that same energy it was it's a certain energy it's a certain energy you tap into when podcasters are hot like when their podcast is beaming and there's a certain energy you fall into and it was just great to see I hope the podcast went well

I hope you guys are fucking happy with it You know, what it is what it is. I'm going to get out there and do some more podcast the next week. And as you see today, we're doing audio only. You know, we want to try something fucking new here. We're a little burnt out with the YouTube thing. I'm sick of looking at me. You're sick of looking at me, you know.

So we're going to do different things here. Listen, I always appreciate it. When I started the podcast, I didn't know anything about YouTube. We didn't do anything with YouTube. I really appreciate it. podcasting for one fucking reason. I'll tell you what the truth is. I appreciate it that it made us listen again.

I always looked at those pictures from the 50s and the 40s when you see a family sitting around a radio listening to the Greenhorned or War of the Worlds or whatever or whatever fucking show they were watching. Sergeant Bilko, there was all these radio pictures when I was a kid and I would watch that and go, wow, that seems so cool. It seems kind of faggy, but at the same time, it seems kind of cool. Like when you look at it that you just listened.

No visual. You just sat there with one ear towards the thing. You know, when I was growing up and you got an AM radio, you didn't get speakers with it. You got a cord with just one plug. And you had to sit there with that one fucking, I still remember being in the fourth grade with one of those radios that had the waves that you get China and shit.

that at like 18 levels that's the only fucking thing i ever won in a raffle in the fourth grade i run a fucking radio like a cb and everything what's those things you know hey truck o one nine a cb radio and everything and i could talk to truck drivers at night and get molested when the fourth grade it was fucking crazy and i would listen to i would wait all night to listen to to see if elton johns benny and the jets would come out this is how old i am guys all right i was there when Benny got real. That was the hot song, like 73, 73, 72. I was maybe eight, nine, maybe seven,

nah, a little older than seven. And I would sit there all night under the fucking covers with this radio on with a plug connected to one fucking thing. I still remember walking around this city. I still remember being a kid and walking around New York City when you had a ABC, W.A.B.C.

ran a contest. And it was about fucking, if they caught you with a sticker on, you won $25,000. Let me tell you something. I had 15 of those buttons on me at all times when I was seven and eight years old. I would walk back and forth on Times Square, back and forth by fucking Broadway and eight. I'd be walking all over. I never bumped into one of those fucking ABC people.

But to bump into him, you had to listen to the radio. And they'd tell you, there's a guy standing by 34th and 7. Get down there now. When you got there, there's no ABC guy. But I still remember that it was just a cord connected to your fucking ear. So when podcasting was introduced, like, you know, and Rogan and all those guys were doing it, Mark Marin, I really, I used to listen to Mark a lot in the beginning

because it was audio. You know, I don't know when he incorporated the video part of it, but I think a couple months he just had audio. Everybody was just audio for a few months. And it was fucking tremendous. Like I liked, listen, the reason why I liked these fucking for years, I did fucking album of the week

and all that stupid shit because I want to bring all that shit back there was something to sitting down opening an album and reading the insides of it and just rolling a joint

on the inside and sitting in your room and there was just something to me I always felt that was special and I think over the years that got taken away from us people just don't fucking listen

and that goes from me too you know I mean listening is the biggest gift that we have. And we live our lives, not fucking listening, not really focusing on little things and little words. So it was like, okay, I really enjoyed the podcasting again because I thought we would bring it back, that whole world, you know, everything was pointed at that shit coming back.

Look at the success of albums the last few years. I think three years ago, yeah, three years ago, vinyl sales, so I thought people would get back to listening again. and I got back to listening heavy during the pandemic. I mean, we all did. We all had to listen to shit and music and all this bullshit. But, you know, now I've been doing this podcast on tape for, what, 10 fucking years now? I think Felicia and I did no video.

