The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - The Greyhound to Hell

Episode Date: August 11, 2026

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt recap their biggest comedy/"star"aweek since they moved back from LA. They talk about life touring the country in a Greyhound, Joey's knee issues return and so do his remedies and much more! SHOW NOTES Buy 2 months of BlueChew Gold & get your 3rd month FREE when you use promo code JOEY @http://BlueChew.com / Visit Better Help dot com slash DIAZ New DraftKings customers sign up with code JOEY. Spend five bucks to get one hundred and fifty in rewards within 14 days.  

Kick this motherfucker, Neil Lee. What's happening, beautiful people? Uncle Joey here for another fun-filled episode of the Church of What's Happening now. New Testament, whatever the hell it is. Next to me is my sidekick and favorite Jewish person, fucking Johnny Hitler, aka Lee Syatt. Wanted to welcome you. We had a great fucking weekend.

You know, everything's going great. What's up with you, beautiful? Oh, my God. I'm still, I think that was the most milligrams we've taken. taken in a week since we left LA. Maybe I did come, the time I came to visit you when we first moved and I offered the lady a slice of pizza was also a lot.

But the, because we started, we did Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Yeah, we went deep every night. Oceans Casino was fantastic. The Brooklyn Improb was fantastic. I want to thank everybody who came out. I mean, you know, I owe you one. Atlantic City was

sensational. We made it into a family trip and fucking, we had 11 of us down there, 13 of us eating steaks and Chinese and gambling and losing. Yeah. Lee got killed.

I finally got killed on Saturday night. I gave him what I had made the night before, and it was fine. I was fine with it. I was having such a good time. It doesn't matter. I mean, we played Saturday night. We're at the table for like fucking an hour and that.

same table with $200 just giving it back and forth, back and forth. And I like that shit. You know, it's not like you go down there and lose $2,000. I couldn't live with myself after that, but $500. Yeah. That would piss you off? I don't even bet that big. You know,

and I know already that if you're down $800 and you go upstairs and get another $500, you're just going to lose it. When it ain't your night, it ain't your night. And that's how we make mistakes. We go back to win what we lost, and now we're in a deeper hole. You come back the next day. You think about where you went wrong like anything else in life. Maybe I wasn't patient enough. Maybe I fucking didn't read the cards right. Whatever. And you give it another chance.

But, you know, it's not like I'm in a casino every other week. I'm going to casino with you guys. What was the last time we gambled in Florida and Tampa? You know, so you have to, listen, they pay us to be there. We have to give them a little something back. That's the way I look at it. To make the trip complete, to its full circle and there's no speed. Like, I used to go to a casino in Vegas and drop 20 on Wheel of Fortune and go home. That's not right. That's not right. Well.

That's not right. Because you, but were you doing, you were probably doing that when you were broke going there broke, too, though. I just didn't see me sit on a, listen, if I win a 200 bucks on a wheel, I'll stay there to try to win an extra 100. I'll lose 100 and take home 100. I'm one of those guys. We already made two. Let's see if we can make three. But if I lose one on my journey, we're out of that.

The machine stuck, whatever the fuck. Then you sit at another machine, then you hit the jackpot. So you never fucking know. I can't do those hot machines. That's why they call it gambling, man. You never know. But you lose what you could afford. And that's what I could afford to lose 200.

We're not getting... Because I would beat myself up. Right. I would beat myself up. When I bet $25 bucks on the draft king's thing and the team don't do what it's supposed to do, I get pissed off. Can you imagine four, five thousand, six thousand,

a hundred thousand like Drake, a million dollars like Drake? That's beyond me. If I was betting that much, I couldn't play, I love you guys. If I made $82 million doing this podcast like Rogan, I would still go down there with the same attitude.

Maybe take 500s out and put on the table and lose. I just don't want to give it to a fucking casino. No, I don't either. But you guys, like gambling with you guys is a lesson in patience for me because you guys do stuff that you're not

supposed to Pedro and I think I forget who it was if was you and pay two people stayed on 13s against big car yeah but that then that upsets me even more and we won you have no idea how much that guy was going to I had that motherfucker

I was going under on him for two hands while you sat there and complained we were winning But you won the wrong way. There's no rules. There are rules. There's no rules. You followed the rules and you lost all your money.

I know, which is upsetting. So what the fuck? That's what I'm saying. There's no rules. You're playing with your stomach. It's a fucking gamble. It's a gamble. When I got 13, I'm praying for that.

And he's got a 10. I'm praying for that motherfucker to bust. And he is going to bust. He did it that night like eight fucking times. In a row, he busted. You know, you just feel it. you stick with it. I'm not going to do this because all the book says that all those book writers, they don't

want to dime. They really don't. All those dudes that win a book. Yeah, they did this. They made $11 million. Why ain't they still doing it? Knock it the fuck off. It's a hot street.

You get hot. You go. And it's like getting a TV show as a comedian. You got to pass the hurdles. Got to shoot the pilot. You got to do all these things for the moon to align. Right. And it's the same thing with gambling.

If you're going to make. you know, $50,000. Like, I see Dana White bet in a million a hand. Those guys, they're animals. But they got the loot to do that shit. It's not even about the loot for me. It's about what I'm willing to give up. But I'm not going to fucking play on some rules.

You were shaking your head constantly, but we kept winning. You have no idea how angry that made me. Well, not that you would win, but like it was... Because we're playing off the cuff. Because I was trying to mind my business. all kind. He's got a fine card. All you motherfuckers got a lot to say, but you ain't fucking win it. So knock it the fuck off.

At least we're alive. At least I was alive for a little while. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And we're playing low stakes. So you're my friends. I wasn't going to say but it was, dude, I've played in like commerce or like the not nice casinos

and people will fucking there would have been like a fight. I don't give a fuck. That's their problem. The only reason why you would get mad as if you're losing. Regardless of what you do with the fucking. But what they say is, like, if you don't pull a card or if you do pull a card, it throws off the shoe.

Who gives a fuck about the shoe? I'm worried about me. I don't give a fuck about the shoe. Gambling is a gamble. That's why they call it gambling. So I'm going to do everything I can to increase my odds to win. And if it's making a mistake, you're going, listen, man, I remember 20 years ago talking to dice outside.

And he goes to me, you want to book a fucking show, do the audition backwards. And I'm like, come on, man. He goes, do it backwards. And talk to the camera when the camera's not rolling because it really is rolling. And I did it and I booked. Wow.

Because there's something different. Yeah. But you motherfuckers want to show up with the same rules from 1950. The world's changed. World's changed. World's changed. But Blackjack will always be Blackjack,

regardless of what you hit on. If I was hitting on 13 and kept losing, then I'm a fucking retard. Then I got autism. You follow me? Dude, it was... You're betting by emotion, man. See, that's why I make a mistake.