Yeah, we didn't have video. We didn't have video. I think I'm a lot more freer. I think I don't have people's eyeballs looking at me and shit like that. So I just wanted to try it this way for a few weeks just to see. what the fuck happens to spice up things and uh you know who the fuck knows so just work with me i don't know if it's gonna work for you but i want to go audio only now that's it i do enough fucking my faces in a lot of fucking places now for me to keep doing this stupidity i want to go something

different the best thing about going into the city though friday you know guys we take so many fucking things for granted in our lives that's why i tell people when you're not in the right headspace, come home. Come home. Take a ride to the same street. Take a ride to where you went to school. Park the car. Walk to school and walk back to your car. Or better yet, park the car, go to school from your house and walk back to your house. Just try it one time. See how empowering you fucking feel. Like you just feel empowered. You know, when I was, you know, you know, bad situation in 1993 I came home and for the first two months my situation here wasn't much better but I forced myself to walk from cliffside to North Bergen every day to work at Hashways

I did that for a reason because it would make me walk past 80 5th Street and all these places that I knew I would sometimes this is 30 years ago when I could walk and I didn't have knee problems I would dip down into North Bergen where the rocky ship was and just see the old neighbor but I wouldn't even have to see anybody. It was 10.30 in the morning. People were at work or whatever the fuck they were doing. It wasn't about seeing people. It was about walking those streets and seeing where you got

your momentum from. So yesterday, whenever I take the ferry, I usually hook a right on River Road and fucking go up to Rooties. That's my quick of fixing up. I go to Rooties. I get the Rhode Island nice, the Rhode Island

fucking clam chow. It's the red and the white put together. And then I get like a salad or something or half order fry calamar with the fucking crispy shrimp well done. And I ride home. It's about a 55 minute home, right home. But yesterday I put the fucking thing on in the car to see how long it would take me to Rudy's. It was like a half hour. It was already 2.30.

That means by the time I got the Rudy's, it would be 3 o'clock. And then by the time I order and get out of their 4, I wouldn't get down here until 515, 520. and I had the Florentine crime family threw a little bash for myself and Erica just like a little dinner at their restaurant and Neptune. So I wanted to make that. I thought about going to fucking Rudy's gig last night.

My apologies. I know a lot of you guys went to see Quiet Riot up there and then J. Pack and Edge Englewood. I was stuck down here to fucking 9 o'clock. But the moral of the story is, on the way back I was like, fuck it. Because when you get off the ferry, on the Jersey side, you're fucking, you know, maybe a half a mile from Route 3, 495, which turns into 3,

which rolls you into the turnpike. So I was like, you know what? I think I'm going to go that route, but I'm still fucking hungry. I'm fucking hungry, you know. I hadn't eaten anything since fucking 8 in the morning. I had the knee doctor for the PRP to check out the knee and the progress. and then I was gonna and then I shot to the fucking city

so I didn't really eat anything the city was fucking beautiful you know and I saw all those Sabret hot dog stands and I'm like man we were talking about we were talking about the Sabret hot dogs are you garbage and they're like they don't even have them in the city they buy those umbrellas

their fakes I thought so because the last time I got a fucking hot dog in the city it wasn't that good well anyway if you pull into the 495 And if you wait to go into the 495, guys, you will sit there for two fucking years. It is one night I tried to do it. I was there for like seven fucking lights. And what happens is the people don't stop at the light.

So the cars can't go through. Yeah, the people keep walking. The people keep, not the people keep walking. The people keep driving. They run the light and then they, because they want to catch that light. So now you're stuck there. It is brutal. So last week I said, fuck this.

I'm not doing this again, and I took the outside lane, which takes you right into Union City. All right. Now, if you've ever been to this part of the country, when you get off the Lincoln Tunnel, where the Sopranos,

woke up this morning when it goes around, you're in Jersey. When you turn, you got two fucking options. You can either go into Hoboken or you're going to Weehocken, or you go to Union City. Those are the first fucking things you see

when you land in Jersey. If you go up the hill and you look at Union City, it looks like an old rustic town. I mean, the post office is still there from before when I was a kid. And they have like these viaducts where people from Route 3 come into the city. So you're driving over them, basically. They're under you. When I was a kid, I would go to those things and throw pennies off there to fucking, please,

forgive me. Because my mother's bar was right down. Oh, my God. Every day, me and my buddy's Nunji, a bunch of us would throw pennies at the car. We fucking run like little idiots that we were. So the idea was like, I'm fucking starving, and I can really go for a hot dog. But I don't think that hot dog guy is there anymore. My mother closed that bar in 1978.

And her bar was on 29th in Bergen line, and on 30th in Bergen line around the corner, was a fucking hot dog man that had been there for a long time. He took numbers, as a matter of fact. He was like an illegal bookie there. I think he was Spanish. I don't fucking know. You know, I don't remember. Then years later, they moved them to New York Avenue and 30th Street, which is right down the corner headed towards the city.

And there's a U-turn. You can hit that Landry right there. And I'm at that light, and I look, and I saw the hot dog man was there now. He's been there at that fucking spot since I got to be maybe 20. and he sells steak on a stick. He's not an Arab guy. He's a Spanish guy. He sells steak on a stick.

Fucking thick pieces of beef. And he puts Frank's hot sauce on that motherfucker with two pieces of Italian bread. And he has the best hot dog. Sad brat all the way. I'm bugged. I'm tempted of getting back in the fucking car today and going up there later on.

That's how good the fucking steak on a stick was. End the story with all my points and wait, watch a bullshit. shit. I inhaled two fucking onion, two fucking, what do you call those? Red onions, this sabret sweet, spicy onions with mustard. Oh, my God. I had two of those motherfuckers. And while I was waiting, he just kept handing me those fucking sticks with bread on them. I ate three of those fucking sticks. A shnapple iced tea. And then I made a U-T, a schnapple iced tea like a motherfucker. And then I made a fucking U-turn. I got back on, headed toward

the three and I saw that you know it's a Spanish fucking town like Union City is like 80% Spanish now you know and I made a U-turn I hit it down I see I saw some women selling fruit and shit I pulled up I bought some pears some fucking mangoes but I got one of those coconuts with the straw in it that you drink the fresh coconut juice stop it stop it I was in fucking heaven I was all yeah I had the schnapple the fucking the coconut water for dehydrational purposes And then the beauty of it was I'm standing there in front of his hot dog guy And all of a sudden I remember

I'm looking at this bar across the street And I'm like, holy fuck I used to bartend there It was a guy from Union City's name was Teddy Martuniac He played for the Chicago Bulls in the 70s Big fucking drunk dude Six foot six and sweet out of a guy But this guy was a fucking walking drunk

I had never seen anything like. I think I got thrown out of the NBA because he was just an Irish fucking dude, you know, from Union City. And this guy, he bought a bar for his own personal playground. Like when you buy a bar for you and your friends, you know you're a fucking Alki, okay?

You know you're a fucking outy. And I got nothing against that. I got my own fucking promise, you know what I'm saying? So I got nothing against that. If it was up to me, I would have put a Colombian cocaine place when I was 22. But, you know, who had the money for something like that?

So I'm looking at this place. Now it's like Maria and Sons. You know, it's definitely, everything in that part of town now is Spanish. I got nothing against. I'm just trying to make how much the town change. I didn't even look at the bar. While I was eating those hot dogs, I didn't look into the bar because I was across the street, maybe 15 feet.

Not far at all. And while I'm sitting there, I'm thinking about how I walked in there when I was a senior in high school and talked that dude into letting me bartend. I quit school already. I got fired from Mazbeck, Century Hardware,

and I had fucking, I was collecting, I sued them. My union, there was a wrongful firing, and then they kept me laid off until they picked up again. So I'm collecting big money.

You know, I'm collecting like $4.50 a week. When you're 18 and 1982, get the fuck out of my face. It's 1981, and I'm under the table working at this bar. And he's like, do you know how to make drinks? And I'm like, come on. Nobody in here is going to drink a martini.