When I wake up some days, on a Saturday, and I'm like, Elya to Porr is fighting just engaging. I could be like the rest of these fucking suckers and put a hook in my mouth and bet Elya to put... Eelia! No, you want to make an exciting. Go the opposite fucking way. If I bet Elya, I'm only going to make three bucks.

Right. So go the other way Even if it's $25 bucks and a knockout Those knockouts in the UFC Like if you better fight straight on ain't no money But if you predict the knockout by mistake You went like $180,200 on $25 bucks All the fucking time

Submission of the night Whatever the fuck it is So why not do it? I don't want to bet I don't ever want to do in life What everybody else is doing Because you know what? Everybody else is failing

Yeah The people that do what everybody else is doing, you're failing. You didn't even give you his chances as a human being. You're a failure. Oh, two of my friends have watches. I got to go get an $80,000. You're a loser. You're a fucking loser.

Your mother taught you not to be a fucking followers since day one. And that's what we've all become in this fucking life. Followers. Yeah. Followers. And the fucking people you're picking the follow are the biggest morons in the world as a human being. You're picking

these guys that got no substance. They put a tattoo on and a goatee and all of a sudden their philosophers. Fuck you. Fuck you. Who the fuck are you? That's hard. Especially with like, because when I first started gambling, there was a lot of pressure. Like I'd go to those casinos and people would get like that.

So that's why I did it. But I don't, because the casino sells like those books. So maybe, yeah, maybe they are fucking with you. Yeah, those books are bullshit. The people who write those books haven't won a dime in 20 years since they wrote that book. And now they want to tell you, their system probably does work once in a while.

But every night that game changes. An emotions change and fucking feelings and gut feelings change. And when I play that, I don't know what I'm doing, but I play by my gut. I'm a street guy. I got a bet that he's going to bust. And he fucking will.

Every since he pulls that fourth card out, he's doing it on purpose. There was 10 times you didn't have to pull that fourth card out. You don't think so? I don't think so, but he didn't give a fuck. Do we had that dealer who, and did you count it as magic, the dealer who would kept calling what card was going to end? It's whatever the fucker is.

He's a great card dealer, and he would call the card right in front of us. It's just going to be there. And he was correct every fucking time. Like 10 times in a row. Ten times in a row. And I'm right. They, like, they were fucked because I was high. And like, it's obvious I was high.

But they were like, oh, he's looking before. And probably that one of the funniest thing, that was. It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen at a casino was when, like, it was probably me telling Pedro what to do, like what the book says. Like, he didn't want to double. He didn't want to. And Pedro's a very confident guy, but he didn't like really the gambling stuff. Keep it simple. So, like, one time, and he lost, I think, a double or something.

And he just, the rest of the, like, stop talking to me. Leave me alone. I did the double one time I lost him. That's it. Done. What are we doing this for? Let's play straight up. Because you can double your money.

Yeah, I know. And then you, again, you were broke. You could double your money. That's what you were doing. And you lost. That's what I'm saying to you. Keep it fucking simple. Keep everything in your life simple.

That's when they fucking nail you. It's like the guy that calls you and says, I put a 13 bet parlay in. You just gave away your money, bro. Yeah. The chances you hitting that are slim and none. Then they hit it, like ChickaReilly. Yeah, anybody could pick 15 at home.

Call the bet in. 15 things have to go right 15 fucking things have to go right that's why they call parley's the suckers bet Yeah You take the 25 you're going to gamble And the 18 on prop bets The thousand you're going to put on prop bets

And just bet what you're feeling With everything you got That one make one bet Yeah yeah But if you're going to start fucking around There's a ton of loopholes for gambling And there's a ton of loopholes That don't get you in that shit

I took a beat when I was younger. I was next to a guy that lost a hundred grand in a month. Don't tell me nothing about nothing. Don't tell me nothing about nothing. He was 18 years old. He won his first $1,000 parlay he put in. You know what that pays? First bet you put in, he won a thousand dollar parlay.

Think about that. That's a lot of fucking money. Yeah. And after that, he kept winning because he was goofy. He kept winning. It was one time he had $50. grand under his bed. But then he went the wrong sign of Super Bowl with the dolphins and the Redskins fucked them up.

Oh, no. I remember you. And it's so weird. I would love to be able to go into a casino and I don't want to lose it, but I want to go to the table with like a hundred grand or even 10 grand and just and just make, because that's what Dana White does is the way you actually make money. That's how you do it. Because you're never good. The way we did it is like we went in there hoping we would win.

But like if we lose, it's okay because we're just going to have a fun night. In theory, what you're supposed to do is go in and put three or four bets in and lose. You got to go by yourself. Yeah. That's number one. Oh. You want to get your hands dirty by yourself. You don't want some broad there.

I'm tired. When are we going to go home? Listen, we're not going to the fucking room. That's why I told you not to even come down there with me. That's why guys do that. They don't want to be fucking bothered. They're going there to win. and the focus.

They don't need people, you know, I just bumped into this guy, and who gives a fuck? You know, Amanda Merlo showed up yakking. We were nice and quiet there, but I don't know what the fuck we were talking about. You know, I don't need that shit. When you're trying to make money,

you want to be focused. So it's like anything else. You're going in there fucking, you drink those red bulls, don't they focus you? Oh, yeah. In a line of Coke, and he's just go,

that's why those card players play Coke. They do coke. Oh, yeah. They have to do. And weed does help. It slows things down. And we were up, won't we out on Friday until like four or five in the morning? Yeah, we're on the morning Friday night.

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A little tired. I was tired yesterday. Ooh! I went to bed early last night, got out, went out and ran Samarians, and I got home at 140. I had a piece of Ziti, and I went right to sleep this afternoon.

That was all I can handle. I was fired. I couldn't even, she put a chicken cut with her. I didn't even want it. Wow. I didn't even want the chicken cut. I just wanted to go to sleep. I couldn't fucking take it.

You don't want to chew. Was that the most stand-up you've done in a week in a while? When I go to Austin, I do three shows. Yeah, but you don't even usually, you don't normally do like 45 in Austin? No, no. Yeah? That's been since before the pandemic, that type of shit. That's crazy.

Did you feel better by the end of the weekend? Like, did you feel like you were doing better? Mm-hmm. The shit I wanted to come out, didn't come out. But whatever came out, worked that night. You don't think so? No, I had some other shit that I want. But I brought them forgetting shit now.

Friday night I was up there. I didn't remember anything. Really? I had to use my clothes or in the middle just to... I was wondering why you did some... Wake myself up because I didn't know what was going on. I couldn't grasp anything and nothing was popping up in my fucking coconut. So maybe I'm getting old.

Nah, it happens to me sometimes. No, it does. Not like that. You know, listen, every time I go on stage, it'll take time for me to remember to say one joke. Sometimes I just want to try one thing. That's the focus of it. Somewhere in the middle, when I got them already going,

We only just throw something at him. When I forget to do that, I don't care if I get 18 standing ovations. Right. I'm fucking furious because what I came to say, I didn't say. I got caught up in the moment. Yeah, that sucks. And people rather you get caught up in the moment anyway. Oh, yeah.