You know, it's going to be a long island nice tea, a whiskey shot, or beer. The bar had like a little pool table, a couple TVs. In the daytime, some Cuban bookies hang out and there that were left off from my mother's bar. So I knew those. So when I went in there for apply for the job, I'm guys, 18. not even out of high school yet and when I applied for the job all those guys went in there like yeah

hire him he fucking grew up in his mother's bar he knows what the fuck he's doing don't worry about okay I fucking hired me and this guy's like I only got two ships he goes I got Monday nights and I got Thursday mornings at 7 a.m. to 3 and I'm like can I ask you a question who comes in here at 7 a.m. And he goes all I got to tell you is one thing

If I give you that 7 a.m. shift, you better be at 6.30. He goes, I'm telling you. He didn't tell me why. He never told me why. He just goes, I'm just telling you. What do you think I did the first day? I was late as a motherfucker. I thought there'd be nobody there.

Mike, when I pulled up, there was 30 people there. Because down the corner is that post office I spoke about. And there's a bus station there. That's the last bus to New York City. That's the last place you catch a bus in Jersey. Now remember, every bus passes through there. If you get picked up in South Jersey and you're going to Lincoln Tunnel, you pass through that. So if there's a bus every two seconds, you can see them stacked up, like people going to different buses.

These motherfuckers would be in there at 7 o'clock and all of them would take two shots with a beer back. 7 a.m. Mike. And their way to work. And their way to work. And their hands would be shaking. While I gave them to drink, their hands would be dog. That was an education, guys. That's an education.

When you see a motherfucker come in, fresh from breakfast, throw a cigarette out on the sidewalk, come in, get a shot of whiskey with a beer back, and then do another fucking shot of whiskey. And run to the bus with a cigarette in your mouth. That's fucking 7 in the morning. And there was 30 people there waiting on those. and out of the 30, 24 them would be shaken. It was insane. It was insane. And then I would, nothing after 8 o'clock.

I'd make a quick 60 bucks. But nothing after 8 o'clock. Nothing. I would just sit there getting hot dogs and the hot dog man across the street and shit all day until my buddies would come down. My buddies would come down some time in the afternoon before they went into the city

to get their fucking menu items for the evening. This episode is brought to you by Better help. Stop taking care of others all the time. Take care of yourself for a change. Better help lets you take time that's just for you. Talk through life with a licensed therapist all from the comfort of your home. With your feet up, relaxing. Better help is entirely online.

No sterile doctor's office. No commute. You do therapy when and where it works for you. Listen, I'm not with BetterHelp anymore. I was retained for about nine months. And it changed me. If you listen to the earlier podcast, I was lost. At least, I'm still lost, but not as lost.

So take some time for yourself and just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with your therapist. Listen, if you don't like your therapist, they easily switch your therapist at any time for no additional charge. I'm going to save you a bunch of money with better help and get you better. If you could tell, mental health is killing us right now. I was one of those people, but I found relief with betterhelp.com. So do me a favor. Go to betterhelp.com slash Diaz. D-I-A-Z, get 10% off your first month.

That's betterhelp.com slash Diaz. Now back to the show. All right, we're back now. So Monday nights he gave me. And I'm like, what am I going to do on Monday night? It wasn't even Monday night football anymore. I took the job like maybe I'm not sure

Maybe I did have the job Monday night football The first Monday I was there I invited all my buddies Every one of those drunks So I told them all Listen you gotta pay for a beer But for every beer you pay for it

I'll give you a beer And give you a shot So if you paid me for eight beers You got 16 beers And fucking eight shots You're getting fucked up All right so I had about 100 motherfuckers down there,

maybe 80 motherfuckers down there the first night. He called me Tuesday. He's like, that's the biggest cash register I've ever had in a Monday night. I broke like a thousand bucks on a Monday night with high school kids. With fucking high school kids?

With fucking high school kids, I broke like $1,200 in the register from four to fucking three in the morning. So the next Monday he was there. All my friends came up and they got like somebody to the sponsor. The fucking night, like Bud Light. No, no.

Not to try any beer. I don't even want to say that here. Fucking, they got somebody to fucking sponsor it. We did like three of them that way. And then he's like, those Monday nights are too wild for me. Your friends are a little too wild. Guys, we weren't fucking high school. And then one Monday, one of my dear friends, Darren Rago, God rest of the soul,

got into a tremendous fistfight with another friend of mine named Larry the Hat. Larry the Hat I loved that fucking name I knew Larry the hat I knew both of these motherfuckers since I was a kid and here they are my bar fighting each other

I mean it was a fucking tremendous fight they ended the fight in the fucking van somebody had a van oh my God every every Monday it was something but the beauty about this bar was and this one it gets interesting guys fucking

there was a there was a girl that worked there with me. And I grew up with her. My name was Darlene. She came from a big Italian family. Me and her were always dying to my friends growing up. We bullshit at the basketball court. Now we were older. She was a couple

years older than me. And she started working that. But let me tell you how the system worked there. At the end of the night, you zed out, you counted everything, and you left the bank for the morning in the register. You know, whatever it was, 50 bucks, 60 bucks. And then you you took the rest, you put an envelope, and you put in the refrigerator. Like, he had a regular refrigerator in the back with beers and, like, hot dogs and whatever

shit he would make them. And you would put it up in the top thing. And I'm like, fuck, that's crazy. I leave $1,000 in that envelope overnight. I got to get to that somehow or another, so he gave me a key. So what I figured out was the nights that I didn't work, at that time, you didn't have the high-tech alarms like you have now to tell you what time somebody came in. or to notify you.

It was just an alarm with a key, you know. So let's say I was in the city at a club with my friends, and we were driving back on Wednesday at 4 in the morning. I'd go stop in the club, and I'd go in the back. I'd walk in, get like a soda, the place would be closed. I'd hear the mice scattering. I'd open up the refrigerator. I'd take an envelope, rip it open, take an olive out,

and then put it in a new envelope with the same amount. So the old envelope said 80, 878. I would take that money out, $878, $800, take $100 out, put the receipt in there with everything, and put $7.78, let's say that's it. I did this for about three weeks. It was driving them crazy.

They couldn't figure out. I mean, and I never thought about that girl getting in trouble. But for some reason, I was always taking the 100 when she worked the shift. So she could not figure it out. And one day, she kind of figured it out. And she called me and she's like, are you going in there at night and taking the money? I'm like, no.

Why would I drive 80 fucking blocks? You know, what's the matter with you? No. And she's like, there's something weird. The Teddy guy called me a few times. What the fuck is going on down there? I'm like, I don't know. It's not me.

You got like 20 bartenders. You know, he had two ships a day. It's seven days a week. That's 14 different bartenders. I only had two ships. the chick had like three some guy with a there was a chick that had a glass eye with big tits that worked there you know i mean it was just a fucking it was just a fucking you know so this went on for a few weeks and this girl had a boyfriend who i grew up with and at the time this guy was a scary dude

he was fucking uh working with some dudes that were not doing good things and he called me one day he said can we meet for coffee now i grew up with this dude i grew up going to his house. I knew his family. I mean, I knew his dad. I knew his mom. And when we met, he was laughing about it. He's like, you know, that's great that you're getting a little big out of there, blah, blah, blah. But my girlfriend's getting in trouble. And I go, well, have her start stealing.

I go, what the fuck is wrong with you? What am I, the only one there stealing? All these bars are filled with fiefy fucking bartenders, you know. They can't barely make the rent because these bartenders are stealing with three hands. Well, that's not. the school she came from. I said, listen, man. Whatever, you know, we left on a good note.

I mean, this guy was my brother. We used to come down here when we were kids together. We come to Englishtown to the fucking mall, to the Englishtown yard, whatever the fuck, the swap meet. And we buy hot sneakers and listen to BTO fucking taking care of business. We were kids. And he was a little older than me. He drove, you know, but he drove when he was 16.