But it felt good. You know, the casino was great. The place was beautiful. Brooklyn was sensational. I mean, everybody did great. Everybody had a great week this week. Yeah. Every single comic that touched that stage,

this week, had a fantastic week. The younger guys, they're getting their confidence now in a big room. That's it. Now it's like nothing to them. They're getting their confidence. At first, it was intimidating. And again, like the guy set out Pacino in that football movie, you're on the corner with your friends, go.

You're on the corner with your friends. You're just cracking jokes. Yeah. Your mom calls and says, hey, dinner, and you got one play. Run to the car and make a laugh. It's the same shit. It's the same shit. you're on the corner with your buddies in front of hashways.

When I'm on stage, I don't see 3,000 people. That's like four or five guys I'm talking to. Really? I'm on the corner. For me to be really effective, I got to be on the corner. Right. If not, I'm in the fucking on the sidewalk in the middle of the street with a bucket asking for donations. Those guys.

But if I'm on the corner, I'm on fire. And that's what I always want to be on the corner. It was very interesting. I heard Pedro laughing on stage. you're starting to laugh on stage. Oh, yeah. And that makes the audience laugh. That shows them that you're having a good time.

And, you know, what's that, uh, enthusiasm, bills, whatever, fuck. The same thing. We're laughing. So everybody's laughing. Everybody's on a fucking, my friend called me today, says she sat behind two gay guys that were making out. And when I was doing the joke about gay guys, they were both shaking their head.

We can beat up fucking facts. That's amazing. Fuck yeah Everyone had good sets No one Like Staten Island was a little bit rowdy I don't even think the shows got rowdy

I think they were just They were there to have fun It was there to have fun man The enthusiasm was in the air It happens once in a while That was the perfect weekend for comedy I'm grateful that At 63 I could still pull something off with you guys

I'm really grateful about that Like nobody has an idea Like right now I'm supposed to be on a fucking ship. You know, I'm supposed to be on a ship with a ukulele fucking telling old man jokes and shit. I'm still in the running. So I'm very grateful for that. I'm very grateful that I built this with a lot of you guys. And I'm really happy for you and Pedro and Becky.

You know, everybody did a fucking great job. Vic did really well. A big opened up. Vic opened up. So all that shit I see. Look, when I moved here, I. this fucking negative attitude. I was burnt down from L.A.

I was withdrawn from Xanax, and I couldn't get the words out. I tried to get on stage a few times, but it wasn't working. And I stepped away from it. I never thought I could go back. Like, I always thought I would just do open mics now. You know, just do the podcast and do that.

When I went to kill Tony, and I bumped into that great age, and he goes, this is what I would be doing with you. It made a lot of sense. So I went back to my age and I go, this is what needs to be done. Forget the weekends in Chicago. I'm not doing a second show two nights in a row. Either festivals, casinos, or one-nighters.

That's what I can handle in my age. That's what I can give you 100% on it. Everything else, you're just going to force the fucking hands. So if you want me to go down Thursday, by Friday night late, I'm either going to quit or go home. Because it's too much. It's too much. I just need one show a night right now, just to keep it together for one show. That's all I need.

I don't need to do anything else. I need to go around the world in the circus. Nothing. I'm just trying to maintain. Yeah. Stay funny. Stay irrelevant. Whatever the fuck that word is.

Relevant. You know, we got the place in Austin. That'll give me a little bit more stage time every month. And we'll try to put the pieces together here, the best that we can. And that's all you can ask for. Yeah. And, dude, and it's just fun. You're like, it's fun when you're having fun.

You had that scooter for like a couple of days, beeping the horn, driving out on to stage with it. That was amazing. Banging into the walls on the elevators and shit. Reverse would fucking go two miles an hour. Two miles an hour. You were doing 18 miles. You went on.

Fucking Thursday night was a lot of walking. Yeah. And when I went up there that night, what happened was my brace went down. So all the fluid came up here like it is now. It was fucking on fire. I couldn't get ice cubes up there. I had to fucking walk to the end of the hallway. And I didn't have a bag.

I had to use like a fucking plastic bagger. A reefer bag I had with four ice cubes, you know. So when Nick said he'd get you the scooter, fuck it. Let's scoot this, motherfucker. I got no shame. Oh, no, fuck that. I would love a scooter.

My knee is on fucking fire, man. I got no shame. Took me 10 minutes to walk down these stairs just now. Really? I was up there for a while. Fuck. George was cooking. It took me fucking 10 minutes to walk down those fucking stairs.

So we're trying the best we can. And you don't want to just cut it off? I was thinking about it. A little peg leg and shit. Fuck it. Just have the scooter. I get like one of those Vietnam legs. Just a little stick.

The Vietnam led. I step on a landmine or something like that. You could do a lot of things with it now. Like they have like attachments you could put on. Yeah. vacuum, but like a vacuum with my foot. A plunger and my toes so I could shout up your ass and clean it.

It spins around. You know what I'm saying? My toe and your asshole are perfect. It would just spin around and clean all the fucking mud out of you. I'd have a fucking leg that made a million dollars a year in services. Just from here, we just go after other fat guys. Anybody who wants a toe up their ass, anybody who wants, you know,

I'll figure it the fuck. You need your car towed. I'll fucking hook you with the leg and fucking push your back. You know, whatever you need, brother. Oh, my God. But these weekends you need once in a while to let you know that what you're doing, you're on the right track.

This doesn't happen every weekend. No, it doesn't. Every weekend, you have a great weekend, and you get to the plane. It's delayed 10 hours or Saturday night. Somebody has a heart attack during the first show. You know, there's always fucking something. But these weekends, you have to look at and go,

you need these weekends just to make the other ones feel normal. Yeah. And I expected, like, there was no flying. I pulled a you. I want, like, because I drove down on Friday, on Thursday with our buddy George. And I just wanted to get home. I left my wife with their dog for a few days, and I felt bad. So I just wanted to get home after the show on Saturday.

Our friend was driving to Philly. I took a ride to Philly, and we missed the train. Who gave you a right to Philly? Our friend from Virginia. because he was driving back. But the thing, when people drive and they smoke weed, he was driving like 10 miles into the speed limit. I was just waiting for my trail.

I kept seeing the time go up. I'm never going to make this fucking train. So I'd pull, do you remember when I went up when I got stuck in Bakersfield and had to take a greyhound back to L.A.? I took a greyhound from Philly at 4.30 in the morning. Oh, and there was a church lady on there on. I don't, when this woman was like an older

and if she wasn't an older black lady I would have been upset but she was like an older black lady who from the moment I got on the bus at 4.30 until we got to New York at 6.30 did not stop talking. To someone on the phone

and she was laughing. I've never had as good of a conversation as she had. She and her friend or whoever was at 4 30 in the morning. Did not stop talking. Be in time. And She was on the phone with somebody. And she was laughing. And someone tried to steal my seat. I had to kick him out of my seat on the bus because you get like assigned seats.