He didn't give a fuck this guy. That's how bad he was. of the motherfucker. So this, you know, he called me again like a month later. He's like, hey, man, it's over. You can't keep stealing. And I'm like, brother, come on. You got, in fact, his younger brother got me a job when my mother died at a lumber yard

and told me right out, listen, do me a favor. If I quit, you got to keep stealing because I can't let them know that I was robbing. Because if I didn't steal, then they'll go, what the fuck is going on? We would, you know, all this shit was. missing. So he goes, you got to keep... This is from a family that told me to keep stealing. Now the older brother's like, yeah, to stop stealing. I'm like, dog, I'm not doing it.

I'm sorry. I'm not fucking doing it. He's like, do it again. We're going to have a problem. So what did I do a week later? I fucking did it again. Because he was my brother. Like, he ain't going to fucking hurt me. We're going to talk about this shit. But the last time he came to me, he was going to hurt me. That's how crazy he was at the time. You know, and I don't know if I stopped stealing.

I don't know how it ended. I think they changed the door. Well, I don't fucking know. I just know I never got a call back one day. But it was so weird to walk in there when you're such a young kid. Like, fucking high school, Mike. When I was sitting there, and I'm sitting there, you ever see like a flash, like a movie and there's like a flashback scene? Like, that's what I have.

Like, how? Who the fuck would hire me at 18 years old to make? I think it was 18. When I first started drinking in Jersey, it was 18 because. I remember my friends would steal their brother's licenses and then sell the replacement license. They didn't have your picture on them. So it was a lot easier to fucking drink back then than it is not, you know, I guess. I don't fucking know.

But just the whole thought of that, me standing there for 20 minutes eating hot dogs going. And I remember one time, like I was just looking at the thing. And all soon some guy beat them and he goes, Joey's back in Union City. Because that was my whole, you know, Union City. I know one of the guys up there that's a commissioner with dear friends. He's the guy that got me my first Johnson and Johnson COVID shot. I mean, we're really tight. And I've been to the Union City at night.

It looks great. Like it looks beautiful. But you've got to see this. This place has so much history that nobody talks about. It's an old Irish town first. Then the Cuban started coming in because of embroidery. in like the late 40s and the 50s. And they all lived together.

There's a bus station there. It was so blue collar. If you watch the Irishman, that's where the guy's bar was from the Irishman that made whatever disappear. You know, it had so much rich history. Fidel Castro got arrested there in Union City.

That's where he started his revolution. Union City, New Jersey, Tampa, Florida, and fucking, you know, Miami. I mean, it's such a fucking historic town. I could tell you, like, I went to a Christmas party a few years ago, and some kids said he was from Union City at the party. Him and I got into a 40-minute conversation

about what Union City used to be. It was like a fucking haven, man, of fun. Just a fucking, Bergen-Line Avenue. if you don't know anything about Bergenland Avenue, you better ask somebody, motherfucker. It runs from 7th Street all the way up to 58th Street to Nungesses. And I mean, Union City has Bergen line up to 48th Street.

Then it becomes West New York. Then West New York becomes North Bergen. But that Bergen line, I got so much history on Bergen line. I would love to park the car and just walk down. Like the best Cuban sandwich in the country is 50 seconds. in Palisade Avenue. Everybody knows that. That's hands down as organic, old school, and old fashion.

In fact, he makes Cuban sandwiches two ways. Pre-revolution with pepperoni for the Italians and fucking without pepperoni for the non-Italians. That's when you know a guy knows this fucking Cuban history. That's the time of shit. You'll see, the problem is now I'm so out of touch with that because I'm not up on those streets no more walking the fuck around. But I'll tell you one thing when I was standing there

Even the fucking steak on a stick I've had steak on a stick from in New York City From you know nice little Mohammed guys They're just nice guys And the steak on a stick is kind of weird This fucking steak on a stick Mike It was like eating your mom Fucking beef stew

That's those steak chunks Those beef chunks Oh my God And he soaks them in barbecue And Franks hot sauce whenever you want There was brothers coming up there That was everybody was stopping and getting two, three, four fucking one of those sticks.

I'm like, I got to stop back up there again. But fucking Union City just has so, like, when I started reading like the TJ English book about battle, I didn't know that they had car bombs in Union City, but I remember being a kid and there was a Russian guy that taught judo in Union City on 7th Street, you know? There's a fucking Kung Fu school in Union City. that's been there for over 40 years.

Fujiao Pai Kung Fu. It used to be on top of the Carvel, bottom of the fucking barrel. For anybody who knows, bottom of the barrel is in Goodfellas, the book. Wise guy, they used to hang out at bottom of the barrel

in Union City. I'm telling you, this is a fucking historic little town that nobody talks about. And when I was sitting at the other damn, I'm looking at the old buildings on the corner of 29th and 30th and whatever that fucking street is, Bergen line,

you could still see in the bricks there was a florist there. From the time I was a kid, he was the nicest guy in the world. His name was Chappie. And that was the name of his florist shop, Chappie's floral shop. I could name that whole block when I was a kid, 29th Street from the time,

from my mother's bar on the corner, to speak of his bakery, which is one of the best at bakeries, I fucking ever ate at. Next to that was a sneaker store when we were kids. They used to sell coach cons, which were the cheaper converse, the $7.99. Converse for $999.

If your mom got your coach cons, oh, you got beat the fuck up. Coach cons. And the next to it was fucking Chapby's flowers. So it was just great to go up there and just stand out there and just look. And I remember across the street from there, from across the street from my fucking,

in that bar I worked at right there. Crossed in the hot dog man, there's an old cab place. And when Atlantic City opened, that place was a depot for people who wanted to go to Atlantic City, like the fucking moochers. So it's $10 to go to Atlantic City,

but when you get to Atlantic City, they give you $10 and quarters to gamble with, and they also gave you books with deals, you know. Go to the library, get a free book, you know, because after you lose, you got the problem with those buses, where when you got on the bus at 8 and if you went to Atlantic City

you got there at 10 if you lose by 11 you've got to sit there until 5 that's in the contract that's in the read the fine print you can't get on a 1 o'clock bus so they give you this coupon book to go to like a free comedy show

I never performed to one of those comedy shows but I have tons of friends that tell you it's just people killing time that lost money they look like they're going to kill themselves they're over there writing like a fucking and they're doing like a diagram of a noose and shit just in case,

that was there. But the most famous story from that fucking place was there was a cab place there. It's still there, I think. No, no, no, I don't think it's there. I looked over, and it used to have, because the office, I mean, that side of the street was really sunny. And they had those shields on the glass that you could see out, but you couldn't see it.

A lot of times you would just walk in there and go, I need a cab. And they go wait outside. He's only pull up in three minutes. And you go outside and they pick you up. You know, I don't know what the fuck I was talking about. But the cab company, it was wild. There was issues in that.

And I guess New Year's 83 were at Tom and Corky's, this bar in North Bergen. And then we're fucking, you know, was just starting to get a groove on. We're doing a couple bumps. I think there was a couple of. fucking quailudes in the air and all of a sudden uh we're in north bergen and a friend of ours a dear friend of ours who i still talked to walks in and he goes hey man you guys got to help me out my dad got hammered and he went to take a cab and he got beat up at the cab place and we're like what now we're already fucked up you know it's 1130 at night 11 o'clock at night

and my my one buddy who's nuts he goes let's go down there you know let's see what the fuck is going on. Worst case scenario, we're going to the city and get some coke or whatever, you know, because it's right there close to the city. So we get down there,

we follow the other guy in the car, and he's got like a guy with him, and then there's four guys in my car. It's not my car. I'm in the backseat. I'm a brokster. And we all get out of the car, and my friend goes,

you know, he's like, listen, this has to do with me. It has to, I have to go in there to avenge my father. They hit my father. They're your guy's fault. So give me the bat. I'm going to go in there first.