But it was, dude, I miss the Greyhound. I feel like you have to take every once in a while. Just to like get a little bit like. Well, I'll tell you. I'll let you take it. You can tell me all about it. When was the last Greyhound you took? Oh, years ago.

Really? Dude, I can't imagine doing the long ones you did. The longest I've done is like three, four hours. Probably about 15, 16 years, 17 years. What is it like getting on in L.A. and getting off in Texas? It's on forever. Three, four hours, I'm okay. The 1130 out of L.A. that got you to El Paso.

The express gets you there at one. But that bus has problems all the fucking time. Like one time I went down there, and for some reason there was a whole, like, two people per seat they had to be 20 Asians Oh my God A couple Mexicans with hats The ladies selling tamales on the fucking bus And the heat broke

And bro those Chinese people started stanking Like the ginsu comes out of them The deep fucking soy sauce Which I love but That's 100 degrees bro It was burning The Mexicans were kicking Everybody was kicking

But at the time we got to El Paso that fucking thing. Another time I got a bus in El Paso with a gram of blow. And I did two lines and a mile out. The fucking cop pulled us over. So I had to do the entire gram in one shot with the dog. By the time they got to me, I had no shirt on. I'm sweating the back and shit.

You have no idea. That El Paso run. And I would hop on those buses like nothing because that guy would give me work all the time. He would call me for all the fallouts and shit. So I was on a bus once a month. Just going to a backpack. so sometimes.

Oh, my God. How long? And what did you say? That was like a 12-hour drive or something? Like 13, 12? It only stops three to pee, and that's it. The food you're eating on that shit, those places are fucking horrible.

And I was going everywhere on the East Coast. Buffalo is my favorite bus station. What does Buffalo have? Everything. Entertainment. Somebody's getting beat up outside. Somebody's getting stabbed. That's why I got.

got a gold chain for 13 bucks. Fucking that chain lasted for years. Was it really gold? It was fucking 100% gold. Holy shit. The guy had just robbed. He was running down the street. I got an egg muffin and I gave him whatever,

I gave him whatever was left from the egg McMuffin. It was an egg McMuffin special, you know. The juice, the whole thing, it was like a $2, $3. So he goes, I'll take the $50. He said, bro, all I got is this. He looked around, I take it. And he ran off into the hills of Buffalo and, fucking, I had a gold chain.

How often would you buy stuff from people like that? It just depends. Another time I was on that bus up there. Okay. And you have to stop at Rochester. Okay. And then like Albany or vice versa. Syracuse and Rochester.

And I don't forget I got on the bus. I was on the bus and the girl got on. That was smoking with fucking, you know, hot pants on, the hawth the bra. and she sat next to me. I was like, oh, shit, okay. And I asked her what she did. That was the best conversation I ever had on the bus.

She was a stripper. And I don't know what New York law she was talking about. If you have like VD or something, you can't dance. And she had something so they wouldn't let her dance in Rochester. So she had to go to Syracuse before the permit whatever the license got revoked because she had like the jack to some shit. So she's like, if I go up there and work three nights,

I can feed my baby and all this shit. Meanwhile, she's sitting next to you, touching you? No, she wasn't touching me. She was just talking about that she got some type of STD and it burned her pussy and all this shit. The guy came with that. And I'm sitting there going, Jesus, fucking Christ. I just met this girl on the bus.

And she's telling me about having it fucking VD and maybe HIV or whatever fuck he's got and I'm like Do people tell you those things? Like is that, are you just someone who like People randomly tell you crazy shit? Dog, I used to sit on those things with Those days I used to have what's a CD player

Yeah, this man, yeah This man I would sit there with my speakers on I'd rather not talk to anybody Oh yeah, I know you'd rather But like if you're just out Well people like, and I'm not saying they even know who you are But I have the, I don't know I have one of those faces

That people love to just come up and like tell me things or and it's like, I wish I, I, I wish I, they wouldn't. Like, I, dude, if, if someone sat down next to him. Like the hook right at a night with the black eye. Yeah, well, she had a, the neck brace, shit. And then you left. You knew that. You know what I didn't know what was going on.

The reason is proud. Why he last check? Yeah, get her out of there. Why are you on me hanging? You were dancing with her and, yeah. In my mind, I was like, oh, shit, I'm going to leave with them. I'm brand new to L.A. I don't know what the,

fuck is happening. Then she hit Leah up for a little checky pool and Lee's like, I gotta go. No, exactly. I left, I left my credit card at the bar. I was so nervous. I've only got like 28 bucks in my 8th. It wasn't the amount of money. It was fucking, oh my God. She would have rocked your world for the small 40s. She would have done something.

I don't think it would have been good. Could you imagine a chick with an active neck brace and I think a bandage on her head? Like she was, it wasn't she escaped from the hospital. You gotta assume that when that chick rips that neck brace saw she could suck your dick to death.

You know what I'm saying? Like blood will come out without the neck brace. Who? Me or her? Both of you. Oh my God. Blood will come out of your dick and blood will come out of your ears. I didn't fucking vacuum your causing in that. Oh, I didn't see many hookers in Atlantic.

I expected there to be. I saw like two of them. Yeah? They were very slick, very good looking. Not like Florida where they're just out? No, these were very slick. That depends on the hotel. They were very slick.

I just saw two of them. maybe. A white one and like a black one. Oh. And both of them were banging. But. I was expecting like a lot grimeier. Maybe oceans is just nice. Oceans are nice. White people. I told you from the beginning. It's white people.

Driving into Atlantic City was fucked up. Driving especially and it's nothing against Atlantic City at all. But you know, I come from L.A. So I'm used to driving into Vegas. and then we drive in and everyone's excited and it's just like I think I said like a rock dress for less it wasn't like it was like there was a dollar general at one point

I mean dog Atlantic City the surrounding areas from the casino are very rough and they tell you for years don't leave the hotel at yeah they'll tell you all those hotels they'll tell you listen when you sign in please don't leave the hotel let us know we'll get it for you Because even like white, whatever, sandwiches is open, and they won't let you go over there at night.

They'll send one to the fucking casino. So, you know, Atlantic City's never been known. A couple people got mugged down there. You know, comedians, yeah. But you got to walk through that crap. Listen, if you go outside at night and sit outside whatever casino you're at, facing the boardwalk, you'll see them.

You'll see them. They're up to no good. They're doing something. They're watching people come out with winnings and they follow them. They're doing something. Did you go outside of the casino? I didn't. I went out one day just to see what the day was like and it was hot.

And I came back in that morning. I didn't even see the boardwalk. I have no idea. I saw it from my window. I didn't see anything. You saw it from the window and the fucking, at one point it was about the rain. And mercy goes, look, Daddy, the fucking, the beach, the umbrella. was flying on the beach.