If something happens, if something happens, I'll come out and get you guys, you know. So we're like, that's perfect because we're fucked up, man. You know, the Kuelu's kicking in, the Coke, and now we've got to go arm wrestle with these guys. I'm not a tough guy. I don't even know what the fuck's going on. Every time I drink and throw a bunch, I get beat up.

I don't want to get beat up again down here. So we get down there and my friend gets out of the county. He's like, let me go in there and avenge my father's death. Now, we're sitting outside, and you could see not my father's death. My father getting hit. You could see what goes on inside, like very, you know what I'm saying? Like there's a light, and if you walk in, I could tell a silhouette of you. It's a silhouette of you, right?

So I fucking, I'm standing there with my buddies who are probably drinking a beer. I'm like, let's let him walk in. We see him walk in. and slam the door and take the bat and hit his hand. And then was a commotion, and you actually saw somebody take the bat and they hit him on the head with the bat, his own fucking bat. Now, we're sitting outside.

We're like, what the fuck? What do we do? We don't even have a bat. The fucking guys took the only bat we had. And all of a sudden, that dude walks out holding on to his head. He got hit in the head with a bat. Now, we're all fucked up. You know, my friend has got his dick out.

He's pissing, you know. We're on fucking a block from Bergenleine Avenue. And the guy comes out into my friend's shock. My friend looks at him. And he goes, who hit you? Mickey Mantle? I mean, because the guy was bleeding everywhere. And then I don't know what happened.

I don't remember if we went in there. I don't think we did. We just put a bandage on his head and took him to the hospital or something. That was the end of the fucking night. That's why I hate fucking New Year's Eve. Now, you get it? And I think the year later was when my other. buddy got his ear bit off.

So New Year's wasn't fair to us. Anyway, that's my story about fucking Union City today and that's my that's the Monday Motivation podcast, motherfuckers. We did it. It's going to be a great week and

that's it. I don't know what else to tell you motherfuckers. I'm happy. Thank you for supporting the book. Thank you for always supporting me. What's that? Thank you, brother. And thank you for accepting this new audio podcast and see where this goes.

Have a great week, stay black, and now for a word of my motherfucking sponsors. All right, I want to thank you guys for having my back on these solo podcasts. I'm trying everything I can, but the join is brought to you by Honit today. Listen, I've been with Honet for 12 years, just tremendous.

From the, from the, everything they got, the clubbats, the fucking, listen, I'm out of words for how great their service is. So do me a favor. Go to honor it with the supplements, the kettlebells. You're going to be fucking in shock.

This is your time. The semi-annual sale, it runs till May 14th. The joint is also brought to you by Manscape. Listen, Summer's coming up. Your body will be out there in the open for people to see. Make sure you don't go out there looking like the fucking Wolfman. Manscape has dedicated themselves to helping your confidence so you can go out there and sling dick,

like the fucking savage that you are. I love Manscape. The 4.0 has saved me many of times. I use it for everything. He is, balls, asshole. I don't give a fuck. And now they got the performance packet 2.0, which is tip-top magoo.

It includes the essential loan mower 4.0, waterproof, cordless body hair trimmer, and the weed whacker 2.0. Perfect for grooming those nose hairs and the ear hairs. And while you add it, deal with the toenails, which she is 2.0 nail kit. Get 20% off in free shipping with code Joey at Manscape.com.

Again, I'm gonna get you 20% off and free shipping with code Joey, J-O-E-Y at Manscape.com. Trim your fucking nuts sack. The summer's coming and you want people to lick those nuts. So I want to thank Better help. I want to thank Manscape

and I want to thank Honour. But most importantly, I want to thank you motherfuckers. Remember, but the power of Christ compels you. Stay black, have a great week, and I'll see you dirty bastards next week.