People were chasing them. Some guy fell. It was fucking classic. But no, that's not your ordinary boardwalk. Okay, that's a, that's a darkness type of boardwalk. Yeah. And it's, too, like, when I hear boardwalk, I think, like, Santa Monica and kids are running around.

Not that fucking boardwalk. No. No. No. Would you let Mercy walk even during the daytime, like, be out there by herself? No, I think she went out there with a mother, though. Right, yeah, with an adult, yeah, of course. But not at night to play fucking games and shit, you crazy.

Oh, my. What is going on with her? Every time I see Mercy, like, she's eventually, I don't know if she's going to do it for a living, but she's going to do some sort of stand-up at some point. Because she, no one talks more shit to me than Mercy. How short I am. She said I look like Billy Joel.

She's, she's like taking pictures. and print little emojis of apples next to me to see how many apples tall I am. It never ends with her. It's fucking... Does she roast you? Does she like attack you guys? Does she like that too guys?

No, does she like roast you guys? Like, talk shit to you or no? Oh, yeah. She always talks shit to me about something or the other. I just giggle. She's a young kid. She doesn't really know the fucking consequences. And then they learn.

Then take somebody go, hey, knock it the fuck off and then she'll stop. Oh, I don't give a fuck? No. I think it's great. You know, it's very weird to watch somebody grow in front of you. But then again, I've seen all you guys grow in front of me. She's not the only one, you know.

But like, I've seen Becky grow in two years. She's a different person. Yeah. When you see somebody grow like that, you know, and you're there every day and you talk to them, it's very, listen, man, I don't know if you guys know this or not. Yeah, I like to smoke pot. I like to do edibles.

I'm a little sloppy with the edibles. But I tell you what, I got a lot to deal with. At my age, I deal with a lot, nothing bad. It's my own mental health issues. But I deal with them. I deal with, you know, guys, you guys think I just show up to a show. And when I walk off there, when I leave a fucking, like, a show Friday and I, I got to go sit for five minutes. I got to go think about what the fuck am I saying here?

What the fuck just happened? I'm 63 years old I'm at a fucking casino We're fucking rocking with a bunch of young kids I mean what is going on Right So everything I do I live in like

When I get in the car And you guys think I'm angry or so I'm not angry I'm just going What the fuck just happened Can somebody fucking tell me What the fuck just happened Even if like

When I take mercy on the morning When I'm walking to the bus When the bus takes off I got like a tear in my eye I go, what the fuck just happened? None of this was in the script. None of this was in the life plan. None of this.

I could see if you wanted to be an attorney and you grew up to be the best attorney in New York City. It's what you wanted as a kid. As a kid, I want to be like a fucking, I don't know. I don't know what I wanted to be. An attorney or some shit or the army? I didn't see this. And when I got to stand up,

I love to tell all of you guys that I love to think that I was going to be the next Martin Lawrence. That was not the case. I know who I was. And I knew where I came from. But I misunderstood where I came from. What do you mean? Because where I came from, balls are huge. So I forgot that I had those between my legs.

And I had this background of where I grew up and how I grew up. And I knew that it was a shitty life how I grew up. but I knew that one day would be beneficial to me later on in the future. That's the only thing I knew that because of the shit I saw as a young guy in different situations I was around, it was shitty,

but later on, it's going to give me the edge and other things. And it did. It did. It really did. It gave me edge and stand up. It made me fight for what I believed in, which is what this town teaches you. You know, I always tell people, The first year of high school, these guys won a state championship,

and nobody was tall in five foot 10. They were Italian fire plugs. For basketball? Football. They were Italian. I went to a giant stadium and watched it. And I was like, these guys are fucking tiny. But it was the heart they had.

They refused to take no for an answer. And that's something that sticks with you forever. And that's the same way I saw comedy. But again, that doesn't change the outlook. I never saw myself in a casino doing fucking theaters. People coming up to you and saying they want to take a picture. I never saw this shit. Right.

I never saw this shit before. It wasn't like, I can't wait for this. No. It just happened organically. And now I got to deal with it. You know what I'm saying? Like, I can push it off and say this isn't happening. It's fucking happening.

And it's real. And I got a fucking, you know, I got to deal with having a 13-year-old daughter being me. and then just when I pull up to my house, guys. How many times I pull away from there in the morning and go, whose house is this? Do you how many times I pull up and pull up into the garage and I don't open the garage door because I think the house, they came to take it?

Because everything I had room, they came to take. What's the difference? You know what I'm saying? Right. When you're a criminal, they take everything, your apartment, your condo, my ex-wife, the dog, they took everything. So every time I pull up to the house, I'm like, when is this house going to be taken away from me?

But it's mine. Yeah. It's mine. We fucking paid for it with hard sweat and doing comedy and missing flights and fucking, you know. So you guys don't understand what I deal with because I don't believe this is true. I still believe that George is going to wake me up and say, dog, you're late for the bus. And I'm going to wake up in this 1993. Who's Nick Ascalis?

George, you see Nick Ascalis? Who the fuck is Nick Ascalis? Have you seen Lysayat? Who's Lysayat? A little Jewish guy. Come on. You saw him all the time when you came to California. George, Joey, what California?

I haven't left Cliffside in 10 years, you know? So do you understand me? For me, all this is very, when I wake up in the morning and I could take a cup of coffee and I see people rushing off to work and I go, am I the only idiot here that's sitting here drinking coffee? things have been going well I don't know

10 or 11 years I would say like really like I mean I've been with you since 2011 and you were doing like you were selling ticket to clubs but I don't think it was selling out yet no is it starting to like the sink in at all or it's still

it's still just as crazy it's what is it starting to sink in and become a little bit normal to you or is it no it'll never be normal to me No? Every week I have a fucking, not a nervous breakdown, but I have a doubt. Like, how long is this going to fucking keep going? Oh, it's my favorite part of the week with you. When are they going to take this house?

When are they going to come take this car? You know, when? When is all this going to just, Joey, you were fucking dreaming. Yeah, but I was at the comedy store for 20 years. Comedy store. There's no comedy store. That's only in your head. That's what I expect to hear one of these days.

That's how crazy I am. Mm-hmm. So all this to me, when I go to Austin, when I get on stage, and people talk to me afterward, I shake my fucking head. Didn't they see how bad I did? I mean, so that's how I look at things.

I'm never, it's not that I'm negative, not negative at all. I just can't believe some of this shit is going on in my life right now. Yeah. I cannot believe. I got a 63, I've got to go shoot a movie tomorrow, Wednesday. Nick was saying, are you excited?

Yeah, I'm excited. It's one day on a movie. But yeah, I'm really fucking excited. I haven't shot anything in three years. And just maybe getting on the set again or give me some insight to get on there a lot more because I like to do a lot more acting work. I always figured I'd pick up something the next couple of years

that I would reoccur, like for five or six years, like Junior Soprano. He didn't get that shit though. He was old. That'd be nice. Yeah. He was like 75 or some shit when he got that. And then you're doing something with,

God damn, I'm pretty. DJ English. Yes, you're hosting a book event. I'm doing, listen, man. I was watching this the West East show, and it's a great show on

on MS, whatever the fuck it's on. What's it on, George? MGM. It's on MGM grand. And, you know, it's a good show. It keeps me,

but it's not the story I heard T.J. English do. So when I saw the first three or four episodes, I got an idea to call T.J. English and go, TJ, why don't we, before these idiots absorb what's coming out of that TV series,

why don't you do a book presentation? He goes, it's funny you're calling me, because the 30th anniversary is September 1st. And I go, let's do it. So we got the cutting room on 44th Street, the 7 o'clock show, and I'm going to moderate for him, ask him some creepy question. Yeah. And he'll do the explaining. I don't know if he's going to have books there for sale.

Or if he should and autographs some of them. I don't know, but it's not me doing stand-up. I'll bust his balls a little bit, but it's no stand-up. It's just me. It's like the actor's studio. Yeah, yeah. I'm just going to ask him stupid questions about his life and his books, you know. But primarily that book.

And I told him. I talked to him Thursday before I left that day, and I said, you know, I'm really blessed that I could communicate with one of my favorite authors. You know, I mean, I love Stephen King. I love that dog book. I like Carrie. I like the book on writing. I love Stephen King.

But I don't talk to Stephen King. Right. You know what I'm saying? I would love to beat him up for three minutes and just hear the store. Yeah. That guy's weird as it is. Oh, yeah. His mind is somewhere else.

You want, that dude is ston Coke with three hands. He used to have to fucking put napkins in his nose so they wouldn't bleed on the scripts. Really? Yeah, he's a Coke. But that's, you know, to be that good as a writer and to think those thoughts, think of where you've got to be coming from. Kujo. That's my favorite book ever.

That book scared me for fucking a week. I was in prison. I was more scared of Kujo than the black guy's in prison. Oh, shit. That's when you know that you have a fucking problem. Yeah. So I told T.J., I go, T.J., you have to get in one of those master classes that they teach on NYU that are, like, online.

and people could ask you creepy questions, and you're their author, man. I mean, he's written some great books that I admire. He knows where I'm coming from. I know where he's coming from. So it's just, it's a perfect pair. It'll be like a glorified podcast. Hey, Uncle Joe here.

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Slingin Dick. Yeah, it's going to be a podcast, but you also a, like, I feel like, I feel like, I feel like a lot of times when you see someone talking about a book, the person interviewing them hasn't read it. You've read it. Yeah. You also... I'm reading it right now.

You've also written a book. I didn't have a chance to read Atlantic City. No. I tried reading it one night and I was like, I can't read this right now. I just won fucking $300 playing craft or stuff, whatever. No, plus you want it to be fresh in your mind. And it's all, but like the stand-up will come out. Like, just being on your feet and being funny.

And it's like, it's going to be way better than just having, like, a book reviewer or another expert on the Westies like lead the discussion. It's not going to be, it's going to be like a fun talk and you'll talk shit, I'm sure. One thing I like about

TJ's style is that he does a lot of research. A lot of research. Like he tells me his books of three years. One year is just research. Police departments, he's in there. You know, so he'll find it. If it's there, he'll fucking find it.

And I appreciate that. He does little things that when you read his books, you're like, fuck, how do you figure that out? You know, it's pretty impressive. So I'm just really lucky that I could call him up from time to time and ask him, like, I always send him up about writing. Yeah. Like, I'm having a hard time and he'll tell you what to do

and little things, you know. And listen, man, I have mentors too. He's one of my mentors. The biggest mentors, Rudy Sarzo. That guy has brought me to hear. Like the last couple of years after the pandemic, I would talk to him all the time. He would just say little things to me. He would say, do the stand-up, not like you were doing it.

Do one show a month, but do it as a labor of love. If you're not going to love it, don't go. Stay home. I thought about what he said, and he was right. And that's what he's doing now. He's 78, leading a bunch of young kids in a quiet riot bands. 78. And he goes out every week.

He just came from Canada, Rudy. So his motivation and the way he does things have fucking just enlighten me, how he does shit. And especially with music, I can't do it at all. So I have no idea how to wrap my mind around it. But if you go see a concert like that, they have lighting cues and music and sets. So, like, things are the same a lot.

So, like, he must have to be able to keep him. himself mentally, like, excited and happy. At least with stand-up, no two shows are ever the same. You get mad at me because I switch material every six months. No. Think of this. Think of you had to go back on stage after 30 years to sing Brown Sugar. No.

And make it sound the way it did the first time with heart. Make it seem like you want to be that. That's very difficult. I give musicians a fucking big nod on that. Yeah. I know after I do a joke for a year, I got to get rid of that motherfucker. I don't ever want to sing Hunky Tunk Woman again. I don't ever want to sing Shattered again.

Don't even get me. I'll never sing a whole lot of love again. You know, I can see those guys saying it. Yeah, fuck you. That's what people want to hear. They don't want to hear. This is off my new album where I drank wine and wrote it with flowers. No, no, no.

We want to hear the heroin shit. Staying a fuck home. That's the name of the tour. We want to read this shit you wrote on heroin and you can. came on the monkey's ass, you know, all that shit is what we want to hear. And listen, this is why I love all that bit. I love when people, like, I'm going to tell you never know how I'm going to get a, what's that word? Enthused.

It's the weirdest people who get me enthused about something. There's some people that I just can't go nowhere with them, but there's some people that get me motivated. Right. Motivated. Like when I hear them talk or see what they're doing, it motivates me. And I want to be the same for some people. Some people say, hey, he's 63. He still gets up and is doing this. You know, because that's what people need to hear. You're in it too. Guess what? It ain't going to be good every day, but at least I show the fuck up. It ain't going to be fucking great every day, but at least I show the fuck up and I try my hardest, you know? And that's it. Hey dude it was a fun weekend It was a lot of

It was fun And because I give you shit Not for changing it up once a year Or even twice a year You'll do a set an hour for three weeks And then you just throw everything out But that is my favorite I forget everything

It's not that I throw it out With everything that's coming through my coconut I sit there at night And I go I can't remember a joke From the pandemic if you paid me Because all those jokes I didn't even put on tape. Right.

You could still do those. I don't remember one of them. I can't find no notebooks. Nothing. So I'm fucking stuck. Don't you think, like, I guess it might have been what happened this weekend. But after, I figured, maybe it was Nick. I forget who was talking to me about it this weekend.

But he was like, oh, does Joey plan going from this to that? And sometimes you do. But I think sometimes after 30 years, you just have instinct. Like, it's just like, Like you pull out an old joke just because, oh, you're just there. You're there. Yeah. I'd rather be in the moment sometimes.

Yeah. Because that's when you do your most effective work, and it's new. It's like when I talk about Marlon Brando. He didn't read the script. He read the script, but when it came to his roles, he always knew the character. He never knew the lines. He knew what the character was able to do, not able to do, and he would go in there, and the lines were popping his fucking head the first time he saw him.

Yeah. because he was enthusiastic about him. But if I sit here for a month going, yeah, so Lee went to the store. And then I keep saying that every fucking day. But at the time I come to shoot it, it's not going to be that fresh. No, no.

Like I have a scene Thursday. Okay. I didn't look at that scene until today. Okay. It's on my phone. I took a picture of it. You want to be surprised by it. I don't look at him on the plane.

Not study it. Just read it. Because I'm going to try to say what he's saying without those same words. Right. You don't want it to sound memories. You're always going for. You're going to say what he's trying to say.

So I need to know what the fuck he's saying and why is he saying it. And it makes my life a lot easier. Yeah. And I think the same thing would stand up. I just can't. I could tell after like five nights. Like, remember when I used to do Thursday, Friday, Saturday? Yeah, of course.

I would dump jokes on Sunday. Oh, of course. I can't say that joke again. I don't like how it went out. I don't like how it went through my words. Mm-hmm. But what you just said before, instinct, that's the same way I do everything. Like that gambling shit the other night.

Yeah. It just goes back to instinct. It's not really what you know or don't know what your instinct is. I'm not being negative, but I'm betting for him to bust. Right. I'm not worried about my fucking cards. I know what I got to do here. I'm worried about him busting or I'm going for him to bust.

So it's all the same. as long as you're going, as long as you know where you're going, when you touch that microphone, it's a lot easier. The problem is, I don't know where I'm going after time no more. The last year, I have no idea where I'm going. Well, even in L.A., I'd get that text. And I got it, I think, only one time this weekend. Like an hour before we're supposed to.

I'd have no, Lee, what are my jokes? I don't have anything to say. And then, of course, you go and do an hour. And it's fucking amazing. But it's, uh, I don't know. I used to have, when I started to feature, I would have like a set list in my head. Yes.

That I, but I would be like pacing in the green room doing like this joke to this joke to this joke to this joke. And it wasn't listening back, it sounds like I was trying to recite a speech. Yeah. And then like this weekend, I knew what I wanted to say, but I didn't have any.

So I didn't, I didn't really worry about it. Especially, I was only doing 12 minutes. So I just, I was able to go have fun and not worry about it. When you do these shows, you're pretty much a feature at. Uh-huh. So I would take my sets for the three nights, Brooklyn, Atlantic City 1 and Atlantic City 2. I would write it out for the points that you're talking.

But then every night, I switch around the order. Mm-hmm. You keep the first joke and you keep the last joke. and you keep the last joke unless something spectacular happens and a fat lady fell down at Starbucks or something and you could open up with that and then everything changes.

But in the middle, I like to move stuff around. So again, it doesn't sound, you know, rehashed unless you got a callback somewhere in there, then you got to stick to that bit being there. Yeah. But besides that, I tried to rotate it. So those three nights, you get a different show, all five shows.

Same fucking material. Don't get me wrong. Right. It's just placed in a different order. And it challenges me, and the audience gets to see something different and gets to see me being fresh. It's, I still get, like, that's when I get nervous. It's, like, when I'm doing that, and I don't know if you ever have this happen, but, like, you say a joke that's, like, off the cuff or, like, the one you were working on just for that day,

and you, like, pause for them to laugh. And then, like, it takes, like, not even a full second, but that millisecond between, the end of the joke and the laughter's like, I hope this works. I hope. And when it's working. It's working. But when it don't,

they don't. That's what happened to me Friday and Saturday. That ex-walk, as soon as Becky went up, I listened and watched. I listened. And I could tell that this is the classic theater because you put it out,

wait a minute, and then it comes back. So it's going to be slow getting that, getting that reaction from them that you usually want. Right. You know, it builds. And it comes back. So you got to slow all that shit down.

Yep. So if you try to step on it, it's going to destroy everything. They can't hear it. You can't hear it. It sucks. So you really can't go like on a rant like I usually do. I knew that. Because Becky went up.

I'm like, that rant I'm planning in the beginning, get rid of it. Because I'm just going to step on my own shit. Then I got to catch it. Right. Yeah, yeah. I'm behind the minute. I'm behind that fucking. It's like when you put Draft Kings on and you put the game on them,

you'll see that Draft King is quicker. Yeah. Than the game. You'll go, what the fuck just happened? They scored on Draft Kings, and all of a sudden a minute late, you see a home run fucking fly out.

You're like, what the fuck happened? Draft Kings already had the home run. Same thing with a theater. Yep. It's a 5,000 seat theater. You really better take your time. Yeah. As it goes up,

and then it got to go up. it's got a hit and then go up and then come back down and back to you so all these dynamics I think what is this engineering no but it doesn't because it's funny that you said that you like to listen everyone was

everyone was teasing me on Saturday because like you know it was the whatever the fifth night of edibles in a row whatever it was but I just wanted to hear because in those big places it's hard to hear so everyone was sitting in the back like looking at you but to me it sounds like Scooby

do it. Like, so, like, I got as close as I could to the stage, and I was just, I was high, and I was just staring at, like, the machines, but I could hear you. And it was great, like, because I could add got as close as I physically could. So I could actually, and it's way better. Like, I don't need to see you, to be honest. After a couple years, I can't stand up. I don't want to see you.

I can hear you. I want to hear you because I could hear the mechanism of what's going on better. If I watch you, I get caught in you. Yep. But if I hear you from the side of the stage, I could catch things. So as soon as Becky went up, I'm like, I'm dead. I'm dead because it's taking too long to get up there.

And by the time it comes back. And again, this is the shit you learn over the fucking years. And every theater is different. Yeah. Everyone's acoustics are fucking different. Oh, my God. The stage was so big. Just even getting it.

Because, like, I would love to tell you that I practice. Like, on a normal walkout, you have like five seconds tops. For that one, you were walking for fucking 30 seconds. Let me tell you what happened. People like, oh, you didn't take the scooter out Tuesday, Saturday, now. I'll tell you why. Because I almost flew off the fucking stage. They turned the lights off.

I'm up and it's black and there's no light in front to tell me there's nothing. How to stop and look around. Then my eyes had to adjust. I could have killed myself. best of fucking. I was going to roll off, man. Oh, my God. If you drove off the stage?

Oh, fuck. I would have broke my head. That was a long fucking drop, man. So the second man, I say, we don't need all that shit, especially if fucking missed the lights. He wouldn't fucking, he turned the lights off, then he wouldn't stop the music as soon as I got up there. And that fucks me up.

As soon as I get up there and touch the mic, cut it so I could go, what's happening, you motherfuckers? But if I get up, then I got to stand there for 15 fucking seconds. that kills me too. Yeah. It's little fucking things that you don't notice that the audience doesn't notice

that you're like, God damn it. Motherfucking. Didn't turn my music off. This shit. Might as well call me Lee Swatt. You know what I'm saying? Fucking Becky brought me up as Zach on Wednesday night, the six foot tall black dude who's also

Jewish. And it's that was fun because it was like the audience didn't know what was coming out and then they came out and then it like took him a second. And they're like, oh, shit, it's Lee. But it was a... Yeah, that was a good week of stand-up. Now we have nothing to November.

Chicago, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, and Philly. And in December, we got Tulsa, Oklahoma. Oh, shit. Motherfucker. I can't wait. In January, we got the Paramount, Long Island. Fuck, yeah.

We'll be in for fucking January, winter. So we don't have to deal with that motherfucker. You know what I'm saying? I feel like it's time for another Florida trip. What's going on? It's happening. It's happening in May. Oh, shit, okay.

May. We go to Fort Lauderdale on May. Nice. Okay. They tried to get me to Orlando and the other one and the other one, but they didn't want to give me the dates, concessually. I'm like, because they kept making me challenge.

They had me all the way in July, and I go, wait a second. I can't do this in July. She got baseball. I go, let's just do the one big one in Fort Lauddale on May. Nice. That's what we're doing in May. Let's see what happens by then.

I love it. I think after the fourth, if my knee doesn't heal from the fucking, from the drain, then I'm going to have to do surgery again. And I'll do it. That's second week of December, so I have six weeks. You're going to wait all the way until December? No, I'm going to do it tomorrow. Just do it tomorrow.

Just after the movie. Just fucking was a little. They won't do it. No? They won't do it. They said the knee has to heal. a little bit more. And what's happening with it?

The fucking kneecap is going to the side. It looks like a fucking UFO out of here. They didn't like attach it, reattached the kneecap or something? They reattached it, but the fucking the thigh sucked it in or some shit.

Oh. I don't fucking know no more. But on the good thing, I started shooting JSQU. Okay. All right. And this is healed.

Your ear? Is that what you're supposed to do? do you shoot that shit it heals wounds i didn't even know it it's copper it's purple the shit you shoot into you when you shoot it into your arm it hurts the rest of the night and if you work out it hurts are you shooting it into the side of your face no no no i just shoot it for everything oh and it's done it went all the way up to the year your skin yeah it's good for your skin but it heals open wounds it healed it in two fucking weeks fuck so i so i say to you man there's some peptides i don't believe in at all, but there's some peptides

that do a great job. I'm taking that MOTC, and I'm starting to feel a little better from that. And that's for your cells, and it helps with weight and fucking fatness and obesity and diabetes and shit. I'm feeling better on that. I blame that for... I thought

I'd be a lot more dead after Sunday. I thought like today I was going to cancel the podcast, but no. I was a little tired, but I still had energy to come up here, so... Fuck yeah. But the reason I'm saying this to you is if you're considering doing fucking peptides, I got to talk to you about something.

My girl is running a 20% off for any church family members. Nice. 20 fucking percent off. She's got NAD. She's got everything. PT-141, if you want a hard-on, whatever you want, you could get. But get the MOTC, get the NAD, get the GHU, Q, you, whatever the fuck it is. You know, they got a lot of shit that work.

works, man. Everybody saw Margarita on Saturday night. Mm-hmm. And is she the one doing the things? Look at her arms. Look at her fucking arms at that age. Women at that age can't control muscle. She is ripped at that age. She's doing peptides and she's working out. And that's why she looks the way she does, man. So who's doing the sale? And she doesn't drink. Who's doing the what? The sale, you said. What sale? Well, your friend has the 20%

Air peptides. A-I-R-E-peptides.com. I got it around here somewhere. I forgot it, but who the fuck knows? Yeah. Air peptides. There you go. Airpeptides.

Dot com. 20% when you use Coco 20. How's that after you, cock-suckers? Coco 20, and tomorrow, my stories, I'll have up the link for air peptides. and in my post, I'll have everything about the T.J. English project on the first. Tickets are on sale. Ticket links are up.

So go to the website of the cutting room and you can purchase your tickets right there, man. You got like a 25% off for me? Maybe. An extra 5% or something. I'll make a little fucking call for you. But no, I'm happy you guys got to go with me. I'm happy that a lot of you guys came to see us. I mean, there were people there from Delaware, North Carolina, Long Island.

I mean, I met a guy from Delaware downstairs. I was leaving. He was like, I brought up two of my fucking friends and stuff, so I appreciate all the love and everything. And you guys treated my family like they were kings, you know, Lee and Nick and George and fucking the casino treatise like King, except Friday night. We had a little problem with the door man, but we got rid of them. Fucking missed the personality. It wouldn't take my tip, man. That's what I knew.

Like, I went up to him. You want to take a tip? $200. I would have taken it. He's like, no, I don't want. I was like, really? All right, we're ending this day. We're going to my room and we'll leave on our own.

He didn't want to be there. So, and that's what I say to people. When you don't want to be somewhere, don't show up, man. You don't want to be there. And that's the lesson we all learned. You can sense it. That's what happens when you don't want to be somewhere. The job's getting old.

Just fucking quit. Just fucking put a different job. If you're going to act that way, if you're not going to be happy, put your fucking job, man. Yeah. You know? And listen, when I came from L.A., I was not happy with stand-up because I was not happy

on the style that my agent was putting me out there. And now I'm fucking happy or never, because I'm doing it my way. I knew this way would work for me. Listen, the money's going to come no matter what you do. We've got 18 different things we do. so, but I had a great time. So that's all that matters.

I go to Wednesday. I go down in Atlanta to shoot the Pete Davidson movie. I'm back Friday. And we'll be back next Monday. Then the week after that, we're taking off. Okay. The week of the 24th, we're taking off completely, because I got to disappear on the 22nd.

And then we'll be September as it is. And then that's it, guys. The summer is almost fucking over. Yeah, it is over. We got two more fucking weeks of this summer. It's going to be cold in fucking three weeks. The week of the 17th, the week of the 24th. And then that last week, that last weekend,

and fucking Labor Day is the following weekend. Yeah, it's not even that fucking first when I do T.J. So that would be good too. So, but I appreciate you guys for watching the show and for loving our sponsors and everything that we do. Thank you. And we'll be where are you at this week? I'm sorry, Lee.

That's all right. On Thursday night, I'm on the Upper East Side on Saturday night I'm in Dingman's Ferry, Pennsylvania and then I got a lot of stuff coming up next week. I'll be in Uncle Vinnie's for everyone who came down.

Oh shit. To Atlantic City, 18th and 19th, Atlantic Point Pleasant, New Jersey. I got other stuff coming up later, but that's it for now. He's got a lot of stuff, Lee. Lee's like the fun. You know who lives in Dingman, Pennsylvania? Who? The dude that was lowering the cream to the chubby chick and sound.

a little lambs. Oh yeah, he's opening for me. Yeah, they got a tough his dick between his legs and was dancing with the cape on. Captain Bob? That's who was in Dignment. Oh, my God. I love you guys. Have a great week. Thank you for watching. And we'll see you next Monday night. Tip Top

McGoo. Love you.